Ike Barinholtz asks about opening a restaurant

Summary

Podcast Summary: Handsome

Episode: Ike Barinholtz Asks About Opening a Restaurant
Hosts: Tig Notaro, Fortune Feimster, Mae Martin
Date: April 28, 2026
Podcast Network: Headgum
Main Theme:
Comedian and actor Ike Barinholtz poses the question: If the hosts were to open a restaurant, what would it be called, what food would they serve, and what would the menu look like? The hosts go down a hilarious, creative rabbit hole, outlining absurd restaurant concepts, sharing personal stories, and riffing on everything from shaved legs to immersive dining experiences and breast milk ice cream.

---

Episode Overview

This episode is centered around the playful, often chaotic brainstorming of hypothetical restaurant ideas in response to Ike Barinholtz’s question. Alongside wild culinary concepts, Tig, Fortune, and Mae banter about travel stories, family dynamics, European adventures, and the nature of nostalgia—as well as more than a few tangents about body hair, gang personas, and mayonnaise on fries.

---

Major Discussion Points & Segments

1. Opening Banter: Touring, Nostalgia & Hygiene

[01:10–04:44]

• Mae is finally settled with proper equipment after “chaotic” travel.
• The trio discusses their shaving habits—including “smooth” legs in sheets.
• Fortune brings up the idea that hair “holds energy”:
  • “People believe that your hair holds on to energy so that when you get it trimmed, you're like letting... sheeding some of that.” —Fortune ([04:44])
• Jokes about being a “helpful gang” and doing “gang voices”.

2. Sibling Stories & Fishing Plans

[08:09–11:13]

• Fortune talks about fishing with her brother and losing her “butch card” for not wanting to bait hooks.
• Mae: “I think true masculinity, it comes from having boundaries… and saying, ‘hey, touch my fish.’” ([10:23])
• Discussion of the awkwardness and nostalgia of adult sibling relationships.

3. Reflecting on Old Friends and Living Situations

[12:30–15:47]

• Mae relates a nostalgic meet-up with an old roommate in Toronto.
• Story of living with roommate’s mom, Norma, for a year:
  • “And then eventually it got too awkward and my roommate moved out, and it was just me and her mom. We lived there another year.” —Mae ([14:16])
• “Dank” Prince music:
  • “She comes out of her bedroom and goes, ‘guys, don't you think the music's a little dank?’” —Mae ([15:00])

4. European Tour Stories & Amsterdam Report

[21:01–24:11]

• Fortune shares her trip to Amsterdam during tulip season, “window shopping” in the Red Light District, and sampling stroopwafels.
• Observes how normalized sex work is there:
  • “...it's just such a part of that city and the culture there…The girls are fine. They're great. They're living their best life.” —Fortune ([23:55])
• Mae delivers a quick “May Fact” on Stockholm Syndrome ([24:33]).

5. Listener Gifts & Fan Interactions

[27:30–28:26]

• Mae reveals she receives a large number of handmade gifts from fans for all three hosts, such as “knitted dolls” and “paintings.”

6. Home Repairs & Health Chatter

[29:05–32:43]

• Tig details construction chaos at her house and her drooping eyelid surgery plans.
• Fortune on her extensive walks in Europe and blood test anxiety.

7. Restaurant Brainstorming

[36:12–61:27]

Ike Barinholtz’s Question:

[36:44]

“What is the name of your restaurant and what is the fare? Give me, like, a quick menu—appetizer, slash salad, main, dessert, cocktail.”

Host Pitches:

a) Tig & Mae’s: Utterly Delicious

• Theme: Staff with top surgery/double mastectomies, “no tits allowed.”
• Menu joke: Everything made with breast milk.
• “And it's called Utterly Delicious.” —Tig ([41:51])
• “The irony is, no one has tits.” —Fortune ([42:36])
• Not a practical proposal, but becomes a running joke.

b) Tig’s: Pasquale’s Pizzeria

• Named for Tig’s father’s dream Italian pizzeria, but vegan.
• “Vegan pizza. And you know, Pasquale would approve. He would be so proud.” —Tig ([44:31])
• Traditional Italian décor, checkered tablecloths, black-and-white family photos.
• Menu: Vegan pizzas (including mushroom, jackfruit, and barbecued watermelon), vegan tiramisu, vegan affogato, maple syrup for crust “dessert”.

c) Mae’s: Hey, Come On In (aka Little Cowboys)

• Comfort food: mashed potatoes, schnitzel, lasagna; tables spaced apart for comfort.
• Outside seating for espresso and cigarettes.
• Live band—jazzy Beatles covers.
• “I want, like, comfort food, like mashed potatoes and schnitzel and, like, lasagna...some tables outside where you can smoke a cigarette.” —Mae ([51:07])
• Optional “immersive”/escape room-style dining experience: waiters give clues, secret menu items unlocked with code phrases.
• “Maybe there's a thing where... you get a slice of cake and you bite it and you're like, ‘oh no, it tastes different.’ Like it tastes like meatloaf...” —Mae ([55:46])

d) Fortune’s: Good Fortune(s)

• Farm-to-table, locally sourced meats, chicken, salads, and fish.
• Thoughtful buildout: greenhouse vibe, lots of windows, plants everywhere.
• Signature drinks: Old Fashioneds, a “mixologist” with a wall of booze.
• “A farm to table type of restaurant... everything's bought from [local farms].” —Fortune ([57:15], [57:30])
• Fortune cookies with “actual wisdom” and various chocolate dips.

e) Ike’s Dream Restaurant: Chai’s (Chicago-Inspired)

[61:56–63:14]

• All Chicago favorites: amuse bouche Chicago-style hot dog, Italian beef salad, meat pizza, chocolate-covered beef or pork for dessert, big cup of whiskey with sausage.
• “We never turn the light off, even if you have a heart attack at the table.” —Ike ([63:10])

---

Notable Quotes & Comedic Highlights

• On gang personas:
  • “It's like we're a street gang or something that nobody's scared of us.” —Tig ([05:37])
• On the imaginary restaurant:
  • “No tits allowed. You can eat there with your tits.” —Tig ([42:40])
• Mae, on immersive restaurants:
  • “Maybe there’s a thing where... you get a slice of cake and you bite it and you’re like, ‘oh no, it tastes different. Like meatloaf or something.’” ([55:44])
• Tig, about vegan pizzeria:
  • “Of course [we have vegan tiramisu]. It's Pasquale's pizzeria.” ([47:22])
• Ike, on his concept:
  • “Chocolate pork sausage with, like, a big cup of whiskey... We never turn the light off, even if you have a heart attack at the table.” ([62:55], [63:10])

---

Timestamps for Key Segments

| Timestamp | Segment/Topic | |-----------|--------------------------------------------| | 01:10 | Hosts reuniting, shaving and hygiene banter| | 08:30 | Fortune’s fishing trip & family stories | | 12:30 | Mae’s nostalgic roommate story | | 21:01 | Fortune’s Amsterdam adventures | | 27:30 | Fan gifts & listener interactions | | 29:05 | Tig’s construction woes & eyelid saga | | 36:12 | Start of restaurant brainstorming | | 41:51 | “Utterly Delicious” cafe riff | | 44:31 | Tig’s “Pasquale’s Pizzeria” | | 51:07 | Mae’s comfort-food & immersive concept | | 57:15 | Fortune’s “Good Fortune(s)” idea | | 61:56 | Ike Barinholtz presents his own restaurant | | 63:14 | Wrap-up, show plugs, and tour dates |

---

Memorable Episode Moments

• The running theme of “tits/no tits allowed” as a restaurant concept.
• A detailed, tongue-in-cheek debate over using breast milk in desserts.
• The concept of a comfort-food restaurant with subtle immersive/escape room features.
• Ike’s Chicago-style amuse-bouche and “never turn the light off” quip.

---

Episode Tone & Style

The tone is casual, off-the-cuff, and consistently playful, veering into improv territory as the hosts riff off each other’s absurd ideas. The language is warm, friendly, and frequently cheeky, with plenty of double entendres and buzz of genuine camaraderie.

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Who Will Enjoy This Episode?

Listeners who enjoy:

• Comedic brainstorming and improv-style banter
• Absurd, left-field humor
• Stories about travel, nostalgia, and family
• Whimsical, creative scenarios
• The personalities and comedic styles of Tig, Fortune, and Mae

This episode is a fun, no-holds-barred tour through the hosts’ imaginations, blending restaurant fantasy with personal anecdotes, all delivered in their trademark silly, irreverent style.

Transcript

[Mae Martin]

This is a Headgun podcast.

[Tig Notaro]

Checking Allstate first could save you hundreds on car insurance. That's smart. Not checking that you packed a backup book to read if you're almost finished with your current one major crisis. I finished my book on the first day of my trip. Hope the hotel has a gift shop.

[Allstate Ad Voice]

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[Fortune Feimster]

Hacks is back for its fifth and final season and so is the Hacks Podcast. Join the Hacks creators and showrunners Lucia Agnello, Paul W. Downs and Jen Statsky as they unpack the Emmy winning comedy series. On each episode, hear stories from the set, what goes on in the writers room, and how these beloved characters close out their final season.

