Mae Martin (1:43)

Right, Right.

Tig Notaro (1:44)

Yeah.

Mae Martin (1:44)

Who knows? You could be at the Doctor even more if you weren't having.

Tig Notaro (1:47)

That's very true. It is very true.

Mae Martin (1:50)

What's your poison, apple wise? What are you. We're talking Gala Pink Lady, Honeycrisp. Oh, yeah. Yes. Language.

Tig Notaro (1:59)

And I think I mentioned it on here, and somebody said. I can't even remember the name, but Gothic Crisp. I don't know what it was. I don't know I'm wrong about it, but I just really love a very crisp, crisp apple.

Mae Martin (2:18)

Yeah.

Tig Notaro (2:18)

I mean, I can. If it's even slightly off. I mean, the. The mealy kind of apples, I really. I cannot do.

Mae Martin (2:25)

Oh, no, no.

Tig Notaro (2:27)

When. When something's mealy like that, I. I will eat the skin off of it and then toss it, but.

Mae Martin (2:34)

Sorry.

Tig Notaro (2:35)

Yeah, you heard me.

Mae Martin (2:36)

You'll eat the skin of the apple?

Tig Notaro (2:38)

Yeah, I'll go ahead and eat the skin because, you know, there's a lot of nutrients in that. But, yeah, I'll toss the mealy part. The white insides, really?

Mae Martin (2:48)

So you're taking little nibbles.

Tig Notaro (2:49)

I'll just. I'll just, like, run my teeth a lot, you know, like, really pull that skin off.

Mae Martin (2:54)

Oh, cool.

Tig Notaro (2:55)

Because it's not mealy.

Mae Martin (2:57)

I'm always scared that there's, you know, pesticides and stuff in the skin.

Tig Notaro (3:01)

Yeah, well, there probably is. I do eat organic ones, but that's not always guaranteed organic.

Mae Martin (3:10)

Yeah.

Tig Notaro (3:11)

But you know, also I've. I've heard it's. It's better to eat any fruit or vegetables whether it's conventionally grown or organic, as opposed to not having them at all, whether there's pesticides or not. I mean, it's.

Mae Martin (3:27)

Yeah, it's.

Tig Notaro (3:28)

It's a real toss up with what's going on and the food going into our bodies.

Mae Martin (3:33)

But what level of ripeness of banana are you working with?

Tig Notaro (3:38)

Oh, well, it's my understanding that the less ripe, the healthier the banana and the better that it absorbs. Helps absorb other nutrients for other foods that you eat. So I'll have some green on the yellow for sure.

Mae Martin (3:58)

I really don't trust people who like very ripe bananas.

Tig Notaro (4:02)

Yeah. Like when it's mushy.

Mae Martin (4:04)

Yeah. Or just like brown speckled all over the. Oh, that's a whole other flavor.

Tig Notaro (4:10)

Well. And you know, if you see a banana that has green on it with some speckly as well, that hasn't naturally ripened.

Mae Martin (4:21)

I see.

Tig Notaro (4:22)

Yeah. They've used technology to ripen the banana, so steer clear of those.

Mae Martin (4:29)

No, I like a slightly green banana for refreshing. A mild banana flavor. Yeah.

Tig Notaro (4:36)

But you need a mushy banana for banana bread and.

Mae Martin (4:40)

Absolutely.

Tig Notaro (4:41)

And I feel like I'm a little more flexible with smoothie bananas. Yeah, sure, sure, sure. But I never, like. I remember my mother would be, you know when there would be like, little bruising on the banana? She'd be like, oh, that's the sweet part. And it still never tricked me. I was like, well, you can have that.

Mae Martin (5:02)

I know. And then they asked for my rider when I was on tour, like, what do you want in the green room? And then I felt like such an asshole being like bananas but slightly green, like. Like, I don't want ripe bananas.

Tig Notaro (5:15)

And you say bananas like you sit down before or after a show and have more than one?

