Ed Helms asks about a hill you'd die on

Summary

Handsome – Episode Summary

Podcast: Handsome
Hosts: Tig Notaro, Fortune Feimster, and Mae Martin
Episode: Ed Helms asks about a hill you'd die on
Date: September 9, 2025
Guest: Ed Helms

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Episode Overview

In this lively episode, comedians Tig Notaro, Fortune Feimster, and Mae Martin are joined (remotely) by actor and comedian Ed Helms, who poses the central question:
What is a completely mundane, ultimately meaningless hill you would die on?
The hosts then dive into hilarious and surprisingly passionate discussions of their own oddly specific opinions, sharing stories from their awkward adolescence, careers, and daily lives. Along the way, listeners are treated to stories of middle school diary drama, coffee order tribulations, and a poetic celebration of pineapple on pizza.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

Catching Up: Wardrobe, Nostalgia, and Adolescence

• Wardrobe Confusion in Canada (02:16–03:13)

  • Tig shares an anecdote about being mistaken for wearing a "Canadian tuxedo" (actually double denim) while dressed in jeans, t-shirt, and flannel. Fortune and Mae correct the misconception, sparking banter on American-Canadian stereotypes.

• Reuniting With Old Friends & Middle School Memories (06:44–13:22)

  • Mae describes inviting friends from grade eight to a cottage. The group nostalgically read from a middle school diary, revealing cringey love triangles, controlling behavior, and recovered drama.
  • Notable Quote:
    • Mae:

      “I’m just, like, trying to establish who likes Will. Does Will like them back? And then I want to let them know, listen, he’s going to camp anyway, so you’re not gonna have him.” (13:14)

• Adolescent Friendship Dynamics

  • Fortune and Tig reminisce about ambiguous queer friendships and early crushes, comparing intense but unspoken affection with later understanding of their identities.
  • Notable Quote:
    • Fortune:

      "There’s a couple friendships I had in high school that were clearly so gay. Yeah, but without any kissing..." (18:56)

Updates and Showbiz News

• Tig’s Work on Starfleet Academy (23:53–26:23)

  • Tig updates on returning to Toronto to film, recording extensive ADR, and feeling fulfilled working with a talented cast including Holly Hunter.
  • Discusses the unique thrill of seeing herself in a high-stress, sci-fi setting.

• Fortune’s Upcoming Will Ferrell Project (27:36–30:28)

  • Fortune shares news about her new gig as Will Ferrell’s caddy in an upcoming project, also featuring Molly Shannon, expressing excitement about performing alongside her comedic idols.
  • Notable Quote:
    • Fortune:

      "To have this full circle moment where I’m, like, with the two of them is nuts..." (28:37)

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The Main Question: Mundane Hills to Die On

[Ed Helms’ Video Question] (34:48–36:39)

• Ed’s question:

  “What is a really mundane hill that you will die on? What is something that is basically meaningless, but you have just an incredibly strong opinion about?”

Hosts' Answers and Banter

• Fortune’s Hill: Coffee Order Precision (40:16–47:04)

  • Fortune’s passionate about her iced cortado (espresso on ice with a little oat milk). She recounts battles with snotty baristas, insisting on the right color and taste, tossing bad drinks rather than settling.
  • Notable Quotes:
    • “This is how passionate I am. I’m dying on this hill.” (42:40)
    • “If I take a sip of it and it’s disgusting, I will toss it in the trash can and drive to another coffee shop.” (47:04)

• Tig’s Hill: Restaurant Plate Etiquette (48:41–49:57)

  • Tig insists that servers should always ask before taking her plate, sharing that it's a leftover instinct from her own time working in restaurants.
  • Notable Quote:
    • “I really appreciate if somebody asks before they take my plate… Guess what? I was gonna eat them.” (48:54)

• Mae’s Hills: Uber Seating Logic, Mayonnaise, and Knife-and-Fork Burgers (50:36–52:27)

  • Mae is irked when people get into the Uber and expect scooching instead of entering from the opposite door. She also has strong anti-mayonnaise feelings, finding it “just a lubricant,” and objects to people eating burgers with a knife and fork.
  • Notable Quotes:
    • “Mayonnaise to me has no flavor of its own. It’s just like a lubricant.” (52:00)
    • "No scooching necessary. Let's be civilized." (51:25)

• Tig’s Bonus Hill: Unsolicited Parking Help (52:32–53:18)

  • Annoyed when strangers unsolicitedly guide her while backing out of parking spots.
  • Quote:
    • “Who are you? Get the hell out from behind my car…” (53:14)

• General Comic Gripes: Standup Etiquette and Unsolicited Advice (53:22–57:19)

  • Mae rails against unsolicited tag suggestions from male comics and standups who blame the audience for not laughing. Tig shares her strategy of analyzing a bombing set in real-time, turning the experience around for the comedy benefit.

[Ed Helms’ Answer] (57:22–59:53)

• Mundane Hill: Pineapple Belongs on Pizza
  • Despite previously joking otherwise in his book Snafu, Ed confesses:

    “Pizza is better with pineapple. Pineapple belongs on pizza... It creates the perfect culinary manifestation of yin and yang, the salty and the sweet, the triangle of the slice and the circle of the pineapple. That is a mundane hill I will die on.” (58:28–59:53)

  • Hosts mostly agree, admiring Ed's poetic defense.

---

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Teenage Nostalgia:

  “This is that perfect example in life where it’s like, get over it now, because you’re gonna eventually get over it.”
  — Tig Notaro (13:22)

• On Particularity:

  “If I take a sip of it and it’s disgusting, I will toss it in the trash can and drive to another coffee shop. Whoa.”
  — Fortune Feimster (47:04)

• On Restaurant Etiquette:

  “It’s not hard to just say, may I take this for you? Are you finished with your meal? Because a lot of times people will just grab the plate when they see, like, three French fries on there. Guess what? I was gonna eat them.”
  — Tig Notaro (48:54)

• On Pineapple Pizza:

  “Pineapple belongs on pizza...salty and the sweet, the triangle of the slice and the circle of the pineapple. That is a mundane hill I will die on.”
  — Ed Helms (58:28–59:53)

---

Important Timestamps

• Wardrobe and Canadian Tuxedo Banter: 02:16–03:13
• Mae’s Grade 8 Diary Drama: 07:03–13:22
• Middle School Crushes & Friendships: 18:56–22:10
• Show Updates – Starfleet Academy & Will Ferrell Project: 23:53–30:28
• Main Question Introduction (Ed Helms): 34:48–36:39
• Coffee Ritual Rant (Fortune): 40:16–47:04
• Plate Grabbing Irritation (Tig): 48:41–49:57
• Uber Scooch & Mayo Rant (Mae): 50:36–52:27
• Ed Helms' Pineapple Pizza Rhapsody: 57:22–59:53

---

Tone & Dynamic

The episode, true to the "Handsome" style, is playful, honest, and filled with genuine chemistry among the hosts. There's an oscillation between deeply personal nostalgia and absurd everyday gripes, peppered with quick wit and supportive ribbing.

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Listen If…

• You want to laugh about how passionate people get over trivial things
• You're curious what the hosts would fight to the death over—like iced cortados and Uber etiquette
• You’re nostalgic for awkward adolescence or want to know what comedians “die on a hill” for
• You want to hear Ed Helms poetically defend pineapple pizza

---

End of Summary

Transcript

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[May Martin]

And I'm May Martin.

[Tig Notaro]

And I am your third and final host, Tig Notaro.

[Fortune Feimster]

Hi, guys. Hello.

[Tig Notaro]

Hi.

[Fortune Feimster]

I am so much.

[Tig Notaro]

Do you.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah. I've been thinking about you and now you come on here with this sexy new haircut.

[Tig Notaro]

Yes. Yes, I did.

[Fortune Feimster]

And your lumberjack shirt.

[Tig Notaro]

Yes, I did.

[Fortune Feimster]

Just looking all handsomey.

[May Martin]

Very Jack Kerouac.

[Tig Notaro]

Now, here's something interesting that I didn't know. I'm in jeans, a white T shirt and a flannel and somebody here in Toronto. I'm out here filming season two of Starfleet Academy and they said, thank you for wearing your Canadian tuxedo. Is that flannel?

[May Martin]

Yeah. Incorrect.

[Fortune Feimster]

Incorrect.

[Tig Notaro]

That's what I thought. But I.

[Fortune Feimster]

Who's this dumbass Canadian?

[Tig Notaro]

Hey.

[Fortune Feimster]

Just kidding.

[Tig Notaro]

There's already enough trouble between the US And Canada.

[May Martin]

I think that's an imposter. I think that is an American.

[Fortune Feimster]

American. Yeah.

[May Martin]

Yeah. Because definitely Canadian tuxedos. Double denim. Right?

[Tig Notaro]

That's what I.

[Fortune Feimster]

Double denim.

[May Martin]

To me, you're wear. You're wearing, like, almost an American iconic classic combo.

[Fortune Feimster]

This was a dumbass American who said this.

[Tig Notaro]

Hey, Fortune, Marie.

[Fortune Feimster]

What? I'm calling it like I see it.

[Tig Notaro]

Okay. Well, either way, I just. I said, yeah. And I thought, wow, I must not know something. And I was just zipping between wardrobe and hair and all that and just was I. I didn't go back to do my typical thing of. I'm sorry, I didn't fully understand. Can you go back and explain to me what. And I don't mean this as any offense. I just want to clarify. Were you saying, I feel like that's me walking around the planet?

[May Martin]

If anything, really, you feel like you do that? Like you're. Like, something will stay in your mind and then you'll go. When you said on Wednesday that, oh.

[Tig Notaro]

I can't move on. Like, if somebody.

[Fortune Feimster]

Huh? I said, oh, really?

[Tig Notaro]

Are you being sarcastic? Because I need to go back and clarify. Are you being sarcastic?

[Fortune Feimster]

No, no.

[Tig Notaro]

Just if somebody says something and I don't fully understand, I have to stop and get clarification.

[Fortune Feimster]

If anything, you look like the brawny paper towel guy.

[Tig Notaro]

What about just a lesbian?

[May Martin]

Yeah, yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Nobody has mentioned that. Everybody's like Jack Kerouac brownie.

[Fortune Feimster]

How about you look like a big old dyke?

[Tig Notaro]

Okay. Dyke. Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, man.

[May Martin]

I think that's good to check for clarification because think about all the misunderstandings in the world that you could carry a grudge for years just because you didn't check. What did you mean by that?

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, my gosh. I am constantly just needing to understand. And then a few times, I step. I. I make a misstep and I come across as more aggressive than I meant to be.

[May Martin]

Right?

[Tig Notaro]

And I. Yeah, because I. I didn't. I'm not meaning to be aggressive. I'm just trying to get my point across. Or, like, go back and clarify and ask some questions. And then. And then it's like, oh, you know, whatever. And then I'm like, no, I did it again.

[May Martin]

To them, it sounds like you're going, hey, can I just clarify? Why were you such an asshole two days ago?

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Right. And I see you're back from May. You're. You're no longer.

[May Martin]

I thought about you today that you'd noticed that I. I did come back early, but I might go back out.

[Fortune Feimster]

There, but I don't believe. I don't think you will.

[May Martin]

I was supposed to be there till you know, for another five days or something. And then today I. I'd been alone for three days. Then I had friends come up and my friend was packing up her car and I Like she was packing and. And I suddenly thought, I. I gotta get in that car. I gotta get out. I gotta get out of here. And so I packe I could and I got. So I'm back for a couple days and it's real. I gotta say, it's really nice.

[Fortune Feimster]

Well, let me ask you this. Did you bring all your stuff back in the Uber?

[May Martin]

No, I. I brought what I could fit in my friend's car and then I got still stuff up there, so.

[Fortune Feimster]

I gotta go back. Do you gotta go back? Okay.

[Tig Notaro]

Or are you gonna send your assistant?

[Fortune Feimster]

I could may was like, I didn't even think of that.

[May Martin]

I never think of that. But yeah, you're right. I could do that.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, well, just pay for the gas.

[May Martin]

It is nice to. To be back.

[Fortune Feimster]

What.

[Tig Notaro]

What is so nice about being back? Like, specifically that's hitting you where you're like, ah, this feels good.

[May Martin]

I think I just have like a creeping sense of guilt about being like on vacation. Like just. And not that I'm doing work up there, like I'm gonna do all the same things here, but it's just nice. And all my little objects. It's nice to know I can get my forks not there, that's a bad example. But like stuff that's mine, you know?

[Tig Notaro]

And what are you working on currently?

[May Martin]

I'm working on a pitch for a new series that I'm pitching soon. And then all kinds.

[Tig Notaro]

Because Wayward is just a.

[May Martin]

It's like a limited series.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, okay.

[May Martin]

It's eight ups. But man, I had a good time up there, guys. And I'm gonna go back and I had my friends from grade eight come and visit. Did I tell you about that?

[Tig Notaro]

No.

[Fortune Feimster]

Up there in the woods.

[May Martin]

So these are friends who, if I'm being honest, we weren't even that close in grade eight.

[Tig Notaro]

I appreciate that honesty.

[May Martin]

I gotta be. But we were friends in, in middle school and then they had come to shows in the past couple years. And then I hear myself go to one of them about three months ago. I go, you should come to this cottage that I rented. And she even was like, you don't know me. And she goes, what are we going to talk about? Like people from grade 8? And I was like, exactly. That's.

[Tig Notaro]

Were you interested in her at all?

[May Martin]

No, no. These are two old friends. Yeah, both. No, not both married, but Two old friends. So they. One of them flew from San Francisco, one from Vancouver, and it was so fun. And they brought their yearbooks. And we went through. We talked about every single teacher and student. We talked about where they are now. We talked, like, to shed light on their middle school experience, too. It was incredible.

[Tig Notaro]

That's really interesting.

[Fortune Feimster]

I can't believe they came with someone that you barely have talked to.

[May Martin]

I know. And it was the best. It was like. It was like picking up where we left off. And I do have. So Amy brought her old grade seven diary. So she was 13, and we weren't even that close. So I was like, oh, there won't be anything about me in there. Can I read you guys this, please? Toxic diary entry.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, I guess.

[May Martin]

Okay. Claire and I there. So it's Amy and Claire. Claire and I had beef because she made out with Mark. Raven's Emla.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, I heard about that.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Everybody heard about that.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[May Martin]

Okay, so that's referenced in this diary. So, okay, so this is what Amy wrote. And she presented it to me. She goes, oh, my God, this is so funny. Like, you. And I'm hearing it going, I'm toxic in this. Like, I am so clearly in love with this guy, Will Smythe. And I've invited over Claire and Amy to Will's house.

[Fortune Feimster]

Will Smythe?

[May Martin]

Yeah, Will Smythe.

[Fortune Feimster]

Not to be confused with Will Smith.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, he's the knockoff do it yourself version. Yeah, the DIY Will Smith.

[May Martin]

Okay, so picture me, braces, acne. I'm friends with a boy, which I'm excited about, and I'm at his house, and I think I've decided I'm going to invite over these two other girls to just show them I have friends or show them I'm friends with a cool boy. That's my interpretation. Okay. May called me from Will's house and invited me over. Oh, and by the way, I'm just. I'm in this dire entry. I'm she. Her. And I'm just going to do that.

[Fortune Feimster]

Okay.

[May Martin]

I really. I mean, pictures.

[Fortune Feimster]

You're going back to that time.

[May Martin]

Yeah, yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

You couldn't have been more. What?

[May Martin]

More she. Her in that moment. Like, braces, acne, long hair, obsessed with Will.

[Fortune Feimster]

Okay, Will Smythe.

[May Martin]

Will Smythe. Okay. May called me from Will's house and invited me over. So I went to his house. Claire was there, too. Claire was flirting so much with Will, and he was reacting, even though May hates Claire and Will is good friends with May. May didn't like it at all. So then we kind of played Broken Telephone between the three of us with me being in the middle. So I'm saying to Amy, can you tell Claire this? Because I'm not speaking to Claire, even though I've invited them over. So May asked if Claire liked Will, and Claire said no. Then May said, still through me, that she was leading him on, and it was bad. Then Claire just leading on Will also. How is it my business? I'm like, you're leading him on? Like, just because I love him. Right? Like, clearly I'm in love with him.

[Tig Notaro]

And you weren't getting a vibe from him?

[May Martin]

No. All I remember about him is people would say, oh, you guys are like Ross and Rachel. Like, Will. They won't. They. And I was like, they Will. Trust me. And he was not interested. Okay, then. This is so dramatic.

[Tig Notaro]

But maybe now that you've had top.

[May Martin]

Surgery, you think then Will would be into it.

[Tig Notaro]

Maybe. Maybe he'd be like, hey, you know, that's all I was looking for, is a little short hair. Top surgery. You know what I mean? Because that is you. Before was not what he was looking for. You don't have acne. You got short hair, got top surgery.

[May Martin]

What I'm getting from this is that Will is wildly interested in everyone else but me.

[Fortune Feimster]

But.

[May Martin]

Okay, this is. It's almost over, but it gets dramatic. So then Claire just stood up and sat as far away as possible from us. I felt really bad because I was the one who said it, and I think Claire was kind of mad at me. But then everything was okay. Later on in the night, get this. Will was flirting with me. She says, so now Will starts flirting with Amy.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, my God.

[May Martin]

This is crazy. My plan has backfired, right?

[Tig Notaro]

This is blowing my mind.

[May Martin]

Thank you, Tig.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

And all Will wants is to get blown, right?

[Tig Notaro]

Fortune, Marie.

[Fortune Feimster]

What?

[May Martin]

For the whole end of the movie, we were watching Road Trip. Classic.

[Fortune Feimster]

Mm.

[May Martin]

Will had his head in my lap and his arm around my lower back.

[Fortune Feimster]

Whoa.

[May Martin]

So imagine me fuming at this, right?

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, for sure. Steam is blowing out of your ears.

[May Martin]

This is so bad. It says while he was like that, May whispered to me, asking if I liked him. I said, I don't know. Then she said he liked me, so I told her I liked him. And for the. This is so embarrassing. For the rest of the night, May kept taking us aside one at a time.

[Fortune Feimster]

No. To talk about this.

[May Martin]

Yeah. Makeup us aside one at a time. And then at the end of the night, she said that Will's going to camp this weekend. For two months, anyway. So that's why he doesn't want to ask me out. I was like, okay. But it was so embarrassing to be me.

[Fortune Feimster]

The end. Oh, my God.

[Tig Notaro]

And do you have any recollection of this?

[May Martin]

There's some distant memory of being at his house and being excited. Maybe he was like, can we invite some other people over? This is boring night. I start calling through my class list, and I get Amy and Claire over, and just.

[Tig Notaro]

And were they just inseparable?

[May Martin]

They were pretty close. But not besties. No.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh.

[May Martin]

So the fact that the three of us were there and then the three of us have now found each other at this cottage.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, my God.

[May Martin]

20 years later.

[Fortune Feimster]

Love you. Pulling everyone aside, you're like, we need to talk about this.

[May Martin]

How controlling.

[Fortune Feimster]

Really needed to get information over and over again.

[May Martin]

I'm just, like, trying to establish who likes Will. Does Will like them back? And then I want to let them know, listen, he's going to camp anyway, so you're not gonna have him.

[Tig Notaro]

This is that perfect example in life where it's like, get over it now, because you're gonna eventually get over it.

[May Martin]

A hundred percent. That would have felt so intense to me in the moment.

[Tig Notaro]

Huh.

[May Martin]

And, yeah, I have no memory of it.

[Tig Notaro]

And does anyone know where Will is?

[May Martin]

No, I actually just looked for him on Instagram. I couldn't. I mean, there's a lot of Will Smythes.

[Fortune Feimster]

He's getting jiggy with it. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Get it. Thank you. I'll be here all day, Willie.

[May Martin]

How insane to take people aside one at a time, huh?

[Fortune Feimster]

You got to get that information, baby. That's how you do it. Hey.

[Tig Notaro]

And do you. Do you connect with that part of yourself still that you're like. Even if it's not totally exactly what you're reading? Are you like, that is a little bit, like.

[May Martin]

Yeah, that's what I. I'm hating it. Is that. Yeah, it does. Well, the, like, almost limerence. Like, I. That I'm. I'm just into someone I got blinders on, and I'm like, I don't know. I'm getting myself in a mess about it. And I'm. And I'm. I can just feel the emotional energy, like, radiating off me.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[May Martin]

Yeah. What do you think would have happened if it was the three of us and Will?

[Tig Notaro]

You'd have him.

[Fortune Feimster]

You would totally get Will, do you think?

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, yes, I do.

[Fortune Feimster]

What would we have done with Will?

[Tig Notaro]

Well, fortune and I would have been cuddling.

[May Martin]

That's true.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[May Martin]

That's true.

[Fortune Feimster]

I would have been combing Tig's hair on your. On her arms. Yeah. That was my go to move was I just wanted to touch someone. Mainly women.

[Tig Notaro]

And did you announce that beforehand? I just want to touch someone.

[Fortune Feimster]

Your arms look dry.

[May Martin]

Are you serious?

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah. Yeah. This is my signature move. Your arms look dry. Do you want me to put some lotion on them? They're like, sure.

[Tig Notaro]

There had to have been an entire school of women, of girls talking behind your back, going, oh my God. She. She put lotion on my arms too. She said my boobs look dry too.

[Fortune Feimster]

Never talked about boobs. I was a classy gal.

[May Martin]

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[May Martin]

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[Fortune Feimster]

I kept it to lotion, and I would just touch. I would just. It kept it to the arm right here. The forearm.

[Tig Notaro]

The forearm.

[Fortune Feimster]

And it was the grass connected to the boob, though. That's true. Didn't touch a single boob.

[Tig Notaro]

I don't believe you.

[Fortune Feimster]

I promise you.

[Tig Notaro]

I think you were putting lotion on dry boobs.

[Fortune Feimster]

I was too scared of women to try any sexual thing. Lotion was as far as I got. But did you.

[Tig Notaro]

You didn't even know then that you were.

[Fortune Feimster]

No, I had no clue. But, I mean, there's. There's a couple friendships I had in high school that were clearly so gay. Yeah, but without any. Without any kissing. Yeah, but it was like writing notes to each other, leaving them in the car, on each other's car, in the lockers. Being so intense when they would, like, have a date, going over to their house and, like, cut, like, spooning and cuddling and just, like, so intense about each other. I'm like, this was so gay.

[Tig Notaro]

Were you, like, let me spoon you?

[Fortune Feimster]

No, we just did it. We just, like, we're cuddling and there I remember this one girl's mom kind of looking at us like, what is happening? And we were, like, hugging on each other all the time. And, like, it was.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, I wasn't affectionate at all.

[Fortune Feimster]

I love affection.

[Tig Notaro]

I'm a. I enjoy it now. I'm just saying, at that age, I was not. If somebody was going to cuddle me or you wouldn't like to know. I would have been like, you know what?

[May Martin]

Freeze up. So would I feel like your move might have been. Would you, like, kind of make fun of people as you're flirting? Like, your move. You'd focus in on some. But you didn't even know you were flirting. But you were just like, I always make fun of that one girl because I like how she laughs when I do it. I had that. Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, yeah. I mean, definitely. And I had this one friendship. I guess I had two, maybe three friendships where there definitely was a gay vibe. And I definitely felt like they saw me as, like, their boyfriend or something. Something.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

And. And I would easily upset them. And they were. I had. One of them, her boyfriend came up to me and asked me to stop spending as much time with her.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, my God. Funny.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

So. And. But I. I was clueless. I was just like, I didn't know. It's that thing that it's just naturally there between people and the connection is kind of crushy, Roman.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

But you're young and. Yeah, it was. It was confusing. Yeah, for sure. But I wasn't putting lotion on anyone. And.

[Fortune Feimster]

What. I didn't have a crush on every single girl I was good friends with, but there was a handful where. Yeah, it was crush city.

[Tig Notaro]

And have you talked about it now as an adult? Have you been like, yeah, I had a crush on you?

[Fortune Feimster]

Um, I don't think so. I don't think I've ever.

[Tig Notaro]

A couple of them.

[Fortune Feimster]

I'm not. I don't talk to them anymore.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

And a couple. I do, but it was never a thing.

[May Martin]

Let me recommend, like, getting your old middle school friends together to just shed light on, like, that time. Like, there was so many details that I'd. I'd forgotten. And weird scandals in the class in grade eight and things that I'd forgotten. And it was so. It was so nice.

[Fortune Feimster]

I love it. I love how dramatic people are when.

[May Martin]

They'Re young, especially middle school. It's just like.

[Tig Notaro]

And then the people that are so dramatic now, imagine what they were like in middle school. I mean, because there are still those people now. That is. I cannot. I cannot believe how dramatic and stirring stuff up.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

And then thinking about them as a kid, it's like.

[May Martin]

So you're in Toronto, Tig.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah. And I want to say one last thing about that. I've had a couple of people that I grew up with saying, did you have a crush on Me or my friend thought you had a crush on me like after they found out I was gay. Yeah, I did not have any knowledge of any crush on anybody.

[May Martin]

Yeah. You know, and always the people that ask you are never the people that you had a crush on.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

You're like, no, no, no, no, no.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

But yeah, I'm in Toronto. We've been on, on vacation for a long time and then got back. Stephanie and Max and Finn went home and I went to Toronto and it's that weird feeling of I immediately miss my family when we said goodbye at the airport. But, and this is no offense to anybody in my immediate family, but there was something nice to just check in to where I'm staying in Toronto and just decompress and settle because we have been traveling non stop for the past couple of months.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

And yeah. Yeah, it's, it feels nice and it feels good to be back at Star Trek, everybody. So nice. And I, I did almost four hours of ADR today.

[May Martin]

Oh my God.

[Tig Notaro]

For the entire first season where they just added more lines in and, and I redid a few of my old lines that, where there was audio glitches or I didn't deliver it well, but they also just added so many and.

[May Martin]

Like full plot lines that are just on the back of your head.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, no, but I have to say, like, it looks really good. I'm really excited. And I had talked to my friend Alex who is the creator and runs the whole Star Trek universe and he was like, tig, it's so good. I mean, of course, you know, as we've, we know Holly Hunter is the lead, but also the, the young cadets on the show. Every actor on this show, I'm just like, wow, you're good, you're good, you are good.

[May Martin]

How do you find it watching yourself? Are you, you're used to it by now?

[Tig Notaro]

I'm used to it, but I'm more still kind of in the, it's still fun to see myself in the Star Trek world where I'm like in like high stress explosion, you know, that kind of thing and I'm just not normally in that.

[May Martin]

Obviously you're seeing it with all the special effects done and everything.

[Tig Notaro]

No, not necessarily, but you like rock and get knocked over and you know, just that kind of stuff.

[May Martin]

So fun.

[Tig Notaro]

But just to see myself so intense like trying to get us out of situations and telling everybody what to do as a commander and I don't know, it's, it's fun. I'm, I remain happy and proud to be A part of the Star Trek universe.

[May Martin]

Is it the same crew? Like the same people on, like, same makeup and hair and stuff?

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, oh, oh. There's some people that came over from Star Trek Discovery, but there's also some new ones, and they're all just talented, nice, great, all of those things. And it's true.

[May Martin]

I'm pumped to go to Toronto. I miss. I'm jealous that you're there. Yeah, I'm gonna be there soon. I think we're gonna miss each other, though.

[Fortune Feimster]

I spent two summers there. It's so weird not knowing I'm not going back no more. Fubar.

[May Martin]

I know. How do you feel? I saw that and how do you feel? And I'm so sorry about that.

[Fortune Feimster]

That's all good.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, did you. Did you post something on. I guess on Instagram?

[Fortune Feimster]

No, it just. It just. They didn't renew it.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, okay.

[May Martin]

That's so tough because. Did you, like. When you end one season, if you think it's coming back, you don't really do all your goodbyes properly.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah. I mean, a lot of the. A lot of them live in la, so it's just like. Like, Tig. Tig's hair person is the same one I had.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

So it's so crazy. Like, I miss so many of the crew. It's weird not to get to say bye to them, but. Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Tell her goodbye for you, please.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yes, my sweet Sherilyn. I. Yeah, there's like some. Not closure to it. And you. You kind of mentally go, oh. Because we thought we'd maybe have three seasons and that I'd have one more hurrah in Toronto, but it all worked out. I booked a new show.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

That starts in a couple weeks, and I'm excited about.

[Tig Notaro]

Wow, that's quick.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah. It's a Will Ferrell.

[May Martin]

I thought you were gonna say, it's like a Will Smythe situation.

[Fortune Feimster]

It's just like Will Smythe where I kept whispering if people like him, but where you.

[May Martin]

You know, you. You're sad about one thing for a minute, and then something else comes along and.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah. I mean, honestly, I wouldn't have been able to do this one if that had had been renewed. So it's like one door closes, this other cool opportunity opens.

[Tig Notaro]

Will.

[Fortune Feimster]

I love Will Ferrell. He's like my. And it's Will Ferrell and Molly Shannon. So you talk about. When I was in high school, I worshiped.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

Them. They were my SNL cast like that. I just. I told him the other. The other day, I said I watched Your sketches. And I memorized them and I perform them for my friends, and so they.

[Tig Notaro]

Like, can we see it?

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

And to, like, have this full circle moment where I'm like. With the two of them is nuts. And, yeah, it's a fun show about. He's a golfer and I play as caddy, but I'm like his mini me. I'm like his shadow, like, throughout the show. So it's a trip, which would be playing off of him for this entire show. So I'm. I'm really excited for it.

[Tig Notaro]

What is it on Netflix? Oh, nice.

[May Martin]

I'm so excited to see that comedy dynamic, whatever it is between you and him. Like. Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

Are you in our hairs the same. What?

[Tig Notaro]

And so is it just the three of you, or there are other cast members?

[Fortune Feimster]

There's a couple other people. Yeah. But it's a small. It's a smaller cast.

[Tig Notaro]

That's awesome to get to.

[May Martin]

I mean, I. My fantasy is always getting people to laugh. Like, if you get to crack up Will and ruin and take. That would be the dream.

[Fortune Feimster]

I know. I mean, I got to. I did these two other movies with him, but, like, really only like, a short scene in one. And then the other movie I did with him recently, he and I didn't have scenes together, but I just doing the one scene with him in that first movie, I was like, this is like the dream. And then. Then the scene got cut, so it feels like. Okay, that was just, like, a fun practice to this because.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, this makes up for all of that.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah. And the way that it's written is it's gonna lend itself to a ton of improv and a ton of bouncing. Like, we're basically gonna be like, you know, a duo. Yeah, for a good chunk of it. I mean, he's the star, but, like, I'm like, hit the person that he keeps coming back to. So it's a trip.

[Tig Notaro]

You guys are gonna become one of those famous comedy duos, Feral and Fortune.

[Fortune Feimster]

Pharaoh and Fortune. Him and Molly are. So the table read is. Watching the two of them is hilarious.

[May Martin]

Does she have a caddy in it? Can we sign up? Can me and Tig be her caddies?

[Fortune Feimster]

She's not a golfer in this, but you never know where it will be.

[Tig Notaro]

But that would be even funnier if she had two caddies and she's not a golfer.

[Fortune Feimster]

Well, tell the writers. Let's call them up. This episode of Handsome is brought to you by Graza. Handsome's favorite olive oil. It's fresh, it's bright, it's vibrant. It's aromatic. In other words, it's everything you want your olive oil to be. Almost every dish you make needs a little olive oil, so why not start with the highest quality stuff?

[Tig Notaro]

Lately I've been trying to prioritize healthy eating and olive oil is the timeless classic healthiest fat I add to my meals. It's good for my heart, my brain. Plus it's just fun. Graza's squeeze bottles look great on my countertop. They're less mess and you can point and pour your delicious Graza olive oil exactly where you want it.

[Fortune Feimster]

You'll get 10% off your first order of any olive oil on their site, which is but I wholeheartedly recommend the Graza duo. You'll receive two bottles of extra virgin olive oil Sizzle for cooking and Drizzle for finishing with an extra kick of bold flavor. So head to Graza Co and use handsome to get 10% off and get to cooking your next Chef quality meal. Thrive Market isn't just convenient, it's a lifesaver. Now that school's back, you'll be wanting to stock up on all your family's must haves from healthy snack packs to high protein meals to non toxic cleaning supplies. For me, Thrive Market has made my morning routine a little less hectic, allowing me to get out the door with the healthy, fun to eat foods that I love.

[May Martin]

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[Fortune Feimster]

Thrive has a healthy Swap scanner that makes finding substitutions effortless and stress free. They've got easy high protein meals, brain boosting lunchbox staples and low sugar snack packs that are kid approved as well. So go to thrive market.com handsome to get 30% off your first order and a free $60 gift.

[May Martin]

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[Fortune Feimster]

I just got the Mongolian cashmere crewneck sweater from Quints. A traditional retailer would sell this for $128, but Quint has it for 50. That's right. They've got fun fall colors too, like a rich burgundy, true navy and moss. It feels so luxurious and it's perfect for layering with a button up for a crisp autumnal look.

[May Martin]

Keep it classic and cool this fall with long lasting staples from quince. Go to quince.com handsome for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. That's Q-U-I-N C E.com handsome free shipping and 365 day returns. Quince.com handsome well, let's get to, let's.

[Fortune Feimster]

Get to our question.

[May Martin]

Today's question Asker is a Screen Actors Guild and Writers Guild award winning actor, comedian, musician and writer who played Andy Bernard in the Office and Stu in the Hangover movie trilogy. He co created and starred in Rutherford Falls and recently published a book titled snafu. Ed Helms is asking today's question.

[Tig Notaro]

Nice.

[Ed Helms]

Oh, hello handsome. How are you? I am traveling, as you can see. I'm in a car. I just landed in Chicago and I'm on my way to my hotel. And it's so funny when you're traveling. I'm actually on my book tour right now, by the way. I'm gonna shamelessly plug it. The book is called Snafu the Definitive Guide to History's Greatest Screw Ups. Read it. It will make you smarter, it will make you funnier and it will make you a killer at dinner parties. So there's that. And yes, I'm on the road. And, and I keep, when, when you're traveling you just keep running into these like little frustrations, these tiny little things that, these hiccups, things that go wrong or are, are you, you know that just moving through airports, there's, there's like slow people in front of you or, and you're in a hurry or like you get to the hotel and like there's no, there's no soap or there's no towel or something like just all these weird little annoying things that are super frustrating. And it's just, it's, it just made me laugh. Like how passionate we get about things that don't really matter that much. Things that don't really have that big of an impact on the universe.

[May Martin]

But.

[Ed Helms]

But those are some of the things that we just get so, like, intense about. So my question is, what is a really mundane hill that you will die on? What is something that is basically meaningless, but you have just an inclusive, incredibly strong opinion about?

[Fortune Feimster]

All right, I have one of these. First of all, Ed's so funny. He plays the banjo. Yeah. And that's such a fun instrument that I really wish I could play. It's so, like, I don't know in what world I would have as a kid been like, I want to play the banjo. Both play the banjo really well.

[May Martin]

Yeah. Also how that book sounds like my dream book. It's, like, Interesting Facts about History. It's like, for.

[Tig Notaro]

He also has a podcast, Snafu. Yeah, it's Snafu. The. The podcast.

[May Martin]

Oh, I'm gonna listen.

[Fortune Feimster]

You can learn all these things right now on audio.

[May Martin]

Especially when he said, it's a. You'll be a hit at dinner parties. I was like, I can plan my human interactions.

[Tig Notaro]

He also had me moderate his Q A for his Snafu book thing in Los Angeles. I just remembered it was. It was a funny night. It was a funny night.

[Fortune Feimster]

People are still so obsessed with the Office. It's wild.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[May Martin]

Deeply.

[Tig Notaro]

I was on the Office for one episode.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, really?

[Tig Notaro]

And. Yeah. And people will be. They know me from nothing else but the Office, and they'll just be like, are you from the Office? I mean, I guess.

[Fortune Feimster]

It went off Netflix, but when it was on Netflix, it was, like, their most watched show of, like, all time, I think. Like, it is one of those ones.

[May Martin]

That you can just have on in your house while you're like. It's so soothing and so funny and never ages. It's.

[Fortune Feimster]

There's so many of those seasons I've never seen.

[May Martin]

Really?

[Tig Notaro]

Ed is also one of those really just sincere, nice guys, you know, that his. His comedy can just sneak up on you, which makes it all the more hilar. Hilarious.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Like, aside, like, I did this independent film with him years ago, and I had never. Aside from being in the Office, I had never worked with him, really. And I was stunned by. Of course he's funny. He's on a show where you improv. But, like, I. I just kept saying to him, your stupid face. Like, because it made me laugh every time I looked at him. And he had a. I guess I'm just explaining improv to two people that know improv and do improv. But I just. I was so. You know how not everyone Is nailing it with improv. Ed Helms. Nailing it, nailing it, nailing it. Just Such a funny guy. And to this day he is like, yeah, me and my stupid face. Just a callback from that. But he's. I just. He's so kind of unassuming, you know?

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah.

[May Martin]

Except he's walking around airports irate about. About meaningless things.

[Tig Notaro]

And he's. He's from the office and a bunch of other things. The hangover. So he's not terribly unassuming. Yeah.

[May Martin]

Fortune. Did you have a thing that I.

[Fortune Feimster]

Have a hill I will die on. It's not travel related, though. It happens a lot when I travel for sure. Because I will say in general, most things slide right off my back. I think I can say, and my friends would agree that I'm pretty easy going for the most part. I will get worked up for sure. Like anybody, but in life in general, pretty chill.

[May Martin]

You're a cool cucumber.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah, I'm a cool cucumber. So if things go awry, eh, whatever. But for whatever reason, I am so obsessed with my coffee order.

[Tig Notaro]

Are you familiar with the comedian Henry Phillips?

[Fortune Feimster]

No.

[Tig Notaro]

He has an Internet. A video. He's so funny. He has a video series called you and your fucking coffee.

[Fortune Feimster]

He would be annoyed by me.

[Tig Notaro]

Look up. Well, it's just all of those situations where people are particular and outraged. Yeah, outraged. Check him out.

[Fortune Feimster]

Henry Phillips is the one thing I'm very particular about. So here's my coffee drink of choice. It is espresso on ice with a little bit of oat milk. So technically it would be considered like an iced version of a cortado.

[Tig Notaro]

Cortado, yeah.

[May Martin]

Okay. I'm going to remember that for we. We both have to write that down. Take.

[Tig Notaro]

I already knew it.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah.

[May Martin]

If I get that wrong. Okay. Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

So here's the problem. Back in my other times in life, I would drink a latte, and then I went on this. This diet where you could. You had to pull out all, like, the sugars and the creams and stuff. And I just drank straight espresso. So during that time, I learned to really love just espresso. But it's. It's a lot. You need to cut it with some milk, you know, because otherwise it can be kind of bitter. So it made me be very, like, cognizant of, like, how much milk is in a latte. And a latte is essentially an entire cup of milk with a dollop of espresso. So it's. It's almost white. So when you order a latte, you're drinking a cup of milk.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

And I don't want a cup of milk. As a grown ass woman. I want to taste the espresso because I love the taste of espresso. So I will go to a coffee shop.

[Tig Notaro]

Now. You need to settle down because we didn't do your order wrong.

[May Martin]

I know, but don't take it out on us.

[Fortune Feimster]

This is how passionate I am.

[Tig Notaro]

But he's up.

[Fortune Feimster]

I'm dying on.

[May Martin]

You're gesturing like you're running for office. Like you're like.

[Fortune Feimster]

Maybe she was emphasizing people are better about it now. But in early days of ordering this, I would say to people, can I get an iced cortado? And they go, cortados aren't iced. And I would say, but it's just a cortado. And you put ice in it. And there were baristas that would fight with me. Yeah, they're not iced. And I go, fine, can I order a cortado and can I buy a cup of ice now? It's more work for them because now they've got to go foam the milk. You don't got to foam the milk in an ice cortado. You just pour the milk into the espresso. Bloop. There it is. So they would do all this stuff. Foam the milk, heat it up, put it in a. And then put it in a warm cortado cup. Hand me the ice. And I would literally take the cortado and pour it into the ice.

[Tig Notaro]

Did you do it, like, making eye contact? Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

No. I'm just wasting cups even though I paid for the ice.

[Tig Notaro]

It's so stupid. You're not. They are.

[Fortune Feimster]

They are. And it would drive me nuts. So I stopped asking for an iced cortado because they'd so many people.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, wait, where are you getting your coffee that they're talking like that?

[Fortune Feimster]

There are coffee places where the baristas are real snotty.

[May Martin]

Yeah, yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

So now. So the sweet spot that I've landed on now is I say, I would like to order an espresso on ice with a little bit of oat milk, and there's no problem. Yeah, guys, it's literally just an ice cortado.

[May Martin]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But you had to describe each ingredient in order to get the thing that you wanted.

[Fortune Feimster]

I had to just say it all, because then sometimes people would give me an iced Americano and then put milk in that, and I go. And I can taste it right away. I'm like, oh, there's Water in this, right?

[May Martin]

You don't want the water.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, yeah. You don't want water in it? No, I don't.

[May Martin]

And so what now?

[Tig Notaro]

If someone gets it wrong, I am scared now.

[May Martin]

If someone gets it wrong and you're in a hurry or they give you shit about it, like, are you talk. Are you telling them the way you just told us?

[Fortune Feimster]

Like, yeah, we'll say, can I get espresso on ice with a little bit of oat milk? Some baristas are so lovely that they'll make the espresso, put it in the ice, and they'll hand me the oat milk and go, here, do it yourself. And I go, thank you.

[May Martin]

Oh, you like that?

[Fortune Feimster]

Love it. Okay, because I need. Here's where you want to land with your drink. It needs to be like a caramel color. You don't want it too dark because that's not enough milk. You don't want it white because that's too. That's too much milk.

[Tig Notaro]

That's for babies.

[May Martin]

Say it.

[Tig Notaro]

Say it.

[Fortune Feimster]

You want like a. You want like a caramel colored drink. So I do it just enough. I look at the color and I go, perfect.

[Tig Notaro]

When I'm at a restaurant and I'm ordering dessert, I usually like something a little chocolatey.

[Fortune Feimster]

Okay.

[Tig Notaro]

And I like to have just espresso. I love just straight espresso and chocolate. Are you not into that?

[Fortune Feimster]

I like an. At the end of like a nice Italian meal. Love it.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

But to start my day. To start my day, I want the milk in there.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, okay.

[Fortune Feimster]

But you can also order a macchiato. That's a espresso shot with just a little dollop.

[May Martin]

I have a question. So you're. You're against. You don't want water in your drink, but what happens as the ice melts? Like, do you have to drink it fast so that the ice doesn't dilute?

[Fortune Feimster]

I have to say extra ice.

[May Martin]

You'd say extra.

[Tig Notaro]

How much ice are we talking? That was my next question.

[Fortune Feimster]

Fill up the cup, baby.

[Tig Notaro]

How big?

[Fortune Feimster]

Fill up the cup.

[Tig Notaro]

How big is.

[Fortune Feimster]

Some of it's gonna melt? So that's why you don't want extra water. Because some of it, Some of the ice will melt.

[Tig Notaro]

There's so many.

[Fortune Feimster]

But when there's so much ice in there, it keeps it nice and cold and it doesn't melt. It. It doesn't melt as fast.

[Tig Notaro]

Right, I see, but are we talking like a small coffee cup? Are we talking.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah, like. Yeah, like. No, no, A small. Because you don't need all the milk?

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yes.

[May Martin]

I learned a lot about you.

[Fortune Feimster]

A small cup. And I'm such a snob about it. The taste of it. Even if they get it right. If I walk out of a coffee again, I'm not a waster of money. I appreciate the value of a dollar. I work hard for it. If I take a sip of it and it's disgusting, I will toss it in the trash can and drive to another coffee shop. Whoa.

[May Martin]

But you're not going back in there. Going.

[Fortune Feimster]

Not going back in there? No.

[May Martin]

But you're tossing it.

[Fortune Feimster]

That's just the bean, then. Sucks.

[Tig Notaro]

Well, this morning. How do you feel about that? Even though. Well, you like your ice. Your. Your ice situation. I. But when I was waiting for my ride to go to work this morning, I walked over to this coffee shop, and guess what?

[Fortune Feimster]

What?

[Tig Notaro]

My drink was room temperature.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh.

[Tig Notaro]

Didn't ask for that. That infuriate. I wanted it hot. That infuriates me. And then I don't realize it's room temperature until I get in the car to go to my job, and then I'm like, oh, my God. I'm drinking a room temperature. That's irritating. But I'm not trying to jump on your coffee.

[Fortune Feimster]

No, listen, there's things you'll. There's just things you like a certain way. And that's literally the only thing I'm so particular about to, like, an annoying level.

[May Martin]

I'm glad that you're owning it. You deserve that specificity.

[Tig Notaro]

Coffee, Henry Phillips.

[Fortune Feimster]

It's my thing, y'. All.

[May Martin]

I've been trying to think, what if I have a thing? Tig, do you have one?

[Tig Notaro]

What I appreciate very much is if I'm out to eat, I really appreciate if somebody asks before they take my plate.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

I just. I just really appreciate that. I've worked in restaurants, and it doesn't matter if. What kind of restaurant. If it's nice, casual, it's not hard to just say, may I take this for you? Are you finished with your meal? Because a lot of times, people will just grab the plate when they see, like, three French fries on there. Guess what? I was gonna eat them. And it's just. It's always awkward to, like, grab the plate or. Yeah, Yeah, I need them.

[Fortune Feimster]

Three taters.

[Tig Notaro]

Like, oh, I was gonna eat that. Or. You know what I mean?

[May Martin]

Yeah, yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

I mean, I can let three French fries go. I just. I just. I think also it probably comes from my first boss when I worked in a restaurant, saying that you should ask, like, would. Can I refill your water or may I take your plate?

[Fortune Feimster]

Right.

[Tig Notaro]

And I guess, you know, people are probably just busy and running around. They just want to get the job done, which I understand, but yeah, consideration.

[May Martin]

And then also people doing their job well to make things run smoothly. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

Sometimes with a drink too. Like an alcohol. Like an old fashioned.

[Tig Notaro]

Sure.

[Fortune Feimster]

They're small. Like, the content's small.

[Tig Notaro]

You love a tiny drink.

[Fortune Feimster]

I know I do. I like a tiny drink. But sometimes there's like a third of the drink left and they'll grab it and you're like, what?

[Tig Notaro]

That's what I'm talking about. It's like with drinks or meals that all it takes is. May I take this for you?

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Are you finished?

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

That's all. It's from restauranting.

[Fortune Feimster]

Restauranting.

[Tig Notaro]

Anything for you, man. Nothing irritates you?

[May Martin]

Everything irritates me. Everything irritates me. But I. Yeah, I feel like we all should have really. Like. Because this is sort of stand up, in a way is like, doesn't I get your goat when this happens? But all of us are like, well.

[Fortune Feimster]

Some people do that type of stand up. Some people just naturally rant about everything.

[May Martin]

Yeah. Well, one thing that bugs me is this is so specific. But if you're. Let's say I'm getting in an Uber, which I often am with a friend, and I go to one side and I open the backseat door to get in, and the friend behind me, instead of going around to get into the other seat, just stands behind me, wants.

[Fortune Feimster]

You to scooch over. Yeah.

[May Martin]

And I'm like, I often. I go, okay, I'll go around. And then I end up going around. I. I'm like, like, I'm getting in the seat. Just go around and open the other seat. Or. Or vice versa. Yeah. I don't know.

[Tig Notaro]

You're like, no scooching. No scooching.

[May Martin]

No scooching necessary. It's not necessary. Or if they're getting in first and I go around and then when I open the door on the other side, they've scooched.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, they scooch.

[Fortune Feimster]

They scooch you. They have to scooch.

[May Martin]

No, let's be civilized. Also, mayonnaise on burgers and mayonnaise in general, I don't like.

[Fortune Feimster]

Well, so if a bird. If you were given a burger and it had mayo on it, or would you eat it, would you still eat it?

[May Martin]

I'd be really stressed. And I'd be like, why didn't they say that on the menu? Mayonnaise to Me has no flavor of its own. It's just like a lubricant.

[Fortune Feimster]

Extra calories for no reason.

[May Martin]

Just oily and greasy and.

[Tig Notaro]

I'm sorry, what do you mean a lubricant?

[May Martin]

It's. It just lubes up the food because. Okay, what does it taste like? Whiteness.

[Tig Notaro]

I eat vegan eggy olive oil.

[May Martin]

I might like Vegenaise more than regular mayonnaise. I just. Yeah, don't put it anywhere near a burger. And don't eat your burger with a knife and fork.

[Tig Notaro]

Just don't do that. Don't do it with a pig.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, you know, I have one more thing. Speaking of cars, this, this actually irritates the hell out of me when I am in a car and I am backing out of a parking spot and somebody just inserts themselves behind me and starts going, you're good, you're good. Just keep coming back. You're good. Where I'm like, who are you? Get the hell out from behind my car. You know what I mean? Like, I get. They're trying to be nice, but just like assuming that somebody again, I guess it's the assumption that somebody doesn't say, do you want me to. Do you need help? Yeah, just you look in your rear view mirror and there's a stranger going, all right, back it out.

[Fortune Feimster]

Back it.

[Tig Notaro]

You're good, you're good.

[Fortune Feimster]

Two more feet, two more.

[Tig Notaro]

I'm like, shut up.

[Fortune Feimster]

They think you're a pretty little lady that's in distress.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[May Martin]

Unsolicited advice, unsolicited feedback from male comics and green rooms. When you're first starting out, you get off stage and they're going, yeah, that was pretty good. Yeah, you should do a tag of this. And you're like, did you say this to any of the other comedians? Like, yeah, I don't like that. And I don't like when comedians are on stage and it's not going well. And so they start almost punishing the audience, like, and they're like, oh, yeah. They almost go into this performance art of like, well, you just don't get it. Or like, I'm like, people paid to come. Like, like, don't punish them. You know what I mean?

[Tig Notaro]

What is the performance art though, of you don't get it.

[May Martin]

It's like people in forgetting that they're job is to make it work. So they're, they're doing bits that aren't going well and they start blaming the audience there and. Or they start doubling down or they're milking the silence and in a perverse way, they're enjoying like that they're bombing. And I'm like, just. The joke didn't go well. You can make fun of yourself or address that it didn't go well. But don't be like, you're wrong. That's funny. So often I've heard people say, that's really funny, and you're wrong. And it's like, well, maybe you didn't say it right.

[Fortune Feimster]

I don't know.

[Tig Notaro]

I had this show years ago, some terrible one nighter gig in a beach town in Northern California. And I tanked so hard. I was tanking so hard. And I just decided to stop and I sat on the stool and I analyzed my set in front of the audience and that they were confused at first and then they started to come around.

[May Martin]

That I love.

[Tig Notaro]

Okay. Because I was like, I am so confused. I've been on tour, I'm having a terrible night. And I need to figure out what this is. That thing like in the beginning of the podcast where I'm like, I have to go back and get clarification. I did it in the middle of my set where I analyzed my set and the audience got so much on my side that they were laughing at me, analyzing. And I did like a whole other set analyzing the bombing.

[May Martin]

I love that.

[Tig Notaro]

Okay. Because I was gonna say, you might have. I did that also once in Florida when I was bombing and I walked off stage and I sat down with a couple at one of those like round top tables and was just like, what do you suppose is happening?

[May Martin]

Why, that's hilarious. That's like, you've turned it around. You're adjusting in the moment. You're responding to what's happening. I can't. I mean, I am thinking of one specific example of this that got my goat, which was, it's a charity night. You know, people are doing their sets. There's people that have to go on after this guy and he goes on and his stuff was sort of borderline offensive and just not that. And then he, he. So he sat down on the stage and. And he, he started singing something. But he kept saying, oh, the. All the comics in the back are loving this. Like, you guys are just dumb. You don't get it, basically. And none of the comics were laughing in there. It was like he milked it for. He went way over his time and it was just like, oh, my God. That's when it becomes like it almost. It's. I think in his mind he was doing this avant garde, like, yeah, Fuck it. These.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[May Martin]

They don't get it. I don't know. Anyway.

[Tig Notaro]

No. Anyway, that's interesting to hear, because when you're saying that, I've thought. I was thinking, like, well, I feel like I've done some things like that that could be something where you'd be like, yeah, I'm not into that. Or.

[May Martin]

But you're doing it with. With love. Almost like. Like. Like a scientist. Like, what is going wrong here? And then you're pivoting and you're improvising, and it's funny, and it's not like, I'm right and you're wrong, and like.

[Tig Notaro]

No, I always assume they are.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Fully right. Fully. Fully right.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

Well, should we hear Ed's answer?

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Ed Helms]

All right. I made it to my hotel here in Chicago, and I have an amazing view of pickleball courts. All right, that's so funny. I know nothing about pickleball except that people are passionate about it. I don't know. It's kind of polarizing. The courts are adorable. But, hey, I got to answer this question. So my answer to the question. I know that I sort of conjured the question in the context of, like, travel frustrations and whatnot. That's what kind of got me thinking about it. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized the mundane hill that I will die on is. Is not travel related. It is food related. Now, the other crazy thing about my answer is that I. I actually say the opposite in the book that I just wrote. So hear me out. The mundane hill that I will die on is that pizza is better with pineapple. Pineapple belongs on pizza.

[Fortune Feimster]

That's right.

[Ed Helms]

Yeah, you heard me. That's right. Now, I made the opposite claim in a little aside. In my. In the book, I realized I just. I was talking about terrible things and snafus. And I made the easy joke that, like, you know, that pineapple on pizza is a national tragedy. I only said that because I know that's how most people feel. And honestly, I was pandering. I was pandering to the reader. But the truth is, I love pineapple on pizza, and you should, too, because it is perfection. The tanginess of the cheese, the saltiness of the cheese, and the crunch of the crust is juxtaposed so perfectly with the sweetness and the tenderness of a little yellow ring of pineapple. It's also aesthetically beautiful on anything. So it's just such a lovely thing to add to any dish. But I have to say, it is. It is the. It Creates pineapple on pizza. Creates the perfect culinary manifestation of yin and yang, the salty and the sweet, the triangle of the slice and the circle of the pineapple. That is a mundane hill I will die on.

[Fortune Feimster]

All right, I agree. I love his poetry. I love pineapple on pizza, and I love his passion for it.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, I have no problem with a pineapple on my pizza.

[May Martin]

You're coming down and you're. But you're neither here nor there.

[Tig Notaro]

I'm just. I'm fine with it. I. I like pizza. Stephanie, Max, and Finn live. Live for pizza. And I'm like, this is good. And my father, he used to be a. An assistant manager at a pizza restaurant. And so I had my fill of pizza, and don't, you know, I'm just like, yeah, it's good. And throw whatever on it. I'm fine.

[May Martin]

I'm with Ed. And that was great.

[Fortune Feimster]

That was awesome. Yeah. What a treat.

[Tig Notaro]

I love Ed Helms. I love it.

[Fortune Feimster]

What do you guys have coming up?

[May Martin]

September 9th is the day today of my premiere of Wayward at Tiff at the film festival. But the show doesn't come out till September 25.

[Fortune Feimster]

But everybody watch it.

[May Martin]

Everybody watch it. I'm doing all that. But then also September 17th, I'm at Largo in LA with very special guests. So come hang out and. Yeah, just get pumped for Wayward. What about you guys?

[Tig Notaro]

Well, I'm gonna be a dynasty typewriter in Los Angeles on September 21st, and then I'll be at the Beau Rivage Resort and Casino. If you are in Bililoxi, Mississippi, on September 27 or anywhere nearby or even nearby the state of Mississippi, I hope you come on out. Because people. I am from Mississippi, and so people are always like, why don't you do Mississippi? I'm doing Mississippi, and I have done Mississippi. Oh, also October 11th, I'll be at the Echols Theater in Salt Lake City, Utah, for the Equality Utah Allies Gala. And, yeah, go to tignotaro.com for all of my live tour dates. And don't forget to make a note November 14th on Apple TV. Come see me in the good light. The documentary with Andrea Gibson and Meg Fowley will be premiering.

[Fortune Feimster]

I'm gonna be in San Antonio and Houston, Texas, soon. Norfolk and Richmond, Virginia, D.C. boston, Mobile, New Orleans, Atlanta, Chicago, Salt Lake City, Charlotte, North Carolina, a bunch of places. So you can go to my website, FortuneFemster.com for that.

[Tig Notaro]

Incredible. Also, make sure that you subscribe to our podcast, also the YouTube channel. And please, if there is an episode you love. Pass it along. Share it with somebody that you think would enjoy being a part of this very handsome community. And we have [e-mail] oh yeah. Oh yeah. And until next time, Keep.

[May Martin]

Handsome is hosted by Me, May Martin, Tig Notaro and Fortune Feimster. The show is produced, recorded and edited by Thomas Willette. Email us at handsome podcast gmail.com and please follow us on social media at Handsome Pod.

[Fortune Feimster]

What a podcast Podcast.

[May Martin]

What a podcast. That was a Headgun podcast.

[Fortune Feimster]

Some people just know they could save hundreds on car insurance by checking Allstate First.

[May Martin]

Like, you know to check that when you're taking a shower at your hotel that there there aren't any clear glass windows to the room, or worse, to the outdoors before you wash your parts.

[Fortune Feimster]

Checking first is smart, so check Allstate first for a quote that could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Savings vary subject to terms, conditions and availability. Allstate Fire and Casualty Insurance Company and Affiliates Northbrook, Illinois hi, I'm Ilana Hope Levinson. And I'm Dan o'. Sullivan.

[May Martin]

And this is the Outfit, the new Podcast From Higher Ground and Headgum.

[Fortune Feimster]

We're two journalists who are slightly obsessed.

[May Martin]

With the mob and organized crime and other nefarious stuff like that. Every week we're gonna bring you a story about a mobster. Some you've heard of, some you definitely haven't. But all of them are gonna help explain why America is like this.

[Fortune Feimster]

See, the mob explains all sorts of things, from milk expiration dates to why we got into Cuba to Las Vegas gay bars. Who knew? Who knew the mob's involved?

[May Martin]

All that and more. Subscribe to the Outfit wherever you get your podcasts and watch video episodes on YouTube. New episodes every Thursday.