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- [00:00]
Mae Martin
Some people just know they could save hundreds on car insurance by checking Allstate first.
- [00:05]
Tig Notaro
Like, you know to check you got fresh blueberries to mix in with your morning oatmeal. It just tastes better that way.
- [00:12]
Mae Martin
Yeah, check in first is smart. So check Allstate first for a quote that could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. This content is intended for audiences in the US Only. Savings vary terms apply. Allstate Fire and Casualty Insurance Company and Affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois.
- [00:29]
Fortune Feimster
This is a mini meditation guided by Bombas. Repeat after me. I'm comfy. I'm cozy. Cozy. I have zero blisters on my toes. Blisters. And that's cause I wear Bombus the softest Socks, underwear and T shirts that give back. One purchased equals one donated. Now go to bombas.com wondery and use code wondery for 20% off your first purchase. That's B O M B-A dash.com wondery and use code Wondery at checkout.
- [00:59]
Mae Martin
Hi, handsome listeners, it's Mae Martin. Here I am doing four tour shows to promote my new earnest music album called I'm a TV. They're going to be super fun on the 26th of February at the Regent Theater in LA, the 1st of March at Danforth Music hall in Toronto, 4th of March at the Gramercy in New York, and the 9th of March at the Forum in Kentish Town in London. You go to maymartinmusic.com and you can get tickets. I'm doing meet and greets. It's going to be super fun. See you there.
- [01:27]
Fortune Feimster
This is a Headgun podcast.
- [01:33]
Mae Martin
Chatting with friends on the handsome pod. Chatting with friends on the handsome pod.
- [01:41]
Tig Notaro
Cheers.
- [01:42]
Fortune Feimster
Welcome to the handsome pod.
- [01:44]
Mae Martin
Hey.
- [01:45]
Tig Notaro
Hi.
- [01:46]
Fortune Feimster
I'm your handsome host, Fortune Feimster.
- [01:49]
Tig Notaro
And I am your other handsome host, Tig Notaro.
- [01:53]
Mae Martin
And finally, I'm your other one, May Martin.
- [01:58]
Tig Notaro
Together again.
- [01:59]
Fortune Feimster
Together again.
- [02:01]
Tig Notaro
Together, love.
- [02:04]
Fortune Feimster
Guess what's around the corner.
- [02:07]
Mae Martin
Oh, V Day. Yeah, Valentine's Day.
- [02:11]
Fortune Feimster
And guess what? I want you both to be my Valentine.
- [02:16]
Mae Martin
Oh, my God.
- [02:21]
Tig Notaro
I don't know if this is an alternate ball.
- [02:23]
Fortune Feimster
Alanis.
- [02:24]
Mae Martin
Oh, your T shirt. Yeah.
- [02:26]
Fortune Feimster
Yeah.
- [02:26]
Tig Notaro
Just. Yeah. I mean, to bring up bad memories.
- [02:29]
Mae Martin
If you're trying to get me to be your valentine, this is not the way. By reminding me of the greatest injustice of my life this far. The Atlantis Saga. No, you look very. I like the hat. I like the look.
- [02:41]
Fortune Feimster
Thank you.
- [02:42]
Mae Martin
In school, did you used to have to give a valentine to everyone in your class?
- [02:46]
Tig Notaro
Yeah.
- [02:46]
Fortune Feimster
Yeah, I think in elementary, maybe early days.
- [02:50]
Mae Martin
Those are the days.
- [02:51]
Fortune Feimster
And then in. And then when I got to junior high, it was like, you could have Valentine's bought for you. Like, student. Like the student government would sell, like, a candy bouquet or something.
- [03:05]
Mae Martin
Oh, my God.
- [03:06]
Fortune Feimster
And I.
- [03:07]
Tig Notaro
Wait, you buy your own.
- [03:09]
Mae Martin
It's like charity or something.
- [03:11]
Fortune Feimster
You're supposed to buy them for whoever you have a crush on.
- [03:13]
Mae Martin
Oh, my God. So they'd be, like, delivered to the classroom?
- [03:16]
Fortune Feimster
Let's just say somebody didn't have any candy.
- [03:20]
Mae Martin
Oh, no. Did you buy them for other people?
- [03:26]
Fortune Feimster
I think you would only buy them if you had a crush or you were actually boyfriending girlfriend with someone.
- [03:33]
Mae Martin
Oh, my gosh.
- [03:34]
Tig Notaro
But did you have a crush on somebody? Probably.
- [03:37]
Fortune Feimster
But I couldn't be sending it to. Oh, Angela or whoever.
- [03:43]
Mae Martin
Old Angela. But didn't you have a girl in school?
- [03:46]
Tig Notaro
Didn't you have crushes on boys at that age?
- [03:49]
Fortune Feimster
I did, yeah. Yeah. That's for you. That's for you, Taylor. I can't stop thinking about you, Christopher.
- [03:58]
Mae Martin
I would have sent them to my teachers.
- [04:01]
Fortune Feimster
I did have crushes on teachers.
- [04:03]
Mae Martin
Big time.
- [04:04]
Fortune Feimster
Yeah, quite. Especially in seventh grade. She was so cute.
- [04:09]
Tig Notaro
Did you send her a bouquet?
- [04:11]
Mae Martin
No.
- [04:11]
Fortune Feimster
I think I asked her if she had a boyfriend, and she was like, send personal information.
- [04:15]
Mae Martin
Did you send her boyfriend a wreath on Valentine's Day?
- [04:19]
Tig Notaro
Did you send her boyfriend a death threat?
- [04:21]
Mae Martin
Yeah.
- [04:22]
Fortune Feimster
It's like, stay away from my woman.
- [04:25]
Mae Martin
What are you guys going to do for Valentine's Day? Do you have big. Do you usually do a thing? Like, do you. Is it a thing in your house?
- [04:31]
Fortune Feimster
It's not much of a thing in my house. What about you, Tig?
- [04:34]
Tig Notaro
Stephanie and I had our first kiss on Valentine's Day.
- [04:38]
Fortune Feimster
Oh, my God. So you recreate that.
- [04:42]
Tig Notaro
We have so many anniversaries. We have our first kiss anniversary, which is Valentine's Day. And then when we got together, and then when we got married. So we have three that we kind of celebrate.
- [04:57]
Fortune Feimster
Well, at least one falls on a love holiday.
- [05:01]
Tig Notaro
Yeah. Yeah. But we've had such weird luck with spending Valentine's Day together. But this. This Christmas, we said, let's not get each other anything and let's have a special experience.
- [05:17]
Mae Martin
Yeah.
- [05:18]
Tig Notaro
And so we're gonna go away, and it. Maybe it'll be around Valentine's Day, but I'm not quite sure.
- [05:24]
Mae Martin
But we're gonna go to a horror escape room.
- [05:28]
Tig Notaro
That's right.
- [05:29]
Mae Martin
Yeah.
- [05:29]
Tig Notaro
We typically just go out to eat, and there's probably flowers or something. And then. But I think maybe this year we're gonna go have a. A weekend together.
- [05:40]
Mae Martin
That sounds really nice.
- [05:42]
Tig Notaro
Yeah.
- [05:42]
Fortune Feimster
Jackson's birthday falls right before Valentine's, so it's kind of hard. It's like, do we.
- [05:48]
Mae Martin
Yeah.
- [05:48]
Fortune Feimster
Do something bigger for the birthday or for your Valentine's? It's so it.
- [05:52]
Tig Notaro
When is her birthday?
- [05:54]
Fortune Feimster
The second.
- [05:55]
Tig Notaro
Oh, okay.
- [05:56]
Mae Martin
Have you guys ever done or. Or been in a hotel that's done the. Or is it a myth that anyone does this. The rose petals thing where, like, I have.
