Nelly Furtado asks about celebrity crushes

Summary

Podcast Summary: "Handsome" Episode Featuring Nelly Furtado on Celebrity Crushes

Podcast Information:

• Title: Handsome
• Host/Author: Headgum
• Description: "Handsome" is a podcast featuring comedians Tig Notaro, Fortune Feimster, and Mae Martin. Each week, the hosts tackle a question from a friend, delving into a wide array of topics while sharing personal stories and humor.
• Episode: Nelly Furtado Asks About Celebrity Crushes
• Release Date: November 12, 2024

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1. Introduction and Personal Health Conversations

[02:27] The episode kicks off with a warm welcome from the hosts, introducing Nelly Furtado as the guest. The initial conversation centers around self-care and personal well-being, setting an intimate and relatable tone for the episode.

• Tig Notaro shares her recent experiences managing hectic back-to-back tours and acting seasons, highlighting the toll it took on her physical appearance and overall health. She candidly discusses her decision to prioritize self-care, saying, “...I've lost like £40,” emphasizing the drastic changes she made to improve her well-being. [04:35]

• Nelly Furtado empathizes with Tig's situation, commending her efforts: “That’s really incredible.” [05:35]

• Thomas Willett adds humor to the discussion by commenting on Tig’s appearance and the challenges of maintaining a routine while constantly traveling. [05:43]

2. Emergency Preparedness and Personal Stories

Before delving into the main topic, the hosts share personal anecdotes related to emergency preparedness and past experiences with natural disasters.

• Tig Notaro recounts her childhood experience during Hurricane Hugo, detailing how her family prepared and the aftermath of the storm. She reflects, “We had this like hundred-year-old oak tree...,” illustrating the severity of the hurricane. [20:18]

• Nelly Furtado relates her own experiences with hurricanes in Mississippi, mentioning the devastation caused by Hurricane Katrina and the ongoing need for support in affected areas. [22:31]

• The conversation touches on the importance of community and helping those affected by disasters, with Thomas Willett emphasizing, “It’s crazy how things... the ripple effect lasts for, like, a decade.” [09:52]

3. Transition to Celebrity Crushes

As the episode progresses, the focus shifts to Nelly Furtado’s question about celebrity crushes, marking the transition from personal well-being to more lighthearted topics.

[27:43] Nelly Furtado poses the central question: “Who was your very first celebrity crush of all time?” This sparks a series of entertaining and heartfelt responses from the hosts.

4. Hosts' First Celebrity Crushes

Tig Notaro initiates the discussion by sharing her first crush:

• Tig Notaro reveals her admiration for John Travolta, particularly from his roles in Grease and Urban Cowboy. She nostalgically describes his "greaser" persona, saying, “He was like, on my radar. There is nobody hotter than John Travolta in Urban Cowboy.” [29:20]

• She humorously adds, “I'm southern and I go to church and...,” highlighting her internal conflict during her younger years. [38:49]

Thomas Willett follows with his own experiences:

• Thomas Willett discusses his crushes on Patrick Swayze and Frank N. Furter from Rocky Horror Picture Show. He shares a vivid memory of slapping Mark Wahlberg on set for a scene in Max Payne, illustrating the challenges of acting alongside a crush. [53:19-55:43]

Mae Martin and Fortune Feimster also contribute, offering their unique perspectives and favorite celebrity crushes, adding depth and variety to the conversation.

5. Evolving Perspectives on Celebrity Crushes

The hosts delve into how their views on their crushes have evolved over time:

• Nelly Furtado expresses a shift in her admiration for John Travolta, stating, “He’s not my vibe anymore.” [32:46]

• Tig Notaro reminisces about her attraction to Sandra Bullock and other female celebrities, adding layers to her initial straight crushes. [39:13-40:55]

• Thomas Willett discusses his fascination with Angelina Jolie, sharing anecdotes about writing fan letters and attending events featuring her. [47:31-56:59]

6. Humor and Light-Hearted Banter

Throughout the discussion, the hosts infuse humor and playful banter:

• Tig Notaro jokes about needing to organize her survival gear, saying, “I’ve got more than six loose batteries. Yeah, I need to have some.” [20:57]

• Thomas Willett humorously refers to himself as "our survivalist" and shares quirky survival tips, keeping the conversation lively and entertaining. [19:49]

• The playful teasing continues as they discuss hypothetical scenarios involving their crushes, such as imagining John Travolta at a modern house party. [30:28]

7. Nelly Furtado’s Acting Experience with Mark Wahlberg

A standout moment involves Nelly Furtado recounting her acting experience with Mark Wahlberg:

• She describes a challenging scene where she had to slap Mark Wahlberg multiple times, emphasizing the pressure of acting alongside her crush. “...they’re like, we don’t have to really practice the slap,” she shares with both humor and vulnerability. [53:25-55:43]

• Thomas Willett responds with humor, appreciating the surreal nature of the experience: “That is wild. Just slapping the shit out of him over and over.” [54:19]

8. Concluding Remarks and Takeaways

As the episode draws to a close, the hosts reflect on the nature of celebrity crushes and personal growth:

• Nelly Furtado emphasizes the importance of humor in attraction, stating, “I really cannot even think twice about somebody unless they are funny...” [51:05]

• The conversation wraps up with nostalgic thoughts on past crushes and the enduring impact of these early attractions on their lives.

• The hosts express appreciation for sharing personal stories, fostering a sense of camaraderie and connection with the audience.

Notable Quotes:

• Tig Notaro [04:35]: “I’ve lost like £40. Yeah.”

• Nelly Furtado [11:16]: “You should put cash towards the environment. It’s gold.”

• Thomas Willett [05:43]: “Only parents should be able to say, you look tired to someone. That's like the craziest thing to volunteer.”

• Nelly Furtado [53:19]: “I am struggling here because I feel like I've...”

• Tig Notaro [29:20]: “There is nobody hotter than John Travolta in Urban Cowboy.”

• Nelly Furtado [51:05]: “I really cannot even think twice about somebody unless they are funny or if they have a great sense of humor.”

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Conclusion: This episode of "Handsome" offers a blend of personal anecdotes, humor, and heartfelt discussions about celebrity crushes. Through candid storytelling and playful interactions, Tig Notaro, Fortune Feimster, Mae Martin, and their guest Nelly Furtado provide an engaging exploration of how early attractions shape personal identities and relationships. Whether reminiscing about iconic movie stars or sharing amusing behind-the-scenes experiences, the hosts create a relatable and entertaining narrative for listeners.

Transcript

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[Thomas Willett]

This is a Headgum Podcast.

[Tig Notaro]

Cheers.

[Thomas Willett]

Welcome to another episode of the Handsome Podcast. I'm one of your hosts, Mae Martin, joined as always by my stoic, brave.

[Tig Notaro]

Handsome co hosts Fortune Feimster and your.

[Nelly Furtado]

Very dear, dear pal Tig Notaro, right here on Handsome. Here we are.

[Tig Notaro]

Here we are keeping it handsome. How are you, my handsome friends?

[Nelly Furtado]

I'm doing well.

[Tig Notaro]

How are you so good. Does anyone want to see what I'm working with right now?

[Thomas Willett]

Whoa.

[Tig Notaro]

Muscles.

[Nelly Furtado]

What is going on? Is this from treading water?

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, baby.

[Thomas Willett]

Your biceps are popping.

[Nelly Furtado]

That is crazy. Tell us everything, Fortune, because you are looking quite trim these days.

[Tig Notaro]

Well, I saw a video. This is not what sparked this, but I was in the midst of two crazy back to back tours. Each tour was a year and a half, 100 cities, 150 shows. I went from that first tour right into season one of FUBAR. Finished that, started my next tour. 150 shows, 100 cities, right into FUBAR again. So like a year ago I saw my face and body and I was like, this is not good. I'm not taking care of myself. So I've lost like £40.

