Handsome's Greatest Hits!

Summary

Handsome Podcast: "Handsome's Greatest Hits!" – Detailed Summary

Release Date: December 24, 2024

Introduction

"Handsome's Greatest Hits!" serves as a celebratory compilation of some of the most memorable moments from the "Handsome" podcast, hosted by comedians Tig Notaro, Fortune Feimster, and Mae Martin. This special episode curated by producer Thomas Willette brings together fan-favorite clips, engaging discussions, and hilarious anecdotes, providing both new listeners and longtime fans with an entertaining overview of the podcast's best content.

1. Revisiting Classic Moments

a. The Button Factory Song from the Sarah Paulson Episode

The episode opens with a clip from the Sarah Paulson episode, where the hosts delve into the often-misunderstood mental landscape of comedians. Fortune Feimster shares her thoughts on the stereotype that comedians are inherently darker or more disturbed than others:

[01:45] Fortune Feimster: "It's just that comedians are at a microphone and can and are on a stage. So you're hearing about it, but if you go next door, your neighbor is probably dark or depressed or your mail carrier."

Mae Martin humorously contributes by inventing the tale of "Joe the Button Maker," a fictional character struggling with mundane life:

[02:24] Mae Martin: "Joe the button maker. He's drinking."

Tig Notaro adds a playful twist, creating a repetitive, nonsensical children's song about Joe:

[02:31] Tig Notaro: "Hi, my name is Joe. I have a wife and three kids and I work in a button factory..."

The trio's improvisation highlights their comedic chemistry and ability to turn simple concepts into laugh-out-loud moments.

b. The Bear Saga: From Viral Video to Poetic Resolution

One of the most enduring storylines in the "Handsome" podcast is the "bear saga," which originated from a clip in the season featuring Molly Shannon. May Martin recounts an unsettling experience involving a viral video of a bear wrestling men:

[21:12] May Martin: "He's like, Gary wrestled the bear, Caesar, the wrestling bear... It would just whack him with one paw and they'd go flying."

As the story unfolds, May becomes obsessed with the idea that watching the video has cursed her, leading her to seek help from a spiritual Italian woman who performs a "malochio" ritual to lift the curse. This interaction is both eerie and comedic, showcasing the hosts' talent for blending humor with unusual narratives.

During this segment, May shares a self-written poem inspired by the bear video, adding a poignant layer to the saga:

[23:57] May Martin:

"The neon sign promised a champion ursine

To take on any man who'd throw his hat into the ring.

You thought you'd seen everything when you first laid eyes on Caesar that kept bare.

He moved woozily across the board.

He barely fit through any doors..."

The poem, while intentionally fragmented and abstract, conveys May's anxiety and the surreal nature of the entire experience. The group's dynamic response—filled with light-hearted teasing and supportive banter—keeps the narrative engaging and amusing.

c. Jamie Lee Curtis Halloween Episode Recap

In a flashback segment from the Jamie Lee Curtis Halloween episode, Fortune shares her amusing experience of dressing as John Travolta at a school party:

[15:13] Fortune Feimster: "I dressed as John Travolta. Maybe it was first grade."

Her detailed description of the costume mismatch and the unexpected attention she received—from classmates wanting to dance with her—adds a nostalgic and humorous touch:

[16:13] Fortune Feimster: "I was really close with these twins, Susie and Allie... dressed as John Travolta."

The hosts laugh over the memory, emphasizing the absurdity and joy of childhood antics.

2. Origin of the "Pineapple Apart" Catchphrase

One of "Handsome's" most beloved catchphrases, "Pineapple Apart," originates from an episode featuring Natalie Mains. May Martin narrates her unconventional approach to a school dance where teachers used pineapples to prevent students from dancing too closely:

[43:09] May Martin: "The teachers would come around with a pineapple to put in between you so that nothing happens."

The surreal imagery of teachers distributing pineapples as a physical barrier between dancing teens becomes a recurring joke, encapsulating the podcast's unique blend of the bizarre and the hilarious.

[44:09] May Martin: "The teachers are gonna come around with a pineapple to put in between you so that nothing happens. That's not supposed to happen."

This segment highlights the hosts' creativity in transforming ordinary school experiences into extraordinary comedic stories, fostering a sense of camaraderie and shared laughter among listeners.

3. Personal Stories: Coming Out Journeys

A heartfelt segment showcases Fortune Feimster and May Martin sharing their personal experiences of coming out to their families. These stories add depth and vulnerability to the podcast, illustrating the hosts' ability to balance humor with genuine emotion.

a. Fortune Feimster's Coming Out Story

Fortune recounts telling her mother about her sexuality, capturing the apprehension and eventual acceptance:

[48:16] Fortune Feimster: "I took her to a Chinese restaurant to tell her... I couldn't just say it like, I'm gay."

Her mother's initially nervous reaction, characterized by shifting her cheeks back and forth, leads to a touching resolution:

[53:07] Fortune Feimster: "And I was like, can you just keep it down?"

[56:53] Fortune Feimster: "She just kept telling me that I needed to tell him. And I was like, I don't want to tell."

The narrative concludes with her father’s acceptance, highlighting a positive and supportive family dynamic:

[52:46] Fortune Feimster: "He was like, you're my daughter. I love you."

b. May Martin's Coming Out Experience

May shares her own journey, detailing the challenges and misunderstandings she faced while coming out:

[51:03] May Martin: "I was my own wild card... I was quivering."

Her story emphasizes the universal fears and triumphs associated with coming out, resonating deeply with listeners who may have faced similar experiences.

4. Misadventures at an Alanis Morissette Concert

The episode includes a clip from a past episode where Fortune and May recount their chaotic trip to see Alanis Morissette perform in Toronto. May details being scammed by a fake Ticketmaster website, leading to last-minute scrambling to secure genuine tickets:

[59:41] May Martin: "I bought like eight tickets on Ticketmaster... turned out I've been scammed."

Despite the initial setback, their perseverance pays off as May manages to obtain four tickets, setting the stage for an unforgettable encounter with Alanis. The story reaches its peak when May is unexpectedly invited to sing a verse of "Ironic" alongside Alanis, leading to a mix of nervousness and excitement:

[65:27] Fortune Feimster: "And then it was a beautiful moment, Fortune. You guys were looking in each other's eyes."

The hosts' recounting of this experience is filled with humor and emotional candor, capturing the unpredictability and magic of live performances.

5. Bloopers and Light-Hearted Moments

Interwoven throughout the episode are snippets of the hosts engaging in playful banter, mispronunciations, and humorous misunderstandings, showcasing their natural chemistry and making listeners feel like part of the conversation. Examples include:

[42:27] Fortune Feimster: "I'm gonna say I'm a fan."

[72:05] Fortune Feimster: "Your shorts are full of foam."

These moments serve as a reminder of the spontaneous and unfiltered nature of the podcast, adding layers of relatability and charm.

Conclusion

"Handsome's Greatest Hits!" encapsulates the essence of the "Handsome" podcast by blending comedic brilliance with heartfelt storytelling. From inventive humor about button makers and wrestling bears to sincere discussions about personal identity and memorable concert experiences, the episode offers a comprehensive and engaging overview of the podcast's finest moments. Notable quotes and the hosts' dynamic interactions ensure that both new listeners and dedicated fans find something to love in this festive compilation.

Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• [01:45] Fortune Feimster: "Comedians are at a microphone and can and are on a stage. So you're hearing about it, but if you go next door, your neighbor is probably dark or depressed or your mail carrier."

• [03:00] Fortune Feimster: "But what kid would love that terrible song?"

• [23:57] May Martin: "The neon sign promised a champion ursine to take on any man who'd throw his hat into the ring..."

• [43:09] May Martin: "The teachers are gonna come around with a pineapple to put in between you so that nothing happens. That's not supposed to happen."

• [53:07] Fortune Feimster: "She just kept telling me that I needed to tell him. And I was like, I don't want to tell."

• [65:27] Fortune Feimster: "And then it was a beautiful moment, Fortune. You guys were looking in each other's eyes."

Final Thoughts

"Handsome's Greatest Hits!" is a testament to the enduring appeal of the "Handsome" podcast, celebrating its unique ability to intertwine humor with genuine human experiences. Whether navigating the absurdities of fictional characters or sharing the real-life challenges of coming out, Tig, Fortune, and May create a space where laughter and authenticity coexist seamlessly.

Transcript

[Tig Notaro]

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[Fortune Feimster]

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[Tig Notaro]

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[May Martin]

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[Tig Notaro]

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[Thomas Willette]

Hi handsome listeners. My name is Thomas and I produce Handsome. So for the holidays, Tig, Fortune, and May wanted to cook up a little Handsome surprise for you all. This is Handsome's Greatest Hits, Volume 1.

[May Martin]

Friends on the Handsome PA.

[Tig Notaro]

Cheers.

[Thomas Willette]

Today's first clip is from our Sarah Paulson episode. The hosts were talking about comedians and whether they're, in general, more dark and disturbed than the average person. And that led to conversation about button makers and, well, you can probably guess the rest, but just listen.

[Fortune Feimster]

It kind of reminds me of when people like to say that, you know, when you say, oh, I'm a comedian. And they say, oh gosh, that's such a dark world. And everybody, everybody's so depressed and, and it. And I just feel like comedians are at a microphone and can and are on a stage. So you're hearing about it, but if you go next door, your neighbor is probably dark or depressed or your mail carrier. It's just that musicians, comedians, you have a platform.

[May Martin]

Yeah, I bet. There's like tortured button makers, you know, famously, for sure. Button makers.

[Tig Notaro]

Famously. Yes, they are lots of tortured button makers.

[May Martin]

They're drinking.

[Tig Notaro]

Have you ever heard of Joe?

[May Martin]

Joe the button maker?

