Pretty Little Episode #14

Summary

Podcast Summary: "Handsome" - Pretty Little Episode #14

Episode Title: Pretty Little Episode #14
Release Date: November 22, 2024
Hosts: Fortune Feimster, May Martin
Produced by: Headgum

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Introduction

In the fourteenth installment of "Pretty Little," hosted by Fortune Feimster and May Martin, listeners are treated to their signature blend of humor, storytelling, and candid conversations. Skipping the usual advertisements and intros, the episode dives straight into engaging discussions, answering listener questions with the hosts' characteristic wit and warmth.

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Listener Questions and Discussions

1. Parody Songs at Home

Listener: Ryan and Tia from Nashville, Tennessee
Timestamp: [07:13]

Question: "Do you have any fun little parody songs that you like to sing around the house, either to other people that live in your house with you or to yourself?"

May Martin's Response: May delves into her past as a musical comedian, sharing amusing anecdotes about her attempts at parody songs. She recounts creating a humorous rendition about Don Cheadle, saying:

"I had a song about Don Cheadle and having sex with Don Cheadle. Oh, a fantasy."
— May Martin [08:02]

May’s playful creativity shines as she describes performing the song live and the unexpected yet delightful response from Don Cheadle himself:

"Don Cheadle actually responded to me and he sent me a photo of him watching me sing it. And he's like making this face like, what the fuck?"
— May Martin [09:15]

Fortune Feimster's Contribution: Fortune shares her own musical moments, humorously mentioning a song sung to a dog named Biggie:

"Scratching the head of a handsome dog. Scratching the head of a handsome dog."
— Fortune Feimster [13:33]

The duo’s exchange highlights their playful rapport and the creative ways they incorporate music into their lives.

2. Irrational Fears

Listener: Jana from Toronto
Timestamp: [17:12]

Question: "Do you have any irrational fears? Something that has no bearing on why you should, should, or would be afraid of it?"

Fortune Feimster's Fear of Strawberry Seeds: Fortune candidly shares her unusual fear:

"I cannot stand the feeling of... Biting into a strawberry."
— Fortune Feimster [17:52]

She elaborates on her discomfort with the tiny seeds, expressing how the mere thought of them unsettles her:

"The thought of biting down on those hard little seeds... I have a fear of that."
— Fortune Feimster [18:37]

May Martin's Dislike of Face Touching: May opens up about her own peculiar aversion:

"People touching my face. I hate people touching my face."
— May Martin [18:47]

She explains her preference for face touching only within close, intimate relationships, adding a humorous twist to her explanation.

Further Banter and Shared Fears: The hosts continue to explore each other’s fears, blending humor with honesty. They discuss fears related to sharks, escalators, and even champagne corks, each story adding depth to their camaraderie.

"What you should do is point it away from you or put a towel over it."
— Fortune Feimster on Champagne Corks [23:33]

This segment not only entertains but also fosters a sense of relatability among listeners who may share similar quirky fears.

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Notable Quotes

• May Martin on Parody Songs:

  "I had a ton of parody songs... Feed me chicken pies. So stupid."
  — May Martin [07:46]

• Fortune Feimster on Strawberry Seeds:

  "I'm like, wow, get it away from me."
  — Fortune Feimster [18:18]

• May Martin on Face Touching:

  "If I'm in love with you, touch my face... But like friends who like or randoms, I hate people touching my face."
  — May Martin [18:47]

• Fortune Feimster on Irrational Fears:

  "The thought of biting down on those hard little seeds... I have a fear of that."
  — Fortune Feimster [18:37]

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Conclusion

"Pretty Little Episode #14" of the "Handsome" podcast offers listeners an engaging mix of humor, personal stories, and heartfelt confessions. Fortune Feimster and May Martin excel in creating a comfortable space where they can openly discuss their quirks and fears, all while keeping the conversation light and entertaining. Whether you're a long-time fan or a new listener, this episode provides a delightful glimpse into the hosts' lives, leaving you eager for the next installment.

