Angela Kinsey asks about wisdom teeth

Summary

Handsome Podcast – Episode Summary Episode: Angela Kinsey Asks About Wisdom Teeth
Hosts: Tig Notaro, Fortune Feimster, Mae Martin
Date: March 31, 2026
Special Guest: Angela Kinsey

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Episode Theme Overview

This episode captures the signature blend of playful banter, comedic storytelling, and candid revelations that define Handsome. The trio—Tig, Fortune, and Mae—dive into a listener question from their friend Angela Kinsey, best known for The Office and the Office Ladies podcast. Angela's seemingly simple inquiry about wisdom teeth turns into a funny, sometimes gross, always warm conversation about dental horrors, anesthesia, and the emotional truths that emerge when we’re loopy on painkillers. The episode is laced with personal anecdotes, digressions on Victorian slang, tub time rituals, and the power of self-care.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Catching Up & Awards Season

• The hosts open with updates: Tig is running Oscar events, Fortune is filming overnight, and Mae is fresh off the tour circuit.
• They celebrate recent wins: the Handsome podcast won a GLAAD Award, Mae’s Wayward picked up a limited series prize, and “Come See Me in the Good Light” won Best Documentary.
  • "I was so embarrassed, but I didn’t thank Thomas or Headgum. I feel thankful to both and… my apologies, Thomas. I hope you can forgive me." – Tig (03:29)

2. Pop Culture & Queer Community

• Mae recalls feeling underdressed at the ultra-stylish Queerties, sparking a playful debate about what constitutes a classic “Ohio straight guy” look (05:54–06:19).
• The hosts praise Margaret Cho’s ongoing commitment to sharp, current, and unapologetic comedy, as well as her emotional presence in the standup scene and her ever-present chihuahua, Lucia (09:00-10:17).

3. Victorian Slang & Everyday Absurdities (18:19–26:35)

• Mae shares a found list of Victorian slang to enthusiastic, hilarious reactions from Tig and Fortune; the trio riff and guess meanings.
  • "If you have temporary sadness, you say, 'I got the morbs.'" – Mae (20:00)
  • "If you’re not feeling well, you say, 'I’m not up to dick.'" – Mae (20:34)
  • "Cupid’s kettle drums" = breasts; "Tight as a boiled owl" = drunk; "Giggle mug" = someone who’s always smiling.

4. Self-Care Rituals: Baths, Saunas, and Scented Salts (27:02–32:35)

• The group discusses their love for bath time as self-care, with vivid images of eucalyptus-scented tubs, and jokes about the logistics of “tits out tub time.”
  • "Oh, my tits are flopped out every which way on each side of the tub.” – Tig (28:42)
• Plans are hatched for a “wellness weekend” involving hot tubs, nature, and potentially a group selfie (31:17–32:13).

5. Listener Question: Angela Kinsey Asks About Wisdom Teeth

Angela’s Question (36:47)

• When did you get your wisdom teeth out? How many? Awake or under? Any weird after-effects?

Tig’s Wisdom Teeth Story (37:17–42:49)

• Tig shares her infamous tale of being dropped at surgery by her then-partner who couldn’t pick her up, ending up driving herself home, still loopy from anesthesia, and rear-ending another car en route.
  • “I got up off that gurney and hauled ass out of the hospital…I was just, like, slamming into walls…really out of it.” – Tig (39:14)
  • “I wake up because I rear-ended another car. Of course, I had fallen asleep at a light…My foot just slid off the brake.” – Tig (39:50)
• The hosts express disbelief and horror, but also admiration for Tig’s survival: “They shouldn’t have let you out of there!” – Mae (39:38)

Fortune’s Wisdom Teeth Experience (43:01–46:30)

• Wisdom teeth removed at 18 for insurance reasons, struggled with anesthesia confusion (“When are you starting the surgery?”), and developed severe dry sockets during her grandmother’s funeral.
  • “My mom’s got me a milkshake, and…I just had milkshake running down my face. Couldn’t feel any of it.” – Fortune (45:10)
  • On dry sockets: “My face felt like it was just on fire.” – Fortune (46:08)

Mae’s Dental Luck (46:43–47:06)

• Never had wisdom teeth—“I don’t have any!”—eliciting mock-jealous teasing.

Angela Kinsey’s Answer (49:34–50:47)

• Had only three wisdom teeth; one was impacted and removed without anesthesia, dentist with a “knee on my chest.”
  • “He literally put a knee on my chest and yanked it out…then I was loopy, flagged a New York cab, and watched Apocalypse Now on Vicodin.” – Angela Kinsey (49:57)
• Applause (and horror) from the hosts: “The thought of having that surgery with…No, I don’t understand not going under.” – Fortune (50:51)

6. Other Tangents and Memorable Moments

• Mae recounts post-surgery request to watch Richie Rich after top surgery (52:03–52:54).
• Tig shares she’s finally seen Forrest Gump, and draws surprising parallels to his persona—feather-like openness to experiences, front-porch sitting, love of chocolate, and big-heartedness (53:06–55:47).

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “Tits out, tub time. Merch alert!” – Tig (29:04)
• “If you’re not feeling well, you say, ‘I’m not up to dick.’” – Mae (20:36)
• “Oh, I got the morbs.” – Mae (20:08)
• On the danger of driving post-surgery:
  “Clearly, I lived. I’m here to tell. I drive home.” – Tig (39:38)
• On self-care baths:
  "Everywhere I go, I’m naked from the waist down, but there’s a nice little window by my tub… I look up into the sky, and our cats are in the bathroom. I tell them how much I love them.” – Tig (29:34)
• On Angela’s surgery:
  “He literally put a knee on my chest and, like, yanked it out.” – Angela Kinsey (49:58)

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• Introductions and Show Update: 01:00–04:47
• GLAAD & Other Awards: 02:55–05:15
• Queerties/Ohio Guy Talk/Margaret Cho: 05:54–10:17
• Mae’s Furniture/Desk/Skeeball Tangent: 10:20–11:41
• Victorian Slang Game: 18:19–26:35
• Baths, Saunas, Self-Care: 27:02–32:35
• Wellness Weekend Planning: 30:27–32:35
• Angela’s Question Introduced: 36:47
• Tig’s Wisdom Teeth Story: 37:17–42:49
• Fortune’s Wisdom Teeth Story: 43:01–46:30
• Mae’s No-Wisdom-Teeth Story: 46:43–47:06
• Angela’s Story: 49:34–50:47
• Apocalypse Now on Vicodin: 50:04–50:45
• Tangents: Top Surgery Movie, Forrest Gump, Walking for Days: 52:03–57:58

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Tone and Language

Consistently playful, friendly, and irreverent, with heartfelt asides and supportive camaraderie. The hosts riff, tease, and commiserate—all with quick-witted warmth and mutual affection.

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Takeaways for New Listeners

• Wisdom teeth nightmares are universal—don’t try to drive yourself home, anesthesia makes everyone a comedian, and sometimes you wake up to Apocalypse Now.
• Everyday oddities, from Victorian slang to tub time, are better when shared.
• The hosts’ openness about their lives—touring, dating, medical mishaps—creates a welcoming, hilarious space for listeners.

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Closing

The trio wrap by embracing the collective trauma (and relief) of wisdom teeth extraction, tease upcoming live shows and merch, and encourage listeners to keep it “handsome”—and hydrated.

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If you only have time for a few moments, don’t miss:

• Tig’s disastrous yet triumphant solo ride after surgery (39:13–42:49),
• The Victorian slang guessing game (20:00–26:35),
• Angela Kinsey’s harrowing “knee-on-chest” dental story (49:57–50:47),
• And the dreamy plans for “wellness weekend” (30:27–32:35).

---

What a podcast!

Transcript

[May Martin]

This is a Headgun podcast.

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[Fortune Feemster]

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[May Martin]

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[Tig Notaro]

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[Tig Notaro]

Rise and shine.

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Average savings, $141. Select homes only. Chatting with friends on the handsome pod. Chatting with friends on the handso.

[Fortune Feemster]

Cheers.

[May Martin]

Welcome to the handsome Pod. I'm one of your handsome hosts, Mae

[Tig Notaro]

Martin, joined by Tig Notaro and Fortune Feemster.

[Fortune Feemster]

Hi, you guys.

[Tig Notaro]

How do. Where is. I know where everyone is, but what are you up to? What on earth are you both up to?

