Paula Pell asks about bad dates

Summary

Podcast Summary: Handsome – "Paula Pell Asks About Bad Dates"

Hosts: Tig Notaro, Fortune Feimster, Mae Martin
Guest Question Asker: Paula Pell
Date: February 10, 2026
Podcast Network: Headgum

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Main Theme

This playful episode of "Handsome" revolves around Valentine’s Day and dives deep into the panel's worst and most awkward date experiences. The episode features plenty of light-hearted banter, personal stories, and a main question from comedy legend Paula Pell: "What is your absolute worst date you've ever been on?" The hosts share moments of vulnerability and embarrassment, with recurring themes of queerness, awkwardness, and late-blooming dating mishaps. As always, the trio’s chemistry keeps the tone fun, candid, and utterly relatable.

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Key Discussions & Insights

1. Valentine’s Day Attitudes and Anecdotes

[02:00 – 10:05]

• The trio riffs on Valentine’s Day traditions, May’s open window (and taped-up curtains), and guitar case decor.
• Discussion of plans: May is eager to see Alanis Morissette in concert—but briefly panics assuming tickets are sold out until the other hosts urge them to check reputable sites. Comedy ensues as the group discovers the AlanisMorissette.com domain is up for sale.
• Banter about buying Alanis’s website and trading it for VIP tickets leads to a fantasy about May serenading Alanis with her own songs.
• Discussion of how each host is or isn't celebrating Valentine’s Day (Fortune performing at NYC’s Beacon Theater, Tig home with her wife, May scrambling for concert tickets).

Memorable quote:
“Why don’t we buy the site, May puts a bunch of different videos of singing Alanis songs…so she will finally see.”
— Tig Notaro, [08:24]

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2. Coming Out, Early Relationships & Finding Queer Community

[20:20 – 26:00]

• The hosts reflect on feeling isolated on past Valentine’s Days and the awkwardness of growing up queer in environments without visible queer community.
• May and Fortune reflect on how they might have dated if they’d met in high school, and on crushing on unavailable (often closeted) classmates.
• Tig: “Wait, how about those mysterious people from your childhood…that you’re like, looking back, there’s something up with them.” [24:49]

Quote:
“Just try the lady train, you know, I mean, get a ticket. Take a ride. It can be one way, it could be round trip.”
— Fortune Feimster, [25:50]

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3. Bizarre Valentine’s Traditions & Family Stories

[21:24 – 27:18]

• Fortune recalls only once receiving flowers in high school—a sympathy gesture from her brother.
• May reminisces about her father making Valentine’s Day special for their family, leading to a suggestion to celebrate with any loved one, including pets.
• Absurd tangent about koalas: their inability to properly digest eucalyptus, universal chlamydia, and indistinguishable fingerprints—plus their imaginary love for J.Lo.

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4. Question of the Week: Worst Dates Ever (Paula Pell’s Question)

[31:01 – 63:56]

a. Fortune’s Story: The Craigslist Era

[31:44 – 42:25]

• Fortune shares about coming out at 25, the awkwardness of dating via Craigslist’s personals (pre-apps, often photo-less).
• Three blind, chemistry-less dates: nervousness, spilling tea, and repeatedly saying “gay date.”
• Another date at Chili’s (“but the triple dipper was fantastic!”), and a failed attempt at online dating, only to discover two women she’d met were already dating each other.
• Fortune’s early 20s: “Just a couple years of bad luck, like, drama… I just think that’s what’s tough about coming out later, is you want to be doing this awkward stuff in your teens…”
  [42:25]

b. Mae’s Story: The Wheelchair Garden Date

[43:28 – 45:53]

• Living with a closeted girlfriend in England, pretending Mae “lived” in a cupboard under the stairs.

• For Mae’s birthday, her girlfriend drags her to a distant garden to avoid running into anyone they know, gets “tired,” and asks Mae to fetch a wheelchair and push her around—all to keep the relationship secret.

• “I pushed her around this garden in the rain in a wheelchair… I was like, this sucks.” — [44:45]

• Afterwards, May is told not to act “weird” when the girlfriend’s friend arrives at their apartment.

c. Tig’s Story: Couch Confusion & Missed Signals

[50:00 – 54:24]

• Tig recounts a painfully awkward would-be date: invited to a potential love interest’s place; when offered to “spend the night,” she overcorrects and volunteers for the couch. The woman calls from her bedroom: “Tig, are you comfortable on the couch?”—to which Tig simply replies, “Yep!” Catalyzing a classic missed connection.
• Tig admits: “There’s no world that I will do that [make the first move].”
• Also tells of wearing a favorite shirt to impress a woman—only to receive an indifferent response.

d. Paula Pell’s Story: Being Stood Up for Her Own Deli Date

[60:55 – 61:38]

• Paula describes, post-divorce, getting set up in LA: all dolled up for a Canter’s Deli dinner, she’s repeatedly delayed for over two hours by her date—who then confesses that she went and dined at Canter's with a friend instead. Paula admits: “I had very low self-esteem at the time, so of course at the end of the date I was like, I hope she still wants to make out with me. Which she did not.”

e. Miscellaneous

• May recounts being proposed to on Valentine’s Day, “ruining all future Valentine’s Days” ([29:38]).
• The group discusses the “arrested development” that can happen in queer dating due to late coming out.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Fortune, on the perils of blind dating:
  "You’re putting two, like, totally mismatched people together and just like, being like, okay, here you go." [39:44]
• Mae, on the fake bedroom:
  "So if people came over, we could be like, oh, no, May sleeps in there." [43:49]
• Tig, on missed signals:
  “It’s like, you have to absolutely just kiss you. There’s no world that I will do that.” [53:00]
• Paula Pell's epic bombshell:
  "She proceeds to tell me that she went to dine with her friend… at Canter’s where we were supposed to be going." [60:55]

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Important Timestamps

• [02:00]—Valentine’s Day banter kicks off
• [03:38]—Concert ticket misadventures and Alanis rabbit hole
• [10:07]—Are the hosts excited for Valentine’s Day?
• [20:20]—Shifting attitudes on Valentine’s Day and being single/queer
• [22:27]—Sibling support: Fortune’s brother sends flowers
• [25:50]—Fortune’s “lady train” quote; being young and closeted
• [31:01]—Paula Pell poses the 'bad date' question
• [31:44 – 41:12]—Fortune’s “Craigslist era” dating confessions
• [43:33 – 45:53]—Mae’s “wheelchair rain date” disaster
• [50:00 – 54:24]—Tig’s missed romantic cues on the couch
• [60:55]—Paula Pell’s Canter’s Deli stand-up date story

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Overall Tone & Cohesion

The episode is informal, hilarious, honest, and full of self-deprecating humor. Each host brings a unique perspective—Fortune’s earnest awkwardness, Tig’s understated discomfort, and Mae’s blend of introspection and wit. The friendly mockery and support highlight their close friendship.

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Closing

The episode wraps with Paula Pell’s story, reflections on resilience in dating, and a preview of upcoming projects and tours for each host. The group expresses admiration for courage in vulnerability, and closes with their signature warmth and more silly banter.

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This is a must-listen for anyone who’s survived an awkward date (that is, everyone)—the hosts turn universal queer and late-bloomer woes into the best kind of comedy.

Transcript

[May Martin]

This is a headgun podcast.

[Tig Notaro]

Checking Allstate first could save you hundreds on car insurance. That's smart. Not checking that you know how to use your smartwatch before going on a walk. I'm in trouble. I promise I'll return your text as soon as I figure out how to make this thing work.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah, check in first is smart. So check Allstate first for a quote that could save you hundreds of. You're in good hands with Allstate. Potential savings vary, subject to terms, conditions and availability. Allstate North American Insurance Company and Affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois.

[Tig Notaro]

Who's planning a trip to Provincetown this year? Provincetown is a beautiful mosaic of cultures where everyone is welcome. For many of us, the definition of paradise is summertime. In Provincetown, it's all about freedom, sunshine, and a chance to be ourselves. I was lucky enough to visit Provincetown last year for the very first time and I cannot wait to get back. It's such a beautiful natural setting and the town has amazing food and a great atmosphere.

[May Martin]

If you like dining, dancing, entertainment, hiking, biking, beaches, glamour, and an overall unique experience, you will love Provincetown. It has everything wrapped up in one destination. Whether you're planning a solo getaway, a romantic excursion, or a big family vacation, P Town has fun in store for you. They're got amazing theme weeks for everyone, LGBTQ as well, including Pride Girl, Splash, Bear Week, Family Week, plus Carnival and Trans Week.

[Tig Notaro]

From Boston, hop on a fast ferry for 90 minutes. The fairies run from mid May through mid October. For more info, go to P Town tourism.com the official guide to Provincetown. That's P Town tourism.com handsome chatting with.

