Melissa Etheridge asks about getting it on

Summary

Podcast Summary: Handsome – Episode: "Melissa Etheridge Asks About Getting It On"

Release Date: January 21, 2025
Host/Authors: Tig Notaro, Fortune Feimster, and Mae Martin
Guest: Melissa Etheridge

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1. Opening Banter and Personal Anecdotes (00:33 – 14:34)

The episode kicks off with the hosts engaging in their signature playful banter. Mae Martin initiates a lighthearted conversation about childhood games, leading to humorous attempts to play a counting game. Fortune Feimster expresses her disinterest in traditional game nights, contrasting with Mae's enthusiasm for activities like Monopoly.

Notable Quote:

• Mae Martin (01:19): "Like, you know that game where you have to each say you have to count to 10 without saying it at a number at the same time?"

The discussion seamlessly transitions to personal stories, including the guest speaker's experience attending the premiere of "The Bob Dylan Movie." They commend co-star Monica Barbaro for her portrayal of Joan Baez, highlighting her dedication in learning to play the guitar for the role.

Notable Quote:

• Guest Speaker (02:44): "My FUBAR co-star, Monica Barbaro, she is in it playing Joan Baez."

Mae Martin shares her thoughts on portraying iconic figures in biopics, expressing a desire to embody strong characters like Judi Dench. The conversation explores the challenges and fun of imagining themselves in the shoes of notable personalities.

---

2. Motorcycles, Scooters, and Time Capsules (07:39 – 25:59)

The hosts delve into a nostalgic discussion about motorcycles and scooters. Fortune Feimster reveals her vintage Honda CB 350s, affectionately named "Goldie Honda" and "Kurt Russell," sharing anecdotes about their storied pasts, including previous ownership by Phil Collin of Def Leppard.

Notable Quote:

• Fortune Feimster (08:21): "I have two CB, Honda, CB 350s. They're so adorable. One is from 1969, one is from 1970, and one is gold. And I call that one Goldie Honda."

Mae Martin and the guest speaker exchange stories about renting scooters in Switzerland and Chicago, emphasizing the freedom and occasional perils of riding. They humorously discuss the idea of centaurs in relationships, blending mythical imagination with real-life experiences.

Transitioning to the concept of time capsules, Fortune shares her unique approach of maintaining an ongoing personal time capsule in her garage. She details her method of periodically reviewing and decluttering items that hold sentimental value.

Notable Quote:

• Fortune Feimster (24:28): "It's like a cabinet and... it's something I go through regularly. And then I get rid of some things that I don't feel attached to, connected to."

Mae Martin suggests creating a "Handsome Pod" time capsule filled with quirky items like their merch, plastic plants, and a propeller hat, showcasing their camaraderie and playful spirit.

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3. Tarot Card Reading Segment (25:59 – 35:31)

The hosts introduce a mystical segment involving tarot card readings using the "Ghost" deck Mae Martin purchased. Fortune Feimster seeks guidance on her potential relocation between Los Angeles and Toronto for the upcoming year.

Notable Quote:

• Fortune Feimster (27:33): "I want to know, am I going to be based in Los Angeles or Toronto next year?"

Mae draws the "Magician" card, symbolizing power, influence, and personal ability. The hosts interpret its meaning, encouraging Fortune to embrace her own power in making decisions about her future.

Notable Quote:

• Mae Martin (29:17): "So the magician card is like a magic wand. It can mean making your dreams come true, healing in your life, thinking about spiritual things..."

The guest speaker also engages in the tarot session, pulling the "Sun" card, which signifies energy, balance, and overall well-being. They discuss the positive implications of the card, reinforcing messages of personal growth and vitality.

Notable Quote:

• Mae Martin (31:27): "The sun card... represents energy, balance, and overall well being. If you've been unwell, this card suggests a speedy recovery and feeling better than before."

The segment concludes with light-hearted remarks about integrating tarot readings into their lives, blending the mystical with their comedic rapport.

---

4. Q&A with Melissa Etheridge: "Go-To Making Love Song" (35:31 – 55:31)

The highlight of the episode features a special guest, Melissa Etheridge, who poses a heartfelt question to the hosts: "What is your go-to making love song?" This prompt sparks a vibrant discussion about music's role in setting romantic moods.

Mae Martin describes her preference for artists like River Phoenix (likely a humorous mix-up with the actor's legacy) and Judi Dench, while Fortune Feimster advocates for the timeless allure of Sade's music.

Notable Quote:

• Fortune Feimster (39:59): "Sade... there is... I can never remember if I'm saying this person's name right or wrong, but Sade."

Mae shares a funny anecdote about a friend attempting to use Alexa to add humorous items to a to-do list, resulting in an unexpected and embarrassing reveal.

Notable Quote:

• Mae Martin (46:14): "So as a joke, my friend said, Alexa, add to the list, pick up eggs and Catherine's head on a platter..."

Melissa Etheridge responds by sharing her own favorite love song, "No Ordinary Love" by Sade, reinforcing the significance of music in intimate moments.

Notable Quote:

• Melissa Etheridge (50:15): "So my go-to song. I'm a big Sade gal. Pretty much any Sade song can do for me. But Sade, No Ordinary Love."

The hosts engage in a playful exchange about music choices, with Mae Martin planning to incorporate "No Ordinary Love" into her own romantic repertoire. They emphasize the importance of curated playlists and how specific songs can enhance the romantic atmosphere.

Notable Quote:

• Mae Martin (35:31): "What is your go to making love song?"

---

5. Closing Remarks and Final Thoughts (55:31 – End)

As the episode winds down, the hosts return to their comedic roots, sharing light-hearted interactions and promoting upcoming projects. They encourage listeners to engage with their content, share episodes, and stay connected through social media.

Mae Martin expresses admiration for Melissa Etheridge's influence in the LGBTQ+ community, highlighting her role as a pioneer and advocate.

Notable Quote:

• Mae Martin (52:38): "An honor paving the way for us gays. Opening all those doors and being brave in a time when it was really hard to be out."

The episode concludes with a blend of humor and heartfelt appreciation, reinforcing the strong bond among the hosts and their guests.

---

Key Takeaways:

• Personal Connections: The hosts share intimate and humorous stories, strengthening their rapport and offering listeners relatable content.
• Music and Romance: A deep dive into how music influences romantic experiences, with Melissa Etheridge highlighting the power of Sade's "No Ordinary Love."
• Mystical Elements: The inclusion of tarot card readings adds a unique and engaging layer to the episode, blending spirituality with entertainment.
• LGBTQ+ Advocacy: Melissa Etheridge's participation underscores the podcast's commitment to celebrating and supporting the LGBTQ+ community.

Notable Quotes with Timestamps:

• Mae Martin (01:19): "Like, you know that game where you have to each say you have to count to 10 without saying it at a number at the same time?"
• Guest Speaker (02:44): "My FUBAR co-star, Monica Barbaro, she is in it playing Joan Baez."
• Fortune Feimster (08:21): "I have two CB, Honda, CB 350s. They're so adorable. One is from 1969, one is from 1970, and one is gold. And I call that one Goldie Honda."
• Fortune Feimster (24:28): "It's like a cabinet and... it's something I go through regularly. And then I get rid of some things that I don't feel attached to, connected to."
• Fortune Feimster (27:33): "I want to know, am I going to be based in Los Angeles or Toronto next year?"
• Mae Martin (29:17): "So the magician card is like a magic wand. It can mean making your dreams come true, healing in your life, thinking about spiritual things..."
• Melissa Etheridge (50:15): "So my go-to song. I'm a big Sade gal. Pretty much any Sade song can do for me. But Sade, No Ordinary Love."
• Mae Martin (52:38): "An honor paving the way for us gays. Opening all those doors and being brave in a time when it was really hard to be out."

