C (1:48)

I don't mean to rub. I don't mean to rub this in.

A (1:51)

Your face, but you've done it off camera a lot. I like that.

B (1:54)

Do you see mine?

C (1:56)

Yeah.

A (1:56)

Phantom pigs juggling those jugs.

C (2:01)

Those. Those tiggle bitties.

B (2:03)

It is okay if it jiggles.

A (2:05)

I do kind of wish that when I had boobs, I'd made more use of them. I wish I'd motorboated a bit. I wish I'd jiggled them around. I just didn't. I just didn't like them.

C (2:18)

So it's hard to motorboat them.

B (2:20)

They're spread far apart.

C (2:22)

They're like over here. Shirt. Lift up your shirt. How dare you. They're just. You know, some. Some ladies have a big space right here and I do.

A (2:34)

Yeah. You could wear like a very low cut gown because that. And then that the space would.

B (2:41)

Do you want me to give you two a little private time together while you tell Fortune what you would like?

A (2:48)

You just asked Fortune to take your shirt off.

C (2:51)

Good point, May.

B (2:52)

Okay, that wasn't sexual. That was Me just cur serious about a friend's anatomy.

C (2:58)

Shirt up. That wasn't sexual. Some people wear the. Some ladies wear the tux with no shirt underneath.

A (3:05)

That's a good look.

C (3:06)

I think I could not pull that off.

B (3:08)

Wait, I thought you could, because there was space between your.

C (3:11)

No, but I just don't think that's my. Did people really want me?

B (3:15)

Yes.

C (3:16)

No.

B (3:16)

Oh, you could put fake hair on your chest.

C (3:20)

That actually is pretty funny. Incredible. Yeah.

A (3:24)

Tig, you could rock that. I could imagine that, like, with a fake mustache and full, fake hairy chest.

B (3:30)

Like, who said it's fake hairy chest?

A (3:33)

Oh, right. Sorry. Yeah.

C (3:37)

Well, when we host the Oscars, you'll have to come out with a tux and fake hairy chest.

A (3:43)

Yeah.

B (3:43)

And. And will you wear your handsome T shirt?

C (3:46)

Maybe.

B (3:48)

Okay, great.

C (3:50)

We'll all go tux shirtless.

A (3:52)

Yeah, I'm into it. How are you guys?

C (3:55)

So good. I was just watching Taylor Swift, did her man's podcast. Really?

B (4:01)

Has she ever done a podcast?

C (4:03)

I don't think she's ever done a podcast. And people are like, I can't believe she's doing podcasts. But then other people are like, podcasts are literally the most popular thing in the world right now.

B (4:11)

Yeah.

C (4:12)

Right?

B (4:12)

Yeah.

A (4:13)

And could you. Do they have chemistry?

C (4:15)

They. I will say they were really cute together.

B (4:19)

Do you listen to his podcast or you listen because you heard she was on there?

C (4:23)

I see clips of it online, and then, you know, once you watch one clip, it's serving you up 20 on TikTok. I was curious. I think everybody was curious because she's so famous and she's never done a podcast, and people are curious about them. I've met him a couple of times, and he's super nice. Really, really nice, fun guy. I totally got why she was into him. He is like the. He's the guy you want to hang out with.

A (4:50)

He's so fun, though. You like a champion. You like a Travis. You like a big burly.

C (4:57)

I love those big burly guys. Love. I loved him. I met his brother, too. They're both awesome. And I met him. I met Travis twice, and I'm like, I. When you meet him, you're like, I get this a thousand percent. But seeing them together, are people not getting it?

B (5:15)

Why?

C (5:15)

He's like the. He's like the jock, and she's like the cerebral poet singer.

A (5:22)

I don't know. I think he, like, he's the jock and she's the prom queen. It's perfect. To me, it makes. It's like I don't think she's like, prom.

C (5:29)

Like the Quinn. Like the prom queen in the sense that you think of prom queens, you know?

A (5:36)

Right. You're seeing her more as a torture.

C (5:39)

She, like, loves books. They even joked about it on the podcast.

B (5:43)

And he doesn't know how to read.

C (5:44)

She, like, use some big words, and he's like, I don't know what that is. And she grabbed. She grabbed his hand, his face. And she goes, you're so handsome.

A (5:52)

Oh, God, I like that.

B (5:54)

That was a nod to our show. I can't believe it.

A (5:57)

I can't believe that secret plug.

C (5:59)

Thanks for the shout out, Taylor. I know.

B (6:02)

We should actually grab that clip. And will you make a note of that, Thomas?

C (6:07)

We've commandeered the word handsome socials to.

B (6:11)

Acknowledge that Taylor Swift gave us a nod.

A (6:16)

Let's get into a massive legal battle with Taylor Swift team over the use of the word handsome.

C (6:21)

Handsome, you idiots.

B (6:23)

Or even a mud wrestling con competition.

C (6:25)

Yellow mud wrestle Taylor. That would be fun.

B (6:28)

And she can throw her burly dude in there, too. I forgot you're into burly men. Fortune, let's be clear.

C (6:35)

I'm not into men.

B (6:37)

Yeah, right.

C (6:38)

But I can. I've got eyes. And I can see that certain men are attractive.

B (6:43)

See, I like a guy that is about my size. We can share clothes.

A (6:49)

I can imagine you tig with, like, Jeff Buckley. Like, a beautiful sort of feminine man.

C (6:57)

Like a deep. Like a deep guy. Like, who thinks I just like a.

B (7:01)

I like a artsy, kind of creative writer. Funny, Interesting.

A (7:09)

Fortune can mud wrestle Travis.

C (7:11)

I'll mud wrestle with Travis.

B (7:12)

Look, I think Travis is cute, don't get me wrong. But, like, I don't want to roll over and find him in my bed. Okay.

C (7:23)

Picturing that.

A (7:24)

Yeah.

C (7:25)

Is so funny.

A (7:26)

Yeah.

B (7:27)

Me rolling over.

C (7:28)

Oh, hello. Oh, hello.

A (7:31)

What did I do last night?

B (7:32)

What the hell are you doing in my bed?

C (7:34)

He's like, what's up, girl? You want to go get some breakfast?

