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Mae Martin
This is a Headgum podcast.
Tig Notaro
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Fortune Feimster
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Tig Notaro
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Fortune Feimster
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Tig Notaro
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Andrea Gibson
Here's a question that Stephanie and I asked each other that led to such.
Fortune Feimster
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Andrea Gibson
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Fortune Feimster
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Andrea Gibson
Handsome Pod.
Mae Martin
Chatting with friends on the Handsome pod. Chatting with friends on the handsome pod. Cheers. Welcome to the Handsome pod. You're joined, as always, by three individuals who individually are me, Mae Martin, me.
Andrea Gibson
Tig Notaro and me, Fortune Feimster. I have to say I'm still having that issue where I can't hear the theme song, so I just have to.
Fortune Feimster
Follow the head bobs.
Mae Martin
Oh, really?
Andrea Gibson
Yeah.
Kristen Schaal
Well, it's in the theme song is always in your heart. I do know that.
Mae Martin
I do know that.
Andrea Gibson
Yes, it is. It is in my heart. It's in my soul. It is all encompassing.
Kristen Schaal
Well, it's good to see you guys.
Mae Martin
Good to see you too. Everyone looking good.
Andrea Gibson
Yeah, everyone's looking handsome.
Kristen Schaal
You and May are kind of twins.
Mae Martin
Yeah, we are today.
Andrea Gibson
Yeah.
Mae Martin
White tees, white headphones. Do you have a chain? A gold chain? Tig.
Kristen Schaal
It looks like Tig does have on a gold chain.
Andrea Gibson
I do. You know the wonderful documentary I produced about Andrea Gibson?
Kristen Schaal
The.
Andrea Gibson
Film crew we all wore Andrea necklaces over the past year and. Yeah. And I don't normally wear it out of my shirt. And I actually honestly didn't even realize it was out of my shirt, but there it is. It says Andrea.
Kristen Schaal
Does it say Andrea? Is that what it says?
Andrea Gibson
Yeah, it says Andrea.
Mae Martin
Oh, I can see that. That's nice.
Kristen Schaal
That is nice.
Mae Martin
We're so sorry for your loss. And I've been just consuming tons of Andrea's work and content over the past few days. But how are you doing?
Andrea Gibson
I am. Yeah, here it comes.
Mae Martin
Yeah. Very up and down, I imagine.
Andrea Gibson
Yep.
Mae Martin
Or what you said before about feeling like you're on a different planet, I thought really resonates because it's like life is kind of continuing for everyone else, but you've got this fishbowl around you of just like.
Andrea Gibson
Yeah, it's. It's just such a. It's. It's so crazy. It's like before I got on today, I was like, oh, I'm. I'm okay. I had a very rough morning. Woke up at 4, took a walk and watched the sunrise. Wait, do you hear that?
Mae Martin
No. What is it?
Andrea Gibson
I have no idea what just started.
Kristen Schaal
This is so crazy.
Andrea Gibson
I hear myself doing stand up.
Mae Martin
Oh my God.
Andrea Gibson
What do I do?
Kristen Schaal
You should listen to yourself and laugh.
Mae Martin
Yes.
Andrea Gibson
None of the material sounds familiar.
Mae Martin
It's a future set.
Andrea Gibson
Hey, it's Tig. This is a little unusual, but it's about a week after we recorded this episode and I wanted to add in a quick explanation after the fact of what just happened. So mid chat about the loss of Andrea Gibson, I started to hear random standup of mine in my headphones. Neither my co host nor Thomas could hear it. I wasn't touching my computer or my headphones. Nothing. I had to search for where this was coming from to try and turn it off. My relationship with Andrea was always fun and funny. So if this was Andrea, this is exactly how they would have messed with me on an episode where we are talking about them. Anyway, I just wanted to jump in from the future to give that moment some context in the event that you maybe would find this interesting in some way. Okay.
Kristen Schaal
Oh, wow.
Andrea Gibson
Where would I find this?
Kristen Schaal
I wonder? It must be playing on your computer somewhere.
Andrea Gibson
Yeah.
Mae Martin
Yeah. Like in your itunes.
Andrea Gibson
Itunes. I found it. That's crazy.
Mae Martin
Is really surreal. That was.
Kristen Schaal
It was your own self telling you, trying to soothe yourself.
Mae Martin
Yeah.
Kristen Schaal
You said you went up for a walk.
Andrea Gibson
Yeah. I Woke up at 4 this morning. I've been having trouble. I had been having trouble sleeping Because I knew I was kind of expecting news. Andrea had taken a turn maybe three weeks ago at this point. Today is July 17th. Andrea passed away three days ago. And when Andrea took a turn, you know, you kind of don't know with cancer sometimes, because some people just keep on chugging. And in all honesty, I have been hoping for the past four years that my friend Andrea Gibson was a liar. I was hoping so desperately that Andrea was gonna be one of those stories of somebody that lied about their cancer diagnosis. Because I kept thinking, I can deal with that. I can deal with a friend that's a liar. We can get to the bottom of what is that trauma. Let's figure that out. And I was having trouble sleeping. Even though Andrea passed away. I Woke up at 4. I took a walk, watched the sun come up. It was just, like, unbelievably glorious, and really felt like I want to. I feel like I could keep walking for the rest of my life. I had so much energy. I was just taking in every bit of beauty around me, and. But it was hard. I was taking in the beauty. I was also devastated, reliving it all. And what I'll say is I was lucky enough to get out to Boulder to be there at Andrea's bedside. And it's the fourth deathbed I've been at, and, man, have they all been so different.