[Tig Notaro]

Hi, my name is Joe. I have a wife and three kids and I work in a button factory. One day my wife came and she said, joe, are you busy? I said, no, guy.

[Fortune Feimster]

Nobody's heard that.

[May Martin]

I've rarely.

[Fortune Feimster]

What are you talking about?

[May Martin]

I've rarely been speechless in that way.

[Tig Notaro]

I feel like it's like A song for kids. Anybody works in a button factory.

[Fortune Feimster]

But what kid would love that terrible song?

[Tig Notaro]

No, but then. Guys, stay with me. Hi, I'm busy. Already know. And then she said, turn the button with your left hand. So you start doing this. Okay, the kids are for those of you who can't see I'm turning the button. So then you start over. You go, hi, my name is Joe. I have a wife with three kids in a work button factory. One day my wife came and she.

[Fortune Feimster]

Said, I've written for children.

[Tig Notaro]

You said, turn the button with your right hand. Now you're doing this. See, the kids are moving their hands.

[May Martin]

Okay, so what. Why are the. Why is his life story so kind of and boring?

[Fortune Feimster]

I mean, it's just like, hey, my name is Joe, I'm telling you, family, I'm going to work, I'm telling you.

[Tig Notaro]

With a five year old and see if they like it. You move all. You're turning your buttons with all your limbs. So the kids are like doing all these movements.

[May Martin]

I feel like the bar is higher now.

[Fortune Feimster]

Why not? The Hokey Pokey has delivered ourselves to one Joe the button pusher or button maker.

[Tig Notaro]

Works in a button factory, you guys. And he. You said there's probably dark button maker.

[May Martin]

No, I know how we got there, but I'm shocked that this is. I've never heard of it. And it sounds like in the olden days where they hadn't invented toys yet and they gave people like a stick to play with. It's like that. It's like they hadn't invented songs yet. And they went, I guess this is a song.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah, they hadn't invented a children's song. And then somebody that had terrible ideas, a terrible voice.

[May Martin]

He's probably called Joe.

[Tig Notaro]

I don't think, I don't think you two are the target audience. Okay. I think, I think my 5 year old friends that love songs that rhyme are fans of Joe and his button factory.

[Fortune Feimster]

Okay, well, it's also on the same album as I'm Betsy and I walk down the street, I put on my shoes and I wave to people because.

[Tig Notaro]

It sounds like you made that up.

[Fortune Feimster]

And I have a hand and I can wave to people on the street.

[Tig Notaro]

I haven't heard one rhyme.

[Fortune Feimster]

There's Betsy with her hands waving at us. She has shoes on. Betsy Tig.

[Tig Notaro]

Not one rhyme.

[May Martin]

Wait, I don't.

[Tig Notaro]

Every five year old right now is like, the song needs. You know what the song needs? More rhyming.

[May Martin]

But there's no rhymes in the Joe one.

[Tig Notaro]

Hi, my name Is Joe. I have a wife and three kids that work in a button factory. Hold on. That doesn't rhyme. And she's a joke. Are you busy? Here we go. I said no. Come on. Oh, my God.

[May Martin]

That's the only one.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, no, Joe is what the song should, but it turns out there's only.

[Tig Notaro]

One rhyme and I'm. But there's a lot here.

[Fortune Feimster]

There's one rhyme. There is nothing there.

[May Martin]

I was more into Betsy's story. She at least had a little pep. She was walking Betsy. You know what?

[Tig Notaro]

Betsy's a real. Hi.

[Fortune Feimster]

You write a song? No. You write a new song.

[May Martin]

Okay, here we go. Hi, my name is Jessica. And I walked to school. But on the way I saw a bus. It was a yellow bus. And on the bus was my old teacher who I hadn't seen since I was a little toddler.

[Fortune Feimster]

Hit song hit.

[Tig Notaro]

You know what?

[May Martin]

I could have done a lot better. I'm gonna.

[Fortune Feimster]

No, there's no way to top what you did.

[Tig Notaro]

May do you. I take from this experience nothing.

[Fortune Feimster]

Cuz there was nothing happening. There was nothing. There was no song.

[Tig Notaro]

There's no rhyme. That my song has inspired you guys to write other songs.

[Fortune Feimster]

That is a positive twist.

[Tig Notaro]

It would be called an inspiration.

[Fortune Feimster]

Hi, my name is Betsy and I have hands and I wave at people. Look, it's Joe. The guy that has buttons.

[Tig Notaro]

I need to Google to make sure he does work in a button factory.

[May Martin]

Oh, my God.

[Fortune Feimster]

If he doesn't, what? Where else?

[May Martin]

If it's a bucket factory, we're.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, no, it is button factory. Oh, thank God. I will clarify one part of the.

[Fortune Feimster]

Song, please, and it'll all make sense.

[Tig Notaro]

This part always threw me. I was like, why is Joe's wife coming in to the button factory? It turns out it's his boss, not his wife. So he goes, you guys, we don't.

[Fortune Feimster]

Need to hear this.

[Tig Notaro]

Hey, we don't need to hear this again. And I work in a bus factory. Oh, wait, I did it. I got it out of order. Let me do it the right way.

[Fortune Feimster]

That's why it didn't sound familiar.

[Tig Notaro]

Hey, my name. My name is Joe and I work in a button factory. And one day my boss came up to me. He says, joe. I said, oh, wait, this person rewrote it. Never mind.

[May Martin]

No rhyme either.

[Tig Notaro]

I think. I think people are making their own.

[Fortune Feimster]

Versions off and leaving the show.

[Tig Notaro]

This person says, I've got a wife and a dog and a family.

[May Martin]

Oh, my God. I got a wife and a dog and a family.

[Thomas Willette]

Now we go from Joe, to our Jack Whitehall episode where we got a delightful may fact about a certain astronaut in space.

[May Martin]

I really romanticize, like early space travel where it was so dangerous, but we were just being intrepid and there's this female astronaut. Is this boring?

[Fortune Feimster]

Yes. Yes.

[May Martin]

I have like one more anecdote to tell related to space that I'm just like. I just did the joke Joe Kittinger thing. Maybe I need to just give it a rest.

[Tig Notaro]

This was your jam. I love it.

[May Martin]

There was a. The first female astronaut. Sally Ride. Yes, I guess. Ride, Sally, run.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, I don't know if those are.

[Fortune Feimster]

I don't know.

[Tig Notaro]

I don't think those have anything to do.

[May Martin]

There's no way to know.

[Tig Notaro]

That's not the chick from the Challenger, is it?

[Fortune Feimster]

No, that was Krista McCullough or something like that.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

That made me never want to go to space.

[May Martin]

Oh, that's so fun up that. Yeah. But so Sally Ride. They were like, I don't know if we can let a woman go to space. It's. I don't know. And she was like, trust me, we can. I'm gonna do it. And then they said to her, okay, are you gonna have your period while you're in space? Cuz we're really worried about that. And she said, no, I'm not. I know my schedule and I'm not.

[Tig Notaro]

She had a.

[May Martin]

An app on her phone, but she was like, 100%. I can guarantee I'm. I'm not gonna get my period while I'm up there.

[Fortune Feimster]

And they were like, don't tell me, don't tell me.

[May Martin]

No, it's worse than that. They go, oh, no diarrhea. They go, what if you do? She's like, I'm not going to. And then they go, well, we. We want to send you up with some tampons. She was going up for like three days. And they went, would a hundred tampons be enough?

[Tig Notaro]

Whoa.

[May Martin]

This was like the male astronauts just had no idea.

[Tig Notaro]

And they said, by the way, we're also going to be voting on what we think is best for your body.

[May Martin]

Yes, exactly. And so they ended up sending her up with 100 tampons, even though there was barely any room on this spaceship.

[Tig Notaro]

She's like, I gotta plug my cooter.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Fortune. 30 times a day.

[Fortune Feimster]

Fortune. Also, did these men not have mothers or wives or girlfriends?

[Tig Notaro]

They're not asked about their damn.

[Fortune Feimster]

But I mean, you would see a woman come into the house from Costco.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

With like a huge truck backing up to the House.

[Tig Notaro]

And these guys are like, I'm assuming that's for two days. Oh, my God. That's wild.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

You see that tampon truck just going around, all neighborhoods, backing up to people's houses.

[Tig Notaro]

I need 100 more tampons.

[Fortune Feimster]

Wait, is that a woman's voice? Fortune. Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Hey, I know I don't look like a woman, but I still need tampons. I got a cooter.

[Fortune Feimster]

And the truck passes your house by.

[May Martin]

My favorite thing is when I go to buy tampons, and the person at the store thinks that I'm buying them for my girlfriend and I'm a boy. And they go, hey, you're a good boyfriend doing this. And I'm like, yeah, yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Anyone that comments on that purchase. That is so weird. Like, why are you commenting on this? Let me just get my pawns.

[Fortune Feimster]

My tampons.

[Tig Notaro]

Let me get my pawns and be out. Yeah, plug that cooter right on up.

[Fortune Feimster]

Fortune.

[May Martin]

Oh, my God.

[Fortune Feimster]

Hey, stop in my house. I'm bleeding.

[Tig Notaro]

Hey, I need you.

[Fortune Feimster]

It's that time of the month.

[Tig Notaro]

Like a. Like a milkman, but a tampon man. Yeah. Doors open.

[May Martin]

Just bring them right in. I'm on the toilet.

[Fortune Feimster]

The ice cream man.

[Tig Notaro]

Hey, I'm going to space. Give me 200.

[Fortune Feimster]

You're going to space.

[May Martin]

Up it away.

[Tig Notaro]

This beautiful balloon.

[Fortune Feimster]

That was a little late for the balloon reference, by the way.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, I'm going to space in a balloon. I was right on time.

