Aparna Nancherla asks about holiday party faux pas

Summary

Handsome Podcast Episode Summary

Episode: Aparna Nancherla asks about holiday party faux pas
Date: December 23, 2025
Hosts: Tig Notaro, Fortune Feimster, Mae Martin
Guest: Aparna Nancherla

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Episode Overview

In this festive and irreverent holiday episode, Tig, Fortune, and Mae field a question from comedian Aparna Nancherla about their worst holiday party faux pas. The trio swap hilarious, brutally honest, and occasionally cringey stories about awkward festive experiences—from accidentally extra-messy snack moments to accidentally interrupting private encounters (and everything in between). Along the way, the hosts dish lots of personal anecdotes, blend in banter about their lives (“Big Cookie,” bathrobes, car mishaps), and ultimately revel in the messiness and joy of holiday gatherings.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

Getting Cozy and Catching Up [02:00–16:35]

• Hotel Roaming and Bathrobes

  • Tig reveals she’s podcasting in a robe from her hotel room, prepping for an early bedtime. Fortune and Mae tease her, dubbing her “Tig Hefner.” [02:30]
  • Tig shares her evening routine: “I had a bath. I had dinner. I wiped my face off and got into the tub fully naked, you guys.” [06:04]

• Girl Talk and Set Gaggles

  • Mae shares excitement about working on Fortune’s show, feeling included in the on-set gossip circle: “I over shared—all my whole romantic history. We got deep.” [07:36]

• Dog & Cat Updates

  • Fortune’s dog Biggie makes an on-air appearance. The hosts joke about his “dead” eyes and speculate on how he’d fare if the podcast “broke up.” [11:20]
  • Mae: “Imagine if this podcast ever broke up… I’d be the Biggie.” [11:50]

Milestones & Mishaps [13:21–24:59]

• Mae Buys a Car Without a License

  • Mae reveals she bought a car with only a learner’s permit: “When I bought the car, I couldn’t even test drive it because I don’t have my license.” [14:12]
  • “I did bump a car…but I was just trying to parallel park and gave it a little tap…thought, I’m not going to park here.” [14:46]

• On Fruit and Pickiness

  • Mae shares a story about their niece’s disinterest in oranges (“oranges, boranges”), leading to a comedic side chat about the disappointment of bad fruit. [23:00–24:10]
  • Tig: “I like orange candies—I know, I’m here to blow your mind.” [23:28]

Setting the Holiday Scene [26:05–29:38]

• Home Decorations

  • Fortune and Mae discuss cozy holiday routines (fireplace, Christmas tree, wine).
  • Mae: “I bought all these ornaments and lights…had to consciously let [my friend] do her thing … didn’t realize how opinionated I was about tree decoration.” [27:19]

• Family Traditions

  • Tig describes tree-trimming with her partner’s mom and kids, complete with “oat nog” and annual Christmas socks: “It’s just nice...we have our little tree trimming party.” [28:28]

Britney Spears and Embarrassment Stories [29:45–36:00]

• Concert Mishaps

  • Tig recounts seeing Britney in Vegas and possibly spotting a wardrobe malfunction involving a leotard and a sanitary pad: “She mysteriously danced offstage for a while...reappeared and it was not there anymore.” [31:17]

• Period Mishaps

  • Mae confesses to a 14-year-old embarrassment at Second City, accidentally dropping wadded-up, bloodied tissue onstage: “Someone goes, ‘There’s a bloody tissue on the floor,’ and my heart pounding…” [32:58]
  • Tig adds a story about an actor friend mistakenly using her own underwear as a stage prop: “No, we use prop underwear.” [35:23]

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Main Theme: Holiday Party Faux Pas [39:37–58:07]

Aparna’s Question [39:41]

“What is the biggest faux pas you’ve made at a holiday party? I invite you to get as messy, as gratuitous as possible…I will accompany you there as well.” —Aparna Nancherla [39:41]

Hosts’ Holiday Confessions

• Fortune: "My faux pas is usually going straight for the food table, no self-control, and just shoving a wad of cheese into my mouth. People are trying to talk to me and I'm just...still cheese." [42:07]
• Mae: Shares about a friend stroking the brie at a party: “She was like, ‘I just like how it feels,’ and I was like, you can’t do that.” [42:52]
• Fortune’s Best Faux Pas Story:
  • “I went to a Christmas party...It was near the end of the night...I opened the bathroom door because it was unlocked and there were two people on the floor...having full intercourse.” [43:30]
  • “My faux pas was—I slowly shut the door and went back to the party and told everybody...” [44:19]
  • Upon their exit: “They came out of the bathroom just like, ‘What's up, everybody?’” [46:45]
• Mae: Admits to having sex in bathrooms—“on a train,” specifically, with someone closeted—highlighting how the holidays inspire both mischief and secrecy. [47:12]
• Mae’s Pictionary Gaffe: At her own recent holiday party, Mae tried to over-instruct a Pictionary game, which backfired: “It came with all these rules and instructions...it was really rigid.” [48:53]
• Treats vs. Squares: Brief but charming Canada/US “Rice Krispie squares vs. treats” linguistics debate. [49:33]

Tig’s Crumby Sundance Party [50:04]

“I was just really getting into those snacks...A girl comes up and talks to me—after she walked away, my glasses had collected all the crumbs I was eating. It was just a cradle of crumbs hanging around my neck.” [52:05]

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Aparna’s Faux Pas Story [54:07]

“The biggest faux pas I ever made at a holiday party was actually the first holiday party I ever attended with my parents...I just knew I had to sample each and every [dessert]—which I conveyed to my parents through screaming. I had this huge meltdown...rolling on the floor...so they packed some of each dessert in a box for me. The next morning, it had all congealed into one big, unidentifiable ball.” —Aparna Nancherla [54:08–55:55]

This had the hosts roaring, with Tig marveling: “I cannot for the life of me picture Aparna throwing a fit.” [56:19]

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Mae: “Imagine if this podcast ever broke up…I’d be the Biggie.” [11:50]
• Fortune (re: food table faux pas): “I’m just shoving a wad of cheese into my mouth…people are trying to talk to me and I’m still cheese.” [42:09]
• Tig: “I like orange candies…I know, I’m here to blow your mind.” [23:28]
• Mae: “I have an embarrassing story…age 14 at Second City…I just wadded up toilet paper…somebody found it and I was going, ‘Oh no, whose is that?’ and my heart pounding.” [32:58]
• Tig (crumby faux pas): “My glasses had collected all of the crumbs of my snacks…I was like, oh my God, what did this person think?” [52:04]

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Aparna’s Faux Pas Summary

• Screamed and rolled on the floor at a potluck as a kid, overwhelmed by dessert choices; forced her parents to pack up every snack, which sadly all melded together by morning.

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Holiday Wishes and Closing [58:07–End]

• Singing & Holiday Wishes: Fortune belts out carols, the trio jokes about “holiday wishes” songs, and all send warm, supportive thoughts to listeners, acknowledging the difficulty and complexity of the season for some. [58:07–63:46]
• Mae: “No matter what you’re doing, just take care of yourself. I’ll be by myself with buddies on Christmas. We’re just sending you a lot of love.” [63:25]

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Top Timestamps

• [02:30]—Robe banter and baths
• [06:04]—Tig’s fully naked bath admission
• [11:20]—Podcast “breakup” jokes and Biggie’s home life
• [14:12]—Mae buying and learning to drive a car
• [23:00]—“Oranges, boranges” and fruit snack talk
• [31:17]—Tig’s Britney Spears Vegas anecdote
• [32:58]—Mae’s Second City menstrual mishap story
• [43:30]—Fortune walking in on bathroom “deed”
• [54:08]—Aparna’s childhood dessert meltdown

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Closing Tone

Playfully chaotic, supportive, and unfiltered: the trio gleefully swap horror and heartwarming stories, blend in personal updates, and close with “holiday wishes” and empathy for all listeners. Whether you’re seeking a laugh, a bit of camaraderie over awkward holiday tales, or just the infectious wit of three comic pros, this episode delivers.

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For Listeners Who Missed It

This episode offers a hilarious look at festive blunders and the relatable mayhem of holiday socializing. Highlights include wild faux pas, confessions, and even impromptu holiday carols—alongside the real reminder that imperfection (and awkwardness) is often the heart of celebration.

Transcript

[May Martin]

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[May Martin]

Chatting with friends on the Handsome Pod. Chatting with friends on the Handsome Pod.

