Podcast Summary: Hacking Your ADHD — You Might Also Like: Hyperfocus with Rae Jacobson (Understood.org)

Date: September 22, 2025
Host: William Curb (Hacking Your ADHD), Featuring Rae Jacobson and Dr. Christine Hargrove (Hyperfocus, Understood.org)
Guest: Dr. Christine Hargrove—Marriage & Family Therapist specializing in neurodiversity and financial therapy

Overview

In this cross-posted special episode, Rae Jacobson of Hyperfocus sits down with Dr. Christine Hargrove to dive into the intersection of ADHD and financial therapy. The conversation examines why finances are especially tough for people with ADHD, explores the unique challenges both individuals and couples face, and shares pragmatic, ADHD-friendly approaches and tools for financial well-being. Dr. Hargrove draws on clinical insights, research, and actionable strategies tailored for neurodivergent brains.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. What Is Financial Therapy?

Timestamps: 01:01–02:03

• Dr. Hargrove introduces herself as a licensed marriage and family therapist specializing in financial therapy—with a personal lens as someone with ADHD (01:01).
• Financial therapy is not about treating mental health disorders, but about “the change process of your relationship with money... and how you talk about it and think about it in relation to other people and make life decisions together.” (C, 01:53)

2. ADHD & Money Struggles: Why It's So Hard

Timestamps: 02:03–11:08

• ADHDers are often labeled as "notoriously bad with money"—impulsive spending, lost items, and late bills are common.
• “Having ADHD makes your finances harder, makes it harder to earn more money, manage your money well, and save money.” (C, 08:20)
• ADHD brings executive function challenges, impacting bill payment, credit scores (“death by a thousand payments”), and decision-making.
• Notably, “ADHDers were not worse than the rest of the population” in making money decisions for others, but much worse “when they were asked the same questions about, then what would you do?” (C, 09:11–09:53)
• Rae and Christine highlight “Velcro for negative memories and Teflon for positive memories” in ADHD money memory—a unique challenge for self-efficacy. (C, 10:00)

3. Family Patterns & Financial Genograms

Timestamps: 05:08–07:56

• Dr. Hargrove explains the use of "financial genograms" to map family money patterns—exploring learned messages, generational dynamics, moneygrams, and how family trauma or socialization persists.
• “A moneygram is like a telegram—distilled really sharply, and there’s a lot of stuff missing. By the time you’re on the other end... you’ve probably made sense of the moneygram in a whole other way than it was originally meant.” (C, 07:25)
• Discusses how shame and secrecy around money are often passed down and internalized.

4. Money and Relationships: Couples & ADHD

Timestamps: 11:08–21:27

• Managing money as a couple amplifies ADHD challenges: partner with/without ADHD may create unbalanced roles, repeated late payments, or ignored budgets.
• Emotional readiness is crucial:
  • “I definitely wouldn’t start by being like, let’s do taxes together...” (C, 12:04)
  • Some people hyperfocus and burn out; others avoid the topic altogether (12:04–14:34).
• Self-awareness is emphasized as key:
  • “A lot of it’s self-awareness...Awareness of ADHD and how it affects you.” (B, 14:34)
• Common issues:
  • "Dichotomized reaction to money": either extreme impulsivity or extreme control, often stemming from shame and lack of self-trust (15:44–16:19, 19:03).
  • Financial infidelity is usually not “malicious” but rooted in avoidance and fear of judgment:
    • “I wasn’t trying to betray. Like, I wish that I had been open, but I was afraid I would be judged...So there’s this domino.” (C, 17:58)
• Relationship dynamic may tip into “parent-child” roles, highlighting the lack of neurodivergent financial tools (20:51–21:27).