[Tig Notaro]

Watch Hacks streaming exclusively on HBO Max and listen to the Hacks podcast on HBO Max or wherever you get your podcasts.

[Mae Martin]

Friends on the Handsome Pod. Chatting with friends on the Handsome Pod. Cheers. Welcome to the Handsome Pod. I'm one of your hosts, Mae Martin, joined by two very handsome people as well.

[Tig Notaro]

Tig Notaro, unfortunate Feemster.

[Mae Martin]

Hi, guys.

[Tig Notaro]

Welcome back. I feel like it's been a beat.

[Mae Martin]

I feel like that's been a beat.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah. And May doesn't have a bus in the background or traffic going by. What is going on? Where are you?

[Fortune Feimster]

How is a possible microphone?

[Mae Martin]

I got my proper mic, got my proper headphones because. And I got a hotel room just to do the pod because the WI fi is so bad. Like on the bus and it's been so chaotic. So I feel good.

[Allstate Ad Voice]

I did a couple push ups. I had a shower.

[Fortune Feimster]

I was about to say the shower part is going to be nice.

[Mae Martin]

Oh, yeah, it's nice.

[Fortune Feimster]

That's worth it right there. The WI fi and the shower.

[Mae Martin]

The bus driver said, don't shower when the bus is moving. You'll find it scary. And I was like, I'm fine. And then I was in the shower and he started and it was like, oh, I got my razor in there. I'm trying to shave. No, you're like.

[Fortune Feimster]

He was right.

[Tig Notaro]

What do you shave?

[Mae Martin]

I knew you were gonna. As soon as I said razor, I thought, oh, no. I walked into that.

[Allstate Ad Voice]

Well, you know, I've.

[Mae Martin]

I started shaving my legs again just for fun.

[Tig Notaro]

And it's. It's been a good time.

[Mae Martin]

It's been a blast.

[Tig Notaro]

Okay, could we see A shaven leg? Well, yeah, at the moment I'm in the mood.

[Allstate Ad Voice]

Like I didn't shave in this shower,

[Mae Martin]

so they're, they're pretty prickly.

[Tig Notaro]

But like, oh, that is a good looking shaved leg. Hot off the YouTube.

[Mae Martin]

I like how it feels in the sheets. You know, I like that we're, we're all wearing black.

[Fortune Feimster]

We look like it feels in the sheets too. Whatever it is.

[Tig Notaro]

It is a shaved leg.

[Mae Martin]

A smooth.

[Fortune Feimster]

Anything in this sheet is fine.

[Mae Martin]

Right? Yeah, true.

[Tig Notaro]

Now I can't remember. May, do you have Harry pits?

[Mae Martin]

No, I don't.

[Tig Notaro]

You shave that too?

[Mae Martin]

Yeah, I can't do it. It's so when it grow. Listen, no judgment to anyone. Where it's growing, like out. Like out out. You know, I can't do that. But what about you guys?

[Tig Notaro]

So you're saying like rather than the hair that grows out and then hangs down?

[Mae Martin]

Yeah, like I think if it's long enough to be draping, that's fine. But it's when it really grows out. Out. But wait, what about your pits and legs? Please, both of you.

[Fortune Feimster]

I shave.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, I'm a pretty little lady. Top to bottom. I am just no armpit hair. No. Yeah. I even shave my mustache.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah.

[Mae Martin]

Do you use like a razor or one of those little dermaplanar blades? I've sometimes done that on my face.

[Tig Notaro]

Well, I don't really shave my mustache.

[Mae Martin]

Oh, I do. Because the testosterone, I think, makes me grow.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, yeah, right. That makes sense.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

I shave my armpits, I shave my legs. I like. I like a smooth. I like to be smooth.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Feels good in the bed.

[Mae Martin]

Feels good in the sheets. Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

Anytime I armpits get unruly. Yeah. It feels. I'm like h. I want to. I don't know, something about shaving, it makes it feel like. Like how people say a hair holds energy in your head.

[Mae Martin]

Wait, do they?

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, they haven't told me that. Or may, I mean.

[Fortune Feimster]

Woo.

[Mae Martin]

Woo.

[Fortune Feimster]

People believe that your hair holds on to energy so that when you get it trimmed, you're like letting. Shedding some of that.

[Mae Martin]

That feels right.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah. But you know, not everyone believes that. But I can see, I can see that.

[Mae Martin]

I believe it now for the rest of my life. All you have to do is say it.

[Tig Notaro]

I just got a haircut and I didn't experience that.

[Fortune Feimster]

You don't feel lighter emotionally?

[Tig Notaro]

Sure.

[Fortune Feimster]

I always feel lighter after a haircut.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, well, I guess technically you are. You know, if you were to weigh in.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Probably be a little bit lighter.

[Fortune Feimster]

A shedding of sorts.

[Mae Martin]

You do look sharp. We all. We all look like we're. I don't know, in. In a. In the jets or like. Like, we're all in black.

[Fortune Feimster]

We are cool as hell.

[Tig Notaro]

It's like we're a street gang or something that nobody's scared of

[Fortune Feimster]

us.

[Mae Martin]

If we descended on someone in an

[Fortune Feimster]

alley or like, hey, it'd be more like west side Story.

[Tig Notaro]

And that would be your gang voice.

[Fortune Feimster]

Hey, hey. Hey. Hey, you.

[Mae Martin]

Hey, guys.

[Tig Notaro]

What's your gang voice?

[Fortune Feimster]

What are you doing around these parts?

[Tig Notaro]

Fortune.

[Fortune Feimster]

That's it. I think my gang voice would be like, what's up?

[Mae Martin]

You.

[Fortune Feimster]

You lost?

[Mae Martin]

Oh, that's good.

[Fortune Feimster]

And then I would give it.

[Tig Notaro]

Terrifying.

[Fortune Feimster]

And then I would give them directions.

[Tig Notaro]

To where?

[Fortune Feimster]

Wherever they need to be.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, so you're a helpful gang.

[Fortune Feimster]

I. Yes, I am.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah. This is a helpful gang.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah, of course.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

I don't talk. My. My gang character doesn't talk. My gang character just has crossed arms and just nods like, yeah, What?

[Fortune Feimster]

They said like, the Get Along Gang.

[Mae Martin]

That's kind of like my. My part in Fortune's golf show with Will Ferrell. I did a lot of stand. Standing with my arms crossed, nodding.

[Ike Barinholtz]

Yeah.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

I was like, yeah, right. That's coming out in the summer already, you know? I know.

[Tig Notaro]

That's exciting. What is that on Netflix? That's so exciting.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah. And what's it called? The Hawk.

[Tig Notaro]

The Hawk, right.

[Fortune Feimster]

You said that Will's going to be hosting snl. Oh, really? So that'll be cool.

[Mae Martin]

Do you get to go?

[Fortune Feimster]

I'm gonna go. I'm gonna go watch them because I'm. I have a show in Reading, Pennsylvania, the night before. So I'll just go back into Philly, take the train up to New York. Easy peasy.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Lemon squeezy.

[Mae Martin]

Lemon squeeze.

[Fortune Feimster]

And I'm gonna go watch him do his thing.

[Mae Martin]

No, I really, I. Have you ever said to anyone, are you lost? Like, in a threatening way, are you lost?

[Tig Notaro]

No.

[Fortune Feimster]

If I asked them, that would be more of like, is, where's your soul right now? Is your soul lost?

[Mae Martin]

Oh, yeah. Have you lost yourself? Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Or like, where are your parents?

[Mae Martin]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Are you lost?

[Mae Martin]

Have you ever offered someone a knuckle sandwich?

[Fortune Feimster]

No.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Mae Martin]

You have?

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Mae Martin]

My brother, you said, can I make you a sandwich? He goes, yeah, sure. What's that? Knuckle.

[Tig Notaro]

Well, I think we just exchanged offers over and over.

[Mae Martin]

Right.

[Tig Notaro]

Do you want a knuckle sandwich? You know? Yeah. And.

[Fortune Feimster]

And he offered you one back.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, we both offered knuckle Sandwiches, back and forth.

[Fortune Feimster]

Things redundant.

[Mae Martin]

Funny. With siblings where now, like, now we're all adults, and you're having a coffee with this other adult. And you both know that you were insane to each other as kids. Like, that.

[Tig Notaro]

You were.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

I'm going fishing with my brother next week. Next weekend. Which is kind of funny because, like, he and I have not done anything like this in years.

[Tig Notaro]

Wow.

[Fortune Feimster]

And he. He's an avid fisherman, and he's been trying to get me to go fishing with him forever. And I just finally was like, okay, let's go fishing. So I'm gonna have a sibling weekend with my brother.

[Tig Notaro]

That's great.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Are you going in the ocean or lake or river?

[Fortune Feimster]

We're going up in the Niagara Falls area because he said it's, like, unbelievably gorgeous there. But I believe so. I believe it's fresh water where we're going to.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

I have not. I know I look butch, but I'm a dainty little, pretty little lady on the inside. I'm worried. Not worried. I'm not losing sleep over it. But I will definitely be a big puss when it comes to baiting my hook. Oh.

[Mae Martin]

Because it's live.

[Tig Notaro]

Have you done it before?

[Fortune Feimster]

I mean, as a kid. And we have some friends that are going to. And I'm probably going to get laughed at.

