Pauline Chalamet asks about dangerous situations

Summary

Handsome Podcast Episode Summary

Episode: Pauline Chalamet Asks About Dangerous Situations
Date: September 23, 2025
Hosts: Tig Notaro, Fortune Feimster, Mae Martin
Special Guest: Pauline Chalamet
Main Theme:
Comedian and actress Pauline Chalamet asks the hosts to share stories of situations that seemed harmless or enjoyable at the time, but in hindsight turned out to be much more dangerous than they realized.

---

Episode Overview

This lighthearted yet thoughtful episode begins as usual with the hosts’ trademark riffing and playful camaraderie—including Fortune striking “sexy poses” in her hotel room and Mae updating everyone on her animal paintings book charity. The core of the episode is a deep dive into personal stories where each host (and Pauline) recounts a time they were unwittingly in danger, offering both humor and genuine reflection about risk-taking, naivete, and survival. Throughout, the hosts maintain their signature irreverence and warmth.

---

Key Discussion Points & Insights

Pre-Question Banter (02:00–32:00)

• Sexy Poses & Friendship:
  The episode opens with Fortune posing on her hotel bed at the others’ coaxing, leading into a discussion about what’s actually sexy (“Grinning with wide eyes—it’s underused!” – Mae, 03:56).
• Catchups:
  • Mae has sold out her animal paintings book for charity (05:58).
  • Tig is happy to be back in LA after months of travel, enjoying daily walks and routines with her wife, Stephanie (09:02).
  • Fortune reminisces about her divorced parents, their post-divorce dynamic, and the bittersweetness of family history (15:19–17:15).
• Codependency & Relationships:
  Mae details her parents' comically codependent but enduring marriage, describing their daily shared routine and reflecting on the fine line between codependence and healthy partnership (21:27–23:14). Tig and Fortune weigh in about their own experiences and understanding of codependency.
• Mae's Upcoming Therapeutic Retreat:
  Mae shares her plans to attend the Hoffman Institute, a six-day phone-free therapeutic program, and muses on her desire to temporarily escape screen time (25:14–28:01).

---

Listener Question: “Unexpectedly Dangerous Situations”

Pauline Chalamet’s Question (36:04–36:29):
“What is an experience that you've had where in the moment, you were really enjoying it and loving it… but in retrospect, you realized, oh, I was in a lot more danger than I thought I was?”

Hosts’ Stories

Tig Notaro: Swimming with Bull Sharks (41:16–45:17)

• Story: Tig recounts going with her assistant in Florida to swim with wild bull sharks, described as more aggressive than great whites, with no cage and raw chum thrown in the water.
  • “While I was dangling in the water, I was in there for 30 minutes…and keeping eye contact with the sharks. And now I feel like I would know—even though I'd be terrified—if I was by myself in the ocean and a shark was coming towards me, I would know I need to not make any fast moves.” (43:24)
• Takeaway: At the time, Tig found it exhilarating and only fully grasped the sheer recklessness afterwards, especially when her wife reminded her of her responsibilities as a parent.

Fortune Feimster: Racing up Chichen Itza (46:09–49:38)

• Story: As a college student studying Mayan ruins, Fortune raced up the 91 steps of the pyramid at Chichen Itza in sweltering heat, reaching the top with blue lips, about to pass out from exhaustion and dehydration.
  • “I came so close to just passing out off this giant pyramid. My professor said, 'Don't you ever do that again…you could have had a heart attack.'” (48:49)
• Takeaway: Fortune reflects that it seemed innocuous, but the physical risk was substantial and only clear in hindsight.

Mae Martin: Befriending an Uber Driver (51:07–59:23)

• Story: Mae tells of befriending an Uber driver in LA who shared a colorful past (ex-opium dealer, troubled teen school alum), exchanged numbers, and a month later, ended up (at 11 pm) inviting the same driver inside her house after a massage. He gave her a lengthy spontaneous spoken-word performance before leaving.
  • “As I'm unlocking my door, I'm like, what am I doing?...He goes, 'You are 50% man, 50% woman,'...Then he stops by the gate, closes his eyes, and starts reciting this three-minute spoken word poem.” (56:01–58:22)
• Reflection: Mae realizes she tapped into her teenage self who said yes to every new person but admits, “I did afterwards…I thought that definitely was very dangerous.” (59:20)

---

Pauline Chalamet’s Own Story (62:33–63:33)

• Story: While hitchhiking solo across Turkey as a young adult, Pauline undertook daily long hikes in Cappadocia with no water, phone, or map, trusting only her sense of direction.
  • “Only once I left did I realize that I would go out every day without any water, with no cell phone, and no map. Just an idea in my head of where I had come from and where I was going back.” (63:12)
• Reflection: Like the others, Pauline only recognized afterwards how vulnerable she was.

---

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Fortuitous Reunions:
  Mae: “I did spells. I think I might meet my wife soon…” (10:49)
  (Moments later, a stranger passes outside—hijinks and concern ensue.)
• On Codependency:
  Mae, describing her parents’ routine:
  “They spend the whole day sitting opposite each other at adjacent desks as if they work in an office together. Then…move to a third table…play Scrabble…drink white wine…have dinner…watch TV…bed.” (21:27)
• On Tiger Parenting:
  Tig: “I feel like such an annoying parent because I am so on Max and Finn about hydrating. 'Guys, come in. Have some water. Did you have water?'” (64:03)
• Fortune’s Lesson:
  “Math nerds out there…91 steps is 364; the top platform is the final step. Ergo, 365.” (50:19)
• Mae’s Uber encounter:
  “He goes, ‘Okay, give me your phone. I’ll text you right now.’ … We’re destined to be friends… Later, he stops at my gate, eyes closed, does this three-minute long, like, Eminem song worth of spoken word.” (52:01–58:20)
• Pauline’s Self-Reflection:
  “Once I left Turkey, I was like, oh… I was putting myself in grave danger. But in the moment, I thought, you know, I’m just going on a hike.” (63:25)

---

Timestamps for Important Segments

• 03:04 – Fortune does sexy poses on the bed
• 05:58 – Mae sells out charity book, faces daunting shipping task
• 21:27 – Mae describes her parents’ codependent daily routine
• 25:14 – Mae announces going to the Hoffman Institute
• 36:29 – Pauline Chalamet’s question is introduced
• 41:16 – Tig’s shark story begins
• 46:09 – Fortune’s Chichen Itza racing story
• 51:07 – Mae’s dangerous Uber friendship
• 62:33 – Pauline Chalamet’s answer/story
• 64:03 – Hydration & Parental Anxiety
• 67:19 – Plugs and wrap-up

---

Tone & Style

Throughout, the hosts maintain a conversational, confessional, and gently self-mocking tone, finding comic absurdity in their own youthful or impulsive risk-taking. There’s no preaching—just honest, warm storytelling and support.

---

For New Listeners

If you’ve never tuned in before, this episode is a perfect introduction to the "Handsome" ethos: honesty, self-deprecation, and the wisdom (sometimes) of lived experience—all laced with sharp wit and affection.

Quote:
Mae: “I’m just amazed that I’m alive, really…” (50:47)

Transcript

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[Tig Notaro]

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[Tig Notaro]

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[Mae Martin]

Pod chatting with friends on the Handsome Park. Cheers.

[Tig Notaro]

Welcome to the Handsome Pod. It is your dearest, dearest friend, Tig.

[Mae Martin]

Notaro along with May Martin in the house.

[Fortune Feimster]

Fortune Feamster also in duh house.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, I'm in. I'm in the office.

[Fortune Feimster]

I'm in a grandma's grandma's house.

[Mae Martin]

Are you actually at your grandma's house?

[Fortune Feimster]

I wish.

[Tig Notaro]

She did. She's dead, remember?

[Mae Martin]

I'm so sorry.

[Tig Notaro]

We talk about her every week.

[Mae Martin]

Oh my go God. Of course.

[Fortune Feimster]

I just wanted an excuse to talk about my dead grandma.

[Mae Martin]

But. But you're. It does look like kind of a grandma ish room.

[Fortune Feimster]

I'm on the road. It's just a hotel room.

[Mae Martin]

Okay. Because as I said that I was like, I hope that's not Fortune's bedroom. And I just said it was Grandma ish.