5. Shame and the Neurotypical Money System

Timestamps: 19:03–21:27

• Both guest and host agree: the conventional approaches to money management are “very neurotypical-centered, and we don’t have a lot of well known alternatives.” (C, 19:23)
• Shame around falling short of neurotypical financial standards is a “final step” in feeling adult, and can be deeply isolating (19:19–20:18).
• "If you really don't have another approach... that makes sense for the way that your brain processes your world, how exactly are you supposed to be an equal partner?" (C, 21:00)

6. Actionable ADHD-Friendly Financial Strategies

Timestamps: 21:34–28:12

a. Know Your Spending Categories—But Keep It Simple

• “We tend to make [categories] way too detailed and it does not help.” (C, 22:13)
• Examples: “Groceries” vs. individual subscription categories. Simple is better.

b. Estimate Extra (ADHD Tax)

• Add ~15% “buffer” for misestimation to annual estimates (23:01).
• The “ADHD tax” is real—lost items, small fees, etc.—but the buffer focuses on realistic, flexible budgeting.

c. Automate and Out-of-Sight Savings

• Automatic savings/investments are highly recommended (26:00+).
• “Investing early and often is better than investing late huge amounts and it’s easier…having some of those things be automated is excellent.” (C, 26:00)
• Don’t treat savings as backup income.

d. The SAVER Framework for Evaluating Tools

• Presented at [27:00–28:12]
• Streamlined: Is it simple to use?
• Accessible: Can I get info when I need it?
• Visual: Does it provide clear, visual information?
• Engaging: Is the system emotionally motivating? (e.g., gamification)
• Realistic: Are the numbers and time commitments doable on a bad day?
• “The best budget is something you can follow on your worst day, not your best day.” (C, 28:42)

e. Work with, Not Against, Your Brain

• If a tool (planner, app, etc.) isn't intuitive for YOU, it’s “the same as not finding anything at all.” (B, 28:12)
• It’s not about the single “right way”; it’s finding the path that’s possible on your toughest ADHD days.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Family Patterns:
  “Did you witness, like, a financial transformation or some financial trauma, a major event that, like, sort of forever altered the way that you understand money and your relationship to it?” —Dr. Christine Hargrove (05:52)
• On Self-Awareness:
  “A lot of it’s self awareness…It feels like you have to kind of work on some self knowledge.” —Rae Jacobson (14:34)
• On Shame and Neurotypical Systems:
  “When the neurotypical approaches don’t work for us, we feel like this is my secret shame...I’m not really a grown up. Even if I’m like 75, I still feel like I should be ashamed for not getting this together.” —Dr. Christine Hargrove (19:23)
• On Budgeting:
  “The best budget is something you can follow on your worst day, not your best day.” —Dr. Christine Hargrove (28:42)
• SAVER Acronym:
  • “Is it streamlined, accessible, visual, engaging, realistic?” (26:00–28:12)
• On Relationship Dynamics:
  “It can feel like a parent child dynamic. Nobody likes that. It’s not good for either partner.” —Dr. Christine Hargrove (20:58)

Important Timestamps by Segment

• Intro/Overview: 00:00–02:03
• Financial Therapy Defined: 01:01–02:03
• ADHD & Money Struggles: 02:03–11:08
• Family Patterns & Genograms: 05:08–07:56
• Couples & Money: 11:08–21:27
• Shame & Neurotypical Bias: 19:03–21:27
• Actionable Advice (SAVER, automation, realistic budgeting): 21:34–29:45
• Best Advice for ADHD Women: 28:42
• Show Close: 30:08

Tone & Style

The conversation is warm, validating, and honest. Dr. Hargrove brings deep empathy for the ADHD experience while offering practical, judgment-free guidance. Rae’s candid questions and the fluid, curious dialogue make the episode accessible and encouraging for listeners.

For Listeners New to the Episode

This episode is a deep dive into how ADHD impacts money management at every level—from everyday purchases to shared finances with a partner and long-term financial security. The discussion provides practical frameworks (like SAVER), insight into why shame is such a powerful underlying force, and real-world advice for structuring financial systems that work for uniquely wired brains. Whether you’re struggling with bills, feeling out of step with “typical” money advice, or simply seeking a shame-free place to learn, this episode offers both emotional support and hands-on strategies tailored for the ADHD community.

End of summary.