Charlotte Ritchie asks about opening up a shop

Summary

Handsome Podcast – Episode: Charlotte Ritchie Asks About Opening Up a Shop Release Date: May 13, 2025
Hosts: Tig Notaro, Fortune Feimster, Mae Martin
Guest: Charlotte Ritchie

---

Introduction to the Episode

In this lively episode of Handsome, comedian trio Tig Notaro, Fortune Feimster, and Mae Martin dive into an engaging conversation sparked by a thoughtful question from Charlotte Ritchie: “If you could run, own, create a shop, what would it be? What would you sell? What would you make and where would it be?” The hosts explore their entrepreneurial dreams, blending humor with heartfelt insights.

---

Treading Through Challenges ([02:00] – [05:00])

The episode kicks off with the hosts discussing their swimming routines and the hypothetical scenario of treading water if their lives depended on it.

• Fortune Feimster shares her dedication:
  “Today was like a 40-minute one. And I've been doing anywhere from 30 to an hour.” ([02:33])

• Mae Martin contemplates her endurance:
  “I have an hour. I wonder if I've trained myself to just do an hour…” ([02:54])

This segment sets a playful yet competitive tone as they gauge each other's stamina and survival strategies.

---

Biggie and the Care Bears Connection ([03:35] – [04:53])

The conversation takes a whimsical turn when they introduce Biggie, Fortune's dog, who humorously "coughs up love."

• Fortune jokes:
  “He coughs up love. Yes.” ([03:52])

• Tig ties it to childhood nostalgia:
  “What if the Care Bears, instead of shooting the stuff out of their tummies, they coughed it up?” ([04:08])

The trio uses this playful banter to reminisce about simpler times and the beloved Care Bears, adding a layer of warmth and humor.

---

Mae Martin's Lobbying Experience ([05:00] – [09:33])

Mae shares her first-time experience lobbying in Washington, D.C., advocating for the arts.

• Mae explains her mission:
  “I was lobbying for the arts, and it was really interesting having to go into, you know, Congress and the White House…” ([05:41])

• She recounts a memorable moment involving Alex Borstein:
  “She said my favorite part was me. Just easing into it.” ([07:12])

This heartfelt segment highlights Mae's passion for the arts and the challenges of political advocacy.

---

Canadian Elections and Personal Updates ([09:36] – [16:14])

The hosts briefly touch upon the Canadian election results, expressing relief that Mark Carney won over a "creepy Trumpy guy."

• Tig shares his sentiments:
  “I'm buzzing because we had the Canadian election results. Thank the Lord.” ([09:33])

They also discuss their individual projects and upcoming events, maintaining a balance between personal anecdotes and group dynamics.

---

Introducing Baby Talk and Future Projects ([16:14] – [31:59])

A playful segment ensues where the hosts engage in "baby talk," introducing their imagined babies, adding light-hearted fun to the episode.

• May encourages listener participation:
  “Send in your baby voices and we'll be like, why are we getting these creepy messages?” ([31:59])

This segment fosters a sense of community and showcases the hosts' improvisational skills.

---

Charlotte Ritchie's Shop Question ([32:11] – [56:05])

The core of the episode revolves around the question from Charlotte Ritchie about opening a shop. Each host presents their unique vision:

Tig Notaro’s Puppet Shop ([38:02] – [54:22])

• Concept: A magical puppet store featuring personalized puppets.

• Features:

  • Mirror Room: “You have to stare at yourself until you see your shadow self…” ([38:33])
  • Puppet Theater: Hosting puppet shows within the shop.

• Business Model:
  “If each puppet costs five thousand dollars, I would throw away…” ([48:00])

Tig infuses her love for puppetry with a whimsical approach, combining craftsmanship with personal interaction.

Mae Martin’s Vegan Country Store ([42:39] – [56:05])

• Concept: A fully vegan country store offering organic produce and unique treats.

• Features:

  • Local Art Display: Incorporating community-driven art.
  • Stage Area: For poetry, open mic, and musical performances.

• Ambiance:
  “I like a place that's light and airy, like an old cottage.” ([43:57])

Mae envisions a community hub that not only serves vegan products but also fosters cultural and social interactions.

Fortune Feimster’s Biscuits and Cocktail Bar ([45:33] – [56:05])

• Concept: A dual-purpose establishment transitioning from a morning coffee shop to an evening cocktail bar.

• Features:

  • Morning: Fresh muffins and quality espresso.
  • Evening: Craft cocktails and aperitivos with a rooftop ambiance.

• Business Appeal:
  “At night, it's just like little aperitivos with olives or snack mixes.” ([47:36])

Fortune combines her love for coffee and social atmospheres with a sophisticated twist for nighttime patrons.

---

Business Strategy and Humor ([56:05] – [58:25])

The hosts humorously debate the profitability and logistical aspects of their envisioned shops.

• Tig humorously underestimates her profits:
  “I charge like five grand a puppet and I only sell one per month.” ([48:22])

• Fortune discusses realistic sales:
  “Their harmonies are Chef’s Kiss.” ([14:14]) (Note: This may be a misplacement; context suggests other financial discussions.)

• Mae highlights the importance of balancing passion with profitability:
  “You gotta make money. You can't just have a passion.” ([56:27])

This blend of humor and practicality underscores the challenges of turning creative dreams into viable businesses.

---

Conclusion and Upcoming Events ([58:25] – [60:20])

The episode wraps up with the hosts sharing their upcoming projects and encouraging listeners to support their endeavors.

• Tig promotes her tour dates:
  “Check out maymartinmusic.com I’m in San Francisco and Portland and Vancouver in June.” ([58:07])

• Mae shares her appearances at the Ojai Playwrights Conference and Tribeca Film Festival:
  “I’ll be at the Tribeca Film Festival on June 7th with the documentary 'Come See Me in the Good Light.'” ([59:13])

---

Notable Quotes

• Mae Martin on Lobbying:
  “It's one of those moments where you go, you should do things to scare yourself.” ([08:10])

• Tig Notaro on Puppet Shop Pricing:
  “If each puppet costs five thousand dollars, I would throw away.” ([48:00])

• Fortune Feimster on Her Shop Concept:
  “I like a place that’s light and airy, like an old cottage.” ([43:57])

---

Final Thoughts

This episode of Handsome beautifully blends humor, personal stories, and creative brainstorming as the hosts explore the idea of opening their own shops. From magical puppet stores to vegan country shops and dynamic cocktail bars, Tig, Fortune, and Mae offer listeners a glimpse into their entrepreneurial dreams, all while maintaining their signature comedic flair and genuine camaraderie.

---

Stay Connected:
For more insights and to support your favorite hosts, follow Handsome on social media and share your favorite episodes with friends to help grow the community!

Transcript

[Tig Notaro]

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[Fortune Feimster]

Like, you know to check when your favorite podcast host's birthday is so you can wish them a happy birthday. Even if it's just whispering Happy Birthday into your phone while you're on a morning walk.

[Tig Notaro]

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[Fortune Feimster]

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[Tig Notaro]

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[Fortune Feimster]

She's awesome. I've enjoyed using Masterclass to learn about everything from cooking to mindfulness. And so will you.

[Tig Notaro]

Our listeners always get great discounts on Masterclass of at least 15 off any annual [e-mail] Handsome see MasterClass's latest deal at least 15% [e-mail] Handsome masterclass.com Handsome Handsome. Chatting with friends on the Handsome pod. Chatting with friends on the Handsome pond.

[Fortune Feimster]

Cheers. Cheers.

[May Martin]

Hello.

[Fortune Feimster]

It is your pod.

[May Martin]

Oh, and it's Fortune. It's. It's me, Tig. But you go ahead. You go, girl.

[Fortune Feimster]

Saying welcome to the Handsome pod.

[May Martin]

Oh, well, thank you. Who are you?

[Fortune Feimster]

I'm Fortune.

[May Martin]

Hey, Fortune.

[Tig Notaro]

It's me, Tig and all. And me. I'm May.

[May Martin]

May.

[Fortune Feimster]

Fortune.

[May Martin]

Tig.

[Fortune Feimster]

Hi, guys.

[Tig Notaro]

Hi, guys.

[Fortune Feimster]

My hair's still wet. I did a little treading.

[Tig Notaro]

Really?

[May Martin]

Oh, my goodness. How's treading going?

[Fortune Feimster]

I don't know. You tell me.

[May Martin]

Oh, my lord, them guns. How long are you treading these days?

[Fortune Feimster]

Today was a like a 40 minute, 40 minute one.

[Tig Notaro]

40 miner.

[Fortune Feimster]

Okay, 40 miner.

[Tig Notaro]

40 miner.

[Fortune Feimster]

And been doing but I've been doing anywhere from 30 to an hour.

[May Martin]

It's amazing.

[Fortune Feimster]

Thanks.

[May Martin]

That's awesome.

[Tig Notaro]

I wonder if your life depended on it, how long you could go, like, if your boat sank and there were sharks.

[Fortune Feimster]

Good question.

[May Martin]

Oh, I think about that all the time. Not about fortune, but about myself. I have an hour. I wonder if. I think. Yeah. I wonder if I've trained myself to just do an hour and then. And my body. Because I really do. I. I clock myself to the minute and then I just exit the pool.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[May Martin]

But I do wonder if I was in the ocean, and of course, that would be a much harder tread.

[Tig Notaro]

Or would it be? Maybe the salt would buoy up.

[May Martin]

Maybe there's also, you know, if you're treading and you get a little tired, you can just kind of float on your back for a little bit.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[May Martin]

And just chill until it gets back to it.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah.

[May Martin]

What happened?

[Tig Notaro]

What just happened?

[Fortune Feimster]

That was Biggie.

[May Martin]

What, did you try to attack him?

[Fortune Feimster]

I mean, he's. The older he gets. He keeps coughing up a lot.

[Tig Notaro]

It sounded like he was going like a.

[Fortune Feimster]

Hey, buddy.

[May Martin]

Does anything come out?

[Fortune Feimster]

No, just love.

[May Martin]

Just love? He coughed up love. Of course. Biggie coughed up love.

[Fortune Feimster]

He coughed up love. Yes.

[May Martin]

Oh, look at him giving kisses.

[Tig Notaro]

You remember Care Bears?

[May Martin]

Of course we remember Care Bears. We're human beings alive on the planet.

[Tig Notaro]

We. What if the Care Bears, instead of shooting the stuff out of their tummies, they coughed it up?

[May Martin]

Oh. See, I don't know Care Bears enough to know things come out of their tummy.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah. Like they shoot love and rainbows out of their cute little tummies.

[May Martin]

Did not know that I had a little.

[Fortune Feimster]

Little turquoise Care Bear back in the day.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, yeah, the turquoise one was good.

[May Martin]

And were there the. Did the colors have anything to do with anything?

[Tig Notaro]

All I remember is lion heart. Yeah. I don't know what color he was. I think regular.

[Fortune Feimster]

Simpler times, right?

[Tig Notaro]

Simpler times, yo.

[May Martin]

Than the ones we're living in now.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

I got talked.

[Tig Notaro]

I got really sad today about cash. Like, I bet there'll be no more cash soon. And I love a coin.

[Fortune Feimster]

I love it soon.

[Tig Notaro]

I love it. Yeah. I bet they're gonna get rid of cash.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, I think it might have a moment for a bit.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, you think it's gonna have a moment?

[Fortune Feimster]

No, I mean, like, it'll continue on for a bit.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, yeah. Maybe.

[Fortune Feimster]

You'Re just ready for end times.

[Tig Notaro]

I'm ready.

[May Martin]

Yeah. Guys, I just got back from dc. Oh, yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

All about it.

[May Martin]

I was. I was just about To. Until you interrupted to tell me to tell you all about it.

[Fortune Feimster]

Girl, I want all the hot gods from D.C. yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

What's going on?

[May Martin]

I went to D.C. to lobby. I have never done that before.

[Tig Notaro]

Dig.

[May Martin]

I know. I was lobbying for the arts, and it was really interesting having to go into, you know, Congress and the White House and speak with Republicans and. And try and convince them to not cut that budget.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, my God.

[May Martin]

So, yeah, that was interesting. Have you guys ever done anything like that? It was very intimidating.

[Tig Notaro]

You should have tap danced for, like, that would have really got through to them.

[Fortune Feimster]

They would have taken you very seriously.

[May Martin]

Yeah, I was in this one office. I was out there with other actors and people. And one of it was so funny because when you walk out of one office, they had two baskets of peanuts. One basket had peanuts from Georgia and one had peanuts from Texas. And the girl behind the desk was, you know, she had some sort of Southern accent and was encouraging us to take peanuts and, you know, try both if you want. And so, of course, I love snacks. And so I grabbed one Georgia, one Texas. And then we went into the next meeting and I. And. And we're having our meeting and I was having my peanuts in the meeting and. Do you know Alex Boorstein?

[Fortune Feimster]

Yes.

[Tig Notaro]

From MADtv and.

[May Martin]

Yeah, yeah, all of those things. She's so funny and cool. But when we left that meeting, she said, my favorite part of that particular meeting was. Was you. She said, I heard some rustling and I looked over and you had your hand in the peanut bag and some peanuts fell on the floor. And I was like, look, I'm new here, I'm easing in.

[Fortune Feimster]

But.

[May Martin]

But, yeah, it was definitely intimidating for sure. The first meeting that we had.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[May Martin]

And I didn't speak up until the second meeting, and then I started to feel more confident. And I think I'm gonna, you know, I think I'm gonna continue doing some lobbying in the future.

[Tig Notaro]

That's amazing.

[May Martin]

Yeah, yeah, it was. It was definitely. It's one of those moments where you go, you should do things to scare yourself. Yeah, it scared me.

[Fortune Feimster]

I bet.

[May Martin]

Even though I was lobbying for the arts, there are. There, There's. There's a wide spectrum of response from Republicans about the arts. You know, there are some that are just very much like, we're on board, want this budget cut and all the way to give us hard numbers of why we should not cut this budget and explaining how, you know, the money doesn't go to LA and New York and Chicago, places like that. It goes to small towns to invest in these little theaters. And if you kill that, you kill the joy, because people don't go to the restaurants in the town. People aren't filling up their cars and, you know, at the gas stations and all. All different people and businesses are affected by it.

[Tig Notaro]

I never thought about that.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

How it.

[May Martin]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

You're successfully lobbying me. I'm like, I was on the fence.

[Fortune Feimster]

And now I'm like, yeah, we don't want the arts cut for sure.

[May Martin]

No, there's so many things we don't want cut.

[Tig Notaro]

Seriously.

[May Martin]

And as we've talked on previous episodes, there's different ways that we've all been involved, whether it's benefits or donating our money and time in different ways, but this was a completely different experience that I had in my. In my life.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, that's impressive.

[Fortune Feimster]

Tay Goes to Washington.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, that's a good T. Goes to Washington is a good little book. I'm buzzing because we had the Canadian election results.

[May Martin]

Yes.

[Tig Notaro]

Thank the Lord.

[May Martin]

I know.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah. Mark Carney won and not the. Not the creepy Trumpy guy. Yeah, it was. It's always closer than you think, though.

[May Martin]

Yeah, well, it wasn't looking good for Canada for a while.

[Fortune Feimster]

I hadn't been following it, truth be told, so I didn't know you didn't follow the Canadian.

[May Martin]

Yeah, no. I mean, it was looking tricky. Really tricky.

[Fortune Feimster]

Really.

[May Martin]

And then once Trump went into office.

[Tig Notaro]

And all of this, the tariffs really. Yeah, really helped. I think people see what could happen if we. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But there's a nice vibe on the streets today. People are. Morning. How you doing?

[May Martin]

Right. You're in Canada, right here?

[Tig Notaro]

I am, yeah. Yeah.

[May Martin]

What are you doing?

[Tig Notaro]

I'm doing the. The edit for. For Wayward. Almost done. But, yeah, I'm in one of those, like, soul sucking offices with this overhead neon lighting, and I feel like it's sucking my soul out of my body.

[May Martin]

And when do you finish the show completely. When are you a freebird?

[Tig Notaro]

Like, mid June, I think, is the final. Is the final one. Yeah, it's gonna be good. It's like four years of. Of thinking about this one story.

[May Martin]

And you're liking what you see?

[Tig Notaro]

I'm liking what I see. I think that's great. Yeah. But I feel a little loopy and I feel like a. I talked about this when I was in the writer's room like, that. I. I felt like a. Like kind of a fraud. Like, I'm a teenager. Like, I find it very hard to sit still and focus. I keep jumping up and doing Push ups or like running around the block and all these don't grow up around me are like, really just got to.

[Fortune Feimster]

Do some push ups. Yeah, I have a hard time concentrating too.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

I don't do push ups because I.

[May Martin]

Can'T with those guns. You can't.

[Fortune Feimster]

I mean, I have a. Truth be told, attempted it since starting my tread journey. Maybe I need to start. I can't do the push ups. Made us. I have to do my knees.

[May Martin]

Oh, yeah, yeah, you can do them against the wall.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, like standing push ups against the wall.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Maybe I'll start with that.

[May Martin]

Fortune, I have the title for your spin off podcast. It's called Truth Be Told.

[Fortune Feimster]

I don't have time for another podcast. My heart is with them.

[May Martin]

Yeah, yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Truth Be told is good.

[May Martin]

Yeah. But you do know you say that a lot. Truth be told. Truth be told.

[Fortune Feimster]

I didn't know that.

[May Martin]

Did you not?

[Fortune Feimster]

I really did not.

[May Martin]

Oh, my God.

[Fortune Feimster]

Have you.

[May Martin]

Have you noticed it may.

[Tig Notaro]

Truth be told, now that you say it, it's all I'm gonna hear. Yeah, I guess. Yeah. Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

Everyone drink every time I say it.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, that would be good.

[May Martin]

Oh, guys, also, I was at a cancer benefit last night.

[Fortune Feimster]

Stop braggin.

[May Martin]

Guess what band performed. Yes. Little Big Town.

[Fortune Feimster]

I'm friends with them.

[May Martin]

I know. You came up at dinner. They were sitting. Yeah, they were sitting right there at the end of the table with me. I mean, we weren't talking. Actually, we weren't talking about you. You specifically, but I heard there was like a In passing, like, oh, yeah, Fortune has a podcast and Tigs, you know, that kind of. But no, they had heard about us being in Nashville and about Brad Paisley and they had been texting with Kimberly Williams Paisley about the show and. And that it was just a real highlight for them. Oh, yeah. And so they were like, next time you're in Nashville or you have to book another Nashville gig. And I said, are you telling me we can get Little Big Town on? I should.

[Fortune Feimster]

I just. Yeah. I didn't even think about it. I didn't even think about it. But. But, yeah, they're so fun. They love comedy.

[Tig Notaro]

I've.

[Fortune Feimster]

I've. I've known them for a while through my Chelsea lately days, and then have seen them out on the road and they. Their whole family, like, everyone tours like a little village. It's just like a really. They're. They're tight and they're a family.

[Tig Notaro]

Family bands anymore. I like that. A whole family on the road like that.

[Fortune Feimster]

They got it on lock. They they. It's a good time that they're great. Just. And their harmonies are, like, unbelievable.

[May Martin]

Oh, my gosh.

[Fortune Feimster]

The harmonies are Chef's Kiss. They're even their music on their tracks are amazing. But, like, in. In person live is like, next level.

[Tig Notaro]

Little Big Town sounds like it would be Biggie's band.

[Fortune Feimster]

And guess what they sing.

[May Martin]

I know.

[Fortune Feimster]

What?

[Tig Notaro]

That's my tongue.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

They sing on the pontoon.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah, on the pontoon. Out here in the open.

[Tig Notaro]

Okay.

[Fortune Feimster]

That's right.

[Tig Notaro]

It's all coming together. Okay.

[May Martin]

I know I mentioned to them that that song has. I said, we have talked about you on our podcast. Yeah. And. Yeah. So I mentioned that we'll have to.

[Fortune Feimster]

Get them to do a question for sure.

[Tig Notaro]

In harmony. They could do a question.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, yeah, that's real good.

[May Martin]

Anyway, I was with them last night, and they were absolutely wonderful live and just the most charming, friendly people to sit and have dinner with.

[Tig Notaro]

You guys. Would you like it if someone. If you received news via a musical delivery at your door, like a barbershop quartet?

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, like, what are those? Are those called something Grams?

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah. Music gram or something? Like, if you open the door and it was like, we're sorry to say you've been fired from the pod.

[Fortune Feimster]

What a way to get let go. We're sorry to say you've been fired from the pod. We hope you're. Here's a pod.

[May Martin]

Oh, I didn't know the song was gonna keep going.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah, you gotta run a little nod.

[Tig Notaro]

You think the nod would soften the blow and the harmonies, or would it make it, like, more infuriating?

[Fortune Feimster]

I'm gonna say probably wouldn't. I wouldn't hate it if someone sent it. I would be like, oh, that was nice. But also, like, this is weird.

[Tig Notaro]

If. If you guys fired me via music program, I would be. I would be like, oh, they hate me. Like, that is so. Like. Well, yeah, because it's so cold to be like, yeah.

[May Martin]

You're not taking the time to actually be personal with somebody and say, listen, you're doing a terrible job and nobody likes you. That's why we have to let you go.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, you're going. Look, this is a laugh for us. We're thrilled about it.

[May Martin]

And if you guys ever feel like I'm doing a terrible job and you want to let me go, you can just tell me that. You don't have to send anybody.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, my God.

[May Martin]

I mean, I would be terribly bummed.

[Fortune Feimster]

But, yeah, of course.

[May Martin]

I would appreciate a more direct conversation.

[Fortune Feimster]

We voted, and it's Two against one.

[May Martin]

Oh, my God. That would be the ultimate two against one.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah, it really would. I think that's how it works around here.

[May Martin]

No, how does it work?

[Fortune Feimster]

Nobody votes.

[Tig Notaro]

No one votes anyone out. Yeah. That should have been in our initial.

[May Martin]

It just ends.

[Tig Notaro]

It just.

[Fortune Feimster]

We just disappear.

[Tig Notaro]

Or it just never ends until we're in our. We're in the grave. Gas beards. Yeah, Long beards.

[May Martin]

Coughing up love.

[Fortune Feimster]

Some people just know they could save hundreds on car insurance by checking Allstate first.

[Tig Notaro]

Like, you know how to check that you've stretched and limbered up before getting totally in the zone at your local pickleball pickup game. Pickleball's intense.

[Fortune Feimster]

Checking first is smart, so check Allstate first for a quote that could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Savings vary, subject to terms, conditions and availability. Allstate Fire and Casualty Insurance Company and affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois.

[Tig Notaro]

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[Fortune Feimster]

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[Fortune Feimster]

That was fun.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, nice.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah. I love a live sporting event. Did y' all know that about me?

[Tig Notaro]

I know you love a sport. Yeah. I know you like soccer and.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Did you have any peanuts?

[Fortune Feimster]

I had a hot dog and I had some ice cream. Oh, yeah, no peanuts. But we had great seats because we were doing some charity stuff with the catcher, Will Smith. Not the actor, but the catcher. And we got to go to the stadium during the day and be on the field, which was really cool because I've been in LA for over 20 years. Never been on the field.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

Went in the dugout. I through pitches to Will on the in the.

[May Martin]

Where?

[Fortune Feimster]

The warm up area. I can't remember what it's called. Bullpen.

[Tig Notaro]

Are you good at throwing?

[May Martin]

Yeah. How's your arm?

[Fortune Feimster]

Surprisingly, I was pretty good because I, you know, grew up playing softball and I was third base and it came. It started coming back. I was like, getting it down the, down the pipe to Will.

[May Martin]

Nice. Yeah. And so wait, who are they playing?

[Fortune Feimster]

They played the Marlins.

[May Martin]

And.

[Fortune Feimster]

And barely won, but they won. And that's all. I love watching the Dodgers. You went to the World Series game, didn't you?

[May Martin]

I did. And I accidentally captured the big moment of the World Series. Accidentally. Do you know this?

[Tig Notaro]

Was that like you were taking a selfie.

[May Martin]

Freeman, Freddie Freeman, walk off. Grand slam. Which I. I am not a sports person. I. I know it's called that. I don't know what that is, but me neither. I'll tell you, Stephanie was said, you know, I feel like we should take Max and Finn to the World Series. And she said, and we should bring my dad because he's never been to a World Series. So the five of us go, and I'm watching, I'm having my, you know, vegan dodger dog and my peanuts and what have you. And I just happened to decide to videotape, you know, on my phone, whatever it's called. Stephanie always makes fun of me when I say videotape, but this pitch to Freddie Freeman, and when Freddie hits the ball, everybody went insane, including my family. And I was so confused because I had been there all day and people have been hitting balls. And I didn't know this seemed so over the top, that it was one.

[Fortune Feimster]

Of the biggest moments in World Series ever.

[May Martin]

Yes. And I. I caught it beautifully on my phone and I turned and filmed my family screaming. And I truly was like, what?

[Fortune Feimster]

You're like, what am I capturing?

[May Martin]

Yeah. Because even if they won, it felt, felt because we've been to baseball games. This didn't feel like that. And so, yeah, I caught that. And you know, speaking of the Marlins, and if Thomas can fact check, Finn, yesterday when we picked up Max and Finn from school, Finn had a May fact. He was asking everybody, what is the one team that has never gone to a World Series?

[Fortune Feimster]

Was it the Marlins?

[May Martin]

I believe it was the Marlins. Thomas, can you check? And if it's not right, then I'm in the wrong. And I'm saying the wrong team, right?

[Tig Notaro]

The Seattle Mariners.

[Fortune Feimster]

Mariners.

[May Martin]

That's what it is. It was similar enough, but I knew it was an M word. So, yeah, the Mariners have never been to a World Series, and we had to guess the entire way from their school home.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, my God.

[May Martin]

They would not tell us. We were like, okay, we give up.

[Fortune Feimster]

You just keep naming cities.

[May Martin]

Yes.

[Tig Notaro]

That makes me want to support the Mariners. Like, we should all get behind the rally behind, you know, Ted Lasso style, turn them into a winning team.

[May Martin]

Like, yeah, I think that's a good idea.

[Tig Notaro]

The Martin Mariners. Yes, please.

[Fortune Feimster]

Y' all never played softball, either of you?

[Tig Notaro]

No, absolutely not. Never.

[May Martin]

No. I mean, I would play baseball in the yard with my brother and our friends as kids, but, yeah, I never played organized. I only played soccer.

[Tig Notaro]

Go back to. Why did they have in the White House peanuts from Georgia and Texas? And it was like, georgia versus Texas or something.

[Fortune Feimster]

Like, I can't get this off my mind.

[Tig Notaro]

I am like, why Peanuts on my mind.

[May Martin]

I think I really got the imprint. I didn't ask, but that is a great question, little cowboy.

[Tig Notaro]

Thanks.

[Fortune Feimster]

You should follow up with someone.

[May Martin]

But my feeling, based on her Accent in Washington, D.C. i felt like it's probably, like, something to do with where she comes from, that specific woman.

[Fortune Feimster]

Like, it was a personal hospitality thing.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, you gotta make your job fun. Like, I. If I was sitting at a desk in the White House, I might be like, yeah, try this Toronto. I don't know, jerky or something.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah. What would Toronto's thing be?

[Tig Notaro]

I don't. Tim Hortons donuts. Like, yeah. Yeah. Maybe I'd go Dunkin Donuts versus Tim Hortons. And wouldn't it be 15?

[May Martin]

Wouldn't that. Or is that just patine? How is. How do you say it?

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah. Poutine. Yeah, I say poutine, but it's probably not.

[Fortune Feimster]

That's what I always said.

[Tig Notaro]

But in the Canadian election, I was just. No, I was like, oh, yeah. All of the politicians here have to be totally bilingual, and that's pretty badass.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, really? Nice. Oh, yeah. They gotta rep all those French Canadians.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

Not me. I don't know a lick of French.

[Tig Notaro]

I bet. That's not true.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oui, oui. Parlez vous francais, Merc?

[May Martin]

Yeah, you know, some vote.

[Fortune Feimster]

How do you See? I don't even know how to say that. Yeah, that one. Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

It's too dirty for me to say.

[Tig Notaro]

You are the dirtiest of the three of us. No, don't try.

[Fortune Feimster]

It's not true. I'm a delicate, dainty flower.

[May Martin]

Yes, you are.

[Fortune Feimster]

Thank you.

[May Martin]

Our little fortune.

[Fortune Feimster]

That's right.

[May Martin]

There she is. Oh, my gosh. Everybody, introduce your baby talk. I just did mine.

[Tig Notaro]

Was that your Real baby talk.

[May Martin]

I don't know.

[Fortune Feimster]

Everyone introduce your baby.

[Tig Notaro]

Introduce and introducing.

[Fortune Feimster]

He's my baby.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, my God. Is that yours?

[May Martin]

Baby talk?

[Fortune Feimster]

This is my baby. Oh, that's your baby talk? No, my baby talk is to Biggie like, hello, my biggie baby bear. I love you so much. You.

[May Martin]

What does he do?

[Fortune Feimster]

You make prince?

[Tig Notaro]

He goes.

[May Martin]

He's still sleeping.

[Fortune Feimster]

He's sleeping.

[May Martin]

A rainbow shoot out of his belly.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah, he's sleeping like a good baby bear.

[May Martin]

May, you're next.

[Tig Notaro]

I know, I know. I've been in the building and I've been dreading it. Oh, God, I don't know. What would I.

[May Martin]

Okay, pretend you're looking at something really cute.

[Tig Notaro]

I'd be like, okay, what's it. What's its name? The cute thing.

[May Martin]

It's called the cute thing.

[Tig Notaro]

Okay. Oh, it's a cute thing. Oh, you're so cute.

[May Martin]

Do you ever use that voice?

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, well, because my friend Alana was. Was fostering these two Pitbull puppies. Still is. Yeah. And so I'm sure I said. I'm sure I said, there's one called Ernie that is just like lodged himself in my heart immediately.

[May Martin]

Weren't you co parenting them?

[Tig Notaro]

I kind of promised to co parent and then, and then I've been away a lot, but I think she's going to adopt one. She's adopting Ernie.

[May Martin]

Where's Bert gonna go?

[Tig Notaro]

Well, apparently you have to separate sibling pitbulls or else they become like pack mentality. And they. Yeah, they don't. So I think a friend of hers has taken Bert so that they can still be brothers. But yeah, with Ernie, I was definitely going Ernie.

[May Martin]

Well, and if you are just side note into pit bulls, my friend Rebecca Corey has a really great organization called Stand up for Pitts and she.

[Tig Notaro]

Aren't you attracted to Pitbull the rapper?

[May Martin]

Yes. Rebecca also has an organization supporting pit bul rapper.

[Tig Notaro]

If you met Pitbull the rapper, would you do a baby voice to him?

[May Martin]

Hello, p. Hello.

[Fortune Feimster]

Hello, Mr. World.

[May Martin]

His face popped up on the TV screen last night at the cancer charity because I guess he had, I guess performed previous years. And I turned to Stephanie. I had never told her about my pit bull attraction.

[Tig Notaro]

Really?

[May Martin]

Yeah. And. And I. I was like, side note, um, that is who I have a thing for.

[Tig Notaro]

That's your whole past?

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

That's wild.

[May Martin]

Yeah. And she was like, interesting. So you think he's handsome? And I said, I don't even know if it's that. I just. There's something about him you like.

[Fortune Feimster]

The charisma.

[May Martin]

Yeah. I don't know what it is.

[Fortune Feimster]

The confidence and the tiny pants.

[May Martin]

I love charisma in tiny pants.

[Fortune Feimster]

I will say, when I was in that dugout with those couple of dogs, Roger guys, I crossed my legs and turned into a pretty little lady.

[Tig Notaro]

Really?

[May Martin]

Tell us, girlfriend.

[Fortune Feimster]

Girlfriend. Why? I just crossed my legs and just started chatting.

[May Martin]

Wait, do you not typically cross your legs?

[Fortune Feimster]

Is it not like that? Not like in a dainty way? Like, were you giggling? Like, in a man spreading way? I will sometimes, you know.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

Where it's like your legs kind of like straight like this.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Like, your knee is flopped down and this is like on your knee.

[Fortune Feimster]

Real really cross. Like, everything's in, like a. Like a little. Pretty little lady.

[May Martin]

Like, unpack me now. Were you like, oh, look at me. Little fortune small.

[Fortune Feimster]

I need a big baseball guy to.

[May Martin]

Help me guess who doesn't have a boyfriend here.

[Tig Notaro]

So you were. I wonder if you were, like, subconsciously try, like, flirting, like. No, I feel like.

[May Martin]

I don't even think it was subconscious. I think she putting herself out there.

[Tig Notaro]

I think my inst. Like, subconsciously, I'd immediately start, like, broing out. Like, I'd go the other way.

[Fortune Feimster]

I'd be like, it.

[Tig Notaro]

What's up, gentlemen? I'd be like, spitting and what's up, fellas?

[Fortune Feimster]

Grabbing your crotch really intensely and far.

[Tig Notaro]

They spit intensely, like.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah. And then I'm like, oh, yeah. Men are gross. Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

What's the spitting about?

[Fortune Feimster]

Is it.

[Tig Notaro]

Do they still. Or is that like old timey Babe Ruth days that they would have, like, tobacco in their mouth? Is it just tradition? They.

[Fortune Feimster]

Some have tobacco, but a lot of times it's gum or sunflower seeds.

[Tig Notaro]

That's crazy.

[May Martin]

My son Finn, you know that they both play, but he really is. He'll pitch and Max will catch, and when Finn is on the mound, he always will turn and spit.

[Tig Notaro]

That's so good.

[May Martin]

Yeah, it's real fun to watch.

[Tig Notaro]

Just amazing.

[May Martin]

Any hoodles? Should we get into our question?

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, I'm really excited. I'm really excited because. Gross.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

People have, like, long time listeners have turned off.

[May Martin]

Yes. Thomas unplugged his headphones and left town.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah. Left town.

[May Martin]

Yeah. Don't you want to kind of hear? Thomas, can we hear your baby voice?

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah. Can we?

[May Martin]

Hey, Tig. Hey, man.

[Tig Notaro]

Hey.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, yeah. That's creepy.

[May Martin]

I hope the three of you are having a good podcast record so far.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, my.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, my God.

[Tig Notaro]

That was not what I was expecting.

[May Martin]

Me either.

[Tig Notaro]

That was kind of Michael Jackson.

[Fortune Feimster]

Any listeners are Going to now do their baby voices.

[Tig Notaro]

Wow.

[May Martin]

Send in your baby voices.

[Fortune Feimster]

Baby voices. And then we'll be like, why are we getting these creepy messages?

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[May Martin]

Okay, let's hear who. Tell us about our guest. May.

[Tig Notaro]

Our guest today I'm very excited about because she's my sweet, angelic friend who played my love interest George on my show Feel Good. She's a super talented actor from the uk. You know, we're from Ghosts, Fresh Meat, Dead Pixels, and she Feel Good. And she's now one of the leads of the Netflix series you. She was in the last season, and now she's in the final season being such a badass. My friend Charlotte Richie is asking today's question. Hi, May. Hi, Fortune. Hi, Tig.

[Fortune Feimster]

Hi.

[Tig Notaro]

It's Charlotte Richie here. I have a question for you. If you could run, like, own run, manage, create a shop, what would it be? What would you sell? What would you make and where would it be? You can talk about the layout. Yeah, I want to know. You can talk about the layout. That's a great question. Also, Charlotte is an amazing singer as well.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Fortunately, need to have a blast singing a couple hymns with. With Charlotte.

[Fortune Feimster]

I would love to.

[Tig Notaro]

Her brother Luke Richie is a musician who does beautiful folk music. And then they sing together. And, you know, when siblings sing together, something magical happens.

[Fortune Feimster]

The Wainwright thing, it's like Phineas.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah. Gorgeous. They have. There's a song called Hammerite that is breaking.

[May Martin]

Have you sung together with her?

[Tig Notaro]

We have, like, during filming because we filmed in the Pandemic. We were, like, isolating together, and so we had our keyboards and guitars and we did a lot of sweet harmonies.

[May Martin]

A lot of singing.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah, that's a great little big town.

[Tig Notaro]

I love that. She's asking about what shop would you. What a relaxing fantasy to imagine, just putting together a little shop.

[May Martin]

Yeah. But once the shop gets up and going, I can't imagine. It's relaxing.

[Tig Notaro]

High stress.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah. You need a shop that, like, has its, like, regulars, and you don't have to survive off the money of the.

[Tig Notaro]

Shop because usually the first couple years, you're. You're in the red, Right?

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah. It's hard to make money. And so you just need a shop where you're like, I'm just doing this for fun. I don't actually want a lot of customers.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

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[Tig Notaro]

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[Fortune Feimster]

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[Tig Notaro]

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[Fortune Feimster]

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[Fortune Feimster]

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[Tig Notaro]

Oh, but it would be so, so juicy, I think. Okay. The thing that came to my mind was, okay, so I wanted to feel a little magical. When you walk in the door, like a little bell goes. At first you don't see me. I'm like tucked in the back, like, like maybe I'm an old man. And I come out and the first thing that happens when you come, it's a puppet store, but you make your own puppet at the store. So you come in.

[May Martin]

Oh, it's like that place where you make a cup and you paint it.

[Tig Notaro]

It's like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or when you. There's one where you make teddy bears as well, I think for kids. Like, but so you go in and first you have to go into a room called the mirror room. And it's like a little booth where you have to stare at yourself in a mirror until you see kind of your shadow self and you have inspiration for your puppet, which is going to be an extension of your soul.

[May Martin]

Then you thought this out.

[Tig Notaro]

Well, I'm just thinking about it now. And then you come to me and you go, okay, I want to make a puppet. It's a, you know, it's a, it's a frog or it's a, you know, a jester or whatever. It's like you're. It's like you're a clown almost, you know, and then I give you. It's like Ollivander's wand shot. Like, I give you what I think you'd need, what materials you need to make the puppet. I'm very controlling in this fantasy. I'm very.

[Fortune Feimster]

Some people, I go you're not ready, as they say. Yeah.

[May Martin]

Good for the string. That's my little fort. Can you use it? The roof with those guns?

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, but some people, I would turn away if they're not ready, and then.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah, they're ready, not ready.

[Tig Notaro]

It's. You describe the puppet you want to make to me, and if I think you're not really looking inward deeply enough.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, wow.

[Tig Notaro]

You know, if you go, I don't know, I want to make a dog called, you know, doofus or something, I go, tell me more.

[Fortune Feimster]

And then you need a more depth.

[Tig Notaro]

More depth. Yeah. And then you make your puppet and. And I'd put a little puppet theater in the back of the shop where I could host puppet shows and.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah. So you're not planning to make money either?

[Tig Notaro]

Well, if. If each puppet costs thousand dollars, I would throw away.

[Fortune Feimster]

I don't like their idea.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, that's true. I shouldn't be turning people away. Not in the first years. When you're in the red.

[Fortune Feimster]

Did you know that Color Me Mine started as a real ceramic artist?

[May Martin]

It started as a puppet shop.

[Fortune Feimster]

You know, Color Me Mine is like ceramics.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, yeah.

[May Martin]

That's the mug place.

[Fortune Feimster]

Like, it started with a real artist. Was like, who has amazing pieces. Like, I got to make some money. I need. Yeah, I need ladies over 40 drinking and making some mugs.

[May Martin]

What a funny name. Color Me Mine.

[Tig Notaro]

Color Me Mine. Yeah. What is that? Color Me Mine. Color Me Mine. Does that mean, like, I want to paint?

[May Martin]

Mine doesn't have the same ring.

[Fortune Feimster]

I think it just was like, they were like, this sounds good.

[May Martin]

They were ladies in their 40s, drunk, drinking out of coffee.

[Fortune Feimster]

What are we going to call this?

[May Martin]

How about Color Be Mine. Janice.

[Fortune Feimster]

Janice. What do you like?

[May Martin]

Color Moon Mine.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, would you guys want to come into my puppet shop or no?

[May Martin]

Absolutely.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah.

[May Martin]

Does your dad work there?

[Fortune Feimster]

Yelp review.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, my dad and his puppets. I mean, because I'm staying with them now. He's. He's making. I got to see his workshop, and he made me a puppet for my birthday. It's a dog who's doing a painting. It's an artist dog. But then you take its little hat off, and it turns out the ears were fake. And underneath the fake ears, it's a bear.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, wow.

[Tig Notaro]

I know he's fucking with me, my dad.

[May Martin]

Oh, the bear.

[Fortune Feimster]

When is your birthday?

[May Martin]

May 2nd.

[Fortune Feimster]

I knew that.

[Tig Notaro]

Did you know that Tig before I did? Wow.

[May Martin]

Fortune's July 1st.

[Tig Notaro]

Wow. Neither of us are saying yours.

[May Martin]

That's all right.

[Tig Notaro]

Was March just passed Was it March?

[May Martin]

It was March 14th.

[Fortune Feimster]

And I texted you.

[Tig Notaro]

I think I also texted you.

[May Martin]

You texted me when is your birthday?

[Fortune Feimster]

No, I didn't.

[May Martin]

No. I got everyone's phone calls and texts and gifts, and I appreciated every single one of them. Thank you.

[Tig Notaro]

What would your store be?

[May Martin]

You know, I feel like it's just so obvious that it's annoying, and that's fine, but.

[Tig Notaro]

Really?

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

A vegan. A vegan food shop.

[May Martin]

Yes, yes, yes.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[May Martin]

Dike dust on every shelf. You know, I love those little grocery stores that also make coffee and they sell organic produce and little. Just little treats you can't find in the regular grocery store. I like those kind of shops, and I'd love it to be fully vegan.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Like a little country store. Like, you might have fresh cherry pies, but vegan. Yeah.

[May Martin]

Yes, of course.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah.

[May Martin]

And, yeah, that's a vegan country store.

[Tig Notaro]

And are you the only employee or are you hiring staff?

[May Martin]

Oh, yeah, it's just me. I'm in an apron. I'm, like, just. I'm unpacking all the produce in the mornings and putting them on the shelves. I'm making the. I used to work in a coffee shop. I'm a pretty good barista.

[Tig Notaro]

Really?

[May Martin]

Oh, yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

And it was only decaf that you're serving.

[May Martin]

It's only decaf. That's right.

[Tig Notaro]

Polishing every zucchini before you put it on the shelf.

[May Martin]

I'm. You know, I like zucchinis. I don't love them.

[Tig Notaro]

Really?

[May Martin]

I don't love them.

[Tig Notaro]

I like them cut really thin, roasted with olive oil and some salt.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah, sure. At a Japanese steakhouse.

[Tig Notaro]

Wait, you're opening a Japanese steakhouse?

[Fortune Feimster]

No, no, I like zucchini. When they serve them at a Japanese.

[Tig Notaro]

Steakhouse, I was like, well, that's such a flex. After the ve. Food store that you're going to open at Steak, you have lots.

[May Martin]

Especially Japanese.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah. Wagu beef.

[Fortune Feimster]

I don't know about Tig, but I'm going meat.

[May Martin]

I also would like to have local art on the walls and a little stage for poetry and open mic, you know, music and that kind of thing. That's my dream. So if anyone wants to invest in me, here I am. As I said about lobbying, I'd be a good, good person to invest in.

[Tig Notaro]

I'm kind of imagining, like, this little old lady who. She doesn't have a lot of friends, and she's kind of awkward, and she comes into your store every day just for a chat, and, you know she's not going to buy anything. But you kind of indulge.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, morning, Amber. You know Amber. Oh, I got anything new.

[May Martin]

Yeah. Is Amber an old lady name?

[Tig Notaro]

No, it's kind of a sexy name. I don't. I was gonna say Justine, and then Fortune already did adjusting in this episode.

[Fortune Feimster]

So it's like a. Like a Cecilia or something.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[May Martin]

Like, what about Myrtle?

[Tig Notaro]

Myrtle.

[May Martin]

Why don't we just go for it?

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Amber's like, maybe she's using the paintings. Vegas dancer and.

[Fortune Feimster]

What'S up, Amber?

[May Martin]

Well, if it isn't Grandmother Amber.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, God.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah. Fortune. What would yours shop?

[Fortune Feimster]

Well, I kept going back and forth. Like, I love this place in Nashville called Biscuit Love. And they have fun shirts and I just love, you know, biscuits. And so first I was like, do I want a biscuit shop? And then I was like, I don't know if I want to go just double down on biscuits.

[Tig Notaro]

And have it become your whole personality.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah. Like, there's a.

[May Martin]

The.

[Fortune Feimster]

There's the biscuit gal. I always thought it'd be fun, except.

[May Martin]

If you're in the dugout, you're not the biscuit gal.

[Fortune Feimster]

I like one of those places that in the morning till like three or something, it's a cool coffee shop. And then at like 4, it turns into like a cool like cocktail wine bar.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[May Martin]

Oh, yes.

[Fortune Feimster]

Because I like a. I love a coffee. Coffee situation. I'm a big espresso gal.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

And I like a place that's just like light and airy and like clean and, you know, this not like it's. It's not like super modern, but not like cluttery, like an old cottage. And then at night, I like a nice like old fashioned or some kind of mixologist, like, cool ingredient kind of cocktail situation.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah. Sprinkle a bit of dyke dust.

[Fortune Feimster]

It's not really food. We don't really have food. Food like a kitchen, but we have like some good muffins in the morning that are delish. We probably get someone else to make them because who wants to deal with that?

[May Martin]

We can make them over here at my Country Mart.

[Fortune Feimster]

There you go, Country Mart. Get them.

[May Martin]

I can. When I say we.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, yeah. And Amber.

[May Martin]

Amber, we're close still.

[Fortune Feimster]

And then at night it's just like little, like, I like how in Europe they do, you know, the little aperitivos with the olives or chips or snack mixes, things like that.

[May Martin]

Sure.

[Tig Notaro]

Are you in need of a puppet waiter?

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah, bud, come on.

[May Martin]

You can hang your puppets on the.

[Fortune Feimster]

Wall space in a little outdoor area. Oh, that's nice. The sun's out and it's nice. Or at night there's like candles.

[May Martin]

Are you gonna have a rooftop? You gotta have a roof.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh yeah. A rooftop would be good for those cocktails at night.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[May Martin]

Biscuits in the morning on the roof. Come on.

[Fortune Feimster]

Some desserts at night too. That's. Yeah, that sounds lovely.

[May Martin]

Who's gonna make the most money?

[Tig Notaro]

I'm gonna. This is gonna shock you guys. I'm gonna say me because you are.

[Fortune Feimster]

Shocking us for sure.

[May Martin]

Yes, because you're wrong.

[Tig Notaro]

Well, all I need is.

[Fortune Feimster]

Because ain't no way. But please tell us.

[May Martin]

Good luck selling one puppet.

[Tig Notaro]

What are my overheads? I just have the mirror for the mirror room.

[Fortune Feimster]

True.

[Tig Notaro]

I have some arts and crafts supplies and then I'm charging like 10 grand a puppet and I only sell one per month.

[Fortune Feimster]

Okay, well that's a lot of puppet.

[May Martin]

Wait, one. And why one per month?

[Tig Notaro]

No, five grand.

[Fortune Feimster]

Okay, five's a little bit more reasonable.

[May Martin]

No, five is still pretty pricey. But something you don't want.

[Fortune Feimster]

It's half off. But boy, is that that expensive.

[Tig Notaro]

But it's like a. It's a six hour experience. So it's like.

[Fortune Feimster]

It's almost like a thousand dollar above it.

[Tig Notaro]

Okay. Yeah, you're right.

[May Martin]

How about 30?

[Tig Notaro]

No, because it's.

[Fortune Feimster]

I give you to meet May and there are fans of May who will pay. That that's turning out for six hours.

[May Martin]

That's.

[Tig Notaro]

It's just me and my full attention and.

[Fortune Feimster]

And you. And you look deep into their soul and tell them nice things.

[Tig Notaro]

Well, and it's therapeutic what's happening to them. It's like mask work.

[Fortune Feimster]

Like they're make out with man.

[Tig Notaro]

Listen.

[May Martin]

Wait, the people or the puppets?

[Tig Notaro]

With the puppets. I make out with their puppets at the end. Oh my God.

[Fortune Feimster]

Well, that's why we're paying a th000 a pop here. You see?

[May Martin]

Look deep into their soul and tell them nice things. What about looking deep into their soul and tell them really terrible things?

[Tig Notaro]

I think some people be into that.

[Fortune Feimster]

Some people are into that.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

What if my puppet makes out with their puppet?

[Fortune Feimster]

That.

[May Martin]

We'll be right back after this commercial.

[Fortune Feimster]

I don't know if any of us are raking in the dough here.

[May Martin]

Yeah, I'm selling zucchini, guys.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah, you're definitely not raking.

[May Martin]

It's organic.

[Fortune Feimster]

Mine has a chance, but I'm gonna have to really promote it on my social media.

[May Martin]

You're gonna have to sell a lot of biscuits to pay off the building you just described.

[Fortune Feimster]

Well, no, the biscuits Aren't happening anymore. It's just muffins. But.

[Tig Notaro]

What? You're out.

[Fortune Feimster]

It's not gonna be a huge. It won't be a huge space. I don't want to go. You don't want to go too big.

[Tig Notaro]

I have an idea. Make. You can also get a membership. So you got your regular customers and tips and stuff, but then you get some people who get a membership. I don't know.

[Fortune Feimster]

What do they get with that? Is this for your business?

[Tig Notaro]

No, for you.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, for mine.

[Tig Notaro]

Maybe they get to touch Biggie or something.

[Fortune Feimster]

Well, they have to really like dogs.

[May Martin]

Come on in and touch biggie for 300amonth.

[Fortune Feimster]

He's like, well, why am I a part of this?

[May Martin]

And also, just assuming everyone knows who Biggie is, just come on in, step right up and touch Biggie.

[Fortune Feimster]

The only people that come to this coffee slash bar are my fans.

[May Martin]

Now, what is the name of your business? Business?

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah. Good question.

[May Martin]

Thank you.

[Fortune Feimster]

Gosh.

[May Martin]

Mine is Biggie's Country Mart.

[Tig Notaro]

So Biggie's involved in your.

[Fortune Feimster]

He's in a lot of businesses. He's an entrepreneur.

[May Martin]

You can tell just looking at him.

[Fortune Feimster]

He's asleep right now. He doesn't know he's about to be called upon.

[Tig Notaro]

Mine is Dante's Inferno.

[Fortune Feimster]

Whoa.

[Tig Notaro]

Or something like that.

[May Martin]

Of course it is. Of course it is.

[Tig Notaro]

Because you're looking deep into the seven levels of hell of your soul, and you're encountering. Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

All the.

[Tig Notaro]

The things that you repress. Mine's something like Dante Maze Inferno.

[Fortune Feimster]

Sorry, what is it? Dawn Mays Daunt Maze. Okay, we're still workshopping and we're workshopping.

[May Martin]

What about Fortune? What if yours is. No biscuits Here, That's a good one.

[Fortune Feimster]

Thank you. I like something ambiguous, like the library, you know?

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, that's cool.

[May Martin]

Well, you know, that's always a good tit needle. Something like that. The library. Because if somebody's cheating.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah. On their credit card statement.

[May Martin]

I just want to.

[Fortune Feimster]

I went to the library.

[May Martin]

Yeah, I was at the library all day.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

You know the dentist.

[May Martin]

The dentist. Dentist. Dentist.

[Fortune Feimster]

We have at least one drink that has smoke in it.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, you need.

[Fortune Feimster]

You need something that people want to Instagram, you know?

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, you're right. Well, if Biggie's there, that's your Instagram.

[Fortune Feimster]

Big part of it. But yeah.

[May Martin]

Touch Biggie.

[Fortune Feimster]

We need one or two cocktails that are Showstoppers.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah. Yeah. Well, should we hear what Charlotte has to say?

[May Martin]

I think for sure I would love.

[Fortune Feimster]

I hope she sings it in form of a hymn.

[Tig Notaro]

Me too. My Shop would be a secondhand electronic shop where I fix, like, the wires in hi Fi's and Walkman's. And it would be in Camden Town in London, just as an example. Thank you. Bye.

[May Martin]

Interesting.

[Tig Notaro]

Secondhand electronics.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Where you fix.

[Fortune Feimster]

Now we know. Definitely making the least money.

[Tig Notaro]

I don't know. That's really functional. It's. I'm really surprised it's such a specialized.

[Fortune Feimster]

Skill like a secondhand electronic shop. Right.

[Tig Notaro]

And I believe, again, Thomas, I think.

[May Martin]

She referenced a Walkman even.

[Tig Notaro]

Wait.

[Fortune Feimster]

I kind of. I'm not gonna lie to y' all. I kind of miss what she said.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, we're gonna listen again. I don't know if it the accent or your.

[May Martin]

Wait, did you just say I'm not gonna lie?

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, you didn't say. Truth be told. You said, I'm not gonna lie.

[Fortune Feimster]

Okay, everyone drink. That's adjacent.

[Tig Notaro]

My shop would be a secondhand electronic shop where I fix, like, the wires in hi Fi's and Walkman's. And it would be in Camden Town in London.

[Fortune Feimster]

High fives. High five.

[May Martin]

Thank you.

[Tig Notaro]

Bye. You guys, I feel like, are boggled by the accent and, like, in Camden.

[Fortune Feimster]

Where's Camden Town?

[Tig Notaro]

Fix the wires and high fives and walk Walkman.

[Fortune Feimster]

What.

[Tig Notaro]

What is a high. What is hi Fi? I don't know, but it feels like this high fidelity.

[May Martin]

High fidelity.

[Tig Notaro]

High fidelity stereo.

[Fortune Feimster]

Okay, so, yeah, we all do that.

[Tig Notaro]

There's, like, nostalgia involved in her choice. Like, it's. It's like she's keeping the relics alive.

[May Martin]

Yeah. Yeah. That's what my doctor does with me.

[Tig Notaro]

Keeps you.

[May Martin]

You know, it kind of reminds me of. I have. And maybe I could combine this with Biggie's Country Store. But whenever I see furniture on the side of the road, I always want to take that and sand it and paint it. And I don't have any talent around that kind of work. But Stephanie is. She is not into picking up furniture on the side of the road.

[Fortune Feimster]

That makes sense because it could have, like, bugs or stuff in it.

[Tig Notaro]

Because you're usually the germy one.

[May Martin]

Guys, I'm not picking up furniture that has feces and bugs all over it.

[Fortune Feimster]

You don't know. What if it had. What are those things called?

[May Martin]

Wow. I mean, to bring the mood down.

[Fortune Feimster]

No bedbugs.

[May Martin]

I'm just trying to share my dreams with you, and all of a sudden, I'm crazy and filthy.

[Fortune Feimster]

You and crazy Amber are out there picking up hammer.

[May Martin]

We're closed.

[Tig Notaro]

You have a carpentry shop called Filthy McNasty.

[Fortune Feimster]

Wait, that's your dream is to pick up old furniture and restore it?

[May Martin]

Look, some of us have bigger dreams than others, but. Yeah, I love when I see an old table or chair or something I like.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[May Martin]

I'm like, God, that is garbage. But I'd like to pick it up and paint it something that could be a business too.

[Fortune Feimster]

Secondhand. That.

[May Martin]

Well, I was thinking I could redo that and use it for, like, the table and chairs at Biggie's Country Store, and people sit in those and I can also put them up for sale.

[Fortune Feimster]

And also sell them.

[May Martin]

Yeah, yeah, you can buy my garbage now.

[Fortune Feimster]

We're starting to get a more of a marketing profitability plan here.

[Tig Notaro]

I like how practically, like that you're thinking. Thinking about profit margins.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah, yeah. You gotta make money.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

You can't just have a passion.

[Tig Notaro]

I like that. The image of Charlotte, though, like, that's very in keeping with her personality. I think that like. Like the calm of just. Just quietly repairing some. Some wires and. Yeah. The kind of analog nature. Like, she's not very. She's not on her phone a lot. Like, she doesn't have social media. Like, I can. I imagine maybe she'd be listening to classical music or.

[May Martin]

Or like on her Walkman. Her newly repaired Walkman from 1981.

[Fortune Feimster]

She lived. She lives in London, right?

[Tig Notaro]

She lives in London, not in Camden Town.

[Fortune Feimster]

What is Camden Town, though? Did we.

[Tig Notaro]

Camden Town is like a part of London where I would say when you go there, it's like every trend that's ever existed. So, like punk, goth, like ravers, it all still exists in Camden Town. It's like, it's just a weird little melting pot of like. I think it's where Amy Winehouse would perform. It's kind of grungy and there's like. Okay, yeah, yeah.

[May Martin]

Sounds like there might be some furniture on side of the road that I could.

[Fortune Feimster]

It's a place where a Walkman still exists. So.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[May Martin]

At least one.

[Fortune Feimster]

Well, listen, I'm not gonna yuck her. Yum.

[May Martin]

No yuck in this yummy episode. That was a. A joy to do this episode, I'll be honest.

[Fortune Feimster]

A joy and an honor, my friends.

[Tig Notaro]

I'm honored.

[May Martin]

I'm honored.

[Fortune Feimster]

I'm gonna go to each one of y' all stores and I'm going to leave them five star reviews on Yelp at least once a month.

[Tig Notaro]

I'm gonna cut out. I'm gonna clip the section of Thomas's baby voice and I'm gonna use it as my ringtone. So every time my phone rings.

[May Martin]

I'm gonna use. I'm gonna use it as my alarm on my house. If somebody breaks in, then they're gonna.

[Fortune Feimster]

Have to hear that, please don't break into my house.

[Tig Notaro]

That would be scary. We don't want no trouble.

[Fortune Feimster]

We don't. Oh, you guys, should we give a finger kiss to each other?

[May Martin]

Anyone have anything coming up?

[Tig Notaro]

I am on tour doing. I got three music shows in June.

[May Martin]

June, awesome.

[Tig Notaro]

10Th, 12th and 13th on the West Coast. So check out maymartinmusic.com I'm in San Francisco and Portland and Vancouver in June.

[May Martin]

Yeah, nice.

[Fortune Feimster]

May 16 I'm in Grand Rapids, Michigan. Then Minneapolis, then coming after that, St. Louis, Kansas City, Mulvane, Kansas, Vegas, Lexington, Kentucky, Knoxville, Tennessee, Asheville, North Carolina. And lots and lots more dates coming in the fall.

[May Martin]

On May 17, I will be at the Ojai Playwrights Conference fundraiser with Emily Saliers from the Indigo Girls and Jonatha Brooks and several other people. It's going to be a great show for a good cause. Get your tickets online. I'll also be at the Tribeca Film Festival in New York City June 7th with the film that I produced, the documentary called Come See Me in the Good Light. So if you're in New York, come check that out. And then I'll be in P Town Aug 23 doing two shows. And then I'm always working out new material at Largo and Dynasty Typewriter in Los angeles. Go to tignotaro.com for all information. And please, if you enjoy our show, share your favorite episode with a friend and help us build the Handsome community. It's a really good group of people, I gotta say.

[Fortune Feimster]

Sure is.

[May Martin]

Yeah. What do you say, until next time?

[Tig Notaro]

Time.

[Fortune Feimster]

Well, I think we should tell people to keep it. Keep it Handsome.

[May Martin]

We should have done that in a baby voice.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, yeah. Should we? Can we?

[May Martin]

Yeah. Okay. Until next time.

[Tig Notaro]

E. Handsome is hosted by me, May Martin, Tig Notaro and Fortune Feimster. The show is produced, recorded and edited by Thomas Willette that email [e-mail] and please follow us on social media at. Handsome Podcast. What a podcast. That was a headgum podcast. Some people just know they could save hundreds on car insurance by checking Allstate first.

[Fortune Feimster]

Like, you know to check and make sure your extra hot coffee has one of those cardboard insulators before you carry it out of the store.

[May Martin]

Store.

[Fortune Feimster]

Nobody wants a scorched hand first thing in the morning.

[Tig Notaro]

Checking first is smart. So check Allstate first for a quote that could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate Savings. Vary subject to terms, conditions and availability. Allstate Fire and Casualty Insurance Company and affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois.

[May Martin]

Hey, I'm Tony Hale. I'm Matt Oberg. And I'm Kristen Shaw. And we're going to be hosting the.

[Fortune Feimster]

New podcast, the Extraordinarians, where we are.

[May Martin]

Going to be in interviewing extraordinary people.

[Fortune Feimster]

Doing extraordinary things, things that we have.

[May Martin]

Never and probably will never do. We talk to people who have broken records on slack lines, suspended by hot air balloons.

[Fortune Feimster]

We're talking to people who have done multiple flips on trampolines.

[May Martin]

You'll have to tune in to find.

[Fortune Feimster]

Out how many flips they did. Subscribe to Extraordinarians on Spotify, Apple Podcast, Pocket Cast, or wherever you get your your podcast.

[May Martin]

And watch video.

[Fortune Feimster]

God.

[Tig Notaro]

Watch it on the YouTube.

[Fortune Feimster]

There's new episodes that we release it every Wednesday.

[May Martin]

We do.

[Tig Notaro]

I've never seen you cry before. I know.

[May Martin]

I don't know why.

[Tig Notaro]

This is setting for all of us. They don't let us break for lunch. They do podcast.

[May Martin]

It's so competitive. They make you just talk. Guys, we're watching a spin out.

[Fortune Feimster]

Please subscribe. Oh, man. Extraordinarians.