Mae Martin (5:20)

Well, there's, you know, I had band. Band mates, but Yeah, I would normally have one before, one after.

Tig Notaro (5:27)

Mm, okay.

Mae Martin (5:28)

Yeah.

Tig Notaro (5:29)

Good. Good for you, May.

Mae Martin (5:31)

Thank you. You gotta splash out.

Tig Notaro (5:33)

What?

Mae Martin (5:34)

You have to splash out in life. You gotta treat yourself.

Tig Notaro (5:37)

Splash out. I haven't even heard that before.

Mae Martin (5:39)

Splash out?

Tig Notaro (5:40)

Yeah.

Mae Martin (5:41)

Really?

Tig Notaro (5:42)

Yeah. Thomas, have you heard splash out?

Mae Martin (5:44)

I have never heard that. That sounds maybe like a British thing. Really.

Tig Notaro (5:50)

I mean, I'm picturing You, of course, like, doing a cannonball into a pool and splashing, like, in a celebratory way.

Mae Martin (5:57)

Like, splurge, you know? Splurge.

Tig Notaro (5:59)

Sure, I've heard that.

Mae Martin (6:00)

Okay, so splash.

Tig Notaro (6:01)

Nobody's told me to splash out in life, but you think I'm not going to start you. I mean, I feel like I splash out in certain ways in life, but I really like this.

Mae Martin (6:13)

When you tread water, you're splashing out in a way, but. No, splashing out is like. Yeah, just. Just treating yourself, I think.

Tig Notaro (6:21)

Going for it.

Mae Martin (6:22)

Yeah.

Tig Notaro (6:22)

Yeah. All right.

Mae Martin (6:23)

Are you gonna maybe try to splash out once today and then let us. Let me know.

Tig Notaro (6:29)

I don't know if I have room in my day for a splash out. Stephanie and I have to go to the notary to get some documents for Max and Finn notarized because she's gonna be bringing them out of the country without me.

Mae Martin (6:43)

Whoa. So you have to go authorize that.

Tig Notaro (6:46)

I have to sign a paper saying that I approve Stephanie taking them over the border without me. I mean, hopefully they'll come back.

Mae Martin (6:57)

Hopefully.

Tig Notaro (6:58)

Yeah. I mean, I really hope maybe you.

Mae Martin (7:01)

Can, on the way back from the notary, splash out with, like, a nice coffee or something.

Tig Notaro (7:07)

Well, but I have a. A conference call right after the notary. We don't even have time. Yeah, I mean, let me look at my calendar. So we're going to go to the notary. You tell me where I can splash out.

Mae Martin (7:20)

Yeah, because maybe that. The notary.

Tig Notaro (7:22)

Oh, I know when I can splash out. I haven't taken a bath yet today, so after the notary, I need to take a bath so I can just splash out in. In that.

Mae Martin (7:31)

Yeah.

Tig Notaro (7:31)

And then I have my call, and then I have to start hair and makeup because, you know, I got an awards show tonight.

Mae Martin (7:38)

Oh, what's the award show?

Tig Notaro (7:40)

It's not going to line up with when this comes out, but Stephanie and I were nominated for the movie. Am I okay at the GLAAD Awards?

Mae Martin (7:49)

Oh, the GLAD Awards. Yeah. Yeah. So, like, the way that you could make a. Like, is there a way to make the bath a bit more luxurious than usual? Put a couple flower petals in there.

Tig Notaro (7:58)

Drop them maybe, but I'm not really. I don't want things floating around in my water right now. I was asked to splash out in the outfit tonight with the tickets that they email. It says to make sure to add bright colors to your. To your outfit. And I was just planning on wearing black, and Stephanie's wearing black. Yeah, I. I don't listen to that. Stuff, you know, because in those moments, I always think, if I was Kurt Cobain or Slash.

Mae Martin (8:28)

Yeah.