[Fortune Feimster]

Crammed full of tampons. You got them in your ears, your nostrils.

[Tig Notaro]

I got a jug of water, a red bull, and 100 tampons. We're going to space, baby. You're flying down from space. Sponsored by. What is it? Playtex.

[May Martin]

What? Playtex.

[Fortune Feimster]

We don't even know. What's the fucking name?

[May Martin]

Wait, Playtex isn't right.

[Tig Notaro]

What is it?

[May Martin]

Wait. Why can't I think of a single tampon brand and I've been using them my whole life.

[Fortune Feimster]

Why can't we Playtex. It might be.

[May Martin]

It might be Playtex.

[Fortune Feimster]

Is it. Is there Playtex and Kotex?

[Tig Notaro]

I got it. Oh, wait. Is it Playtex and Codex? Hold on.

[Fortune Feimster]

I just said that.

[Tig Notaro]

I know, but. No, Playtex is right. I was right. Okay.

[Fortune Feimster]

Is there Kotex? Is that, like, the knockoff brand?

[May Martin]

Thomas is nodding.

[Tig Notaro]

Why is everything a Kotex? We should.

[Fortune Feimster]

We should start our own Kotex with a K. We should start our own ham techs.

[May Martin]

Yes, handsome Tampons. I'm.

[Fortune Feimster]

Plug her up.

[May Martin]

Plug her up, gents.

[Tig Notaro]

Plug them up. Oh, my God. We just did it. We knew brands, but didn't know brands.

[May Martin]

That is crazy that I've been buying them my whole life, and I couldn't think of a brand name.

[Tig Notaro]

I said Playtex, and then we were all like, in there. Ob.

[May Martin]

Yeah. OB yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

Where you get in there?

[Tig Notaro]

We went from aliens to.

[Fortune Feimster]

My God.

[Tig Notaro]

If this is not the greatest podcast.

[Fortune Feimster]

On Earth, I don't know what is in space.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, my Lord.

[May Martin]

Is there such a thing as a. Like a tampon for your bum? Like a bum pon?

[Tig Notaro]

Why do we need one?

[May Martin]

I don't know.

[Tig Notaro]

If is your butt.

[May Martin]

I don't know.

[Fortune Feimster]

I don't know.

[Tig Notaro]

Why do we need to plug her butt?

[May Martin]

I don't know. I don't know.

[Fortune Feimster]

Cork it.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, my God.

[Thomas Willette]

All right, while we're in space, who could forget Fortune's disclosure that she dressed up like a certain alien life form? This is all the way back from our Jamie Lee Curtis 2023 Halloween episode.

[May Martin]

I remember getting dressed to go to the party, and. And it was all about Ms. Garo. But I didn't. In my head. But I didn't realize why. But I dressed like John Travolta and Saturday Night Fever. And I was maybe 12 or 13, and everyone else in my class was like a sexy spider. Like, it was that age where people start trying to have hot costumes, and I wore, like, an open shirt and a white kind of suit. John Travolta. And I remember being like, hey, Miss. What's up.

[Fortune Feimster]

May? This is insane. I dressed as John Travolta.

[May Martin]

Shut up.

[Tig Notaro]

You guys have a lot of element.

[Fortune Feimster]

I know. Well, Fortune, you and I were also debutantes, so.

[May Martin]

That's true.

[Fortune Feimster]

But, yeah, my friends, I was really close with these twins, Susie and Allie.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

And you know, oftentimes when you're twins, you're very popular. Yes, I know, because I have twins. But I was at Susie and Allie's. I think it was their Halloween party, and I dressed as John Travolta. Maybe it was their birthday party and it was just a costume. Dress up birthday. I don't know what was happening. It was elementary school or you just decided, I'm going. Well, no, it was Greece. Greece was the theme.

[May Martin]

Okay.

[Fortune Feimster]

And all of the girls dressed in poodle skirts and all of that. And, like, we're, you know, whatever the characters were in Greece. And then I showed up as John Travolta.

[Tig Notaro]

Yes.

[Fortune Feimster]

And I think I was in, like, maybe first grade.

[May Martin]

Oh, little, little. And were you Wearing, like. What does he wear? Black T shirt, jeans.

[Fortune Feimster]

You know, I had a white T shirt, leather jacket, tennis shoes. And then my hair was slicked back. And, you know, that's that thing where it's like, that's so awesome that my mother thought I looked so cool and takes me to this party, drops me off, and guess what I didn't account for. All of the girls wanted to dance with me, were kissing me on my cheek, and I was like, whoa, this was not in the plan. I was just. I was just here to look cool.

[Tig Notaro]

Wow, you must have been.

[Fortune Feimster]

My motorcycle is out outside, and I'm gonna hop on it and blaze if you cats don't step back.

[Tig Notaro]

Ladies, you were very convincing as Travolta.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah, they went nuts.

[May Martin]

Yeah. For a lot of queer kids, Halloween's a chance to have that, like, gender euphoria almost. You get to dress up like. Yeah. How you feel inside. And you're.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Then why did I go dressed as alf? I'm like, wait a second, we did. Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

Big old man.

[Tig Notaro]

That big nose.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, I know. Oh, you don't have to describe it. We saw it immediately.

[May Martin]

Where did you get the costume? Or did you build it?

[Tig Notaro]

I think it was like, Spencer's. Remember?

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Do you know Spencer's Gifts? It's like, it was a big shop at the mall back in the day that had, like.

[Fortune Feimster]

And you were drawn to Elf.

[Tig Notaro]

It was a very popular sitcom at the time.

[Fortune Feimster]

How old were you?

[Tig Notaro]

I think I was, like, 12. 12 or 13.

[Fortune Feimster]

So you were not interested in dating?

[Tig Notaro]

No, I was a late bloomer. Let me tell you. I did not. I was so out to lunch when it came to all that stuff. Stuff?

[Fortune Feimster]

That is the funniest thing I've ever heard or thought of.

[Tig Notaro]

It didn't even occur to me I could go as John Travolta.

[Fortune Feimster]

You showing up with your curly blonde hair.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah. I just distinctly remember walking around in this giant ALF mask and I think I had, like, brown. Like, brown shirt. And I love the idea I can't either.

[May Martin]

And I love the idea that it's like John Travolta or alf. Well, I guess I can't be John Travolta's. I better be Al.

[Fortune Feimster]

Then why'd I go as Al? Some people just know they could save hundreds on car insurance by checking Allstate first.

[Tig Notaro]

Like, you know how to check your stocking for coal if you've been naughty this year and check for presents if you've been nice.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah, checking first is smart. So check Allstate first for a quote that could save you hundreds, you're in good hands with Allstate. This content is intended for audiences in the US Only. Savings vary. Terms apply Allstate Fire and Casualty Insurance Company and Affiliates Northbrook, Illinois like so.

[Tig Notaro]

Many of you, I'm always on the go. And here's one thing I've noticed about being busy. It's often the most important things in life to you and your family's health and well being that are the first to go out the window. Take for example, groceries and healthy eating. That's where Thrive Market is here to.

[Fortune Feimster]

Help take the stress out of grocery shopping for your family. With Thrive Market's commitment to quality with their trusted ingredients, they even restrict over a thousand ingredients that are found at conventional grocery stores so you can shop for your family with peace of mind with brands like Eden Foods and Organic Valley Farms. I know that what I'm getting from Thrive is going to do right by me and my body. Plus, Thrive is on a mission to make healthy and sustainable living easy and affordable for everyone.

[Tig Notaro]

Want to shop at a grocery store that actually cares for your health? Go to thrive market.com handsome for 30% off your first order plus a free $60 gift. That's T H R I V E market.com handsome thrive market.com handsome let's keep.

[Thomas Willette]

It furry by delving into what is now a legendary part of the Handsome podcast. I'm talking, of course, about the bear saga. It all started back in September when May shared a story about their driver, another person named Joe.

[May Martin]

I think I told you I have this driver who drives me to set. His name's Joe. He's a great.

[Fortune Feimster]

Congrats.

[May Martin]

Thank you.

[Tig Notaro]

Thank you.

[May Martin]

Yeah, yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

I have a driver named Jimmy.

[Fortune Feimster]

Do you fortune this?

[Tig Notaro]

Is it a Toronto thing?

[May Martin]

Well, they're like assigned by production, right? Yeah. And so.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, but I don't have that in the States.

[May Martin]

Yeah. Maybe it's the Toronto.

[Fortune Feimster]

What my driver's name will be because I'm heading to Toronto. I have a driver.

[Tig Notaro]

Hopefully it starts with a J. Yeah, Jafar.

[May Martin]

Anyway, the bear video was Joe. Basically. First he was bringing me fresh eggs from his farm. Then he's like, I could bring you some moose meat and. And I'll cook it up in a Tupperware. I think I mentioned the moose meat.

[Tig Notaro]

We're like, no, thank you.

[May Martin]

I love this guy. And he one night, it's like three in the morning, we're driving back from set and it's been silent for like an hour. And then he's like, so I have this video.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, no.

[May Martin]

Yeah. And I'm like, what? And he goes, I have this video. It's pretty cool. I filmed it in 1993 on a camcorder. And it's in a. I was in a bar in Lake Elliot, and I was with my friend Gary Kaczynski, I think. And. And. And basically he goes, my friend Gary wrestled the bear, and this bear is called Caesar, the wrestling bear. And he's like, yeah, this wouldn't fly nowadays with animal rights and stuff. But he's like, I have this video of this trained bear who was maybe rescued as a cub and trained to wrestle. And in the video, he wrestles 12 men and he wrestles Gary Kaczynski. And he's like, yeah, I'll bring it to show you. And I'm like, I don't know if I want to see it. I'm scared. I don't know. I can't unsee it once I've seen it. Right now.