- [06:04]
Fortune Feimster
You've done this situation. I've done it twice.
- [06:07]
Mae Martin
What?
- [06:08]
Fortune Feimster
One was when I proposed and asked the hotel. I paid the hotel to put rose petals around the room. I talk about it in my good fortune special.
- [06:18]
Mae Martin
Oh, my God.
- [06:20]
Fortune Feimster
We go into the room and the rose petals have been just strewn about in the most crazy, frantic way. Like. Like, they got a leaf blower.
- [06:34]
Mae Martin
Oh, my God.
- [06:35]
Fortune Feimster
And just like, vroom. All over the room. And the. And the rose petals were white. A. I didn't. I always anticipated red. Right.
- [06:43]
Mae Martin
White is insane.
- [06:45]
Fortune Feimster
White is like death.
- [06:46]
Mae Martin
It looks like the duvet burst, like, the comfort.
- [06:49]
Fortune Feimster
And they. And a lot of the rose petals were dead.
- [06:53]
Mae Martin
Oh, my God. No.
- [06:54]
Fortune Feimster
So it was a very jarring.
- [06:59]
Tig Notaro
Did you laugh when you saw it or were you like.
- [07:02]
Fortune Feimster
I was more in shock because the room was, like, weirdly lit and. And I had asked for, like, I was trying to do that bachelor type, like.
- [07:12]
Mae Martin
Yeah.
- [07:12]
Fortune Feimster
You know, candles and a fireplace and chocolate covered strawberries and champagne and. And rose petals and they. Whoever.
- [07:20]
Tig Notaro
Whoever did it had never been romantically involved with anyone.
- [07:25]
Mae Martin
Yeah.
- [07:26]
Fortune Feimster
I didn't know they couldn't use real candles because of fire hazards. Right, Totally understand. But it was like a lot of the battery operated tealight, and they were all half dead.
- [07:38]
Mae Martin
Oh, my God. That glow just. Yeah.
- [07:41]
Fortune Feimster
So just had this weird dim light. They did start the fire, which was very nice, but they put the chocolate covered strawberries right in front of the fireplace, so they were just dripping. Like, chocolate was dripping onto the floor.
- [07:56]
Mae Martin
So. And. And it was all meant to be a surprise. Like, were you going to propose in the room?
- [08:00]
Fortune Feimster
Yeah, that's where I was proposing. That I was while I was at dinner. I paid them to set the room up.
- [08:06]
Mae Martin
Yeah.
- [08:06]
Fortune Feimster
Romantically.
- [08:08]
Mae Martin
Because when you go in, if you see the red roses, the champagne, the thing, the candles, you know, right away. And Jax is going, oh, my God, what is happening?
- [08:16]
Fortune Feimster
She's going, yeah.
- [08:17]
Mae Martin
You go in and go, what is happening?
- [08:19]
Fortune Feimster
Like, in hindsight, I could have. I probably should have just, like, not that night. And just, like, chalked it up to a weird night and saved it for another time. But I. I'm a. I'm a type of person that once I have something in my head like, we're doing this.
- [08:37]
Mae Martin
Me too.
- [08:38]
Fortune Feimster
I've got to make it work. Yeah. Obviously, we were pumped, and the next morning, we woke up, and we're so happy. But, like, that night, we were just like, what is this?
- [08:48]
Mae Martin
That's a good story, though. That's a good bond.
- [08:51]
Fortune Feimster
It was fun in hindsight. And then we went to a very nice hotel in Mexico, not for any anniversary or anything. And we got back from dinner one night, and they took it upon themselves to put rose petals everywhere on our bed. They made a bath for us, and we were, like, laughing, like, what if we were just friends? We came back to the rest. That's so funny. You guys have not done the rose petals.
- [09:23]
Mae Martin
I don't think I've ever had a rose. I sort of thought it was just in movies. Yeah. So I'm glad to hear it's a real thing.
- [09:29]
Tig Notaro
Stephanie does rose petals for Max and Finn on Valentine's Day because they get little candies and flowers and stuff, and she does the rose petals down, like, leading from their bedrooms down the stairs to their little candies and stuff. Yeah. So I love how for kids.
- [09:52]
Mae Martin
I mean. And it should be like this anyway, for adults, but, like, for kids, Valentine's Day is just about love as a thing, love as a force in the world, love for your pets and your family, and that's how it should be so that single people don't feel sad.
- [10:08]
Fortune Feimster
As they remember not getting a candy bouquet.
- [10:11]
Mae Martin
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll report back on my Valentine's Day. It's. It's up in the air, But I'd like to do something weird, like freaky.
- [10:21]
Fortune Feimster
Deaky or like, escape room.
- [10:23]
Mae Martin
Oh, yeah, maybe Freaky deaky. Maybe. Yeah. I got a lot of love to give, so maybe I'll do that also.
- [10:31]
Fortune Feimster
Like. So, like, an orgy.
- [10:33]
Mae Martin
I mean, it's been a while. Maybe it's time to resurrect the orgy era.
- [10:40]
Fortune Feimster
Or. Or if you don't want to go that many people, because some people might be with their loved ones. It could be a smaller.
- [10:46]
Tig Notaro
How big is there? How big is too big for an orgy?
- [10:50]
Fortune Feimster
I'm sorry. I can't make the orgy tonight. I'm taking my grandmother out to dinner.
- [10:55]
Mae Martin
Yeah. Or I'm gonna be with my actual loved ones. I. I've only had those types of experiences when it's spontaneous, and so I Don't know. I've never, like, sent out an invite.
- [11:07]
Fortune Feimster
Oh, you've never had an evite one.
- [11:09]
Mae Martin
An evite. I'll do an evite. How many is too many? I don't think there's. I don't think there's a limit.
- [11:15]
Tig Notaro
Have you ever been in an orgy where you looked around and you were like, oh, my God, someone out. You're like, I can't. I. I do not want to touch this person or this person, and I do not want them touching me.
- [11:27]
Mae Martin
No, I have not. And because it's. At a certain point, I mean. I mean, you find your faves within the. You find your faves within the group, for sure.
- [11:38]
Tig Notaro
Sure, sure.
- [11:39]
Mae Martin
But it's more about the. The overall experience and the individuals. It's like. It's like if you squint and it. And. And blur your eyes, it's just like a. I mean, I'm. I haven't had a ton of orgies.
- [11:52]
Tig Notaro
Okay. But let's say, okay, if you were.
- [11:54]
Fortune Feimster
In an orgy, one more than me, which is none.
- [12:00]
Tig Notaro
Now, if you're having an orgy and then you notice there is one person that just is on your tail, and you're just like, okay, like.
- [12:10]
Fortune Feimster
Like, you.
- [12:11]
Tig Notaro
It was fine, but you're moving on. But they're like, I will say that there was.
- [12:17]
Mae Martin
There was one. Look, I've only had three.
- [12:21]
Tig Notaro
That's a lot.
- [12:23]
Mae Martin
And. But there was one where this. It was sort of, like, spontaneously happening. And then this woman said, we were like, are. Are you involved? And. And it was like, okay, this is happening. So anyone who doesn't want to be involved, feel free to leave.
- [12:38]
Fortune Feimster
Feel free to go into the kitchen.
- [12:39]
Mae Martin
Exactly. Get a snack and.
- [12:41]
Tig Notaro
But she was like, time for a bathroom break.
- [12:44]
Mae Martin
Y. And she was like, I don't think I'm gonna participate, but I'll just be on the bed, and I'll pass people water and lube, and I'll be like. I'll just, like, be.
- [12:55]
Fortune Feimster
That's a great position.