[May Martin]

Friends on the Handsome pod. Chatting with friends on the handsome.

[Tig Notaro]

Cheers.

[May Martin]

Welcome to the Handsome pod. I'm your host, May Martin, joined by your two other hosts who are Fortune.

[Fortune Feimster]

Feenster and Tigno Taro. Yeah. Hi, you guys. Hello. Hello.

[May Martin]

Hello.

[Fortune Feimster]

Hello, y'. All. Welcome to. I don't know, it's Valentine's week.

[May Martin]

Oh. Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

And I see how May is celebrating.

[Fortune Feimster]

How?

[May Martin]

How?

[Tig Notaro]

What do you mean how? You have your window completely open for the world to see.

[Fortune Feimster]

You come to my window.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, look. Oh, there's Melissa Atheridge. Now.

[Fortune Feimster]

You know I'm inside of the mo.

[May Martin]

I had that piece of fabric hung up there.

[Tig Notaro]

It was so good looking.

[May Martin]

It was so sketchy and you made fun of it, so I took it down, embarrassed. So now. But now I left up the little patches of tape where it was hung up.

[Fortune Feimster]

It's much better.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

And you have your guitar Case in the corner. As if you're going to sing a Little Diddy to someone.

[May Martin]

I wish. Next time we're all together in the studio, I should bring in the guitar and we'll do some songs.

[Fortune Feimster]

Please.

[Tig Notaro]

Why can't you do one now?

[May Martin]

Well, because I don't have a mic stand. I like to hold it in my hand. That's what she said.

[Tig Notaro]

Who said that?

[Fortune Feimster]

Who said that?

[Tig Notaro]

Who said that?

[Fortune Feimster]

She did.

[May Martin]

She did.

[Tig Notaro]

Girl, is she your Valentine's Day?

[Fortune Feimster]

I don't think. You don't have a Valentine's Day, do you?

[Tig Notaro]

Well, whoever she is.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, she.

[May Martin]

Well, one thing is. Last time I was at Largo, the tech guy there does guitar setup for Alanis Morissette, and he said that she's in Sacramento on February 13th. And as. As you hear this, I'm scrambling, trying to get tickets. I'm texting people. I'm saying, please, what can I offer? Anything.

[Tig Notaro]

Wait, why can't you buy a ticket?

[Fortune Feimster]

I was gonna ask that, too.

[May Martin]

Yeah, that's a really good. You're like, wait, I just assumed you.

[Fortune Feimster]

Could just buy one.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah. Why wouldn't you buy a ticket?

[May Martin]

I assumed it was sold out. I think it's sold out.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, okay. Well, that's different.

[Tig Notaro]

Why don't you look right now?

[May Martin]

Okay, Let me check.

[Tig Notaro]

Let's see.

[May Martin]

Let me see here. Hang on.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, man. That was a good concert. And not just because I sang as part of the concert.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah. Yeah.

[May Martin]

I just googled Alanis Sacramento.

[Tig Notaro]

Okay.

[May Martin]

Atlantis Morissette, February 13th.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yep. That's a.

[Tig Notaro]

Tickets available.

[May Martin]

Accepting. Oh, there are tickets available.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Okay. No scrambling needed. Buy a ticket and support the woman.

[May Martin]

Oh, my God. I'm doing it literally right now.

[Fortune Feimster]

Wow.

[May Martin]

Can I do it while we're.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, why not? Walk us through it.

[Fortune Feimster]

Well, you might have to find. Are you gonna buy two tickets and ask? Yeah.

[May Martin]

Yes, I am.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, my God. I have a great idea.

[Fortune Feimster]

What is it?

[Tig Notaro]

You should invite Alanis.

[May Martin]

Okay.

[Fortune Feimster]

There isn't an ironic.

[May Martin]

Very expensive. I'm gonna do this.

[Fortune Feimster]

You're buying them right as we speak?

[May Martin]

Well, yeah, I'm literally doing it right now. I have to, because there's.

[Tig Notaro]

Are you front row center?

[May Martin]

No, there's not. They're not left, so. But there's, like, ninth row. Pretty good. And, you know, micro is gray. She can belt it out, so.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah. She can't sing.

[Fortune Feimster]

It was amazing.

[May Martin]

God, it was good fortune.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah. And this time you can go with somebody new.

[May Martin]

Oh, you're. You're busy.

[Fortune Feimster]

Or I will be doing shows on Stage. I'm performing at the Beacon on Valentine's night in New York City.

[Tig Notaro]

That's a good room.

[May Martin]

How do I know if I'm getting. This is a scam website.

[Tig Notaro]

Why is that where you want to be?

[Fortune Feimster]

Well, you want to. Don't. Don't buy it on, like, a third party site. Buy it from her website.

[May Martin]

Oh, okay. Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

Go to Alanismorset.com is what I'm assuming is.

[Tig Notaro]

Of course Fortune knows stuff like that. Yeah, I would just Google, like, Atlantis tickets.

[Fortune Feimster]

California.

[May Martin]

I did.

[Fortune Feimster]

Hopefully. People are googling right now. New York City. Beacon Theater. Fortune on Valentine's Day.

[May Martin]

Okay, guys, I just typed in Atlantis Morissette. It says the domain name Alanis Morissette.com is for sale.

[Fortune Feimster]

No, no, we need to let her know.

[Tig Notaro]

Buy it. No, we should buy it. We should.

[Fortune Feimster]

She should buy her own. Do you think she knows it's up for sale?

[Tig Notaro]

This is not at all where I saw this episode going, but I feel.

[Fortune Feimster]

Like we need to help Alana.

[Tig Notaro]

How much does it cost?

[May Martin]

Oh, you know what? Okay. Her website is alanis.com. that makes sense.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, she didn't. She's like, I don't need my last name. Everybody knows who I am.

[May Martin]

God.

[Tig Notaro]

Right, but why would that. She should be for sale, but she.

[Fortune Feimster]

Should also own Atlanta.

[Tig Notaro]

What are you seeing me?

[May Martin]

There's VIP tickets available, and it says.

[Tig Notaro]

You gotta get them.

[May Martin]

Share a special moment with Alanis.

[Fortune Feimster]

Who will leave.

[Tig Notaro]

Yes.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, it's the. It's the meditation, right?

[May Martin]

Meditation.

[Tig Notaro]

Who will get it?

[Fortune Feimster]

You're rich.

[May Martin]

They will lead this exclusive group in a meditation and answer selected questions.

[Tig Notaro]

What are you talking about?

[May Martin]

I have to do this right.

[Fortune Feimster]

Wait, you're gonna do that for you and a friend.

[May Martin]

It's too expensive.

[Tig Notaro]

How much?

[Fortune Feimster]

I know. You gotta buy yourself the VIP and your friend has to wait for you outside.

[Tig Notaro]

How much is the vip?

[May Martin]

Twelve hundred dollars. That's a lot of money. And. And I have met her before.

[Fortune Feimster]

My VIP is 165. And that comes with the ticket.

[May Martin]

Yeah. Are you leading a meditation Fortune?

[Fortune Feimster]

I'm not. That is pretty special.

[Tig Notaro]

I would pay 1200.

[Fortune Feimster]

I would totally pay that.

[Tig Notaro]

Fortune's meditation.

[Fortune Feimster]

I wouldn't pay for my meditation. But this is more meditation because she's like a. She's like, good. She's like a goo with that stuff.

[May Martin]

Yeah. She is very wise.

[Tig Notaro]

And she's still vegan. Thomas.

[Fortune Feimster]

We should also tell her Atlanta's Morse. That comes.

[Tig Notaro]

So why do we tell her? Why don't we buy it and then she has to buy it from us. You know, we're going to make some cash.

[Fortune Feimster]

But you buy the website and then.

[Tig Notaro]

Be like, I'll trade you for a VIP ticket. Or I'll trend.

[May Martin]

I'll trade you. I. I want to sing.

[Fortune Feimster]

But still not for your friend. Your friend still has to wait outside.

[Tig Notaro]

I got the idea. We buy the site. May puts a bunch of different videos of singing Atlanta songs.

[Fortune Feimster]

So she will.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, yeah. So she will finally see that.

[May Martin]

Turn 98.

[Fortune Feimster]

He won the lottery.

[Tig Notaro]

Next day.

[Fortune Feimster]

I think this is the part I was singing.

[May Martin]

Yep, it is. And now you know the lyrics. You had to google them that night. Let's not get into it.

[Fortune Feimster]

I was nervous.

[May Martin]

I. I mean, I'm going to have to do this after the pod because it's like sign into your ticket master.

[Fortune Feimster]

You need to think about it too.

[Tig Notaro]

Do it now.

[Fortune Feimster]

Thomas said Alanis refers to herself as about 80% vegan. Wow.

[Tig Notaro]

My eyesight is so bad. I saw that. She's been a vegan since the 80s. My brain just went 80.

