Anna Kendrick asks about secret talents

Summary

Podcast Summary: Handsome Episode featuring Anna Kendrick on Secret Talents
Release Date: February 25, 2025

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Introduction

The "Handsome" podcast, hosted by comedians Tig Notaro, Fortune Feimster, and Mae Martin under the Headgum banner, welcomes listeners to another entertaining episode where they delve into a question posed by a guest. This week's episode features the acclaimed actress Anna Kendrick, who inquires about the hosts' secret talents.

Welcoming and Updates (02:05 - 04:20)

Fortune Feimster opens the episode by expressing excitement about recording the podcast in person at the Headgum Studios, marking a return after months of remote recordings due to filming commitments abroad.

• Fortune Feimster [02:05]: "Welcome to the Handsome Pod."

Mae Martin shares her recent work achievements, including wrapping up Season One of "Starfleet Academy," highlighting her joy in returning home and spending time with her family.

• May Martin [03:14]: "I'm so happy to be home with my wife and my cubs and our kiddie city."

Introducing the Special Guest: Anna Kendrick (30:48 - 30:57)

The hosts enthusiastically introduce Anna Kendrick as the episode's special guest, acknowledging her illustrious career with nominations across major award platforms like the Oscars, Tonys, and Emmys.

• Fortune Feimster [30:48]: "Today's question asker is Anna Kendrick."

Anna Kendrick's Question on Secret Talents (30:57 - 61:46)

Anna Kendrick poses a thought-provoking question to the hosts: "If you could be the best in the world at something but nobody could know about it, what would it be?"

Fortune Feimster's Response (42:21 - 44:27)

Fortune reveals her desire to master piano, emphasizing the personal joy it would bring her despite the inability to share this talent publicly.

• Fortune Feimster [42:22]: "I would love to be the best in the world at playing any song on the piano."

She elaborates on how this hidden talent would be a personal source of satisfaction, allowing her to enjoy music privately without external validation.

May Martin's Response (44:27 - 46:20)

Mae humorously contemplates being exceptionally skilled in wearing high heels and pantyhose, highlighting the playful nature of keeping such a talent a secret.

• May Martin [44:27]: "That I could throw on some high heels and a skirt and just strut my stuff alone at home."

She jokes about the complexities of executing this talent in public settings, reflecting the dilemma of possessing a skill that remains undisclosed.

Tig Notaro's Response (46:20 - 60:45)

Tig introduces a more fantastical secret talent—astral projection—where she envisions her soul navigating space independently of her physical body. She acknowledges the challenge of maintaining this as a secret while finding personal fulfillment in the ability.

• Tig Notaro [46:27]: "Astral projection, where when you sleep, you leave your body and explore space."

Tig humorously attempts to demonstrate a dance move, further underscoring the episode's lighthearted and spontaneous atmosphere.

Humorous Interactions and Banter (61:46 - 66:43)

The conversation takes a playful turn as the hosts discuss various humorous scenarios, including mock-organized orgies with commentary and exaggerated self-deprecations about their own abilities and appearances.

• Fortune Feimster [61:46]: "Calling Biggie a slut is the funniest part of this episode so far. Toothless."

This segment showcases the hosts' chemistry and ability to navigate comedic improvisation seamlessly.

Live Show Announcements and Promotions (66:43 - 68:38)

Towards the end of the episode, the hosts announce upcoming live shows and merchandise, encouraging listeners to participate and support their endeavors.

• Fortune Feimster [66:15]: "Our show in Austin in April sold out. We're going to live stream that show because it's our biggest show today."

They also highlight their merchandise offerings, promoting comfort and style through their branded apparel.

• Fortune Feimster [67:31]: "Get your merch at handsome.com. I just got our hoodie and sweatpants."

Conclusion

The episode wraps up with the hosts expressing their enjoyment of recording together in person, reflecting on the fun and dynamic discussions they've shared. They reiterate gratitude towards their guest, Anna Kendrick, for her engaging question and participation.

• Fortune Feimster [68:10]: "What a podcast. That was a Headgum podcast."

Notable Quotes

• May Martin [03:14]: "I'm so happy to be home with my wife and my cubs and our kiddie city."

• Fortune Feimster [42:22]: "I would love to be the best in the world at playing any song on the piano."

• May Martin [46:27]: "That I could throw on some high heels and a skirt and just strut my stuff alone at home."

• Tig Notaro [46:27]: "Astral projection, where when you sleep, you leave your body and explore space."

• Fortune Feimster [61:46]: "Calling Biggie a slut is the funniest part of this episode so far. Toothless."

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This episode of "Handsome" offers a blend of heartfelt revelations and comedic exchanges, anchored by Anna Kendrick's intriguing question about secret talents. Listeners are treated to genuine insights into the hosts' personal aspirations intertwined with their signature humor, making for an engaging and memorable experience.

Transcript

[Fortune Feimster]

This is a Headgum podcast.

[Tig Notaro]

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[May Martin]

Like, you know to check that your barista heard you say decaf when ordering that late in the day cup of coffee.

[Fortune Feimster]

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[Tig Notaro]

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[Fortune Feimster]

This is a Headgun podcast.

[Mr. Thomas]

Handsome. Chatting with friends on the Handsome Pod. Chatting with friends on the Handsome Pod.

[Fortune Feimster]

Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Welcome to the Handsome Pod. I'm Fortune.

[May Martin]

Oh, boy. We have a new producer. We just hired this guy named Mr. Thomas.

[Fortune Feimster]

Mr. Thomas.

[May Martin]

Wow. Sorry about that. Who are you again?

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh. Welcome to the Handsome Pod.

[May Martin]

Well, you already said that. Oh, wait.

[Fortune Feimster]

I'm Fortune Feemster.

[May Martin]

You're still Fortune.

[Fortune Feimster]

I'm still Fortunate Fer.

[May Martin]

And I am Tig Notaro.

[Mr. Thomas]

And I'm May Martin. And we still got it, guys.

[Fortune Feimster]

We still got it, you guys. We're in person together at our Headgum Studios. How great is this?

[Mr. Thomas]

This is really great.

[May Martin]

It's the first time it's happened.

[Mr. Thomas]

I've never been to. I walked by this building a lot.

[May Martin]

Oh, well, that counts.

[Mr. Thomas]

Yeah, that counts.

[May Martin]

May has walked by the building.

[Mr. Thomas]

Walks by this building. So in a way, it's like I've recorded a bunch of podcasts here.

[May Martin]

Exactly.

[Mr. Thomas]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

It's very cool because we've all been filming out of the country since April.

[Mr. Thomas]

Oh, my gosh.

[Fortune Feimster]

At different times. We got together for a Holly Bob show.

[Mr. Thomas]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

But this is it. It's been so long.

[May Martin]

It really has. And I just wrapped season one. Starfleet Academy.

[Fortune Feimster]

Wow.

[Mr. Thomas]

Starfleet Academy.

[Fortune Feimster]

You got to be so happy to be home.

[May Martin]

I am so happy. I mean, and not to say I didn't enjoy my time. I absolutely loved the cast and the crew. I mean, I don't need to do, like, a rap speech or anything right now, but I had a wonderful time. But, my gosh, am I happy to be home with my wife and my cubs and our kiddie city. It's just like. And just to be able to also get back in town and come over here and be in person with everybody. It's a real dream come true.

[Fortune Feimster]

Cause you kind of have to put your life on hold when you do these shows.

[May Martin]

I am trying to grab a lot of minutes. Like, I'm still not touring. I'm gonna try and push this, like, two or three years.

[Fortune Feimster]

Really?

[Mr. Thomas]

Really? Okay. You're just gonna chill, do stand up.

[May Martin]

Like, I mean, do stand up. Work on material locally, whether I'm in LA or Toronto, and then, you know, be in my space suit and podcast with my. My buds.

[Mr. Thomas]

Yeah, I love that.

[May Martin]

My handsome, handsome buds. And Mr. Thomas. Hopefully he'll understand how to work the knobs over there.

[Mr. Thomas]

Yeah, that's doing my best.

[Fortune Feimster]

Is it going good?

[May Martin]

It's going pretty good.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

I'm learning as we go. We're at Headgum.

[May Martin]

We should talk about that. That we're at Headgum Studios. We did.

[Fortune Feimster]

We did mention that.

[May Martin]

Oh, my God. You'd have to listen. I can't listen and do the cameras at the same time.

[Fortune Feimster]

We do have a special guest today.

[Mr. Thomas]

Oh, yeah, we do.

[May Martin]

We do. And our special guest is Kronk Biggie.

[Mr. Thomas]

Is there any way to zoom in on his Biggie?

[Fortune Feimster]

I had sitting by me, and right when we started the pod, he went all the way to the other side of the couch.

[May Martin]

He made a decision. Some time alone.

[Fortune Feimster]

Okay, Tig, I have a bone to pick with you. Ever since you dubbed him, Happy to work it through, you called Biggie Dead Eyes.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Mr. Thomas]

Right.

[May Martin]

Because he is.

[Fortune Feimster]

And so now whenever I post a picture of him, half the people go, there's old dead Eyes.

[Mr. Thomas]

There's old dead eyes.

[Fortune Feimster]

And then the other half goes, he doesn't have dead eyes.

[May Martin]

Well, I've increased engagement on your face.

[Fortune Feimster]

You have?

[May Martin]

Yes.

[Fortune Feimster]

You have.

[Mr. Thomas]

No wonder he's distancing himself. He's.

[Fortune Feimster]

He's tired. Yeah, yeah, he and I had a. Jax is out of town this weekend, so he and I. I've been running errands and partying.

[May Martin]

Where's J. Where she. Is she vacationing?

[Fortune Feimster]

Yes, she's vacationing in old Chicago. No, she had to go. A friend had a family member pass, so she went out there. Yeah, sorry to hear that. That's all.

[May Martin]

It's all right. I was expecting a fun, like a vacation.

[Fortune Feimster]

I was like, I don't want to.

[May Martin]

Bring it down, but nothing can bring us down.

[Mr. Thomas]

Nothing.

[Fortune Feimster]

Well, what if I was just like, yeah, she would. She's looking at timeshares in Chicago.

[Mr. Thomas]

What is a timeshare?

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, you own like a.

[May Martin]

Wait, are we trying to kill the podcast? Sorry.