Kristen Schaal
Really?
Mae Martin
Yeah.
Andrea Gibson
Oh, my God. Oh, my God. And Andrea was at home. And I'm not going to go into great detail. This is all very new. But what I will say is that I don't know when I will ever come out of this headspace that I'm in. After the experience that I went through with Andrea's friends and family, so many people showed up from so many different histories with so many complications, some with very short journeys, figurative and literal journeys to that bedside, and also emotional journeys to get there. And it was. You know, I talked to my therapist before, just like, man, I'm. I am scared to walk in that door, you know, seeing a friend die.
Kristen Schaal
Yeah.
Andrea Gibson
And then also, this is a web. This is a web. And it was so transformative and beautiful.
Mae Martin
Oh. In a. In a positive way. That's.
Andrea Gibson
Yes, indeed. Like, I walked in with expectations that I think a lot of people did, and all of the journeys that everybody was on came together in one of the most beautiful, otherworldly ways.
Mae Martin
Wow.
Andrea Gibson
That I. It was so sad. It was so deeply sad. And it was also so. It's. It's so crazy, because the day I got there, Andrea was sitting up with Their parents. And, like, you know, Tig, tell. Tell my mom and dad about that thing with Max and Finn. And, you know, I was telling funny stories, and we were all sitting around, and by that night, that's where the turn took. And it all. I'm just so thankful I got there when I did. But, man, when I walked in and saw Andrea, we just embraced and. And they were just sobbing. We were holding each other, sobbing. And they were like, I'm crying because I love you so much. Okay. And I was like, same. I love you. It just was really, really beautiful. And I wish I. Selfishly, I wish I could share every detail, but it's just not. It's not for me to do, and it's not for me to do right now. But it was poetic. It was. I mean, Andrea was truly. It's so crazy, too, because I met Andrea 25 years ago backstage in Boulder. And I remember being introduced, and my friend was like, this is Andrea Gibson, a poet. I'm looking at this person that looks so familiar and feels so familiar. They're tatted up, cool, sexy. I came from, like, a past of rock and roll, music, business, comedy. I was like, I know this person. This person feels so familiar to me. But poet, that is. That's not my world. And I watched Andrea walk on stage and just destroy the room. You're crying, you're laughing. And I was like. I had never experienced anything like this, and nor would I have guessed to 25 years ago backstage that I would be at Andrea's side at end of life. And I'm so. I think I mentioned this maybe somewhere on the podcast, but my dearest friend from childhood sister, died. And I remember calling my mother and being like, what do I do? I'm so scared to go over there. My mother said, you just go. You just walk in the door.
Kristen Schaal
Yeah.
Andrea Gibson
And that impacted my life, I think. I was 23, and I remember having that fear of walking in to Andrea and Meg's house. But what was on the other side of that door? I mean, Andrea saw bits and pieces of what was happening in that house. And if I had missed that, I mean, I would never have known what I missed.
Joe Marcos Seresi
Right?
Andrea Gibson
But it was life changing to the point. And I know, of course I'll go back to my life and things will be back to normal, but the headspace I'm in right now, I cannot imagine.
Mae Martin
Like, what are you carrying with you from it? Like a kind of. Because I thought when it happened, it's so rare and unique for someone to be so aware of that process that they're going through and create art from it and kind of narrate it for the people around them and face it head on, face it and be like. And so much of Andrea's work was about gratitude and presence and love and, like, almost helping the people around her in advance of this process. But, like, yeah, what, what. What do you want to hold onto from that headspace? Like. Like gratitude and presence and things or.
Andrea Gibson
Well, yeah, I mean, I think that's kind of the. The thing that you're. Once you experience that kind of sorrow, grief, loss, you just. You want to stay in that sweet spot of like, God, I'm so thankful. I'm like, that's what I keep telling people is I'm equally as grateful as I am sad. I'm just. It's almost like I'm levitating, like I've taken mushrooms or something where I'm just like, whoa, you are not going to believe what I just saw. There's that. But it's also. It's just that bittersweet feeling. I keep thinking about Andrea's line of, you know, let your heart break so your spirit doesn't. And it feels really good to just let my heart break. And I don't know, you know, it's so crazy. I was thinking about all the different losses in life. Like a parent can abandon a family, or you go through a breakup or somebody just kind of ghosts you, and you're left going, what happened? Like, okay. Or a death. And it's just so many different versions of grief or confusion and what I have to say about Andrea and, oh, and fortune. I saw that you posted that love letter from the afterlife where Andrea is reading a poem they wrote for their wife. That's so beautiful. And I'm not a religious person. I'm not somebody that's like, oh, I can I saw my loved one. Or, I don't know, I'm just not that person. But I have to say, Andrea, unlike so many of those other departures and confusing grief that you're left with, as sad as I am, I. I was just telling my friend staff the other day that I kind of can't finish my sentence because two different things are coming together. Two different thoughts. One being, I'm not a religious person. I don't really believe in the woo woo stuff. Meanwhile, here comes this other thought of Andrea has left us, our friends, our family, the strangers, fans, whoever, with so much to get through this, to carry us through. There's so many, especially when you hear that poem of. Yeah, a love letter from. Incredible, wasn't it?
Fortune Feimster
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Andrea Gibson
What were your favorite lines?
