Jonathan Van Ness asks about trading places

Summary

Podcast Summary: Handsome with Tig Notaro, Fortune Feimster, and Mae Martin

Episode: Jonathan Van Ness Asks About Trading Places
Release Date: May 20, 2025
Duration: Approximately 58 minutes

---

Introduction and Host Dynamics (00:02 - 04:20)

The episode kicks off with the trio—May Martin, Fortune Feimster, and Tig Notaro—greeting each other warmly and establishing the camaraderie that defines the "Handsome" podcast. They delve into the concept of the "Handsome Headquarters," describing it as a "spiritual, sexual place" rather than a physical one, emphasizing their deep-rooted connection (02:23). Their playful banter highlights both their affectionate bond and the occasional squabbles, showcasing the authentic and relatable nature of their friendship.

Notable Quote:
Tig Notaro (02:22): "We are the Handsome Headquarters individually."

---

Soul Connections and Childhood Anecdotes (04:20 - 11:17)

The conversation shifts to the idea of soul connections, with Tig humorously recounting childhood altercations with her brother that left a "little fingernail, like, indentation" on her forehead (04:51). May shares her memories of Tig sporting a bonnet in an Easter photo, leading to amusing reflections on their sibling dynamics and Tig's unique style choices. The hosts laugh over past antics, reinforcing their long-standing friendship and shared history.

Notable Quote:
Tig Notaro (04:31): "I have a brother, right?"

---

Adventures in Animation and The Simpsons Cameo (07:17 - 10:22)

Tig excitedly narrates her experiences voicing a character on "The Simpsons," describing herself as "a female Homer" in an episode where the family travels to Costa Rica (07:54). She reflects on the meticulous process of matching her voice to the animated character, highlighting the show's enduring influence on pop culture and its uncanny ability to predict future events.

Notable Quote:
Tig Notaro (07:27): "I played the girlfriend of Marge's sister."

---

Color Perception and Linguistic Fun (12:25 - 16:15)

The hosts engage in a lighthearted debate about the existence of the color purple, delving into the science behind color perception. This segues into a playful discussion on the pronunciation of complex words like "simultaneously" and "mischievous," revealing their individual quirks and the humorous frustrations that arise from language misunderstandings.

Notable Quote:
May Martin (13:32): "Purple is a color that falls between blue and red on the color spectrum."

---

Truth and a Lie: Personal Stories and Revelations (21:20 - 47:55)

In the "Truth and a Lie" segment, May initiates the game by sharing two statements, prompting Tig and Fortune to discern which is the truth and which is the lie. This segment unveils personal anecdotes, such as May's cheeky encounter at a petting zoo in Australia and Fortune's late adoption of a cell phone at 29 (25:37). The playful interaction fosters deeper connections among the hosts, allowing listeners to gain insights into their lives beyond the surface.

Notable Quote:
May Martin (23:03): "One of the things you could draw that?"

---

Guest Interaction: Jonathan Van Ness's Question (30:00 - 47:55)

Jonathan Van Ness poses the central question of the episode: "If you could switch places with anyone, who would you switch with and why?" Each host provides thoughtful and entertaining responses. May expresses her admiration for Harry Styles, yearning to experience the life of a charismatic performer with "tight pants and that big butterfly tattoo" (33:00). Tig shares a heartfelt desire to switch places with her mother to better understand her life and legacy, revealing a vulnerable and introspective side (38:18).

Notable Quote:
May Martin (31:04): "I would just love to be in a big stadium playing those songs and like, moving like that."

---

Reflections and Future Plans (48:00 - 56:32)

As the episode winds down, the hosts discuss their upcoming live shows and express eagerness to introduce new segments, such as "Secrets and Lies." They share their tour dates across various cities, encouraging listeners to attend and support their live performances. The trio emphasizes the importance of community-building, inviting fans to share their favorite episodes and engage more deeply with the "Handsome" podcast.

Notable Quote:
Tig Notaro (54:19): "Check out maymartinmusic.com for tickets."

---

Conclusion (56:32 - 58:32)

The episode concludes with a brief outro, promoting future segments and live shows, while maintaining their signature humor and warmth. The hosts sign off by reinforcing their commitment to keeping things "handome," leaving listeners with a sense of anticipation for upcoming content.

---

Overall Insights:

• Authentic Friendship: The hosts' genuine rapport and shared histories create a relatable and engaging dynamic.

• Humor and Vulnerability: Balancing comedic anecdotes with sincere reflections offers a well-rounded listening experience.

• Interactive Segments: Games like "Truth and a Lie" provide deeper insights into the hosts' personalities and lives.

• Guest Engagement: Addressing questions from notable personalities like Jonathan Van Ness adds depth and diversity to the discussions.

Final Thoughts:

This episode of "Handsome" masterfully blends humor, personal storytelling, and meaningful conversations, all while maintaining an inviting and inclusive atmosphere. Whether discussing childhood memories, navigating complex linguistic nuances, or contemplating the idea of switching lives with a celebrity, Tig, Fortune, and May deliver a captivating and memorable podcast experience.

Transcript

[May Martin]

This is a Headgum podcast.

[Fortune Feimster]

Some people just know they could save hundreds on car insurance by checking Allstate First. Like, you know to check that before you watch that new summer blockbuster. You know what happened in the previous seven installments of the franchise. Checking first is smart, so check Allstate first for a quote that could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Savings vary, subject to terms, conditions and availability. Allstate Fire and Casualty Insurance Company and Affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois. We've talked about finances on Handsome, and we've talked about parenting. But how about financial parenting? That's where today's sponsor, Acorns early, comes in. Acorns early is a smart money app and debit card for kids that helps them learn the value of money. Acorns Early's Chores Tracker helps kids learn the value of $. Just set up chores in the app, set a payment amount, and tick the chore off when it's done. Acorns early lets parents pay allowances automatically. No more rummaging around for cash. Kids can spend what they earn with their very own debit card. My kids have taken an interest in money. They see the world and understand that money is a part of it. Acorns early is a great way for them to start learning financial lessons that I wished I'd received when I was their age. Head to acorns early.com handsome or download the Acorns early app to help your kids grow their money skills. Today, Acorns early is issued by Community Federal Savings Bank Member FDIC, pursuant to license by MasterCard International. TNCS. Apply monthly subscription fees starting from $5 per month unless canceled.

[May Martin]

Chatting with friends on the Handsome Pod Chatting with friends on the Handsome.

[Tig Notaro]

Cheers.

[May Martin]

Good afternoon and welcome to an episode of the Handsome Pod. Thanks for joining us as always. I'm May Martin, joined by Fortune Feamster.

[Tig Notaro]

And I am your dear, dear friend, Tig Notaro. And we are all here.

We are the Handsome Headquarters individually.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah. Do not mistake this for a pretty little episode, because we were all three here.

That's right.

[May Martin]

Yeah. A Handsome Headquarters is a spiritual, sexual place, really, rather than a physical place. You know, we've all stepped into the Handsome Portal right now when we heard the theme song.

