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Announcer
This is a Headgum podcast.
Sponsor Voice
Checking Allstate first could save you hundreds on car insurance. That's smart. Not checking that. I've got my handsome tuxedo ready to go before a big event. Big mistake. Now I'm walking the red carpet in a T shirt and jeans.
Announcer
Yeah, checking first is smart. So check Allstate first for a quote that could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Potential savings vary, subject to terms, conditions and availability. All Allstate North American Insurance Company and
May Martin
affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois, in partnership with Airbnb. Let's talk a little bit about travel, May. After I'm done with all this filming I'm doing, I really want to just take a weekend off and relax. I love booking stays on Airbnb because you get all the amenities of a home. And I definitely want a place with a private outdoor hot tub so I can take a long soak and look up at the stars.
Fortune Feimster
And here's my question, though.
May Martin
Where should I go?
Meg Stalter
I mean, if you're willing to go a bit further.
Announcer
I do love mixing in a hot tub with the cold. So Colorado, maybe, or even the desert.
Meg Stalter
I got a house out there on Airbnb with some friends. It was so good.
Announcer
Everyone had their own room. We cooked up, like, family style meals in the kitchen. If you wanted somewhere closer to home, would you do Palm Springs?
Fortune Feimster
Oh, for sure.
Announcer
Another reason I love Airbnb is that booking with them feels so much more special than hotels. I've stayed at hotels where I've gotten on an elevator, had to find the right floor, and then search for the pool in the hot tub, and then you find out they're closed. I just love the privacy.
May Martin
Okay, well, this inspired me to book something soon, so I appreciate it, buddy. And if you're listening out there and thinking about your next trip, I highly recommend you check out Airbnb and do some traveling yourself.
Meg Stalter
Handsome chatting friends on the handsome pod. Chatting with friends on the handsome pod.
Fortune Feimster
Cheers. Welcome to the Hands of Pod. I'm Fortune Feemster.
Meg Stalter
I'm May Martin.
Tig Notaro
And I am Tig Notaro.
Fortune Feimster
Oh, my God. That was the cleanest we've ever introed this podcast. Yeah, yeah, I just went for it.
Meg Stalter
I. I took a risk already because we're in the same place. Our energy's electric.
Fortune Feimster
Feel the energy.
Tig Notaro
You stuck the landing.
Fortune Feimster
Are you not ready? Was it too soon?
Tig Notaro
Whoa.
Fortune Feimster
I was ready.
Meg Stalter
I was ready. Yeah, I'm a sweaty hand.
Announcer
Sorry.
Meg Stalter
Because I drove here.
Fortune Feimster
That's all right. I did see May pull Up in their.
Meg Stalter
Yeah.
Tig Notaro
Why are your hands sweaty? Because you drove here.
Fortune Feimster
I still nervous about driving.
Meg Stalter
I. Hold tight. Two hands, ten and two. Yeah, gripping.
Tig Notaro
Like, gripping?
Meg Stalter
Yeah, yeah.
Tig Notaro
Ripping.
Fortune Feimster
I think so.
Meg Stalter
I think so. When the car washed, though, how was that?
Tig Notaro
Did you mean to?
Meg Stalter
Yeah, I think, yeah, I meant to.
Tig Notaro
Okay.
Meg Stalter
And it was. I loved the whole experience. How the guys kind of tell you, okay, move forward and you drive.
Tig Notaro
I can't stand that. I mean, I told you I hate it.
Fortune Feimster
Oh, really?
Meg Stalter
I can imagine.
Announcer
Depends on the guy.
Meg Stalter
I had a nice guy who we were joshing around a bit, but you had a humorless.
Tig Notaro
No, I'm not looking for a funny.
Meg Stalter
You're not looking for a friend.
Tig Notaro
No, I'm not.
Fortune Feimster
I'm just trying to park the car, right?
Tig Notaro
And if somebody gets behind me and they're like. And I haven't asked them to, they're just like, get away. Like, get out of here. You know, when they just like. I guess it feels like mansplaining or something to me, I'm like, I'm all good, buddy.
Fortune Feimster
Carsplaining.
Tig Notaro
Yeah. Carsplaining. Donate it.
Fortune Feimster
Yeah.
Meg Stalter
Look at your bracelets. See, when we're together in the room, there's so much more stimuli bracelets.
Tig Notaro
You know what I love about you? When your voice makes that. God, yeah, yeah, that's. That's. That's the sweet spot.
Fortune Feimster
Okay.
Tig Notaro
Let me tell you about this. My childhood friend Eliza, she made this for me. She makes bracelets and clearly. And she's Korean, so she has a little Korean something on here.
Meg Stalter
Oh, is it like.
Tig Notaro
Oh, there it is. I don't know what it says.
Fortune Feimster
Okay.
Tig Notaro
Can you read Korean?
Fortune Feimster
I cannot.
Tig Notaro
Okay.
Meg Stalter
And then I can, but I choose not to at the moment.
Tig Notaro
You choose not to read Korean. And then this is from Sandro, who is the number two on Starfleet Academy. He's right under Holly Hunter. And he's the young, kind of rebellious kid on the show that Holly's trying to, you know. Anyway, so he got these for all the cast after season one. And my character on Star Trek, my name is on here, Reno.
Fortune Feimster
Oh, that's nice.
Meg Stalter
I liked it. Yeah. Maybe we need friendship bracelets.
Tig Notaro
Are these friendship bracelets?
Meg Stalter
Well, if you got one for everyone on the crew, yeah. That's a friendship bracelet.
Tig Notaro
This is a co worker bracelet.
Fortune Feimster
Oh, wow.
Tig Notaro
We need to get co workers.
Fortune Feimster
Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Tig Notaro
True, I think.
Fortune Feimster
Are we. We're not friends.
Tig Notaro
We're more than friends.
Fortune Feimster
Yeah. I knew you were gonna come around playing hard to get them.
Tig Notaro
I always come around I swear to God.
Fortune Feimster
Twig. Come on.
Meg Stalter
Come on now. Yeah.
Fortune Feimster
Alone. Yeah.
Meg Stalter
Look how happy I am.
Tig Notaro
I know.
Fortune Feimster
Did you guys notice I have makeup on?
Tig Notaro
No, I don't have my glasses on.
Meg Stalter
Notice that you have makeup on? Yeah.
Tig Notaro
Do you look hot?
Fortune Feimster
Except for ones that right here.
Meg Stalter
Very.
Tig Notaro
She looks hot.
Meg Stalter
Yes. Yeah. Yeah.
Tig Notaro
I'm not even gonna put my glasses on.
Fortune Feimster
Just tell me. I just have makeup on.
Tig Notaro
I'm gonna put my glasses, put them
Fortune Feimster
on, take it all in. I was filming today.
Meg Stalter
It's really subtle, though. It's like, it's just bringing out your inner beauty.
Fortune Feimster
My curls are tight.
Meg Stalter
Your curls are tight?
Fortune Feimster
What are we talking about? The only thing that's tight around here, if you know what I mean.
Tig Notaro
I don't.
Fortune Feimster
I'm not gonna.
Tig Notaro
Something is tight.
Fortune Feimster
I'm not gonna go any further.
Tig Notaro
Okay.
Meg Stalter
I'm wearing makeup too.
Fortune Feimster
Are you?
Meg Stalter
Yeah.
Fortune Feimster
Always clear mascara.
Meg Stalter
No, not today. Just the usual boy brow.
Fortune Feimster
Nikki Laser heard the thing about us riffing on clear mascara and always laughs about us.
Meg Stalter
She did.
Fortune Feimster
Talking about clear mascara.
Meg Stalter
That's crazy. It's crazy that people hear this podcast
Tig Notaro
and especially friends and family. I know where they're like, oh, my gosh. I was listening this and that. I'm like, you listen to my show?
Meg Stalter
I know. I went on a walk around the rez with friend of the pod, Alison Brie, and that was.
Fortune Feimster
Oh, you did?
Meg Stalter
I always just. I never quite believe that she listens to it. It's almost like I want to test her. But she really does.
Fortune Feimster
She really takes me occasionally with some reference to the pod.
Meg Stalter
She knows what's going on.
Tig Notaro
Yeah, she's the best.
Meg Stalter
She's so funny. It was such a nice walk.
Tig Notaro
If only she were in good shape, though.
Meg Stalter
If only she was prettier.
Tig Notaro
If only she was attractive and in good shape.
Fortune Feimster
They're a good looking couple, those two.
