Pretty Little Episode #10

Summary

Podcast Summary: Handsome – Pretty Little Episode #10

Episode Details:

• Title: Pretty Little Episode #10
• Release Date: October 25, 2024
• Hosts: Tig Notaro, Fortune Feimster, Mae Martin
• Produced by: Headgum

---

1. Embracing Change and Personal Stories

Mae Martin kicks off the episode by sharing a personal story about getting her hair trimmed. During the visit, her hairstylist decides to dye her hair salt and pepper to maintain continuity for the show. Mae humorously recounts discovering "12 to 14 fully gray hairs" post-trim (00:32). Initially apprehensive, Mae's perspective shifts as Fortune Feimster reassures her, saying, "It's a very cool look" (01:11). This leads Mae to embrace her changing appearance, reflecting on how stress might have accelerated her graying process.

2. The Light-Hearted Debate on Cosmetic Enhancements

The conversation seamlessly transitions to discussing cosmetic enhancements. Fortune expresses curiosity about procedures like Botox, fillers, and hair dyeing, pondering whether they could become quick fixes in the future. Mae contemplates the implications of these changes on personal expression and performance, questioning if something like Botox might "hinder your performance acting wise" (03:20). The hosts humorously debate the reversibility of such procedures, with Fortune musing, "I think I would imagine you would look good. You're obviously an attractive person." (02:48). This segment highlights their camaraderie and ability to discuss personal topics with humor and openness.

3. The Myth of Nine Lives: Philosophical Musings

Delving into more whimsical territory, Mae and Fortune explore the age-old saying that cats have nine lives. Mae raises a thought-provoking question: "Do you think you'd live differently if you knew you were gonna come back eight more times but you don't know which number you're on?" (07:05). Fortune reflects on how this knowledge might influence their behavior, with Mae agreeing that it could lead to taking more risks or perhaps becoming more detached from daily anxieties. They humorously consider overcoming fears and the potential for reckless adventures, underscoring the fleeting nature of life and the allure of multiple chances.

4. Listener Questions: Exploring Dreams and Fantasies

a. Angela’s Question: Moving to a Foreign Country

The first listener question comes from Angela, who asks: "Would you ever want to move to a foreign country and live out the rest of your life there? And if you would, where would you like to move to and why?" (08:12).

• Mae's Response: Mae expresses a willingness to move for love, sharing her own experience of living in England for twelve years. She muses about urban-centric cities like Amsterdam and Berlin, highlighting her fondness for their vibrant cultures and progressive atmospheres.

  "If I was going to move somewhere with, like, a totally different culture and it was for love... I'd want something like Amsterdam or Berlin." (10:17)

• Fortune's Response: Fortune agrees, citing her positive experiences visiting Amsterdam and appreciating its beauty and social progressiveness. She also humorously contemplates working in unique jobs in such cities, like hiring topless housekeepers, sparking laughter and playful banter.

  "They look so kind of... it's a joke we played around with." (14:30)

b. Maddie’s Question: If You Were a Dragon, What Would You Hoard?

The second listener question is from Maddie, asking: "If you were a dragon, what would you hoard? Like, most dragons sit on a pile of gold or something." (19:38).

• Mae's Response: Mae reveals her love for vintage cameras, imagining herself as a dragon surrounded by "a bunch of old cameras" (20:08). This personal touch adds depth to her character and showcases her quirky interests.

  "I'd be a dragon sitting on a bunch of old cameras, I think." (20:42)

• Fortune's Response: Fortune playfully suggests she would hoard vegan desserts, specifically key lime pie and tiramisu. The humorous twist leads to a lighthearted discussion about the peculiar fetish of sitting on cakes, blending fantasy with everyday quirks.

  "I would hoard vegan desserts. I would just sit on a key lime pie." (20:59)

• Maddie’s Answer: Maddie adds her unique spin by declaring she would hoard all the lost socks from dryers, playfully taking ownership of the universal sock disappearance mystery.

  "I'm the reason that you only have one of the pair always." (23:22)

5. Anecdotes and Humorous Interludes

Mae Martin shares a memorable incident where she was asked to deliver a message in French during a red carpet event. Struggling with the language, she ended up saying, "c'est lalaween," referencing a childhood song. This moment of vulnerability leads to laughter and solidarity among the hosts.