[Thomas Willett]

Whoa.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Nelly Furtado]

That is no joke. And how are you feeling?

[Tig Notaro]

Good. I feel very good. I. What I was saying is they did like a best of videos on our, on our handsome socials. And Jackson, I both are like, holy shit. I had just gotten, you know, on the road, you just don't take care of yourself.

[Thomas Willett]

Yeah. Like you have no routine. You're traveling, it's. You're eating at weird times.

[Tig Notaro]

And everyone was telling me I was looking tired and my hair was like turning gray and my face was really bad and it was like I was breaking out. And so I feel like that right now, like. Yeah. Finally just reeled. Reeled some of that in and trying to take some time for myself. And every day I've been getting in the pool and just how. And it's a good, like you said, it's a good meditation.

[Nelly Furtado]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

But it's also good for, for my muscles.

[Nelly Furtado]

Yeah. So you're doing it how many times a week now?

[Tig Notaro]

Right now since I've been home. It's only been a few weeks. I've been doing it like five days a week.

[Nelly Furtado]

Wow.

[Tig Notaro]

And two.

[Thomas Willett]

Amazing.

[Nelly Furtado]

I am. But I mean, that's still really impressive, Fortune.

[Tig Notaro]

Thank you. I mean, listen, I will. We've talked about it before. I'm always up and down. It's such a journey for me. So there will be times that I'm not doing anything. But right now I feel very good.

[Nelly Furtado]

Well, that doesn't. None of that. Who cares? We're just talking about right now. That's really incredible.

[Thomas Willett]

For the record, I feel like only parents should be able to say, you look tired to someone. That's like the craziest thing to volunteer. You look Tired. Yeah. If your parent says that, it's like they're concerned, you know, their little baby is tired and sleepy.

[Tig Notaro]

I feel like I was getting a lot of people.

[Nelly Furtado]

I'm sure you were very tired.

[Tig Notaro]

I was.

[Thomas Willett]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Bags under my eyes were out of control.

[Nelly Furtado]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah. So I'm not going back into a hardcore tour. I'll be doing dates here and there and I have to work on my new hour, but I'm not going into a theater tour until like, April.

[Thomas Willett]

Yeah. There's only so many, like, I don't know, eye creams and shortcuts. You can take it. Like, really, you do just need sleep.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, yeah. And some eye cream never hurt.

[Thomas Willett]

And some eye cream and yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

J. Lo from jail.

[Nelly Furtado]

Jennifer Lopez.

[Tig Notaro]

So, yeah, I'm feeling good. How are you guys are doing all right? May, you said you're tired.

[Thomas Willett]

I'm always tired.

[Tig Notaro]

I'm not gonna tell you look tired. I don't think.

[Nelly Furtado]

We just heard from your mother that you were tired.

[Thomas Willett]

Is tired. I have like three weeks left, but I'm. I'm just looking out the window behind me. I can see the park. And it's such a lovely evening. And people are playing softball in. In the park. And I'm thinking I might go for a little walk after this.

[Tig Notaro]

That's nice.

[Thomas Willett]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Did you ever play softball?

[Thomas Willett]

No.

[Tig Notaro]

Really?

[Thomas Willett]

No. I'm like Tig. I. I smoked as a teen and I. I never did sports, but I. I liked soccer.

[Tig Notaro]

Look at those softball dikes over there.

[Thomas Willett]

Yeah, yeah, we were in the softball.

[Nelly Furtado]

I was playing soccer and smoking.

[Thomas Willett]

Yeah, Y.

[Nelly Furtado]

And then smoking one.

[Thomas Willett]

My thing is hacky sack. I think I've talked about this. I'm trying to bring that back, you know, hacky sack.

[Nelly Furtado]

Sure.

[Thomas Willett]

Yeah. Yeah. It's pretty insane to be like a 37 year old googling tricks.

[Nelly Furtado]

And when you say you're trying to bring it back, do you mean to make it popular or bring it back into your life?

[Thomas Willett]

Oh, it was never in my life. It's just now coming into my life. But I want people to get into it. And it's such good cardio and it's really fun. And you kind of feel like. Like it's so. So much of it is mental and thinking, I'm gonna keep this. This sack in the air if it's the last thing I do.

[Tig Notaro]

That's what I'm always thinking about. How do we keep these Fortune? Marie, these sacks are looking a little saggy.

[Thomas Willett]

Yeah, you gotta keep them up.

[Tig Notaro]

Now, May, answer me this.

[Thomas Willett]

Riddle me this.

[Tig Notaro]

Fortune a Hacky sack.

[Thomas Willett]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Is something you do with someone else or both. Keeping it in the air or. It's a solo thing.

[Thomas Willett]

You can do both. I like a little group standing in a circle, and you're just trying to keep it up, and it's not competitive. It's like, you know, just try. It's like, you know, when you try to keep a ball in the air. But I like doing it on my own, too, you know?

[Tig Notaro]

Okay.

[Thomas Willett]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

But it is good cardio.

[Thomas Willett]

It's really good cardio. You're sweating. You're using weird muscles.

[Tig Notaro]

Okay.

[Thomas Willett]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Like how then what Tig suggested. I will do what you suggest. I have to get a hacky sack, though.

[Thomas Willett]

Oh, my God. Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Please do.

[Nelly Furtado]

Should we start a. Like, a GoFundMe to raise money to get you a hacky?

[Tig Notaro]

A little crochet, some listeners to spend their money in better places. I'll buy my own hacky Sack, but thank you for thinking of me, because I feel if your hands and listeners want to do anything. I know it's been a little bit since this happened, but they are still in need of it. Western North Carolina was affected very much by the hurricane. If you have an extra dollar laying around and want to give to some. Some places, like Operation Airdrop or Beloved Asheville or World Central Kitchen, any of those places, helping our good folks in North Carolina, Tennessee, Georgia, Florida, they'll need.

[Nelly Furtado]

Help for a long time.

[Tig Notaro]

They'll need help for a while. So go there. And the Mills on Wheels, helping a lot of those seniors that need it. I. I highly encourage those. Those donations.

[Thomas Willett]

Yeah. It's crazy how things they. Well, they go out of the news and. And. But the ripple effect lasts for, like, a decade.

[Tig Notaro]

You know, I can speak in western North Carolina because I just know so many people that live there, and I see the pictures that the rebuild of those areas will take years.

[Nelly Furtado]

Oh, my gosh. Absolutely.

[Thomas Willett]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

But, you know, that's the time that we're in. We got to look out for each other.

[Thomas Willett]

Yeah.

[Nelly Furtado]

I have a childhood friend that lives out there right outside of Asheville, and I was reaching out to her, and the phone call wasn't going through, the texts weren't going through, and I was, wow. I kept trying, and I was like, oh, boy, this is terrifying. Yeah. Yeah.

[Thomas Willett]

That's so apocalyptic to not.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Thomas Willett]

Cut off like that. Yeah.

[Nelly Furtado]

I mean, she did. She did eventually answer, and I spoke to her briefly, and then it cut out. Yeah. She is okay. She and her wife had some flooding in the basement, but, yeah. And I Believe she listens to handsome too.

[Tig Notaro]

Shout out.

[Nelly Furtado]

Shout out to Amy and Sarah.

[Thomas Willett]

There are so many places to donate to and, and so many things going on in the world. I never. I sometimes get overwhelmed and I'm like, I do I pick, you know, one thing I can really get behind and bring awareness to, or do I spread it out or what? But I've got to be better at it.

[Tig Notaro]

I think anything you do helps. As we learned from a past guest, Arnold Schwarzenegger, he told us to be useful, be useful. So I think any. Anything you do in which the goal is to be useful helps. It doesn't matter, big or small.

