Bon Iver asks about unexpected places

Summary

Podcast Summary: "Handsome" Episode – Bon Iver Asks About Unexpected Places
Host/Author: Headgum
Release Date: April 8, 2025

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1. Introduction and Early Banter (00:51 - 04:00)

The episode kicks off with the charming trio—Tig Notaro, Mae Martin, and Fortune Feimster—engaging in their signature playful banter. Fortune shares a humorous predicament about temporarily losing her voice after a weekend of traveling and being bombarded with pollen in Alabama. This unexpected voice loss leads to light-hearted ribbing from Tig and Mae.

Notable Quote:

• Fortune Feimster [01:21]: "I am."
• Mae Martin [01:22]: "Yeah, it's not the depth. It's like. It almost sounds like you're choked by emotion."

2. Mae's Unexpected Encounter with Marshmallow (04:00 - 09:00)

Mae Martin recounts an amusing and heartwarming story about an unexpected visit from a disheveled white dog named Marshmallow. While excited to show a friend her new sauna, Mae is surprised by the arrival of concerned Good Samaritans searching for the dog's owner. The situation evolves into an emotional scene as the dog's owner expresses distress over losing Marshmallow, only to be reassured by Mae.

Notable Quote:

• Mae Martin [05:15]: "I have a sauna out back and I was really excited to show her. So I'm like, I got a surprise. And so we go to my back door... it's like this immersive theater experience with this upset family and this dog."

3. Light-Hearted Complaints and Banter (09:00 - 29:00)

The hosts delve into playful grievances, primarily focusing on Fortune's disappointment over not receiving birthday cake. Tig explains his love for king cake, a Mardi Gras staple, while Mae humorously suggests incorporating surprise elements into more foods. The conversation naturally flows into discussions about personal preferences and quirks, such as stems from loss of voice and the awkwardness of birthday traditions.

Notable Quotes:

• Fortune Feimster [07:58]: "Don't you bite into it and things are in it?"
• Mae Martin [08:43]: "How come we don't hide more stuff in food like that? That's such a fun element to any meal."

4. Whiskey-Induced Grievances (29:00 - 60:00)

Fortune introduces a humorous subplot where she starts drinking whiskey to soothe her throat, leading to a series of comedic exchanges about airing grievances while tipsy. The trio collectively share light-hearted frustrations with each other, blending humor with genuine camaraderie. This segment is peppered with witty remarks and playful teasing, showcasing their strong rapport.

Notable Quote:

• Fortune Feimster [07:32]: "Some people say that whiskey is like. Of all the liquors, it makes you angry. So are you gonna get pissed at us?"

5. Celebrity Stories and Personal Anecdotes (60:00 - 55:00)

The conversation shifts towards their surreal experiences with celebrities. Tig shares a memorable encounter at the Vatican involving Conan O'Brien and Robert Downey Jr., highlighting the unexpectedness of such interactions. Mae adds her own tale about meeting Natalie Maines from The Chicks, emphasizing the randomness of celebrity meetings in Los Angeles.

Notable Quotes:

• Tig Notaro [35:21]: "I show up, and I get shuffled immediately into basically a broom closet... And then Robert Downey Jr. comes up to me and he's giving me all these nice compliments..."
• Fortune Feimster [42:10]: "Like, you just. You never know who you're gonna meet and where."

6. Justin Vernon's Question and Host Responses (55:00 - 60:00)

The highlight of the episode arrives when Justin Vernon of Bon Iver joins as the question asker. He poses a thought-provoking question:

"Have you ever been in a place that was so unexpected that you couldn't believe it and you can't believe it still? When you look back and how did it change you? What happened? And why was it so unexpected?"

Each host shares their unique experiences:

• Mae Martin recounts a surreal night in Nepal, combining cultural exploration with personal health mishaps and an encounter with a rat under a full moon.

  Notable Quote:

  • Mae Martin [46:51]: "I was squatting over this hole and I can see the full moon above the thing... And as I'm squatting there, just like the cramping... this giant rat the size of a dog comes up to the door of the."

• Tig Notaro narrates an unexpected audition at the Vatican, leading to an impromptu tea session with Robert Downey Jr. and a brush with celebrity culture.

  Notable Quote:

  • Tig Notaro [35:55]: "I show up, and I get shuffled immediately into basically a broom closet... Then Robert, Susan, and I were drinking tea in the broom closet."

• Fortune Feimster shares her imaginative encounter singing karaoke with The Chicks, blending nostalgia with live performance anxiety.

  Notable Quote:

  • Fortune Feimster [42:39]: "I sang at stage with them, which was very surreal. I sang in the Nashville Bridgestone Arena."

Justin Vernon also shares his own surprising experience auditioning for the Coen Brothers, providing a relatable narrative about stepping out of one's comfort zone and the importance of trusting one's instincts.

Notable Quote:

• Justin Vernon [55:14]: "That was the most dun, dun, dun moment in my life... It was okay that they were laughing at me because I was so bad."

7. Conclusion and Upcoming Events (60:00 - End)

As the episode wraps up, the hosts promote their upcoming shows and events, encouraging listeners to engage with their content and join their community. They maintain the episode's light-hearted tone, ending with laughter and friendly goodbyes.

Notable Quote:

• Tig Notaro [62:04]: "What a podcast. Until next time, keep it handsome."
• Mae Martin [64:21]: "What a podcast. That was a Headgum podcast."

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Key Takeaways

• Unexpected Experiences: The episode centers around personal stories of unexpected places and how these moments shaped the hosts.
• Camaraderie and Humor: The dynamic between Tig, Mae, and Fortune is filled with humor, teasing, and genuine friendship.
• Celebrity Encounters: Sharing surreal interactions with celebrities adds a unique and engaging layer to the conversation.
• Justin Vernon's Influence: His question serves as a catalyst for deep and entertaining storytelling, enriching the episode's content.

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This episode of "Handsome" beautifully blends humor with heartfelt storytelling, offering listeners a glimpse into the hosts' lives and the unexpected adventures they've embarked upon. Whether it's Fortune's temporary voice loss, Mae's canine encounter, or Tig's brush with Hollywood, each story underscores the podcast's essence—celebrating the ridiculous and the profound in everyday moments.

Transcript

[Mae Martin]

This is a Headgum podcast.

[Tig Notaro]

This is a Headgum Podcast.

[Mae Martin]

Some people just know they could save hundreds on car insurance by checking Allstate first.

[Fortune Feimster]

Like, you know to check if your favorite musical artist has a cover of that song by your other favorite musical artists. Did I mention that May has a new album out?

[Mae Martin]

Check in first is smart. So check Allstate first for a quote that could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate Savings. Varies, subject to terms, conditions, and availability. Allstate Fire and Casualty Insurance Company and affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois.

[Tig Notaro]

Cheers. Welcome to the Handsome Podcast. I am one of your very handsome hosts, and my name is Tig Notaro.

[Mae Martin]

My name is Mae Martin, and I'm.

[Fortune Feimster]

Your sultry, sexy sounding Fortune Feenster.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, Fortune. My goodness.

[Fortune Feimster]

Have you guys ever heard my voice this low before?

[Tig Notaro]

Or crackly?

[Mae Martin]

Yeah, it's not the depth. It's like. It almost sounds like you're choked by emotion.

[Fortune Feimster]

I am.

[Tig Notaro]

Or puberty. And you're choked up by going through puberty. Tell us with what's left of your voice.

[Fortune Feimster]

What happened to your voice?

I don't know. I was traveling this weekend. I had shows in Alabama.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

And it is spring there. And there's pollen, and, you know, it's. I was literally sitting under trees dumping pollen on me.

[Mae Martin]

I'm picturing, like, little piles of yellow dust on your shoulders.

[Fortune Feimster]

With my mom in my home hometown after Alabama, and out of nowhere last night, I just couldn't talk anymore. I'm not sick. I just don't have a voice. And you guys miss me too much. And we didn't want to not be together today.

[Tig Notaro]

That's correct.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah. We forbid it. I feel like a psychiatrist might, like, diagnose that psychosomatically. Like, be like you. You need a break from being observed and heard. Like you. Or like you're struggling to say what you. You know what I mean?

[Fortune Feimster]

I would say stress is probably also involved in this.

[Mae Martin]

I think the throat is a very emotional organ. Is it an organ?

[Tig Notaro]

It's passage. The throat. I don't know if that's an organ.

[Mae Martin]

Is more like a fleshy tube.