[Fortune Feimster]

I had said it first, so it's okay.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah, yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

No, I'm in a cute little hotel room a you guys can see. Oh, where my Bed is.

[Tig Notaro]

Yes, we can.

[Fortune Feimster]

Where none of the magic happens.

[Tig Notaro]

Will you lie down on the bed in a sexy pose, please? Yeah, please. With the headphone. With the headset.

[Mae Martin]

Wow. That did not take much convincing. Yeah, great. Yeah, really good stuff.

[Tig Notaro]

This is also input into what Fortune thinks is sexy. Yeah, this is really not input, but insight.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah. Wow. That one was my favorite at the end. Just grinning on all fours. If you're listening to this, go to YouTube for the love of God. Fortune is.

[Tig Notaro]

Is on a bed in a hotel and she is working some sexy poses.

[Fortune Feimster]

Winded. I just drooled.

[Tig Notaro]

Okay, well, we were too, by the way.

[Fortune Feimster]

That was so sexy. Was that va va voom.

[Tig Notaro]

That was way va, va, va, va, va, va voom, voom, voom, voom, voom.

[Fortune Feimster]

This part's not sexy. I never drink water.

[Mae Martin]

But you know what I think is underused in sexy poses that I was really glad you brought to the table was grinning with wide eyes. Grinning with wide eyes. It's that. Like this. Yeah, like, you look so happy.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah, I was very happy to be doing that for you guys.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, we were thrilled to receive it with our eyeballs. We were talking about it and didn't say a word.

[Fortune Feimster]

Were, you know, were you giving a play by play? Yeah, I was saying this is giving.

[Tig Notaro]

Us some interesting insight into what fortune thinks is sexy.

[Fortune Feimster]

I had a chair, I didn't realize, blocking part of my view. But that was probably for the best.

[Tig Notaro]

It was. It was for the best. That was unbelievable. Thank you for doing that.

[Mae Martin]

Thank you.

[Tig Notaro]

Listen, I. If I can encourage people to head on over to YouTube and check out Fortune doing sexy, sexy poses. And now. Have you been day drinking?

[Fortune Feimster]

Actually, no. Not a drop of alcohol.

[Tig Notaro]

Okay.

[Fortune Feimster]

Just agua.

[Tig Notaro]

All right. All right.

[Fortune Feimster]

That was a real treat. Probably the most exercise I've had all day. And I'm back, baby. Y' all did start. I could see you in the monitor giving me. Yeah. Like telling me what Encouragement.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah. I was wanting you to do little bunny paws or whatever that is. Yeah, you did something, that's for sure.

[Mae Martin]

So what is the. Is bunny paws a sex thing or a sexy thing that people do or is that.

[Tig Notaro]

It is now.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah, it is me. It's very sexy right now. Well, when I came into this comic book store, I wasn't.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, that's why I'm here.

[Fortune Feimster]

That's right.

[Tig Notaro]

May, how are you doing?

[Mae Martin]

I'm pretty good. I'm good, I think.

[Fortune Feimster]

I don't know.

[Tig Notaro]

All right. It's a high pitched good.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah. Yeah. Actually, you know what? I am. Good. Because I finally launched my animal paintings book for charity, and I saw that they sold out in 14 hours. All the books. And.

[Tig Notaro]

Why did it take so long?

[Mae Martin]

And.

[Fortune Feimster]

And you have a price high enough.

[Mae Martin]

I. I hope so. But the. This is the crazy thing. This is why maybe my voice went.

[Fortune Feimster]

I'm okay.

[Mae Martin]

Is that I. I realized only after they sold out that, like, I haven't hired anyone to do all the packing and shipping. Like, I have to personally pack up, like, more than a thousand packages. And I.

[Tig Notaro]

Wait till.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah. Because they're separate.

[Fortune Feimster]

A thousand paintings.

[Mae Martin]

I sold 600 books. Books. And then a bunch of, like, hats and. And tote bags and postcards. But. Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Why don't you wait till Fortune gets home? We can have a packing party.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, yeah. I got nothing going on.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

We could just.

[Fortune Feimster]

Tons of free time.

[Tig Notaro]

So do I. So we'll just head on over and we'll just help you out.

[Mae Martin]

Wouldn't that be nice if we did just have much more free time than we do? And do you think that we would do more activities together? Would we do lemonade stands?

[Fortune Feimster]

And, like, this reminds me of the time where we said if we could spend time with people, and you picked us.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah. Yes.

[Tig Notaro]

And we were. We were stunned because it was like.

[Fortune Feimster]

It was like picking with. You could choose, like, anyone. Right?

[Mae Martin]

It's just, like, three months into the podcast.

[Tig Notaro]

Was that. Was that first. And then we had to reveal. Or we had picked other people. And then.

[Mae Martin]

I think I remember. I can't remember, but that is really embarrassing. Yeah. I really. I stand by it.

[Fortune Feimster]

For real. But if we had more time, I believe that we would be doing more fun things together.

[Tig Notaro]

We would be in Grandma's bedroom with Fortune doing sexy poses.

[Mae Martin]

Join my friendship. Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

You don't know what a real friendship is like until you've been in.

[Mae Martin]

In Grandma's bedroom posing. I. I would invite you to do more activities today, but you're hard to.

[Fortune Feimster]

Get a hold of.

[Mae Martin]

You're not. You're not, like, an avid texter.

[Tig Notaro]

No, I'm not. I'm not avid anything.

[Mae Martin]

What if Fortune was like, yeah, you are. Yeah. No, Tig always text me back. Right.

[Tig Notaro]

Tick won't stop texting me.

[Fortune Feimster]

Look at all these texts that Tig hasn't returned. God dang it.

[Tig Notaro]

I returned.

[Fortune Feimster]

Get on your. Get on your phone.

[Tig Notaro]

I'm not. I'm not crazy. I'm not crazy about texting. I'll be honest. But I get. I get it done. I get it done.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah. But I would Come over and pack up everything you needed me to.

[Mae Martin]

If you weren't washing your hair.

[Tig Notaro]

If I was not washing my filthy hair. That is true.

[Mae Martin]

How are you, though? Where. So you're back in la.

[Tig Notaro]

I am back in la after months of travel.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

It feels unreal. And I. I love getting home and just like, I love doing laundry, I love folding clothes. I love getting back into life and getting. Just. I don't. I just. I love getting the house in order and just being back in life. And like, Stephanie and I take morning walks together every day and it's really nice to be back. Just kind of when we take our walks, we get to talk about, you know, obviously Max and Finn and our projects that we're working on and family friend, you know, like, just catch up on everything and it's.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah, that's your best friend.

[Headgum Announcer]

That's so nice.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

It's so nice to start the day like that again.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah. That's great.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

You guys are reunited and it feels so good.

[Tig Notaro]

We were only apart for a week.

[Fortune Feimster]

None of this counts then.

[Tig Notaro]

I know, but I've been traveling all around, you know, Colorado, New York, Massachusetts, Canada, all that. So anyway. But, yeah, it feels so good. And to be back with Kitty City and to. Everything feels good, but, man, did we have a grand old summer.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah.

[Mae Martin]

That's amazing. Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Mae Martin]

I'm just getting ready to see if any of my spells works, that I did an arrowhead because I'm going off to the Toronto Film Festival, so I want to see if.

[Headgum Announcer]

If any of my spells worked.

[Tig Notaro]

Wait, what kind of. Did you tell us about your spells or.

[Fortune Feimster]

They told us that they did spells, but we don't know specific, so. Is anyone in harm's way?

[Tig Notaro]

I must have blocked out you saying you do spells?

[Mae Martin]

I. I think I. Well, maybe I did a spell on you to make you forget. I. I put a spell on you. I'm. I'm not really doing it. I'm not doing any curses or anything like that by. I'm doing, you know, protective spells. I think I might meet. Meet my wife soon. I think this. I did a spell.

[Tig Notaro]

Really?

[Mae Martin]

I think so. I think it's. I think that's on the horizon.

[Tig Notaro]

Exciting.

[Mae Martin]

Or husband. We'll see. Spouse.

[Tig Notaro]

Are you open to marrying a man?

[Mae Martin]

Yeah, sure. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. He'd have to be pretty funny, I think.

[Fortune Feimster]

Boo.