[Tig Notaro]

Cheers. Welcome to the Handsome Pod. It's your friend Tig Notaros in here.

[May Martin]

With May Martin and Fortune Beamster. Happy holidays.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Tis a season.

[May Martin]

It is it sure tis it.

[Tig Notaro]

Tis.

[May Martin]

If you're watching, you'll. You'll know this, but Tig is wearing a very handsome robe. Dressing gown.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah. If not sexy.

[Fortune Feimster]

Tig Hefner.

[Aparna Nancherla]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

Isn't that who we're looking at?

[Tig Notaro]

That's right.

[Fortune Feimster]

Is this your. This is your robe that you brought to Toronto?

[Tig Notaro]

No, ma', am. I'm just in my hotel room and I am. You know, it's almost 8pm here, but I have a very early call time. And so once this episode is wrapped, this little rascal is climb into bed and going night night.

[May Martin]

So going night Night.

[Fortune Feimster]

Are you gonna go night night in your robe?

[Tig Notaro]

No, no.

[Fortune Feimster]

You're going full commando.

[Tig Notaro]

I, I, I sleep in my ponties. I think we've already discussed this many times. I sleep in my big girl ponties.

[Fortune Feimster]

And your grancy pansies.

[May Martin]

You look so cozy. Have you had a bath?

[Tig Notaro]

I did. I had a bath. I had dinner.

[Fortune Feimster]

Tell us about it.

[Tig Notaro]

Okay, well, do you want to know about my dinner?

[Fortune Feimster]

Well, first I want to know about the bath, and then I want to know about your dinner.

[Tig Notaro]

Girl, dinner came before the bath.

[Fortune Feimster]

Whoa.

[Tig Notaro]

Are you okay, girl? Are you okay, girl?

[Fortune Feimster]

Girl, I had a cough.

[Tig Notaro]

Girl, are you sick?

[May Martin]

Fortunately, I know it is a little.

[Fortune Feimster]

Tickle in my throat. Huh?

[May Martin]

No, it's because we were. The past two days, me and Fortune were filming on Fortune's show and they had all that, like, fake smoke atmosphere.

[Fortune Feimster]

In the air, and it was mess my.

[Tig Notaro]

That happens on Star Trek too.

[Fortune Feimster]

Messed up today and yesterday.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[May Martin]

The air is so thick and, like, chalky and. Is that you think that's what it is, Fortune?

[Fortune Feimster]

I think so, yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah. I cough for a few days after Star Trek because there's explosions always, you know.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah. Don't get away from telling us about your bath and dinner.

[Tig Notaro]

Okay, but girl, I have to tell you about my dinner first, because I like to go first. Well, my favorite restaurant, and this is no offense to my other favorite restaurants, but Planta always here. Have I talked to you about this?

[Fortune Feimster]

I just, yeah, I've heard you mention this place, but do you have a signature dish there?

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, my gosh. All of them. But their dessert is called. One of their desserts is just simply called Big Cookie. Have I told you about Big Cookie?

[May Martin]

Oh, God, I love that. And also, that should be like a rap name, Big Cookie.

[Tig Notaro]

Well, when we go to the Planta in la, there's this waitress that we always get, and she knows that Stephanie and Max and Finn and I always jokingly call it Big Cookie. It just sounds so, like, Big Cookie. Yeah. And what would you like for dessert?

[Fortune Feimster]

Big Cookie.

[Tig Notaro]

Like, they don't say what the flavor is. They don't. And it's a chocolate chip cookie, but they only call it Big Cookie. And so when we get her as our waiter in L. A, she's always like, and do you guys want Big Cookie? And yes, yes, we do. So, yeah, I love all their stuff, but I had. They have eggplant. What is it? Unagi. Oh, and it's so good, like Japanese style. Yeah, yeah.

[May Martin]

So you filled up, filled up your little tum.

[Tig Notaro]

Yes, I did. That wasn't the only thing I had. I had that and I also had Caesar salad. And I went ahead and had big cookie. And it's a good size. It's like, it's big. And they call it that for a reason.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah. Love it.

[Tig Notaro]

And then. I love you too. And then I finished that up. I. I wiped my face off and got into the tub fully naked, you guys.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, girl.

[May Martin]

Girl.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, girl. I took a bath fully naked today.

[Fortune Feimster]

Wow. A bubble bath.

[May Martin]

Is it a tits out tub or were you so.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, my gosh, my dumpster tits were hanging out all over the place. It was insane. Yeah. You think you messed your chest up at work, Fortune? My chest is all sorts of messes.

[May Martin]

Unrecognizable.

[Tig Notaro]

How are you both doing?

[May Martin]

I'm good. Because I'm buzzing from getting to do these couple days on Fortune's show. And I was so nervous, but I loved seeing our girl Marie in action.

[Tig Notaro]

Amazing.

[May Martin]

The of the ball. Just everyone, like, surrounded by a gaggle of girls who just want to gossip. And it was so fun.

[Fortune Feimster]

It's so fun. On set, there is a gaggle of women that just sit around and chat in between setups and stuff.

[Tig Notaro]

Do they work on the show or they just bring them in to chat?

[Fortune Feimster]

They do work on their show. Okay. Will has a lot of women that work for him and then his company. So it's a real fun vibe. So as soon as May sat down, we were. I. I said, mate, give him the hot goss. And I did share with the gals.

[May Martin]

And I over shared and what was it? Oh, my whole romantic history. We got deep.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

We gab, we give each other advice. We go, oh, no, no. We do a lot of that.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

So Maeve was brought right into the fold of the gabbing.

[May Martin]

That happens yesterday. I had to shoot a gun and shoot it five times. And it was. Pressure was on because they have a special effects set up where dust falls from the ceiling, like you've shot it. But I had to try.

[Tig Notaro]

And Hollywood magic.

[May Martin]

Hollywood magic. And I got it wrong the first time, mainly because after the first shot, Will did this, like, womanly scream that was so funny to me. And so Will Ferrell. And there's nothing funnier than a man shrieking like that. And I was like, I'm in heaven. I kept having out of body, like in the little green room area with. With Molly Shannon and Will Ferrell, like heroes of mine. And they were telling Fortune.

[Tig Notaro]

Feimster was likely there, of course.

[May Martin]

Fortune.

[Fortune Feimster]

I was going in and out of that room because I. I sit with the village gals and then I go in there because normally we're all together, but in this particular location, everyone separated. Yeah.

[May Martin]

But man, hearing, like, stories from 90s SNL, and they were. I was just like in. In total heaven. What nice people. Silly, nice people.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, yeah, It's a fun show. That's great. Yeah, we gotta, you know, figure this out so I can do my part.

[Fortune Feimster]

That's right.

[Tig Notaro]

Seriously, I was sadly unavailable when I was asked to come in.

[May Martin]

Oh, shit.

[Tig Notaro]

You. I wonder who replaced me.

[May Martin]

I hope it wasn't me.

[Tig Notaro]

I don't think it was. No, it wasn't, because it was when I was filming last time I was in Toronto.

[May Martin]

Okay, okay.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

So whoever that was. But either way. Well, that sounds like a darn good time, especially to be able to sit around. No way. No. A news flash. Go to YouTube.

[May Martin]

Go to YouTube.

[Tig Notaro]

Serious news flash. Don't even say what happened.

[May Martin]

Wow.

[Fortune Feimster]

Okay.

[May Martin]

We've been blessed by the presence of an angel here.

[Tig Notaro]

Yes.

[May Martin]

I'll give you one clue. His eyes. Dead?

[Fortune Feimster]

No, they're full of life.

[May Martin]

Oh, look at him.

[Fortune Feimster]

I'm back with my baby bear for a little bit.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, my gosh. I have really missed him. I think about him probably every other day.

[Fortune Feimster]

I miss him too.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, he's so cute.

[Fortune Feimster]

His eyes. How. How are they looking?

[Tig Notaro]

Is he flying?

[Fortune Feimster]

How are his eyes looking?

[Tig Notaro]

Dead. Completely dead. Yeah, but he's so cute.

[May Martin]

Oh, my God.

[Tig Notaro]

And what has he been up to?

[Fortune Feimster]

He been. He.

[Tig Notaro]

He's from.

[Fortune Feimster]

He's from a broken home now, so he has to.

[Tig Notaro]

That's so sad.

[May Martin]

How does he like the new house?