[Mae Martin]

Can I feel like you can get them to do it for you?

[Fortune Feimster]

I know, but may I feel like I'm my butch card, you know, because I'm so butcher. It's going to get revolved.

[Tig Notaro]

Right.

[Mae Martin]

You're not slamming worms onto those hooks.

[Fortune Feimster]

And then. And then if I am lucky enough to catch a fish, which we all know I will. I don't want to. Then touch it.

[Mae Martin]

Well, that. Yeah, that's fair. I think so.

[Fortune Feimster]

But do you guys. I think that my butch card will be taken from me.

[Tig Notaro]

Can you. Instead of, like, live bait, use, like, a lure?

[Fortune Feimster]

I'll ask my brother. Otherwise, he's gonna have to bait my hook.

[Tig Notaro]

Hell.

[Fortune Feimster]

But I also don't want to touch my fish.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah. I think.

[Tig Notaro]

Are we talking about.

[Fortune Feimster]

We're still talking about fishing. These are not euphemisms. This is my brother.

[Mae Martin]

I think true masculinity, it comes from having. Having boundaries, knowing what you like and don't like and saying, hey, touch my fish.

[Fortune Feimster]

Hey, you guys, I don't want to put a. I don't want to touch a worm.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

And I want to touch my fish.

[Fortune Feimster]

I don't want to touch my fish. So I'm gonna need Somebody to do this for me.

[Mae Martin]

So basically, I'll just stand there with the pole and if anything happens, I'll pass it off. Is fishing just. Most of fishing is just, like, standing right.

[Tig Notaro]

And talking.

[Mae Martin]

Talking.

[Fortune Feimster]

Hopefully people have stuff to talk about. Otherwise, awkward.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah. That could be so awkward. Maybe you could offer your brother a knuckle sandwich.

[Fortune Feimster]

Maybe.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

If he doesn't bait my hook.

[Tig Notaro]

Hello.

[Fortune Feimster]

I'll give him a knuckle sandwich.

[Tig Notaro]

Right. Enough.

[Fortune Feimster]

That's right.

[Mae Martin]

Tell him you'll be in charge of food for the day. When he asks, say, oh, yeah, I brought you a knuckle sandwich.

[Fortune Feimster]

Knuckle sandwich. But I kind of like the idea of, like, sibling trips as an adult.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

And does he typically go on fishing trips himself? He's. He. He does that.

[Mae Martin]

Are you gonna eat the fish?

[Fortune Feimster]

I don't know. That's a good question, May. Thanks.

[Tig Notaro]

Really good. I mean, one of the best questions we've had on this podcast.

[Mae Martin]

Thanks. Thanks.

[Tig Notaro]

Well, not to compete, but I'm gonna see my brother next week.

[Fortune Feimster]

Really?

[Tig Notaro]

Wow. Yeah. No fishing trip, but I'm gonna see him and his wife and kids and who knows what's gonna happen? Yeah.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah. What are you gonna.

[Tig Notaro]

I mean, I have an idea. We usually sit around and talk and.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Go get coffees and play with the kids and the dog. That's. I. I know exactly what's gonna happen.

[Fortune Feimster]

You know, exactly.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

Is it just you or the family's not going?

[Tig Notaro]

It's just me. Yeah. Yeah.

[Mae Martin]

Do you, like, revisit the same conversations with, like, with. I have different people in my life where we have the same conversation over and over, Like. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. We cover some similar ground.

[Tig Notaro]

I mean, we're on a cycle.

[Mae Martin]

When I was in Toronto, I saw an old. My old roommate who. I haven't. I haven't really hung out with her in.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Mae Martin]

15 years or something. And we went right back to, like, this. We were talking about the same house parties that we were still processing. Like, we. We used to have a bong called Gary Sinise. We talked a lot about that. We used to rent DVDs of CSI and watch a whole season of CSI in two years.

[Fortune Feimster]

The original one.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah. Like the Sinise one. So what was that? Gary Sinise? Was that.

[Tig Notaro]

Now, had you smoked out of Gary Sinise while you were talking about Gary Sinise?

[Mae Martin]

When. When we lived together. Yeah. We watched CSI with Gary Sinise while smoking out of Gary Sinise.

[Fortune Feimster]

Wow.

[Tig Notaro]

CSI New York, Thomas.

[Mae Martin]

CSI New York. That's right. Correct. Yeah. Yeah. But I get I'm. I'm really nostalgia driven. Like, we recreated a photo that we took 15 years ago. I love all that.

[Tig Notaro]

Wow.

[Mae Martin]

And she was. I mean, we were. We were a mess when we lived together, and now she's like a big costume designer on. She's done so well. She's awesome.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

In Toronto.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

Nice.

[Mae Martin]

And she. So her mom, she. I went away, and then maybe I've told you this, I'm sure it's in the cycle, but I went away and then she emailed me. When we lived together, we were like, 20. She said, My mom's gonna be crashing on our couch for a couple weeks. Is that okay? I was like, yeah. She said, oh, she'll be gone by the time you get. And then I got back, and there she was. And. And. And then eventually it got too awkward and my roommate moved out, and it was just me and her mom. We lived there another year.

[Fortune Feimster]

You lived for a year with her mom?

[Tig Notaro]

Yes.

[Mae Martin]

And guess what? She still lives in that apartment. So she. She set her sights on it, and she.

[Fortune Feimster]

She's like, I'm gonna squat.

[Tig Notaro]

How many years?

[Fortune Feimster]

Mine.

[Tig Notaro]

How many years has she like, it's a rental. She doesn't own it.

[Mae Martin]

It's a rental. And they've never raised the rent. And she just loves it. It's right on Queen Street. And it's. She's been there 18 years now, I guess. Dang.

[Tig Notaro]

That is wild.

[Fortune Feimster]

And you guys got along well?

[Mae Martin]

Me and Norma. Yeah. Yeah. The mom, Norma, of course.

[Tig Notaro]

Yes, yes.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah, we did. She was hilarious. Except one time I was listening to Prince with my friends. I mean, I was an adult in my own apartment, you know, but suddenly with a mom living there.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Mae Martin]

And we were listening to Prince, and it must have been like one in the morning or something. And she comes out of her bedroom and goes, guys, don't you think the music's a little dank? We were like, dank.

[Fortune Feimster]

I don't know.

[Mae Martin]

I still don't know what that meant.

[Tig Notaro]

What do you feel like it means dank.

[Fortune Feimster]

Like, thank you. It's more like. It's not positive, right?

[Mae Martin]

No, she would sound.

[Tig Notaro]

It sounds smelly, first of all. It sounds wet.

[Mae Martin]

Like, smutty and wet by. It was print. I think what she meant was, shut the up. I'm trying to sleep.

[Tig Notaro]

And this was 10 years ago.

[Mae Martin]

No, eight. Like, almost 20. I was. Oh, I was 20 years old, so.

[Tig Notaro]

Because I was gonna say if it was 10 years ago, that's actually when Prince died.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, he died 10 years ago.

[Mae Martin]

Is that right?

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Mae Martin]

I saw a clip of In April performing the other day. I didn't realize he was so physical. He was doing like throwing them heels. Yeah. You guys like Prince?

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah. Yeah, for sure.

[Tig Notaro]

We're living, breathing human beings.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah. Sorry.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah. Are you guys hearing the drilling at my house?

[Mae Martin]

Oh, let me listen.

[Tig Notaro]

It's ever so slight right now, but sometimes it can ramp up. It's not happening anymore, but we're getting a new deck.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

Tell us my heartbeat.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh my God, this is so romantic.

[Fortune Feimster]

Hear my heart pumping for you.

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[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, checking first is smart. So check all state first for a quote that could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Potential savings vary subject to terms, conditions and availability. Allstate North American Insurance Company and Affiliates Northbrook, Illinois. Today's episode of Handsome is sponsored by our friends at Honeylove. May and I have been hearing non stop from Fortune about her new sports bra from HoneyLove. While most sports bras miss the mark, Fortune cannot stop bragging that hers feels amazing to wear all day without feeling too tight or too loose or being a pain to take off. That's because the Honeylove Crossflex Activity bra is designed to be supportive without feeling tight, stiff or suffocating. With an easy hook and eyeback, you don't have to wrestle it over your head. Like most sports bras, it provides wireless support using cloud fuse bonding, meaning no poking, digging or pressure points.

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[Tig Notaro]

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[Fortune Feimster]

I'm gonna see my mom next week.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, when you go for the fishing trip?

[Fortune Feimster]

Before the fishing trip. I'll see my mom. She's having a bunch of tests and MRIs and everything next week, so she asked me to come, but that will be the deciding factor. May and I talked about this on a mini soda, whether or not I'm going to take my mom to Europe for a little bit.

[Mae Martin]

So you're going to see how the

[Fortune Feimster]

test next week will be the deciding factor. So.

[Tig Notaro]

Okay.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah. Because I'm going to do a bunch of shows the end of May, early June in Europe, and we were weighing in on whether or not she was going to come to the Copenhagen, London and Dublin part of the trip.

[Tig Notaro]

Has she been to those places before?

[Fortune Feimster]

She's been to London, but not Copenhagen and not Dublin. She wanted to go to all the cities because I'm going to Stockholm. Oslo.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

Berlin. Where? Somewhere else. But I was like, we got to. We cannot do the whole.

