Kara Swisher asks about artificial intelligence

Summary

Handsome Podcast Episode Summary

Title: Kara Swisher Asks About Artificial Intelligence
Host: Headgum
Release Date: February 18, 2025

---

Introduction

In this episode of Handsome, hosted by comedians Tig Notaro, Fortune Feimster, and Mae Martin, the trio delves into an engaging discussion prompted by journalist and podcast host Kara Swisher. Swisher poses a thought-provoking question about artificial intelligence (AI), sparking a lively conversation that blends humor, personal anecdotes, and insightful commentary on the evolving role of AI in our lives.

---

Opening Banter and Personal Stories

The episode begins with the hosts engaging in their signature humorous banter, sharing stories from recent vacations and personal experiences. Fortune shares her escapades in the Caribbean, Mae discusses her ventures into designing pop culture-inspired T-shirts, and Tig recounts a memorable off-season beach vacation in the Bahamas. These light-hearted exchanges set a relaxed tone for the episode, showcasing the hosts' chemistry and comedic timing.

Notable Quote:
Mae Martin [02:39]: "Sometimes I think, like, that's the way to make a fortune is just design. T-shirts of pop culture sell them online, made to order. So I'll be doing that moving forward."

---

Transition to Artificial Intelligence Discussion

As the conversation progresses, the hosts seamlessly transition to Kara Swisher's question about AI. Mae introduces the topic, highlighting Swisher's expertise in technology and her balanced perspective on AI's potential and pitfalls.

Notable Quote:
Mae Martin [30:34]: "AI is all over the place, from self-driving cars to chatbots. I write about it and I do a lot of podcasts about it and some of it is useful. A lot of it is not so much."

---

Exploring AI's Impact and Potential

AI as a Personal Assistant

The hosts express their desires for AI to handle mundane tasks, allowing them to focus on more creative and fulfilling activities. Mae envisions AI as a super assistant that can coordinate her travels and manage appointments seamlessly.

Notable Quote:
Mae Martin [50:30]: "I'd like it to be a super assistant. I think that's where the pluses are. And to coordinate my travel and everything else together and to tell me what I want. Be a really good assistant."

Ethical Considerations and Autonomy

Tig raises concerns about AI's autonomy, pondering whether AI can be trusted to prevent its own harmful intentions. The discussion touches on the ethical responsibilities of AI development and the importance of maintaining human oversight.

Notable Quote:
Tig Notaro [31:38]: "I would like to get AI to control AI to not kill us."

AI and Environmental Solutions

Mae and Tig discuss the potential of AI in addressing significant global challenges, such as climate change. They debate the feasibility and impact of AI-driven solutions in mitigating environmental issues.

Notable Quote:
Mae Martin [43:16]: "I think that could... I think AI fix. Stop. AI."

AI's Influence on Human Behavior

Fortune and Mae explore the idea that excessive reliance on AI could lead to a decline in human capabilities. They worry about AI making tasks effortless to the point where humans might lose essential skills and autonomy.

Notable Quote:
Fortune Feimster [51:30]: "It dumbs you down. We've all been on trips before where, like, they tell you everything's planned and you don't have to think for yourself and everything's done. And I've watched a group of very smart people become totally useless."

---

Balancing AI Benefits and Risks

The conversation culminates in a balanced view of AI's role in society. While the hosts acknowledge the conveniences and advancements AI offers, they remain cautious about its unchecked growth and the potential erosion of human agency.

Notable Quote:
Mae Martin [51:33]: "We're all going to be dumb, dummy. Dumb dumbs. I've been on trips before where, like, they tell you everything's planned and you don't have to think for yourself and everything's done."

Fortune Feimster [51:58]: "We're dumb, dummy. Dumb dumbs. I've been on trips before where, like, they tell you everything's planned and you don't have to think for yourself and everything's done."

---

Conclusion and Final Thoughts

The hosts wrap up the AI discussion by reflecting on the delicate balance between leveraging AI's capabilities and preserving human intellect and creativity. They emphasize the need for thoughtful integration of AI into daily life, ensuring it serves as a tool for enhancement rather than a crutch that diminishes personal growth.

Notable Quote:
Tig Notaro [52:34]: "I can't imagine that Kara would get dumb ever. She's pretty smart."

Mae Martin [53:00]: "Yeah, yeah. Fortune's flushing."

---

Episode Highlights

• Humorous Anecdotes: The hosts share entertaining stories from their vacations, highlighting their unique personalities and rapport.

• AI as a Super Assistant: Mae's vision of AI handling complex tasks to streamline personal and professional life.

• Ethical Implications: Tig and Fortune discuss the potential dangers of AI gaining too much autonomy.

• Environmental Solutions: Debate on AI's role in combating climate change and other global challenges.

• Human Autonomy: Concerns about AI reducing human problem-solving skills and independence.

---

Noteworthy Quotes with Timestamps

• Mae Martin [02:39]: "Sometimes I think, like, that's the way to make a fortune is just design. T-shirts of pop culture sell them online, made to order. So I'll be doing that moving forward."

• Mae Martin [30:34]: "AI is all over the place, from self-driving cars to chatbots. I write about it and I do a lot of podcasts about it and some of it is useful. A lot of it is not so much."

• Tig Notaro [31:38]: "I would like to get AI to control AI to not kill us."

• Fortune Feimster [51:30]: "It dumbs you down. We've all been on trips before where, like, they tell you everything's planned and you don't have to think for yourself and everything's done. And I've watched a group of very smart people become totally useless."

• Mae Martin [43:16]: "I think that could... I think AI fix. Stop. AI."

---

Final Remarks

This episode of Handsome offers a blend of humor and insightful discussion, anchored by the hosts' engaging storytelling and thoughtful analysis of artificial intelligence. Kara Swisher's question serves as a catalyst for exploring the multifaceted impact of AI, balancing optimism with caution. Listeners are left contemplating the role of AI in shaping our future, all while enjoying the hosts' characteristic wit and camaraderie.

---

Transcript

[Mae Martin]

Some people just know they could save hundreds on car insurance by checking Allstate First.

[Fortune Feimster]

Like, you know how to check and make sure your sundial is properly calibrated before relying on it to let you know what time it is when you're out in the garden.

[Mae Martin]

Checking first is smart, so check Allstate first for a quote that could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Savings vary, subject to terms, conditions and availability. Allstate Fire and Casualty Insurance Company and affiliates Northbrook, Illinois. This episode of Handsome is brought to you by booking.combooking. yeah. Every time I use booking.com to find a place to stay in the US I know they'll have exactly what I'm looking for. They have a huge variety of options, from hotels to vacation rentals, and I'm always able to find something that fits my specific needs. I found that booking.com has something for everyone.

[Fortune Feimster]

I love traveling with my mom. Sometimes we need a little break from each other. So I found the perfect vacation rental on booking.com that has separate rooms for both of us and a big common area for when we're ready to hang out together and spend some quality time. We can watch a movie and relax, eat some snacks, knowing that privacy is available whenever we need it.

[Mae Martin]

No matter who you are, Booking.com helps you find the stay that's ridiculously right for you. Find exactly what you're booking for on booking.com booking. Yeah. This is a headgum podcast. Handsome Pod. Chatting with friends on the Handsome Pod. Chatting with friends on the Handsome Pod.

[Tig Notaro]

Cheers.

[Fortune Feimster]

Woo. Welcome to the Handsome Pod. I'm your handsome host, Fortune Feamster.

[Mae Martin]

And I'm one of the other two, Mae Martin.

[Tig Notaro]

And it's me, your good friend, Tig Notaro.

[Mae Martin]

Yes. Yes.

[Fortune Feimster]

We did it.

[Tig Notaro]

We did it. We're doing it. Fortune is on a couch I don't recognize.