[Fortune Feimster]

So that's pretty good. She's doing the best she can. She's helping.

[Tig Notaro]

I have no judgment. I was just curious if she was still good.

[Fortune Feimster]

Don't judge my girl.

[Tig Notaro]

I wonder if I love your girl.

[Fortune Feimster]

I know you do.

[Tig Notaro]

As much as I love Carrie? Go ahead.

[May Martin]

I wonder if she'll be in. Oh, Carrie Russell.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah. Do I really have to? I mean, she's Carrie.com.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Okay.

[May Martin]

I wonder if that means that Alanis will be in LA before that. And maybe.

[Fortune Feimster]

Does she not live here anymore?

[Paula Pell]

We.

[Tig Notaro]

This is a great idea. We should spend the episode speculating, just speculating where she might be before and after.

[Fortune Feimster]

And then we end the episode with, Happy Valentine's Day, everybody. Oh, man.

[May Martin]

But you guys.

[Fortune Feimster]

Wrong with us.

[Tig Notaro]

You.

[May Martin]

I mean, Fortune, you are basically friends with her at this point. You have some sway. Like one day, will you.

[Fortune Feimster]

But I don't have her number.

[May Martin]

If. Okay. If we were dating, you and I, Fortune.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, you and I are dating in the scenario.

[May Martin]

And it was Valentine's Day.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yes.

[May Martin]

And you're. You're friends.

[Fortune Feimster]

Flowers.

[May Martin]

Thank you.

[Tig Notaro]

But would you motorboat Fortune?

[May Martin]

Of course. It's Valentine's Day.

[Fortune Feimster]

I have to push them together.

[Tig Notaro]

Go to YouTube.

[May Martin]

But Fortune, would you.

[Tig Notaro]

Fortune, put this down.

[Fortune Feimster]

You're gonna break your back. Look. That's how far down they go that I can go.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, my God.

[Fortune Feimster]

What? What? May. Sorry.

[May Martin]

Would you. If we were dating and you wanted to make me feel special, would you reach out to Alanis and say, hey, May really wants to Sing with you or could you prob.

[Fortune Feimster]

Okay. I would find a way yeah, yeah, you would.

[May Martin]

See, that's why you're such a catch.

[Tig Notaro]

Love finds a way I'm a catch.

[Fortune Feimster]

Love finds a way Love finds a way Fortunate.

[Tig Notaro]

It looks like you have a Star Trek.

[Fortune Feimster]

I know.

[Tig Notaro]

It does that too.

[Fortune Feimster]

It's just a little polo guy. Yeah, but when I put it on, it looks like your uniform.

[Tig Notaro]

Well, not mine. Mine's kind of yellow gold.

[May Martin]

You know what was. Wait, you. You froze for me also in the.

[Tig Notaro]

That is my job. And do not make any fun of what I do. No. Oh, my Lord. Fortune. Marie, you need to go lie down.

[Fortune Feimster]

No.

[Tig Notaro]

No, Fortune. No.

[Fortune Feimster]

Happy Valentine's Day, everybody.

[Tig Notaro]

No.

[May Martin]

To say we are.

[Tig Notaro]

I think it's not a catch.

[May Martin]

It's been announced at 4am today.

[Fortune Feimster]

What's up?

[Tig Notaro]

Go back to sleep.

[Fortune Feimster]

How dare you. Go back to sleep.

[Tig Notaro]

You're acting like a beast.

[Fortune Feimster]

May, what were you going to say? I'm sorry T interrupted you. I don't know. No, please, please come back. Come back.

[May Martin]

I like it when you guys bag me like that.

[Fortune Feimster]

I'll go like this.

[Tig Notaro]

May, please, May, turn back.

[Fortune Feimster]

Turn back around.

[Tig Notaro]

Come on, come on. Don't tease us.

[Fortune Feimster]

There you are. There's that pretty handsome face.

[May Martin]

It's been announced that we're doing the. The Netflix is a joke festival with the cast of the the Hunting Wives.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah. With Malin Aukerman and Britney Snow and.

[Tig Notaro]

I didn't know this, but why not? No, Stephanie watches that show.

[May Martin]

But I was just watching Fortune watching you do your, you know, go down on your hand. And I was thinking, this is dangerous.

[Tig Notaro]

Have this information. Why don't I show you this?

[Fortune Feimster]

I know they told you. You probably didn't pay attention.

[Tig Notaro]

That is so rude of you. You know, I don't miss anything. Not even my part in an animated film.

[Fortune Feimster]

Well, I think that this is gonna be. It'll be like a special thing that maybe we'll air. We could probably air it if we wanted to. Not like stream, but as a pod. But I think we're actually gonna have them sit down and chat with him a little bit.

[Tig Notaro]

Chatting with friends on the handsome Chat.

[Fortune Feimster]

With friends on the handsome pod. So it will be. We'll also have them ask a question, but we're gonna also chat with them because they did have a lot of lady sex.

[May Martin]

I know. This is what I'm worried about. Fortune, you gotta rein it in. I am worried about your decorum with. This is professional.

[Tig Notaro]

You need to see. Stay home.

[Fortune Feimster]

No, this is when you ask these questions is what the people want. It's like the Actor Studio, but with lesbians.

[May Martin]

I'm gonna have some really hard hitting journalistic questions and then I'll let. I'll let you ask.

[Fortune Feimster]

Well in Swedish so people that listen in Sweden will really want to tune in.

[Tig Notaro]

I can't wait to invite Stephanie. She loves that show.

[Fortune Feimster]

Do you think she has any lesbian questions for them? They're not lesbians in life, but they did a really good job going down on each other.

[May Martin]

This is what I'm worried about. Like, that we're gonna be like, oh, should we ask them for tips about their. Their sexuality?

[Fortune Feimster]

Should we ask them for tips?

[May Martin]

I'm good.

[Fortune Feimster]

Maybe our audience or maybe our listeners can help us think of fun questions for them as well.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, I'm disgusting.

[May Martin]

I need to binge the rest of the show. And then in the camera, I just.

[Fortune Feimster]

Get into your kids literally on the camera. Hold on.

[Tig Notaro]

People pay good money for this show.

[Fortune Feimster]

It's literally free. That's why they have to listen to ads.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah. That they love that they can fast forward through. But don't, don't, don't, don't do that. Because you can get good fast forward.

[Fortune Feimster]

You get good deals. We got some good deals on things.

[May Martin]

I just watched, watched Britney in that. In that really scary one.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, wait, which one?

[May Martin]

With the psycho killer and Claire Danes.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, yeah, that was a good one. That was really beast or something. The beast inside of you.

[May Martin]

Yeah, we're talking about beasts.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, at the. At the Netflix Golden Globes party, Claire Dane was there and she was dancing up a storm.

[Tig Notaro]

One Dane or two Claire? Dane.

[Fortune Feimster]

Did I say Dane? Yeah, No, I meant Danes.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh. I was like, okay. I feel like her last name is her name.

[Fortune Feimster]

I think I said Danes.

[Tig Notaro]

No, no, no.

[Fortune Feimster]

She was dancing like crazy. Like booty dancing, like all up in it. Like super into the music.

[Tig Notaro]

And did you get in on that?

[Fortune Feimster]

No, but I was in the circle that she was dancing in. Rashida Jones was also dancing. We were all just like, dancing.

[Tig Notaro]

And did you say, hey, could. Could you do a handsome question?

[Fortune Feimster]

No, I should have.

[May Martin]

We really.

[Fortune Feimster]

Let's do it right now. Let's just get you on camera asking us a question.

[Tig Notaro]

I have a thing on Sunday with somebody that I'm really hoping I can get a question from. That is kind of a big one.

[Fortune Feimster]

That would be awesome.

[Tig Notaro]

It's not kind of. It is a big one.

[Fortune Feimster]

Is it. Is it Obama?

[Tig Notaro]

No, it's like basically that level.

[Fortune Feimster]

Whoa, Oprah. Is it Oprah?

[Tig Notaro]

No, it's that level?

[Fortune Feimster]

Okay.

[May Martin]

Oh, my gosh.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[May Martin]

Who else is that level of Oprah? Because Jennifer aniston. Oprah Obama. McCartney.

[Tig Notaro]

Alf.

[Paula Pell]

Alf.

[May Martin]

Yeah. Okay. Well, that's exciting. That's a tease.

[Fortune Feimster]

Well, we'll see. We'll see you guys.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

Does it. Are you. Is anyone excited for Valentine's Day?

[Tig Notaro]

Good transition.