Kristen Schaal
Tell me the altitude of heaven and I'll ask me the altitude of heaven and I'll ask how tall you are that's not the exact line, but. Keeping the secrets in your back pocket.
Andrea Gibson
Of all the things you never said.
Kristen Schaal
Yeah that you thought would make me love you less and that only makes me love you more I mean, there's so many. There's so many lines. I. I did not know Andrea personally. I got to see Andrea perform once, and, like, you and, like, everybody just fucking blown away. Like, how does a person have this kind of depth and the ability to speak it, you know? Like, that's the thing that I'm like, may. I've been watching a lot of poems since Andrea passed, and just, like, couldn't believe a person could, like, describe the human experience and love in the way that Andrea did. Like, the depth of it. And just seeing that, I just couldn't imagine how hard that would have been to, like, write it and then say it to the person that you love and are leaving. I can't imagine Meg hearing it.
Andrea Gibson
Yeah.
Kristen Schaal
So I posted it as, you know, an homage to Andrea, having not known her, but really feeling the loss for all of the people in Andrea's life. And it's gotten almost a million views of people just being, like, on your page.
Andrea Gibson
Yeah.
Kristen Schaal
Like, this is the most beautiful thing I've ever seen.
Andrea Gibson
Wow.
Kristen Schaal
I lost someone, and this makes me feel so much better.
Andrea Gibson
Yeah.
Kristen Schaal
Because, you know, I always think, like, when someone dies, like, you want them to be remembered.
Andrea Gibson
Yeah.
Kristen Schaal
That their life mattered, and certainly Andrea's did and does, and their words will live on. And to just see people be like, holy cow. This. This is transformative. Seeing this, hearing this. Like, it really. It really was.
Mae Martin
Yeah. And I know it's like. I mean, I. I texted this to you, and I know it's like, no, not a huge comfort, I imagine, but to be able to have made that documentary and for Andrea, to have felt that reaction and. And how much it touched people and to be able to sort of eulogize someone when they're with us is so rare and special to be able to do that.
Andrea Gibson
But.
Mae Martin
Yeah. Yeah. I hope everybody's. Yeah. Reading Andrea's work and watching the videos and.
Andrea Gibson
And One of the beautiful, amazing things was that because so many people learned about Andrea, there was a massive influx of book sales of Andrea's that after I left, our friend Steph called me and said, tig, we have been having a book shipping party, and they've been at Andrea's house, just Meg and friends packing up all these books and shipping them off. And if I can encourage people, like, if you're like, how do I get more Andrea not to turn this into a commercial? But, like, I know Andrea has saved so many people's lives through their words. I just would love for more people to experience the. Yeah, just laser precision.
Kristen Schaal
Yeah.
Andrea Gibson
Just real quick to go back to the afterlife. One of my favorite lines. And of course, I can't. I don't know it exactly, but, well, let's go.
Mae Martin
Let's get it up.
Andrea Gibson
Yeah, yeah, get it up. But it's a line about how Andrea in the afterlife is going to share their grief with the people about to be born.
Mae Martin
One day you will know why I read the poetry of your grief to those waiting to be born, and they are all the more excited. Yeah.
Kristen Schaal
And saying, I'm with you more now than I ever was is pretty powerful. Like, I thought I was going somewhere else, but I'm actually here more now than ever. Yeah. I think what struck me about Andrea was just seeing someone love life so much. Having not known Andrea personally, the takeaway is like, God, you. It makes you want to be so much more appreciative. Like you said about being grateful. Like, there was an interview Andrea did about, like, having just found out their cancer was incurable. And they went on a drive, and there was. They saw, like, llamas. And Meg was like, look at the llama. And Andrew's like, I don't want to open my eyes because I'm afraid I'll love it so much. And then they did, and then they loved it so much. And I just admired that. Just taking everything in so deeply and appreciatively. And then it makes you just like, I can only imagine how you feel in the people in Andrea's life, but it makes you be like, that's the person who should get to love this for so much longer. But then you're also like, they loved more than people doing 80 years. You know, they did that in 49.
Andrea Gibson
Almost hit 50, and. Yeah, I know.
Kristen Schaal
Yeah.
Andrea Gibson
And that was their dream. They just. They wanted to hit 50. And I said this in my post on Instagram, but it is. It's one of my favorite things that Andrea Said is like, what kind of poet would I be if I could only make life beautiful on the page? And I'm just like, I just love it. I just love it. And really, towards the end of, you know, when somebody is going before they go, like, one of the most amazing moments is Andrea kind of yelled out as much as they could in that state. I fucking loved my life. And you're just like, oh, God. And they did. They did. And I think that's what I was saying before is like, just all of it. There's so much for me to turn to and carry me through. Like so many people.
Kristen Schaal
Yeah.
Andrea Gibson
And I just am so grateful. I'm so deeply sad, but I'm so grateful. I'm so grateful.
Mae Martin
It would be so easy to be, like, consumed by the unfairness of it all and the like for someone to stay buoyant through that. And, like, what a gift to everyone and to them and the bravery. Yeah. Yeah. It's really inspiring.
Kristen Schaal
So Thomas has found the video of Andrea reading their poem the Afterlife to Meg. And I think we should listen to it. It's pretty amazing. Pretty powerful.
Andrea Gibson
Yeah. Andrea's reading it to Meg's face. It was the final television, final interview that. That's what it came from.