[Tig Notaro]

It might be an organ. I really don't know. I. I am not the one to come to about. Yeah. About any sort of anything, really. Except, like we were saying before we started the episode, Thomas found a cat, or the cat found Thomas. He wanted to call me, and then he didn't want to bother me. And I was like, listen, you know, you can always bother me about kitty stuff, but organs, I don't know if I'm going to.

[Mae Martin]

You don't want to be bothered?

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah. I don't know if I'm on a call.

[Fortune Feimster]

If I didn't have my voice, do you think I could do this? My Funny Valentine.

[Tig Notaro]

That is a really beautiful face.

[Mae Martin]

Oh, my God.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah. Will you do that again, please?

[Fortune Feimster]

Well, I don't know the rest of the words.

[Tig Notaro]

Well, that. What you say enough to get that face going.

[Fortune Feimster]

My Funny Valentine. Wow, Fortune, I literally can't go up an octave.

[Tig Notaro]

I'm not even listening to the voice. It's the face. The. The. I don't know if I've ever seen that.

[Fortune Feimster]

When you sound sultry, you have to look sult.

[Tig Notaro]

Is that what sultry is today?

[Mae Martin]

Why? But why couldn't. Why couldn't this ailment have struck you on the night of the Alanis Morissette concert? And then I would have had to step in.

[Tig Notaro]

Good point, May.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

Well, now you know. This could happen at any point.

[Mae Martin]

I just have to stress you out before I.

[Tig Notaro]

You have to pour pollen on Fortune's head and shoulders.

[Fortune Feimster]

I have to be tired to have pollen poured on my head and be stressed.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Mae Martin]

Wait, so, Tig, you were mentioning that Thomas found a stray cat.

[Tig Notaro]

So there's a person walking behind.

[Fortune Feimster]

There's a ghost in your house.

[Tig Notaro]

I feel like it's my wife's name.

[Fortune Feimster]

Ghost in your house.

[Mae Martin]

Okay, so last night I had a friend over and I said to her, I've got a surprise for you out back. Because, guys, I got a sauna out back and I was really excited. I got a lot to say about it, but I was really excited to show her. So I'm like, I got a surprise. And so we go to my back door. As we walk out, there is a white scraggly dog staring at me with, like, muddy feet. And it's been shaved and it's old and it's scraggly, and it's like. Like it looks almost rabid. And so first of all, she thinks this is the surprise that I'm showing her. And so I'm like, what is this dog? And then I hear people shouting, marshmallow, marshmallow, marshmallow. And so I turn around the corner and at my gate, like holding onto the bars of the gate are three people, like person.

[Tig Notaro]

And was it Atsuko and her grandma?

[Mae Martin]

That was sort of the vibe. Grandma person. Then like a sort of 50 year old woman. And then like a guy my age. And none of them know each other, but the grandma person is like, that's my granddaughter's dog, Marshmallow. And then they come running in. I let them in and they. They get marshmallow. And she picks them up and she's like, I'm gonna give you a beating or something to the dog. And I was like, wait, what? And she's like, no, I'm joking. I don't know why I said that. She starts sobbing. She's like, I. My grand. Have killed me if I lost her dog. It ran away from the groomers. Anyway, it was all very emotional.

[Tig Notaro]

Who are the other people, though, if they weren't involved with the dog or grammar?

[Mae Martin]

They're Good Samaritans. They saw the dog bolt out of the groomers, and then they'd been looking forever, and then someone saw it bolt, like, into my back garden.

[Tig Notaro]

But wow.

[Mae Martin]

I just. I love it.

[Fortune Feimster]

Little cowboy.

[Mae Martin]

My friend thought that I was going, I've got a surprise for you. And then it's this like, immersive theater experience with this upset family and this dog.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah, you're gonna fost a traumatic dog.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

And was the dog white?

[Mae Martin]

Yeah, it was a white dog.

[Tig Notaro]

That's why it was called Marshmallow, I presume. Yeah.

[Mae Martin]

And it was not an attractive creature. It was a. It was stressed.

[Fortune Feimster]

It was no biggie.

[Mae Martin]

It was no biggie. Oh, my God.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, my gosh. I saw a knockoff brand of Biggie.

[Fortune Feimster]

Really?

[Tig Notaro]

Walking down the street the other day, and I was like, yeah, good luck.

[Mae Martin]

There's a lot of knockoff biggies in there.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, that's right.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah, I have.

[Fortune Feimster]

You guys.

[Mae Martin]

What is that?

[Tig Notaro]

Whiskey?

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Is it?

[Fortune Feimster]

Because somebody told me to drink it. So guess what I'm about to do.

[Tig Notaro]

No, you're gonna get drunk.

[Mae Martin]

Fortune.

[Tig Notaro]

Fortune Marie.

[Fortune Feimster]

Gonna get.

[Tig Notaro]

It is 1:15 in the afternoon.

[Fortune Feimster]

They said swig whiskey.

[Tig Notaro]

Why? Okay.

[Mae Martin]

I think an old wives tale because I think.

[Fortune Feimster]

I don't know. We're gonna find out.

[Mae Martin]

Oh, my God. Fortune's drinking like a mickey of liquor.

[Tig Notaro]

Wow.

[Mae Martin]

Like a hot toddy, maybe with like.

[Fortune Feimster]

Here's my throat coat to wash it down.

[Mae Martin]

Okay, that's good. That I approve of.

[Tig Notaro]

Does throat coat work?

[Fortune Feimster]

We'll find out.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Mae Martin]

Some people say that whiskey is like. Of all the liquors, it makes you angry. So are you gonna get pissed at us?

[Tig Notaro]

Oh.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh. Let's see how this hour unfolds.

[Tig Notaro]

Okay, this is a good moment for you to. Maybe we can all air out our grievances. Oh, God. Are you upset with me about? And what are you upset with May about?

[Mae Martin]

Oh, God.

[Fortune Feimster]

We're Starting with me.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, well, cuz you're. You're the one liquored up. And be honest, I'm upset that you.

[Fortune Feimster]

Just had a birthday.

[Tig Notaro]

Uhhuh.

[Fortune Feimster]

And I didn't get any birthday cake.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, yeah.

[Mae Martin]

Is that a rule? Anyone with a birthday.

[Tig Notaro]

I know Max and Finn ordered. I like to have king cake every year. It's the cake, Louisiana for. Yeah, for Mardi Gras. And. And so I love having that. It's my favorite cake.

[Fortune Feimster]

Don't you bite into it and things are in it?

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, there's a baby or a penny sometimes.

[Fortune Feimster]

And that sounds dangerous.

[Tig Notaro]

It's good luck. And it's also. You have to host the next Mardi Gras party.

[Mae Martin]

Oh, I like the idea.

[Tig Notaro]

Don't yuck my yum.

[Fortune Feimster]

I don't wanna bite into a baby and then have to host a party.

[Tig Notaro]

It's not a real baby. It's just a very tiny little baby.

[Mae Martin]

How come we don't hide more stuff in food like that? That's such a fun element to any meal.

[Tig Notaro]

Like a knife, you know, to break out of prison.

[Mae Martin]

Would you cake in the shape of a saw.

[Fortune Feimster]

Would you want to be proposed to via a ring and a piece of cake?

[Mae Martin]

I never want to be proposed to again. Ever.

[Tig Notaro]

No.

[Mae Martin]

Anyway, moving on.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, okay.

[Mae Martin]

Okay. So you had this cake.

[Tig Notaro]

Okay. So yeah.

[Mae Martin]

Fortune's pissed about it.

[Tig Notaro]

Yes. Every year, if anybod. If anybody's looking for the greatest vegan cake in the world. And actually other vegan snacks and cheese. Yvonne's vegan is. It's in Pasadena, California. It is so good. She makes my. My king cake every year. It is so delicious. And so Max and Finn ordered this for me. And it was a surprise. Slash, not surprise. I'll be honest, since I have it every year. Yeah. But yeah, you're right. I should have. We need to save some for Fortune. But I was worried about your throat.

[Fortune Feimster]

I know, but cake makes it better.

[Tig Notaro]

Okay. What are you upset with May about?

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, God.

[Tig Notaro]

And you can say anything.

[Fortune Feimster]

May, I'm so upset with you that you had a friend over and I wasn't invited.

[Mae Martin]

Okay, there's a theme here. There's a theme. Which is Fortune wants to be included.