[Fortune Feimster]

Looks like a go. The couch from the Golden Girls.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah, like that.

[Fortune Feimster]

Which I'm actually wearing this shirt. I didn't even think about it. Oh, my God.

[Mae Martin]

Oh, a Golden Girls shirt.

[Fortune Feimster]

I'm wearing a Golden Girls shirt and I'm in a room that is reminiscent of their lanai.

[Tig Notaro]

It's a Golden Girl shirt, but it's in a design of the band Queen.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah, it says Queens.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, it says Queens, but it's like the old Queen album cover.

[Mae Martin]

Sometimes I think, like, that's the way to make a fortune is just design. T shirts of pop culture sell them online, made to order. So I'll be doing that moving forward.

[Fortune Feimster]

And watch Your money come rolling in.

[Tig Notaro]

Do you really think that's the way? I mean, I'm not saying it's not, but do you think that is the golden ticket? Because, well, I saw online, don't we sell merch? Don't we sell T shirts?

[Mae Martin]

We sell merch.

[Tig Notaro]

Don't we still have jobs?

[Fortune Feimster]

We sell merch and we get. Not much of it.

[Mae Martin]

It's not that lucrative. But I did see a get rich quick thing online that was like, you get. You design a coloring book, but you don't even have to. You just go with AI or something. You get like an outline of a cat or something, then you sell it on Amazon for four bucks, and then it's print to order, and just watch that money come rolling in.

[Tig Notaro]

I'm gonna do that, and I'm going to let you know how much money I'm making.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

Please keep us posted.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

The only problem with your T shirt Fortune is that the actual T shirts aren't cheap.

[Mae Martin]

Oh, my T shirt fortune? You mean like fortune? Confusing.

[Fortune Feimster]

Not me fortune, but your fortune. You want a quality tea to sell people. Those aren't cheap. So already your profits cut in half.

[Mae Martin]

Right?

[Fortune Feimster]

Right there.

[Mae Martin]

So right. You're right.

[Tig Notaro]

He doesn't think about that stuff. May, read something online. Hear me out. You clearly don't understand. May came across something online that said get rich quick.

[Mae Martin]

It was a headline, and I didn't even read the bulk of the article.

[Tig Notaro]

Click on it. Yeah, why would you.

[Mae Martin]

I don't get bogged down.

[Tig Notaro]

A picture of somebody selling T shirts.

[Mae Martin]

Exactly. Like a stock image of a smiling woman counting her money. And I was like, that could be me.

[Fortune Feimster]

I don't want to make you guys jealous, but I'm actually in the Caribbean. Look at that.

[Mae Martin]

Oh, my God. Look at that. If you're on YouTube, Fortune is showing.

[Fortune Feimster]

A beautiful palm trees and water.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

I mean, what if you were in the Caribbean and you weren't near palm trees or water? Would you ask for your money back? Would you move hotels?

[Fortune Feimster]

It would be weird, considering I'm on an island.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah, just facing the middle of the island.

[Fortune Feimster]

There's no water in sight. Yeah, no pool at the hotel. Just for a couple days to relax into. It's Jax's birthday.

[Mae Martin]

Happy birthday, Jax.

[Fortune Feimster]

Happy birthday, Jax. Happy birthday to you.

[Mae Martin]

Oh, it's getting sexy.

[Fortune Feimster]

I've drank a lot of frozen drinks.

[Mae Martin]

Really? Margaritas?

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah. No, we're in the Caribbean, my friend, so I'm drinking a rum. Come on now.

[Tig Notaro]

Now, some people say Caribbean and Caribbean.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

Pirates of the Caribbean Curly in the Caribbean.

[Tig Notaro]

And then. But also. What's his name? Billy Ocean. Who sings Caribbean Queen.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah, he says Caribbean.

[Fortune Feimster]

I don't know what. I guess it's tomato. Tomato.

[Tig Notaro]

By the way, you don't know that song?

[Mae Martin]

I don't think I do. Wait, this. The melody sounds similar. Sounds familiar. But wow. I definitely.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah, you might have. You might recognize it if you hear it out. Taking us singing it.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

We'll let Fortune just take a solo. 2, 3.

[Fortune Feimster]

But I don't know the words.

[Tig Notaro]

Caribbean Queen now we're sharing the same thing and our hearts will be.

[Fortune Feimster]

I never knew those were the words.

[Tig Notaro]

No more love on the run oh.

[Fortune Feimster]

No clue, Zero clue those were the.

[Tig Notaro]

Words God, I'm alone in this world now Tig, you're.

[Mae Martin]

You're having a little glass of water there and you're in?

[Tig Notaro]

Yep.

[Mae Martin]

Where are you?

[Tig Notaro]

I'm over here hydrating in Toronto.

[Mae Martin]

I just left Toronto. And how do you handle the cold? You got a good coat?

[Tig Notaro]

I have a decent coat. What I do is I stay inside.

[Mae Martin]

Right.

[Fortune Feimster]

That's good.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

Not me.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, I know. Fortune.

[Fortune Feimster]

I should have brought a daiquiri with me for the pod. God dang it.

[Tig Notaro]

What time is it where you are?

[Fortune Feimster]

5 o'clock somewhere.

[Tig Notaro]

It's 2:14. How early do you start getting going on the. On the drinks?

[Fortune Feimster]

I started today at 1pm Wait, you've.

[Mae Martin]

You.

[Tig Notaro]

You have alcohol in you now?

[Mae Martin]

Oh, this.

[Tig Notaro]

Fortune. Marie, you are.

[Fortune Feimster]

I have fun.

[Tig Notaro]

You're crunk.

[Fortune Feimster]

I agree.

[Tig Notaro]

You're crunk on the pod.

[Mae Martin]

This will be a first. This is a first for the handsome pod.

[Fortune Feimster]

I'm not drunk. I'm just.

[Tig Notaro]

Yes, you are.

[Fortune Feimster]

Pedalo.

[Tig Notaro]

I knew something was a little different. Fortune is trashed.

[Fortune Feimster]

No, I'm not trash. I'm just happy.

[Tig Notaro]

You have flushed cheeks.

[Fortune Feimster]

That's sunburned, my friend.

[Tig Notaro]

That is.

[Fortune Feimster]

I've been wearing. I've been lathering up, but you know.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah. And you're pay. You're a fair, delicate flower.

[Fortune Feimster]

I sure am. Thank you for pivoting from pale.

[Tig Notaro]

My friend bought a package, like a vacation package for her and her boyfriend years ago. Like probably 92, 93. And she and her boyfriend broke up, so she asked if I wanted to go with her.

[Mae Martin]

Yes.

[Tig Notaro]

And we went to the Bahamas.

[Mae Martin]

Oh, my God.

[Tig Notaro]

And it was off season, which is why the package was so cheap.

[Mae Martin]

Wait, what does that even mean?

[Tig Notaro]

It's like, not a good time to go. It was scorching hot. Like, where you can't even be outside it. Like, people don't go at this time of year that we went, and she had a heart shaped bed and there were, there were rose petals and like, the toilet was. And the shower, bathtub were all like, in view of the bed. Like, you couldn't possibly be away from your lover for that long. And it was. We were also. So, you know, when you go on a vacation, they're like, oh, you get a free meal if you go look at properties or, oh, yeah, a timeshare.

[Mae Martin]

Oh, my God. Yeah, yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

And then at the end of the, the, the day and seeing all the different timeshares, you get a free dinner. So we did that too. And yeah, we wanted to put together a brochure for the Bahamas off season because we were fried. We were burnt to a crisp. Nothing was open or we couldn't do anything. So that was. That was my big beach vacation years ago.

