Hacking Your ADHD

Episode: Loneliness, Addiction and Connection
Host: William Curb
Guest: Nick Johnson (Author, Executive Coach)
Date: October 6, 2025

Episode Overview

In this episode, William Curb is joined by Nick Johnson, bestselling author of Executive Loneliness: The Five Pathways to Overcoming Isolation, Stress, Anxiety and Depression in the Modern Business World. The conversation explores the often hidden relationship between ADHD, loneliness, and addiction, focusing on the power of vulnerability, connection, and proactive support systems. While Nick’s work is not ADHD-specific, his experience with isolation and addiction resonates strongly with challenges faced by adults with ADHD. Together, they unpack actionable strategies for countering loneliness, replacing destructive habits, and building resilience in a disconnected, high-pressure world.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

Origins and Realities of Loneliness

• Nick’s Experience with Denial and Loneliness [03:07]

  • Nick reflects on his decade-old struggle with loneliness, emphasizing how deeply denial factored in:

    "If you asked me, you know, when I was right in it, I would be in full-blown denial about it." — Nick Johnson [03:07]

• Workplace Isolation and Withdrawal

  • The spiral: stress at work led to withdrawal at home, culminating in resignation and divorce.
  • Nick notes that, at the time, his inability to ask for support stemmed from fear and shame.
  • William connects this with the internalized narratives people can adopt:

    "Oftentimes it's when we feel alone... it's shame and all these other things that are piled on and like, 'Oh, I deserve this kind of fate.'" — William Curb [03:30]

• Parallels with Masking in ADHD & Mental Health [04:46]

  • Both discuss how masking (“showing two faces”) is deeply exhausting and keeps people from seeking help.

The Challenge and Practice of Vulnerability

• Barriers to Opening Up [05:05–06:26]

  • Even with supportive people, it felt impossible to admit struggles:

    "If I would have come and knocked the door and shared what I was going through, I'm 100% sure she would have supported me... but that was not how I saw it." — Nick Johnson [05:05]

  • Suppressed problems only fester; avoidance leads to increased anxiety and catastrophizing.

• How to Start Practicing Vulnerability [08:32]

  • Begin with small, safe one-on-one conversations—ideally with someone trustworthy, like an older mentor or a close friend.
  • Set confidentiality expectations and use good times to deepen relationships, so support is available during crises.
  • Nick highlights how men, in particular, often lack these proactive connections.

• Role of Online and Anonymous Support [10:45]

  • William & Nick discuss how online groups and hotlines offer anonymous, shame-free spaces to begin.

Intergenerational Shifts in Emotional Openness

• Nick and William both observe positive changes in the younger generation’s ability to discuss feelings, compared to their own relationships with parents [11:17].

• Modeling open communication with children can foster healthier emotional regulation even for adults:

  "Giving more communication of, like, how I'm feeling in a situation... it goes much smoother, usually." — William Curb [11:54]

Addiction as a Coping Mechanism

• Nick’s Descent into Addiction [14:13–16:36]

  • Alcohol became Nick’s tool to “medicate” the stressors he failed to process or share.
  • Denial kept him trapped for years, normalizing his drinking as an after-work “reward” or celebration.
  • The transition from celebration to simple coping:

    “In the end it has become full circle. And as we know, alcohol is a depressant... we're not drinking to be happy, but we are drinking to medicate ourselves, to just go through life.” — Nick Johnson [15:00]

• The Trap and Stigma of Addiction

  • Daily drinking became a necessity rather than enjoyment.
  • The stigma around alcohol makes it particularly hard to seek help, even compared to other addictions.

• The Hierarchy and Denial of Addictions

  • William highlights the problematic view that some addictions are “self-inflicted,” making it harder to get support.

Recognizing and Interrupting the Cycle Before Rock Bottom

• Denial and the Rock Bottom Myth [17:58]

  • Most people don’t seek help until after serious consequences (job loss, health scare, divorce).
  • Rock bottom is subjective and often only a crisis prompts change.
  • Many first-time reach-outs come from concerned partners.

• “Gray Zone” Drinking and Proactive Support [20:52]

  • Nick now coaches “gray zone” drinkers—those not at rock bottom but questioning their relationship with alcohol or other coping mechanisms.

  • Not all support needs to be abstinence-based; there’s benefit in early, guided self-reflection.

  • Key Exercise: Map out the pros and cons of the habit; identify what need it fills, and consciously plan a positive replacement.

    “If you want to remove something from your life... before you remove it, map out what is it that you love to do instead.” — Nick Johnson [22:11]

• Replacements Must Be Meaningful

  • William points out that simply avoiding a behavior isn’t enough—replacements need to be genuinely desirable, not just “the lesser evil.” [23:10]

• Activity Example: Returning to childhood passion (i.e., swimming) as a powerful substitute for addictive behaviors [24:11].

Social Media and Modern Digital Addictions

• Emergence of Digital Dependency [25:37–26:53]

  • Social media and smartphone habits are described as the next front of addiction, especially among youth.
  • Nick’s TEDx talk on sleep observed that university students sometimes sleep with phones under the pillow—sabotaging sleep due to FOMO (fear of missing out).

• Boundaries and Discipline

  • Disciplined, self-imposed boundaries are central—much as with alcohol or gambling.
  • William and Nick agree: technology isn’t going away, but conscious limiting and “white space” time (device-free moments for meditation or nature) is critical.

Building Accountability and Sustainable Habits

• Scheduling “White Space” and Nature Time [28:16]

  • Nick physically blocks nature time into his calendar and urges people to treat it with the same seriousness as a critical work meeting.

    “Just like we need to sleep every day, I believe that we need to reconnect with nature every day.” — Nick Johnson [29:42]

• The Role of Proactive Preparation [30:24]

  • William references lessons from Atomic Habits: environmental cues and preplanning (e.g., laying out workout clothes) make desired behaviors easier and default.

    “If we believe...we're going to go for a jog tomorrow...but we haven’t put the clothes next to the bed...it’s not going to happen, right.” — Nick Johnson [30:24]

Finding Your Tribe and Sustaining Connection

• Group Support and Volunteering [31:55]

  • Beyond one-on-one connections, group environments (sports clubs, hobby circles, recovery groups) are vital for ongoing support and belonging.

  • Nick finds meaning and accountability in helping others through support groups, which simultaneously reinforces his own sobriety and wellbeing.

    “Whatever we suffer from...that could be our gold, that can be our strength.” — Nick Johnson [32:27]

  • Volunteering or mentoring is highlighted as a way to transform pain into purpose and connection.

The Limits—and Uses—of A.I. as Connection

• AI Cannot Replace Human Connection [33:55]

  • William probes the use of A.I. chatbots for loneliness; both agree that, while A.I. can be a tool (e.g., for resource recommendations), it cannot provide real empathy or accountability.

    “When it’s a bad example is if someone stops there...and then they isolate further and they get more depressed... When they're using it in a good way is to ask AI...for resources that can help them actually connect with real people.” — Nick Johnson [34:25]

• Real-World Group Example

  • Nick recounts a men’s group member who developed resilience and the ability to process grief openly, thanks to group vulnerability—a capability he never had before.

Final Advice & Takeaways

• Don’t Wait for Rock Bottom—Take Ownership Now [37:39]
  • Nick's closing thoughts:

    “If someone has something on their mind... then I would encourage everyone to, you know, take ownership for that and reach out to a community and ask for help and work on it. Because once we take ownership and once we have that acceptance and walk into the beautiful world of recovery, then we can make wonders.” — Nick Johnson [37:39]

Notable Quotes

• “If you asked me, you know, when I was right in it, I would be in full-blown denial about it.” — Nick Johnson [03:07]
• “Oftentimes it’s when we feel alone... it’s shame and all these other things that are piled on and like, ‘Oh, I deserve this kind of fate.’” — William Curb [03:30]
• “The vulnerability is the same [as training muscles]. We start small and then we expand from there and do it in a safe space.” — Nick Johnson [08:32]
• “We’re not drinking to be happy, but we are drinking to medicate ourselves, to just go through life.” — Nick Johnson [15:00]
• “If you want to remove something from your life... map out what is it that you love to do instead.” — Nick Johnson [22:11]
• “Just like we need to sleep every day, I believe that we need to reconnect with nature every day.” — Nick Johnson [29:42]
• “Whatever we suffer from...that could be our gold, that can be our strength.” — Nick Johnson [32:27]
• “If someone has something on their mind...take ownership...and reach out to a community...once we have that acceptance and walk into the beautiful world of recovery, then we can make wonders.” — Nick Johnson [37:39]

Important Timestamps & Segments

• Nick’s story of loneliness and denial: [03:07–03:55]
• Masking and internal dialogue: [04:46–05:05]
• Fear of vulnerability and support: [05:05–06:26]
• How to practice vulnerability: [08:32–10:45]
• Addiction as “medication” for unprocessed pain: [14:13–16:36]
• Reaching out—rock bottom and gray zone dynamics: [17:58–20:52]
• Replacement strategy for breaking habits: [22:11–24:11]
• Digital addictions and setting boundaries: [25:37–27:42]
• Scheduling nature/“white space” and building habits: [28:16–31:19]
• Group support and volunteering: [31:55–33:55]
• AI as a tool—not a substitute—for connection: [33:55–37:03]
• Final encouragements: [37:39]

Actionable Takeaways

• Frame recovery as a replacement, not deprivation: Always plan positive, meaningful activities when breaking from unhealthy habits. [38:38]
• Intervene before rock bottom: Self-reflect on “gray zone” problems and seek support early. [39:02]
• Volunteer or find peer groups: Engaging with and supporting others reinforces your own resilience and sense of belonging. [39:21]

Tone & Style

The tone is empathetic and conversational, blending candor about the struggles with a spirit of hope, recovery, and actionable self-compassion. Both William and Nick make space for vulnerability, honest admissions of past mistakes, and the practical realities of change for people with ADHD and beyond.

For more information or links from this episode, visit hackingyouradhd.com/248.