[Mae Martin]

I'm kidding. He'd have to maybe, like, be open to doing a. A role play where he played, like, kind of cheerleading. Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Would you really be into that? May yeah. He was, like, this dashing dude. And you'd like for him to be a cheerleader?

[Mae Martin]

Because it would be so. I'd be so impressed by how secure he is. Like, if he put on a cheerleading outfit. I've just. This just occurred to me now. By the way, this isn't, like, on my list of. But.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, Thomas put it on the list.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah. If I met a guy who was secure enough to dress up like a mean cheerleader. Yeah. I'd be in heaven. That would be great.

[Tig Notaro]

Okay.

[Mae Martin]

With a wiener under, like, cheerleading skirt.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, my God.

[Mae Martin]

Sorry.

[Tig Notaro]

I wouldn't even want Stephanie in a cheerleading skirt. I'll be honest.

[Mae Martin]

I don't have a cheerleader thing. I don't know. I don't know why.

[Fortune Feimster]

You do.

[Tig Notaro]

Yes, you do. And it's become clear to everyone.

[Mae Martin]

I don't know.

[Fortune Feimster]

I don't know. I. I've always seen you with a wife, but you never know.

[Mae Martin]

Where have you been Seeing me with the wife. Let me know where she.

[Fortune Feimster]

I mean, at night when I. In my dreams.

[Mae Martin]

Right.

[Tig Notaro]

And, May, you're feeling like you could. You could lock it down and get married, or would you still have an open kind of thing?

[Mae Martin]

Depends on the search. Depends on the search. But I think that I'm so tired.

[Tig Notaro]

A person just.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

There's a fellow that just walked past somebody.

[Fortune Feimster]

Maybe it's already come true.

[Mae Martin]

What are you talking about?

[Fortune Feimster]

A fellow.

[Tig Notaro]

A man just walked by your window.

[Fortune Feimster]

Swear to God.

[Mae Martin]

Are you serious?

[Fortune Feimster]

Yes.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

Wow. This spell.

[Mae Martin]

What did he look like? Hang on. Should I check?

[Tig Notaro]

Well, I'm scared.

[Mae Martin]

Wait. Okay. Should I check who that is? I'm sure it's a garden.

[Tig Notaro]

Yes, of course you should.

[Mae Martin]

I'm a little worried that there's someone.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, well, if you're worried, don't ignore it.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah, one sec. I'm just gonna double. Just.

[Tig Notaro]

Now, Fortune, now that I have you alone, could you get back on that bed?

[Fortune Feimster]

I got enough steps for today.

[Tig Notaro]

Just walking over to the bed.

[Fortune Feimster]

I was winded. I do need to amp up my exercise game, though, because in this new golf show I'm doing with Will Ferrell, I'm gonna be walking all day on golf courses carrying golf clubs and the bag. It's gonna be intense.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

I ate salmon today to get ready for it.

[Tig Notaro]

Wait, hold on. Fortune. May, are you in danger?

[Mae Martin]

I am married now. I. I just met my. It was the guy. There's a guy fixing my ac and I. But we hadn't. We hadn't. We hadn't arranged for him to come Today, So that. That alarmed me, but sorry. Is salmon.

[Fortune Feimster]

That's how you get your. Right. Just you eat it once and you're good.

[Tig Notaro]

That's how you get ready for walking around golf.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah. Salmon and an avocado and.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, your face. Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

And I think I'm good for a while, Right? I think that's how health works.

[Mae Martin]

That sounds really good.

[Tig Notaro]

You ate that today for lunch?

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah. Can you believe was between that or Subway? And I really wanted Subway, but I went, no, I'm gonna eat salmon because I gotta walk a golf course.

[Tig Notaro]

And what do you like at Subway?

[Mae Martin]

Yeah, tell us.

[Fortune Feimster]

Sandwich.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

Well, listen, my go to Subway, my go to sandwich wise would be Jersey Mike's.

[Mae Martin]

I've never had it.

[Tig Notaro]

Okay.

[Fortune Feimster]

It's tasty. I like the turkey or the tuna.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah, tuna sandwich.

[Fortune Feimster]

But then in a pinch, I like a Subway turkey.

[Mae Martin]

I can tell you you've been hanging out. I can tell you've been hanging out with your parents. Yeah. Dialed up like 20.

[Fortune Feimster]

I've been hanging out with my divorced parents all week.

[Mae Martin]

I saw that video you posted where you were like, well, too bad. I come from a broken home. And they're just there laughing. It was amazing.

[Tig Notaro]

That's hilarious.

[Mae Martin]

It was really funny. Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

Well, they've been divorced for 32 years. And my mom loves to remind my dad every year of when they're. How many years they would have been married had they stayed together.

[Tig Notaro]

So she said, we would have been married 56 years yesterday. Did they have a mutual departure? Maybe that's too personal.

[Fortune Feimster]

I mean, what's too personal on the handsome pod? We've talked about everything.

[Mae Martin]

I know, I know.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yes and no. I don't think my mom would have wanted it. She would prefer to be married. She. I don't think liked being divorced, but it just wasn't working anymore.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, I don't remember them.

[Fortune Feimster]

They're good friends now and have been for a while, but they. I don't remember them liking each other during my residency. With the two of them.

[Mae Martin]

That's hard. Wait, but do they hang out independently now? Like, would they hang out just the two of them?

[Fortune Feimster]

Occasionally, but it would be my dad and his wife and my mom, the three of them.

[Tig Notaro]

And they all get along well. And do they? Does your dad live in the same town?

[Fortune Feimster]

He does. He moved away for a couple of years, but he's back.

[Mae Martin]

That's. That's pretty amazing that they don't have to. Like, the worst thing about breakups is just, like, losing that part of your life. And those memories that like someone to share those memories with. So it's so nice they can still have that.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah, well we kind of forced them into it, like. Yeah, when I was 12. I was 12 when they split and then we were like, well, Dad's coming to Christmas. Sorry. And she was like, what?

[Tig Notaro]

How funny to be introduced in that way. Like, well, Tig's coming to Christmas.

[Fortune Feimster]

Sorry. I think she did cry. She's like.

[Tig Notaro]

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[Tig Notaro]

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[Tig Notaro]

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[Headgum Announcer]

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[Tig Notaro]

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[Fortune Feimster]

But is this bad?

[Mae Martin]

No. That's so good because you force them to really be grown ups and power through and like. Yeah, it's one day of the year, like to make, to make it nice for you. That's really nice.

[Fortune Feimster]

I mean, listen, they have their moments where that, some of that stuff rears its head and you're just like, really? Yeah. All these years later.

[Mae Martin]

Come on.

[Fortune Feimster]

But then they're pretty good about putting that aside, especially when I'm, I'm in town because I live so far away. So. Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Okay.

[Fortune Feimster]

That's a little bit about my life.

[Tig Notaro]

Okay. Well, my parents are dead.

[Mae Martin]

Famously.

[Fortune Feimster]

Famously.

[Mae Martin]

Wow.

[Fortune Feimster]

Started with the dead grandma. Now we've ended up on the dead parents.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah, we're actually, we're covering a lot of bases. We've got divorced, we've got dead, and we got together and codependent.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Wait, who's together and codependent?

[Mae Martin]

Oh, my parents. Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, oh, they're codependent.

[Mae Martin]

Well, it, if one of their friends repeats to them that they've heard this on the podcast, they'll be furious and outraged. But I would say codependent. Not necessarily in a, you know, unhealthy way. It's just like my dad's always worked from home and he had his own office, but now he's even moved a little desk down into my mom's sort of office. So they just spend the whole day sitting opposite each other at adjacent desks as if they work in an office together. Then at 5pm and all day they're talking like every all day about everything that's coming up on their computer screen. Then around 5pm, they stop. They move to a third table that's in between the two desks and there they play. They play scrabble for about 90 minutes and they, they drink white wine. Then they have dinner and then, and then they watch TV together and then they go to bed.

[Tig Notaro]

And do they always Enjoy one another for the most part.

[Mae Martin]

Absolutely not. Sometimes they're going through that whole day and they're fuming, but they'll still go it. But they. They have, you know, friends and go on trips and stuff, but that's their main, like, day to day thing.