[Fortune Feimster]

He likes it because, you know, there's. It's. Oh, hold on.

[Tig Notaro]

What the hell was that?

[May Martin]

He just. I think Biggie just coughed.

[Fortune Feimster]

He's getting older, so he has a wheeze.

[Tig Notaro]

You guys need to lie down and take the rest of the day off.

[Fortune Feimster]

I know.

[Tig Notaro]

Geez. He.

[Fortune Feimster]

The new house is good because it's small and he can scoot around it easily. Yeah. And there's a back. A little backyard with grass in there that he likes to tinkle in a. And some of the not much, but a couple furniture pieces are from the old house that he's like, I know this furniture. This house is unfamiliar, but. Yeah, he's.

[Tig Notaro]

Does he seem confused being from a broken home now, or does he seem.

[May Martin]

Could you tell the difference? Isn't he always. He's always a bit confused.

[Fortune Feimster]

He's always chill, so he becomes attached to whoever he's with. You know? Right. So when he's with the Jacks, he's very attached to her and follows her around. Then when he is with me, he's very attached to me and follows me around. And, you know, I think that just is whoever he's with, that's where his heart is. Yeah.

[May Martin]

Imagine if this. If this podcast ever broke up. I'd be. I feel like I'd be the Biggie.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah. Going home to home.

[Tig Notaro]

I feel like if this podcast breaks up, I'm getting Biggie.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, my God.

[May Martin]

Is that a threat?

[Tig Notaro]

Wouldn't that be a weird outcome?

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

It's gonna have to take Biggie.

[Tig Notaro]

I don't think Biggie would stick out in Kitty City. I really don't, because the cats just lounge around on the bed together.

[May Martin]

I think they would manipulate him like older siblings. Like, they. There's. Their cats are smart. I feel like they'd have him doing their errands for them and, like, they'd convince him to steal stuff from the fridge.

[Fortune Feimster]

And, yeah, he's really intrigued by cats because he hasn't spent hardly any time around them. So he sees them like. Like an outdoor cat, and he'll be like, what's your deal?

[Tig Notaro]

I feel like the little cloud above Biggie's head is always just, like, saying whatevs.

[Fortune Feimster]

Whatevs?

[May Martin]

What?

[Fortune Feimster]

I think you're right.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

He seems fine with whatevs.

[May Martin]

Yeah. Like, you know how they. Sometimes they train dogs to press buttons that say words to communicate, like, outside food, whatever?

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[May Martin]

With Biggie, you'd get all the buttons, and then you'd get one that says whatevs. And he'd just hit that every time.

[Tig Notaro]

He hit it all day and night.

[Fortune Feimster]

Whatevs.

[Tig Notaro]

When he's not eating or sleeping or tingling.

[Fortune Feimster]

Stop calling me dead eyes. I'm full of life. Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, probably.

[May Martin]

Tig, I told Fortune this on a minisode, but I haven't told you that I. I got a car. Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

That is ridiculous.

[May Martin]

I is right. You. It is ridiculous.

[Tig Notaro]

Why would you get a car?

[Fortune Feimster]

I'm pumped about it.

[May Martin]

I don't have my license yet either, but I have my learner's permit, and I'm learning, so I got a car so I could practice. Every day I've been bopping around.

[Tig Notaro]

Is it a black Suburban or Cadillac?

[Fortune Feimster]

A black.

[May Martin]

It's Alexis, and it's. It looks like a little Subaru almost. It's.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

It's cute. Yeah.

[May Martin]

So when I'm driving, I have to have someone with me in the car. But I cannot have music playing. I can't have anyone talking to me. I'm focused. I got the guy on the. On telling me where to go and the voice of the map, and I'm loving it.

[Tig Notaro]

Wait, and you have not gotten your license yet? No.

[May Martin]

So when I bought the car, I couldn't even test drive it because you got it and, and you can't drive it off the lot unless you have insurance. So I had to get my assistant to be on. On their insurance and it was a whole thing. But I do my test on, on Monday and by the time this comes out, hopefully I'm going to be driving Santa's goddamn sleigh. Who knows?

[Tig Notaro]

Wow. May huge congrats.

[May Martin]

Thanks.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, I can't.

[May Martin]

I can't wait to drive you guys somewhere.

[Fortune Feimster]

I know.

[Tig Notaro]

I will meet you there.

[May Martin]

Yeah, that's fair. No, I think. I think I'm gonna get the muscle memory and be a. Be a natural. Yeah. I did bump a car with. I did hit a car, but I was just trying. Well, I was trying to parallel park and I just gave it a little tap and then I thought, I'm not gonna park here. And I went.

[Fortune Feimster]

Usually fine.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Are they.

[Fortune Feimster]

As long as it's a little tap?

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah. If the owner of the car saw the little tab, would you feel like, oh, that's fine?

[Fortune Feimster]

Well, they would have to suss it out.

[May Martin]

And I would say, listen, I'm on my assistant's insurance. I don't have my full license. Please give me a break.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yep.

[May Martin]

But it feels good to be in my little world in my. In my car, in my bubble.

[Fortune Feimster]

I love it for you.

[Tig Notaro]

And what made you buy a car because you knew you've. You're feeling confident you're going to pass this test and, and you're ready to hit the road.

[May Martin]

I've done so many lessons and I feel like I, if I. I should be driving every day just to really get it in my system and it would help me pass the test. So I've been just. Just practicing.

[Tig Notaro]

That is adorable.

[May Martin]

I do feel like a grown up. Like I. It's actually changed how I feel about myself in my life. Like, I feel.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah.

[May Martin]

Like I really feel safer.

[Tig Notaro]

And did you. You really didn't feel like an adult before two days ago?

[May Martin]

No. No, no.

[Tig Notaro]

Interesting.

[May Martin]

I've. No. I was living. I was living wrong.

[Fortune Feimster]

Living la vida loca.

[May Martin]

I was living la vida loca. And now.

[Tig Notaro]

What language is that?

[Fortune Feimster]

Espanol.

[May Martin]

Wow.

[Fortune Feimster]

Espanola.

[Tig Notaro]

You know what's smart?

[Ad Read Announcer]

Checking Allstate first for a quote that could save you hundreds on car insurance. You know it's not smart not checking for spider webs before walking down a garden path. I really don't like walking into a spider web, and I'm pretty sure the spiders don't like me messing up their hard work either.

[May Martin]

Yeah, checking first is smart, so check Allstate first for a quote that could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Potential savings vary subject to terms, conditions and availability. Allstate North American Insurance Company and Affiliates Northbrook, Illinois Tomboy X is in the business of butts. They've been making size and gender inclusive underwear for over 10 years so they know a thing or two about making the perfect pair. They make premium underwear, bras, swimwear and loungewear that is queer designed because Tomboy X is also queer founded and queer. Run from thongs to boy shorts to briefs, Tomboy X offers 12 different silhouettes to help you find the support you need. Their designs are created with all day comfort in mind from sizes extra small through 6x, so whether you're wearing their premium underwear, bras, swim or loungewear, you'll always feel comfortable in your skin. Handsome wants to let you know that the Tomboy X year end warehouse sale is live shop hundreds of styles on sale at some of the lowest prices of the year. So fill your drawer with your soon to be favorite undies.

[Ad Read Announcer]

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[May Martin]

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[May Martin]

What are you waiting for? Get started on your dream website today. Head to squarespace.com handsome for. For a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, use the offer code HANDSOME to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.

[Tig Notaro]

You know, you don't know this, but I'll tell you. Our housekeeper, when she comes over, when she sees our cats, she's like, el gato.

[Fortune Feimster]

That means cat.

[Tig Notaro]

I know, but when you think about it, like, if I went to somebody's house, I wouldn't just say cat.

[May Martin]

Does she maybe not know their names?

[Tig Notaro]

I don't think so. But she's essentially saying the cat.

[Fortune Feimster]

Right? The cat.

[May Martin]

The cat.

[Tig Notaro]

The cat.

[Fortune Feimster]

Elgato.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah. So I. It hit me the other day, and I said that to Stephanie. I was like, wait, isn't she essentially walking in every morning just saying the cat? Yeah, and she says it in a very loving voice.

[Fortune Feimster]

I love it.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, it's just. It's just a funny little thought. The cat.

[Fortune Feimster]

And there's multiple. So she's not even saying Los gatos.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, hello, Fortune.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah, that's the plural of cats.

