Allison Williams asks about mundane superpowers

Summary

Detailed Summary of "Handsome" Episode: Allison Williams Asks About Mundane Superpowers

Podcast Information

• Title: Handsome
• Hosts: Tig Notaro, Fortune Feimster, Mae Martin
• Description: “Handsome” is a podcast from comedians Tig Notaro, Fortune Feimster, and Mae Martin. Every week, the handsome hosts field a question from a friend and attempt to answer it together, covering every subject you could think of. Along the way, Tig, Fortune, and Mae tell plenty of stories and just generally have a ridiculous time.
• Episode Title: Allison Williams asks about mundane superpowers
• Release Date: June 10, 2025

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1. Reunion and Catch-Up [35:28 - 37:18]

The episode kicks off with the hosts expressing delight at reconvening after some time apart. They share personal updates, highlighting their excitement to be together again. Fortune Feimster mentions feeling "buzzing" from coffee and soaking up the sun, setting a light-hearted and energetic tone for the discussion.

Notable Quote:

• May Martin: “We haven't been together in a room in a minute.”

2. Introduction of the Guest and the Central Question [36:14 - 37:18]

Alison Williams joins the conversation, introducing herself as a fan of the show and expressing her enthusiasm to participate. She presents the episode's central question: “What is the most banal superpower, AKA just life skill that you wish you could download into your system automatically? I'm not looking for anything extraordinary or even impressive necessarily. It's just something that maybe a huge swath of the population can just already do and you cannot. That is my question.”

Notable Quote:

• Alison Williams: “Please, I’ve been given the great honor and honestly burden, but happy to shoulder it, of asking you a question that no one has asked you yet.”

3. Hosts' Responses and Personal Anecdotes

a. Thomas Willette - Singing Like Kelly Clarkson [37:27 - 38:07]

Thomas expresses his wish to possess flawless singing abilities akin to Kelly Clarkson. He envisions scenarios where he could effortlessly perform impressive vocal feats, enhancing social interactions like karaoke.

Notable Quote:

• Thomas Willette: “You could just get up there and you sound like Kelly Clarkson.”

b. May Martin - Effortless Cooking and Automatic Cleanup [40:27 - 42:02]

May desires the superpower of effortless cooking, where meals prepare themselves and the kitchen cleans up automatically. She reflects nostalgically on her childhood experiences, recalling how efficiently her parents managed meal preparations and cleanup, highlighting the appeal of such seamless skills in adult life.

Notable Quote:

• May Martin: “Like, who whips up a meal and then also it's suddenly cleaned up and tidy after. Like, it's like it never happened.”

c. Alison Williams - Gardening Skills [46:26 - 47:32]

Alison wishes for the ability to garden effortlessly, reminiscing about her grandmother’s gardening habits. She shares fond memories of deadheading flowers and engaging in meaningful conversations with her grandmother while gardening, underscoring her desire for a calming and productive hobby that's seamlessly integrated into daily life.

Notable Quote:

• Alison Williams: “I would love to garden... just out snipping things and talking to them.”

4. Guest Response: Allison Williams - Effective Napping [47:50 - 48:33]

Allison Williams shares her superpower wish: the ability to nap effectively without her system shutting down. She elaborates on her struggles with midday naps and the difficulty of shutting down mentally to rest, emphasizing how such a superpower could transform her daily routine.

Notable Quote:

• Allison Williams: “That would fundamentally alter my life.”

5. Interactive Banter and Further Discussions [48:33 - 55:34]

The conversation shifts to playful banter as the hosts tease each other about their superpower wishes. They delve into relatable struggles:

• May Martin discusses her difficulty in napping without being distracted by thoughts or the environment, joking about how it leads to unexpected feelings.

• Fortune Feimster and Thomas Willette empathize with each other's challenges, sharing similar experiences and adding humor to the discussion.

• May Martin reminisces about childhood naps and expresses longing for the simplicity and peace they brought, highlighting the universal desire for effective relaxation.

Notable Quotes:

• May Martin: “When I lie down to have a nap, I mean, during the day, then I get horny.”
• May Martin: “There's something about napping in a room where other people are. You feel like a little kid.”

6. Reflective Insights and Relatability [55:35 - 58:22]

The hosts reflect on the importance of simple skills that many take for granted. They recognize how enhancing these "mundane superpowers" can significantly improve daily life. The discussion emphasizes personal growth and aspirations, with each host’s wish mirroring their lifestyles and interests.

Themes:

• Value of Everyday Skills: The emphasis on enhancing ordinary skills underscores their significance in improving quality of life.

• Humor and Relatability: The light-hearted and humorous banter makes the conversation engaging and relatable to listeners.

• Personal Growth: Sharing personal anecdotes adds depth and authenticity, allowing listeners to connect with the hosts on a personal level.

Notable Quote:

• Fortune Feimster: “We all learn something new.”

7. Closing Remarks and Future Announcements [55:34 - End]

As the episode concludes, the hosts share upcoming events and personal projects:

• May Martin announces her upcoming music performances in various cities, inviting listeners to attend.

• Thomas Willette mentions the premiere of his series "FUBAR" season two.

• Tig Notaro and Fortune Feimster promote their respective projects, encouraging listeners to engage with their content.

The hosts encourage listeners to subscribe, engage on social media, and share the podcast, fostering a sense of community and connection.

Notable Quote:

• May Martin: “It's a pleasure being in the room with you guys.”

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Key Takeaways

• Mundane Superpowers: The episode explores practical superpowers that enhance everyday life, such as exceptional singing, effortless cooking, effective gardening, and the ability to nap without difficulty.

• Personal Stories: The hosts and guest share personal anecdotes, making the discussion authentic and relatable.

• Humor and Camaraderie: The playful interactions and humor strengthen the bond between the hosts and create an engaging listening experience.

Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• Thomas Willette: “You could just get up there and you sound like Kelly Clarkson.” [37:59]
• May Martin: “Like, who whips up a meal and then also it's suddenly cleaned up and tidy after. Like, it's like it never happened.” [40:27]
• Alison Williams: “That would fundamentally alter my life.” [48:33]
• May Martin: “There's something about napping in a room where other people are. You feel like a little kid.” [53:43]
• Fortune Feimster: “We all learn something new.” [34:26-34:35]

Conclusion

In this engaging episode of "Handsome," the hosts and guest Allison Williams delve into the concept of mundane superpowers—everyday skills that many might take for granted but that could significantly enhance their quality of life if perfected. Through personal stories, humor, and sincere reflections, the conversation highlights the universal desire for smoother, more efficient daily routines. This blend of relatability and lightheartedness makes the episode both entertaining and meaningful, resonating with a broad audience seeking both laughs and genuine connection.

Transcript

[May Martin]

This is a Headgum podcast.

[Fortune Feimster]

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[Tig Notaro]

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[Fortune Feimster]

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[Tig Notaro]

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[Fortune Feimster]

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[Tig Notaro]

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[Fortune Feimster]

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[May Martin]

Handsome. Chat with friends on the handsome part. Chat with friends on the handsome.

[Thomas Willette]

We're just giggling. Cheers. Cheers. Oh, I'm Fortune Feaster. I'm May Martin.

[Alison Williams]

I'm Fortune.

[May Martin]

We're excited.

[Thomas Willette]

Oh, my God, you guys. We haven't been together in a room in a minute.

[Alison Williams]

It has been a beat.

[Thomas Willette]

And what a treat this is to see yalls. Pretty faces already. Handsome faces.

[Alison Williams]

I'm a pretty little lady. You're buzzing.

[May Martin]

Yeah, I'm buzzing. Well, what's. Had a lot of coffee. Yeah.

[Alison Williams]

Okay. Okay.

[May Martin]

The sun. I'm absorbing the sun.

[Thomas Willette]

Oh, that's nice.

[May Martin]

Isn't it, though?

[Thomas Willette]

Yeah.

[May Martin]

Wouldn't you say?

[Thomas Willette]

I've been taking Biggie on walks to the park every morning this week, and that's been so fun.

[Alison Williams]

That's delightful.

[Thomas Willette]

Yeah.

[May Martin]

I saw a piece of art that said it was this woman lying in the sun, and it said, I will let the sun impregnate me and murder me.

[Thomas Willette]

Wow.

[May Martin]

I keep thinking about it now every time I'm in the sun, I think, let it impregnate me and murder me.

[Thomas Willette]

Okay.