Russell Daniels
This is called Love Letter from the After. I've never read it like this. My love, I was so wrong. Dying is the opposite of leaving. When I left my body, I did not go away. That portal of light was not a portal to elsewhere, but a portal to here. I am more here than I ever was before. I am more with you than I ever could have imagined. So close. You look past me when wondering where I am. It's okay. I know that to be human is to be farsighted. But feel me now, walking the chambers of your heart, pressing my palms to the soft walls of your living. Why did no one tell us that to die is to be reincarnated in those we love while they are still alive? Ask me the altitude of heaven and I will answer, how tall are you? In my back pocket is a love note with every word you wish you'd said. At night I sit ecstatic at the loom, weaving forgiveness into our worldly regrets. All day I listen to the radio of your memories. Yes, I know every secret you thought too dark to tell me and love you more for everything you feared might make me love you less. When you cross cry, I guide your tears toward the garden of kisses I once planted on your cheek so you know they are all perennials. Forgive me for not Being able to weep with you. One day you will understand. One day you will know why. I read the poetry of your grief to those waiting to be born. And they are all the more exciting. Excited. There is nothing I want for now that we are so close. I open the curtain of your eyelids with my own smile every morning I wish you could see the beauty your spirit is right now making of your pain. Your deep seated fears. Playing musical chairs, laughing about how real they are not my love. I want to sing it through the rafters of your bones. Dying is the opposite of leaving. I want to echo it through the corridor of your temples. I am more with you than I ever was before. Do you understand? It was me who beckoned the stranger who caught you in her arms when you forgot not to order food. Two at the coffee shop. It was me who was up all night gathering sunflowers into your chest. The last day you feared you would never again wake up feeling light hearted. I know it's hard to believe, but I promise it's the truth. I promise one day you will say it too. I can't believe I ever thought. Thought I could lose you. Jesus Christ.
Kristen Schaal
I don't know if I could have sat as strongly as that from either.
Mae Martin
Jesus Christ. Oh my God.
Andrea Gibson
You know, and I also. I just. I know we've obviously turned this into. And I'm so thankful. I owe everybody. First of all, the three of you reached out to me and it meant the world. And so did so many people. So such loving messages and conversations that I've had. But as much as Andrea was one of the most incredible poets, I'm like desperate for people to know. Andrea was also one of the most deeply funny people.
Kristen Schaal
I could see that.
Andrea Gibson
In Deeply, Deeply works.
Kristen Schaal
Yeah.
Andrea Gibson
Deeply funny and like somebody that found everything so precious, but also nothing was too precious. Yeah. And one thing I do want to share was like one of my fears I was telling my therapist was like, I desperately wanted to get in bed with Andrea. I just wanted to be by their side, so close and I didn't know if it was going to be okay to do that. And. But it was. And this was like after things kind of took a turn, but Andrea was awake and talking but, you know, very weak still. And so I crawl in bed and this is just like so perfect. I crawl in bed and Andrea turns and points to the. Points to these three little mysterious stains on the bed and just says, I don't know what these are, but we'll just blame them on Meg. Okay. It just made me Laugh so hard. I mean, so, so dry, so funny. So, like ready for any, any kind of humor and joke. And one of my favorite things was the lines on Andrea's face when they smiled and laughed. Their smile would lift their skin and create lines on both sides. And I just will miss those so deeply because they were there when Andrea was smiling and laughing. And I just like, you know, it goes back to that. When somebody feels like home, their sense of humor was home. Yeah. But again, I really appreciate this chance to. To talk about Andrea and I just am very thankful for everybody's love and I know Meg and everybody's so thankful.
Mae Martin
So thank you for talking about with us and letting us all like cry with you and feel that with you. Yeah. I'm sure people listening are also feeling that.
Kristen Schaal
Yeah, there are few people who impact others so much that you would have a wife and four ex girlfriends and dozens of friends surrounding you in your death. That is. I think a lot of people read that and went, whoa, that is fortune uncommon. And what a person to be able to bring all those people back around.
Andrea Gibson
And fortune, my friend.
Kristen Schaal
Was it.
Andrea Gibson
A few days of it was. I'm endlessly thankful I was in that mix because I have not seen shape shifting in the most glorious way than in that house.
Kristen Schaal
Well, I can only imagine.
Andrea Gibson
Yeah, you can only imagine.
Kristen Schaal
And I can't even imagine because it's just so rare. What you experienced is, I imagine. Yeah, that just does not happen.
Mae Martin
That's something to aspire to. That's like, you know, you've had a life. Well lived that in your day to day life. To keep that in mind in terms of your relationships and your friendships and stuff. Not, not like, I hope these people are at my deathbed, but just like how powerful those connections can be and how soothing and transformative and I just devalue them properly. That's what it's all about.
Andrea Gibson
I mean, my mind was so blown after those days there that I was like, you know, I'm never excited to speak in kind of popular terms, you know, the, like, I'm here for this and, you know, whatever. But like, after that happened, I was like, man, am I here for the surprises of life. What happened under that roof was one of the biggest surprises of life. And it was, yeah, just one of the most beautiful experiences. I think every single person that walked into that house and walked out of that house just stunned with beauty. And it's all for the love of Andrea Gibson and Meg Fowley, who again, is a beautiful person and poet and human being, just which is also a person. But anyway, I'm just, I'm here for the surprises of life. I'm so here and I know we've all experienced those and are they not the most glorious? Yeah.
Kristen Schaal
Yes, for sure. Transformative like you said.