[Tig Notaro]

And there's no bears in the portal. Portal.

Portal. We ain't got no bears in this portal. No, we don't. Are our souls connected right now? Do we feel.

[May Martin]

Do you feel it?

[Tig Notaro]

Do we feel the connection?

I do. Yeah.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

That's pretty sexy.

[May Martin]

I bet you in the future they're gonna prove that that's a. That that's a thing. Not us specifically. They're gonna do a big study.

[Tig Notaro]

There are scientists working on this right now to study if the handsome souls are in fact connected, entwined internally. Except when we get into our huge fights.

[May Martin]

Oh, you would not want to see those.

[Tig Notaro]

Not get me started.

[Fortune Feimster]

We throw.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, yes.

It's a lot of, like, don't you dare.

Oh, yeah. Fortune. And it brings back terrible memories to see your finger wag like that.

Don't. Don't dare but do that.

But I still feel like even when we're, like, wrestling and biting each other, because we will. We'll, like, bite each other's cheeks and pull each other's hair.

[May Martin]

Yeah. All bets are off.

[Tig Notaro]

Kick each other in the knees. I still feel like our souls are connected for sure. Yeah.

Most connected then. Actually.

We'Re most connected.

Yeah.

When we're biting each other's cheeks.

Yeah. Yeah.

[May Martin]

When we're animals of the flesh. Yeah. Get it out of our systems. We need that purge and then we're back on track.

[Tig Notaro]

Do you guys ever get in tumbles like that with. You had brother. A. A brother. You had brother. You had brother? Had two. Yeah, man. You have a.

You have one brother, right?

[May Martin]

Yeah, I have brother.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, we have brother.

Yeah, we all have brother, man.

We would get into brawls.

Oh, really?

They gave me some thick skin because, boy, that. People have asked what. I have a little. I don't think you can see it. There's a little fingernail, like, indention.

[May Martin]

Is that the word nail still in.

[Tig Notaro]

There in my forehead right here. So when the sun hits it a certain way, you can see the mark. But it's my brother's fingernail that went to my forehead when we were kids.

What was happening? Was he, like, don't ever.

Oh, we would punch.

[May Martin]

Really? And what would prompt it? Like, what would set you off?

[Tig Notaro]

Whatever fights kids get into.

Did you ever, to protect yourself, put a bonnet on my mom?

Put a bonnet on me. It was not by my choice, but.

Did it keep your beatings at bay?

No, I would think that would. Insane. Did you see my Easter photo?

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Of me? Did you see the photo I put up at. At Easter of me in a bonnet?

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

On Instagram.

Yeah.

I don't think I did.

I even called you out saying you were going to be jealous.

[May Martin]

Look at that. If you're. If you're on YouTube, you can see it or go on Instagram. It's fortune looking like a little angel wearing a Bonnet. Imagine someone starting to fight with that person. Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Beating that bona silly.

I didn't get beat up around that age. It was more when I got, like, to be, like, 10 or something.

[May Martin]

Yeah, yeah. Would you ever instigate? Would you start?

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, yeah.

[May Martin]

Really?

[Tig Notaro]

Come on. I would stick my middle finger up at my brother, be like, mom, Price, give me the bird.

[Fortune Feimster]

She'd be like, price.

[Tig Notaro]

And I'd be like, second. And he be like, well, bam.

The fingernail coming to the forehead.

Yeah.

Now, speaking of brothers, my brother texted me while we were on, and he said, you have made it. You made it. He said, and this looks like it's from the Simpsons. I. It says. But it says Vig Notaro.

[May Martin]

Oh, my God.

[Tig Notaro]

Wow. That's awesome.

But what is it like?

It looks like it's like a Vegas type of, like, ad.

[May Martin]

It looks like a billboard, a sports stadium there.

[Tig Notaro]

Like you're one of the performers.

But if they're using Oprah, see, if you.

[Fortune Feimster]

If you're on YouTube, you can see.

[Tig Notaro]

They'Ve used Oprah's real name, but they turned mine into Vig Notaro. I guess I'm gonna have.

Funny, though.

[May Martin]

They thought you were gonna sue or you.

[Tig Notaro]

I know it's not even me.

But it is.

[May Martin]

To be featured on the Simpsons. That's massive that I would do a.

[Tig Notaro]

Voice on the Simpsons, and that was the greatest day of my life.

Oh, you did do a voice.

Yeah.

What did you do?

I played the girlfriend of Marge's sister.

[May Martin]

The girlfriend.

[Tig Notaro]

They described me as, like, a female Homer.

[May Martin]

Oh, my God.

[Tig Notaro]

Pretty. It was pretty cool.

[May Martin]

Marge's sister is. That's the twins, right?

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, one of the twins. I can't remember the name. One of the twins.

So they have, like, out gay. Y. Out character.

Maybe that's why I haven't been back, because we're like, we'll just have the lesbian in one episode.

[May Martin]

That's a. That's iconic, though.

[Tig Notaro]

I went on in. In the episode, they go to Costa Rica, and she brings her lesbian girlfriend me, who is just like Homer.

[May Martin]

Oh, my God. Do you say doe?

[Tig Notaro]

I think they had me. It's been a minute. But I think it was, like, real Southern. Like, Like, I think it was, like, even more southern than I usually am.

[May Martin]

Wow.

[Fortune Feimster]

You didn't have to drop your voice to.

[Tig Notaro]

Hey, what's going on?

No, I think it was, like, kind of, like Southern. The Southern sort of thing. Yeah.

Wow.

But.

And did they draw the character to look like you or. That's alarming.

I think they put, like, A little bit of care. Like, you record first, and then they kind of. Then they give you sort of an idea of what the character's gonna look like. And then they might do some stuff around the mouth, maybe. I can't remember exactly. And then you go back in and try to, like, match that. If they have, like, some tweaks on lines, you try to, like, match it with the mouth that they've already drawn.

[May Martin]

I think that the Simpsons probably influenced, like, global sense of humor more than many other shows. It was one of the first shows that did those hard cuts to the payoff of the joke. You know what I mean?

[Tig Notaro]

Like, yeah.

[May Martin]

Where it's like, well, that would never happen. And then hard cut to that thing happening. Yeah. Like, yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

And they predicted, like, a ton of stuff. They've been around so long that I think they, like, would make these, like, wild predictions, and then so many things have come true.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Like Trump examples. I knew you were gonna ask. I don't have examples. But they're just always posting, like, predicted this, predict that.

Yeah, they predicted Oprah's sports book club.

And you changing your name to Vig Vig Notaro.

And so because it's animation, they must have made this a long time ago, right?

[May Martin]

No, they still do animation.

[Tig Notaro]

I know, but doesn't it take a long time to make animation also? Look at the picture of me or whoever this Vig Notaro is.

Is that the joker?

Yeah. I can't tell if I have a mustache or a joker mouth.

It's like a Howard Stern joker.

I know. I was gonna say, I need to ask my brother. Or if. Thomas, you want to do some Simpson Googling?