[Fortune Feimster]

Leave me alone. When I was out of town for both things.

[Mae Martin]

I wish that you had been there for the marshmallow incident because you're like a dog whisperer. You could have like, snuggled that dog up.

[Tig Notaro]

Come here.

[Fortune Feimster]

Come here. I could talk to him like this, with this voice. Come here, little doggy.

[Tig Notaro]

Your voice does sound a lot better Than the voice memo you texted us this morning.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah, because I had, I was only awake for like 30 minutes and I.

[Mae Martin]

Was like, oh, that's, that's kind of a May Martin strategy. Sometimes it's like right when you wake up, your voice is pretty croaky. So you do the voice note then saying, you know guys, I'm not feeling.

[Fortune Feimster]

Note to self. Know you're. If you ever do that.

[Mae Martin]

No, I gave up long ago with. I feel like you guys see through me. I. I gave up long ago. Now day one. Yeah, day one, you saw through me. Now truly, if I say I'm sick, it's cuz I'm really sick because I, I know I can't pull one.

[Tig Notaro]

That's what you'll hear when you, when you call in with a. I'm going to have a cold at 3:00 today.

[Mae Martin]

I'm planning on having.

[Fortune Feimster]

It'll be over, it'll be over at 4:30.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah, it'll be over at 6:30 because I have to go on a date then. But until then it'll.

[Fortune Feimster]

Do you really have a date?

[Mae Martin]

I don't, I don't. Oh yeah. But I'm excited for the possibilities of the sauna in my life.

[Fortune Feimster]

I'm gonna love that you have a sauna. I've been, I've thought about getting one.

[Mae Martin]

I cannot recommend it highly enough. Like it's. They're not that expensive. They say it lowers your chance of cardiac like health problems stuff by like 40% and half an hour a day. It's. It heats up super fast. It smells like cedar wood. It's so nice.

[Fortune Feimster]

How many people fit in yours?

[Mae Martin]

Four, of course.

[Fortune Feimster]

Four.

[Tig Notaro]

And is it the infrared light?

[Mae Martin]

No, but I'm thinking about getting a red light in there and I've named it because I watched the Severance finale last night. So in Severance, there's this room called Cold harbor that's like the project they're working on. And so I've named the sauna Hot Harbor. I might like engrave it or something, I don't know.

[Fortune Feimster]

And how long do you stay in there?

[Mae Martin]

I mean I've only had it working for less than 24 hours and I've been in there about 90 minutes and I feel like a sack of skin. Like all the fluids gone out of my body. But I feel healthy.

[Fortune Feimster]

Okay.

[Tig Notaro]

Okay. And do you feel like your cardiac stuff is. Yeah, is good.

[Mae Martin]

I think it's gonna help me not smoke the couple cigarettes I smoke every day. Because when you get out of it, you feel so good in your body. You don't want to mess with that. Yeah. Should I get a cold plunge, you think?

[Tig Notaro]

Do you have enough room in your yard?

[Mae Martin]

Yeah, but maybe I'll just get a bucket.

[Tig Notaro]

Are you at your house? Your new house?

[Mae Martin]

Yeah. I'm back home after so long away in so many different countries. Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

And are those all of your trophies and awards? I, I. My eye side is terrible.

[Mae Martin]

They are.

[Fortune Feimster]

But there's a big one.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah. That's like the Taskmaster. You know that game show Taskmaster? But I didn't think about that for the podcast, and now I'm embarrassed. But those are.

[Tig Notaro]

Why are you embarrassed? You're a very decorated comedian.

[Mae Martin]

Thank you.

[Tig Notaro]

Why don't you walk us through all of this? I see. Ha.

[Mae Martin]

Unfortunately, Fortune's plant.

[Fortune Feimster]

Of course.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

I don't want to brag about what I've got behind me, but let's.

[Tig Notaro]

Fortune's plant follows her everywhere.

[Fortune Feimster]

What is the hahaha award?

[Mae Martin]

Oh, you know, that was funny. It's the rising comedy star of the year. Just for last 2023. I'd been doing comedy for 20 years at that point.

[Fortune Feimster]

You're a rising star.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Isn't that funny?

[Mae Martin]

Those things are all arbitrary, aren't they? But I got my window fixed. You'll see. There's gonna be no more black widow spiders coming through there.

[Tig Notaro]

You should also hang a sign that says, no black widow spiders allowed.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

What is this?

[Mae Martin]

What's that for?

[Tig Notaro]

I feel like I have that same thing.

[Fortune Feimster]

Rise up la.

[Mae Martin]

Rise up lights.

[Fortune Feimster]

Rise up lights.

[Tig Notaro]

Rise up lights. Congrats on that for sure. You want to tell us about it?

[Fortune Feimster]

Racking up the ords.

[Mae Martin]

Oh, she's drinking tomorrow. I'll see you tomorrow.

[Tig Notaro]

I have this, but I don't know who gave it to me.

[Mae Martin]

The fake Oscar.

[Tig Notaro]

Sorry to assume it is not fake.

[Mae Martin]

Sorry. Yeah, sorry. That.

[Fortune Feimster]

The fact that it. It's like three inches tall. Nothing.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, but I don't know. I don't know where. Who gave me this?

[Mae Martin]

Does it have a plaque on it?

[Tig Notaro]

There's nothing on it. Just a ratio. Oscar.

[Mae Martin]

I saw somebody making fun of how whenever anybody makes an acceptance speech, they comment on how heavy the award is.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Mae Martin]

They're always like, these really are heavy.

[Tig Notaro]

And also looking into the camera, telling their kids to go to bed. Of course.

[Mae Martin]

Oh, my God. I'm obsessed with that.

[Justin Vernon]

Yeah.

[Mae Martin]

Susie, Jacob, go to bed. Okay. Oh, my God.

[Fortune Feimster]

What if you. It would be funny if you didn't have kids and you.

[Mae Martin]

That's really funny. Or if you said it to your parents. Mom, dad, go to bed.

[Tig Notaro]

Go to bed. You've had too much to drink.

[Fortune Feimster]

Post the Oscars. It won't be next year because Conan's doing it again.

[Mae Martin]

Oh, is he?

[Fortune Feimster]

But that'll give us more time to learn to tap dance.

[Tig Notaro]

We could kidnap Conan or Tig.

[Fortune Feimster]

You're good friends with Conan. Tell him that at some point he should have the handsome pod tap dance at his house at the next Oscars.

[Mae Martin]

He doesn't have to acknowledge it on stage. He can just walk by us.

[Tig Notaro]

He just ignores all the tapping and we're tapping.

[Fortune Feimster]

He has time to think about it. It's not till next year.

[Tig Notaro]

Want to be clear? I'm not really good friends with Conan. I'm certainly friends with Conan.

[Fortune Feimster]

That's more. That's more than we are.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, I have his number.

[Fortune Feimster]

This is more than we have.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah. Okay. But I'm not good friends. If he hears this and he.

[Fortune Feimster]

You're friendly enough to say, hey, bud.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, I'm friendly enough to say, hey, bud.

[Fortune Feimster]

My pod.

[Tig Notaro]

But if he hears this and he'll. He'll text me and say, you need to correct that.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah. You need to make an edit. We're acquaintances.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

Some people just know they could save hundreds on car insurance by checking Allstate first.

[Mae Martin]

Like, you know, to check for the point with the highest elevation. Whenever you're traveling to a new location, it's always good to get your bearings with a magnificent view.

[Fortune Feimster]

Check in first is smart, so check all state first for a quote that could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Savings vary subject to terms, conditions and availability. Allstate Fire and casualty insurance company and affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois. This episode of Handsome is brought to you by Booking.com the official accommodation partner of MLB. Booking.com Booking. Yeah, it's officially spring, which means we'll finally be coming out of hibernation mode and traveling around the US Much more frequently. And when I go to a baseball game, you know that my favorite part is when the whole stadium sings a song we all know and love together.

[Mae Martin]

Take me out to the desert. Take me out to the sands. Get me some sunscreen and a guide named Zach. I don't care if I ever come back. So it's lounge, lounge, lounge by the blue pool. If you don't relax, it's a shame. Find a hot but air conditioned, deserty place for your next great stay.

[Tig Notaro]

Wow.

[Fortune Feimster]

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[Mae Martin]

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[Fortune Feimster]

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[Mae Martin]

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[Fortune Feimster]

Some clips of him from the Mark Twain Award, and he's just so. Such a great speaker.