---

This episode of "Handsome" masterfully intertwines humor, personal storytelling, mystical insights, and meaningful dialogues, making it a standout entry for both long-time listeners and newcomers alike.

Transcript

[Tig Notaro]

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[Fortune Feimster]

Like, you know, to check that you packed your sunscreen and floppy hat before hopping on that plane for that beach vacation.

[Tig Notaro]

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[Mae Martin]

This is a Headgun podcast. Friends on the Handsome Pod. Chatting with friends on the Handsome Pod.

[Fortune Feimster]

Cheers. Hi, it's your friend Tig Notaro.

[Mae Martin]

And me, May Martin and me, Fortune.

[Fortune Feimster]

Feimster right here on the Handsome Podcast. Still working the kinks out.

[Guest Speaker]

We really nail our intros, I think.

[Fortune Feimster]

I know.

[Mae Martin]

It's really got worse.

[Guest Speaker]

It's really too polite.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah, we're like, look, we're like you.

[Mae Martin]

We're like, no, you go, yeah, I.

[Fortune Feimster]

Want to step on anything.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah, very Canadian.

[Fortune Feimster]

Step all over everything.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah. Like, you know that game where you have to each say you have to count to 10 without saying it at a number at the same time? You got your eyes closed in a group, and so you're like, one, two.

[Guest Speaker]

Already messed up.

[Mae Martin]

No, that was it. Why'd you mess up?

[Guest Speaker]

I thought we were supposed to say it at the same time.

[Mae Martin]

No, you're. You're out if you say it at the same time. So you close your eyes and you're trying to get to 10. Is this fun to listen to? Okay.

[Guest Speaker]

Yes. Let's try it.

[Mae Martin]

Ready?

[Guest Speaker]

1, 2, 3.

[Fortune Feimster]

Wait, what's happening? 5, 6, 7.

[Mae Martin]

7. Oh, I fucked it. That's a fun game people can play at the family dinner table.

[Fortune Feimster]

I don't like games.

[Mae Martin]

You don't like a leisurely game of Monopoly?

[Fortune Feimster]

I mean, if I must. I just really am not, like, going to game night and like, all that kind of stuff.

[Guest Speaker]

I'm like, oh, I love a game.

[Mae Martin]

Okay, me too.

[Guest Speaker]

I love a game night. And I love a gay night.

[Fortune Feimster]

Gay games.

[Mae Martin]

Gay games. Have you guys. It's. It's early this morning. Have you had breakfast?

[Guest Speaker]

No, no breakfast. Just coffee.

[Fortune Feimster]

It's lunchtime where I am.

[Mae Martin]

Oh, right, of course, of course.

[Guest Speaker]

I went to a premiere last night, so.

[Mae Martin]

Whoa.

[Fortune Feimster]

What was the premiere?

[Guest Speaker]

I had a late night.

[Mae Martin]

What was it?

[Guest Speaker]

The Bob Dylan movie.

[Mae Martin]

Oh, yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

How was it?

[Guest Speaker]

Really good. Really good. My fubar co star, Monica Barbaro, she is in it playing Joan Baez.

[Mae Martin]

Oh, my God.

[Fortune Feimster]

Nice.

[Guest Speaker]

Whoa.

[Mae Martin]

Imagine getting that part.

[Guest Speaker]

I know a great part. And she killed it. She would come to set. She was filming both simultaneously at one point and would come to set with her guitar. They. She had to learn how to play. They get like 11 songs and the guitar.

[Fortune Feimster]

She'll learn how to play the guitar.

[Guest Speaker]

Yeah. She never played.

[Mae Martin]

Okay, if you guys were. Were playing someone in a biopic, who would you want to play?

[Guest Speaker]

All right, fine. Charlize Theran.

[Mae Martin]

All right, fine.

[Guest Speaker]

Everyone says I'm an old looking Jojo Siwa.

[Fortune Feimster]

Who is that?

[Mae Martin]

She's like.

[Guest Speaker]

You don't know JoJo Cy is like.

[Mae Martin]

A young, queer pop star.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah, she's out now.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah, that's.

[Guest Speaker]

Yeah. Early 20s, right? May like.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah, she's young, 21.

[Fortune Feimster]

And you look like an old. What is her name?

[Mae Martin]

Jojo Siwa.

[Guest Speaker]

She's part of the culture.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah.

[Guest Speaker]

And she used to. She was the kid performer.

[Fortune Feimster]

Part of the culture. Which culture? What culture? Like life.

[Guest Speaker]

People talk about her a ton on Tick Tock and stuff.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, okay.

[Guest Speaker]

She was the kid performer that was huge. Who wore the big bows shoes from.

[Mae Martin]

Dance moms and where she came from.

[Guest Speaker]

Okay.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah.

[Guest Speaker]

And then she made albums and stuff and then she came out and then I guess doesn't now. I don't think she does the big bow anymore.

[Mae Martin]

Doesn't do the big bow, but she does do like wild dance moves.

[Fortune Feimster]

Wait, she came out of the closet? Yeah.

[Guest Speaker]

And her songs. Karma's a bitch. I should have known better.

[Mae Martin]

Okay, I see what sounds like that about you now. Yeah, you gotta do this biopic.

[Guest Speaker]

She does a dance.

[Mae Martin]

It would be so funny if you did a biopic of a living pop star who is 21 and you played her.

[Guest Speaker]

She'd be like, why?

[Fortune Feimster]

But it'd be fun to do a biopic. Like what you expect is gonna happen in the future.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

Like that would be a fun movie to do. Is like, you write where you think this person's life is headed and fortune.

[Mae Martin]

She's watching. What, you think I'm gonna work in a pet store Eventually.

[Guest Speaker]

I'm telling you guys, when my special came out, crashing it on Netflix.

[Fortune Feimster]

Sure.

[Guest Speaker]

And I was doing all the press, like all the comments kept saying, this looks like Jojo Siwa or an old Jojo Siwa. I have to see.

[Fortune Feimster]

I have to see why this person. Hello.

[Guest Speaker]

You got a Siwa, huh?

[Mae Martin]

I would want to play. I mean, I'd want to play like River Phoenix or something, but who would I be good at playing? Probably like Judi Dench or something.

[Fortune Feimster]

You'd be good at playing Judy. Let's Hear it?

[Mae Martin]

I can sort of imagine. Yeah. So it starts with, I'm like Judy in her late 30s and pottering around England. Maybe I'm doing a play or something. And then I hit it big and I'm sort of quivering with like smoking a cigarette with a quivering hand and kind of being like, well, darling, we must get the script or else I can't do it. She can't do a movie without a script, famously.

[Guest Speaker]

I love that.

[Fortune Feimster]

And then, and then what is your River Phoenix? Just in case.

[Mae Martin]

It's sort of, you know, like how I am now. No, it's sort of like I would just do the monologue from Stand By Me where he's like, yeah, I took the milk money. You knew I took it. Hell, even Vern knew I took it.

[Guest Speaker]

I could see it.

[Fortune Feimster]

God, even Vern knew.

[Mae Martin]

Even Vern. Who would you play, Tay? Bob. Tom Cruise? Bob Dylan, I was gonna say, but I think you could do a cool Dylan.

[Fortune Feimster]

You know who I used to get told that I looked like was Allie Sheedy. Remember her?

[Mae Martin]

Yeah.