[May Martin]

Oh, here. Okay. Thomas just wrote, after a baseball superstar decides to play for Springfield, Isotope, stadium is soon cluttered with garish ads for betting apps such as bookie monster, carrot tops, prop bets, and perhaps most cleverly, Vig Notaro.

[Tig Notaro]

Wait, so you include sports bookie?

[May Martin]

Oh, a vig is the cut you give a bookie. That's what that means, I guess.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, so is it not me? I don't understand.

It's a play off of your name.

Huh.

But it's vig. Is there? Thomas is saying the cut you give a bookie. So they're doing a playoff of your name and that.

Okay.

[May Martin]

And saying that you have, like, a betting app.

[Tig Notaro]

And then. Thomas, where did you get this information other than Google? Like, what is this? I don't even understand.

[May Martin]

This is a recap of the episode from crack.com.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, okay. And did this episode just come Out.

[May Martin]

Is that why it looks like it just came out this season?

[Tig Notaro]

Of course, my brother's still watching the Simpsons.

God. I used to draw Bart Simpson when I was like in six, sixth grade.

Oh, really?

[May Martin]

One of the things you could draw that?

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, that's.

How long did you walk around in a shirt that said don't have a cow man?

No, but there were plenty. A lot of people at my school did. Or the, you know, don't eat my shorts, eat my short.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

What a sweet gig that has been for those actors.

[May Martin]

I know, right? How are you guys doing otherwise? You're wearing a beautiful pink hoodie there, Fortune. What is it that crusty.

[Tig Notaro]

I just grabbed a hoodie. It's my special from my. It's my own merch. It's my special. Crushing it. I just grabbed it from my closet and didn't realize how pronounced these words were.

[May Martin]

Crushing it.

[Tig Notaro]

I just like pink. I'm a. Did you guys know that pink's one of my favorite colors?

[May Martin]

Yeah, I think I did know that and I respect it a lot.

[Tig Notaro]

Thank you.

I like pink. I like.

Yeah, in my special I wore, you know, a pink suit. So this merch was a nod to that.

[May Martin]

Do you guys want to know a fact?

[Tig Notaro]

Of course.

That's why we're here.

[May Martin]

Scientists have just discovered that the color purple does not exist.

[Tig Notaro]

Our brains just.

[May Martin]

Excuse, sort of joking. No, the color itself. Our brains have invented that color. Don't ask me any follow up questions. But how up is that? Some people would. Would say that's their favorite color and.

[Tig Notaro]

Then all on the same page. I don't know, making it up.

Blue and something else. Right.

[May Martin]

Thomas, could you google it?

[Tig Notaro]

I'm glad Prince wasn't allowed to around to hear this.

[May Martin]

Okay, purple is a color that falls between blue and red on the color spectrum. Yeah, we know that. It's a mix of the two primary colors. Red and blue.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, yeah, we know that.

[May Martin]

Yeah, we know that. Purple is not a spec natural color, meaning it's not a color that can be found in the rainbow or directly emitted by a light source. Instead, it's a color that the brain creates when it receives information from both red and blue wavelengths simultaneously. I am speechless. That's wild.

[Tig Notaro]

I'm speechless that you call it simultaneously.

[May Martin]

Wait, what would you say?

[Tig Notaro]

Simultaneously.

[May Martin]

Simultaneously.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah. What do you say, Fortune?

Simultaneously.

[May Martin]

Really?

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah. Little cowboy says Simmel.

[May Martin]

I'd say if it was a Y, I'd say simul.

[Tig Notaro]

Okay. How do you call somebody named Simon Simmons?

[May Martin]

Simon. Ah, you got me there. Yeah, you got yeah. Simon. Wait. Thomas, you say simultaneously or.

[Tig Notaro]

Well, and he has a brother named Simon. Simon.

[Fortune Feimster]

Simultaneously.

[May Martin]

Wait, what? So this isn't even a Canadian thing?

[Fortune Feimster]

How have you never heard this?

[May Martin]

How has no one corrected me before?

[Tig Notaro]

I don't know.

[May Martin]

Simultaneously.

[Tig Notaro]

Here's another word that I feel like I heard fortune say the same way I do. And whenever I say it this way, people lose their minds. How do you. How do you pronounce? Oh, and I don't know if I can spell it. M I, S C H E, V I, O, U, S. Mischievous. Yeah.

[May Martin]

How do you say the word mischievous?

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah. Thomas, how do you say mischievous? I say mischievous.

[May Martin]

Hey, that's a good drag name. Mischievous. Mis.

[Tig Notaro]

Mischievous.

It sure is.

[May Martin]

Or mischievous.

[Tig Notaro]

Mischievous.

[May Martin]

And introducing simultaneous. Sim. Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Only recently in my adult life have people been saying mischievous. Why are you. What? Huh?

[May Martin]

When you're a kid, you don't really say the word because you are the word. Like, you're not going around going, I'm so mischievous. But when you're an adult, you say, look at that.

[Tig Notaro]

Mischievous.

[May Martin]

I don't know.

[Tig Notaro]

I stand by mischievous.

[May Martin]

I stand by simultaneous.

[Tig Notaro]

What did I say first? I forgot.

You said mischievous.

Okay. There you go.

Yeah.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Is it.

Maybe it's a Southern thing.

Yeah. I don't know.

[May Martin]

Yeah, maybe. Well.

[Tig Notaro]

God, we're exhausted.

I'm always so scared we're gonna say, yeah, I have.

[May Martin]

I kind of have, too.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, I'm done.

[May Martin]

I'm done. This is it.

[Tig Notaro]

Well, it's been a good run.

[May Martin]

It's been.

[Tig Notaro]

It really has run.

[May Martin]

What kind of music you guys into?

[Tig Notaro]

No. I want to say thank you so much to everyone who listened to Handsome.

[May Martin]

Oh, it's so sad.

[Tig Notaro]

It's so sad.

[May Martin]

Would you cry?

[Fortune Feimster]

No.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, my God, how cold.

You would cry.

Yeah.

No, you wouldn't.

Yes, I would.

[May Martin]

I think I would. Think I was okay with it. And then when the time came to say goodbye, I'd be like, today. Not, like the whole day sobbing in bed for a day. But, Tig, aren't you. You're working your way through Friends, right? So that final episode of Friends, you're.

[Tig Notaro]

Working your way through actual people.

No, no, no.

[May Martin]

But that final episode, they are crying for real. And it is a heartbreaker.

[Tig Notaro]

Don't ruin it for Tig. What a spoiler.

The very last Friends episode.

[May Martin]

Yeah. They're like, the characters are crying, but you can tell the actors are also crying. It's. It really gets me every time. And I do revisit it, really.

[Tig Notaro]

They spend a lot of time together. That was the days of 24 episodes, right?

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

And what are they, 10 years or something? 10 years?

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

That's a lot of time with people.