[May Martin]

Well, first, can we address that? Professor Tig is with us. You look so smart. You're wearing a nice blazer.

[Fortune Feemster]

Sensible blazer.

[Tig Notaro]

I am wearing a sensible blazer with a sensible denim shirt. I'm in between little Oscar activities, which I. Yeah, I'm. I. I'm curious what my old life used to be like.

[Fortune Feemster]

Oh, yeah.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feemster]

We are in the home stretch. It's almost. Yeah, we're taping this a couple weeks before pre Oscars.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

I wonder if we're a couple of days before.

[May Martin]

Oh, yeah, we're a couple of days before. Oh, my gosh.

[Fortune Feemster]

Sorry. Three. Three days.

[Tig Notaro]

Three days.

[Fortune Feemster]

I've only had three hours of sleep, so.

[May Martin]

Oh, boy.

[Tig Notaro]

Okay. What's going on with you? Why are you up all night? Yeah,

[Fortune Feemster]

we've been filming nights for the last week and a half.

[Tig Notaro]

How's that?

[Fortune Feemster]

These bags are real. It's movie's super fun. It's just nights are so hard.

[May Martin]

Yeah, you work so hard. I want one day. We log in, you're like, I barely slept. And we're like, why you working? And you're like, I've been raving. Just partying. Like, that would be the best. But, yeah, nights are brutal.

[Fortune Feemster]

And then, yeah, just. We wrapped at 6am and I got on a plane at 7am and flew back home and just was only able to sleep a couple hours. But it's all right. We're only there's only a couple little things left to do. And then that's it.

[May Martin]

And then you did it.

[Fortune Feemster]

And then I did it.

[Tig Notaro]

And then you did it. And you know what else we did? We won a GLAD Award.

[Fortune Feemster]

That's right. We won outstanding Podcast at the GLAAD Awards.

[Tig Notaro]

We sure did. And then, May, you won for Wayward.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

What was your category?

[May Martin]

Limited series.

[Tig Notaro]

That makes sense. That makes sense.

[May Martin]

I was on the tour bus getting notifications and then watching your speech take and.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah. And come see me in the good light. One for best documentary. We just were like, we'll take this, this and that.

[Fortune Feemster]

Look at that. I wish we could have been there.

[Tig Notaro]

I know. And I. I was so embarrassed, but I. I didn't thank Thomas or head gum. And I feel thankful to both and. And yeah. So my apologies, Thomas. I hope that you can forgive me.

[Fortune Feemster]

Did you get nervous? Is that what happened?

[Tig Notaro]

I was nervously in front of a crowd.

[May Martin]

Yeah, you were.

[Tig Notaro]

I'll be honest, I was still patching together my. My speech and then it was like. It was the first category.

[Fortune Feemster]

It was the first one. Really?

[Tig Notaro]

Yes. And I was like, oh my God. And Stephanie was like, what are you doing? And I was like, I did not think in a million years that this would be the first. First category.

[Fortune Feemster]

It was funny watching your speech, cuz you were just kind of like, well, thank you. Thank you for letting us do our nonsense.

[Tig Notaro]

Y. Yep, yep. And then I was like, may and Fortune are dropping their jokes off. And then I was like. And then I walked away going, I don't even think Fortune's on tour right now.

[Nicole Byer]

Like, I was.

[Fortune Feemster]

I was filming nights.

[Tig Notaro]

I know I was very scrambled and.

[Fortune Feemster]

But first up is jarring. You're not really settled in. Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

But people could blame. I really can't express enough, like my morning tonight Oscar stuff that's going on.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

And you would think like, oh, you've had time to. And I thought, well, I will. And I. And I'm going to put this together while we're sitting there during, you know, the ceremony. Yeah, yeah. And.

[May Martin]

But also when you're so used to. You've been having all these talking points about come see me in the good light. You're fluent with that right now. So then to be. Yeah, I had the same. I just went to the Queerty Awards for the first time. Have you been to those?

[Tig Notaro]

No, I have not.

[May Martin]

They were. I was under prepared and they. I was like, what's the Queer Tea Awards? And then I went. And yeah, I was like, I'll just Wing something. And I got this award and first of all, like, it was all the most stylish gay men and drag queens and everyone's in like these tank tops and like three piece suits and stuff. And I was dressed like one of the guys on Love is Blind, like, like a kind of Ohio straight guy.

[Fortune Feemster]

I'm going to look up what you were dressed like.

[Tig Notaro]

Ohio straight guy. What does that look like? Because I know straight guys that live in Ohio.

[May Martin]

Like a white T shirt and a blue blazer and look. And I tried to dye, dye my hair that day, like tone it. And what happened was it went sort of gray on top and anyway, I got up and just.

[Fortune Feemster]

Well, you look great.

[Tig Notaro]

Suit.

[May Martin]

I'm in a suit, but I don't know.

[Tig Notaro]

But an Ohio suit?

[Fortune Feemster]

No, this is. No one in Ohio is dressed like. Well, they're, they're very stylish people in Ohio.

[May Martin]

People were making these beautiful speeches.

[Tig Notaro]

The people in Ohio that I am

[Fortune Feemster]

close with you guys. I love Ohio.

[Tig Notaro]

I love Ohio. You think? I'm. I'm a big Chrissy Hein fan, but May looks great. May always looks great.

[Fortune Feemster]

You're being too hard on yourself.

[Tig Notaro]

I have been out and proud about my love for Ohio since the day I got into Chrissy Hine from the Pretenders, who is from Akron. Ohio.

[Fortune Feemster]

Ohio. Great comedy state, truly.

[Tig Notaro]

And I moved to Ohio because my first girlfriend is from there and I lived there.

[Fortune Feemster]

Well, now you don't. Now you're overkill. Now you're doing too much.

[Tig Notaro]

But it's all true. It's all true. But I'm telling you, the straight guys I know from Ohio don't have that suit.

[May Martin]

No, I specifically mean the, the toxic guys on this season of Love is Blind, which I just watched the reunion. I was in the bath just now watching the reunion. It's so insane.

[Fortune Feemster]

Me time.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feemster]

May time.

[May Martin]

At 5:30pm I had my bath salts in there and. Yeah, that's what I felt like.

[Tig Notaro]

And do you have a TV in your wall or.

[May Martin]

I put my laptop.

[Fortune Feemster]

Laptop, yeah.

[May Martin]

Balanced it on the counter and do

[Tig Notaro]

you watch TV often in the tub?

[May Martin]

No. This was a weird choice and it just happened. And I turned off the light in the bathroom so it was dark.

[Fortune Feemster]

Romantic.

[May Martin]

Yeah, it was nice. Yeah.

[Fortune Feemster]

Party of one.

[May Martin]

I watched these, these poor women confronting these guys. This season of Love is Blind is so, so toxic. They're all kind of MAGA guys and yeah, I love it.

[Fortune Feemster]

You're like, can't stop watching.

[May Martin]

Yeah. But everyone is asking me about you guys at the Queerties and on tour, everyone's just sending so much love.

[Tig Notaro]

The Queerties asked me to present you your award.

[May Martin]

They did?

[Tig Notaro]

Yes.

[May Martin]

And you said absolutely not.

[Tig Notaro]

I said, I will not come down there. No, I had my. You know, I. I must. I'm in Oscar land.

[Fortune Feemster]

I must have been the second one asked. And I was then also asked to.

[May Martin]

You were too.

[Fortune Feemster]

To do it. But I was.

[May Martin]

I've been filming nights.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, yeah, that's fair.

[May Martin]

No, they ended up flying in. My. My co. Wayward Sarah Gadden came in.

[Fortune Feemster]

Oh, look at that.

[May Martin]

Yeah, but. But Margaret Cho had just gone up and done this like rousing speech. Like call to arms. Like protect trans youth. Everyone's like cheering. And then I go up and I'm like, well, what a cool party. Guys, everyone. I don't know what I said. I was like, everyone looks great. I hope I get to party after. Anyway, it was so weird.

[Fortune Feemster]

Did you say that Ting and I were dropping off jokes in other cities?

[Tig Notaro]

Can I just take a moment and. And talk? Just endlessly relevant. Margaret stays. What a solid standup she has remained. And she's one of those true, true comedians that just has that like she has her point of view. She never stops writing, she never stops performing. And she doesn't care if it's an open mic or a sold out theater. She is. They're working out her stand up and

[May Martin]

like responding to current events. Like on the day. Like I see her at Largo and she's like talking about something that happened that day and just crushing it. Yeah, yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

It's.

