Caleb Hearon asks what meal Handsome would be

Summary

Podcast Summary: Handsome Episode – "What Meal Handsome Would Be"

Podcast Information:

• Title: Handsome
• Hosts: Tig Notaro, Fortune Feimster, Mae Martin
• Description: "Handsome" is a comedic podcast where Tig, Fortune, and Mae tackle diverse questions from friends each week, sharing stories and humor along the way.
• Episode: Caleb Hearon asks what meal Handsome would be
• Release Date: June 3, 2025

---

1. Welcome and Casual Banter ([01:46] - [04:39])

The episode kicks off with the trio reuniting after Fortune Feimster's time in Atlanta filming a movie. They engage in light-hearted conversation about Fortune wearing a cozy hoodie provided by her performance in Roanoke, sparking jokes about the local lesbian community's reaction to her scheduling conflicts with Melissa Etheridge.

Notable Quote:

• Fortune Feimster ([03:05]): "I think I might have told May, but I happen to schedule my show on the same night as Melissa Etheridge. And, yeah, they were not happy that I divided the community."

2. Sharing Personal Experiences ([04:39] - [07:00])

The hosts delve into personal anecdotes, including Tig Notaro’s encounters before her shows and Mae Martin’s spontaneous knock-knock jokes. They humorously discuss the origins of their jokes and the nature of widely circulated "dad jokes" that lack clear attribution.

Notable Quote:

• Mae Martin ([05:54]): "In 1999, Joan Murray fell 14,500ft when her parachute didn't open during a skydive. God, guys. She landed on a pile of red ants..."

3. Discussion on Survival Stories and Myth Busting ([07:00] - [14:35])

The conversation shifts to bizarre survival stories, such as Joan Murray’s miraculous survival due to ant bites and other questionable rescues involving animals. Mae shares her skepticism about the authenticity of these tales, highlighting how viral stories on social media often blend fact with fiction.

Notable Quotes:

• Mae Martin ([10:10]): "In 1999, Joan Murray fell 14,500ft when her parachute didn't open during a skydive... The jolt saved her life."
• Tig Notaro ([12:40]): "I've never heard that. Nor have I heard the person being bitten by ants coming back to life."

4. Introduction to Caleb Hearon and His Question ([28:43] - [29:07])

Caleb Hearon, a comedian and podcast host, is introduced as the question asker for the episode. His question prompts the hosts to think creatively about their culinary alter egos.

Notable Quote:

• Mae Martin ([28:45]): "Caleb Heron is asking today's question. If you were to be any meal, what meal would you be and why?"

5. Hosts’ Responses to "What Meal Would You Be?" ([29:07] - [44:27])

Each host shares their unique take on the meal they embody:

• Mae Martin ([30:21] - [33:23]): Identifies with corn-based dishes, envisioning herself as "street corn named Desire." She relates corn’s versatility and bright energy to her personality layers.

  Notable Quote:

  • Mae Martin ([30:28]): "I'm gonna go with street corn named Desire."

• Fortune Feimster ([32:05] - [42:07]): Describes herself as a "progressive dinner," reflecting her multifaceted personality that evolves through different stages—appetizers, main course, and dessert—symbolizing connection and growth.

  Notable Quote:

  • Fortune Feimster ([40:10]): "I would love to be a progressive dinner."

• Tig Notaro ([33:27] - [44:27]): Chooses to be the "Last Supper," emphasizing the significance of meaningful gatherings and being central to conversations and relationships.

  Notable Quote:

  • Tig Notaro ([33:27]): "I think I would be the Last Supper."

6. Light-Hearted Interactions and Jokes ([44:27] - [55:56])

The hosts continue their playful banter, discussing their favorite meals, sharing knock-knock jokes, and reflecting on personal experiences with trivia and game shows like "Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?" Fortune reminisces about her challenging experience on "Celebrity Jeopardy," highlighting the pressures of live competition.

Notable Quote:

• Fortune Feimster ([56:28]): "I played celebrity Jeopardy. And it was one of the most nerve-wracking experiences of my life."

7. Concluding Remarks and Future Plans ([55:27] - [60:19])

As the episode wraps up, the hosts promote their upcoming projects and tours. Mae announces her music tour, Fortune shares her upcoming comedy shows, and Tig discusses the documentary "Come See Me in the Good Light" screening at the Tribeca Film Festival. They encourage listeners to stay connected through their websites and social media.

Notable Quote:

• Mae Martin ([58:15]): "I'm going on tour doing some music. June 10th I'm in San Francisco..."

8. Final Jokes and Farewell ([58:07] - [61:19])

In their final moments, the hosts attempt to exchange knock-knock jokes but humorously fail to nail them, reinforcing their playful dynamic. They sign off by reminding listeners about their contact information and social media handles.

Notable Quote:

• Fortune Feimster ([60:19]): "What a podcast."

---

Key Takeaways:

• Creativity in Responses: Each host’s unique perspective on the question showcases their individuality and humor.
• Dynamic Interaction: The chemistry between Tig, Fortune, and Mae is palpable, characterized by playful teasing and supportive camaraderie.
• Personal Storytelling: The episode blends personal anecdotes with broader discussions, making it relatable and engaging.
• Humor and Authenticity: Despite tackling whimsical questions, the hosts maintain an authentic and humorous approach, ensuring the content remains entertaining.

This episode of "Handsome" offers a delightful mix of humor, personal stories, and creative thinking, making it an enjoyable listen for both regular fans and newcomers alike.

Transcript

[Mae Martin]

This is a Headgun podcast.

[Tig Notaro]

Some people just know they could save hundreds on car insurance by checking Allstate first.

[Mae Martin]

Like, you know, to check that both your headlights are in full working order before going on that nighttime drive across town. You don't want your car to constantly look like it's winking, do you?

[Tig Notaro]

Checking first is smart, so check all state first for a quote that could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Savings vary, subject to terms, conditions and availability. Allstate Fire and casualty insurance company and affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois.

[Mae Martin]

This episode of Handsome is brought to you by booking.com booking. Yeah. From vacation rentals to hotels across the U.S. booking.com has the ideal summer stay for absolutely anyone, even those who might seem impossible to please. Whether you're booking for yourself, your partner, your picky teens, or your Sleep. Sleep light. Rise early, Mom. You can find exactly what you're booking for on booking dot com.

[Tig Notaro]

As I've discussed on the show, my sons are really into baseball, so when we travel, they want to wake up early and watch highlights on tv. That means that the perfect room for us is a suite where the TV is in a different room from the bedroom. And that way I don't have to wake up to hear a bunch of statistics from yesterday's games. We also look for a hotel near a park, so. So we can easily go play a game of catch anytime if our family can find their perfect stay. On booking.com anyone can find exactly what you're booking for.

[Mae Martin]

Booking.com booking. Yeah. Book today on the site or in the app. Chatting with friends on the Handsome Pot. Chatting with friends on the Handsome Pod.

[Fortune Feimster]

Cheers.

[Mae Martin]

Welcome to the Handsome Pod. You're hearing a voice at the moment, and the voice belongs to May Martin.

[Tig Notaro]

And it's me, your friend, Tig Notaro.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yes, it is me, Fortune Feamster.

[Tig Notaro]

It's all three of us. Together again.

[Mae Martin]

Together again.

[Tig Notaro]

Fortune. You're still in Atlanta?

[Fortune Feimster]

I still am filming, yeah. Yeah, this movie, you know, making the Hollywood magic here in Atlanta. Or as the locals call it, hot Atlanta.

[Mae Martin]

Is that what they call it?

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah, I don't know if the locals call it that. I think people that don't live here actually call it that.

[Tig Notaro]

The locals probably are annoyed by that.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah, well, it gets, you know, crazy hot in the south in the summer.

[Tig Notaro]

And is it hot right now? Is it hot right now?

[Fortune Feimster]

It's pretty good. I got my hoodie on because it was raining.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, that's so snuggly and cute.

[Mae Martin]

It does look cozy.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

I got this at the. I performed in Roanoke.

[Tig Notaro]

Well, congrats.

[Fortune Feimster]

Thank you. They gave.

[Tig Notaro]

Why are you just now bringing this up?

[Fortune Feimster]

They gave me the sweatshirt. You guys.

[Tig Notaro]

Good for you.

[Fortune Feimster]

And I'm repping a. I'm. I'm shouting out Roanoke because the lesbians in town. Did I tell you. Were very upset with me?

[Mae Martin]

Oh, of course. Yeah, the big drama.

[Fortune Feimster]

I think I might have told May, but I happen to schedule my show on the same night as Melissa Etheridge.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, I heard about this.

[Fortune Feimster]

And, yeah, they were not happy that I divided the community. So here I am being extra gay for Roanoke on our show today.

[Tig Notaro]

And do you think Melissa was dealing with the same backlash?

[Fortune Feimster]

I don't think she even probably knew I was in town.

[Tig Notaro]

That's not true. I bet she caught wind.

[Fortune Feimster]

Maybe. But, yeah, I. I told the lesbians, like, look, she doesn't go on till 30 minutes after my show, from what I hear.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

So I. At the end of the show, I said, let's treat all of this like. I said, all the straights in the audience act like we're on a plane. Our plane's been delayed, and we got to let passengers off the plane first.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

If there's a lesbian near you looking, let that lesbian get out of the theater first and run them this show.

[Mae Martin]

They should have done that on the Titanic. Any lesbians, please.

[Fortune Feimster]

Throwing people in the raft.

[Tig Notaro]

That's true. Well, because they're organized.

[Fortune Feimster]

They were boosting people onto those rafts. It was the straight guys, like, putting the raft into the water before anybody was in the boat.

[Mae Martin]

Right.

[Fortune Feimster]

The lesbians are like, what are you doing?

[Tig Notaro]

You're gonna cause a real division history fact.

[Fortune Feimster]

This is a fortune. Fact means it could be true. Could not be true.

[Tig Notaro]

I had a show. I don't know if it was last night or the night before, but I was walking into the venue, and this guy walked by, and he was like, hey, have a good show tonight. I'm heading. I'm heading in right now. And I'm also a pretty little lady.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, it's just awesome.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah. So whoever you were, sir, I have not forgotten I even mentioned him when I was on stage. He just was so chill, cool. Like, what's up? I'm a pretty little lady and heading on in.

[Fortune Feimster]

That's amazing.

[Mae Martin]

I love that.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, it was pretty great.

[Mae Martin]

Hey, guys. Knock, knock.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, hey, May.

[Fortune Feimster]

Who's there?

[Tig Notaro]

Oh.

[Fortune Feimster]

Hey, May.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, look, it's me. Me's at the door.

[Mae Martin]

Okay.

[Tig Notaro]

Who's there?

[Mae Martin]

I eat mop.

[Fortune Feimster]

I eat mop. Who?

[Tig Notaro]

Good. Oh, yeah, that's a good one. Where did that come from?

[Mae Martin]

Thank you. I think. I think Max and Finn would like that. I don't know where that came from. I just came for. I. I must have heard it somewhere because it just suddenly was in my mind and I needed to get out.

[Tig Notaro]

You didn't write that joke.

[Mae Martin]

Absolutely not.

[Tig Notaro]

But you're touring with it. You're touring with it.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah. Big time.

[Tig Notaro]

It's your cl.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

Or did all the. Or do all these jokes that, like, if you go on the Internet and you're like, you know, type in like dad jokes or 50 best jokes, no one gets credit for them. They're just out there. Who.

[Mae Martin]

Where's the sword?

[Fortune Feimster]

Came up with these knock knock jokes to begin with.

[Mae Martin]

I like to think it's Santa Claus, the OG sort of dad joke.

[Tig Notaro]

Do you still believe?

[Mae Martin]

Yeah. You know, proof otherwise. Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Now, May. Are you. Are you working on new stand up or are you just mainly neck deep in music right now?

[Mae Martin]

I'm vaguely working on new stand up. Yeah. I'm putting some stuff together.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Mae Martin]

And it's slowly getting there. Yeah. I just paused for so long and then. And then I do so much like improvised stand up based on the questions and then. Yeah. So I'm gonna. But I'm starting to think about it.

[Tig Notaro]

Is it feeling good? Are you like. I'm really enjoying this music pocket I've been in.

[Mae Martin]

They feel like totally separate parts of my mind. It feels like I'm.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Mae Martin]

Legit, like polyamorous, where I'm like, listen, love is infinite. I love them both. You know, something like that.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

Why have just one when I can have them all?

[Mae Martin]

Exactly.

[Tig Notaro]

I'm. I'm really curious because, you know, after doing the Andrea. I mean. Yeah. The Andrea Gibson and Megan Fowley documentary, I've been. I've been really kind of creeping into that world.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah. And thinking like, well, you've got to do what excites you most in the moment. Like, there's no point just being on a conveyor belt of like creativity flow.

[Tig Notaro]

I have this new documentary idea that I pitched to somebody important and special who love the idea. And I just. The subject is a person that it would be what? Just it'd be difficult. We'll see. Because it's a. It's a well known person with a very personal, personal story and that they're out in the open about. But do they want us coming into their life to film? And it's. And it's a really beautiful story.

[Fortune Feimster]

You want to direct It.

[Tig Notaro]

I don't know.

[Mae Martin]

Produce it.

[Fortune Feimster]

Produce it?

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, I want to produce it, but, man, I'm. I'm feeling really inspired and excited. I was also approached to be involved with this other documentary that I'm meeting with some people about, and it's such a funny feeling to have worked in entertainment as long as I have and then try and pivot and feel like when I'm taking these meetings and zooms that I'm trying to break into the industry again. You know what I mean? Did you feel that way with music?

[Mae Martin]

Yeah, Yeah. I definitely felt like starting from scratch a little bit.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah, for sure.

[Tig Notaro]

It's an interesting thing, but it. I feel excited.

[Mae Martin]

Oh, I love that.

[Fortune Feimster]

It felt going into modeling.

[Tig Notaro]

Modeling that hoodie.

[Mae Martin]

Well, you're rocking.

[Fortune Feimster]

I know. I'm the new girl in town.

[Tig Notaro]

You could model.

[Fortune Feimster]

Who, me?

[Tig Notaro]

Absolutely. Well, both of you.

[Fortune Feimster]

Sure.

[Tig Notaro]

I'm even talking to Thomas, but you specifically. Fortune.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, sign me up, baby.

[Mae Martin]

Okay, well, you're already a beauty influencer with the depuffer.

[Fortune Feimster]

I've had people asking me lately, do you have your da puffer on the road with you?

[Tig Notaro]

And what is the answer?

[Fortune Feimster]

I don't. I keep forgetting it.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah, I have an idea for a documentary that you could make. Take. Oh, so this is a.

[Tig Notaro]

If it's really good, we're gonna have to bleep this out. So nobody takes, but go on.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

And if it's really bad, we'll let it fly.

[Fortune Feimster]

May's already backpedaling.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah. Like, here it out here.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Mae Martin]

Okay, so this is a story that I saw on a meme. Okay. And I thought, someone's got to tell this story, and maybe it's you.

[Fortune Feimster]

Take.

[Mae Martin]

In 1999, Joan Murray fell 14,500ft when her parachute didn't open during a skydive. God, guys. She landed on a pile of red ants. The red ants bites shocked her heart into cardiac arrest, and the jolt saved her life.

[Tig Notaro]

What?

[Mae Martin]

So she hit the ground, died. Then all these ants bite her at once, swarm her, and the. And the jolt jolts her heart.

[Tig Notaro]

Heard you the first time. This is true?

[Mae Martin]

Yeah, I think so.

[Tig Notaro]

What do you mean, you think so? Where did you read this?

[Mae Martin]

On a meme on Instagram. I haven't googled it, but. Thomas.

[Tig Notaro]

But, Thomas, can you help us out? Do you want to co direct this with me?

[Mae Martin]

I'd love to. Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Or.

[Mae Martin]

And I could even do like, a sort of reenactments.

[Fortune Feimster]

And she's still alive?

[Mae Martin]

I don't know. It's 99.

[Tig Notaro]

Well, she did die of the poisoning for after she was revived.

[Fortune Feimster]

I was gonna say it sounds like one of those final fantasies. Is that those movies?

[Mae Martin]

Final Destination.

[Fortune Feimster]

Final Destination, yeah.

[Mae Martin]

Like she cheated death and then she.

[Fortune Feimster]

Cheated death and it's gonna find her somehow.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

What do you have for us?

[Mae Martin]

It seems like this person really did survive the fall. But I'm not. Part about the fire ants saving her life is harder to.

[Fortune Feimster]

To prove.

[Mae Martin]

Hang on, Let me get on.

[Fortune Feimster]

Good. There was. I think there was another. A story of a girl surviving a plane crash over the Amazon. Yes.

[Mae Martin]

That was. Werner Herzog made a documentary.

[Fortune Feimster]

That's right.

[Mae Martin]

Here we go. Yeah. She landed on a mound of fire ants. Doctors believe that the intense shock of being stung 200 times released a surge of adrenaline that kept her heart beating. Now that I just found on a tick tock. So again.

[Fortune Feimster]

Well, didn't Ashley Judd break her leg in the middle of some like crazy remote area and. And had to be like carried through a jungle for days to get to a hospital?

[Mae Martin]

Really?

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

What, this last week?

[Fortune Feimster]

No, it was like two years ago.

[Tig Notaro]

I've never heard that. Nor have I heard the person being bitten by ants coming back to life.

[Fortune Feimster]

So far we've confirmed none of the stories that we've told.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah, but how crazy that that wouldn't you. How would it make you think about your life if you'd had that crazy accident and then the ants saved you? You. You'd be devoted to ants.

[Tig Notaro]

Ants are so fascinating, aren't they? I mean, absolutely.

[Fortune Feimster]

I do love honey. I shrunk the kids.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, boy.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah. That fight scene between the ant and the kids is.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh my God. And then May just wanders off into your ant story over mine. I wanted to talk about actual ants.

[Fortune Feimster]

No, please. Tell us more about.

[Tig Notaro]

No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

[Fortune Feimster]

I'm sorry to bring up Rick Moranis.

[Tig Notaro]

You go back to your modeling.

[Fortune Feimster]

No, I wanna daydream your aunt story.

[Tig Notaro]

Thomas, have you come up with anything.

[Fortune Feimster]

That we can confirm my Ashley Judd story is true?

[Tig Notaro]

You is Ashley Judd true?

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Fortune piped down, broke her leg and.

[Fortune Feimster]

She didn't have medicine or anything.

[Mae Martin]

Oof.

[Fortune Feimster]

So she had to be in pain being carried through, huh? Like the jungle.

[Mae Martin]

We are so resilient human beings did. There was a guy, an Arctic explorer, and he was stuck by himself and his appendix was gonna burst. He did surgery on himself. It took his appendix out. Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

What? How did he know that that's what it was? It wasn't just bleed out.

[Mae Martin]

He was a. A doctor, I think.

[Tig Notaro]

Like that makes More sense.

[Fortune Feimster]

That's. That's an important part of this.

[Tig Notaro]

I mean, if I was just, like, on a walk or a hike, and I'm like, I feel like my appendix is gonna go, and I just start cutting into myself.

[Mae Martin]

Oh, God. And then like, oh, it was just gas. Yeah, you did.

[Tig Notaro]

It's just gas.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah, I just had a toot. Now I don't have an appendix and I'm bleeding out.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

And you're just lying. The hospital, and they're like, what. What made you. How. What on earth?

[Fortune Feimster]

They're like, you've never heard of gas.

[Tig Notaro]

X or calling 911?

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, guys.

[Tig Notaro]

I keep looking at Thomas, hoping he's going to chime in with, I found this.

[Fortune Feimster]

But that did happen to me once where I thought I was having heart issues, and I. And I was in pain, and I thought, God, this must be the end. It wouldn't go away. I got acupuncture and everything, and it just turned out I had, like, acid reflux.

[Tig Notaro]

And you. And did you attempt surgery?

[Fortune Feimster]

No, but I think I did end up. I did acupuncture first, because. Duh. And then I think I went to urgent care.

[Mae Martin]

Oh, my God.

[Tig Notaro]

You're on a gurney next to people that are actually in a real medical situation.

[Fortune Feimster]

Just have gas and acid reflux.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, go walk it off, weirdo. We're gonna free up your gurney for someone who actually needs it.

[Mae Martin]

Some people just know they could save hundreds on car insurance by checking all state first.

[Tig Notaro]

Like, you know to check that those mushrooms you foraged are edible before adding them to your stew. In fact, it's good to check that all your food is edible before eating it.

[Mae Martin]

Check in first is smart, so check Allstate first for a quote that could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Savings vary, subject to terms, conditions, and availability. Allstate Fire and Casualty Insurance Company and affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois.

[Tig Notaro]

If your dog could talk, they'd beg for Ollie. The full body tail wag, the excited little hops, the big goofy grin. That's the Ollie effect. We just saw Fortune's dog Biggie in studio over at Headgum, and he was beaming with excitement and energy. The reason? A diet of Ollie's delicious, nutritious dog food that is perfect for him and his sensitive puppy tummy.

[Mae Martin]

Here's how it works. You go to ollie.com, you fill out their 30 second quiz on behalf of your dog. Their food helps with shinier coats, more solid poos, and achieving a healthy weight. Ollie is the only fresh dog Food that comes with unlimited routine health screenings as well. Dogs deserve the best and that means fresh, healthy food. Head to ollie.com handsome tell them all about your dog and use code handsome to get 60% off your welcome kit when you subscribe today.

[Tig Notaro]

Plus, they offer a happiness guarantee on the first box, so if you're not completely satisfied, you'll get your money back. That's o l l ie.com handsome and enter code handsome to get 60% off your first box. We're so excited about this next sponsor because we're so excited about getting a good night's sleep. Helix Sleep is supporting Handsome in more ways than one because we're all getting our Z's every night atop a Helix mattress that's been custom selected to suit our sleep habits and preferences.

[Mae Martin]

I've had my Helix mattress ever since I moved into my new place. Let me tell you, Tig, it's one of the best parts about actually having my own home. It's helped so much with my energy levels as well as back pain. If you haven't slept through the night in a while, you gotta try a Helix mattress. You can go on their site, take their quiz that helps you find the perfect sleep surface. Whether you're a side back or stomach sleeper, whether you like a firm mattress or something softer. And Helix takes into account a partner's sleeping habits as well.

[Tig Notaro]

So go to helixsleep.comhandsome for 20 off site wide. That's helixsleep.comhandsomefor 20% off site wide. Make sure you enter Handsome after checkout so they know we sent you helixsleep.com handsome pod all right, Thomas just sent us something. That one. If one of you could read, I.

[Fortune Feimster]

Think may do the honor.

[Mae Martin]

Okay. The actress and Humanitarian Ashley Judd, 53, shattered her right leg in four places during a hike through a forest in the Democratic Republic of the Congo.

[Tig Notaro]

Whoa.

[Mae Martin]

February 2021. Judd said that she barely survived the 55 hour rescue and was in immense pain.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, and there's is 55 hours no medicine.

[Tig Notaro]

I can't believe I hear this. Stephanie is the biggest Ashley Judd fan alive.

[Fortune Feimster]

Clearly not.

[Mae Martin]

Where was she?

[Tig Notaro]

I don't know. I need to ask her about it. And we need to get Ashley Judd on this podcast. I'm glad she survived that. That's. That's a living hell. I fractured my femur in one place and it was one of the worst pains I've ever felt in my life.

[Mae Martin]

Oh, my.

[Tig Notaro]

And the fact that she fractured her leg in four places during a height. That is. That's Brutal.

[Mae Martin]

The Judds, man.

[Fortune Feimster]

You're like, I told you I didn't want to go on a hike.

[Mae Martin]

Oh, my God. Can you imagine making me do things.

[Fortune Feimster]

I don't want to do?

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, my God.

[Mae Martin]

You're the person worst. I hate that feeling. Yeah. Where you plan something, usually for like, a parent or something, and then they. They're. They're not enjoying it and you're. And they almost slip and.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

That whole c. This also happened to Han Gatsby.

[Tig Notaro]

What?

[Fortune Feimster]

Hannah was in Iceland or somewhere like this. They. They went on a hike and in, like, the most inconvenient place, like, on a. Where there's, like, a big cliff and there's only, like, one way in and one way out, and it's very narrow. Hannah fell and shattered something or broke something, like a knee or a leg or something recently. This was again, like, two years ago. Everything in my mind, two years.

[Tig Notaro]

I fractured my leg three years ago.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

And, like, sounds about right.

[Fortune Feimster]

And Hannah was like, I thought I was going to die. Like, this is it. There's no way anyone's going to be able to come get me. Hannah's partner, I think, was able to go find help.

[Mae Martin]

Wow.

[Tig Notaro]

God.

[Mae Martin]

But it makes you think about the impulse to. To power through. Like, you gotta not give up, like. Yeah. I sometimes think if I. If I was on a. On a life raft and I suddenly saw the sharks circling, I might just. The fear alone might just make me kind of jump in the water and, like, I might just be like, I can't face this fear, so I'd rather just feed those sharks.

[Tig Notaro]

But no, you know that they're called life rafts, right?

[Mae Martin]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

It's just a raft.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah, that's true.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Okay. Well, I mean, anytime you're in a raft, it's a. It's a life raft.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah, you're right. When I went on that hike recently.

[Tig Notaro]

Don't tell me you fractured your leg.

[Mae Martin]

I didn't shatter the way we've been using the word. Shattered, too, to shatter a bone. But I just was walking then there was a brook there. And I thought. I probably said this before, but I thought it's crazy that only brooks and babies babble. Not many other things babble.

[Tig Notaro]

Well, I know some adults that babble.

[Mae Martin]

That's true.

[Tig Notaro]

To know. And. And I mean, babble, babble. Monologue. Babble.

[Fortune Feimster]

It is.

[Tig Notaro]

I mean, that it's rough.

[Fortune Feimster]

You don't like it when people talk too much.

[Tig Notaro]

I mean, just with the monologuing when it. They don't Check in. They're not reading the room or connecting you. Yeah, they're not connecting with you. They're just talking. Talking.

[Mae Martin]

I find that, like, physically painful sometimes.

[Tig Notaro]

Where do you feel the pain?

[Mae Martin]

In my femur? No, just, like it. Like in my chest kind of. Just. Especially when you know how they're. You know how the sentence is going to end. And so you want to be like.

[Tig Notaro]

Wait, what do you mean? You know how a sentence is going to end?

[Mae Martin]

Like when someone's telling you something and you know where they're headed and you want. And you want to help them get there. Yeah, yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

You're.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, so you'll chime in early and be like, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

Meaning I have to say that to my mom sometimes.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

Like, get to it.

[Mae Martin]

Right.

[Fortune Feimster]

Get to the meat of the story. So to paint a whole picture.

[Tig Notaro]

So, Fortune, when you said you don't like when people talk a lot, do you enjoy?

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, it depends on the person. And if they're interesting, if it's like a fascinating person with amazing stories, please, by all means.

[Tig Notaro]

And if they're monologuing, if they're talking.

[Fortune Feimster]

At you, it is exhausting. I'm an energy person, so I. That would. That would wear me out.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah, I do. I admire, though, that quality that some people have of just. They don't talk a lot. But then suddenly at the sort of end of a dinner party, everyone's sipping their aperitif, and then someone will say, you know, something happened to me one time. Then they'll beautifully tell a story. I love that. And everybody's on the edge of their seat.

[Fortune Feimster]

Is that how you pronounce a para Thief?

[Mae Martin]

How would you.

[Fortune Feimster]

How do you always said aperitif?

[Mae Martin]

Aperitif?

[Tig Notaro]

I never said it and I refused to.

[Fortune Feimster]

I honestly don't know.

[Mae Martin]

I don't think I've said it till.

[Fortune Feimster]

Till just tomato, tomato. Right. And you.

[Tig Notaro]

You went in with confidence.

[Mae Martin]

A para teeth. Yeah, I really did. I think I've heard my dad say it a lot because he writes about.

[Fortune Feimster]

But he.

[Mae Martin]

Wine again.

[Fortune Feimster]

I'm not a fancy gal, so I'm not sure.

[Tig Notaro]

But you are a model.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah, this is fact. I haven't been paid for it yet, but that's okay.

[Tig Notaro]

I'm gonna venmo you. I'm gonna venmo you. Everyone, Venmo Fortune. And see what kind of cash we can round up for. Look at this. If you are enjoying this show on YouTube, start venmoing all of your cash if you want to see more of this modeling session.

[Mae Martin]

Sultry fortune. One of your eyes just kind of glitched out there. Did you guys ever watch America's Next Top Model? In the beginning, I watched it so much, and it was so insane, the makeovers on that show, because it. I think they were trying to get the girls to have a nervous breakdown because they'd take someone with long blonde hair, and they'd go, we're gonna make you over, and we're gonna shave your head. And we're gonna. I think one girl.

[Fortune Feimster]

They forgot about that.

[Mae Martin]

They put, like, a gap between her teeth or something. And. No, I think it got that extreme. And. Yeah. Yeah, it was pretty.

[Tig Notaro]

How do you put a gap?

[Mae Martin]

File it down.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, my God. No.

[Tig Notaro]

What?

[Mae Martin]

I might have made that up, but I don't have that memory. But they definitely would, like, cut people's.

[Fortune Feimster]

Hair really short because they were like, this is the look to make you distinct.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah. They're like, trust us, we know. But it was often. I think they just wanted a dramatic.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah. A moment. That's where I learned how to smize.

[Mae Martin]

Oh. That was where smizing was born. Was Sarah Banks.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh.

[Tig Notaro]

Smile with your eyes.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah, yeah. So you're not really smiling with your mouth. You're just. Wait, can I try?

[Tig Notaro]

Well, of course you can. Hello, YouTube.

[Mae Martin]

Did it work?

[Fortune Feimster]

I don't know. Are you smiling with your eyes?

[Tig Notaro]

I mean, I saw your face.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah, you saw it? I don't know.

[Tig Notaro]

Okay, let me try and smize.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah. And it's hard to not make your mouth smile. No, it's sort of scary.

[Fortune Feimster]

There's a. It's hard, you guys. I'm just gonna tell you it's hard.

[Mae Martin]

It's hard out there for a model.

[Fortune Feimster]

It's not easy. Us models have had to learn this over the years.

[Tig Notaro]

Oop. I just got a really great idea. We need to put out a sexy calendar for handsome.

[Mae Martin]

I swear, we've had that. I think.

[Tig Notaro]

We swear.

[Mae Martin]

That's all about that.

[Tig Notaro]

Okay. All right, well, but we need to make some sort of attempt at knocking these things off the list.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

I will say, though, if. If we're gonna do a sexy calendar for next year, we would have to get it on the pictures. Like. Like, soon.

[Tig Notaro]

At some point.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Okay.

[Fortune Feimster]

But there's 12 months, and there's three of us. There's some solo opportunities, some group opportunities.

[Tig Notaro]

We could also throw Thomas in for a month.

[Mae Martin]

Yep.

[Tig Notaro]

Put him in a.

[Fortune Feimster]

A Burt rental. Like a Burt Reynolds throwback on that rug, you know?

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

That would be Thomas's.

[Tig Notaro]

What about Thomas? And awkwardly standing In a banana hammock.

[Mae Martin]

What's a banana hammock? Oh, like a thong.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

In the. Burt Reynolds on the.

[Tig Notaro]

I don't know.

[Fortune Feimster]

He's like this on the rug.

[Tig Notaro]

I don't know. Whatever. Thomas, would you be willing to. I know you would be willing to do this.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah. Sounds like I need more than one month if I'm gonna do all these looks. Yeah. True.

[Tig Notaro]

Thomas's game for anything.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah. I'd go cowboy, I guess. Little cowboy.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah. Of course. I don't know what my sexy thing would be, Roanoke.

[Tig Notaro]

Duh.

[Fortune Feimster]

Spraying myself with a virus.

[Tig Notaro]

You're just like a drowned rat.

[Mae Martin]

Well, you'd have to get your kids topless.

[Fortune Feimster]

Y' all both could be topless.

[Tig Notaro]

Why wouldn't you be topless?

[Fortune Feimster]

Hello.

[Tig Notaro]

Hi, y' all.

[Fortune Feimster]

Come on.

[Mae Martin]

I'm shy, but you gotta get your games out for sure.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, yeah, yeah. Oh, you're right. May 1,000,000. You're right.

[Mae Martin]

People want those guys.

[Fortune Feimster]

It's gonna be all leg.

[Tig Notaro]

How about you start sending in Venmo for the handsome calendar.

[Fortune Feimster]

We don't know to wear? Just send it.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, send it. Send it to Fortune, send it to Thomas. We just gotta round up cash to save this calendar.

[Fortune Feimster]

I think a handsome calendar would actually FL off the shelves.

[Tig Notaro]

Yes, indeed. We gotta make that for merchandise next, guys.

[Mae Martin]

Should we?

[Tig Notaro]

Yes.

[Mae Martin]

I'm excited about our Question Asker.

[Tig Notaro]

Let's do it.

[Mae Martin]

Our Question Asker. He's one of the first people I hung out with in la. Like, got to know in la. But I haven't seen him in way too long. Today's Question Asker is a comedian, a writer, actor, and podcast host. He starred in the film I Used to Be Funny, directed by Ali Pankiw, my. My good friend, and is best known for hosting the so True podcast. Caleb Heron is asking today's question.

[Fortune Feimster]

He's so funny. Hello, handsome pod.

[Mae Martin]

It's me, Caleb Heron. Thank you for letting me ask y' all a question. My question for you is this. If you were to be any meal, what meal would you be and why?

[Fortune Feimster]

I just did Caleb's podcast. What a treat he is. His podcast is so funny. He's so funny. He's like selling out shows everywhere. Doing his podcast live. He did. Just did the Chicago theater.

[Mae Martin]

His stand up is great. He's very quick. Perfect for podcasting. Very.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah, very quick with it, for sure.

[Mae Martin]

What meal would we be? We've touched on this in a minisode.

[Fortune Feimster]

So in the mini episode, we were asking what food we would be, which is very similar, but A meal isn't necessarily just. It could be like a Happy Meal. It doesn't have to be a food item.

[Mae Martin]

I mean, is it like starter, main, and dessert?

[Fortune Feimster]

I mean, it seems like we can.

[Tig Notaro]

Do whatever we want. This is our show.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah. Happy Meal is a really sweet idea because you get a little toy.

[Fortune Feimster]

Because Caleb and I talked about it. I bet he and I would have a similar answer. So I'm not gonna say what I think his answer would be.

[Mae Martin]

Okay. I think I might be a corn. Corn thing.

[Tig Notaro]

Go for it.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah, like, corn thing.

[Mae Martin]

Like a polenta with maybe some. I don't know why. Yeah, corn has to be involved. Maybe a street corn.

[Fortune Feimster]

Is corn your favorite food?

[Tig Notaro]

Street corn name? Desire.

[Mae Martin]

Street corn name. Desire is the name of the meal.

[Tig Notaro]

I just came up with a great.

[Mae Martin]

Food truck street corn named Desire. That's really good.

[Tig Notaro]

Cut that out. I might want to use that in my real life, my next business.

[Mae Martin]

I just identify with corn. I like. I just am drawn to it energetically.

[Fortune Feimster]

I listen. I love corn. That. I'm just curious.

[Mae Martin]

I've been told my head looks like a kernel of corn.

[Tig Notaro]

I love cornbread.

[Mae Martin]

Love cornbread.

[Tig Notaro]

Cornbread. Get out of the way.

[Fortune Feimster]

Cornbread, too.

[Tig Notaro]

I love you, too.

[Mae Martin]

I might be a peach, because bruise easily. You know what I mean?

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, I do.

[Fortune Feimster]

I like corn pudding at Thanksgiving. Have you ever had that?

[Mae Martin]

No.

[Tig Notaro]

I've had corn ice cream.

[Mae Martin]

Really?

[Fortune Feimster]

Corn pudding is like a casserole with corn cornbread. Mix a can of corn, sour cream cheese. You like, mix it all together and bake it, and it's so good.

[Mae Martin]

Oh, yummy.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah. I'm gonna say like a sort of polenta thing, and then maybe the starter would be like a shrimp cocktail or something, because I'm thinking about my essence, and, like, I feel very, like, pink and peeled and exposed and twisted up like a little shrimp. And then corn sort of is more positive. Maybe.

[Fortune Feimster]

You do always describe yourself in a shrimp way.

[Tig Notaro]

Yes.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah, that's how I see myself.

[Fortune Feimster]

Let's dig into that.

[Tig Notaro]

You're not shrimpy.

[Fortune Feimster]

You're definitely not putting off a shrimpy thing. To me.

[Tig Notaro]

No, not to me either.

[Mae Martin]

What would it be like if you. What would a stair say?

[Fortune Feimster]

But to me, a shrimp implies, like, a. Like a runt, a little person. Is that how you see yourself?

[Mae Martin]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

Small.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah. Yeah, maybe. Like, I mean, I know intellectually that I'm not. I'm not a runt.

[Fortune Feimster]

Right.

[Tig Notaro]

But, like, that's good. That's a good start.

[Mae Martin]

But I don't know. Shrimpy, like, yeah, Like, I don't know if it's a. Yeah, I guess it is very telling. I feel like I have layers where like, like I, I know I can present like very confidently in the right environment. And then underneath that I'm shrimpy and insecure. But then underneath that I'm like secretly confident, you know, deep down. But then there's like a deeper layer where I'm like, no, but I am piece of shit. And then underneath that I'm like, no, I'm good.

[Tig Notaro]

Don't talk about my friend like that.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah, it's different layers. Depends when you catch me.

[Fortune Feimster]

Like a. You're like a seven layer dip.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

With corn.

[Mae Martin]

With corn.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah. What about you? What. What food are you? What meal are you?

[Tig Notaro]

I think I would be the last supper. That's the meal.

[Fortune Feimster]

That's a big meal.

[Tig Notaro]

That is a big meal. And I want every one of them sitting around that table.

[Mae Martin]

You're in the center. Who betrays you? Thomas Judas? Yes. Lately I've been trying to clean up the way I shop for groceries. Not just for my health, but for my budget as well. I feel like we've all had the experience of buying a single bag of essentials and then getting that eye popping receipt at the end. And that's why I gave Thrive Market a shot. And honestly, it's a game changer. I'm getting the same high quality brands I love, but for less and without compromising my standards.

[Tig Notaro]

Thrive Market is like your favorite health food store, but online and way more affordable. I'm talking about premium brands like Primal Kitchen, Siete Hue and Simple Mills, all delivered to your door and up to 30% less than what you'd pay at traditional stores. Lately my family's been loving Thrive's organic popcorn from Lesser Evil as well as their char artisan baker white bread.

[Mae Martin]

Skip the junk without overspending. Head to thrivemarket.com handsome to get 30% off your first order and a free $60 gift. That's thrivemarket.com handsome thrivemarket.com handsome I'm not big on trends, but I am big on clothes that feel good and last, you know, handsome clothes. That's why I keep going back to quints. Their lightweight layers and high quality staples have become my everyday essentials.

[Tig Notaro]

Quince has all the things you actually want to wear this summer, like organic cotton silk polos, European linen beach shorts, and comfortable pants that work for everything from backyard hangs to nice dinners. The best part, everything with quints is half the cost of similar brands. For the summer. I got Some of Quince's vintage wash Tencel utility shorts. You can dress them up or down and they come in great colors like midnight blue and terracotta. I love how soft and breathable they are. Plus they're eco friendly compared to cotton.

[Mae Martin]

Stick to the staples that last with elevated essentials from quince. Go to quince.com handsome for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. That's Q-U-I-N-C-E.com handsome to get free shipping and 365 day returns. Quince.com handsome instacart is on a mission.

[Tig Notaro]

To have you not leave the couch.

[Fortune Feimster]

This basketball season because between the pre game rituals and the post game interviews, it can be difficult to find time for everything else. So let Instacart take care of your.

[Tig Notaro]

Game day snacks or weekly restocks and.

[Fortune Feimster]

Get delivery in as fast as 30 minutes because we hear it's bad luck to be hungry on game day.

[Tig Notaro]

So download the Instacart app today and enjoy.

[Fortune Feimster]

$0 delivery fees on your first 3 orders. Service fees apply for 3 orders in 14 days.

[Tig Notaro]

Excludes restaurants.

[Mae Martin]

I'm going to see. I just booked tickets to Jesus Christ Superstar at the Hollywood Bowl.

[Fortune Feimster]

Jesus Christ.

[Tig Notaro]

Nice.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, and Cynthia Riva.

[Tig Notaro]

Yes.

[Mae Martin]

Playing Jesus. And Adam Lambert playing Judith. I can't wait.

[Tig Notaro]

Are you going alone?

[Mae Martin]

I bought two tickets and I haven't chosen who's gonna come with me. So if you guys want to come, you better start.

[Tig Notaro]

When is it?

[Fortune Feimster]

We should have chatted about it. We could have bought a handsome box.

[Mae Martin]

It's not too late.

[Fortune Feimster]

Well, your tickets might. Are they in a box? I mean, we're not gonna sit up. We're not gonna sit up in a.

[Mae Martin]

Sell my tickets.

[Fortune Feimster]

They're not going to sit there in the stands. They're gonna sit in a box. You know what I mean?

[Mae Martin]

I don't. I've never sat in a box of the Hollywood.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, they're the best. I mean, they're expensive, but they're the best.

[Mae Martin]

Should we splash out?

[Fortune Feimster]

I mean, if I'm.

[Tig Notaro]

But I'm sorry, I'm confused. Did you get a box or did you not get a box?

[Mae Martin]

I got two seats, so I didn't get a whole box.

[Tig Notaro]

Okay.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah, I don't know if they're in.

[Tig Notaro]

It sounds like you're up in the area Fortune would never sit in. You know what I'm saying?

[Mae Martin]

Do you guys care about Jesus Christ Superstar? I love it.

[Tig Notaro]

I thought you were saying, do you guys care about Jesus? You guys Psyched about the new Pope or what?

[Fortune Feimster]

I care about Jesus. I actually am kind of. I. I'm digging the new Pope. He's.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, me too.

[Fortune Feimster]

Chicago.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

I was saying it's kind of odd, though, that, like, in my opinion, we shouldn't know very much about the Pope. You know, he should seem very mystical.

[Tig Notaro]

Like God, like Thomas.

[Fortune Feimster]

And, you know, this pope's brother is being interviewed on the. On the news. Like, yeah, it's pretty cool. My brother feels too modern.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Mae Martin]

I saw a video that. It felt real. That was a girl showing her mom the news of who the Pope was. And the mom's crying, laughing and screaming. And it turns she goes, the new Pope is my mom's situationship from when she was 19. Like, they used to hook up, see? Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

What?

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, Leo, he's got.

[Fortune Feimster]

He's got his nephew on tick tock being like, my uncle's the new Pope. They showed him at a White Sox game. They had found footage of him in a White Sox game back in the day. I'm like, I shouldn't know these things about the Pope.

[Mae Martin]

I think it's best to know.

[Tig Notaro]

I think he's gonna shake things up in a. In a good way. With.

[Fortune Feimster]

You think?

[Tig Notaro]

I. I do. Like, with the current administration, I think it's gonna be interesting to have these two leaders in the U.S. you know.

[Mae Martin]

I think he's got, like, a. A mixed past on some issues. Right, sure.

[Fortune Feimster]

He's considered a sin, like, centrist. He's progressive in certain ways.

[Tig Notaro]

Please do not mistake me for thinking this is Barack Obama coming in, you know, as Pope.

[Mae Martin]

So you would be the Last Supper with. With like, a Eucharist cracker or like, what. Or. No. What did they even eat? Do we know what they ate at.

[Fortune Feimster]

The last Unleavened bread.

[Tig Notaro]

I don't know what they're. I was just going for the joke.

[Mae Martin]

Wine? Yeah. Water, then. Wine. And what about you? Fortune?

[Fortune Feimster]

I'm trying to think of. Because I've talked. I said what food I would be before, but at an actual meal. I have. We've talked about how much fun progressive dinners are. Right?

[Mae Martin]

Progressive dinners.

[Tig Notaro]

I mean, I've talked about them. I don't know if it was with you. I just assumed that.

[Fortune Feimster]

I don't know if I can't remember if we talked about them on here or not, but. But I love a progressive dinner where, I mean, you kind of have to live in the same area as people that you do it with, but it's like three different houses you go to for a Meal.

[Mae Martin]

I love that idea.

[Fortune Feimster]

Start at a. Someone's house for apps and drinks. So an aperitif or an app. What did you call it?

[Mae Martin]

A parity.

[Fortune Feimster]

You start there. So sort of like, everything's kind of like a different vibe. Yeah. Like, so. Yeah. Someone who's good at cocktails or why, you know, they got that part. Sure. Then y' all get in, you know, responsibly. Uber or wherever. To the next house, which is the. The dinner. Have your dinner there. Then you end up at the last house for desserts and coffee. I would love to be that meal.

[Mae Martin]

Desserts, and coffee, but all you want. Oh, you want to be all of it?

[Fortune Feimster]

I want to be a progressive dinner.

[Tig Notaro]

Okay.

[Mae Martin]

And are the. All the locations different homes that you own?

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah, I own all the homes. Yeah. I don't know. I. I haven't. I don't know what if this describes my personality, but maybe it does because I have different sides of my personality. Like. Like, the. The drinks and apps is fun, and you're. It's the start, and, like, that's the fun part of my personality. Like, let's all, like, we're gonna have a rip Roar night, and then the dinner is, like, get to know about each other. Like, for real. For real.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

And let's cut the crap. We're just gonna.

[Tig Notaro]

No crap at this dinner.

[Fortune Feimster]

Let's just be real and connect.

[Tig Notaro]

Crap at home.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

And then dessert. What would that be? Everyone kiss.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah. Great.

[Tig Notaro]

What do you may.

[Mae Martin]

The key party.

[Fortune Feimster]

No. No, that would not be part of my personality. The dessert. I just love dessert. So it would be. It would be more of just, like, everyone would be saying what they love the most about the night so far.

[Tig Notaro]

And it's also like, the dessert. You're, like, stuffed. You're satisfied. You're, like, out of energy. And that's always fun to think about, is like, like, how the night starts and how the night ends when you're, like, hungry and everyone's excited to eat. And then, like, at the end of the night, you're like, yes. That was so good. It's such a different scene.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah. You're feeling good because you feel like you just had the most fun night, but you've also connected with. In. In ways with people you didn't expect to, and you're walking away closer to these friends.

[Mae Martin]

It appeals to a meaningful way because there's kind of. Yeah, I like the activity aspect of it. I like that you kind of get to have a little reset each time you move. Like, you don't get stuck in a rut talking to the same person or. So you can shuffle it up.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah. So I'm far away.

[Tig Notaro]

Are these houses.

[Fortune Feimster]

I would be helpful if they're in the same neighborhood, you know, shortly. But it's. I like the idea of being a progressive dinner because we're growing and. And doing different things as we move through this meal.

[Tig Notaro]

And I'm sorry to back up. The first one is cocktail. So everyone loads up and gets on the road, drinking and driving.

[Fortune Feimster]

I said Uber.

[Tig Notaro]

Okay. Yeah, we're walking.

[Fortune Feimster]

We're walking. Because that would. That's what would be helpful about being in the same neighborhood.

[Tig Notaro]

Okay. All right. And what about you? You already said yours, little cowboy.

[Mae Martin]

I. I don't even remember what I said.

[Fortune Feimster]

Corn dish.

[Mae Martin]

Oh, yeah, corn.

[Fortune Feimster]

Did you land on what the corn dish was? You said a polenta.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah, I'm gonna go with. I'm gonna go with street corn named Desire.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, yeah. Like a Lotte type situation.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah. There's a little spice to it. It's brightly colored. I don't know what about. And Tig, you're the last supper.

[Tig Notaro]

I am the last supper.

[Mae Martin]

I'm happy with these.

[Tig Notaro]

Okay.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah.

[Mae Martin]

I was gonna say. I mean, it's different to saying your favorite meal. It's like, what meal are you. Or would you. Or do you. Yeah, my favorite meal is.

[Fortune Feimster]

What is your favorite meal?

[Mae Martin]

Well, I'd like a. An omakase Japanese meal with, like, all different tiny little things coming and. And.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, and you're surprised you don't know what they're bringing, right?

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, just super fresh, tiny little things.

[Mae Martin]

Just tiny little things.

[Fortune Feimster]

I've never done an omakase situation.

[Mae Martin]

Oh, it's so good. Because it's just whatever is fresh and then. Yeah, yeah. Or like, a really good lamb roast with, like, Yorkshire pudding.

[Fortune Feimster]

And, you know, it's very British of you.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah. Roast potatoes.

[Fortune Feimster]

And what is a Yorkshire pudding? Exactly. I know the name, but I don't think I know what it is.

[Mae Martin]

It's a baked. It's. It's. They take batter and they put it in hot tins. It's like a fluffy, savory pastry.

[Fortune Feimster]

Like red.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah, but more like not. How is it more like cake.

[Fortune Feimster]

But Sunday roasts are really popular in England. Were you into that?

[Mae Martin]

Oh, man. Every Sunday in a different. A different pub.

[Fortune Feimster]

It's in pubs.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah. In pubs. Yeah. It's the best, huh?

[Tig Notaro]

How about that?

[Mae Martin]

Should we hear Caleb's answer?

[Tig Notaro]

Of course we should. That's why we do the podcast.

[Fortune Feimster]

I think it's gonna involve chilies.

[Mae Martin]

My answer? I think I would be. I would be an appetizer sampler from a dive bar with a Dr. Pepper. And for those who aren't familiar with a bar appetizer sampler, it's like chicken wings, mozzarella sticks, a fried pickle. You know, just any. Any good, like, fried bar food, Maybe some queso chips, perhaps some salsa. They'll just throw it on a little platter and call it an appetizer sampler, and that's me. Or maybe I'd be a triple dipper from Chili's.

[Fortune Feimster]

Kind of a similar vibe, and that's.

[Mae Martin]

Because I'm eclectic, you know, I'm warm, and I get the job done.

[Fortune Feimster]

That's right. Okay, y' all. That's so funny. I love apps.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah, me too. It's the best part of the meal.

[Fortune Feimster]

I'm an app. Sometimes I'll go to a restaurant and just order two apps as my meal.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah, yeah. Some crab cakes.

[Tig Notaro]

You get some chips and salsa.

[Mae Martin]

Salsa.

[Tig Notaro]

Try to pull me off a chip or a salsa.

[Fortune Feimster]

I won't dare you off of that.

[Tig Notaro]

Thank you. Thank you.

[Fortune Feimster]

A low take. It goes well with chips and salsa as well.

[Mae Martin]

I wonder if. If I went on ubereats tonight for dinner, which I will. Oh, and I searched appetizer platter. You think someone would deliver me, like, an appetizer chili?

[Fortune Feimster]

The triple dipper that Caleb mentioned, it would really. Because a triple dipper. I would like to go on record by saying that I have been a fan of Chili's my whole life. It was the only restaurant game in town when I was growing up that was considered fancy. And they have had something called a triple dipper that I've been obsessed with, again, my whole life, because it's. You can pick three apps.

[Tig Notaro]

Well, you can't have a fancy restaurant without something called a triple dipper.

[Fortune Feimster]

That's right. You know, and at Chile's, they have this triple dipper. So on TikTok, like, a year ago, suddenly, the Internet has discovered Chili's triple dippers, and everyone's losing their minds over them. Like, they've just discovered this new thing, and they're like, can you believe triple dipper? I'm like, yeah, I've known about him.

[Tig Notaro]

Since I was fortunate. Calm down. Oh, my God. You're gonna have a stroke.

[Fortune Feimster]

That's right. Because I'm an OG Triple dipper lover. And now you got these kids on tick tock me like, look at mozzarella sticks. And it's got a cheese pull. This triple Dipper is the most amazing thing I just discovered.

[Mae Martin]

I'm gonna get one tonight.

[Tig Notaro]

Are you one of those people, Fortune, where if you discovered talent, you would be like, don't forget. Yeah, don' came from.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah, I made you.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah, I made you. I would be so happy for them. I don't. I don't need people to give me credit, but I would remind people, yeah, yeah, you're one of those.

[Tig Notaro]

You're one of those.

[Fortune Feimster]

I didn't know that person was gonna be successful.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

Early.

[Mae Martin]

Well, this is why it's important to go on record about things Early. You've gone on record now about. About chilies.

[Fortune Feimster]

I talked about chilies in my special, Sweet and Salty. That came out in 2020. January of 2020. And so I did express my love for it before all of this.

[Tig Notaro]

Just naturally find that out. Fortune, you don't have to throw in everyone's face that you discovered triple dippers.

[Fortune Feimster]

Before the Tick Tock did. That's right. And Chili's was so grateful for my shout outs, because they weren't now. Now the triple dipper is the most ordered thing at Chili's. It has increased their sales by, like, 30%.

[Tig Notaro]

Because of your special?

[Fortune Feimster]

No, because of Tick Tock.

[Mae Martin]

Your tone of voice there. When you were going. I mean, now, now it reminded me of, like, when a kid gets home from school and you're just like, making their dinner or something and they're just talking to you about something. They're in the kitchen going, but no, I know, but I think that you're like, yeah, yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

So, yeah. So Chili's, when I talked about almost being salty, we're like, oh, my God, thank you.

[Tig Notaro]

And wait, did they thank you?

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah, they sent me a big ass gift card.

[Tig Notaro]

And what is in a triple dipper?

[Mae Martin]

Mozzarella sex. What else?

[Fortune Feimster]

Well, it's a whole list of apps that you can choose from. You can choose three.

[Mae Martin]

Oh, I see.

[Fortune Feimster]

So it's anywhere from sliders. Yum. Chicken tenders. But there's different types of tenders. You can get plain, you can get honey. Chipotle.

[Tig Notaro]

See, a little vegan like myself couldn't wander in there and get a trip.

[Fortune Feimster]

Southwestern egg rolls to die for. Oh, yeah, the mozzarella sticks are the big thing right now because they have a Nashville hot one that people are into. All right, there's other. I can't remember all the different boneless buffalo wings. Buffalo wings.

[Tig Notaro]

And then do the. Is this also a place that has. Oh, I'll take it. Now. Is this a place that does Chili's have the fried pickle situation?

[Fortune Feimster]

I believe so.

[Mae Martin]

I never had one.

[Fortune Feimster]

I think that's a newer sitch.

[Tig Notaro]

I would like to just order one fried pickle to be delivered to my house.

[Fortune Feimster]

Can you eat? Are you allowed to eat a fried pickle? Is that anything in the batter? That's.

[Tig Notaro]

Well, it depends on, you know, there's a vegan fried, but I don't imagine Chili's doing all right.

[Fortune Feimster]

Well, one fried pickle. That would be an expensive fried pickle.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah, I mean, it's a pretty good challenge. Like, I feel like I've logged that now. For some future birthday of your Stig.

[Tig Notaro]

I'm gonna try and I like pickle chips.

[Mae Martin]

Oh, I love a dill pickle chip. Oh, my God. Do you guys know any knock, knock jokes?

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, good question, man. Wow. I. I'm gonna go ahead and call that a may fact, even though it wasn't.

[Mae Martin]

Well, the. The fire ants was a may fact.

[Tig Notaro]

Was that this episode?

[Mae Martin]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Are you serious?

[Mae Martin]

Yeah, it was. That was this episode. That was earlier this episode.

[Fortune Feimster]

It was. Yes.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, my gosh.

[Mae Martin]

Like, you know, you hear about people, like, falling off of ships and then, like, a dolphin will save them or something.

[Tig Notaro]

No, I haven't heard that once. You have?

[Mae Martin]

Yeah. I just feel like that happens and that. But the ants, they saved her in a different way. I'm back on the ants, but I.

[Fortune Feimster]

Believe there was a guy in San Francisco who. Spoiler alert or trigger warning. Not spoiler alert. Spoiler alert, trigger warning are very different.

[Mae Martin]

Spoiler alert, you're about to be triggered.

[Fortune Feimster]

Jumped off the Golden Gate Bridge. And they think, like, an. One of the animals in the thing, like, brought them up to the surface.

[Tig Notaro]

Animals in the thing, like ocean or a sea lion.

[Fortune Feimster]

Like a sea lion or seal or something brought him up and he ended up. And he lived.

[Mae Martin]

Wow. I mean, you.

[Fortune Feimster]

You.

[Mae Martin]

I've been seeing a lot of these things of, like, you know, a giant sea turtle will go to a kayaker and then lead the kayaker to where another animal is in trouble, so the kayaker can help the other animal.

[Tig Notaro]

But hold on. Are you seeing this on Instagram or those kind of stories? Because people put those stories together to pull your heartstrings, right?

[Mae Martin]

Yeah, it's that. And in my end of my dreams, I'm seeing them all in my dreams.

[Tig Notaro]

How real are most of those, you know? Because I have a friend that sends me a lot of these animal stories, and it's always the same song.

[Fortune Feimster]

Is it the Sarah McLaughlin song?

[Tig Notaro]

No, it's like, no, but it's along. Those things. It's a long. That's a good song.

[Mae Martin]

That's a great song.

[Fortune Feimster]

But they played it too much with that. That dog.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah, there was, like, an RSPC joke.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, that's true.

[Mae Martin]

But on Instagram, it seems like there's four songs that they cycle through. There's, like, a happy song, there's a sad song, there's.

[Tig Notaro]

Yes. What is the sad song? Because I feel like whenever my friend sends those, it's this one. It's like you find a little baby deer on the side of the road, and it's covered in mud, and then you get into your car, and I cannot believe how much this. And I love animals. I love them to be saved, but I feel like I can sniff out that maybe things were cobbled together.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh. And it didn't really happen that way.

[Mae Martin]

Turns you off so much that you're like, let that deer die.

[Tig Notaro]

No, no. I'm just like, oh, this is. They're just storytelling. And maybe it's not a real story.

[Fortune Feimster]

Right?

[Mae Martin]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

But my friend falls for it every time.

[Mae Martin]

I mean, welcome to my life. Half the facts, I'm saying.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Mae Martin]

Just falling.

[Fortune Feimster]

You're just absorbing them and just putting them back out there.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah. Yeah. I gotta make some space in my brain for other things, you know, like love. Like love. I gotta stop just absorbing trivia.

[Tig Notaro]

Are you open to love?

[Mae Martin]

I'm very open to love. Always. Always loving. I am actually going on, who wants to be a millionaire?

[Fortune Feimster]

You are? Nice.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah, I'm going on.

[Fortune Feimster]

I don't know what that has to do with love, but I love that for you.

[Tig Notaro]

And has anyone ever said no, thank you to that question, who wants to be a millionaire?

[Mae Martin]

Oh, someone's gone. No, I'm good.

[Tig Notaro]

No, hard pass.

[Fortune Feimster]

Have you been thinking about who your phone of friends gonna be?

[Mae Martin]

Well, it's not my choice. I'm Chelsea Peretti's plus one, and so we're a team. And so whoever she wants to call.

[Fortune Feimster]

Okay. I didn't know it was played in teams.

[Mae Martin]

Well, I guess it's like celebrity for charity. Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah. I was asked to do it, and sadly, I mean, I'm excited to go to Tribeca, but I. I really wanted to do it, but it's gonna be.

[Mae Martin]

I mean, I'm so scared. She's chosen me because I said I'm good at trivia.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, no.

[Mae Martin]

Now the pressure is on.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, no. Just. Does Chelsea know that we're not sure what of your facts are facts?

[Mae Martin]

No, I haven't Told you that.

[Tig Notaro]

And they're very little known facts.

[Fortune Feimster]

I would.

[Mae Martin]

Well, I'm brushing up. I got the app and I'm practicing and I.

[Fortune Feimster]

Okay.

[Tig Notaro]

They're may facts.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah. And I've been memorizing all the. All the capital cities of the world. I know all the countries. I'm trying my best.

[Tig Notaro]

Finn can help you with those.

[Fortune Feimster]

I'll tell you this. I played celebrity Jeopardy. And it was one of the most nerve wracking experiences of my life.

[Mae Martin]

Really.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, my God. And that buzzer is diabolical.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

I have never been more uncomfortable. Really. I knew some things and. And some stuff I was so stupid about and then other things I did really know it. And I was trying so hard to get the buzzer timing right, and I could not.

[Mae Martin]

Oh.

[Fortune Feimster]

Because if you buzz in two, you have to wait till he finishes the last word and then hit the buzzer. And if you go even a millisecond too soon, it locks you out. It is such a timing thing. It stressed me out.

[Tig Notaro]

I am so sorry.

[Fortune Feimster]

Thank you.

[Mae Martin]

There was a big scandal in England where there was somebody who won who Wants to be a Millionaire? And then when they re watched the tapes, they realized there was someone in the audience coughing to like. So because he was thinking out loud, he'd go, well, it could be a. And then you'd hear. Which meant no or something. And then. So he had someone in the audience helping him. It was like they'd arranged it. And then it was his big trial and he claimed and. Yeah. Obviously that he didn't cheat. Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

And who won?

[Mae Martin]

I think he had to give the money back. It was Matthew McFadden. Played him in a movie. It was great. Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

Well, I'm excited to hear how you do.

[Mae Martin]

I'm scared I'm gonna just freeze up. Like I was on a British trivia show called Eggheads and I lost on a question of. Of. Oh, what was. Was. Oh, it was about the. This. The painting of. Of God and the two fingers. Where is that painting? And I said in the cathedral in the Vatican. I just couldn't think of Sistine Chapel. Couldn't think of Sistine Chapel. Just from the.

[Tig Notaro]

This is a very religious episode.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah, very.

[Tig Notaro]

Just.

[Fortune Feimster]

That has nothing to do with Jesus, but.

[Tig Notaro]

Well, guys, this has been a real hoot.

[Fortune Feimster]

Been a real hoot and holler. I'm sorry we didn't come through with a knock knock joke for you.

[Mae Martin]

Maybe next knock. Who's there?

[Fortune Feimster]

Okay, hold on.

[Tig Notaro]

See you next episode.

[Mae Martin]

See you next episode.

[Fortune Feimster]

Pro. Promote.

[Mae Martin]

Promote who?

[Fortune Feimster]

Yourself.

[Mae Martin]

Okay. Well, thanks for asking. Coming up, I'm going on tour doing some music. June 10th I'm in San Francisco. June 12th 12th I'm in Portland. June 13th I'm in Vancouver and you can go to maymartinmusic.com for tickets. I'm doing meet and greets, some plant tunes. So come along.

[Fortune Feimster]

This weekend I have a 4pm show in Kansas City at the Midland Theater. I would love people to come. It's a great time to see a show. You can go to dinner after and then my Wichita folks. I'm going to be there on Sunday in Kansas, Las Vegas, Lexington, Kentucky, Knoxville, Tennessee and then some fun ones coming up like Atlanta, Cincinnati, Chicago, San Jose, Charlotte, North Carolina. Get your tickets at my website, FortuneFemster.com Love it.

[Tig Notaro]

The documentary Come See Me in the Good Light is going to be at the Tribeca Film Festival this weekend. Several different screenings. I'll be at Largo on June 13th I'll be at Dynasty typewriter. June 21st I'll be in P town August 23rd. Two shows. And we also have so many screenings of Come See Me in the Good Light. Look online for any other dates and then also tignotaro.com well in that case.

[Mae Martin]

It feels like the only thing really left to do is keep it handsome. Handsome Handsome is hosted by me, Mae Martin, Tig Notaro and Fortune Feimster. The show is produced, recorded and edited by Thomas Willette. Email [e-mail] and please follow us on social media at Handsomepod.

[Fortune Feimster]

What a podcast.

[Mae Martin]

That was a Headgum podcast.

[Tig Notaro]

Some people just know they could save hundreds on car insurance by checking Allstate first.

[Mae Martin]

Like you know to check that you invite your thrill seeking friends before heading to that big theme park this summer. Roller coasters are a lot better with a buddy and not on your own.

[Tig Notaro]

Checking first is smart, so check Allstate first for a quote that could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate Savings. Vary subject to terms, conditions and availability. Allstate Fire and Casualty Insurance Company and Affiliates Northbrook, Illinois Hey Gorge, it's me, Gottmik and me Violet Chachki and we want you to listen to our podcast.

[Mae Martin]

No Gorge now on Head.

[Tig Notaro]

Each episode we will be bringing you.

[Mae Martin]

Vlogs, answering burning questions, discussing what's going on right now, and diving into all things fashion, hookups, gossip and more with.

[Tig Notaro]

Past guests such as Heidi Klum and Dita Von Teese.

[Mae Martin]

No Gorge always keeps things hot. Listen to no Gorge on your favorite.

[Tig Notaro]

Podcast app or watch full video episodes on YouTube.

[Mae Martin]

New episodes every Thursday by Gorgeous.