[Tig Notaro]

You haven't been able to sleep.

[May Martin]

Well, then. So then it's. He's like, I'm going to bring. I got to bring a VCR down so we can watch it.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah. When do we get to the part where it's hard to sleep?

[May Martin]

Yeah, well, you bring vcr. Outdated technology works and the VCR doesn't work. So I'm like, does the universe not want me to see this video? And basically, it's grown in my mind like a weed. The bear video. The bear video. I'm like, what am I meant to see it? Like, why am I. Is it coming to my life? And. And he's edited it. He used to want to be a filmmaker, so he's done title cards and stuff, he said. And it's like, I'm picturing this grain. It's like a eight foot bear wrestling people. And you would win a grand if you could pin the bear down. And nobody could. And this bear had never mauled anyone, but it would just whack him with one paw and they'd go flying. And I'm picturing this amazing. And he's like, you got to see it. Like, it has to be seen to be believed. And I'm.

[Tig Notaro]

Why do we let men be in charge of things?

[May Martin]

And like, I wrote a poem about it, about the.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, let's hear it.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[May Martin]

Seriously?

[Fortune Feimster]

Yes.

[Tig Notaro]

Okay.

[Fortune Feimster]

What else are we gonna do?

[Tig Notaro]

Violets are blue. I wrestled a bear and now how about you?

[May Martin]

All right, I did. Let me. I have it. Okay.

[Fortune Feimster]

Roses are red, Violets are Blue. I wrestled a bear and now I can't snooze.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, no. That doesn't make sense, because he's sleeping fine. It's May.

[May Martin]

I just know that I'm finally gonna see it tomorrow this point. I like how you say poem.

[Tig Notaro]

Have you. Poem. Have you at least asked him if the bear was okay? Do we at least know that?

[May Martin]

He said the bear is fine? Like, no one. You know, the bear is so much stronger than these men.

[Tig Notaro]

You're gonna be okay watching this.

[Fortune Feimster]

The bear is fine. Living in Manhattan now.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

And let's hear it.

[May Martin]

Okay, here's the poem.

[Tig Notaro]

Poem.

[May Martin]

Okay.

[Fortune Feimster]

Poem.

[Tig Notaro]

Poem.

[May Martin]

Because it's really. All I can think about is like, am I. Am I meant to see this video? And. And, yeah, once I've seen it, how will I be changed? And then I'm like, why does it mean so much to me? The bear video?

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah. And. Wait, I'm sorry, May. You announce that you wrote a poem about this and then you weren't planning on reading it. You're like, really? You want to hear yourself?

[May Martin]

Yeah, I read it to Joe, and he was pretty freaked out.

[Fortune Feimster]

Joe, the button maker, the driver.

[Tig Notaro]

Y'all now equally freaked each other.

[May Martin]

Yeah. Joe's like, okay, it's just a cool video. But he's.

[Tig Notaro]

I was like, if I were Joe, I would be like, I don't understand why you are.

[May Martin]

But he's building the hype as well. He's like, you gotta see this vid. And he's like, yeah. He says, you won't believe it. Whatever you're imagining. It's cooler. He keeps saying, cool.

[Fortune Feimster]

Okay, let's hear the poem.

[May Martin]

Okay. The neon sign promised a champion ursine to take on any man who'd throw his hat into the ring. You thought you'd seen everything when you first laid eyes on Caesar that kept bare. He moved woozily across the board. He barely fit through any doors.

[Fortune Feimster]

Barely.

[May Martin]

Hey, one clock could make.

[Fortune Feimster]

What? What? Mages disappeared. May just disappear. Mayday.

[May Martin]

Mayday.

[Fortune Feimster]

This is terrifying. No wonder May has been scared of this bear video.

[Tig Notaro]

It just disappears. Oh, my gosh. Okay. Oh, okay.

[Fortune Feimster]

There's May. May, are you okay?

[May Martin]

This is insane. Insane.

[Fortune Feimster]

I know we've been freaking out on this side.

[May Martin]

I just started reading the poem and my whole computer crashed.

[Tig Notaro]

Your whole computer crash? You disappeared? It looked like you got kidnapped by the CIA.

[Fortune Feimster]

I thought there was a bear attack.

[May Martin]

I don't think the universe wants me to see this video.

[Tig Notaro]

Didn't want us to hear the rest of your poem.

[May Martin]

Well, how Much did you hear? Where should I go from?

[Tig Notaro]

Wow. God. I heard barely quite a ways in there.

[May Martin]

Okay. Okay.

[Fortune Feimster]

The last thing I heard was I.

[Tig Notaro]

Know you started rhyming, which I appreciated because that's what I associate with pains.

[May Martin]

Oh, it rhymes. Yeah. Yeah. It's got a weird rhythm to it. Okay. Okay. Let's hope. If. If my computer closes again, I don't know what to do. Okay.

[Tig Notaro]

You're haunted.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

I would call the police if your computer shuts down. Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

What do they call the Canadian police? Mounties.

[Fortune Feimster]

A mountain.

[May Martin]

Yeah. Mountie.

[Tig Notaro]

You've never heard that?

[May Martin]

The Royal Canadian.

[Fortune Feimster]

I don't need to be judged for admitting that I don't know. Something. Okay. I don't know.

[Tig Notaro]

I don't know.

[Fortune Feimster]

I worked in Toronto for five years. I never had a run in with the mountie.

[May Martin]

Well, they're generally up in mountains.

[Tig Notaro]

Those are horses. Yeah.

[May Martin]

They're in. They wear special hats and red jackets and they ride horses.

[Fortune Feimster]

Well, I wasn't like, they're up in the mountains.

[May Martin]

I think so.

[Tig Notaro]

You still should know the phrase mountains.

[Fortune Feimster]

Why the hell would I know about police on horses? And the mountain. Riding around in the mount, you know, clomping around.

[Tig Notaro]

Because it's just part of the vernacular. Mounties. Anyway, two against one.

[May Martin]

Okay, let me plow through rest of this poem. Okay. He moved woozily across the boards he barely fit through any doors. One clock would make you meet your maker if you dare. Someone has brought the bear to you and though you know not what to do the camera's running time is running out, it's clear and do you crack a joke or try to as you step up to the fight assigned you tell yourself you don't care if you win or lose A thousand bucks if you can pin him down, you hear before you hit the ground. Spent more than that on beer this month alone. Now you'll always chase this feeling like the kept bear has finally seen me. Hey, man, aren't you a kept bear too? If it chooses you to witness, you'd be a fool to miss this. Hey, man, aren't you a kept bear too?

[Fortune Feimster]

That's good, May.

[May Martin]

You like it?

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah. Do you write poems?

[May Martin]

No. Typically never.

[Tig Notaro]

I'd like to get into the spirit of it all and what that means for you.

[May Martin]

I felt compelled to write this poem.

[Fortune Feimster]

Like, but why didn't you write a song? Why didn't you write a short story? Why were you like, I need words rhyme in here.

[May Martin]

This is part of the great mystery.

[Tig Notaro]

But also, how long did it take to Write you to write that. Write you that.

[Fortune Feimster]

How long it take you to write that?

[Tig Notaro]

You write out your poem because that felt like a longing.

[Thomas Willette]

Then in October, May shared a witch related update to the bear saga. This was from our Nikki Glazer episode.

[May Martin]

Listen now, I was really shocked by the response to the bear video discussion online. People were really invested in the bear video and the bear poem and poem and poem. I do have sort of an update.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, give it to us.

[May Martin]

I think I vaguely updated you that after viewing the video. Yeah. After viewing the video, my world imploded. And so I became obsessed with the fact that I've been cursed by the video and that my dread was correct, all of the omens were correct. And now I've.

[Fortune Feimster]

Wait, I'm sorry. What are you talking about?

[May Martin]

Okay, so I don't know if you.

[Tig Notaro]

Remember the bear video, right?

[Fortune Feimster]

I do, I do. So you were watching it.

[Tig Notaro]

Mae was worried that there would be a curse that came with watching the bear video.

[May Martin]

Yeah. And remember I wrote the poem. The computer shut down the poem, and then I eventually did watch the video, which I don't know if we have talked about it.

[Tig Notaro]

We did talk about it.

[May Martin]

Yeah. And then I've been feeling like something weird is going on since I knew maybe it's a self fulfilling prophecy, but since the bear video, things are weird.

[Tig Notaro]

Anyway. Imploded.

[May Martin]

My world imploded. So my friend mentioned the bear video to a friend of hers who is this Italian woman in her 50s, very spiritual woman. And she was like, okay, I'm gonna do a malochio on you, take you a Vitalian. You know what this is?

[Tig Notaro]

Meatball molecular spaghetti. That's Polish.

[May Martin]

This like a. It's a curse to undo a curse. Like, she's gonna break the curse.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, you're gonna get double cursed. No, no, no, no, no, not say that.

[Fortune Feimster]

Fortune.

[Tig Notaro]

No, double curse. Like it. They cancel each other out.

[May Martin]

Yeah, yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Kind of curse.

[Fortune Feimster]

I've been triple. I've been quadruple cursed and nothing got canceled out.

[May Martin]

Oh, Christ. Well, she did the spell yesterday and she was texting me. She's like, first of all, do you have an orange in the house? I was like, yeah. She's like, throw it out.

[Tig Notaro]

Throw it out right away.

[May Martin]

It's like, okay, through the orange out.

[Fortune Feimster]

She goes, wait, you're on the phone with her?

[Tig Notaro]

I love that people like this can just say whatever.

[Fortune Feimster]

Exactly. And you're like, what did she charge? What did she charge for you throwing an orange in a trash can?

[Tig Notaro]

First one's free. T. It was Free.

[May Martin]

First one's free. She was very invested in the story, and she said, it sounds very much like you've been cursed by the bear video.