[Nelly Furtado]

And listen, I still stand by. You should put cash towards the environment.

[Tig Notaro]

Gold.

[Nelly Furtado]

Because if. If this. If the planet isn't working, nothing else matters.

[Tig Notaro]

This is true, my friend. Also, should I invest in gold?

[Thomas Willett]

Yeah, yeah. What's the deal?

[Tig Notaro]

Gold bars? I don't know what my. You know you're supposed to have like emergency kits and stuff.

[Nelly Furtado]

Now, now you need emergency gold?

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Like, am I supposed to have like. Will the banks go down at some point and I need gold?

[Nelly Furtado]

Well, do you have like a cash fund at your house?

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, just a wad of cash somewhere.

[Nelly Furtado]

Yeah, like 100 bucks.

[Tig Notaro]

Will that do?

[Nelly Furtado]

Well, you should get. You should get your little cash envelope together.

[Tig Notaro]

Okay, a little cash envelope, some gold. What else?

[Thomas Willett]

Well, I. This is up to say, but cigarettes for the apocalypse.

[Tig Notaro]

What?

[Thomas Willett]

You're going to be able to trade those? Not only smoke.

[Tig Notaro]

Now I'm supposed to go into the apocalypse with a bad habits.

[Nelly Furtado]

Yeah, because that's what people are going to pay top dollar for.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, like in jail.

[Nelly Furtado]

And toilet paper.

[Thomas Willett]

And also lighters. I. I read something about.

[Tig Notaro]

I mean, the lighters make sense. I need a fire. But you need cigarettes.

[Thomas Willett]

Yeah, no, to trade. To trade.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, to trade. Okay.

[Thomas Willett]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Because I know when many people get some kind of emergency kit, right?

[Thomas Willett]

Really?

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, Because I feel like at this point, what state is safe from natural disasters?

[Thomas Willett]

Take. What? Why don't we stay in Toronto? Like just you and me.

[Tig Notaro]

Wait, what?

[Nelly Furtado]

You and me?

[Tig Notaro]

What is Toronto's ailment? Just cold.

[Nelly Furtado]

Well, fire.

[Thomas Willett]

Fire, sure, but we're kind of. I don't know, we're. It's a lot safer I feel in Canada.

[Tig Notaro]

Jax always says the Michigan's a good place because they have all those freshwater lakes.

[Nelly Furtado]

Well, any. Any place near the Great Lakes is a pretty good bet. Places like Buffalo, Duluth.

[Tig Notaro]

I've been to Duluth. Duluth?

[Nelly Furtado]

Yeah, Duluth is. Is a hot Spot.

[Tig Notaro]

I went to a Red Lobster in Duluth.

[Nelly Furtado]

All right. Brag, braggy, brag.

[Tig Notaro]

I got some Cheddar Bay biscuits.

[Thomas Willett]

How long do you think it would take to drink a Great Lake? Like, if we all run. It ran out of water and we just got Lake Ontario left.

[Tig Notaro]

Like, how about person? Yeah. I was like, I mean, you're drowning now.

[Nelly Furtado]

Yeah.

[Thomas Willett]

Yeah. But I don't. I wonder how. Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Like, until it's used up.

[Thomas Willett]

Well, let's say one person. Well, would that last your whole life?

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, for sure.

[Thomas Willett]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay.

[Nelly Furtado]

And I think that.

[Tig Notaro]

Who's this hoarding the Great Lake?

[Thomas Willett]

This one's mine.

[Nelly Furtado]

I was here first, I think. I'm not sure which or all Great Lakes, I think might not be terribly clean.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, for sure. Yeah. You might get some bacteria.

[Nelly Furtado]

Yeah, you're going to have to, like. You can't just scoop a cup of water out of that.

[Thomas Willett]

No, I know. Toronto. After it rains, you're not supposed to swim in the lake. Grow another arm or something.

[Nelly Furtado]

Oh, why is that after it rains?

[Thomas Willett]

Why? I think it washes all the poo in there or something.

[Tig Notaro]

You got pink eye.

[Thomas Willett]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

I think our emergency kit consists of a first aid kit and a case of bottled water.

[Thomas Willett]

Okay.

[Tig Notaro]

And now. And I have $100. I don't think I'm prepared.

[Thomas Willett]

Like, you're not getting far with.

[Tig Notaro]

I don't think so either, my friend.

[Nelly Furtado]

We have those big five gallon jugs of water in our garage.

[Tig Notaro]

Okay.

[Nelly Furtado]

Four or five of them.

[Thomas Willett]

Wow.

[Nelly Furtado]

And then we also have that kind of food that's dehydrated.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Thomas Willett]

Astronaut ice.

[Tig Notaro]

Is it vegan?

[Nelly Furtado]

Yeah. We have, oh, a few buckets of, like, lentils. Yeah. Just.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Nelly Furtado]

Vegetables and things.

[Tig Notaro]

Okay.

[Thomas Willett]

I would get, like, a water purifier kit. Like a. Yeah, yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Brita.

[Nelly Furtado]

Yeah, Britta, you know what I learned?

[Tig Notaro]

Put it out in the rain.

[Nelly Furtado]

If you have, like a metal coffee container or something like that, and you put a candle in there and you're stuck, like in a. Like in a small room or your car, it'll heat the whole place.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, really? Yeah. Look at that. Tig is our survivalist here. What else?

[Nelly Furtado]

Our house is two stories, and so I also have a ladder that you can throw out of a window together.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, wow. I need one of those.

[Nelly Furtado]

Yeah.

[Thomas Willett]

That's cool.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Nelly Furtado]

My hometown in Mississippi got hit all by the eye.

[Tig Notaro]

Right.

[Nelly Furtado]

Well. And by the eye of the hurricane when Katrina hit.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Nelly Furtado]

And I think. I don't know. I don't know. Between that and probably my medical emergencies, I'm always like, I do not want to be stuck in any situation and, and be unsafe. I really do not want to be. And of course none of that will make sure that I'm safe. But I just, it gives me some peace of mind.

[Fortune Feimster]

Right.

[Nelly Furtado]

And I wouldn't want, when I say I don't want myself, I don't want Max and Finn or Stephanie, you know, so what I can do, I've tried to put together.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Thomas Willett]

We said if we were in a plane crash in the Andes or something, within minutes I'd be eating ass.

[Nelly Furtado]

Yeah. Yeah. Even if the plane didn't go down, I think you'd still be eating. Yeah, I think if you hit slight turbulence, you would be eating ass. Well, well, give me. Who's going to give me some ass?

[Tig Notaro]

Oh.

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[Tig Notaro]

Oh man. Well, the ladder's not a bad idea because I like that I have like six loose batteries somewhere in my.

[Thomas Willett]

Six loose batteries?

[Nelly Furtado]

That's your plan?

[Tig Notaro]

I think I need to get a. I think I need to get it together. I gotta more than six loose batteries. Yeah, I need to have some. Here's our batteries, here's our lights. Here's some water. Here's. You know, we're gonna. I'm gonna get it organized.

[Thomas Willett]

It's pretty satisfying to put it together, I think. Like I remember when I was a kid and if we'd go, if we were ever in a hotel, I'd make a little survival kit out of just like the toiletries. Like I'd take a plastic. I'd be like, I got two Q tips, one cotton ball and one strawberry I took from lunch. And like I'd make a little kit and I'd be like, if shit goes.

[Nelly Furtado]

Down, I've got the strawberry.

[Tig Notaro]

You were expecting the worst, y'all boys.

[Thomas Willett]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah. The one big hurricane I went through was Hurricane Hugo.