[Mae Martin]

A whole European road trip.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Why?

[Fortune Feimster]

Just because her health. Yeah. She only has so much stamina. So we'll see.

[Tig Notaro]

Okay.

[Mae Martin]

Hopefully the tests are good because I think that'd be fun.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Mae Martin]

I don't know. I'm not the one that is going.

[Fortune Feimster]

So I just gone to Amsterdam.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

And I did a show there. And. But everyone thought that that was the trip I was referring to with my mom. So literally everyone was like, did your mom go? Did your mom go? I was like, that wrong trip. I'm going back.

[Tig Notaro]

When you. Oh. When you saw people at the show were coming up.

[Fortune Feimster]

People. I posted that I just got back from Amsterdam.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh.

[Fortune Feimster]

Because I did a separate Trip there because I had to do some other work stuff. And so they thought that was the trip. I was trying to decide whether or not to take her on, but that was not the one. There's another one coming up. But I got. I went to Amsterdam and it was tulip season.

[Mae Martin]

Oh, wait. Yes. Tell us about Amsterdam.

[Fortune Feimster]

Girl is the most gorgeous flowers I've ever seen.

[Mae Martin]

Tulips and clogs.

[Fortune Feimster]

Tulips and clogs.

[Tig Notaro]

Did you tiptoe?

[Fortune Feimster]

I did go through the red. I did go through the red light district.

[Mae Martin]

Oh, you did? But did you tiptoe through the tulips?

[Fortune Feimster]

First of all, I did not tiptoe through the tulips.

[Tig Notaro]

Why do you have to tiptoe through the tulips?

[Fortune Feimster]

I don't know.

[Tig Notaro]

Because they're.

[Fortune Feimster]

What was his name?

[Mae Martin]

What's his name? The guy that sings that. I don't even really tell it.

[Fortune Feimster]

Know what you guys are referring to.

[Tig Notaro]

You've never heard of Tiptoe through the Tulips?

[Mae Martin]

He sings like that. Those were the days where you could be a big star. And you sing like that and you're weird. Tiptoe through the tip.

[Fortune Feimster]

I don't know this song. Two against one.

[Tig Notaro]

Wow. Two against Thomas.

[Mae Martin]

What's his name?

[Fortune Feimster]

Tiptoe.

[Mae Martin]

Tiptoe through the tulips. I'm seeing that it was written.

[Allstate Ad Voice]

Oh, it was made popular by guitarist Nick Lucas.

[Mae Martin]

No.

[Fortune Feimster]

But then there's a guy named Tiny Tim.

[Mae Martin]

That's the one. Obviously, that's the one. I mean, the one that sings. And he goes, I'm Tiny Tim and I'm gonna be a big.

[Fortune Feimster]

I don't have any clue what you are talking about.

[Tig Notaro]

That's clear.

[Fortune Feimster]

But I was telling you, I went to the red light district.

[Mae Martin]

Oh, yeah? How was it?

[Fortune Feimster]

I saw a lot of boobies.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah. In the windows.

[Fortune Feimster]

Just window shopping. Not. I mean, not shopping. It was not shopping for anything.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, my God. Just window shopping.

[Fortune Feimster]

Let me be clear. Not shopping for a thing. But they're just. There's just boobies everywhere.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

And I did see. Listen, this is no judgment. More of like, hey, good for y'. All. A couple was going in to negotiate with one of the gals, and I was like, look at them on vacation being like, let's, you know, a couple,

[Tig Notaro]

like a male, female couple.

[Fortune Feimster]

Male, female couple. Like, maybe it was on their bucket list. And they were like, let's go do this together.

[Mae Martin]

I never went date night. You did. Did you actually say that?

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Hilarious date. And did they respond? Did they hear you?

[Fortune Feimster]

I was Far away.

[Tig Notaro]

That is so funny.

[Fortune Feimster]

But yeah, it's. It's just, you know, but it's interesting over there because nobody thinks twice about it. It's just such a. It's been such a part of that city and the culture there. It's. No, it doesn't phase anyone. And the girls are fine. They're great. They're living their best life.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah. I mean, and it's legal, so they get to have unions. And they. It's all super safe. I'm very pro. Yeah, Very pro.

[Fortune Feimster]

Sex work. It's.

[Mae Martin]

I just.

[Fortune Feimster]

Cool city.

[Mae Martin]

I just googled why did they call it Stockholm syndrome? When you said Stockholm, I thought about that.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah.

[Mae Martin]

You want to know the answer? It's crazy. Do you know?

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, okay, let's hear it.

[Mae Martin]

Okay. Stockholm syndrome is named after a 1973 bank robbery in Stockholm, Sweden, where hostages developed an unexpected positive emotional bond with their captors during a six day standoff. They defended the criminals, feared the police, refused to testify. And yeah, that was coined that term may fact.

[Tig Notaro]

Thank you for sharing that, May.

[Mae Martin]

I could see that happening to me if I was a hostage in a bank robbery. And I'd be like, yeah, but you know, life is tough. I get it.

[Tig Notaro]

Like, yeah, this is my best friend.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah. Yeah. What are you doing after this?

[Tig Notaro]

I love this person. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

And then I ate a stoop waffle.

[Mae Martin]

No.

[Fortune Feimster]

What's a stupid how you say it?

[Mae Martin]

Don't know.

[Tig Notaro]

I don't either.

[Fortune Feimster]

Dutch is very hard to decipher.

[Mae Martin]

What is it?

[Fortune Feimster]

It's a waffle with like caramel in the middle.

[Mae Martin]

Oh, with stoop in the middle.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah, sure. And this one had chocolate on top of it.

[Tig Notaro]

Was it delicious?

[Fortune Feimster]

Delish.

[Tig Notaro]

And then I had a lot of treats.

[Fortune Feimster]

Those. That's fries.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah. No, I know.

[Fortune Feimster]

You guys didn't know what frites are. They're fries.

[Tig Notaro]

Did you know May.

[Fortune Feimster]

And they put mayonnaise on their fries.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah. How do you feel about that? I'm anti.

[Fortune Feimster]

I don't want it. For whatever reason, I don't want it in the States. But over there it makes sense.

[Mae Martin]

That's funny.

[Fortune Feimster]

But they. And when we went. When I went to Brussels, they have the curry ketchup. That's big in London, right?

[Mae Martin]

Oh, it's big in Berlin. Curry? Yeah, Chips and like fries with curry sauce and stuff.

[Fortune Feimster]

But that's not a big thing in London.

[Mae Martin]

Maybe. I don't remember that though.

[Tig Notaro]

Never heard of it.

[Fortune Feimster]

It's like a curry ketchup.

[Mae Martin]

That's. That's good. Why do we Stay in our lane so much, you know?

[Fortune Feimster]

Very European right now. I don't know what to tell you guys.

[Tig Notaro]

No, I know. You seem like you really.

[Mae Martin]

Yes.

[Tig Notaro]

Came back.

[Fortune Feimster]

I'm about to take one tit out because it's very European.

[Mae Martin]

Everyone in Europe's got one.

[Fortune Feimster]

Everyone in Europe hanging out has one tit hanging out at all times. At least they have a tit and app.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah. Rub it in much?

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

I'm gonna take my one tit out of my Honey Love bra and drink an aperol spritz.

[Mae Martin]

Oh, my God.

[Fortune Feimster]

And have some frites, and. I mean, you'll think I'm European, especially with that accent. But I did a show in Amsterdam as well, and we had some lovely, handsome listeners come to the show, so it's very cool to. To meet some of our European friends. European friends, yeah.

[Mae Martin]

That's so nice. Did they give you stuff for me? Because I'm getting a lot of stuff for you guys on tour.

[Tig Notaro]

Did anyone happen to have any gifts for me? Yeah. No.

[Fortune Feimster]

How do I have. The last I gave to y' all was the soap. I haven't been given anything for the group in a minute.

[Mae Martin]

You got. You guys got a lot of stuff coming.

[Fortune Feimster]

Really?

[Mae Martin]

I have so much stuff that I had to ship it back to my house.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, wow.

[Mae Martin]

And I'm still. I got 12 more cities to go and.

[Fortune Feimster]

Well, you can use your discretion if you think.

[Mae Martin]

No, you're getting all. There's paintings of us. There's. There's knitted dolls of all three of us. There's all kinds of cool shit.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah. Wow.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah, it's really dull. It's. It's. It's so much stuff.

[Fortune Feimster]

How do we look?

[Mae Martin]

Oh, we all look great.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah. Even me?

[Mae Martin]

Yeah, even you?

[Tig Notaro]

Even me.

[Mae Martin]

Yes, even you.

[Fortune Feimster]

With Tig's one eye.

[Tig Notaro]

One eye, no tits.

[Fortune Feimster]

One eye, no tits. Jig.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, how's my eye look?

[Fortune Feimster]

So good.

[Tig Notaro]

Does it look like it's closing or.

[Fortune Feimster]

But you haven't had anything done to it.

[Mae Martin]

No, it looks pretty. Pretty even today.

[Fortune Feimster]

Okay.