[Anna Kendrick]

Sorry.

[May Martin]

Yeah, you know what?

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, man. I know.

[May Martin]

But you can also say our whole pod. Who gives a shit?

[Fortune Feimster]

Is he snoring? Sorry.

[May Martin]

Okay, explain to me. Timeshares.

[Mr. Thomas]

Is it really dry, though? Can I tell you what I think?

[Fortune Feimster]

It's a quick answer.

[Mr. Thomas]

Jeez, guys, I can tell you what.

[May Martin]

I think it is. I know it's taking so long.

[Fortune Feimster]

Well, you've interrupted.

[May Martin]

Okay, well, tell me.

[Fortune Feimster]

It's like you. You're basically buying like a couple weeks out of the year. You don't own it outright. The. Like a condo or something.

[Mr. Thomas]

Huh.

[Fortune Feimster]

So like, for like four weeks out of the year, you can go have the. Or a couple months out of the year? It depends on the.

[May Martin]

And you told Jax, Go get us one great plan.

[Mr. Thomas]

I have follow up questions, but they're so boring.

[May Martin]

Oh, let's hear them.

[Mr. Thomas]

Well, it's things like, if the place appreciates in value, do you get a return on your investment? Can you believe I'm using language like that?

[Fortune Feimster]

I know. Well, you're a homeowner now.

[Mr. Thomas]

I feel like I'm growing up.

[Fortune Feimster]

Made it.

[Mr. Thomas]

Almost started growing.

[Fortune Feimster]

You did?

[Mr. Thomas]

I don't want to be like, just thinking about. I want to be thinking about whimsical delights, you know? I don't want to be thinking about.

[May Martin]

Like, the Pete Pan that you are.

[Mr. Thomas]

Pete Pan?

[May Martin]

Do you think Pete Pan. Peter Pan ever went by Pete Pan?

[Fortune Feimster]

I think so.

[Mr. Thomas]

Petey.

[Fortune Feimster]

I never thought about Petey Pan.

[May Martin]

Pete Pan. Hello, my name is Pete Pan.

[Fortune Feimster]

Because Peter's a grown up name.

[Mr. Thomas]

Yeah, but if you're. If you're like, working in construction or something.

[Fortune Feimster]

Thank you.

[Mr. Thomas]

You're gonna go call me Pete?

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah.

[May Martin]

Do you think Peter Pan worked construction?

[Mr. Thomas]

I think.

[May Martin]

I don't think so.

[Mr. Thomas]

When he came back from Neverland and he had to grow up and he had to fly, and he slowly forgot everything and he couldn't fly anymore. Fortune. And then he probably had to think, well, I built that treehouse for the lost boys.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Mr. Thomas]

So I guess I'll put those skills. What else is he gonna do, call me Pete?

[Fortune Feimster]

I was trying to remember what Peter Pan How. How it unfolded.

[Mr. Thomas]

Yeah, well, sword fights.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Mr. Thomas]

Captain Hook.

[May Martin]

I do think it's your pitch in Hollywood.

[Fortune Feimster]

I do think you can own a home and still be Pete Pan.

[Mr. Thomas]

Yeah. Yeah. I mean, my home is filled with whimsical items.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah.

[May Martin]

Chris. What?

[Mr. Thomas]

Crystals.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, yeah.

[Mr. Thomas]

I. I just bought, you know, Marcel the shell.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah.

[Mr. Thomas]

I just bought.

[May Martin]

With shoes on.

[Mr. Thomas]

Yeah. Obsessed.

[Fortune Feimster]

I haven't seen it.

[Mr. Thomas]

And I saw Jenny sleep the other night at a show, and I need.

[May Martin]

To get Jenny on here.

[Mr. Thomas]

We gotta get her on. And I didn' tell her that I have a Marcel the shell that's like. It comes in a little box and it's like, got instructions on how to care for him and it's so good. And I keep him in a plant and I got these plants and.

[May Martin]

Why'd you withhold that from her? Didn't want her to feel any joy.

[Mr. Thomas]

Yeah, I thought you got enough going on.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah, I don't want to. I don't want to lift her up tonight.

[May Martin]

Jenny Slate down a notch.

[Mr. Thomas]

Well, I also at the moment have both of her books by my bedside table, so I was like. Because you live in the same.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, you stan Jenny slay.

[Mr. Thomas]

Yeah, well, I just started reading the new one.

[Fortune Feimster]

Okay, that's great.

[Mr. Thomas]

Anyway, whatever.

[Fortune Feimster]

Didn't you just have your bathroom redone? And. And weren't you in a situation that you were going to tell us about?

[Mr. Thomas]

Did I tell that on that?

[Fortune Feimster]

No, we did. We. We saved it.

[Mr. Thomas]

Okay. Because I also saw a comment that.

[Fortune Feimster]

Was like, on our bonus episode.

[Mr. Thomas]

On a bonus episode.

[May Martin]

I was like, I know my memory's not great, but May was going to.

[Fortune Feimster]

Tell us about their experience moving into your new home.

[Mr. Thomas]

I've only been there a couple of weeks, but when I moved in, the bathroom was, like, demolished.

[May Martin]

Like, somebody went in there and, like, just trashed it.

[Mr. Thomas]

They're renovating it? Yeah, it was covered in came with the house, but no, there was no toilet.

[May Martin]

Okay.

[Mr. Thomas]

And so the toilet was in the, like, garage Back house.

[May Martin]

So you got the house in this condition?

[Mr. Thomas]

Yeah, well, no, I'm having it renovated.

[May Martin]

Oh, okay.

[Mr. Thomas]

But it wasn't done, so. So I was like, okay, I'll just pee in the back house in the night. But I was too scared in the middle of the night. And so I. I woke up, I had to pee. I was awake enough to go all the way to the kitchen. And then I peed in a kettle that I peed, that I brought into my.

[May Martin]

Were you asleep?

[Fortune Feimster]

Wow, that's great. I was awake. I don't know if I could have made it into the kettle.

[Mr. Thomas]

I was too scared to go outside in the cold. Then I got kettle, like a kettle. And then I peed in it in my room, went to bed. Then I woke up and I'm faced with what I've done. Like I'm horrified of an animal. And it was just like, curb your enthusiasm. Like, I bring it into the kitchen to dispose of this kettle. And then the contractors are arriving and are like, hey, can we have a coffee? And I'm like holding a kettle of piss that they don't know about. I had to throw it away. Oh, it's been crazy. It's been.

[May Martin]

Maybe you aren't ready to own a home.

[Mr. Thomas]

I'm like peeing in a potty.

[Fortune Feimster]

But you had no recollection that you did it.

[Mr. Thomas]

No, I remember.

[Fortune Feimster]

Okay.

[Mr. Thomas]

But I just. You, you know that like nighttime logic where you're like, I'm too tired to go outside, so I'll just go get this kettle.

[May Martin]

Can you believe people? I mean, people still do have outhouses, but that was the situation.

[Mr. Thomas]

That's insane.

[May Martin]

And like cold, cold winter, like in my warm home, like totally comfortable to get up and go to the bathroom in the night. I. It is a full on mission conversation with myself. Like, I can hold it. I probably go back to sleep and I don't need to get up right now. And then I'm lying there going, no, this is going to keep me awake.

[Mr. Thomas]

Yeah.

[May Martin]

And. And it's just right there. The bathroom is just right there. Imagine me with a candle. Yeah.

[Mr. Thomas]

Bonnet.

[May Martin]

Well, you know, I love a bonnet.

[Fortune Feimster]

Of course you have a bonnet on.

[May Martin]

Of course.

[Mr. Thomas]

God, yeah.

[May Martin]

I mean, what people have gone through.

[Mr. Thomas]

But why can't.

[May Martin]

And now you're urinating into a kettle for no reason.

[Mr. Thomas]

No good reason. Why can't we bring back.

[May Martin]

Did you heat it up?

[Mr. Thomas]

Bed pans?

[Fortune Feimster]

The piss?

[Mr. Thomas]

No, I didn't heat up the piss.

[Fortune Feimster]

Anybody want a spot of tea? A pee?

[May Martin]

A spot of pee.

[Mr. Thomas]

I'm still getting to know, like, the ins and outs of the house. And I. So two nights in a row, I've been. And I hope my. I don't know if my new neighbors would listen to this podcast. I'm gonna say, let's hope they don't. They seem super nice.

[Fortune Feimster]

Let's hope they do. Two more listeners.

[Mr. Thomas]

Yeah, that's true. So two nights in a row at, like, one in the morning, I've been out back, like, having a cigarette or pottering around. I have a concrete cat that I found back there, 100 years old, that has an alt. I've made an altar, so I've been going to tend to the altar. Anyway, so two nights in a row, I've seen this light in their garden, like, cell phone light, going like, wee, like that, arcing up high. And I was like, what is going on? And then I looked, and I see the trees shaking, and it's someone on a swing at one in the morning, swinging.

[May Martin]

You have a whimsical neighbor.

[Fortune Feimster]

Wow. And they're.

[Mr. Thomas]

I know. There's no kids that live there.

[May Martin]

It's a lady.

[Mr. Thomas]

I can't see it.

[Fortune Feimster]

It's a witch.

[Mr. Thomas]

So I was trying to. And then I thought, are they filming, like.

[Fortune Feimster]

And then shy.

[Mr. Thomas]

So I was telling. Actually Lisa Gilroy, this friend of the pod. Yeah, not yet.

[May Martin]

I mean, we're friends with her, but she's never been on it, and I don't want to have her.

[Mr. Thomas]

So I was showing her the cat altar. And then I go, oh, my God. Yeah. So my neighbors, they have a swing, and I've seen them, like, they're swinging at night, and, like, I. I wonder if they'll swing tonight. I hope. You see, they're. They're like. And then I realized if they heard me, they'd think I was being like, my neighbors are swingers.

[Fortune Feimster]

That's right.

[Mr. Thomas]

I hope they swing.

[May Martin]

And they're saying that about you.

[Mr. Thomas]

Yeah, probably.

[May Martin]

Like, I think. I think there's a swinger over there.

[Fortune Feimster]

All these people just living on the edge of a cliff.

[Mr. Thomas]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

Being a whimsical.

[May Martin]

And are you liking your house? Aside from the fact there's no toilet. And you, you have.