And a lot of money and that, too.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

Some people just know they could save hundreds on car insurance by checking Allstate First. Like, you know, to check that your dog's feet don't get too hot when you take them for a walk on a sunny summer's day. Checking first is smart, so check Allstate first for a quote that could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Savings vary, subject to terms, conditions and availability. Allstate Fire and Casualty Insurance Company and Affiliates Northbrook, Illinois Everyone in my house always has something going on. I'd call this busy season, but as far as I can tell, when you have kids in a busy schedule, there's no other type of season. I don't have a lot of time to grocery shop or cook healthy meals at home. That's why I use Hungry Root. Hungry Root has saved me so much time since I started using it. And unlike other convenient food options, I'm looking at you fast food Hungry Root is actually healthy. I made the eggplant chickpea ball hummus bowl at home. It took me less than 20 minutes. It was so fresh and the flavors were restaurant quality. I love Hungry Root. Take advantage of this exclusive offer for a limited time, get 40% off your first box plus get a free item in every box for life. Go to hungryroot.com handsome and use code handsome. That's hungryroot.com handsome code handsome to get 40% off your first box and a free item of your choice for life. Hungryroot.com handsome code handsome this episode of Handsome is brought to you by Wild Grain. Wild Grains boxes are fully customizable to your tastes and dietary restrictions. I've been enjoying this month's vegan box with everything sourdough bread, artisanal Bavarian pretzels as a treat, and mango and passion fruit mousse as a second treat. Because why not? Are you ready to bring all your favorite carbs right to your doorstep? Be sure to check out Wild Grain so you can begin building your own box of artisanal breads, pastas and pastries for a limited time. Wild Grain is offering our listeners $30 off the first box plus free croissants in every box when you go to wildgrain.com handsome to start your subscription. You heard me. Free croissants in every box and $30 off your first box when you go to wildgrain.com handsome. That's wildgrain.com, handsome. Or you can use promo code handsome at checkout.

[Tig Notaro]

I want to do more live shows.

[May Martin]

Yeah, me too.

[Tig Notaro]

Fun. Yeah.

Really want to do more live shows.

[May Martin]

Yeah. And I want to do more in person as well. We just. It's hard to get together. It's hard.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, oh.

[Tig Notaro]

In person, in the studio together. Yeah. Yeah, it's been hard because we've. We've had a lot going on, a lot of work, a lot of personal stuff. And so as soon as we can be back in the studio together or do more live shows, man, will that be great.

[May Martin]

I'd like to also introduce some new segments, like secrets and lies or something. Or not that, but like. Or like, truth. Truth.

[Tig Notaro]

Two truths and a lie.

[May Martin]

Like two truths and a lie or something.

[Tig Notaro]

Two against one.

[May Martin]

Yeah. A little intrigue.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

Why don't we get started?

[May Martin]

Okay. Welcome to Secrets and Lies. I'm gonna say one truth and one lie, and then you say what? What is true? Okay.

[Tig Notaro]

Where's the secret?

[May Martin]

The secret is actually the prize is I'm going to tell you a secret.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, I don't know.

[May Martin]

I haven't thought this through.

[Tig Notaro]

You're gonna tell everyone the secret because the segment's called Secret Breaking out in Hives.

[May Martin]

I'm freaking out now. I'm. I'm freaking out.

[Tig Notaro]

I haven't thought maybe the game is just a truth and a lie.

[May Martin]

Yeah, let's go. Truth and truth and. A lot. Okay.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah. Because you called it secrets and lies, and then. And then it. Then you. I don't know. I got lost.

[May Martin]

But then.

[Tig Notaro]

Did you see May freak out as soon as they were like. And then I'll tell you a secret. Oh, God.

[May Martin]

My neck got really red.

[Tig Notaro]

Okay, let's hear a secret and a lie or no.

[May Martin]

A truth.

[Tig Notaro]

No, we got rid of this.

I mean, yeah. Oh, boy. This game is.

I know. We have. This is probably why we should think about this stuff before. But we'll just figure it out as we go.

Whatever. We're here. Let's hear truth and a lie. May and queer.

[May Martin]

Okay. Truth and a lie. One of these is true. One of them is a lie.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[May Martin]

Number one. Fuck.

[Tig Notaro]

Like, you were. Had it on lock, ready to go.

[May Martin]

I know, I know. Okay, number one, I saw Cher eating breakfast in a hotel lobby.

[Tig Notaro]

Okay.

[May Martin]

Number two, I was in an elevator with Tom Cruise and he sneezed.

[Tig Notaro]

The second was a lie.

Absolutely.

[May Martin]

How? Because you're right. Because obviously the first thing I would have told you guys when we started.

[Tig Notaro]

This podcast, you would never stop talking about.

Yeah.

[May Martin]

Shirt I was wearing.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

Never stop talking about.

And also rare signing back up.

Nobody would have let you in an elevator with Tom Cruise.

[May Martin]

Yeah, you're right.

[Tig Notaro]

There would have been point.

Yeah.

[May Martin]

Guarding it.

[Tig Notaro]

His crew would have been so on it. They're not going to let little cowboy in there, especially if he's got the sniffles.

[May Martin]

Yeah, you're right.

[Tig Notaro]

I was in an elevator once in Australia with Caroline Kennedy.

[May Martin]

Oh, yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

And her security guard.

[May Martin]

Rise up. Lights.

[Tig Notaro]

Rise of lines.

[May Martin]

Were they eyeing you?

[Tig Notaro]

They had their. They were looking around.

[May Martin]

One time I went with my friend to a. Here's something I haven't told you guys. I want my friend to.

[Tig Notaro]

Secret.

[May Martin]

Yeah. To like, a little petting zoo in Australia. And we snuck.

[Tig Notaro]

What's with Australia?

[May Martin]

Well, that's what made me think of it.

[Tig Notaro]

Fans out there. Oh, by the way, Toni Collette, your friend ripped on my Australian accent on the handsome page.

[May Martin]

She did? Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

What did she say?

[May Martin]

Toni Collette commented.

[Tig Notaro]

She wrote, that's the worst Australian accent I've ever heard. Or something like that.

[May Martin]

Something funny like that.

[Tig Notaro]

But if she were to say it, she was. That's the worst Australian head.

[May Martin]

Oh, my God.

[Tig Notaro]

Did people take her joke seriously? And.

Well, I called it and they. People laughed.

[May Martin]

I think people liked it.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

Okay.

[May Martin]

So one time I went to this petting zoo in Australia with my friend, and we wanted to get near.

[Tig Notaro]

We're in Australia.

[May Martin]

This was down under, just outside of Sydney. Yeah, right, down under. Yeah. And we wanted to get close to the goats. And so we actually climbed over a fence. It was this rainy day. And we went, and we're petting these goats. And then later on, we were in, like, the sort of entrance area, and one of the women who worked there said, are you having a nice day? And we were like, yeah. And then she goes, I heard there were two sus. Young boys trying to touch the goats. And she was describing me and him as sus young boys. He was in his 40s, and I was myself. Two sus. Young boys. Goats. Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Wow, that's great.