[Fortune Feimster]

Checking Allstate first could save you hundreds on car insurance. That's smart. Not checking that you make some time to binge that new reality TV show, you're gonna regret it. Now I'm having lunch with friends and I don't know the details of that spicy love triangle between Bobby, Megan and Bobby 2.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, checking first is smart. So check Allstate first for a quote that could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Potential savings vary subject to terms, conditions and availability. Allstate North American Insurance Company and Affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois. You've had a long day and you want to unwind. Instead of alcohol, why not reach for a Willy's THC infused social tonic? It's great for relaxing, socializing, even getting creative. Willy's is a premium THC infused social tonic crafted by the legendary Willie Nelson. It's inspired by Willy's way of living, where peace flows freely and hangovers are a thing of the past.

[May Martin]

Willy's Social tonics come in 5 milligram and 10 milligram doses with a best in class flavor experience. So smooth and balanced that you barely realize you're drinking a THC product at all. You can enjoy the tonics as a shot, sipped over ice or mixed into your favorite mocktail. One shot of Willy's helps you relax, unwind and de stress. Willy's sold out three times in the first six months with over 50,000 happy customers and they just restocked.

[Tig Notaro]

Willy's ships directly to your doorstep in over 40 states. Order now at drink willys.com and use code handsome for 20% off of your first order plus free shipping on orders over $95. And enjoy life in the high country.

[May Martin]

Today's episode of Handsome is supported by O Positive. O Positive is a women's health company that offers a range of best selling symptom targeting supplements that support women at every stage of life from their first period to well beyond their last. Their products create real tangible results with ingredients backed by clinical studies and shaped by board certified doctors.

[Tig Notaro]

One of O Positive's best selling offerings is Euro, a probiotic blend specifically formulated to support vaginal health, smell and flora by balancing ph. A lot of factors from Tight clothing to periods can disrupt vaginal health and lead to a pH imbalance. Uro contains four powerful strains of probiotic that research shows can deliver noticeable benefits within eight weeks when taken daily. Customers say that, quote, every woman needs this when taken daily. Euro delivers noticeable benefits within eight weeks, and many may see results sooner.

[May Martin]

Take proactive care of your health and head to ohpositive.com handsome or enter handsome at checkout for 25% off your first purchase. That's oh positive.com handsome for 25% off.

[Fortune Feimster]

I used to hate Valentine's Day. I'm not really that, like, into it now, obviously, but.

[Tig Notaro]

What do you mean, obviously?

[Fortune Feimster]

Obviously?

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

It's not obvious to me.

[May Martin]

It's not obvious to me.

[Fortune Feimster]

I don't know. It's just another. It's just another one of those Hallmark holidays.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, yeah, but who cares? Why not take the moment to celebrate?

[Fortune Feimster]

That's true. No, I'm happy.

[Tig Notaro]

No, it sounds like you're being negative. No, I love. No, no, I love. Love. All right. I love you, too.

[Fortune Feimster]

But growing up, I had. I probably had a chip on my shoulder about it because I never had a Valentine. And. And so, you know, when you weren't with somebody that a day like that felt. Poopy.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Watch your mouth. I didn't have Valentine's either, ever.

[Fortune Feimster]

You seem like you would have been, like, a little. Have a bunch of girlfriends in, like, high school or junior high.

[Tig Notaro]

No.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, no.

[Tig Notaro]

I didn't know what was up with me at my face and my outfits. No. But I didn't.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah.

[May Martin]

I feel like if you don't have a Valentine and you should just find any kind of, like, a dog or a kid.

[Tig Notaro]

Wait, what?

[Fortune Feimster]

Wait, why a dog?

[Tig Notaro]

What are we talking? Why a kid? What are we talking about?

[May Martin]

Oh, my God. Yeah. I need to explain this better.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yes, please, God.

[Tig Notaro]

We're talking ears.

[Fortune Feimster]

Weirdo. Oh, my God. Weirdo. Oh, my God.

[May Martin]

I was just. Okay.

[Tig Notaro]

This was my dog. If you don't have a date, find a dog.

[May Martin]

No, my thought process was that when I was in. In school, like, my dad would make us feel really special on Valentine's Day, and it would be, like, fun games and balloons and stuff. So, like, if. If you're feeling sad and lonely, just make it special for a dog or a kid, and it'll bring you joy.

[Fortune Feimster]

Your dog's gonna be pumped about Valentine's Day. I didn't have any, but. No, I have a Valentine.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, my gosh. My cats are gonna sleep right through it.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah, they don't even know exactly.

[May Martin]

You gotta wait.

[Fortune Feimster]

The only flowers I was ever sent in high school was from my brother. He sent me Valentine. He sent me a flower.

[Tig Notaro]

What's going on there? Why nobody has a normal Valentine's Day?

[Fortune Feimster]

He was being nice. He sent flowers to me and flowers to my mom.

[May Martin]

That's nice. And was he very yellow?

[Fortune Feimster]

It's friendship flowers.

[May Martin]

Was he already at college and stuff?

[Fortune Feimster]

No, I think I was in ninth grade and maybe he was a senior.

[May Martin]

Is yellow friendship flowers?

[Tig Notaro]

Huh?

[May Martin]

Huh?

[Fortune Feimster]

Yellow is for friendship. What are white Love Triple X. What is white? Peace and love.

[May Martin]

Motorboating.

[Fortune Feimster]

Reds Romantic.

[Tig Notaro]

White is motorboating. White flowers means motorbike.

[Fortune Feimster]

My brother, he was probably like, oh, she's gonna. She's not gonna have a Valentine's. Let me send my sister some flowers.

[Tig Notaro]

My brother always sends me. Not always. Relax.

[Fortune Feimster]

I didn't have a Valentine in college either. I was a real loner.

[Tig Notaro]

I didn't go to college.

[Fortune Feimster]

There you go.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, I didn't have one either.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

We should have dated Fortune.

[Fortune Feimster]

I know. Why didn't we?

[Tig Notaro]

I don't know. Crazy.

[Fortune Feimster]

Male suitors, didn't you?

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[May Martin]

When? In my teens.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, anytime.

[May Martin]

Yeah, I had male suitors, I guess. And. And then 16. Plus I had. I had girlfriends and boyfriends.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, yeah, that's the wadna.

[May Martin]

Do you think if you guys had met in high school or college and, you know, when you don't know any other queer people and you're in a small town, you just think, I guess we'll date? Like, you guys might have dated?

[Tig Notaro]

I can confirm that we didn't date. I think we would have been friends.

[Fortune Feimster]

We would have been friends for sure. Being like, check that chick out.

[Tig Notaro]

And I'd be like, what, are you gay?

[Fortune Feimster]

No, no, no, no, no. I just. She's my best friend. She's my best friend.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

T and I have met a long time ago. We. We're. We were. We're both in the feminine. Women.

[May Martin]

No, I know, but you know when you don't really know that yet, and you're. And you just meet a queer person and you think, well, I guess I'm just in love with this person. Because you're, like, recognizing things about yourself, you know?

[Tig Notaro]

Wait, how about those mysterious people from your childhood, from junior high, from high school, that you're like, I know what? Like, looking back, there's something up with them.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

They're married to a man.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Children.

[Fortune Feimster]

I know several of those. I know where you're like, I'm like that person's. One hundo.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah. Like, wow, you're still sticking with it. There is this one woman who I met, like, when we were, like, 20 or something, and I was like, okay, where is your girlfriend? And to this day, still never has a boyfriend or a girlfriend.

[Fortune Feimster]

Wow.

[Tig Notaro]

Straight as an arrow.

[Fortune Feimster]

She's missing out.

[Tig Notaro]

Well, claiming to be straight as an arrow, it's so fascinating. There's, like, yeah. Long list of people through life where you're like, wait, she needs to travel.

[Fortune Feimster]

Just try the lady train, you know, I mean, I know you, man. Get a ticket. Take. Take a ride. It can be one way. It could be round trip.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah. Yeah. You can hop on, hop off.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Like May does. May hops on, hops off.

[Fortune Feimster]

May does whatever they want.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah. I mean, with everything.

[Fortune Feimster]

No, I.

[May Martin]

If I. My life would look so different if I did whatever I want.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Like, you might have a curtain.

[May Martin]

Yeah, I would have a curtain. Oh, I'd have, like, exotic pets, you know, But I know you're not allowed.

[Tig Notaro]

What kind of exotic? Pet koala. You'd probably start dating it because Valentine's Day.

[May Martin]

Just grab a dog or a.

[Fortune Feimster]

A koala.

[May Martin]

Yeah, I'd have a koala.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah.

[May Martin]

Snuggle in my lap right now. Can you imagine? I go, look, guys, you don't need to see your.

[Tig Notaro]

We don't need to see your lap.

[Fortune Feimster]

Look at my.

[Tig Notaro]

My YouTube. May is showing their crotch.

[Fortune Feimster]

I mean, eucalyptus. If you had a koala, you know that.

[May Martin]

Oh. Oh, my God. Finally, an organic matter.

[Fortune Feimster]

It's been forever.

[May Martin]

Oh, okay. Koalas are actually.