"It's so insane to think of French Canadian people hearing me be like, of course I have a message. It's Halloween." (16:38)

Fortune Feimster reflects on her performance in an Indigo Girls musical, initially feeling embarrassed but later receiving positive feedback from Amy Ray. This story emphasizes the importance of self-perception versus public reception.

"Amy Ray was laughing at my part. I don't even think she was laughing at me having a bad accent." (17:26)

6. Lighthearted Discussions on Relationships and Pets

The hosts transition to discussing relationships, particularly the dynamics of introducing new elements, akin to adding a fourth cat to a household already brimming with feline companions. They humorously compare this to introducing polyamory into a relationship, highlighting the delicate balance required to maintain harmony.

"It would be like when you introduce polyamory into a relationship. You're playing with fire." (22:30)

7. Closing Remarks and Community Engagement

As the episode wraps up, Mae and Fortune encourage listeners to continue sending in questions and to share the podcast with friends to help grow their community. They emphasize the value of listener engagement and express their appreciation for the supportive audience.

"Tell your friends about this podcast... continue to grow this really incredible community." (24:16)

Mae concludes with a heartfelt reminder to keep things "pretty," encapsulating the episode's blend of humor, personal storytelling, and philosophical musings.

"Until next time, keep it pretty." (24:34)

---

Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• Mae Martin: "I was thinking it's fucking cool. You've got it, like, in your sideburn there." (01:11)
• Mae Martin: "I feel like we've talked on the pod about how when I moved to England, I looked into becoming an escort for women..." (10:43)
• Fortune Feimster: "I have fantasies sometimes about just going for it. Like bleaching my teeth." (03:24)
• Fortune Feimster: "What would I hoard? I would hoard... vegan desserts." (20:59)
• Mae Martin: "It's a classic. Yeah. Dragons, they hoard gold and things usually." (20:08)
• Mae Martin: "And it's just so insane to think of French Canadian people hearing me be like, of course I have a message. It's Halloween." (16:38)

---

Conclusion:

In "Pretty Little Episode #10," Mae Martin, Fortune Feimster, and Tig Notaro deliver a captivating blend of personal anecdotes, humorous exchanges, and engaging discussions prompted by listener questions. Whether contemplating the implications of cosmetic enhancements, imagining life as a multi-lived cat, or exploring the whimsical notion of dragon hoards, the hosts exhibit their trademark wit and warmth. This episode not only entertains but also fosters a sense of community and relatability, making it a must-listen for both regular followers and newcomers alike.

Transcript

[Mae Martin]

Handsome. Chatting with friends on the handsome pot. Chatting with friends on the handsome pot.

[Tig Notaro]

Pretty little episode.

[Mae Martin]

Every time.

[Fortune Feimster]

Every time. Every time. It starts a life.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

And I. Can't we say pretty little episode?

[Mae Martin]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

Okay.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's good.

[Fortune Feimster]

That's a really good thing to call it.

[Mae Martin]

Hey, guess what, Tay.

[Fortune Feimster]

What?

[Mae Martin]

I got my hair trimmed. And the person cutting it goes, well, she was dying it, too, for, like, continuity for the show. And she goes, I like the salt and pepper. Should we keep it? I go, sorry. She goes, yeah, like in the back and sides here you got salt and pepper. And I was like, well, here we go. And I went, I hadn't noticed it. And then I look and I got like a 12 to 14 fully gray hairs.

[Fortune Feimster]

Okay. And does that terrify you? And did it remind you, looking at me? Is that what reminded you?

[Mae Martin]

Well, honestly, I was thinking it's fucking cool. You've got it, like, in your sideburn there, and it's.

[Thomas Willette]

It's a very cool look.

[Mae Martin]

And I thought, I want to be distinguished. Yeah. I got to embrace this. And it also was like, oh, man, I've been having a tough summer. I've gone gray, like, over stress, I think. Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

Well, I think I've shared another ex of mine used to call it going great.

[Mae Martin]

Going great. I like that.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Mae Martin]

Can you picture me with fully salt and pepper hair?

[Fortune Feimster]

Hmm. I'm really not great at picturing things. I have to see things. Like, Stephanie will be like, should I wear this thing or with this? And I'm like, I don't know. You have to put it on so I can see it.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

But I'm usually into salt and pepper hair.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

I do have moments when I'm. And maybe I've talked about this on the podcast. I have moments when I'm sitting around with, like, beautiful, glamorous actresses.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

Have I talked about those?

[Mae Martin]

I don't think so. But.