[Fortune Feimster]

I love it. I once got dumped and it was right near Valentine's. So my best friend and I decided to go to a hotel to hang out with my cousin that night and to meet him for dinner. And we were going to stay at a hotel in San Diego and the room was, like, way more romantic than either of us would have assumed. So we went to the grocery store and bought some Calgon bubble bath and we got in our swimsuits and got in the bathtub together.

[Mae Martin]

This is. I love this. No, fortunately.

[Fortune Feimster]

Not with my cousin. We had dinner later with my cousin. But.

[Tig Notaro]

But who were you with?

[Fortune Feimster]

My friend Andrea, who listens to the POD shout out, andrea.

[Mae Martin]

Hi, Andrea.

[Fortune Feimster]

And we laughed so hard about how sad we both were because she was going through a breakup too. And we just cried laughing in this bathtub in our bathing suits about being sad. That night when we were going to meet my cousin for dinner, people were like, recognizing me and being like, hey, how are you? And I'd be like, I'm sad. And everyone's like, oh, okay.

[Tig Notaro]

Well, comedians aren't supposed to have off days.

[Mae Martin]

There's something about. Though two adult friends taking a bath together is so funny. And my best friend Gabby, who I think I told you, when I was sad, she ran naked across the room. So I just was in Toronto and I had a hotel room while I was there. And so she came over and she was like, can we take a bath? And I didn't have my bathing suit or anything, so I was like, no, I'm good, dude. And she was like, I'm. I'm gonna take one. And so then she got naked in the bath and she. And I just Just sit and keep her company. But it was very surreal, and she loves to take a bath together, and it really makes me laugh.

[Tig Notaro]

And you never have taken a bath with her.

[Mae Martin]

I have been in our bathing suits, and it's become a thing now that she always wants to because it is very joyful. It's just like being in a hot tub and you're a couple of babies, you know?

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

A.

[Mae Martin]

Should we take a bath together? Should we put on the list?

[Fortune Feimster]

Got to be a big bathtub.

[Tig Notaro]

Thomas runs the bath and puts the bubbles in for us.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Sets our towels out.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

Can you go buy some Calgon bubble bath and so we can say Calgon, take me away.

[Tig Notaro]

I would be happy to. Does anyone buy Calgon anymore?

[Fortune Feimster]

You remember the commercials? Cal Gon take me away.

[Tig Notaro]

Of course. I just have not heard that since 1978.

[Fortune Feimster]

Well, listen, we were in a pinch. We were both sad. We needed bubble bath and it's what was available.

[Tig Notaro]

I'm not judging. I just have. It has been a long time since anybody has ever mentioned Calgon.

[Mae Martin]

I know it from the Mariah Carey song. The lyrics are shake it off. Just like the Calgon commercial. Wait, what is happening? Fortune. Fortune is drunk.

[Tig Notaro]

Drunk Fortune. Little tiny underwear underpants.

[Mae Martin]

Show my cams.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

Hold on.

[Tig Notaro]

You guys have to. Fortune. We need to cut this episode short.

[Mae Martin]

God.

[Tig Notaro]

And you need to sleep this off. Look at my GS. I think I saw your private fortune.

[Mae Martin]

Oh, my God. You.

[Tig Notaro]

Well, I don't know. I don't know. To go back to YouTube and see if we can like a. Like a football play. If we can circle fortunes.

[Fortune Feimster]

I wanted to show you my legs because I don't get to show them off enough. And when you're in the Caribbean.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, but you interrupted May's story.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, sorry, May.

[Tig Notaro]

No, we couldn't focus once. Those things were slapping around my.

[Mae Martin]

No. Suddenly we were at the Moulin Rouge with those Kanken dancers. That's what it felt like.

[Tig Notaro]

Do you want to take a moment, maybe stand on the couch and really.

[Fortune Feimster]

Show us my games?

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, like, stand up and, like, really give us a.

[Fortune Feimster]

Hold on.

[Tig Notaro]

Be careful because you are drunk.

[Mae Martin]

Strong calf muscle. That's a different.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, my Lord. And you're sitting inside and depriving people of. Of those gams.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, I hope everyone's turned on right now. Anyway. What? What? That's everybody up to besides me.

[Mae Martin]

I'm in a hotel because I thought I was going to be able to move into my house, but the renovations aren't done, so I had to get I came from Toronto, got in a hotel. I was feeling really down about it, and then I thought about, like, just stressed and all my shit in my. And then I thought, there's. There's good things about, like. There's always. There's Q tips in the bathroom. And I would never buy Q tips because they tell you that it's so bad for your ears. But listen, if I'm in a hotel and I find a couple, I'm so pumped. So I thought digging in there could be worse.

[Tig Notaro]

So you followed the Q tip rules where you're like, I was told, this is bad.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah. But if someone's giving me them in a hotel, I'm like, well, when in Rome.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

I use them.

[Mae Martin]

You do?

[Fortune Feimster]

Maybe that's why I can't hear you.

[Mae Martin]

Guys both use them.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Mae Martin]

Oh, this is not good news. Oh, this is.

[Tig Notaro]

I don't go deep into my ear. I just do the outer cartilage area.

[Mae Martin]

Oh, that's okay, I think.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Mae Martin]

What about you, Fortune? Are you going deep?

[Tig Notaro]

Don't do that when you're drunk. Do not clean out your ears when you're drunk.

[Fortune Feimster]

I want the thing where they clean your ears out with the water. Isn't that.

[Mae Martin]

That's a thing I'm obsessed with, like, ears. Your stuff. I like to watch, like, earwax removal. W. Find it relaxing. Is that disgusting? Sorry.

[Fortune Feimster]

I mean, teach their own.

[Mae Martin]

It is dis.

[Fortune Feimster]

There's a whole show about pimple popping, so people have their things.

[Tig Notaro]

I was about to say we went on a vacation to the mountains, and nobody ended up skiing or snowboarding. And we were with another family, and we all just hunkered down and sat by the fire, and they put on Dr. Pimple Popper.

[Fortune Feimster]

That's the show.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Have you seen it, Like.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah, I think I've seen things online.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, my gosh. The stuff. The. The things that have grown on people's bodies.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

That are, like, the size of a head.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

That they pop and it just explodes. Explodes.

[Mae Martin]

Some people just know they could save hundreds on car insurance by checking Allstate first.

[Fortune Feimster]

Like, you know how to check that the hotel room you book doesn't share a wall with the hotel bar. You want to get a good night's sleep.

[Mae Martin]

Checking first is smart. So check Allstate first for a quote. That could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Savings vary subject to terms, conditions and availability. Allstate Fire and Casualty Insurance Company and affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois.

[Tig Notaro]

Here's a story about a family food victory we recently had in our house. My kids are not a fan of spinach, but they do love spaghetti. So we mixed in some spinach with their favorite dish and voila. They're loving the spinach. And there's no better place to get your spaghetti and your spinach than Thrive Market.

[Mae Martin]

Thrive Market makes it simple to find trusted, family friendly brands without spending hours in the grocery store. One feature I cannot live without the Healthy Swaps scanner and the Thrive Market app. Here's how it works. You scan a product that you're used to buying and it instantly recommends a cleaner, healthier alternative. So for me, it's been a game changer. I've made some great swaps. Like instead of really sugary snacks, I'm stocking up on brands like Go Raw Choco Chunk Crisps, Lara Bars and Yum Earth Organic Licorice.

[Tig Notaro]

Ready for a junk free start to 2025 head to thrivemarket.com handsome and get 30% off your first order plus a free sixty dollar gift. That's T H R-I V market.com handsome thrivemarket.com handsome if you go on social.

[Fortune Feimster]

Media, it feels like every other post is about some new nutrition product that makes questionable claims. Our next partner is the real deal, Orgain. Orgain is famous for their organic plant protein powder. It packs 21 grams of complete protein with all nine essential amino acids.