[Mr. Thomas]

Oh, there's so much going on.

[May Martin]

You have this possum.

[Mr. Thomas]

Did I tell you about.

[Fortune Feimster]

I think you did.

[Mr. Thomas]

Yeah. There's a possum.

[Fortune Feimster]

Don't let Tig not hear this.

[Mr. Thomas]

Well.

[May Martin]

Oh, I don't want to.

[Tig Notaro]

No, no.

[Mr. Thomas]

I, I, I. Okay. If you listen to the maze.

[Fortune Feimster]

Connections to animals. Random animal.

[Mr. Thomas]

Well, okay. When I moved in.

[Fortune Feimster]

No Judgment.

[Mr. Thomas]

I'm outside, and all of a sudden I go, oh, my God. There's this huge, like, chunky possum that looks like a cartoon possum. Like, cute. Not like a ratty possum. Like a. And it stops and looks at me, and I immediately got out my phone. I start filming it, and then it runs away. And then I was so filled with shame. I was like, why couldn't I just have a moment with this possum? Why do I have to pull my phone out? And then I remembered, like, the previous owners told me there's a possum that lives around the house.

[Fortune Feimster]

They said, there's a chunky possum.

[Mr. Thomas]

I think they said his name is Eric, but I don't know if I invented that. And so I can't text him and go, hey, is that possum's name Eric?

[Fortune Feimster]

I think you just decide. I also.

[May Martin]

Yeah. If you have the wrong name, I think it's.

[Fortune Feimster]

I think it's okay.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Mr. Thomas]

Okay. Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

Let's just say it's Eric.

[Mr. Thomas]

But I felt bad for not being like, hi, I'm May.

[Fortune Feimster]

You know, you felt bad not telling the possum. Hi, I'm me.

[Mr. Thomas]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

Okay.

[Mr. Thomas]

And not being.

[May Martin]

Well, maybe he's listening.

[Mr. Thomas]

Maybe he's like, I'm Eric.

[Fortune Feimster]

I don't appreciate you calling me a chunky possum.

[May Martin]

Yeah, I heard you on the podcast calling me a chunky possum.

[Mr. Thomas]

Oh, my God.

[May Martin]

If he listens, my name is not Eric.

[Mr. Thomas]

Yeah. Do you have any wildlife living around your houses?

[May Martin]

Like, oh, good question.

[Mr. Thomas]

Coyotes.

[May Martin]

We have.

[Fortune Feimster]

I don't like those.

[May Martin]

Yeah. I see signs around my neighborhood every now and then saying coyote sightings and whatever. But we have just recently gotten two cats in the neighborhood that come and hang out in our backyard.

[Fortune Feimster]

No.

[May Martin]

And drive poor little Linus nuts. He's like, oh, my God. You know, he's never seen any other cats except Skip and Fluff. And then he's seen us, and then these two cats have shown up, and we had a weird issue where Skip started growling at Linus, and Stephanie did some detective work. And I guess there's, like, sometimes a transference of, like, Because. Because Skip saw the other cat out there. That there can be, like, some confusion around Linus because Linus was, like, by the window and, like, you know about.

[Mr. Thomas]

The other cat, and he's all pent up. He's got nowhere to put it as well.

[May Martin]

And so when. And they're siblings, and when Linus. And they always sleep together, and they're so affectionate. When Linus went over to be with Skip, Skip was like, really? Yeah. And we were so scared. At least. Ruined the dynamic of Kitty City because all three of our cats travel in a pack. But now it only lasted two days.

[Mr. Thomas]

Oh, really?

[May Martin]

Yes.

[Mr. Thomas]

And the cats come back.

[May Martin]

The cats still come back. Fluff doesn't care at all about what's going on out there. Skip kind of doesn't either. But Linus sits looking for these two cats. So we don't have wild animals other than.

[Fortune Feimster]

But you have someone trying to ruin your cat's relationship, trying to get a.

[May Martin]

Part of Kitty City.

[Mr. Thomas]

Is it possible that, like, Skip noticed that Lus was checking them out and. And then was jealous? Was, like, maybe punishing Lus? Like, I saw how you looked at.

[May Martin]

We'll never know.

[Fortune Feimster]

I mean, God, jealousy. That's happening.

[Mr. Thomas]

Do you think we should get a pet psychic?

[May Martin]

A handsome pet?

[Mr. Thomas]

Oh, my God.

[May Martin]

Thomas.

[Fortune Feimster]

I would love a pet psychic psychic.

[Mr. Thomas]

To see what Biggie's.

[Fortune Feimster]

I would love to know what he's thinking.

[May Martin]

Let's get animals, like, whatever animals we see out in the world that we think are cute. We'll adopt them. We'll keep them at head gum.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, okay.

[May Martin]

And they will deal with our parrots and our parrots and our gerbils.

[Fortune Feimster]

Awesome.

[May Martin]

Awesome.

[Fortune Feimster]

Like, can you guys come help with these?

[May Martin]

No, we are busy.

[Fortune Feimster]

Some people just know they could save hundreds on car insurance by checking Allstate first.

[Mr. Thomas]

Like, you know, to check the correct.

[Tig Notaro]

Lyrics to the song. A certain famous singer invited you on stage to sing in front of thousands of people.

[May Martin]

Check in first is smart. So check Allstate first for a quote that could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Savings vary, subject to terms, conditions and availability. Allstate Fire and Casualty Insurance Company and affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois.

[Tig Notaro]

Did you know that an estimated 5 billion plastic hand soap and cleaning bottles are thrown away each year? And if that's not bad enough, most cleaning formulas are 90% water, which is heavy to ship, leading to excessive carbon emissions. Plus, those products are often filled with nasty ingredients like chlorine and ammonia. That's a lose lose situation for you and the planet. Blueland is on a mission to eliminate single use plastic by reinventing cleaning essentials to be better for you and the planet with the same powerful clean you're used to. I've been using Blueland everywhere in my house. My kitchen, the bathroom, the laundry room. And I can feel the difference, both in my home as well as my overall impact on the environment. I want to do my part and get a great clean that's eco friendly as well. I'm especially loving the Blueland hand soap. The refillable bottle is very beautiful and it's so gentle on my skin. Blueland has a special offer for listeners right now. Get 15% off your first order by going to blueland.com handsome. You don't want to miss this. Blueland.com handsome for 15% off. That's blueland.com handsome to get 15% off.

[Fortune Feimster]

This episode of Handsome is brought to you by Graza. Graza is my olive oil of choice. It's top notch extra virgin olive oil at an affordable everyday price. Sizzle their everyday cooking oil can handle the heat with a smoke point of 410 degrees Fahrenheit and is great for baking, sauteing and well, anything you cook.

[Mr. Thomas]

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[Fortune Feimster]

You will get 10% off your first order of any olive oil on their site. But I wholeheartedly recommend the Graza starter kit. You'll receive two squeezy bottles of olive oil Sizzle for cooking and Drizzle for finishing with an extra kick of flavor. Plus they'll include two refill cans. So head to Graza Co and use handsome to get 10% off your first order and get to cooking your next chef quality meal.

[Mr. Thomas]

I've been thinking about fostering a dog but I. I'm too. My heart. My heart is already like. I don't know why. It's like too much like I don't.

[May Martin]

Why foster it? Why not keep it?

[Mr. Thomas]

Do you think? I mean I travel so much but I guess I could get you really.

[May Martin]

Custody with someone or do you travel so much? I would say fortune travels so much.

[Mr. Thomas]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's true actually. Well, yeah, like I'm about to be away for. Yeah, I have like seven trips on the horizon.

[Fortune Feimster]

Seven trips on the horizon.

[May Martin]

God, I haven't heard that song of classic. It's so good.

[Mr. Thomas]

And. And I'm put putting on the Ritz horizon Eisen Sizing.

[Fortune Feimster]

Sizing.

[Mr. Thomas]

And I'm thinking about up.

[Fortune Feimster]

Love that song too.

[May Martin]

I've never heard that one. That one is brand new to me. Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

You could ask a friend if they want to share a. A pet.

[Mr. Thomas]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

So that when you go out of town, they're watching it. I don't know.

[May Martin]

Do friends share a pet with me? You know of friends that share pets?

[Fortune Feimster]

I don't know one personally, but I feel like.

[May Martin]

Did you just invent that?

[Fortune Feimster]

Well.

[Mr. Thomas]

But I feel like that's where we're headed in this modern world. It's. Next it's gonna be Kids Sharing World.

[Fortune Feimster]

You heard that song.

[May Martin]

It was in the 80s. Yeah.

[Mr. Thomas]

So was your reunion good when you got back with the, like, when you came home? Was there? Did they parade? Yeah. Did they come running degree?

[May Martin]

Yes. Well, I was. I. My flight was canceled. I hate that there's a massive snowstorm.

[Mr. Thomas]

In Toronto.

[May Martin]

And hope everyone's okay. But, yeah, I was. I was all ready to go, and then it got canceled, and then. And then I flew out the next morning, and then Max and Finn came home from school and I was. I was there, and, you know, I got some mare, like, running, and they're like, how long are you going to be home? And I was like, six months. And they're like, yes. And then I just thought, that's really not that long. You know, it's a lifetime for them. Yeah.

[Mr. Thomas]

Would you remember, though, when you're a kid and, like, the summer feels like. Oh, yeah.

[May Martin]

Or for Christmas to come around again? It seems impossible.

[Mr. Thomas]

Yeah. But do you like being picked up at the airport by loved ones? Yeah.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Mr. Thomas]

What if you were like, no, I hate it.

[May Martin]

It's the worst. No, I love it. And I enjoy picking people up, too. Like, I'm not somebody where I'm like, oh, there's too much traffic. Or like, I don't care about that. I'll come get you. Not everyone.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yes.

[Mr. Thomas]

I'll be hitting you up.

[Fortune Feimster]

No Biggie. Biggie needs a ride.

[May Martin]

Will you check his heartbeat? But yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah, he's good.

[May Martin]

It was a. It was a great homecoming.

[Mr. Thomas]

That's nice.

[May Martin]

But it's also weird because I call my apartment in Toronto my little hovel.

[Mr. Thomas]

Yeah.

[May Martin]

And it's a perfectly nice apartment.

[Mr. Thomas]

Yeah.