[Tig Notaro]

So am I codependent? Like, are Stephanie and I codependent? Because I. That hasn't even crossed my mind as a possibility. I mean, we work together, we work separately.

[Mae Martin]

I think codependency gets a bad rep. I think we're designed to need each other, and that's okay, I think, as long as, you know, it's. Yeah, yeah. You got. Yeah. The answer is yes.

[Fortune Feimster]

There's, like, a touch of it, but I don't. Y' all are, like, over the top.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah. Like, where it becomes bad is like, are you. If people are. If you're anxious when you're not with the person or you can't enjoy your life when you're not there? Like. Like, you guys are solid. You just really enjoy each other's company. Right?

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, I would say that we. Yeah. Enjoy being together. We miss each other when we're apart, but we have separate and similar friends, and we have our own interests and.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

I think as long as you, like, have some stuff for yourself here and there, that's a good balance. But, like, you should want to hang out with your spouse or.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

Whoever you're with.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah, for sure.

[Tig Notaro]

All right, well, that's interesting. I'm gonna ask Stephanie if she thinks we're codependent.

[Fortune Feimster]

I've been co. I've been codependent before.

[Tig Notaro]

Have you?

[Mae Martin]

Yeah, I sure have. It happens pretty easy. You mean? Yeah, because I guess codependent, like, the connotation is that it's, like, insular, and you kind of are a recluse from your other relationships and your friends and you. It's like. Yeah. Like, what is bad codependency? I guess it's that it's like I can't do anything without consulting, anything without the other. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You've been. You've had that before.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah, yeah. I mean, I would say. Jackson, I spent a crap ton of time together, and. Yeah, so we had a bit of that for a while.

[Mae Martin]

I guess the thing. The thing about that is, like, you never. Then you learn so much about your relationship from being apart a little bit.

[Fortune Feimster]

Right.

[Mae Martin]

Like, then you see each other. Yeah, for sure.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah. It's kind of like that thing of. It's good to feel hungry sometimes.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah. You know, did I Tell you guys I'm doing, like, a residential therapeutic program.

[Fortune Feimster]

You told us you had a life coach.

[Mae Martin]

Oh, yeah. No, I told you about the life coach.

[Tig Notaro]

You told us you were going into the mountains and ordering a bunch of weights.

[Fortune Feimster]

Synthesizer.

[Tig Notaro]

And a synthesizer, in a way.

[Mae Martin]

That was a residential therapeutic program.

[Fortune Feimster]

Mascara.

[Tig Notaro]

You, you put on your clear mascara. Put your ankle weights on and just lay that synthesizer.

[Fortune Feimster]

So what is this?

[Mae Martin]

I, I, well, I wasn't going to talk about it on here, but then I heard Oprah did a podcast about this place, and so I was like, well, why don't I. It's like six days, it's called the Hoffman Institute. And you go, have you heard of that? You have. Don't tell me if you've heard bad stuff.

[Fortune Feimster]

I honestly don't know what I heard about it.

[Mae Martin]

Oh, God.

[Fortune Feimster]

Just that the name is familiar.

[Mae Martin]

Yes. So it's like six days, they take your phone away and you. I mean, I don't know much about it. It's kind of mysterious. But people are like, it changed my life.

[Tig Notaro]

And it's like, and you're going to do it?

[Mae Martin]

I'm doing it in October. Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

And it's.

[Mae Martin]

I've been on. I was on the waiting list for like a year or something, and it's like, I think it's your waiting list.

[Fortune Feimster]

Dang.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah. Now Oprah did this.

[Tig Notaro]

It's getting very popular in the Hollywood.

[Fortune Feimster]

Circles, I was thinking. Yeah, I think that's where I heard about it.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah. But anyway, I'm going. And it's like group therapy and somatic therapy, and I might be a different person after it. So we'll see.

[Fortune Feimster]

You might. That's amazing.

[Mae Martin]

Can you imagine being without your phone for six days? No, I know, fortunately.

[Fortune Feimster]

Can I play Best Fiends?

[Mae Martin]

I, I know I'm gonna have to, like, draw the game, but I think.

[Fortune Feimster]

If you commit to something like that for your own, you know, growth, then you just know, like, oh, for the six days, I'm just focusing on me.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah, exactly. And like, my, my show will have just come out and I can just get off my phone for six days.

[Fortune Feimster]

And, like, I mean, obviously, we'll record the handsome pod while in between sessions.

[Mae Martin]

I'll be recording it from group therapy. Yeah. I would love to do it from group therapy.

[Tig Notaro]

Would you say that is because I've heard you mention a few times, like, I gotta get off my phone, or that way I'll be able to get off my phone. Would you say that's your biggest kind of hurdle?

[Mae Martin]

I don't Think I'm on it more than most people. I just find I just can feel this, like, invisible chain to it. Like, I. And so then I. I'm in. Like, even though I might only be on it a few hours a day, it's like a shame spiral, because I know on my deathbed, I'm gonna be like, why was I on my phone? You know? But I think it'll be good. And.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah, we'll see. I'm excited because it's like, you're in a little group of about eight people, and you go through the week together. I hope it's really weird. And they asked you do this prep work, like, homework. Actually, maybe you're not allowed to share this stuff that you have to sign, like, an NDA.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, that's okay. Nobody listens to this show. What do you do now?

[Fortune Feimster]

No, we don't want to get made in trouble.

[Mae Martin]

What if there's a celeb in my group of eight people? Like, what if I get there?

[Tig Notaro]

There already is. You're in it, huh? Okay.

[Mae Martin]

What if, like, Matthew McConaughey's in it or something?

[Tig Notaro]

If. If there's no celebrity. If there's no celebrity in your group, you're the celebrity.

[Fortune Feimster]

Hey, man, I'd like to give you a little tip. Just keep living.

[Tig Notaro]

Just wait, is that Matthew or your.

[Mae Martin]

Dad or the person making announcements over the PA in high school?

[Fortune Feimster]

I've never. I can't do a Matthew McConaughey. All right, all right, all right.

[Mae Martin]

I think I can do Sick of that.

[Tig Notaro]

Do you think he is?

[Fortune Feimster]

And he says it still all the time, right?

[Tig Notaro]

But how sick of it do you think he is? Like, when a random person comes up and says, well, he started it.

[Fortune Feimster]

He should have known that was going to happen.

[Tig Notaro]

So nobody will say, yeah, Tig. He's probably really sick of it.

[Mae Martin]

No, you know what? He's probably really sick of it.

[Tig Notaro]

I love that. It's. He started it.

[Fortune Feimster]

He started it and he keeps doing it. So you're gonna do it back to him, jk. Just keep living, y'. All. All right.

[Mae Martin]

Did you almost say just kiss?

[Fortune Feimster]

Just kiss Matthew McConaughey.

[Tig Notaro]

Just kiss me.

[Fortune Feimster]

Matthew McConaughey is a good looking man.

[Tig Notaro]

All right. Easy, easy.

[Fortune Feimster]

The guy that I'm a foreign over here.

[Tig Notaro]

Well, you don't look like it in grandma's bedroom.

[Fortune Feimster]

I am no gay.

[Tig Notaro]

As anyone pushed back on you being no. Everyone's fully accepted.

[Fortune Feimster]

It's.

[Tig Notaro]

And you do walk through life with your headset on, right?

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

This is a Daily announcing that you're gay.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Okay.

[Mae Martin]

What's up, y'?

[Tig Notaro]

All?

[Fortune Feimster]

I'm a lesbian. They're like, we know. All right, well, good. I'm glad that you guys knew that.

[Tig Notaro]

Well, I. I don't know. I think I told you all about my new. My new identity as Trad Dyke.

[Mae Martin]

Oh, yeah, I love that. Love Trad Dike. How's that going for you?

[Tig Notaro]

It's going well. I think I'm gonna have some posters made. And may, you know that picture of me smoking and changing the car tire? Yeah, I think that's my Trad Dike poster.

[Mae Martin]

I think that's perfect.

[Tig Notaro]

And then I think I might start a what? A sub stack called Trad Dike.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah, that sounds good. I don't know what a sub stack is.

[Tig Notaro]

It's for people, right? Or it's like, something where there's a submission, like. Or a subscription.

[Mae Martin]

Okay.