B (7:38)

Or I'm more like, is Taylor here?

C (7:43)

Yeah, they're. They were really cute together.

A (7:46)

I know people have been waiting for our hot take on. On their relationship.

C (7:50)

People were waiting.

A (7:51)

People have been really waiting.

C (7:53)

I'm telling you, I'm a fan. I like them together, and I'm rooting for them.

B (7:58)

I am a massive Taylor Swift fan.

C (8:00)

Oh, I love her.

B (8:01)

I think we are the only two that love her, but we love her big. We love her big. I love her so much. And I love also listening to her old country days where she kind of had a twang and it's just adorable because that twang is nowhere to be found anymore.

C (8:24)

I'll tell you, having gone to her ERAS tour and seeing her perform for three and a half hours, non stop movement, dancing songs, guitar, piano, I'm like, this. This person is one of the most talented people ever. And the endurance that it would require to do what she did is like, athletic level. Like D1 sports. Professional athlete.

A (8:50)

You know how, like singers and they'll practice by singing on a treadmill because they gotta dance and move around but not get out of breath. Yeah.

C (8:59)

Maybe that's what she does.

B (9:00)

Fortune, you just sounded like the gayest reviewer. I mean, we are talking D level.

C (9:07)

We're talking D1 sports in college. We're talking about professional level athlete. Nike sponsored. Eating protein, car, bloating on a treadmill. Okay. You know, hitting the squats.

B (9:26)

She looks like a girl and does it.

C (9:29)

Looks amazing. Sounds amazing.

B (9:32)

Mm.

C (9:34)

Yeah, I was. I was a fan before, but that, like, cemented it to the next level.

B (9:39)

The podcast?

C (9:40)

No, the ERAS tour. Oh, okay.

B (9:44)

I'm sorry. I can't concentrate sometimes when you talk.

A (9:49)

I've been trying to read books up here in Lake Arrowhead. Try. I brought a whole stack of them.

C (9:57)

You're on week two now.

A (9:59)

Yeah, man. And I'm reading Scattered Minds by Gabor Mate.

C (10:05)

Gabor? Is that the guy that does the pot? The. He's from another country.

A (10:11)

He's, I think, originally Hungarian, but he is Canadian. He's a. He was a gp and he writes about, like, all kinds of things. Mental health and addiction.

C (10:21)

And he does a lot of podcasts.

A (10:23)

Yeah, he does.

C (10:24)

And so I see clips of him all the time.

A (10:27)

Yes.

B (10:27)

And what is his name?

A (10:28)

Gabor Mate. And this book is about adhd. It's blowing my mind. I'm like, I think I have. I mean, I've been diagnosed, but I don't know. Reading the book, I'm like, yeah, I definitely have this, but it.

C (10:43)

Does it then tell you? Or maybe you haven't gotten there yet. Like, tips about how to manage it.

A (10:49)

I hope so. I'm hoping because I'm really, like, observing my patterns as I'm up here. And it's so quiet and I'm like, all the distractions are not here and I'm trying to do different things and retrain my nerve. I'm being pretty good. I'm being pretty good.

B (11:08)

Okay.

A (11:09)

Yeah, I'm still on it a lot. I'm on it a lot. Yeah, I'm on it a lot.

C (11:13)

Yeah.

B (11:14)

I went up to Lake Arrowhead to look at my phone.

C (11:16)

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

A (11:18)

But, like, things like, in the city, I had got into a pattern of always having a true crime podcast on or, like, watching Survivor or just constant noise and. And so much horrific true crime. So I'm trying to, like, cleanse what I'm ingesting and putting in my brain. So I'm trying to read. And if I'm going to watch something, I'm going to watch something happy.

C (11:42)

There you go.

B (11:43)

Now, would you ever just sit?

A (11:46)

Yep.

C (11:47)

You.

B (11:47)

And you have.

A (11:48)

Or you would rug.

C (11:50)

Oh, okay.

B (11:52)

But, like, if you just sat.

A (11:54)

I'm working up to it.

B (11:55)

Oh, okay. That's exciting.

A (11:57)

Tig. You meditate, but fortune. Can you just sit on a bench?

C (12:01)

I can sit in a hot tub and I can sit in a bench, but other than that, I get a little distracted. For sure.

A (12:09)

Yeah.

C (12:09)

There's so much going on. Like, I don't have this problem on this podcast because there's three of us on my radio show. I get. I somehow. I get really distracted because it's two hours a day and I. I wander off.

B (12:28)

What do you mean, you wander off? You leave Tom alone.

C (12:32)

No, I'll be here, but he'll be there, be talking, and I'll just kind of be like, look at the tree outside. Or, like, look at something on my phone. You know, I definitely get distracted.

B (12:47)

He is such a funny man.

C (12:49)

He is. Oh, yeah. I asked him to do a question for us. He's got to get that.

B (12:53)

He's just so silly. I love silliness.

A (12:57)

Are Thomas ever. I mean, because we're talking and talking like, Thomas. Do you have other tabs open? Are you reading a book?

B (13:05)

Oh, my God. He's, like, writing. He's making notes of how annoying or boring or. Oh, my God, they're repeating this story.

C (13:15)

Or got a grocery list up. Right now I'm mostly updating the list.

A (13:20)

Right, right. That takes a lot.

C (13:22)

The list that we don't ever check off. Hardly. We're going to eventually just keep accumulating things. Some people just know they could save hundreds on car insurance by checking Allstate first.

B (13:37)

Like, you know, to check that your new phone is compatible with your old headphones before heading out on your walk. And don't forget to always listen to Handsome.

C (13:46)

Checking first is smart, so check Allstate first for a quote. That could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Savings vary, subject to terms, conditions, and availability. Allstate Fire and Casualty Insurance Company and affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois.

B (14:01)

Quitting smoking or vaping is tough for a lot of reasons. You've got cravings. It's part of your routine. It relieves stress or helps you take a break. Our sponsor Jones gets that getting off nicotine isn't just about discipline, it's a lifestyle shift.