Andrea Gibson
Yeah. Yeah.
Mae Martin
So we've tried to pick a question here that was sort of on on theme. Weird, weird transition. Weird to transition.
Kristen Schaal
What if we were like our question asker wants to know what our favorite food is. Yeah.
Fortune Feimster
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Kristen Schaal
Well, stay on theme Today is all in honor of Andrea. Today's question asker is Emmy nominated actress, comedian and writer who's starred as Louise on Bob's Burgers, Carol on the Last man on Earth, the guide in what we do, in the shadows, and so much more. She is delightful. She has a new podcast called the Extraordinarians. Christian Schall is asking today's question.
Andrea Gibson
Nice.
Joe Marcos Seresi
Hi, Fortune. Hi, Tig. Hi, May. My question for all you handsome folks is, is there an afterlife? It's just like, off the top of my head.
Mae Martin
Just off the top of my head.
Andrea Gibson
Can I tell you what is so crazy that ties this all together perfectly? As I was just recalling, Kristen is from Colorado too.
Kristen Schaal
Oh, no, I didn't realize that.
Andrea Gibson
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Anyway, so that's perfect. I love Kristen.
Kristen Schaal
Yeah, she's great. So funny. So unique.
Andrea Gibson
Oh, my God. There's nobody, Nobody like her.
Kristen Schaal
No. And that voice. I mean, you know, people are obsessed with Bob's Burgers and she is such a vital part of that show.
Mae Martin
We've had some good voices on the pod and. And Kristen's up there. You know, we've had Cyndi Lauper, we've had Arnold. We've had some iconic. Some iconic voices.
Kristen Schaal
Yeah.
Andrea Gibson
Guys, We've had Andrea Gibson on the pod.
Mae Martin
We've had Andrea Gibson on the pod.
Andrea Gibson
Yeah. Yeah.
Mae Martin
Asking about flirting, I think. I don't think so.
Andrea Gibson
Flirting.
Mae Martin
Yeah. Is there an afterlife? Well, I mean, I. I feel like to me, I'm sure there's something, and I hope. I kind of hope it's nothing I've ever heard of or imagined. Like, I hope it's none of the things that we've dreamed up. And it's so beyond all of that. But I'm always excited when, like, science starts to bridge that gap between spirituality. So, like, I find it soothing knowing that energy can't be destroyed. And then it. It goes somewhere, like. So I just hope that there's. There's something like being reabsorbed into wherever you were before you came. That's what I hope.
Andrea Gibson
So, yes or no?
Mae Martin
I'm gonna go.
Kristen Schaal
It's like.
Mae Martin
Well, yes, but I don't know about it, it being a place.
Kristen Schaal
I think that there's a state, like a spirit.
Andrea Gibson
Yeah.
Kristen Schaal
Like, kind of all. All around.
Mae Martin
Yeah, yeah. And I love all those things, you know, about people who have had near death experiences. And they describe this feeling of total love and. And euphoria and like perspective and having all the answers. That sounds pretty good to me.
Andrea Gibson
Yeah.
Mae Martin
Yeah. What do you guys think?
Kristen Schaal
I. I believe in an afterlife. I mean, I don't know that I like think of it in terms of like how they portrayed it in mov. Show up to the gates and everyone's like hanging around in a robe.
Andrea Gibson
But that'd be amazing though, if that is exactly what it was.
Mae Martin
I know, I know. I do have this nagging fear that it's going to be like fucking. Exactly. I just.
Kristen Schaal
I guess what makes me want to believe is because of. I've talked about it before. My grandmother. I just want. I just feel her.
Andrea Gibson
Yeah.
Kristen Schaal
So much around me that like it has to be something. I don't know like May saying what it looks like, but it is an energy and it could just be. That's me making myself feel better. But I. There's so many things that have happened where I have asked my. I kind of like when in hard times, especially this year, the last. You know, this. This whole year actually.
Andrea Gibson
Yeah.
Kristen Schaal
I have summoned my grandmother more than ever in guidance and answers. And I will tell you some of the things that have happened right after have been like, holy crap. She answered very clearly right away in some really big specific ways that I was just like. I mean she has to be with me because that. There's several things and that's just like. Otherwise it's some crazy coincidences, but those are the things that make me feel like there is something more. And also again like hearing people's. I haven't seen a ghost. Yeah, ghost. But hearing other people's like very clear, vivid experiences make me go, well, there's something. There's something because that, that so many people have seen something or felt something that it's like that can't be a. An accident.
Mae Martin
I'm open to it all. And. And if you've ever. You were saying like you feel like you're on. On mushrooms. Taken.
Andrea Gibson
Yeah.
Mae Martin
I think part of that comes from not to. And I'm not advocating strong psychedelic use, but like the thing that is unanimously reported with those experiences and that I've felt is like the illusion that we're separate kind of dissolves and you feel the real truth of that connectedness and like the like of source energy or whatever. And so I gotta believe that that's. That's part of it. Yeah. What do you feel, Tig?