[Tig Notaro]

Your top secret writings and thoughts and videos that you don't share elsewhere.

[Mae Martin]

I just got an email that was like, Happy 21st Birthday to your. To your live journal. And I was like, 20. Or maybe it was like, 25th birthday and I log on and it's.

[Tig Notaro]

Congrats.

[Mae Martin]

It's a diary that I wrote online when I was 16. And it's still online. And.

[Fortune Feimster]

Wow, thank God I didn't dig that up.

[Mae Martin]

It doesn't have my name attached to it. It's got, like, a code name. But it is humiliating.

[Tig Notaro]

Is it public?

[Mae Martin]

Yes, it's public.

[Fortune Feimster]

But can you give us the link?

[Headgum Announcer]

Next pod?

[Fortune Feimster]

Maybe I'll have to read it. This pod. Think about it.

[Mae Martin]

And I gotta make sure it's hidden so that people don't go find it. I think it's under, like, a fake name. But it's not Trad Dyke.

[Fortune Feimster]

It's Trod Dyke.

[Mae Martin]

It's really embarrassing. It's like today I got stoned and the cops came to the park and.

[Headgum Announcer]

They were swarming around me like wasps.

[Mae Martin]

Man. That's the one real quote. Like, I thought that I was Bob Dylan.

[Tig Notaro]

You threw in, man.

[Mae Martin]

I think I probably did. Yeah. Man is so embarrassing. Like, who was it for?

[Tig Notaro]

It was for you 21 years later. And by the way, what a big blowout of a party you should have. Your journal can now drink legally in the States.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

All right, enough of this nonsense. Should we get to our question asker?

[Fortune Feimster]

Let's do it, sugar tits.

[Tig Notaro]

I'm calling H.R.

[Mae Martin]

Thomas. Is Thomas H.R. actually, who is H.R.

[Tig Notaro]

Thomas?

[Mae Martin]

Yeah, Thomas.

[Tig Notaro]

I'm telling Thomas that you called me sugar tits when you know my tits are in a dumpster in an alley in Hollywood.

[Fortune Feimster]

As far as we know, they could be surrounded by sugar.

[Tig Notaro]

No, they're surrounded by rodents that are fighting over them.

[Headgum Announcer]

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[Tig Notaro]

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[Headgum Announcer]

Ready to teach your kids the smart way to earn, save and spend? Get your first month on us when you head to acornserly.com HandsomePod or download the Acorns Early App. That's one month free when you sign up at acornserly.com handsomepod this episode is presented by Planned Parenthood Federation of America. Let's get one thing straight. Your body is your business. Not the government's, not your neighbors. Not that random lawmaker in your home state who thinks he knows better than you.

[Tig Notaro]

Planned Parenthood believes everyone should be free to make decisions about their own health care, including abortion, whenever and wherever they need it. But some lawmakers who want to force their personal beliefs on everyone else continue to push bills that will block access to essential care and control our bodies. Who gets hurt the most? Women? People with low incomes? Black and Latino communities? People who live in rural areas? People who already have a harder time than they should getting basic care.

[Headgum Announcer]

Healthcare is a human right that Planned Parenthood Federation of America fights for every day. But they need our help and supporters like you power this work. Donate to Support Planned Parenthood now@planned parenthood.org defend this podcast is supported by FX's English teacher. Last year's critically acclaimed series returns to follow Evan, Gwen and Markie as they vie for their students divided attention. See why Cosmopolitan called its premiere season a masterclass of comedy, while Glamour raved it's the year's funniest and most heartwarming.

[Tig Notaro]

New comedy series FX's English Teacher returns September 25th on FX. All episodes streaming on Hulu.

[Fortune Feimster]

You want to do this, Tig?

[Tig Notaro]

I mean, it's just really hard for me to read. Let me see if I can.

[Fortune Feimster]

You want me to do it?

[Tig Notaro]

I can give it a whirl. Okay, today's question. Asker is an actress, and I think.

[Mae Martin]

Someone else should do it.

[Fortune Feimster]

I think May, just do it. This is the worst intro ever.

[Mae Martin]

I thought that. I thought.

[Tig Notaro]

I thought it said podcaster, and I was like, she's a podcaster. Okay. All right. So, May, you can take it from here, but we'll of course, keep mine in. My eyesight is so terrible.

[Fortune Feimster]

I got this, guys. No, no, no. I got this.

[Tig Notaro]

They didn't say I got this.

[Fortune Feimster]

I said I tried her clothes.

[Tig Notaro]

They basically are. I also have that shaggy eyelid, too, so I have a few things working against me. All right, May.

[Mae Martin]

All right, today's question. Okay, today's question. Asker is an actress.

[Tig Notaro]

Dare you.

[Mae Martin]

You got that mallet ready? Yes. Today's question. Oscar is an actress and producer who starred in the King of Staten island as well as the sex lives of college girls. She produced and starred in the movie what Doesn't Float? Pauline Chalamet is asking today's question.

[Tig Notaro]

Yes.

[Mae Martin]

Hey, handsome.

[Pauline Chalamet]

It's Pauline Chalamet. Here's my question. What is an experience that you've had where in the moment, you were really enjoying it and loving it and just. It was great, or you just maybe didn't feel any particular way about it, but it was an experience that you were living, and then in retrospect, you realized, oh, I was in a lot more danger than I thought I was. Question.

[Tig Notaro]

No, no.

[Pauline Chalamet]

I think everybody must have an answer to that.

[Tig Notaro]

I think we do. In fact, I had an answer, and then it shifted quickly. But can I take a moment to tell you.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

How deeply I love Pauline Chalamet?

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, yeah.

[Mae Martin]

Really? Are you guys friends?

[Fortune Feimster]

You did sex lives of college girls.

[Tig Notaro]

I did sex lives of college girls, and I love her. So she is so fun to cackle with. We also. She was part of the group I went to D.C. with to lobby for the arts, and she's so. Not only is she talented as an actress, but she is so smart and, like, she just blew everyone's minds in D.C. the way she took charge when we went in to Congress and the White House and just her confidence and her knowledge and her point of view, I was like, what the. Not that I met her and thought, you know, that she was a dipshit But I was like.

[Fortune Feimster]

I didn't think she was a dipshit.

[Tig Notaro]

But, like, there were so many people with us. I mean, I was the dipshit.

[Mae Martin]

That is impressive because. Yeah, I'm. I'm thinking if I went to DC, I would feel I'd be like. Even though I'd be happy to be there and excited, I'd feel like a kind of stone teenager on a class trip. Like, I'd want to giggle in the corner, you know?

[Fortune Feimster]

Well, and I felt like a briefcase.

[Tig Notaro]

You do everywhere with your headphones and your briefcase.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

But, you know, I just was very aware that I don't have that knowledge. I've read, I read the, the important points that we were trying to get across, and I understood what our mission was, but, man, oh, man, that's all. I just wanted to. To throw that in.

[Fortune Feimster]

They seem like a pretty smart family. Her brother Timothy is fluent in French. Is she also fluent in French?

[Tig Notaro]

Yes. Yeah, they grew up. Yeah. Partly in France. She lives also in France.

[Mae Martin]

What's a smart question, too? I. I think, yeah, it's a really. It's a good question I hadn't thought of before.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah. You can't be like a dip and ask that question.

[Mae Martin]

No, that question. No, dipshits are asking like, hot dog or hamburger, you know.

[Tig Notaro]

Exactly. Right.

[Fortune Feimster]

I. I will answer more specifically, but I feel like growing up in the 80s and 90s, then our entire childhood was one big, like, step from getting kidnapped.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Or like in danger because just there.

[Fortune Feimster]

Was not as many rules. I mean, you rode in the back of pickup trucks. At least where I was from. We would walk on active railroad tracks constantly left our house at 9am and didn't come back till 6pm not just.

[Tig Notaro]

Rode in the back of pickup trucks, but rode in the back of pickup trucks with a. A bottle of Barks Root beer that I'm trying to drink while I'm going over bumps and holes in the road and no seat belts. That's what my family says to me whenever I'm like, you know, we just throw it in the back of the truck. Or we were all sitting in the back of the truck and Stephanie, Max and Finn all now say to me, sorry, we weren't raised in Mississippi in the 70s.