[Alison Williams]

I don't want either of those.

[Thomas Willette]

That's an intense relationship with the sun.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Alison Williams]

I just want to have. I mean, it's been nice to have the weather shift and have all this warm weather, but I'm not looking for a. I mean, I would be impregnated with another son. I'd have three boys.

[May Martin]

Isn't it weird, though, that it's like this life giving, warm thing that makes life happen, but it's so dangerous it can burn you.

[Alison Williams]

Well, it can murder you.

[May Martin]

It can murder you.

[Alison Williams]

That's what you.

[Thomas Willette]

I'm very fair skinned, so I have to be careful with the sun.

[May Martin]

You're delicate. Yeah, I am. Yeah.

[Alison Williams]

I mean, we're all kind of fair skinned. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[May Martin]

I can imagine you getting not brown in the sun.

[Alison Williams]

Not brown.

[May Martin]

Not n u t nut brown.

[Alison Williams]

No. I was like, tig. Now I can imagine you getting not brown.

[Thomas Willette]

No tan whatsoever.

[Alison Williams]

No, I do tan a little bit, yeah. Do you not tan at all?

[May Martin]

Not really. I burn and then. And then I'm white again.

[Alison Williams]

You're looking not brown.

[Thomas Willette]

You're looking buff over there.

[May Martin]

You think I'm looking buff?

[Thomas Willette]

Oh, you think?

[May Martin]

Look how excited to see how happy I got. Because I am really trying you.

[Thomas Willette]

I can tell you're bulking up. Thanks. But look at those muscles.

[Alison Williams]

Look at those muscles.

[May Martin]

I didn't.

[Alison Williams]

We're just getting treading muscles. That's it.

[Thomas Willette]

I haven't treaded in like two weeks.

[Alison Williams]

So I treaded today.

[Thomas Willette]

I was out of town.

[May Martin]

You did?

[Thomas Willette]

How was.

[Alison Williams]

Was so delightful.

[Thomas Willette]

Right.

[Alison Williams]

I just really. It's so meditative.

[Thomas Willette]

Yeah, yeah.

[Alison Williams]

It's so meditative for me.

[May Martin]

You know, I got my friend Joe staying with me.

[Alison Williams]

How's old Joe?

[May Martin]

Old Joe's good. He's very pale, very fair.

[Thomas Willette]

Hi, my name is Joe. I got a wife and three kids and I work in a factory.

[May Martin]

One day my wife came.

[Thomas Willette]

Or wait, is it my wife or my boss? Guys, I never got to the bottom of it.

[May Martin]

We never did. And we don't want to. Yeah, yeah. He's good. And he's. He's British, but Good to know. Not. Yeah, just so you can picture it. But we were playing, okay, we were playing foosball, which, by the way, now every morning I go, morning foos. Morning foos. And I. And he goes, okay, so there's offense, you know, on a soccer pitch. And then what? And then there's defense. Right? And then he goes. But in the government, there's the Secretary of State.

[Alison Williams]

Defense.

[May Martin]

Defense, yeah.

[Alison Williams]

A pronunciation.

[May Martin]

But why is it Defense for soccer. And then everything else is soccer.

[Alison Williams]

Oh, yeah, we're gonna play defense.

[May Martin]

We're gonna play defense. Because you wouldn't say. Don't get so defensive.

[Alison Williams]

Yeah.

[May Martin]

So why. What's that about?

[Thomas Willette]

I think that just the English language is weird, right?

[Alison Williams]

Good answer, Fortune.

[Thomas Willette]

Yeah.

[Alison Williams]

If we're really fortunate about it. Nailed it with that answer.

[Thomas Willette]

Complicated language.

[Alison Williams]

That's good.

[May Martin]

Yeah, yeah. You know, defense sounds like D puffer.

[Thomas Willette]

D puffer.

[Alison Williams]

Is it a complicated language? Because, I mean, I speak it very easily.

[Thomas Willette]

Complicated.

[Alison Williams]

It's total. It's so easy. Listen to me talking English like I'm not even doing it. I'm not struggling at all. People say it's hard.

[Thomas Willette]

I think it's hard.

[May Martin]

But we don't have, like. Like where every object is masculine or feminine. I mean, we. We know. Like that.

[Alison Williams]

Table, let's say 1, 2, 3. What is its gender?

[May Martin]

Masculine. Thank you, Fortune.

[Alison Williams]

Didn't know.

[Thomas Willette]

I didn't know.

[May Martin]

Okay, this sofa. One, two, three.

[Thomas Willette]

Female.

[May Martin]

You said male.

[Alison Williams]

I did.

[May Martin]

For this sofa.

[Thomas Willette]

This is female. Male.

[May Martin]

Male.

[Alison Williams]

Oh, yeah. This is male.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Alison Williams]

Actually, that's non binary. Couch is non binary.

[Thomas Willette]

Love seat.

[Alison Williams]

This is like.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Thomas Willette]

Love.

[Alison Williams]

Oh, sorry. I'm over here alone.

[Thomas Willette]

We're twinning with our green on.

[Alison Williams]

Oh, look how old my hands are.

[Thomas Willette]

Your hands are soft, Tegan.

[May Martin]

Fortune just touched their hands.

[Alison Williams]

But look. Look how old my hands are compared to your precious newborn skin.

[May Martin]

You do have very. But don't pull away.

[Thomas Willette]

I have baby skin.

[Alison Williams]

Yes, you do.

[Thomas Willette]

I gotta lotion my hands better, though.

[Alison Williams]

Well, you know what? It's best to hydrate from the inside.

[Thomas Willette]

I drink a lot of water.

[Alison Williams]

Good, good.

[Thomas Willette]

I don't. I'm not a soda gal.

[Alison Williams]

Me neither. Guys, I just got a text from Karen Kilgariff.

[Thomas Willette]

I love Karen.

[Alison Williams]

Can I just tell you, I texted Karen a video that Stephanie had sent me of Max and Finn's playlist?

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Alison Williams]

And it. Is it made. Unless she was lying to me. She said it made her cry.

[Thomas Willette]

Oh.

[Alison Williams]

It is all Eminem, Kendrick Lamar, and then one Karen Kilgariff song.

[May Martin]

No way.

[Alison Williams]

Yes. I love it.

[Thomas Willette]

Incredible.

[Alison Williams]

They. Oh, my gosh. And Stephanie's dad is the biggest Karen Kilgariff fan.

[May Martin]

No way.

[Alison Williams]

She. Have you listened to her album?

[Thomas Willette]

Such a great singer.

[Alison Williams]

She's such a great singer. She's such. She does this incredible thing. Oh, yeah. As a musician, you should hear her. I would love to. Because she can, in one song, can make you laugh so hard and then also break your heart. Like.

[May Martin]

God, that's amazing.

[Alison Williams]

It is the weirdest thing I've ever heard.

[May Martin]

What a skill.

[Alison Williams]

Yeah.

[Thomas Willette]

She said she was gonna do a handsome question. We gotta get her to.

[Alison Williams]

Well, maybe she was.

[Thomas Willette]

Too busy talking about true crime.

[Alison Williams]

She's so funny.

[Thomas Willette]

She's the best.

[May Martin]

They were doing a thing for a while on their podcast of celebrities or people saying their hometown murders.

[Thomas Willette]

Like, yeah, yeah.

[May Martin]

Or things from their life that were like their crime and thing. And I always wanted to tell about the time when my. I was. My parents were out and they left me and my brother. I went to bed then. I think I've told this. And they come back and my brother's sitting on the front porch looking real pale. Not brown.

[Alison Williams]

Not. Not brown.

[May Martin]

Yeah. And they're like, is everything okay? And he goes, your friend is having a nap upstairs. And they're like, what friend? He goes, your friend. I told this, right?

[Thomas Willette]

I don't think so.

[Alison Williams]

No.

[May Martin]

Really?

[Thomas Willette]

Yeah.

[Alison Williams]

If you did. I blocked it out.

[Thomas Willette]

Me, too. This is not familiar to.

[May Martin]

Yeah. My brother said, well, your friend came over, and she said that you said she would have a nap in your bed. And so they go up, and there's a strange. A woman asleep in the bed, and she's taken off all her clothes.

[Alison Williams]

Is this like a Goldilocks situation? That's what it sounds like.

[May Martin]

Feels like. And she neatly folded all her clothes. And she's naked in their bed.

[Thomas Willette]

And she folded her clothes.