I love that. You were climbing. Climbing a fence to try to get to the goats.

Wait, aren't we gonna hear a truth and a lie from Fortune?

Oh, God, I don't even know. Do you have one on in the barrel?

Yes. I. I didn't get a cell phone until I was 33.

Three. Okay.

And I don't like the smell of incense.

[May Martin]

Both of those could be true.

[Tig Notaro]

One's a lie.

[May Martin]

33 I'm just trying to do the. I'm trying to remember. It was around, what, 2002, 2003. People were getting phones, cell phones. I'm gonna say that the. I'm gonna say the first one's a.

[Tig Notaro]

Lie, and you're saying the second one's a lie. Fortune. The first one is a lie.

[May Martin]

Oh, yes.

[Tig Notaro]

You got it at, what, 31?

No, I was 29 when I got a cell phone.

I think my first. My first cell phone was my senior year of college.

But.

No, but I don't know why I got one. No one else had one.

[May Martin]

Really? You were the first?

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[May Martin]

And you had no one to call?

[Tig Notaro]

No one except, like, my mom, like, landline. I don't know why I got one. And I didn't have that much money, so it was.

Oh, my God. When cell phones first came out, remember, it was like, you're paying for minutes, and it's like, I gotta go click.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure.

I ran. I went over my minutes.

Oh, yeah, I know. It's expensive if you went over your minutes. I had a beeper.

I did.

When I was a sophomore and junior in college, I got a Bieber because I was an ra.

[May Martin]

What's ra?

[Tig Notaro]

The resident assistant of a dorm. Like, you were kind of in charge of a hall.

Of course you were.

[May Martin]

Yeah, That's a full, fully formed character in my head. You got a beeper. You're an ra. Your fortune.

[Tig Notaro]

Well, because what I would do is you. Some of those people probably listen to this, so this is funny, but for me. But you're supposed to. As an art. A part of your job was you had to, like, once a week, you couldn't leave your room all night. And then one week in a month, you couldn't leave campus because you were, like, in charge. So I would write on. You had, like, little boards that you could write on. You know, I would write, like, doing rounds, which. Because you were supposed to, like, go around campus and check on things. Here's my beeper number if you need me. And I would, like, go to IHOP with my friends and, like, do whatever. So if I got the thing, I would just go to the pay phone and call and be like, I'm by the cafeteria. What's up?

[May Martin]

Is this a role you volunteered for and then.

[Tig Notaro]

No, you got paid.

[May Martin]

Oh, what.

[Tig Notaro]

What kind of cash? What are we talking about? Friends money?

Minimum wage. Back then, I wouldn't do it, obviously, all the time, but occasionally.

What, like five bucks an hour?

Yeah, something like that. And you. You Got your own room. You didn't have to have a roommate. That was.

[May Martin]

Oh, that's worth it. That's.

[Tig Notaro]

So I did it for two years. But yeah, I'm like, here's my beeper. Let me know. Then I got a cell phone, but I wasn't an RA anymore. When I moved to Spain, everyone had a cell phone there. Everyone. So they caught on over there first. And everyone and their mother texted because it was way cheaper than calling. And I just remember telling my friends back home, like, everyone has a cell phone here. And they text and they're like, they what? And I'm like, text? They like, they had no. It was like such a foreign thing to us.

I remember the first time I got a text. I was just minding my own business at my house in Venice, California, and my phone popped up with a message on it. And I was. I was so spooked and I didn't know it went straight to bed. I was so confused and spooked. I was like, what is happening with my phone? And it was coming from a friend, but I didn't know how they got a message on written on my phone. It was. It was very alarming.

[May Martin]

Take me back.

[Tig Notaro]

Should we. Should we get a question? See who our question asker is today.

[May Martin]

100.

[Tig Notaro]

Today's question asker is an Emmy winning TV and podcast host, comedian, hairstylist, and a New York Times best selling author. Best known as one of the co hosts of Queer Eye on Netflix. Their latest book is a young adult novel titled Let Them Stare. Jonathan Van Ness is asking today's question.

[May Martin]

It's criminal. We haven't had JVN on before. I can't believe jv. That's. They're the perfect guest.

[Tig Notaro]

And we're all known for our hair, right? Right, guys? Yeah, for our hair.

Mine's called the Tig wig.

Okay.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Jonathan Van Ness]

Hi, handsome. It's Jonathan Van Ness. And my question is if you could switch places with anyone. Oh, my God, Evan. She shaken out my curls yet?

[Tig Notaro]

So nice curls on a photo shoot.

[Jonathan Van Ness]

Don't mind me. If you could switch places with anybody, who would you switch with and why?

[May Martin]

Get those beautiful popping, popping curls.

[Tig Notaro]

Wow.

[May Martin]

I want. Do you think your curls would do that Fortune?

[Tig Notaro]

Well, Jonathan has much more hair than me.

[May Martin]

Right?

[Tig Notaro]

Those long, luscious locks. If I had somebody do it, they probably. I could probably get the like Little House on the Prairie or like a Shirley Temple. Yeah.

Yes, yes, yes, please.

Yeah. You have to like scrunch my hair and diffuse it to get the real tight curls.

[May Martin]

Yeah. Oh, man. That's a great question, though. What. What a ray of sunshine in the world too, Jonathan. Yeah, I remember that first season of Queer Eye that we were all kind of introduced to JVN and just being like, who is this charismatic, amazing person? I know my answer.

[Tig Notaro]

Gymnastics, too.

[May Martin]

Oh, yeah. Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

With those curls bopping around. That's amazing.

Isn't that wild? That would be hard. Like balance beams and stuff like that.

Yeah.

If we could switch places with anyone.

Yeah. May has an answer.

Okay.

[May Martin]

Harry Styles. And I'll say, I'll tell you why, just for a day, because having, like, tried to play music on stage with a band and stuff, I just. The way he moves his body effortlessly and is so handsome and sings so well. I didn't even know until I heard this question that I'm what a fan of Harry Styles I am. But it turns out I am. And I would just love to be in a big stadium playing those songs and like, moving like that and seeing all the signs and. And how fun that would feel. Yeah. Seems fun to see that parallel cool tattoos and. Yeah. Like, I don't know how to move my body when I'm playing the guitar. And so, like, I just stand like a statue at the mic.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, yeah. Harry's got some moves. I mean.

[May Martin]

Oh, yes.

[Tig Notaro]

He's out there with that, you know, those tight pants and that big butterfly tattoo and his little vest.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Just making everyone go wild.

[May Martin]

I want to, like, show some skin like that. So confident, you know?

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah. He does seem very comfortable in his own skin. And just like, he is who he is and that's. That's that.

Yeah, I like.

I like him too.

Me too.

He's got a mustache right now.

Mustache.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Love them.

[May Martin]

You might like that, too.

[Tig Notaro]

Mm.

Thomas, don't ever shave that thing off.

[May Martin]

Don't ever change, Thomas.