[May Martin]

It's.

[Tig Notaro]

It's real. It's something. I was on a show with her the other night and I was like, it, it's. It's.

[May Martin]

She's a badass.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, it's. She just is.

[May Martin]

And she has a little chihuahua that she brings.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh my God, everywhere.

[Fortune Feemster]

She loves that doggy to see.

[May Martin]

When you're on a red carpet and you're over stimulated and then you see. It's like a lighthouse in a storm. That little Chihuahuas there.

[Tig Notaro]

Lucia, Right? Yeah. And couldn't be a happier Pup either.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feemster]

Well taken care of. Pup.

[Tig Notaro]

Yes. Yes.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feemster]

What was this new piece of furniture in your background, May? Is that a game or is it a trophy? Oh. Oh, well, the long thing.

[May Martin]

Oh, yeah. It's a bit of a situation. I'm glad you asked. I. That is what my desk used to be. And then I got impulsively. I thought I needed a new desk with like drawers. So I ordered this desk that. It looks like a little Girl's bedroom. Like a doll's house. And I didn't. Let me show you. It did not look like this online. It's got these, like, scout. Like, it looks like ikea. I got to get rid of it.

[Fortune Feemster]

It's a bookshelf. It's like a bookshelf in one desk.

[May Martin]

It's made.

[Tig Notaro]

I thought you said it first. A butch shelf.

[May Martin]

A butch shelf.

[Fortune Feemster]

Got a butch shelf for all my butch things.

[May Martin]

It couldn't be less butch. It's. It's, like, made of plywood falling apart. And I got a perfectly good desk right there. I don't know what. I panicked. Yeah.

[Fortune Feemster]

Wow.

[May Martin]

Wow.

[Tig Notaro]

I can't imagine you in a panic.

[Fortune Feemster]

I thought it was, like, I wake up. Your desk was, like, one of those shuffleboard things at first, and I was really pumped about that for you.

[May Martin]

Well, I'm glad you said that, too, because I have looked into. And I'm about to purchase a skeeball game. You know what? You roll the ball, and it goes. So not a motorized one, but just a wooden one. Gonna put it outside, so.

[Fortune Feemster]

Wow.

[May Martin]

The arcade is growing. Yeah.

[Fortune Feemster]

Pretty cool. Me.

[May Martin]

Thanks. Owen Wilson.

[Fortune Feemster]

Ready? Hey, man.

[May Martin]

Hey. It's pretty cool. Hey, that's good fortune.

[Fortune Feemster]

I mean, I'm not known for my impressions.

[Tig Notaro]

No, you're not. But fortune. When. I can't remember. Do you know when your movie comes out yet?

[Fortune Feemster]

The movie will be a minute. They. So sometime next year. But the. They just announced that the golf show I did with Will, that is now called the Hawk.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh.

[Fortune Feemster]

And it will be out this summer.

[Tig Notaro]

Nice.

[Fortune Feemster]

Tbd. But it.

[Tig Notaro]

Why is it the Hawk?

[Fortune Feemster]

His character's name is Lonnie Hawkins, and the. The. His golf fan base calls him the Hawk.

[Tig Notaro]

Okay. Like it.

[May Martin]

Lonnie Hawkins is such a great Will Ferrell comedy character name. Like.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, my God. May you just. Right now, the lighting.

[Fortune Feemster]

Oh, you have, like, an orb.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[May Martin]

Is it Marilyn Monroe light or.

[Tig Notaro]

Something's happening. But, like, the lighting.

[May Martin]

Do you remember?

[Tig Notaro]

I've never seen you look so young.

[May Martin]

Oh, my God, you guys.

[Tig Notaro]

Can you take a screen grab? I think you'll be very happy.

[Fortune Feemster]

I would think you were, like, 28 right now.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, I would think 18.

[Fortune Feemster]

Thank you.

[Tig Notaro]

I'm the one that has to look at it.

[Fortune Feemster]

Oh, it has to get to.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, my gosh. You need to remember this lighting, this time of day, whatever that. That kind of shadow over your face. But then there's also a little bit of light coming, a little Marilyn Monroe coming down.

[May Martin]

And then if I move, like, slightly to the Left. It's ruined.

[Tig Notaro]

Horrendous. Yeah. Really bad old witch. Yeah.

[May Martin]

Fortune, you look beautiful.

[Fortune Feemster]

What?

[Tig Notaro]

Look at little Fortune. Fortune.

[May Martin]

What are you, 12 years old?

[Tig Notaro]

Did you just happen to notice me, too?

[May Martin]

You're glowing.

[Tig Notaro]

You really are. I've never seen. Oh, my God.

[Fortune Feemster]

How do I look?

[Tig Notaro]

Speaking of one eye closed. My eye surgery is postponed.

[May Martin]

No, no.

[Tig Notaro]

Sorry, girl.

[Fortune Feemster]

Why?

[Tig Notaro]

Well, just some things with my doctor has to just check some stuff before. Like, it, you know, just.

[Fortune Feemster]

Yeah, you just want to drag this on so we'll always be like, how's your eye?

[Tig Notaro]

That was the Popeye.

[Fortune Feemster]

You look so good.

[May Martin]

Are you serious? Oh, my God.

[Tig Notaro]

Fortune.

[May Martin]

You know what? I think I'm going fantastic. I'm going from inside because I feel good right now.

[Tig Notaro]

Why do you feel so good?

[May Martin]

Well, I'm resting from tour, but I'm excited to go back out. Yeah, I'm just. Got some. You know, I'm feeling good.

[Fortune Feemster]

I know you got laid.

[Tig Notaro]

Is there some romance?

[May Martin]

Well, yeah, for sure. Yeah.

[Fortune Feemster]

Wow. That definitely was a. May's been busy in the bedroom. Smile.

[May Martin]

You know what? I think it's the bath I just took with this. The bath salts and the.

[Tig Notaro]

Is your bed visitor at your house right now?

[May Martin]

No. She's not

[Tig Notaro]

your party kisser?

[May Martin]

Oh, my God. When I do these meet and greets on tour, people are rocking the merch and people are talking about party kissers.

[Fortune Feemster]

Shirt and hat, I believe. Right?

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

They're like, are we doing merch plugs right now?

[Fortune Feemster]

I mean, not on purpose. It just came up naturally.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feemster]

May getting kissed at parties right now.

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[Fortune Feemster]

Yeah.

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[May Martin]

Guys, I found something and I sent it to Thomas. I said I gotta tell taken fortune about this.

[Fortune Feemster]

Tell us.

[Allstate Ad Voice]

Okay, I'm gonna read it.

[May Martin]

I'm gonna read it.

[Fortune Feemster]

Tell us, you party kisser.

[May Martin]

Okay, these are Victorian slang words that need to make a comeback and I thought maybe. Well, I want to bring them back and popularize them.

[Tig Notaro]

Okay, so why don't you send them to Thomas?

[May Martin]

I said

[Fortune Feemster]

I must run these by Thomas first.

[May Martin]

Sometimes I send stuff to him to be like, can you remind me this I want to tell.

[Tig Notaro]

Okay, that's a smart Idea. Yeah, maybe I'll do that.

[May Martin]

Don't forget to do that Victorian slang. Oh, thank you so much for the reminder.

[Fortune Feemster]

It worked.

[May Martin]

Yeah, perfect.

[Tig Notaro]

And meanwhile, I didn't even thank Thomas for our glad Award.

[May Martin]

I know. And he's doing the Lord's work.

[Tig Notaro]

I know.

[Fortune Feemster]

You did go. It was funny, too. When you first started, you went, girl.

[May Martin]

Oh, yeah. Which, by the way.

[Fortune Feemster]

And you said. We say that in our podcast.

[Tig Notaro]

Well, somebody yelled out girl. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Somebody was like, girl.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

And then I was like, girl. And I was like, oh, we. We say that on our podcast.

[May Martin]

Which I have to say, like, so many of the people in the audiences at my shows are handsome listeners. And I do just want to say, for. For the record, I, I. I love girl. I love you guys calling me girl. It brings me one so much joy in my life. I am trans. I need to remind people, like, on the tour, everyone's just like, she's so.

[Tig Notaro]

She's so Her.

[May Martin]

She's so. And they're all like, girl. And. And I don't mind girl, because I think it's hilarious. But I just want to remind people, I.

[Tig Notaro]

We call Thomas girl, too.

[May Martin]

Exactly. Exactly.

[Fortune Feemster]

Yeah.

[May Martin]

Okay, these are the expressions. Ready? Temporary sadness. That's not the expression. If you have temporary sadness, you say, I got the morbs.

[Fortune Feemster]

Okay.

[May Martin]

Like morbid.

[Tig Notaro]

They said that?

[May Martin]

Yeah, that was Victorian.

[Tig Notaro]

That sounds so Gen Z current. I got the morbs.

[May Martin]

Like, what is so. Like, they get.

[Fortune Feemster]

Yeah, it's an abbreviated situation, which you like to do.

[May Martin]

Can you imagine? They, like, got. Yeah. Some Victorian plague, and they're like, oh, got the morbs. Because. Yeah. Okay. If you're not feeling well, you say, I'm not up to dick.

[Fortune Feemster]

Up to dick. I'm definitely not up to dick.

[May Martin]

Well, you famously.

[Tig Notaro]

And I'm sorry, Famously.

[Fortune Feemster]

I'm not up to dick. Neither is Tig.

[Tig Notaro]

You're not even up to a hot flute. Okay, so what is. What does this mean?

[May Martin]

This is. If you're not. If I go, you want to come out tonight, you go, I'm not up to dick.

[Tig Notaro]

Okay.

[Fortune Feemster]

Which is relevant.

[May Martin]

This. I thought you guys.

[Fortune Feemster]

You're just not in the mood for dick.

[May Martin]

Yeah, exactly. I thought you'd really like this one. This is what they would call women's breasts. Cupid's kettle drums. They seriously were saying this in Victoria.

[Fortune Feemster]

Use that now. Cupid's kettle drums.

[Tig Notaro]

How do you have confirmation on this? This feels a little murky.

[May Martin]

This was an Instagram thing, so it must be from, like, true Charles Dickens feature. Yeah. Nay. I think you should read the slang and make them guess. Oh, yeah, totally. Yeah. Tight as a boiled owl. What is. What do you think that means?

[Fortune Feemster]

But type butthole.

[Tig Notaro]

Drunk.

[May Martin]

Drunk.

[Tig Notaro]

Is it drunk?

[May Martin]

Yeah, it's drunk. Yeah. Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

I remember that. My mother used to say that. She'd be like, oh, he's tight. Yeah.

[May Martin]

Tight as a boiled out.

[Tig Notaro]

No, but she would just say, oh, he's tight.

[May Martin]

I like that.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, she's tight.

[May Martin]

What do you think this means? The pot.

[Tig Notaro]

The pot.

[Fortune Feemster]

Pour the water out.

[May Martin]

Pour the tea. The pot.

[Tig Notaro]

I love maze delivery. The pot.

[Fortune Feemster]

The pot.

[Tig Notaro]

The pot. Yes. That's exactly what it is.

[Fortune Feemster]

It is the pot in the pot. I'm in the pot,

[Tig Notaro]

girl. I'm in the pot. The tea gets poured out to the pot.

[Fortune Feemster]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Okay.

[May Martin]

This is the kind of reaction I wanted. Yes. Okay. Giggle mug.

[Tig Notaro]

Alcohol.

[Fortune Feemster]

Giggle mug is your smile.

[May Martin]

It's if you're always smiling, then you're a giggle mug.

[Fortune Feemster]

Keep Chion.

[Tig Notaro]

Warwick. Stevie Wonder.

[May Martin]

Is it both of them do a duet?

[Fortune Feemster]

No, it's Dion Warwick.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah. And Stevie Wonder together. He's singing, too. Thomas. Who's singing? That's what friends suffer. Kiss me.

[Fortune Feemster]

I don't remember him singing, but I thought, I know. The harmonica was involved in this take.

[May Martin]

The way you sang it there, sort of like. Like breathy. It sounded like in a movie where someone's sort of trying to stay alive in the cold and they're getting hypothermia and they're going, keep smiling.

[Fortune Feemster]

And in Victorian times, when you got breathy, they called it juggle. Juggle.

[Tig Notaro]

Boobs.

[May Martin]

Warwick.

[Allstate Ad Voice]

Elton John, Gladys Knight and Stevie Wonder.

[Tig Notaro]

I can't believe I forgot. Elton and Gladys. Yes. It was a. It was a group. It was basically like a soulful traveling woolburg,

[Fortune Feemster]

I guess.

[Tig Notaro]

Gladys Knight.

[Fortune Feemster]

Seeing my friends where it's at. I saw her in concert at the Hollywood Bowl.

[Tig Notaro]

Lucky.

[Fortune Feemster]

Nice legs, Gladys.

[May Martin]

What else does Gladys Knight sing?

[Tig Notaro]

Well, midnight Train to Georgia

[Fortune Feemster]

proved too much for the man. Too much, man.

[Allstate Ad Voice]

That's the piss.

[Tig Notaro]

It couldn't.

[Fortune Feemster]

Couldn't take it. So he's living. He's coming. He's leaving. Thank you. On the midnight train to Georgia Living on the midnight train to Georgia, you guys. I'd rather live in his world Than live without him in my house.

[Tig Notaro]

That is.

[Fortune Feemster]

Is almost. The Pips is equally as good in that song.

[Tig Notaro]

I used to do a little comedy routine about that song where I would act like I was. I'd have them play the song. The sound booth. They'd play the song, and then I would Lip sync to Gladys's part, and then I would pretend like the Pips were in the back seat. And so I was, like, singing. And then they'd chime in and I'd turn around like, what the hell? Like, I got this, you know? And so it was just. It was just a fun little time. It always. It's always funnier when you explain it on a podcast.

[Fortune Feemster]

Well, funny enough, I did a bit once at the Growlings where I had someone play Linda Ronstadt singing. You're no good, you're no good. You're no good, baby. You're no good. And we played her. Me and my friend played her backup singers, and we kept trying to sing over her.

[May Martin]

When my brother was 10, he really, seriously went up to my mom and said, mom, when I grow up, I'm going to marry Linda Ronstadt.

[Tig Notaro]

And what he did.

[Fortune Feemster]

Yeah.

[May Martin]

What happened?

[Tig Notaro]

That's amazing. Linda Martin. That's right. Your name changed, Right? Linda Martin.

[Fortune Feemster]

Linda Martin. Living in the suburbs of Toronto now.

[Tig Notaro]

Linda Ronster, stat Martin.

[May Martin]

I think giggle mug really suits fortune.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, we're back on that giggle mug.

[May Martin]

Well, I thought we moved on too quickly.

[Fortune Feemster]

Yeah, no, let's go back. Let's go back. We're not done with these words.

[May Martin]

No, we are. That was it.

[Fortune Feemster]

Oh, that was it.

[May Martin]

Well, there's one more. Which is one more. Poked up. Poked up.

[Fortune Feemster]

Poked up. You're horny.

[May Martin]

Embarrassed. Weirdly poked up.

[Tig Notaro]

That really ended on a bummer. I know.

[May Martin]

I say. I know.

[Tig Notaro]

Way to ruin the podcast, man.

[May Martin]

Let's go back. I got the mors now.

[Fortune Feemster]

It was great.

[May Martin]

Yeah. This is the problem. Whenever I'm like, I should do a little. I'll prepare a little segment. I'll prepare a little joke, and it's all. It's never good. It's always better just to talk.

[Fortune Feemster]

A little something for the pod. I. There are a lot of people out here listening right now who are, like, so happy they learned all of those phrases.

[Tig Notaro]

Mm.

[May Martin]

Yeah. But then they'll come drinking water because

[Fortune Feemster]

I was in Vegas all week.

[May Martin]

Oh, what is that?

[Tig Notaro]

And that's the only reason you're drinking water?

[May Martin]

Yeah. What's the thing?

[Tig Notaro]

Drinking water. And I've just been home because I'm hydrating.

[Fortune Feemster]

I was in the desert.

[Tig Notaro]

Gotta hydrate from the inside.

[Fortune Feemster]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feemster]

So I'm drinking my agua the other

[May Martin]

night, I went into my sauna and I. I did a weird thing where I took a bag of bath salts and I poured it into, like, a baking tray, and then I. I brought it into the sauna. And I put my bare feet in the Epsom salts.

[Fortune Feemster]

Oh.

[May Martin]

I don't know why, but I felt like it would be good for me to feel the salt on my feet. I must have read it somewhere. But.

[Tig Notaro]

And how did it go? Or is that all you're gonna tell us? Just.

[May Martin]

It's kind of a mess. It was like I. And I left the tray in there

[Fortune Feemster]

standing on pop Rocks.

[May Martin]

That's. Yeah, yeah.

[Fortune Feemster]

And they don't dissolve, right?

[May Martin]

They didn't dissolve with no water? No, they just felt kind of crunchy. And I think I thought it was gonna, like, detox me from my feet. I think I must have read that.

[Fortune Feemster]

Interesting. Are you still using your foot mass?

[Allstate Ad Voice]

Hell, yeah.

[May Martin]

And I got a new thing next time we record in person.

[Tig Notaro]

I'm not using whatever this new thing is.

[Fortune Feemster]

You are.

[May Martin]

You are.

[Fortune Feemster]

I'm not using that.

[Tig Notaro]

I almost ended up in a wheelchair.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Now, what scent do you.

[May Martin]

Eucalyptus.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, that's what.

[Fortune Feemster]

That's a good one.

[May Martin]

I like that.

[Tig Notaro]

That goes in my tub every single time.

[May Martin]

Yeah, same.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, I tub.

[Fortune Feemster]

When you're on the road, are you tub and pod.

[Tig Notaro]

Depends.

[Fortune Feemster]

Tits out tub.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, my tits are flopped out every

[Fortune Feemster]

which way on each side of the tub.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, my God. I have to find a place to put them.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

You know, on the soap.

[May Martin]

On the soap dish.

[Tig Notaro]

That's how I decide if there is a tub big enough to support your tits.

[Fortune Feemster]

Out tub. Tum

[Tig Notaro]

Merch alert. It's out. Tough time. Yeah. I do love a tub. I like a hot. Full of eucalyptus scent.

[May Martin]

Do you just. Do you listen to someone in the tub or read, or do you just bliss out?

[Fortune Feemster]

Paint us a picture.

[May Martin]

Yeah, paint us a picture. Well, you take your blazer off now.

[Tig Notaro]

I put my blazer on. It's a sophisticated tub.

[May Martin]

You Donald Duckett, naked from the waist down. Blazer.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah. Everywhere I go, I'm naked from the waist down. But there's a nice little window right by my. My tub. And if I can see over my big tit, I like looking up into the sky. And then there's a tree in our backyard that I look at. The squirrels, the birds and whatever. And usually our cats are in the bathroom kind of lounging around. And so I talk a lot to them and I tell them, you know, how much I love them. And, you know, it's just. That's basically my. Yeah. I'm like, you are sweet little precious animal.

[Fortune Feemster]

I love you.

[Tig Notaro]

Yes. Yeah. So that's what I do with my bath time.

[Fortune Feemster]

I like this.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feemster]

I Like that. We're practicing self care on the Handsome Pie.

[Tig Notaro]

Well, we're teeing ourselves up for wellness weekend.

[Fortune Feemster]

Oh, my God.

[May Martin]

Name the date.

[Tig Notaro]

Well, as soon as Fortune finishes filming and I'm out of the Oscar loop and you're back from tour, we are gonna have wellness weekend. We're gonna drag Fortune kicking and screaming.

[Fortune Feemster]

Screaming, making me wake up at the ass crack of dawn.

[Tig Notaro]

You're the one that's up all night. You love it so much.

[Fortune Feemster]

I drove all night.

[Tig Notaro]

I love that song.

[May Martin]

Was that all right?

[Tig Notaro]

Such a great.

[Fortune Feemster]

She has permission after she is there. Is that all right?

[Tig Notaro]

Or is it weird that I'm here? Of course it's weird. You drove.

[Fortune Feemster]

Is that all right, you guys? Maybe now.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[May Martin]

Well, that's your new closer for wellness weekend. Are we renting an Airbnb somewhere in nature? Are we at your house?

[Tig Notaro]

No, we're gonna go to my office.

[Fortune Feemster]

Oh.

[May Martin]

Oh, wow. Okay.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, we're gonna go to my office because we got, you know, nature. Well, you've been there. Yeah. You don't like it? You don't like it.

[May Martin]

I like it a lot, but.

[Fortune Feemster]

Oh, you were thinking, like, going to the woods somewhere. Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, I want to be murdered.

[May Martin]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I guess. As long. As long as we could be in nature at your office.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, haven't you seen the back yard? Yeah.

[Fortune Feemster]

Is there a hot tub?

[Tig Notaro]

Yes.

[May Martin]

Is there?

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[May Martin]

Oh, great.

[Fortune Feemster]

I'm listening.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[May Martin]

And are we gonna get naked and go in the hot tub?

[Tig Notaro]

And Max and Finn's got.

[Fortune Feemster]

Excuse me, we're doing tits out tub time together. Oh, hot tub time.

[Tig Notaro]

Yes, indeed.

[May Martin]

I mean, imagine if we had a selfie of the three of us naked

[Tig Notaro]

in a tub and Fortune's the only one tits out.

[Fortune Feemster]

I'm like, having to lift my big tigo bitties up and cover them while y' all are just late.

[Tig Notaro]

I have to tell you, Max and Finn's godparents do rent out the guest house

[Fortune Feemster]

everything.

[Tig Notaro]

But we just have to make sure they're out of town because they do travel a bit.

[Fortune Feemster]

I didn't know that there was a guest house there.

[Tig Notaro]

Well, now you know.

[Fortune Feemster]

Look at you.

[Tig Notaro]

Any hoodles? Should we get to our question?

[Fortune Feemster]

We should.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, Baby Fortune.

[Fortune Feemster]

Oh,

[May Martin]

isn't it. Is it nap time?

[Fortune Feemster]

Almost.

[May Martin]

Baby Fortune. Yeah.

[Fortune Feemster]

Baby Fortune is tired.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, boy.

[May Martin]

Oh, boy.

[Fortune Feemster]

You were into it.

[May Martin]

We were into it. I know. And then we turned on you. Yeah. We were egging you on. And then we were like.

[Fortune Feemster]

I know. Then you're like, oh, now it's creepy.

[Tig Notaro]

Wow. Fortune talks like a baby.

[Fortune Feemster]

Whoa.

[May Martin]

Wow.

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[May Martin]

Sure, I've got the usual goals.

[Allstate Ad Voice]

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[Tig Notaro]

The all new Bombas sport socks are engineered with sport specific comfort for running, golf, hiking, skiing, snowboarding and all sport. Not to mention my favorite sport, walking around my neighborhood. When I'm around the house, Bombas has me covered as well with their super comfy and lightweight Eva, the Friday Sandal. And underneath it all pillowy soft base layers that are so flexible and breathable I won't leave the house without them. And for every item you purchase, an essential clothing item is donated to someone facing housing insecurity.

[Allstate Ad Voice]

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[Nicole Byer]

Hi, it's Nicole Byer and Sashir Zamada, host of the podcast Best Friends. We're here to tell you a little bit about something special coming up. Or as they say in Italiano, sara speciale. Mmm, no notes. You might not be able to drop everything and book a ticket to Italy, but you can go to the theater on April 10th to see you, me and Tuscany. You, me and Tuscany is a brand new rom com from Will Packer, the guy who produced Girls Trip and is starring Halle Bailey and Reggae John Page. You, me and Tuscany has all the ingredients of your favorite rom coms heart,

[Fortune Feemster]

huge laughs and sizzling chemistry.

[Nicole Byer]

Set in the enchanting vineyards of Tuscany, it's the movie escape we've been waiting for. It's the perfect film for date night or a night out with your girls. Get lost in the sauce with you, me and Tuscany, directed by Cat Coiro. Only in theaters April 10th.

[May Martin]

Today's question. Oscar is best known for playing Angela on the Office. She's also starred in movies like Tall Girl and other shows like AP Bio and Deliciousness. She co hosts the hit podcast Office Ladies. Angela Kinsey is asking today's question.

[Angela Kinsey]

Hello, handsome podcast folks. Okay, here's my question, and maybe it's a weird one, and I think it's on my mind because my teenagers just had their wisdom teeth out, but here it is. How old were you when you got your wisdom teeth out? Where were you? How many wisdom teeth did you have? Did you have to be put under? Were you awake for it? Did you do anything weird or loopy afterwards?

[May Martin]

There you go.

[Fortune Feemster]

All right.

[Tig Notaro]

Boy, do I have a story.

[Fortune Feemster]

You got this locked and loaded.

[Tig Notaro]

Yes, I do. It's part of my standup and it's on my. If anybody wants to watch my HBO special Drawn, it's an animated special. And years ago when I lived in Colorado, I was in a relationship and, you know, we were not a match. We're not still together. But wish her the best. And I had to get my wisdom teeth out. And I asked her if she would drive me because you have to have somebody drive you for sure. Yeah. Okay.

[Fortune Feemster]

And she was, you go pretty under. Like, you go very doopy.

[Tig Notaro]

Yes, indeed. And I was like, yeah, I need somebody to drop me off and then pick me up and drive me home. And she was like, well, I have to work that day. And she said, so I can drop you off. And I said, well, can you just sign that you're gonna drive me home as well?

[Fortune Feemster]

This was pre Ubers for the youngins listening.

[Tig Notaro]

And I guess I could have taken a cab, but I don't think I was at a place where I could even take a cab. And so. So I said, we just come in with me and sign that you're gonna drop me off and pick me up and then I'll just follow you in my car to the hospital and I'll just run out of the hospital and drive myself home.

[Fortune Feemster]

Oh, my God.

[Tig Notaro]

And she's like, sounds good. And so, okay, so she signs me in, she leaves. I get my wisdom teeth taken out. I'm like, fully under. I had all four surgically removed from my beak. And so I wake up and I remember that I don't have a ride home. And I was like. And I was so out of my mind. Like, out of my mind.

[May Martin]

Oh, my God.

[Tig Notaro]

And I got up off of that gurney and I just hauled ass out of the hospital. And I was just, like, slamming into walls kind of thing. Like, really out of it. This is so not okay. What I. Did I get in the car? No, May. The good news is, clearly I lived. I'm here to tell. I drive home.

[May Martin]

Oof. You guys, they shouldn't have let you out of there.

[Tig Notaro]

They didn't. They didn't. They didn't expect some lunatic to run out of the house.

[Fortune Feemster]

I bolted.

[Tig Notaro]

Bolted, like. Like that. Okay. This is quite a story that happened. I wake up because I rear ended another car. Of course, I had fallen asleep at a light, and I think my foot just slid off the brake. And it wasn't like a rear end crash, but, like, I bumped the guy's car. And he comes up and he's yelling at me, and I'm like, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. And he thinks you're.

[Fortune Feemster]

Yeah, inebriated.

[Tig Notaro]

Right? Which I was essentially. No need to call cops or exchange insurance, but he was like, watch where you go. That guy, he gets in his car, he leaves. I get home. My very dear friend lives below me.

[Fortune Feemster]

And we got home in one piece.

[Tig Notaro]

Okay. My friend lives below me. By the time I get home, I'm in so much pain. I'm like, the numbing. The numbness is wearing off. And I go knock on my friend's door. No answer. And I'm just. Her name's Leslie.

[Fortune Feemster]

And I'm like, leslie, Leslie, Leslie.

[Tig Notaro]

And I'm banging on the door, and there's. There's no response. So I walked down to the front of the building to look up and yell at the front of the building, and there is a new neighbor. This is an old Victorian. Talk about Victorian. An old Victorian home that's split into, like, five different apartments. A new neighbor had just moved in and was sunbathing in the front. And I come around the corner, and I was like. When I come around the corner, she's like. And I said, hi. I said, do you know? It's Leslie home. I'm in so much pain. And she's like. And she's looking at me. She's like, no, I don't.

[Fortune Feemster]

Was she topless?

[Tig Notaro]

No. No. I'm sorry. Tits in. Okay. And so. And I'm like, okay. I'm like. I go back up to Leslie's door, and I see a trail of blood leading to her door. I'm like, oh, my God. And I'm, like, banging on her door, not realizing it's my blood. And the woman in the front of the house had. I. I'm like, I was bleeding, and I couldn't feel it because I was numb, and it was running out of my mouth, down my shirt, and. And she didn't even ask, like, are you okay? What happened? Nothing.

[May Martin]

She was like, I don't want to

[Fortune Feemster]

engage with you because you're ruining her.

[Tig Notaro]

Her son, but I needed Leslie to drive me back to the hospital to get my medication.

[May Martin]

Yeah, you just booked it out of there.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah. So I didn't have my medication. And so that is my.

[Fortune Feemster]

Oh, my God.

[Tig Notaro]

My wisdom tooth story. So, yeah, I have a wisdom tooth story. And if again, you want to see it, check it out on hbo.

[Fortune Feemster]

I can't believe you drove yourself.

[Tig Notaro]

I was in my early 20s.

[Fortune Feemster]

I mean, of course, you would never do it now, but. No, I was. I just remember being so out of it after my. I got my wisdom teeth pulled when I was 18, and I didn't necessarily needed them pulled at that moment, but I was about to. Something like, I was about to go off my mom's insurance, and so she was just like, let's get these puppies out.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feemster]

So I had four extracted, and it was. It was when my grandmother was sick, so I was in. It was, like, a weird time. And they pulled him out. And I do remember sitting there after surgery thinking, when are you guys gonna start this surgery?

[May Martin]

Because you didn't realize it had happened?

[Fortune Feemster]

No, because you're, like, laying there, and they're going, I'm gonna count the three backwards. Or five backwards.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feemster]

And they're like, five, four. And then you're like.

[Tig Notaro]

Like, yeah, yeah.

[Fortune Feemster]

And then when I woke up, you really do think that the last time you were awake was, you know, at 5, 4. And then you're like, are you guys doing this or not? And then I. I think I was mumbling and saying. They were laughing at stuff I was saying, and I wasn't trying to be funny.

[May Martin]

It feels like those drugs are kind of like a truth serum. And people. They tap into, like, people. I see the videos of people, and they always seem, like, overwhelmed by, like, the beauty or gratitude Like. Like when they're like, I'm your boyfriend. And they're like, I have a boyfriend. And they're like, I'm so lucky. Like. Or they're like, I have a mom who loves me. Like, they get so. It's really beautiful. I love. Because mainly people are like, I like that you got up and you're like, I'm out of here. Like, bolted out.

[Fortune Feemster]

I would have been with it enough to even remember I didn't have a ride.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, Well, I clearly wasn't fully with it because I fell asleep at the light.

[May Martin]

Oh, my God.

[Allstate Ad Voice]

I do.

[Fortune Feemster]

I do remember getting home and being like, it is super painful. And I remember wanting a milkshake.

[Tig Notaro]

So you have four gaping holes in your mouth.

[Fortune Feemster]

My mom's, like, got me a milkshake and she. I see the spoon kind of coming towards me, but I can't taste anything or feel anything. I'm like, when is this happening? She said, I just had milkshake running down my face.

[Tig Notaro]

And you were how old? 18.

[Fortune Feemster]

18.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feemster]

Milkshake down my face. Couldn't feel any of it. But then I. I kind of just remember sleeping for a couple days. But then my grandmother and like a week later passed away and I had to be at her funeral with the like. And I got dry sockets. And it is so painful getting. I can't remember what leads to getting them, but I got. I had dry milkshakes. It was like my face felt like it was just like on fire.

[May Martin]

Oh.

[Fortune Feemster]

And I was at the funeral, like, having to smile a lot and just the act of smiling.

[May Martin]

Smiling at the funeral.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah. Why'd you have to smile at the funeral?

[Fortune Feemster]

That's a Southern thing. Even when you're sad, you gotta act like you're okay. Really? Yeah. And I just was like, I. That I. I don't think my face has ever been in that much pain before in my life.

[May Martin]

So what did they do before?

[Tig Notaro]

Even when you've had giggle mug.

[Fortune Feemster]

Even during my giggle mug times.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feemster]

Not as painful as wisdom teeth.

[May Martin]

But, like, what happens if you don't have them removed? Like, in history, they wouldn't.

[Tig Notaro]

Have you had yours? No.

[May Martin]

You're not gonna believe this. Grew in. I don't have any.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, little baby May.

[Fortune Feemster]

Yeah. I'm lucky because it sucks.

[May Martin]

I know. I'm so lucky.

[Tig Notaro]

Don't try.

[Fortune Feemster]

Are there people that.

[May Martin]

In general.

[Tig Notaro]

No. After you're. If they do come in and you get them out, don't drive.

[May Martin]

They better not come in. Now that would be.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[May Martin]

Which by the way, though, Speaking of your rear ending, I did smash my tail light.

[Fortune Feemster]

No, it was ready.

[Tig Notaro]

How?

[May Martin]

Well, when I went on tour, I parked in my driveway, which is really steep. Usually.

[Tig Notaro]

You parked your bus.

[May Martin]

No, my. My car like to leave. So I go on tour, I fly back, and then. And then I was reversing out of my own driveway and I smashed into the gate and. Because it's really tight and really steep and I couldn't believe it. So I gotta get my tail light fixed because it just felt like a little tap. But it's fully. But that's my. I'm just glad it wasn't on the street. It was in a safe driveway and I. But I feel like I got it out of the way now. My first, like.

[Fortune Feemster]

Oh, good for you.

[Tig Notaro]

Good for you. A little cowboy.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feemster]

A little bumpy bump.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feemster]

Tail light won't be too hard to replace.

[May Martin]

Yeah. Do I should do it myself? No, I'll go somewhere.

[Tig Notaro]

We're not gonna make you do anything.

[May Martin]

Thank you. Also that my. My car keeps telling me my tire pressure is low in one of my tires. What do I do about that?

[Tig Notaro]

You just ignore it.

[Fortune Feemster]

It's fire. No, don't do that. May. You can go to. Sometimes I'll go to one of those service places and I'll tip them if they'll put air in it. Other people learn how to read a gauge and do it themselves.

[Allstate Ad Voice]

You know, at the gas stations with

[Fortune Feemster]

the little air machines.

[May Martin]

I never used it, but then you

[Fortune Feemster]

probably need to go to a tire place and just pay them. I'll just say, please, can you hold tire place? Can you put air in my tires and just tip the guy?

[May Martin]

Yeah, okay.

[Tig Notaro]

Or girl. Or they. Them or a girl.

[Fortune Feemster]

Lady.

[Allstate Ad Voice]

Or lady.

[May Martin]

Yeah, I did. I think there is like a famous lesbian auto shop somewhere.

[Fortune Feemster]

Really?

[May Martin]

I think it's a. Maybe it's in Toronto. That's like just hot lesbians in their. In their kind of greasy overalls. And it's kind of. People go just to kind of flirt. They fix your car.

[Tig Notaro]

Well, what's hot, though? I mean, everyone's got a different idea. What's hot?

[May Martin]

Yeah, well. But it's sort of like that picture. Are you fixing the car?

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Allstate Ad Voice]

You know when your hair was long

[May Martin]

and it's high, you know? Yeah. People doing things. Hands with their hands.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Fortune Feemster]

Okay.

[Tig Notaro]

Dyke.

[May Martin]

Should we hear Angela's answer? Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, we should.

[Angela Kinsey]

I was in my early 20s, living in New York City, interning on the Conan O' Brien Show. Oh, and my tooth started hurting me. I went to a dentist. Someone recommended me, and they were like, you got to have your wisdom teeth out. Guess what? You only have three. You don't have four. You only have three. And then the guy did not put me under. One of them was impacted. He couldn't get it out.

[Tig Notaro]

He had to put.

[Angela Kinsey]

He literally put a knee on my chest and, like, yanked it out.

[May Martin]

Oh, my gosh.

[Angela Kinsey]

It was painful. And then I was loopy, and I left, and I flagged a cab, a New York City cab, all loopy, stuffed with cotton, sore because the man had to put his knee on my chest

[Tig Notaro]

on her hot tub titties.

[Angela Kinsey]

That cab to a friend of mine's apartment who was out of town. And I was apartment sitting because my apartment was like, crappy McCrappy's. So I stayed at his nice apartment, and he left me a stack of DVDs to watch post wisdom teeth coming out. And I was on Vicodin, and I watched Apocalypse now for the first time.

[May Martin]

Oh, my God.

[Angela Kinsey]

That's my wisdom tooth story.

[Fortune Feemster]

All right.

[Angela Kinsey]

What's yours?

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, my God.

[Fortune Feemster]

The thought of having that surgery with. No, I don't understand. Not going under.

[May Martin]

That's like torture. That's torture.

[Tig Notaro]

What does she mean there's only three? Why did my. Why did I think I had four removed? Thomas Google.

[Fortune Feemster]

It did have four. Four removed. I'm sure she looks like How May had none. Some people don't have.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, I thought she said. I thought she was saying, and you only have three. Meaning humans only have three.

[Fortune Feemster]

She somehow only had three.

[Tig Notaro]

Overcharged me.

[May Martin]

The knee on the chest feels really crazy.

[Fortune Feemster]

Oh, my God.

[May Martin]

Oh, my God.

[Fortune Feemster]

And to be aware that that's happening. I mean, just my nightmare right there.

[May Martin]

If you're under the influence of any substance and you're, like, trying to calm down, picking what movie to watch is really crucial in Apocalypse now is not a good idea.

[Tig Notaro]

I guess I don't understand why there was no.

[May Martin]

Why they didn't put her under. Yeah, well, I think they numbed her and stuff.

[Fortune Feemster]

It could have been a money thing. She. Sometimes your insurance doesn't cover part of it. And maybe she was.

[Tig Notaro]

But that is our ca. That's like.

[Fortune Feemster]

Yeah, it happens, though, for sure.

[May Martin]

When I had top surgery and then I came to. I think I've told you this. And I stayed over. I was. I was. That's the only time I've been under and had that out of it feeling. And I stayed overnight in the clinic, and I kind of came to and the TV in the room was Playing Richie Rich with Macaulay Culkin. The movie. And I thought, well, first I was like, did they model me after him? Like, I look like this now. Yeah, I look like an 11 year old.

[Fortune Feemster]

And then.

[May Martin]

So the nurse came in. I was like, oh, yeah, thanks so much for putting Richie Rich on. And she goes, no, you've requested that. No memory of. I have. I must have. She must have been scrolling through. And I went, were you a friend? No, I. Yeah, I liked it when. I might have seen it once when I was a kid. But how weird that I was like, that.

[Fortune Feemster]

That's the movie I need to watch.

[May Martin]

Yeah. And I had no memory of doing

[Tig Notaro]

that, by the way. I watched a movie the other night, and it was my first time to see. And this will surprise you. Forrest Gump.

[May Martin]

No.

[Fortune Feemster]

You've never seen it before.

[Tig Notaro]

Don't yell at me. I had never seen it. Stephanie has told me, our entire relationship that I remind her of Forrest Gump Gump. And I see it.

[May Martin]

I sort of see it.

[Tig Notaro]

And I've always been like, what are you talking about? And so when we're watching and then it finishes, I'm like, how am I like Forrest Gump? And she's like, you love to sit in trees. You like to sit on a front porch. She was, you love chocolate.

[Fortune Feemster]

Vegan chocolate.

[Tig Notaro]

But she was like. And then, you know, he. He's in Alabama. You're from Mississippi. She said that.

[May Martin]

Oh.

[Tig Notaro]

And, like, when Andrea died and I had left Boulder, I had all of this crazy energy in me, and we were, like, four hours away. We were staying four hours away. And when I got back to her, I was like, I just feel like I need to go back to Andrea and Meg's house. And I said, I think I might want to walk. And I said, I put it in my GPS, and it's four days and, like, 16 minutes. And she was like, tig. She was like, you can't walk back to Boulder. And I was like, no, I have this crazy energy right now. And she was like, where are you going to sleep? And I said, on the side of the river. And she was like, what are you going to eat? I'll bring some stuff. And she was like, oh, my gosh. Forrest Gump. She was like, that's so Forrest Gump of you. And then I also love her very, very deeply. And. Yeah. So anyway. Oh, she said also the fact that the Pope invited you to the Vatican and now you're, like, nominated for an Oscar. She said, I feel like you're just open, like, the feather that's floating through the air, and you just kind of say yes and end up in situations and with people that. She was like, I don't know. She said, you just are Forrest Gump to me.

[May Martin]

Yeah. I get the purity with which he

[Fortune Feemster]

loves the short haircut.

[Tig Notaro]

The short haircut.

[May Martin]

What's the name of his girlfriend in it?

[Tig Notaro]

Jenny.

[May Martin]

Jenny. That's sort of you and Stephanie. Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

And I saw Rita Wilson yesterday, and I told her. I. And it was like a women's lunch thing, and I said, will you tell Tom that I just saw Forrest Gump and that Stephanie thinks that I'm like, Forrest Gump? She was like. Like, what is she talking about? And then I went through all of those things, and by the end, she was doubled over, laughing, and she's like, okay, I see it. Anyway.