[Guest Speaker]

Was she Breakfast Club?

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah, she was in Breakfast Club. Oh, maybe I'd be Chrissy Hind from the Pretenders.

[Mae Martin]

Oh, that would be electric. Yeah.

[Guest Speaker]

Woogie, woogie, woogie, woogie.

[Mae Martin]

And would you do the songs? Would you sing or would you lip sync?

[Fortune Feimster]

I'd have to lip sync. I don't know if you saw me sing Adele's hello, but. Yeah, no, I, I wouldn't sing, but I would. I would play guitar. Know how to play guitar?

[Mae Martin]

Yeah.

[Guest Speaker]

Oh, that's good.

[Fortune Feimster]

And I know Chrissy Hines moves like, you know, hey, Chrissy Hine.

[Mae Martin]

Go to YouTube, go to YouTube, go.

[Fortune Feimster]

To YouTube, Go to YouTube. I'm doing Chrissy Hine. Yeah. Tom Cruise or Chrissy Hein. Yeah, but I don't think I can do the action and whatever kind of risky stuff that Tom Cruise.

[Guest Speaker]

Risky Business.

[Fortune Feimster]

You know, I have a couple of motorcycles in real life, but I'm not going to drive them off a cliff.

[Mae Martin]

Sorry, wait, you currently now have a couple of motorcycles?

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah, I have a couple of vintage motorcycles that I'm actually going to sell.

[Mae Martin]

So I'll take them off your hands. How much? No, but I would learn. And to ride a hog that you once rode, I'd love.

[Guest Speaker]

Okay.

[Fortune Feimster]

Not only is it a hog I once rode, but you know who owned it? Two people before me was the guitarist of Def Leppard, Phil Collin. What, the blonde? The blonde haired, short blonde haired guitar player.

[Guest Speaker]

Wait, not to be confused with Phil Collins.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah, Phil Collins, the lead singer Drummer of Genesis. Completely different person. Phil Collin is the one of the previous owners.

[Mae Martin]

That's amazing.

[Fortune Feimster]

And I have two. Two CB, Honda, CB 350s. They're so adorable. One is from 1969, one is from 1970, and one is gold. And I call that one Goldie Honda.

[Mae Martin]

Oh, my God.

[Fortune Feimster]

And then the blue one, it's teal colored blue. I call. Do you want to guess?

[Guest Speaker]

Wait, blue Honda.

[Fortune Feimster]

There's Goldie Honda. And.

[Guest Speaker]

Oh, Kurt.

[Fortune Feimster]

Kurt Russell is my other one.

[Mae Martin]

Oh, oh, so it's not a pun on blue.

[Fortune Feimster]

It's just Kurt Russell. It's just Kurt Russell is the other one.

[Mae Martin]

So good.

[Fortune Feimster]

So if anyone's interested in buying Goldie Honda and Kurt Russell, I will sign it and you can come pick it up.

[Mae Martin]

That's so funny.

[Guest Speaker]

The gayest conversation we've ever had.

[Fortune Feimster]

Is it really?

[Guest Speaker]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

Even when I talked about how hot pit bull was.

[Mae Martin]

That was pretty gay.

[Guest Speaker]

That was the least gay. Yeah. You. You talking about your. Your motorcycles, your dike days?

[Mae Martin]

Yeah, I'd be nervous to. Well, yeah, I can't even drive a car, but I'd be nervous on a motorcycle for sure.

[Guest Speaker]

Please don't ride motorcycles in la. They're so dangerous.

[Mae Martin]

So dange.

[Guest Speaker]

Right?

[Mae Martin]

A big gust of wind, this. I'm fluttering away.

[Guest Speaker]

A giant car with a. Someone on their phone.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah, I stopped riding. I stopped riding after I got sick in 2012 because I was like, oh, boy. I don't want to push. I don't want to push my luck in any direction here. So I stopped riding.

[Guest Speaker]

Then you're on a motorcycle and wipe out.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah, no thanks. So I just. I have those bikes that I'm going to clean up and get rid of.

[Guest Speaker]

I rented a scooter once and Switzerland.

[Fortune Feimster]

And what was its name?

[Guest Speaker]

I didn't come up with a name for it, but I was zipping around that place on this little scooter. I thought I was so cool.

[Mae Martin]

It is a really liberating feeling. I. I had my friend rented one in. In Nepal and we drove around and I'm sure I was close to death so many times, but it was.

[Guest Speaker]

Jax had a scooter in Chicago when I met her.

[Mae Martin]

Really?

[Guest Speaker]

That's a cool image. And so for our first year together, some might see us bopping around the city, me riding.

[Mae Martin]

Riding.

[Fortune Feimster]

I've never heard that you were riding. You've never heard riding.

[Guest Speaker]

I've never heard riding behind you. I was holding on for dear life.

[Fortune Feimster]

Wow. Was she good or was she like.

[Guest Speaker]

She was great.

[Fortune Feimster]

Okay.

[Guest Speaker]

She's got those Long legs. And so she kept. Kept it steady and.

[Fortune Feimster]

Well, that's her personality. She, you know, keeping it steady.

[Guest Speaker]

She's a steady person. And then we would go out. It was fun, but, like, Chicago's dangerous too.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah.

[Guest Speaker]

We would ride it during the day, and it would be gorgeous. And then we'd stay out too late, and it'd be nighttime, and then it was freezing, and so then we're riding home, like, shaking and.

[Fortune Feimster]

Did she give you her coat?

[Guest Speaker]

No. I've never been colder in my life than on the back of that scooter.

[Mae Martin]

Would you guys date? I'm just pict. Because I was picturing you guys on the scooter and kind of the shape of it. And then I was thinking, would you date a centaur? Where it was like, she's the top half of her all woman, and you're in love with her. You. It's. It's Jacks and Stephanie. Like, you love them, but their bottom half. Their bottom half is horse.

[Fortune Feimster]

Just don't look down.

[Guest Speaker]

That would be hard, but it's still them.

[Fortune Feimster]

I can say for sure. I would not. Oh, I mean, there's no, like. There's no, like. Oh, let me see. You're gonna have horseshit all around the house. You know how they get.

[Guest Speaker]

How are they gonna get in bed?

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah.

[Guest Speaker]

How are they gonna put pants on?

[Fortune Feimster]

I mean. Oh, I know how you can get them in bed. You just go. Yeah.

[Guest Speaker]

It feels like at that point, Jackson, Stephanie should be together because they're both centaurs.

[Fortune Feimster]

Exactly. Yeah.

[Mae Martin]

Am I the. So it's two against one.

[Fortune Feimster]

Centaurs.

[Mae Martin]

I'm, like, pretty into it. I think you are.

[Fortune Feimster]

Really?

[Mae Martin]

Yeah. Like the power, like horsepower. Right? Like those rippling muscles.

[Guest Speaker]

Oh, yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

I guess it's. If you're. If you. If that's what you're interested. If you're looking for that. This would be a real dreamy situation.

[Mae Martin]

I didn't know I was looking for that. I don't.

[Guest Speaker]

Is it Jackson, Stephanie, or someone else?

[Mae Martin]

It's.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah. Have you been fantasizing about our wives as centaurs? That's fine. I mean. Yeah. Or even not.

[Guest Speaker]

You know, we've divorced them at this point, so I guess it's fine.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah. If they're.

[Fortune Feimster]

I. I let them off to pasture. Like, whoever wants this?

[Guest Speaker]

When you're trying to come up with.