- [12:57]
Mae Martin
It was honestly amazing. And because she was, like, turned on by it and wanted to be. And I think she eventually did get involved, but it was. It was kind of amazing.
- [13:05]
Fortune Feimster
It was like, at some point, she plugged Cooter.
- [13:09]
Mae Martin
Oh, my God.
- [13:12]
Tig Notaro
Marie. We did not. We were not taking it that far.
- [13:15]
Mae Martin
Okay.
- [13:15]
Fortune Feimster
All right.
- [13:17]
Mae Martin
Plugging a Cooter. It's not people. Are there any cooters unplugged right now?
- [13:20]
Fortune Feimster
We got, like, this.
- [13:22]
Mae Martin
Oh, my God.
- [13:24]
Fortune Feimster
I have a question.
- [13:25]
Mae Martin
Yeah.
- [13:26]
Fortune Feimster
Is one person in charge of the Guest list or do some people go rogue? Like, they're like, I1 invited my friend.
- [13:35]
Tig Notaro
Oh, yeah. Ran into somebody store.
- [13:39]
Fortune Feimster
We don't know about Cindy.
- [13:40]
Mae Martin
Yeah, I've never had a planned one. It's only happened when spontaneously. The I instigated because I'm like, oh, this group is all attractive.
- [13:53]
Fortune Feimster
You can feel the vibe.
- [13:54]
Mae Martin
I can feel the vibe. Everyone's sort of. And then what happened was it happened once and then it was like in the air that it could happen again. So those people would sort like if I had a party, it was like they would show up, do that thing again.
- [14:05]
Fortune Feimster
Yeah, I went to a party of yours wondering if that was gonna happen. And I waited around for a long time, and then I got tired.
- [14:16]
Mae Martin
Oh, my God.
- [14:17]
Tig Notaro
Wait, was Fortune the one you were waiting for her to leave so you could.
- [14:25]
Fortune Feimster
No.
- [14:25]
Mae Martin
If anything, once Fortune left, the orgy was off the table.
- [14:28]
Tig Notaro
Jeez.
- [14:30]
Mae Martin
No. Nothing happened at that party.
- [14:32]
Fortune Feimster
Yeah, I don't think anything did.
- [14:34]
Tig Notaro
See, may I just picture you in that pile of people and then you're like, get off of me. Just, like, trying to kick someone off of you. Like, get. Get. Some people just know they could save hundreds on car insurance by checking Allstate first.
- [14:55]
Mae Martin
Like, you know, to check in with your date about what they like to eat before making that dinner reservation for two on a Friday night.
- [15:01]
Tig Notaro
Yeah, check in first is smart. So check all state first for a quote that could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. This content is intended for audiences in the U.S. only savings vary. Terms apply. Allstate Fire and Casualty Insurance Company and.
- [15:19]
Mae Martin
Affiliates Northbrook, Illinois My dermatologist is amazing. I'm obsessed with her. And at my last appointment, she let me in on a little skincare secret that she tells all her clients, which is that cotton pillowcases are not good for your skin. You gotta ditch cotton pillowcases in exchange for Blissey's silk, and you'll see less fine lines and healthier hair in weeks. They're better than cotton, better than synthetic satin, which is cheap for a reason. With Blissey, your odds of a better night of sleep go through the roof. I'm a busy person, so I love that Blisseys are are easy to care for and machine washable. They were voted the most loved gift of 2024. I give blisseys to my friends and my family. They all love them. Their naturally hydrating silk fibers keep my skin moisturized all night long, and I wake up feeling fresh and rested every morning. With over 3 million sold. There's a reason why everybody's talking about Blissey silk pillowcases. And because you're a listener, Blissey is offering 60 nights risk free plus an additional 30% off when you shop@blissey.com handsome that's B L I S S Y.com handsome and use code handsome to get an additional 30% off. Your skin and hair will thank you.
- [16:34]
Fortune Feimster
Yeah, this too is too public for me. Yeah, I can't do it. So when you're single the free love is really fun. Right. But when you get into a relationship, are you more of a one on one kind of person?
- [16:47]
Mae Martin
I'm a constantly evolving. I think it's so situation dependent. I, I, yeah it really depends. I think at the moment I'm like don't ask, don't tell but like I want like a primary partner, you know where I'm like building something with that person. But I have a fluid definition of monogamy but I don't need to know about it.
- [17:11]
Tig Notaro
And so if so the person you are monogamous or that you is your special person, your main squeeze. You don't ask, don't tell. Like they can hook up but you maybe don't want to hear about it.
- [17:25]
Mae Martin
Yeah, like I'm just like happens and if you know, I, I don't want someone on their deathbed to be like God, I wish I slept with that. I think I've said this, that my example is always like a sailor in Portugal. Like if you're in Portugal and there's a sailor and you get that like burning feeling where you're like I'm so turned on. I'm like I don't want to just don't tell me like if it means.
- [17:50]
Fortune Feimster
Nothing but it sounds like it's just sexual not like a full on other relationship.
- [17:56]
Mae Martin
Well, I don't know. I mean it's all up for as long as I know I'm prioritized. I feel safe and but that trust is built right. Like right.
- [18:03]
Fortune Feimster
It would take handle that emotional stuff.
- [18:06]
Mae Martin
Yeah, it's tough. Yeah. Yeah. So I don't know. I don't know.
- [18:09]
Fortune Feimster
I'm very traditional. I think I'm old school.
- [18:11]
Tig Notaro
In what way? Just like you have one person, you get married.
- [18:15]
Fortune Feimster
That kind of. Yeah, yeah.
- [18:17]
Mae Martin
That's a beautiful thing as well. I definitely, it's so situational. I could definitely end up, I mean I have felt that before so I'm sure I could again.
- [18:27]
Fortune Feimster
But life is weird.
- [18:29]
Mae Martin
Life is weird.
- [18:30]
Tig Notaro
Yeah. I mean I've probably talked about it a Million times. But I didn't imagine myself in a long term committed marriage or relationship, much less a marriage.
- [18:41]
Mae Martin
Yeah.
- [18:42]
Tig Notaro
But it's turned out to be. I mean, of course, there's so many great things, but also so many difficult things that have allowed me to get to know myself and allowed me to get to know Stephanie so much better. And coming through the hard stuff together.
- [19:04]
Fortune Feimster
Is.
- [19:07]
Tig Notaro
Like, I remember our therapist telling us at one point that, like, you know, it can feel like your honeymoon all over again when you get through those really tough times.
- [19:21]
Mae Martin
Yeah.
- [19:22]
Tig Notaro
And. And it was so hard to comprehend.
- [19:24]
Mae Martin
That, oh, my God, you build this rich, like, yeah. Depth of feeling and part. I've been listening to. Have you heard about Let them?
- [19:33]
Tig Notaro
Yes.
- [19:33]
Mae Martin
I'm obsessed with Let Them right now. I just listened to her on Glennon Doyle's podcast. And, yeah, I think what I liked about it is so much of our stress and inner conflict comes from focusing on things that we can't control, because you can't control other people's behavior. So when you're so attached to the outcome of someone else's behavior and what they do, but it's. Yeah, you're setting yourself up to be feeling out of control and anxious, but you really can control your own actions and boundaries and behavior. So you can.
- [20:03]
Tig Notaro
Like, it's hard a lot of times.
- [20:05]
Mae Martin
Oh, my God. So hard.
- [20:06]
Tig Notaro
So hard.
- [20:07]
Mae Martin
It's so hard. I can imagine, especially with kids, I can imagine, like, letting them. I mean, on Glennon's podcast, they were talking about, like, yeah, if your kid's struggling in school and. Or going through a hard time, like, how do you. How do you let them? But it's like, yeah, yeah, yeah.