Tig Notaro (8:28)

Are you? No. You're gonna put your top hat on. You're gonna put. Put your raggedy jeans on. You're gonna. You're gonna go to the event. You're not gonna follow totally any sort of rules about your wardrobe.

Mae Martin (8:43)

You should splash out at the event.

Tig Notaro (8:45)

Well, that's what I'm saying is, like, we'll splash out. You mean outside of my outfit?

Mae Martin (8:51)

Yeah, like. Like splash out. Like, like, you know, walk up to some celebrity that you admire and say, hey, no, that's not really splashing out. It's more like, ask the waiter. Say, I know that there's, you know, free wine on the tables, but I would actually love an espresso martini or something like that.

Tig Notaro (9:12)

Oh, okay. All right. Without the alcohol or the espresso.

Mae Martin (9:19)

Yeah, decaf espresso martini with no alcohol.

Tig Notaro (9:23)

Alcoholic drink. That'd be way splashed out.

Mae Martin (9:27)

Yeah.

Tig Notaro (9:28)

That's even more than just an espresso. That is really. The drink I cannot have is an espresso martini.

Mae Martin (9:35)

That would really mess you up.

Tig Notaro (9:37)

Oh, man, would I be leveled for weeks. That's so pathetic.

Mae Martin (9:47)

Some people just know they could save hundreds on car insurance by checking Allstate first.

Fortune Feimster (9:52)

Like, you know, to check and make sure you've got your cowboy boots on before heading to the hoedown. You know, you're gonna be two stepping tonight.

Mae Martin (9:59)

Checking first is smart. So check Allstate first for a quote that could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate Savings vary subject to terms, conditions and availability. Allstate Fire and Casualty Insurance Company and affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois. But that first hour would be electric.

Tig Notaro (10:17)

Yeah, well, speaking of electric, should we get to our question?

Mae Martin (10:21)

Yeah, let's do it.

Tig Notaro (10:22)

Let's do it.

Carla (10:23)

Hello, handsomes. My name is Carla from Columbus, Ohio. Love your show. You all keep me company in the car a lot, and I love it. My question for you is, what is your favorite love story either fictional and. Or in real life.

Mae Martin (10:42)

Oh, my God, that's good.

Tig Notaro (10:45)

Yes. You know what? You and you and I know mine.

Mae Martin (10:48)

That's. That's one of my faves. In real life, you and Stephanie.

Tig Notaro (10:52)

Oh, that is so nice.

Mae Martin (10:55)

Because. And because I'd watched your documentary before even meeting you guys, I just was very invested.

Tig Notaro (11:01)

I was gonna say I. I love my love story with Stephanie as well. I do, I do. I, I. Yeah, I. I love it. And I hope we can maintain it forever and ever. Amen. I would say the love story that I love is Jimmy and Rosalynn Carter.

Mae Martin (11:25)

Oh, I don't know about that one. Really?

Tig Notaro (11:28)

Oh, okay. I mean, these two. Well, I mean, you know who Jimmy Carter is, huh?

Mae Martin (11:33)

Yeah.

Tig Notaro (11:34)

Yeah, yeah.

Mae Martin (11:35)

But they were just obsessed with each other.

Tig Notaro (11:37)

I don't know. They just felt like a decent pairing of human beings that loved each other throughout the ages. And they met. Oh, wow. The couple who met when Jimmy was 3 years old and Rosalind was a newborn.

Mae Martin (11:55)

Oh, my God.

Tig Notaro (11:56)

They wed on July 7, 1946, and were married for 77 years.

Mae Martin (12:03)

Wow.

Tig Notaro (12:04)

And they were such. I don't know, just giving to the world and their community. And when I. When I looked at them raising a family and going through the. The White House as the president and first lady and. And just staying so active in their lives, and I just. I'm so envious of 77 years. I mean, these people, they both live to be, like, a hundred years old.