[Nelly Furtado]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

I was 10 years old and it came inland and there was like talk on the news that it could possibly change directions. And everyone's like, yeah, whatever. But my brother was like, no, we gotta get ready. So we went in the backyard and he got all the lawn furniture and put it under the house. And then our parents woke us up at like 2 in the morning and it sounded like freight train outside of our house.

[Thomas Willett]

Wow.

[Tig Notaro]

And there was no power. And they made us go downstairs and huddle in the hallway. It was so scary because it sounded apocalyptic. And when you looked out the window, it was pitch black. And you could just see kind of, you could see rain, but you could. The. The wind was like shaking the house. It was so strong.

[Thomas Willett]

Wow.

[Tig Notaro]

We had this like hundred year old oak tree, if that tells you, you know, this was a massive tree. And at some point we were in the hallway and the loudest sound I've ever heard in my entire life. It felt like it was coming through our house. We were so scared. And it last. That sound lasted like 30 seconds and we were like, what was that? But you again, you couldn't see anything. And in the morning that hundred year old oak tree had been split. The wind was so strong it split it in half, and it made it fall down on the side of our house. But if it had come through our house, we would have been goners. So was it went through the kitchen.

[Thomas Willett]

Side of the kitchen and the wind split it or like it got hit by lightning or. Oh, my God. That's really strong.

[Tig Notaro]

These hurricanes get. I mean, oh, my God.

[Nelly Furtado]

When I went back to Mississippi after Katrina, there were caskets on the beach. There were school buses in the water. There was. I mean, it was just.

[Thomas Willett]

Oh, my God level.

[Nelly Furtado]

There was houses just gone. You just see the foundation just cement and no house, just steps going up to nothing.

[Thomas Willett]

If there's lightning, are you supposed to get under a tree or. Not under a tree.

[Tig Notaro]

Not under.

[Nelly Furtado]

Not under a tree.

[Thomas Willett]

Not under a tree.

[Nelly Furtado]

Yeah, but if you don't, like someone, tell them to get under a tree.

[Thomas Willett]

There's. I remember seeing a thing about a woman who got hit by a meteor went through her house, and she was having a nap in bed, and it just hit her on the side of her stomach and she survived, and she had this big burn on her stomach. What are the odds? I'd like to know.

[Tig Notaro]

That's like a one in a gazillion.

[Thomas Willett]

I don't know, but it was. It's a crazy picture. It's a black and white photo, and she's just lying in bed and she's been napping, and then a meteor hit her.

[Tig Notaro]

Wow.

[Nelly Furtado]

How did she know it was a meteor?

[Thomas Willett]

Well, then she must. She called this, you know, local whoever, and they came.

[Nelly Furtado]

Who do you call?

[Thomas Willett]

I don't know.

[Nelly Furtado]

I would think it was just like a kid through something through my window.

[Tig Notaro]

Like a flare gun came through.

[Thomas Willett]

I think it went right through the top of her house, though.

[Nelly Furtado]

Right.

[Tig Notaro]

You know, that kind of stuff is crazy because you're literally just, like, in your house, you think the safest place you could be.

[Thomas Willett]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

And that happens, which is where the saying comes from. Now, this is an old saying. I don't know if it started in. I want to say, 19, 18. What? Yeah. The thing is, and I quote, yolo, you only live once. Oh, my God. My great, great grandparents used to say it. It's been passed down by generations.

[Nelly Furtado]

Grandma and Grandpa, yolo.

[Tig Notaro]

Grandpa, Grandpa. Yep. And so now I. It's words to live by. You only live once. Life is short.

[Thomas Willett]

Yeah, These are.

[Nelly Furtado]

Let me write this down.

[Tig Notaro]

You're saying life is short. I don't.

[Nelly Furtado]

Life is short.

[Tig Notaro]

That one.

[Nelly Furtado]

Okay. But I'm gonna write that down. Life is short. And then what was the Other one.

[Tig Notaro]

Yolo.

[Nelly Furtado]

Yolo.

[Tig Notaro]

You only live once.

[Nelly Furtado]

Live once. Do you have any others?

[Tig Notaro]

Because these are the most of it. There's also. Twain also said, let's go, girls.

[Nelly Furtado]

Okay. Yeah, let's.

[Tig Notaro]

That's just more of a mantra than it is a saying.

[Nelly Furtado]

Okay. Anything else I should write down?

[Thomas Willett]

Did you get Got milk?

[Nelly Furtado]

Oh, got milk.

[Thomas Willett]

Got question mark?

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Nelly Furtado]

Soy milk.

[Thomas Willett]

Sure.

[Nelly Furtado]

Got unsweetened soy milk. Oh, I should make a T shirt that says that.

[Thomas Willett]

Yes.

[Tig Notaro]

Another wise words. Wise words. Live by. And I'll. I've said it before. I'll say it again. It is from tlc, my ass. Tlc. Don't go chasing waterfalls.

[Nelly Furtado]

Don't go.

[Tig Notaro]

Stick to the rivers and the lakes that you're used to.

[Nelly Furtado]

What. Which also contradict that.

[Tig Notaro]

Contra. I know a little.

[Thomas Willett]

Contradicts yolo. That's saying, don't try, just don't.

[Tig Notaro]

That was. But that was our grandparents saying. And now this is TLC saying.

[Thomas Willett]

It's saying, stay in your lane.

[Tig Notaro]

TLC is saying, what?

[Nelly Furtado]

You're not the special one. Yeah, that's what they're saying. You're not the special one.

[Tig Notaro]

He was saying, what are you doing? You're fine.

[Thomas Willett]

It's the opposite of shoot for the moon and you'll land among the stars. That's. It's the opposite of Casey K. Isn't it? Like, shoot some.

[Nelly Furtado]

The moon.

[Thomas Willett]

No. Isn't it real?

[Tig Notaro]

So like Galileo or somebody.

[Thomas Willett]

Yeah, it's somewhere. Yeah.

[Nelly Furtado]

It's not Casey K. The Indigo Girls wrote Galileo.

[Tig Notaro]

We all know that was a Galileo person.

[Nelly Furtado]

No, they made that up. Galileo's head was on the block.

[Tig Notaro]

I can't believe.

[Nelly Furtado]

These are really great things.

[Tig Notaro]

Been crediting Casey Kasem this whole time.

[Thomas Willett]

I don't know who that is, and I've been trying.

[Tig Notaro]

He was an American.

[Nelly Furtado]

Read on the ground and keep reaching for the stars. That's what Casey Kasem said.

[Tig Notaro]

He was responsible for America's top 40.

[Thomas Willett]

Wow. Okay.

[Nelly Furtado]

Anyway, America's top 40.

[Tig Notaro]

I don't know if there's. Is there another saying that Tigney's right down May.

[Nelly Furtado]

Because these are really, really inspiring.

[Thomas Willett]

What about don't throw the. Don't throw the baby out with a bathwater.

[Tig Notaro]

Just don't throw that.

[Nelly Furtado]

Don't go throwing babies over waterfalls.

[Thomas Willett]

That's it. That's it. Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Why by the cow when the milk. Wait. Why by the milk when the cow's free? No, why by the cow when the milk's free?

[Nelly Furtado]

When you. Out of the milk for free when.

[Tig Notaro]

You can get the milk for free. You've heard that one?

[Nelly Furtado]

Yeah, these are good. Okay, I got that one.

[Tig Notaro]

Man, have we changed lives today with these things?

[Nelly Furtado]

Should we change everyone's life and hear from our questioner?

[Thomas Willett]

That's right.

[Tig Notaro]

I feel nostalgic.

[Thomas Willett]

Today's questioner is a Grammy winning Canadian singer songwriter who has sold over 45 million records. She's got a new album titled Seven. Very enigmatic. Nelly Furtado is asking for today's question.