[Fortune Feimster]

I love that.

[May Martin]

That's on your desk. Take forever. I said forever.

[Tig Notaro]

Forever.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

I'm assuming. I don't know. That's always going to be there.

[Fortune Feimster]

How dare you?

[May Martin]

Koalas are allergic to eucalyptus, and yet they eat it all the time. And that's why they're so sleepy all the time, because they're actually. They can't digest it very well.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, they're dumb.

[May Martin]

They also all have chlamydia, and they also.

[Fortune Feimster]

Wait, I didn't know that. Yeah.

[May Martin]

And their fingerprints are indistinguishable from human fingerprints.

[Fortune Feimster]

Whoa. That's weird. And also, their favorite artist is Jennifer Lopez. Every single koala loves Jennifer Lopez, loves JLO and razor blades. Well, sounds like a very exciting. Oh, I know it's. We talked about it last week, but it's Tig's anniversary on Valentine's Day.

[May Martin]

Oh, my God.

[Tig Notaro]

Party kisser on the list.

[Fortune Feimster]

Are you gonna do anything romantic?

[Tig Notaro]

Well, party kisser got pinned down, you know, yeah, but am I doing anything? No. I feel like there's something that's going on on Valentine's Day where I can't be with my.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, no, you're not together. We're.

[Tig Notaro]

We're rarely together. Oh, no. I am home on Valentine's Day.

[May Martin]

And then you gotta plan something.

[Tig Notaro]

The Independent Spirit Awards are the day after, and we were nominated for best documentary, so I'll be at that. So I will be home, but I.

[Fortune Feimster]

In the morning.

[Tig Notaro]

Well, I'm gonna be home on the 14th, and then the 15th is the awards, so I don't know what the 14th holds.

[Fortune Feimster]

Y' all will make each other some overnight oats.

[Tig Notaro]

I'll meet you in the kitchen for some overnight oats, my love.

[May Martin]

You Lee, instead of flower petals, you leave a trail of overnight oats.

[Fortune Feimster]

Granola, blueberries. Yeah, that's. That's romantic. Maybe you'll wear your nightgown for her.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, maybe. We'll see. Or maybe I won't wear my nightgown.

[Fortune Feimster]

Now we're talking.

[Tig Notaro]

Finally.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah. Sexy. And I feel like May still has a few days and they could end up with a date for the weekend. Going to this concert.

[May Martin]

I'm gonna go to the concert regardless. And then.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah.

[May Martin]

Or maybe I'll meet someone at the concert.

[Fortune Feimster]

That's right.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[May Martin]

Yeah. I'm gonna set. I'll set up a Valentine. Valentine's Day's. I. I was proposed to on Valentine's Day. It kind of ruined all future Valentine's Days for me.

[Fortune Feimster]

Well, no, you need to reframe.

[May Martin]

I need to reframe.

[Fortune Feimster]

Rewrite your Valentine's.

[May Martin]

Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened.

[Tig Notaro]

That's right. We'll be right back after this commercial break.

[May Martin]

Should we get to our question?

[Tig Notaro]

I feel that way about you saying that quote. I feel like. Don't cry because it happened. Don't cry. Oh, what is it?

[May Martin]

Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah.

[May Martin]

You're smiling about me saying that?

[Tig Notaro]

About saying that? Yeah.

[May Martin]

Oh, that's nice.

[Tig Notaro]

Look at my smile.

[May Martin]

That's beautiful.

[Tig Notaro]

Thank you. Let's get to our question Asker.

[May Martin]

Today's question Asker is an Emmy winning writer, producer and actor who wrote for SNL from 1995 to 2013. She played Gloria in Girls 5 Eva and stars in the new comedy the Burbs on Peacock. Paula Pell is asking today's question.

[Fortune Feimster]

Paula's very funny. Paula's actually who wrote the movie I'm filming right now. Paula wrote it with her wife, Janine Brito. And they're very, very funny and amazing. Paula's a very amazing actress as well.

[Tig Notaro]

Awesome. Yeah, yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

Let's hear it.

[Paula Pell]

Hi, hilarious hunks of handsome, it's Paula Powell. Thank you for having me. I love this podcast so much. Here's my question I'm posing to you. What is your absolute worst date you've ever been on? Just like, a full diaper from beginning to end.

[Fortune Feimster]

A full diaper. Oh, my God. A full diaper.

[Tig Notaro]

Diaper.

[Fortune Feimster]

That's funny. I've not heard that. That phrase of just a full diaper from beginning to end.

[May Martin]

I'm trying to think what to share.

[Tig Notaro]

I feel like I don't go out on a lot of dates. I feel like I meet people and then we figure out we like each other. And then you're dating and then we're dating.

[May Martin]

Right. But even if you just, like, go out for dinner with someone you're dating, that counts as a date.

[Fortune Feimster]

I mean, my most awkward dates were definitely, like, early on this. This was the time of Craigslist being a hot spot. Do you remember these. These days?

[Tig Notaro]

Did you end up in married threesomes?

[Fortune Feimster]

No, I've never been in a threesome. This is not a threesome gal over here. I. Craigslist was like, this would have been. Well, because I came out in 2005, you know, I was like a late bloomer. And Craigslist was very popular at the time for like, like finding like, sports teams or dating or whatever. Like, it was a very. The. The community was active on there. And then, you know, eventually someone ruined it by murdering someone. It happens every time. But for a couple years, you could, like, if you wanted to do anything social, if you wanted to get murdered, we didn't want that. But sometimes, you know, it just happens. And so I had joined some. I had come out and I would join some sports team, was trying to meet. I was trying to meet gay people just for friends. And then I was trying to, like, get the courage to go on dates, but I had no game. I did not know how to talk to women. I was so awkward. And I went on Craigslist and started emailing with some people, but this was also no pictures. It was all just like, women seeking women. And you just put traits about yourself.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, my God.

[Fortune Feimster]

And so I went on a couple dates via this, and they. Terrible.

[May Martin]

Oh, my God.

[Fortune Feimster]

I think I went on three dates to three different women.

[May Martin]

Total blind date.

[Fortune Feimster]

Like, total blind date.

[May Martin]

That's brave.

[Fortune Feimster]

Barely knew anything. And I had. We had Zilch in common. All three of us.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

And these were three very different women. Very. I mean it. The first one, I was. We met for coffee and I was so nervous. I. Like, she had already gotten her. She was kind of nerdy and she had gotten a tea and I sat down and spilled her tea everywhere on the table. So, like.

[Tig Notaro]

And you already know out of the gate, I don't want anything to do with this. Oh, you can.

[Fortune Feimster]

I mean, she's thinking the same about me, though. Like, there's no chemistry. But I couldn't stop saying the word gay date. I was like, I've never been on a gay date. Have you? Do you go on gay dates? This is a very interesting gay date. And I was like, what am I doing?

[Tig Notaro]

Wait, and you weren't being funny?

[Fortune Feimster]

No, I was not being funny. I was being so awkward because I was. I had never been out on. This is my first date with a woman.

[Tig Notaro]

Did you have your Star Trek shirt on?

[Fortune Feimster]

I did not. But, you know, that was what sucked about coming out late is that these are the awkward things I should have been doing at 16, you know?

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

And I was having to do them at like, I don't know, this was 25, 26. And I was like, oh, this gay date.

[May Martin]

Well, yeah, she's like, pretty crazy. That's so funny.

[Fortune Feimster]

God.

[May Martin]

Handsome is brought to you by Squarespace. We used Squarespace to design a website to promote our very real band, and it was a joy to create. Whatever you need, a website for Squarespace can help make it happen. Squarespace is the all in one website platform designed to help you stand out and succeed online with a beautiful, functional site. With Squarespace, you get everything you need to claim your domain. Then showcase your offerings and grow your brand with a professional, personalized website that stands out from the rest.

[Tig Notaro]

With Squarespace's collection of cutting edge design tools, anyone can build a beautiful, professional online presence that perfectly fits their brand or business. No matter where you start, your website is flexible to what you need with intuitive drag and drop editing, beautiful styling options, unrivaled visual design effects, and more ways to list what you offer. No experience required.

[May Martin]

What are you waiting for? Get started on your dream website today. Head to squarespace.com handsome for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, use offer code handsome to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or.

[Fortune Feimster]

Domain in partnership with Airbnb. Let's talk a little bit about travel, May. After I'm done with all this filming I'm doing, I really want to just take a weekend off and relax. I love booking stays on Airbnb because you get all the amenities of a home. And I definitely want a place with a private outdoor hot tub so I can take a long soak and look up at the stars. Here's my question though. Where should I go?

[May Martin]

I mean, if you're willing to go a bit, bit further. I do love mixing in a hot tub with the cold. So Colorado maybe, or even the desert. I got a house out there on Airbnb with some friends. It was so good. Everyone had their own room. We cooked up like family style meals in the kitchen. If you wanted somewhere closer to home, would you do Palm Springs?