Andrea Gibson
I don't believe any of it. Yeah, no, you know, I was just sitting here thinking about. I mean, since we were so deep diving on Andrea, and again, I'm very thankful for that time that we did deep dive, and believe me, we could have gone deeper and longer. But, you know, I think about what Andrea was saying of, like, why didn't anybody tell us that we're reincarnated into the people that we love that are still alive? And I think more than an afterlife, I just. This is where it's hard for me to finish my sentences because I have these different feelings that. And ideas, but I can feel that more, you know, with the energy going some places into us right now. Like, your grandmother is in you, and Andrea's walking with me as I'm crying down the dirt path. But, yeah, I mean, is that afterlife? I guess that's a version of it, but I really don't know. I don't know if it's Andrea's energy or if it's Andrea's. Just thoughts that are guiding me and to go back to the afterlife poem. It's the first thing I've heard or read that has felt so comforting and so much like a guide and, like, I just feel carried right now by Andrea. I know so many people in their life do. And if that's the afterlife and if I'm wrong, if there's pearly gates and robes, and I hope so much, and.
Kristen Schaal
What a bonus for you, right?
Andrea Gibson
Oh, my gosh. Is Andrea in a robe? Yeah, right now.
Kristen Schaal
You know.
Mae Martin
You know what I sometimes feel like, because people always talk about, like, a. Like, peace and, you know, you're elevated beyond the kind of minor troubles of this human experience and stuff. And I'm like, I hope I don't. I hope there's some drama as well, because, like, I. I would.
Kristen Schaal
I think if you have to answer all your. All of a sudden.
Mae Martin
Well, just like, if it was all peaceful all the time, like, I hope there's still a bit of spice, you.
Kristen Schaal
Know, like, some cattiness amongst the.
Mae Martin
Some flirting, some, like, highs and lows, you know, because the lows are part of it, too. Yeah.
Andrea Gibson
Well, there also has to be. You know, if that is happening. You know, I'm thinking about if people in the afterlife are looking over us and they're. They're seeing things. There has to be upsetting moments or funny moments, and so there's waves that will be made. And. And I had this moment that I was mortified by yesterday. I had these friends, my childhood friends come in town, Megan and Kristin, and we had all taken a picture. And it was such a great picture of me and Kristen and Megan and Stephanie, but in the background was a porta Potty. And so I asked my assistant to remove the porta potty from the picture. And so I sent the new picture to, I thought my friend Megan, but I sent it to Meg and Andrea yesterday.
Mae Martin
Oh, my God.
Andrea Gibson
And I just send a picture and I said, I had my assistant remove the porta Potty.
Mae Martin
Oh, my God. And sent it to Andrea.
Andrea Gibson
Sent it to Andrea and to Meg and Andrea and Andrea. I sent it to both of them. And then I saw immediately. And I was like, oh, my. Even though I know Meg so well, I was still like, oh, God, oh, God, oh, God. Because, like, Meg's not in the mood to see Andrea's name pop up on the phone. Like, that is so confusing. And so I just was like, oh, my God, I'm so sorry. I don't know how this happened. It took me a second to realize it was the Meg and Megan thing. And then Meg wrote back, I love you. This is no doubt making Andrea laugh as it did me, so please don't worry. But I was truly like, oh, my. And this is why Stephanie at our house is like, you're not allowed to press buttons. Because I'm just like, I send things on wrong text threads non stop.
Kristen Schaal
Oh, my God.
Andrea Gibson
Nonstop. And I did that yesterday. I was like, God, I have the.
Kristen Schaal
Porta Potty removed is also hilarious.
Andrea Gibson
And then the whole thing that it, like, it went to Meg and Andrea in a porta Potty and it goes back to, like, Andrea and Meg that everything's so precious to them, but nothing is, you know? But I knew there was a chance it could have leveled Meg, but thankfully she was like, oh, my God, this is hilarious. And Andrea is so deeply laughing at this.
Kristen Schaal
So good. I don't know. I think with the afterlife, my kind of thought is like. And it's so removed from, like, religious stuff when I say this, because that's a whole other ball game.
Andrea Gibson
Yeah.
Kristen Schaal
With the afterlife, you're kind of like, what is the harm in having hope that you see a loved one again? You know, like, if that. If, if. Who knows? But if all it does is make us feel better, that it helps in, even in a tiny way with our grief, then great.
Mae Martin
Yeah.
Kristen Schaal
You know, like, grief is so hard and devastating and to lose someone you love and so desperately want to see again, if you. If it makes you feel better that one day you will, good. Then that's helping you through that Grief. And that's just kind of how I look at it. And so I think it's different for everybody.
Mae Martin
There are so many things that we can't see with our eyes, but we know to, like, love is so ephemeral, we can't see it or, like, quantify it, but you feel it so profoundly. WI fi is all around us, and it's real. And. Yeah, like, you know what I mean? There's no reason why, like, May, you're.
Andrea Gibson
Gonna make me cry.
Mae Martin
Real, man.
Kristen Schaal
That's really touching.
Mae Martin
Dig deep.
Andrea Gibson
This episode's already been a wrecker, and now to think of the WI Fi. But, yeah, you know, I hear you both, and I agree. It's like, what's the harm in that?
Mae Martin
Yeah.
Andrea Gibson
God, I hope you see your grandmother again.
Kristen Schaal
Yeah.
Andrea Gibson
And how lucky that you feel guided by her.
Kristen Schaal
Absolutely.
Andrea Gibson
Yeah. Yeah.
Kristen Schaal
And it. Yeah. If it's just, like, helping me make better decisions, if it's helping me feel peace, if it's helping me get through a sad day, then I'll take it.
Andrea Gibson
Yeah.