[Tig Notaro]

Woohoo.

[Nelly Furtado]

Hey, handsome podcast.

[Thomas Willett]

How are you?

[Nelly Furtado]

I'm Nelly Furtado and I have a question for you, if you're willing to answer. But I am, so I want you to. Who was your very first celebrity crush of all time?

[Tig Notaro]

Oh.

[Thomas Willett]

Oh, my God. Nelly Furtado. What a legend.

[Tig Notaro]

Nelly Furtado has had some big jams.

[Thomas Willett]

Yes.

[Nelly Furtado]

I mean, you'd have to if you're selling over 45 million records.

[Tig Notaro]

I like that promiscuous song. Is that Timbaland?

[Thomas Willett]

I think so, yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

And I can't. I don't know how to sing it.

[Nelly Furtado]

No, keep going.

[Tig Notaro]

No, it's like.

[Thomas Willett]

Whoa. Okay, Tig. I felt like when Nelly Furtado asked that question, you nodded sagely. Like, I think someone came into your mind right away.

[Nelly Furtado]

I know exactly who it was.

[Thomas Willett]

Really?

[Nelly Furtado]

Yes. Yes, Indee. Yes, indeed. Do you want to hear?

[Thomas Willett]

Yeah, desperately.

[Nelly Furtado]

It is John Travolta.

[Thomas Willett]

Yes, of course.

[Nelly Furtado]

Of course it is John Travolta. JT Grease and urban cowboy. I mean, holy Lord, John Travolta.

[Tig Notaro]

I'm telling you, I've said it before. It's that wiener shot.

[Thomas Willett]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

What with the Jamie Lee Curtis movie.

[Thomas Willett]

We've talked about this. The wiener.

[Nelly Furtado]

No, no, no.

[Tig Notaro]

For me, class.

[Nelly Furtado]

No, no, no. For me, it is him as, like a greaser. You know, the white T shirt, blue jeans.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Nelly Furtado]

Driving around a hot rod.

[Tig Notaro]

Was there any part of you that was like, I want to be him? Or you just were like, I have the hots for him.

[Nelly Furtado]

I mean, whatever you want to call it. He was like, on my radar. I was like, there is nobody hotter than John Travolta in. Especially in urban cowboy.

[Thomas Willett]

So do you think. Let's imagine you go to a house party now today, and John Travolta in his urban cowboy era is there.

[Nelly Furtado]

Yeah.

[Thomas Willett]

Would he look insane with. In a crowd of today's people? Like, would he look really of that time or would he. You know what I mean? Or would he still be, like, top of his game, Smoking hot by today's dimples.

[Nelly Furtado]

Oh, my. Well, he just Looks like a very classic cowboy. I mean.

[Thomas Willett]

Yeah.

[Nelly Furtado]

I mean, I guess these days cowboys also kind of wear. I mean, I know that there's rhinestone cowboys, but I also feel like traditional.

[Tig Notaro]

Ish.

[Nelly Furtado]

Cowboys these days will still, yes, oddly, have sparkly jeans.

[Thomas Willett]

Interesting. Yeah, yeah.

[Nelly Furtado]

Where I'm like, wait, I don't know. I don't understand. You lost me. Yeah, because, like, I like the cowboy that just got the hat.

[Thomas Willett]

The hat. The dirty jeans.

[Nelly Furtado]

Whether they're dirty or they're even ironed. You know those wranglers that are just.

[Tig Notaro]

Like that on that show Yellowstone?

[Thomas Willett]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Nelly Furtado]

But, like, you know, there's some cowboys throw in a little pizzazz in the. In the, like, jeans. There's, like, designer jeans.

[Tig Notaro]

Yellowstone, get your ponies wet.

[Nelly Furtado]

Okay.

[Tig Notaro]

Fortune Marie, they have a character on there that all the straight ladies and I'm assuming you, too. Tig would go real wild for. He's a bad boy.

[Nelly Furtado]

You know what I also think is so hot is a black cowboy.

[Thomas Willett]

Oh, yeah, that's right.

[Nelly Furtado]

A black cowboy.

[Thomas Willett]

So, Tig, if you know how, like, they. They found their quantum science. It's like, maybe we invent time machines and stuff. So let's say you're at a house party with Stephanie.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah. Look over. House party.

[Thomas Willett]

You're back at this house party. Yeah. You look over. There's John Travolta in that heyday, and he is into you. Do you.

[Nelly Furtado]

Of course he is.

[Thomas Willett]

Of course he is. Yeah. And do you say to Stephanie, like, is that a hall pass? Would you ever consider that?

[Tig Notaro]

Whoa. What a scenario you set up, Meg.

[Nelly Furtado]

Well, here's the problem.

[Thomas Willett]

Yeah.

[Nelly Furtado]

I'm struggling here because I feel like I've.

[Tig Notaro]

I'm struggling with this impossible scenario that could never happen.

[Nelly Furtado]

I'm struggling on many different levels, but I think knowing John Travolta over the years from a distance and, like, kind of who he is and what he.

[Thomas Willett]

Is now, watching him evolve.

[Nelly Furtado]

Yeah, it kind of tarnished. Yeah. It's just. He's not my vibe anymore. Okay, but please, everyone, stop what you're doing. Or Thomas, if you can drop a picture of him, his profile shot on Urban Cowboy. I mean, and then while we're at it. Geez. Deborah Winger in Urban Cowboy.

[Thomas Willett]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

You really love this movie.

[Nelly Furtado]

Have you not seen it?

[Tig Notaro]

I don't. I don't think I have. I need to see this movie.

[Nelly Furtado]

You've got to. I have barely seen anything, and that is a movie I have seen so many times.

[Tig Notaro]

I need to be hot and bothered.

[Thomas Willett]

That was a horny movie. For you.

[Tig Notaro]

I gotta think. Look up this character's name also.

[Nelly Furtado]

I live that urban cowboy took place in Houston, Texas, in the 80s.

[Tig Notaro]

This guy's name Rip or in Yellowstone.

[Nelly Furtado]

And I lived in that area when that movie came out. And so I really connected with cowboys in a city.

[Thomas Willett]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Nelly Furtado]

You know?

[Thomas Willett]

Yeah. Okay. Fortune, who's yours?

[Tig Notaro]

I was looking up 80s movie stars to see. Thinking of someone. Right. I mean, I had a thing for older women, so Betty White, for sure. Got it.

[Thomas Willett]

Seriously?

[Tig Notaro]

That's. That's.

[Thomas Willett]

Are you serious?

[Nelly Furtado]

Hot for her?

[Thomas Willett]

No way.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, because she was, like, in their 50s when she did Golden Girl. Yeah. They made them look a lot older, but they were all in there, like, 50s.

[Thomas Willett]

I was not expecting Betty White.

[Nelly Furtado]

No. I love that. That's more shocking than me liking John Travolta.

[Tig Notaro]

Okay. I'll tell you how it really was because I'm. I'm struggling to remember what male. Because I know that I.

[Nelly Furtado]

You are straight as a board.

[Tig Notaro]

I know I was straight. Yeah. Straight as a button. So I definitely had male crushes. And I think I've said it before, like Jonathan from New Kids on the Block. I, like, sobbed when I saw him sing. But I'm trying to think of, like, the TV and movie people that really did it for me. And the first. Well, there was two people, and I can't remember if I've talked about either of these on here, but one was the hot blonde in Crocodile Dundee when she went to the river in her white bathing suit. Holy crikeys.

[Mae Martin]

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[Nelly Furtado]

And we don't know her name.

[Tig Notaro]

She's the hot blonde marrying the Crocodile Dundee. No. Yes. If I don't remember her name, but she was. But that was my first. Was what? Hard.

[Nelly Furtado]

Was that hard on you? When the two of them got together.