[Mae Martin]

I had Orgain this morning and I love it. First of all, it tastes great, which we all know is a rarity for this kind of product. But second, it just makes me feel better. It's packed with the real nutrition that I need and you can make it with just water. So it's about as on the go as it gets. I don't know how I manage my life without it. In fact, I think of my life now as pre organ and post organ.

[Fortune Feimster]

Remember, there are no quick fixes when it comes to your health. If you want more protein, give or gain organic plant protein powder a try, head to orgain.com handsome and use code handsome for 30% off your order. That's the best offer you'll find. But you have to use our code handsome for 30 off one last time. For 30 off head to orgain.com handsome and use our Code Handsome.

[Mae Martin]

But I guess it's like satisfying to have something that is a problem and then is gone and removed. I think that's why it's like mentally satisfying. It's like you get to see it all clean at the end.

[Tig Notaro]

I was not. It is.

[Fortune Feimster]

It's It's a love. Yeah, those tick tocks come up and I have to keep scrolling.

[Mae Martin]

Remember, don't you feel like in the 90s, goiters were a big comedy thing? Like goiters kept. I feel like in. In cartoons and stuff, people always had goiters and you never hear about them anymore.

[Tig Notaro]

My ex used to joke about having a goiter all the time. And if she was mentioned it, I don't think it was the 90s. I don't think I would have ever heard of goiters unless she. She wrote songs about her goiter. She talked about her goiter. It was.

[Fortune Feimster]

And she had one.

[Tig Notaro]

I don't even know what a goiter is.

[Mae Martin]

It's like a big growth on your. On your neck usually, but it looks almost like, I don't know, like an extra head or something. I think if you're listening and you have one right in your hands.

[Tig Notaro]

I don't remember seeing a goiter. I don't anything that sounds like that on her.

[Mae Martin]

So she was just into it because it was the 90s and it was.

[Tig Notaro]

I think she thought it was a funny word or something.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah, probably.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

Speaking of the 90s, I ran into Lisa Loeb in a CVS. What is that, the 90s?

[Mae Martin]

Yeah, that's.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Like she is the 90s and you.

[Fortune Feimster]

Say, I only hear what I want to.

[Tig Notaro]

And did you know her before?

[Fortune Feimster]

I did not. I don't really have much. I don't have much to follow up on. She was just like, hey. She had a mask on, so I couldn't. It was during the fires, huh?

[Mae Martin]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

So everybody. The air was really bad, so I couldn't even. I didn't even really. I just saw her eyes. But, you know, her signature glasses, did.

[Tig Notaro]

She have them on?

[Fortune Feimster]

She had the signature glasses on. So when she said, this is Lisa Loeb, I was like, oh, my God, yes, of course. She said glasses.

[Mae Martin]

This is Lisa Loeb.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah. Because I couldn't see her face.

[Tig Notaro]

This is Lisa Loeb.

[Fortune Feimster]

This is Lisa Love. That happened to me once during the pandemic with Kelly Clarkson. And you all know I love Kelly Clarkson. Of course. I mean, and she came up to me with a mask on and she was like, what's up, Fortune? And I'm like, hi, stranger. And she said, this is Kelly Clarkson. And she goes, this is Kelly Clarkson.

[Tig Notaro]

They don't say I'm Kelly Clarkson or I'm.

[Fortune Feimster]

I can't remember.

[Mae Martin]

Maybe it was this is Kelly Clarkson.

[Fortune Feimster]

No, I think it was this. It's. It's Kelly Clarkson.

[Tig Notaro]

Okay, that makes more sense.

[Fortune Feimster]

It's Kelly Clarkson.

[Tig Notaro]

It's like somebody's presenting her to you. This is Kelly Clarkson.

[Fortune Feimster]

That was so funny, though.

[Mae Martin]

My most recent celebrity encounter was last night in my dream. I know dreams are boring to talk about, but it was so detailed and specific and real. And I will say it was Alanis Morissette. And it was.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yes.

[Mae Martin]

So like a movie. I was like a young Leonardo DiCaprio. I was, like, 18, and I had just left school, and I was on the run from the cops and my parents and all kinds of people. And then I find this, like, commune in the woods, and Alanis is there, and she's like, no, you're too young. And I was like, listen, I know what I'm doing. And then. And then we kind of had this, like, romance. And it was so. But it was so real, and it was so. Like a movie. And then she kept being like, nah, we gotta stop this. And I was like, why? I'm. I'm. I'm. I know who I am. I'm. She was like, no, you gotta go. I'm gonna get in trouble because you're on the run from the police. And then she was leading these, like, meditation courses. Oh, my God. I woke up and was like, we're in love.

[Fortune Feimster]

Did she ask you to sing with her?

[Mae Martin]

She did sing herself, but I didn't sing with her.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, that was really low fortune.

[Fortune Feimster]

I just didn't know if it came true in the dream.

[Tig Notaro]

I know what you're trying to do here. You're trying to hurt me.

[Fortune Feimster]

No, I don't want to hurt me at all.

[Tig Notaro]

No, you're trying to hurt me.

[Fortune Feimster]

No, no.

[Tig Notaro]

Bringing up a sore topic.

[Fortune Feimster]

No, I was hoping with Alanis in the dream.

[Mae Martin]

Imagine if in the dream you appeared and sang with her again. I'd be like, are you. Even my subconscious won't let me.

[Tig Notaro]

How if I swooped in.

[Fortune Feimster]

Ironic.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

Wouldn't it be ironic, don't you think?

[Mae Martin]

Well, I'm going on. On music tour. Like, my. Two of my songs came out this week, and I had to promote them. And so part of me was like, will it. Will Alanis ever come to and come on stage with me? I don't know. It's never. It won't happen.

[Fortune Feimster]

Throw it out there, bud.

[Mae Martin]

It's like how we're throwing it out there that we're hosting the Oscars.

[Fortune Feimster]

That's true. If you build it, they will come.

[Mae Martin]

I'd forgotten that we said that on the podcast. We said, well, let's Just say that we are hosting the Oscars and make it so. So then all week, people are tagging me on things like, can't wait to see handsome host the Oscars. What great news. I was like, wait.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

I mean, this year, I believe Conan's doing it, but next time.

[Mae Martin]

Okay, Next.

[Tig Notaro]

That's what we were talking about is after Conan.

[Fortune Feimster]

After Conan. So we can prepare.

[Tig Notaro]

And Conan also designated us as backup in case something happens.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, yeah. That could be. Our end to the Oscars is that Conan has the three of us tap dance behind them. Some sort of opening musical number. We don't even have to say anything. We just tap and then we leave.

[Tig Notaro]

Yes, of course. The old tap and leave routine.

[Fortune Feimster]

The old tap and leave. Yeah. I got a text from someone at Dynasty saying, are these your tap shoes? I was like, I think those might be Maze.

[Mae Martin]

Did we.

[Tig Notaro]

Did you leave yours?

[Fortune Feimster]

Someone left tap shoes there.

[Tig Notaro]

I brought mine off.

[Mae Martin]

I brought multiple pairs. I did buy a lot of pairs, so I don't know, maybe they were Thomas's.

[Tig Notaro]

Man, May is made of money just buying tap shoes.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah. All those T shirts you're selling now.

[Tig Notaro]

May, here's what I think you should do. How long are you in this hotel room?

[Mae Martin]

Three nights.

[Tig Notaro]

Okay. I think you should announce to our listeners what hotel you're staying in and what room, and they will just miss you. If you want to go visit the hotel that Mae Martin stayed in, that hotel is.

[Mae Martin]

Wait. Because this will come out by the time I've already left. Okay. So I feel safe to say this is the Silver Lake Inn and Pool.

[Tig Notaro]

Okay.

[Mae Martin]

It's called Silver Lake Inn and Pool.

[Fortune Feimster]

Never heard of it.