[Tig Notaro]

By the bear video? Really?

[May Martin]

Yeah, man. By. By the bear video.

[Fortune Feimster]

I'm willing to watch this bear video.

[Tig Notaro]

I don't want anything to do with it.

[May Martin]

Risk it.

[Fortune Feimster]

Hey, I've got oranges that I could just toss out. Like, nobody. I don't. I'm not even into oranges.

[Tig Notaro]

Can you. Could you technically have turned that orange into orange juice or you just had to get rid of all of it?

[Fortune Feimster]

Fortune.

[May Martin]

Interesting. I think it be out of my vicinity.

[Fortune Feimster]

Okay, so we tossed the window.

[May Martin]

No, I threw it right in the garbage outside. In the garbage outside.

[Tig Notaro]

Okay.

[Fortune Feimster]

Okay.

[Tig Notaro]

Got rid of the orange.

[Fortune Feimster]

No questions. She's just like, oh, my God, get the orange out of your house. You're like, absolutely.

[May Martin]

Right away.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, I felt cursed. So at this point, I'm going to do whatever.

[May Martin]

Yeah. Also, it's 9:26 and this was late last night. So I'm like, this is auspicious. This is interesting. And then she says, do you have some salt? And I'm like, yeah. She's like, put it in your pocket. I'm like, of course. So I put it in my plate.

[Fortune Feimster]

What do you mean? Like, you put a salt shaker in your pocket or you put just a pinch of salt.

[May Martin]

Pinch of salt in the pocket? And it goes. And she says, okay, you're gonna feel something. I won't tell you when I'm doing the malochio. She says, but you'll know.

[Tig Notaro]

So you feel grains of salt in your nether regions.

[Fortune Feimster]

And did you have any moment that you thought that maybe on her end of the phone she's like, covering her mouth, laughing, and saying, like, to the friends, like, they just threw the orange.

[Tig Notaro]

These Americans and Canadians, they'll do anything.

[May Martin]

These are mainly through voice note. We're communicating. She's like, fucking. She's like, this guy Joe. She goes, you're telling me you're watching a video from a guy called Joe? She's like, no, you won't catch me watching a video from a guy called Joe. So I believe, like, I'm. She has a commanding presence.

[Fortune Feimster]

Was this Joe from the button factory?

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah. Did you ask her about Joe from the button factory?

[May Martin]

No, but I could. I mean, this is Joe's opportunity.

[Tig Notaro]

Next voice.

[May Martin]

Next Malloquia. So she gets a bowl and she puts olive oil and water in it. And she shows me a picture of it. And it's chaos. Like droplets of Olive oil willy nilly everywhere. And it looks.

[Fortune Feimster]

You've got crazy.

[May Martin]

She goes, oh. She goes, this is bad.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, no.

[May Martin]

She goes, this is really bad. She goes, normally I would use three matches, but this time she goes, it takes six matches.

[Tig Notaro]

Six matches. She's going to burn her village down.

[May Martin]

She's putting the six matches, I guess in the water.

[Fortune Feimster]

And this is oil.

[May Martin]

Olive oil in water with some oil.

[Tig Notaro]

And water don't mix.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah. You know, you're not going to get, you know, some smoothed out situation.

[Tig Notaro]

It's going to be chaos. If water's in oil, it's not going to gel.

[May Martin]

But after the six matches and the prayer.

[Tig Notaro]

Well, let's wait. So she, she does the matches, puts in the bowl.

[May Martin]

She said if I was there, she would throw the matches at me. But I wasn't there.

[Fortune Feimster]

And you're still on the phone.

[Tig Notaro]

Hey, this is a witch.

[May Martin]

Yeah, I know it's a witch.

[Tig Notaro]

It's a good witch.

[Fortune Feimster]

I think this is somebody that is maybe pretending like she has some power.

[Tig Notaro]

How do you meet this person again? Is this a Craigslist?

[May Martin]

Is a friend of Craigslist. If I typed in, how do you help me close the bear portal?

[Tig Notaro]

It was a friend or a friend. I think I know whose friend it is. Who? Is this a thing?

[May Martin]

No, no, no. It's my friend Carolyn. But yeah, cut it out. So she shows me the. The olive oil in the bowl after the six matches and the prayer and the olive oil is neatly organized. It's almost become like this beautiful image.

[Tig Notaro]

Okay.

[May Martin]

And she says, I can confirm there was a curse on you. It is now lifted. And she's like, it was bad. And I go, I know, I know, I felt it. And she goes, have you been having headaches? I said, I have one today. And she said, it'll go. It'll be gone soon. Sure enough.

[Tig Notaro]

Usually how it works with headaches.

[May Martin]

Yeah, true.

[Tig Notaro]

Eventually I want to poke holes in her, her, you know, thing she's got going here. But usually.

[Fortune Feimster]

So, like, if you're having a hard day, toss an orange out of the window, get a little, little pinch of salt in the pocket. Put some oil and water in a bowl.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

And then light it on fire, I think.

[Tig Notaro]

So she's like, you have it. It's gonna go away. And you're like.

[May Martin]

Today's episode of Handsome is sponsored by Twisted Tea. Twisted Tea is a refreshing hard iced tea made with real Brewed tea and 5% alcohol. Twisted tea is the perfect drink to keep the good times going all day long.

[Fortune Feimster]

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[May Martin]

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[Tig Notaro]

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[Fortune Feimster]

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[Tig Notaro]

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[Thomas Willette]

Then in November, in our Molly Shannon episode, we got the final update to the Bear saga. At least until the bear portal opens again.

[May Martin]

Okay, this is. So this was. I. I was worried about painting the wrestling bear Caesar and then I checked with Raph, that woman who did the Malochio spell to. If you're, if you're just listening to the pod for the first time, this.

[Fortune Feimster]

Is not anything new.

[May Martin]

Yeah, this is part of their journey. This is, I think now the saga's ending. So this is my.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, that's really good, May.

[May Martin]

Thank you so much. He's wearing A Caesar crown.

[Tig Notaro]

Because it looks like a bear wolf.

[May Martin]

Oh, yeah, I see that.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[May Martin]

Here's his face, I would say.

[Fortune Feimster]

Barely looks like a wolf.

[Tig Notaro]

Beowulf.

[May Martin]

Beowulf. That's really good, Beowulf.

[Tig Notaro]

And so the painting was part of the release to get it out.

[May Martin]

Like, in the painting, the bear is like. Like, really releasing its rage, which is what the real wrestling bear never did. He was so docile and placid. And I feel like I gotta release my inner bear rage. And so I painted it. I feel good. I might give the painting to Joe. That's what I think I might do.

[Tig Notaro]

Mm. That would be nice.

[Fortune Feimster]

Joe the button maker.

[Tig Notaro]

No, my name is Jo. I've got a wife and three kids.

[Fortune Feimster]

And a wife factory, and I push back.

[Tig Notaro]

So you. You feel like you release some inner rage.

[May Martin]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But it. There's the coincidences continue. Because my friend brought a bear painting over that she's had for 15 years. And we're looking at the painting, and then on the back, we see it says, for Jesse the Elder. And we're like, what? You can imagine this electrifies me. Then it's like the artist assigned it Mike Juneau, and we're talking about this. And then my buddy Jason comes over. Just my random buddy Jason. And he goes, oh, I know Mike Juno. We go, what? He goes, yeah, yeah. Because she goes, I bought it at a yard sale 15 years ago. And Jason goes, let me text Mike. Junot texts him, goes, did you paint this bear? He goes, yeah. Guess what, Mike Junot's job is now.

[Tig Notaro]

What?

[May Martin]

He's a wrestler. For real. So anyway, I think that closed the loop, and.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

Are you feeling better?

[May Martin]

Much.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah.

[Thomas Willette]

All right. I think we need a little palette cleanser after all that scary bear stuff. How about a super cut of Fortune Marie moments? And big thanks to our social media coordinator, Autumn, who helped put all these together.

[Tig Notaro]

Well, you can't have charcuterie without cooter Fortune.

[May Martin]

Oh, my God.

[Fortune Feimster]

Fortune.

[May Martin]

Oh, my God. Should we guess what the news is? Something we would never expect you to do. Like trampoline park.

[Fortune Feimster]

No.

[Tig Notaro]

You got your cooter wax.

[Fortune Feimster]

Fortune Marie. Fortune Marie. How dare you.

[Tig Notaro]

Let's pretend these are the balls.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

Okay.

[Tig Notaro]

And this is the wiener. So I. I'm even answering the question without the ponti's on in my.

[May Martin]

In the early. Fortune.

[Fortune Feimster]

Fortune Marie.

[May Martin]

So motorboating's like that thing. You could do it. But does anyone do that with.

[Tig Notaro]

You mean put your head in someone's breast and go like.

[Fortune Feimster]

Fortune Marie Fortune. Marie.

[Tig Notaro]

I'm gonna say I'm a fan.

[May Martin]

No way. Oh, my God. That's the best.

[Thomas Willette]

Next up, we have an all time classic moment in the Handsome pantheon. This is from our Natalie Mains episode and it's the origin story of one of Handsome's most enduring catchphrases. Here's a moment where we all learned to keep a pineapple apart.

[May Martin]

I went to a school dance when I was 13 and it was like, right when everyone was like, okay, we got to be hot now and the boys school is coming and all the girls were in, like, tank tops and.

[Tig Notaro]

Not give them foam platform.

[May Martin]

She was. Yeah. I did not either. And I knew I couldn't compete with these girls with their, like, lip gloss and stuff.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh.

[May Martin]

And I didn't know. I didn't know I was like, queer or whatever, but I just didn't want to be involved in the whole thing. So to combat it, I went joke. So I went hat with a propeller overalls. For real? For real. I went.