Mae Martin (12:37)

Yeah.

Tig Notaro (12:38)

Y. I mean, it's crazy. That's so appealing to me.

Mae Martin (12:42)

So appealing. I watched the. The Paul Newman, Joanne Woodward documentary. That was pretty beautiful. And they had their ups and downs and, you know, as you do. Yeah. But, oh, man, like fictional. Because they're all so sad, the fictional ones. It's all Romeo and Juliet and. You know, I'll get back to you about that one. I don't know.

Tig Notaro (13:05)

I mean, even though I didn't want this relationship, but I was very fascinated by the Sid and Nancy story.

Mae Martin (13:14)

Oh, yes.

Tig Notaro (13:15)

I mean, I was sucked in to that.

Mae Martin (13:19)

Yeah. Buffy and angel for me as well. Like, Buffy and Angel.

Tig Notaro (13:22)

What is that?

Mae Martin (13:23)

Oh, so Buffy the Vampire Slayer and then Angel. You thought it was one word, Buffy and Angel.

Tig Notaro (13:30)

No, I thought it was two people, but I just. I was like. I thought maybe it was like a real. Not Real Housewives, but like, you know, where you pick your bride on tv, like the Bachelor or something.

Mae Martin (13:43)

Yeah.

Tig Notaro (13:43)

But anyway.

Mae Martin (13:44)

No. Buffy is a vampire slayer, and angel is a vampire who has been cursed with a soul by a group of traveling people who. He ate a woman, basically. Okay, so, like, 400 years ago, angel ate this woman.

Tig Notaro (14:00)

Yes. Start from the beginning, please.

Mae Martin (14:02)

And angel was a bad guy. He was a bad vampire, and he ate this woman and so named Angel. Yeah. Isn't that ironic?

Tig Notaro (14:11)

Wow. Yes.

Mae Martin (14:12)

And then he was cursed by her family to have a soul so that he had to feel the grief of what he'd done because he didn't have a soul before. And so then he was a good vampire for 400 years. And then he met. He met Buffy but guess what, Tig.

Tig Notaro (14:27)

What May.

Mae Martin (14:28)

Part of the curse was if he ever experienced a moment of pure joy, he would lose his soul again. So he couldn't come. He couldn't have an orgasm. So he meets Buffy, and they fall in love, and he's like this sweet, caring vampire who just drinks, like, cow's blood, you know, to get by as you do. As you do. And then. And then, of course, one night, they have sex. Buffy loses her virginity to him. She wakes up in the morning, and he's evil. And this really warped my sense of relationships and sexuality when I was a kid. I was like, if you have sex, the person will leave and never love you again because he turned evil. But then, you know, he's back and forth across the series. Evil, not evil. Evil, not evil. But it was a very romantic and tortured tale.

Tig Notaro (15:17)

Yeah. Wow. And that's good. You like? That's your story that.

Mae Martin (15:23)

Well, I just was deeply invested.

Tig Notaro (15:25)

Yeah. Okay. Yeah. It's kind of your Sid and Nancy. I guess.

Mae Martin (15:29)

They're my Sid and Nancy. Yeah.

Tig Notaro (15:30)

Okay. All right. Well, should we hear what Carla has to say?

Mae Martin (15:34)

Yes, please.

Tig Notaro (15:35)

Carla from Columbus. I love Ohio, by the way.

Carla (15:39)

My fictional fave is Morticia and Gomez Adams. I love the way they love each other. My real life one is me and my person, Molly. We sat two seats away from each other in homeroom for all of high school and then took many, many years to find each other again at 45. So, Molly, when you hear, let me know if you would do me the honor of spending the rest of your life with me.

Tig Notaro (16:03)

Thanks. What?

Mae Martin (16:07)

What? Oh, my God. What is.

Tig Notaro (16:11)

Carla.

Mae Martin (16:12)

Carla. Molly.