[Tig Notaro]

I think I even thought Crocodile Dundee was pretty cute too. It's that Australian thing, you know.

[Thomas Willett]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

So she was my first. Like holy cow, that is sexy.

[Nelly Furtado]

Maybe I'm not so sure.

[Tig Notaro]

And the bathing suit was like a one piece. But it was before, you know. Now when people wear bathing suits, you're seeing ass cracks and everything. And you're seeing all the vagina. Everything's out in the open.

[Thomas Willett]

Are you? Yeah, like bathing suit.

[Nelly Furtado]

What beach are you going to?

[Tig Notaro]

I'm telling you guys.

[Mae Martin]

Look around.

[Tig Notaro]

Everyone's is poking out of their bathing suit now.

[Nelly Furtado]

The easier to eat.

[Tig Notaro]

I'm telling you, the bathing suits these girls are wearing now, it's just straight up shots. Early. An early adopter of the bathing suit. Even though it was one piece, it went. It rode really high up.

[Thomas Willett]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

And showed a lot.

[Nelly Furtado]

And you liked that?

[Tig Notaro]

I love that. But then the person who I would dream about. Who.

[Nelly Furtado]

Yes.

[Tig Notaro]

Was like holy cow. Maybe that's not straight. But I can't be gay because it's gross. I'm southern and I go to church and.

[Nelly Furtado]

I'm up.

[Tig Notaro]

It was the crazy. You would never think of this movie being the thing but Sandra Bullock while you were sleeping.

[Thomas Willett]

I haven't seen it.

[Tig Notaro]

I loved it. She was like the girl next door who was so cute and relatable. She did lie. Yeah, she did lie and pretend to be mayor engaged to a guy in a coma. But then her. But then she got really close to his family and they loved her. But while he was in a coma, who she really loved.

[Nelly Furtado]

Wait, is this a spoiler?

[Thomas Willett]

Yeah, this is a big spoiler. Yeah.

[Nelly Furtado]

I haven't seen the movie yet.

[Tig Notaro]

So decades. So if you guys don't know at this point. But Sandra Bullock while she is sleeping.

[Nelly Furtado]

Pretty cute to that Sandy bowl looks.

[Tig Notaro]

But yeah, for males. I Guess it would be Jonathan. Jonathan from New Kids on the Block for males.

[Thomas Willett]

I feel like that's the sign that you're.

[Tig Notaro]

For males, if that tells you anything. He's gay.

[Nelly Furtado]

All right, what's yours?

[Thomas Willett]

May, first of all, like the Disney villains like Jafar, Ursula, the sea witch. I like, like a villain. Someone like a twinkle in their eye, you know, a hedonist, you know, with the joie de vivre. And. And I think my parents showed me Rocky Horror Picture show when I was five and I was way too young. And it's the horniest movie of all time. And Frank N. Furter, like, lit me on fire, electrified me. He's so sexy, the way his body moves. And I was showed it because. Because my grandpa was in the stage show and my dad loved it and. And yeah.

[Nelly Furtado]

So did your grandmother book him in the stage show?

[Thomas Willett]

Yeah, I think she did.

[Nelly Furtado]

Yeah. Of course.

[Thomas Willett]

Because my grandmother's client was Richard O'Brien, who wrote Rocky or Picture Show. So a big part of our family lore. And I remember them fast forwarding the sex scenes, but oh, my God. When Frank N. Furter takes his cape off and he's in this corset and is. Oh, my God. And I would get. I would go to bed and be really horny. And I was like five. And I remember thinking, I wish I was Rocky, the creature created purely for pleasure. Anyway, then later on I got into Hocus Pocus and I remember I had that sex scene where all the witches eat my ass. I remember like a meatloaf slicing it. And I was maybe 7 and I had this dream. I remember telling my parents, I've talked about it on the pod, but I remember telling them I had this dream. I can't wait to have this dream again. I love this dream I had. It was about all three witches. Bette Midler, Sarah Jessica Parker, Kathy and Jamie. And they kidnapped me. And I was naked and they were gonna eat me and they were slicing my ass like a meatloaf. I told my parents and they were like, what? I was like, can't wait to have that dream again. I loved it. I really think I like. But they what Bette Midler and Tim Curry and all my early crushes have in common is this, like, twinkle in their eye and like kind of confidence and an exaggerated femininity. Almost like a drag queen. Ish quality that I really liked. And then later on it was Buffy with Sarah Michelle Geller and. And angel as well.

[Nelly Furtado]

But yeah, later in your childhood you're saying.

[Thomas Willett]

In my teens, like early teens. I was like. I would, like, vibrate with excitement when the theme song to Buffy would play. I'd be like.

[Nelly Furtado]

I was very into Eddie Van Halen.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, yes.

[Nelly Furtado]

Like, that was my teenage crush. Like nobody's business. I just. I couldn't imagine there was any cuter guy alive. His smile.

[Thomas Willett]

Yeah.

[Nelly Furtado]

And vibe when he was playing. Oh, my God.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, I remembered. I remember a man.

[Thomas Willett]

I remember a male.

[Tig Notaro]

A male.

[Nelly Furtado]

Yeah.

[Mae Martin]

Patrick Swayze.

[Tig Notaro]

Not only in Dirty Dancing, but also in Ghosts and in Roadhouse.

[Thomas Willett]

Yeah. You know what? You're right. And Tu Wong Fu. With. Is that what it was called? He was played a drag queen.

[Tig Notaro]

So sexy.

[Thomas Willett]

And he could dance.

[Tig Notaro]

Are you kidding me?

[Nelly Furtado]

Dirty dancer.

[Tig Notaro]

I love a dancer. And I love a strong man who can be vulnerable, who can pick me.

[Nelly Furtado]

Up and twirl me around.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah. And, like, he was shirtless and baby comes to his cabin and it's raining and.

[Thomas Willett]

Oh, my God.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Thomas Willett]

Did I tell you? Oh, that I wrote this sex scene. And the show I'm filming, that I really filmed where I crawl across the floor like Patrick Swayze. Oh, my God. I wrote it. I wrote it in the script, just. And I forgot I had to do it. And then the time came. Let me tell you, you don't look like Patrick Swayze crawling across the floor. Unless you're Patrick Swayze.

[Tig Notaro]

You could maybe pull it off with the black tank and the black pants.

[Thomas Willett]

Thank you so much, baby.

[Tig Notaro]

We'll see, baby. You're the one.

[Thomas Willett]

What about Harrison Ford and Blade Runner? Harrison Ford has that thing of being a big, strong man, but vulnerable and. Yeah, him. Him and Blade Runner, I'm. I'm pretty into.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, you know who else I was into? Speaking of older women?

[Thomas Willett]

Who?

[Tig Notaro]

Julia Sugar Baker, who's played by Dixie Carter. Who's Women. What the fuck? You guys don't know? You don't know? Julia Sugar Baker is.

[Thomas Willett]

No.

[Tig Notaro]

She played a woman from Georgia in Designing Women. And she was always standing up for the rights for someone. How dare you come into my office and you treat this person like this? You will not do that in here. And Jean Smart was in there. Annie Potts. You guys never saw Designing Women? Are you kidding me?

[Nelly Furtado]

No.

[Tig Notaro]

No.

[Thomas Willett]

But I do love design.

[Nelly Furtado]

I saw Sanford and Son. Good Times.

[Tig Notaro]

Swear to God, I. Designing Women might be one of my top, favorite TV shows of all time.

[Nelly Furtado]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Okay.

[Thomas Willett]

I gotta watch it.

[Tig Notaro]

Julia Sugar Baker was ahead of. Well, ahead of her time. And I was Southern, and they were all Southern. And I was Southern. And she was like the progressive Southern woman who Stood up for people. While designing.