[May Martin]

Very comfortable, clean, all of that. But it's not where I want to be. I obviously want to be home with my family. But then when I left, I also felt a little like, oh, bubble.

[Mr. Thomas]

Yeah, I know.

[May Martin]

It's so. It's like being, like, starting to, like, your prison cell where you're like, wow, this is so weird.

[Mr. Thomas]

There's this poem that goes. It makes me think of you and it goes, at last. It's about a guy who's in jail, and he goes, at last, men came to set me free I asked not why, nor reck not where at length it was the same to me Fettered or fetterless to be I'd grown accustomed to despair. So he's like, they took the chains off.

[Fortune Feimster]

Reminds me of you.

[Mr. Thomas]

They took the chains off.

[May Martin]

Who do you think of? Who do you think of? Yeah, that's right.

[Fortune Feimster]

The last part is despair.

[Mr. Thomas]

No, but like, they took the chains off and he just was like, I. I sort of forgot why I wanted to leave now.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, look at that. Deep. Yeah. Is that a May fact?

[May Martin]

No, I feel like it's a poem. It's a whimsical poem.

[Fortune Feimster]

Do you just have a lot of poems in your head?

[Mr. Thomas]

Maybe a couple dozen. My grandma was really big into it. She'd had one poem.

[May Martin]

That's great, man. We love that.

[Fortune Feimster]

That's great. Hey, I know one poem.

[May Martin]

Let's hear some.

[Fortune Feimster]

My poem is, I think that I shall never see a poem as lovely as a tree. And that's it. I mean, there's more to the poem, but.

[Mr. Thomas]

No, that's all you need.

[Fortune Feimster]

What's that? Joyce Kilmer. Anyway, everyone.

[Mr. Thomas]

That's beautiful.

[Fortune Feimster]

Thank you. I mean, there's more to the poem. I just don't know it.

[May Martin]

Oh, you don't?

[Fortune Feimster]

I don't. I'm not like, May.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Mr. Thomas]

There's no poem as lovely as a tree. Do you think that's true? I think there's poems lovelier than trees. Is that controversial?

[May Martin]

It depends on what kind of tree.

[Fortune Feimster]

And how much you love tree.

[Mr. Thomas]

About like a runt.

[Fortune Feimster]

How much you love coins.

[May Martin]

Runts stump. What do you really think? We were talking about a runt stump. We were talking about lovely trees.

[Mr. Thomas]

Like, there's degrees. There's, like, poems that are for sure more beautiful than a rump stump.

[Fortune Feimster]

But I wish I knew. I wish I knew more to the poem. I know it's. It gets good.

[May Martin]

Why don't you make up more?

[Fortune Feimster]

No.

[May Martin]

Okay.

[Fortune Feimster]

I don't want to ruin her po. Or, wait, is it that. Is that a man? Is Joyce a man or a woman? I think it's a man.

[Mr. Thomas]

Oh, like Joyce Carol Oates. Is that a man, too?

[May Martin]

Do you think?

[Fortune Feimster]

If Google.

[May Martin]

If Joyce.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah, it's a man.

[May Martin]

If Joyce was reincarnated, would it be Rejoice.

[Mr. Thomas]

I didn't see that coming.

[May Martin]

And with that, should we go to our guest?

[Fortune Feimster]

Yes. I was about to read you more poems.

[May Martin]

Oh, well, our guests can wait.

[Mr. Thomas]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

A poem. A tree whose hungry mouth is pressed against the earth. Sweet flowing breast. Whoa.

[Mr. Thomas]

Okay.

[May Martin]

It's so inappropriate.

[Mr. Thomas]

So horny all of a sudden.

[May Martin]

It's like triple X.

[Fortune Feimster]

Also, a tree that looks like God all day. Does he religious.

[Mr. Thomas]

A tree that looks at.

[May Martin]

Oh my God. Fortune. Fortune.

[Fortune Feimster]

And lifts her leafy arms to pray. A tree that may in summer wear a nest of robins in her hair.

[Mr. Thomas]

That's nice.

[Fortune Feimster]

Upon whose bosom. Now we get horny again. Snow has lain, who intimately lives with rain.

[May Martin]

Wait, you say a line and then we'll try and guess how it ends.

[Mr. Thomas]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

Well, this is the last line. We're at the end. Poems are made by fools like me.

[May Martin]

Wait, in the poem they're talking about poems.

[Fortune Feimster]

Poems are made by fools like me. But only God.

[Mr. Thomas]

I knew it was going to be only God really could make a tree.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah.

[Mr. Thomas]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

Wow.

[May Martin]

I never would have guessed. Where's the headed?

[Fortune Feimster]

That's the only point.

[Mr. Thomas]

I can't believe it was like.

[May Martin]

And you don't even know it. No wonder you blacked out on the rest.

[Fortune Feimster]

I didn't remember the bosom.

[Mr. Thomas]

And then what I didn't like was like the. The tree's hungry, sexy mouth. Like, what mouth is on a tree?

[May Martin]

Would you have an. Or an orgy with a tree?

[Mr. Thomas]

No, guys, guys. Well, I say that there. There's. I wouldn't.

[Fortune Feimster]

But under a tree you would.

[Mr. Thomas]

I remember when I was in middle school, they told someone, some kid was like, have you heard of Dendrophilia? That like you want to bang plants? And it just stuck in my mind so much, it freaked me right out. But no, I wouldn't have an orgy with a tree. Would you?

[Fortune Feimster]

Because only God can make a tree.

[May Martin]

I'm not even interested in human orgies. I'll be honest.

[Mr. Thomas]

I thought you said that you'd.

[Fortune Feimster]

There's too many people I would be.

[May Martin]

Okay watching in a corner.

[Fortune Feimster]

There's too many holes. You did say that you and I would watch.

[Mr. Thomas]

Yeah, this podcast.

[May Martin]

Me and Fortune in a corner together watching you have an orchard.

[Fortune Feimster]

You did say it, but in reality, I don't think you'd want to be there.

[May Martin]

I don't think.

[Mr. Thomas]

I don't think any of us.

[Fortune Feimster]

Well, if I don't think wants me watching either.

[May Martin]

If I. You're holding Biggie, I'm kissing you on the cheek. Yeah. If we could talk or be like, oh my gosh, what are they doing? What is that move? Right?

[Fortune Feimster]

That would be fun in the mug.

[May Martin]

Guys, guys, we have got to make.

[Fortune Feimster]

That like a best in show.

[Mr. Thomas]

Done that with porn where they do a commentary over Top.

[May Martin]

That's what I'm just sitting right. Like, wait, is this our next venture? Yeah. Like, I'm looking at these cameras going, guys, we need to film an orgy and do commentary.

[Mr. Thomas]

This is not good. Don't look at me. I. I'm not going to be involved in the orgy. I'll be a commentator.

[Fortune Feimster]

Okay.

[May Martin]

Okay. May will be able to tell us what's happening. May.

[Mr. Thomas]

We'll be able to be like this point. As you can see over there, it.

[May Martin]

Looks they're gonna be bringing in some lube now.

[Fortune Feimster]

I will bring snacks.

[May Martin]

You're just, like, eating.

[Fortune Feimster]

You just hear Ruffles.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

Crunch, crunch.

[May Martin]

I love Fritos.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, so good.

[Mr. Thomas]

All it took was that one little about a tree to get us all riled up.

[Fortune Feimster]

We're all horny now and all.

[May Martin]

Now we're all the way back to Fritos.

[Fortune Feimster]

Well, before it gets hornier, we should probably get to our question.

[Mr. Thomas]

Yes. I am so pumped about this person.

[Fortune Feimster]

Today's question Asker is an Oscar, Tony and Emmy nominated actress and producer. Known and loved for her roles in tons of films, but including into the Woods. Woman of the hour.

[Mr. Thomas]

Pitch perfect.

[Fortune Feimster]

Pitch perfect.

[Mr. Thomas]

Up in the air.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah, up in the air. Anna Kendrick is today's question asker.

[Anna Kendrick]

Hi, handsome pod.

[Fortune Feimster]

Hi, Fortune.

[Anna Kendrick]

Hi, May.

[Fortune Feimster]

Hi, Tig.

[Anna Kendrick]

It's your pal, Anna Kendrick. I have a question for you. If you could be the best in the world at something but nobody could know about it, what would it be? And no cheating. No. Like, oh, I'd be the best at fast math, but I just wouldn't tell anybody. You can't do it in front of other people.

[May Martin]

People.

[Anna Kendrick]

You can't benefit from it. It's just something that's for you.

[May Martin]

Wait, what'd you say? It can't be. What?

[Mr. Thomas]

You can't do it in front of others.

[May Martin]

Yeah, but I thought she said it can't be. Fast mouth.

[Mr. Thomas]

Fast math.

[Fortune Feimster]

Fast math. That's a real thing, like counting cards and stuff. Like, you can't win at poker.

[May Martin]

Yeah, I was gonna say, I feel like she's winning at fast mouth.

[Fortune Feimster]

She does talk fast.

[May Martin]

She's a fast talker.

[Mr. Thomas]

I met her for the first time the other night, and where. It was at a fundraising show that Natalie Morales did and. Oh, yeah, yeah. And Natalie was interviewing Anna on stage in a very, like, between two ferns kind of way.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, nice.

[Mr. Thomas]

And Anna was so funny. And, you know, you just get a good vibe from certain people. And I knew. I was like, I want to be friends with her because she really understood the significance of the bear story. She was like, what? And she kept coming back to him being like, I can't. Something about the bear story.

[May Martin]

I was like, you told her the bear story?

[Mr. Thomas]

Yeah, I told her the full bear story in May. I spared no detail. She was really monopolized her time.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah, she's. I. I went on a trip that, that we both were on in December and got to know her. And she's really cool. She directed her first film this past.

[Mr. Thomas]

Year, Woman of the Hour.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah.

[Mr. Thomas]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

And. And hearing her talk about it and how, you know, much work she put into it and the details of it was really cool. And I hope she directs more because she has that brain.

[Mr. Thomas]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

That, like, sees everything.

[Mr. Thomas]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

She was. She had what? She had talked about my specials and saw things. I was like, that's so cool. Like, I would, you know, that she just notices these things.

[Mr. Thomas]

Same deal with Feel Good. She had, like, really niche references to it. I was so, like, honored. I love her work, but she had, like, she has, like, a director's eye.

[Fortune Feimster]

And we did have a fun moment in an Italian restaurant together where it was almost closing time and someone in the restaurant cranked up the Natasha Bedingfield Unwritten Song. And the seventh step is for you bringing up something. The rest is still unwritten.

[Mr. Thomas]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

You know what I'm talking about.

[May Martin]

And this was a good memory.

[Fortune Feimster]

Great memory. And for some reason, when it plays, I know all the words in this moment.

[May Martin]

I don't know.

[Fortune Feimster]

I only know one word. But our entire table started, like, scream singing the song because a couple of the Pitch Perfect gals were there too.

[May Martin]

And does she have a good voice?

[Fortune Feimster]

They all do. They're incredible. Yeah. Cuz she sings in Pitch Perfect. All three of those movies. And we stood up and we're dancing and everyone was singing. It was like one of those, like, such fun memories of, like, we're all on the same page. We're all having a blast. The restaurant cranked it up even more. It was like, really, really funny.

[May Martin]

Boy, I would have ruined that moment.

[Fortune Feimster]

Everyone.

[May Martin]

I feel like it. What is this song?

[Tig Notaro]

As listeners of Handsome know, I am finally in my own home after months in Airbnbs. And can I just say, it is so nice to be back in my own bed. But I have a question for you. How are you making your bed a space that works for everything? That's where Brooklinen comes in. We love Brooklinen. Their products help you build a beautiful bed layer by layer and texture by texture. They've Got so many options to give you that premium high quality feel that doesn't compromise on look or comfort. I picked up the brushed flannel hardcore bundle that comes with a sheet set, duvet cover and pillowcases. It's perfect for colder months and I love the texture too. The color is called speckled Midnight, which is delightful to me. Brooklinen's super high quality products have been tested and awarded by experts including Good Housekeeping, GQ Wire Cutter and more. Brooklyn and Sheets are tried and true with 200000 plus five star reviews and millions of happy customers. Shop award winners and fan faves in store or online at brooklinen.com that's B-R-O-O-K L I-N-E-N.com get 15 off your first order today.

[Fortune Feimster]

Get the Angel Reese Special at McDonald's.

[Mr. Thomas]

Now let's break it down.

[May Martin]

My favorite barbecue sauce, American cheese, crispy.

[Mr. Thomas]

Bacon, pickles, onions, and a sesame seed bun, of course. And don't forget the fries and the drinks. Sound good?

[May Martin]

Ba da ba ba ba.

[Mr. Thomas]

I participate in restaurants for a limited time. Were you the only people in the restaurant?

[Fortune Feimster]

There was like a other part where more people were, but the main part, like everyone was kind of gone. There was one couple that was just kind of staring at us like it's the entire Pitch Perfect cast and fortune and me.

[May Martin]

Now walk us through how you end up on vacation with her and you don't know her and it's just a mutual friend.

[Fortune Feimster]

It was the three of you? Yes, just the three of us. Anna went on a trip with Jacks and I. We have a mutual friend and there was this event in Aspen and he invited.

[May Martin]

What was the event?

[Fortune Feimster]

What is it called? Winter polo.

[Mr. Thomas]

Whoa.

[Fortune Feimster]

Snow polo. That's it. Snow polo. Yeah.

[May Martin]

I didn't know you were that rich.

[Fortune Feimster]

I'm not.

[May Martin]

I did not spend winter polo.

[Fortune Feimster]

I was invited.

[Mr. Thomas]

Has like a secret life of going to Aspen for the winter ball for a winter.

[Fortune Feimster]

Our friend plays polo and invited us.

[May Martin]

So you both. Is this an actor comedian that you're both friends with?

[Fortune Feimster]

He's an actor.

[May Martin]

Oh, okay.

[Fortune Feimster]

Sterling, shout out.

[May Martin]

What is up? Sterling?

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah, and he just invites his friends.

[May Martin]

To like come, hey, come watch me do my thing.

[Fortune Feimster]

I'm gonna Anna and like Rebel Wilson and Chrissy and Kelly, like all these awesome people from the movie. And me randomly. Me and jags.

[May Martin]

I think I'm gonna start inviting a gaggle of people to fly out to see me do something.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah, why not?

[Mr. Thomas]

Hey guys, I'm gonna Be. Yeah, I'm gonna be going bowling on Friday.

[Fortune Feimster]

If you guys want to come, just invite a gag.

[May Martin]

I think it's fun to do, like, weird curveballs like that.

[Mr. Thomas]

Well, at one point, Stephanie and I were talking about, is there a way to rent my wife? Yeah.

[May Martin]

Okay, let's hear it.

[Fortune Feimster]

My wife.

[Mr. Thomas]

My wife.

[May Martin]

Let's hear your plans.

[Fortune Feimster]

My wife.

[Mr. Thomas]

We were talking about, is there a way to rent out an arcade or a. Or a laser tag place or something like that? Like, just rent it out for the day. And I'm sure.

[May Martin]

I'm sorry, Stephanie was asking, well, if.

[Fortune Feimster]

Who is my wife?

[May Martin]

But I mean, like, I can't even imagine her being like, God, could we get this arcade?

[Mr. Thomas]

Well, now.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah, you could literally rent out any arcade.

[Mr. Thomas]

I'm trying to remember now if it was more me being like, hey, we should.

[Fortune Feimster]

It probably was.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Mr. Thomas]

I knew she was into it.

[May Martin]

Yeah. In fact, she dropped me off here to record today. And while we were driving, because we just wanted to spend a little extra time together. Yeah. So we're driving along and we were reminiscing about when we were younger. Not that we were together then, but how much time we spent in the Silver Lake area.

[Mr. Thomas]

Yeah.

[May Martin]

And how we like. And that we would be out till 2 and 3 in the morning. And now 9 o'clock, I have my sleep mask on. And there's no place I'd rather be than in bed with my sleep mask on.

[Fortune Feimster]

Can I tell you that when I did see this polo situation, I got a straight crush on a polo player.

[May Martin]

Wait, on a man.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah.

[Mr. Thomas]

Can I ask what polo is?

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, no.

[Mr. Thomas]

Is it on board?

[May Martin]

Don't tell me.

[Mr. Thomas]

Is it on?

[May Martin]

Well, you can Google that.

[Fortune Feimster]

You can either know what a time here is.

[May Martin]

We already explained a time. Sure. Yeah. But wait, I want to hear about this.

[Fortune Feimster]

His name is Nacho. He's like one of the best polo players in the world.

[May Martin]

Nacho Time.

[Fortune Feimster]

I don't know if it's his last name. Nacho. Figures.

[Mr. Thomas]

And did you make your feelings known?

[Fortune Feimster]

Yes. He's married. I'm married. It can never be. Nacho.

[May Martin]

I don't think the marriage is what's getting between the two of you.

[Fortune Feimster]

Nacho. It can never be.

[May Martin]

Leave fortune alone.

[Fortune Feimster]

I loved him so much.

[May Martin]

Was it his personality? Was it.

[Fortune Feimster]

He's Argentinian and a very quiet at first, kind of like, who are these people? And then I won them over because we were at dinner and.

[May Martin]

Did he see your. Your calves?

[Fortune Feimster]

He didn't even see my calves. But he was at the end of the table. So the food was never getting to him. So what is an argument?

[May Martin]

Anyone pass the fridge?

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, no.

[May Martin]

I have had people. People at a dinner that are at the other side of the table, and we still pass the food down to them.

[Fortune Feimster]

I don't know this, but what an Argentinian man loves. And boy, do I know what an Argentinian man loves is for you to feed him. So I kept. I kept like Nacho. I was getting food and giving it.

[Mr. Thomas]

To him and did you cut it up and.

[Fortune Feimster]

No, I didn't do that. But then he. Then he loved me. And then he walked Jax and I back to hotel. I bet he did. And then when he was playing, he came by on his horse and kissed my hand.

[Mr. Thomas]

No way.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yes.

[May Martin]

Oh, wait. Now you let May know that polo.

[Fortune Feimster]

Is horses or you really don't know what polo is?

[May Martin]

May. This is May needs to look up.

[Fortune Feimster]

You've never heard of polo?

[Mr. Thomas]

I think I thought polo was water polo. Swimming. But then now I'm thinking, have you ever seen Ralph?

[May Martin]

You can lead a horse to water polo, right?

[Fortune Feimster]

Marco? Polo.

[May Martin]

Polo.

[Fortune Feimster]

That's in the water. There are horses. Is. That's it? It is a rich people sport I've never been to.

[May Martin]

You kidding? In Aspen.

[Fortune Feimster]

It's like a whole world.

[May Martin]

How'd you get there? Greyhound.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[May Martin]

How'd you get there?

[Fortune Feimster]

Don't worry about it.

[May Martin]

How did you arrive?

[Fortune Feimster]

I went by horse and he. He made me swoon out for sure.

[Mr. Thomas]

He. He what?

[Fortune Feimster]

He made me swoon.

[May Martin]

Did Jax think he was hot?

[Fortune Feimster]

Jags thinks no man's hot, but she likes Nacho a lot.

[Mr. Thomas]

Okay, if you could be.

[Fortune Feimster]

Okay, back to the question.

[May Martin]

Anna.

[Mr. Thomas]

The best in the world at one thing or be amazing at one thing, but you can't. No one can know.

[May Martin]

Ever.

[Fortune Feimster]

It's hard because who doesn't want to show off on Instagram?

[Mr. Thomas]

You can't do it in front of people.

[May Martin]

Who doesn't want to show off on Instagram? It's so hard.

[Fortune Feimster]

I have this talent that no one can know about. But that. That would be me on Tick Tock going, I wish you guys could know how amazing.

[Mr. Thomas]

Something secret. That's such a great tell you.

[Fortune Feimster]

But just know I'm incredible.

[May Martin]

So good at this.

[Mr. Thomas]

That is so grade 8. I would like something. Really?

[Fortune Feimster]

I have something. I. I would pick. It would kill me that no one could see this.

[Mr. Thomas]

Okay. Okay.

[Fortune Feimster]

But I know that I'm ne. I could technically take lessons and learn how to do this. Yeah, but I don't feel like it. Okay, But I want this skill really bad. I would love.

[May Martin]

Is it tumbling?

[Fortune Feimster]

It is not tumbling. I would love to be like. Like play any song in the world on a piano.

[May Martin]

But you don't want anyone to know.

[Fortune Feimster]

I think I would at home. Just play all the time and sing.

[Mr. Thomas]

Yeah. It would bring you.

[Fortune Feimster]

It would bring me a lot of joy. It would kill me.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

That I couldn't post videos of it. But it would be for me.

[May Martin]

But maybe I'm not understanding this question. Why wouldn't you want people to know? Like. Cause. Is there shame around it?

[Mr. Thomas]

No. Just in the question.

[Fortune Feimster]

That's just the question.

[Mr. Thomas]

The question is if you could be amazing at something, but only you know that. And it's a secret. You can only do it in private.

[Fortune Feimster]

You can't share it with anybody. That's. It's Anna's rules.

[Mr. Thomas]

It's Anna's rules. We didn't make them. We just live by them.

[May Martin]

Anna didn't have rules. That was my understanding about Anna. That's what everyone in Hollywood said.

[Fortune Feimster]

Anna, no rules.

[May Martin]

Yeah. Anna plays by her own rules.

[Fortune Feimster]

She does.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Mr. Thomas]

Okay. I think I know mine. I think it's. And it would be hard not to talk about and tell people, but either astral projection, where when you sleep, you leave your body and you go out to space.

[Fortune Feimster]

I swear to God, I'm not being dirty. Don't yell at me. I really thought you said asshole projection. Projection.

[May Martin]

Did you not.

[Mr. Thomas]

Asshole projection? Is that what it sounded like?

[Fortune Feimster]

And I was like astral.

[Mr. Thomas]

Astral. Astral, yeah, Astral.

[Fortune Feimster]

This is a stars thing.

[Mr. Thomas]

This is like when you sleep, you project your soul out of your body and you go into space and you can zoom around. Oh, it's legit.

[Fortune Feimster]

Okay.

[Mr. Thomas]

Or meditation, because I've talked about before. I just can't do it. And I wouldn't have to tell anyone. It would just be. Anytime I was alone, I'd just be like.

[May Martin]

I don't think I understand why it has to be a secret again. I just. I'm like, this word is out. You can meditate.

[Fortune Feimster]

Well, so what can tickle the ivories? So Anna's the boss of us today. And in this world. We can't tell anyone.

[May Martin]

Okay, here's mine.

[Fortune Feimster]

Okay. Here we go. And no one is ever gonna know about it.

[May Martin]

Okay. That I could throw on some high heels and a. And some pantyhose.

[Fortune Feimster]

What?

[May Martin]

And a skirt. And I can just. I don't understand the question clearly because it's like. I feel like if I put that on, I'd do Fine.

[Mr. Thomas]

No, this is a. This is actually really. I think I relate to this, because if you went out to Largo dressed like that, it would be. Oh, that's hilarious. Oh, my God. Or like, what the. And you couldn't just be a sexy little lady.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Mr. Thomas]

Because everyone would be like. Like, Tig. What?

[May Martin]

Yeah, Tig's a sexy little lady.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah. So you could do it alone. Do this alone.

[May Martin]

But I've also thought about doing that, like, on a special too. Like, for real? Yeah. To, like, dress like that and just not acknowledge it. Please run a late night show.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah. Oh, that would be good. Like an hour.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

Walking through carpets.

[Mr. Thomas]

Do you think you'd be able to be as funny or would you? Because I just did a show with Lisa Gilroy, and as a joke, we dressed up as each other. And so she was like, I'm May Martin in a hat. And I wore, like, a tight black dress, and I haven't worn one since.

[Fortune Feimster]

Did you post a picture? No, because in that. In this world, you can share with.

[Mr. Thomas]

People in the real world. But I actually was like, fortune loves.

[May Martin]

To brag on social media.

[Fortune Feimster]

Apparently, you did this for yourself.

[Mr. Thomas]

But I found it, like, surprisingly hard. Like, once I got on stage, I was like, anyway, joke's over now, guys. I'll probably just go change.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, you didn't like it.

[Mr. Thomas]

It couldn't be funny. I don't know.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, interesting. Interesting.

[May Martin]

Yeah, I just.

[Fortune Feimster]

I would never have guessed that would have been your thing.

[May Martin]

Again, I don't think I understand the question. I'm just gonna say in the privacy of my own home.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah.

[May Martin]

I'm gonna dress like a little lady, and I'm gonna look up YouTube videos of how to walk in heels.

[Mr. Thomas]

Yeah. And you're gonna, like, strut your stuff.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

That is so funny. Can you please do this for a late night?

[May Martin]

Yeah, maybe next time I do Colbert.

[Fortune Feimster]

I was about to say Colbert would probably be the. A. A good one for that.

[May Martin]

And he is the love of my life.

[Fortune Feimster]

And so somebody. Oh, okay. What the.

[May Martin]

I kissed your cheek today.

[Fortune Feimster]

No, because I was talking about Nacho. You also have. Oh.

[May Martin]

Oh, I see. I thought you were getting controlling because I kissed your cheek today and you.

[Mr. Thomas]

Thought it got toxic. That.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah, I thought, oh, you're doing that to everybody.

[May Martin]

All of a sudden you want to kiss Stephen Colbert's cheek.

[Fortune Feimster]

No. That you had had a male crush.

[May Martin]

Well, yeah, that and him and Pitbull. We already know this.

[Fortune Feimster]

Billy.

[May Martin]

Billy Crude.

[Mr. Thomas]

I think Stephen Colbert would react. Really? I think he'd be really, like, Gentlemanly about it. He'd be really.

[May Martin]

I think he would laugh.

[Fortune Feimster]

It would be funny.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

Okay.

[May Martin]

Okay. If anyone's listening.

[Fortune Feimster]

Is anyone listening?

[May Martin]

No, if anyone. If anyone. If there's anybody listening to this.

[Fortune Feimster]

Anybody out there, you.

[May Martin]

And if you know Stephen Colbert, you cannot tell him.

[Fortune Feimster]

Don't tell him.

[May Martin]

Like, if you work at his. At his show.

[Fortune Feimster]

We do have producers of people's show.

[May Martin]

Listen, and we will find you.

[Mr. Thomas]

But didn't we think about when we host the Oscars wearing black dresses? All of us are gowns, tuxedos. Oh, yeah. And we're gonna change, but we could.

[Fortune Feimster]

Go into another bit at some point in a dress.

[Mr. Thomas]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That would be good.

[Fortune Feimster]

We haven't started our tap dancing lessons. Wait.

[May Martin]

Oh, somebody reached out that teaches. Kate Micucci's friend is a tap dance instructor. Yeah.

[Mr. Thomas]

She wants.

[May Martin]

And she said she. She would like to start with lessons. Yes.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, it's happening.

[May Martin]

Are you interested too?

[Fortune Feimster]

I will show Thomas.

[May Martin]

Are you.

[Mr. Thomas]

I'm in.

[May Martin]

Okay, Biggie. Oh, sorry. Biggie passed.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh. Oh, hi, baby bear.

[May Martin]

Look how cute.

[Fortune Feimster]

His tongue didn't used to do that, but he had teeth pulled. And now the tongue. His tongue.

[May Martin]

When did his teeth get. You pulled all of them out just to see his tongue.

[Fortune Feimster]

Like 15 of them.

[May Martin]

15 teeth.

[Fortune Feimster]

He had to get 15 when? Like eight months ago. Six months ago. Oh, man.

[Mr. Thomas]

Would you rather. Aw, yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

Stretch it out.

[Mr. Thomas]

You've got to have no teeth or you have one big tooth.

[May Martin]

Well, I'm always gonna go for the one big tooth and big feet.

[Fortune Feimster]

Did you say no teeth are one big tooth?

[Mr. Thomas]

Yeah, yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

I think I just had to have no teeth.

[Mr. Thomas]

Really?

[May Martin]

I'll take the one big, too.

[Fortune Feimster]

You're eating like this.

[May Martin]

You know, today Stephanie was like a beaver. Who would you rather date?

[Mr. Thomas]

Yeah.

[May Martin]

Billie Eilish Chapel, Roan. And then there was somebody else. And I was like, all the young les.

[Fortune Feimster]

Lesbian.

[May Martin]

Lesbian. Lesbians.

[Fortune Feimster]

Young lesbians.

[May Martin]

And I was like. And I was. I mean, love these people as musicians and singers. But I was like. I mean, I said, who.

[Fortune Feimster]

Who would you.

[May Martin]

And she was like, oh, I wouldn't date any of them.

[Mr. Thomas]

I was like, well, I'm not gonna.

[May Martin]

Date any of them either. What are we doing? She does that to me. All the. We'll go to a dinner, an intimate dinner, and we'll leave. And she'll be like, okay, okay, if you had to. She always wants to know who I would date out of whatever three. And then I say it. I fall for it every time. And then I ask her, and she's like, oh, none of them. Every single time that just happened on the way here, I thought the rules.

[Fortune Feimster]

Is that we had to name someone.

[Mr. Thomas]

Yeah.

[May Martin]

Yeah. Who? Oh, the other one was Sabrina Carpenter. She said, Sabrina Carpenter. I said, I've never heard Sabrina Carpenter talk. Talk. So that I, you know, these are all attractive, talented people.

[Mr. Thomas]

They're so.

[Fortune Feimster]

They should all ask us questions.

[May Martin]

They are so young.

[Mr. Thomas]

They should all ask us questions.

[Fortune Feimster]

Billy.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

Billy Chapel and Sabrina. Sabrina, we'd love for you to submit a question. Thank you.

[May Martin]

I know Billy's mom pretty well.

[Mr. Thomas]

Do you really?

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

Maggie. I used to teach at the ground lease. I. I've never met her, but I, I. People love her.

[May Martin]

She's awesome. And she is, like, the vegan guru.

[Fortune Feimster]

I've met Phineas. Their whole family, like, loves comedy.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

Because they grew up, you know, with the ground around the groundlings and stuff.

[Mr. Thomas]

But I didn't know that.

[May Martin]

Anyway, I need to understand somebody's personality. Who would you date out of Sabrina, Billy and Chapel?

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, gosh, I don't know. Billy's so cool. I feel like I'm not cool enough for Billy.

[May Martin]

Billy is so cool.