[Mae Martin]

I mean, it feels scary to say, but I'm in room 301.

[Fortune Feimster]

Okay.

[Tig Notaro]

I know. It's electrifyingly terrifying.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

But I thought it'd be a fun thing. And if you're a fan of Mae Martin, rent this room. Okay.

[Fortune Feimster]

This is a room.

[Mae Martin]

Wait. Okay, it's. Okay, I've realized It's actually room 302. But also, I'm gonna leave a note. A secret note here.

[Fortune Feimster]

Whoa.

[Mae Martin]

Oh, my God.

[Tig Notaro]

Yes.

[Mae Martin]

Okay. Okay, guys, guys, guys, guys, guys. This is huge.

[Fortune Feimster]

Look, tag us if you find it.

[Mae Martin]

Do you see this painting?

[Tig Notaro]

Okay, you have to go to YouTube to see. There is a painting of poop.

[Mae Martin]

There's a painting of a. Yeah. Blue blob of poop.

[Fortune Feimster]

And I. Poop needs to be tested.

[Mae Martin]

It's actually called blue body, this painting. But I'm gonna leave a note behind it and if you come and rent this room, you'll find you can find the note, and you could maybe add to it and leave it for the next note.

[Tig Notaro]

Okay, so a tiny note that says, hello from May. And then once this person rents the room and finds the note, then they need to send a picture of himself.

[Mae Martin]

I am electrified by this idea. This is so fun. Okay, it's Silver Lake Inn and pool, room 302. I'm going to leave a note behind the blue blob painting.

[Fortune Feimster]

And if anyone wants to find me.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, right. Fortune.

[Fortune Feimster]

Just look for that palm tree.

[Tig Notaro]

But, Fortune, you have to tell us the name and what room number you're in.

[Fortune Feimster]

I'm at the Four Seasons in Nevis.

[Tig Notaro]

Uhhuh.

[Mae Martin]

Nevis.

[Fortune Feimster]

That's a little island off of St. Kitts.

[Mae Martin]

Wow.

[Tig Notaro]

Give us a room number already.

[Fortune Feimster]

Room 224. And if you look behind this lamp.

[Tig Notaro]

Fortune's gonna leave her empty rum bottles.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah. An empty mickey of rum.

[Fortune Feimster]

And you're gonna see a sign that says, eat my ass.

[Mae Martin]

I might have to write, leave a.

[Tig Notaro]

Sign that says, this is Fortune.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah, this is Fortune.

[Tig Notaro]

And you should say, this is May.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah, yeah. I'm gonna write, this is May. I can't write, eat my ass. I can't bring myself to do it. I'll write, this is May.

[Fortune Feimster]

I won't do that. That's mean.

[Tig Notaro]

Also, we should offer a free gift, like free streaming tickets. If you go to these rooms.

[Fortune Feimster]

Someone flies to Saint Kids, gets on a boat, drags across.

[Mae Martin]

Thank you.

[Tig Notaro]

Free 15 tickets to a streaming stream.

[Fortune Feimster]

Tickets. Hilarious.

[Mae Martin]

After we're done this episode, I might make a little video filming myself hiding the note.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh.

[Fortune Feimster]

Thomas wanted to sweeten the pot a little bit.

[Tig Notaro]

Throw in one of our new handsome keychains. Oh, now, now we're. We're gonna lose money at this point.

[Mae Martin]

So wait, they're getting 15 streaming tickets? And a keychain.

[Tig Notaro]

And a keychain.

[Fortune Feimster]

May, we're selling new handsome keychains, and our lucky winners can be the first one.

[Tig Notaro]

And it's perfect because they look like a hotel room keychain. Wow. All right, let's get to our question, shall we? Today's guest is a journalist and podcast host who has been writing about the Internet since 1994. She founded Recode on Vox in 2014 and has written for publications including the New York Times and Wall Street Journal and the Washington Post. Her podcast is called on with Kara Swisher. Kara Swisher is asking today's question.

[Fortune Feimster]

Woo. Woo.

[Mae Martin]

Hey, handsome people. How you doing? I'M handsome myself, I have to say, and I'm very excited to talk to you. I'm a huge fan of your show. I'm here, I guess, because I'm the tech person. So I shall give you a tech question. AI is all over the place, from self driving cars to chatbots. I write about it and I do a lot of podcasts about it and some of it is useful. A lot of it is not so much.

[Fortune Feimster]

What.

[Mae Martin]

What is the one thing you hate doing that you wish AI would just do for you? What would it be? Let's be positive as we move into 2025, because there's nothing positive about 2025, I think. So what's the one positive thing before AI kills us? What would be good for you?

[Fortune Feimster]

Cara is the go to tech person.

[Tig Notaro]

Yes.

[Mae Martin]

I like that. It's very smart. It's like an accepted truth that AI is going to kill us. It's like. But before it kills us. What?

[Fortune Feimster]

It's definitely going to cost some harm.

[Mae Martin]

Oh, yeah, for sure. But I think this is a very, very good question. We've already addressed how I want AI to design coloring books for me so that I can get that sweet passive income trickling in.

[Tig Notaro]

I would like to get AI to control AI to not kill us.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah. Because that's something we don't know how to. That's actually. Yeah. We go chat. Chat. Whatever or whatever you call it. AI, please prevent yourself from taking over. Do you think it'll listen?

[Tig Notaro]

And then also on the side, fix the environment.

[Mae Martin]

Oh, yes. Seriously. I saw a thing the other day. I mean, every day there's a new, like, crazy AI thing coming up. But there was an AI creation, and they asked it to write an original song and sing it about anything. And it wrote one about how badly it wants to be alive. And it was this mournful song that it wrote of its own accord that was like, I want to be alive. It was this. Really? Yeah. It's like, oh, my God.

[Fortune Feimster]

That stuff used to seem so far away.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

From reality. And it's here.

[Mae Martin]

I know you heard it first right.

[Tig Notaro]

Here on Handsome Pod from Fortune Famester.

[Fortune Feimster]

It's here. It's here. Kara knows a lot more about it than I do. By the way. Kara's a power lesbian is what we call Kara.

[Mae Martin]

I thought that's what she meant when she said, I'm also handsome. And I thought it sounds like, like code from the 1950s where people had to say, I'm a friend of Dorothy, or like to say that they're Gay. I like it.

[Fortune Feimster]

And Cara's always sticking it to these tech guys, which is pretty fun.

[Tig Notaro]

And so there's got to be a joke.

[Fortune Feimster]

It takes a power lesbian to stick it to people.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Now, now I'm, I'm curious. At what point are you officially a power lesbian?

[Mae Martin]

Like, that's a great question.

[Tig Notaro]

Are you a power lesbian, Fortune?

[Fortune Feimster]

I don't know. Yeah, I mean, maybe.

[Tig Notaro]

How do we know? How do we suits AI?

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah. Is it. It's like a stature thing? A stature situation? I don't know.

[Mae Martin]

A very kind of nebulous quality. Like, it's like, it's like you're organizing things, you're hosting events, you're fundraising. You're like. You know what I mean?

[Fortune Feimster]

You're like sticking it to the man.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah. You're dressed up in a nice outfit.

[Fortune Feimster]

Taking down the patriarchy.

[Tig Notaro]

Okay, well, I don't know if Fortune in the Queen's T shirt and shorts would fall into power lesbian.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah, look, Kara's definitely sticking it to people. And I'm drinking a mango daiquiri.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

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[Mae Martin]

Quince has all the must haves, like Mongolian cashmere crew neck sweaters from $50, iconic 100 leather jackets and versatile flow knit activewear. The best part, all Quince Items are priced 50 to 80% less than similar brands. I got some of Quince's flow knit activewear, including the Flowknit Breeze tee, which is really a steal. At only $19.90, it's breathable, it's comfy, it's perfect for exercise or when I'm traveling or just hanging out at home.