[Tig Notaro]

You know what? I forgot to tell you guys.

[May Martin]

Please.

[Tig Notaro]

We had a funny moment at our house the other day.

[Fortune Feimster]

What happened?

[Tig Notaro]

Finn said Fortune asked something about Fortune or said something about Fortune. And. And, yeah, I can't remember. I can't remember what he asked or said. And then I just. I was kind of taking a moment to where I was like, you know, he's only met you, what, once or twice or something? Twice. Yeah, yeah. And. And so I was like, oh. Because in my head I'm thinking, of course he remembers you. And I said, that's so funny that you brought up Fortune. I said, do you remember Fortune? And he said, yeah. And I said, do you know Fortune's last name? And he said, a Feimster? And I was like, whoa, whoa. Yeah. And then I said, do you know my other co host on Handsome? And he said, and, yeah, May Martin.

[May Martin]

No way.

[Tig Notaro]

Yes.

[May Martin]

Wait, what?

[Fortune Feimster]

Handsome listener.

[Tig Notaro]

But it was one of those moments where, you know, people say kids are like sponges and all that kind of stuff. And.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

It's not like I walk around the house going Fortune theme stores on the phone, or I need to, you know, make sure to tell May Martin and that he.

[Fortune Feimster]

That he pronounced it correctly with my last. Completely impressive.

[Tig Notaro]

It's such a tiny little thing, but it. I. It blew our minds. I was like, wow.

[Fortune Feimster]

Blows my mind.

[May Martin]

I wonder what. I wonder what else is in there? You know?

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, my gosh. There's so many moments like that.

[May Martin]

I will say that I was. I was visiting with Amma recently and she was playing on like a thing that was gonna break or something. So I went, oh, don't play on that. And she goes, I'm not playing. I'm gay. And. And I. She's seven. And I went, what? And then I said, what do you know? What do you. What does gay mean to you? And she goes, you're gay. And I said, what is it? And she goes, it's. Yeah, it's when a boy marries a boy. And I was like, okay, but I'm not. I'm not playing. I'm gay. And was so good. And then the other good one she had was. I said I was trying to give a may fact. And I went, did you know that the reason that they put clementines and oranges in Christmas stockings? And she goes, oranges? Boranges. I could. I was speechless.

[Fortune Feimster]

I was like, that is watching some Adam Sandler movies.

[May Martin]

Boring.

[Fortune Feimster]

Porphil. More like Bora Phil.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

And how she's seven now.

[May Martin]

Yes. And she's funny and she knows when she's funny. And I laugh so hard at Boranges that then for the whole rest of the day, it was boringes 24 7. It was. She kept whipping it up.

[Tig Notaro]

I have to be honest, I feel a little like Boranges too.

[May Martin]

What do you mean?

[Tig Notaro]

I'm just not terribly into oranges. I like orange candies.

[May Martin]

Oh, wow.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, I know. I'm here to blow your mind.

[Fortune Feimster]

I don't ever really know my either. I know that. Shocking because I'm really known for all the fruit I consume.

[May Martin]

You're known for it?

[Tig Notaro]

Fruity Fortune.

[May Martin]

Fruity Fortune.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah. I don't like. I'm not a real texture crazy person, but the texture of like those little white things you have to peel off the. In between the ghee, I'm just like, no, thank you.

[May Martin]

It's Russian roulette with an orange in a way that most fruits, there's a little more consistency. You know what you're getting with an orange. It could either be the most delicious, sweet, fresh, cold, or it's actual garbage. You know, when it's. When it's all pithy and on the.

[Tig Notaro]

On the edge, I'll eat them. It's just not the same as a. What are the honey crisp apple. For me, a honey crisp apple is like.

[Fortune Feimster]

You know who likes those? My boy Biggie.

[May Martin]

Really?

[Fortune Feimster]

He loves to just nibble on a little apple. Oh, he's just, like, loves it.

[Tig Notaro]

That is cute.

[May Martin]

Very precious.

[Tig Notaro]

I always let my cats smell anything that's on my fork or spoon because I'm curious to their response. I'll be like, oh, you want to smell this? And then sometimes they're very interested, and other times it's like, what the hell?

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah. Really good information, Tig. Keep it coming.

[Fortune Feimster]

Keep it coming, buddy.

[May Martin]

I mean, all of us today are. The stuff we're coming up with is pure gold.

[Fortune Feimster]

Well, because, you know, the holidays are upon us, so we're exactly thinking we're. I think we're getting in holiday mode.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

That must be what's going on.

[May Martin]

Yeah. Not the slow decline of our lives.

[Tig Notaro]

And we'll be right back after these messages.

[Fortune Feimster]

Because our lives are all going down a hill into a fiery pit.

[Tig Notaro]

Right here on Live.

[May Martin]

I guess, like, after what, 30. You are on. It is a sort of inevitable cognitive decline. Decline.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, sorry.

[May Martin]

Is that.

[Tig Notaro]

Well, your body does.

[Fortune Feimster]

Please keep these positive Mayfax coming.

[Tig Notaro]

Happy Holidays. But your body does start to die after 25 years.

[May Martin]

Really?

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, it starts to just. They. I don't think your body makes any new cells or, you know. But I'm also not reliable as far as science or anything, really.

[Fortune Feimster]

I've been trying to have cozy time because. Hello. I've been putting the fireplace on at night.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah. Oh, yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

And getting a blanket out.

[Ad Read Announcer]

Go on.

[Fortune Feimster]

And me and my biggie boy cuddle.

[Tig Notaro]

Up on the couch. Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

I did open up a bottle of wine the other night.

[Tig Notaro]

And then.

[Fortune Feimster]

You re.

[Tig Notaro]

Corked it immediately.

[Fortune Feimster]

I poured one glass and recorded it. I put out my little, tiny pink Christmas tree.

[Tig Notaro]

How tiny?

[Fortune Feimster]

You have a tiny pink Christmas Four footer. No, not. Maybe a three and a half footer.

[May Martin]

Okay.

[Fortune Feimster]

Little. Okay.

[Tig Notaro]

Well, let's find out. Is it three and a half or four feet?

[May Martin]

Three and a half.

[Fortune Feimster]

All right. And it's pink.

[May Martin]

That's nice. I got a tree and my. My friend Matt, who lives in the back, and his girlfriend, she has never decorated a tree before. It's just not a thing in China. And she was so excited. And I bought all these ornaments and stuff and. And lights. And then it really. I had to make such a conscious effort to just let her do her thing. Like, I didn't realize till we started how opinionated I was about, like, oh, well, we can. Yep, that's a little high for that ball. Like, I want to space it out a little. And the lights especially, I'm like, you got to put the lights Deep in by the stock.

[Tig Notaro]

The trunk.

[May Martin]

And it's pretty wild with the result, but it looks pretty cozy. Have you guys done decorations, too?

[Tig Notaro]

We had a little bit of a tree trimming party with Stephanie's mother, which we. She comes in town and. And she's the strongest one out of everyone and. What do you mean?

[May Martin]

She is like, like pumping iron.

[Tig Notaro]

Like, not. No, but she's just, like, she's sturdy. She's a sturdy woman. And sure, she's inching towards 70, but, like, she climbs up into our. Our and pulls down every. We just. It depends on what our holiday plans are, if we get a real tree or we use a. A fake one. So this year we use the. The fake one.

[Aparna Nancherla]

And.

[Tig Notaro]

Man, Nana pulled that down off of that top shelf. And. And yeah. So we had a nice night of Christmas music and. Well, I was gonna say eggnog, but we had oat noggy. We had oat nog and we put the ornaments on and. Yeah. And all the kitties circled around. It was nice. And I feel very lucky and thankful that Nana, she could be like, yeah, whatevs. I live a couple hours away. I'm not gonna be driving in for a night, you know, but she comes in, spends the night, and we have our little tree trimming party, and it's just nice. Max. And she always brings Max and Finn Christmas socks, and they wear them year round, and it's just great. It's a good time.

[May Martin]

I feel like tree trimming must be a euphemism for something having. Like having a tree trimming.

[Fortune Feimster]

I don't know, like trimming bush.

[May Martin]

Yeah, well, fortune.

[Tig Notaro]

Fortune.

[Ad Read Announcer]

Marine.

[Fortune Feimster]

You said a euphemism for something. I mean, what else could it be? It's not Bush.

[May Martin]

I realized a toxic quality I have sometimes. I set you up. Fortune. I'll say something vaguely for me to.