[Tig Notaro]

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[Mae Martin]

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[Tig Notaro]

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[Mae Martin]

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[Tig Notaro]

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[Guest Speaker]

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[Guest Speaker]

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[Guest Speaker]

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[Mae Martin]

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[Guest Speaker]

What is it?

[Mae Martin]

Thanks. Thank you for the enthusiasm.

[Fortune Feimster]

No, hold on. Yeah, what is it?

[Guest Speaker]

Okay, that wasn't believable. Tig.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah, Tig, that was.

[Fortune Feimster]

I want to know. Go to YouTube and see on my face.

[Mae Martin]

I've never seen your face look more blank. Okay, this Is true. I mean, don't Google it, but. Because I haven't done in depth research into it, but I've. From multiple sources maybe.

[Guest Speaker]

Fact.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah, yeah. So when they were making the wizard of Oz, they couldn't find a coat for the wizard. And the costume department was like, we gotta find the perfect coat for the wizard himself in Oz. Like a shabby but elegant long, dark green coat. And they're looking everywhere, they're like, it has to be perfect. They went to Chicago and New York and met with designers and they just couldn't find one. Then they were getting on the train to go back to LA and they go, they stop in this vintage shop while they're waiting for the train and they find the perfect coat. It's the coat that you see in the movie. It's like dark green, long, perfect coat. They love it. They bring it to the actor, Frank Morgan, who's playing the wizard.

[Fortune Feimster]

And you don't know if this is true?

[Mae Martin]

I've seen detailed story, I've seen multiple articles, so that's what I'm going with. And I don't want to know if it's debunked, you know what I mean? But multiple sources. So he puts it on and he's like, I love it. It fits him perfectly. But he's like, it is hot and I'm sweating a lot. And they're like, okay, well we'll take the lining out. They go to take the lining out and there's a name badge sewn into it. And the name is Dorothy. Frank L. Baum. The writer of Wiz, the writer of wizard of Oz. And they contact his widow and they say, we found this coat. Did this belong to Frank Bob? She's like, yes. She has photographs of wearing it. And that's the coat that they wear in the movie.

[Guest Speaker]

No way. That's so that would. Is insane if that is true.

[Fortune Feimster]

It's even insane if it's not true.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah, it's more insane if it's not true because somebody.

[Guest Speaker]

But it's more crazy if it is true. I know that's where the name alphaba came from for Wicked.

[Mae Martin]

What do you mean?

[Guest Speaker]

Frank L. Bomb. It was the closest thing he could get. The person who wrote Wicked said it was like the closest he could get to it sounded like Frankelbaum. Alphaba.

[Fortune Feimster]

I had a really interesting crazy thing happen. Tell me this was years ago. And before I tell this story, I need both of you to not doubt this because I'm 1 million percent positive this is correct.

[Mae Martin]

I don't doubt anything ever. That's why I live in this magical world.

[Fortune Feimster]

Okay. When I was in high school, my mother got me some hiking boots. The company was called High Tech and they were purple. Okay, not my favorite color, but whatever. I wore them, I had them for years. And even though I didn't love the color, they grew on me. I wore them forever. So the. The sole of the shoe, the rubber starts to peel apart from one of my high tech hiking boots to where when I walked with it, it flip flopped. And, you know.

[Guest Speaker]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

And so I was like, I think it's time to get rid of these. So. Something I often do with clothes. Instead of donating to, like, Goodwill, I'll go to like a closed dumpster or something and put it on top of the dumpster, around the dumpster, just, you know, for people to take.

[Mae Martin]

Okay.

[Fortune Feimster]

I did that. I put my high tech shoes.

[Mae Martin]

I have goosebumps.

[Fortune Feimster]

Dumpster.

[Guest Speaker]

You're like, somebody's gonna want this floppy boot.

[Fortune Feimster]

A couple of years later, I'm walking may. I'm walking down Sunset Boulevard.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

And a woman pushing a grocery cart down Sunset Boulevard, who I believe was, you know, unhoused, was wearing purple high tech hiking boots with one shoe with a sole that was flopping as she walked. And I was like, oh, my God, there are my high tech hiking boots from high school.

[Mae Martin]

I believe it. I believe it 100%.

[Fortune Feimster]

So I've told people that story and they're like, I doubt those were your high tech. And I'm like, those were my shoes.

[Guest Speaker]

What if those shoes all came loose? So anyone who has a pair has one floppy shoe.

[Mae Martin]

No. You know your shoes. People. You know your shoes.

[Guest Speaker]

People know your shoes.

[Fortune Feimster]

It was such a specific look, these hiking. And they were so from, you know, the. I don't know if it was late 80s, you know.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

I'm telling you, these were my shoes.

[Mae Martin]

Were you tempted to be like, hey, where'd you get those?

[Fortune Feimster]

No, I was not. Because I'm certain that maybe she didn't even get them from the dumpster that I left them at. Maybe they were somewhere else. But I probably should have now that I'm telling the story. I should have probably glued them before I donated them on top of a dumpster. But I didn't. Okay. I'm a terrible person. But. But that was a crazy, like, wow. It was. It was one of the wildest things. I love that, seeing that all those years later.

[Guest Speaker]

I once did a sketch at the Groundlings where I played a girl scout. I did. I tell you this story about Kristen Wiig?

[Mae Martin]

No, I don't think so.

[Guest Speaker]

Well, of course, I was playing a girl Scout. Shout out, Girl Scouts. Oh, boy, you nailed my glory days.

[Mae Martin]

Yes.

[Guest Speaker]

And I played a girl Scout who was getting interrogated because she ate all the cookies I love.

[Mae Martin]

I'm in. I will watch an hour of that.

[Guest Speaker]

And I had chocolate all over my face saying, I didn't eat the cookies. Who ate the cookies? And Kristen Wig was in the audience. And afterwards, she said, I couldn't pay attention at all during that sketch because you were using my childhood book bag or whatever you call a satchel. I'm talking about.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Guest Speaker]

So she had cleaned out her closet when she was in the Groundlings and just threw a bunch of stuff in the attic.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh.

[Guest Speaker]

In case anybody needed them. But for years, like, it was, like, a mess, and no one knew what anything was, and I was broken. So I went up there to scour through all the stuff for sketches, for costumes and stuff, and just grabbed a book bag at one point.

[Mae Martin]

That's crazy.

[Guest Speaker]

It was her childhood book bag that she'd used from, like, five years old till high school and.

[Fortune Feimster]

And five years old until high school.

[Guest Speaker]

Yeah. She. She said she's like, her whole child.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, my God.

[Guest Speaker]

And then toss it in there. And I'm in the sketch, and she's, like, staring at her old book bag.

[Mae Martin]

This kind of thing. Like, did you see there was a thing online that they found behind a locker in a high school a. A purse belonging to a student from the 1950s. And they open it up, and all her stuff was in there, and it was all like a, a, a, a, a pen, a ticket to the Mardi Gras, or like. Like, it was 1950s stuff. Not. That was a bad example. But, you know, I took it to the Mardi Gras.

[Guest Speaker]

I took it to the MAR in the 50s.

[Mae Martin]

A pen and a ticket to the MAR.

[Guest Speaker]

I do love the idea of, like, a time capsule. No one does that anymore.

[Fortune Feimster]

Nonetheless, for my own life, I have an ongoing time capsule.

[Guest Speaker]

But do you bury it in your backyard?

[Fortune Feimster]

No, I have it in my garage, and it's something I go through regularly. And then I get rid of some things that I don't feel attached to, connected to. Yeah. And when I pack my time capsule, anything that's in there, I feel attached to in my past. And then. And then each time I go through it, I. I'm less attached to certain things, and we'll get rid of them. But I have a time capsule. It's not Buried. But it is in me.