- [20:24]
Tig Notaro
And you. And it. It's like, of course you want to put up all the safety nets around your kids, but there are those moments that. Where you do have to. It's like even just Max and Finn get along really well, but they have those bursts of arguments and you cheated and this is mine, and blah, blah, blah, and we let them. You know, if it escalates and somebody gets hurt, which it. You know, it's not like they're beating each other, but sometimes they'll start out wrestling and. And then it gets a little too wrestly, but as long as they're okay and nobody's hurt and they're just arguing and dealing with whatever's in front of their faces, we let them.
- [21:14]
Mae Martin
Yeah. Because they're learning from that.
- [21:16]
Tig Notaro
And we'll be sitting on the couch talking and having coffee, and we hear him in the Background and we're like, let them know. Yeah, we just let them. And, and if it's crosses a boundary in some way that's not good or safe, we intervene. But. But yeah, with kids, with spouses, with family members, co workers, any of that. It's, it's, it's such a delicate balance.
- [21:42]
Mae Martin
And like, no one likes to feel controlled. And it always is. It's so often coming from a place of care or fear or. But like, yeah, it is kind of liberating to. Yeah. My friend had recommended that book and then I went on for New Year's to Mexico and a woman in front of me had a tattoo that said, let them. And I was like, okay, I'll read the book.
- [22:03]
Fortune Feimster
Yeah.
- [22:04]
Mae Martin
Oh, my God, I just went pee before this. And I went on Instagram and on the handsome thing. Someone's tagged us. Someone just got a tattoo that says, okay, dyke.
- [22:14]
Tig Notaro
What?
- [22:15]
Fortune Feimster
Yes.
- [22:16]
Tig Notaro
What?
- [22:16]
Mae Martin
Someone just got a tattoo on their thigh that says, okay, can you send me that? Yeah.
- [22:22]
Fortune Feimster
I can't wait to show Stephanie poetic words.
- [22:26]
Mae Martin
Also, I'm like, so is. Are they saying that to themselves, like, when they read it? Who? I just love it.
- [22:32]
Tig Notaro
Yeah.
- [22:33]
Fortune Feimster
It is a form of acceptance, right? Like, yeah, okay. Dyke.
- [22:38]
Tig Notaro
Oh, yeah, yeah. Because when Stephanie rejected me, that was.
- [22:43]
Mae Martin
Let them. That was a perfect example. And that's what made her come running right to you because you were like, that was.
- [22:49]
Tig Notaro
It was such a bummer because I loved hanging out with her. We laughed so much. And, and, and after our makeout when she's like, yeah, no, never dated a woman. Not gonna happen. I did. I remember I sat back and I was like, God, yeah, yeah.
- [23:09]
Mae Martin
And. And the temptation, because it triggers your inner child, the temptation is to be like, I feel hurt. I feel this. I'm like, you're doing this to me. And that only ever makes, you know.
- [23:20]
Tig Notaro
Triggers the other person or to even try to pursue her more. It's like, I couldn't, I didn't, I couldn't. I had to just step back and say, okay, dyke. But yeah, it is.
- [23:31]
Fortune Feimster
That is a perfect response.
- [23:34]
Tig Notaro
That is a funny full circle thing in this conversation of okay, dyke being let them.
- [23:41]
Mae Martin
Yeah.
- [23:41]
Tig Notaro
But it was hard. And I didn't think in a million years that she was going to come back and say, I actually want to be with you.
- [23:48]
Mae Martin
Yeah. So how long did it take her to respond to okay, die?
- [23:51]
Tig Notaro
Well, she didn't respond in, like, when she wrote me her 10 million page email saying, you know, I've never been with a woman. I'm not gay. I can't be with you, But I like you.
- [24:02]
Mae Martin
Yeah. But I care about you.
- [24:03]
Tig Notaro
Yeah. And then. So I responded to that with, okay, dyke. And that's all I wrote. And then she didn't write back to that. We just went about our lives and, you know, and we're friendly and kept in touch or whatever. And I just told her, you know, I think I need a. A bit of space to kind of see her differently and that I felt like I'd be able to in time.
- [24:27]
Mae Martin
Yeah.
- [24:27]
Tig Notaro
And then in that time, she told me when she read okay, Dyke, that she was like, oh, I really like her. Yeah. But it was still just a growing thing between us.
- [24:40]
Mae Martin
Yeah.
- [24:40]
Tig Notaro
And then when we. I was in Montreal doing shows, and she said, I'd like to see you when you come home. So did you.
- [24:49]
Mae Martin
Did your stomach get all butterflyish?
- [24:51]
Tig Notaro
Well, I was scared. I was with. I was with a friend of mine. I said, wait, Stephanie just said, she wants to see me when I get home. And he was like, oh, yeah, she probably wants to be with you. And I was like, no. I said, no, she already told me she didn't. And he was like, so what you think? She's like, I want to see you when you get home so I can confirm that I don't want to be with you.
- [25:14]
Fortune Feimster
Yeah.
- [25:14]
Tig Notaro
Just like, I don't know, maybe. I was so. Like, there's no world. She wants to be with me.
- [25:20]
Mae Martin
Yeah.
- [25:20]
Tig Notaro
And. But yeah, she came over, and I remember I was like, I had a loft in downtown. I was, like, getting my loft ready, and I was, like, trying to pull myself together, and I was like, oh, my God. I think I was on the phone with Kate Micucci. I was like, okay, she just called. She's on her way. She. She's coming up the elevator. And Kate was like, let me know how it goes. And then, of course, I opened the door. I was like, hey, how's it going?
- [25:44]
Fortune Feimster
And, you know.
- [25:45]
Mae Martin
Yeah. Yeah.
- [25:45]
Tig Notaro
I had been in a complete spiral. Complete spiral. And she did. She came and she just sat down next to me and so confidently just said, I want to be with you.
- [25:57]
Mae Martin
Oh, my God, I'm dying a movie. Yeah, it is like.
- [26:00]
Tig Notaro
And I was like, what? You want to be with me? Like, oh, my God. Okay.
- [26:08]
Mae Martin
Yeah. Oh, my God.
- [26:10]
Fortune Feimster
I should.
- [26:10]
Tig Notaro
I should write a movie called, okay, Dyke.
- [26:12]
Mae Martin
Yeah, you should.
- [26:13]
Tig Notaro
When I've posted it on Instagram, it won't let me because of. Okay. Because of Dyke.
- [26:17]
Fortune Feimster
Oh, really? Words.
- [26:19]
Tig Notaro
Yeah.
- [26:19]
Mae Martin
These days it might with.
- [26:21]
Fortune Feimster
We're. We're bringing it back.
- [26:23]
Tig Notaro
Anything goes now, right?
- [26:24]
Mae Martin
Yeah. Mark Zuckerberg. Yeah.
- [26:27]
Fortune Feimster
Right.
- [26:28]
Mae Martin
Anyways.
- [26:28]
Tig Notaro
Anyway, so, yeah, let them. Okay.
- [26:30]
Mae Martin
Let them. Okay.
- [26:31]
Tig Notaro
Okay. Dyke. Let him. Yeah, we should get Mel Robbins on here.
- [26:36]
Mae Martin
I would love that. Yeah.
- [26:38]
Fortune Feimster
I've never met her.
- [26:39]
Tig Notaro
I haven't either.
- [26:40]
Fortune Feimster
But I mean, you know, she's all over my TikTok.
- [26:43]
Tig Notaro
Seems everywhere right now.
- [26:44]
Mae Martin
Truly everywhere.
- [26:45]
Fortune Feimster
Her book is, I think, pretty huge because it is. It is empowering people in a way. I think that people needed it, you know, because when, you know, obviously two people have different needs or different ways of handling things, you feel so lost and like, I don't know what to do. I don't know how to handle this. There was something I could even see when you said it may, like if you felt kind of free from a burden.