C (14:21)

Jones makes nicotine mints that are easy to take anytime, anywhere, even while the rest of the crew is taking a smoke break so you can keep your breath fresh while you work on quitting nicotine. Their free behavioral support app comes with quittl, a one minute game proven to take your mind off the urge.

B (14:38)

If you're ready to take a step toward quitting or even just cutting back, check out Quit with Jones. Visit quitwithjones.com handsome to take the free quiz and get $10 off your personalized quitting journey. That's quitwithjones.com handsome. Your journey starts now. Thanks to Quit with Jones for sponsoring this episode. Just a heads up, the mints contain nicotine, which is an addictive chemical. Jones is FDA approved and available for those that are 18 and older.

C (15:12)

We believe that building a website should be easy. That's why Handsome is brought to you by Squarespace. Squarespace is an all in one website platform designed to help you stand out and succeed online. Whatever your goals, you can offer services and get paid all in one place.

B (15:29)

Not only that, but you're going to look good while doing it because Squarespace gives you cutting edge design tools. With blueprint AI, you can plug in basic information about your industry goals and personality and generate premium quality content and design recommendations in a flash. With drag and drop editing, it's easy to get things just right. And with Squarespace integrated SEO tools, your site will be optimized to come up more often in search engine results, connecting you with the people who want to find you.

C (16:05)

So what are you waiting for? Get started on your dream website today. Head to squarespace.com handsome for a free trial and when you're ready to launch, use offer code handsome to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain now.

B (16:23)

Fortune how is Ginger doing? If you care to share no need to share, but I just wanted to check in because you did mention you like to sit on a park bench.

C (16:33)

I do like to sit on a park bench. I'm going to go see her in a week. It's not going quite as good as we hoped. She had her three month like check in to the the plan was for her to get chemo for three months and then they were gonna test her like do MRIs and do different tests and just see, like, what is happening, what the chemo's doing, and the chemo's not doing much. So that is a bummer. I think she was hoping it would just kind of magically shrink everything. We knew it wouldn't get rid of it. It's incurable. But to not see any change, I think really was discouraging for her. But it's still. There's, you know, still early days, so she's still keeping her spirits up and still being positive.

B (17:29)

And how are you doing?

C (17:31)

I mean, it's hard because, like, I. I, like, hear the. I hear the updates and know that it's not good news. Mm. But it's like, I don't want to, like, dwell too much on it still. I just want to kind of remain positive and hope that, like, we just, you know, continue the path and that if the doctor feels there's, like, more. More chemo or like, this might have to be a surgery at some point. I'm just kind of waiting to see what the. The plan is before I get to wrapped up in the emotions of it all, because then I think I'll just be sad all the time if I just, like, dwell in that. So I think for some reason I'm hearing everything, but it's. I'm just a little numb maybe.

B (18:24)

Yeah. And do you. And maybe we've talked about this, but is there an advocate at the hospital that.

C (18:30)

Yes, she does have a. There's some word for it. Her nurse, something who's. Who's really. She likes a lot, and she talks to a lot, and I think he even went with her to her MRI today.

B (18:48)

Okay.

C (18:48)

So, yeah. She an advocate or something like that? A nurse advocate. So, yeah, she has someone. She was pretty bummed out for sure yesterday and today because she. She didn't tell me until today, but she was. I could tell something that was up yesterday because she gets. Feels bad about. She doesn't want to, like, burden me. And I'm like, would you have to tell me. Yeah, you just have to tell me the updates. It's just. This is the journey.

B (19:20)

Yeah. Well, you know, and as hard as that is, there are those moments or those decisions that are made in people's treatment where a doctor can shift course and really have incredible. You know, a patient can respond really well to a different treatment or different kind of chemo or whatever. Obviously, I don't know the ins and outs of Ginger situation, but I think it's obviously good to keep hope and.

A (19:57)

Yeah. To be forward thinking And. And just, like, step by step.

C (20:03)

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, I just, you know, wanted to prolong her life as long as possible. And, yes, hope that this is, you know, something that we just can figure out. And, you know, she's doing everything she can and time will tell.

A (20:27)

Maybe this is a dumb question, but does she, like, journal at all? Or, like, I've heard that. That's super because there's so much information coming at you, but also just to dump your thoughts and worries out.

C (20:39)

She has been given journals. I don't know if she's using them. I'll have to ask her. They do, as part of her treatment, give her a therapist. So she has that outlet. But I didn't know she did that.

A (20:55)

That's amazing.

C (20:56)

But, yeah, I know she likes to write, so I'll have to ask her.

A (20:59)

Well, thanks for updating us.

C (21:01)

Yeah, thanks for asking. It's a weird. It's a weird year. Weird times. But I'm just tracking along and trying to just keep. Keep a positive attitude as she is as well.

B (21:15)

Well, I know for a fact you have a massively handsome community behind you and Ginger. It's massive.

C (21:24)

I know. Everywhere I go, it's so lovely. Like, people so, so much are coming up to me and just saying, like, I'm thinking about your mom. Sending love to your mom. It's really sweet.

B (21:36)

Oh, that's amazing. Well, send her our love as well.

C (21:41)

I will for sure.

B (21:43)

And tell her we'd love to read her journals one day.

C (21:45)

We want to read about your secrets. My grandma journal. I'm not.

A (21:51)

My grandma left a journal and it was pretty offensive.

C (21:56)

Oh, really?

B (21:57)

Because.

C (21:57)

Oh, because she left. You read them when she died?

A (22:00)

Well, she was saying someone should publish this. We're like, nah, this.

C (22:06)

She's just on everybody.

A (22:08)

Yeah. Like.

C (22:10)

Yeah, it was just nuts.

B (22:12)

Oh, my God.

C (22:13)

I don't journal. I. I did when I lived in Spain, and it's because I had nothing else to do.

A (22:22)

That's my story up here. I got nothing. I'm journaling.

C (22:26)

Like, I'll write something.

A (22:28)

Yeah.

B (22:28)

Are you journaling like, crazy me?

A (22:31)

Dude, the other night. Let me just.

B (22:33)

Can you read us a little?

A (22:35)

Should I? I haven't read it.

C (22:36)

Pastel. Of course. Of course.