[Tig Notaro]

Well, it. I think I have it done in October now. Oh, it keeps getting back. Well, no, it was one. It was set. And then. Because it's hard to get it scheduled, when I had to move it, it, like, really got moved down the line.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah.

[Mae Martin]

Does it start to twitch if, like. If they're doing construction in your house? Will the noise, like.

[Tig Notaro]

No, there's no twitching. That happens. It just feels like a brick is placed on that eyelid.

[Mae Martin]

And you don't like that?

[Tig Notaro]

I'm not crazy about it because it interferes with my eyesight and. And it just. It just. It feels so weird.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah. Wait, girl, tell us about your. Your patio, girl.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, girl. I was. You know, we had a. We had to get our roof fixed only to find out we need a new back patio and upper deck because the wood was rotting. We've lived in our house for 10 years, and I guess it's that the people remodeled right around then and then. I guess 10 years is kind of a sweet spot of when things start going to hell.

[Fortune Feimster]

Just.

[Mae Martin]

I'm picturing just everything at once.

[Tig Notaro]

I'm not kidding you. I am not kidding you. And before we got on this episode, I was saying that. Do you hear that?

[Mae Martin]

Oh, I heard something there.

[Tig Notaro]

That's barely anything. Yeah. It was so explosively loud. I was. And it was truly three minutes before we got on. I was like, there is no possible way we're going to be able to record. And then, you know, the Lord was on our side.

[Fortune Feimster]

The Lord bless you and keep you.

[Tig Notaro]

Yes. That Lord blessed us and we were able to continue.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, here we go. Here we go.

[Tig Notaro]

Unless that is nothing compared to what was going on before we got on here.

[Fortune Feimster]

It sounds kind of like somebody like tapping on your.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, I don't. Yeah, they might just bumping uglies. You know, a little bit of tapping with the hammer. But something else. There was like a drill saw situation that felt like it was about to knock the whole house down.

[Fortune Feimster]

Well, they probably. Maybe that was when they were removing the wood from the house.

[Tig Notaro]

Pretty little lady.

[Mae Martin]

You just got your butch cards back.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah, I got my butch card back. She got her butch card back.

[Tig Notaro]

Still working out?

[Fortune Feimster]

No, I got to get back into it.

[Tig Notaro]

So are you doing gym workout? Are you treading? What are you doing?

[Fortune Feimster]

I did a week of workouts a couple weeks ago, and then I've been. I was then in Europe. I got. I walked the equivalent of 50,000 steps in one day. No, five days.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, wow.

[Fortune Feimster]

Wait, is that good?

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

No way. It's not. 50,000. 50 miles, 100,000 steps. It was. I got 20,000 steps a day.

[Tig Notaro]

Whoa. I remember when Stephanie and I went to Amsterdam, we walked so much. I think it's the most I've ever walked in my life.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah. So it was 50 miles, 100, 000 steps.

[Tig Notaro]

Good Lord Fortune.

[Fortune Feimster]

I'm the pillar of health.

[Tig Notaro]

We know it, girl.

[Fortune Feimster]

Although I just got my blood drawn because I'm trying to actually look into my health now. And the doctor's, like, just got 80 of your results. Can we talk? And I'm like, oh, no.

[Tig Notaro]

Did you talk?

[Fortune Feimster]

Not yet. I kind of don't want to hear it. Didn't sound like great.

[Mae Martin]

Well, you never know. Maybe it's like, can we talk? And then it's just a call. Yeah. Good job.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

You're outside. Does not match your inside.

[Tig Notaro]

That's what I like to do to, you know, waiters. I ask, can we say?

[Fortune Feimster]

Can we talk?

[Tig Notaro]

I say, can I talk to the manager? And then they're like, is there something I can help you with? And I say, everything is divine once again.

[Fortune Feimster]

Look at you.

[Mae Martin]

That's so good. That's so good. I love that.

[Tig Notaro]

And they're looking at me like preparing for something terrible. But they're like, so everything's good? And I'm like, everything is amazing. And we will be back again next week.

[Mae Martin]

That's so good. I love that. I'll never forget when I went with Parv and Amma for lunch when Amma was five and out of nowhere the waiter was like, and is everything to your satisfaction? And she goes, I don't like it. And we were all like, oh my God. And she goes, I love it. What about us?

[Tig Notaro]

Still got it.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

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[Fortune Feimster]

this time of year always makes me rethink what's in my closet. I'm trying to keep fewer things, but better ones. Pieces that are well made and easy to wear all the time. That's why I keep coming back To Quince, the fabrics feel elevated, the fits are thoughtful, and the pricing actually makes sense.

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Quince makes high quality everyday essentials using premium materials like 100% European linen and their insanely soft flow knit activewear fabric. Their linen pants and shirts are lightweight, breathable, and comfortable, basically the perfect layer for spring. The pants strike the right balance between laid back and refined, so you look put together without trying too hard. And their flow knit activewear, moisture wicking, anti odor, and soft enough that you'll actually want to wear it all day. I got a pair of Quince's European linen drawstring beach shorts. Not only do they look incredible on me, but they're comfy too, making it easy to go from day to night in style.

[Fortune Feimster]

Refresh your wardrobe with quince. Go to quince.com handsome for free shipping and 365 day returns. Now available in Canada too. Go to Q U I n c e.com Handsome for free shipping and 365 day returns. Quints.com Handsome should we get to our question?

[Tig Notaro]

I think we should.

[Fortune Feimster]

Well, today's question. Asker is an actor and comedian who has starred in shows like Mad tv, Eastbound and down, and my best friend and my co worker on the show the Mindy Project. Most recently, his work in the hit show the Studio won a critics Choice award and an actor award, and he was actually nominated for an Emmy. Ike Barinholtz is asking today's question.

[Tig Notaro]

Nice.

[Ike Barinholtz]

Hi, handsome. Pod, it's Ike Fortune. You're my dear old friend Tig, my neighbor. May. I don't know you as well, but you're a new friend. Okay, I love that each of you are opening a restaurant. What is the name of the restaurant and what is the fare? And give me, like a quick menu, like appetizer, slash salad, main dessert, cocktail. I'll take my answer off there, please. Thank you.

[Tig Notaro]

I truly trip over Ike every other day in the neighborhood.

[Fortune Feimster]

In the neighborhood. Well, he goes on walks and stuff, right?

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah. Yeah, so do I. And boy, do we bump into each other.

[Mae Martin]

That's funny.

[Fortune Feimster]

Our last season of the mini project together, he was working on a movie and he fractured his neck. Like, literally came with an inch of being paralyzed.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, my God.

[Fortune Feimster]

Crazy.

[Mae Martin]

At work.

[Fortune Feimster]

At work.

[Tig Notaro]

Filming.

[Mae Martin]

Oh, my God.

[Fortune Feimster]

Not at our work. Some. Another project. And he just, like, willed himself into, like, being. Okay, he was in a neck brace or almost our entire last season, but he. He had to sit upright a certain degree every day and he had to walk a certain amount every day. And he just, like, was the most dedicated I've ever seen of anybody. And somehow just like, wow. Fixed himself through this and, you know, obviously physical therapy and stuff, but, like, that was such a close call. But. And also he won celebrity Jeopardy. He is wildly knowledgeable about an insane amount of stuff.

[Tig Notaro]

Really more than me.

[Fortune Feimster]

Like a history guy. He knows, like, history dates. I mean, just like, his brain is, like, wild.

[Mae Martin]

Wow.

[Fortune Feimster]

He's very, very smart, but. And super funny. I loved working with him.

[Mae Martin]

I love when. When the question asker goes through us each individually. I get a. I get, like, excited

[Tig Notaro]

from even when he says, I don't really know you. Yeah.

[Mae Martin]

I don't think I've ever.

[Fortune Feimster]

I said a new friend.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah. See, that was perfect. And I'm gonna hold him to that. If I ever see him.

[Tig Notaro]

I will.

[Mae Martin]

I understand.

[Fortune Feimster]

That's how I feel. If he saw you, he'd be excited. Yeah, he's the nicest.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

I would love, love to own a restaurant, but, like, be one of those people that is a part of the ownership but does not have to do anything.

[Mae Martin]

Right.

[Fortune Feimster]

Just go enjoy food.

[Mae Martin]

You don't want to make any of the creative decisions.

[Fortune Feimster]

I mean, I would love to weigh in. Like, we could do better with this entree. I would love to weigh in on the food for sure. Because I feel like I have a nice palette, but I don't.

[Mae Martin]

I've always said that about you.

[Fortune Feimster]

That's what.

[Tig Notaro]

One of the most good looking palettes in Hollywood. That wasn't necessary. And that was even more. I was clearing my palate necessary, which I.

[Fortune Feimster]

By the way, I went to that restaurant I told you about in Amsterdam. Again, decas. That's. I know you're vegan, but it's.

[Tig Notaro]

How'd you know I was vegan?

[Fortune Feimster]

Mainly vegetarian. And they grow all their own food and it's delish.

[Mae Martin]

I've seen that place advertised. It's in like a greenhouse type.

[Fortune Feimster]

It's in a greenhouse.

[Mae Martin]

Yes.

[Fortune Feimster]

So good.

[Mae Martin]

Wait, so what would your concept be for your restaurant? Would it be in a greenhouse like that?