- [27:13]
Mae Martin
Oh, man.
- [27:14]
Fortune Feimster
You know, when you say it, all.
- [27:16]
Mae Martin
Of us have relationships, whether it's your parents or your friends, relationships that you wish were different and you wish the person was different, even though you love them and you're like, they do this thing. I wish. And. And yeah, it. That takes up so much mental energy.
- [27:31]
Tig Notaro
Also, by the way, in case somebody is only hearing our podcast for the first time, what I didn't add in the story was maybe I mentioned it, but that Stephanie and I had made out.
- [27:44]
Mae Martin
Yes. Yeah, no, you did.
- [27:45]
Tig Notaro
Okay. Okay.
- [27:46]
Mae Martin
Yeah, we had your makeup.
- [27:47]
Tig Notaro
Yeah, we had our. Our hot, passionate makeout. And then she wrote me the long email. I just. If I didn't mention that, then me just calling her a dyke would seem a little odd. Anyway, just wanted to clarify that love is complicated. Relationships are complicated, but it's also the man.
- [28:10]
Mae Martin
But it's so worth it. It's the best thing in the world.
- [28:14]
Tig Notaro
And you try and figure it out and hopefully you do. But if you don't let them. Yeah, yeah. And speaking of romance and love and things of that nature, we have question askers today because this is. This is Valentine's week, right? This is coming out. And I mean, I mean, our askers today, I mean, are both iconic Grammy winning musicians. They're also a married couple and their names just happen to be Edie Burkel and Paul Simon. And they're asking today's question, how did we get lucky?
- [29:07]
Mae Martin
How did we get them?
- [29:09]
Tig Notaro
Well, I have to say I grew up a big fan of Paul Simon and then Edie Brickell, of course, came along years after I went through a really rough time in my childhood. And Edie Burkel's album, Shooting Rubber Bands at the Stars is, you know, when people come up to us now and say, gosh, your comedy got me through, or your book got me through, or your show or whatever. Yeah, I know for myself, I'll be like, oh, thanks. Glad to hear it. And I don't fully take it in.
- [29:46]
Fortune Feimster
Yeah.
- [29:46]
Tig Notaro
When I really think about what her album did for me.
- [29:50]
Mae Martin
Yeah.
- [29:51]
Tig Notaro
It saved my life.
- [29:53]
Mae Martin
Yeah.
- [29:54]
Tig Notaro
And when I got my podcast, Don't Ask Tig, the one, my old podcast, you know, it was trying to help people. And of course, I'm a comedian, so a lot of it is silly advice, but other times I really tried to give them my best. And I thought, how great the producers had a small budget for music. And I thought, gosh, I don't know Edie Brickell. I didn't know Edie Brickell. And I thought, how amazing if I could get her to sing my theme song because she helped me so much. And then the producers call and they were like, she's on board. And then next thing I know, I was on a call with her and I was like, I did not think that this was going to happen in a million years if you don't ask.
- [30:44]
Mae Martin
Right?
- [30:44]
Tig Notaro
Yeah.
- [30:45]
Fortune Feimster
Wow.
- [30:45]
Tig Notaro
And so she did it. And then we have remained in contact so regularly. And I was telling her the other day, I said, you are like. I can't remember what I said. Something like the best friend I've never even met because everything has been over email. And that kind of communication hasn't been in person. But they've offered us their Yankees tickets to come stay at their house in Austin, checking on us in the fires and just really, really, like old.
- [31:23]
Mae Martin
Like old school pen pals where you get really. Yeah. We should have this meeting.
- [31:28]
Fortune Feimster
That's really cool.
- [31:29]
Tig Notaro
Oh, yeah, I would love it. But, yeah, so that's how this came about. So I was like, hey. Hey, guys.
- [31:34]
Mae Martin
I can't believe it.
- [31:35]
Tig Notaro
Throw me a bone.
- [31:37]
Mae Martin
Let's hear their question.
- [31:38]
Tig Notaro
Yes.
- [31:39]
Fortune Feimster
Hello.
- [31:40]
Mae Martin
Hello. Hello, handsome. Come on. And our question is, what is something you always love about your partner?
- [31:50]
Fortune Feimster
They're so cute.
- [31:51]
Mae Martin
Oh, my gosh.
- [31:52]
Fortune Feimster
I like that. They. They seem to have a lot of joy around each other.
- [31:56]
Tig Notaro
Yeah.
- [31:57]
Mae Martin
I mean, and that's kind of at the heart of it, right?
- [32:00]
Fortune Feimster
Yeah.
- [32:00]
Tig Notaro
I bet they've had their tough times, too. You know how they met?
- [32:04]
Mae Martin
No, Just kidding. How'd they meet?
- [32:06]
Fortune Feimster
How?
- [32:06]
Tig Notaro
She was the musical guest on SNL and he was the host. And I remember reading an article that she said that their kids can go back and look at that episode.
- [32:19]
Mae Martin
Oh, my God.
- [32:20]
Tig Notaro
And there is the moment that she said she glanced to the side of the stage and saw him standing there. And that was the first time they made eye contact. And they were both like, hello. Whoa. Yeah. And she said that their kids can see the moment that their parents had love at first sight.
- [32:40]
Mae Martin
That's wild.
- [32:42]
Tig Notaro
Yeah.
- [32:42]
Mae Martin
Yeah. That's incredible. I rewatched the Graduate the other day and I thought it would be 30% less good as a movie without that soundtrack.
- [32:51]
Tig Notaro
For sure. It's like Harold and Maude without Cat Stevens. I mean, come on, come on now. And I'm realizing I. I don't want.
- [33:03]
Mae Martin
You to be single.
- [33:04]
Tig Notaro
Yeah, you're single.
- [33:06]
Fortune Feimster
Oh, my God.
- [33:07]
Mae Martin
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- [33:35]
Tig Notaro
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- [35:27]
Fortune Feimster
Okay.
- [35:27]
Mae Martin
Yeah, yeah.
- [35:28]
Tig Notaro
What do you like in a partner?
- [35:30]
Mae Martin
I gotta say, it's, it is laughing. It's like, yeah, you're gonna be dead soon, so you gotta be able to have a laugh. It's. It's so such a turn on for me and I think not for everyone. Some people prefer to like really connect intellectually or to have like a thing that. To me it's, it's. You gotta laugh.
- [35:49]
Tig Notaro
And how perfect that Edie and Paul were laughing in their question.
- [35:52]
Mae Martin
I know, it was so. It was so nice.
- [35:55]
Tig Notaro
Yeah.
- [35:55]
Mae Martin
And I guess. Well, I don't know. I guess when you're younger, you value chemistry above all things. And then as you get older, values become more important and what you want for your life and that kind of thing. Yeah, that's a boring answer, but definitely laughter. I think I want to be proud.
- [36:15]
Fortune Feimster
Definitely shift. Right. As you get older. What once was appealing to you as a younger person is not as appealing as you get older.
- [36:23]
Mae Martin
Yeah. I want peace, you know? Yeah, yeah.
- [36:25]
Tig Notaro
Do you have a specific thing you're talking about? Fortune that appealed to you younger?
- [36:30]
Fortune Feimster
That I may just touched on it. When you're younger, you're willing to put up with a little more chaos.
- [36:37]
Mae Martin
Right.
- [36:38]
Fortune Feimster
And I, you know, because you're dating the people that are just meant to sort of be around temporarily or, you know, you're trying different things on for size and so you're kind of willing to put up with that, like, unknown stuff and the. These big passionate fights, but that are like toxic, you know?
- [36:58]
Mae Martin
Right.
- [36:59]
Fortune Feimster
And. And you're on edge. Or at least that was my experience with not every, not every one I had, but some, you know, and you're just, you just chalk it up to, this is passion and this is.
- [37:10]
Mae Martin
Yeah, yeah, I got butterflies.
- [37:12]
Fortune Feimster
I feel alive.
- [37:17]
Mae Martin
Yeah.
- [37:17]
Fortune Feimster
And it doesn't feel good at a certain point where you're like, I don't want this feeling all the time.
- [37:25]
Tig Notaro
Yeah.
- [37:27]
Fortune Feimster
Peace is very important to me. May just mention that, like. Yeah, my parents were. Are good friends now, but they divorced when I was 12 and they had, you know, just, they. I never saw them happy with each other. I never saw the Love there. And so it created a very toxic environment, like chaos and fighting and, like, heaviness.
- [37:55]
Mae Martin
Yeah.
- [37:56]
Fortune Feimster
So I made a very conscious decision as a kid. Even, like, I would say it, and it was subconscious, too, where I was like, I will have peace in my adult life, hopefully with someone. That's my goal. But if I have to be alone, that will be what it is, too, because peace was so important to me. So, yeah, as I. As I got older, finding someone who aligned with that feeling was important to me.
- [38:33]
Mae Martin
Yeah. Take. What about you?
- [38:35]
Tig Notaro
Well, I mean, I feel like just a flat out copycat, because, gosh, peace and laughter.
- [38:42]
Mae Martin
Yeah.
- [38:42]
Tig Notaro
I don't know what else you could possibly. I mean, sure, throw an attractive head on the body, but, yeah, all of that stuff is great, but, like, as far as being attractive.
- [38:58]
Mae Martin
Yeah.
- [38:58]
Tig Notaro
I mean, luckily, I do find my wife to be absolutely gorgeous and hilarious.
- [39:06]
Mae Martin
You got to start there. You got it. Yeah.
- [39:09]
Tig Notaro
Yeah. But, you know, we didn't. She didn't stick out to me when we played love interests in a movie, and I certainly didn't stick out to her because she hadn't dated a woman. So it wasn't instantaneous for us. It was instantaneous in that we really enjoyed working together and had such a nice time on set. But I didn't walk away thinking, well, that's my wife.
- [39:35]
Mae Martin
Right.
- [39:36]
Tig Notaro
I would have been so confused if somebody told me that was my wife. I would have been baffled.
- [39:43]
Mae Martin
Yeah, the laughter thing kind of comes back to friendship as well. Like, it's so easy to forget that this is. You have to be friends with your partner, and we give so much more grace to our friends sometimes than our partners. And we let our friends make mistakes and evolve. And because we're not as attached to their choices don't affect our life as much, and they don't trigger that, like, panic, you know? And. Yeah, so I think remembering and sometimes thinking, how would I treat my friend if they were.
- [40:12]
Tig Notaro
Yeah, that's definitely an interesting thing to think about. And I know I've had to. In my nearly 12 years with Stephanie, we've had very hard, uncomfortable situations and conversations and things that, you know, where we had to acknowledge things have changed or things are evolving and people are getting older and hitting different places in their lives and wanting different things. And, you know, in relationships before Stephanie, I probably would have been like, yeah, well, I'm not into that, or that mouth, you know, peace out. Whereas, you know, with her, it's like, okay, I'm listening. And, yeah, I see how I fell short there. I see how I was maybe not considering you. Not even maybe, like, yeah, I didn't consider you. And that's because I wasn't used to being in a marriage or a relationship. And so I miss that. And it's hard. And then not just. Yeah, I miss that. But I need to change. I need to change, and I'm gonna change. And I'm sorry, you know.
- [41:40]
Mae Martin
Yeah. And I mean, I loved what you said ages ago about how sometimes when you're fighting, one of you will start singing the fight.
- [41:49]
Tig Notaro
Yeah. I'll start singing an improv duet, I think. What if you have air out our problems in the. In the words.
- [41:57]
Mae Martin
Good. Like, because if you have an understanding between you, like, we're in this, you know, and. Yeah, of course, there's no guarantees, and that doesn't mean, like, someone can treat you, like, forever. And you're like, well, I said I was in it. But, like, if you're like, we are. We have each other's backs. And then. Then hopefully you can take the, like, intensity out of those arguments because you're like, well, at some point, we will have to resolve this, you know.
- [42:22]
Tig Notaro
Yeah. If, you know, you're working towards the same goal.
- [42:25]
Mae Martin
Yeah.
- [42:25]
Tig Notaro
And maybe you're getting there at different times or you have a little different path to get there, and you can give yourself and each other the space to meet up at that, you know, destination that you hoped you'd get to. Yeah. You know, it's. It's being public figures. People can project things onto your lives and onto your relationships and. And, you know, I can only speak for myself, and the reality is Stephanie and I have, I think, a tremendous relationship and are very happy, but we have almost not made it before, and we've really struggled in so many different ways. But I know we're both so devoted and. But. And I don't mean it like we're just, you know, we're gonna push through no matter what.
- [43:18]
Mae Martin
Yeah.
- [43:19]
Fortune Feimster
Yeah. You know, you both want it to work.
- [43:21]
Tig Notaro
We both want it to work, and we're both making ourselves very uncomfortable in those hard times to get the darkness into the light, you know, so that we can move forward if. If there's a path for us and. And there continues to be a path, and I hope there is always.
- [43:40]
Mae Martin
And I think, like, if you truly know in yourself that even though it feels like the world would end if. If that. If it didn't work out, if you know that you will be okay and that you love yourself, then it takes the terror out of when those Fights happen. And the thought of it ending, like, the. The like, hysteria of like, oh, my God, I'm. You know, like, if you. Because. Because you will survive. Everyone will. You'll be okay. Like, it'll be hell, but everyone will be okay. So it's.
- [44:10]
Tig Notaro
It does seem impossible, though.
- [44:12]
Mae Martin
It does seem impossible.
- [44:12]
Tig Notaro
It seems abso. Impossible.
- [44:15]
Mae Martin
Yeah.
- [44:16]
Fortune Feimster
It goes back to that. When that. That piece is taken away.
- [44:19]
Mae Martin
Yeah, yeah. Discombobulated, the rug is pulled, and you're like, what the. My whole reality's shifted. But yeah.
- [44:27]
Tig Notaro
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- [44:28]
Fortune Feimster
I think liking the person is. You know, that's the thing about when I met Jax. Like, it. She never felt like a stranger.
- [44:39]
Mae Martin
Yeah.
- [44:40]
Fortune Feimster
And just did feel like home.
- [44:43]
Mae Martin
Yeah.
- [44:44]
Fortune Feimster
From day one, there was no games, there was no pretenses. You like me, I like you. And then we just kind of were in it.
- [44:52]
Mae Martin
I know. Because don't, you know so many couples that don't like each other? It's crazy that actually are, like, you can. You're like. You hate each other.
- [45:01]
Fortune Feimster
I know.
- [45:02]
Mae Martin
Yeah.
- [45:02]
Fortune Feimster
And you know, what I always loved about Jax is I just genuinely was always so happy to be around her and come home and tell her things and ask her opinion. I really value her opinion and just wanted to be around her. And I remember, especially in the pandemic when we got to be, you know, I wasn't traveling and I finally got to be home for a long time. It felt. Every night felt like a fun sleepover with my best friend. And I just remember thinking, like, God, I get to marry, like, my best friend who I'm also in love with and, like, what a treat. Yeah. And, you know, the fact that she's beautiful and smart and funny is, like you said, Tig a cherry on top.
- [45:48]
Tig Notaro
Yeah.