[Guest Speaker]

And I can't believe you have one. That's. Yeah, that's pretty cool.

[Mae Martin]

Is it like a scrapbook? Like. Like you're gluing stuff in or.

[Fortune Feimster]

No, there. It's like. I have. It's like a cabinet and. Yeah.

[Guest Speaker]

So anyway, do you have any old Pontis in there?

[Fortune Feimster]

It's only old Pontis. It's just all.

[Guest Speaker]

I don't feel as attached to these punties anymore.

[Mae Martin]

You measure out your life according to your Pontis. What would our handsome time capsule be?

[Fortune Feimster]

Well, Girl Scout cookies.

[Guest Speaker]

Someone told me last night at the premiere that being a pineapple apart lives rent free in their head.

[Fortune Feimster]

We'd have to have a pineapple that would.

[Guest Speaker]

Pineapple.

[Mae Martin]

Very perishable, though it might rot. So far, this is all perishable.

[Fortune Feimster]

Propeller hat.

[Guest Speaker]

Propeller hat.

[Mae Martin]

Propeller hat.

[Guest Speaker]

Some of our merch, probably.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah, it's just our merch.

[Guest Speaker]

Our handsome hoodie and our cowboy hat.

[Fortune Feimster]

Cowboy hat. A propeller hat. Pontis.

[Guest Speaker]

Lots of Pontis.

[Fortune Feimster]

Fortune's Girl Scout uniform.

[Mae Martin]

I want one.

[Guest Speaker]

I actually think I still have the sash.

[Mae Martin]

Do you really? Okay, that's going in.

[Guest Speaker]

Come on.

[Mae Martin]

Can we put one of Fortune's plastic plants in this?

[Guest Speaker]

This guy's ready to go.

[Fortune Feimster]

How many plastic plants do you have?

[Guest Speaker]

Two. Two.

[Fortune Feimster]

Guys, I've been trying to hide my accent all this time.

[Mae Martin]

It just slipped.

[Guest Speaker]

I have to.

[Mae Martin]

I have to. I mean, I have two plans.

[Guest Speaker]

I don't know why it came out like that. This one here. Oh, no. Three. We have three. Three.

[Mae Martin]

Plans. Three plants.

[Guest Speaker]

And they all look great.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yes. Yes.

[Guest Speaker]

How boring would my background be right now if I didn't have this total snooze paddle plant?

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, you know what we should also put in? Our time capsule is a ghost.

[Mae Martin]

Oh, yeah, Ghost.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah, ghost.

[Mae Martin]

Do you guys want to pull a tarot card?

[Guest Speaker]

Yeah, please.

[Mae Martin]

I bought this little deck, Ghost. Yeah, Ghost. I bought this deck and I said to myself when I bought it, wouldn't it be cool if I had this till I died? Like, I don't treat my belongings very well. And I thought, I'm gonna be buried with this decade.

[Fortune Feimster]

It's gonna be like Kristen Wiig's backpack.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah, right. Okay. What question should we ask the deck?

[Fortune Feimster]

I want to know.

[Guest Speaker]

We go past April.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah. Are we gonna make it past April? Is this a group question or is this our own?

[Mae Martin]

Oh, we could do singular singles.

[Guest Speaker]

Do you have something on your mind, Tidge?

[Fortune Feimster]

I do. I want to know, am I going to be based in Los Angeles or Toronto next year?

[Guest Speaker]

You mean this year. 2025.

[Fortune Feimster]

2025.

[Guest Speaker]

Wow.

[Mae Martin]

Okay. Okay. You tell me when, because I'm. I'm sort of ruffling around.

[Guest Speaker]

I'm tired of you being in Toronto.

[Mae Martin]

Fortune's sick of it.

[Fortune Feimster]

Okay, now.

[Mae Martin]

Oh, love it.

[Guest Speaker]

Okay, I'm running into your wife at events by herself.

[Fortune Feimster]

Wow.

[Mae Martin]

It's the major, major arcana. It's the magician. And I don't know if any of our listeners really know, like, anything, tarot. Anything. Really know anything, please, because. Okay, I'm googling the magician because I lost the little book that says the book's important. I think it's in the other room.

[Fortune Feimster]

Wait, I want my money back.

[Guest Speaker]

It's another room. I don't want to get up and get it.

[Fortune Feimster]

You pull a card and Google it.

[Guest Speaker]

Feels less magical when Google's involved.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah, it's like I could Google, am I going to be in Toronto or.

[Guest Speaker]

I need a leather bound book telling me this.

[Mae Martin]

Okay, the magician. Power, influence, willpower, resourcefulness, skill, ability, logic, intellect, concentration, and psychic powers. This is a very strong card, Tig, but in terms of travel.

[Fortune Feimster]

Not travel. Will I be based here?

[Guest Speaker]

I don't know where you'll be. You'll be powerful. Okay, we have more questions than we.

[Mae Martin]

Started with, and I'm really Googling hard here.

[Fortune Feimster]

No, I can tell. Look at your face. I have truly never seen somebody Google that hard in public especially.

[Mae Martin]

I know in public, just publicly Googling.

[Fortune Feimster]

Go to YouTube if you want to see what may looks like. Googling really hard in public. I mean, this is. It's uncomfortable, to be honest.

[Guest Speaker]

I just love the enthusiasm of, like, this card. Oh, my God, is this a good card? And then we're like, what does it mean?

[Mae Martin]

It says you. Okay, you might feel unsure about what to do, but in simple words, the magician card is like a magic wand. It can mean making your dreams come true, healing in your life, thinking about spiritual things, and feeling a connection to something special. In love. It's about turning your romantic wishes into reality. It's kind of saying you can do whatever you want.

[Guest Speaker]

You can do what you want.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah. Great.

[Guest Speaker]

There we go.

[Fortune Feimster]

All right. That's all I need to hear. I can do whatever you want.

[Guest Speaker]

Tag, you're the boss of you.

[Fortune Feimster]

Okay, thank you, Fortune.

[Mae Martin]

You want to do a quick one?

[Fortune Feimster]

Jax is the boss of you.

[Guest Speaker]

She's the boss.

[Fortune Feimster]

She ain't the boss.

[Guest Speaker]

Sure. That one was very successful. Let's continue.

[Mae Martin]

Oh, man.

[Guest Speaker]

All right. And. And pull.

[Mae Martin]

Oh, wait, What? What'd you ask it or do? You don't have to tell.

[Guest Speaker]

Oh, yeah. I didn't think a question was important.

[Fortune Feimster]

Just.

[Guest Speaker]

Does anyone have a question for me? What?

[Mae Martin]

Will you.

[Fortune Feimster]

Will fortune be treading water, just in general, for shredding?

[Guest Speaker]

Will it be a year of good health?

[Mae Martin]

Okay, you tell me when.

[Guest Speaker]

No.

[Mae Martin]

The sun. Oh, this is a very auspicious card. This is a very important auspicious card.

[Guest Speaker]

The sun. Because I'm out treading.

[Mae Martin]

I just have to Google it. The sun. I'm really. Okay.

[Guest Speaker]

I love the idea of some kind of psychic doing this for people and just saying, okay, let me Google this.

[Mae Martin]

No, this is really direct. When it comes to health, the sun card is a positive sign. It represents energy, balance, and overall well being. If you've been unwell, this card suggests a speedy recovery and feeling better than before. It also indicates personal growth and development.

[Guest Speaker]

This feels like it fits. That card feels like it fits. Tig was like, I don't really know what Tig's card was doing, but mine seems like it's on track.

[Fortune Feimster]

It's right in the pocket.

[Mae Martin]

I think Tig's card was actually very on point because it was being like, you are thinking about this the wrong way. You're thinking, like, what will happen to me? And it's actually in your hands. You have the power.

[Guest Speaker]

There you go. My way to turn the. Turn the beat around.

[Fortune Feimster]

Turn the beat around.

[Guest Speaker]

Can you read for yourself real quick?

[Mae Martin]

If everyone's still into it, I can. Okay.

[Guest Speaker]

Everyone is literally on the edge of their seat.

[Mae Martin]

Okay. I'm asking it. Well, I want to ask it about love.

[Guest Speaker]

That's all I really, really. Right.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah. 20, 25. All I care about in my life is love, and it's a problem.

[Guest Speaker]

And what are you asking specifically? Because when you set intentions, they have to be specific.

[Mae Martin]

I'm asking for a card that will show me my best approach. Like, what's. What will yield the best outcome for me in terms of that area of my life. Like, how should I approach it? Okay, ready?

[Guest Speaker]

Okay. There you go. What is it?

[Mae Martin]

The ace of wands. A very auspicious card.

[Guest Speaker]

Another auspicious card. What does this mean?

[Mae Martin]

Okay. The ace of. We can cut out the Googling, right? The ace of wands cut out the Googling.

[Fortune Feimster]

Then what are we even doing?

[Tig Notaro]

This episode of Handsome is brought to you by Graza. Everyone knows I love food. And lately, what's taken my food to that next level of flavor is Graza. Graza is my olive oil of choice. It's top notch extra virgin olive oil at an affordable, everyday price.

[Fortune Feimster]

Healthy eating is something I've prioritized and olive oil is the timeless classic healthiest fat I add to my meals. Olive oil is good for my heart and my brain so I know I'm taking care of my body and my mind every time I use Graza.

[Tig Notaro]

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[Fortune Feimster]

Some people just know they could save hundreds on car insurance by checking Allstate first.

[Tig Notaro]

Like you know how to check and make sure you've got a carrot and some coal before building a snowman with the kids.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah. Check in first is smart. So check Allstate first for a quote that could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. This content is intended for audiences in the US Only. Savings vary Terms apply Allstate Fire and Casualty Insurance Company and Affiliates Northbrook, Illinois.

[Mae Martin]

Usually fortunes the Googler. Oh, I like to Google in a tarot reading. The Ace of Wands can mean a new chapter in a relationship or the start of an exciting phase.

[Guest Speaker]

A new chapter. So it's sounds like the Ace of.

[Mae Martin]

Wands can represent creativity, excitement, adventure, courage and personal power. Ace of Wands feels positive. Yeah. Well, thank you guys for indulging.

[Guest Speaker]

I think we should probably get to our question, right? Sure.

[Fortune Feimster]

Today's questioner is a Grammy and Oscar winning musician whose albums include Never Enough, Yes I Am, and most recently a collaborative release with Jewel. She's also known for her activism for gay and environmental issues throughout her career. Melissa Etheridge is asking today's question. Huge, huge, huge for the world.

[Guest Speaker]

When we asked for a question, did we say come to my window, come inside, wait by the light of the moon.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh my God.

[Guest Speaker]

Was that just like Melissa.

[Fortune Feimster]

That was beautiful Fortune. I think that on this podcast I was talking about like what a On a previous episode, I think it was this show I was talking about like what a major baller move to just be like come to my window. Yeah, wait by the light of the moon. I'll be home soon. Just come sit and hang out by my window. Okay.

[Guest Speaker]

I think you talked about that at a live episode.

[Fortune Feimster]

Okay, well, here I think about it all the time. I'm like, man, Melissa Etheridge, it is like.

[Mae Martin]

But she's.

[Fortune Feimster]

I don't know.

[Guest Speaker]

She's very confident to me.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, for sure.

[Mae Martin]

Oh, she's also got that. I'm the only one that's pretty confident being like. I'm the only one.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah, yeah.

[Guest Speaker]

Do. You can do whoever you want, but.

[Mae Martin]

But no one's gonna do my window. Yeah.

[Guest Speaker]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

God, I have no idea when I'm kind of when I'm gonna be home. I don't know.

[Guest Speaker]

Imagine I'm out.

[Fortune Feimster]

I'm out for the night.

[Guest Speaker]

Melissa all. I mean, lesbian rock star, huh? Selling out those big old venues. The lesbians must have been just throwing themselves at her.

[Fortune Feimster]

You know, I went to see Melissa Etheridge when I first moved to Denver when I was 19. I went to Red Rocks.

[Guest Speaker]

Whoa, that's cool.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah. And I had no friends, and I just went by myself to see her. And it was so incredible. It was so incredible. What year was that? 1990.

[Guest Speaker]

Just all the dykes just rolling down the hill trying to get in her. Pontis.

[Fortune Feimster]

I was never into Melissa in that way. But as far as, like, rock star, man, she is such a crowd pleaser. Like, yeah. When she. Her concerts, you gotta go.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah. She, like, whips her hair around.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, yeah. Didn't she have that hit song? I whipped my hair around.

[Mae Martin]

You're thinking Willow Smith, and she was.

[Guest Speaker]

Like, out and proud in a time where it was very dicey to be so. And she didn't give a F. Well.

[Fortune Feimster]

I think that's when her Yes, I Am album came out, was when she was coming out.

[Guest Speaker]

Yeah.

[Mae Martin]

I didn't know that she had an album called Yes, I Am.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah, I mentioned it in the intro. Me.

[Mae Martin]

Oh, sorry, sorry, sorry.

[Fortune Feimster]

1993 is when yes, I Am came out.

[Mae Martin]

What about us?

[Fortune Feimster]

Yes.

[Guest Speaker]

Let's hear it. Melissa has to ask us.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah.

[Melissa Etheridge]

Hey, there, friends. Melissa here. My question for you all is, what is your go to making love song? What's your favorite song that you know is gonna get it on that you. Your partner, you're there, you're gonna do it, right? What would that be? Does not have to be one of my songs. But what is that song?

[Guest Speaker]

I knew Melissa was gonna get sexy right away. Like, what song you make love, too. That's a great.

[Mae Martin]

Do you guys put on music when you. When you get down?

[Guest Speaker]

Yeah, a little tune.

[Mae Martin]

You put on a playlist.

[Guest Speaker]

Otherwise it gets.

[Fortune Feimster]

What is the tune? Fortune, where you're like, when you put. Drop the needle on the record.

[Guest Speaker]

Are you okay? Everything good.

[Mae Martin]

Wait, what? That's the song you put on?

[Guest Speaker]

Yeah. Tap a tap. Hello.

[Fortune Feimster]

Sound check. Hello. Three, two, one. I'll tell you what I think is by far the hottest, sexiest music ever, aside from all of Melissa Etheridge's music. And I can never remember if I'm saying this person's name right or wrong, but. Sade. Sade. You know, I mean, there is.

[Guest Speaker]

You don't know Sade?

[Mae Martin]

No.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, my May, you're gonna get pregnant. If you hear.

[Guest Speaker]

Okay, but even if I'm gonna get.

[Mae Martin]

Horny and pregnant if I listen to Smooth Operator by Shade.

[Fortune Feimster]

Not just that song. Oh, my God. Go through the catalog and see if you don't get pregnant. Just listen.

[Guest Speaker]

Voice is smooth.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yes.