[Tig Notaro]

Would it just be called the palate cleaner?

[Mae Martin]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

Just a tongue.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Mae Martin]

Because your taste ranges like you love Hooters. Would you have a Hooters type element?

[Fortune Feimster]

No, I think I would want a.

[Tig Notaro]

A Hooters type element with people that have had top surgery and double mastectomies.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Let's start it.

[Mae Martin]

Oh, my God.

[Fortune Feimster]

No booze.

[Mae Martin]

Oh, my God. What's it called? Something to do it Dumpster.

[Fortune Feimster]

Wait, are y' all opening a restaurant together?

[Tig Notaro]

Did y' all just Go into one.

[Fortune Feimster]

Wow.

[Mae Martin]

Oh, my God. All the waiters are topless and.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, yeah. Oh, my God.

[Fortune Feimster]

Continue. Let's hear it. Let's hear more.

[Tig Notaro]

No, let's. Let's get back to yours.

[Fortune Feimster]

No, no, no, no, no, no, no,

[Tig Notaro]

no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

[Fortune Feimster]

The creativity. The creativity is happening. Let's not stop the train.

[Mae Martin]

I don't want to share the rest of the restaurant with Dave.

[Tig Notaro]

Sorry.

[Mae Martin]

Well, because I think I'm gonna want different things on my menu. And I don't know.

[Fortune Feimster]

May I meet.

[Mae Martin]

Well, I think we would be aligned maybe on some of the ambiance stuff.

[Tig Notaro]

Stay out of this.

[Fortune Feimster]

Y' all are already fighting. You want different ambiance or you want meat and cheese?

[Tig Notaro]

I just want no tits. That's all I want.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah.

[Mae Martin]

That's all you care about.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

So both of y' all are opening up restaurants where everyone's topless.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

But when you's different.

[Tig Notaro]

Okay. And it's called Utterly Delicious.

[Mae Martin]

Oh, my God.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

Okay. That's Tig's restaurant.

[Tig Notaro]

No, that's not. That's not the restaurant I would have.

[Fortune Feimster]

Okay. Okay.

[Tig Notaro]

That's a side project that I would start with May, where everyone has had top surgery or double mastectomies. There's no reconstructive surgery.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

This is a cafe, then Utterly Delicious is a cafe with. Yeah, with nut milks.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah. I think you're right, actually.

[Tig Notaro]

With breast milk.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah. We serve breast milk. Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, my God. That's what you are confusing restaurants.

[Fortune Feimster]

That's what you are owning together is Utterly Delicious. It's a cafe.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

And all the food is shaped like separate restaurants.

[Tig Notaro]

And everything is made with breast milk.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah, everything's made with breast milk. The irony is no one has tits.

[Tig Notaro]

No tits allowed. You can eat there with your tits.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah.

[Mae Martin]

You can't.

[Tig Notaro]

Whatever you want it to me.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, you can have tits and go there. I see.

[Tig Notaro]

Or you can eat with your tits.

[Fortune Feimster]

Giving stuff up with them.

[Tig Notaro]

Slap it in there.

[Fortune Feimster]

Slap it in there. Okay.

[Mae Martin]

And.

[Fortune Feimster]

And that one. We don't need to go through the menu other than the breast milk. That one's covered.

[Tig Notaro]

Utter. Than the breast milk.

[Fortune Feimster]

Good. Good one.

[Tig Notaro]

Thank you.

[Fortune Feimster]

Okay, I'm gonna assume t you're opening up a vegan restaurant.

[Tig Notaro]

What makes you think that?

[Mae Martin]

Yeah. What if it was a barbecue?

[Tig Notaro]

It could be vegan barbecue.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah, that's true.

[Fortune Feimster]

Jack. Would that be Jackfruit?

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah. Yeah. No. Or mushrooms. That. Those. Barbecue. A lot of things barbecue nicely. You can barbecue watermelon. But I want to know about the

[Mae Martin]

I want to know about the ambiance, you know, and the.

[Fortune Feimster]

What's your vibe?

[Mae Martin]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Of no tits allowed.

[Fortune Feimster]

Or wait, are your restaurants both tits out? No tits. What's happening?

[Tig Notaro]

Tits out the door.

[Mae Martin]

No, we just have Utterly delicious.

[Fortune Feimster]

Utterly delicious is the tit one.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah. And then Tig has her own restaurant.

[Tig Notaro]

Okay, here's the thing. Is my father, a Pasquale, he always worked at pizza restaurants, like kind of in Mississippi. It was a chain called Mr. Gaddy's. Yeah, yeah. Mr. Gaddy's.

[Fortune Feimster]

Gaddy.

[Tig Notaro]

Gaddy's is what it ended up becoming is Gatti's. And he, he managed them. And, and anyway, his, his dream was to have his own pizzeria.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

And so I thought it'd be fun one day to open a vegan restaurant called A Pasquale. A pizzeria? Yeah. Vegan pizza.

[Mae Martin]

Nice.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, yeah, Vegan pizza.

[Fortune Feimster]

Just vegan pizza. Not regular.

[Tig Notaro]

Just vegan pizza. And you know, Pasquale would approve. He. He would be so proud and he'd be into it no matter what.

[Fortune Feimster]

I could see that.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah, I like that. And is it just simple, like checkered tablecloths?

[Tig Notaro]

Very traditional. Pasquale is pizzeria and you know, maybe some old family photos, black and white family photos from the old Natasha family back in Italy.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, wow, this is aggressive.

[Mae Martin]

And would you, if any. If a celebrity ate or no tits allowed.

[Tig Notaro]

What?

[Mae Martin]

If a celebrity ate there, would you put their picture on the wall?

[Tig Notaro]

Celebrities.

[Mae Martin]

No celebrities allowed is good.

[Fortune Feimster]

They're allowed, but they don't.

[Tig Notaro]

No, they're not.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, no, they are not.

[Mae Martin]

I love that idea.

[Tig Notaro]

Except.

[Fortune Feimster]

All right, you try to tell Jennifer Aniston she can't come.

[Tig Notaro]

Except for ikea.

[Fortune Feimster]

I can be there.

[Tig Notaro]

See?

[Fortune Feimster]

Inspired this. Yeah.

[Mae Martin]

Imagine having a restaurant in LA and you go, no celebrities allowed.

[Tig Notaro]

No celebrities, no tits.

[Mae Martin]

I bet you'd get tons of people.

[Fortune Feimster]

Are you serving alcohol at this restaurant?

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, and a lot of non alcoholic. Non alcoholic beverages as well. Like, I like a good. I used to not enjoy a non alcoholic beer, but Stephanie ordered one once and I was like, this is tasty. You know, a little afternoon brewski sip. And yeah, and so I, I started having little sips off of her non alcoholic afternoon brusky.

[Mae Martin]

And we know you love to have a little sip of her alcoholic drink.

[Tig Notaro]

Yes. Yeah, I like to sit and have a little sip. But now my point is, I was like, this is so good. There's so many good ones out there.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

That, you know, if you're a non drinker, you want to have an afternoon sipsy doodle. Yeah, Yeah. A lot of good ones. Stella makes a good one. Heineken does.

[Fortune Feimster]

Okay. And is there any dessert?

[Tig Notaro]

No dessert. Except breast milk ice cream.

[Mae Martin]

Everywhere with breast milk.

[Tig Notaro]

Breast milk. Breast milk. Breast milk. A tiramisu.

[Fortune Feimster]

Utterly Delicious Is next door.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah, yeah. You send people next door for their.

[Tig Notaro]

And then you go into Utterly Delicious. They're like, sorry, no. They're like, oh, sorry. They're like, no tits allowed. And then you go next door, and then it's Pasquale. He's still. No tits allowed.

[Fortune Feimster]

Huh?

[Tig Notaro]

I like, no, you can have tits at Pasquale's. And the dessert would have to be a teresu. That's my favorite.

[Fortune Feimster]

Do they make good vegan tiramisu?

[Tig Notaro]

Of course. It's Pasquale's pizzeria.

[Fortune Feimster]

Okay.

[Tig Notaro]

Okay.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

What do you think we're gonna, like, crap out on the dessert?

[Fortune Feimster]

I don't know. It's just full of cream.

[Tig Notaro]

I don't want to fight with you about this.

[Fortune Feimster]

I don't want to fight with you either. I love tiramisu.

[Tig Notaro]

I love you too.

[Fortune Feimster]

And. And affogato, since you have Utterly Delicious next door. Yeah. You need a vegan ice cream and an espresso shot.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, God, I love an espresso shot with my dessert.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah, me too.

[Tig Notaro]

Get out of my face if you don't have. Well, I have decaf espresso. I know that ruins everything, but I like the taste of it.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yes, of course.

[Tig Notaro]

So I have my decaf espresso with my. My breast milk. A Terry Missou.

[Fortune Feimster]

I love this. Well, this is. I actually could see you owning a restaurant like this one day.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah, me too, actually, in, like, Colorado.

[Tig Notaro]

Are there any investors who want to open at Pasquale's Pizzeria? We have a taker. So we're gonna open Pasquale's and Utterly Delicious.

[Mae Martin]

I'm just gonna be an investor.

[Tig Notaro]

Okay.