[Tig Notaro]

Diggy called it.

[May Martin]

Yeah. I went in character.

[Fortune Feimster]

Look at May's face and tell me what other hat is gonna go on there. You're gonna put a propeller on May's head?

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, that's right.

[May Martin]

Yeah. Oh, I gotta buy one of those on Amazon now.

[Tig Notaro]

Halloween's coming.

[May Martin]

And look, I would buy it at an independent retailer if I knew.

[Fortune Feimster]

Did you know after the school dance when you had overalls and a propeller hat on, did you then know you were queer?

[May Martin]

I was just doing a bit the whole time.

[Fortune Feimster]

Okay.

[May Martin]

I always just wanted to hang out with the teachers. And I was.

[Tig Notaro]

I love my teachers.

[May Martin]

Yeah, yeah. And they used to come around with the pineapple at the dances and they'd say, I know you got to be a pineapple apart. And they know pineapple between you and the boys because the boys would get semis and be like, grinding.

[Tig Notaro]

What?

[May Martin]

And I wanted that. Like, I was into the boys. Ian Peach I was in love with, but I knew he was going to choose me. Yeah. So I preemptively was like, no, no, I'm just kidding around. I don't even want you to dance with me. Even though I was desperate for him to get a semi and for the pineapple to come.

[Tig Notaro]

They really put a pineapple between people. I have never heard of that.

[Fortune Feimster]

You could use a football. It'd be like, they're much lighter thing, like a animal like that. Why carry around a heavy fruit with spikes on it?

[May Martin]

Like they were trying to make it, like size of a football.

[Tig Notaro]

Which is in The PE room.

[Fortune Feimster]

All the queers laughing at the football jokes.

[Tig Notaro]

But yes, I mean, they're like, martha, you gotta go to the grocery store to get that pineapple.

[May Martin]

Get that pineapple.

[Fortune Feimster]

Wait, could we get a morning announcement about the pineapple, please?

[Tig Notaro]

Hey, if you're planning to go to the dance later tonight, then just be prepared. The teachers are gonna come around with a pineapple to put in between you so that nothing happens. That's not supposed to happen.

[Fortune Feimster]

No. Semis.

[Tig Notaro]

Semis in the background. Martha, can you please go get that pineapple?

[Fortune Feimster]

Would the dance be off if they forgot to get a large pineapple?

[May Martin]

Yeah, maybe. Cuz what else? Yeah, I. I remember that not only were they going around with the pineapple, but they would remind you on like the megaphone, like periodically. Remember Pineapple Apart?

[Tig Notaro]

Pineapple Apart is kind of a great Pineapple Apart.

[Fortune Feimster]

Was everyone in your school just a nerd? Including the teacher?

[May Martin]

I think Pineapple Apart. All the teachers had propeller hats too.

[Fortune Feimster]

I mean, there's so many dances that have happened around the country and world. And how is it that fortune and I. And I'm certain. Thomas, have you heard about Pineapple Apart?

[Thomas Willette]

I have not. And I'm Canadian, so.

[Tig Notaro]

You're Canadian. Okay.

[Fortune Feimster]

Okay.

[Tig Notaro]

So this a Catholic school, mate.

[May Martin]

Anglican.

[Fortune Feimster]

How did so many dances happen without Pineapple Apart?

[May Martin]

I know, I know.

[Tig Notaro]

That's why teen pregnancy was on the rise and it was in America.

[May Martin]

But so like, where are my pineapples? Going around with the pineapple. And so after they've come over and separated you and the guy, then after, when they move on, that's your moment. They're not going to come back to you for a while. That's your moment to grind before they make the rest.

[Tig Notaro]

You gotta get that grind.

[Fortune Feimster]

That is so fun. I'm just now realizing that they have to really be on top of that with that age group because it's so new being able to touch people and. And like, if. If the teachers walk off with the pineapple to someone else.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

Who knows? Who knows you're gonna be pregnant with.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah. Pineapple Apart. But also just let you know the best part. You know, let's let them grind maze. Right. The best part though is that at the end of the night, Martha has a pineapple to make her famous pineapple upside down cake.

[Fortune Feimster]

Okay, wait a minute. We have our first handsome bumper sticker and it's Martha has a pineapple.

[Tig Notaro]

Martha has a pineapple.

[May Martin]

Did you know in the olden days, like, here's a fact coming your way in the like, that's why we're here. 1700s or 1700s, they used to, you could rent a pineapple just to show that you were wealthy at your party because they were so exotic and so expensive. Like in England, you'd rent a pineapple and pretend it was yours and just put it on the table and be like, oh, yeah, we got one. Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Somebody should affect. Listening to.

[Thomas Willette]

Handsome is hilarious. But what we also love about Tig, Fortune and May is that they share real stories from their lives. When Fortune's mom, Ginger, asked a question for Pride Month, the answers were touching and funny too. Take a listen.

[Fortune Feimster]

Hi, Handsome. This is Ginger Feimster, Fortune's mother. And I would like to know what your experiences were like coming out your families.

[May Martin]

Ginger.

[Tig Notaro]

We had to tape that so many.

[Fortune Feimster]

Times, by the way.

[Tig Notaro]

She was like, here, come over here to this side of the wall. There's. I have these flowers over here. I think that would make a good background. And then.

[Fortune Feimster]

Unbelievable.

[Tig Notaro]

We taped that like 20 times.

[Fortune Feimster]

That's so cute.

[Tig Notaro]

My mom, we got it.

[Fortune Feimster]

So wait, you were in town with her?

[Tig Notaro]

I was in town with her last time I had a there because I knew I, I had. After the people had said on our poll that they wanted her to ask a question, I called, I said, hey, people want you to ask a question. And she goes, I don't know how to do that. And I was like, oh, I'm gonna have to do this for her. So I, I, when I went home, I said, we gotta do the Handsome question. And I want, I thought it'd be cool for her to ask something in Pride Month because of obviously the, the subject matter. But after I came out, she at first, well, to answer this question.

[May Martin]

Yeah, how'd you do it?

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah. So she was, I was kind of nervous to tell her, like, she's very progressive and liberal, but as I had talked about one of my stand up specials, she was dating this very conservative, very religious man when I was in college. And she did at that time sort of have this tendency to, to take on the personality traits of whoever she was dating. So she went from being like my whole life pretty progressive to like all of a sudden pretty buttoned up and cons like a little bit more conservative in certain ways. And I was like, oh, this is. Who is this? And they had just broken up. And when I was kind of coming to terms with being gay. And so I really was nervous to tell her, and I took her to this Chinese restaurant to tell her. I don't know. You got, I Said sweet and salty because I could eat crab rangoons if she disowned me. But even though, you know, I really did not know how my parents would react, I was very nervous. I told a couple friends first as sort of like, how are they gonna react? And I told my. My mom first, and. And she just got very quiet, and I was nervous to tell her. I was like, oh. Like, I. I couldn't just say it like, I'm gay. At first I was like, oh, just so you know, like, my life is gonna be different than what you might have thought it was gonna be. And I was kind of, like, beating around the bush. And then finally. And she was just kind of, like, trying to grasp what I was saying, because I was. It was. It's hard in the beginning to say the words like, I'm gay. And I was trying to figure out how to say that lightly. And then I finally was like, so, you know, okay. And she. Yeah, she was kind of quiet and listened. And I think maybe in the beginning there was, like, some Are you sure? Kind of things. And then when I told my dad.

[Fortune Feimster]

Did you say, look at me and ask me that again?

[Tig Notaro]

Well, I told him. When I told my brothers, they were both like, duh. And. But my mom was genuinely shocked.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Which, like, is the only person in my life who was genuinely shocked. My dad. I had my mom go with me to tell him we went to a park.

[May Martin]

That's nice that she came.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah. So I had her sit up kind of a few. Because they aren't together. They divorced when I was 12, but they're friends, and I had her sit kind of up. And my dad and I don't really have serious conversations with each other.

[May Martin]

Wait, sit up, like.

[Tig Notaro]

Sit, like, a few meters, like, on.

[Fortune Feimster]

A different swing on a hill.

[Tig Notaro]

And she was kind of sitting up.

[Fortune Feimster]

In a tree on top of the slide.

[Tig Notaro]

And I just was like. I just with him, pulled the band. I was like, dad, I'm gay. And he's like, all right, you're my daughter. You're my daughter. I love you. You're my daughter. He was so nervous. He's like, you're my daughter. I love you.

[May Martin]

Because he's probably like. And my mom.

[Tig Notaro]

And that's his way of trying to accept it and be cool. And my mom goes, mike, she knows she's your daughter. She's telling you she's gay.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, my God. What I would give to. Over here. This at a park.

[Tig Notaro]

And she's yelling, I'm gay. In the middle of this tiny Town. I'm like, can you just keep it down?

[May Martin]

Oh, my gosh.

[Fortune Feimster]

I came out to my mother first, and she was accepting, but she also. She was surprisingly surprised. Yeah. And my mother would do this thing where she would move air from one cheek to the other and back and forth when she didn't know what to say. That's exactly it.

[May Martin]

That's a real tell.

[Fortune Feimster]

And I would. And I said, oh, you're uncomfortable. And she's like, no, I'm not. And I was like, well, you're moving air from one cheek to the other and back to the other. And. And. And she laughed at herself. And my stepfather was fine. I think she told him because he also, like, a bit buttoned up and. But has no issue with any of that. Had had no issue with any of that stuff. And. But just wasn't a conversation I was excited to sit down and have. And then my father, also very fine, and I think he was trying to get it out of me before I even knew, you know.

[May Martin]

Were you guys emotional? Tell. Like.

