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Fortune Feimster
This is a headgum podcast. Handsome. Chatting with friends on the Handsome Pot. Chatting with friends on the Handsome Pot. Pretty little episode. Welcome to our pretty little episode. I am Fortune Famester, and I am.
Tig Notaro
Your friend, Tig Notaro.
Fortune Feimster
You are our friend, Tig?
Tig Notaro
I am. I am. I was gonna say I'm a friend to everyone, but I feel like there's a few people. It probably doesn't.
Fortune Feimster
They're not on that list.
Tig Notaro
Yeah, I'm probably not on their list, but I would say the majority.
Fortune Feimster
That's good. Yeah.
Tig Notaro
Yeah. How you doing, bud? I'm doing all right. I'm in Toronto. You are not.
Fortune Feimster
No, it's hot as balls here. Just. I'm telling you, I don't know a lot about balls. I've heard the hot. When they get, you know, stuck in the.
Tig Notaro
This is starting out terribly, terribly. I cannot believe how much balls come up.
Fortune Feimster
I know.
Tig Notaro
On this podcast.
Fortune Feimster
I know. I don't know how that happens, but somehow it does.
Tig Notaro
Yeah.
Fortune Feimster
But, yeah, it's hot here. Is it nicer weather there? Is it chilly?
Tig Notaro
Yeah, it's. It's definitely starting to get chilly. I mean, look, it's not as cold as it gets here in Toronto, but it's. It's getting. Like at night when I go to bed, I can feel that it's. It's chilly.
Fortune Feimster
Like when you. When you have your onesie on.
Tig Notaro
No, I'm just in my pontoons.
Fortune Feimster
It gets really cold there. You're gonna be there in the coldest of months.
Tig Notaro
Yes, I am.
Fortune Feimster
You're gonna blow away, Tig.
Tig Notaro
I know. Blow away. Why would I blow away? Cause it's cold.
Fortune Feimster
Yeah, it'll be cold. And I assume there will be some wind involved at some point.
Tig Notaro
It's so funny. When was little, I was such a picky eater. Like, it was real bad Jack, too. My mother used to say, if you don't eat, you're going to blow away to Windville. Have you ever heard of Windville? Have we talked about this on the podcast?
Fortune Feimster
Never heard of Windville, but it makes total sense to me.
Tig Notaro
Well, I thought it was real. I thought it was a place. It was, apparently where skinny kids lived.
Fortune Feimster
Yeah, I never blew there.
Tig Notaro
I didn't blow there either. But I also. It didn't change anything for me. I just felt like, whatever, I'll take my chances, you know, I'm not eating this hamburger. I'm gonna have a piece of cheese and a pickle, and I'll be on my way.
Fortune Feimster
A piece of cheese and a pickle. That was the Meal.
Tig Notaro
That was about what my palate.
Fortune Feimster
Yeah, Yeah. I didn't have Windville, but mine was like, if you don't stop eating, you're going to fat camp.
Tig Notaro
Did that come up?
Fortune Feimster
I never went to fat camp, but I did get sent to a nutrition class when I was 12. 12 or 13.
Tig Notaro
Was there a threat of fat camp? Didn't come up.
Fortune Feimster
No. Because we couldn't have afforded fat camp anyway, whatever that was. But somehow I think through insurance we were. And my mom knew a lady at church, of course, health nutrition classes.
Tig Notaro
And did you go to one?
Fortune Feimster
It was like me and six 45 year olds.
Tig Notaro
That is hilarious. When you actually went. I went to like three classes and insurance covered that.
Fortune Feimster
I think I want. Or the nice church lady gave us a deal.
Tig Notaro
I bet that's what it was.
Fortune Feimster
Yeah. You know, one of those classes kind of like what. When. Remember when Oprah lost a lot of weight and was like, she brought out that wheelbarrow or whatever. Look at all this fat. Yeah.
Tig Notaro
Yeah.
Fortune Feimster
It was kind of like, this is how much sugar is in all this stuff. And I was like, whoa, that looks delicious.
Tig Notaro
That sounds good.
Fortune Feimster
So. But then it didn't take then. But then like three years later I went on a health kick and I lost like £50. And some of that did come back into my head of like, you know, that was when like counting fat grams was the big thing. I don't know if you remember that. That era.
Tig Notaro
Vaguely. I had a friend that was always switching diets and she did like a cabbage soup diet. And then she was eating all like fat free cookies and it was that.
Fortune Feimster
Era, fat free cookie everything, snack wells and things like that.
Tig Notaro
Yeah. I feel like we lived in Austin then. Yeah, me and, me and my friend. And yeah, she was just living off of these fat free cookies and crack. She was like, this is incredible. There's good.
Fortune Feimster
None of it was good for you. I was like, there might not be fat, but there's like all these other things.
Tig Notaro
Chemical. There's not. You're not eating food. You might as well just ingest the cardboard box that came in.
Fortune Feimster
Yeah, but I could slam some Snackwell's cookies.
Tig Notaro
Are they still around?
Fortune Feimster
Honestly, I don't know. Because yeah, that was like a. That was like a big fad. Everything was fat free.
Tig Notaro
How did that count? Like you, you count fat that you eat, like points.
Fortune Feimster
It would be like this many fat. You can have this many fat grams in a day. So I clearly, you know, none of it took too much, but I got, I got healthier in high school, so that's all that matters. So some of the information stuck, but I don't know how. I don't know how. I lost a bunch of weight, but I don't know how healthy I was. You know what I mean?
Tig Notaro
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Fortune Feimster
But, yeah. It's always a journey.
Tig Notaro
Everything is. Everything is.
Fortune Feimster
It is, my friend. Well, maybe our friends have some questions on their journeys.
Tig Notaro
Maybe. Maybe so. I do. Before we get into it, I have to brag about something.
Fortune Feimster
Please.
Tig Notaro
I got a text from Stephanie.
Fortune Feimster
Yeah.
Tig Notaro
Max and Finn won their first baseball game. Their team is. Is the worst in the.
Fortune Feimster
In the league.
Tig Notaro
In the league. Yeah. But I don't know if I told you, but Finn was like, I think I need to join a different league Today. Finn not only hit a home run, but he hit it out of the baseball park. And no kid in that league in the history of time has hit a ball out of the baseball park.
Fortune Feimster
Wow. That's incredible. That's not easy.
Tig Notaro
No. And Stephanie sent me videos, and, like.
Fortune Feimster
Yeah.
Tig Notaro
The whole team just jumped on top of him. And Stephanie was like, I'm crying.
Fortune Feimster
I love that. That's so cool.
Tig Notaro
It's so, so great. And then Max, I guess, stole every base and didn't get caught, or I guess tagged out. Caught. He wasn't caught. He wasn't tagged out. So they had a pretty great. They had a double header.
Fortune Feimster
Amazing.
Tig Notaro
Yeah. Yeah. Pretty cool.
Fortune Feimster
Look at them keeping it handsome.
Tig Notaro
I know. They really are.
Fortune Feimster
That's awesome. High fives to Max and Finn.
Tig Notaro
High fives. And yes, we can get into what our handsome and pretty little listeners wanting to ask us.
Fortune Feimster
That's right. All right. This question comes from Belle. Belle of the ball.
May Martin
G'day, handsome. From Sydney, New South Wales, in Australia. I hope you're all doing well. Low key. Have a crush on May. Feel good. That show. Awakening. Excellent. Anyway, my question for you all is, why does Fortune always have to be the one that gets in trouble?
Fortune Feimster
Thank you.
May Martin
I feel like you need to be getting in trouble a bit. I feel like when I see or hear someone do something wrong in my head, I go, fortune. And I feel like this should be a Tig equivalent.
Fortune Feimster
That's right.
May Martin
Anyway. Okay.
Fortune Feimster
Tig.
Tig Notaro
What a letdown for Belle that May isn't even here to answer this or talk about it. It's just me and you.
Fortune Feimster
I was going to say join the list. A lot of people think May's hot, which we totally get. It's a very handsome group here.
Tig Notaro
Yeah. I mean, take your pick of handsomes and Always May Belle.
Fortune Feimster
It's. It's. It's a thing. We have to go through. Us and Jennifer Lopez with V. Handsome.
Tig Notaro
What is that?
Fortune Feimster
That was. That was my Australian accent.
Tig Notaro
I know, but why Jennifer Lopez?
Fortune Feimster
It's one of the few names I can say in an Australian accent. Is Jennifer Lopez.
Tig Notaro
Okay. I was like, well, this must be a line in a movie. I don't understand what's happening.
Fortune Feimster
No, I can only say two words. Very well. Jennifer Lopez. Jennifer Lopez and razor blades.
Tig Notaro
I can't do that accent.
Fortune Feimster
It's hard. Not all of it. Not everyone can be a chameleon like me.
Tig Notaro
I can only do Cajun.
Fortune Feimster
I don't know that I could do Cajun.
Tig Notaro
Oh, you can't do Cajun. You. Yeah, buddy. You better learn how to do Cajun. I don't know. Cajuns are probably like.
Fortune Feimster
She can't do, like, a Boston.
Tig Notaro
No, it's not Boston.
Fortune Feimster
Is that Ben Affleck?
Tig Notaro
Come here, you. Come. Come here, you. Let me cut your hair, you. That is not Boston. I wonder if we have any Cajun listeners. We've got to.
Fortune Feimster
There's got to be.
Tig Notaro
So I should get struggle in trouble. Well, because you.
Fortune Feimster
I'm nodding.
Tig Notaro
Yeah, but you're a good little girl. I'm a pretty little lady. You're a pretty little lady. You went to church. You made good grades. You know, you listen to your. Yeah. You follow rules. So when you talk about sweaty, hot balls, I'm so deeply disappointed in you. Fortune.
Fortune Feimster
I think. I know. But it is fun to get you riled up sometimes. Although many of the times Tig's doing it, it's for comedic effect, I would say.
Tig Notaro
Every single time. There hasn't been one.
Fortune Feimster
Oh, the first time might have been a genuine fortune.
Tig Notaro
What was it? Do you remember?
Fortune Feimster
I don't know. I probably said something dirty about hand jobs or something.
Tig Notaro
Yeah. Yeah.
Fortune Feimster
And you. That was your genuine reaction. And now. And then everyone got a kick out of it. And so now it's for comedic effect.
Tig Notaro
But now. And still. And maybe we've talked about it, some people don't get the joke and think that I am actually really upset with you.
Fortune Feimster
Which is hilarious.
Tig Notaro
Which is hilarious. And we can't stop the ride for that.
Fortune Feimster
Yeah. Because Jax read something a couple weeks ago, and they were like. They're like, did something happen on the podcast? Somebody thought Tig was mad at you? I go, tig's not mad at me. I go, I don't know what we were talking about, but I can assure you Tig wasn't mad at me that.
Tig Notaro
I was mad at you personally?
Fortune Feimster
Yeah, that you sounded annoyed or something. I'm like, it was 100% a bit.
Tig Notaro
Here's the problem. I have a very dry delivery and sometimes I pretend to be upset. Like, I was just at a pizza party and somebody was showing me, or I was showing them something on my. Oh. I was showing the home run that Finn made and the girl touched my phone and I was like, oh, oh, no. And I pulled it away from her and said, I'm sorry, you can't. Please don't touch my phone. And she did look at me for a second like, oh, I'm sorry. You know, that kind of thing.
Fortune Feimster
So, Jackson, more of like, what did you do to annoy Tig?
Tig Notaro
Oh, did she really think. Really?
Fortune Feimster
I was like, I'm. I didn't do anything. I might have been naughty or dirty.
Tig Notaro
Yeah. That's all that's ever happening. But if. Do you feel like I should get in trouble? Fortune. And how should I get in trouble?
Fortune Feimster
Well, that's the thing. There's not much that you could say that I think would, like, shock me or me have that reaction. Now, May, on the other hand, has had some shocking revelations, being, you know, very sex positive, which is amazing. But sometimes I clutch my pearls.
Tig Notaro
Yes. Yeah. And then I yell at you, and.
Fortune Feimster
Then I get in trouble. That's what's. All right. I think.
Tig Notaro
So crazy about being a comedian, especially for so long. Nothing real. I mean, I'll speak for myself. It's hard to offend me.
Fortune Feimster
Same.
Tig Notaro
It's hard to hurt my feelings.
Fortune Feimster
Same.
Tig Notaro
I've had people say, you know, like, hey, I've been meaning to talk to you about this. That time that, you know, I said this or that to you, and I'm like, first of all, who are you?
Fortune Feimster
No new number. Who dis.
Tig Notaro
Yeah. No, but like, I. It's just. It's really. I think it's such a different world because comedians sit around and, you know, tease and joke and say, tell weird stories and reveal everything. And so then somebody comes along and they're like, you know, hey, can you not use my. Whatever. And it's like, yeah, no problem. And then they apologize later for telling you not to use something.
Fortune Feimster
Yeah.
Tig Notaro
And it's like, it. And it was a big deal for them to speak up, but then you're just like, I have people saying horrible things all the time around me or to me. I don't know.
Fortune Feimster
I'm the same. I don't. I'm not easily offended. I Don't get my feelings hurt. Easy. I'm pretty. Like, I'm just used to. Yeah, you can be, like, talking with a bunch of comedians, being vulnerable, and then they're making fun of you five minutes later.
Tig Notaro
It's absolutely part of.
Fortune Feimster
Part of the deal.
Tig Notaro
Yeah.
Fortune Feimster
And we all do it to each other.
Tig Notaro
Yes. And we all have different ways of doing it, different deliveries, all sorts of things, and that's what makes it fun and interesting. That's a song.
Fortune Feimster
That's the song that we're singing.
Tig Notaro
Singing together in Windville. Well, I don't think we answered the question for Belle.
Fortune Feimster
I think we did.
Tig Notaro
Did we? Yeah. And here's the answer. The reason I don't get in trouble is because no one's actually getting in trouble.
Fortune Feimster
There you go.
Tig Notaro
Fortune.
Fortune Feimster
See?
Tig Notaro
Yeah.
Fortune Feimster
All right, next question.
Gene
Hi, handsome podcast. This is Gene from Peoria, Illinois. And the question I have for you three comedic geniuses is what joke have you heard from another comedian that has made its way into your daily lexicon? Like, you bring it up to your significant other while you're walking around the house cleaning, or have a joke with your friends about it, or, you know, a family joke where you bring it up.
Fortune Feimster
Do you have a joke you love?
Tig Notaro
Well, I mean, I really love this concept. I don't know that it's, like, infiltrated my day to day life. I mean, there's so many little gems out there. I mean, I. You have one that I. I think I've told you. I just love the, like, because she's my best friend. I. Yeah, when I heard that years ago, I was like, oh, my God, that is so funny. I think that's. That was that joke of yours that, like, put you on a map in my brain, you know what I mean? When you, like, are really aware of somebody, like, you got. That's what got my attention.
Fortune Feimster
Yeah.
Tig Notaro
And then the comedian Bill Hicks, I love this concept so much. I just think it's so smart and silly and great, but. And true. But he talked about, like, why is it that when people are on drugs that they only think they can fly when they're on top of a building, not when they're just, like, on the street. I just think that is so funny, like, to picture somebody, like, flapping their arms, walking down the street and saying, like, I can fly.
Fortune Feimster
Yeah.
Tig Notaro
It feels very 70s or 60s for people to think they can fly when they're on drugs.
Fortune Feimster
Yeah.
Tig Notaro
I haven't heard about anybody thinking they can fly anymore.
Fortune Feimster
That was during the time when they were, like, warning Us not to take. Was it. Was it pcp? You remember? Yeah.
Tig Notaro
Uppers and downers. Like, don't take downers because they play.
Fortune Feimster
They used to play that. That PSA in when I was in school of the girl jumping through the window or something.
Tig Notaro
Oh.
Fortune Feimster
Because she took pcp.
Tig Notaro
I don't even. What. Oh, Is that the same as angel dust?
Fortune Feimster
Yeah.
Tig Notaro
Okay, okay. Because I remember growing up being like, do not do angel dust.
Fortune Feimster
Yeah. What was that?
Tig Notaro
Pcp. Angel dust. You're gonna think you can fly.
Fortune Feimster
And then they would show that PSA to us, and we were like, oh, my God, this is terrible.
Tig Notaro
Yeah, I don't want to do that.
Fortune Feimster
I don't want to jump through a window.
Tig Notaro
No, thank you.
Fortune Feimster
Yeah.
Tig Notaro
What about you?
Fortune Feimster
I love stories, obviously, because that's what I lean into. Nate Bergazzi has many stories I love, but he has a whole bit about ordering coffee with cream in Starbucks, and they end up giving him coffee with whipped cream. So he goes through this whole thing of, like, being an adult man. Like, why would he order coffee with whipped cream? It's just. You have to listen to it. I can't do it justice. That bit and him. They might both be from his Tennessee Kid special. I want to say that one. And he drove by a horse that he thought was dead, and he went through a whole scenario of what he and his friends would have to do to help pick up a dead horse. Both are so funny.
Tig Notaro
I'll have to check that out.
Fortune Feimster
But one joke that. And I. I couldn't quote a single other joke of his, but this one I saw at the Comedy Store, and it made me laugh. Did a joke once where he goes, so. So my cousin got bit by a gay. And then he has this long pause, and he goes, so we'll see.
Tig Notaro
That's funny.
Fortune Feimster
And it made me laugh because I wasn't. I was like. Because, you know when you hear Theo set something up, you're like, oh, God, what is he about to say? And it just. It went in this whole other direction that I was not expecting, and it made me laugh.
Tig Notaro
So we'll see.
Fortune Feimster
So my cousin got bit by gay. So we'll see.
Tig Notaro
That's funny. What was that first thing that you said about Nate?
Fortune Feimster
The coffee with cream?
Tig Notaro
Oh, yeah, yeah. When Stephanie and I, we're going to Mississippi for my father's memorial, it was, like, out in the middle of nowhere, and we stopped at some diner or something. I mean, just a middle of nowhere, Mississippi kind of place. And they sold coffee. And Stephanie was like, oh, they Sell, you know, coffee. Let's stop in there for coffee. And I was like, this is not going to be like, you know, like.
Fortune Feimster
A fine roasted bean.
Tig Notaro
No, no. This is not even going to be Starbucks. And so we go in and she ordered a coffee. It might have been a latte or something. Not only was it burnt, terrible, disgusting. But the woman behind the counter did say, you want some whipped cream on that? Stephanie was like, whipped cream?
Fortune Feimster
I was like, yeah.
Tig Notaro
She was so confused. And I was like, yeah, I don't think that there. This isn't a latte. Even if you ordered a latte, this is not a latte.
Fortune Feimster
Oh, I will say too, your Taylor Dane story, anytime it comes on quite a bit on like SiriusXM on different comedy channels. And I will. I have sat outside like a gas station and just listened to the whole story.
Tig Notaro
Oh my God. That's a 13 or 14 minute story.
Fortune Feimster
Well, sometimes I'll just sit there and listen. Wow.
Tig Notaro
Well, that's kind of you. Can I tell you what it started out as?
Fortune Feimster
What?
Tig Notaro
20 minutes. And I remember the first time I tried it out, I was at the Moore Theater. This is so many years ago and I had not gotten it worked out and it was still at the 20 minute length. And I essentially told a boring story that bombed for 20 minutes and then. Cause it's so even at 14 minutes, if it's not going well, it's a struggle. And I buckled in.
Fortune Feimster
You went in for it.
Tig Notaro
I went in for it. And I will never forget it. And I'm sure the audience won't either. My apologies if you were there for that.
Fortune Feimster
And look what it turned into though. Yeah. Well, let's hear Jean's answer.
Tig Notaro
Yeah.
Gene
The one we have is from a member of the handsome podcast and it is Fortune you hadn't swam. And my wife and I say that conservatively ten times a week to each other at some point. Thanks a lot for your answer. Really love the show.
Fortune Feimster
Amazing. That was my story about for my sweet and salty special where I couldn't do the butterfly so I ran across the pool.
Tig Notaro
Well, you've made it into the hearts and minds.
Fortune Feimster
That's right.
Tig Notaro
Of Gene and crew. Gene and many others too. Fortune.
Fortune Feimster
I did forget about his part of it being part of your like daily life. I don't think I'm like yelling anyone's joke on a daily basis. But these are jokes I think of quite a bit.
Tig Notaro
Same. I don't think I have anything from anybody stand up that.
Fortune Feimster
But that would be like if you're a dentist, and you're, like, constantly talking about another dentist and their work. You know what I mean?
Tig Notaro
Yeah, kinda.
Fortune Feimster
It's pretty much the same thing.
Tig Notaro
It's exactly the same. All right, well, I. I think that's it for this pretty little episode.
Fortune Feimster
Yeah, this was fun chatting with you, and. Yeah.
Tig Notaro
Just make sure you submit your question to speakpipe.com. handsome pod.
Fortune Feimster
Yeah, ask us a question.
Tig Notaro
Yeah, ask us a question. We can't wait to hear from you. And until next time, huh? Keep it pretty. Handsome.
Fortune Feimster
Handsome is hosted by me, May Martin, Tig Notaro, and Fortune Feimster. The show is produced, recorded, and edited by Thomas Willette. Email us at handsomepod@gmail.com, and please follow us on social media at. Handsome Pod. What a podcast. What a podcast. That was a headgum podcast.
Handsome Podcast: "Pretty Little Episode #12" Summary
Release Date: November 8, 2024
Hosts: Tig Notaro, Fortune Feimster, Mae Martin
Producer: Thomas Willette
In the twelfth episode of the "Pretty Little" series, hosts Tig Notaro and Fortune Feimster kick off with their signature playful banter. The conversation quickly gravitates toward humorous mishaps, particularly the recurring mention of "balls," much to Tig's amusement and slight exasperation.
Tig Notaro [00:02]: "This is starting out terribly, terribly. I cannot believe how much balls come up."
The hosts delve into nostalgic anecdotes about childhood health warnings. Fortune reminisces about her mother's threats of sending her to "Windville" if she didn't eat properly—a fictional place where "skinny kids lived."
Fortune Feimster [02:16]: "I thought it was real. I thought it was a place. It was, apparently where skinny kids lived."
Tig shares a parallel experience, mentioning her mother's warnings about "fat camp" to ensure she maintained a healthy weight. Both comedians reflect humorously on the impact of these childhood threats on their eating habits.
Fortune Feimster [03:00]: "I never went to fat camp, but I did get sent to a nutrition class when I was 12."
The mood lightens as Tig proudly shares the exciting news about her children, Max and Finn. Tig celebrates Finn's unprecedented home run and Max's impressive base-stealing skills, highlighting their achievements despite their team being one of the worst in the league.
Tig Notaro [06:13]: "Finn not only hit a home run, but he hit it out of the baseball park."
Fortune enthusiastically congratulates Tig, emphasizing the pride parents feel in their children's successes.
Fortune Feimster [06:23]: "Amazing. That's incredible."
The first listener question comes from Belle of Sydney, Australia, inquiring why Fortune seems to be the perpetual one getting into trouble on the podcast. Tig and Fortune engage in a humorous exchange, exploring the dynamic between them and playfully denying any real trouble.
Belle [07:43]: "Why does Fortune always have to be the one that gets in trouble?"
Tig Notaro [10:03]: "I have people saying horrible things all the time around me or to me. I don't know."
Fortune Feimster [15:07]: "There you go. Fortune."
The hosts acknowledge their comedic personas, discussing how their interactions are designed for humor rather than actual conflict.
Gene from Peoria, Illinois, asks the trio about jokes from other comedians that have become part of their everyday language. Tig and Fortune share their favorite bits, illustrating how humor can seamlessly integrate into daily conversations.
Gene [15:12]: "What joke have you heard from another comedian that has made its way into your daily lexicon?"
Fortune Feimster [19:37]: "I love stories, obviously... I already heard that, I couldn't quote a single other joke of his."
Tig Notaro [17:08]: "I just think that is so funny, like, to picture somebody, like, flapping their arms, walking down the street and saying, like, I can fly."
They discuss various comedians, including Bill Hicks and Nate Bergazzi, highlighting how certain jokes resonate deeply and become recurring themes in their lives.
As the episode wraps up, Tig and Fortune encourage listeners to submit their questions for future episodes, fostering a sense of community and ongoing engagement with their audience.
Tig Notaro [24:10]: "Just make sure you submit your question to speakpipe.com. handsome pod."
Fortune Feimster [24:19]: "Keep it pretty. Handsome."
They conclude with warm farewells, reminding listeners of the show's collaborative and friendly atmosphere.
"Pretty Little Episode #12" offers a blend of personal storytelling, comedic exchanges, and listener interactions, maintaining the "Handsome" podcast's reputation for being both entertaining and relatable.