[Mae Martin]

And I'm.

[Tig Notaro]

But you and I are gonna work

[Mae Martin]

at Utterly Delicious Monday to Friday night.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah. Yeah. Put our aprons on and get to it.

[Mae Martin]

Aprons. No, top. Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Well, those bottom anchors. Aprons.

[Mae Martin]

Yes.

[Tig Notaro]

It's not like a top apron.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

And sadly, we have a lot of grease. Hot grease scars on our.

[Mae Martin]

We have a lot of burns.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah. Utterly delicious.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah. Yeah. We don't wear shirts there, and our aprons don't cover our tops.

[Mae Martin]

I'm touring with my friend Matt, who's Italian, and I just found out his grandfather was called Enrico Durango.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, I know him.

[Mae Martin]

Does Pasquale know, Enrico directs

[Tig Notaro]

also. I've told you my father used to carry a pistol and a knife in his cowboy boots. Didn't I tell you that?

[Mae Martin]

He must have, but that's blowing my mind again.

[Tig Notaro]

Okay, that has to be part of the restaurant. Is that maybe not pistol. The weight staff has knives in their boots. Oh, yeah, knives. So you can pull it out. You cut the pizza with the knife.

[Fortune Feimster]

Circle thing.

[Tig Notaro]

Yes, yes and no pistol. But you got the knife in your boot.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah, I like that. No, no, in the pistol is hot sauce. It's like a plastic. Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Yes, yes.

[Fortune Feimster]

Interesting. Or hot honey.

[Tig Notaro]

Yes, hot honey for them.

[Fortune Feimster]

I love hot honey on a pizza.

[Mae Martin]

Never had it.

[Fortune Feimster]

Honey, it's so good. Hot honey on a pizza. May I change your life?

[Tig Notaro]

Well, you know, in Colorado, maybe I've told you this, but it. They'll eat their pizza, and then they leave the crust, and then they have honey on the table, and then they pour the honey on the crust, and that's their dessert. And we're gonna do that at Pasquale.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah, we are.

[Tig Notaro]

Well, that's not vegan, though. It's not vegan. So what you do.

[Fortune Feimster]

Wait, honey's not vegan?

[Tig Notaro]

No, because it's an animal product. But some vegans. Some vegans do eat it, but what I replace honey with is a maple syrup. Yeah, okay.

[Fortune Feimster]

Okay.

[Tig Notaro]

All right. Sorry to yell in Italian. Yeah, sorry. It's just part of my family. You know, we're all like.

[Fortune Feimster]

That comes over you.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

No. May I feel like you already know the vibe of the restaurant. You want?

[Mae Martin]

Yeah, I've been thinking about it, and I. All I know is I don't want to. The table's too close together. I don't want. I hate when you go to a fancy restaurant and you're elbow to elbow with the next table. So I want.

[Fortune Feimster]

You don't like that? Yeah, I don't like that either. I don't like sitting on top of each other. You don't like that?

[Mae Martin]

No. So I want distance between us, between all the tables. And I want, like, comfort food, like mashed potatoes and schnitzel and, like, lasagna. And then I want some tables outside where you can smoke a cigarette. I think that's a really a lovely thing that I kind of miss from the 90s. Like that you could sit, you finish

[Tig Notaro]

your mealy decade where you could smoke.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah, I know. Yeah, you're right. Just like a little ashtray on a table. And so after your meal, you have a. You go outside, you have your Espresso and.

[Fortune Feimster]

And espresso and a smoke.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah. And I think maybe a live band, like a. Like, playing kind of instrumental Beatles covers and things.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah, but jazzy.

[Fortune Feimster]

Okay.

[Mae Martin]

Actually, I'm sort of hating Sonia and

[Fortune Feimster]

Schnitzel and what was the other thing?

[Tig Notaro]

I forgot there's also an accordion player at my. At Pasquale.

[Mae Martin]

Of course.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Mae Martin]

What was this? Is there a thing about, like. Like, accordion players? They had monkeys or something. Why does my brain go accordion player and a monkey?

[Fortune Feimster]

Like, maybe it was in a cartoon or something.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Mae Martin]

I feel like people are gonna just

[Tig Notaro]

blame it on being May Martin.

[Fortune Feimster]

Right.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Mae Martin]

My brain goes monkey.

[Tig Notaro]

Must be a monkey involved.

[Fortune Feimster]

What's the name of this restaurant, May?

[Mae Martin]

It's called Tits In. Tits In? No, it's called. It's called hey, Come On In.

[Fortune Feimster]

Like, it's like, come on in.

[Tig Notaro]

Hey, Come on in.

[Fortune Feimster]

Huh? Like it.

[Mae Martin]

Hey, Come on In.

[Tig Notaro]

Come On.

[Mae Martin]

Or something like that. Something welcoming like that. Like, it's called.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, May's Place.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah. I don't feel very attached to my name May, you know?

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Mae Martin]

Like, I had. When I made feel good, they said, can we call it May? And I was like. Even though my character was called May, I was like, like, yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

What about little cowboys?

[Mae Martin]

Yeah, it's. Of course it's little cowboys. Yeah. But it doesn't have a western theme.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah, it's not a western thing, so.

[Tig Notaro]

But there is a big wagon wheel out front the kids climb on. Well, why not Fortune?

[Mae Martin]

Oh, I want it to be fun for kids and magical, actually, now that I think of it.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

Maybe I want kids at my restaurant.

[Mae Martin]

You're no kids allowed. Fortune feaster.

[Tig Notaro]

And is there a blinking neon sign that says no kids?

[Mae Martin]

I think I want. Where if you have kids,

[Fortune Feimster]

they have their own room that they have to go to.

[Tig Notaro]

There's just one wagon wheel. There's just one old wagon wheel.

[Fortune Feimster]

A hot dog or chicken tenders.

[Mae Martin]

I'm having other ideas for my restaurant. Can I take up.

[Tig Notaro]

Sorry, you've already told yours.

[Mae Martin]

Okay. I want there to be an immersive theater type element where your waiter is. Tells you a secret. Like, I was like, you got to get me out of here or something.

[Fortune Feimster]

Or, like, as like, an escape room

[Mae Martin]

at the end of it or during. Like, there's a clue hidden in the food, and that clue in tells you which waiter that you have to talk to, and you have to say a certain code phrase like, excuse me, do you have any gray Poupon? Or whatever? And then the waiter will go, 4294 is the code to the bathroom. Then you go to the bathroom, or

[Fortune Feimster]

that's where they tell you the specials.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you can only get them if you go through all these steps, and

[Fortune Feimster]

then you don't want to play. You just don't get to hear the specials for the day.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah. Then you just eat what you eat and you have a nice time. But if you want to, you could be involved in this whole whisper subterfuge thing.

[Tig Notaro]

So you have.

[Fortune Feimster]

You.

[Tig Notaro]

It's your choice. You don't have to get in on this reindeer game.

[Mae Martin]

No, you can opt out, but I

[Fortune Feimster]

also sit down, I opt out of the immersive part of this restaurant.

[Mae Martin]

And they go, okay, respecting grapes, but there's going to be one winner announced at the end of every table service.

[Tig Notaro]

That sounds like hell.

[Fortune Feimster]

Well, this is why y' all aren't owning the restaurant together.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah. Utterly delicious.

[Tig Notaro]

Utterly delicious.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah. But I like the idea of one winner per. Per kind of time slot.

[Fortune Feimster]

Okay.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah. Competitive dining.

[Fortune Feimster]

I could actually see you opening restaurant as well.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah. And maybe there's a thing where, like, let's say you get a slice of cake and you bite it and you're

[Fortune Feimster]

like, oh, no, it tastes different.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah. Like, it tastes like.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, no.

[Mae Martin]

Like meatloaf or something. It's just designed to look like cake. But it's actually.

[Tig Notaro]

And there's a cake. And there's a cake.

[Mae Martin]

Wait, I watched Fortune on Is it cake?

[Fortune Feimster]

I know.

[Tig Notaro]

That's what my son's. No.

[Fortune Feimster]

Fortune from first episode. No way. Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

When they met Fortune, they were like, what she on Is that cake?

[Fortune Feimster]

That sounds like probably you're like, she's pretty famous. Okay.

[Mae Martin]

Okay.

[Fortune Feimster]

There is some sort of trick.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

There's meatloaf, chocolate cake, and if you get the.

[Mae Martin]

That code that gets you into the special bathroom, then, like, there's a secret door that takes you into a place that's, like, room. It's got a. No, it just has a chocolate Sex

[Tig Notaro]

swing is waiting for you.

[Fortune Feimster]

Dungeons, sex clubs, attached Sex fondue.

[Tig Notaro]

Like the Kit Kat Club sex fondue.

[Mae Martin]

What if you accidentally stumble in there and you're like, I didn't.

[Fortune Feimster]

I just wanted.

[Tig Notaro]

I was looking for the bathroom.

[Fortune Feimster]

All right. Gosh, this is quite an elaborate restaurant.

[Mae Martin]

Have you been inspired, Fortune? What?

[Fortune Feimster]

Mine's boring. I would, I would maybe do, like.

[Tig Notaro]

Should we skip it?