[Mae Martin]

That's really good.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Mae Martin]

I mean, do you remember, like, we survived half of it even in the 90s? Like, do you remember Halloween?

[Headgum Announcer]

You would just go by yourself as.

[Mae Martin]

A kid and you would be walking into strangers homes who had made haunted houses and stuff and. Yeah, everything's A little more.

[Fortune Feimster]

I did not.

[Mae Martin]

You never did that. Okay. Really? I thought that was good.

[Tig Notaro]

Are you sure there wasn't something inappropriate that was going on? Yeah, yeah. You know how you go into that old gross guy's house?

[Mae Martin]

Part of the haunted house was you take a bath and then you had to.

[Fortune Feimster]

You had to feel his calves.

[Tig Notaro]

His gams.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

I'll tell you. God. Now all of a sudden, I'm having a million thoughts. But this was from my adult life. I was on tour, and I was with my old assistant, and his dream was to swim with sharks. So we were in Florida, and I said, oh, my friend Jeff lives here, and he knows where to go and who to call for anything and everywhere, everything. And so we did. And he was like, oh, yeah, I know a guy that will take you out to swim with bull sharks, which are more aggressive than great white sharks.

[Mae Martin]

What do you mean?

[Tig Notaro]

I don't know how to simplify that more. May. They're more aggressive than great white sharks. They are the most aggressive bull sharks, and they look just like great whites.

[Mae Martin]

Who's wanting to do this? Who's wanting to swim with them? That's.

[Tig Notaro]

Well, my assistant.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah. Sorry.

[Tig Notaro]

And guess who went in with him.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, my God.

[Mae Martin]

Oh, my God.

[Fortune Feimster]

Why? Okay.

[Tig Notaro]

Exactly. I don't know. Anyway, no reason to be upset with me. I'm out of the water now. You know who is not thrilled. I called Stephanie and was like, oh, my God. I just swam with bull sharks. I was not in a cage. There was bloody. They. They threw bloody chum.

[Fortune Feimster]

No.

[Tig Notaro]

In the water.

[Mae Martin]

God, no.

[Tig Notaro]

And these. These sharks were massive crazy. And. And while I was dangling in the water, I was in there for 30 minutes.

[Fortune Feimster]

No.

[Tig Notaro]

And while I was dangling, at one point, this one shark started just beelining towards me. And the guy that we were in the water with, he just grabbed the shark's nose and pushed him away. And the shark just. Or yeah, shark, just convenient. I was in there for 30 minutes, and I was. And I have to say, I'm. I'm glad I did it. What I did learn is that if you. And maybe I've already shared this, but if you are in the ocean and a shark is nearby, do not splash. Don't turn and swim away. You just float and you keep eye contact with the shark. And that's what I did in the water. I was just. I was just floating and keeping eye contact with the sharks. And I have an incredible picture that I'll share with you. And so now I feel like I would know even Though I'd be terrified if I was by myself in the ocean and a shark was coming towards me. I would know I need to not make any fast moves.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah. You would lock in.

[Fortune Feimster]

Wow. I think you could do that. But most people would panic.

[Mae Martin]

I would panic.

[Fortune Feimster]

Your first thought would be like, I gotta get out of here.

[Tig Notaro]

I would panic if I hadn't done it before.

[Fortune Feimster]

Right.

[Tig Notaro]

It didn't come naturally to me. My. My friend and opening act jumped in the water. My assistant jumped in. The guy. The friend that connected us with this situation. He got in. The guy.

[Mae Martin]

Like an independent company. Like.

[Tig Notaro]

Yes.

[Mae Martin]

It was. Right.

[Fortune Feimster]

You found on Craigslist.

[Tig Notaro]

I mean, truly. It was an independent company. And it was one of those things. Yeah. When I called Stephanie and I was like, oh, my God, I just went swimming with sharks works. She was like, why did you do that?

[Mae Martin]

Yeah. She's like, you have children?

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah. She's like, you have a family? And I was like, oh, wrong number.

[Fortune Feimster]

Who is.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, sorry. Okay. Here is the picture of me with. Do you see me dangling?

[Mae Martin]

Holy tag.

[Tig Notaro]

Do you see me dangling?

[Mae Martin]

That is massive.

[Tig Notaro]

I'm holding on to that rope above. That's connected to the boat. So that was one of those things. I knew it. I knew, obviously anything could happen.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

But afterwards, as time went on, I was like, oh, my God.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

What was I doing?

[Mae Martin]

Yeah, yeah, that's. I mean, you faced. That's a lot of people's worst fears. That'd be one of probably up there for me, swimming with sharks. And you faced it now. And you know what to expect. Fortune. What about you?

[Fortune Feimster]

I mean, I touched on it briefly in a pretty little episode where, you know, when I lived in Spain, I used to stay in hostels and chamber rooms with complete strangers and train cars. And that was nuts. And I'm so grateful nothing happened because I didn't know a single person I could have been with. A serial killer. Yeah, probably were. Maybe. I mean, I got in one room and it was just me and a dude. And he was.

[Tig Notaro]

But he was probably like, I'm not gonna mess with that guy. That's. That's right.

[Fortune Feimster]

But one thing that stood out as, like, something really stupid that I did, not thinking it was a big deal was when I was in college, I went to Mexico on two different summers to study the Mayan ruins. And I can't remember if I told you guys this, but we went.

[Tig Notaro]

I remember you going there.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah. So we went to Chichen Itza, which is a Mayan temple that was built, obviously, by the Mayans. Really cool place. It has 91 steps up each side. That represents 365 days of the year, which. Can you believe it? Like, that's crazy that they were that advanced.

[Mae Martin]

So advanced.

[Fortune Feimster]

And my friend, is that that advanced.

[Mae Martin]

To just know how many days of the year there.

[Fortune Feimster]

I don't know. This is back before there were calendars.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah, no, you're right. Yeah. Yeah. Okay.

[Fortune Feimster]

So they, like before cell phones, they figured because we. It's all based on their stuff, right? Our current.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

Stuff is based on their assessments.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

And so my friend of mine was like, I'll race you to the top. And I was like, yeah, sure, why not? I've got gams. You guys have seen them?

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, they're gorgeous.

[Fortune Feimster]

Run to the 91 steps. No problem. Now it's summer in Mexico. It's like 105 degrees.

[Tig Notaro]

It's not cold.

[Fortune Feimster]

And I start running up this pyramid and 91 steps and gay.

[Tig Notaro]

Gay.

[Fortune Feimster]

And as hard as I can because I'm competing for nothing, but I'm competing against my friend. And I get to the top and. And it, it starts wide and it gets really narrow as you go up. And I get to the top and I'm like, suck it. I did it. And then immediately my face turns blue and my. My lips turn blue and I start like. I'm like on a very narrow ledge and I start like, kind of going back and forth like, like this. And I have no water. And my friend, luckily is up there already and sees me and she's like, are you okay? And I'm like, I can't talk. And she just grabs water from like a complete stranger and I just start sucking down water. And I mean, I came so close to just passing out off this giant pyramid. Pyramid.

[Tig Notaro]

What a way to go, though.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, my God, though. And so, like, I got. I. I like finally get like back regulated and the, the life comes back into my face. Like, I just sit there for like 20 minutes and I finally make my way back down. And my professor came up to me and she said, don't you ever do that again. She said that I could have had a heart attack. She goes, you. She said, it is so wildly dangerous to run that fast in this heat to that altitude. People can, can and have often just like hearts given out. And she was like, I about died seeing you do that. And I was like, what?

[Tig Notaro]

She's like, use your gams for good.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah. So good. What a stupid, stupid thing that I didn't think was a big deal at all. And I Could have freaking either fallen off the pyramid or had a heart attack. It was so wildly dumb.

[Tig Notaro]

I still stand by what a way to go if you fell off a pyramid. I'm picturing, like, when you have, like, I picture people having a baby and then being like, how is my child ultimately gonna die? Like, if. If everyone learned right in that moment.

[Mae Martin]

Oh, that's an interesting thought experiment.

[Tig Notaro]

She's. She's going to fall off of a pyramid. Oh, by the way, for all you.

[Fortune Feimster]

Math nerds out there, they're like, 91 steps is 364. The top platform is the final step. Okay. Ergo, 365.

[Tig Notaro]

I'm glad you lived through it.