[Tig Notaro]

Indulge in affordable luxury. Go to quince.com handsome for free shipping on your order and throw 365 day returns. That's Q-U-I-N-C-E.com handsome to get free shipping and 365 day returns. Quints.com handsome if you listen to Handsome.

[Fortune Feimster]

You know I love my dog Biggie more than anyone can love anything. That's why I feel so good feeding him Ollie dog food.

[Mae Martin]

Ollie provides the clean, fresh nutrition that your dog needs in five flavors that they will absolutely flip over. You don't have to be a veterinary nutritionist to know that feeding your dog real whole foods with minimal processing is one of the best choices you can make for their health.

[Fortune Feimster]

I've talked about it before, but Biggie has a sensitive stomach, which can be hard on a dog. So we needed to find him a food that we could be confident he would feel good eating. And that's why Ollie has been a game changer. Unlike other dog foods we've tried, even from those fancy brands, Ollie makes Biggie feel great.

[Mae Martin]

Give your pup a fresh start this new year by letting them taste test a personalized meal plan with ollie. Head to ollie.com handsome tell them all about your dog and use Code handsome to get 60% off your first box of meals when you subscribe today. Plus, they offer a clean bowl guarantee on the first box, so if you're not completely satisfied, you'll get your money back. That's O l l I e.com handsome and enter code handsome to get 60% off your first box. Start your dog's new year off right with Ollie. Here's why more than 50,000 LGBTQ people have signed up for Folks Health. Fox is now the leading healthcare provider for our community. It was created for queer people by queer people, and they provide everything. Talk therapy, gender affirming care, sexual and reproductive health, fertility and family planning, and even primary care.

[Fortune Feimster]

So here's how it works. They have dedicated LGBTQ clinicians and therapists around the country, so booking a visit online is really easy and it's always affirming. And they accept insurance, so you can pay with your copay, which is usually around $20 for a doctor's visit or therapy session. And you can have your med shipped straight to your door. Folks makes health care accessible and affirming for queer and trans people, which we know is so important right now.

[Mae Martin]

Today, listeners get a one month free trial to Folks Health with the code handsome. That's one full month to try expert and affirming care. Visit folkshealth.com and use code Handsome to get started. And that's F o l x health.com promo code handsome.

[Tig Notaro]

I have a question for you, May. Where do you fall in lesbian world? Do you identify as a lesbian?

[Mae Martin]

I never have. I never have. I did briefly when I was like 20 because I met I was with a lesbian. So I thought, oh, I guess I'm that. But I'd always dated men before that and was still attracted to them. I just wanted to be part of the culture, you know, But I never really have identified that way because, yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Because I guess I I. I think about. There's such a culture around being a lesbian.

[Mae Martin]

I'm a big fan of. I'm a big fan.

[Tig Notaro]

Would you consider yourself pansexual?

[Mae Martin]

Yeah, I guess so. Yeah. I always say bisexual just because I want. I feel like it's, like, good for the cause to, like, really vocalize that I am attracted to men specifically. But what I mean is pansexual, like, all genders and stuff, but I feel like it.

[Tig Notaro]

So you're a power pan.

[Mae Martin]

I'm a power pan. Power Peter Pan, yeah. Okay. So would you say you're a power lesbian? Both of you are in kind of power lesbian couples, I would say. And that contributes, I think, to being a power lesbian as being, like, part of a.

[Fortune Feimster]

In a. In a.

[Mae Martin]

Part of a couple, maybe.

[Tig Notaro]

I don't know.

[Fortune Feimster]

I would say Tig's a power lesbian.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

You say you're a power lesbian. I would say May is a power pan.

[Mae Martin]

No, I don't think I have that quality. It's like an authoritativeness in life. Like, I think about power lesbian is, like, so capable, just, like, getting shit done, you know? Or, like, you know what I mean? And I'm. I'm, like, in a hotel using Q tips and dreaming about Atlantis and. I don't know. So, Fortune, would you. Because, you know, AI already has, like, you know, we've already got, like, roombas and stuff, like AI house cleaning robots and things. But is there something in your life that you hate doing that AI could do for you?

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah, for sure. Not to take us off course, but.

[Tig Notaro]

Real quick, look at my legs. Real quick, real quick.

[Fortune Feimster]

Have you ever thought about how we say ponties? But if the ponties had a pun on them, they would be called punties.

[Tig Notaro]

Fortune, put the rum down. We're trying to answer a serious AI question. Okay. Put your rum tease down.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yes.

[Mae Martin]

I really thought when you said not to take us off course.

[Tig Notaro]

You know what? Lie down on the couch, sleep it off, and we will just wait for you to come back.

[Fortune Feimster]

Anyway, just think about that.

[Mae Martin]

We'll take it. Right?

[Fortune Feimster]

Just think about that. Okay.

[Tig Notaro]

Okay. May is completely frozen.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, no. May's not even. I thought May just hated my joke.

[Tig Notaro]

Probably did.

[Fortune Feimster]

I want. I need Mace. Take May's frozen right now. And I really need to hear May's take on this because May love these puns.

[Tig Notaro]

Hello, there's May.

[Fortune Feimster]

I needed. What's your take?

[Mae Martin]

I loved was a bigger swerve, subject wise, than I was expecting. You're like, not. I don't want to take us off course. But here's totally unrelated.

[Fortune Feimster]

I'm so happy. Okay, now back to brass tacks. Is that how you. Is that the way you use.

[Tig Notaro]

Well, wait. I want to go off course, too.

[Fortune Feimster]

Okay.

[Tig Notaro]

I'm realizing you're on vacation. Is. Is Jax just out surfing alone?

[Mae Martin]

She.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah, she's on the beach.

[Tig Notaro]

Okay.

[Fortune Feimster]

She's somewhere out there.

[Tig Notaro]

I can just. Lisa, it's beautiful and perfect, but.

[Fortune Feimster]

Thinking of me and loving me tonight. What's that from?

[Tig Notaro]

It's a little mouse singing Fievel.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yes. Anyway, not to take us off course again.

[Tig Notaro]

Okay. In the future, we should alternate. One of us should be high or on pills or drunk or something.

[Fortune Feimster]

I only had one mango daiquiri, but I am in the Caribbean.

[Tig Notaro]

People that drink too much claim I only have one drink. Yeah, okay, I swear.

[Fortune Feimster]

One. But it's the Caribbean, and they could have put extra rum in there.

[Mae Martin]

I want to do it. What would happen, do you think, if we did one where Thomas was wasted? He'd be just chiming in all the time, putting sound effects on?

[Fortune Feimster]

I guess. I would like AI to make all my appointments for me. Thomas. I would like AI to do that. Make all my appointments for me.

[Mae Martin]

Like an assistant.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah. That's got to be coming, right?

[Mae Martin]

Yeah. You're setting your sights low on, like. I feel like that could.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, we want a bigger thing.

[Mae Martin]

Well, Tick said climate change, but.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, that's true. It's hard to.

[Tig Notaro]

No, I also said climate change. AI fix.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah, yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Stop. AI.

[Fortune Feimster]

That's a big one.

[Mae Martin]

My two Art and I think they're working on this, but it's crazy that they haven't done it yet. Like decode whale song. Like translate what the whales are saying. They should be able to just feed it all in. Notice.

[Tig Notaro]

What do you. What do you want with this information of what the whales are saying?

[Mae Martin]

I want to get the goss. I want to find out what the gossip is down there. You know, I think there's a lot of drama probably going on.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

What did they say? I've got a whale of a tail?

[Tig Notaro]

Or people are like, we're having a whale of a time. And if you really think about that, like, what. What is that? Just moving slowly through the ocean. It doesn't seem.