[Fortune Feimster]

This episode of Handsome is brought to you by Graza. My new favorite olive oil. It's fresh, it's never blended, and it comes from a single type of olive, the Picule. Straight out of high end Spain, where over half the world's olive oil is produced. Graza is single origin goodness. Plus they've got super fun squeeze and spray bottles. Graza's got three versions to suit all your different cooking needs. Frizzle with a high smoke point, sizzle your everyday oil and drizzle. A bold and flavorful finishing oil. I've got all three Graza oils, and it's made me realize I use olive oil for everything. And if I'm putting one ingredient in most of my cooking. I want that ingredient to be high quality, fresh and delicious. That's my priority and it's Graza's priority too. So go to Graza Co and use handsome to get 10% off of trio, which includes Sizzle, Frizzle and Drizzle. And get to cooking your next chef quality meal.

[Unknown]

This episode of Handsome is brought to you by booking.com listing your vacation rental on booking.com opens the door to more guests booking.com is one of the most downloaded travel apps in the world that makes it the place to list your vacation rentals. If you want to earn more with consistent bookings, reach new markets and turn hosting into a steady income. And it's not just access to amazing guests. Booking.com also makes it easy for you to run your growing business. The best part? Getting started is so easy. In less than 15 minutes you can register your property and nearly half of partners get their first booking within a week. Whether you're looking to earn that extra income, fill those vacant weekends or grow your business, head over to booking.com to see how you can get started today. If you've been looking for an opportunity, this one is knocking at your door right now. For the bookings you've dreamed of, list your property on booking.com you know that.

[Fortune Feimster]

Feeling when your kids love snacking but you don't want to give them junk that's too salty, too sugary, too processed or all of the above. This is why I love Thrive Market. My go to online grocery store for getting all of my healthy essentials delivered and I don't even have to leave my couch.

[May Martin]

Finding better options for the whole family is easy with Thrive Market's Healthy Swap Scanner. Just scan a product and it instantly recommends healthier swaps like Tig's Family. I also like to snack and I've swapped out sugary snacks for high quality dye free favorites like Blake's Seed Based Crispy Treats or Yum Earth Organic Fruit Snacks. They also have so many on site filters that make it simple to shop by the needs of everyone in the family. Maybe your husband is gluten free or maybe your children need peanut free snacks. No more scouring ingredient labels when you can just filter it all on Thrive Market. And no more coconut for me.

[Fortune Feimster]

Ever ready to make the switch? Go to thrivemarket.com handsome for 30% off your first order plus a free sixty dollar gift. That's T H R I V E market.com handsome thrivemarket.com handsome who would you switch places with?

[Tig Notaro]

This is a different way in. I Think to the question. But I would switch places and are we talking about really switching places? Like, Harry Styles would be you, or do you just get to be Harry Styles for a day?

[May Martin]

Oh, my God.

[Tig Notaro]

Would Harry Styles be doing the handsome pod with us?

[May Martin]

I did not even think about that. Oh, my God. Yeah. Like Freaky Friday Styles about.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, he's like.

Interesting point. I just did an Australian accent for Harry. Interesting point. Let me tell you about my story.

How do you do it? I think there's some Australians that would beg to differ.

That you did an Australian, British, Harry Styles accent.

[May Martin]

Harry's got kind of. It's like. It's like part American now, but Harry, it's. I really. I love singing.

[Tig Notaro]

I love music.

[May Martin]

I'm doing like the Beatles kind of, but I don't know. Okay, wait, what's your different way intake?

[Tig Notaro]

Well, you know, I. I think I have had. As time has gone on, I've had more and more questions for my mother. And so I have wanted. I would say I'd want to switch places with my mother so I could get to know her better and get some answers about her and myself and her life that I could take away. Because, you know, I remember hearing somebody say, you know, you should interview your parents or loved ones while you still can. And I wish I had been able to interview my mother. So instead of that, I would like to be her for a day.

[May Martin]

And would you choose a particular time in her life?

[Tig Notaro]

I think in her older years, just because I would have a lot of questions. And also if she switched places with me, she could meet Stephanie and Max and Finn.

[May Martin]

Oh, that's really nice.

[Tig Notaro]

That's so sweet.

Yeah, it's true. I just. I wish she could have met them. But anyway, so, yeah, I think that I would switch places with her to. To get to know her in a way that I just. Just can't.

[May Martin]

Yeah. Like see what it feels like to be her moving through the world and.

[Tig Notaro]

And gain the information about her that I just didn't know or think of, you know, when she was alive, you know?

[May Martin]

Yeah. In this version, when you. When you become her, you. You have access to all her memories and everything and brain. That's cool. I like that.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I wonder how long we're switching places.

[May Martin]

I think one day.

[Tig Notaro]

One day. Okay.

[May Martin]

Are you gonna choose Biggie?

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, that would be the simplest day ever.

You'd have a penis, though.

Oh.

[May Martin]

You'd have not only a penis, but a dog penis.

[Tig Notaro]

There'd be hair all over it.

[May Martin]

A little lipstick.

[Tig Notaro]

I Think it'd be scary to be a dog because, like, you're at the mercy of everyone else?

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

That would give me too much anxiety, though. He's over here just living his best life.

You also have to just be okay with who adopted you. That's the other thing.

We have to hope they're. They're good to you. I mean, he's got a pretty cush life.

[May Martin]

True about life.

[Tig Notaro]

Anyway, between the two of us, he's. I mean, we spoil him rotten.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Well, that's a really good one. I like that, Tig.

Well, thank you.

I don't want to switch places with my grandmother, but I would like her to answer if she was a lesbian.

[May Martin]

Huh.

[Tig Notaro]

I can answer that for her.

Maybe I could say this because I did that, you know, that Tyler Henry medium show.

Yeah.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

And he said that, like, someone in my lineage was gay and that me being out and proud was like, that they felt, like, proud that, like, I'm, like, living the life they couldn't. And I'm like, was that my grandma?

Yeah.

[May Martin]

I think you should switch places with Tyler Henry, and then you can talk to Mom.

[Tig Notaro]

So stressful.

[May Martin]

You can talk to all our people.

[Tig Notaro]

I don't need to get a notepad.

I like Oda May Brown on Ghost. It's too much. I'll be like, ghosts, Remember? She'd be like, leave me alone.

[May Martin]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Leave me alone. Leave me alone. I'm trying to just. I'm just trying to make money. Get out of here.

Yeah, I would like to leave her alone.

He seems exhausted after those readings.

[May Martin]

I know. I saw in that reality show he made about. He would sometimes after he's doing all those readings, he'd just go to bed, lie in bed.

[Tig Notaro]

Believe it. Because there's all these people trying to get in, telling stuff, and it's heavy. You know, everyone's crying.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

I don't want to socialize with him, but I appreciate what he does. But, yeah, I would like to ask my grandma that, but I don't wanna. I don't think she'd have enough fun for me to switch for the. I want to go big, like someone whose life is wild. Like an Oprah.

Mick Jagger. That's a wild.

I met Mick Jagger.

When did I tell you that?