Meg Stalter
They're a great looking couple and really smart and writers and. Yeah, I'm into it.
Tig Notaro
And they. Yeah, they're collaborative.
Meg Stalter
Yeah.
Tig Notaro
Yeah.
Meg Stalter
I.
Tig Notaro
Yes.
Meg Stalter
Well, unrelated.
Fortune Feimster
Okay, that's fine. Who cares? We can pivot.
Meg Stalter
Okay. So, you know, I'm prepping to go on tour and part of what I'm thinking about is, like, is magic real and can I affect reality with my mind?
Fortune Feimster
So this is part of the standup
Meg Stalter
sort of the themes I'm thinking about.
Fortune Feimster
Hilarious to me.
Meg Stalter
Yeah.
Sponsor Voice
Well, you know what?
Tig Notaro
I don't know if you know this. This is true. Magic is kind of moving in on comedy. Do you know this? In, like, popularity.
Meg Stalter
Oh, like close up magic.
Tig Notaro
Well, like, Magicians.
Announcer
Yeah, magicians.
Tig Notaro
Magicians. That whole world is becoming gigantic.
Meg Stalter
Yeah. What does that signify? I wonder about where we're at. We just want to be astounded, but I'm more like spirituality or things that 200 years ago, they would have said were magic, but now we know it's science. Anyway, so I keep seeing those experiments with rice. I think I've talked about it. You put rice in two jars, and then you write I love you on one of the jars. You write I hate you on the other jar. And every day you go to the one I love you so much. And then to the bad one, you're like, I hate you. You're awful.
Tig Notaro
Is this what you are doing?
Meg Stalter
I'm in your house every morning and it's a really weird thing to do by yourself, but.
Tig Notaro
Or even with people.
Sponsor Voice
I would say.
Announcer
Yeah.
Meg Stalter
And I've seen this online tons of times where the. The one that says I hate you rots faster.
Fortune Feimster
Really? Yes.
Meg Stalter
Guys, guess what happened?
Fortune Feimster
What?
Tig Notaro
You ate it.
Fortune Feimster
You had a beef bowl.
Meg Stalter
The one I say I love you
Tig Notaro
to said I love you back.
Meg Stalter
It's rotting. So what is it? Is my love rotten or am I. Did I smother it?
Fortune Feimster
Is it rotten?
Meg Stalter
Yeah.
Tig Notaro
Do you normally say rotten, love rotten.
Meg Stalter
I don't know why I said it like that.
Tig Notaro
Well, your accent's all over the place.
Fortune Feimster
Rotten.
Meg Stalter
I don't think I would normally say
Fortune Feimster
rotten, but I don't think your love's rotten. I think you got some bad rice.
Meg Stalter
I mean, it's significantly. No, but it was the same batch of rice.
Tig Notaro
So the one. The.
Fortune Feimster
The.
Meg Stalter
Thank you for digging into this.
Tig Notaro
I love you rice is rotten. And this is I hate you rice.
Meg Stalter
Perfectly pristine cooked rice.
Fortune Feimster
It's cooked.
Meg Stalter
Cooked white rice.
Fortune Feimster
Okay.
Meg Stalter
And I'm not saying like one. I mean, the one I say I love you too is black mold. And the other one. Perfectly pristine.
Fortune Feimster
This is weird. At what point do you toss it?
Meg Stalter
Soon. I think it's time.
Tig Notaro
Maybe time to break up with your rights.
Fortune Feimster
Maybe the I love you is hearing you say I hate you. You're doing it too close to each other.
Meg Stalter
That's possible. But then how come they I hate you one's not because it's a narcissist
Fortune Feimster
and it only hears it. You love it.
Meg Stalter
Yeah. I don't know what the hell's going on, because I've proved something, but not what I was expecting to prove. And I feel. Yeah, worried about what my focus is doing to that rice.
Tig Notaro
Is that what part of it is the Hypothesis. I remember that word.
Meg Stalter
The hypothesis is that your intention can affect reality. And I've read all about this rice experiment where.
Tig Notaro
And this is before you do the experiment, you have a hypothesis and then
Meg Stalter
you try to prove the hypothesis, right or wrong. And. Yeah, like, you know how if you're kind to plants, they flourish.
Tig Notaro
Yeah.
Meg Stalter
So it's that kind of. And that's scientifically proven.
Tig Notaro
Yeah.
Meg Stalter
If you sing to them, you talk to them.
Fortune Feimster
I flourish in kindness as well.
Meg Stalter
Don't we all?
Fortune Feimster
Some do. We does. Everyone. Flourishing kindness.
Meg Stalter
Yeah, People flourish and kindness.
Fortune Feimster
Some people like to be her mascots.
Meg Stalter
Yeah, yeah.
Tig Notaro
Some aren't really into that.
Meg Stalter
Yeah, but.
Fortune Feimster
But like, you know how they say that girls like a bad boy, right?
Meg Stalter
Oh, like they don't flourish in kindness.
Tig Notaro
Have you ever liked a bad boy?
Fortune Feimster
Me?
Tig Notaro
Yeah,
May Martin
me.
Fortune Feimster
Little old me.
Meg Stalter
Yeah. Fortune. Imagine in front of you, there's nice boy and bad boy. They're both handsome.
Fortune Feimster
Well, I don't like. I don't like boys. So I guess for fun I'd go with the bad boy. Why not? Yeah, spice it up, you know, that sounds fun.
Meg Stalter
Like that guy in that show you watch who knows how to put it down.
Fortune Feimster
That's right.
Meg Stalter
Yeah.
Fortune Feimster
Tell me lies.
Announcer
Tell me lies.
Fortune Feimster
He's a bad boy.
Tig Notaro
I. I think I had a little bit of a thing for some bad girls.
Announcer
Bad girls?
Fortune Feimster
Yeah, of course. Bad girl.
Meg Stalter
Yeah, yeah, we all like bad girls.
Fortune Feimster
Well, I don't want that. I don't want a bad girl.
Tig Notaro
No, no, no. Me neither.
Meg Stalter
What do we mean by bad?
Tig Notaro
Like just people that.
Fortune Feimster
Chaos inducing.
Tig Notaro
Yes.
Meg Stalter
Right, right, right, right.
Tig Notaro
Yeah.
Meg Stalter
I like a bit of it in
Tig Notaro
a safe container with rice.
Meg Stalter
With rice?
Sponsor Voice
Yeah.
Fortune Feimster
You like a sprinkle of it?
Meg Stalter
I like a sprinkle of, like, unpredictable.
Fortune Feimster
More than a sprinkle.
Tig Notaro
Wait, have you made out any more with the person you made out in
Meg Stalter
the car with with that person? I have not.
Fortune Feimster
Did I know about this? No.
Tig Notaro
Yes, you did.
Fortune Feimster
I did remember?
Tig Notaro
We did remember. I was let down because I thought it was going.
Fortune Feimster
Oh, that's right. That's right.
Tig Notaro
But you guys thought I was let down.
Fortune Feimster
One and done.
Meg Stalter
I did do. I did have an experience where I kissed someone in my car and I was parked.
Fortune Feimster
You love this car now?
Meg Stalter
I love this car.
Tig Notaro
You need to go to a drive in movie.
Meg Stalter
That's all I want to do.
Tig Notaro
Yeah. Can we be in the back?
May Martin
Yeah.
Meg Stalter
Giggling All I want is you guys in my car. Yeah, yeah, that would be great. But. So I was parked in my. But my foot was on the break but then I we kiss and I guess it. I should have had a neutral need
Fortune Feimster
to have in park or park. Yeah.
Meg Stalter
So then my foot came off the brake and like.
Fortune Feimster
Because neutral you will, you will just roll. Yeah, right? Yeah.
Meg Stalter
So it was a jump scare for sure. My foot came off the brake and then the car went almost into the car in front of me.
Fortune Feimster
Oh my God.
Tig Notaro
Oh, I wish that was the story.
Fortune Feimster
That would have been fun.
Meg Stalter
I know. Did you still get the kids got the kiss.
Tig Notaro
Okay, can I tell you a fun makeout series? Girl, girl, settle in. And let me tell you what was so fun.
Fortune Feimster
Okay.
Tig Notaro
So there was this girl, you know, we had this thing going for months and. But at the very beginning of it, I told her, I was like, you know what I've always wanted to do is just get a taxi and just drive around town and make out.
Fortune Feimster
Love this.
Tig Notaro
And she was like, let's do it.
Fortune Feimster
And so.
Tig Notaro
So we hail a cab and we are macking down.
Fortune Feimster
Oh my God. It's a risk. You don't put on a show for the driver because they do watch.
Tig Notaro
I don't care.
Fortune Feimster
I know, I'm just telling you they do. They are watching in the.
Tig Notaro
Well, how do you know?
Meg Stalter
Cause Fortune makes out like.
Fortune Feimster
Oh my God, taxis. What in the day.
Tig Notaro
Fortune used to be a cab driver.
Fortune Feimster
Look at my cabbie.
Meg Stalter
Dave do watch.
Fortune Feimster
Trust me, they watch and they love it. Okay.
Tig Notaro
No, I just thought it was one of the, you know, when you first are meeting and dating or hooking up with somebody, it's like, let's do this. Okay. So get a cab. We're driving around Los Angeles. And that's what I told the guy. I was like, just anywhere. And he was like, okay, cool.
Meg Stalter
You want to just drive us around?
Tig Notaro
Yeah, just drive us around. Okay. So then we pull up
Fortune Feimster
to his mother's house.
Tig Notaro
Yeah. We pull up to some store. She wanted to go in and get something.
Sponsor Voice
She's an actress.
Fortune Feimster
Okay.
Meg Stalter
Okay.
Tig Notaro
When she gets out of the car, he goes, can I ask you something? And I said, sure. And he said, who is. He said, that woman looks very familiar. Who is she? And I said, I have no idea. After we've been driving around, that's the
Sponsor Voice
end of the story.
Fortune Feimster
You do? Uh huh. I won't say it, but you can
Tig Notaro
say it, but bleep it out. Yeah.
Fortune Feimster
I knew it. How did you know? Smart.
Meg Stalter
I don't know who that is. Even you.
Fortune Feimster
But I knew that y' all had had a thing. Dated or whatever you call it.
Meg Stalter
So funny to have the awkward Just you and the taxi driver in the car, though, as well. Like, after she gets out. And you've just been fully.
Fortune Feimster
But also you don't. Yeah, you don't want them being like, I recognize any either. You know what I mean? Like, that's where you want to be anonymous.
Tig Notaro
Well, that's why it was fun to just be like, yeah, I don't know. I don't know who she is.
Meg Stalter
After you're running. Like, how much was this bill at the end of the day?
Tig Notaro
I don't remember. Here's another fun thing.
Meg Stalter
Yeah, really,
Tig Notaro
this is a really fun thing that I could see you enjoying.
Meg Stalter
Okay.
Tig Notaro
I asked this girl out who we had already been seeing each other, but on a particular date to a hotel room only during the day to order room service and watch a movie.
Gareth Reynolds
Oh, that's great.
Fortune Feimster
That's really good.
Tig Notaro
Yeah.
Meg Stalter
And so did you have to pay for the night or you found like a. Yeah. And you said, we'll just go there for the day and hang out.
Tig Notaro
Let's just go get a hotel room, watch a movie and order room service.
Meg Stalter
Okay, I'm doing that.
Tig Notaro
It was so fun.
Meg Stalter
That's fun. That's really fun.
Tig Notaro
It's so fun.
Fortune Feimster
I've had the room for the. Just the. I've rented it for the night, but we just used it during the day and used the spa, like the steam room and that stuff. And then used it for the room for other things. For. What was that? Other things, such as. And then left. Didn't stay the night.
Tig Notaro
Have you ever. In a hotel room? Yeah, I realized this a couple of nights ago when I was in Chicago. I see these all the time in the hotel room. Never used one.
Meg Stalter
Yeah.
Tig Notaro
Have you ever used a shower cap?
Fortune Feimster
I sure have not.
Meg Stalter
Well, now I bet you something I really want to see, which is all of us in shower caps. Like our. Like bonnets. Like little bonnets.
Tig Notaro
I forgot about our bonnets.
Fortune Feimster
Oh, someone gave us those in Toronto.
Meg Stalter
I don't think I've used one. Except when you're getting your hair dyed. Sometimes they put like a plastic bag.
Tig Notaro
But like, to get into the shower. Who the hell. Like, they are in every hotel room.
Brandi Carlisle
Yeah.
Fortune Feimster
There must be enough people that don't want to get their hair wet that this is still in demand.
Tig Notaro
Well, I'm going to start asking around because.
Meg Stalter
Yeah, do.
Fortune Feimster
Let's ask our listeners. Do any of you wear. Wear shower caps? Please let us know in our social media comments.
Tig Notaro
This is the last hotel thing I'll say.
Fortune Feimster
Okay, give it to us.
Tig Notaro
Do you notice that hair dryers are mysteriously hard to find in. It's like, where is it? Is it in the drawer?
Fortune Feimster
Always.
Meg Stalter
Is it in the this better be your new hour.
Fortune Feimster
It's called Where Is It?
Meg Stalter
Observational.
Tig Notaro
Call me about my new special where is It?
Announcer
Checking Allstate first could save you hundreds on car insurance. That's smart. Not checking that I've got some paint and a canvas when I'm headed to the wilderness. Major regret. I'm overdue for another animal painting, but without art supplies, I just can't express myself.
Tig Notaro
Yeah, checking first is smart, so check
Sponsor Voice
Allstate first for a quote that could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Potential savings vary, subject to terms, conditions and availability. Allstate North American Insurance Company and Affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois who's planning a trip to Provincetown this year? I went for the first time last year and I loved it so much. You have got to check it out. Provincetown is a beautiful mosaic of cultures where everyone is welcome. What will you find in Provincetown? Well, great food, dancing, entertainment, hiking, biking, beaches and so much more all wrapped up in one destination. If you are searching for an adventure filled with pride, then you are ready for Provincetown. One of my favorite things about P Town is that you can strut your stuff with your squad solo or hand in hand with your sweetheart.
Announcer
Want some more things to do? How about whale watching, dune tours and countless art galleries? P Town is the birthplace of modern American theater and there are so many
Meg Stalter
shows to catch as well.
Announcer
I've got to perform there one day. From Boston, you hop on a fast ferry for 90 minutes. The ferries run from mid May through mid October, so book your trip now. For more Info go to ptowntourism.com the Official Guide to Provincetown. That's P towntourism.com I love my cats
Sponsor Voice
and if you listen to the podcast, you know I would do anything for them. A quick message from today's sponsor, the ASPCA Pet Health Insurance Program. Life with a pet is full of surprises. A chewed up sock. A spur of the moment adventure. An unexpected vet bill. That's why ASPCA Pet Health Insurance is worth checking out. Their plans are flexible, easy to customize, and help you stay prepared for whatever your dog or cat gets into. The best part? There's a special perk for signing up
Announcer
when you enroll in an ASPCA Pet Health Insurance plan. You could get a $25Amazon gift card.
Meg Stalter
It's a little treat for you while
Announcer
you're doing something Great for your pet. The program offers customizable accident and illness plans, making it easier to get your pet the care they may need. To Explore coverage, visit aspcapetinsurance.com Handsome. That's aspcapetinsurance dot com Handsome. This is a paid advertisement. Insurance is underwritten by either Independence American Insurance Company or United States Fire Insurance Company and produced by PTZ Insurance Agency limited. The ASPCA is not an insurer and is not engaged in the business of insurance.
Meg Stalter
You're right. There's no kind of standard. It's always under the sink. No, sometimes it's in a little bag
Tig Notaro
hanging on the door.
Fortune Feimster
I do like it when hotels have switched from ironing boards and irons to the little hand steamers. Not me. You prefer the iron.
Tig Notaro
You like an iron one.
Fortune Feimster
Wait, what are you.
Meg Stalter
Steamer.
Fortune Feimster
You're a steamer, too.
Tig Notaro
And you know, Ricky Lindholm, she has a really funny bit that I'm like, God, I wish I thought. I mean, it's so funny. Just that, like, how long have ironing boards been around and they can't fix it to where it doesn't go, like, when you open it? I mean, truly, how is that the case?
Fortune Feimster
Well, the steamers do get dangerous. I, you know, sometimes have dum dum moments, not thinking.
Tig Notaro
And I have not our fortune. Don't talk about my friend like that.
Fortune Feimster
I have been like, oh, I missed this spot and did the steamer. And it just burnt your cooter. My cooter burnt my cooter.
Tig Notaro
Why are you always drying your crush?
Meg Stalter
Yeah, why are you steaming your cooter?
Tig Notaro
I don't know.
Fortune Feimster
Steamy crush. There's like a wet spot.
Announcer
Not.
Fortune Feimster
Not what you're. Don't get your head out of the gutter. And then I tried to steam it out and just burnt my cooter.
Tig Notaro
Crispy fried cooter.
Meg Stalter
Fried cooter.
Fortune Feimster
So those things do get very hot, but I do prefer them to. The iron is. It's a whole thing.
Tig Notaro
Have you ever ironed your coot?
Fortune Feimster
No.
Tig Notaro
Give it a whirl.
Fortune Feimster
That sounds painful.
Meg Stalter
I feel like vagazzle used to be the butt of every joke. And stand up and that was the thing. People were putting, like, gems on there and maybe, like, to iron them on,
Fortune Feimster
you know, like, Swarovski crystals or whatever.
Meg Stalter
No, but it kind of went away.
Fortune Feimster
You know what I'm talking about. Night girl. Girl.
Tig Notaro
I don't.
Fortune Feimster
It's like the little crystal, like, your name or something.
May Martin
Tig.
Tig Notaro
People put that on their crotch.
Meg Stalter
Yeah.
Fortune Feimster
That was a Thing at one point.
Meg Stalter
Yeah.
Fortune Feimster
I don't know if it's still a thing now. Wouldn't it fun to have Tig. Tig's name down there, though it's small,
Meg Stalter
so it fit on Tig or on us, I guess.
Fortune Feimster
I think it should be.
Tig Notaro
I wonder if I understand what's happening right now.
Meg Stalter
It's like you glue gems to your pubic area.
Fortune Feimster
Yeah. Like, it's.
Tig Notaro
So you have no hair there. You, like, rip the hair out. Or have you seen one on your.
Meg Stalter
You don't rip it out.
Fortune Feimster
I've never seen one in person. Have you?
Meg Stalter
No, never.
Fortune Feimster
Cooter, let's not get crazy here. I'm talking about. Yeah. The Vagazzle.
Meg Stalter
Yeah. It just used to be.
Tig Notaro
Never heard of this.
Meg Stalter
Are we canceling it out?
Fortune Feimster
I wasn't showing you a picture of mine.
May Martin
Just.
Fortune Feimster
Here, let me get out my PowerPoint presentation.
Tig Notaro
You need to iron that thing.
Meg Stalter
How can they have shower caps in every room and then not toothpaste in every room? I hate having to call down.
Fortune Feimster
They never have toothpaste.
Tig Notaro
And they hate that you're not bringing your own toothpaste.
Fortune Feimster
That would be expensive for them to.
Meg Stalter
Yeah, that checks. Yeah, that's true.
Tig Notaro
But sometimes they'll supply those tiny, tiny off brand where it just says mint paste.
Meg Stalter
Yeah, mint paste.
May Martin
Yeah.
Meg Stalter
Yeah.
Fortune Feimster
All the Q tips you could want.
Meg Stalter
I love a Q tip. I know you're not supposed to, but
Fortune Feimster
I love them, too.
Meg Stalter
Do you.
Fortune Feimster
I want to buy that thing on Amazon that, like, pushes the water in your ear.
Tig Notaro
Don't you want water pushed into your ear?
Fortune Feimster
I don't think that's bad. Is it?
Meg Stalter
I. I've been the victim of. I have all these gadgets. Like, I have bought every gadget we know.
Fortune Feimster
Your Amazon wish list is.
Meg Stalter
I'm not going to use Amazon. I'm turning a corner. I'm like, oh, this is one thing I can do is boycott. Boycott Amazon as much as possible.
Tig Notaro
Okay, I am boycotting Amazon.
Fortune Feimster
I need a synthesizer.
Meg Stalter
No, I have a bit of boycotting hot dogs and Target. And I'm trying, I'm trying, but. Well, do we have. Is now the time, Thomas?
Fortune Feimster
Should I. Oh, wait, What? Well, what's happening?
Meg Stalter
So we're talking about gadgets. You're talking about this.
Tig Notaro
You're pregnant.
Meg Stalter
I am with child. No. So I don't know if you noticed, like, a different piece of furniture in here that might. Yeah, yeah. This round footstool.
Fortune Feimster
Okay.
Announcer
Yeah.
Meg Stalter
But it's not actually a footstool, guys.
Fortune Feimster
What is it?
Meg Stalter
It's one of my new gadgets.
Fortune Feimster
This is a gadget, y'.
May Martin
All.
Tig Notaro
We didn't know anything about this, Thomas.
Fortune Feimster
Oh.
May Martin
Oh, my God.
Fortune Feimster
That is hilarious. We want. It's like an alien maze.
Tig Notaro
Ass is on camera.
May Martin
But is it.
Fortune Feimster
Is it a part time stool?
Announcer
Part time stool? Full time massager?
Meg Stalter
Whatever you want.
Announcer
So.
Meg Stalter
Okay.
Fortune Feimster
Tigs, Tigs, Tig Kicking off her shoes.
Tig Notaro
Do I have to take my socks onto me?
Fortune Feimster
I think you should leave your socks on for hygiene purposes.
Tig Notaro
You think I'm not clean?
Fortune Feimster
No, I'm sure you are.
Meg Stalter
It's pretty neat.
Tig Notaro
I'm a germaphobe.
Announcer
I want to see. Whatever.
Tig Notaro
Ow.
Meg Stalter
Really?
Tig Notaro
Are you serious?
Sponsor Voice
Yes.
Meg Stalter
I have it on the strongest. I'll put it on the.
Announcer
I'll put it down.
Fortune Feimster
Wait.
Tig Notaro
No, no, no.
Fortune Feimster
Oh. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Wait, wait. Are you. Are you wanting this torture? Do you want me to fix it?
Tig Notaro
Have you tried this?
Meg Stalter
Tommy, I don't like your feet. You don't like that?
Fortune Feimster
Oh, my God.
Meg Stalter
This is hell. This is hell.
Fortune Feimster
Oh, my God.
Tig Notaro
Have you done this?
Meg Stalter
I'm loving it.
Fortune Feimster
Wait, is it on the highest thing?
Tig Notaro
No, it's on the lowest.
Meg Stalter
Now.
Tig Notaro
I don't know.
Fortune Feimster
I'm asking. I think a little.
Tig Notaro
Now it's vibrating.
Meg Stalter
It'll go through a cycle of different things. So it's like. This is hell. Is. It's pretty intense, right?
Tig Notaro
Well, yeah.
Meg Stalter
Squeezes, rolls, heats up. That's the lowest.
Tig Notaro
Feels like a rodent is nibbling on my palm.
Fortune Feimster
How did you land on this? You were.
Tig Notaro
You were scrolling through your Amazon Bear. No, they look me in the eye.
Fortune Feimster
Where did it come.
Meg Stalter
No, it actually is called Chill Chair. It's a private company. It was advertised to me and I said, yeah, okay, okay. Always trying to relax.
Tig Notaro
Advertise to you.
Fortune Feimster
And you love this.
Tig Notaro
Oh, on social media, yeah.
Fortune Feimster
And you love this.
Meg Stalter
I'm. Well, I'm kind of on the fence. I can't decide if it's good or bad for me, but it does heat up. It's warm.
Tig Notaro
Okay.
Fortune Feimster
So funny.
Meg Stalter
And I just wanted to give you guys a glimpse into what my evenings are like. Like, my evenings are. I got that on. I got sometimes, like, a vibrating face.
Fortune Feimster
Wow. You like a vibration and.
Meg Stalter
Yeah.
Tig Notaro
Invisible mascara.
Meg Stalter
Invisible mascara. And then I have, like, an ab workout machine that I've got this mascara
Fortune Feimster
shake shirt vibrating your entire body.
Meg Stalter
No, I'm going like this. Doing crunches. So I'm watching tv and I'm like,
Tig Notaro
what is your goal? What are we.
Meg Stalter
What is this all to maximize my time.
Fortune Feimster
Your time of Rest needs to vibrations.
Meg Stalter
Yeah, I'll take whatever help I can get.
Fortune Feimster
Is it starting to become comfortable?
Tig Notaro
It's. You're very tense.
Fortune Feimster
You're very. Your whole body is. Yeah. Release.
Meg Stalter
So tense. Oh, I can see you kind of.
Tig Notaro
I can. I'm. My feet are relaxed right now.
Fortune Feimster
If you had titties, this would be real fun.
Tig Notaro
No, I have dumpster titties. And we all know this, but I
Fortune Feimster
really enjoy this vibe vibration. If you had some tigo bitties.
Meg Stalter
Fortune. Are you. Are you keen to get in there?
Fortune Feimster
Why not?
Tig Notaro
Well, it's settled down now. No, no, no. Put your little hooves back on.
Fortune Feimster
Oh, now take. Doesn't want to share.
Tig Notaro
Well, cuz now it settled down and it just feels good now.
Meg Stalter
You like it?
Tig Notaro
Okay, I need to get an ab machine.
Fortune Feimster
Well, now I'm just here with one shoe on and one shoe off.
Meg Stalter
I'm not sponsored by this, but my
Tig Notaro
shoe looks like you have it on, doesn't it?
Fortune Feimster
Yeah, sure does.
Tig Notaro
Yeah.
Fortune Feimster
Well, I guess I'll just sit here like this with one shoe on, one shoe off me.
Meg Stalter
Do you jinx? You both said fine by me at the same time.
Tig Notaro
I still do that near daily.
Meg Stalter
So I was looking into the lyrics of that song, like to see if I could memorize them. And it's actually kind of problematic.
Fortune Feimster
And then.
Meg Stalter
And it's all about like how he wants to date Asian women and like, really well, there's all these. All these weird things in it. And then my. I was saying that to my friend. I was like, can you believe that innocent song? Actually, if you slow it down. And she's like, well, the band's called Barenaked Ladies. Like, what do you expect? And I was like, oh, yeah, yeah,
Fortune Feimster
I guess that's a good point. Yeah.
Tig Notaro
They just seem right under our noses.
Fortune Feimster
They just seem fun because they sing. If I had a million dollars, it's been.
Tig Notaro
Okay, this is what I'm talking. Oh, oh. It's back to the abusive side. I gotta stop.
Fortune Feimster
Stop. All right. Oh.
Tig Notaro
Alison Janney broke my ribs. May Martin broke my toes.
Fortune Feimster
I'm taking my shoes off. I'm getting ready for whatever this ride. Is it gonna fit my big feet? Yeah, of course.
Meg Stalter
One size fits.
Fortune Feimster
What size are you? Big. Like what?
Meg Stalter
No, I got pretty big feet.
Tig Notaro
Big, medium and large.
Meg Stalter
I mean small.
Announcer
Seven men's.
Fortune Feimster
Oh, I'm nine and a half.
May Martin
Men's.
Gareth Reynolds
Whoa.
Tig Notaro
That's right, May.
Fortune Feimster
Okay. I'm just a petty little lady.
Tig Notaro
Is it hurting?
Fortune Feimster
It's tight. Oh, smashes.
Tig Notaro
I told you. Smashes.
Fortune Feimster
Your Feet.
Tig Notaro
No, I told you no.
Fortune Feimster
No.
Tig Notaro
I want to go through the pain.
Fortune Feimster
I want to go through the cycle. Girl, did I not tell you that
Tig Notaro
we need to have a slumber party?
Meg Stalter
Oh my God.
Tig Notaro
Oh my God.
Fortune Feimster
It just smashes the front part quite a lot. In the beginning, do you remember when
Tig Notaro
I yelled this is hell?
Fortune Feimster
Uh huh.
Tig Notaro
Does that make sense?
Fortune Feimster
Yeah.
Tig Notaro
Okay. Now I'm like have size 10 men's.
Fortune Feimster
But now it's calming down and there's some comfort here.
Meg Stalter
Like, would you ever have this on set or something? In your.
Tig Notaro
In my spacesuit.
Meg Stalter
Your space suit?
Fortune Feimster
Yeah, I think you.
Tig Notaro
It looks pretty spacey.
Fortune Feimster
Maybe you have to. Why am I jiggling more than you were jiggling?
Tig Notaro
You got titties.
Fortune Feimster
Isn't that the best word? Tits and titties. I love it. And cooter milkers, because there's. There's moments of this that are very relaxing.
Meg Stalter
And then it'll surprise you with the sharp pain and then it be.
Tig Notaro
It's like a bad relationship.
Meg Stalter
Yeah, yeah.
Fortune Feimster
I was talking about with the bad boys.
Tig Notaro
This should be called the bad boy
Fortune Feimster
because he, he's real nice to you and takes you on a date and then he doesn't come home one night and you're like.
Meg Stalter
When it's good, it's good when it
Fortune Feimster
sounded like a pooted. You know that like.
Meg Stalter
I've never heard pooted. You've never heard pooting? No, I've heard tooted.
Fortune Feimster
Well, it's a poot. Because it's that. It's that like.
Meg Stalter
Yeah, yeah, that sound.
Tig Notaro
I think that you're the only person alive that has made that sound.
Fortune Feimster
That's big.
Tig Notaro
That's like at the end of the day.
Fortune Feimster
That's a poot.
Meg Stalter
I've probably said this, but I dated this woman who would. In the morning. I always noticed that she was like lying on me and then her hands would kind of go behind her and then. And then sometimes I'd hear like. And then I realized.
Fortune Feimster
Was she taking her butt cheeks apart?
Meg Stalter
She was in the morning.
Tig Notaro
What are we every morning talking about?
Meg Stalter
She didn't want to make a fart sound or wake me up.
Tig Notaro
But she wanted you to talk about it on a podcast in a few years.
Meg Stalter
She was sneakily just pulling her own butt cheeks apart.
Fortune Feimster
That's a poop.
Meg Stalter
Yeah, that's a poop. That's a poop. I'd never even thought of that method.
Fortune Feimster
I can't believe she was laying on you and spread her butt cheeks.
Announcer
I know.
Tig Notaro
Fortune knew right away when she spread
Fortune Feimster
well, how else would you reach your hands back there?
Meg Stalter
But what I said to her was
Tig Notaro
like, I reached my hands. I told you.
Announcer
Oh, it's.
Meg Stalter
That's the bad boys using your little. Your footsies.
Fortune Feimster
She's yelling at me right now.
Meg Stalter
I told her I'd be kind of more into it if she'd just do the fart and get the comedy.
Fortune Feimster
We all talked about it.
Meg Stalter
Yeah, we talked about it.
Tig Notaro
Did you say, pardon me, but did you just spread your cheeks?
Meg Stalter
Yes.
Tig Notaro
Did she really?
Meg Stalter
She was mortified.
Fortune Feimster
I don't know if I had the courage to bring that up.
Tig Notaro
That is a courageous thing you did, Meg.
Fortune Feimster
Really?
Tig Notaro
No. I don't know if courage is the word I would use.
Meg Stalter
I said I'd be more into it if you were confident enough to just. And so that's what started happening then after I said that, then every morning.
Fortune Feimster
Oh, she let it rip.
Meg Stalter
I would feel her body tense and I'd start laughing right away.
Tig Notaro
That was the start of the day. Whistle is what she was doing.
Fortune Feimster
And she always woke up on top of you.
Meg Stalter
She would lie. Always sleep the whole night on my chest like that.
Fortune Feimster
Yeah, the whole night.
Tig Notaro
I know why.
Meg Stalter
She's actually the best. Sleeps.
Fortune Feimster
Really. I would. That I would get hot.
Meg Stalter
But isn't that weird that I was kind of turned on by the fact that she was confident enough to just fart on me? I don't have a fart fetish.
Fortune Feimster
You have.
Tig Notaro
Sounds like you do something.
Meg Stalter
I don't.
Fortune Feimster
I swear.
Tig Notaro
I have news.
Fortune Feimster
You do. You don't not have one. How about that?
Meg Stalter
I have a fetish for people who are confident enough to use a fart as a punchline.
Announcer
Well, I go, you must.
Meg Stalter
You know, I like you a lot.
Tig Notaro
I told you about my friend's mother who would make eye contact.
Meg Stalter
Oh, yeah. Iconic.
Tig Notaro
And she would just be like, are you going to stay for dinner?
Fortune Feimster
Excuse me.
Tig Notaro
Oh, my God.
Fortune Feimster
I don't want that.
Meg Stalter
But she wasn't doing it as a joke. She just couldn't control it.
Tig Notaro
She was like a drill sergeant. Slash running or what is it? Like a linebacker.
Meg Stalter
Yeah.
Tig Notaro
You know, I think I wanted to
Fortune Feimster
get off my feet.
Meg Stalter
You want us to stop?
Fortune Feimster
But I liked it.
Meg Stalter
Thanks.
Fortune Feimster
Yeah, I appreciate this experience.
Meg Stalter
I feel like I'm on Shark Tank.
Tig Notaro
Thomas, just help me now. You want to try it?
Fortune Feimster
And then we should get to our questions.
Meg Stalter
Oh, yeah, we have.
Fortune Feimster
As much as I would love to talk about tooting. Thomas, help.
Tig Notaro
Oh, my gosh.
Fortune Feimster
Was this on the list at any point?
Tig Notaro
No, but we can mark it off when is our slumber party.
Meg Stalter
Oh, my God. Say the word.
Fortune Feimster
Doesn't it feel like we're at one now?
Tig Notaro
I mean. Wait, are you doing that with your legs or is it doing that?
Announcer
No, it's doing that for me.
Tig Notaro
Oh, my gosh. Does it not hurt?
Meg Stalter
It's doing the squeezing thing.
Fortune Feimster
Now we're all just shoeless.
Tig Notaro
Oh, but you're a tough guy.
Fortune Feimster
I guess this feels like a slumber party.
Announcer
Maybe you guys were at the wrong angle.
Tig Notaro
Don't blame this on us.
Fortune Feimster
All right, we're gonna get to our question. You continue doing what you want, and Tig's gonna tell us who our question asker is.
Meg Stalter
It's too distracting. I can't do this. But it's good.
Fortune Feimster
Okay, this is very exciting because this our question asker today. Just saying. America the Beautiful at the super bowl not too long ago.
Tig Notaro
Kid Rock.
Fortune Feimster
Can you imagine if we had him on?
Announcer
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Meg Stalter
What are you waiting for?
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Tig Notaro
The all new Bombas sport socks are engineered with sport specific comfort for running, golf, hiking, skiing, snowboarding and all sport. This year, I'm continuing to walk around the clock whenever I get time to go outside and tour my neighborhood. And Bombas make the perfect sock. They're cushioned where I need it too. And around the house I wear Bomba's luxurious Sherpa Sunday slippers that feel like walking on clouds, underwear and teas. Bombas has you covered there too.
May Martin
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Fortune Feimster
Gifts.
Meg Stalter
Quince has the everyday essentials that I
Announcer
love with quality that lasts. Organic cotton sweaters, super nice Pima cotton
Meg Stalter
white T shirts that I can pair with anything.
Announcer
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May Martin
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Meg Stalter
Quince.com handsome okay, today's question asker is
Fortune Feimster
a highly celebrated singer, songwriter, producer and activist who has won 11 Grammy Awards and two Emmy Awards. She co wrote and performed the original
May Martin
song Salt Then Sour Then Sweet for
Fortune Feimster
the Oscar nominated documentary Come See Me in the Good Light.
May Martin
Huh?
Meg Stalter
Heard of it?
Fortune Feimster
That's right. Brandi Carlisle is asking today's question.
Brandi Carlisle
Hey handsome Pod, it's Brandi Carlisle.
Fortune Feimster
Hi Brandi.
Brandi Carlisle
So I have a question for you because I've been hearing a lot about this lately and I've been really wondering how this lands on queer people. How do you feel when you hear the word Jesus? What does it make you feel like when you hear that name? Do you feel like, triggered or curious? Inspired? Concerned? Distrustful? How does the word Jesus make you feel in these times that we're living through?
Fortune Feimster
Look at Brandy all dressed up. Do you think this was right after the Super Bowl?
Tig Notaro
No.
Meg Stalter
Like, she ran off stage, put a tie on.
Fortune Feimster
I must go fill my handsome question.
Tig Notaro
She looks very handsome.
Fortune Feimster
She looks very handsome. Brandy knows how to rock a suit.
Tig Notaro
Brandy knows how to rock it.
Fortune Feimster
Brandy does anything. Indeed. She's super talented.
Meg Stalter
I feel like I've had a different as, like, Canadian, very atheist family. Like, I've had a different experience than growing up in a smaller town in America. It must have more weight for you. But I feel lucky that I. I like Jesus. I, I. And I was taught about religion like, that. Like, that they were all different sides of the same coin with really nice stories. And I got really into Jesus as a guy, but so it doesn't have that. I don't feel triggered, like, because it hasn't been used against me directly or I haven't had to, like, debate it with people. Like, I've just sort of avoided all that. Do you guys have more weight?
Fortune Feimster
Well, because. Do you guys.
Tig Notaro
Does Canada have the, like, born again?
Fortune Feimster
Well, the heart, like, the religious. Yes, for sure. That we have.
Meg Stalter
Yeah. But not to the same degree, I think. Yeah. Like our. Yeah, I think.
Fortune Feimster
Yeah.
Meg Stalter
Less so. There's definitely the religious sex of it. Yes.
May Martin
Yeah.
Tig Notaro
You know what? I was gonna say it. This is so such a minor little moment in her question, but it's something that I hadn't put my finger on until this moment, hearing her say it when she said, the times that we're living through feels very different than the times we're living in.
Meg Stalter
Oh, you're right.
Tig Notaro
Yeah. And I just wonder if that was a conscious choice, because I hear people say, these times we're living through, and it's just. I was like, wow, that's so. Like, I hear. I hear people say that and yet feels very. Because times that you're living in feels more positive and.
Meg Stalter
Oh, that's what I. I almost felt the opposite. Like, living through is like, we're gonna get out.
Fortune Feimster
Yeah, that's. That's what I kind of would assume too.
Meg Stalter
Yeah. Whereas living in this isn't permanent in it.
Tig Notaro
Interesting.
Meg Stalter
Yeah.
Tig Notaro
Because.
Fortune Feimster
Yeah.
Tig Notaro
Yeah. I changed my mind just then when you suggested that.
Fortune Feimster
Right. If you go through something. Yeah. You're getting to the other side of
Meg Stalter
it, but I know what you mean. That it sounds almost like, endure.
Tig Notaro
Yeah.
Meg Stalter
These times we're enduring.
Fortune Feimster
But.
Tig Notaro
Yeah. Anyway, I know that wasn't the main point of it, but it was still an interesting, like.
Fortune Feimster
Oh, yeah.
Tig Notaro
Got me thinking. I was raised Catholic, but I was not raised in a house where God and Jesus were really mentioned. We went to college. To college. Didn't do that either. Went to church until like, through elementary school. And then it was kind of like the jig is up. Nobody. My brother and I were like, we're not into this. And yeah. There wasn't like a Bible in our house, I don't think. And I never saw one.
Meg Stalter
I think it depending on how you learn about him. Like, he. Jesus as a figure is so rebellious. He was so critical of religious leaders who were hypocritical. Like, he. Like, everything about him is great. Supportive women, like, you know, friends with sex workers and stuff. Like, he was such a badass. So I'm lucky I was taught about him as a figure. In the same way you'd learn stories about Siddhartha or something.
Fortune Feimster
You were learned about him as a chill guy. Yeah. But then a lot of people rebel. Take it, you know, to that more, you know, Helen Brimstone type of situation with like.
Meg Stalter
Yeah.
Fortune Feimster
Punishment of not living on the right righteous path, you know.
Meg Stalter
Yeah.
Tig Notaro
That feels like a more recent
Fortune Feimster
shift.
Tig Notaro
Yeah. That I'm learning about or meeting people or realizing I know people that have now flipped over into that world where it doesn't feel like a part of my upbringing.
Meg Stalter
It's like the irony of Jesus being used as this means of, like, discrimination and control and, you know, been used
Fortune Feimster
to start wars from, of course, forever.
Meg Stalter
I know.
Fortune Feimster
Because. Yeah. It is a form of control.
Meg Stalter
Yeah.
Fortune Feimster
I mean, I think it depends on people's relationship with. With the church or Jesus as to how they feel about their interpretation. Yeah. So, like, you know, if you were to meet someone who came from, like, say, like a Mormon background or whatever, like, and they're. Say they're gay, like, you know, they're not welcomed in that church anymore. And they, you know, could potentially. And I'm just using that as a broad example, but, you know, not accepted by family members anymore. Then your relationship to Jesus might be a negative one because.
Tig Notaro
Totally.
Fortune Feimster
And suddenly you feel like you're not accepted anymore. I mean, being from the south, like, in the small town that I grew up in, you know, there's a church everywhere. It's such a part of the culture, such a part of, like, the social aspect of the South. Like, you, like, go to church functions, people at church check on you. Like, there's really great things about it where it's like a fabric of society there, where it's. That's. I can see, like, there's community.
May Martin
Yeah.
Fortune Feimster
Many positive things like that. My mom still is very much involved in the United Methodist Church. So in that regard, I. I am always. I'm like. I will even say to my mom, are you going to church? Like, because it's such a positive thing for her. And I'll go with her, you know, a couple times a year. But I. As I got older, my. I mean, as someone who grew up. Up going to church every Sunday, as I got older, I decided that wasn't for me anymore.
Announcer
Yeah.
Fortune Feimster
But I've kept my relationship to be still open to the concept of Jesus and God and. And I. I have not like, shunned that. I still see value in that and like a belief system and a morality type of way. I think I. I treat it in the.
Announcer
The.
Fortune Feimster
Like treat others as you want to be treated. The basics of.
Meg Stalter
Yeah.
Fortune Feimster
Of it. The. Like, you know, try to be a good person. Those things.
Meg Stalter
It seems so universal that we try to answer these questions and are reaching for something and then we. Yeah. These are meant to be like moral signposts that help us navigate things instead of like literal doc, you know.
Fortune Feimster
Yeah.
Meg Stalter
And doctrine and Definitely.
Fortune Feimster
Yeah.
Meg Stalter
Not like organized to benefit. I mean, in. Given in light of everything, I'm. I'm really feeling like. Well, that's not even. But I feel insane these days.
Fortune Feimster
Well, when it's used as a weapon to be like, you're okay and you're not. Well. So like, that's where it becomes an issue where. Because then it's being used as like, well, we have decided we're okay, but you're not. Well, who decided that and why?
Meg Stalter
Like, you know, I just am like, where do we go from here? We've always kind of known, like, the people who are most outspokenly anti gay and fire and brimstone. You read the headlines and they're arrested six months later for sex crimes. Right. Like this.
Fortune Feimster
Not everyone. But that does happen.
Meg Stalter
It happens a lot.
Fortune Feimster
Yeah.
Meg Stalter
And then now it's like I just watched this amazing movie about sex work and stuff. And I was thinking after. Like we've been for centuries. It's like this is perversion and things. And then now we're seeing like the true perversion at the top. Like the. I mean, it's like too much to fathom. So it's like now that we. The hypocrisy is like, laid out. Where do we go from here? What's gonna happen? Is anything gonna happen? Is anyone gonna get arrested?
Fortune Feimster
Are you talking about the Epstein files? Yeah.
Meg Stalter
That's all I think about. It's all I talk about. We can't even. Cause it's just too fucking insane.
Tig Notaro
Yeah. We have to save that for our Epstein Fil episode. I remember when I was living in Austin. I mean, it was so long ago, like 35 years ago. Like, so long ago. You were barely alive. It's insane. But my friend and I live next door to this very Christian family, and they worked at the church. They had three kids, and we became really close with them.
Sponsor Voice
And they were.
Tig Notaro
I would say, the first. I was in my early 20s, but they were. Aside from my family members that are religious and different people here or there. These were Christians that led with Christianity, like Jesus.
Meg Stalter
Actual teachings of like.
Tig Notaro
Yeah. And they talk about it and they. It wasn't just like something they did quietly.
Meg Stalter
Okay.
Tig Notaro
But I loved them so much, and they knew that we were gay and their kids would come over, like, two years old to, like, seven years old and just, like, knock on our door and want to come hang out in our kitchen while we were home just relaxing and whatever. And I just. I never got any weird vibe from them. Other. Not even. Other than. I just never got any weird vibe. And I was. I was just. I just loved them and I loved what they represented, and I was good with them talking about Jesus because there was just nothing seemingly off.
Sponsor Voice
And then.
Tig Notaro
No, there's no.
Fortune Feimster
Okay.
Meg Stalter
Okay.
Tig Notaro
I was just thinking. I also. My first girlfriend's parents, maybe. I don't know if I've shared this with you, but I'm very close with them.
Meg Stalter
Oh, yeah? Yeah. And you went to see the Pope and then.
Tig Notaro
Yeah. And I brought a rosary home for them. And they're like parents to me in a way. And they're Catholic and they very much lead with that. But unbelievable examples of loving, open. They have different views, but, I mean, Stephanie and I, they live in small town Ohio, Farmville. And we will go in the summertime and I'll bring my wife and children out and stay with them in their house, in their little home. I love them so, so deeply.
Meg Stalter
Yeah. I mean, yeah. I'm definitely not saying all Christian people are probably talking about.
Tig Notaro
No, I didn't take it that way at all. I'm just saying, like, those in your experience. In my experience, the people that, like, really are leading with it and talking about it, and it's not like all the time talking about it, but it's kind of like me being vegan. It's like, you're gonna know I'm vegan. But I just really appreciate their relationship with God or Jesus and their church. And they're actually out in the world doing good. That's great. And really hands on in the community. And
Meg Stalter
they're not a monolith. Yeah. Like religious people. It's just. Yeah.
Tig Notaro
I think when I hear Jesus, my point is like, I'm open.
Meg Stalter
Yeah.
Tig Notaro
Who's behind that?
Meg Stalter
Yeah. I'm not sure. I, I'm, I'm, I'm a big Jesus fan.
Tig Notaro
Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
Fortune Feimster
I'm not triggered by that at all. I think it also boils down to how you treat each other as far as, like, I know so many religious people and I, I have great respect for, you know, people that I've met where religion is their entire life. If they're accepting of me and they're not kind to me, I give them that same respect in return of, like, good, great. You know, it's amazing that you have these beliefs and you're.
Meg Stalter
This.
Fortune Feimster
That's a big part of your life. Doesn't bother me at all. It's when someone is. When someone's like, you're going to hell based on what the.
Meg Stalter
It's a weird barrier to intimacy. Even if they're like, hey, I love you. You know, I have deep empathy for you, hope God saves your soul. But, you know, I believe you're going to hell, but that, like I said, then that's hard. How do you. Where do you.
Tig Notaro
It's like, that's where they need to keep that to themselves.
Fortune Feimster
Yeah. It's like, if you think I'm going
Tig Notaro
to hell, just pipe down and let's have a nice dinner.
Fortune Feimster
Yeah.
Meg Stalter
I mean, like, we were talking about the, the, about magic and intention and stuff. And I, I definitely think prayer could be powerful. And I'm like, yeah, I'm loving it. Like, Meg Stalter is Christian and is being outspoken. I think she organized a prayer group of people to like, I'm into that kind of thing where. Yeah. Where it's actually living Jesus's teachings.
Fortune Feimster
Yeah. And I mean, when I go into, you know, I, I poke fun with my mom when I go to church, like on Christmas Eve with her, I'm like, oh, I hope I'm, you know, allowed in here or whatever. It's. I've always been welcomed in there in this particular church. And, you know, there's something really beautiful about these, these, some of these old churches when I'm in Europe, I love walking into these church churches. You can feel this, you know, energy, this. It's very hopeful. I think that's what I look towards. Religion. The, the positive part of the religion and, and believing In God or Jesus or whoever is. Is feeling hopeful. I, like, I'm. I'm talking to someone. Be it whatever your belief, the universe, God of, like, you know, asking for help or.
Meg Stalter
Yeah, yeah.
Fortune Feimster
You know, looking over for people. Like, when people are like, I'm praying for your mom, that means something to me, you know?
Meg Stalter
But it's crazy. Like, oh, sorry. No, the way she's said it, like, in these times we're living through, it's like, it. America specifically, it seems like it's just been manipulated for nefarious purposes. So you do have, like, quite, like. We're lucky we don't encounter the hate every day in our lives and stuff, but it is, like, an increasingly super powerful religious right. That was really scary.
Fortune Feimster
I definitely don't like when it gets intermingled with, like, government, you know, I don't. I do very much firmly believe in the separation of church and state.
Meg Stalter
Yeah, totally.
Fortune Feimster
I don't like when those two co. Mingle.
Tig Notaro
Yeah. I, I, I was gonna say, like, when I go to Mississippi and my family, they're all churchgoers, but their vibe is, you know, like, I, Stephanie and I got married in Mississippi in the small town at my cousin's house. And their whole vibe down there is like, all right, we're gonna get up, we're gonna go to church, and then after that, let's go. Let's go out to the yacht club and let's ha. And then, you know, and it's just like, get up, go run five miles, go to church, do this and that, and then, you know, ask God for a beautiful day. And that's kind of just the vibe I feel like that I grew up in.
Meg Stalter
That's nice.
Tig Notaro
That doesn't feel. And even my other cousin, he was a part of the Catholic Church, and he officiated our wedding, and he got kicked out of the church knowing he likely would. But he said it was worth it because he said that they got it wrong, you know, so, anyway.
Fortune Feimster
Well, I'd be curious to hear Brandi's answer. I know she has a background with church. She's talked about it in her book. And then.
Tig Notaro
Let's hear it.
Brandi Carlisle
I'm curious because when I wrote my book, I wrote a lot about being raised within the faith and religious and coming up in church and all of the problems that I had being out of the closet and, you know, issues with hell, trauma, and acceptance. And then I also wrote about the parts of the faith that really still work for me and about the way I personally feel about Jesus. And I was totally overwhelmed by the amount of LGBTQ people that came to me and said they want to talk about this more and more, that there are still parts of this. Of the Christian faith and their childhood religion that are with them, whether they like it or not, in good ways and in horrible ways. And I think it's a really interesting conversation to have, especially at this point in life where, you know, we're safe and we aren't subject to the church anymore in the way that maybe we were when we were young, but that there are parts of the teachings of Jesus that I think still live in so many queer people in. In such a complicated way that I'm fascinated by the conversation. And thank you for your answers.
Tig Notaro
Thank you.
Fortune Feimster
I think it just comes down to wanting to be accepted. Right. I mean, just wanting to feel like
Tig Notaro
you're welcome and safe.
Fortune Feimster
And safe. Yeah.
Meg Stalter
And wanting to be safe, because that's the thing. It's like. Like with all those abortion bans and stuff, it's like, are we safe? I don't know. So I don't know. We gotta be vigilant about that, because, like, you're saying, the separation of church and state is so crucial.
Fortune Feimster
The line is getting more and more blur.
Announcer
Yeah.
Tig Notaro
Yeah, for sure.
Meg Stalter
I feel like I want to sit and have a glass of wine.
Tig Notaro
I'm very curious. Yeah. I'm curious how Brandy and her wife, you know, they have their little family unit.
Fortune Feimster
Yeah.
Meg Stalter
And.
Tig Notaro
And they've got their kids.
Meg Stalter
Yeah.
Tig Notaro
And what. What part does religion play Right. Within the dynamic of their family?
Meg Stalter
Yeah.
Tig Notaro
Well, I guess we'll never know.
Fortune Feimster
We'll never know.
Tig Notaro
So never know.
Meg Stalter
You know Jesus had siblings. I didn't know that, but imagine.
Fortune Feimster
Well, that's for another. In the meantime. What? A podcast.
Tig Notaro
What?
Meg Stalter
A podcast.
Tig Notaro
Gosh darn podcast.
Announcer
Foot massage.
Tig Notaro
We got massages, May.
Fortune Feimster
That's right.
Meg Stalter
Subjected you to this.
Tig Notaro
Separated their cheeks.
Fortune Feimster
Yeah. We're all on tour. Go see us on tour.
Tig Notaro
Yeah, go see us on tour. Take notaro.com.
Meg Stalter
i leave in two days, I guess.
Fortune Feimster
Yes. Go check out May on this bus tour.
Tig Notaro
You need to pack.
Meg Stalter
Yes.
Fortune Feimster
San Diego soon.
Tig Notaro
Also, if you haven't seen Come See Me in the Good Light, you should watch it. Apple tv. If you don't have Apple, you can get a free subscription. Sign up for a month, watch the movie, and then do whatever you want to do after that. Also, Starfleet Academy with Holly Hunter and Paul Giamatti. And May 4th, we will be at the Wiltern. The three of us live here in Los Angeles. With our guests Brittany Snow and Malin Ackerman. And really get your tickets now. It's gonna be a good one. Also, I will be performing as part of the Stand up For Equality show March 4th in Los Angeles with Mateo Lane Margaret show. It's going to be a really, really fun show.
Fortune Feimster
All right, well, until next time, keep it handsome. Handsome is hosted by me, Fortune Feimster, Tig Notaro, and May Martin. The show is produced, recorded and edited by Thomas Wuelette.
May Martin
Email us@handsomepodmail.com and follow us on social media.
Fortune Feimster
Ansomepod what a podcast.
Meg Stalter
What a podcast.
Announcer
That was a Headgum podcast.
Sponsor Voice
Checking Allstate first could save you hundreds on car insurance. That's smart, not checking who serves the
Tig Notaro
best latte in town.
Sponsor Voice
When I'm traveling, I still regret it. Nothing is more disappointing than a poorly made latte.
Announcer
Yeah, check in first is smart. So check Allstate first for a quote that could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Potential savings vary subject to terms, conditions and availability. Allstate North American Insurance Company and Affiliates,
Gareth Reynolds
Northbrook, Illinois Hey, I'm Gareth Reynolds and I have a new podcast on Headgum called Next we have. Now this show is for people with short attention spans, which is everyone. I mean, you're probably trying to skip this ad right now, but don't because you now legally have to listen to the show. That's how law works. Next we have is very simple. Each episode has three short segments. For instance, Lisa Gilroy and I write insane revenge Yelp reviews for callers who had bad experiences with a business. The Doughboys play a game called Meal or no Meal and Steph, Tola and I go head to head on a thought provoking game game called Guess that Sound. The show is as dumb as it sounds and we probably have more fun than we should, but it's a great time and you should listen or watch new episodes of Next we have every Thursday on YouTube or your favorite podcast, Apple.
Release Date: February 24, 2026
Hosts: Tig Notaro, Fortune Feimster, Mae Martin
Special Guest Question-Asker: Brandi Carlile
In this episode of Handsome, comedians Tig Notaro, Fortune Feimster, and Mae Martin are joined (via a guest question) by celebrated singer-songwriter Brandi Carlile. The trio kicks off with their usual mix of playful banter, stories, and gadget demonstrations before diving into a thought-provoking discussion prompted by Brandi: "How do you feel when you hear the word Jesus?" The conversation explores personal experiences with religion, the cultural weight it carries in queer spaces, and how individual relationships with faith have evolved, particularly against the backdrop of current social and political issues.
Notable Quote:
"That was the cleanest we've ever introed this podcast." – Fortune Feimster (02:04)
Memorable Moment:
Mae recounts a past partner's creative attempt to minimize fart noise:
"She was sneakily just pulling her own butt cheeks apart." (32:09)
The group debates whether Mae has a “fart fetish”—to her adamant denial.
"How do you feel when you hear the word Jesus? ...Do you feel like triggered or curious? Inspired? Concerned? Distrustful? How does the word Jesus make you feel in these times that we're living through?" – Brandi Carlile (39:43)
Mae Martin:
Tig Notaro:
Fortune Feimster:
Brandi shares how writing about her faith and queerness drew a strong response from LGBTQ people wanting to talk about the “complicated” legacy of Christian upbringing.
"There are still parts of this—of the Christian faith and their childhood religion that are with them... in good ways and in horrible ways." (56:41)
On Jesus’ image:
“Everything about him is great. Supportive [of] women, friends with sex workers... such a badass.” – Mae Martin (43:31)
On the church as community:
“There’s really great things about it where it’s the fabric of society there, where... there’s community, many positive things like that.” – Fortune Feimster (45:30)
On conditional acceptance:
“If you think I’m going to hell, just pipe down and let’s have a nice dinner.” – Tig Notaro (53:25)
On shifting times:
On using religion to exclude:
“When it’s used as a weapon to be like: 'You’re okay, and you’re not,' so that’s where it becomes an issue.” – Fortune Feimster (47:32)
The episode maintains the signature warm, irreverent, and introspective tone of Handsome, with the hosts deftly moving between silly, vulnerable, and probing as they explore the meaning of faith, identity, and acceptance. While often playful, the show doesn’t shy away from acknowledging the complexities—including trauma and hope—carried by queer people whose lives intersect with Christian culture.
This episode of Handsome is a nuanced, funny, and candid interrogation of faith, queerness, and modern identity. Brandi Carlile’s question elicits a heartfelt conversation about personal histories with Christianity—and how, even for those who leave the church or experience its exclusion, the image of Jesus can persist as a source of inspiration or pain. The hosts affirm the value of love, openness, and critical thinking while using plenty of humor to keep things grounded and accessible.
If you’re seeking:
This episode is both entertaining and thoughtful, offering affirming insights for LGBTQ listeners and anyone re-examining their relationship with spirituality.