[Fortune Feimster]

And, and. And it. It dawned on me recently that they might be staring at me going, does she not know that she can bleach her teeth? Does she not know that she can dye her hair?

[Mae Martin]

Oh, my God.

[Fortune Feimster]

Does she not know? You know? Cuz if you must know, I haven't done anything.

[Mae Martin]

I mean, you don't, but you don't need to do anything. I think if you had, like, like paper white teeth like that gleaming, like, it would be so strange. Yeah. Or like a full jet black hair.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah. Jet black mustache as well.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

Which I would do. But I don't know. I think I would imagine you would look good. You're obviously an attractive person, so careful. Okay. I am married. But you know, you can be on a diet and still look at the menu.

[Mae Martin]

Okay. I do think, I do wonder if I'll get, get like Botox and stuff one day. I think I probably will. I think the technology will get so good that it'll just be like a two second thing, you know?

[Fortune Feimster]

So if it gets good, should I do it then?

[Mae Martin]

Well, I don't know. It's not that. I mean, you don't.

[Fortune Feimster]

Go on, give me an honest answer.

[Mae Martin]

I'm trying to think. I was. Well, I was just thinking like, would it hinder your performance acting wise, not being able to emote that much.

[Fortune Feimster]

And then I thought, see my abilities hinder my act. We can't blame this on Botox or whitened teeth. But yeah, I do have fantasies sometimes about just going for it. Like bleaching my teeth. Yeah, just bleaching my teeth. Getting Botox and filler and dyeing my hair. Getting some fake boobs and just really going for it.

[Mae Martin]

I feel like you would do that as a bit and you'd really commit.

[Fortune Feimster]

To the bit I was about to say and I'd mainly do it as a bit. Yeah, I think it'd be worth it. But can't you kind of backtrack if you do that stuff, don't your teeth become yellow and stuff again back to.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah, yeah. Like Botox is temporary. I guess if you get something like a really bad facelift, you know, if you from, from some back alley surgeon, then I don't know if you'd be able to backtrack but.

[Fortune Feimster]

Well, I wouldn't get a facelift. I would just get stuff you could put in and then maybe take out or it wears off.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

I don't know exactly what the process.

[Mae Martin]

Is, but the filler looks crazy on people. Sometimes people just start. They look like a balloon. Like they look so kind of. Yeah, it's weird.

[Fortune Feimster]

And then there's others that look like a deflated balloon like myself.

[Mae Martin]

No, you are the handsomest.

[Fortune Feimster]

That's all I needed to hear. I also have had moments where I'm like. And I don't feel even remotely trans. But there's moments where I think, oh, how could I do that? Just out of curiosity, to like see what that would look like or how that would feel.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah. There's no rules. There's no rules. You can't.

[Fortune Feimster]

I know, but I mean. And then, but does it wear off where you can go back and some.

[Mae Martin]

Things do Because I obviously, like, when I started taking testosterone, I'm, you know, because you don't really know how you're going to feel. I was like, what's reversible? What's not? And yeah, things like your voice dropping that it doesn't go back. Although my voice has really not dropped significantly. My voice. Yesterday I realized my female co star has a deeper voice than me. She's like, hi, Mae. And I'm like, anyway, guys. But yeah, if your voice drops, it doesn't go back. But things like body hair and weight distribution and I think that stuff is reversible.

[Fortune Feimster]

Okay. And where does the weight distribute to?

[Mae Martin]

Without being on testosterone, it would go more to your hips and your butt. And then on testosterone it goes more to your abdomen and you build muscle easier.

[Fortune Feimster]

So wait, you gain fat in your stomach?

[Mae Martin]

It's more like if you do gain fat, it goes to different parts of your body.

[Fortune Feimster]

Well, maybe I'll get my teeth bleached. I'll dye my hair black. I'll get testosterone for a bit. Yeah. I'll get filler and, and botox and get boobs.

[Mae Martin]

But go on testosterone.

[Fortune Feimster]

On testosterone. Yeah. And just, just. See, I mean, it's like we're only alive once.

[Mae Martin]

Exactly.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah. I mean, as far as I know. Yeah.

[Mae Martin]

As far as we know. Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

What if you live. Do you think cats are like, come on, you only live seven times?

[Mae Martin]

Yeah. Yeah. Wait, is it seven?

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, nine.

[Mae Martin]

Oh, nine. Nine. Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

Come on.

[Mae Martin]

Well, that one's already lost too. Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

Let's jump. Let's jump off the roof. We only live nine times.