[Mae Martin]

That is crazy.

[Fortune Feimster]

Wait, are you doubting that?

[Mae Martin]

I'm doubting? To me, that's like elevator music.

[Fortune Feimster]

Okay, I'm not talking about Smooth Operator. There are other tunes of hers that are the hottest. I don't think you are.

[Guest Speaker]

I don't think you are. Okay.

[Fortune Feimster]

Because you say that you're gonna do these things. Did you ever watch Chris Fairbank's video?

[Mae Martin]

No, I never did.

[Guest Speaker]

I don't think I ever said I was going to, though.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah, yeah, you're better at not over promising.

[Guest Speaker]

I'm like, yeah, you over promise and under deliver.

[Fortune Feimster]

I'm gonna check in periodically to see who has watched Chris Fairbank's cocktail video.

[Mae Martin]

I find, like, if a song is, like, has too much of a mood or too much too many lyrics, it'll.

[Guest Speaker]

It'll.

[Mae Martin]

I'll get in my head or it'll be distracting. But I have had. I had once hooked up with someone who. Okay, we were in the living room and she goes, can we lie in your bed and pretend we're in a movie? And I went, well, what does that entail? And we go to my bed and she puts on her own bands music like it's her. It's like her voice singing. So I guess we're like, in her music video, like, basically. And. And then had sex listening to her.

[Guest Speaker]

Promote yourself during love making.

[Fortune Feimster]

I put my comedy albums on.

[Guest Speaker]

You know what sexy song I like Jack to listen to get the mood going. Jamaica Bahama. Stop it.

[Fortune Feimster]

Stop it.

[Mae Martin]

When she hears that song, she knows.

[Guest Speaker]

And I'm like, jax, I'm not a piece of meat.

[Fortune Feimster]

I need to go back to May saying that if there's too many lyrics in a song, that they get distracted.

[Guest Speaker]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

And, yeah, you'd be in a 43 people and not be distracted. But I put too many lyrics in. I think it's like in a song. Whoa, what's going on? I'm distracted. But like full blown orgy, no problem.

[Mae Martin]

The music really dictates the mood for me. So it can be too. Like if it's a playlist of random songs. It's like, you know, one minute it's like prodigies playing or something and then. And then. So the sex is really prodigy style. Really, really dark and crazy. Then Elliot Smith comes on the playlist. I'm like, okay, now we're crying and connect. Like, you know what I mean? It's too much.

[Guest Speaker]

Yeah, it's like, do you have a go to song?

[Mae Martin]

Maybe I have an album more.

[Fortune Feimster]

So do you have a go to song when you have a lot of bed visitors? Like, what do you put on when you have.

[Guest Speaker]

That's just like a Spotify list, right? Or an orgy. But I feel like May has a curated list.

[Fortune Feimster]

Can we start calling it a pile up A pile?

[Mae Martin]

A pylon? I. It's. Can. Just to clarify, I'm not having orgies every week. But I.

[Guest Speaker]

The.

[Mae Martin]

The thing that I keep going back to is Frank Ocean Blonde, that album. But now it's at a point where I've. I've played it too much in those types of scenarios. So now it's almost like it makes me sort of go on autopilot or detach because I'm like, oh, now it's the sex album. Now it's.

[Guest Speaker]

You know what I mean?

[Mae Martin]

Okay, so I gotta find. I gotta mix it up. But that's a really sexy album. It opens with Nike.

[Guest Speaker]

I gotta listen to it.

[Mae Martin]

Oh my God, it's so good. Also, okay, this is gonna sound crazy, but the Zayn Malik from One Direction. His solo album. His first solo album. That's a hot album.

[Guest Speaker]

It's sexy.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

Sexier than Smooth Operator.

[Mae Martin]

Oh, my God.

[Guest Speaker]

What about I want to make love in this club? In this club?

[Mae Martin]

I mean, you are a human jukebox. So do you ever sing during Sex?

[Guest Speaker]

Me?

[Mae Martin]

Yeah.

[Guest Speaker]

Oh, no, I'm winded. I need all my lung capacity. I can't be doing all that.

[Fortune Feimster]

Singing, dancing. Fortune has a top hat on.

[Guest Speaker]

I'm putting on a show to distract. I think I usually do just go to Spotify or something.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah.

[Guest Speaker]

And put like sexy songs.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah, yeah.

[Guest Speaker]

And then. But I haven't splurged for the non ads. Yeah, at some point it is.

[Fortune Feimster]

Wait, so you've got the mood going and then it's simply safe.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah, yeah, that's really funny.

[Fortune Feimster]

You're in good hands with fortune.

[Mae Martin]

I feel like I have had my. My own stand up, come on shuffle. Like when I had my old computer, like in the early 2000s, and you just have like your. I don't know, I feel like I have had all the stuff saved. Yes. And it'll come on and you're like, oh.

[Fortune Feimster]

And then like a weird voice note. Don't forget to pick up bread and milk at the store.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah. Oh, my God. I one time. Do you know you can tell your Alexa to make to do list and you can just add to it anytime. Like you go, oh, Alexa, add to my to do list. Like, yeah, buy eggs or whatever. So as a joke, my friend said, I won't say the names, but my friend was dating someone called let's say Catherine, who we all did not like because she was really mean to him. And so we were talking about, about this. The guy dating Catherine wasn't there. And we said as a joke, Alexa, add to the list, pick up eggs and Catherine's head on. Head on a platter or something like that. Later, I was with my friend and I forgot and I went, alexa, play my to do list. And it said like, buy eggs because. And. And then it said, catherine's head on a platter. His girlfriend.

[Fortune Feimster]

No.

[Guest Speaker]

Yeah, she was right there.

[Mae Martin]

No, she was not there. But the guy dating her was there and was like, what?

[Fortune Feimster]

Jesus.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah. And I was like, you eat eggs. I was like, I love Catherine.

[Guest Speaker]

Do you guys know that I know how to two step?

[Fortune Feimster]

You know how to two step?

[Mae Martin]

And two step is like ballroom.

[Fortune Feimster]

Country dancing.

[Guest Speaker]

The country dance?

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah. When? Well, how does this fit into the conversation?

[Guest Speaker]

So there's a version of a two step where you're behind the person.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah.

[Guest Speaker]

Dancing. And that. That's pretty sexy.

[Mae Martin]

Really.

[Guest Speaker]

And a song will come on, like maybe lock the doors and turn the.

[Fortune Feimster]

Light.

[Guest Speaker]

We ain't got no other place to go Something, something on the. And you're dancing behind.

[Mae Martin]

This is incredible.

[Guest Speaker]

I got pretty sexy during that. That song.

[Fortune Feimster]

I think two stepping's pretty cool.

[Guest Speaker]

I used to do it on the reg when Oil Can Harry's was in la. Now there's nowhere. So I thought there was a experience. Sexy two step and fortune.

[Mae Martin]

Isn't there like a line dancing thing in LA going on? There's like a weekly queer line dancing.

[Guest Speaker]

Is there?

[Mae Martin]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, yeah. Didn't line dancing get popular?

[Mae Martin]

It came. It came back.

[Guest Speaker]

But now it's like Ed Sheeran song.

[Fortune Feimster]

What do you Mean came back. When was line dancing like taken the world by 2000s?

[Guest Speaker]

2008.

[Fortune Feimster]

It was.

[Guest Speaker]

Was. It really was hot, baby.

[Fortune Feimster]

No line dancing.

[Guest Speaker]

I mean, sorry. Line dancing was hot too.

[Fortune Feimster]

Wow.

[Guest Speaker]

Because I think that was like Brokeback Mountain days.

[Mae Martin]

Oh, right. And that put it in there.

[Guest Speaker]

It was very popular. It's coming back on the tick tock. But now it's to like Ed Sheeran songs like, oh, I like it when you do it. I would love to hear what Melissa says because I feel like she probably got sexy a lot.

[Fortune Feimster]

Don't you think I know one of her ex. I think I know two of her ex girlfriends.

[Guest Speaker]

You're a lesbian rock star. Yeah, in those times.

[Fortune Feimster]

Mm.

[Guest Speaker]

Like even now. But she's married now. I'm just talking about single days.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah.

[Guest Speaker]

I mean, just rolling in that.

[Fortune Feimster]

Marie, that is. That is our elder lesbian icon you're talking about.

[Guest Speaker]

Melissa would love. Not like she love me saying that.

[Fortune Feimster]

Okay. Would her wife appreciate. Her wife probably doesn't even know that Melissa even dated before they got together. Okay, let's hear what Melissa had to say.

[Melissa Etheridge]

So my go to song. I'm a big Sade gal. Pretty much any sharde song can do for me. But Sade, no Ordinary Love.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh my God. The best song.

[Melissa Etheridge]

Melissa, that's go time. Yes, Sade no Ordinary Love.

[Guest Speaker]

This is insane.

[Melissa Etheridge]

So guys, love you.

[Guest Speaker]

Oh my God.

[Mae Martin]

That is hilarious.

[Guest Speaker]

Funny.

[Mae Martin]

Oh my God.

[Fortune Feimster]

I think that was Melissa signaling to me that it's go time. You guys are sexually clear.

[Mae Martin]

Wow, that's crazy. Okay, this is. Now I'm really committed to starting to.

[Fortune Feimster]

You have to listen to Ordinary Love like she. Like she mentioned. That song is so incredible, it's stupid.

[Mae Martin]

I'll put it on the next time I sadly masturbate.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh my God. Fortune. Marie, tell me I didn't say.

[Guest Speaker]

I know.

[Fortune Feimster]

But you should not allow such things out of that little cowboy's mouth. Wow. Wow.

[Mae Martin]

Wow. Well, no.

[Guest Speaker]

Do you do that often?

[Mae Martin]

Yeah, yeah, I do.

[Guest Speaker]

Okay.

[Fortune Feimster]

Have a good boohoo.

[Mae Martin]

A good boo.

[Guest Speaker]

Boohoo. Woo. And a haha. And a. Hey.

[Mae Martin]

Hey.

[Fortune Feimster]

Hello.

[Mae Martin]

Okay, I will though get into that singer and. Yeah, I don't know how to pronounce it, but I'm gonna get into it.

[Guest Speaker]

Is it shade or Sade?

[Fortune Feimster]

Some people throw an R in there.

[Guest Speaker]

Oh really? Is there an R?

[Fortune Feimster]

I don't know. I talked. Yeah, we talked about this on my old podcast and.

[Guest Speaker]

Oh really?

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah.

[Mae Martin]

If you threw an extra R into all of our names, it'll be triggered Frorchune and Mare. These are the kinds of things I bring to the pod, you know, and.

[Fortune Feimster]

They'Re delightful and we appreciate it and we need it. Well, this was, as always, a delight and so nice to hear from our dear friend Melissa Etheridge.

[Guest Speaker]

Yes. Thank you. An honor paving the way for us gays.

[Mae Martin]

Yes.

[Guest Speaker]

Opening all those doors and being brave in a time when it was really hard to be out.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yes. Opening doors and demanding women.

[Mae Martin]

Wait at your window.

[Fortune Feimster]

At your window and wait.

[Guest Speaker]

Come to my window. Come inside. That's the Bob Dylan version.

[Fortune Feimster]

I bet Melissa had a ton of women waiting by her window.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah. And she just have to.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah. And they're like, what are you doing here?

[Mae Martin]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

What do you mean what are you doing here? She told me to come wait by her window.

[Guest Speaker]

And she rolls up in a leather jacket.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah. Listening to Sade. And they're like, hello, I want to mention the documentary Come See me in the Good Light, the Andrea Gibson documentary that is at Sundance this year.

[Guest Speaker]

Amazing.

[Fortune Feimster]

It is a real, real, mind bendingly incredible documentary.

[Guest Speaker]

I cannot wait to see it.

[Fortune Feimster]

It's really, there's really one moment in that movie, a scene that makes me laugh so hard and then one second later, the most devastating thing. Oh God in the world.

[Guest Speaker]

I love that it is.

[Fortune Feimster]

It's whether tv, film or in person experience one of the greatest things I've ever seen in my life.

[Mae Martin]

That's amazing.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yes.

[Guest Speaker]

I will be watching that, my friend.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yes. Everyone please check it out.

[Guest Speaker]

You can watch my special Crushing it on Netflix. It's there. I would love for people to keep watching it. I'm working out new material in Pasadena this weekend at the Ice House.

[Fortune Feimster]

Nice.

[Guest Speaker]

You want to see a little peek behind the curtain. And then Ontario and Oxnard, California. Working out material there. And Irvine, California. And then my big tour kicks off in Savannah, Georgia. So get tickets for my new tour at my website.

[Fortune Feimster]

Love it. I'm working out new material too, whether in Toronto or Los Angeles. Check my website, tignotaro.com I also have a special that came out a while ago called hello again and it's also on. You can get the audio version out there too.

[Mae Martin]

I'm at Largo periodically. I'm also gearing up to do some music shows around. They're going to be announced soon.

[Fortune Feimster]

Share an episode with friends and family. Help us build the community so this show can stay on the air. Are we on the air?

[Guest Speaker]

Get your handsome hoodies and sweatpants. Absolutely cold out there.

[Fortune Feimster]

It baby, it is cold outside.

[Guest Speaker]

So handsomepod.com for all your merch needs.

[Fortune Feimster]

When you're sitting at Melissa Etheridge's window waiting for her.

[Mae Martin]

You're gonna need some layers.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah, you are gonna need some la. But until next time, shall we keep it handsome?

[Mae Martin]

Handsome Handsome is hosted by me, Mae Martin, Tig Notaro, and Fortune Feimster. The show is produced, recorded and edited by Thomas Willette. Email [e-mail] and please follow us on social media. ANSOMEPOD.

[Fortune Feimster]

What a podcast.

[Mae Martin]

What a podcast that was a headgum podcast.

[Tig Notaro]

Some people just know they could save hundreds on car insurance by checking Allstate First.

[Fortune Feimster]

Like, you know, to check that your WI fi is working before you invite your friends over to watch a live stream of that big award show you've all been looking forward to.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, checking first is smart. So check Allstate first for a quote that could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. This content is intended for audiences in the US Only. Savings vary terms apply. Allstate Fire and Casualty Insurance Company and Affiliates Northbrook, Illinois.

[Caleb Herron]

Hi, I'm Caleb Herron, host of the so True podcast, now on Head Gum. Every week me and my guests get into it and we get down to what's really going on. I ask them what's so true to them, how they got to where they are in life, a bunch of other questions, and we also may or may not test their general trivia knowledge. Whether it's one of my sworn enemies like Brittney Broski or Drew A Fualo or my actual biological mother Kelly, my guests and I are just after the truth, and if we find it, great. And if not, no worries. So subscribe to so True on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, Pocket Casts, or wherever you get your podcasts, and watch video episodes on the so True with Caleb Herron YouTube channel. New episodes drop every Thursday. Love ya.