[Fortune Feimster]

Take the fall, baby. Yeah.

[May Martin]

I don't go all the way.

[Tig Notaro]

And you're very toxic.

[May Martin]

I'm toxic?

[Fortune Feimster]

You're like, let me see how I can get Fortune in trouble with Tig.

[Tig Notaro]

We should play Britney Spears Toxic right now. Drop that in for a little bit.

[May Martin]

It's getting late.

[Ad Read Announcer]

Oh, my God.

[Fortune Feimster]

One of Britney Spears ask a handsome question. Oh, my God.

[Tig Notaro]

My.

[Fortune Feimster]

He's lucky. She's a star.

[May Martin]

What's my. Okay, my best Britney Spears asking a handsome question would be. Hello. Heads up, I'm here doing. Isn't that kind of what her Instagram's like these days?

[Fortune Feimster]

It's like a little Eliza Minnelli in there.

[May Martin]

She's, like, spinning Around. My question for you is simply this.

[Fortune Feimster]

I enjoy Brittany.

[May Martin]

I love her.

[Tig Notaro]

You know what? I took Stephanie. I got Stephanie Britney Spears in Vegas tickets years ago, and we went together and saw that. And how was. Was great. The grandmother's side of me came out. I'm not that familiar with her music, but a lot of people had on hats that said, work, bitch.

[Fortune Feimster]

That's right. You better work, bitch. Okay, you better work, bitch.

[Tig Notaro]

And I didn't know that was her song. And I was like, that's kind of rude.

[Fortune Feimster]

I am working. Stop calling me a bitch.

[Tig Notaro]

But now, something did happen during the concert. And I think what I saw and Stephanie saw was what was happening. And if you are from the Britney Spears team, please get in touch and correct us if we're wrong. But when she was dancing and singing.

[Fortune Feimster]

You saw titty?

[Tig Notaro]

No, I think I saw something used for menstrual cycles, maybe in pad form, that was sticking out. And then she mysteriously danced off stage for a while.

[May Martin]

Oh, my God.

[Fortune Feimster]

I just imagine someone from the table. Hello, we would like to talk to. A correction there.

[May Martin]

Oh, my God.

[Tig Notaro]

But I was like, stephanie, what is that weird white thing sticking out of her leotard? And, you know, whatever. And Stephanie's like, oh, my God. And then, truly, moments later, she danced awkwardly off the stage, and then she reappeared and it was not there anymore.

[Fortune Feimster]

See, this is the problem with leotards. It's why I stay away from them.

[May Martin]

Yeah, exactly.

[Tig Notaro]

Why the three of us, including Thomas, I would imagine he keeps his distance from the other side.

[Fortune Feimster]

I don't want my big old pad.

[Tig Notaro]

Coming out of my leotard, because that's what you use. I thought you used 200 tampons.

[Fortune Feimster]

To plug up Magooder. I need all those tampons to plug my cooter.

[May Martin]

I have an embarrassing story that I just thought of that I haven't thought of in so long, which is age 14 at Second City. Like, 14, you're still figuring your period out. Like, you know what I mean? You're too embarrassed to ask advice or anything. And you're freestyling and. Yeah, braces, acne, long hair. And I guess I'd run out of, like, tampons or pads or whatever. And I just wadded up toilet paper.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[May Martin]

Is this gross? Whatever. Whatever. Right, Biggie. So it was in my jeans, in my underwear, and it must have fallen out and down my trouser leg and out onto the floor. And then somebody found. It was like, oh, what's. It was in Second City, the comedy club on the Floor. And someone was going, there's a bloody tissue on the floor. And I was going. I was going, oh, no, whose is that? And my heart hounding.

[Fortune Feimster]

Disgusting.

[Tig Notaro]

You knew it was your bloody tissue.

[May Martin]

Oh, right away. Yeah. Oh, my God.

[Fortune Feimster]

Hopefully they don't test this for DNA.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, God.

[Tig Notaro]

What if that's what the Second City was like? If you find any bloody tissue on the stage, we do have a DNA tester.

[May Martin]

Yeah. Send it to the Second City lab. Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

The front, bottom.

[Fortune Feimster]

Someone had to be the one to pick it up.

[May Martin]

Oh, it's poor. It would have been weird if I was like, I don't know whose that is, but I'll pick it up.

[Fortune Feimster]

I'll pick it up and I'll throw it away. And the whole time you're like, this is disgusting.

[Tig Notaro]

You guys, you guys. My friend Steph Willen, who is also a producer on Come See Me in the Good Light, The Andrea doc.

[Fortune Feimster]

Who?

[Tig Notaro]

The one who got thumbed.

[May Martin]

Oh, yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

At the dinner party.

[May Martin]

Right.

[Tig Notaro]

If you haven't seen Come See Me the Good Light, check it out. You'll see who Steph is.

[Fortune Feimster]

A little thumb here and there.

[Tig Notaro]

That's not what we're talking about right now. But listen, Steph was. Had just moved to la. She had gotten an acting job, but she was completely unaware of how props worked or anything like that. And she was told in a rehearsal when they were blocking the scene and rehearsing and whatever, they were like. And then this is. And then at this point, then Steph will throw her dirty underwear.

[May Martin]

Oh, this.

[Tig Notaro]

Onto the floor.

[May Martin]

This rings a bell.

[Tig Notaro]

And she was like, oh, God, this is so uncomfortable. But she took her underwear off.

[May Martin]

Her real underwear.

[Fortune Feimster]

That's right. She did that.

[May Martin]

Oh, God.

[Tig Notaro]

Anyway, so, yeah, and then somebody was like, whose underwear is like, after somebody. Everybody had walked away. Somebody asked whose underwear? That was just like, oh, it's mine.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, my God.

[Tig Notaro]

And they're like, no, we. We use prop underwear. You don't have to take your own filthy underwear off and toss it.

[May Martin]

See that?

[Tig Notaro]

In the middle of the room. Your bloody underwear. Should we go to our question and asker?

[May Martin]

Yes. Off. Guess if you don't want to talk.

[Tig Notaro]

About this and talk about periods, if anybody's listening still.

[May Martin]

Yeah. Teaching kids about money is tough. It's hard to know where to start. And financial literacy is such an important part of growing up, and you want to give kids the right lesson at the right time for them. That's where Acorns early comes in. Acorns early is the money app. And debit card that I wish I had when I was growing up and learning about money.

[Ad Read Announcer]

Acorns early is the money app and debit card that makes it easy to grow kids smart money habits. Acorns early lets kids learn by doing, kids get to feel independent and parents get peace of mind as I teach my kids financial literacy and independence. I'm so glad I have Acorns early to help me along the way.

[May Martin]

Are you ready to join over 1.2 million parents and kids who've unlocked their kids potential with Acorns early? Get your first month on us when you head to acornserly.com HandsomePod or download the Acorns early app. That's one month free when you sign up at acornserly.com handsomepod. Acorns early card is issued by NBKC Bank Member FDIC pursuant to license by Visa USA. Free trial for new subscribers only. Subscription Fees starting from $5 per month unless canceled Terms [e-mail] Earlyterms Guess what?

[Ad Read Announcer]

The guys behind the podcast Smart List started a mobile company.

[Tig Notaro]

Why?

[Ad Read Announcer]

Because they were tired of getting fleeced by Big Wireless and they think you should be too. Big Wireless has been outsmarting everyone into buying expensive unlimited plans. Here's the truth. Most people use less than 10 gigs each month because they're always on WI fi.

[May Martin]

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[Ad Read Announcer]

Visit smartless mobile.com today. Plans start at $10 a month, and.

[Tig Notaro]

For a limited time you can get.

[Ad Read Announcer]

Your first month free on their 30 gigabyte plan. So you're more than covered. Just use Code Handsome at checkout taxes and fees. Extra terms and conditions apply. Don't get outsmarted. Get Smartless Mobile. Your body is your own. Planned Parenthood believes you should have the freedom to make decisions about your health and future. Whether you need STI testing and treatment, birth control, gender affirming care, abortion, sex education, or another sexual and reproductive health service, Planned Parenthood is there for you and all of us.

[May Martin]

To be honest, it's hard to ignore that across the country, lawmakers are using every play in the book to attack Planned Parenthood and force their personal beliefs on us. They're blocking access to essential health care, trying to deny people birth control and promoting backwards abstinence only until marriage programs. The attacks on our health care and our basic rights, they just don't seem to stop.