[Mae Martin]

We gotta do this.

[Fortune Feimster]

Why do cats have nine lives?

[Mae Martin]

Yeah, why do they say that?

[Fortune Feimster]

I don't know.

[Mae Martin]

Do you think you'd live differently if you knew you were gonna come back eight more times but you don't know which number you're on? You just know. Everybody gets nine chances.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah, I would probably do well. I'd have to get over my fear of heights and stuff.

[Mae Martin]

Why?

[Fortune Feimster]

Because I'm picturing myself do. I guess because I look like Tom Cruise. I'm picturing myself doing Tom Cruise type things like, you know, do ramping off of something on a motorcycle.

[Mae Martin]

And so, you know, you'd be more risky. Like, you wouldn't be so risk averse if you knew. Right, Right, Yeah, I think I would. It would take away some of my motivation. I'd end up scrolling on my phone even more because I'd be like, I got eight more lives. Well, listen, pretty little episodes famously are where we take listener questions and Hear what people want to hear.

[Fortune Feimster]

Everybody's talking about it.

[Mae Martin]

Everybody's talking about it.

[Fortune Feimster]

I love that song.

[Mae Martin]

Me, too. That song. Yeah. Should we listen to our question?

[Fortune Feimster]

Yes, please.

[Angela]

Hello, handsomes. My name is Angela. I'm 53 years old, and I'm originally from Indiana. However, I've lived most of the last 23 years in Northwest Italy after I met, fell in love, and married an Italian. My question for you is, would you ever want to move to a foreign country and live out the rest of your life there? And if you would, where would you like to move to and why?

[Fortune Feimster]

So where would we live if we.

[Mae Martin]

Were going to move for the rest of our days to a foreign country? If it was for love, like Angela, I would do that. I feel like that's kind of the only thing that it's worth. Wait, I was going to say that it's worth living in a foreign country for, but that's not what I mean. I mean, like, that it's worth uprooting your life and. Really, I don't know what I'm saying, actually.

[Fortune Feimster]

But that's not even true. Because you moved to the States.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah, and I moved to England for. Yeah, for 12 years, I guess.

[Fortune Feimster]

Your story is falling apart very quickly, I think. Sounds like you'll go on a whim no matter what.

[Mae Martin]

But she doesn't speak the. I mean, to move somewhere with a different dominant language, that's like a big.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, is that part of the question? To move to another country?

[Mae Martin]

Oh, but let's pretend it is, because that's kind of juicy.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah. I mean, Stephanie and I have vacationed in Amsterdam. We've gone to Amsterdam a bunch.

[Mae Martin]

I love it there.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah. It's just. It's so beautiful and fun and.

[Mae Martin]

And it's, like, socially progressed. Like. Like. Yeah, yeah. Norway, Finland.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah, those places are.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

Although I'm really. I go back to climate change.

[Mae Martin]

But does that make you want to get away from LA a little bit?

[Fortune Feimster]

Climate change?

[Mae Martin]

Yeah. Because LA's going to be rough, I think.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, LA's already rough. Yeah. Maybe New Zealand.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah, New Zealand's good. Canada's good. If I was going to move somewhere with, like, a totally different culture and it was for love, let's say I would move to. Well, my parents moved to Greece in their 20s for five years and, hmm, Greece is pretty beautiful, but I think I'd want a kind of more urban feel. Yeah. Amsterdam's looking pretty good. Berlin. I love Berlin. But comedy wise, I don't know, I.

[Fortune Feimster]

Feel like Amsterdam's got The comedy scene, too.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah, exactly. And, you know, you'd find me in a window in a red light district. I'd live happy as Riley. Living the dream. Would you.

[Fortune Feimster]

Would you do that?

[Mae Martin]

Yeah. I feel like we've talked on the pod about how when I moved to England, I. I looked into becoming a. An escort for women, but there wasn't much of a demand.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah. There wasn't a market for it.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

What if you signed up as an escort for men?

[Mae Martin]

Well, I'd have to advertise really clearly what they were getting. You're getting a little cowboy. And you better be prepared for that.

[Thomas Willette]

Handsome homeowners, we want to help you save on your home insurance. That's why we're proud to be sponsored by All State with Allstate. They're not just saving you money, they're saving you time by making it easy to get a quote without all the headache.

[Tig Notaro]

Check Allstate first and you could save $574 on your home insurance. No hassle, just savings. You're in good hands with Allstate.