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Stay Connected:
For more episodes and content, follow "Handsome" on social media and visit handsomepod.com.

Transcript

[Fortune Feimster]

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[May Martin]

Check Allstate first because you could save $574 on your home insurance. No hassle, just savings. You're in good hands with Allstate.

[Fortune Feimster]

Not available in every state. Based on the national average annual savings for new home insurance customers surveyed in 2023 switched to all state and reported savings. Savings vary this is a headgum podcast.

[May Martin]

Handsome Chatting with friends on the Handsome Pot Chatting with friends on the Handsome.

[Fortune Feimster]

Pot Pretty Little Episode welcome to the Pretty Little episode. I'm your host, Fortune Fester, joined of.

[May Martin]

Course by me, May Martin.

[Fortune Feimster]

May Martin, buddy, you have been going through it there in Toronto, filming crazy scenes. I don't know what in the world you are in right now.

[May Martin]

I know. And then I. I don't want to give spoilers and stuff, but when I talk about it, it reminds me of like, my mom was writing this book for a while and she would drop things and be like. Like I was reading a newspaper article where a guy in Japan hid in a composting toilet and filmed women. And then she'd go, oh, something similar happens in my book. We'd all be like, what is this book about? And that's kind of what it feels like when I tell you guys about the show. I'm like, I was filming this thing and it's like, what is this show? I don't really know anymore.

[Fortune Feimster]

Also, you have to really love. What's the word? Buttholes, vaginas. To hide in compost. And to see it such a very close up angle.

[May Martin]

What are you even seeing?

[Fortune Feimster]

It's darkness.

[May Martin]

I think it's about more than just liking. But like, to me, that feels like you like getting peed and pooed on.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, God.

[May Martin]

Oh, I can't believe this is where he was in a wetsuit. This is a true news story.

[Fortune Feimster]

Well, that is helpful. But yeah, that's a weird kink. I'm glad. I'm very not into that stuff. But that is funny that your mom's like, very similar to my book.

[May Martin]

Yeah, it'll be random things. It'll. Yeah, she'll see like a pigeon eating sort of an old dumpling on the street. She's like, makes me think of my book. I'm like, what is happening in this book?

[Fortune Feimster]

Y'all are both creative writers in that way.

[May Martin]

I guess so, yeah. Yeah. How are you? How's. How's the fam? What's going on?

[Fortune Feimster]

Everybody's good. I just got back from a friend's birthday trip.

[May Martin]

Oh, birthday trip is birthday trip. Bold.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah, it's super fun, but also a lot of people.

[May Martin]

Right. Did you know. Did you know all the other people?

[Fortune Feimster]

I know I knew them, but not everybody super well. So Jax and I were the friends trying to, like, mind our p's and Q's and like, does anybody need anything? You know, what can we help with? Like, you don't want to be like, the two people. Everyone's like, God, they haven't done any. Yeah, yeah, Clean up after dinner. You know, something like that. Oh, I know. Don't you think that big groups breed that kind of thing?

[May Martin]

Of course.

[Fortune Feimster]

So did this.

[May Martin]

And even if people say they're not, there's someone there who's got an internal list of who brought what, who did what. Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

Who's contributed, who's paid for what, who's cleaned, who hasn't. And we didn't want to be the. The bad ones.

[May Martin]

I'm always like, just tell me what to do, because I just won't think of it or I'll get. I'm just having a nice time. But it's not that I don't want to help and contribute. Like, I went on one group trip and then everyone was packing up to leave, and I guess I was like, I gotta go quickly do a spell. So I wrote. I had decided like that on this weekend I was gonna write down my wishes. It was a new moon. Buried it under a plant.

[Fortune Feimster]

Okay.

[May Martin]

So I'm like, in my mind, that's a priority. So we're like, all packing up. I'm like, oh, gotta remember. So I leave. Yeah. And then on the ride home, everyone was real quiet. Cuz I guess they'd been cleaning the whole Airbnb. And I'd been like, I. I just didn't even think of it. I don't know.

[Fortune Feimster]

They're like, so totally. They were pissed because everyone's cleaning and you're outside just like, you know, doing like your, like a magic trick. Yeah. To me it's like, equally important. They're like, but it's not.

[May Martin]

I'm like, we're all going to benefit from this spell, guys.

[Fortune Feimster]

Like, what is the benefit of. Why do you end the trip with a spell? Please tell our me first and our listeners.

[May Martin]

Well, I don't know. In this particular case, I think it was a new mo. I mean, what if we're living in a simulation. And all of reality is just based on our intention.

[Fortune Feimster]

Okay.

[May Martin]

So if you're going, hey, my intention is this. This is what I want. I don't know. Look, I'm. I sound really spiritual these days. I'm really, you know.

[Fortune Feimster]

Well, when I think of spells, I guess I'm thinking of the TV version where I'm putting a spell on you. Meaning like a curse or a love potion.

[May Martin]

No.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, I would love either one. It can go either way. But a spell I don't think of in terms of, like, we had a great weekend. And let me close this. Let me close this weekend with a mantra, prayer or whatever.

[May Martin]

Yeah. A reflection. But really, truly in my mind, it was like, okay, Rose is doing the dishes. Camille's emptying the garbage, is doing the spell. Like, I was like, I'm an important part of this.

[Fortune Feimster]

And now. And May has not been invited back to a group trip since. Seriously, I used to be the person, and I probably still guilty of this. And the same, like, tell me what you need, Tell me what to do, I'll do it. And I've learned from Jax to be a little bit more proactive because she's super proactive. So, yeah, I was trying to be, like, cleaning up more and unloading the dishwasher more and, oh, we don't have ice. Let's get some ice at the store. That kind of thing. Yeah, I was pretty proud of myself. Now I haven't taken a poll from the whole group. Maybe they feel differently.

[May Martin]

There's a WhatsApp group that you're not on called Processing Fortunes Behavior.

[Fortune Feimster]

That's right. But it was fun and got. But I am so glad to be home. Not anything to do with that. I just was not anticipating going on a trip that was very last minute. Oh, and I was, like, in the mode of, like, home from filming. After five months back from Europe, I'm.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

I have this amount of time between my next tour. I'm so pumped to be home. And I was like, oh, off I go, away again.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

So. But now I'm home.

[May Martin]

I'm excited to get into a routine.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah, I'm excited for you.

[May Martin]

I'm excited for you being excited for me.

[Fortune Feimster]

And we're excited for what? What questions from our pretty little handsome listeners.

[Ryan]

This is literally the perfect lead in for this question.

[May Martin]

Oh, great.

[Fortune Feimster]

Is it about spells? You'll see. I'll put a spell on you. Did you ever listen to that song?

[May Martin]

Did I ever? Bette Midler's version.

[Fortune Feimster]

Is that the words I don't know. Yeah.

[Ryan]

Hi, handsome pod. This is Ryan and Tia, and we live in Nashville, Tennessee area.

[Fortune Feimster]

Hi.

[Ryan]

And our question for you is if you have any fun little parody songs that you like to sing around the house, either to other people that live in your house with you or to yourself.

[May Martin]

Oh, fun little parody songs.

[Fortune Feimster]

Parody songs.

[May Martin]

Because I started doing musical comedy where I would change the lyrics to existing songs. And then I heard some interview with one of my favorite comedians. Being like, that's the lowest form of comedy. I was like, oh, no. So I used to have a ton.

[Fortune Feimster]

Of like, yeah, because you play guitar, you know.

[May Martin]

Tell me lies, Tell me sweet little lies. I had. Feed me pies, Feed me chicken pies. So stupid. And I had. I had a song about Don Cheadle and having sex with Don Cheadle. Oh, a fantasy. And it was to the tune of what's. What's going on? I can't do it now.

[Fortune Feimster]

Don Cheadle have sex with me. Like that.

[May Martin]

It was like. And so awakened. Okay. Because I saw him. I saw him filming a movie on the roof beside my apartment, basically. So then I wrote this fantasy about, like. Oh, I can't actually remember.