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah. Yeah. Well, I, I, I could use my name put, like, make it be called, like, Good Fortune or something like that. Good Fortunes.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

But maybe I'll do, like, A farm to table type of restaurant. When I was in Canada, I went to Picton, you know, outside of Toronto, a couple hours. And all their restaurants there were, like, locally sourced.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

Food. And it was like every place I went to was like, the best, freshest meal I'd ever had.

[Tig Notaro]

Nice.

[Fortune Feimster]

So something like that where it's like. Like a really great fish, a really great cut of meat, a nice chicken, roast chicken, that kind of stuff where

[Mae Martin]

they tell you, like, the name of the chicken you're eating.

[Fortune Feimster]

The local farms. They tell you the local farms, everything's bought from. Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

And do you want all of that information or do you just want food?

[Fortune Feimster]

People are into it. And we're gonna serve old fashions.

[Tig Notaro]

Of course.

[Fortune Feimster]

And what about boxcars? I don't know what that is.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

What's that?

[Tig Notaro]

I don't know.

[Fortune Feimster]

Well, we'll have a. We'll have a. What do you call it? The cocktail person?

[Tig Notaro]

Bartender?

[Fortune Feimster]

Mixologist.

[Mae Martin]

No. Yeah, Mixologist.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

They're probably wearing something douchey, like those leather aprons, you know? Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

I don't know.

[Fortune Feimster]

You know what I'm talking about.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah. Yeah. And, like, it's buttoned up to the top, and there's like a.

[Fortune Feimster]

And there's like a library wall with the ladder. Oh, instead of books, it's alcohol.

[Mae Martin]

Right. And are you. Are you going table to table?

[Fortune Feimster]

It says, boo, books. Less books, more alcohol.

[Mae Martin]

Boo.

[Fortune Feimster]

Books.

[Mae Martin]

No more boo.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, I thought you said boob books. I was like, wow.

[Fortune Feimster]

Boo. Books.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, like, thumbs down. No, thank you. Alcohol, no reading aloud. And no kids.

[Fortune Feimster]

And that's a neon sign, but it's meant to be funny.

[Tig Notaro]

And it's blinking correct.

[Fortune Feimster]

And there's candles. The vibes. Kind of like the greenhouse vibe. A lot of windows, a lot of greenery, like plants and stuff everywhere.

[Tig Notaro]

Okay.

[Fortune Feimster]

Because, you know, farm to table.

[Mae Martin]

Are you going table to tables saying, welcome to. Welcome to Good fortunes. And.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah, I'm kissing everyone's hand.

[Mae Martin]

Oh, I like that touch. Imagine you're eating your meal and some person who owns the place comes up.

[Tig Notaro]

No, thank you.

[Fortune Feimster]

You would be out everyone's hands. That's just part of coming to my restaurant.

[Tig Notaro]

But if you're good and it's your

[Fortune Feimster]

good fortune that this is happening.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah. Oh, maybe you do fortune cookies.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah.

[Mae Martin]

At the end.

[Fortune Feimster]

At the end. Fortune cookies. As well as avogado with avocado. Avogado and tiramisu. So you have like a nice fresh salad or some kind of, like, you know, yellow tail. Fresh. Something like that. And then those Mains I told you about, then the affogato cake.

[Tig Notaro]

And.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah, a fortune. You get a fortune cookie with your check. It's free, and they're dipped in chocolate or white chocolate.

[Tig Notaro]

I'm sorry, back up. You're handing out free fortune cookies.

[Fortune Feimster]

I am.

[Mae Martin]

You're gonna be in the red.

[Fortune Feimster]

They're gonna be dipped in white chocolate

[Tig Notaro]

or milk chocolate or dark chocolate or breast milk chocolate.

[Fortune Feimster]

And there will be some sort of fortune in it, but it won't be the, like, the dumb ones. It'll. They'll actually be good sage advice.

[Mae Martin]

It won't be like, get another meal. It'll be.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah, yeah, when you eat, you're full. It won't be like that. Yeah, it'll be something. It'll be actual wisdom.

[Mae Martin]

You're going to be spending a lot of money on those. So if you want, you could bring them to Utterly delicious and. Yeah, Tig and I'll let you dip them in our. In your chocolate.

[Tig Notaro]

There's a horrible warm breast milk.

[Mae Martin]

I'm. This is. Are we going to stand by this?

[Fortune Feimster]

I mean, all of these restaurants will fail. No, actually, Tigs might have a chance of making it.

[Mae Martin]

Oh.

[Tig Notaro]

Utterly delicious. Or

[Fortune Feimster]

my restaurant feels expensive.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah, it feels. And I'll put a lot of money

[Fortune Feimster]

into it and get no return. But everyone that gets their hand kissed will love it.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

And there will be a lot of. It will be an Instagram moment of the boo books. More drinking, no kids. That'll be a hit.

[Mae Martin]

I think mine will be a hit because, like, millennials who are into escape rooms and nerds.

[Tig Notaro]

Guys, should we even hear what Ike has to say?

[Fortune Feimster]

We should hear what.

[Tig Notaro]

I mean.

[Fortune Feimster]

Ike's a foodie, so he'll. He'll come up with some. Something good, I'm sure.

[Tig Notaro]

Let's hear about his booby foodie.

[Ike Barinholtz]

Hi, handsome. Pod. My answer to my own question is I would. I would open a restaurant called. I'd call it Shy's. Like C H I apostrophe S. Like Chicago. Shy is in Chicago. It would be a. It would be a Chicago inspired restaurant. Yeah, we would have all Chicago dishes. Like, the first bite would be like. Like a. Like an amused bouche. Chicago style hot dog. Amused bouche. The. The salad would be some kind of Italian beef salad. The main course would be like, a pizza of some kind. Maybe like a meat kind of pizza. And the dessert would be like chocolate covered beef or pork. Chocolate. Pork sausage.

[Tig Notaro]

No, chocolate.

[Mae Martin]

I'm out.

[Ike Barinholtz]

Beef and pork sausage with, like, a big cup of whiskey served inside. That would be my restaurant, Chai's. What's a beef Chais? We never turn the light off, even if you have a heart attack at the table.

[Fortune Feimster]

Love that.

[Ike Barinholtz]

Thank you.

[Fortune Feimster]

Well, that was a fun episode. I appreciated stirring up such a riveting food conversation. Don't forget, you guys, that we are also now on Hulu, and you can get our episodes a day early. Yeah, on Hulu, as well as where we have always been. What a treat. Handsome. We're keeping it handsome everywhere.

[Mae Martin]

We are.

[Tig Notaro]

That's right.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah, we are. We can't help ourselves.

[Fortune Feimster]

We sure can't. I'm on tour.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah. What do you tell me? Fortune?

[Fortune Feimster]

First off, before that catches May 4th at the Wiltern. Handsome, the handsome pod in Los Angeles as part of the the Netflix is a joke festival.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah, there's still some tickets left, but not many. So snatch them up.

[Fortune Feimster]

That's right. And then starting May 8, I'm in Toronto, then Reading, Pennsylvania. Then I'm doing my Europe run the end of May in Berlin, Stockholm, Oslo, Copenhagen, London and Dublin. And then back in the states in Rochester, Minnesota, Cedar Rapids, Omaha, Portland, Maine and Detroit. And I'm adding a bunch of dates soon as well. What about you, May? You still out there in that boost?

[Mae Martin]

I got one little chunk of shows left. I'm almost at the end of the tour, but you can catch me in Denver, Colorado. I'm doing two shows on May 8, Kansas City on May 9, St. Louis, May 10, and Nashville on May 11. I'm really excited to be back in Nashville especially. Yeah, all those places. But yeah, check out maymartin.net that's right.

[Tig Notaro]

And you can check out my tour [e-mail] come on and see me.

[Mae Martin]

Well, in that case, all that remains is to say keep it handsome.

[Fortune Feimster]

Handsome is hosted by me, Fortune Feimster, Tig Notaro, and May Martin. The show is produced, recorded and edited by Thomas Wuellette. Email [e-mail] and follow us on social media at Handsomepod. What a podcast. What a podcast.

[Mae Martin]

That was a headgum podcast.

[Tig Notaro]

Checking Allstate first could save you hundreds on car insurance. That's smart. Not checking that. I've got my handsome tuxedo ready to go before a big event. Big mistake. Now I'm walking the red carpet in a T shirt and jeans.

[Allstate Ad Voice]

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[Mae Martin]

Hi, I am Mandy Moore. Sterling K. Brown.

[Fortune Feimster]

And I'm Chris Sullivan. And we host the podcast that Was Us now on Headgum.

[Mae Martin]

Each episode, we're gonna go into a

[Tig Notaro]

deep dive from our show.

[Fortune Feimster]

This is us.

[Mae Martin]

That's right.

[Tig Notaro]

We're gonna go episode by episode.

[Mae Martin]

We're also gonna pepper in episodes with different guest stars and writers and casting directors.

[Fortune Feimster]

Are we gonna cry? Yes, a little bit. Are we gonna laugh a lot? A whole lot. That's what I'm hoping, man. Listen to. That Was Us on your favorite podcast app.

[Mae Martin]

Or watch full video episodes on YouTube or Spotify.

[Fortune Feimster]

New episodes every Tuesday.