[Thomas Willette]

Not available in every state. Based on the national average annual savings for new home insurance customers surveyed in 2023 who switched to Allstate and reported savings, savings vary. Today's episode is brought to you by Ali. Clean, fresh nutrition your dog needs in five flavors. They'll absolutely flip over. You don't have to be a veterinary nutritionist to know that feeding your dog real whole foods with minimal processing is one of the best choices you can make for their health.

[Tig Notaro]

A perfectly portioned whole fresh food diet has been proven to extend your pup's life by two and a half years. Who doesn't want more time with their best friend? Biggie just got his olive food and is in love. I mean, anytime he smells that fresh food, he loses his mind. And he has a very sensitive system. So that's the kind of food we always wanted to give him. And so we've been super pumped that he is so excited.

[Thomas Willette]

Right now, Ollie is offering a fantastic.

[Mae Martin]

Deal to let your pup taste test.

[Thomas Willette]

A personalized meal plan. So head to ollie.com, tell them about your dog, use handsome and you'll get 60% off your first box of meals when subscribed today. So head to o.com and enter the code handsome to get 60% off your first box. They offer a clean bowl guarantee on their first box. So if you're not completely satisfied, you can get your money back.

[Tig Notaro]

Did you know that an estimated 5 billion plastic hand soap and cleaning bottles are thrown away each year. And if that's not bad enough, most cleaning formulas are 90% water, which is heavy to ship, leading to excessive carbon emissions. Plus those products are often filled with nasty ingredients like chlori and ammonia.

[Thomas Willette]

Blueland is on a mission to eliminate single use plastic by reinventing cleaning essentials to be better for you and the planet. With the same powerful clean that you're used to, they offer refillable cleaning products with a beautiful cohesive design that looks great on your counter. Blueland sent me some of their hand soaps to try along with the reusable bottle. And my favorite scent so far is the lavender eucalyptus. Very calming, very fresh. But I also love that there's a fragrance free version in case you or your loved ones are sensitive to smells.

[Tig Notaro]

Blueland has a special offer for listeners right now. Get 15 off your first order by going to blueland.com handsome. You will not want to miss this. Blueland.com handsome for 15 off. That's blueland.com handsome to get 15 off.

[Mae Martin]

I I for gay guys. I'd. I'd love to. That would be fun.

[Fortune Feimster]

This is related, but unrelated. Have you seen those? That company in Los Angeles where it's topless housekeep cleaning?

[Mae Martin]

No.

[Fortune Feimster]

Wait, what?

[Mae Martin]

You're kidding.

[Fortune Feimster]

No. There is a business where you can hire topless housekeepers.

[Mae Martin]

You're joking.

[Fortune Feimster]

May. I'm not. Thomas, you know this to be true, right?

[Mae Martin]

But also. Yeah. Are you going to say, imagine if you and I worked there?

[Fortune Feimster]

Well, I always, whenever I see that, I'm like, oh my God, what if I interviewed for that job and I just had scars across my chest?

[Mae Martin]

And they'd be trying to not make it obvious that they're discriminating based on that.

[Fortune Feimster]

They'd be like, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Mae Martin]

Wow. I didn't know that existed. That's so wild.

[Fortune Feimster]

I still think I should do some sort of prank and see if I can get some cameras in there with me trying to get a job there.

[Mae Martin]

I think you should do that too.

[Fortune Feimster]

I'm a pretty good cleaner.

[Mae Martin]

Are you?

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah, I just don't have boobs.

[Mae Martin]

Right.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah.

[Mae Martin]

So let's do, let's move to Amsterdam if we're gonna. Yeah, I like Iceland, but it's that I couldn't do like dark all winter.

[Fortune Feimster]

And they've been having volcanoes erupting. I'm not interested in that. There's nowhere to escape. No. No place to escape.

[Mae Martin]

Dude, ain't that the truth? And you never escape yourself.

[Fortune Feimster]

No. No, you don't.

[Mae Martin]

The man in the mirror is always Looking back at you.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yes, indeed.

[Mae Martin]

Do you speak French pretty well?

[Fortune Feimster]

Here we go.

[Mae Martin]

Oh, my God. No, Tig. I was on a red carpet at Tiffany. And they.

[Fortune Feimster]

Congrats, man.

[Mae Martin]

Thank you so much. Thank you.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah, congrats.