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, for sure.

[May Martin]

Another reason I love Airbnb is that booking with them feels so much more special than hotels. I've stayed at hotels where I've gotten on an elevator, had to find the right floor and then search for the pool and the hot tub and then you find out they're closed. And I just love the privacy.

[Fortune Feimster]

Okay, well, this inspired me to book something soon, so I appreciate it, buddy. And if you're listening out there and thinking about your next trip, I highly recommend you check out Airbnb and do some traveling yourself. The new year is here. Get back into a handsome at home routine you love and elevate your space with Wayfair. From bedding and mattresses to storage solutions for every room in the house, Wayfair is your one stop shop. Refresh your living room with accent pillows, mirrors, and my favorite faux plants for way less.

[May Martin]

Yeah, now that I've been living in my new house for a while, like I'm pretty settled in, but the clutter is built up so I'm gonna go to Wayfair for storage solutions. I bought a bunch of little like in drawer storage bins for my bathroom and my kitchen. And it's been so satisfying to make my space more organized and more useful. Wayfair's got great stuff for your home. Office, your kids rooms, your closets, every room in the house. One thing I got was a six piece set of airtight glass storage jars for my kitchen. So good for coffee, cereal, pasta. They just make me happy.

[Fortune Feimster]

So get organized, refreshed and back on track this new year for way less. Head to Wayfair.com right now to shop all things home. That's W-A-Y-F A I R.com Wayfair Every style, every home. I think, I think the coffee lasted 40 minutes maybe tops.

[Tig Notaro]

I mean, that's too long.

[Fortune Feimster]

And then I met another one at a bar, like a lesbian bar. And she seemed really into me, and I was like, no, no, no, no, no, no. I. I was so scared of women. I couldn't. I just couldn't. I was not ready.

[Tig Notaro]

You were like, whoa, she wants to motorboat me.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah. But I was not ready for that. And there was. Was I. We didn't really have chemistry either. And then the other one, I think. I think we met at Chili's.

[Tig Notaro]

Why are you laughing? You'd still do that now?

[Fortune Feimster]

I would do it now.

[Tig Notaro]

Why are you laughing?

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, my God. We just split triple dippers. And that sounds good. So the day wasn't, you know, we weren't compatible, but, man, was the triple dipper fantastic. But I just was such a bumbling idiot for a couple years until I finally just got, you know, like, you just have to practice. It takes just, like, doing it. Yeah, but those were the most awkward. And. And when you. When. When you're meeting like that, it's so not organic.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

You know, you're putting two, like, totally mismatched people together and just like, being like, okay, here you go. It's different, I think when you, like, you know, go online, you're talking. I don't even know if we talked on the phone, really. Like, we just, like, went out, which was such a mistake. And then I did another a couple years later when I was more comfortable.

[Tig Notaro]

I already kiss her.

[Fortune Feimster]

I know. A couple years later, I went on mad.

[Tig Notaro]

Did you kiss any of these people?

[Fortune Feimster]

No. No, no, no.

[Tig Notaro]

You just, like, peeled out and, like, going, what the hell? Like, what was your conversation?

[Fortune Feimster]

I couldn't get out of there fast enough. And then I went on. I was never really much into the apps or whatever. I just preferred to try to meet people in person. And this one, I. I finally went on the app because I was having a hard time meeting people, and I emailed only two women, and they. And I met them both in real life and then found out within a couple weeks of hanging out just as friends. That they were dating each other.

[May Martin]

No, because they were currently dating each other.

[Fortune Feimster]

They were currently dating each other. They had met on the website. Oh, we're dating the website, Matt. I mean, like, match.com, i think. And they. But they both continued to stay on.

[Tig Notaro]

They were triple dippers.

[Fortune Feimster]

The website. And then. Yeah. And then I was like. And so they were like, we just want to be. They would each were telling me they wanted to be friends, and I was like, why are you on a dating site? Yeah, it was so weird to. Why, Like, I hope they broke up. Of course, a couple months later.

[Tig Notaro]

They listen to this podcast now, by the way, for sure. And they regret.

[Fortune Feimster]

One of them. I did ask out after they'd broken up. I mean, they were. They dated like three months. It was like nothing. And I think I asked a couple months after that if she wanted to go out and she was like, no, I can't believe you asked me out. I was like, oh, my God, that tone. I know. She seemed very. Yeah. Like very offended. And then like hit on a friend of mine. I was like, okay, this is. I had, I had a couple years.

[May Martin]

Of just bad luck, like, drama. Early 20s.

[Fortune Feimster]

I would like girls that didn't like me back and. Or they were like confused about their sexuality. I just, it took me a while to really get in. Get it right. Like, as far as like starting to have good dates. Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Or were they maybe like turned off by gay date coming up all the time? I didn't do that again.

[Fortune Feimster]

That was the first. I just did it on the first one. But yeah, I just think that's what's tough about coming out later is because you want to, like I said, be. Be doing this awkward stuff in your teens. Like, that's when you want to be going through stuff. Not when you're like 25 to, you know, late 20s.

[Tig Notaro]

Well, yeah, I feel.

[Fortune Feimster]

It feels worse.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah. And I feel like, honestly, it kind of. There's like sometimes Arrested Development vibe.

[May Martin]

Totally in that.

[Tig Notaro]

That in the community. Yeah. Because people have not experienced. Yeah.

[May Martin]

Yeah. At least now with the apps, you can get so specific about what you're into. You could, you could put, well, now.

[Fortune Feimster]

I'm a grown ass woman and.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, okay, geez.

[Fortune Feimster]

Okay, now I'm Rico Suave, right? Yeah, you are.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, absolutely.

[Fortune Feimster]

I've come a long way. That was 20 years ago. So I was a baby gay, as they call them.

[May Martin]

I'm thinking of the. The date that sprung to my mind is it was my birthday and I was. I was living in England and I was living with my girlfriend who was closeted. And so I. I had like a little cupboard under the stairs that we would pretend was my bedroom. Like Harry Potter.

[Fortune Feimster]

Adorable.

[May Martin]

Like, it was like, it was literally a tiny. It was a quarter of the size of the stairs. This office I'm in now and it just had a single bed and it was just. So if people came over, we could be like, oh, no, May sleeps in there.

[Tig Notaro]

You sleep in like a little match.

[Fortune Feimster]

Like a Barbie dream house. Yeah.

[May Martin]

And so it was my birthday, and I'd started to be like, okay, you gotta start telling people now. And shoot, like, the pressure was on and it was the sore spot. Anyway, she brought me in the rain to way out. To, like, Richmond, way out side of London, like an. Like, really the outskirts. To. To walk around a garden. And I slowly realized that it was just because we wouldn't bump into anyone we knew there. And then also, she got tired, and so she made me tell them that she needed a wheelchair. And so I pushed her around. I pushed her around this garden in the rain in a wheelchair. Well, and I was like, this is.

[Tig Notaro]

The hottest thing I've ever heard.

[May Martin]

I was like, this. This sucks.

[Fortune Feimster]

And then. Sounds awful.

[May Martin]

Oh, it was awful. And. And wait, where did the wheelchair come?

[Fortune Feimster]

And why could she not walk? Y' all were young.

[May Martin]

We were young. She was just tired. She was like, I need to pull.

[Tig Notaro]

That sometime with Stephanie.

[May Martin]

And then. And then we went back to our apartment. And then she was like, oh, my friend's coming over, so can you, like, not be weird? And then I was like, okay, well, I wanted to take a bath. And she was like, well, that'll be weird if you take a bath.

[Fortune Feimster]

I love a bath.

[May Martin]

I love a bath. Anyway.

[Fortune Feimster]

I love a bath, too.

[Tig Notaro]

I love you, too.

[May Martin]

And then the other bad date, I could think of that actually.

[Fortune Feimster]

Wait, can I ask a follow up? I want to hear this one, but did y' all last much longer?

[May Martin]

We were together three and a half years.

[Fortune Feimster]

Wow.

[May Martin]

And only a handful.

[Tig Notaro]

And she was in the closet the whole time?

[May Martin]

Pretty much, yeah. I mean, everyone knew our friends, but they were British people in their 20s, too awkward to say anything. I was like. Like, this is. Yeah, I mean, I should have got it.

[Tig Notaro]

I'll be honest. I don't know how I missed how the wheelchair ended up.

[Fortune Feimster]

She just got tired.

[May Martin]

They just had spare wheelchairs for, you know, the elderly and stuff at Kew Gardens. You could rent them. And she said, can you go and tell them that I'm. I need one and that, you know, I have a leg problem or something? And then I. I went and got one, and I was. I just remember pushing her around, being so tired, and it dawning on me that we were out in the middle of nowhere so we wouldn't bump into it. Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

You know, that's interesting. Even though this isn't what you were saying. I just had this memory that my first girlfriend, she would want to hold my hand, and I was so uncomfortable that I would. I'd limp when she held My hand.