[Fortune Feimster]

Well, me too, because.

[Mae Martin]

Your hands get all tingly and you feel like you're gonna pass out. That is such a scary feeling.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah. So that was a. A very dangerous thing I did.

[Mae Martin]

I'm. I'm just, like, amazed that I'm still alive, really. Like, there's just so many weird situations with, like, drug dealers and criminality in my teens. And, like, I. I think I'm street smart. Like, I think I. I would have a. I walked a line where I would have a gut feeling about people, but I definitely. Oh, my God.

[Tig Notaro]

Like, same.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah. Just so many strange, strange people and in cars and parks and. Yeah, I did well, because I kind of thought I was out of that. Of that phase of being too, like, receptive to strangers. Because in your teens, you're, like, in parks buying weed from people named, like, Merlin, and they have a pet iguana, and you're like, this guy's my best friend, and you're, like, sitting in the park for an hour talking to this guy, and he's talking about, like, quantum theory, and you're like, yeah, man. So I thought I was out of that, but I did. And I'm not sure about telling this story in case this person listens to the podcast, but I don't think that he will. But I did. I got an Uber. Have I told this?

[Tig Notaro]

I don't know. You've gotten a lot of Ubers.

[Fortune Feimster]

All we've done. All we've gotten so far from this story is that you gotten an Uber.

[Mae Martin]

Yes. Sorry. Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah. It's hard to, like.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

Which, by the way, seems like a very safe thing to do. That's kind of nuts, too.

[Mae Martin]

I know. That is nuts. We're just getting in cars with strangers.

[Fortune Feimster]

Getting in cars with strangers. We don't know anyone.

[Mae Martin]

So I get in the Uber, and this guy's like. He's sort of like a Viking. He's like 6 foot 5 or something. He's got this long, blonde, luscious hair, like a. Like a woman's. Almost blow. Drown. Yeah. And. And we hit it off right away. We're chatting, like. And. And he's. He's asked me about what I do, and I tell him about my show coming out, and he's like, oh, I was sent to a troubled teen institute. And he's like, oh, my God. Like, what are the chances of this? He's like, I used to be an opium dealer.

[Headgum Announcer]

And.

[Mae Martin]

And he's telling me. He's like, you got to write about my life. Like, that's what. And I'm like, tell me everything. And telling him about my breakup and stuff. And anyway, he. We. We get to my house, and then he just so confidently goes, okay, give me your phone. I'm gonna. I'll text you right now. And. And he just does it like, there's no question that I'm. We're gonna exchange numbers and start texting. And I do have a lot of people in my life who I've ended up texting almost, you know, So I give him my number, and. And. And then the texts are, like, a little strange that I'm getting. Like, the next day he says, are they flirty? No, it's more like we are soul mates. Like. Like friends. Soulmate. Like, we are destined to be friends. And he. Okay, so he writes me this. The next day, he goes, hey, can I get a physical printout of one of your scripts? And I'm like, well, yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

How long ago was this?

[Mae Martin]

This is about six months ago. And so. So I don't. We end up. I don't really respond to him. And then I guess six weeks goes by, and I'm getting a massage, and I book an Uber.

[Fortune Feimster]

Pops up.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah. I book my Uber after the massage, and it pulls up and it's him. It's. It's the guy. So I get it.

[Fortune Feimster]

I wanted him to show up in the massage.

[Mae Martin]

He's the masseuse. Yeah. No, So I. I go, like, that is weird.

[Fortune Feimster]

I've never gotten the same Uber driver before.

[Mae Martin]

Oh, I have a lot because I Uber so much, but.

[Fortune Feimster]

Right.

[Mae Martin]

I'm. I'm like, oh, my God, man. Hey. And he goes, goes, oh, my God. He's like, do you know the statistical improbability that you would get in my Uber? I'm like, yeah, it's pretty crazy. And he goes, no, man, you. This is insane. And he starts doing the math of the probability. And he's talking out loud. He's like, okay, population of LA. He lands on 1 in 2.8 billion, which cannot be correct. No, there's only a certain number of Uber drivers in that. Yeah. But he's like, it is 1 in 2.8 billion. I'm like, okay. And.

[Tig Notaro]

And this is coming from somebody who knows absolutely nothing about math.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Oh, you would. Yeah. And then he's like, how's the breakup? And stuff. And then I'm like. Then I'm embarrassed because I'm like, oh, I obviously really shared with this guy, and I don't really remember what I said, but he knows everything. Anyway, then we. We're talking, you know, he knows the drummer from Tool. Like, that's pretty cool. We get to my house and he does. We get to my house and he does the same thing. He goes, okay, I can only stay for five minutes, but I'll come in. Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, and I find your house. Wait, did he come in the last time, too?

[Mae Martin]

No. Okay. I find myself.

[Fortune Feimster]

I would never let a stranger like that into my house.

[Mae Martin]

I know. Well, this is why I was reluctant to tell the story, because I feel like listeners are gonna be like, this is psychotic. It's 11pm on a Monday. You just got a massage, and now this is Super Driver.

[Tig Notaro]

But I'm telling you, attractive, like, where you're kind of like, I kind of want to toy with this.

[Mae Martin]

No, I don't think that was the vibe. I was. We were, like, really connecting, though. And I got a vibe that this was a safe sedge. But I don't. I don't know.

[Fortune Feimster]

Anyway, so he did come in.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

For how long?

[Mae Martin]

So he goes, I'll come in for five minutes. And.

[Fortune Feimster]

And he brings, like, time starts now.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Mae Martin]

And as I'm walking in and I'm unlocking my door, I'm like, what am I doing? Is that. When he gets out of the car, I see how tall he is as well. Right. So I go, oh, well, my roommate's here. You know, I pretend I have a roommate. And I go, so, you know. And he's sleeping, so I should probably. But anyway, he comes in, we're chatting. He goes, can I say something? I'm like, yeah. He goes, you are 50% men. 50% woman. I'm like, thanks, man. Thanks. That's so cool. And I go, well, I am, actually. I'm. I. I use they. Them pronouns because he's been saying she the whole time. I just haven't bothered to. I go, yeah. Well, I actually, I use they. Them. He goes, no, I. I don't pay attention to that stuff. I just say what I see. And I see, you are 50, man. I'm like, cool, thanks, dude. And then he goes, bring it in. And now I'm hugging him anyway, so I go, I. We end. I end up going, okay, I gotta go to bed anyway. And so he is walking out and we're walking. I'm walking him to the gate to lock it behind him.

[Fortune Feimster]

He's.

[Mae Martin]

And. But he's a nice listen. If he is listening. He's. You are a nice kind.

[Fortune Feimster]

You are a nice guy and we appreciate follow.

[Mae Martin]

It is just crazy for lose my number to invite a stranger into their home.

[Fortune Feimster]

But then that is very forward for sure.

[Mae Martin]

It's. It's crazy.

[Tig Notaro]

And then it's also 11 o' clock at night. As a like man, you should know. Like, maybe it's regardless of your pronouns. Like, it's just like anyway.

[Mae Martin]

And he. I mean, he wanted to like, collaborate on the script and stuff. Anyway. So then as he's. As he's walking out and I'm like, okay. I'm like, this is actually fine. He suddenly stops and he's just standing with his. He's like facing the gate like that.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Mae Martin]

With his back to me, and I'm like, oh, no. Then he turns around and his eyes are closed and he starts going, though.

[Headgum Announcer]

The word is the nerve, though it.

[Mae Martin]

Travels through my veins, through the universe, to God is my name.

[Headgum Announcer]

He starts freestyle.

[Fortune Feimster]

He can't be a spoken word poet.

[Mae Martin]

All of a sudden he is, and he does this kind of amazing, like three minute long. Like it's the length of an Eminem song. It's verse after verse of that he's written.

[Tig Notaro]

It wasn't freestyle.

[Mae Martin]

No, it wasn't freestyle. He's done it before. Yeah. And he's like, I just came up with this.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah. I got news for you.

[Fortune Feimster]

What did you do? You just looked at him while he.

[Tig Notaro]

Did you join in, start going, I know what you're saying. Here's the word. And blah, blah, blah.

[Fortune Feimster]

Would you call it spoken word or rapping?