[May Martin]

Yeah. And so my dad got a baseball bag.

[Alison Williams]

I like that. What sticks out to you is that she folded her clothes. Not that she's naked. She's naked in the bed. And you're like, oh, she folded her things.

[Thomas Willette]

Your dad got a baseball bat. And then what.

[Alison Williams]

How old was she? She wasn't in the mood to play baseball.

[Thomas Willette]

Right.

[May Martin]

She was in her 40s. My dad.

[Alison Williams]

She was baseball ready.

[May Martin]

Yeah. And my dad just said, you gotta get out. What are you doing? She just woke up and said, sorry. I'm sorry. Put her clothes back on and left.

[Thomas Willette]

Had a nice nap.

[Alison Williams]

Well, we had a real hometown crime when I was growing up.

[May Martin]

Oh, what was it? Oh, God. Is it gonna be real dark?

[Alison Williams]

It's.

[Thomas Willette]

It's. I imagine.

[Alison Williams]

No, no, it is.

[Thomas Willette]

Oh, it is.

[Alison Williams]

Oh, it is.

[Thomas Willette]

Oh, my God.

[May Martin]

It was like someone stole.

[Alison Williams]

No, there was this guy, and oddly, I think roughly around the same year that. Okay. This guy's name is Ricky.

[Thomas Willette]

Okay.

[Alison Williams]

And the band Skid Row, have you heard of them? They're a metal band.

[Thomas Willette]

Yeah.

[Alison Williams]

Sebastian Bach, lead singer. He has this song, 18 in life, and it's about this kid Ricky.

[Thomas Willette]

Yeah.

[Alison Williams]

Okay.

[May Martin]

Okay.

[Alison Williams]

Ricky at my school, who dated my best friend Michelle. He asked for a rifle for Christmas.

[May Martin]

Oh, no.

[Alison Williams]

His parents got him a rifle. He shot his parents, threw the rifle in the lake, drove his dad's pickup truck up to the school. He wasn't even old enough to drive. Not that that's the biggest crime in the story.

[May Martin]

Did he fold his clothes before?

[Alison Williams]

He did fold his clothes and he still Life in prison.

[Thomas Willette]

Whoa.

[Alison Williams]

He is. And like, every now and then I'll be going about my life and I'm like, oh, my God.

[May Martin]

Ricky's still.

[Alison Williams]

Ricky is still in prison.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Alison Williams]

And we were 15 years old, and.

[May Martin]

He came to school that day. Like, he came.

[Tig Notaro]

He.

[Alison Williams]

He drove his dad's pickup truck up to school to tell the principal that his parents were dead.

[Thomas Willette]

Whoa.

[Alison Williams]

Yeah.

[May Martin]

That's a real hometown murder. Yeah.

[Alison Williams]

Yeah, that was. That was like. Yeah. Yeah. Anyway, so Karen Kilgariff texted me.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Alison Williams]

Caused this whole situation.

[May Martin]

Back to.

[Alison Williams]

Back to your muscles?

[May Martin]

Back to my muscles? No, back to. We were talking about pops. So you said root beer you like. And then my question was, what root beer?

[Alison Williams]

Well, it's barks. Originally from Biloxi, Mississippi.

[May Martin]

Is it?

[Alison Williams]

Yes.

[May Martin]

No way.

[Thomas Willette]

Never had it.

[Alison Williams]

And you've never had Barks. Oh, my God. And barks in the bottle, if anyone here is Mississippi. Yeah. Where are those Mississippi folk? But, yeah, barks in the bottle is where it is at the glass bottle. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, yeah. Max and Finn love the fact that when I was little in Mississippi that we'd be in the back of pickup trucks drinking barks in the bottle. Like, without seat belts. Just thrown in the back of a pickup truck.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Alison Williams]

Yes.

[May Martin]

But anyway, so if you're going to see a movie and you know, you. You get a drink and they give you the empty drink and then you go to the station and they got all the taps and all the different pops. I went the other day and obviously I'm mixing multiple pops. That's like the great luxury of having the option.

[Thomas Willette]

You said you like to mix a lot of them, but.

[May Martin]

Oh, I already said this.

[Thomas Willette]

You did. But it's fine. You're passionate about it.

[May Martin]

I am.

[Alison Williams]

It's like a cups of every day.

[Thomas Willette]

If I'm going to mix any drink, it would be like Sprite and like a cherry.

[Alison Williams]

Well, that's a Shirley Temple ex.

[May Martin]

No, I'm going ginger ale, Coke Zero and Fanta.

[Alison Williams]

Aren't those called kamikaze?

[May Martin]

Are they?

[Alison Williams]

I mean, when I was a kid, kamikaze, you just go A little bit of everything.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Thomas Willette]

And you like the taste?

[May Martin]

Yeah. And the person I was with was horrified.

[Thomas Willette]

Yeah, I can see that.

[Alison Williams]

Who were you with?

[May Martin]

I was on a date, actually.

[Thomas Willette]

Oh, whoa. Okay.

[Alison Williams]

Mary, loud. Oh, yeah. Just jump over a date and talk about the soda pop you had.

[Thomas Willette]

Oh, me? I was just on a little date. Mae says.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Alison Williams]

Can we know the gender?

[May Martin]

The gender is female.

[Alison Williams]

Oh, okay. I know you had a male date, right?

[Thomas Willette]

Oh, wait. Did we ever talk about how that went?

[May Martin]

It was great.

[Alison Williams]

Oh, okay, tell us. What do you mean it was great? Tell us details.

[May Martin]

No, I gotta turn a new corner.

[Alison Williams]

Okay.

[Thomas Willette]

Oh, I'm not sharing.

[May Martin]

I'm not sharing. Well, we don't.

[Alison Williams]

I feel like we could break this.

[May Martin]

You can break this pretty easily. Yeah, I'm into. Yeah.

[Thomas Willette]

You're just having fun.

[May Martin]

I'm having fun. I'm in my hot boy summer, I guess.

[Alison Williams]

And so when you go on a date. Date with a dude.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Alison Williams]

Do you pick each other up? Do you meet somewhere? Who picks up the bill?

[Thomas Willette]

Oh, nice. Good question.

[Alison Williams]

Thank you. Do you kiss good night?

[May Martin]

Oh, yeah.

[Alison Williams]

Give us all these dudes touch privates. What's happening?

[May Martin]

This is the 1950s. Who pays the bill?

[Thomas Willette]

Yeah, I mean, I am. I will say I am curious too.

[Alison Williams]

Hey, well, fortune. Me too.

[Thomas Willette]

Yeah.

[Alison Williams]

Yeah.

[Thomas Willette]

We're both curious. You won't have to answer everything but what you're doing.

[May Martin]

Well, on this particular date, we met in a bar and we bought our own drinks.

[Thomas Willette]

I think.

[May Martin]

I think. Or I bought a round. He bought around.

[Alison Williams]

All right.

[May Martin]

And then did some kissing and then didn't go. But maybe. We'll see. Yeah.

[Alison Williams]

And did you meet on an app?

[May Martin]

We did meet on an app.

[Alison Williams]

Okay.

[Thomas Willette]

I would love to walk into a bar and see Megan smooching a dude.

[Alison Williams]

Yeah.

[May Martin]

I don't know. Is it?

[Thomas Willette]

I don't know. It's fascinating to me.

[May Martin]

Really.

[Thomas Willette]

Yeah.

[May Martin]

Right.

[Thomas Willette]

No.

[Alison Williams]

Have you kissed a boy?

[Thomas Willette]

Have I kissed a boy?

[May Martin]

We know about the hj. But did you kiss.

[Thomas Willette]

It wasn't even a full hj. It was a grab.

[May Martin]

A grab. Yeah.

[Thomas Willette]

That was. That was years.

[Alison Williams]

It was more of a musical lesson. Right?

[May Martin]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Thomas Willette]

The only boy I've kissed. Two boys.

[Alison Williams]

Yeah, but tongue.

[Thomas Willette]

Years and years ago. One tongue, one no tongue.

[Alison Williams]

Now back to your muscles.

[May Martin]

Back to my muscles? Yeah, I'm. I'm doing a lot of pull ups. I'm doing. I'm lifting weights with this bubbly boy trainer. He's. He's so bubbly. My friend Elliot. He's amazing. If you're in la you gotta see Elliot and I listen to Backstreet Boys or Alanis Morissette while I do it.

[Thomas Willette]

Yeah.

[May Martin]

Or Weezer.

[Alison Williams]

Sometimes I love Weezer. Not that I don't enjoy the others, but I. I'm like. I love how, like, Weezer reminds me of the Cars. Like how almost robotic the music is.

[May Martin]

Right?

[Alison Williams]

You know, like Weezer reminds me of a modern day version of the Cars.

[May Martin]

Yeah. I don't know the Cars. I was about to lie and pretend I did.

[Alison Williams]

You don't know the Cars?

[May Martin]

No.

[Alison Williams]

Would I know the Cars? Rick Ocasek, lead singer. You don't know the Cars? Oh, my God.

[Thomas Willette]

Tell me a song.

[Alison Williams]

They don't know the Cars.

[May Martin]

Tell me a hit song. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Alison Williams]

They don't know the Cars.

[Thomas Willette]

Who are you talking to, Thomas?

[Alison Williams]

Anybody?

[Thomas Willette]

Are you talking to know the Cars?

[Alison Williams]

They don't know the Cars.

[Thomas Willette]

Yeah, tell us the song.

[May Martin]

Is. Is one.

[Thomas Willette]

Is there a hit song?

[Alison Williams]

It doesn't.

[May Martin]

Oh, I don't think.

[Alison Williams]

Oh, no, no, no. Cars haven't had a hit.

[May Martin]

Are you stalling? Because you don't know the songs.

[Thomas Willette]

You don't know their songs. You don't. Yeah, you.

[Alison Williams]

Just what I needed.

[Thomas Willette]

Just what I needed.

[Alison Williams]

Sure. Just what I needed.

[Thomas Willette]

How does it go? I know I know that song, but now I can't think of how it goes.

[Alison Williams]

Yeah. Anyway, it doesn't matter. It doesn't even matter.

[May Martin]

But they influenced Weezer. We think.

[Alison Williams]

I don't even know. I mean, I. I would. I don't know. I have no idea. But when I hear Weezer, I'm like, God, this is like the modern day Cars. Because there's something.

[Thomas Willette]

And we know exactly what that means.

[May Martin]

I like that. The lead singer's name is Rivers Cuomo. That's a great name. Rivers is a great name.

[Alison Williams]

I remember he was. Went through a period of time, maybe still, where he was abstaining from sex.

[May Martin]

Really?

[Alison Williams]

Yeah, yeah. I feel like it was around 2001.

[Thomas Willette]

You really, as you enter your hot boy summer.

[May Martin]

No, you're right. Now is not the time.

[Thomas Willette]

Save that for winter.

[May Martin]

And he publicly was like, I'm.

[Alison Williams]

Why? For like, to keep his creative juices, possibly.

[May Martin]

Is that a thing? Do you think that you're expelling, like, if the energy of desire is connected to the energy of creativity in some way or like, like, do you think being monastic and stuff is gonna. You'll channel that energy into other stuff?

[Thomas Willette]

I don't know. Maybe that was his hope.

[Alison Williams]

Well, maybe he had other issues around, you know, relationships or sex or whatever it was. That he felt like he had I There he goes. All right, he's off to the races. Did you hear that?

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[May Martin]

Yeah.

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[May Martin]

Did you end up doing your thing in Ojai that you were gonna do?

[Alison Williams]

I did.

[Thomas Willette]

How was Emily?

[Alison Williams]

Yeah, Emily Salyers from the Indigo Girls.

[May Martin]

How was it?

[Alison Williams]

It was so. I mean, it was such a magical weekend, really. Stephanie and I took Max and Finn to Ojai, and it was for the Playwrights conference at the Ojai Playhouse. Such a great theater, such a great lineup of talented people. And we stayed. You know Michaela Watkins, I love her. Yeah. She's so ridiculously funny and a solid human being, as is her husband Fred. And we stayed in their guest house for the weekend.

[Thomas Willette]

Oh, nice.

[Alison Williams]

And their property is just so beautiful. And we were swimming, treading water and whatever. Ice cream. And everyone kept yelling, keep it, handsome. No way. Everywhere in Ojai.

[Thomas Willette]

Amazing.

[May Martin]

I love that. I went up recently, the Ojai, and I swam in a river like this.

[Thomas Willette]

Oh, yeah?

[May Martin]

Yeah. I was jumping, scrabbling around.

[Alison Williams]

Oh, yeah. Fred wanted to take us to the river.

[May Martin]

It's amazing.

[Alison Williams]

We didn't have time.

[May Martin]

It was so nice.

[Alison Williams]

Yeah.

[May Martin]

And then there. There were these people there with their. With a dog. And the dog was jumping in the water, and I had my camera, and I was, like, paparazzi Ing this dog and getting. And I think they were getting uncomfortable with it because I was like, when the dog, Lassie went in the water, it was like a cattle dog. It was a. A beautiful cattle dog. I want a dog so bad.

[Alison Williams]

Like an Australian cat.

[Thomas Willette]

I thought you were going to share custody with one. With Alana.

[May Martin]

Yeah, these two pit bull puppies, Bert and Ernie. One of them, I think, has been adopted. And then Alana's keeping the other one.

[Thomas Willette]

Oh, she is?

[May Martin]

Yeah, she's keeping Ernie. Alana Johnston. Alanis. When will she be my friend? Alanis.

[Thomas Willette]

Alanis. I don't know.

[Alison Williams]

Talk straight to the camera. Alanis.

[Thomas Willette]

Alanis. You're that girl. Can you be friends with May?

[May Martin]

Yeah. Like, I don't mean to be weird about it, but I just think we'd get along.

[Thomas Willette]

I think I also think we'd get along too, but, you know, I feel.

[Alison Williams]

Like we would have intense issues. I actually. I've already met Alanis.

[Thomas Willette]

So have I. Yeah, we met Alanis, too. We're saying, well, we want to be friends with Alanis.

[Alison Williams]

I know, but I'm saying, like, I met her. We had bad energy.

[May Martin]

No way.

[Thomas Willette]

We did not. Alanis I don't think has bad energy with anyone. She stared deep in My soul and I been changed ever since.

[May Martin]

Yeah, that's what I want.

[Alison Williams]

Well, I have been changed ever since. I mean, this weekend in Ojai, listening to Emily Saliers sing with Beth Malone. Do you know who Beth Malone is? One of the stars of Fun Home. Did you see Fun Home? Are you familiar with Fun Home?

[May Martin]

No.

[Thomas Willette]

That was great. It's a great musical. You would.

[Alison Williams]

What are you talking about?

[Thomas Willette]

Is there a way to see it?

[Alison Williams]

I saw it in New York and I saw it in la.

[May Martin]

It is so Fun Home.

[Alison Williams]

Fun Home.

[May Martin]

It is a musical.

[Thomas Willette]

You would really like it.

[Alison Williams]

Yes.

[May Martin]

Okay.

[Thomas Willette]

It's gay.

[Alison Williams]

It is so gay.

[May Martin]

Okay, now we're talking.

[Alison Williams]

And it's so. Oh, and Stephanie pointed out, because we. Well, let me finish it. Emily. Hearing Emily and Beth. And then Jonathan Brooks. You know, she was in the band the Story and she's incredible solo. The three of them singing. I was like, somebody kill me. Really? Yes. And then independently and everybody on the show, it was so insane. But on One Mississippi, Stephanie and I recreated and sang the duet, this song from Fun Home called Ring of Keys.

[May Martin]

Okay.

[Alison Williams]

As a duet.

[Thomas Willette]

Yeah.

[Alison Williams]

It is such a beautiful song.

[May Martin]

Does Stephanie sing? Yes.

[Alison Williams]

I love her voice.

[Thomas Willette]

Oh, I didn't know that.

[May Martin]

She never sings an improv when we're doing improv. In fact, if a song comes up, she'll bail.

[Alison Williams]

She's a little weirdo, but she sang that night with Emily and Beth and everyone. Ring of Keys is not a duet.

[May Martin]

Oh.

[Alison Williams]

What I was gonna say is it's the little girl version of Beth's character in the play who's like maybe 10. And she's in this store and then this butchie woman walks in with a ring of keys on her belt loop and has lace up boots. And this little girl is like, sees herself in this person and it's that moment of like. And the lines of the song are like, I know you.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Alison Williams]

Can you feel my heart saying hi? It is the most beautiful song. And Stephanie and I sang it to each other in our little love story in One Mississippi. And then we're in Ojai with Beth Malone.

[Thomas Willette]

That's cool.

[Alison Williams]

Who didn't sing Ring of Keys, but she sang Ring of Keys at the. The performance this last weekend. And Stephanie and I were just like, are you kidding me? I mean, you have to.

[Thomas Willette]

Perfect weekend.

[Alison Williams]

It really was. It was so fun. And yeah, we just. I had. We all had a wonderful time.

[Thomas Willette]

Oh, good.

[May Martin]

I've loved Jesus Christ Superstar, the musical. And I have. I already said this to Fortunate.

[Thomas Willette]

I don't Think so. But you know that they're doing it. The Hollywood bowl with Cynthia Eriva.

[May Martin]

Yeah. I got tickets, but I felt like. I feel like I've lost my mind because I went nuts. It was late at night. I saw it. It's Adam Lambert as Judas, Cynthia Erivo as Jesus. And I spent $2,000.

[Alison Williams]

Whoa.

[May Martin]

On tickets. Is that really, like.

[Alison Williams]

No. People need to know.

[May Martin]

I. I have made myself.

[Thomas Willette]

People need.

[Alison Williams]

Yes. People need to know.

[May Martin]

I don't even have someone to go with. I just was like, I need to be there, and I need to be near the front. I don't know why, but I don't.

[Alison Williams]

Think you're gonna have a hard time getting somebody to go to that with you. Do they have to reimburse you?

[May Martin]

No.

[Thomas Willette]

The Hollywood bowl is pretty magical, too.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Thomas Willette]

Really great experience.

[May Martin]

I think I'm gonna love it.

[Thomas Willette]

If you really want to see something, you work hard, go see it.

[May Martin]

I might try and get my dad to come down to la, because he was in Jesus Christ Superstar.

[Thomas Willette]

That's a different kind of evening than I thought for you. But that's great, too.

[May Martin]

I mean, I think it'd be really bonding. He's like. He played. He was the understudy for Pontius Pilate, and he also.

[Thomas Willette]

Is it Pontius or Pontius?

[Alison Williams]

Or is it Pontius?

[Thomas Willette]

I thought it was Pontius Pilate. Wait, it's not Pontius, is it?

[Alison Williams]

How do we always run into this problem?

[Thomas Willette]

That sounds like Pontius Ponce's.

[May Martin]

Pilot. You're saying Pontius. Pontius Pontius Pilot. I've always said Pontius.

[Thomas Willette]

Now. I don't know, Thomas.

[May Martin]

I can play the Google pronouncer of it. Yeah. Oh, God. Pontius Pilate. Oh, my God. No, one more time.

[Alison Williams]

Pontius Pilot. Still Pontius Pilot.

[May Martin]

Oh, my God.

[Thomas Willette]

Pontius just makes me think of Pontius.

[May Martin]

Please. So then. Has my dad been saying it wrong?

[Thomas Willette]

Maybe that's yalls Canadian.

[Alison Williams]

That's why you think it's Ponti's.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Alison Williams]

When they're. When they're actually called Ponchi, I was like.

[Thomas Willette]

I was like. I. You know, they made me go to church all the time growing up. Like, I'm pretty sure it's.

[May Martin]

Oh, there is a British pronunciation.

[Thomas Willette]

There you go.

[Alison Williams]

Here we go.

[Fortune Feimster]

Pontius Pilot.

[May Martin]

Still Pontius.

[Thomas Willette]

It's just more Pontius Pilot.

[Alison Williams]

Can you run the Japanese pronunciation?

[Thomas Willette]

Oh, my God. Yeah.

[Alison Williams]

Yes.

[May Martin]

But I think that would be good bonding. That would be nice because he always sings the. His line from the play was good. Kaya Fest, the council waits for you. And he always sings in the kitchen while he's cooking. It was like 40 years ago that he was in the musical.

[Alison Williams]

But this is one line.

[Thomas Willette]

That'Ll be a great show, I think.

[May Martin]

Oh, it's gonna be great.

[Thomas Willette]

You'll have a ball. I gotta go to the Hollywood bowl sometime this summer.

[Alison Williams]

Yeah, I bet you will.

[Thomas Willette]

I sure will.

[Alison Williams]

Yeah. Listen to some music, Dance around.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Alison Williams]

I know we have to get to our guests, but I want to tell you something.

[May Martin]

Please.

[Alison Williams]

I'm going at. I'm.

[Thomas Willette]

We're just holding hands.

[Alison Williams]

Really pull together because this is what hard. What I'm about to say.

[Thomas Willette]

Feeling handsome. Right.

[Alison Williams]

I go to physical therapy at 7 in the morning.

[May Martin]

Oh.

[Alison Williams]

And I feel like I'm just like walking on air because I find it so fun to be walking down the sidewalk at like 6:45 in the morning.

[May Martin]

Really?

[Alison Williams]

Oh, it's so exhilarating.

[May Martin]

People are asleep.

[Alison Williams]

Yeah. And I go and I. Physical therapy. Working on my knee and my back and stuff. And then. And it's inspired me to get a personal trainer. This week or this summer?

[Thomas Willette]

Yes.

[May Martin]

Dude, who are you gonna get?

[Alison Williams]

Who am I gonna get?

[May Martin]

Who are you gonna get?

[Alison Williams]

I don't know. You want to be my personal choice?

[May Martin]

I think you should. Elliot. Yeah. He's amazing. Yeah. But your physical therapy, is it like strengthening stuff or loosening stuff or what?

[Alison Williams]

All sorts of things. Strengthen it, loosen it up, strengthen it back up, pull it tight, let it go, cut it off.

[May Martin]

Yeah, yeah.

[Thomas Willette]

Whatever it takes.

[Alison Williams]

Yeah. So I don't know, you know, I might be buff one day. It might surprise you.

[Thomas Willette]

I should do that too. Maybe I'll get buff. We'll catch up to May.

[May Martin]

Just weights are the best.

[Alison Williams]

Yeah, but May can't tread water for an hour.

[May Martin]

No way. Are you kidding? I am. So.

[Alison Williams]

So if you and I are treading for an hour and we get buff.

[May Martin]

Oh, I'm fucked then.

[Thomas Willette]

Yeah. Watch out.

[Alison Williams]

We're going to hog tie you.

[Thomas Willette]

We're going to have a handsome wrestling match.

[Alison Williams]

Yeah, we will.

[May Martin]

When it's time to sleep.

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[May Martin]

Lately I've been trying to clean up.

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[May Martin]

Yeah, it's Pontius Ponty.

[Thomas Willette]

That's all right. The best thing about this podcast is that we all learn something new.

[May Martin]

We really do, right? We really do.

[Alison Williams]

Yeah. And then sometimes we learn things we don't want to know.

[Thomas Willette]

Learn things we don't want to know. And sometimes we give information that's wrong.

[May Martin]

Oh, a million percent. A million percent.

[Alison Williams]

Every now and then, we do give some incorrect information.

[Thomas Willette]

Oh, God. I went to get a coffee the other day, and the person told me to keep it handsome. It's such a treat.

[May Martin]

It's so good.

[Alison Williams]

Yeah, it's fun. I was walking across the street in Ojai with my family, and this truck goes by, and I just hear this woman yell, keep it, handsome. And then I was also. I was waiting for my family to come out of the ice cream shop. So I was sitting alone on a bench, just going like this.

[Thomas Willette]

I love a bench.

[Alison Williams]

Yeah. And you love ice cream. I'm sitting there alone, just, like, licking my ice cream. Yeah, yeah. And this woman walks by and she's like, I love your podcast.

[May Martin]

I was like, thanks. Our question asker today. I'm so excited. I'm such a fan of hers.

[Alison Williams]

I can tell your foot's flapping.

[May Martin]

Look at my little foot.

[Alison Williams]

Started this woman I love cowboy.

[May Martin]

She's hilarious. She's a great actor. You know her from Girls from the movie Megan and from Get Out. And she has a new podcast out on Headgum, which is where our podcast is.

[Alison Williams]

Wow. So she'll be in here recording, I guess.

[May Martin]

Oh, my God. She'll be in the building.

[Thomas Willette]

We'll have to say hi to her sometime.

[Alison Williams]

What's her name?

[May Martin]

Well, her podcast is called Landlines.

[Alison Williams]

Okay. What's her name?

[May Martin]

Alison Williams is asking today's question.

[Thomas Willette]

She's so fun.