[Fortune Feimster]

Like, really?

[Tig Notaro]

I would act like I needed her to help me.

[May Martin]

That's why she was holding your hand?

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[May Martin]

Oh, dang.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, my God. God. Oh, her little internal homophobia.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

So glad to be far from that.

[Tig Notaro]

I know, I know. I was. I was very, very uncomfortable.

[Fortune Feimster]

And then what was your other one, May, that you were going to talk.

[May Martin]

About the other one. It actually ended up being a fun weekend, but it was with an ex of mine. We went up to Big Bear, and I. And I was, like, crazy about her. And we're. We're in the car, we get up to Big Bear, and it was like, day one. And I. She said something like, we should probably talk about where this is going. And I was like, yeah, great. I want it to go everywhere. To the moon and the stars, baby. Yeah. And she was like, oh, well, I'm not really sure what I want. And I. It. And then I was like, we have this whole weekend now. And I'm, like, visibly shaken by that, but I'm like, no, I'm gonna be cool. And had rented this Airbnb, and it was the middle of winter and snowing, and we got in the hot tub that night, and it was nighttime and we locked ourselves out, and it was snow and the. And we're in the hot tub, but the. The Airbnb was 45 minutes from anywhere. And.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, my God.

[May Martin]

And we're in our bathing suits, but we had a. Our phone. So we called the company that ran the. And they said, well, we can have someone to you in about 90 minutes or something. But the roads were so icy, people were like. And so we're just freezing. But also the chlorine and the bleach in the hot tub that we were in there for hours. And when I got out, my black bathing suit was bleached, like, almost orange.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, wow.

[May Martin]

The guy showed up and he'd forgotten the key, and he had to take the whole front door off its hinges to get us in and then put it back on. And then basically the next morning we woke up and our skin was, like, cracking dry. It was the biggest boner killer. We had to go to CVS US buy as much moisturizer as we could. You would have loved it.

[Fortune Feimster]

Put the lotion on each other.

[May Martin]

Yeah, I'm sure.

[Fortune Feimster]

I'm sure that. I mean, you could make a. You know, make something with that.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah. That sounds like a terrible weekend, especially.

[May Martin]

It's pretty funny.

[Tig Notaro]

That was lazy and wanted to sit in a wheelchair.

[May Martin]

Well, the wheelchair that was a Different act.

[Tig Notaro]

I know, but that is just like.

[Fortune Feimster]

Because you were probably in your 20s. Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

And like push me around in a wheelchair.

[Fortune Feimster]

It was. You had to pretend that you lived in a Barbie dream house under the stairs.

[May Martin]

She was a real character. There's more stories there.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, those are the only two.

[Fortune Feimster]

Did you draw from some of that for Feel Good? Because wasn't that character in the closet?

[May Martin]

I did a bit. But in Feel Good I made you really root for the relationship, I think.

[Fortune Feimster]

Right.

[May Martin]

And in real life, I don't think anyone was rooting for.

[Fortune Feimster]

Everyone's like, okay, it's time to move on.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

Up as she's rolling around a wheelchair outside. I'm exhausted. Just because she's tired.

[Tig Notaro]

An exhausted sausage take.

[May Martin]

What about you? Well, yeah. So you don't go on many dates, but.

[Tig Notaro]

No.

[Fortune Feimster]

Would you. You probably asked.

[Tig Notaro]

Don't yell at me. Fortune.

[Fortune Feimster]

Someone who had the confidence to ask some girls out.

[Tig Notaro]

No. Oh my God.

[May Martin]

No.

[Fortune Feimster]

I didn't ask girls out.

[Paula Pell]

No.

[Fortune Feimster]

Even in Colorado.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh my gosh. This girl in la, she was a stand up writer, producer person that I just like would meet. I, I, you know, we just became friends and we really like enjoyed each other. Oh my gosh. I, I never want to overstep or make somebody uncomfortable.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

And I don't like to assume anybody is attracted to me. Like, I, it's, it's crippling, you know?

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

And she, and she had never been into a woman before and we hung out and was she, she lived in this apartment in San. I'm just, it's so hilarious because we're still friends and she's, you know, she's great. It's just so funny to think back before we knew each other better. And so she had me over. We went to her, the roof of her apartment in Santa Monica and it was like, yeah, so want to come sit with me on the swing? And I was like, sure. And I'm like, is she intimate? Like, I just didn't know what was happening. And so we're like swinging. And then she's like, well, it's, it's getting late. Do you want to spend the night? And I was like. And it was, to be fair, it was very late. But I mean, it's not like I couldn't drive back to Hollywood from Santa Monica, but I was like, sure. And so I said, stay. I, she makes up the couch for me.

[May Martin]

Okay. That is confusing then. This is mixed signals. Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Well, I think I probably had something to do where I was. I pro, I could Imagine you made up the couch. I probably was like, I could sleep on the couch. You know what I mean? Like.

[Fortune Feimster]

Right.

[Tig Notaro]

I was trying to, like, probably get ahead of things. And so I'm, like, on her couch, and she's in her bedroom, and then you just hear this voice go, tig. And I'm like, yeah. And she's like, are you comfortable on the couch?

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, man. She wanted you to come in the bedroom. And you probably went, yep.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, no.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, my God.

[May Martin]

So nothing happened?

[Fortune Feimster]

Putting it out there.

[Tig Notaro]

No. I mean, we ended up, like, hooking up, making out, kissing, like, that night. No.

[Fortune Feimster]

Tay was not picking up on anything. Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

It's like, you have to absolutely.

[Fortune Feimster]

Just kiss you.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It. Because there's no world that I will do that. Yeah. I just.

[Fortune Feimster]

I was pretty bad about that, too. I never knew if someone liked me.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah. I think I've mentioned a story also about this girl that when she was done with me after.

[Fortune Feimster]

Sexually or.

[Tig Notaro]

No.

[Fortune Feimster]

She was.

[Tig Notaro]

She was so done with me because it just. It just. It was not happening. And then, of course, it. It created that situation where. Where I became more interested in her.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

When she was less interested. And one time I stopped by her house. I think I mentioned this on the show, wearing the shirt that she always would tell me I looked cute in.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah. And she. Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Wasn't having it.

[Fortune Feimster]

It didn't do it.

[Tig Notaro]

No. No. But. But we're totally pals still.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

We haven't really ever talked about that.

[May Martin]

About you on the sofa.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

And it. It's also. I mean, like, we're both married with kids and, like, rarely see each other. I think it's been, like, 10 years since I've seen her, you know?

[May Martin]

Okay.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

But anyway, that was uncomfortable, and I was fully to blame.

[May Martin]

Tig, are you comfortable on this? So everything's good?

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah, I. Yeah, I. I definitely had some awkward, like, phone calls where I liked someone, but I. Nothing was ever happening. And it would just drag out and drag out and drag out, and finally I would just call them and be like, I like you. And they would be like, I don't like you like that. Okay.

[May Martin]

Okay, bye.

[Fortune Feimster]

Okay, bye.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, wrong number.

[Fortune Feimster]

God. My 20s were a mess, but once I hit 30, I found my stride. Yeah, but, man, those twin. Those 20s were.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, I. I. Yeah. It's rough thinking back on my life before. Oh, my God. I'm always like, my apologies to everyone. My apologies. I just. I was just not great at things.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah. It's a weird thing. Some people are good at it, and some people aren't. But then eventually you found your. Your right person. And then it was so easy, Right?

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah. I mean, God, so easy. But it's also. I don't know what I was gonna say. Oh, I know what I was gonna say. It's so impressive, though, Fortune, that you felt that way and you still put yourself out there. Like, I didn't.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

I didn't ever do that at all.

[Fortune Feimster]

It was so hard. I mean, I was like, you know, my stomach was in knots.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah. But still, that's, like, true bravery and, like, strength. Because it is. Because you're. You're so full of fear and insecurity, and you're. You're like, I'm still gonna put myself out there. I.

[Fortune Feimster]

What?

[Tig Notaro]

It.

[Fortune Feimster]

It had gone on where we were in this weird, like, in between for a bit where I couldn't. Part of it was. I just couldn't take it anymore. Like, the not knowing because I was. My feelings were continuing to develop and. And I. I had this, like, run where I liked a couple of. Not at the same time, but I liked a couple women in a row at that unrequited love thing.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

And I don't. I couldn't get out of that pattern where I just was, like, falling for that. Just nothing was happening. But I was developing feelings, and I just got to the point where I was like, I have to find out, because not that I won't be their friend, but I need to know so that I can put my energy elsewhere if this isn't going to develop. So, yeah, it was basically just after a while of me just not wanting to feel that awful in between anymore.

[May Martin]

And now. You and Tig are such good friends.