[Nelly Furtado]

All the. While designing. I can't believe you took a break from designing to stand up. Stand up for people.

[Thomas Willett]

Put it. Putting down her needle and thread.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, she was. When she would get on her soapbox. Yeah, it was hot.

[Thomas Willett]

Do you think her, like, Sugar Baker was, like, her family was.

[Nelly Furtado]

They must have been bakers that put sugar in there.

[Tig Notaro]

But also, you know, can we just take a minute to remember Patrick Swayze making a clay pot as a ghost?

[Thomas Willett]

Oh, yeah, there's God. I was kind of into how Whoopi Goldberg and Demi Moore slow dance in.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, that was pretty. Remember, about to get some smooches.

[Thomas Willett]

Me, too. Because he takes over Whoopi's body, right? To slow dance with melodies playing in the background. Oh, that song.

[Tig Notaro]

My darling. Oh, my God. He was sexy.

[Thomas Willett]

Talent is hot. And. And being funny is hot.

[Tig Notaro]

And dancing funny is hot.

[Thomas Willett]

Funny is the hottest.

[Nelly Furtado]

Oh, my God.

[Tig Notaro]

And standing up for people while designing.

[Thomas Willett]

While designing.

[Nelly Furtado]

I was really in. I was never attracted to Chrissy Hind from the Pretenders, but she was, like, the first female rock star where I was, like. I was so into, like, guys before that, whether it was Eddie Van Halen or Willie Nelson or, you know, whoever else. And then Chrissy Hind just, like, rattled me. Yeah, I just. I was just way into her, but I. I just wasn't ever attracted to her.

[Thomas Willett]

The other day, a friend of mine was like, remember that letter you wrote Angelina Jolie? I went, what? I have no memory of it, but I hope she never got it, whatever it was.

[Tig Notaro]

She remembers that one letter.

[Thomas Willett]

Yeah, it somehow is the one fan letter.

[Nelly Furtado]

Were you hot for her?

[Thomas Willett]

Oh, my God. I went on a date to see Tomb Raider 2 with a guy, and I was, like, holding sweaty hands with this guy, just. And then the movie ended, and I was like. I loved that movie. That. I mean, she was really amazing. He was like, yeah, yeah, it was pretty good. And I was like, no. Like, she can do it all. She really got what it takes. Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

She raid my tomb anytime.

[Thomas Willett]

She really is, fortunately.

[Tig Notaro]

Well, we never followed up. You went to an event where she was. Did you ever. Did you get to say hi or be anywhere near her or meet her?

[Thomas Willett]

Did we? Yeah. Did we never.

[Tig Notaro]

I don't think we ever followed up on it.

[Thomas Willett]

Well, exciting news.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Thomas Willett]

I did not meet her because she's Angelina Jolie. She. No, she, like, glided on stage, gave the classiest speech, and it was like seeing a Greek God. Like, she's not of this earth. Like, her bone structure. She. She's Wildly beautiful.

[Tig Notaro]

It's like how I feel about Charlize Theron.

[Thomas Willett]

Really?

[Tig Notaro]

Mm.

[Nelly Furtado]

Screening with her.

[Thomas Willett]

Oh, really?

[Tig Notaro]

Gorgeous.

[Thomas Willett]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

And fun and cool. So it seems. I don't know. I've met her a couple times. I don't know her very well, but she's gorgeous.

[Thomas Willett]

Do you think Angie would be a fun hang? I think so. Okay. All right, never mind. Moving on, moving swiftly.

[Tig Notaro]

I mean, a fun wee.

[Nelly Furtado]

That kind of fun.

[Fortune Feimster]

That.

[Tig Notaro]

Not. Not that kind of fun, but probably would come up with a plan to save some people, save the world, maybe.

[Thomas Willett]

I think I could unlock, like, her. Her. Her you know, previous wild child self.

[Tig Notaro]

I see.

[Thomas Willett]

I'd be like, let's have a 90s style night.

[Tig Notaro]

I see her watching someone be silly and going.

[Thomas Willett]

You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Nelly Furtado]

Well, I heard she's a huge fan, actually, of our podcast Shut the.

[Thomas Willett]

No, I would kill you.

[Tig Notaro]

Never know. She might keep it handsome.

[Thomas Willett]

I truly wonder what I wrote in that letter, though I have no memory of it.

[Nelly Furtado]

Like, what would I. Dearest Angelina.

[Tig Notaro]

Angelina did make a lot of lesbians have sexual awakenings with the movie Gia.

[Thomas Willett]

Gia and also Foxfire.

[Tig Notaro]

She jumped up into a fence.

[Thomas Willett]

Yes.

[Tig Notaro]

You know what I mean?

[Thomas Willett]

Shirtless, y'all.

[Tig Notaro]

I remember shirtless in a photo shoot.

[Thomas Willett]

And jumping up on a fence.

[Tig Notaro]

Jumped up against a fence.

[Thomas Willett]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

And every lesbian that watched it was like, okay, yeah. I remember things here.

[Thomas Willett]

In that movie, she sleeps with that woman. And then the woman in the morning's like, I gotta go. And she is topless, and she follows her out into, like, the stairwell of the apartment building, just topless. And the woman's all like, oh, no. What if people see and she goes. Where does everybody have to go when they say they have to go? I thought that was so cool.

[Tig Notaro]

That's cool. Just titties everywhere.

[Nelly Furtado]

See that chain link fence?

[Tig Notaro]

Can you imagine? You'd be like, this is gonna be hot. Jump against a chain link fence.

[Nelly Furtado]

Get your boobs stuck in the chain link fence. No, I think it goes back to, like, they have to be funny.

[Thomas Willett]

Or at least I know I'm funny.

[Nelly Furtado]

Even if they're not funny. Because, like, I get. I get why people are into, like, beauty, obviously, and sexy and, like, personality matters fashion, but I really cannot even think twice about somebody unless they are funny or if they. They have to have a great sense of humor. And that's not to say people that are hot and high fashion, all that don't have a great sense of humor. But I like really to have a painful cackle.

[Thomas Willett]

I Like people who laugh easily and laugh a lot at the right things and. Yeah, I mean, all my current. I mean, the early awakenings were all these sort of icons, but were they. But now I. Yeah, it's got, you know, you got your Megan Mullally, Nick Offerman. These are Katherine Hahn. These are my.

[Nelly Furtado]

Oh, you're hot for Megan and Nick.

[Thomas Willett]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Remember we.

[Thomas Willett]

Well, we talked about. Remember we talked about our crushes?

[Nelly Furtado]

Yeah. Funny. Funnier bust for me.

[Thomas Willett]

I gotta be doing role plays that last days. Yeah. Well, should we hear what Nelly Furtado has to say?

[Tig Notaro]

Let's. Let's hear it.

[Thomas Willett]

If she says that those three witches she had a sex dream about, maybe.

[Tig Notaro]

Julia Sugar Baker, maybe it's us.

[Thomas Willett]

Oh, my God, please let it be.

[Tig Notaro]

Betty White or Julia Sugarbaker, AKA Dick Peter.

[Nelly Furtado]

It's gonna be Thomas.

When I was about 13. Thirteen, I think maybe.

Thirteen?

[Thomas Willett]

Yeah.

[Nelly Furtado]

Twelve.

[Mae Martin]

Thirteen.

[Nelly Furtado]

Yeah. I had a poster or 14 of Mark Wahlberg Calvin Klein ad.

[Thomas Willett]

I was Marky Mark when he's like.

[Nelly Furtado]

All about the Calvins. And yeah, he was my first celebrity crush, I think. But then there's a. There's a better story to this. So years later, I was asked to be in a movie called Max Payne. It's based on a video game. I was asked to play a role. It's a short scene, but I'm at a wake and my husband has just died. And it's kind of Mark Wahlberg's character's fault. So I'm really angry at Mark Wahlberg in the scene. I don't remember the characters. I guess he. Is he Max Payne.