[Fortune Feimster]

Basically in the morning, and I look outside and Don Cheadles on the roof. And he looks so. Hi, Don Cheeto right now.

[May Martin]

Pretty much. Yeah. And it got pretty graphic. And then.

[Fortune Feimster]

We'Re going to bone. Oh, yeah. Non Cheeto and me that isn't around. But, you know, it's a working.

[May Martin]

Yeah, but the energy is there. It's horny as hell. And then somebody sent it to his agent, like someone who knew his agent.

[Fortune Feimster]

Personally, and then put this out, this song out.

[May Martin]

I did it live and filmed it, and I had a video of it. And then someone sent it. And then Don Cheadle actually responded to me and he sent me a photo of him watching me sing it. And he's like making this face like, what the fuck? And then we kind of used to tweet at each other back and forth. And then this was like 15 years ago or more.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah.

[May Martin]

Then cut to last year. I'm backstage at a kind of event.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah.

[May Martin]

I look over. He's wearing a Covid mask, but I'm like, unmistakably, that's Cheadle. And I thought, he's not going to remember. Like, I mean, I look totally different now. But I'm like, I have to say something because I love Don Cheadle.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah. And so I went up and.

[May Martin]

Yeah, right. He's so effortlessly cool. And he was with his wife. And I go up and I go, hey, I'm so sorry, you're not going to know who I am. And he goes, I know who you are. And I'm like, I went, I just need to tell you I'm not creepy and weird. And he was like, no, I got it. It was funny. And then I sat there. We chatted for ages.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, look at that.

[May Martin]

Yeah. Anyway, that's my story. What?

[Fortune Feimster]

I love it.

[May Martin]

Songs. Well, you're singing non stop.

[Fortune Feimster]

I'm singing all the time. But I don't know if it's a parody. The first thing that you know. Well, the classic. It's not a parody, but my friend's song. From the ground Legs, back door, butt hole.

[May Martin]

I sing that more actually, like, sing it to yourself.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, yeah, and I'll giggle. It's the same as a front hole, but it won't put a baby in the oven.

[May Martin]

What?

[Fortune Feimster]

Is there a parody song? I don't know that I have an actual parody.

[May Martin]

No, you're just singing, like, beautiful covers of existing songs.

[Fortune Feimster]

What I do is I sing songs and I often am singing the wrong words.

[May Martin]

Right. And then. Does Jax correct you?

[Fortune Feimster]

No, because she knows none of the lyrics.

[May Martin]

Oh, right.

[Fortune Feimster]

I at least know, like, 80% of the song.

[May Martin]

Right. Do you ever sing something when you want to give a criticism or a feedback, but you don't want it to be too biting, so you're like, can you throw away your garbage? Like, people do that passive aggressively. Right?

[Fortune Feimster]

I'm sure they do. I haven't done that before, but I sing and don't even know that I'm singing.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

I was singing with someone recently that. This is a humble bragging, but the. You know the band, the Chicks? Do I. I was singing. I got them to sing on karaoke. Their own song.

[May Martin]

Yes. Amazing.

[Fortune Feimster]

They were hesitant. They're like, you don't want to hear that. I go, I 100% want to hear that.

[May Martin]

That's all anyone wants.

[Fortune Feimster]

And they're like, nah. I go, yes. So we went and sang from the first album, like the classics.

[May Martin]

Oh, man.

[Fortune Feimster]

And I was, like, nervous because I was like, oh, God, they're going to be looking at me singing to them their own song. What if I don't know all the lyrics?

[May Martin]

Oh, don't get me started.

[Fortune Feimster]

And I messed up a couple. But I was really. I was locked in as much as I could be. Looking at Natalie, Natalie's looking at me. And we're saying, there's your trouble. There's your trouble. Keep seeing double with the wrong one.

[May Martin]

I like that.

[Fortune Feimster]

Classic country from the 90s.

[May Martin]

I need to get into their music more. I'm gonna. I'm gonna do a deep dive.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, they're amazing. Their latest album, Gaslighter, because they've, you know, gone far away from country for a long time now. But they still, Emily and Marty, play those amazing instruments. So it always has, like, a hint of that because it has banjo and they have fiddle. But, man, that album is really, really good. You gotta listen to it.

[May Martin]

Okay, I will.

[Fortune Feimster]

Anyway, I didn't answer the question because I don't have a parody song, but I love to sing, so I think.

[May Martin]

The butthole song counts.

[Fortune Feimster]

Thank you, friend.

[May Martin]

Should we hear what these friends, Ryan and Nashville?

[Fortune Feimster]

We sure should.

[Ryan]

Our answer for this is handsome Pod related, and it's for our dog. And we like to sing. Scratching the head of a handsome dog Kissing the face of a handsome dog that's so good.

[Fortune Feimster]

I love that.

[May Martin]

You have to sing that to Biggie. Scratching the head of a handsome dog.

[Fortune Feimster]

Biggie, you want to look? He's right here on the desk.

[May Martin]

Oh, my God.

[Fortune Feimster]

Scratching the head of a handsome dog Scratching the head. You like that, Biggie? Scratching the head of a handsome dog.

[May Martin]

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[Fortune Feimster]

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[May Martin]

Not available in every state. Based on the national average, annual savings for new home insurance customers surveyed in 2023 who switched to Allstate and reported savings. Savings vary. Today's episode is brought to you by Ollie. Clean, fresh nutrition that your dog needs in five flavors. They'll absolutely flip over.

[Fortune Feimster]

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[May Martin]

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[Fortune Feimster]

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[May Martin]

I have a friend who loves books, but it's impossible to know what book to get for them. So I got them the Literary Clock from Uncommon Goods. It's a digital clock that shows literary quotes instead of conventional numbers to indicate each moment of the day. So whatever time it is in real life is a part of the book's quotation.

[Fortune Feimster]

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[May Martin]

Yeah, yeah, let's keep them coming.

[Jana]

Hi, handsomes. Take 27. Pretty little lady here. My name is Jana. I am from May's hometown of Toronto, Fortune. I've been lucky enough to meet you in the past. Yes, Tig, I don't want you to feel left out at all. Hopefully one day our paths will cross too. But. Love you guys all. I do have a question. Do you have any irrational fears? Something that has no bearing as to why you should, should, or would be afraid of it? It's completely irrational. But you are afraid.

[Fortune Feimster]

Interesting.

[May Martin]

Oh.

[Fortune Feimster]

This isn't like a. It's. It's a fear in a different sense of the fear you're thinking of. But I have something very irrational that gives me the willies.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

And it's. Anytime I tell people about it, they're like, what? And I'm like, I know. It's so stupid. I've had this since I was kid. It. I think it's mental at this point and it's not changing. But I cannot stand the feeling of.

[May Martin]

I'm excited. I'm scared and excited.

[Fortune Feimster]

Biting into a strawberry.

[May Martin]

Oh, I. I know you said this. Okay. Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

Tiny little seeds.

[May Martin]

You. Yes. Okay, I did know this about you, like make me.

[Fortune Feimster]

I. If I see like a blender with a, like a bunch of blackberries or strawberries and the seeds are at the bottom, like I'm. I can't even look at it. I'm like, wow, get it away from me.

[May Martin]

That feels like past life, right?

[Fortune Feimster]

Like it does. Because it makes no sense.

[May Martin]

No, it doesn't. It feels like you caught some illness from a raspberry seed.

[Fortune Feimster]

Like.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

And so I can't even like if I. It. The thought of biting down on those hard little seeds. Like, I have a fear of that. Like I'm gonna accidentally just like chomp on a bunch of seeds. I'm like, oh God.

[May Martin]

I get that. So that's like a. Yeah, like a visceral. My one like that is people touching my face. Like if. If I'm in love with you, touch my face, please. As much as you want, as much as you can.

[Fortune Feimster]

Thanks.

[May Martin]

But like friends who like. Or randoms who just put their hands on your face, I'm like, get your hands off me. I hate people touching my face. Even like in massages and stuff. I say, don't touch my face.

[Fortune Feimster]

I say, yeah, I do the no face thing too.

[May Martin]

No face. And then also I don't like the smell of people blow drying their hair in the change room. Like, I don't want to smell your. Both these things. I don't want it unless I'm in love with you. So I don't want to smell your hot head if I'm not in love with you. You know what I mean?

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah.

[May Martin]

But other than that, my. I feared deep water, which is rational.

[Fortune Feimster]

I think that is rational for sure. I. Because I. I fear sharks, but that's also rational because they keep biting everyone lately.

[May Martin]

Yeah. I fear death. I fear dying alone. I feel, I fear all those things. But they're. That's normal.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah, absolutely. So nothing irrational about that.

[May Martin]

Except I guess it is irrational that we like, it's way more dangerous just to cross the street. But we're like, sharks are really a threat.

[Fortune Feimster]

Why do you stay out of their home? Yeah, you know what I mean. I. I stay on the beach and I look at their home.

[May Martin]

Really? You don't.

[Fortune Feimster]

What a beautiful home you have. And I don't go in it. That's my thing. Because we are technically going into their home.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

And then going, ah, it bit me.

[May Martin]

Only bit me. Yeah, that's true.

[Fortune Feimster]

So.

[May Martin]

And what if they had A little sign on their charcoal that said, bite first, ask questions later.

[Fortune Feimster]

That's right. Or they. It says, bite me.

[May Martin]

Yeah. Can I quickly say, I don't know if this. I think it's a different Jana who's. Who left this question, but there's a person in Toronto called Jana Watson. And basically one day I'm walking down the street. I hadn't been home in a long time, a couple years. Walking down the street, I see who should step in front of me. Jana Watson. I go, oh, my God, Jana Watson, it's so good to see you. I give her a hug. She's like, a little standoffish, and I'm like, listen, I'm in town for a couple of weeks. It'd be great to see you. Let's get together. She walks away. As she walks away, I realize I've never met.

[Fortune Feimster]

That's not her.

[May Martin]

You know, it is her.

[Fortune Feimster]

It is her.

[May Martin]

I've just seen her in the Instagrams of my friends. She's not my friend. I just know her so well from my other friends Instagrams. And I'm like, oh, Jana Watson. Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah, it is hilarious.

[May Martin]

And she was like, yeah, I guess we'll hang out.

[Fortune Feimster]

She's like, okay. Nice to meet you for the first time.

[May Martin]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

I just love that, you know, everyone's first and last name got to Ian Peach.

[May Martin]

Ian Peach.

[Jana]

My irrational fear is downward escalators. I'm fine with escalators going up, but escalators going down. I always hesitate taking that first step, and I wait for the perfect step before I step on.

[Fortune Feimster]

I get that those are. Some people get stuck on those. That's scary. Do you want me to give you a new irrational fear?

[May Martin]

Sure.

[Fortune Feimster]

Maybe it's rational. After I tell you this, apparently a lot more elevators than you realize aren't there when the door opens.

[May Martin]

What do you mean? And you just step in and it's not there.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yes.

[May Martin]

Oh, my Lord.

[Fortune Feimster]

You're welcome. New irrational fear unlocked. I don't know the stats, Hannah. I can't give you a may fact, but I heard anything. I've heard a you should always look when you press elevator button to make sure the elevator is there. Because it does happen where it's just not there. People walk and that does happen. Now, I don't think it's like this. The numbers are, like, crazy high. I just know it happens.

[May Martin]

Sure.

[Fortune Feimster]

So just look.

[May Martin]

Okay.

[Fortune Feimster]

But the. The thing that happens, I think more frequently than that because that's not as frequent, but it happens is you. You Know when you put your arm in to stop the elevator?

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

And we all trust that the sensors are gonna, like.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

The stat on that you don't have the actual stat is that oftentimes the sensors, it doesn't stop.

[May Martin]

It doesn't work. So it just closes and then rips.

[Fortune Feimster]

Your arm on your arm. Yeah. So there are a bunch of people who lost limbs. Again, I don't know the stats. So is it one in 21 in a thousand? I don't know.

[May Martin]

Guess how many people die every year from champagne corks.

[Fortune Feimster]

How many?

[May Martin]

24.

[Fortune Feimster]

Whoa. That's.

[May Martin]

On average.

[Fortune Feimster]

That's the. And that's such a preventable death.

[May Martin]

And also, what. How are they dying? Is the cork just going right into the.

[Fortune Feimster]

Right into the brain? Boom.

[May Martin]

Yeah. I don't really get it, but here's.

[Fortune Feimster]

What you should do. Point it away from you or put a towel over it.

[May Martin]

But what if you point it away? It flies off. It hits the chandelier. Chandelier falls, crushes you.

[Fortune Feimster]

New irrational fear. Unlocked.

[May Martin]

It flies off. It severs a string that's holding up an anvil that you had as a decorative anvil hovering over your bed.

[Fortune Feimster]

I also saw someone once. You know the manual wine openers where you twist it and then you turn kind of jimmy the cork out.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

Saw someone opening the wine, jimmy it out. She had it under her face. She goes, boom. With the wine thing. Chipped her whole front tooth.

[May Martin]

I know.

[Fortune Feimster]

I mean, you'll live through that. It's just not pretty.

[May Martin]

It's not pretty.

[Fortune Feimster]

And she. All of a sudden.

[May Martin]

Oh, teeth falling out. Is a big.

[Fortune Feimster]

Like a Jim Carrey tooth. You know, where you.

[May Martin]

Yeah. Got that, like, I think he really did that. For real.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah. He has a chipped tooth, and he.

[May Martin]

And he took. Took the whatever veneer off or whatever for that. For a dumb and dumber. Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

So there you go. If you didn't have those fears before, you're welcome.

[May Martin]

You're welcome. You got a whole batch of new worries. Remember worry dolls? You put them under your pillow. Little worry dolls. I feel like parents used to. Instead of, you know, paying for therapy for their kids, they give them a little bag of worry dolls, and you put them under your pillow, and they soak up your worries.

[Fortune Feimster]

Never heard of that, but I like that.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

Well, let us be your worry dolls. Tell us your problems, and we'll make you worry more.

[May Martin]

Yeah. Thank you so much for sending them in. Keep sending them.

[Fortune Feimster]

You can go to speakpipe.com handsomepod if you want to submit a question to get one of us handsome folks to potentially answer it.

[May Martin]

You can also pick up some merch if you're in the [e-mail] we got new stuff. Autumnal stuff.

[Fortune Feimster]

Autumnal.

[May Martin]

Autumnal.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah, get that. Yeah, go shirt. And get that hoodie. I'm. I'm waiting on my hoodie so I can rock it. It's the. The weather finally changed here.

[May Martin]

Oh really?

[Fortune Feimster]

And it feels like fall, man. And I'm leaves super into it.

[May Martin]

Like bright red leaves in Toronto. It's so nice.

[Fortune Feimster]

I love it. Well, this has been such a treat chatting with you, my friend.

[May Martin]

Always a treat scratching the head of a handsome dog.

[Fortune Feimster]

Biggie snoring awesome. Well, thank you guys so much for tuning in. We hope you have an awesome rest of your day. And don't forget to check out all three of us next Tuesday on the Handsome Pod.

[May Martin]

And until then, keep it, Keep it pretty. Handsome Handsome is hosted by me, May Martin, Tig Notaro and Fortune Feimster. The show is produced, recorded and edited by Thomas Willett. Email [e-mail] and please follow us on social media at Handsome Pod.

[Fortune Feimster]

What a podcast. Podcast.

[May Martin]

What a podcast. That was a headgum podcast.

[Fortune Feimster]

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[May Martin]

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[Fortune Feimster]

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