[Fortune Feimster]

Like, I think I wrote my mother a letter and then when she got it, she called me. And then she came out to visit me right after that. And then it was funny because my. I hadn't told my brother and my mother and brother and I were all together. And she kept telling me that I needed to tell him. And I was like, I don't want to tell. Like, it's just.

[May Martin]

How old were you?

[Fortune Feimster]

Like 22 or something? I really don't. I don't know. But I was like, I don't want to have this conversation. My brother and I, he was off at college and we just had. We were living such different lives, and he was full on party, college guy. And I'm like, you know, hanging out, listening to the Indigo Girls. And so I'm in the back seat of my brother's Jeep. My brother's driving, my mother's in the passenger seat. And before he had picked us up, she kept telling me. She was like, you have to tell him. You have to tell him. And I was like, and. But I just told her I wasn't quite ready. We're driving along, and while we're driving, my mother keeps saying to my brother, you know, life is all about change. And he was like, I know. You know, he's like this big guy in his Jeep. He has like a dirty dog everywhere he went. And like, he was like, yeah, I know. And she just kept saying, well, you have to always be open. Life is all about change. Or it's gonna leave you behind if you don't. If. If you don't keep up with things. And he was like, I know. And I'm sitting back there going, oh, my gosh. And then just out of nowhere, she says, tig's gay. No way.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, God.

[Fortune Feimster]

And I was. And I just sunk in the back of his Jeep, and he is. Yeah, I know. And then I sat up and I said, you knew? And he goes, well, yeah, of course I knew. And I was like, oh, that's so good. Yeah. But I just wanted to kill my mother in that moment. But. And then a second later, I was like, oh, I'm so glad she did that.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah. Like, thank God that's done.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah.

[May Martin]

I'm just listening, thinking, like, it is crazy that anyone has to, like, that we assume all babies are straight. And then if. If you're not, you gotta. It's. It's so scary. It's the only, like, preference that you have to make a declaration about. And then, like, it's like, yeah, it is wild.

[Fortune Feimster]

Well, first of all, it's so funny to say to assume all babies are straight, but that kind of.

[May Martin]

I mean, hopefully. It literally feels like the baby. Like they're cutting the umbilical cord and planning the bachelorette party at the same time. Like, it's so wild. But I didn't. All. Growing up, my parents were like, you know, when you're gonna meet a man or a woman? Like, they were very. Like, I knew it was an option. And I think they thought my brother was gay for a while or wanted him to be. And in his teens and. And then by the time I started dating girls, I was, like, also doing drugs and dropping out of school and getting kicked out. So it kind of got, like, brushed over. Like, it was just one of many things. But they were definitely shocked because I was so boy crazy. And I had boyfriends, too, so they were shocked. But I don't think I ever really had a conversation with my mom. But my dad. I remember I was watching the movie Gia on VHS with Angelina Jolie, and I didn't even really know that I was gay or bi, but I was really into Gia. And then I remember, like, going to get him from his stud. His office where he was working upstairs and being like, dad, come down. See this how great this movie is? And, like, showing him a scene where.

[Tig Notaro]

They'Re making Jumping on the fence.

[May Martin]

Yeah. And he was like, yeah. He was like, cool. And I was like, isn't. I don't know why I love how beautiful this Scene is.

[Thomas Willette]

And yeah, this summer also brought us one of the most hilariously vulnerable and cringe worthy moments of the podcast. Of course, I'm talking about when Fortune and May took a field trip to see Alanis Marset, guest of the show, perform live in Toronto. And, well, the rest is handsome history. Take a listen and find out who made it to the stage and who didn't.

[May Martin]

Fortune and I did go and see Alanis Morissette in Toronto, and there's a lot to unpack, I would say.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, so Alanis, you know, was on the pod not too, too long ago and asked a very funny question and we knew that Alanis was coming to Toronto and May and I were both gonna be in Toronto when Alanis came and we were like, we need to have a field trip. What did you say, Tig?

[Fortune Feimster]

Way to rub it in, Fortune.

[May Martin]

I know the first thing that happened that went wrong was, well, so I had bought like eight tickets on Ticketmaster. I'd gone like, VIP package. I'd invited people that were like, coming from out of town. And a few days before the concert, I was like, what's my. Do I download those tickets or what? Like, do I have the confirmation number? Couldn't find any record of them. Turns out I've been scammed. I had no tickets and I had. Yeah, and it was a fake Ticketmaster website.

[Tig Notaro]

I called the custom fake website.

[May Martin]

It looked exactly. It looked real. And I called the customer service and they're like, oh, yeah, well, if you give us your card details now on the phone, we can get you the VIP thing. And I just thought, oh, no, you.

[Tig Notaro]

Called the number on the scam customer service.

[May Martin]

Anyway, so then I'm scrambling and I'm emailing every agent I've ever had, being like, is there any string you can pull to get me to this concert? I've got friends, like, coming from out of town, parfs flying in from ls.

[Tig Notaro]

Eight tickets.

[May Martin]

Wow. Just a casual.

[Tig Notaro]

Eight tickets. Eight tickets.

[Fortune Feimster]

Did you consider giving Alanis a ring a ding?

[May Martin]

I would if I had her number. You know, I'd, you know I would.

[Fortune Feimster]

Okay.

[May Martin]

So finally I managed to get four. Four tickets, which was amazing. And then we, we meet up and we're all excited to meet Alanis. We're standing backstage, Fortune, Jacks, parv me, my best. My two other best friends.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, because we, they said that we could meet Alanis right after her meet and greet. And we were like, so pumped.

[May Martin]

I was drenched in sweat. I've rarely been that nervous to meet someone.

[Tig Notaro]

Wow, my face was red, but honestly, it was because of the sun.

[Fortune Feimster]

What's happening?

[Tig Notaro]

We were for a walk. Jax and I walked 40 minutes to the venue, and it really took it out of me. You're nervous.

[Fortune Feimster]

You're blushing.

[May Martin]

Yeah. And then the moment we need to process is Alanis's manager or tour manager comes up and goes, so, Fortune, are y'all ready to go on stage and sing the first verse of Ironic?

[Tig Notaro]

No. So she says she had before she had taken us back to that area. She asked me. She's like, can you sing? And I was like, have you heard the podcast? And so I didn't want to answer it because I was like, well, I mean, I'm not a singer by trade, but we've all heard my karaoke pretty good. And so I was like, I. I get. Yeah. And she was like, well, that doesn't give me much confidence. I was like, well, what? I don't know what you're asking. I go, I. I have. I sang with the chicks in Nashville on stage, so I think I. Yeah, I. Yes, I can sing. And so she was like, oh, well, because Alanis does a thing where she brings somebody up to sing a couple verses of Ironic. Would you be into it? I'm like, absolutely. Are you kidding me? So that was the first conversation.

[May Martin]

Okay.

[Tig Notaro]

You had not been privy to.

[May Martin]

Not privy to that. So I just hear the manager go, so, Fortune, you all ready to sing Ironic with Alanis? And I have never in my life. And I love Fortune. Let's just say that right now, I.

[Tig Notaro]

Was ready to murder me and throw me into a river so that I was really shocked.

[May Martin]

Shocked by my own re. I felt rage. Like, I was like, I want to do this so badly.

[Fortune Feimster]

There.

[Tig Notaro]

Looked at me like I had betrayed. Like, I had betrayed you.

[May Martin]

I know.

[Tig Notaro]

I was like, I didn't have anything.

[Fortune Feimster]

To do with it.

[May Martin]

And then I was trying to, like, regain composure, and I was like, no, Fortune, I'm so pumped for you. This is going to be great. And then I would turn back to my friends and be like, I'm gonna kill you.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah.

[May Martin]

Then Fortune goes, I better Google the lyrics. I was like, come on.

[Tig Notaro]

I know the. I know the lyrics. How? You just got nervous. Hey, is this the point where we.

[Fortune Feimster]

Say, isn't it ironic that she's invited and doesn't know the words? I do know the words.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, Lord, I do know the words. But I got so nervous all of a sudden.

[May Martin]

Of course. And I was excited for you. And then. So we go backstage and. And meet her and like, she's everything you want her to be. Like, amazing, right? Didn't she have, like, a power?

[Tig Notaro]

She's just a very present person, a very open. You can just feel the kindness radiate from her. Like, she's just. She just is a leads with openness, I think.

[May Martin]

Yeah. The best way to describe her, so warm, so funny. Like, really made us laugh. And. And so I. And I was like, don't mention that you want to sing. Like, I could ru. I know I could have really ruined the moment by being like, but what about me? And then I was glad we had a great interaction.

[Fortune Feimster]

But how?

[May Martin]

And then, oh, sorry. It comes time for Fortune to sing, and I'm like, I'm gonna tag along. I think I under the guise of being like, oh, if I. Maybe I'll film footage for our social media page. But really secretly, I'm hoping at the last second, Alanis is gonna grab my hand too.

[Fortune Feimster]

And then old Bruce Springsteen, Courtney.

[May Martin]

And then it was a beautiful moment, Fortune. You guys were looking in each other's.

[Tig Notaro]

Eyes singing, my God, my God. I do have a video of it. I have a video of it all on my Instagram. For those that want to see the love exuding from me, and I will say Atlantis too.

[May Martin]

There's the video that my friend made, which is you and Alanis gazing into each other's eyes, crying. And then the camera pans over to me at the side of the stage like, Rumpelstiltskin stamped my little foot. No, I was trying to look. I was like, ooh, yay. But I was really. And then.

[Fortune Feimster]

Are you saying Fortune and Alanis were crying to each other on stage? No, no, no.

[Tig Notaro]

I cried after.

[May Martin]

Oh, you cried out emotional, right?

[Tig Notaro]

Alanis wasn't crying. She's a professional.

[Fortune Feimster]

Every time she brings someone on stage.