[Mae Martin]

Having a whale of a time. Yeah. They're not big partiers whales. Right.

[Fortune Feimster]

Don't you think about putting me in SeaWorld or.

[Mae Martin]

And then. I don't want to be a fortune. Light cliche of myself, but an AI Kind of. Not a sex robot. Yeah. I mean. And it's so cliche. It's like I'm bored of myself for even saying it. But, yeah, I want something that can read my mind and know exactly what I want to hear and just, like, say dirty shit to me.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh.

[Mae Martin]

And it, like, I feed it my personality into it, so then it can detect exactly my perfect match of.

[Tig Notaro]

Couldn't you say all the dirty things you wanted to hear and then have it said in somebody else's voice and record it? And then I don't know.

[Mae Martin]

I don't know why that feels embarrassing. It's like when you're hooking up with someone, you're like, I don't want to have to say what I want. I hope. I want them to read my mind and do everything I want. So I want.

[Tig Notaro]

Can you give us a taste of what you like to hear.

[Mae Martin]

Please? I don't know. Filthy shit. I don't know.

[Tig Notaro]

But give us one line.

[Fortune Feimster]

Going to spank your bottom.

[Tig Notaro]

Fortune.

[Fortune Feimster]

Thank you for your bottom.

[Tig Notaro]

Fortune. Lie down.

[Fortune Feimster]

I don't know you. No, you. I'm gonna spank your bottom. You've been bad.

[Tig Notaro]

Fortune. Thomas Fortune. And let's hear Maze. Let's hear one line of Maze. Dirty, dirty.

[Fortune Feimster]

I'm gonna talk dirty to you.

[Tig Notaro]

Take off your ponties.

[Mae Martin]

Take off. You know something about pun puns. I don't know.

[Tig Notaro]

May back on track. Let's hear one thing you like to hear.

[Mae Martin]

Maybe, like, some, you know, dialogue from Buffy the Vampire Slayer or something. Or, like, witches. I can't. I can't. I can't. I'm, like, blushing right now. It depends on the situation, but you know what I'm saying.

[Tig Notaro]

Fortune's flushing.

[Mae Martin]

I. I told you about my. My water kink, right? No, of someone, I think. Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

Thomas says yes.

[Mae Martin]

It's crazy again. Everyone blocked it out.

[Tig Notaro]

What did it.

[Mae Martin]

What was it? It's just that, like, I think I must have watched a TV show at a formative time where someone was, like, having sex, and then the girl poured, like, gave them a drink of water, but, like, poured it into their mouth kind of with, like, one hand on the back of their head and, like, fed them. You're remembering this, and it's like, it's such a dumb, simple thing, but, like, I've always wanted someone to do that, where I'm. Because I'm, like, really busting my ass in the bedroom, doing some great work, and then I'm exhausted. I need a water break. And so I want the person to feed me the water, but I don't want to have to like make it a big thing of it or ask for it. And every time I've like, they need.

[Tig Notaro]

To know, they need to just instinctually know. May is pooped, needs a hydration.

[Mae Martin]

May is pooped.

[Fortune Feimster]

Big May has pooped and needs some electric electrolytes. Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Maybe you could. What? How? Here's here. I got a plan. Yeah, maybe it's not as sexy, but what if you had a camel pack on your back? Those water things that has the tube.

[Mae Martin]

With a long straw. Oh my God.

[Fortune Feimster]

And you're just like, they're like putting it up to your mouth.

[Mae Martin]

Oh, so they straw to me, right?

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Mae Martin]

Because anytime someone's tried to do that for me and make that dream come true, they've spilled the water and it's been, you know.

[Tig Notaro]

Okay, what about this? Does this take the sexy away if like you've worked it, you have done your job to a T, you are exhausted, you need some hydration and you're handed like a sippy cup or a cup that has a crazy straw. You know those silly straws?

[Mae Martin]

Yeah, the sippy cup is borderline kind of.

[Tig Notaro]

But what if it was one of those straws that like wraps around your eyes and go around your head and do all that?

[Mae Martin]

I could try that. It's not quite the same, but. Yeah. What about an AI machine that it. Yeah, it can pour the water and it can give me the water.

[Fortune Feimster]

Not to take us off course here. Oh, gosh, does tie into that. Did you see the movie Baby Girl?

[Mae Martin]

Not yet. And I want to.

[Fortune Feimster]

So this guy, you know, she wants to be dominated. Nicole Kidman.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

And this, this guy, she's the boss and he's an intern.

[Mae Martin]

So.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah, power dynamic happening here.

[Mae Martin]

Sure.

[Fortune Feimster]

And she wants to be submissive though. And so she, they kind of flirt and she's like, no, we can't. And then in front of all their co workers, the waiter drops a glass of milk off for Nicole Kidman. And he, this intern, he makes eyes with her like, you better do it. You better drink that milk. And she gulps it down.

[Mae Martin]

Oh. Cuz he ordered the milk for her secretly.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah, he ordered the milk for her and when she was leaving, she walks past him and he goes, good girl.

[Mae Martin]

Well, yeah, yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

I mean.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, see, I thought you were gonna say she was lactose.

[Mae Martin]

You're into it.

[Fortune Feimster]

I don't want that. But I thought that was hilarious. Later on when they're in a full blown thing, he has her lick milk like a cat.

[Tig Notaro]

Fortune. Marie. Fortune Marie.

[Fortune Feimster]

And one guy, I saw an Actual theater. And this is why I miss seeing movies in the theater. At one point, something happens and a guy in the theater goes, oh, hell no. And I was like that. That just made the movie for me.

[Tig Notaro]

Do you yell those things out at movies?

[Fortune Feimster]

No, but it makes me laugh. When there's a moment that you're all thinking that someone says it, it's really funny.

[Tig Notaro]

What if you went to a movie with me and found out I talked to the movie the whole time?

[Fortune Feimster]

No, thank you.

[Mae Martin]

You go, what's happening?

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, hell no.

[Tig Notaro]

Well, should we hear what Kara has to say?

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah.

[Mae Martin]

What would I like AI to do? I'd like it to be a super assistant. I think that's where the pluses are. And to coordinate my travel and everything else together and to tell me what I want. Be a really good assistant. I don't have an assistant, but I think that would be great to do. If they were accurate and they understood the only thing I would worry about is giving some technology company all my information. But they already have it. So I think being a really good assistant, like Jarvis in Iron man would be great. I think that the most powerless.

[Fortune Feimster]

Powerless.

[Mae Martin]

The most like, telling part of that was she said for it to tell me what I want. And that really appeals to me as well. Like, like you, it knows everything about you. It's got all your data, everything that's ever been online. You tell it your whole life story, and then it says, this is what's best for you. That is so relaxing. It's like being a kid again.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Mae Martin]

AI is going to parent us. It's going to reparent us. It's going to say, fortune, this is what you need to do to be the best version of yourself.

[Fortune Feimster]

But you know what happens when people do that?

[Mae Martin]

What?

[Fortune Feimster]

It dumbs you down.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah, you're right. We're all going to be.

[Fortune Feimster]

We're dumb, dummy. Dumb dumbs. I've been on. I've been on trips before where, like, they tell you everything's planned and you don't have to think for yourself and everything's done. And I've watched a group of very smart people become totally useless.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah, yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

Because someone is planning every minute. You don't have to think, you know, like, they couldn't even. Like, at one point, we were left to our own devices and they couldn't order an Uber. Oh, my God, we know how to order an Uber. What's happening here?

[Mae Martin]

It's like the.

[Fortune Feimster]

But it.

[Mae Martin]

The muscle atrophies in the brain. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

It will Just make everybody incapable if it does too much for us.

[Tig Notaro]

I can't imagine that Kara would get dumb ever.

[Fortune Feimster]

I know she's pretty smart, but.