[Ad Read Announcer]

But you know what else doesn't stop? Planned Parenthood. The amazing staff and volunteers at Planned Parenthood health centers across the country do whatever they can to help more than 2 million annual patients get high quality, affordable care. Even as some people in power try to stop them. Supporters like you power this work. Donate to support Planned Parenthood now@planned parenthood.org.

[May Martin]

Defender Today's question asker is a stand up comedian and actor who's appeared in shows like Corporate, the Great north and BoJack Horseman. Her brand new comedy special, Hopeful Potato. What a great name is out now on Dropout tv. Aparna Nancherla is asking today's question.

[Tig Notaro]

Nice. She's one of the best.

[Fortune Feimster]

She really is so funny.

[Aparna Nancherla]

Hello handsome. It is I, Aparna Nancarla. I am so honored to be speaking to all three of you together. I'm a huge fan of each of you. I love you all and I've never had the privilege of speaking to you as one big, powerful holy Trinity. So what a day. What a day. Here's my question. What is the biggest faux pas you've made at a holiday party? Now, a holiday party, traditionally a place where someone might indulge in a little too much noggin, gently cross a boundary, say something they shouldn't have to the wrong person. So, you know, anything along those lines, I invite you to get as messy, as gratuitous as possible. I really want you to go there and I will accompany you there as well.

[Tig Notaro]

I have all the faith in the world that Aparna has a nightmare story. I just, I have all she is.

[Ad Read Announcer]

She.

[Tig Notaro]

It's just, of course this is her question and of course she's got a great. But I just have to say, she is by far one of my favorite stand ups. Yeah, she is so funny.

[May Martin]

I can't even remember the first time I saw her. But yeah, she is one of the. Yeah, so smart too. I mean, one powerful holy Trinity. Why have we never been called that before?

[Tig Notaro]

Why isn't that the name of our podcast?

[May Martin]

Podcast, yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

Holiday Party Faux pas. I, I am into holiday parties because usually there's gonna be a lot of good snacks.

[May Martin]

Oh, yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

So I feel like the. Especially Christmas parties.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

Or like the. I feel like it's more food than like other like a birthday party yes. It just feels like it's colder outside. People just want to eat.

[May Martin]

And. And you know what? Like, they're more substantial snacks. Like, at a regular party you might get what's chips in a dip? Christmas party, you're getting pigs in a blanket.

[Fortune Feimster]

Beef Wellington.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

I'll still go anywhere for chips and a dip.

[May Martin]

Yeah, that's true love.

[Fortune Feimster]

A chip and a dip.

[Tig Notaro]

I love you too.

[Fortune Feimster]

So I. Part of my faux pas is usually going straight for the food table and like having no self control and just shoving a wad of cheese into my.

[Tig Notaro]

Mouth at a girl.

[Fortune Feimster]

And people are like, I'm. I've just gotten to the party, so they're trying to talk to me and I'm just like, still cheese.

[Tig Notaro]

You're like, where is the cheese?

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah, I'm spilling stuff everywhere. That's usually my faux pas is just being a beast.

[May Martin]

I had a friend or have a friend called Gabby who's a very tactile person and also highly anxious and she. I once found her at a party. She didn't know anyone. I brought her as my plus one. And I found her at the snack table and she was. Without thinking, she was talking to someone and she was stroking the brie, like, like touching the brie and I, on.

[Fortune Feimster]

Top of it, the casing.

[Tig Notaro]

Does that mean the same thing as trimming the tree?

[May Martin]

She was stroking the.

[Fortune Feimster]

We're talking about bush again.

[May Martin]

And trimming the tree. Yeah. And she was like, I just like how it feels. And I was like, you can't. You can't do that.

[Fortune Feimster]

No. I'll tell you somebody. A person's faux pas that I was. It was not my faux pas, but I had to be a part of it. Okay. I went to one Christmas party and people have been drinking and having a good time. And here's the thing I'm always very conscious of when I go to a party. If you go to the bathroom, you gotta, like, make sure the door is locked. Like, it's just party 101 because people.

[Tig Notaro]

Are trying to get in there and doing your business.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah. And you don't want to be like. You don't want to be like on a toilet with your pants around your legs and someone's busting in. So it was near the end of the night, a lot of people had. Were gone. And I went to the bathroom and I opened the door because it was unlocked and there were two people on the floor of the bathroom doing the. Doing the dirty deed on the floor, having full intercourse.

[Tig Notaro]

Who cares about that? May. And we're touching the floor.

[Fortune Feimster]

And this was adult party. This is like four years ago. This is not like high school.

[Tig Notaro]

Did you know the people?

[May Martin]

Yes.

[Fortune Feimster]

And so then my faux PA probably was. I think you're like. You walk in on that. You're. You shut the door and move on with your.

[Tig Notaro]

You just sat on the toilet.

[Fortune Feimster]

No, my faux PA was. I. I slowly shut the door and I went back to the party and told everybody I used to. Okay. So when they came out, everyone's, like.

[Tig Notaro]

Staring at them and I hope not touching them. Who were these people? Go ahead. And I'll never tell.

[Fortune Feimster]

I'll never tell.

[Tig Notaro]

Can we bleep it out? Just tell us right now.

[Fortune Feimster]

No, I'll tell you later.

[May Martin]

Do we know them?

[Fortune Feimster]

I don't think you know the girl. Oh, but we know you might know the guy.

[Tig Notaro]

Love it, Thomas.

[May Martin]

Love it.

[Fortune Feimster]

It was not Thomas. I did not know Thomas then. But that's a faux pas for sure. I don't think you should be doing that in another person's bathroom.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

It should not be during a party. And you should. And if you are gonna break these rules, you have to lock the door.

[Tig Notaro]

And were they clearly drunk?

[Fortune Feimster]

They'd been drinking, but I don't know that they were, like, hammered. I think they just wanted to have sex.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[May Martin]

And also, you're horny. And it's never going to be, like, a couple who's been married for 15 years that are doing that. It's going to be two people who probably.

[Fortune Feimster]

It was new situation.

[May Martin]

New situation.

[Tig Notaro]

Are they still together?

[Fortune Feimster]

They are not.

[Tig Notaro]

Okay.

[Fortune Feimster]

I don't think they lasted much longer. Like, maybe a couple months past that. Yeah.

[May Martin]

Imagine if you asked your parents how you were conceived and they said on the floor.

[Fortune Feimster]

Well, I just was like, oh, my gosh. She was like, basically on. On top of. I was just like, oh, gross.

[Aparna Nancherla]

Oh, my God.

[Tig Notaro]

I mean, gross. And did they see you come in?

[Fortune Feimster]

They sure did.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, my gosh. That. Is everybody involved? Faux pod.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah. They were like, I can't believe you told everybody. I was like, I'm the one.

[Tig Notaro]

Were they legitimately upset with you?

[Fortune Feimster]

No, they weren't. They weren't upset, but more. More sheepish. I'm like, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

That's so funny.

[Fortune Feimster]

But, you know, it was a bunch of comedians that were there, so, yeah, they were all laughing. Nobody was like, you know, it was like, whatever.

[May Martin]

Good to have a little gossip at the party. That's pretty juicy.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah, that was a juicy moment.

[Tig Notaro]

Were they like, whatevs? Like, like, they just kind of like.

[Fortune Feimster]

Came out of the bathroom just like. What's up, everybody? Hey. What's going on?

[Tig Notaro]

Just waiting for you to stop having sex on the toilet.

[Fortune Feimster]

No, this was in the floor.

[Tig Notaro]

No, I know. I'm just trying to move them off the floor in my mind. It's so gross. It's so gross.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, God.

[May Martin]

I've. I have had sex in bathrooms, though.

[Tig Notaro]

On the floor?

[May Martin]

I think so.

[Fortune Feimster]

I have not. I have not ventured into a. I've not done that.

[May Martin]

I think I. Well, definitely in the bathroom. On a train.

[Fortune Feimster]

Wait, on a train?

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, like on a.

[May Martin]

What did you think?

[Fortune Feimster]

I was thinking of like a. You know, the trains that go around the village of. Of a Christmas tree.

[May Martin]

Like a little caboose.

[Fortune Feimster]

I was trying to picture that. I was like. I mean, on an actual train. Gotcha. Yeah.

[May Martin]

In the bathroom or.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah, you just couldn't. You were just so, like, I got. We got to. Right now.