[Mae Martin]

It was more spoken word. His eyes were closed. And then so I, I just went, whoa, that was amazing. Did you write that? He's like, I wrote that in, in high school. I'm like, wow. And then he. And then he left. And then we texted a little bit after that, but I did. I mean, and I know the response is going to be, listen, I sometimes go on the handsome Reddit page. People Are concerned already about mental health and safety. Yeah, I'm fine. I just was like. I tapped into some teen version of myself that just says yes to everything and is, like, interested in random people. And. And then I did afterwards, I was like. Like, the more friends I told who were like, what are you doing? I was.

[Fortune Feimster]

I thought that definitely was very dangerous.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah. But he was super nice.

[Fortune Feimster]

But I will not be like, record next time. Just be like, oh, I gotta get up super early. I can't, of course.

[Headgum Announcer]

Or.

[Fortune Feimster]

Or my room. Or say. Be like.

[Tig Notaro]

You don't even have to say that. Just be like, no, you're not coming in my house.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah. Or go.

[Fortune Feimster]

Would say, I would go for a coffee. Polite.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

But then it leaves the door open for him to want to come in the next time.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

You know, I was out with Allison Dunbar, our mutual friend, probably a couple years.

[Fortune Feimster]

How funny.

[Tig Notaro]

Tell her hello.

[Fortune Feimster]

Well, I was on this podcast while that happened. Oh, she called during the podcast.

[Mae Martin]

Nowhere.

[Tig Notaro]

We were out. There was a. There was a. It was like a group at dinner, and this guy that was with Allison and Ron's group, grown man, probably mid-60s, was zeroed in on me, telling me he was getting a vibe that we were soulmates. Yeah.

[Mae Martin]

Wow.

[Tig Notaro]

What do you mean?

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah, I can see this.

[Tig Notaro]

What, from their world? Somebody from their world. Yeah. I'm sitting there with my wife and. And gayer than the day is long and this. And I'm like, what do you. Like? I don't. He was like, can I get your number? I just feel like there's something here.

[Mae Martin]

He must have, like, seen your work. He feels like he knows you, and he's just like, this is my.

[Tig Notaro]

I didn't get the vibe he was familiar with me at all, really. He was just.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah, he was just feeling that energy, baby.

[Tig Notaro]

And I wasn't. And I. I didn't know what to do. And. But I mentioned it to Allison a while after. I was like, pardon me, but did.

[Fortune Feimster]

She know this guy well?

[Tig Notaro]

She was just like, oh, my gosh. She was like, that's Ron's friend. He's. He's nuts. You know what I mean? That kind of, like, Allison response.

[Mae Martin]

See, if he had. If that had happened to me, I would have been like, yep, here's my number. And let's get to the bottom of what this uncanny about friend.

[Fortune Feimster]

Soulmates is interesting.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

I've definitely had friends. Soulmates.

[Fortune Feimster]

You know, you don't have to talk about our friendship, but I didn't.

[Tig Notaro]

I didn't get the Vibe one sided and zero in right on somebody and, like, try to get their number. Like, it. It was a mutual thing where we're. I don't know, it was just such a bizarre thing to be out with my wife and have this. It seemed like he was. Had fallen in love with me at first sight.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, wow.

[Mae Martin]

You know, I wonder how if he. If that's something that he feels often like, or if this was truly the one time in his life he still.

[Fortune Feimster]

Thinks about you, girl.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, he's like that. Tig, should we hear what.

[Fortune Feimster]

Think about them tigo bitties.

[Tig Notaro]

What did I tell you?

[Fortune Feimster]

Let's. Yeah, let's hear Pauline's answer.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Pauline Chalamet]

An answer to that question is that when I was in my early 20s or late teens, I was hitchhiking across Turkey and I. I felt totally fine doing it. And that was actually not the dangerous part at all. That was a really lovely experience. And the dangerous part was that I got to Cappadocia, which is a region in the eastern side of Turkey, and I went hiking on these really long hikes every day and then would come back to the hostel and only once I left did I realize that I would go out every day without any water, with no cell phone and no map. Just an idea in my head of where I had come from and where I was going back.

[Mae Martin]

Back.

[Pauline Chalamet]

So once I left Turkey, I was like, oh, that wasn't. That was. I was putting myself in grave danger. But in the moment, I thought, you know, I'm just going on a hike.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Pauline Chalamet]

I don't know what that says, but that's my question. And I hope that you have a lovely day.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, thank you.

[Tig Notaro]

That is dangerous.

[Fortune Feimster]

A guy in Greece this last summer, I think, yeah, last summer. Died. He was, like, with his wife at the beach and he decided that he was going to walk back to their hotel and he didn't have water or anything or cell phone. And he got lost and it was like, crazy hot and he, like, passed out and died on a hill.

[Tig Notaro]

Good Lord. I know. I feel like such an annoying parent because I am so on Max and Finn about hydrating. I'm just like, guys, come in. Have some water. Did you have water? Guys, make sure you have some water. But I'm just like, like, yeah, I'm so annoying because kids won't drink.

[Mae Martin]

They'll forget and they won't drink. Like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I like the way she delivered. No water, no phone, no map. Just an idea in my head.

[Tig Notaro]

What did I tell you? Nothing better than Pauline Chalamet. Okay, thank you for your question and your answer, Pauline. That was a fun episode, I have to say.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah, it was one of those ones. I'm gonna be worried about what I've said, but I really enjoyed it. As always, it's a real pleasure to be with you too.

[Tig Notaro]

You do, don't you worry yourself. Little cowboy.

[Fortune Feimster]

Little cowboy.

[Mae Martin]

What do you got coming up?

[Tig Notaro]

Tig I am going to be in Biloxi, Mississippi. This is me heading home doing some comedy in my home state of Mississippi. I'm also going to be in Salt Lake city, Utah on October 11th and all of my show and ticket information is tignotaro.com I'm doing local Los Angeles shows with new material. Oh and also make a note, November 14 Apple TV the documentary about the brilliant Andrea Gibson and Andrea's wife Meg Fowley. Come see me in the good light. November 14th on Apple TV.

[Mae Martin]

I have well Wayward's coming out in two days on Netflix. Please stream it, watch it.

[Tig Notaro]

Yes.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah, I'm really pumped and let me know what you think or not if you don't like it. But also I my Etsy store where I'm selling these animal paintings is launched. A hundred percent of the profits are going to Doctors Without Borders. Such an amazing charity. They go in, they're in 70 countries in the world. They go into crisis situations and deliver amazing life saving medical care. They're doing incredible work in Gaza and Sudan. So yeah, check out if you search animal art by May on Etsy and grab your weird little, your weird little merch.

[Tig Notaro]

Awesome.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah, that's amazing bud.

[Mae Martin]

Thanks.

[Fortune Feimster]

So I've had to reschedule a bunch of stand updates so I apologize to any handsome listener affected by that. We have found rescheduled dates for all those. It's because I'm filming this new Netflix TV series and I hate to reschedule but I just was part of the doing this.

[Tig Notaro]

It happens.

[Fortune Feimster]

It happens. So we'll definitely have those dates coming. But I all the Saturday shows for sure happening like dc, Boston, Atlanta, Chicago, San Jose and then all the Florida shows as well as Vancouver and Seattle. So yeah, get your tickets.

[Tig Notaro]

If you're new to the podcast, subscribe. Even if you're old to the podcast, subscribe, that is the best way to keep this show going. Subscribe to the audio version as well as the YouTube version of the show and also rate and review us and.

[Mae Martin]

Check out our merch we got. Speaking of merch, we have some amazing stuff on handsomepod.com also share an episode.

[Tig Notaro]

If you liked this episode, think of a couple of people to share it with and be like, hey, come join the Handsome community. And it's very handsome. And until next time, keep it handsome.

[Mae Martin]

Handsome is hosted by me, Mae Martin, Tig Notaro and Fortune Feimster. The show is produced, recorded and edited by Thomas Willette. Email [e-mail] and please follow us on social media. Ansompod.

[Fortune Feimster]

What a wild podcast.

[Mae Martin]

What a podcast.

[Headgum Announcer]

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[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, checking first is smart. So check all state first for a quote that could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Potential savings vary, subject to terms, conditions and availability. Allstate North American Insurance Company and Affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois.