Hacking Your ADHD – "Our Own Worst Enemy" (Rebroadcast)

Host: William Curb
Date: December 15, 2025

Overview

In this episode, William Curb explores the concept of being "our own worst enemy," a feeling familiar to many with ADHD. He delves into why self-destructive or maladaptive behaviors arise, reframing them not as moral failings but as responses to unmet needs and unsolved challenges. The episode encourages listeners to approach their so-called "worst selves" with empathy and curiosity rather than shame, offering practical strategies for understanding and modifying negative patterns over time.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The "Worst Self" and ADHD (01:23–03:29)

• William reflects on how ADHD can lead to behaviors that feel like self-sabotage: poor time management, procrastination, overcommitting, and hyperfocus on non-essential tasks.

• Quote:

  “This is a feeling I often have felt with my ADHD. I seem to have an endless supply of maladaptive and self-destructive behaviors that stem from the condition.”
  — William Curb [01:32]

• He frames these moments as manifestations of unmet needs, rather than indicators of poor character.

2. Maladaptive Behaviors: Causes & Solutions (03:36–06:59)

• William emphasizes that maladaptive behaviors usually serve a purpose, such as:

  • Overcommitting: desire to please or prove worth.
  • Procrastination: fear of failure, perfectionism, or lack of stimulation.

• Addressing procrastination isn’t about brute-forcing discipline, but identifying the why behind it:

  • Is it perfectionism? Understimulation? Not knowing where to begin?
  • Solutions vary: redefine "done," make tasks more interesting, break them into smaller steps.

• Memorable Moment:

  “I can't just say procrastination be gone and expect any results. Although now that I say it, that does feel kind of fun.”
  — William Curb [05:16]

• He stresses that changing deep-rooted behaviors is hard work, not something immediately solved with a simple realization.

3. Empathy & Self-Compassion (06:59–09:30)

• William warns against self-judgment, which only deepens the problem and clouds underlying causes.

• Recognizes that negative self-talk is itself a maladaptive attempt to pre-empt criticism from others.

• Notable Quote:

  “If I have an angry outburst and label it as me just being a bad person, well, that's not especially helpful... But if I can step back and say, well, that was probably because I had a bad night's sleep and I skipped breakfast, okay, well then that's something I can work on.”
  — William Curb [06:53]

• He describes breaking the cycle of negative self-talk as challenging, sharing a humorous anecdote about how his brain doubled down on self-criticism even as he tried to be positive.

4. Reframing "Laziness" and Maximizing/Satisficing (09:30–13:25)

• William disputes the notion of laziness, suggesting it often points to unmet needs or misaligned priorities.

• He introduces the concept of maximizing (seeking the "best" outcome) vs. satisficing (accepting "good enough"), noting that what gets maximized is subjective—sometimes it's convenience or energy over perfect outcomes.

• Quote:

  "I tend to find that what we define as laziness is really about us not meeting our needs."
  — William Curb [10:42]

• He suggests practical strategies for tackling tasks: making them more interesting, employing rewards, or adjusting circumstances (like the timing of a workout).

• Emphasizes that energy, emotional connection, and meaning are common unmet needs for those with ADHD, driving the urge to "numb out" or disengage.

5. Going Beyond Symptoms: The Need to Ask "Why?" (13:25–14:47)

• William references a quote from Gabor Maté regarding addiction: "Ask not why the addiction, but why the pain?" He applies this to ADHD behaviors, advocating for digging beneath the surface to address true causes.
• He points out that many maladaptive behaviors are creative solutions grown out of survival, not signals of moral deficiency.
• Realistic, incremental change—rather than overnight transformation—is the goal.

6. Top Tips & Takeaways (14:48–15:19)

William consolidates his advice in three main points:

• 1. Approach your "worst self" with empathy.
• 2. Notice the situations and emotions that trigger negative behaviors, so you can manage them proactively.
• 3. Recognize that most maladaptive behaviors stem from unmet needs—seek to understand and address those first.

Notable Quotes & Moments

• “These behaviors happen for a reason, and if we can work on identifying the root behavior, then that puts us into the right direction of modifying these outcomes.”
  — William Curb [05:22]
• “Negative self talk itself tends to be a maladaptive behavior that we often develop to try and preemptively protect ourselves from ... what we think we'll hear from others.”
  — William Curb [07:27]
• “Maybe making myself feel bad isn't the best way to keep me from feeling bad.”
  — William Curb [08:34]
• “If we're missing something, like finding meaning in our lives, it's easy to turn to things that will numb those feelings instead of seeking out what we need.”
  — William Curb [12:51]
• “We want to go beyond just looking at the behavior and see what's driving it.”
  — William Curb [13:41]

Important Timestamps

• 01:23 — Introduction of the “worst self” concept and the conflict with ADHD.
• 03:36 — Causes of maladaptive behaviors: compensation, avoidance, and procrastination dissected.
• 05:03 — Addressing root causes of procrastination and other behaviors.
• 06:59 — Cultivating empathy and tackling negative self-talk.
• 09:30 — The myth of laziness, maximizing vs. satisficing, unmet needs.
• 13:25 — Gabor Maté on asking "why the pain?", not "why the behavior."
• 14:48 — Episode summary and practical tips.

Tone & Style

William’s style is warm, self-aware, and honest, blending humor and personal anecdotes with practical advice. He’s gentle in challenging harmful narratives while encouraging listeners to extend to themselves the same compassion they’d offer a friend.

Summary

This episode of "Hacking Your ADHD" challenges listeners to rethink their so-called “worst” selves, framing maladaptive behaviors as attempts to cope with unmet needs rather than moral failings or laziness. William Curb guides his audience through practical, empathetic strategies for understanding and managing these patterns, ultimately advocating for a kinder, curiosity-driven approach to self-improvement—one grounded in realism and self-compassion.