[Tig Notaro]

He is.

[Nelly Furtado]

Anyways, so I'm in the scene. We're at a fixed fictional wake. There's a lot of extras in there.

[Tig Notaro]

A lot of people.

[Nelly Furtado]

I've hardly acted before and I am feeling the pressure. I'm like, Mark Wahlberg's about to walk on set. But not only do I have lines with him, I have to slap him in the face so he comes out on set. And because I'm a novice, I'm a singer, I'm not an actor, I actually thought that I could slap him several times right on the face to practice. So they're like.

And action.

And I'm like. And his face is getting red. And he's like, wow. And he's so nice. He doesn't say like, we don't have to really practice the slap. And so I'm there just slapping Mark Wahlberg. Meanwhile, my 14 year old self is like, oh my God. And then, I mean I barely got through the scene, but I made it happen. And then I. I couldn't cry. I was supposed to be sad, and they had to put fake tears in my eyes. Anyways, that's my celebrity crush story.

But I thought it was pretty damn good.

[Thomas Willett]

That is wild. Just slapping the shit out of him over and over.

[Nelly Furtado]

Yeah.

[Thomas Willett]

Oh, my God.

[Nelly Furtado]

I'm surprised that they didn't say.

[Tig Notaro]

I know. Yeah. Like, just say, oh, hey, by the way.

[Nelly Furtado]

Especially because you're not an actor.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Nelly Furtado]

Maybe it's good. We tell you, don't actually hit him.

[Thomas Willett]

The star of our movie.

[Nelly Furtado]

I remember one time I was back when Sarah had the Sarah Silverman program on Comedy Central. I played a cop, and I filmed this episode. And then I flew up to San Francisco for, you know, a weekend gig. I was there, whatever, Friday through Sunday. And no, I guess it was longer. It was when I was doing, like, a full week at a comedy club, and I got a call from production that I had to fly. They were going to fly me back down because I had to do a slap. Like, I had to get slapped in the face. So I. They flew me down early in the morning. I went to set, I got slapped in the face, and then they drove me back to the airport, and I got back. That's a really funny scope in time.

[Thomas Willett]

And did they slap you for. Did they slap you for real?

[Nelly Furtado]

No.

[Thomas Willett]

Okay.

[Nelly Furtado]

No, I got a slap coming up.

[Thomas Willett]

And I'm like, I think I'm not a good enough actor to do that, to act it.

[Nelly Furtado]

So I'm like, oh, you can do it.

[Thomas Willett]

Really?

[Nelly Furtado]

Yeah, it depends.

[Tig Notaro]

You just turn your. Some people want to get really slabbed, and some people don't.

[Thomas Willett]

Yeah.

[Nelly Furtado]

Not me.

[Thomas Willett]

Right?

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah. I've been slapped a couple times, but nothing too, too big.

[Nelly Furtado]

Yeah, no, thanks.

[Tig Notaro]

But those slips, those Calvin Klein ads were pretty safe.

[Thomas Willett]

Oh, my God. They were. Yeah, they were crazy.

[Tig Notaro]

I wanted the guy from the bear in them now. Oh, yeah, Alan White.

[Nelly Furtado]

Yeah, he does the commercials now.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, he's in his panties on a rooftop.

[Nelly Furtado]

Ponties.

[Thomas Willett]

I'd like to see our faces Photoshopped onto the original Mark Wahlberg Calvin Klein ads.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, yeah.

[Nelly Furtado]

Could somebody make that happen, please? I mean, I imagine somebody's already done that, but could you please just reveal your. Yeah, yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Isn't that the face that you're gonna do?

[Thomas Willett]

Are you practicing your face like this?

[Tig Notaro]

It's. It's kind of like. Yeah, that's pretty smolder.

[Thomas Willett]

Okay. Yeah. Biting your lip or something?

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you got to be on A couch with your Calvin Klein's on and your wiener bulge.

[Thomas Willett]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, you gotta have a wiener bulge in all these ads.

[Thomas Willett]

I'm just assuming they're padding that. They're padding that.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, they put a. They're bulge. Definitely a sock in there.

[Nelly Furtado]

I doubt there's an actual sock.

[Thomas Willett]

I hope there's an actual sock.

[Tig Notaro]

Old school. Gold school. Come on.

[Nelly Furtado]

Okay.

[Tig Notaro]

What another wonderful podcast.

[Thomas Willett]

This is a pledge, as always.

[Nelly Furtado]

What a podcast. Please, if you would like to start your holiday shopping early, go to tignotaro.com and get my brand new album. That is the audio version of my special hello Again. And all of my tour dates are on there, including Toronto and Los Angeles where I work out new material. So come on out and say hello again.

[Thomas Willett]

Fortune. What do you got coming up?

[Tig Notaro]

I have a show this weekend, but in Santa Rosa. There might be a couple tickets that open up. But my big special that I'm excited about just got announced. It's coming out December 3rd on Netflix called Crushing It.

[Thomas Willett]

Yes.

[Tig Notaro]

And I'm super stoked. I hope people will watch it.

[Thomas Willett]

That's really exciting. I'm just doing new material at Largo November 5th in Los Angeles, November 15th and December 4th. But also check out handsomepod.com check out our merch. If you like the show, subscribe. Tell your friends if you know Sugar Baker. What's her name?

[Tig Notaro]

Julia Sugarbaker.

[Nelly Furtado]

Hello, Julia Sugarbaker here.

[Tig Notaro]

How dare you come into my design office and say what you're saying. I will not stand for it. Not today, not tomorrow. But do you like the tiles in your kitchen?

[Nelly Furtado]

Is that verbatim?

[Tig Notaro]

No, I took some creative liberties. Well, we appreciate everybody listening. We hope everybody's doing all right. And we are sending love to everybody who needs it.

[Nelly Furtado]

Yes. And even people that don't need it, we're sending you love. Everybody needs love.

[Tig Notaro]

That's right.

[Nelly Furtado]

And you know what else people need? They need you to send your favorite episodes of Handsome to them and be like, hey, check out this nonsense I'm listening to. Come join the handsome crew.

[Tig Notaro]

It makes me and Angelina Jolie chuckle.

[Nelly Furtado]

Yeah, Angelina loves this show. Angelina.

[Tig Notaro]

All that's left is keep it handsome.

[Thomas Willett]

Handsome is hosted by me, Mae Martin, Tig Notaro, and Fortune Feimster. The show is produced, recorded and edited by Thomas Willett. Email [e-mail] and please follow us on social media at. Handsome Pod.

[Mae Martin]

What a podcast.

[Thomas Willett]

What a podcast. That was a headgum podcast.

[Fortune Feimster]

Handsomes, the audio version of my comedy special hello Again is available everywhere. Just in time for the holidays. Go to tig notaro.com to get a copy for you and a loved one.

[Mae Martin]

Now some people just know they could save hundreds on car insurance by checking Allstate First.

[Fortune Feimster]

Like you know to check that you're a pineapple apart at any school dance you attend.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah, checking first is smart. So check Allstate first for a quote that could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. This content is intended for audience in the US Only. Savings vary Terms apply Allstate Fire and Casualty Insurance Company and affiliate, Northbrook, Illinois.

[Thomas Willett]

What'S the five dollar meal deal at McDonald's?

[Tig Notaro]

You pick a McDouble, or a McChicken, then get a small fry, a small drink and a four piece McNuggets.

[Thomas Willett]

That's a lot of McDonald's for not a lot of money. Price and participation may vary.

[Nelly Furtado]

For a limited time only.