[Fortune Feimster]

So cool. I would be. Billy would find me incredibly boring. Sabrina, too. She.

[May Martin]

Sabrina would find you more.

[Fortune Feimster]

I think so.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

I think Chapel.

[May Martin]

I think they would all probably find you boring.

[Fortune Feimster]

No, no. They would be into me.

[May Martin]

What about sexual? No, we're finished with you. Wait, who would you be into Chapel?

[Fortune Feimster]

Because she's a demisexual.

[May Martin]

Which is a demisexual.

[Fortune Feimster]

It is. You have to have a connection first right before anything romantic.

[Mr. Thomas]

Well, that sounds kind of like.

[Fortune Feimster]

And I can win her over. My personality.

[May Martin]

I figured it out. I figured it out. I would be Chapel as well. And let me tell you why. My friends Beth and Rick had Stephanie and I watch this video of Chapel and her parents.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, that was really sweet. You've seen it.

[May Martin]

It was really great that I already loved Chapel round. And then I was like, yeah, yeah. Like, oh, you gotta see this video. I'm like, in the car. I know. And I was truly like, yeah, we'll see it late. Okay. I don't wanna watch the video. They put it on.

[Mr. Thomas]

It's so good.

[Fortune Feimster]

It's really great.

[May Martin]

How do people find. It's carpool karaoke, but it's not carpool karaoke.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Mr. Thomas]

How do I like.

[May Martin]

The guy takes her to her hometown and she shows him around. It is the most charming, touching, inspiring thing.

[Fortune Feimster]

Supportive.

[May Martin]

Oh, my God.

[Mr. Thomas]

How do we get anything accomplished when there's so much to watch? On the Internet. That is. Is such good.

[May Martin]

I find it hard to get anything done. Just looking at myself, like, I'm, like, an attractive person.

[Fortune Feimster]

And how do you get through the day without looking in mirrors?

[May Martin]

Yeah, it's hard to pull myself away from a mirror.

[Mr. Thomas]

But I heard that you're supposed to every morning look at yourself in the eyes and say, I love you 10 times. And I tried it the other morning, and it felt very weird. And I realized I never look at myself in the eyes. I was, like, embarrassed. I was like, oh, hey.

[May Martin]

I only look at myself when I'm brushing my tooth. My one big tooth. And then I head out for the day. I catch glimpses and reflections in windows, and I'm like, oh, boy.

[Mr. Thomas]

Right?

[Fortune Feimster]

Do you know what I do? I look into a mirror and I say, God, what have you done? You're a Pink Pony girl and you dance at the club oh, mama, can you hear? Just having fun on the stage in my heels it's where I belong down.

[May Martin]

At the Pink Pony Club Keep on dancing the Pink Pony Club who would you choose out of Chapel?

[Fortune Feimster]

Billy?

[May Martin]

And to be clear, these are all attractive, cool, talented people. I just think I know this.

[Fortune Feimster]

And to be clear, they don't want us.

[Mr. Thomas]

And they're so young.

[May Martin]

But there's three of them, and there's three of us. But we both are gonna fight over Chapel.

[Mr. Thomas]

I feel like this podcast, if we were three guys, it would be, like, so bro y.

[Fortune Feimster]

It would be, like.

[May Martin]

Growy. But then it's like, I need to understand her personality. I know that's true, but that's where I feel like I started to understand Chapel personality and her parents.

[Mr. Thomas]

I am gonna say Sabrina Carpenter.

[Fortune Feimster]

That's who I thought I knew you.

[Mr. Thomas]

Were for the following reasons. I heard that Chapel Roan dates, like, femme women. That's what I heard. Oh, I heard that on the streets. Word on the streets. You guys are out.

[Fortune Feimster]

I'm out.

[Mr. Thomas]

I know Chapel Roan's music better than that.

[Fortune Feimster]

I love that we're talking about this as if it's. As if it's a possibility out. Then.

[Mr. Thomas]

Sabrina Carpenter. Is that who dated Barry Keegan?

[Fortune Feimster]

Yes, it is.

[Mr. Thomas]

And I feel like I could. I don't know.

[Fortune Feimster]

I'm.

[Mr. Thomas]

Yeah, I'm going Sabrina Carpenter. Yeah. I have no. Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

In this fantasy land, it can be whatever you want.

[May Martin]

So you're saying Chapel's not going to be into my flannel and mustache?

[Mr. Thomas]

Well, never say that.

[Fortune Feimster]

If she.

[Mr. Thomas]

She's a maybe. If the connection is strong enough, she's.

[Fortune Feimster]

Not going to be into us being married.

[Mr. Thomas]

Okay, wait. Who would you rather marry?

[Fortune Feimster]

Wow.

[Mr. Thomas]

And we're not bros. We're not saying who would you rather hook up with? We're saying, who would you rather marry?

[Fortune Feimster]

Make an honest woman.

[Mr. Thomas]

Make an honest woman of Cher.

[Fortune Feimster]

Okay.

[Mr. Thomas]

Oh, Selin.

[Fortune Feimster]

Selen Dion.

[Mr. Thomas]

Yes. Sel.

[May Martin]

You said Selen.

[Mr. Thomas]

That's how she says it.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, Celine, Seline, Selin. Self. Vegas or.

[May Martin]

So are we just going straight to Vegas, baby?

[Mr. Thomas]

Yeah.

[May Martin]

Is that what we're doing? Okay.

[Mr. Thomas]

Share it.

[Fortune Feimster]

Or.

[Mr. Thomas]

Or wait, no. Who's like a. Another icon of that era? Streisand.

[May Martin]

Oh, Streisand predates, but sure, let's throw her.

[Mr. Thomas]

True. Or should we say actually.

[Fortune Feimster]

Beyonce. Beyonce.

[Mr. Thomas]

Paula Abdul.

[May Martin]

I'd go Paula Abdul. Wait, how come I was so confident in Paula Abdul? And then. Why. I guess that is. Let's take a laugh break here.

[Fortune Feimster]

And I don't know. Paul Abdul.

[Mr. Thomas]

Oh, my God.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah.

[May Martin]

Celine Dion.

[Fortune Feimster]

Barbara Streisand. You go put Paul Abdul. You go throw Paula there.

[Mr. Thomas]

I think I'm taking Barbara out, and I'm going to place Barbara out. I'm taking her out to go. She's from another era.

[May Martin]

Cher's from that era, too.

[Mr. Thomas]

Oh, yeah, you're right. Okay, okay, let's. They're all.

[May Martin]

Cher is 80.

[Mr. Thomas]

Okay.

[May Martin]

Paula Abdul is not okay.

[Mr. Thomas]

I'm going to Bismo Zone.

[Fortune Feimster]

I don't know. Let's just throw them all.

[May Martin]

Said somebody grabbed the tea kettle.

[Fortune Feimster]

Why is that so funny? To me, it just sounded impossible.

[Mr. Thomas]

Also, all four of these people are really not comparable. Like, they're so different, and we're supposed.

[May Martin]

To, like, date them.

[Fortune Feimster]

I already know it's Celine Dion. My hands down. I could listen to her sing for hours.

[May Martin]

And you couldn't listen to Cher sing.

[Fortune Feimster]

Look like it Turn. No, I would listen to Celine, and she's kind of kooky, quirky. She sure keep me on my toes.

[Mr. Thomas]

Gonna make you laugh the most.

[May Martin]

She has twins and I have twins.

[Mr. Thomas]

That could be crazy.

[May Martin]

It's a little bit much. I was like, max and Finn, you're going Celine.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah. Yeah.

[May Martin]

Okay. You know, who are our choices?

[Tig Notaro]

Who's taking Paula?

[Mr. Thomas]

I'm taking Paula.

[Fortune Feimster]

I'm taking Paula.

[May Martin]

I'm taking Paula.

[Fortune Feimster]

I know. Paula's like a Ha ha.

[May Martin]

How does she fit in?

[Fortune Feimster]

She's so random. Because those people aren't like each other. That group and Paula very different.

[May Martin]

Cher.

[Fortune Feimster]

Paula, like, started the dancer.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Mr. Thomas]

I mean, Cher and Celine Dion are so different. I'm going Cher. Actually, I think Cher.

[May Martin]

I'm sticking with Paula.

[Mr. Thomas]

I just. Paula, I just watched Moonstruck for the first time. I think Cher would be hilarious.

[Fortune Feimster]

Cher would be very funny.

[Mr. Thomas]

And also, doesn't Cher date, like, young.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah, like a 20 something year old. Yeah, she has like a 20 something year old boyfriend right now. Yeah, yeah. They've been together like two years or something.

[Mr. Thomas]

Okay.

[May Martin]

So is that a long time? I guess. Hollywood 25. Yeah.

[Mr. Thomas]

I heard Susan Sarandon just said that she would be open to dating any age, any gender.

[May Martin]

Wow.

[Fortune Feimster]

There you go.

[May Martin]

Why don't you get out there? Are you open to that age?

[Mr. Thomas]

Oh, yeah, big time.

[Fortune Feimster]

Whoa.

[May Martin]

Calm down, fella.

[Tig Notaro]

Sorry.

[Mr. Thomas]

It's Susan. Serena. Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

I do think you should do things like this and come back to the pod and tell us about it.

[Mr. Thomas]

I mean.

[May Martin]

Yeah, do things like this.

[Fortune Feimster]

Do things like this.

[May Martin]

Yes, you must do things like this.

[Mr. Thomas]

And come back and tell us again.

[Fortune Feimster]

In this world, you can talk about it.

[Mr. Thomas]

But also, again, we're talking about it like it's a real option. Like it is an option.

[May Martin]

She said she's open to any age. Open. Open to any gender. And then get her to ask a question.

[Mr. Thomas]

She was.

[Fortune Feimster]

So how did this become the most random?

[May Martin]

Also, we have Anna Kendrick's face on pause.

[Fortune Feimster]

We gotta.

[May Martin]

Anna, what have you got for us?

[Anna Kendrick]

If I could be the best in the world at something and nobody could know about it, I would want to be the best in the world at dancing. I not a good dancer, but I would love to be like, like. Like a ballerina. You know, like the turns and the leaps and whatever. And it would be my preference to do it in front of people and have people be very impressed by me. But I like it so much. The idea of that, like, that ability to do that with your body, that I think that would be very satisfying.

[May Martin]

Anna. No, you're satisfying her on the rules now.

[Mr. Thomas]

Ting's like, no, those aren't the rules.

[Fortune Feimster]

Ting's very upset that we can't tell.

[May Martin]

Her because Anna and you know, give me a ring, a ding. We need to talk about this because why, if you can't dance and then you learn and you are nailing it, would you want to keep it a secret?

[Mr. Thomas]

No, you don't want to keep it a secret, but you have to.

[May Martin]

Why?

[Fortune Feimster]

Because that's the only way you get that power.

[Mr. Thomas]

That's the only way you get that power.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah, with great power.

[Mr. Thomas]

But also I really desire to. Like, I've always wished I was one of those people that was born and was like, I just gotta dance.

[May Martin]

Why don't you show us your move?

[Mr. Thomas]

My move?

[May Martin]

Yeah, you're one move and we'll sing Pink Pony.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah, right here.

[May Martin]

Okay. Two, three and Wait, can the camera see? You have your back to this camera.

[Fortune Feimster]

As long as that.

[May Martin]

Oh, okay, I see. I'm gonna do it. What?

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, okay.

[May Martin]

Yeah, that's why. Okay, that's why. Be cool, be cool. It's coming.

[Fortune Feimster]

Ready?

[May Martin]

It was very funny. I'm gonna do a song drop. That's why.

[Fortune Feimster]

Pink.

[May Martin]

Pink. Wait.

[Fortune Feimster]

Pink Pink Pony girl. What is this called? Yeah, Biggie's into it. Yeah, Biggie. It's a Biggie slut drop.

[May Martin]

I thought you said.

[Fortune Feimster]

Look what slut woke up this toothless slut.

[Mr. Thomas]

Oh my God.

[Fortune Feimster]

I like what you're putting down.

[May Martin]

A toothless slut with dead eyes would like a piece of that.

[Fortune Feimster]

No dead eyes.

[Mr. Thomas]

Calling Biggie a slut is the funniest part of this episode so far. Toothless.

[Fortune Feimster]

Wow, you guys. What a pod. What a pod. I love being in person with you. What a treat this was.

[May Martin]

God, we are good.

[Mr. Thomas]

Thank you Anna for the question.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah, thanks.

[Mr. Thomas]

Even though at all I loved it.

[May Martin]

I want Anna to come over and dance while I'm strutting around the house.

[Fortune Feimster]

And I play piano.

[May Martin]

Yeah. And fortune plays the piano.

[Mr. Thomas]

I'm unconscious astrol projecting.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh my God.

[May Martin]

Oh wow, wow, wow.

[Fortune Feimster]

This was great.

[May Martin]

It really was.

[Fortune Feimster]

We do have good news for our listeners.

[May Martin]

What is it?

[Fortune Feimster]

Well, our show in Austin in April sold out.

[May Martin]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

And so we are going to live stream that show cuz it's our biggest show today. 3,000 people. And if you want to watch it you can buy a streaming ticket.

[Mr. Thomas]

3,000 people.

[Fortune Feimster]

3,000 people are going to be there in person with us.

[May Martin]

3000 people in 2900 were like we need to go watch these foolish foolish people.

[Fortune Feimster]

It's part of the Moon Tower Comedy festival. So on April 12th you can get your live streaming ticket. That link will be good for a week and I think it's gonna be a pretty great show.

[Mr. Thomas]

I know so too let's break our record with live streams. Let's get from all over the world.

[Fortune Feimster]

Biggest live stream in the world.

[Mr. Thomas]

Stream in the world.

[Fortune Feimster]

And then there's just like 50 tickets left for our show at the Ryman in Nashville. That one won't be live streamed so.

[May Martin]

Get those tickets and that one won't sell out.

[Fortune Feimster]

There's no possible stream.

[May Martin]

Get rid of 50 tickets goods.

[Fortune Feimster]

It's but it will be at the iconic Ryman theater and I'm so stoked for that and Guess who will be there. We've talked about it, but I bought her her ticket today.

[May Martin]

Share.

[Fortune Feimster]

No.

[May Martin]

Oh, my God. Now we have to get Paul Abdul on the show.

[Mr. Thomas]

I'm a big fan.

[Fortune Feimster]

It was just that you put her in a very odd category.

[May Martin]

You do not like PA Abdul for some weird reason.

[Fortune Feimster]

Then my mom's going to be there. Ginger.

[Mr. Thomas]

Yes, of course Ginger's going to be there. Okay, great.

[May Martin]

With Paula.

[Fortune Feimster]

With Paula.

[Mr. Thomas]

They're together now. Really?

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, yeah, those are very exciting things here.

[May Martin]

Let's put. Let's put it out there. There are certain people, there are country singers that it'd be nice to have.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, yeah.

[May Martin]

So if you are country singer Nicole Kidman. If you're Nicole. She lives in Nashville.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah. With her country singing husband, Urban.

[Mr. Thomas]

Keith Urban. Please come. Please, please. Keith Urban. Please, please. Keith Urban.

[Fortune Feimster]

This is Ask me Dolly Parton.

[May Martin]

It's meant to be. I have a Dolly Parton shirt on today.

[Fortune Feimster]

Dolly.

[May Martin]

Oh, my gosh. I have a Dolly Parton shirt on with tits in a dumpster.

[Mr. Thomas]

Oh, my God. Wait, what?

[May Martin]

My tits are in a dumpster. I don't know if you've heard, but she's got some knockers.

[Fortune Feimster]

I would get anything to have Dolly come to our show or send us a question.

[May Martin]

But also, we would deal with Keith Urban showing up.

[Fortune Feimster]

I love Keith Urban.

[Mr. Thomas]

I would love that. So this comes out February 25th. Can I plug. I am so desperate to have handsome fans at these music shows that I'm doing. And I'm gonna tell funny stories and they're special guests. February 26th in LA at the Regent Theatre.

[May Martin]

And it was my understanding you're also doing the show topless.

[Mr. Thomas]

Oh, I'm good. Sure. Yeah. Should I put that out there?

[May Martin]

Yes.

[Mr. Thomas]

Yeah, sure.

[May Martin]

And no shoes and no barefoot or socks.

[Mr. Thomas]

Yeah, Just a cowboy hat and one tooth. So. February 26th with Lauren Ruth Ward at the Regent Theater. And then I'm.

[May Martin]

And Paul Abdul.

[Mr. Thomas]

And Paul Abdul will be there. Then March 1 in Toronto, Danforth Music Hall. March 4 at the Grammar Seat in New York with special guest Rob Thomas from Matchbox 20.

[Fortune Feimster]

Really?

[Mr. Thomas]

Yeah. It's gonna be incredible.

[May Martin]

Do you get a video from him? Get a question from him?

[Mr. Thomas]

I will. I'll ask it him. And then March 9th in London at the Kentish Town Forum with Charles Watson and other surprise guests with Prince Charles.

[May Martin]

Amazing.

[Mr. Thomas]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

Go see those shows.

[May Martin]

Stephanie and I already are. We have coming. Oh, yeah, we're on your show.

[Mr. Thomas]

I think we can meet and greets after.

[Fortune Feimster]

I think we can come to.

[May Martin]

I can meet you.

[Mr. Thomas]

You could meet you.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Mr. Thomas]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

I think we'll come too. Oh, I think I'm free.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Mr. Thomas]

Oh that's so nice.

[Fortune Feimster]

Please.

[Mr. Thomas]

This whole. Please.

[Fortune Feimster]

I'm on tour if you want to see some stand up Irvine Improv in March in Ontario, California. Then my theater tour starts in Savannah, Georgia Charleston, South Carolina. Baltimore, Pittsburgh, Cleveland, Columbus, all those places. Greensboro, OH Roanoke, VA. Shout out but tons of dates and I'm adding a bunch more so FortuneFemster.com for the go.

[May Martin]

To Tig Notaro.com I'm doing a show in Arkansas, but I don't have anything in front of me. At some point I will be there. And as far as Toronto, I am no longer there. I will be back in a handful of months working out new material. So hang in there Toronto. I'll be right back. But man were those audiences great at Comedy Bar.

[Fortune Feimster]

And get your merch hands.com I just got our hoodie and sweatpants pants. It is, I'm not kidding, the most comfortable.

[Mr. Thomas]

Do you wear them together? Match?

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah.

[Mr. Thomas]

Combo. Yeah. Really good.

[Fortune Feimster]

The sweatpants are the perfect. They're sometimes sweatpants are like, yeah. So baggy. These are like so good.

[Mr. Thomas]

They're soft. Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

I'm not just saying it, but if you buy those, you will be very happy with it.

[May Martin]

Yeah. I mean just like picture Paula Abdul in them.

[Mr. Thomas]

Yeah, exactly.

[Fortune Feimster]

Well guys, all that's left is to keep it handsome.

[Mr. Thomas]

Handsome is hosted by Me, May Martin.

[Tig Notaro]

Tig Notaro and Fortune Feimster.

[Mr. Thomas]

The show is produced, recorded and edited by Thomas Willette.

[Tig Notaro]

Email [e-mail] and please follow us on social media at Handsomepod.

[Fortune Feimster]

What a podcast.

[Mr. Thomas]

What a podcast.

[Fortune Feimster]

That was a Hitgun podcast. That was a Headgum podcast.

[May Martin]

Some people just know they could save hundreds on car insurance by checking Allstate first.

[Fortune Feimster]

Like you know how to check that you break in those new tap shoes before heading off to that all day tap dancing clinic you signed up for?

[Tig Notaro]

Check in first is smart. So check Allstate first for a quote that could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Savings vary subject to terms, conditions and availability. Allstate Fire and Casualty Insurance Company and Affiliates Northbrook, Illinois.

[Caleb Herron]

Hi, I'm Caleb Herron, host of the so True podcast now on Headgum. Every week me and my guests get into it and we get down to what's really going on. I ask them what's so true to them, how they got to where they are in life, a bunch of other questions and we also may or may not test their general trivia knowledge, whether it's one of my sworn enemies like Brittany Broski or Jewelry or my actual biological mother, Kelly. My guests and I are just after the truth, and if we find it, great. And if not, no worries. So subscribe to so True on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, Pocket Casts, or wherever you get your podcasts, and watch video episodes on the so True with Caleb Herron YouTube channel. New episodes drop every Thursday. Love ya.