A (22:38)

Oh, my God. Okay. And this is kind of funny because I was sitting in the pitch black and I couldn't see what I was writing, so it looks like a child wrote it, but sure. Okay. What did I write? This could be really embarrassing because this was, like, earnest.

B (22:54)

That's why I asked you to Read it.

A (22:55)

Okay.

C (22:56)

Okay.

A (22:58)

This was August 12th. I wrote tonight between midnight and dawn, there are meant to be thousands of meteors streaking across the sky. Friends, strangers on the Internet tell me tonight is a powerful time to set intention and manifest particularly. This is bad. This is really embarrassing. Particularly in the arena of love, money and abundance. I take it to heart. What else am I meant to do? These people have gone to the trouble of making these videos and some of them are doctors. Anyway.

C (23:25)

Good point. That's a good point. Your journal colluded appreciation for those making these videos. Yeah.

A (23:33)

And then I wrote the part of my brain that responds to stuff like this. I think. I mean, like manifesty spiritual, New agey stuff. All of these ideas, like simulation theory, they all reflect and mirror back some deep feeling that we all have inside a sense of unreality, of absurdity in a world that we increasingly don't recognize. The cruelty and greed and idiocy we see doesn't reflect our inner nature, which I have to believe is good, which wants to love and be loved. And so how then have we let this happen? Anyway, that's the kind of.

C (24:08)

I mean, deep thoughts for sure.

A (24:10)

Yeah, but what do you do?

C (24:12)

You're very. You are very poetic in how you write.

A (24:15)

Thanks.

C (24:16)

I'd be like. If I were writing this, I'd be like, well, today was fine. Sat on a chair, ate a hot dog.

A (24:26)

I saw somebody posted. Someone posted their, like a snapshot of their grade five journal. The first page, and it was like, my name is Lauren. I'm 11. This is my journal. Also, what is the meaning of life? I am thinking a lot while I'm up here about, like, how are we going to make a massive shift in the world and how we've. We've entered the age of Aquarius. And the last time that happened was the 60s. And maybe we'll have some. If we can all get our shit together and like, be like radically practicing love and peace and stuff, maybe we could do it. I don't know, because I'm just like, what are we gonna do? This is not working.

C (25:05)

When did we enter the age of Aquarius?

A (25:07)

Couldn't tell you. In fact, are we even in it? I don't know.

C (25:10)

Are we in it? Instagram.

B (25:12)

Can you Google if we're in the Age of Aquarius?

A (25:16)

Yes, Fortune.

C (25:17)

That's right. May.

A (25:19)

I don't know any other lyrics to it. Do you?

C (25:21)

I don't know either.

B (25:22)

I certainly don't. But while Thomas is Googling whether we're in or out of the Age of Aquarius. Should we kiss?

C (25:30)

Should we kiss?

B (25:32)

Fortune. Marie. I was gonna say, should we?

C (25:36)

You were stuttering over there. I assumed you were wanting a kiss.

B (25:41)

Is that what a stutter is?

C (25:43)

You just seem nervous, and I was like, you must be trying to ask for a kiss.

B (25:46)

I am nervous. I'm very nervous.

A (25:49)

Every time we do this podcast, you are quivering.

B (25:52)

So nervous. Because I do have secret feelings for Fortune.

A (26:00)

You knew it, too. I knew it.

C (26:02)

Yeah. Well, I love you. Entertain yourself.

B (26:06)

I love you.

C (26:07)

I love you.

B (26:08)

Oh, it's mutual.

C (26:09)

Yeah. Wow.

A (26:13)

I don't actually know how I feel. No. What you guys do, got together, it would be two against one to the max. Like, I would feel so excluded.

B (26:23)

Oh, my gosh. What would you do? And then also to know that, like, I'm leaving your friend Stephanie to be with your friend Fortune.

C (26:32)

God, that would be some. That would ruin the pod.

A (26:36)

Do you think?

C (26:37)

You think? Yeah. That's a big drama.

A (26:40)

You guys are podcasting from the same bed, like, in your little PJs, topless.

B (26:49)

We have matching pjs.

C (26:51)

And keep a straight face. I've got my arm around you holding your mic.

A (27:03)

Thomas, are we in the.

C (27:04)

No, I'm not. I'm no home wrecker.

B (27:07)

Okay.

C (27:08)

I'm keeping Tig's family intact.

B (27:10)

Thank you.

C (27:11)

You're welcome.

A (27:13)

Some astrologers say we are in the.

C (27:15)

Age of Aquarius, and some say we are not in the age of Aquarius. Well, that's. How.

A (27:20)

How can we be.

C (27:22)

We cannot be in the age of Aquarius if. No one. If we are not in agreement that we are in the age of aqu.

B (27:31)

Thank you for looking that up, Thomas.

A (27:34)

I mean, I need a definitive. Who's the number one astrologist?

B (27:38)

I don't know. Maybe we can find an answer in the question that's being asked of us.

C (27:43)

Do you think that we should do a podcast?

B (27:45)

Let's get to the question.

C (27:46)

Let me ask a question real quick. Okay. Should we do a podcast where we have all had a glass of wine? Yeah. Don't you think that would be fun?

B (27:59)

Oh, my gosh. No, you don't. You wouldn't like me when I'm drunk.

C (28:04)

What would you be like? Well, would you fall asleep?

B (28:08)

Yes. No, I. I don't drink a lot, and.

C (28:12)

Oh, that's what's fun.

B (28:15)

So as soon as I feel any change, I just yell, I'm drunk.

A (28:20)

I'd love that.

C (28:22)

I think we should try it.

B (28:24)

Yeah.

C (28:24)

One episode. Put it on the list, Thomas. We're all gonna have drank a glass of wine. Not. We're gonna drink one before and then start recording and also have one while we're recording.

B (28:37)

Have you been drinking Fortune?

C (28:39)

No.

B (28:40)

Okay. Cause you sound drunk.

A (28:42)

No.

C (28:43)

No, I haven't.

B (28:44)

Oh, my gosh. I saw some clip online. I think it was probably our best of or hundred episode or something. And when I watched it, it went through so many different things and people or whatever. It must have been our hundred episode. And it made me laugh so hard.

C (29:03)

Because there was the clip where you.

B (29:05)

Just see Fortune's gams.

C (29:07)

Oh, my. That one. I had had a. Yeah.

B (29:10)

When she was afternoon boozing. That's my favorite. I love a top secret afternoon drink where. Or two where I feel it. And I have a little secret that the rest of the world doesn't know because it's the middle of the day and I've had drinks.

C (29:30)

I love it. A certain drink, though.

B (29:33)

No, I mean like beer or. I. I don't. Margaret. I like a skinny margarita.

C (29:39)

Okay.

B (29:40)

I don't like anything too sweet or too sour.

C (29:43)

We're going to get.

A (29:43)

I will say margarita on our live shows. Sometimes when we have whiskey on stage, there's a. Sometimes we get a little off the rails.

C (29:52)

Yeah, we do. We're gonna type a podcast where we're having an afternoon beverage.

B (29:58)

Well, yeah, we'll have to record in an afternoon sometime.

C (30:01)

Yeah, we will.

B (30:02)

Yeah. Okay.

C (30:03)

We will.

B (30:03)

Fair enough.

C (30:04)

All right, well, I'm glad that's. We settled that.

B (30:06)

All right, let's get into our question, shall we? Mm.

C (30:11)

Well, today's question asker is a stand up comedian, actor, and the host of the Downside podcast. Gianmarco Surreci is asking today's question. Nice.

D (30:26)

Hello, handsome. I'm Gianmarco Cerese, and my question is, what's the most trouble you ever got in at school? Bonus points if you got suspended or. Or expelled.

C (30:42)

Oh, he's very funny.

A (30:45)

I'm really thinking about this question. That's a great question.

B (30:48)

I have so many to choose from.

A (30:50)

I know.

C (30:51)

I was a good girl. I was a good girl. Loved your mama. Is that the words? Love? Jesus. Jesus. And boyfriend, too.

B (31:06)

Not a bad boy.

C (31:12)

Oh, I love raccoons. Let's hear about y' all being degenerates.

A (31:19)

Well, I'm interested, Fortune. And because it feels like it would stand out in your mind if you got in trouble, because you rarely got in trouble.

C (31:26)

So, like, I was an angel.

B (31:29)

That is so weird to rarely get in trouble as a kid.

C (31:33)

Yeah, rarely. I have been so responsible my whole life.

B (31:38)

Wow.

C (31:39)

I don't know why. I think it's just my nature. I did get in trouble, and I'll tell you a couple of those tales, but I would like for you guys to tell me about all the shenanigans you were up to.

B (31:50)

I'll tell you one time, I mean, I got sent out of my classrooms all the time. And when I was in seventh grade and I had been thrown out of my science class, here's the first mistake is the teacher would send everyone disrupting the class into the hallway. So now we're just feral children in the hallway unsupervised. And I had this brilliant idea to. Because our classroom was at the end of the hall, and at the end of the hall was the bathrooms. And I was like, why don't we go into the bathroom, get the toilet paper, and just start toilet papering the school and just wrapping the. The bushes and trees. Middle of the day and we got caught. Well, yeah, we got caught.

C (32:49)

Of course.

B (32:49)

It's like seven middle of the day, we're just like wrapping the toilet paper all around everything and. Yeah, but I ended up in. In school suspension all the time. I was never suspended from school, but I always had to go sit in a classroom that was isolated.

C (33:11)

It's called I.S.S.

B (33:13)

Yeah. And that's when I eventually dropped out. I was sitting there because in school suspension, they send you your classwork and you have to finish it when you're in the suspension area. And, you know, say I was in there for two or three days for something I did. They as I said, send your classwork, but if you don't finish your classwork, they add days. So I'm sitting there looking at this stack of papers and books and. And I'm like, I don't know who they think is going to be doing this work because it's not me. That's not what I do. I don't do my schoolwork. So I didn't see any out from in school suspension.

A (34:00)

Right.

B (34:04)

Have you ever found yourself asking, why didn't they teach us this in school? I feel that way almost anytime I'm dealing with money. That's why I'm giving my kids a head start on their money skills with Acorns Early.

C (34:17)

Acorns early is the smart debit card and money app that grows kids money skills as they grow up. Start with the in App chores tracker and teach your kids the value of a dollar.

B (34:27)

Then let your kids set their own savings goals and start building healthy money habits early. Kids can spend what they've earned with their very own customizable debit card, giving them that extra sense of independence. Plus, with Acorn Early's spending limits and real time spend notifications, parents always stay in control. I've been trying to teach my kids about the importance of money and saving, and Acorns early seems like a great option for parents in a similar boat.

C (34:58)

Ready to teach your kids a smart way to earn, save and spend? Get your first month on us when you head to acornserly.com handsomepod or download the Acorns Early Apple. That's one month free when you sign up at acornserly.com handsomePod.

B (35:15)

You know what's more stressful than packing school lunches? Realizing you're out of everything at 7am that's exactly why I stocked up during Thrive Market's back to school sale. Thrive's been a lifesaver for our family. I do not have time to vet every ingredient or drive to three different stores. Thrive lets me shop by diet values or even food phases because let's be real, my kids taste changes weekly.

C (35:46)

My latest order was packed with snacks and pantry wins. Yum Earth gummies, aloha bars, poppy sodas and even the good crisp chips. It all showed up fast and I saved up to 25% while restocking. If you've got a busy schedule and want clean quality options, this is the time. New members also get 30% off their first order and a free gift. I always put off grocery shopping because I don't want to go to the store and deal with long lines and out of stock items. I'm confident if you try Thrive Market, you're going to love it as much as I do. So go to thrivemarket.com handsome and start saving today. Sale ends August 31st. Why drop a fortune on basics when you don't have to? Quint has the good stuff. High quality fabrics, classic fits and lightweight layers for warm weather. All at prices that make sense. Everything I've ordered from Quint has been nothing but solid.

B (36:41)

Quint has closet staples you'll want to reach for over and over, like cozy cashmere and cotton sweaters from just $50, breathable flow knit polos and comfortable lightweight pants that somehow work for both weekend hangs and dress up dinners. The best part? Everything with Quince is half the cost of similar brands. I'm going to be traveling this fall and Quince has incredible premium quality suitcases that come in matching colors. I'm also eyeing their Eco compression packing cubes to help me stay organized.

C (37:17)

Stick to the staples at Last with elevated essentials from quince. Go to quince.com handsome for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. That's Q U I N C E dot com handsome to get free shipping and 365 day returns. Quince.com handsome. You just kept having to stay.

B (37:41)

Yeah. And so I was sitting there, and I remember I was like, oh, my gosh, I'm just gonna head home. And I got up and I started to walk out of the classroom, out of the suspension room. And the teacher or coach, it was a coach that had to watch us. He stood up and walked in front of the door.

C (38:04)

He's like, whoa, whoa, whoa. Where do you think you're going?

B (38:06)

And I was like, I'm heading home. I was like, I'm done. He was like, no, you can't. And I was like, no, no, no, I quit. I'm done. Like, I'm going home. And he was like, well, got out of my way. And I walked out. I felt so free and happy. I got in the car, went home. Done.

A (38:28)

How'd your family take it?

C (38:30)

Yeah. How did your family act?

B (38:33)

You know, I think it was a long road with me again. Failed three grades, Dropped out of high school.

A (38:41)

Yeah.

B (38:42)

And I think because even though I was a kid that got in trouble at school, I wasn't, like, this really bad kid. I was just.

A (38:57)

In school.

B (38:58)

Yeah. And I just. I was meant for a different world in life, and I think my mother knew that, and she and my stepfather just encouraged me to get my ged, which I did. And then I think I've mentioned my cat. A.

A (39:18)

Toilet papering.

B (39:19)

Yeah.

A (39:21)

The goal of toilet papering is just. It's just like a chaos everywhere. Yeah. It's just. Yeah.

C (39:28)

We went through a toilet papering phase my senior year of high school where we toilet papered someone's house, like, every weekend for, like, three months.

B (39:37)

Of course.

A (39:38)

I thought you were an angel. I thought you were good.

C (39:40)

Wait.

B (39:41)

Good point. Maybe.

C (39:42)

Yeah, you're right. That is where I was. A degenerate. My friends and I toilet papered. Like, we. Well, we all did the high school because that was the senior tradition. So it started there. The senior tradition was the day before, the first day of school, the night before you toilet paper the school. And we. We thought we were so, like, bad. And, like, you're like, we did.

A (40:09)

Oh, my God.

C (40:10)

And the principal gets on the. The intercom and was like, anyone who was a part of toilet paper in the school last night must go outside right now and Clean it up or you will be suspended. And our asses, like, 200 seniors, like, bolt outside cleaning it up. We were all giant and.

A (40:33)

But you felt safe in numbers. Like, you were like, yeah, and you're in senior year. Yeah.

C (40:40)

And then we toilet papered a coach's car at one point. And a. A couple of girls homes as well. Oh, I know what I did have happen. I did have a stripper at my house.

A (40:55)

What? What are you talking about? In all of our conversations about your.

C (41:03)

Burgeoning sexuality in high school, it was a male stripper.

A (41:08)

A male stripper.

C (41:09)

So this was probably the biggest, like, departure from. My responsibility is it was my friend Leslie's birthday, and she's now a lesbian. It was. She was turning 18, and so her friends wanted to throw her a party. And my mom was gone all the time on the weekends because her boyfriend lives out of town. So they're like. They said, let's do it at my house. And I was like, yeah, whatever. So her friend who was over, you have to be like, I think you had to be, like, 21 to hire a stripper. And her friend found some guy in, like, the yellow pages, and. And so there was probably about 25 girls at my house. And this guy shows up in a suit, and he's not cute at all. Oh. And we're just like, oh, God. And we're all. We're all just, like, sitting in my. My den, and he comes in with his, like, jam box, puts in the corner, takes his suit off. He has something in his crotch area that's, like, supposed to make his wiener look enhanced, but it was bent, so it was, like, pointing to the side.

A (42:31)

Maybe that was just his wiener.

C (42:33)

And I don't think so. I think he had something in there.

B (42:36)

But you don't know what's going on in those.

C (42:39)

True. And he also was wearing a G string, and he had acne on his butt. And so I. So he starts grinding on all the girls in the chairs. And I was taking pictures and. Of everything. Every single picture, the girls have their hands over their eyes, closing it because they don't want to look at him. And everyone's screaming, oh, this poor guy.

A (43:08)

In a way.

C (43:08)

But it's like, I'm sure we weren't tipping him very much because we were all broke high school students. And, oh, my God, we're, like, 17 and 18 years old. And he does his, like, dance, and a neighbor shows up, and he. And he's been drinking, and he's like, I heard y' all are Having a party. And we're like, get out of here. He's like, is there a stripper in there? We're like, what? And then the guys that were dating the girls knew we were having a stripper. And they put trash cans up against my house so that they could peek through the window, the top window.

B (43:42)

What does this see?

C (43:43)

And they were laughing at us. They were laughing at us because the stripper was so ugly. And then that night, that stripper left and we went and toilet papered people's houses.

A (43:57)

Oh, my God. On one, though, this was like your night of, like, you're the host. I was your initiative. You're. Oh, my God.

C (44:07)

And all those girls spent the night at my house. What a dream.

A (44:10)

This is. What I'm feeling is that there was, like. It was a sexually charged environment. You were sort of in control of. You're taking pictures.

C (44:19)

I'll tell you this, mate. Not one girl was sexually charged. There was nothing sexy.

B (44:26)

Were any of these girls, like, considered attractive for that age?

C (44:32)

Very attractive. There was some very attractive.

B (44:34)

Calm down there. Calm down.

C (44:36)

The. And cheer. Cheerleader Leslie, whose birthday was. She was like, the head cheerleader.

B (44:42)

Okay.

A (44:43)

Did he get naked or.

C (44:44)

No, no, just the G string thing.

B (44:47)

Wait a minute. Hold on a second. Why is it that cheerleaders are always attractive?

C (44:54)

Like, I don't know.

B (44:55)

Aren't kids that, like, want to jump around and do kicks and twirls? Like, sometimes maybe not.

A (45:03)

Not conventionally attractive?

B (45:06)

And, like, can they not be on the.

A (45:08)

I guess it depends who. How old fashioned the coach is and.

C (45:11)

How or how comfortable you are in that little tiny outfit. Yeah, you do need a bottom of the pyramid. I could have been a cheerleader.

B (45:22)

I could have. I could have done it, man.

C (45:23)

I could have done. I could have been the bottom of that pyramid.

A (45:26)

Did anyone find out about the. Like, did your parents find out about.

C (45:29)

Oh, yeah, my mom. My brother found out and told my mom.

A (45:32)

Was she mad?

C (45:33)

And I was.

B (45:33)

She goes, do you have a party?

C (45:36)

I said, she goes, you can tell me because I already know the answer. And I was like, yes, because. What did you. What did you do? I was like, had hot girls and a stripper. She's like, what? But I was so responsible that she. I did not get in trouble.

A (45:58)

Yeah.

C (45:58)

Wow. Yeah.

A (46:00)

I think now I know for sure if. If we ever get asked the question again, if you could go back in time to one event, I would. I just want to be there that whole night.

C (46:09)

You would die. We were hysterically crying, laughing. There was. That's Why? I say there was nothing sexual about this night. It was all of us squealing.

B (46:20)

Are you still friends with them?

C (46:22)

Yeah. Like, when I go home, I'll see some of these girls. Yeah, for sure. Did Mei do you say your thing?

A (46:29)

I feel like I. I was similar to Tig. Like, just didn't do, like, hated the work part of school. I like the social stuff and being funny and stuff, but I. I just couldn't physically bring myself to do the. The homework or.

B (46:46)

Yeah.

A (46:47)

And I would lose stuff, and I would. So I was like, yeah, in a perpetual state of, like, high anxiety of, like, lying to my parents because, like, my. My mom was really involved in my education. Like, she would at the end of the day, say, let's go through. See what homework you have. Like, trying to keep me organized. And I go, no, we didn't have any today because I couldn't bear the idea of being in school all day and then sitting and doing homework. So I just was always in trouble. And then I similarly had, like, a freedom moment of the amount of work I would have had to do to pass was so. And they were laying out this thing, you know, you're going to come in. And I said, I can't. And I dropped out as well.

B (47:26)

I was also always in summer school. Were you in summer school?

A (47:29)

No, thank God. Never in summer school. But I. Reading Scattered Minds is the. About ADHD is really, like, that feeling of, like, I. I can only focus when something interests me. Like, and otherwise, it's physically, it feels impossible, but I don't know.

C (47:46)

And how did your parents feel about you dropping out?

A (47:51)

Well, they were already mad about other stuff. I was already doing comedy and drugs, and they were already. And actually, the part of the reason I dropped out was I was in an argument with them, and then my mom said, well, I guess you're just going to drop out of school next. And it hadn't even occurred to me as an option. And then I was like, oh, okay.

C (48:09)

Yeah, she planted the seed. Not knowing.

B (48:11)

That's hilarious.

A (48:12)

Yeah. But I got the most trouble. I got in, specifically, was maybe for stealing gym uniforms because I couldn't remember. I would lose my stuff. And then having to face the teacher or my parents being like, I lost my gym uniform again. So I would ask to go pee, and then I would go through the hall. This is bad to admit, but I would see if any lockers were open in the hall, and I would just grab. And they had people's name tags in them and stuff. And then it'd be gym class. And some poor girl would be like, where's my gym uniform? And I'd be like, I don't know. I guess you better get better at remembering. But that was real bad. And then they kind of put two and two together that I was the gym uniform thief.

C (48:52)

Oh, really? Did you get in trouble?

A (48:54)

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But I was just so scared of my parents finding out stuff like parent teacher interviews. I would just be waiting at home, like, dreading the. Yeah.

B (49:05)

I always said we never got our report cards right.

C (49:09)

Always.

B (49:10)

I always said that, like, school's not.

A (49:13)

Doing them this year.

B (49:14)

I'm like, how long can I keep this at bay? Like, my parents are going to find out that the. Especially because my brother went to the same school and would come home with.

C (49:25)

The rope pork, right? Like, I don't know what happened to mine.

B (49:30)

I remember my mother just like, get. Just being like, damn it. Getting in the car and driving up to the school and I'm like, oh, no. Oh, God, Straight ups.

A (49:41)

Should we hear John Marco's answer?

B (49:43)

Yeah.

D (49:44)

The biggest trouble I ever got in at school was at the end of, like, plays and musicals, the final show on a Saturday. We'd stay the night to take the set down, we would strike the set, and it was always Bakalian. Is that the term event where there's a lot of drinking and spot and edibles? And it really, it was like a tradition. And my sophomore year, I participated and someone while high pulled the fire alarm. And because of that, that started an investigation that went beyond the theater department. And. And first they got all the seniors and the juniors and they, they doled out suspensions if you brought alcohol or brought pot. And then eventually got down to the sophomores and freshmen. They gathered us in a room, they went one by one, they said, confess. You know, did you drink? Did you smoke? We had all talked, we said, we're not going to come forward. And one by one we were like, no, I didn't do it. No, we didn't do it. No, I didn't. I said, no, I didn't do anything. And then this one woman who said no, in the beginning, she just started crying, oh, narc.

B (50:58)

Oh, fuck.

D (50:59)

And then she was like, I took a bite of a pot brownie. Someone else, someone else, someone else. I held firm, but the head of the tech department looked at me and mouthed, we know you did it. And so I had to admit that I got drunk and I was put on probation. And they put us on probation because at the time, you didn't have to tell colleges about probation and they didn't want to affect people's admissions. But then my year, you did. They changed the rules. So I had to write every college I applied to saying I got drunk on campus. Even though it was like the only time I ever drank in high school. I hope that wasn't too long. But yeah, that's. That's the most trouble I ever got in at school.

C (51:42)

That sound like a debacle.

B (51:44)

Gee, yeah, yeah.

A (51:46)

Oh, God. Those big dramas at schools where there's.

C (51:49)

Like school meetings being called and everyone's talking about the scandal.

A (51:54)

Yes. Oh my God. But also, he never drank. And then that was the one time.

C (52:00)

I will say my school in my area, if anything like that had happened, it would have been a big deal. If really, kids, if, if anyone in high school had been drinking and smoking pot as part of a school thing, it would have been huge. Right.

A (52:16)

I guess because it was on campus.

C (52:18)

I'll never forget the. It was a tradition that when you graduated high school, you would go to Myrtle beach party party city and you would do like a beach week. And the, the. There were these seniors that went and like a local journal infiltrated their group and like, and like, like it was an investigative journalism. I mean, this is like tiny ass North Carolina. And they put this on the front page of the local newspaper. Pictures of these kids partying in Myrtle beach. And this journalist had like infiltrated them and like reported on the seniors in trouble. Yeah, they got like, they got like shamed and I can't even imagine that.

A (53:07)

Brutal. I'm picturing a journalist dressing up like a teenage girl and like going undercover.

C (53:14)

I mean, that just seems so wild.

A (53:16)

Yeah, that's crazy.

C (53:17)

Like that's what you're, that's what you're investigating. Your seniors haven't drinking during beach week.

B (53:23)

They say it was a small town.

C (53:25)

True.

B (53:26)

What else are you gonna investigate?

C (53:28)

This reporter was like really trying to get some dirt.

B (53:33)

Yes, indeed.

C (53:34)

Or just wanted to party in Myrtle Beach.

A (53:37)

It feels like it could be the plot to like an Anna Faris comedy or a Drew Barrymore comedy where they're a grown up journalist going undercover with. On spring break.

B (53:45)

We gotta get Drew acting again. Anyway, that's for another time. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

C (53:53)

But.

B (53:55)

Well, once again, a delight.

A (53:58)

An absolute delight. And some big bomb drops. I mean, the stripper and the fortune hired to her home as a, as a teen.

C (54:06)

I'm pretty sure I have a picture of this stripper in my. I have a scrapbook because I used to be an avid scrapbooker? Yes. Pretty sure it's up there in that scrapbook.

A (54:19)

What if he went and looked and it was Channing Tatum he grew up to be?

C (54:23)

I definitely know it's not Channing Tatum.

A (54:26)

What do you guys have coming up?

C (54:28)

I mean, I'm on tour. My Taking Care Biscuits tour is underway. And in September, I've got San Antonio and Houston, Texas, and then Norfolk and Richmond, Virginia, and Washington, D.C. those are all September. Then Boston, Mobile, New Orleans, Atlanta, Chicago, Charlotte, North Carolina, lots of places.

B (54:53)

What about you, May?

A (54:55)

I'm just. I'm at Largo on September 17 with special guests. I'm going to do music and chat. And other than that, I'm around if you want to hang and, you know, Yeah, I got wayward coming out. I'm getting pumped. The more, like, buzz I can build about it, the better. It's so important when things come out to try to, like, make an impact. So if you, you know, if you.

B (55:16)

Want to, we're all going to watch it. Let's have handsome viewing parties.

C (55:20)

I can't wait.

A (55:22)

Now we're talking.

C (55:23)

Even though Toni Collette will not. She doesn't have the Australian accent in this, right?

A (55:27)

Not in the show, but in real life. She commented on your accent, remember?

C (55:32)

I know. She sells the worst one she's ever heard, and that's offensive.

A (55:37)

It's a badge of honor.

B (55:38)

Yeah, well, she doesn't like mine yet.

C (55:40)

Rise up, Lights.

B (55:41)

Rise up. Pretty sure she's wrong.

A (55:44)

What have you got, Tig?

B (55:46)

Well, people of Mississippi, if you want to see me, this might be one of your only chances. September 27, Biloxi, Mississippi, at the Beau Rivage Resort and Casino. Come on out again. That's September 27th. September 21st, I'll be at Dynasty Typewriter in Los Angeles. I'll be back at Dynasty typewriter on October 4th. Also, make a note that November 14th, the documentary that I produce called Come See Me in the Good Light will be out on Apple tv. And it's. It's one you cannot miss. Tell your friends, family, everybody. Subscribe to Handsome.

C (56:28)

Get your merch. Merch.

B (56:30)

Go to handsomepod.com and get your merch. The holidays are coming up.

C (56:37)

Are they?

A (56:38)

Sure they are.

C (56:41)

The holidays are upon us. You guys get. Get ahead of the game.

B (56:47)

Yeah. Yeah, it is.

C (56:49)

Order stuff now.

B (56:50)

Absolute. Absolutely. But until next time, my friends, keep handsome.

A (57:00)

Handsome is hosted by me, May Martin, Tig Notaro and Fortune Feimster. The show is produced, recorded and edited by Thomas Willette. Email us@handsomepodmail.com and please follow us on social media at Handsome Pod. What a podcast. What a podcast. That was a Headgum podcast.

B (57:24)

Some people just know they could save hundreds on car insurance by checking Allstate First.

C (57:29)

Like you know to check the dictionary when you're learning a new word. Some words have multiple meanings and you're going to want to learn them all spiffy.

B (57:37)

Checking first is smart, so check Allstate first for a quote that could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate Savings vary subject to terms, conditions, and availability. Allstate Fire and Casualty Insurance Company and Affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois hi, I'm Ilana Hope Levinson.

C (57:55)

And I'm Dan o'. Sullivan.

A (57:56)

And this is the Outfit, the new.

B (57:58)

Podcast From Higher Ground and Headgum.

A (58:00)

We're two journalists who are slightly obsessed.

C (58:02)

With the mob and organized crime and other nefarious stuff like that.

B (58:06)

Every week we're gonna bring you a.

A (58:08)

Story about a mobster. Some you've heard of, some you definitely haven't. But all of them are gonna help.

B (58:13)

Explain why America is like this.

D (58:16)

See, the mob explains all sorts of things, from milk expiration dates to why we got into Cuba to Las Vegas gay bars.

C (58:24)

Who knew?

D (58:24)

Who knew the mobs involved?

B (58:26)

All that and more.

A (58:27)

Subscribe to the Outfit wherever you get your podcasts and watch video episodes on YouTube.

B (58:32)

New episodes every Thursday.