Mae Martin
And also, like, culturally, we are. We never talk about death or everybody's, you know, and so to. Even just as a fan of Andrea, watch this and be confronted with it like that. It's. It's so powerful and helpful, and it makes me want to. Like, I think about, remember when David Bowie was dying and he made Lazarus, that album. It just makes me want to leave funny notes behind paintings for. To make people laugh, you know? And, like, the more you can sit with it and be okay with it, the more you can curate it in the way that you want, I guess.
Andrea Gibson
Yeah. You can create your own afterlife.
Kristen Schaal
Yes.
Mae Martin
Yeah. Yeah, definitely.
Kristen Schaal
The seeing Andrea, too, like, with these poems and the words and the depth, that makes you want to, like.
Andrea Gibson
Not.
Kristen Schaal
Be so scared to share feelings, to tell people how you feel, to take chances, to, you know, like, even going through the. This heartbreak that I've experience this year, like, I don't want to shut myself off or close my heart, you know, like, seeing that depth and the facing of these emotions and not being afraid to share emotions, it definitely made me go just freaking live life and take some swings. Who cares? You know?
Andrea Gibson
Yeah, absolutely. Oh, my God.
Mae Martin
Like some interview with Ethan Hawke, maybe, where he was talking about poetry and the value of it or how it's interesting that we always reach for it, like, when someone gets married or when someone passes away. Like, these are the moments where we find poetry helpful and. Yeah. I thought that was cool.
Andrea Gibson
That's nice.
Mae Martin
Yeah.
Andrea Gibson
I was. When I was talking to our friend Steph yesterday, because she's still with Meg. And she was like, she said that Andrea wore hoodies all the time, and Meg's gonna give Andrea's friends different hoodies of theirs. And I was like, oh, that's so great. And I just wasn't assuming I was gonna get a hoodie or anything. I didn't know how many hoodies there were. And Steph goes, oh, yeah. And you're getting the hoodie that apparently every time Andrea wore it, they said, what do you think Tig would say if she saw me in this hoodie? And I was like, I cannot wait to get this hoodie. Like, I cannot wait to see what this hoodie is. I cannot wait.
Kristen Schaal
That's cool.
Andrea Gibson
Oh, my God. I cannot wait.
Mae Martin
Anyway, well, should we hear what Kristen's answer is?
Andrea Gibson
Yes. Yes. Yes.
Joe Marcos Seresi
If I were going to answer that, and I guess I. I am, I would say that, yes, there is, because, well, I. I. No one's been get. There's no proof that there isn't. No proof that there is no proof that there isn't. But there is something about the fact that we have these imaginations that I like to think is a little gift, like a little Evite from someone up there. Just like, tickle, tickle, tickle. Just letting you know there's somewhere else to go.
Kristen Schaal
Oh. A little tickle, tickle, tickle.
Andrea Gibson
Classic. Classic. Kristen, when we feel a little tickle, tickle, tickles.
Kristen Schaal
We know what that is.
Mae Martin
Yeah.
Andrea Gibson
I just saw Kristen at a party, and we had such a nice conversation, and it ventured into the religious world, spiritual realm. Yeah. Yeah. So it's. It's perfect that this is her question.
Mae Martin
Yeah.
Kristen Schaal
Well, thank you for, you know, sharing with us. I know this is not an easy week. That's not an easy thing to talk about.
Mae Martin
We'll cut all that out. Right? Everything Tig said about Andrea.
Andrea Gibson
Absolutely. That needs to go.
Mae Martin
Just kidding.
Andrea Gibson
It'll just be tickle, tickle, tickle, tickle, tickle, tickle.
Mae Martin
But, yeah, no, thank so much.
Andrea Gibson
Thank you all for your support and everybody who loves and appreciates Andrea. Thank you. And dig more into their poetry and Meg's poetry. And don't wait for a funeral or any of those moments of life. Check it out. And don't wait for those moments to say your appreciation, to share your appreciation for people 100%. Yeah.
Kristen Schaal
Say the thing that you want to say. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Andrea Gibson
Throw the party now.
Kristen Schaal
That's right.
Andrea Gibson
Throw the party tonight Throw it tonight. Get in touch. If you let us know that you threw a party tonight. Yeah. If this is your first time listening to Handsome, this is not a typical episode.
Kristen Schaal
We've had a couple this summer that have been deeper.
Andrea Gibson
I know. May, it's your turn next.
Mae Martin
Oh, God, you better.
Kristen Schaal
Yeah, you better get emotional soon.
Andrea Gibson
Yeah.
Mae Martin
I've been crying for the past hour.
Andrea Gibson
Yeah. But yeah, if. If this or any other episode speaks to. To you, you. You really enjoyed it. Share it with a friend. And let's build our community and subscribe to the podcast and like and review and get our merch, walk around with our little Handsome merch and does anybody have anything coming up?
Mae Martin
I don't really. I'm. I'm chilling for August, but my show Wayward comes out in September, so I'm getting excited for that. Yeah. And check out my music on Spotify or. Or feel good on Netflix.
Andrea Gibson
Amazing.
Kristen Schaal
I'm actually performing in ICELAND.
Mae Martin
Yeah.
Kristen Schaal
Friday, August 8th, in Reykjavik. So if there happen to be any Handsome listeners out there, I would love you. Then Spokane in a couple weeks. And then I start a lot of new dates in San Antonio, Houston, Norfolk, D.C. boston, Mobile, New Orleans, Atlanta, Cincinnati, Chicago. Tons of places. So come see me on tour.
Andrea Gibson
FortuneFreeMonster.com and I will be in Westampton.
Fortune Feimster
Beach, New York, August 17th, Dynasty Typewriter.
Andrea Gibson
September 21st, the Beau Rivage Resort and.
Fortune Feimster
Casino in Biloxi, Mississippi, September 27th.
Andrea Gibson
Back at Dynasty, October 4th, Largo, October 17th. And the road goes on forever. I'll be back up in Toronto. But yeah, all local dates in LA and Toronto are, you know, new material, fumbling through it all. So come on out and I don't know, until next time, keep it handsome.
Mae Martin
Handsome is hosted by me, Mae Martin, Tig Notaro, and Fortune Feimster. The show is produced, recorded and edited by Thomas Willette. Email us@handsomepodmail.com and please follow us on social media. Ansomepod.
Andrea Gibson
What a.
Kristen Schaal
What a podcast.
Andrea Gibson
What a podcast. That was a hitgun podcast.
Tig Notaro
Some people just know they could save hundreds on car insurance by checking Allstate first.
Fortune Feimster
Like, you know, to check and make sure you really know your shoe size. Next time you go and buy shoes, you'd be surprised at how many people are walking around with shoes that are too big or too small.
Tig Notaro
Checking first is smart, so check Allstate first for a quote that could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Savings vary subject to terms, conditions and availability. Allstate Fire and Casualty Insurance Company and affiliate, Northbrook, Illinois.
Thomas Willette
Hello, I'm Joe Marcos Seresi and I'm Russell Daniels, and we're the co hosts of the Downside now on Headgum. We are a safe place to complain. Be negative. Kvetch. We don't like toxic positivity.
Andrea Gibson
No.
Thomas Willette
Because it's toxic. We're not going to sit there going, hey, look on the bright side. Enough on the bright side. That's all anyone's talking about these days. The fucking bright side. So tune into some of your favorite comedians, some celebrities like Caleb Huron, Brennan Lee Mulligan, Alana Glaser, Busy Phillips, and Dan Soder. We let them come on and we let them share what shitty about their life.
Mae Martin
We.
Thomas Willette
We look at the things that seem nice on the surface and we go, why is it shitty underneath? It's a fun time, but it's a place you're going to listen and go, oh, thank God I'm not any of those three people on that show right now. Yeah, I feel better about my life. So please subscribe to us on Spotify, Apple podcasts, Pocket casts, or watch us on YouTube new episodes every Tuesday. This is the Downside.
Handsome Podcast Episode Summary
Title: Kristen Schaal Asks About the Afterlife
Host/Authors: Tig Notaro, Fortune Feimster, Mae Martin
Release Date: August 5, 2025
In this emotionally charged episode of Handsome, hosted by Tig Notaro, Fortune Feimster, and Mae Martin, Emmy-nominated actress and comedian Kristen Schaal poses a profound question about the existence of an afterlife. The episode delves deep into themes of loss, grief, and personal beliefs, offering listeners an intimate and heartfelt conversation.
The episode opens with Mae Martin and Fortune Feimster discussing their ongoing efforts to maintain healthy relationships, setting a tone of introspection and personal connection. Shortly after, the focus shifts to Andrea Gibson, a poet and friend whose recent passing has profoundly affected the hosts.
Key Moments:
Emotional Insights: Andrea shares poignant memories of their friendship, highlighting the transformative experience of being present at Andrea's bedside. The discussion underscores the complexity of grief and the lasting impact of Andrea's poetic legacy.
Notable Quote:
Kristen Schaal introduces the central theme by asking the hosts, “Is there an afterlife?” This question serves as a catalyst for an in-depth exploration of each host's beliefs and experiences related to life after death.
Key Moments:
The hosts engage in a candid dialogue about their perspectives on the afterlife, blending personal anecdotes with philosophical musings.
Mae Martin ([45:07]): “I just hope that there's something like being reabsorbed into wherever you were before you came. That's what I hope.”
Fortune Feimster ([48:35]): Expresses skepticism, stating, “I don't believe any of it. Yeah, no, you know... I really don't know.”
Tig Notaro ([48:35]): Shares fragmented thoughts reflecting the complexity of grappling with grief and the concept of an afterlife.
Kristen Schaal ([46:25]): Discusses her experiences feeling her grandmother's presence, reinforcing her belief in an afterlife through personal encounters.
Notable Quote:
The episode is interspersed with deeply emotional exchanges, highlighting the hosts' vulnerability and the weight of Andrea Gibson's legacy.
Andrea Gibson ([56:00]):
Reflects on the beauty of Andrea's life and the enduring impact of their poetic work:
“But Andrea was one of the most incredible poets, I'm like desperate for people to know. Andrea was also one of the most deeply funny people.”
Kristen Schaal ([57:02]):
Shares the tactile experience of grief and the importance of embracing emotions:
“I don't want to shut myself off or close my heart, you know, seeing that depth and the facing of these emotions.”
Notable Quote:
As the episode draws to a close, the hosts reaffirm the significance of Andrea Gibson's influence and the universal quest to understand life beyond death. They encourage listeners to cherish their relationships and express their feelings openly, inspired by Andrea's enduring message of love and presence.
Final Reflections:
Notable Quote:
This episode of Handsome stands out for its raw honesty and emotional depth, offering listeners a meaningful exploration of life, loss, and the mysteries that lie beyond. Whether grappling with personal grief or contemplating existential questions, the hosts provide a space for reflection and connection, honoring Andrea Gibson's memory with grace and authenticity.