[Mae Martin]

And they're, you know, you're going down the line, and they're interviewing, and so this person's like, hello, this is CBC Canada. Do you have a message for our French Canadian listeners? In French. And I go, bien sur. And then I blank. And then I couldn't think of anything to say. And I go, c'est lalaween. Which was like this song about Halloween that this pineapple used to sing. When you're in school, this pineapple teaches you. And he goes, say la, Lin. Hey.

[Thomas Willette]

Say la.

[Mae Martin]

And the woman looks.

[Fortune Feimster]

Thomas is nodding his head. He clearly knows I love that song.

[Mae Martin]

Yes. And it's just. It's so insane to think of French Canadian people hearing me be like, of course I have a message. It's Halloween.

[Fortune Feimster]

The woman better than I can do.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah. You had to do a French accent in something, too, right?

[Fortune Feimster]

I did. Why'd you have to bring it up? I did that Indigo Girls musical.

[Mae Martin]

I loved what you did before there.

[Fortune Feimster]

You know, I have to say, I really was ashamed by my performance, but did I tell you I got a text from Amy Ray from the Indigo Girls?

[Mae Martin]

No.

[Fortune Feimster]

Saying she said that she was dying, laughing that she thought. No, she. When she watched the movie.

[Mae Martin]

Oh.

[Fortune Feimster]

She was laughing at my part. And I don't even think she was laughing at me having a bad accent. Like, I think she thought I did a good job. And that has actually helped me because it was. I was carrying a lot of shame. I was carrying a. Oh. Oh. Yes. I just. It was hard for me to. You know, I went to screenings of the movie and was promoting it, and when I'd sit through, I'd be like, oh, God. Oh, God.

[Mae Martin]

And when you were promoting it, did you keep, like, reference, like, making fun of yourself?

[Fortune Feimster]

Yes. Yes. Yeah.

[Mae Martin]

Haven't you found, like, just from sitting in an edit and having to watch myself, I found, like, we don't know. Like, sometimes I'll be like, oh, I, in that take, was thinking about something completely different. I was not present. I was not. And then everyone's like, that's our. We like that take. And you're like, nobody. We don't know anything about ourselves.

[Fortune Feimster]

Really? Yeah. I mean, I guess my character people thought was funny, but I'm very focused on. I did a terrible French accent. And I think what comes over me Is like, I just feel like an imposter in that moment. And I'm like, of course. Yeah. Anyway, I don't need to go on about it, but I'm sure.

[Mae Martin]

I think if it was that bad, they would have told you not to do it.

[Fortune Feimster]

Well, that's what I have to just go with. You know, when you're filming and you think that wasn't quite right, like you're just saying. And then the director isn't going to move on if they're not happy with it. Totally. But at least Amy Rae was. Was happy with it.

[Mae Martin]

Should we hear the answer?

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah, let's hear it.

[Mae Martin]

Oh, we know the answer because she moved to Italy with her true love.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah.

[Mae Martin]

Should we hear another question?

[Fortune Feimster]

I think we should.

[Maddie]

Hi, handsome. It's Maddie from the great not state of dc. My question is, if you were a dragon, what would you hoard? Like, most dragons sit on a pile of gold or something.

[Fortune Feimster]

I feel like this is somebody up your alley, Mae.

[Mae Martin]

Why? Because I like dragons.

[Fortune Feimster]

I don't know, I just. It feels very mei. Like if you were a dragon. And then even knowing that dragons sit on things, I'm like, what do you mean? I only know fire flies out of their mouths.

[Mae Martin]

You know, dragons sit on things. Yeah, you're right. Actually, when I heard the word dragon, I did get a little flicker of enthusiasm.

[Fortune Feimster]

And do you know that dragons sit on things?

[Mae Martin]

Of course. Well, yeah, they. You ever read the Paper Bag Princess by Robert Munch?

[Fortune Feimster]

Of course not.

[Mae Martin]

Oh, it's a classic. Yeah. Dragons, they hoard gold and things usually.

[Fortune Feimster]

But I didn't know, even though I was a. I'm a big fan of Pete's dragon.

[Mae Martin]

Oh, really? Yeah. Pete's dragon's kid.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah.

[Mae Martin]

I do hyper fixate on things, though, and I. And I buy. So right now I'm into vintage cameras, like 35 millimeter film still photography. And. And so I'll just go on ebay and be getting these cameras for like 50 bucks and they show up and I don't even remember ordering them. And I've got. So I'd be. I'd be a dragon sitting on a bunch of old cameras, I think.

[Fortune Feimster]

Wow. And then cameras would just be taking pictures of your backside.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah, my scaly bum hole.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Mae Martin]

What about you? What would you hoard?

[Fortune Feimster]

What would I hoard?

[Mae Martin]

Vegan desserts?

[Fortune Feimster]

Yes, I would hoard vegan. I would just sit on a key lime pie. A vegan key lime pie. Tiramisu, actually.

[Mae Martin]

Did you know that's a fetish? What Sitting on cake?

[Fortune Feimster]

No, it's a fetish where people, they.

[Mae Martin]

Take their underwear off and they sit.

[Fortune Feimster]

On May they're panties. May they're panties. And wait, do these people do this by themselves? It's just like they're home alone sitting on a cake.

[Mae Martin]

All I know is there's.

[Fortune Feimster]

They swing by the grocery store, go into the bakery, and pick up a few cakes for the week.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah, I know there's a lot of videos. There's like a whole community of cake sitters.

[Fortune Feimster]

Hey, I want to swing by later on. I'm going to be sitting on a cake. What would I hoard? I would hoard.

[Mae Martin]

I feel like you would just hoard your family. Like, you would just sit on your family. Sit on your family. Yes.

[Tig Notaro]

Get in there.

[Mae Martin]

Got you guys.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah, but probably cats. Yeah.

[Mae Martin]

Dragon hoarding cats.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah. I would just feel like, come on. Because I'm always asking stuff. Stephanie, don't we have room for just one more? And she's like, oh, my God, no. We have three. And it's a perfect dynamic. They travel around the house together, sleep together. And she said if we brought in the wrong fourth kitty, it could just destroy the peace in our home.

[Mae Martin]

It would be like when you introduce polyamory into a relationship. You're playing with fire.

[Fortune Feimster]

Exactly.

[Mae Martin]

You gotta get the. The unicorn, like the perfect cat. And the chances are you're gonna. Someone's gonna get jealous.

[Fortune Feimster]

I know. And we have three perfect cats. And that's why I'm like, that's that gambling where I'm like, I'm sure that fourth perfect one is out there.

[Mae Martin]

Well, if it's. If it's nurture, not nature, then you could create the perfect cat. Get it? Brand new kitten.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah.

[Mae Martin]

Okay, so you're as a dragon in a cave, sitting on, like, 25 cats.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, my God. Way more than 25. Way more. Way more.

[Mae Martin]

So should we hear Maddie's answer?

[Fortune Feimster]

Yes, we should.

[Maddie]

My answer is, I would be hoarding all of the lost socks from the dryer. I'm the reason that you only have one of the pair always. Thank you.

[Mae Martin]

Okay. I love her. I love. I'm the reason.

[Fortune Feimster]

I am the reason.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah, I like that a lot. I didn't realize that they get stuck down the side of the dryer. I thought it was, like, one of life's great mysteries. How come you lose one sock? But apparently it's because they're small enough they work their way into your dryer.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, I didn't know that. That seems like a fire hazard. Yeah, well, not our problem. Not our problem until our dryer explodes. Then it is our problem.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

Well, that was a fun episode.

[Mae Martin]

It was.

[Fortune Feimster]

I like our vibe.

[Mae Martin]

I love our vibe.

[Maddie]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

I love our vibe. Reminds me of just having lunch with you, you know?

[Mae Martin]

I know.

[Fortune Feimster]

I know.

[Thomas Willette]

What the hell?

[Fortune Feimster]

What the hell?

[Mae Martin]

Get a clue, Fortune.

[Fortune Feimster]

Get a clue, Fortune. Marie.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah. I hope people please keep sending in your questions for sure and tell your.

[Fortune Feimster]

Friends about this podcast. Because, you know, people are always saying, we don't want it to end. We don't want it to end. Well, the way to keep it going is to continue listening, subscribe, and share episodes that you love with your friends and continue to grow this really incredible community.

[Mae Martin]

To keep it going. Keep it growing.

[Fortune Feimster]

That's right. And until next time, keep it pretty.

[Mae Martin]

Handsome Handsome is hosted by me, May Martin, Tig Notaro, and Fortune Feimster. The show is produced, recorded and edited by Thomas Willette. Email [e-mail] and please follow us on social media at Handsome Podcast.

[Fortune Feimster]

What a podcast.

[Mae Martin]

Podcast. What a podcast.