[F]

Hello, Handsome podcast you. Handsome podcast you. It's Allison Williams. I'm a huge fan of your show and of all three of you individually are the odds. It's a dream scenario. I really hope that I get to, like, hang with you in real life one of these days, but, yes, please. In the meantime, I've been given the great honor and honestly burden, but happy to shoulder it, of asking you a question that no one has asked you yet. That sparks conversation and that I can also answer in a way that isn't boring. What is the most banal superpower, AKA just life skill that you wish you could download into your system automatically? I'm not looking for anything extraordinary or even impressive necessarily. It's just something that maybe a huge swath of the population can just already do and you cannot. That is my question.

[May Martin]

Yep.

[Alison Williams]

Okay.

[May Martin]

Great question. Thank you, Austin Williams. And we would also like to hang out with you as well.

[Thomas Willette]

Calm down, cowboy.

[May Martin]

I think did anything. I feel like something popped into your mind because you really quickly were like, yep.

[Thomas Willette]

Yeah, well, I. I don't know. It's hard because I can technically carry a tune. We've all seen braggadocious. We've all seen it with Atlanta and the chicks, but, man, if I could sing like, Kelly Clarkson, right? Like, really, like, really just. You. You're. You're, like, hanging out with people and they're like, oh, there's like, a mic on stage and karaoke's about to start.

[May Martin]

That always happens.

[Thomas Willette]

You know how that happens in life, and you just get up there and you sound like Kelly Clarkson.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Thomas Willette]

Come on.

[May Martin]

I feel like the thing that separates, like, amateur singers from professional.

[Alison Williams]

Amateur.

[May Martin]

Okay. What are you saying?

[Thomas Willette]

Amateur, but amateur.

[Alison Williams]

Have you not talked to people?

[Thomas Willette]

Like, how are these amateur? Could be a British thing.

[May Martin]

I just maybe read a lot of. Read a lot. I don't speak.

[Thomas Willette]

You speak, like, old language, like, amateur.

[May Martin]

Pontius. But, like, you know how really amazing singers can do those, like, roles? Like a Whitney Houston, Like a. Oh.

[Alison Williams]

Like.

[May Martin]

Wait, you did it the other day with, like. But the. Yeah, I guess we all did it.

[Thomas Willette]

Don't do that.

[Alison Williams]

You said when you're hanging out with friends, there's a microphone. Yeah, that's what I just did. I got the Kelly Clarkson in me going on.

[Thomas Willette]

But can you. Can you imagine just being able to, like, belt like that? Yeah, she's like, next level. I don't. I've never even heard Kelly go flat.

[Alison Williams]

Right.

[Thomas Willette]

It's just unbelievable. And the range, as much as possible. I. I'm always looking up her songs.

[Alison Williams]

Online, and this is where I come in again and tell the story about Anar, her bass player.

[May Martin]

Yes. Yeah. You kissed.

[Alison Williams]

I can't even pretend like he was my boyfriend. But we're friends now, and. But yeah, we had a little thing.

[May Martin]

For one another, and he's Kelly's bassist.

[Alison Williams]

Yeah.

[May Martin]

Okay. So.

[Thomas Willette]

But I wouldn't mind if I could also, with that, play piano or guitar really well.

[May Martin]

Right.

[Thomas Willette]

What are you doing, buddy?

[May Martin]

Biggie's suddenly revved up. It was from all this, the singing. It's very George of the Jungle, it feels like.

[Thomas Willette]

Yeah, I know. Biggie is disturbing. That noise that came out.

[Alison Williams]

He's disturbed by that.

[Thomas Willette]

Yeah.

[Alison Williams]

Well, I'm looking at his.

[Thomas Willette]

His B hole.

[Alison Williams]

Yeah. So.

[May Martin]

Okay. I think mine would be. And this would really improve my quality of life is like, just to be one of those people who's effortless in the kitchen, like, who whips up a meal and then also it's suddenly cleaned up and tidy after. Like, it's like it never happened. Like, people are good at that.

[Alison Williams]

I'm good at that.

[May Martin]

Are you?

[Alison Williams]

I am good at. I'm not great at cooking. I'm fine. I can get things heated up and chopped and stuff and into your mouth. But, like, I clean as I go.

[May Martin]

Smart.

[Alison Williams]

I am that person that. I mean, when I make my smoothie in the morning, there's no sign of it by the time I'm really. Yeah, I just remember.

[May Martin]

I don't think either my dad can whip stuff up fast. He's a really good cook. But I remember, yeah, he whips up a puppet like nobody's business. But when I was a kid and I'd go to people's houses and just. Their parents would be like, oh, you want an omelet? And they, you know, they cook it so fast.

[Thomas Willette]

Yeah, that's nice. That's a nice skill, too.

[Alison Williams]

Well, an omelette's kind of easy, I guess. Well, you know, you just get the little flat egg situation. Throw some stuff and flat egg sit over.

[May Martin]

What's a flat egg situation? Or you mean like a skillet? You're using a skillet.

[Alison Williams]

What do you use?

[May Martin]

Pan. Regular frying pan.

[Alison Williams]

Sure, you can use that. But I'm just saying, like, you throw in your ingredients or whatever, whether it's in the mix of the egg or you put it in the. The middle.

[Thomas Willette]

Okay, but whatever.

[Alison Williams]

I mean, what if you don't even eat eggs? But I did an asparagus omelet.

[Thomas Willette]

Oh, that's right. No eggs for you.

[May Martin]

So, asparagus omelet. The asparagus has got to be cooked before it goes.

[Alison Williams]

Unless you like a raw asparagus in your cooked egg.

[Thomas Willette]

I am impressed by people that can just go in the fridge and pull a bunch of crap out and make something amazing.

[Alison Williams]

If I did that, Really, I can pull a bunch of things out and make something decent. Terrible to average.

[Thomas Willette]

Okay, well, that doesn't mean it's gotta taste good.

[Alison Williams]

Okay. But I have to say, there have been many times that Stephanie's like, wow. Yeah, like. Like, wow. You heated up these things that were all not belonging together.

[May Martin]

The first step for me would be having the ingredients and the things. Like, if I did that now in my fridge, I'd be like, I got a protein bar, a cheese string, and an applesauce.

[Alison Williams]

What can I. Omelet.

[May Martin]

What can I make with this? Yeah, scramble it up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So that's mine. I think, like, effortless cooking. Think about how healthy I'd be.

[Thomas Willette]

Like, you seem pretty healthy to me.

[Alison Williams]

Feel your muscles. Okay.

[May Martin]

But I'm tired all the time.

[Thomas Willette]

I'm thin, though.

[May Martin]

But I'm eating probably a bunch of muscular. Thank you.

[Thomas Willette]

Yeah.

[May Martin]

But I want to be eating fresh, organic food that I'm cooking up myself.

[Thomas Willette]

This one's got that unlocked.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Alison Williams]

Yeah.

[Thomas Willette]

I mean, you eat so clean.

[Alison Williams]

But I also. I have cookies, and I have cake, and I have chips, and nobody's listening. I'm sitting here saying, celebrities are just like you.

[Thomas Willette]

You just got startled.

[May Martin]

I think he just almost fell over, but he was already lying down.

[Thomas Willette]

He probably didn't realize he was where he was. Oh, yeah, you cuddle up to May.

[May Martin]

Okay. What would your superpower be?

[Alison Williams]

But, yeah, I want to make it clear.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Alison Williams]

Fortune.

[Thomas Willette]

What's up?

[Alison Williams]

I still have vegan cake and cookies and things like, I know, I know.

[Thomas Willette]

And that's good. You have to, like, treat yourself, but you are a very clean eater.

[Alison Williams]

But I also love. People misunderstand and think that I'm doing this against my will, eating healthy. And I'm like, I'm very. I'm. It excites me.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Thomas Willette]

Yeah, that's great. See, I. I want to have more of that. Like, I want to. I want to crave the kind of foods you crave.

[Alison Williams]

Well, I would love to make my smoothie for you.

[Thomas Willette]

I would love it.

[Alison Williams]

But also, I'll go out to eat with people, and they're like, oh, is it okay if I order this or that? And I'm like, I don't. Just because I eat this way.

[Thomas Willette]

I don't care. You're not the police. No police.

[May Martin]

No.

[Alison Williams]

About anybody. The way they eat or exercise or don't Exit. Like, that's not my thing.

[May Martin]

I want to have a dinner party and do, like, three courses, but effortlessly.

[Alison Williams]

But also little cowboy. For you to have a hot date with somebody who maybe spent the night for whatever reason. And in the morning say, how do you like your eggs?

[May Martin]

How do you like your eggs in the morning? I like mine with the asparagus.

[Alison Williams]

And would you cook naked with an apron on?

[May Martin]

Oh, yeah, I would, actually. I'd like that. I feel more confident naked than enclosed. Yeah.

[Alison Williams]

Would you?

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Alison Williams]

Wear a ruffly apron?

[Thomas Willette]

What's a roughly?

[Alison Williams]

Well, like. Like ruffly.

[Thomas Willette]

Oh, ruffly.

[Alison Williams]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like an apron with some ruffles around the edges.

[May Martin]

I think I have to draw the line somewhere. I don't know. I would maybe do it as, like, a fun role play if I was like, I'm gonna fem it up.

[Alison Williams]

Yeah.

[May Martin]

You know, high heels.

[Alison Williams]

High heels naked with a ruffle apron on.

[Thomas Willette]

That would blow some of mine.

[May Martin]

I've before, I was like a kind of, like, role play.

[Alison Williams]

Your eggs in the morning and then kick your high heel off.

[Thomas Willette]

Oh, God, A light comes crashing down.

[May Martin]

What I do.

[Thomas Willette]

So you just walk around naked all the time?

[May Martin]

Usually, like, in my underwear, but just, like, in general. It's when I put clothes on that I feel awkward, like they don't fit right, and I feel like I don't know how to sit and stand.

[Alison Williams]

That's why you need an apron and some heels.

[May Martin]

That's all I need some stilettos.

[Alison Williams]

I was in Australia with Caroline Ray once, and I asked if she if I could put on her high heels, and she let me put them on, and I just was hauling ass down the side. Are you walking through my heels?

[Thomas Willette]

Wow, they're hard to walk in.

[Alison Williams]

I'd like to see them easy to run in. Wow.

[May Martin]

Caroline Rae cracks me up.

[Alison Williams]

She's a silly, silly person.

[Thomas Willette]

She gave me a funny tag for one of my sweet and salty special where I was talking about coming out and she said your hair. Knew you were gay before you did. I thought that was funny.

[Alison Williams]

That's really good.

[May Martin]

What would your superpower be?

[Alison Williams]

Well, I mean, I'm a little jealous of yours and yours, but mainly yours, because I.

[May Martin]

You relate.

[Alison Williams]

I just really would love to have. And maybe with the time off that I've had, I can utilize it to get better at cooking. But since I'm gonna go with something different, even though I would love to have both of your superpowers, I would love to garden. Yeah. I would love to be somebody that's Just out snipping things and talking to.

[Thomas Willette]

You and have an abundance of produce come from it.

[Alison Williams]

Like right now. Talk to me about something. And I have gardening gloves on.

[May Martin]

Did you see that movie Sinners?

[Thomas Willette]

Oh, no.

[Alison Williams]

Huh?

[May Martin]

Do you see that movie Sinners?

[Alison Williams]

Oh, I didn't.

[May Martin]

What are you doing there?

[Alison Williams]

I'm just clipping some things.

[Thomas Willette]

You know the lingo.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Alison Williams]

Halfway there.

[Thomas Willette]

Vines, branches.

[May Martin]

I'm clipping the things I used to. My grandma used to always say I have to go and deadhead the flowers. She'd deadhead them like you take the dead leaves off. And I'd go and be her buddy doing it, and we'd have a good chat.

[Thomas Willette]

Yeah, yeah. You have to. You have to trim them so that they can bloom.

[May Martin]

Yeah. This isn't that true of life.

[Thomas Willette]

Isn't it?

[May Martin]

You gotta shed in order to blossom.

[Alison Williams]

Should we hear what Allison has to say?

[May Martin]

I would love to hear what Allison has to say.

[Alison Williams]

I bet you would.

[F]

My answer to this question is that I would be able to nap. This system does not power down midway through the day. It needs, like, a lot of time to sort of, like, relax in order to go to sleep at night. That already is very difficult. But being able to take a nap to, like, shut this down midday for 45 minutes, an hour and a 15, like, that's. That would fundamentally alter my life, and I have yet to figure out how to achieve that with the limited tools that I've been given in this life. Anyway, thank you for having me, and I hope I get to see you all very soon.

[Alison Williams]

Okay. I don't care what any of you say. I don't think she's ugly. I just don't.

[Thomas Willette]

Her genetics are.

[May Martin]

Cut that out. Cut that out.

[Thomas Willette]

The handsomes are flustered.

[May Martin]

We can't objectify every.

[Alison Williams]

I think that's the first time the three of us have had the same taste.

[Thomas Willette]

Did it get hot in here?

[May Martin]

I'm really surprised you didn't say that for your answer. The sleep thing.

[Tig Notaro]

I. I.

[Alison Williams]

Well, after she said that, I was like, oh, there's another thing I want. Yeah, I would love.

[Thomas Willette]

Yeah.

[Alison Williams]

I mean, I told you I have a sleep coach right now. Yeah, yeah.

[Thomas Willette]

Napping is hard for me. I can't shut it down during the day.

[May Martin]

My problem is. And. And I can. I know it's gonna be like, oh, classic May.

[Thomas Willette]

Classic May.

[Alison Williams]

Like, you're up making puppets all night.

[May Martin]

When I lie down to have a nap, I mean, during the day, then I get horny, and then like, wait, wait, time out.

[Thomas Willette]

You get horny when you go to take a nap.

[May Martin]

Yeah. And then I'll think. I'll be stressed that I can't power down my brain. And I'll think, well, if I just get off, then I'll sleep. And then I end up. That takes a while and it's time to get up again.

[Alison Williams]

Plus, it takes away from all the puppet making.

[May Martin]

Exactly. Exactly.

[Thomas Willette]

I've never heard of going to take a nap. And it makes you horny.

[May Martin]

I hope people listening can relate to this. There's something about.

[Thomas Willette]

Please, please, 1-800- horny, let us know, our handsome listeners. You must tell us if this is something any of you experience.

[May Martin]

Yeah. Because it's like an unusual time of day to be in bed. You know, maybe you're even. Yeah. I don't know. And. Yeah.

[Thomas Willette]

And you're already half naked, so.

[May Martin]

Yeah, exactly. You're in your frilly.

[Alison Williams]

Glancing at your own body. You're like.

[Thomas Willette]

Well, it's like.

[May Martin]

It's like thinking, I want to be deeply relaxed and I'm in a bed. And then. Yeah, but it just takes too long. And then I gotta get up. And I'm also.

[Alison Williams]

Thomas. I just hiccup. Burped. Let's keep that in.

[May Martin]

Keep that in. Yeah.

[Thomas Willette]

Does it always take a long time?

[May Martin]

No. No. But honestly, that would be another great superpower.

[Alison Williams]

What are we talking about?

[May Martin]

Getting off.

[Thomas Willette]

Getting off.

[Alison Williams]

Oh, okay.

[Thomas Willette]

Sorry for all this.

[May Martin]

That would be another great superpower, though, to be able to just, like, when you're ready for it to happen, you.

[Alison Williams]

Just go, I just want to garden.

[Thomas Willette]

I mean, and cut the thing.

[Alison Williams]

I just want to cut. I just want to trim the things. I just want to garden.

[Thomas Willette]

Oh, my God.

[Alison Williams]

With my wrinkly fingers.

[Thomas Willette]

I will say, if I sang like Kelly Clark said, a lot of people would be horny and that would help them.

[May Martin]

I have a friend whose girlfriend can sleep anywhere trying to make vegan smoothies staring at us.

[Alison Williams]

We make a living doing this.

[May Martin]

That's insane. That's insanity.

[Thomas Willette]

What's wrong with us?

[Alison Williams]

What is wrong with you?

[May Martin]

Specifically, teach us gardening.

[Alison Williams]

I'm just gardening over here.

[Thomas Willette]

We're trying to make people horny. That wasn't my intent to sound like Kelly Clarkson, but it would be a byproduct. Did you. I told you all those lesbians went wild when she sang that song.

[May Martin]

Oh, yeah.

[Alison Williams]

Can you believe how old my hands look?

[May Martin]

We're back on.

[Thomas Willette]

Grandma. Take over here.