[Tig Notaro]

He had some really funny things.

[Mae Martin]

He's so funny.

[Tig Notaro]

He is by far one of the top five funniest people.

[Mae Martin]

I agree.

[Tig Notaro]

Living. I mean, I kind of can't get over it every time.

[Mae Martin]

And I know, like, I know he's massively famous and everyone loves him, but I feel like, I don't know, I don't hear enough of, like, yeah. Of people really recognizing it. That this. That he's still so funny. He's so funny. And everything he does, it's so effortless. It's so, like, joyful, almost like, like, yeah, we gotta celebrate.

[Tig Notaro]

So smart.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

And like, so curvebally. Like, whatever topic, he has an angle that I'm like, oh my gosh, didn't see that coming at all. And which, you know, of course, is the key to comedy. But also it's fun. Fun. Sometimes when you see where a joke is going and it unravels to your delight.

[Mae Martin]

I like that his specific talent is like his whole being is just a fun, a funny person. Like, it's. You know what I mean? Like, he just put him in any situation and his reaction, like his deadpan reaction to when he kind of engineers a situation where someone insults him and then he is so deadpan. Like, that kills me.

[Tig Notaro]

He is a silly, silly man. And God, do I love it. Anyway.

[Mae Martin]

Anyway, he's not our question asker.

[Tig Notaro]

No, he's not. And I'm realizing we didn't make it full circle around where we all could share what we're so upset with each other.

[Fortune Feimster]

What are you all upset about?

[Tig Notaro]

I don't know if you want to hear it.

[Mae Martin]

Really?

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah. I think we should save it for another episode when you're not this sick.

[Fortune Feimster]

I don't know. I can take it.

[Tig Notaro]

I don't think you can for. I can take it. I'm so upset with you and May. Yeah.

[Mae Martin]

I think the person who's airing the grievances needs to be drunk on whiskey. That's. That should be the one.

[Tig Notaro]

How's the whiskey going?

[Fortune Feimster]

Bottoms up.

[Tig Notaro]

And who told you whiskey would help your voice?

[Fortune Feimster]

Somebody on Instagram.

[Tig Notaro]

Are you serious?

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah, I listen to my followers.

[Tig Notaro]

Okay. And then. Why do you have such a tiny little.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah, check my messages. I saw this. Two people made this suggestion. It. I. I don't do something on just one suggestion.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, you need two strangers on Instagram.

[Fortune Feimster]

Two strangers have to have suggested it.

[Tig Notaro]

Okay?

[Fortune Feimster]

And I'm sitting here and I'm like, I'm about to start handsome. My throat's being a bad girl.

[Tig Notaro]

A bad little lady.

[Fortune Feimster]

And I looked over and what was sitting on the desk from my last airplane ride, they just hand me a bunch of these when I fly. And I'm like, they do. I don't.

[Mae Martin]

You haven't never been handed. I've never been on a flight. And a flight attendant just hands me.

[Fortune Feimster]

I don't even like. I drink, but I don't drink like a crazy. You know, I'm not like a. Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

So you just sit down. What are you famous for drinking whiskey and you.

[Fortune Feimster]

No, I think it's from my Chelsea lately days. Some of the gays that watch that show back in the day are just like, here, girl. Have fun. And I'm just like, thanks.

[Tig Notaro]

Just because they want to celebrate you.

[Fortune Feimster]

I either don't drink on a plane or I don't drink more than one of these.

[Tig Notaro]

I would be in a wheelchair if I drank one of those tiny little ones.

[Mae Martin]

That's true. Take I. Sometimes before a show, I'll have, like, a sip of whiskey just to have the taste in my mouth because of, like, the sense memory of drunk confidence. Even though I'm not drunk at all, I have just the taste in my mouth, and I'm like, oh, I must be feeling real loose. Even though I haven't even imbibed.

[Fortune Feimster]

I will say I. My voice feels better already. In the last five minutes.

[Tig Notaro]

It sounds really good and less sexy.

[Fortune Feimster]

Unfortunately, back to my my southern twang.

[Tig Notaro]

And you're drink. Sorry. You're drinking smooth move tea for this coat throat.

[Fortune Feimster]

But I do like Smooth move.

[Tig Notaro]

Do you really?

[Mae Martin]

Smooth move. Where'd you get that?

[Tig Notaro]

That's a tea?

[Mae Martin]

That's a real thing?

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

I thought you just made it up.

[Tig Notaro]

You didn't know about Smooth move.

[Fortune Feimster]

No. What is this?

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, my gosh. This is a tea that you can drink to have a smooth move. Yeah.

[Mae Martin]

Wow.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, I, I, I've only had it once. It's licorice tasting.

[Mae Martin]

Yep.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

You're like, get it out of my body.

[Tig Notaro]

I do like black licorice.

[Mae Martin]

Really?

[Fortune Feimster]

I hate it.

[Mae Martin]

But do you do you like red licorice Fortune?

[Fortune Feimster]

I like it, but I don't love it.

[Mae Martin]

Because apparently if you like red licorice, then you like the smell of gasoline. And if you like black licorice, that's like. You're like a rabbit, because rabbits love licorice.

[Fortune Feimster]

I don't love the smell of gasoline.

[Mae Martin]

There's a couple flaws in that hole.

[Tig Notaro]

No, no, no. There is. I don't see a single flaw.

[Fortune Feimster]

May I actually po poured gasoline all over myself this weekend.

[Tig Notaro]

What?

[Fortune Feimster]

Not on purpose.

[Tig Notaro]

All over you. Like, on your head.

[Fortune Feimster]

I pulled out the handle, the thing and gas gun. The little trigger button thing was already.

[Mae Martin]

Down, so it was gushing out, so.

[Fortune Feimster]

I opened it, and it just started gushing out.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, my.

[Fortune Feimster]

Great smell.

[Mae Martin]

I love the smell.

[Fortune Feimster]

You do?

[Mae Martin]

I love the smell of gas, petrol, super glue, permanent marker.

[Tig Notaro]

I used to as a kid, but I've moved on.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah, you got to guard what brain cells are.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah. I have a year away from from my retirement community.

[Mae Martin]

Right.

[Tig Notaro]

So do you think that would be.

[Mae Martin]

A good slasher movie that takes place at a retirement community?

[Tig Notaro]

Yes. Write it.

[Mae Martin]

Okay.

[Tig Notaro]

I'll star in it.

[Mae Martin]

Okay. For real?

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, of course.

[Mae Martin]

Okay, great.

[Tig Notaro]

As long as I can live there.

[Fortune Feimster]

That works there.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah. Great. And also, I know from doing this Podcast enough that you said many times, Tig, that you don't have range, so I'm gonna write it specifically for you.

[Tig Notaro]

Yes.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah, you basically just have to be like, hi, I'm Tig.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah. And I'm old, but we could give.

[Mae Martin]

You full gray hair.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, I thought there's gonna be more to that sentence.

[Fortune Feimster]

You have that long gray hair in the. In Yalls movie.

[Tig Notaro]

Yes. And am I okay? I'm. I'm in a. A long haired, gray wig.

[Mae Martin]

That's hilarious.

[Tig Notaro]

So tune in to am I okay?

[Fortune Feimster]

Do you think when you get older, you will grow your hair out?

[Tig Notaro]

How much older? Because again, I'm one year away from.

[Fortune Feimster]

Retirement community, like, you know, 70 or something.

[Tig Notaro]

70? Wait, you saying like long, long hair?

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, gray hair.

[Mae Martin]

Not sure about that.

[Fortune Feimster]

It doesn't have to be gray. You could still dye it. But will it be long?

[Tig Notaro]

What do you mean still dye? I don't dye my hair.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, my bad.

[Tig Notaro]

You thought I dyed my hair.

[Mae Martin]

Can I be honest? Did too.

[Tig Notaro]

Really?

[Fortune Feimster]

I kind of thought I dye my. I. I highlight my hair.

[Tig Notaro]

I don't know. Haven't I told you that I feel like I am the opposite of when people go, what has this person done with their face? Like with plastic surgery? I'm like, I. I realized one day that people with plastic surgery are looking at me going, does she not know that she can have things done because my teeth are cracked in yellow, I have wrinkles, and I have gray hair. I mean, what I look what I have. Oh, what is that?

[Mae Martin]

Effortlessly handsome. Yeah. What is that? Fortune? It looks like a vibrator.

[Fortune Feimster]

It does look like one, doesn't it?