[May Martin]

That is so funny. Wait. I love the idea of you wanting to walk for four days, but I get that feeling, like, it was so intense.

[Tig Notaro]

Had I not told you that. That I wanted to walk back to. As soon as I got back to Stephanie and Max and Finn, I was like, I don't. It didn't make sense for me to not be at that house or around those people anymore. And it probably is confusing to hear that after witnessing somebody dying that it would give. It was, like, an energy of searching and awakeness and aliveness that I just. I can't really explain it, but I really felt like it seemed like no problem. I could walk for four days, and it would feel invigorating to walk through the mountains and sleep by the river and live off of berries and whatever. But I. But, yeah, she was like, you can't do that. And I was like, okay. But I really. I think if she wasn't with me, I might have done that.

[Allstate Ad Voice]

Yeah.

[May Martin]

I mean, like, as you're talking about it, it's making me want to do it. Like, that is such a. Like, my side of the mountain kind of fancy.

[Fortune Feemster]

No, I really, though.

[Tig Notaro]

There is a. There is a hike in Colorado that takes, like, six to eight hours to do, and it's. It's my goal this summer to. To. To do a very long, intense hike, potentially with Max and Finn's godparents.

[May Martin]

Oh, that'd be nice.

[Tig Notaro]

I don't think somebody's gonna join.

[May Martin]

No, I want to do Yosemite, and I want to do the Camino de Santiago, and I want to do that.

[Tig Notaro]

I want to do that desperately. I want to do that.

[May Martin]

Yeah. Yeah. My friend did it, and she had a system where if she got to, like, a fork in the road. She had a rock. And, like, if it was. If she flipped it and it was black, she'd go left, and if it was gray, she'd go right.

[Tig Notaro]

And I love that.

[May Martin]

Yeah. She's found. I mean, it took her twice as long to do the hike.

[Tig Notaro]

Well, maybe on our wellness weekend, we can hike around my backyard.

[May Martin]

Yeah. Great.

[Tig Notaro]

When Stephanie and I first got together, I was gonna take a walk, and she goes. She goes, tig, it is so late. Why don't you. Can't you just walk around in our backyard? And I was like, no. I was like, I'm a grown. It's the same thing, right?

[May Martin]

Like, I'm not gonna just walk around circles.

[Fortune Feemster]

You just walk in a circle in the back backyard.

[May Martin]

Got, like, an elephant at the zoo

[Tig Notaro]

just pacing a caged lesbian.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feemster]

Must go hike.

[Tig Notaro]

Well, that was a fun episode, you guys.

[May Martin]

Yes.

[Fortune Feemster]

Well, I will say I'm so glad we got our wisdom teeth out and it's done and we never have to do that again.

[Tig Notaro]

And I'm so glad we can be there for May when there's grow in.

[Fortune Feemster]

When they realizes they actually do have wisdom teeth and they've been giving. Just don't have them. I have heard. Heard that.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

It's like, women that don't go through menopause.

[May Martin]

Is that a thing? That would be. I mean.

[Tig Notaro]

Well, I mean, I'm sure they do, but they. I. What? I meant, they don't have symptoms.

[May Martin]

Right, right, right.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feemster]

I haven't. I have perimenopause. Itchy ear.

[May Martin]

No.

[Tig Notaro]

What are you talking about?

[May Martin]

Is that a thing?

[Fortune Feemster]

It's a thing I started in the last year having an itchy ear, but, like, where you couldn't, like, get to it. And I started to worry, like, do I have a brain worm? Okay.

[Tig Notaro]

RFK Jr. Yeah, I know.

[Fortune Feemster]

And I was like. And I. You would scratch it, and it would not relieve it. You couldn't get to the itch.

[Tig Notaro]

That's that brain worm.

[Fortune Feemster]

And then I was watching something on Tick Tock, and I found myself in a perimenopause algorithm loophole. And it said, itchy ear is one of the perimenopause.

[May Martin]

That's insane. We. I mean, I. There's been so little research into women's health that, like, if that was a men's thing, they'd be like, oh, of course. The itchy ear for these reasons. But we're just like, man, I guess you get an itchy ear, no word.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feemster]

Like, I'll just be like, Ah.

[Tig Notaro]

Whoa. Well, let's hope that's the only thing that you have because good lord, the rest of the list is not fun.

[Fortune Feemster]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Anyhow.

[May Martin]

Anywho.

[Fortune Feemster]

Perimetopolis. What a podcast. Girl.

[Tig Notaro]

Girl.

[Fortune Feemster]

What a podcast.

[May Martin]

Well, what a podcast.

[Fortune Feemster]

We mentioned it earlier. We do have some fun new merch for sale.

[May Martin]

Yeah, we do.

[Tig Notaro]

And we also have our live handsome show.

[May Martin]

Oh. On May 4th. Netflix is a joke.

[Fortune Feemster]

May the 4th be Los Angeles at the Wiltern. Make sure you get your tickets. It's going to be so fun. And we are not live streaming that. So it's for the folks that live in la.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah. You have got to come on out. Portland, Maine. I'll be there April 25th. There's a late show that night. Late show in Newtown, Connecticut on April 24. June 4, Albany, New York, a late show was added. Rochester, New York, June 7. And then also Spokane, Washington, June 12. Eugene, Oregon, June 14. Go to tignotaro.com for all show information and also check out Come see me in the Good Light on Apple tv. If you haven't seen it yet, can

[May Martin]

I say my tour dates? Yeah, just there's a couple that there's still lots of tickets for in April. On April 5, I'm in Ottawa in Ontario, April 7, Portland, Maine, April 8, I just added an extra show in Boston at the Wilbur. April 9 and Concord. April 10, Poughkeepsie, then Washington. Anyway, go to maymartin.net and there's. See if I'm coming to your city. There's. I'm on tour forever.

[Fortune Feemster]

Yeah. I finally wrapped up my acting for a bit and I'm back on tour, baby. Yeah. So it kicks back off April 2, Oklahoma City and then Fayetteville and Little Rock, Arkansas. San Antonio, Texas, Dallas, Des Moines, we've added a show and Toronto. And I'm going to Europe. So for any of our European fans, I'll be in Amsterdam on April 9 and then going back to Europe to do Stockholm, Oslo, Copenhagen, London and Dublin. Those are all at the end of May and early June and then.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feemster]

Portland, Maine, Detroit, Omaha, Cedar Rapids, Iowa and Rochester, Minnesota. We're everywhere. You guys come check out the handsome pod if you want to have a great fun night.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh my gosh. What if we did a full on arena tour, the three of us?

[May Martin]

I'd love it.

[Tig Notaro]

I would you? I mean, I don't know if I'm, I'm, I'm into arena tours. It feels like it loses a little bit of the.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Vibe.

[May Martin]

You're right.

[Tig Notaro]

But, but it still could be.

[Fortune Feemster]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Never mind. We're not gonna do an arena tour.

[May Martin]

No, but we should do more Twitter together.

[Fortune Feemster]

We're having a hard time booking one or two shows.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, but like, if we each went on stage for like 40 minutes or something, 30 minutes, that'd be fun. Yeah.

[Fortune Feemster]

Yeah, we'll see what day. You never know.

[Tig Notaro]

You never ever know. But definitely share the podcast with people that you would love to join our handsome community. Send them your favorite one. How about this one? And also rate, review and subscribe. Stop what you're doing. Stop what you're doing right now. Not you, Fortune. Our listeners. Rate, review, and subscribe. Also, check us out on YouTube. Look at this gorgeous face and see the circus that is Fortune.

[May Martin]

Fortune.

[Tig Notaro]

And until next time, haven't had any sleep.

[Fortune Feemster]

All right, until when next? Next time, keep it handsome.

[Tig Notaro]

Handsome is hosted by me, Tig Notaro, May Martin, and Fortune Feamster. The show is produced, recorded and edited by Thomas Willette. Email [e-mail]. follow us on social media Handsome Pod what a podcast.

[May Martin]

What a podcast. That was a Hitgum podcast.

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Checking Allstate first could save you hundreds on car insurance. That's smart. Not checking that your podcast co hosts know the lyrics before bursting in the song.

[Fortune Feemster]

A little awkward.

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I'm happy to take a solo, but

[Fortune Feemster]

what I really want is for our

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voices to join in Handsome Harmony.

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