A couple months ago.

[May Martin]

What?

[Tig Notaro]

At a party. I was like. It was after the Oscars. I was like, you were funny. He goes, hey, thank you.

[May Martin]

I can't do the accent.

[Tig Notaro]

No, you can't.

But you know what?

And nor can you do the face no, that.

[May Martin]

That was a crazy Mick Jagger.

[Tig Notaro]

Well, you know, he's like.

I met Keith Richards.

[May Martin]

I can't believe this. Wait, why did you say he was funny?

[Tig Notaro]

He presented at the Oscars. And he was funny.

[May Martin]

Okay.

[Tig Notaro]

And he was funny, and he was like. Yeah. So we had, like, a fun little moment. He, like, was, like, right on. Like, laughed, and it was like, I can't believe I just talked to Mick Jagger.

[May Martin]

That's crazy.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[May Martin]

I mean, yeah, if you could do, like. But what about, like, someone today, Living today to switch to live.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, he is living today.

[May Martin]

Oh, no, sorry. I know.

[Tig Notaro]

But yeah, yeah, yeah, I'll talk to his ghost. He's in his 80s, and he still runs around the stage like he's Harry Styles.

[May Martin]

He's rocking hard.

[Tig Notaro]

I don't know. She's got, like, a chef and she's in Montecito, and, like, then you could just zoom all your famous friends all day and then, like, donate a bunch of money to charity, and, like, I could just make a world of good a difference in a day.

[May Martin]

Oh, you just donate all her money. She gets back in her body, and she's.

[Tig Notaro]

Donate a bunch of money to people. Have dinner with, like, someone, like, famous, like, I don't know.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

And zoom People just, like, go through her phone and just start FaceTime people.

[May Martin]

Yeah, that would be good. FaceTime.

[Tig Notaro]

Have her chef make something amazing. Check in on Gail.

Yeah, she's like, I gotta call you back.

Yeah. And. And. And you probably. And Oprah probably knows a lot of, like, secrets and.

Oh, yeah, she does.

And I'd find out everyone's secrets.

Everyone tells Oprah everything.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I think I would be into that.

[May Martin]

That's a really good answer.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, I think we all had good ones. Should we hear what Ola JVN has to say?

[May Martin]

Yes, please.

[Tig Notaro]

Better not be my mother.

[Jonathan Van Ness]

And my answer is Stormy, Kylie's daughter. That Birkin collection is next level. And she. I mean, it seems like everyone in their family has to get a job somehow, but I bet Kylie wouldn't make her.

[May Martin]

She didn't want to.

[Jonathan Van Ness]

I just. I would love for Kylie to be my mom and have so many Birkins and for, like, Chris to be my grandma and have, like, so many fun cousins and just be, like, three or four again. So I feel like she's probably having so much fun.

[May Martin]

Okay.

[Jonathan Van Ness]

That's what I would say. Love you guys.

[Tig Notaro]

Bye.

I will say, I have watched the Kardashian show on Hulu, and those. Those kids are living the life for sure.

[May Martin]

To be a rich 4 year old is actually the best idea ever.

[Tig Notaro]

Just bossing people around.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Chris, are they bossing people around?

No, I'm just saying they could. But Kris Jenner does seem like a really fun grandma. Yeah, she just like rents sprinter vans and takes them on hayrides and there's like treats everywhere. I mean, I can see the appeal of this life.

I could do that for you. I could rent a sprinter van and get treats and take you on a hay ride. Okay. Yeah. And I could be your grandmother. Come on, put it on the list, Thomas. I'm gonna take Fortune on a hay r. A sprinter fan, please.

[May Martin]

What were they saying about Merkins?

[Tig Notaro]

Birkins.

[May Martin]

Oh, okay. That makes. That makes more sense.

[Tig Notaro]

American is.

Yeah.

Quite different.

Explain it to our listeners.

[May Martin]

American's like a fake pube wig. Yeah, I thought that was weird.

[Tig Notaro]

I thought that was why she got a bunch of. The fact that does Stormy for real have Birkins? Because, you know, Those are like 10 to like 10,000 minimum, and that's rare.

[May Martin]

What are they? Birkins.

[Tig Notaro]

Birkins are Hermes bags. Like, very high end, very difficult to buy. You have to get like invited to look, even look at them.

[May Martin]

I'm not shocked that that Stormy's got access to those.

[Tig Notaro]

I'll be honest, I've never heard of Stormy, but it's fun to hear about.

Yeah. It's Kylie Jenner's kid with, I believe, Travis Scott.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

And is. Is she like. People talk about Stormy.

I think the Kardashian Jenner folks are talked about in pop culture often incessantly.

[May Martin]

Well, they're kind of like, like pop culture royalty. And like, Stormy is, I guess, the heir to that.

[Tig Notaro]

The heir to the throne. And you know, Kylie to the throne. Kylie's like a gazillionaire. Her. Her makeup line is like worth a billion dollars. Why aren't we in Tig? As if Tig's gonna go. Yeah, I knew that. So Stormy is also the heir to a. A large fortune.

[May Martin]

God, I hope my lip taint company takes off.

[Tig Notaro]

You do. You do need to get that lip taint going.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

I met Kim. Or not Kim the mom.

[May Martin]

Chris.

[Fortune Feimster]

Chris.

[Tig Notaro]

Chris. Yeah, Years ago at Heather McDonald's house.

Oh.

[May Martin]

Yeah. I find her really sexy. Kris Jenner.

[Tig Notaro]

Go for it.

She's actually really very nice and personable. I've met her a couple of times and she's always been.

[May Martin]

They're fascinating and. Yeah, Yeah, I find them really likable on the show.

[Tig Notaro]

I met her when she was with Bruce I mean, yeah, but I guess.

Caitlin was Bruce at that point.

Yeah, at that time. Bruce.

Yeah.

And were they nice to you? Yeah, very. There was a joke on Sarah Silverman, I think, at one point, about me looking like Bruce Jenner. And then when I met them and shared that, there I was in the arms of Bruce Jenner.

[May Martin]

That's very funny.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[May Martin]

I wouldn't mind being JVN for a day, to be honest. To have that level of. I mean, I'm sure they don't have that level of energy and all the time, but man, what a nice vibe.

[Tig Notaro]

What do you suppose the energy is the other times?

[May Martin]

Well, I'm just thinking about myself and when I'm alone in my house sometimes and my face just melts into like nothing and I'm just sitting down.

[Tig Notaro]

Would y' all want to be a three or four year old for a day again or no?

I remember when I first got my double mastectomy, I was hanging out with my. Yeah, my friend, my very closest friend at the time. And we were just like. When I say we were rolling around in bed, it wasn't romantic, but he and I were just like hanging out, lying in bed, laughing so hard. And I had like a. A tight T shirt on. And it was the first time like after my surgery had healed and I was just like in this really clear. It was just clearly a better place than I had been in a long time. And I felt eight years old and you know, just having no boobs, a T shirt on and laughing with my best friend until we were crying. And it was like the first sign of hope in 2012 for me, you know, so that when I think I never have felt like, oh, I want to be a kid or oh, I, I don't have an issue with growing older, but when I think about that one little moment in time, I'm like, ah, that, that took me back to. There was something fun about that.