[May Martin]

Yeah, I think so. But yeah, looking back, I should. Yeah, pretty good.

[Tig Notaro]

Did you go up to that person and say, chugga, chugga, choo, choo? You know what I mean?

[May Martin]

You know what I mean? And then.

[Fortune Feimster]

Did you know this person?

[May Martin]

Yes, we were. We were dating. Okay. But she was closeted, so. And a lot of people we knew were on the train going up to Edinburgh Fringe Festival and nobody knew we were dating. And it was during that, like, hellish time. And then.

[Tig Notaro]

But I was sure her name off the pod.

[May Martin]

Yes. But, yeah, I had a holiday party on Sunday. I had a little gathering of just. I mean, I realized all my friends in LA are like Toronto friends from 20 years ago. Like, I. I've got Matt, Alana, my friend Ali, Sabrina, Jolie. They're all people I've known since my teens. So we were all.

[Tig Notaro]

They all live in LA or.

[May Martin]

Yeah, Yeah, I just followed them here, I guess. And. Yeah, but we did. We did the tree. And then my faux pas was trying to make everyone play Pictionary. That was. Oh, I went down like a light balloon.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, they didn't like it. So it depends on the group and the. And the vibe.

[May Martin]

I think it came with all these rules and instructions. I remember Pictionary being very chill and loose, but it was really rigid.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah, but who made it rigid? Me.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, well, that's a fun time.

[Fortune Feimster]

You're like a rule person with the games. Like, we gotta do this. This is what. How it goes. You cannot do that. Give me the cards.

[May Martin]

Maybe a little bit. But I wanted. I made Rice Krispies squares. That was the good thing I did at the party, like, it's so easy. Marshmallows and butter, bit of vanilla, and then just pour in a box of Rice Krispies. Don't even have to bake it. Just let it cool.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, my gosh. It's okay if it jiggles, right?

[Fortune Feimster]

Do you ever call them Rice Krispies treats or do you call them squares?

[May Martin]

Oh, in Canada, we say squares.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, we call them treats.

[Ad Read Announcer]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

We take it up a notch.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah. We're like, it's more than a square. It's a treat.

[May Martin]

We're not getting a. You know, we're not projecting that it's going to be good. Yeah. We just go, it's a square.

[Tig Notaro]

Well, that's like, if you call somebody a total square, you should call them a total treat.

[May Martin]

You are a total treat. Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

And that guy's a total treat.

[May Martin]

Do you have any faux pas tig that you've made?

[Tig Notaro]

Well, I think I make them all the time. Just trying to make my way through this life.

[May Martin]

But the slow decline.

[Tig Notaro]

Yes. And too barreling into hell. And barreling into hell. I don't feel that way. I don't feel that I'm barreling into hell. But it is fun to say.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

I don't know. I would say this isn't a holiday faux pas. So apologies, Aparna, and get off my back if this upsets you, Aparna, But I went to a Sundance party, was my first time ever at Sundance, and a friend of mine told me to meet her there and that it was people from the TV show ER that were having this party. And I was standing outside and I was, like, knocking on the door and ringing the doorbell, and nobody answered because there was loud music and nobody was like, oh, somebody's at the door. It was just like, I just was like, you know, politely standing out there, ringing, dinging and knocking. And then somebody came out. And then I went in, and I was waiting for my friend, who I didn't see anywhere. And I was feeling a little kind of. I didn't know where to go or what to do. And so I went and stood by the snacks, and I just really got into those snacks. I had been snowboarding all day, and I had my sunglasses around my neck still. Good luck. And it was like on that kind of little rope, string, whatever, my sunglasses were hanging, and I'm having snacks until the cows come home. Just eating by myself, by the table.

[Fortune Feimster]

Like me.

[Tig Notaro]

Yes. And this girl comes up and starts talking to me, and we're chatting. And then after she walked away, I looked down and you guys, my glasses had collected all of the crumbs of my snacks that I was eating. And they were just. It was like a. Yeah, it was just like a cradle of crumbs hanging around my neck. And it was. I was like, oh, my God. Like, what did this person think? And also, was she on er?

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah.

[May Martin]

Was it.

[Tig Notaro]

We'll never know.

[May Martin]

Was it Juliana Margulis?

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah. Have no idea. How did you say her name?

[May Martin]

How. What is her name?

[Tig Notaro]

No, just you say to give it another whirl.

[May Martin]

Okay. I'm saying Juliana Margula.

[Fortune Feimster]

Margales.

[May Martin]

I like that.

[Fortune Feimster]

I think it's Margalese, maybe.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah. I feel like I do like the.

[Fortune Feimster]

Gay version of Renee. Why can't I think of another actress on that show?

[May Martin]

I know. I couldn't either. I went. Noah Wiley. George Clooney.

[Tig Notaro]

Well, I know there was an actual Les on that show. Her name was George. Georgia Fox. She went by George in. We ran in the same circle, but I haven't run into her in years. But she was. I think she was the reason I was invited to that party.

[Fortune Feimster]

The LES inviting the Les.

[Tig Notaro]

But not Juliana. Julian. Is it Julianne or Juliana?

[May Martin]

Juliana Margulies. You know who was on that show is Maura Tierney, who is a real. I like her gay awakening for a lot of people. She's straight, I think, but I like, loved her growing up. Used to have dreams about her just hanging out.

[Tig Notaro]

I like how Peppermint Patty was my big awakening.

[Fortune Feimster]

Really?

[Aparna Nancherla]

Yes.

[May Martin]

That's common.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

No, it was more of like, wow, I relate to this one.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yes. Yeah, I know.

[Tig Notaro]

Why should we hear what Parna has to say?

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Aparna Nancherla]

The biggest faux pas I ever made at a holiday party was actually the very first holiday party I ever attended with my parents as their plus one. I think I was four or five. Not sure we can carbon date back that far. There weren't smartphones back then, so I. Maybe I was 16. I do not know. Anyway, this was a holiday potluck. I had never even been to a potluck before, so I was just blown away by the food options. I think was the first time I ever had lasagna, which to this day remains one of my favorite foods. Praise be to Garfield. But there was a separate room that had all the desserts. It was like cakes and pies. Every seasonal treat imaginable. Cookies, gingerbread, everything.

[Fortune Feimster]

Candy canes.

[Aparna Nancherla]

And as a kid with a major sweet tooth, I could not comprehend it. Like my little child brain just melted. And I just knew I had to sample Each and every one which I conveyed to my parents through screaming. I just had this huge meltdown where I insisted I had to try them all. My parents were mortified because these were people they did not know that well. And I remember I was rolling on the floor, screaming, and finally the hosts were just like, you know what? Just give her what she wants. Give this little boy king what she wants. So they packed some of each dessert into a big box for me. They hustled us out of there. And I just remember waking up the next morning because, of course, I had fallen asleep in the car on the ride home, and I was just ready to sample my bounty, and somehow it had all congealed into one big, unidentifiable ball.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, no.

[Aparna Nancherla]

And I just knew I had been tricked somehow or there had been sabotage among my.

[Fortune Feimster]

Sabotage, for sure.

[Aparna Nancherla]

You know, Court. And I threw another big fit that next morning. So really, someone was big time on the naughty list that year.

[May Martin]

Oh, my God.

[Aparna Nancherla]

Yeah. That's my story. Thanks again. Season's greetings. Happy holidays. Bye.

[Fortune Feimster]

Bye. Season's greetings. Happy holidays.

[Tig Notaro]

I cannot for the life of me picture Aparna throwing a fit.

[May Martin]

I know. And also, she said she might have.

[Fortune Feimster]

Been the last fit.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[May Martin]

And she said she might have been 16. So that's what I keep picturing, and that's making me laugh.

[Fortune Feimster]

She said either 4 or 16.

[May Martin]

Yeah. That thing of being a kid and being filled with such, like, consuming desire for something that you're like, I will die if I don't get this.

[Fortune Feimster]

And.

[May Martin]

And you don't know your own limits either. Like, I was obsessed with popcorn. And, like, the first time my parents let me have popcorn, I just ate and ate and ate and then projectile threw up all over my bed. But I was. You weren't going to stop me eating.

[Fortune Feimster]

Nothing's gonna stop us now.

[Tig Notaro]

I remember Aparna opened for me years ago when I did Carnegie Hall.

[Fortune Feimster]

Whoa.