[Tig Notaro]

She's pretty smart.

[Fortune Feimster]

She's very smart.

[Tig Notaro]

Okay. Yeah, she. She was the emcee of the morning show Emmy panel. Okay.

[Fortune Feimster]

I've seen her.

[Tig Notaro]

I've seen her intellectually soar. Okay.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, yeah, she's brilliant. I don't. I don't mean to take away from that. I'm saying no one's immune. Yeah, yeah. If you have someone doing too much for you. I've seen it with celebrities before when they've had everything done for them, that there comes a point where I've seen someone not know how to make a bed.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah, you become like a child.

[Fortune Feimster]

Not gonna say, do you make your bed every day? Yeah, I like.

[Mae Martin]

I know that that's like a big indicator of success, right? Like, that's one of those micro habits that if you make your bed every morning, you're gonna have a better day, a better life. Well, I got a lot on today because I gotta leave this note. Behind this painting.

[Tig Notaro]

You have a lot of particles of something flying around in the.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah, there's like. Wait, some kind of like, moth or.

[Tig Notaro]

Like several particles flying around is the.

[Mae Martin]

Ghost of Marilyn Monroe, probably.

[Fortune Feimster]

I will be going back out into the wild. Jax and I have spa appointments.

[Mae Martin]

Oh, nice. What are you gonna get done?

[Tig Notaro]

We have to get your gams.

[Fortune Feimster]

Massage. Just massage. We don't have a lot of time here, and they only had, you know, so much times available, so we had to eek it in there. Yeah, it's for milady's birthday.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

So, you know, we'll tell her happy birthday. Might have another daiquiri.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, I heard you. Even though you were kind of whispering that out of the side of your mouth, I actually heard you say you might have another daiquiri.

[Fortune Feimster]

See?

[Tig Notaro]

Did you hear that, May?

[Mae Martin]

No, it was like ventriloquism. I thought Thomas said that.

[Tig Notaro]

No.

[Fortune Feimster]

I might even turn to a pino colada.

[Mae Martin]

Whoa.

[Tig Notaro]

Please post some pictures.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah, please.

[Tig Notaro]

We have, you know, our show in Nashville, and we have our show in Austin. Handsome coming to you.

[Fortune Feimster]

Almost sold out, by the way. Austin's sold out, so if you want to come. I would not wait on that because it's like 97% sold.

[Tig Notaro]

Yes.

[Fortune Feimster]

And actually Nashville, too, is getting very close.

[Tig Notaro]

Get your tickets now, friends. And we have tickets and [e-mail], including our brand new key party keychains. But if you want to save money, fly out to. Where are you again?

[Fortune Feimster]

Fortunate.

[Mae Martin]

Out.

[Tig Notaro]

St. Kitts Four Seasons.

[Fortune Feimster]

I'm in the West Indies.

[Tig Notaro]

And go to Fortune's hotel room, look for the little note and get a free key.

[Fortune Feimster]

Free keychain and a streaming link to our next livestream.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah. And get. Get to May's room. Also get a keychain.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah. That is room 302 at the Silver Lake and Pool.

[Tig Notaro]

If you do send us a picture of yourself or video. Really doing this.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

I cannot stress enough. We will give you a free keychain.

[Fortune Feimster]

We will.

[Tig Notaro]

And a free $15 ticket to our next streaming show.

[Mae Martin]

Yes.

[Tig Notaro]

Or whenever. Yeah. Whenever you find these notes in these hotel rooms, whatever that next show is, boom. You don't have to rush and do it for the next show, but just. You know what I'm saying?

[Mae Martin]

Get there.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah. Get there. If you can anyone have something to promote.

[Mae Martin]

I really do. And I'm scared because I. These vent. The venues are too big and I'm doing music and I'm doing four big shows. I really, really need people to come. I'm so scared. Where I should be more confident about it, but okay.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah.

[Mae Martin]

The reaction. Regent Theater, Feb. 26 in.

[Tig Notaro]

Where what cities?

[Mae Martin]

Oh, in. In La. March 1 in Toronto at the Danforth Music Hall, March 4 at the Gramercy Theatre in New York, and March 9 at the O2 Forum in Kentish Town in London. I'm gonna do. I'm gonna play like my whole album and have special guests and tell some stories, but it's gonna be super fun. It'll be good.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah. That's exciting. Congrats.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah. You can go to maymartinmusic.com I'm doing stand up.

[Fortune Feimster]

I'll be in Oxnard, California, the weekend of February 21st and 2nd, the Irvine Improv in March, as well as Ontario, California and Huntsville, Alabama. Then I kick off my theater tour in Savannah, Georgia, Charleston, South Carolina, Albuquerque, Phoenix, Cleveland, Columbus, and Greensboro, North Carolina. Oh, and Roanoke.

[Tig Notaro]

I am going June 14th, Eureka Springs, Arkansas. And also, keep your ears and eyes open for information on the documentary that I produced called Come See Me in the Good Light. It had an amazing premiere at Sundance. Just standing ovation, people. I mean, it's so. Such a beautiful film. I'm so proud of it. And Brandi Carlisle and Sarah Bareilles wrote the original song with Andrea Gibson, who is one of the subjects of the documentary. And the song is just exquisite. It's so great. It's so great.

[Mae Martin]

And as always, tell your pals about the pod.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah. Share your favorite episodes with people, bring them into the circle and you know.

[Mae Martin]

Grow in this community.

[Fortune Feimster]

I have to say to you guys what thank you for being a friend. Travel down the road and back again was not expecting. You're a pal and confidant.

[Tig Notaro]

And until next time.

[Mae Martin]

Handsome is hosted by me, Mae Martin, Tig Notaro and Fortune Feimster. The show is produced, recorded and edited by Thomas Willette. Email [e-mail] and please follow us on social media. Ansomepod.

[Tig Notaro]

What a Podcast.

[Mae Martin]

What a podcast that was a Headgum.

[Fortune Feimster]

Podcast Some people just know they could save hundreds on car insurance by checking Allstate first.

[Mae Martin]

Like, you know, to check and make sure it's not the off season before booking that last minute trip to the Caribbean.

[Fortune Feimster]

Checking first is smart, so check Allstate first for a quote that could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate Savings. Vary subjects to terms, conditions and availability. Allstate Fire and Casualty Insurance Company and Affiliates Northbrook, Illinois hey, it's Nicole Byer here. Let me ask you something. Are you tired of endless swiping on dating apps? Fed up with awkward first dates, dates and disappointing hookups? Girl Same. Welcome to why Won't yout Date Me? The podcast where I figure out love and how to suck less at dating. Each week I get real with comedians, friends, and celebrities about their love lives. We swap dating horror stories, awkward hookups, and dive into the messy and wonderful world of relationships. I've chatted with amazing guests like Conan O'Brien, Whitney Cummings, Sarah Silverman, Trixie Mattel, Tiffany Hadditch, and so many more. So whether you're single, mingling or booed up, there's something in it for everyone. Tune into why Won't yout Date Me? With me Nicole Byer and discover insights that might just save you from your next dating disaster. Listen and subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts and catch full video episodes on YouTube. New episodes drop every Friday. Hi, I'm Caleb Heron, host of the so True podcast now on Headgum. Every week, me and my guests get into it and we get down to what's really going on. I ask them what's so true to them, how they got to where they are in life. A bunch of other questions, and we also may or may not test their general trivia knowledge. Whether it's one of my sworn enemies like Britney Brosi or Jewel Wallow or my actual biological mother Kelly, my guests and I are just after the truth, and if we find it, great and if not, no worries. So subscribe to so True on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, Pocket Casts, or wherever you get your podcasts, and watch video episodes on the so True with Caleb Heron YouTube channel. New episodes drop every Thursday. Love ya.