[Mae Martin]

Oh, it goes under your eyes for puffy eyes.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yes.

[Mae Martin]

Don't tempt me, because I will order everything under the sun. I don't know if you can see this that I just bought.

[Fortune Feimster]

This is all the rage.

[Mae Martin]

May like an eye one.

[Fortune Feimster]

It's a therabody.

[Mae Martin]

Okay, I'm getting it.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, de Puffer.

[Mae Martin]

Thera bodied and it looks like a vibrator.

[Tig Notaro]

De Puffer. I don't think it's a de puffer.

[Mae Martin]

The buffer.

[Tig Notaro]

Hey, if it isn't fortune to puffer. It's been a while, buddy.

[Fortune Feimster]

This is not a sponsored ad. But may it gets cold and hot, like, immediately.

[Mae Martin]

Okay, I'm gonna.

[Tig Notaro]

Good thing it's not a sponsored ad because we. They would drop complaining. They'd be like, we're not da puffer.

[Mae Martin]

I want like a mafia character, like a gangster character who has asthma who's called the puffer.

[Fortune Feimster]

So you're saying D Puffer?

[Mae Martin]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I ordered this, which might look like a normal black hat, just like the one I'm wearing.

[Tig Notaro]

Looks brown.

[Fortune Feimster]

It does look. It looks green to me.

[Mae Martin]

Oh, that's just the light. The golden light.

[Tig Notaro]

But what does it do?

[Mae Martin]

If you look inside, it's lined with silver or something to stop, like the radiation rays that we're all getting apparently from our phones and. And walking around all the wi fi way. It's like wearing a tinfoil hat, but it's real. And then I. I've been reading all about these dangerous waves that we're absorbing. I'm like, I can't believe I live in this reality that I'm buying a. A basically tin foil hat to wear.

[Tig Notaro]

Are you telling me you bought yourself a de Puffer hat?

[Mae Martin]

I bought myself a Deradio puffer hat.

[Fortune Feimster]

All right.

[Tig Notaro]

And what is this little lady holding right up there?

[Mae Martin]

If you're watching on YouTube, Fortune's holding up a delightful little handbag.

[Fortune Feimster]

It's my Chewy Vuitton Paris bag.

[Mae Martin]

Chewy Vuitton is Biggie's. It's Biggie's actual bag.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah.

[Mae Martin]

And what do you keep in there?

[Fortune Feimster]

No, it's a squeeze toy.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, okay. Should we get to our question asker?

[Mae Martin]

I wouldn't have it any other way.

[Tig Notaro]

Today's question asker is a Grammy winning singer, songwriter and producer best known as the front man of indie folk band Bon Iver. He's got one of the most distinctive and beautiful voices in all of music. Bon Iver's new album is called Sable Fable. Justin Vernon is asking today's question.

[Mae Martin]

I never knew his name was Justin Vernon.

[Fortune Feimster]

I didn't know that either.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, well, now you know.

[Fortune Feimster]

And you know he's saying with Taylor Swift.

[Mae Martin]

Yes, I know. I'm a big fan. Bon Iver's voice, when he says, come.

[Tig Notaro]

On, skinny love, I mean come on, kill me.

[Mae Martin]

Crying. Kill me now.

[Tig Notaro]

Kill me right now.

[Mae Martin]

Put me in the grave. Put me in a coffin.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, God.

[Mae Martin]

That's yours. That's yours.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah. That's all. That's all you, baby doll.

[Mae Martin]

Wait, should we show. Should we hear his question?

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, yes. Oh.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, that's right. Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

I forgot why we were even here.

[Justin Vernon]

Hey, handsome. Huge fan of all of yours. I'm happy to be here. My name's Justin. He's only there. And I got a question for everybody. Have you ever been in a place that was so unexpected that you couldn't believe it and you can't believe it still? When you look back and how did it change you? What happened? And why was it so unexpected?

[Mae Martin]

Okay, not to objectify him, but I didn't know Justin was such a babe.

[Fortune Feimster]

He's a normal babe.

[Mae Martin]

I've seen him before but like, yeah, I got blush. I was blushing.

[Fortune Feimster]

A handsome fella.

[Mae Martin]

He's got a cheeky, a cheeky sparkle in his eye and that's all I like in a person is like a piratic twinkle in the eye.

[Tig Notaro]

No sense of humor, no intelligence.

[Mae Martin]

That's. No, no, just the twinkle.

[Tig Notaro]

No compassion, no.

[Mae Martin]

No empathy.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, just looking for a twinkle.

[Mae Martin]

Just need that twinkle.

[Fortune Feimster]

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[Mae Martin]

Brooklinen has so many options to give you that premium, high quality feel that doesn't compromise on look or comfort. One thing I love about them is their quality. I've had an organic cotton comforter and duvet cover from Brooklyn and for months now since I moved and it still looks brand new. Plus the duvet cover is machine washable and has held up very, very well after many, many washes.

[Fortune Feimster]

Brooklinen's customizable bundles make it easy to refresh your bed and bathroom, putting everything you need in one place. Shop award winners and fan favorites in store or online at brooklinen.com that's B R-O-O-K-L-I-N-E N.com get 15% off your first order today. Handsome is brought to you by Squarespace. Squarespace is the all in one website platform designed to help you build a website you'll love. Whether you're just starting out or scaling your business, Squarespace gives you everything you need to claim your domain. Whether your website is personal or professional.

[Mae Martin]

Squarespace gives you everything you need to offer services and get paid all in one place. From consultations to events and experiences, you can showcase your handsomest, most professional self. With Squarespace's collection of cutting edge design tools, anyone can build a bespoke online presence that perfectly fits their brand or business that includes you. Start with Blueprint AI, Squarespace's AI Enhanced website builder to get a fully custom website in just a few steps. I've been using Squarespace for years. What I love about them is that they meet you at whatever level you're comfortable with as far as design and complexity. You can get a website up and running really fast and then Squarespace gives you all the tools to add all the features you can dream of and some you haven't even thought of.

[Fortune Feimster]

Head to squarespace.com handsome for a free trial and when you're ready to launch, use Offer Code handsome to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.

[Mae Martin]

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[Fortune Feimster]

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[Mae Martin]

Ready to make the switch? Go to thrivemarket.com handsome for 30% off your first order plus a free $60 gift. That's T H R-I-V E market.com handsome thrivemarket.com handsome I think if you have.

[Fortune Feimster]

A twinkle, you have some empathy and some intelligence.

[Mae Martin]

I think that was a great question too.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah. And I thought right out of the gate that I had the answer.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

And I've talked about it on the podcast, which was where I I was invited with who we spoke about Conan O'Brien and a bunch of others to go to the. The Vatican.

[Mae Martin]

Oh my God.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, the Pope. I was like, well, I didn't expect this in my life. But then I immediately switched to when I was asked, this is a lot of rock stars in one one sitting. But Chris Martin asked me to surprise Dakota Johnson on her 30th birthday. Do you know about this?

[Mae Martin]

No.

[Tig Notaro]

Okay, so I get an email.

[Fortune Feimster]

Your movie yet?

[Tig Notaro]

No. This is how I met her.

[Fortune Feimster]

Okay.

[Tig Notaro]

Chris Martin emails me and he's like, hey, this is Chris Martin. Dakota Johnson is my girlfriend and you are her favorite comedian. And he said she's turning 30 years old. This is a few years back I.

[Fortune Feimster]

Would have erased this email because that would have Been certain it was Spam, right?

[Mae Martin]

It sounded like, like I'm a Saudi prince, and I just need.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, yeah. Why are those not real?

[Mae Martin]

You've been sending Mult money.

[Tig Notaro]

So he says, you are Dakota's favorite comedian. Will you surprise her on her 30th birthday? And I'm like, okay, I can do this. And I. I show up. It's this place in Malibu. It's outdoors. It's. I get. I show up, and I get shuffled immediately into basically a broom closet.

[Fortune Feimster]

You're like, can I at least have a salad?

[Tig Notaro]

But meanwhile, it's like this outdoor event where there's food trucks, there's a stage, there's like a Led Zeppelin cover band playing Sick, and there's every massive celebrity you've ever, ever dreamed of possible in one place.

[Mae Martin]

And you're in the broom closet.

[Tig Notaro]

I'm in the broom closet. And.

[Fortune Feimster]

And I'm with my friend Liz back in that closet.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, let's shove the old lesbian back there. So I'm in the broom closet. I'm with my friend Greg, another comedian who I brought as my date. And all I asked for was tea. Not for throat coat or smooth move, just tea. Usually spearmint or mint tea. And so I'm just sitting in this essentially broom closet, waiting to be called on stage. And Chris comes back and says hello and thanks me for being there. And I'm like, sure thing. And he was like, sorry, I just really want to make this a surprise. And I'm like, yeah, no problem. And then I go out on stage, and I said to Chris, I was like, are you sure I'm her favorite comedian? Because I said, I am mortified thinking of about, like, maybe you misunderstood something. And, and it's like the big moment of the night is he's surprising her with me. And there. And she's like, who is this? So I w. He's like, I am certain it's you. And I'm like, okay. So it's time for my performance, and I'm. I'm let out onto the stage, and Chris and. And Dakota are sitting front row center. And I'm like, oh, my Lord. I, I, I'm very self conscious because I'm. I'm still thinking, like, may I won. Wrong person.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

And I do my show. And does it go well? I think it did. It, It. I, I think it went well enough to where I, you know, was friendly with Dakota after, and we worked together.

[Mae Martin]

And did she react when you came out? Was she like, oh, my God.

[Tig Notaro]

Well, Dakota doesn't. She's not a real oh, my God kind of person.

[Mae Martin]

Right. She's like you.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, she's way chill. Which it all kind of made sense after that point where I'm like, she's so. Like, she's not. Oh, my God.

[Mae Martin]

Right?

[Tig Notaro]

So anyway, I meet her after. That's all nice and everything. And then Robert Downey Jr. Comes up to me and. And he's giving me all these nice compliments and, like, really specific compliments about the different jokes and whatever. And I'm like, oh, wow, he really gets my sense of humor. And then he says. And his wife is standing there, too, Susan. And he says, my wife was wanting tea. And that sounds good to me too. And I'm curious, where did you get your tea? And I said, oh, I've been sitting in a broom closet for the past hour, and I have tea in that broom closet and some hot water. And he was like, do you mind taking us there to get some tea? And I was like, sure. So me, Robert, Greg, and myself all go to my broom closet, and I'm fixing their tea. And I'm telling you, it's really a tiny little area. I'm fixing their tea, and I. I hand everyone some tea. And then. And then he says, you know what? Do you mind if we just hang out in here and all have tea together? He's like, I'm kind of not really in the mood to be at the party.

[Mae Martin]

And I was like, I respect that so much.

[Tig Notaro]

And I was like, sure. And so I thought we'd probably sit there for a half hour and drink our tea. We were in the broom closet the entire night.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, my God.

[Tig Notaro]

Me, Robert, Susan, Greg, drinking tea in the broom closet. And then wrapped up and I left.

[Mae Martin]

Oh, my God.

[Tig Notaro]

I did not even interact with the car. I didn't do anything. I just went home and then Dakota. But that was a moment where I was sitting there going, how on earth am I in a broom closet pouring tea and spending hours with my friend Greg and Robert and Susan Downey.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah. That's insane.

[Tig Notaro]

And it was so fun. It was.

[Mae Martin]

That's always the best moments at a party when you break off into a little group and like a little.

[Tig Notaro]

Broom closet.

[Mae Martin]

Broom closet. Yeah. Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

So I figured.

[Mae Martin]

I told us that story.

[Tig Notaro]

That's a great story. I figured I'd share that. That over going back into. Wow, it was so crazy to be at the Vatican with Conan O'Brien, my best friend.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah, that's really cool.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah. It was just a funny, weird moment. That I really enjoyed.

[Mae Martin]

Oh, man. Do you have one fortune?

[Fortune Feimster]

I mean, I'm only thinking of celebrity stuff right now, just because I feel like that those are the most surreal moments you have living in Los Angeles.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

It's like, one of those places where, like, literally, at any given moment, you can, like, turn a corner and be talking to, like, your childhood hero.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

Like, you just. You never know who you're gonna meet and. And where one would. I'm friends with her now, but when I first met Natalie Mains from the Chicks. Yeah. She agreed to do this show with me for Comedy Central. We had never met, and now that I know her, I can't believe she said yes. And I had, like, loved their band my whole life. Well, from my. From the time I was 18 up and used to, like, listen to 17.

[Tig Notaro]

You couldn't stand them.

[Fortune Feimster]

That's right.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Mae Martin]

Actively hated them.

[Fortune Feimster]

Listen to their songs on repeat. So she and I sat in her trailer and chatted for a long time, and. And we got drinks with her afterwards. And then for. We recently went out of town with her and her bandmates came, and we had a. Like, this fun night where we were singing karaoke, and we started singing their. All these songs from their first album that they, like, don't sing anymore.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

And, like, singing at the top of our lungs and having the best time. And they were dancing, and it was, like, the most surreal moment where I just, like, pictured myself back in college and, like, could you have ever imagined.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

Singing with them. And I sang on stage with them, too, which was very surreal. I sang in the Nashville Bridgestone Arena. The They're Good by Earl song, but something about being in a den. And they were. And they sang like.

[Tig Notaro]

I was at a house.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah, I was at a house. Yeah, yeah, yeah. A dinner party.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

And saying they sang Not Ready to Make Nice, which was.

[Tig Notaro]

That's such a great song.

[Fortune Feimster]

Their huge song from their controversy. Like, seeing them sing it in this room with me, it's so good. So crazy.

[Tig Notaro]

I thought you were saying that you were, like, at a karaoke club singing it with Natalie. And I was like, wait a minute. Was everyone's head exploding left and right?

[Fortune Feimster]

She sing at our. We had a wedding party back in the day. She came and sing at that. And at my. She karaoke with me at my premiere. I had a little premiere gathering for my special she. So she was down for the karaoke.

[Tig Notaro]

Love it.

[Fortune Feimster]

This was just in the house with them. Screaming, scream. Singing at the top of our lungs.

[Tig Notaro]

Does she live in la.

[Fortune Feimster]

She does. Yeah. Okay.

[Mae Martin]

House party is. Yeah. It's intimate enough that you can. That everyone who's there feels vetted. So it means if you do meet one of your heroes, they're kind of predisposed to be like, oh, you're in the gang. I can connect with you in this way. Like, it's different to being at a, you know, an award show or something at.

[Tig Notaro]

Very different. You would think. But that's how I met Taylor. Dane was at a very intimate party, and I thought I was safe. And I don't know if you're familiar with that story.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah, you were not safe.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, I was not safe. And that's where the. Excuse me. I'm sorry to bother you. I just have to tell you, I love your voice. Came from the fact that Taylor and I had a mutual friend that was having an intimate dinner party.

[Mae Martin]

Right.

[Fortune Feimster]

Taylor and I first met at an intimate. At Jamie Babbitts. Remember?

[Tig Notaro]

Huh? Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

Long, long time ago.

[Tig Notaro]

Were they trying to connect? Like, hook us up? Why were we. It's just the two of us at Carrie and Jamie's house. When I look back, I'm like.

[Fortune Feimster]

For a second, but I'm like, there's no way.

[Mae Martin]

Oh, my God.

[Fortune Feimster]

They might have just taken I. Yeah. But I think that in their head, they were like, they're both very funny and should be friends.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Mae Martin]

Mine is. I'm gonna veer off the celebrity thing. Those are. Okay, I'm gonna go. The first thing that came to mind was, like, the most surreal place I've. Or culturally different place I've been was, like, Nepal when I was 20 and, like, up in the mountains and stuff. And there was this one night where it was a full moon, and so there were all these parties and Catman do, and I was just so, like, on my own. And I met this. This Italian guy who was maybe five foot two. He was tiny. Anyway, we were in this bar and they were playing U2, and everyone from every different country imaginable knew every word. And we were all singing. You're one, but you're not the same. Yeah. Then I ended up hooking up with this guy in my hostel, this Italian guy, and he was telling me that he grew up in a cult and that he had seen a human being fly. He was like, I don't know what to tell you. I've seen with my eyes. Human beings can fly with the power of your mind. I don't know. I've seen it. And I was like, whoa, cool, man. And then I Got.

[Tig Notaro]

Do you believe that? Yeah.

[Mae Martin]

I have no reason to doubt it, Tig.

[Tig Notaro]

You have no reason? Like, there's no reason to doubt that.

[Mae Martin]

I mean, I try to take people at their word, you know, but, I mean, he was probably out of his mind. Point.

[Tig Notaro]

But possibly.

[Mae Martin]

He really was, like, so sincere when he said it.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Mae Martin]

And then I got sick. I was having stomach problems. I wasn't even like drunk or anything, but I ended up having to run to the bathroom and I had, like, explosive diarrhea. And I'm. The bathroom was on the roof of the hostel and the door was kind of open and I'm squatting over this hole and I can see the full moon above the thing. And then as I'm squatting there, just like. Like, you know, the cramping. Like this giant rat the size of a dog comes up to the door of the. And I'm like, no, get away. Like, trying to wave at it. And it was not scared of me. And it just looks at me and hisses with its yellow teeth.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh.

[Mae Martin]

And I'm squatting, paralyzed, pooing. And the full moon there. And just knowing that then downstairs in my room is this weird guy who thinks people can fly. And I'm like. I was like. I had a real out of body moment where I just started laughing. Like, I was just like, what is happening? The rat. That. The pooh. The moon. The guy.

[Tig Notaro]

And then your moon was hanging out too.

[Mae Martin]

Hanging out? Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Wow.

[Mae Martin]

I ended up telling him, listen, you gotta go.

[Tig Notaro]

Did you tell him about your digestive issues?

[Mae Martin]

I said, I'm not feeling well. And he was. He probably thought he could cure it.

[Tig Notaro]

Or something, but you just need to fly.

[Mae Martin]

You just.

[Tig Notaro]

I mean, I feel like if people could just put their minds to it and fly, there would be a lot of cases of this happening.

[Mae Martin]

I know, but then I've been listening to the telepathy tapes and it's really messing with my, like, paradigm. So I feel like we don't know, maybe, you know, you hear about those guys meditating in the snow, you know, in their underwear for years.

[Tig Notaro]

I don't hear about them. Oh, yeah, no, we have different. Have you Fortune?

[Fortune Feimster]

I have not.

[Tig Notaro]

Okay.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

If I hadn't heard about meditation in their underwear, I was like, there is no world. This news has reached Fortune.

[Mae Martin]

Well, I guess I feel like I've seen things about, like, yogis who sit in the snow and they're. They're. They're basically naked and they meditate for years without eating and they're just using sunlight do you think this is true? Because I actually can't think of where I've heard this, but I just believe it.

[Tig Notaro]

Well, I've heard about people who claim to be oxygenarians.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Where they only live off of air and sunlight. Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh. I mean, I didn't think that was possible.

[Mae Martin]

Wouldn't that be confirmed? Like, there should be some tests on this.

[Tig Notaro]

I feel like it would be the biggest Hollywood diet hack in the world.

[Mae Martin]

Right. I mean, monetize that.

[Tig Notaro]

Yes, this would be. This is same with people thinking they can fly. Not only are you going to see it, like, you know, what are those things where drones. You see people flying and then you'd for sure if. If somebody did it and they were like, I could do it again. Somebody's gonna get a camera out. Like. Like.

[Mae Martin]

I have been seeing a lot of telekinesis on Instagram. I've seen people. It's like a new thing. People practicing moving paper with their minds and stuff, but it's. It's just videos. It could be fake, but. Did you see the news story about the pyramids recently?

[Tig Notaro]

No.

[Mae Martin]

What? Thomas, back me up.

[Fortune Feimster]

No, what's the news.

[Mae Martin]

What's the news about the pyramids?

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah. I only have the old information about the pyramids. It's like, like, okay, BC I.

[Mae Martin]

Okay. This hasn't been confirmed on the major news sites yet, but it's gathering traction. They did a radio analysis, like a. An analysis deep beneath the pyramids. And they have found giant cylinders that go 2km deep beneath the pyramids and have like, wind.

[Tig Notaro]

Hear that coil.

[Mae Martin]

It like, changes everything we thought about how they were built. And it's like. Like they think that these were energetic silos. Like that the pyramids were some kind of energetic battery or harnessing system. And there's like these cylinders that are on top of blocks. Are you Googling it, Thomas? No. No one cares.

[Fortune Feimster]

Everyone's just.

[Tig Notaro]

No, I'm not. I did hear about this. I didn't read further. But that's what's so insane about the news is that Stephanie and I were just talking about this the other day, that the astronauts that finally got saved and brought back to Earth, everybody's response like, oh, right. Were they still gone? They were still gone. Yeah.

[Mae Martin]

And then we move on. The next day we're like, huh.

[Tig Notaro]

Well, they seem fine.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

Everyone keeps commenting that her hair got gray. And I'm like, well, yeah, the. The woman astronaut.

[Mae Martin]

Everyone's commenting that her hair. My grand.

[Fortune Feimster]

It's like, yeah, but it's like that's what happens if you're gone for nine months and you're not dyeing your hair like you Tig.

[Tig Notaro]

How dare you? How dare. This is all natural, okay? These wrinkles, these yellow, cracked teeth and gray hair. All mine.

[Mae Martin]

You're effortlessly handsome, though. You just. You wake up, you'd splash water on your face, you head out the door.

[Tig Notaro]

That's right.

[Mae Martin]

Meanwhile, Fortune's got the therapy, the.

[Tig Notaro]

The vibrator, the puffer. Or it should just be called the puffer.

[Mae Martin]

The puffer.

[Tig Notaro]

The de puffer. Now, Fortune, I'm just realizing you sang a very sultry song. Do you feel insecure at all now that we know Bon Iver is our question asker?

[Fortune Feimster]

No. I feel like I'm amongst my peers. Hot people that can sing.

[Mae Martin]

Hot people that can sing.

[Tig Notaro]

Well, should we Hear his response?

[Mae Martin]

100%.

[Justin Vernon]

Being from a small town in Wisconsin, I did not expect my band to take off like it did and to be traveling the world at the level that we were. But we were getting a lot of looks from people that, you know, it was all very surprising, but probably none more surprising than this story. In 2012, we're running around touring, and we got an email from the people that represent the Coen brothers, the filmmakers who are originally from this area. I'm the biggest fan of their movies. And to put it into perspective before I tell you this story, I made movies growing up with my friends, my sports friends, and I made movies, and I was never allowed to be on camera because I was so bad at acting. I was always the director. We get an email from the Coen brothers, curious if I would read for one of their films. And I immediately was like, there's no way in high hell that I can do this. I definitely am not built for this. I don't want to be any more famous than I just got. No. And I thought about it. I couldn't stop thinking about it for a couple days because it was just such a high honor. And I started getting really confusing thoughts, like, maybe this is something I was meant to do, or maybe I need to grow into this. It's the Coen brothers, you know? So they sent a script, and I, like, had it on the road, and I'm a very, kind of patchy reader. And they wanted to have a meeting in New York. So I read the script. But over the course of a month, I read it once and go to the Upper west side into, I believe it was Joel Cohen's apartment. I was there with my brother, and they asked my brother to wait Outside. And I thought that was kind of weird. And I walk in, and embarrassingly, now I said, hey, I'm such a huge fan. It's so great to meet y'all. I've been really thinking about this. I'd worked myself into such a tizzy that I went in and said, you know, I'm totally willing to move my Australia tour to do this part, and, you know, let's really make this happen. And I was trying to talk to him about Minneapolis, and they were kind of like, just, yeah, man, why don't we just sit down and read for a little bit?

[Mae Martin]

Oh, my God.

[Justin Vernon]

In that moment, it was the most dun, dun, dun moment in my life.

[Mae Martin]

Oh, my God.

[Justin Vernon]

That was the moment I realized that I was in an audition and I didn't know that.

[Mae Martin]

Oh, my God.

[Justin Vernon]

I was. Was completely paralyzed. The movie ended up being acted by Oscar Isaac. It's a movie called Inside Lewin Davis, the lead part. So I'm sitting there. I'm a terrible actor. I've read this thing exactly once, and they're like, let's go to page four. And I'm so bad. I'm sitting, like, kind of curled up on the couch, staring at the paper like this. Oh, my God, they're kind of laughing. And I knew in that moment that they. It was okay that they were laughing at me because I was so bad. But anyways, it was one of those learning experiences where if something doesn't feel right to you and you're not meant to do it, maybe just let it pass.

[Mae Martin]

Trust your gut.

[Fortune Feimster]

That's good takeaway.

[Tig Notaro]

But it's also. He does have that vibe where it feels like he could pull kind of anything off.

[Fortune Feimster]

Like he.