[Alison Williams]

Oh, my gosh. I saw this thing online and I. On Instagram. I guess it's like, whatever. Marketing towards me.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Alison Williams]

Speaking old hands. And it's this product. I don't mean to laugh, because I'm sure it's very helpful and I probably could use it, because I do, you know, trip sometimes and break a femur, but end up on a cane. It's like a vest that can sense if you're falling.

[May Martin]

I've seen this.

[Alison Williams]

And it pops up.

[May Martin]

Like, it suddenly, like, inflates.

[Alison Williams]

Yeah, it inflates and, like, catches your body.

[May Martin]

I think you should get.

[Thomas Willette]

You should.

[Alison Williams]

I told Step Stephanie about it, and she goes. First date. Because we always joke about just awkward moments or whatever. You forget to tell people that you have an inflatable vest on, and you trip, and all of a sudden you're, like, on the ground, like, with an airbag wrapped around you. Anyway.

[Thomas Willette]

Not a bad idea.

[Alison Williams]

Yeah, but that was a really great question. Like, just something. So what? Seems like. Nothing.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Alison Williams]

Sleeping. Cooking. Singing.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Alison Williams]

What's the other thing?

[May Martin]

This friend, gardening friend of mine who's his girlfriend can sleep anywhere. Be having, like, a dinner party or something. And then she'll go and just lie on the couch and have a quick nap while everyone's still chatting. And then she's up, she's back.

[Thomas Willette]

Wow.

[May Martin]

I wish I could do that. There's something nice about napping in a room where other people are. You feel like a little kid.

[Thomas Willette]

Yeah.

[May Martin]

On the. The sofa.

[Alison Williams]

Can hear the talking.

[May Martin]

You can hear the chatting in the background. Yeah. It's nice.

[Alison Williams]

I remember when Max and Finn were babies, and I was in the writer's room for one Mississippi. And so tired. Like, I know people talk about how tired they are, but, I mean, really, you're up every hour feeding these little beaks, you know?

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Alison Williams]

And then I'd have to be in the writer's room, and then I would close my eyes. You know when you're so deliriously tired. Have I told this story before?

[Thomas Willette]

No.

[Alison Williams]

It's a good one. The other round. But I would sit there in the room with all the writers. Thomas was there, too. He was our writer's assistant. And I would. I was so delirious, I'd be like. I just close my eyes and nobody. Because two people would be talking.

[Thomas Willette]

Yeah.

[Alison Williams]

And I think, okay, they're engaged. Everyone's gonna be looking at them. So I'll just close my eyes. And then Stephanie would nudge me, and I'd be like, oh, my God. Ye. But.

[May Martin]

Well, it'd be nice if, like, in preschool, there's nap time and everybody rolls out their little mat, and you get your Little blanket. They should do that in writers rooms.

[Thomas Willette]

We know in Spain they have siestas after lunch. So there it happens.

[Alison Williams]

There it happens.

[Thomas Willette]

Well, but Macy busy getting horny. So no naps for you?

[Alison Williams]

No.

[May Martin]

No.

[Alison Williams]

All right.

[May Martin]

Anyway.

[Alison Williams]

Well, that was glorious episode.

[May Martin]

It really was.

[Thomas Willette]

Oh, you know who sleeps anywhere though?

[Alison Williams]

And who's asleep now?

[Thomas Willette]

Biggie, if he in his bag in the car asleep right away like a baby. Watch your mouth.

[Alison Williams]

You watch your finger.

[Thomas Willette]

Watch your mouth here. He's full of life.

[Alison Williams]

I know. Aren't we all?

[Thomas Willette]

What a treat, you guys.

[Alison Williams]

Okay.

[May Martin]

It's a pleasure being in the room with you guys.

[Thomas Willette]

I know.

[May Martin]

As always.

[Thomas Willette]

I love the gay energy that's happening in here.

[Alison Williams]

Yeah, we all came in just giddy as all get out. It's fun.

[Thomas Willette]

It's fun.

[May Martin]

We all fall asleep.

[Thomas Willette]

It's fun.

[Alison Williams]

Oh, it's fun. Oh, you guys, what a delight. Anyone have anything?

[Thomas Willette]

Coming up, I have Las Vegas at The Palazzo Theater June 14 and Lexington, Kentucky. Knoxville, Tennessee. Asheville, North Carolina, Lincoln, California, Edmonton, San Antonio, Houston, D.C. atlanta, Boston, Chicago. FortuneFemster.com for tickets.

[Alison Williams]

What do you got? Me?

[May Martin]

I have tonight, June 10th.

[Alison Williams]

Wow.

[May Martin]

I am in San Francisco playing music. I'm gonna play my whole album. Please come.

[Thomas Willette]

Oh, fun.

[May Martin]

Don't remember the venue but It'll be on maymartinmusic.com.

[Alison Williams]

Yeah, also that must be your website.

[May Martin]

That's my website. Also maybe May 12th I'm in Portland and May 13th I'm in Vancouver at the Vogue theater. And that one I would love to sell out if you're in Vancouver. I haven't been there since I filmed my stand up special there at that theater. And come say hi.

[Thomas Willette]

Oh, and my series FUBAR season two will premiere June 12th.

[Alison Williams]

June 13th I'll be in Los Angeles at Largo. And then June 14th, I think this is about almost sold out. But the Eureka springs, Arkansas show. June 21 I'll be at Dynasty Typewriter in Los Angeles. That's all you really need to know. I'm [e-mail]. that's my website.

[Thomas Willette]

Awesome. You guys.

[Alison Williams]

And if you just want to buy a book, I have a book.

[Thomas Willette]

Yeah.

[Alison Williams]

That I wrote years ago. You know what's it called? It's called I'm just a person. Which is true.

[Thomas Willette]

It is true.

[Alison Williams]

I am just a person.

[Thomas Willette]

Well, I imagine that book is. Is amazing now.

[Alison Williams]

Yeah, it's really good. It is one of the best books I think ever read and written. No, it's. It's an old book. But I just thought I'D plug it just randomly. Why not? Right?

[Thomas Willette]

Yeah.

[Alison Williams]

Get my old book. New York Times bestseller.

[Thomas Willette]

These old hands wrote it.

[Alison Williams]

These old hands wrote it. But man, was this a pleasure.

[May Martin]

What a pleasure.

[Alison Williams]

Oh, and if you like like this show, subscribe. It's so important to subscribe. And it's so important to give us comments and feedback and tell your friends. Send this episode. Subscribe to YouTube and our audio channel, but share your favorite episode. Share this one.

[Thomas Willette]

Yeah.

[Alison Williams]

With a friend.

[Thomas Willette]

Hang out your summer merch. You know, we have those amazing muscle.

[Alison Williams]

Shirts for your muscles.

[Thomas Willette]

Yeah. And they're very popular in summertime time and at Prides.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Alison Williams]

Oh, yeah. You can wear it to Eureka Springs.

[Thomas Willette]

Yeah, we got those Pride belt bags, too. Fanny packs, some people call them.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Alison Williams]

Well, until next time, keep it handsome.

[May Martin]

Handsome is hosted by me, May Martin, Tig Notaro, and Fortune Feimster. The show is produced, recorded and edited by Thomas Willette.

[Fortune Feimster]

Email [e-mail] and please follow us on.

[May Martin]

Social media at Handsome Podcast.

[Alison Williams]

What a podcast.

[May Martin]

Podcast. What a podcast. That was a Headgum podcast.

[Fortune Feimster]

Some people just know they could save hundreds on car insurance by checking Allstate first.

[Tig Notaro]

Like, you know, to check that you have fresh sheets and pillows for your guests when they stay the night, as well as the WI fi password so they don't wake you up in the middle of the night to get it it.

[Fortune Feimster]

So check Allstate first for a quote that could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate Savings vary subject to terms, conditions and availability. Allstate Fire and Casualty Insurance Company and Affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois Hey, Gorge, it's me, Gottmik.

[Alison Williams]

And me, Violet Chachki. And we want you to listen to our podcast, no Gorge now on Headgum. Each episode, we will be bringing you vlogs, answering burning questions, discussing what's going.

[May Martin]

On right now, and diving into all.

[Alison Williams]

Things fashion, hookups, gossip, and more with past guests such as Heidi Klum and Dita Von Teese. No Gorge always keeps things hot. Listen to no Gorge on your favorite podcast app or watch full video episodes on YouTube. New episodes every Thursday.

[May Martin]

Bye, gorgeous.