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Welcome to Hacking your adhd. I'm your host William Kirby. Herb and I have ADHD on this podcast I to get the tools, tactics and best practice to help you work with your ADHD brain. Hey team, I was recently thinking about kids being picky eaters and how there's this movement where we're not supposed to say picky anymore. Instead we're supposed to say they're selective eaters. And you know what? I get that. I grew up as a picky kid and well, okay, let's be honest, I'm a fairly picky adult as well. Scratch that, a selective adult. And I know it's semantics, but I often find semantics are important because if we're reframing the idea of being picky into being selective, it loses a lot of that negative connotation and it gives a lot more power to the idea that what we're doing is making choices. In this case, we're making choices about food. But I think this is something that we can keep in mind as we're moving into the New year, because a lot of us are going to find that we're going to need to be a lot more selective about our goals, especially in regard to New Year's resolutions. And this is the idea that we're going to be exploring in this what are the things that we really want to focus on doing? What are the things that we want to commit ourselves to and then what are the things that we should be letting go of? If you'd like to follow along on the Show Notes page, you can find that@hackingyouradhd.com 208 also, before we get started, I wanted to let you know about some of the new things we're trying out here at hackinggradyhd, including a new live Ask me Anything event which is going to be happening at the end of this month. On January 31st at 10:00am Pacific, we're going to be hosting it on the hacking your ADHD YouTube page. So if that sounds like something you'd be interested in, go over to YouTube.com ackingyouradhd and subscribe to the channel. Or if you want to submit a question ahead of time, you can do that@hackingyouradhd.com AMA I'm really looking forward to getting to chat with you all and I hope you can make it so those details one more time January 31st, 10am Pacific on YouTube.com ackingyouradhd and you can find all those details and ask Questions early@hackingyouradhd.com AMA alright, keep on listening to find out how you can be a little bit more picky selective with your goals. The phrase I want to start with here is you can do anything, but you can't do everything. It's a phrase I've used a number of times and it's usually a line I try and end an episode on because it has got that nice oomph to it. But today we're going to start with it because it really underpins what this episode is about. With ADHD we tend to have a lot of things that we want to do. We have a lot of ambition about what we're capable of doing, even to the point where if we're doing something it feels like we should just be doing more and more and more. While this isn't always a bad thing, it means there are tons of things we're interested in and that we often have a ton of options. But at this time of year it can be especially crippling to us as we try and figure out what are the things that we really want to focus on are. Too often I find myself choosing an area that I'm going to focus on, but I also have a second secret focus that I also want to be working on. Which is fine, but only as long as I accept that the second focus come second only long as I accept that if I can't follow through on this second focus. It doesn't mean I'm failing, because that's really the problem. While I know I should focus on one thing and that I can only pull my attention in so many directions at once, it can often feel like I'm failing. If I'm not hitting the mark on everything, it'll feel like I should start pulling from other areas of my life so I can just make it happen. But the thing is that I only have so much focused time on any given day. Some days I can push a little and get even more done, but that's not the bar I should be setting for every day. I need time to relax and recharge and it's okay for me to take those breaks. And it's this time of year that when we're in the thick of it that we can feel like we're on the preface of total system collapse. It can feel like it's this time to just give up trying everything because we're tired and it just doesn't feel worth it anymore. We're also inundated with messaging about never quitting and how we need to fight to reach our goals. So we think maybe if we just push a little bit harder, we might get to a place where we can see the light at the end of the tunnel. And so we waver. In this quasi quitting state, we don't want to actually quit because that means we're a failure, right? And we've done enough of that. But we also don't want to keep going because we can feel that burnout rearing up. We just hold on, hoping that we don't hit a bump in the road. Or perhaps we are hoping we do, because if there's a good reason that we had to quit, well, no one would blame us for dropping that New Year's resolution if we had a good reason. I want to tell you that if you're feeling this way, it's absolutely okay to quit. Even if it's something that you feel would be good for you. The demonization of quitting is one of those things that just doesn't make sense when you actually slow down and think about it. There are plenty of times when quitting is the right answer. Before this podcast, I ran a short lived podcast about Ultimate Frisbee. Had I not quit doing that podcast, I would never have started this one. Am I glad I did the other podcast? Absolutely. It made doing this one that much easier. But it also wasn't the right thing for me to stick with. There are plenty of Things in life that are worth quitting just because they aren't what we actually want. Start at a book that isn't vibing with you. Quit reading it, eating a meal that tastes bad. Go ahead, quit eating, watching a boring show. Quit and go do something else that isn't so boring. And if you have a goal that isn't aligning with who you are or who you want to be, yeah, it's okay to quit that as well. But it's also essential here to work on understanding the nuance behind why we want to quit. It's important for us to examine both the reason we want to do the thing as well as why we want to quit. As I mentioned, there have been plenty of things in my life that I have started on only to realize they weren't the thing for me. But that's why it's important to go through the process of determining both why you started and why you want to quit. Because sometimes when we want to quit, it's just because we're in a hard part. And that's often when we shouldn't quit. A lot of great things require hard parts. The question we have to ask ourselves is if we're willing to go through those hard parts to get to the things we want, sometimes the answer is going to be no. And that means it's okay to quit. But for those things that we really do want, those things that we are willing to go through the hard parts for, those are the things that we need to stick with when the going gets tough. Of course, it's also important that we remember that we don't have to do everything in the hardest way possible. Sure, it's worth doing the hard things to get those things you want, but it's also okay to reassess and figure out if maybe there's a better way. If you're thinking about quitting something you really want because you're in a hard part, well, what's making it so hard? And is there a way you could make it easier? Maybe you need some accountability. Maybe you need to take a different approach, or maybe you just need to take smaller steps. What we have to remember is that everything we're doing is an iterative process, meaning that we make progress through repeated cycles of improvement, refinement, and adjustment. Sometimes we're going to be taking steps forward, sometimes we're going to be taking steps backwards. Sometimes we're going to be taking steps to the side, and it's just never going to be a straight path. Focus on what's working and figure out what you can do to help make the process more sustainable. Maybe it's that you're trying to eat healthier, and while it's something you really want, you still are struggling. But maybe it's because you just need to tone things down a bit. Instead of doing something extreme like no sugar for a year, you can tone it down to inviting a friend over to try a low sugar recipe once a week. I know we want to go with the knockout punch and really hit that goal, but if we can reframe it into something that's a bit more manageable and has a bit of accountability tied to it, we're going to just be so much better off. What we're really trying to do here is reframe our narrative from I failed into I'm redirecting my effort into something that's going to work, or at least a new iteration, because it could very well take a few iterations to find what actually works for you. Remember, it's okay if what's working for someone else isn't working for you. You need to find the things that work best for your brain, not the things that seem like they should work. There have been a lot of things in my life that I have committed to doing that, upon further reflection, weren't actually things that I wanted, just things that seemed like I should want, like keeping up with the Joneses and feeling like I'm getting left behind. Other times it comes from building up an image in your mind of what the thing is and realizing maybe actually it isn't for you. One phrase that's coming to mind is you just have to want it more. And this is really making me laugh because it's often said with such a derisive tone, if they really wanted it, they would have tried harder. And yeah, that actually might be true. That thing was truly the thing I wanted above all other things. Then sure, that drive might be there, but it's not. Because while I do want it, I don't want it that badly. And in terms of goals, this is something that's even more important for us to consider, because often when we're pursuing a goal, there are going to be trade offs that have to be made. Let's go back to that line we started the episode with. You can do anything, but you can't do everything. When we're pursuing a particular goal, it means that there are other things that are going to have to be put on the back burner. When I talked about those secondary, secret goals, that's a sign that there are other things that I maybe want to do more that I'm not willing to give up. And it means I need to figure out how to realign what I'm doing so that I can plan around those things that I really want to do. Sometimes that's going to mean that I have to quit some stuff that, while it feels important and good to do, doesn't reflect what my actual priorities are. So here's the takeaway. Quitting your New Year's resolution, or really any goal for that matter, that isn't working for you isn't the end of the road. It's a chance to realign, refocus, and redirect your energy toward what you actually want. Let's stop treating quitting like it's a very word. It's not about giving up. It's about letting go of what's holding you back so you can move forward and do those things that you really want to do. Thanks for sticking with me all the way to the end. Before you go though, let's do a quick rundown of Today's top tips. 1. You can do anything, but you. You can't do everything. If something feels draining, unaligned, or no longer serves you, it's okay to move on and find the things that do align with you. 2. Work on reframing quitting as a positive. We're redirecting our energy towards something more meaningful and prioritizing those things that we really want. 3. Focus on sustainability. If a goal feels overwhelming, reassess and try to find a more manageable way to approach it. Alright, that's it. Thanks for listening. I'd love to hear what you thought of this episode. Feel free to connect with me over at hackingyoura. If you'd like links or to read this episode's transcript, you can go to the show notes page@hackingyouradhd.com 208 and just one more quick reminder about the live AMA on January 31st at 10am Pacific on the Hacking youg ADHD YouTube channel. If you want to RSVP and send me a quick question early, just head on over to hackingyouradhd.com ama and if you'd like even more hacking your ADHD, be sure to sign up for my newsletter any and all distractions which comes out every other week in it. I give my best distractions of the week, be they what I'm reading, what I'm playing, or what I'm watching, or anything in between. I also try and give a few bits of actionable advice in each newsletter, although your mileage may vary on that one. If that sounds like something you are interested in, head on over to hackingyouradhd.com newsletter to sign up. I also wanted to let you know about our Patreon that I've been reworking. You can easily find that@hackingyouradhd.com Patreon we're going with a pay what you want model, meaning that all levels of Patreon will be receiving all the same stuff. You can pay $0 or $2 or 10 DOL and it's all the same. The only real difference coming from the roles that are signed on the hacking your ADHD Discord. Which reminds me that I also wanted to announce that we're now on Discord, which you can get access through from the Patreon, which again is pay what you want. So if you want to check out the Discord or check out the Patreon, you can go get yourself some access by going to hackingyouradhd.com Patreon Hacking your ADHD is now on YouTube and if you want to go and subscribe to our channel, you can find that@YouTube.com ackingyouradhd and now for your moment of debt that my lawyer said my case is a slam dunk as long as I keep faking my injuries. Guess it's time for some sham pain warning. The following ZipRecruiter radio spot you are about to hear is going to be filled with F words when you're hiring.