[Tig Notaro]

She has this moment every show.

[Fortune Feimster]

She's a Liz Cannon.

[Tig Notaro]

Well, right before I get. So. So Atlantis does, like, a portion at another stage out in the audience, and that's when they said, come meet. Meet us over the side. And when she comes back through to go on stage, she's gonna grab you by the hand and bring you up on stage. But I think a lot. Not always, but Atlanta said a lot of time it's a kid that they have to this. So Atlantis is like, usually pulling some nervous kid. So everyone was like, said, she yanked me on stage. She didn't yank me on stage. She just used to like pulling a kid. And I look like a kid kind of clomping on stage. And she just walks really Fast. And I'm really slow, so it looked like I was being pulled on stage. I was very willingly going on stage. But her, right before I went up on stage, her tour manager goes, oh, don't even worry about the audience. Just sing the song to Atlanta. So I was like, okay. And so we start the song, and Alanis points at the teleprompter like, hey, you know, hear the words kind of, if you need them.

[Fortune Feimster]

And here's the words to my utterly most famous song in the history.

[Tig Notaro]

And I just lock in with Atlanta's eyes right to her, down the barrel. I sing that whole first verse to her, and she's just beaming and looking in my. Peering into my soul.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

In a way that, like, no one has looked at me.

[Fortune Feimster]

I have.

[Tig Notaro]

In that kind of vulnerable.

[Fortune Feimster]

I absolutely have it.

[Tig Notaro]

It was very intimate in a not sexual way, but a very human intimate experience that was so deep that when I got off stage, I legit started. I welled up. It made me so emotional.

[Fortune Feimster]

Why are you about to cry right now?

[Tig Notaro]

No, I'm okay. I've processed it.

[May Martin]

While this was happening, I'm standing there and the stage crew guy comes up to me and goes, excuse me, you're gonna have to stand further back. Your T shirt is very white, apparently.

[Fortune Feimster]

My T shirt? Entire show.

[May Martin]

Yeah, my T shirt was, don't you see?

[Tig Notaro]

Don't you see Atlantis and fortune peering into each other's eyes right now? I sing the first verse and the chorus, and then she gives me a big hug. That's how it always goes. And sends me off. And it was really cool.

[May Martin]

It was epic. It was amazing. You smashed it too. You sounded beautiful, like an angel.

[Fortune Feimster]

Do you know how she chose you and not me?

[May Martin]

Well, that's a good question. And the most embarrassing thing is she was at the same venue the next night. And I texted the kind woman who had got us backstage, of course, and I said, hey, that was so fun last night. You know, if Alanis needs. I said, if Alanis needs anyone tonight.

[Fortune Feimster]

With your teddy bear in your arms.

[May Martin]

I sent to Selvie with the teddy bear. No, I said, if she needs anyone, I'm available. Haha. No. No response.

[Fortune Feimster]

Respond.

[Tig Notaro]

I. I will tell you this. I. I heard from people on the comment section that her nephew did it that night. So that's the only reason. I'm sure you weren't asked.

[May Martin]

I did have a moment with her.

[Tig Notaro]

She did bring my name up again that night too. So I think it did have an everlasting.

[Fortune Feimster]

Did my name come up at all.

[Tig Notaro]

She said she loved the podcast.

[Fortune Feimster]

Well, okay, but did she say Tig is quite extraordinary and I wish I had heard her voice?

[Tig Notaro]

Did you catch that?

[May Martin]

Okay, she might have mumbled me.

[Fortune Feimster]

I met her before you guys did. Okay? And she might not even know. I already told you that.

[May Martin]

Oh, yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

She and I have a mutual friend, and I've socialized with her. I've never sung with her, but I will.

[May Martin]

Tig, if you sing with her before me, I am quitting this podcast. I'm gonna. I don't know if I'll be able to handle it. I'm Canadian.

[Tig Notaro]

I, I. Yeah, she's heard me. Maybe she heard me sing on the podcast and you just need to sing more on our pod.

[May Martin]

Oh, wait a minute, man.

[Fortune Feimster]

To the podcast.

[Tig Notaro]

She does. I had met Atlantis back in 2014. She came to the finale of Chelsea Lately. So there, There. Maybe there was that familiarity from back then, too. I don't. I don't know.

[May Martin]

No, I feel like she knew. She. She was in a safe pair of hands with you and I. I was kind of a wild card. I was quivering, you know, And I did.

[Tig Notaro]

I. I love. I love the Hail Mary that you threw for the next night.

[May Martin]

That is cold.

[Fortune Feimster]

That is no shame cold.

[Thomas Willette]

Thanks for listening to Handsome's greatest hits. Let's just call it Volume one, because we want to hear what your favorite clips and moments are that we missed. Let us know in the comments what you'd like to see if we do a Volume two, and what your favorite clip from this video was as well. And don't forget to go to handsomepod.com for all your merch and follow us at HandsomePod. Have a happy and handsome Holly Bob from me, Fortune, May and Tig. We're gonna close it out with some singing. But first, don't forget, keep it Handsome.

[Tig Notaro]

At least you're not, like, on, like, a bunch of country roads in la.

[Fortune Feimster]

Are there country roads?

[Tig Notaro]

Take me home. Take me home.

[Fortune Feimster]

LA roads. Hollywood Boulevard.

[May Martin]

What is this podcast?

[Tig Notaro]

When you're going into first and you feel big.

[May Martin]

Where's diarrhea?

[Tig Notaro]

Diarrhea.

[May Martin]

When you feel.

[Tig Notaro]

I think this last time we had diarrhea. When you're going in a second and you feel something unpleasant. Diarrhea. Diarrhea. When you're going in the third, sliding into first and you feel a big burst. Second is unpleasant. No, third is turn. Home is when you go into third and you feel a big turn. Diarrhea. And then home is what we know. Boom.

[May Martin]

When you're sliding in the home and you've got.

[Tig Notaro]

Diarrhea. And then you do have to go diarrhea.

[Fortune Feimster]

Your shorts are full of foam.

[May Martin]

Because this is shorts.

[Fortune Feimster]

Did you have foam?

[May Martin]

I had no foam.

[Tig Notaro]

It's what rhymed.

[Fortune Feimster]

I almost died of a disease that caused diarrhea. That. No.

[Tig Notaro]

No foam, no phone. Have you ever heard that song?

[Fortune Feimster]

I've heard the first line and that, but I have not heard about.

[Tig Notaro]

Can you believe I knew all the bases?

[May Martin]

That was great.

[Tig Notaro]

I do want you guys to know one thing, though, before we get into the end of the podcast.

[May Martin]

Oh, What? Oh, my God.

[Tig Notaro]

What?

[Fortune Feimster]

What is it?

[May Martin]

Are you quitting?

[Fortune Feimster]

Fortune, what is it?

[May Martin]

Fortune? I'm scared.

[Tig Notaro]

I'll be there for you. I'll be there for you. Wait, how's the rest of the song?

[May Martin]

Oh, my God.

[Tig Notaro]

Because you're there for me, too.

[Fortune Feimster]

When the rain starts to fall and it's raining guys. Wow.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, my.

[Fortune Feimster]

It feels kind of medium y. And it feels.

[May Martin]

I got goosebumps.

[Fortune Feimster]

I didn't.

[May Martin]

I also genuinely.

[Tig Notaro]

You never thought that life would. Oh, Fortune.

[May Martin]

Come on, man.

[Tig Notaro]

Joke. Wait, your job's a joke. You're broke. Your friends are.

[May Martin]

Thank you, babe.

[Fortune Feimster]

Your headshot resume. Thank you. I was feeding my pants, not on my couch. Fortune.

[Tig Notaro]

Like, it was so close. I'm good. I'm okay. I did it. I did it. Chat with friends on the house. Handsome Pod. Chat friends on the Handsome pod.

[Fortune Feimster]

Wow.

[May Martin]

We've never done live.

[Fortune Feimster]

No.

[May Martin]

Handsome is hosted by me, May Martin, Tig Notaro, and Fortune Feimster. The show is produced, recorded, and edited by Thomas Willette. Email [e-mail] and please follow us on social media at Handsome Podcast.

[Tig Notaro]

What a podcast.

[May Martin]

What a podcast. That was a Headgum podcast.

[Tig Notaro]

Some people just know they could save hundreds on car insurance by checking Allstate First.

[Fortune Feimster]

Like, you know, to check and make sure that your loved ones don't already have a copy of that book you might have already gifted them the year before.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, checking first is smart. So check Allstate first for a quote that could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. This content is intended for audiences in the US Only. Savings vary terms apply. Allstate Fire and Casualty Insurance Company and Affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois. Hey.

[Fortune Feimster]

Hey.

[Tig Notaro]

I'm Lamorne Morris. And I'm Kyle Chevron. And we're here interrupting your workout to tell you about the lemorning out after podcast now on Headgum. That's right.

[May Martin]

Every Wednesday, a new episode drops and we wait.

[Tig Notaro]

Lamorn, what are you doing over there?

[Fortune Feimster]

It's nothing.

[Tig Notaro]

Just that. Just polishing Miami. Why? Well, because we're now the only official Headgum podcast hosted by an Emmy winner. Is that true? Probably not. But Jake Johnson's on Headgum. Does he have an Emmy? No, but. But he has been a guest on the Morning after, which might be an even bigger honor. I mean, and we have other amazing, amazing guests like Glen Powell, Raven, Simone, the cast of New Girl, and many, many more. Plus, we play games. We tell stories. We poll the fans for questions. We pull them for questions, pulling them constantly up and down, sideways, backwards. It's a lot less weird than it sounds. You'll see. Subscribe to the Morning after on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, Pocket Casts, or wherever you get your podcasts. And watch video episodes on YouTube. New episodes drop every Wednesday.