[Tig Notaro]

And when, after the show, there was, like, a whole spread, of course, backstage, because I have my demands. So I have this spread, and we were gonna take it to my hotel room. You know, we had friends in town, and Stephanie's mother and father were there because, you know, let's do a Carnegie Hall. And I remember this is kind of a faux pas, I guess, but we were all carrying all of the food from backstage to my hotel room. And so I remember Aparna and her boyfriend just carrying these huge trays of fruit and vegetables and all sorts of.

[Fortune Feimster]

Keep this party going.

[Tig Notaro]

But we were walking blocks with it. You're walking blocks with half eaten green room food. So, yeah, probably not the classiest thing to do, but we did it right apart.

[May Martin]

Do you guys have any, like, holiday wishes for. Is that a good question? For a holiday up. Holiday wishes or even a favorite holiday song?

[Tig Notaro]

Holiday Wishes.

[May Martin]

Yes. That's my favorite holiday song.

[Fortune Feimster]

Well, I'm gonna.

[Tig Notaro]

One, two, three.

[Fortune Feimster]

Wishes.

[Tig Notaro]

Beautiful.

[Fortune Feimster]

My mom likes for me to go to church with her on Christmas Eve.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Praise the Lord.

[Fortune Feimster]

Praise Jesus. Good Christ. So I get ready. I get my church voice ready for that.

[Tig Notaro]

What's that sound like?

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah, because, you know, it's all the Christmas song. Like, sing Noel. Sing Noel, Noel, Noel. Sing Noel. Sing Noel, Noel, Noel.

[Tig Notaro]

Sing it.

[May Martin]

Well, this is what I wanted.

[Tig Notaro]

You also clearly have to get your Christmas face on too, because boy, does it morph into a whole different world and go all night.

[Fortune Feimster]

Divine all night. When Christ was born. That's the one. I'm going tenor. All night divine all night.

[Tig Notaro]

I would say. I would say you're going elevener.

[May Martin]

I hope they give you a big solo. I hope like a spotlight lands on you.

[Fortune Feimster]

They won't, but I will make sure my voice is heard in that type.

[Tig Notaro]

I hope you get discovered at church this year.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah, I wanna. I wanna put out a gospel album or a Christmas album, whatever comes first.

[Tig Notaro]

We can do it as a. The podcast. Put it on the list, Thomas.

[May Martin]

Our first hit is Holiday Wishes.

[Fortune Feimster]

So, Holiday. What is your holiday wish?

[May Martin]

May peace on earth.

[Fortune Feimster]

Okay.

[May Martin]

And mercy and mercy mild. God and sinners reconciled. No. Is that. How is that the lyrics?

[Fortune Feimster]

Did God and the sinners reconcile?

[May Martin]

I don't know. Actually, they never needed to reconcile because God loves him no matter what. I don't know. I think my wishes.

[Fortune Feimster]

Hark the herald angel. Sing. That's the. That's that song.

[Tig Notaro]

Okay, let's hit it. One, two, three. Fortune. Fortune.

[May Martin]

She's coughing and she's muting every time.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, you were right. May peace on earth.

[May Martin]

See. But that's why.

[Tig Notaro]

Wait, does it end with they did?

[Fortune Feimster]

No, it Joyful. All ye nations rise. Okay, wrong song.

[Tig Notaro]

But doesn't matter.

[Fortune Feimster]

You have the spirit. My holiday wish is that everyone sings like that this holiday.

[May Martin]

Yeah. I hope people do some singing. And I'm pumped for the year of the horse. We've been in the year of the snake, which is all. Girl, that was the gayest horse I've ever. Please do it again.

[Fortune Feimster]

What does the gay horse eat?

[May Martin]

Hey, hey.

[Tig Notaro]

I don't care.

[May Martin]

It really. It smells.

[Fortune Feimster]

Shut your mouth. You're gonna make me cough.

[May Martin]

Again, can I tell you guys? It smells like updog in this room?

[Tig Notaro]

What does that mean?

[May Martin]

It smells like up dog.

[Tig Notaro]

What does that mean?

[May Martin]

It smells like up dog.

[Tig Notaro]

What does that mean?

[May Martin]

It just smells like.

[Fortune Feimster]

You're supposed to say, what is up, dog?

[May Martin]

And then I say, not much.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, my God.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, wait, let's get.

[May Martin]

I was like. I was like, maybe she'll eventually say, what's up, dog?

[Fortune Feimster]

There it is.

[Tig Notaro]

Thanks, Fortune. No. Oh, my God. I never. I would have just continued to say, what does that mean?

[Fortune Feimster]

And I was like, tig's not coming off of this one phrase.

[May Martin]

Oh, my God. Well, I learned that from one of the Fortunes gaggle of girls on set yesterday. They said, it smells like up dog. I fell for it hook, line, and sinker. I went, what's up, dog?

[Fortune Feimster]

And they said, will does that to me. I fall for. Every time I'll be singing something, he goes, who sings that? And I'll earnestly tell him. And he goes, why don't you let them sing?

[May Martin]

Or let's keep it that way. I heard him. I heard him do that to you.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah. And I fall for it every time.

[Tig Notaro]

Every time.

[Fortune Feimster]

Well, what a treat you guys are. My holiday wish is for everyone to keep it handsome.

[Tig Notaro]

That would be great, right? Because sometimes people don't keep things handsome, and we have got to keep it handsome.

[May Martin]

I also want to say, I know the holidays are tough for some people, and that's a weird time of year, and there's so much pressure to be happy and with family. And I just want to say, no matter what you're doing, just, like, take care of yourself. I'll be. I'll be by myself with buddies on Christmas. I'm gonna enjoy it. And we just are sending you a lot of love.

[Fortune Feimster]

We sure are.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah. And I'm gonna send you to some of my shows coming up. Right?

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah. Great. What's that bathrobe?

[Tig Notaro]

You got me. Well, I have several dates, so I'm just gonna hit a few here. February 20th, Oklahoma City. Huh? And then February 21st, we got Midland, Texas. What else do you have? Oh, well, I have Cincinnati, March 13th. I have got. Hold it. Hold on there. I just. I. I don't know. I. I can't read very well. But go to tignotaro.com for all my tour information. I'm also always doing shows, mostly every month at Largo and Dynasty Typewriter. And please, if you haven't watched the documentary, come see me in a good light. Check it out.

[May Martin]

I've got this big tour coming up and I'm adding extra dates and stuff. I just added one in Vegas and also I think I need people to buy more tickets in Austin. That one's a little slow, but I'm excited to see everybody. You can go to maymartin.net if you need last minute presents for people, go to get some tickets to our shows or some handsome pod merch. Why not?

[Fortune Feimster]

Why not?

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah. I don't see why not.

[May Martin]

I don't.

[Fortune Feimster]

I'm gonna be in Norfolk, Virginia on 27 December and then Salt Lake City, Vancouver, and then New Year's Eve in Seattle, Washington, followed by after the New year, New Orleans, Mobile, Atlanta, Cincinnati, Indianapolis, Milwaukee, a bunch of places. So it's on my website. We also want to remind people that we did a live show. Yes. Yesterday.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, right. Can't forget that.

[Fortune Feimster]

That link is available for a week. So super fun Holly Bob Show.

[Tig Notaro]

Holly Bob's. You can give that as a gift. Get somebody a ticket to that, right?

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah. Yeah. So you want to get get that link. It's really fun.

[Tig Notaro]

It was a fun time. And until next time, I don't know.

[Fortune Feimster]

Handsome is hosted by me, Fortune Feimster, Tig Notaro and May Martin. The show is produced, recorded and edited by Thomas Wuelette. Email [e-mail] and follow us on social media @handsomepod. What a what a podcast Podcast.

[May Martin]

What a podcast that was a hit gun podcast. You know what's smart? Checking Allstate first for a quote that could save you hundreds on car insurance. You know what's not smart? Not checking if there's a new season of your favorite TV show from three years ago. Sometimes it feels like there's nothing good to watch. And then you remember. Oh yeah, I used to love that show.

[Ad Read Announcer]

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[Fortune Feimster]

Quick choose a meal deal with McValue.

[May Martin]

The five dollar McChicken meal deal, the six dollar McDouble meal deal or the new seven dollar Daily Double meal deal. Each with its own small fries, drink and Four Piece McNuggets. There's actually no rush. I'm just excited for McDonald's for a limited time only. Prices of participation may Vary. Not Valder, McDonald's.