[Fortune Feimster]

Look at us. We made it through. I was just stuff on my couch.

[Tig Notaro]

I was also. I don't know how I ended up on this coffee date with a girl. It was right after. It was in 2012, after all the hell I had been through, and. And she was like, well, there you go, Fortune. She looked like a version of Jennifer Aniston, you know, And. But she was so deeply boring. I was truly staring at her like, how on earth are you choosing these words and sentences? And I was so confused. And after our coffee, she texted me. That was so nice. And I was like, ooblee. And then she knew that I had a show that night, and she texted me before the show saying, have a good show. And I was like, oh. And then. Yeah. And then at night when I was in bed, I got a text from her saying sweet dreams. And I was like, oh my God. I. I called her Red Flag. I called her Textopher Aniston, but I was just like, no, no, no, no. And, and that was actually a story I had told Stephanie before we got involved. And then when she and I exchanged numbers, she texted me at 11 o' clock that night and said, sweet dreams.

[Fortune Feimster]

So good at those callbacks.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, yeah, she's good. But anyway, I can't even imagine the, the awkward stories people have about me.

[May Martin]

Oh my God. Wouldn't it be nice to hear what people say about you?

[Tig Notaro]

Well, it makes me think. I would love to text that friend, the comedian, writer, producer. What if it was Paula Pell?

[Fortune Feimster]

Paul?

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

No, that, that, that went on with all those years ago and just be like, how hilarious. How hilarious. And what are your memories of that?

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah, that would be funny.

[May Martin]

Anyway, let's hear Paula Pell.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Paula Pell]

After my divorce, I went on a date. Someone fixed me up with someone. I had moved to la and they fixed me up with this girl. And I was all excited. I got a blow dry and got my nails done and I was all nervous and I got ready early and sat and waited with my purse in my lap. Like I was waiting for church to start and I was waiting for her call. Cause she had a meeting at like 7 and was gonna be done ready for dinner at Canter's at 8. We're gonna have a little deli meal. All excited. And she just kept delaying. Oh my God, I'm so sorry. Cause I kept having to check in. Hey, are we still doing this? So walking my friend to his car. Oh, I'm so sorry. I'm talking to my friend. He's going through something. I'll be there very soon. I'll call you finally about. I'm not kidding. Two hours go by and I'm like, if you want to cancel and we can do this some other time. I had completely melted all my beautification. And she said, no, no, I don't have my car. Can you pick me up at this corner and we can go to a bar. So I picked her up, we went to the bar and started talking. She was really nice. And we're laughing and talking and she proceeds to tell me that she went to dine with her friend she was talking to that delayed the date at Canter's where we were supposed to be going.

[Fortune Feimster]

What?

[Paula Pell]

And she thought it was funny. And she was just telling me like, can you believe it? We did that.

[Fortune Feimster]

And I was just like.

[Paula Pell]

But I had Very low self esteem at the time. So of course, at the end of the day I was like, I hope she still wants to make out with me. Which she did not.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, my Lord.

[Fortune Feimster]

God dang, Paula, you don't deserve that.

[Tig Notaro]

Is Paula in a relationship?

[Fortune Feimster]

Happily married.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, okay. She remarried.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yes, Paula remarried and so happy.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, good. How long has she been with her wife? Her new. Her new. Probably not new.

[Fortune Feimster]

They've been together for a bit. I don't know how long though.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

But they. They seem like a great fit it. Oh, that's the nerve of that day.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[May Martin]

To be like so funny. While you were waiting, I went to the place we were gonna go.

[Fortune Feimster]

That's so rude.

[Tig Notaro]

That's so silly of me.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah, I did ask someone. I thought I asked someone on a date once. This is again back in my 20s and it was one of those outdoor movies. This is like. And a bunch of my friends were going. I was like, oh, this is the perfect, like, first date. Like. Like we can kind of get to know each other. So I asked this girl and she brought a date.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, that's like Mike Verbiglia, my girlfriend's boyfriend.

[Fortune Feimster]

She. I had. I like sat there and had to like, entertain her date. Like. Like, she's like, fortune's so funny. Oh, my God, what am I doing with my life?

[Tig Notaro]

Those kind of moments of truly where you catch yourself in a mo where you're like, what?

[May Martin]

What?

[Tig Notaro]

How did I end up here?

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

Crazy.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah. That is so funny.

[May Martin]

I'm excited for the Paula Pell's movie with you in it, fortunately.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah. When does that come out?

[Fortune Feimster]

I mean, we're. This is the one we're filming now, so I don't know.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, but. Well, ask Paula.

[Fortune Feimster]

Paula. And Paula and her wife.

[Tig Notaro]

Wife.

[Fortune Feimster]

Janine wrote it, so. Oh, they wrote it together. They're both really fantastic comedy writers.

[Tig Notaro]

That's so cool.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yes. And they live on a farm, as lesbians do.

[Tig Notaro]

Wait, in real life?

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah.

[May Martin]

Really? Like with chickens and stuff.

[Fortune Feimster]

Cows, they've got.

[May Martin]

Why should.

[Tig Notaro]

She invited me.

[Fortune Feimster]

It's in. I think it's in New York somewhere in New York.

[Tig Notaro]

I can travel.

[Fortune Feimster]

All right, we'll tell Paula you want.

[Tig Notaro]

To go to her farm.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, my gosh. That's my big dream in the. In, in the end. Oh, my gosh. But it's my big dream is I wanna. I wanna start an animal sanctuary.

[Fortune Feimster]

I could see that for you.

[Tig Notaro]

And to go back to wheelchairs.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah. I want bring it full circle.

[Tig Notaro]

I mean, I would love to have an animal sanctuary. With animals that are, like, in wheelchairs.

[May Martin]

Oh, like three legged donkeys.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, my gosh. That is. I mean, that's what I want in life.

[Fortune Feimster]

I love that for you, bud. Thanks.

[Tig Notaro]

I love you too. Well, awesome.

[May Martin]

What are you guys?

[Tig Notaro]

Fun.

[May Martin]

That was so fun. What do you guys have coming up on, well, Valentine's Day, right?

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah, Big New York city, Beacon Theater, February 14th. And then in March, I have San Diego, Oklahoma City, Fayetteville, Arkansas. Little Rock, Arkansas. And a bunch of those rescheduled dates like Toronto and San Antonio and Portland. I'm so sorry I had to reschedule again, but I'm coming. I promise.

[Tig Notaro]

I'll be in. Tucson fan. Santa Fe. Ventura, California. Monterey, Los Angeles. Charleston, West Virginia. Cincinnati, Chattanooga, Knoxville. Keene, New Hampshire. Newtown, Connecticut. Portland, Maine. Red Bank, New Jersey. Bellingham, Washington. Brooks, California. San Luis Bispo. Albany, New York. Peekskill, New York. Clayton, New York. Do you do it? Oh, this is when I can go see the animals. Rochester, New York.

[Fortune Feimster]

There you go.

[Tig Notaro]

Kalispell, Montana. Spokane, Washington. Eugene. Calgary, Omaha, Oklahoma. All of those places. I will be there. Tignotaro.com Looking forward to it. I'll be with Amy Berkman, the speed painter, opening for me, raising money for good causes, including for animals. That's what I'm up to.

[May Martin]

All right, I am tomorrow night I'm at Largo in LA trying out my new hour before I go on tour to all those cities. Then February 26th, Oklahoma and the 27th, Houston and Dallas and go to maymartin.net it's selling out, but there's still some tickets available. See if I'm coming to your town. And I can't wait it subscribe Rate Review.

[Tig Notaro]

Also subscribe to YouTube so you can see Fortune touching her knockers.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

All right. Share an episode with a friend. And I mean, it's really the noise they make.

[Fortune Feimster]

I don't know.

[Tig Notaro]

No, I know. I used to have those things. They're still. They're still bouncing in the dumpster. But yeah, it's a wonderful community of people. Just a sea of handsome merchandise at the shows. It's so wonderful. You guys are the best. Yeah.

[May Martin]

Yeah. You're so, so awesome.

[Tig Notaro]

And until next time, what do you say we keep it handsome?

[May Martin]

Handsome is hosted by me, May Martin, Tig Notaro and Fortune Feimster. The show is produced, recorded and edited by Thomas Willette. Email [e-mail] and please follow us on social media. Ansomepod.

[Fortune Feimster]

What a podcast. What a podcast.

[May Martin]

That was a headgum podcast.

[Tig Notaro]

Checking allstate first could save you hundreds on car insurance. That's smart, not checking how long it takes to bake sweet potatoes. Not so smart. The rest of dinner was ready long before those potatoes were done, so now we're enjoying them for dessert.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah, Check in first is smart, so check Allstate first for a quote that could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Potential savings vary, subject to terms, conditions and availability. Allstate North American Insurance Company and affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois.