Hacking Your ADHD

Episode: Unapologetically ADHD with Nikki Kinzer and Pete Wright (Rebroadcast)
Host: William Curb
Guests: Nikki Kinzer & Pete Wright (Taking Control: The ADHD Podcast)
Original Air Date: November 17, 2025

Overview

This episode dives into embracing ADHD unapologetically, featuring Nikki Kinzer and Pete Wright—hosts of the Taking Control: The ADHD Podcast and co-authors of Unapologetically ADHD: A Step-by-Step Framework for Everyday Planning on Your Terms. The conversation explores building ADHD-friendly systems, finding sustainable organization strategies, overcoming shame, and developing self-advocacy—all while working with ADHD rather than against it.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

The Origin & Structure of Unapologetically ADHD

The book was developed over about a year, drawing from Nikki and Pete’s podcast dynamic:
- Nikki provides the “how-to” ADHD coaching and frameworks.
- Pete injects personal stories and reflections, often speaking directly to the book’s gender-neutral protagonist, “Jordan.”
- Quote:
  
  "The goal of this character is so that when I'm talking to the character, I'm talking to you, reader, so you have to be able to see yourself.” —Pete Wright (05:00)
Focused on mirroring the helpful, personality-driven structure of their long-running podcast (600+ episodes).

ADHD Planning: Embrace, Don’t Fix

Both guests emphasize working with, not against, ADHD:
- Instead of chasing “the best” method, start with what works, accommodating ADHD’s realities.
- ADHD planning isn’t about “fixing” yourself to fit neurotypical molds.
  - Quote:
    
    "The key is to embrace ADHD, partner with it, and not pretend like it doesn't exist." —Nikki Kinzer (07:28)
Acknowledgement that ignoring ADHD often leads to shame and unrealistic expectations.
- Pete discussed the emotional duality of shame—either for “having” ADHD or for failing to mask it well enough (08:03).

Individualization & Advocacy

ADHD isn’t one-size-fits-all—what works for one, won’t for another.
Advocacy, even in everyday contexts (family, work, tools), is crucial:
- Nikki’s story about her daughter’s loud, fast talking:
  
  “My way wasn't necessarily the right way, and her way asking me to talk louder was in her right to do. We can advocate for ourselves..." —Nikki Kinzer (09:14)
Importance of communicating personal needs—ADHD or not—without apologizing or defaulting to “shoulds.”

System Fragility & Resilience

Timestamps: 13:02–19:56

Systems will “fail” at times; fragility is expected, not a sign of personal failure.
Pete uses the metaphor of industrial supply chains:
- Every workflow includes parts that will break—understanding where helps with fast recovery.
  - Quote:
    
    “Once we understand writ large what system fragility means...it actually makes it easier to look at my own simple systems...When they break, I have a better understanding of how to come back into the system and rebuild them.” —Pete Wright (13:38)
Nikki stresses not to immediately discard or blame failed tools—pause and investigate before switching.

Why Task Managers Fail—and What to Do

Timestamps: 15:07–19:56

Loss of trust in a tool/system often stems from lack of use, not intrinsic failure.
- “'TickTick didn’t work for me.' Or 'Todoist didn’t work.' ...The reasons tools fail usually have nothing to do with the apps.” —Pete Wright (16:57)
No perfect app or format—complexity and simplicity both can work, depending on the person.
Highlight: Task notes need context and specific, actionable verbs—so you’re not lost weeks later (20:05).
Sticky notes, paper, digital task managers—all are valid. The point is usability and connection to your own workflow.

Breaking Down Tasks: Tools & AI

Timestamps: 21:02–23:45

Techniques for reducing overwhelm:
- Break complex tasks into atomic steps.
- Borrowing from Dr. Kourosh Dini: “Just visit the task,” even if only mentally or physically gathering materials.
- Pete shares a tool in Todoist:
  
  “You can click on the three dots...and there’s an AI option that says, 'Break tasks down,' and it adds six or eight new tasks...[Maybe] the tasks it comes up with are nonsense, but it helps unlock what I need to do next.” —Pete Wright (21:59)
Even if imperfect, generative suggestions can provide a crucial starting point when you’re stuck.

Rethinking "Should be Easy"

Timestamps: 23:45–25:26

Instead of berating yourself (“This should be easy!”), shift to honest acknowledgment (“This is hard”)—removes judgment and helps find solutions.
- Quote:
  
  “When I stop saying, 'This should be easy,' and just say, 'This is hard,' ... I introduce clarity that was not present before.” —Pete Wright (24:19)

The Power of Acceptance & Self-Kindness

Acceptance helps move from unhelpful (e.g., “I’m just lazy”) to actionable (“I have executive dysfunction; maybe I need music to clean the dishes”).
- “The solution for not being lazy is to just do the thing...but that's a bad solution” —William Curb (25:47)
Externalize options, revisit and revise lists—writing things down is only a commitment to consider, not to act (26:42).

ADHD Tools Are Personal—There Is No "Best"

Rethink the search for “the best” ADHD tools.
- Quote:
  
  “Back to Nikki's point, there is no best ADHD tool, in spite of us being sold that constantly.” —Pete Wright (28:36)
The important work is adapting and customizing for your workflow, whatever that means—digital, analog, simple, complex.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

On System Fragility:
“When they break, I have a better understanding of how to come back into the system and rebuild them quickly and easily. So I don’t feel like I’m starting over anymore.”
—Pete Wright (13:38)
On Self-Advocacy:
"It's also kind of not assuming that just because somebody else has a different way of doing something that they're the right way...We can say, no, this is how we like to work."
—Nikki Kinzer (09:14)
On Unapologetic Acceptance:
“What happens when we stop pretending in any context that we don’t have it [ADHD]? ...What do we do next?”
—Pete Wright (08:03)
On Finding the "Best" Tool:
"I will tell you, almost every single time I do a presentation...there's always the question, 'What is the best one for ADHD?' And there isn't any. And that is such a hard thing to say back."
—Nikki Kinzer (17:38)
On Judgment and Self-Compassion:
“When I stop saying, 'This should be easy,' and just say, 'This is hard,' ...I’m in a provocative, maybe slightly fearful state, but I'm not in a confused state, which makes it easier to find the way in.”
—Pete Wright (24:19)
Final Wisdom:
"Life is not just a to do list. Let’s make sure that we have joy in our life...Because at the end of the day, it doesn’t matter if you have dirty dishes in the sink. Do your kids know you love them? Are you spending time with your family? That’s the stuff that matters."
—Nikki Kinzer (29:03)

Timestamps for Key Segments

[01:00] – Introduction to Nikki and Pete; origins of the book
[05:35] – FOMO vs. FOBO and ADHD’s search for the “perfect” option
[07:28] – Embracing ADHD and ending cycles of shame
[13:02] – System fragility, resilience and supply chain metaphor
[16:44] – Why task managers and systems “fail”
[21:02] – Task breakdown techniques and AI suggestions
[23:45] – Emotional shift: "Should be easy" vs. “This is hard”
[25:47] – Acceptance, reframing self-talk, actionable solutions
[28:36] – There is no single “best tool” for ADHD
[29:03] – Final advice; prioritizing joy and relationships

Conclusion

This episode delivers a compassionate, wisdom-rich exploration of ADHD-friendly planning, with actionable strategies and memorable metaphors. Nikki and Pete urge listeners to accept their ADHD and build systems tailored specifically for their brains—emphasizing self-advocacy, frequent recalibration, and the importance of focusing on what truly matters in life.