[Mae Martin]

I felt like I could watch him just. Yeah. Read a phone book.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah. He sucked me in, just even with that story. So I'm not giving up. On Justin.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah. On his acting career. That is really funny, though, that it was the lead part.

[Fortune Feimster]

He said, I'll change my tour.

[Mae Martin]

I changed my tour. Oh, God.

[Tig Notaro]

The other. The other night, I saw this ex of mine who is a writer, and she was. This is one of my favorite stories in the very beginning of her career. Well, and she has pitch anxiety. Really bad. But she's successful now. Very successful. But in the early days when she went to pitch this movie. Oh, my God. She. She's pitching. She has. She said she has, like, 4,000 pages. Not really, but just a huge stack of pages that she has to get through with her pitch. And she starts just feeling like the room's Closing in on her, you know, in the conference room with all the people staring at her and, oh, God, my heart. Yeah. And she's like, having an out of body experience. Like, oh, my God. And her. She said her tongue starts swelling and she's sweating, and she's like, oh, my God, are these my teeth? Are these my hands? It's this out, like, just like, what it. Like, who am I? Am I like. And then she, she, she said after she starts sweating, she asked everyone in the room, she's like, is it hot in here? Are you guys hot? And everybody's sitting there going, going, no. She's like, oh, I'm. I'm really hot. And she gets up from the table, she walks over to the thermostat, and she said she's standing there looking at the thermostat, and she's thinking, what am I doing? And she's trying to adjust the air. And she said, she stood there for, like, I don't know, a minute, just staring at the thermostat, going, oh, oh, my God, I can't do this. And then she said the door was to her left, and she just walked out the door.

[Mae Martin]

Oh, my God.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, my God.

[Mae Martin]

That's the best. Oh, my God. Yeah, I really understand that because once you get so. That you've made the decision to get up and adjust the temperature in the room of someone else's office, you know.

[Tig Notaro]

You can't go sit back now, being.

[Fortune Feimster]

The executives going, what just happened?

[Tig Notaro]

What just happened?

[Mae Martin]

I'd be intrigued and impressed, though, by someone that just walked out. Like, I'd kind of rather that than someone who stays and models.

[Tig Notaro]

I would die laughing if I was the executive and the person just walks out the door.

[Mae Martin]

That's really good. I still think that the only reason I got feel good commission was that because I was bombing in every pitch. And in the Netflix pitch, the main guy at one point leaned back in his chair and then went, whoa, whoa, whoa. Like that. And his chair, he almost fell over. And something in me, like, my inner tig almost came out, and I wouldn't, I wouldn't drop it. And I kept, like, coming back to it throughout the pitch. And it gave me this confidence, like. And I think the fact that I was really obsessed with that moment, I think, I think that got me through that.

[Tig Notaro]

Made you a star.

[Mae Martin]

Well, it just, like, humanized him in a way that I was like, okay, we're people.

[Tig Notaro]

We're all fumbling.

[Mae Martin]

We're fumbling through.

[Tig Notaro]

Well, that is so, so funny. What? And and what a great question.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah, great question and answer.

[Tig Notaro]

Well, thank you, Justin. We are all massive fans.

[Mae Martin]

Massive, massive fans. I saw. I saw him live at a festival really quick. And you could have heard it was outdoors and you could have heard like a pin drop of everyone just watching this huge crowd. And. And I was crying. Everyone's crying. Deeply moved.

[Tig Notaro]

Unrelated and.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah, unrelated. Yeah, yeah. Just attached, unhinged. And then I turn to my right and my friend Joe, who I thought was equally moved because he was just really sort of meditative. I realized that he's so drunk that he's fallen asleep standing up, which is. He was holding a balloon like this and he was just.

[Tig Notaro]

But everyone else for you, Justin.

[Mae Martin]

Sorry. No, but that was just because he. He was drunk.

[Tig Notaro]

I saw him in an outdoor venue as well, and I was sober. No balloons.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah, yeah, very. Like almost a church like experience.

[Tig Notaro]

Absolutely. Absolutely.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

That sexy voice like this.

[Tig Notaro]

Not as sexy as Fortune.

[Fortune Feimster]

This sexy voice.

[Mae Martin]

And next time, maybe one of us will have some whiskey and air our grievances.

[Fortune Feimster]

I still have a little nip.

[Tig Notaro]

Fortune behaved herself.

[Fortune Feimster]

Getting worse, though.

[Tig Notaro]

Well, we'll wrap this up. So listen, our live streaming show is this Saturday, April 12th. Get your tickets now at our social media pages or dynastytypewriter.com and also, if you enjoyed this episode or any other one, share this episode with your friends, family, let's continue to build the handsome.

[Mae Martin]

You can say it. Community.

[Tig Notaro]

Community. All right, there you go. I couldn't say it because I couldn't remember the word. Yeah, but also rate and review us, please. And subscribe to the podcast and subscribe to YouTube so you can see Fortune's sultry face and gams and. And then also May's Tinfoil hat.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And let us know what question askers you'd like to hear from from.

[Tig Notaro]

Yes.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah, I'm curious what who people would want to hear from.

[Tig Notaro]

And also, if you've gone to any of these hotels with May's top secret messages. Yeah, reach out because we got a free keychain for you just waiting.

[Mae Martin]

I will say I forgot to hide one in the London hotel. So don't go. Don't go there and look forever. But the one at the Silver Lake pool house is.

[Fortune Feimster]

That one's there pooling in.

[Mae Martin]

It's still there.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, yeah, don't even go there, girl.

[Mae Martin]

What do you got coming up?

[Tig Notaro]

Well, I have local shows at Largo and Dynasty Typewriter. I'll also be in eureka Springs, Arkansas, June 14, and get all my show information and everything else. You need to know about [e-mail] also, my friends Liz Feldman and Jesse Klein have a new incredible podcast called called Here to Make friends, produced by Mr. Thomas. And yeah, check that out. I cry on that episode.

[Mae Martin]

For real?

[Fortune Feimster]

Yes.

[Mae Martin]

I'm gonna listen.

[Tig Notaro]

I was not expecting that, but I did have a boohoo and I felt a little vulnerable. So there you go. Liz and Jesse, you're welcome for the numbers bump there, because everyone's gonna be running over to see me crash.

[Mae Martin]

I. I got. I'm just April 25th at Largo. And also check out maymartinmusic.com because I'm adding some tour dates soon and there's cool merch. And also, I'm really grateful to everybody who's streaming the album. And. Yeah, keep doing that.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah, my tour just started, so I am.

[Mae Martin]

So far, so good.

[Fortune Feimster]

I. I will have a voice. Don't worry. It's all.

[Tig Notaro]

Even if you don't, you have your gams.

[Fortune Feimster]

That's right.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

I'm coming to Albuquerque, Rockford, Illinois, Cleveland, Columbus, Greensboro, Roanoke, Baltimore, Pittsburgh, Grand Rapids, Minneapolis, Kansas City. And we just added a ton of new dates for the fall that go on sale. Well, that are on sale now, so check those out.

[Mae Martin]

What a podcast.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah. What a podcast. Until next time, keep it handsome.

[Mae Martin]

Handsome is hosted by Me May Martin, Tig Notaro, and Fortune Feimster. The show is produced, recorded, and edited by Thomas Willis that. Email us@handsome podgmail.com and please follow us on social media at Handsome Pod.

[Tig Notaro]

What a podcast.

[Mae Martin]

What a podcast. That was a Headgum podcast. That was a Headgum podcast.

[F]

Hey, I'm Wayne Brady. And I'm Jonathan Mangum. And we're two big improv nerds who get a chance to play and make stuff up on shows like Whose Line Is It Anyway? Or Let Make a Deal.

[Mae Martin]

And we're now hosting a new improvised.

[Tig Notaro]

Show called what if on the Headgum Podcast Network.

[F]

And on what if? We believe that improvisation is a conversation. So we get to have conversations with guests from the worlds of tv, film, tech, and literature. Guests like Bobby Moynihan, Aisha Tyler, Levar Burton, and Adam Conover. We ask them the big ridiculous questions like, what if you hurt a monkey's feelings?

[Mae Martin]

What if your grandma was a secret agent?

[F]

What if Jonathan was invited to the cookout up? I'm not. And then we turn the conversation into spontaneous scenes, songs. Well, because that's what we do.

[Tig Notaro]

Subscribe to what if on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, Pocket Cast, wherever you get your podcasts.

[Mae Martin]

And watch episodes on YouTube.

[F]

No script, no net. Just what if?