- [45:49]
Fortune Feimster
But just. I just really love her.
- [45:52]
Tig Notaro
Yeah.
- [45:53]
Fortune Feimster
And being. Being with her.
- [45:56]
Tig Notaro
Yeah.
- [45:58]
Fortune Feimster
It's.
- [45:58]
Tig Notaro
I was just talking to one of my co stars on set. He hasn't been in, like, a serious long term relationship. There's a lot. You know, it's the. The show is about the. The young cadets at the. The academy. Yeah. So there's a lot of younger cast members. And I was just talking to him about how, I mean, look, people have been together for, like, Edie and Paul. They've been together for decades, you know, and I'm. I'm like, have been together 12 years. But I was just saying that I always think about writing a script, how when you have no structure, your story goes off the rails and you think there's going to be all this freedom because like, oh, I'm not going to follow a structure to writing. I'm just going to go nuts. And, you know, sometimes that works out, but. But when you're off and not following the structure, you can kind of find yourself in a weird corner where you're like, how did I get like, I can't even write myself out of this, you know? And then when you follow a structure in writing, you can go anywhere. And that's how I feel in my relationship with Stephanie is. I'm in this relationship that has rules and boundaries and. But with her, I feel like I can. I'm planning my life with her. We're going on trips, we're having our holidays. We have. I'm getting to do things I've never done. I've dated interesting, successful, hot people. Like, I've been down those roads. I've done all of those things a million times. And this is the road that is most exciting to me so far.
- [47:51]
Mae Martin
I will say also not to devalue like single people. And that, that what, as now that I'm single, because I'm, I'm a relationship person. I've been in love, you know, I've had long term, serious relationships. And I do, I think I thrive in that, in that container a little bit. But it's forced me to like being, being single this, these past six months or whatever. I'm like, you got. You can give yourself that structure and relearn yourself and grow in huge ways as well and, and feel so much stronger and more in love with yourself and put. Invest in your friendship. So if you're listening and you're like bummed out on Valentine's, you know, like.
- [48:33]
Tig Notaro
Yeah, and that's a really great point because I certainly. Marriage isn't for everyone at all. And it wasn't for me and I don't think it would ever be again. But yeah, and I didn't mean to make it sound like if you're not married, then you're just off in the wild. I just found for myself. I was surprised because people think, oh, you get married, you're locked in, you're locked down, you have no choices. And it's like, no, actually, my life expanded. Yeah, that's just my experience.
- [49:13]
Fortune Feimster
But it is interesting. Like, I, this is my first. We're going on 10 years and before that, I think maybe a year was my most. The longest. So I've had to learn a lot. It is work at times. Like Tig said, like, you, you reach points where you have to kind of check in and make sure you're. What you want is lining up because that does change.
- [49:38]
Mae Martin
Yeah, you're different people and as individuals.
- [49:40]
Fortune Feimster
You sometimes want different things. You have to make sure you guys are both going towards that same thing. And so communication has been an interesting thing to try to figure out because it, it, you, you're kind of coming as two people with your own individual wounds and childhood wounds and idiosyncrasies and you're having to align those in a home and a marriage and make sure they keep aligning as you go and change. And it's, it's definitely an interesting journey.
- [50:13]
Mae Martin
I think people should voice note each other because sometimes when you're in it and you're talking, something they say triggers you or you're just thinking about the next thing you want to say. And so you're not really. But like if you leave a 4 minute voice note of your feelings and they can't respond for a couple hours and they say, but they can delete it.
- [50:31]
Tig Notaro
They can delete it without reading before listening.
- [50:35]
Mae Martin
Yeah, yeah.
- [50:36]
Tig Notaro
Communicating, checking in. I would also say that I didn't think about. Nobody mentioned, like, before you get into a relationship or marriage, really ask each other, how do you feel about kids? Really ask, how do you feel about money? How do you handle the, like, how do you live? How do you live? You know, how do you deal with your family? You know, that's why it's always good to kind of be together for a beat to see how the holidays play out, how the making more money, making less money feels in a relationship, how you raise kids.
- [51:17]
Mae Martin
Yeah.
- [51:17]
Tig Notaro
Just there's so many conversations that I, I would have done differently.
- [51:25]
Mae Martin
Right.
- [51:25]
Tig Notaro
But those were the fun surprises.
- [51:27]
Mae Martin
Yeah. The curveballs.
- [51:29]
Tig Notaro
Yeah. There were cur balls and I was part of them.
- [51:33]
Mae Martin
But I like that all three of us are like, laughter and peace are pretty big. And yeah. Throw a whoopee cushion under the sofa cushion in the couple's therapist office.
- [51:43]
Fortune Feimster
You want to enjoy your life. Right. You want, you want you and your partner to be happy at the end of the day. So it's like, if you don't have peace or I don't have peace, or we don't have peace together, what are we doing here? But maybe we don't have peace right now. Let's see if we can work through that. Like, again, it's just aligning what you want and being on the same page. But because it is easy to be like, oh, this is hard. I don't have peace right now.
- [52:07]
Mae Martin
By, yes, I don't think that's the way.
- [52:11]
Fortune Feimster
Yeah. That's not the way. You want to dig in and see where can. What's on the other side of this.
- [52:18]
Mae Martin
Yeah. Because you could have that second honeymoon feeling.
- [52:21]
Fortune Feimster
Yeah.
- [52:22]
Mae Martin
Where you go, oh, my God. We've just been so brutally honest with each other that everything's on the table, and there's this huge relief of, like.
- [52:30]
Tig Notaro
Yeah.
- [52:31]
Mae Martin
Yeah.
- [52:32]
Tig Notaro
It's really something.
- [52:33]
Fortune Feimster
Yeah.
- [52:35]
Tig Notaro
Wow. Well, I kind of want to do.
- [52:38]
Mae Martin
Yeah.
- [52:39]
Fortune Feimster
Yeah.
- [52:39]
Tig Notaro
We like peace and laughter. Should we see what Edie and Paul like?
- [52:46]
Mae Martin
I love the sound of his voice. I will always love the tone, the beauty and the soulful nature of that voice.
- [52:55]
Fortune Feimster
Thank you.
- [52:55]
Mae Martin
You're welcome. And I love Edie's smile and the way it breaks into her laugh. Lights up my day. Oh, my God. I'm. Thank you, handsome. Thank you, handsome. Thank you, handsome.
- [53:09]
Fortune Feimster
Oh, I like their energy together.
- [53:13]
Mae Martin
God. Yeah.
- [53:14]
Tig Notaro
Yeah.
- [53:14]
Mae Martin
Also. Yeah. If you're married to Paul Simon. Yeah. The tone of his voice is gonna be pretty remarkable. And. Oh, my God. And he sort of said laughter like that.
- [53:23]
Tig Notaro
Yeah.
- [53:24]
Mae Martin
That Joy breaking through. Ah, Biggie. What do you. What is Biggie? Love in a partner.
- [53:29]
Fortune Feimster
This is my son, Biggie, that wanted to weigh in on love.
- [53:34]
Tig Notaro
Oh, Biggie, give me kids.
- [53:37]
Fortune Feimster
Biggie. So cute. This is love right here.
- [53:40]
Tig Notaro
That is a sweet little pup.
- [53:43]
Mae Martin
Yeah, he. Oh, he's a simple fella.
- [53:46]
Tig Notaro
He wants a simple fella. I guess that's a nicer way of saying dead eyes.
- [53:54]
Fortune Feimster
I swear to God. I posted a video of him, and people kept commenting, no dead eyes there.
- [54:04]
Tig Notaro
I love you, Biggie.
- [54:06]
Fortune Feimster
He's my. He's my other Valentine.