[May Martin]

It would be fun but also like to actually be four, but it would so depend on the, on the environment and people you're around because you're such a little helpless little nugget.

[Tig Notaro]

You got like, yeah, four years old.

[May Martin]

Going to Disney for the first time with some kind adult would be great, but four years old, you know, I.

[Tig Notaro]

Don'T have the best memory back then, like, especially when I was like, little, little. I had like little pieces of things. Especially like around like the age 4 or 5. Do you guys have good memories of that time in your life?

[May Martin]

I feel like I have a lot of memories. Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Like really, It's a real mixed bag of good.

Maybe barely remember.

[May Martin]

Yeah. Not necessarily all good, but I have a lot. Like, I remember it. I remember.

[Tig Notaro]

I remember it happened.

Yeah, I know for sure.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

And we.

And we don't have. I don't have, like, a ton of pictures. I. You know, we didn't have. Video cameras were not as prevalent. I wish I had, like, video footage of me more as a kid.

[May Martin]

Same, actually. I have none. Yeah. This conspiracy theorist listening are going to think maybe fortune's AI. Like, there's no. Like, if you're like, I don't have any record of myself before. Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

It turns out, yeah, most of my childhood photos, my mother had been in a car accident and broke, like, every bone in her body. And so she couldn't raise her arm very high. And when she would take a picture, it would. It, like. Like, her arm would jerk down and it would just. I would always tease her because my childhood was just, like, a picture with my foot in the corner. Like, I was just running by and she missed me.

My mom would always cut at least one or two people out of the photo without fail. And usually it was the person you wanted to take a picture with. If, like, you met someone famous or something, she would, like, inevitably accidentally cut them out.

And why would she. What was she doing with scissors and the, like. What?

No, like, when she's taking the picture.

Oh, I thought you meant, like, after it was developed.

No, no, when she was taking it. Because, you know, there was a roll of film back then. You didn't get to see what you were taking.

No sign that whatever happened ever.

And we'd be so excited and get the pictures back. We're like, mom.

It'S just Mickey Mouse's one big ear.

Yeah.

She's like, I told you I'm bad at this.

Well, when you switch places with your mom, you can, for that day, take so many photos with a proper arm.

Yes.

[May Martin]

No, dude, no. Tig will have the bat arms.

[Tig Notaro]

But we'll take. But we'll take. Have the consciousness of, like, let me lift. Try to lift my shoulder up more.

[May Martin]

Oh, maybe. Yeah, you'll prop it up on. Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Well, I have to be honest. That was a good time.

[May Martin]

I gotta be real with you guys. That was a great time.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, my gosh.

[May Martin]

Did you enjoy yourself?

[Tig Notaro]

Biggie's on camera, fully naked.

He just asked if I planned to switch places with him because he wanted to know if he'll be doing this podcast with Harry Styles.

Oh, my gosh. And my mother, definitely a fan.

[May Martin]

Tig's mother.

[Tig Notaro]

And it's my mother, Harry Styles. And who is yours? Fortune, Oprah. Oprah. Oh my God, I would subscribe so fast.

Yeah, I hope Oprah gives some of our fans a car.

[May Martin]

Me too.

[Tig Notaro]

Hi Biggie. Look at that precious face.

He's sweet.

Does anyone have anything going on? Coming up, I got these three tour.

[May Martin]

Shows doing playing my album I'm a TV and some new songs as well and telling stories in Portland and San Francisco and Vancouver around June 10th, 12th and 13th. But check out maymartinmusic.com for tickets. And I'm at Largo as well once a month doing new material with guests, so check that out.

[Tig Notaro]

June 14, Eureka Springs, Arkansas P town on August 23. And other than that, check out the documentary that I produced called Come See Me in the Good Light. It's making its rounds at festivals and killing it real hard. Go to tignotaro.com for all my show information. I'm working out material at Largo and Dynasty Typewriter and all the information is right there online. Fortune, what's going on with you?

June 5th, I'm at St. Louis, Missouri. Then I have Kansas City, Missouri, Wichita, Kansas, Vegas, Lexington, Knoxville, Asheville. Then we added some fun new ones like in Houston and D.C. chicago, Boston. You can go to FortuneFreeMonster.com for those tickets and come hear me talk about some biscuits. And then we'll a bunch of you guys. We posted on our Instagram asking where you guys wanted us to come to a live show at some point and we got a crazy amount of comments, so we'll have to look into that. And yeah, put that on the books at some point.

[May Martin]

We want to come see you.

[Tig Notaro]

Man, I love our live shows. I love them so much I want to keep doing them and again, share your favorite episodes with people that have never listened to the podcast. Friends, family, neighbors, co workers, and help.

[Fortune Feimster]

Build the handsome community.

[May Martin]

Because it's Stay tuned for more segments like the One idea.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, maybe come up with some amazing segments.

[May Martin]

Yeah, I'm gonna come up with something better.

[Tig Notaro]

23 over 2300 comments of people telling us where to go.

There's not even that many towns and cities in the world. All right, well, until next time, shall we keep it handsome?

[May Martin]

Handsome is hosted by me, May Martin, Tig Notaro and Fortune Feimster. The show is produced, recorded and edited by Thomas Willette. Email [e-mail] and please follow us on social media at. Handsome Pod.

[Tig Notaro]

What a podcast.

[May Martin]

What a podcast. That was a headgum podcast.

[Fortune Feimster]

Some People just know they could save hundreds on car insurance by checking Allstate First. Like, you know, to check that your friend is actually into spelunking before taking them on an exploration of your area's underground cave and aqueduct system. Checking first is smart, so check Allstate first for a quote that could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Savings vary, subject to terms, conditions, and availability. Allstate Fire and Casualty Insurance Company and Affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois.

[Unknown]

Hey, I'm Tony Hale. I'm Matt Oberg.

[Tig Notaro]

And I'm Kristen Schall.

[Unknown]

And we're going to be hosting the new podcast the Extraordinarians, where we are going to be interviewing extraordinary people doing extraordinary things, things that we have never and probably will never do. We talked to people who have broken records on slack lines, suspended by hot air balloons. We're talking to people who have done multiple flips on trampolines. You'll have to tune in to find out how many flips they did.

[Tig Notaro]

Subscribe to Extraordinarians on Spotify, Apple Podcast, Pocket Cast, or wherever you get your podcast and watch video. There's new episodes that we release it every Wednesday.

[Unknown]

We do. I've never seen you cry before. I know. I don't know how this is upsetting.

[May Martin]

For all of us. They don't let us break for lunch.

[Unknown]

They do podcast.

[Tig Notaro]

It's so competitive. They make you guys.

[Unknown]

We're watching a spin out.

[Tig Notaro]

Please subscribe. Oh, man. Extraordinarians.