For more:

Listen to Nikki and Pete on Taking Control: The ADHD Podcast
Check out their book: Unapologetically ADHD: A Step-by-Step Framework for Everyday Planning on Your Terms

[Find detailed show notes and transcript at hackingyouradhd.com/195]

Hacking Your ADHD

Overview

Key Discussion Points & Insights

The Origin & Structure of Unapologetically ADHD

The book was developed over about a year, drawing from Nikki and Pete’s podcast dynamic:
- Nikki provides the “how-to” ADHD coaching and frameworks.
- Pete injects personal stories and reflections, often speaking directly to the book’s gender-neutral protagonist, “Jordan.”
- Quote:
  
  "The goal of this character is so that when I'm talking to the character, I'm talking to you, reader, so you have to be able to see yourself.” —Pete Wright (05:00)
Focused on mirroring the helpful, personality-driven structure of their long-running podcast (600+ episodes).

ADHD Planning: Embrace, Don’t Fix

Both guests emphasize working with, not against, ADHD:
- Instead of chasing “the best” method, start with what works, accommodating ADHD’s realities.
- ADHD planning isn’t about “fixing” yourself to fit neurotypical molds.
  - Quote:
    
    "The key is to embrace ADHD, partner with it, and not pretend like it doesn't exist." —Nikki Kinzer (07:28)
Acknowledgement that ignoring ADHD often leads to shame and unrealistic expectations.
- Pete discussed the emotional duality of shame—either for “having” ADHD or for failing to mask it well enough (08:03).

Individualization & Advocacy

ADHD isn’t one-size-fits-all—what works for one, won’t for another.
Advocacy, even in everyday contexts (family, work, tools), is crucial:
- Nikki’s story about her daughter’s loud, fast talking:
  
  “My way wasn't necessarily the right way, and her way asking me to talk louder was in her right to do. We can advocate for ourselves..." —Nikki Kinzer (09:14)
Importance of communicating personal needs—ADHD or not—without apologizing or defaulting to “shoulds.”

System Fragility & Resilience

Timestamps: 13:02–19:56

Systems will “fail” at times; fragility is expected, not a sign of personal failure.
Pete uses the metaphor of industrial supply chains:
- Every workflow includes parts that will break—understanding where helps with fast recovery.
  - Quote:
    
    “Once we understand writ large what system fragility means...it actually makes it easier to look at my own simple systems...When they break, I have a better understanding of how to come back into the system and rebuild them.” —Pete Wright (13:38)
Nikki stresses not to immediately discard or blame failed tools—pause and investigate before switching.

Why Task Managers Fail—and What to Do

Timestamps: 15:07–19:56

Loss of trust in a tool/system often stems from lack of use, not intrinsic failure.
- “'TickTick didn’t work for me.' Or 'Todoist didn’t work.' ...The reasons tools fail usually have nothing to do with the apps.” —Pete Wright (16:57)
No perfect app or format—complexity and simplicity both can work, depending on the person.
Highlight: Task notes need context and specific, actionable verbs—so you’re not lost weeks later (20:05).
Sticky notes, paper, digital task managers—all are valid. The point is usability and connection to your own workflow.

Breaking Down Tasks: Tools & AI

Timestamps: 21:02–23:45

Techniques for reducing overwhelm:
- Break complex tasks into atomic steps.
- Borrowing from Dr. Kourosh Dini: “Just visit the task,” even if only mentally or physically gathering materials.
- Pete shares a tool in Todoist:
  
  “You can click on the three dots...and there’s an AI option that says, 'Break tasks down,' and it adds six or eight new tasks...[Maybe] the tasks it comes up with are nonsense, but it helps unlock what I need to do next.” —Pete Wright (21:59)
Even if imperfect, generative suggestions can provide a crucial starting point when you’re stuck.

Rethinking "Should be Easy"

Timestamps: 23:45–25:26

Instead of berating yourself (“This should be easy!”), shift to honest acknowledgment (“This is hard”)—removes judgment and helps find solutions.
- Quote:
  
  “When I stop saying, 'This should be easy,' and just say, 'This is hard,' ... I introduce clarity that was not present before.” —Pete Wright (24:19)

The Power of Acceptance & Self-Kindness

Acceptance helps move from unhelpful (e.g., “I’m just lazy”) to actionable (“I have executive dysfunction; maybe I need music to clean the dishes”).
- “The solution for not being lazy is to just do the thing...but that's a bad solution” —William Curb (25:47)
Externalize options, revisit and revise lists—writing things down is only a commitment to consider, not to act (26:42).

ADHD Tools Are Personal—There Is No "Best"

Rethink the search for “the best” ADHD tools.
- Quote:
  
  “Back to Nikki's point, there is no best ADHD tool, in spite of us being sold that constantly.” —Pete Wright (28:36)
The important work is adapting and customizing for your workflow, whatever that means—digital, analog, simple, complex.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

On System Fragility:
“When they break, I have a better understanding of how to come back into the system and rebuild them quickly and easily. So I don’t feel like I’m starting over anymore.”
—Pete Wright (13:38)
On Self-Advocacy:
"It's also kind of not assuming that just because somebody else has a different way of doing something that they're the right way...We can say, no, this is how we like to work."
—Nikki Kinzer (09:14)
On Unapologetic Acceptance:
“What happens when we stop pretending in any context that we don’t have it [ADHD]? ...What do we do next?”
—Pete Wright (08:03)
On Finding the "Best" Tool:
"I will tell you, almost every single time I do a presentation...there's always the question, 'What is the best one for ADHD?' And there isn't any. And that is such a hard thing to say back."
—Nikki Kinzer (17:38)
On Judgment and Self-Compassion:
“When I stop saying, 'This should be easy,' and just say, 'This is hard,' ...I’m in a provocative, maybe slightly fearful state, but I'm not in a confused state, which makes it easier to find the way in.”
—Pete Wright (24:19)
Final Wisdom:
"Life is not just a to do list. Let’s make sure that we have joy in our life...Because at the end of the day, it doesn’t matter if you have dirty dishes in the sink. Do your kids know you love them? Are you spending time with your family? That’s the stuff that matters."
—Nikki Kinzer (29:03)

Timestamps for Key Segments

[01:00] – Introduction to Nikki and Pete; origins of the book
[05:35] – FOMO vs. FOBO and ADHD’s search for the “perfect” option
[07:28] – Embracing ADHD and ending cycles of shame
[13:02] – System fragility, resilience and supply chain metaphor
[16:44] – Why task managers and systems “fail”
[21:02] – Task breakdown techniques and AI suggestions
[23:45] – Emotional shift: "Should be easy" vs. “This is hard”
[25:47] – Acceptance, reframing self-talk, actionable solutions
[28:36] – There is no single “best tool” for ADHD
[29:03] – Final advice; prioritizing joy and relationships

Conclusion

For more:

Listen to Nikki and Pete on Taking Control: The ADHD Podcast
Check out their book: Unapologetically ADHD: A Step-by-Step Framework for Everyday Planning on Your Terms

[Find detailed show notes and transcript at hackingyouradhd.com/195]

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Unapologetically ADHD with Nikki Kinzer and Pete Wright (rebroadcast)

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Summary

Hacking Your ADHD

Overview

Key Discussion Points & Insights

The Origin & Structure of Unapologetically ADHD

ADHD Planning: Embrace, Don’t Fix

Individualization & Advocacy

System Fragility & Resilience

Why Task Managers Fail—and What to Do

Breaking Down Tasks: Tools & AI

Rethinking "Should be Easy"

The Power of Acceptance & Self-Kindness

ADHD Tools Are Personal—There Is No "Best"

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

Timestamps for Key Segments

Conclusion

Summary

Hacking Your ADHD

Overview

Key Discussion Points & Insights

The Origin & Structure of Unapologetically ADHD

ADHD Planning: Embrace, Don’t Fix

Individualization & Advocacy

System Fragility & Resilience

Why Task Managers Fail—and What to Do

Breaking Down Tasks: Tools & AI

Rethinking "Should be Easy"

The Power of Acceptance & Self-Kindness

ADHD Tools Are Personal—There Is No "Best"

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

Timestamps for Key Segments

Conclusion