- [54:09]
Mae Martin
Oh, my God. He is really cute. I'm definitely gonna foster a dog soon when I move into my house and.
- [54:16]
Fortune Feimster
Oh, good.
- [54:16]
Mae Martin
Which I'm renovating right now. It's crazy and exciting, but that's very exciting.
- [54:21]
Tig Notaro
You should foster a little pup that was lost in the fire.
- [54:24]
Mae Martin
I was thinking about. Yeah. Or even. I feel like. Like an older dog that somebody might not foster.
- [54:30]
Fortune Feimster
That's.
- [54:30]
Mae Martin
Yeah.
- [54:31]
Tig Notaro
That was a really nice episode.
- [54:35]
Mae Martin
I know.
- [54:36]
Fortune Feimster
We were like, shared feelings.
- [54:38]
Tig Notaro
Yeah, I know. Well, I think we all have a lot of love feelings, and it is. I would say it's the week or the month of love, but, you know, it's the lifetime of love. It goes on and on and on, so.
- [54:53]
Fortune Feimster
And loving yourself, as May said.
- [54:56]
Mae Martin
Yes.
- [54:57]
Fortune Feimster
Yes. That is at the core of all of this. You can't.
- [55:00]
Mae Martin
What's the RuPaul thing? If you don't love yourself, how are.
- [55:03]
Fortune Feimster
You gonna Love somebody.
- [55:04]
Mae Martin
Yeah, it's true. And no one is gonna fill that.
- [55:07]
Tig Notaro
Wait, did he. I feel like he didn't coin that.
- [55:11]
Fortune Feimster
But he said that saying, if you can't. If you can't love yourself, how are you gonna love somebody else? Or something like that.
- [55:18]
Mae Martin
Yeah. Or something like that. But okay, yeah, truly, like, no relationship will ultimately fill the void if you don't love yourself. So that's step one. I am not there yet. None of us are. We're. We're getting there. I feel like. Cut that out. That was way too raw for the end of the podcast.
- [55:39]
Fortune Feimster
I don't love myself.
- [55:40]
Tig Notaro
I don't love myself. Anyway, next week on Handsome.
- [55:44]
Mae Martin
Come to my shows. That'll help. Not leave it in. Leave it in. Leave it in.
- [55:49]
Fortune Feimster
Well, I love you guys.
- [55:50]
Mae Martin
Love you guys.
- [55:52]
Tig Notaro
Love you and love you, Mr. Thomas.
- [55:55]
Mae Martin
Yeah, man.
- [55:56]
Tig Notaro
And love you. Love you.
- [56:00]
Fortune Feimster
Kisses.
- [56:00]
Tig Notaro
Even if that was forced.
- [56:04]
Fortune Feimster
Love you.
- [56:06]
Tig Notaro
So. Yeah. You guys have anything coming up that we want to share?
- [56:11]
Mae Martin
I've got these music shows that I'm pushing where I'm playing stuff from my album, which is called I'm a tv that I'm very embarrassed to promote, but I'm doing it February 26th. I'm gonna play a big music show in LA. March 1st in Toronto, March 4th in New York, March 9th in London. And tickets for that if you go on my Instagram. I've got in the bio, and I.
- [56:37]
Tig Notaro
Was just thinking Edie and Paul didn't promote anything. But if you haven't heard of Paul Simon or Simon and Garfunkel or Edie.
- [56:47]
Mae Martin
Raquel, I'm gonna check out also shooting Rubber bands at the Stars because I've.
- [56:51]
Tig Notaro
Never heard that album, and, well, it is a masterpiece. But also her sophomore album, Ghost of a Dog.
- [57:01]
Mae Martin
These are great titles.
- [57:02]
Tig Notaro
Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. Ghost of a Dog. Like, right when I thought shooting Rubber bands at the Stars was top, top, top, Then she pulls that out.
- [57:15]
Fortune Feimster
How many get out?
- [57:16]
Mae Martin
Yeah. What do you got coming up?
- [57:17]
Tig Notaro
I'm just now finishing Starfleet Academy with the incredible Holly Hunter and Paul Giamatti. So many amazing actors on this series. And I'll be headed back to Los Angeles, probably Largo and Dynasty. Typewriter and then the Handsome shows. We're going to be in Nashville Live on April 6, and then Austin April 12. Handsome will be together there as well. And then I'm going to be doing stand up in Eureka Springs, Arkansas, in June.
- [57:53]
Mae Martin
Fortune. Are you working on a new hour? Is that what you're doing?
- [57:56]
Fortune Feimster
Yeah, I am working on my new hour. Next weekend I'll be at the Oxnard Improv in California out there in Ventura. Then I've got Irvine, California at their Improv and Huntsville, Alabama, that's in March. And then I start my theater tour. Savannah, Georgia, Charleston, Phoenix, Albuquerque, Cleveland, Columbus, Greensboro, Roanoke, Baltimore. All those places. People are very upset that I'm in Roanoke, Virginia the same night as Melissa Etheridge.
- [58:28]
Tig Notaro
I apologize to all of the lesbians Lesbian explosion.
- [58:33]
Fortune Feimster
I have gotten some stern emails and I did not know this. It was planned outside of my knowledge.
- [58:41]
Mae Martin
Knowing you're gonna turn up on stage at the Melissa show. You're gonna sing Come to My Window.
- [58:48]
Fortune Feimster
So yeah, I've. I've really worked the lesbians up in Roanoke, but it's something that happens, you guys, sometimes you can't avoid it.
- [58:57]
Tig Notaro
Yeah, yeah, but be proud of yourself when you sell it out.
- [59:01]
Fortune Feimster
We'll see. I don't know how many lesbians are in Roanoke, so.
- [59:05]
Tig Notaro
Yeah, well, they'll head over.
- [59:07]
Fortune Feimster
Straight people. You gotta come through.
- [59:10]
Mae Martin
Well, this delightful.
- [59:12]
Tig Notaro
Absolutely. And I hope that everyone has a great Valentine's week and day in life. And until next time, keep it handsome.
- [59:23]
Mae Martin
Handsome is hosted by me, May Martin, Tig Notaro and Fortune Feimster. The show is produced, recorded and edited by Thomas Willette. Email us@handsomepodgmail.com and please follow us on social media at Handsome Podcast.
- [59:39]
Tig Notaro
What a podcast.
- [59:41]
Mae Martin
What a podcast. That was a headgum podcast. Some people just know they could save hundreds on car insurance by checking Allstate First.
- [59:54]
Tig Notaro
Like, you know, to check that the mushrooms you just picked in the forest are actually the edible non psychedelic variety before incorporating them into your harvest stew.
- [60:06]
Mae Martin
Yeah, checking first is smart, so check Allstate first for a quote that could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. This content is intended for audiences in the US Only. Savings vary. Terms apply. Allstate Fire and Casualty Insurance Company and Affiliates Northbrook, Illinois hey, it's Nicole Byer here.
- [60:24]
Nicole Byer
Let me ask you something. Are you tired of endless swiping on dating apps? Fed up with awkward first dates and disappointing hookups? Girl Same. Welcome to why Won't yout Date Me? The podcast where I figure out love and how to suck less at dating. Each week, I get real with comedians, friends and celebrities about their love lives. We swap dating horror stories, awkward hookups, and dive into the messy and wonderful world of relationships. I've chatted with amazing guests like Conan O'Brien, Whitney Cummings, Sarah Silverman, Trixie Mattel, Tiffany Haddon, and so many more. So whether you're single, mingling or booed up, there's something in it for everyone. Tune into why Won't yout Date Me With Me, Nicole Byer and discover insights that might just save you from your next dating disaster. Listen and subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts, and catch full video episodes on YouTube. New episodes drop every Friday.