Tig Notaro (16:13)

You snuck that in. I mean, I. I didn't even know what was happening, and then now I have chills.

Mae Martin (16:20)

Me, too. I just got chills, too.

Tig Notaro (16:22)

Molly, that was delayed. Your chills May.

Mae Martin (16:24)

Yeah, I was. I had.

Tig Notaro (16:26)

You had to say I was more invested. Carla and. Is it Molly?

Mae Martin (16:29)

Yeah.

Tig Notaro (16:30)

Wow. I know a Molly in Ohio.

Mae Martin (16:34)

Molly?

Tig Notaro (16:35)

No, I doubt it. So, Molly's my first girlfriend, so if it's Molly, Carla would know that and she would mention it, but. Wow. I. I hope that Molly says yes. Carla, we're gonna need an update.

Mae Martin (16:49)

Yeah.

Tig Notaro (16:49)

Yeah, for sure.

Mae Martin (16:51)

God.

Tig Notaro (16:52)

Mind blown.

Mae Martin (16:54)

Yeah. That's amazing to be a conduit for this proposal to be a part of your love story.

Tig Notaro (17:00)

We're honored. Well done, Carla. And welcome to the family. Molly.

Mae Martin (17:05)

Very, very cool.

Tig Notaro (17:07)

All right. Well, gosh, can we even.

Mae Martin (17:10)

I don't know how we're going to follow that.

Tig Notaro (17:11)

I don't know either. Do we do another question. Or we. Peace out there. We could do one more. Mr. Thomas says we do one more. So let's do one more.

Melody (17:20)

Hello, handsomes. This is Melody from Oklahoma City. And my question for you guys is, what is a smell that will transport you back to a time in your childhood or teenage years, and it just brings back all the memories for you?

Tig Notaro (17:37)

Yes, I have it immediately.

Mae Martin (17:39)

Really? What is it?

Tig Notaro (17:40)

Coppertone sunscreen lotion. Copper tone?

Mae Martin (17:46)

Yeah, that thick white.

Tig Notaro (17:48)

Yeah. Copper tone Copper tone Coppertone I'm right back in Mississippi Copper tone what about you?

Mae Martin (17:57)

Oh, man, that sounded like song lyrics. Coppertone, Coppertone, Coppertone I'm right back in Mississippi Coppertone well, write it.

Tig Notaro (18:05)

Your next album.

Mae Martin (18:08)

I. For me, the first thing that came to mind was my. My grandma in her kitchen, it smelled like sausages. She always had sausages in the fridge.

Tig Notaro (18:16)

And so grandma's sausages.

Mae Martin (18:19)

Grandma's saus.

Tig Notaro (18:22)

In her problem area.

Mae Martin (18:24)

No, in her fridge. And it was a cold kitchen, always very cold. And the. The smell of cold sausages in my grandma's kitchen.

Tig Notaro (18:36)

The smell of cold sausages and Grandma's problem kitchen.

Mae Martin (18:41)

Yeah, you gotta write that song.

Tig Notaro (18:43)

You write it. You lived it.

Mae Martin (18:45)

I did live it.

Tig Notaro (18:46)

Oh, my gosh.

Mae Martin (18:47)

What else? Like, I mean, cigarettes, kind of. Because my parents both smoked in the house and then.

Tig Notaro (18:53)

Oh, my gosh. Yeah, my parents smoked not only in the house, but in the car with the windows rolled up. And if we complained about it, which my brother did, I mean, I already smoked, so I couldn't, you know, really complain, but my brother would complain. And I remember my stepfather, when my brother would be like, can we roll down the window? Rick would be like, no.

Mae Martin (19:14)

Oh, my God, Rick.

Tig Notaro (19:17)

Because we had the air conditioner on in the car, so nobody knew yet that we were being kill.

Mae Martin (19:24)

Oh, my God. Also, peanut butter cookies baking. That's my only memory of my mom's mom, really. She. She died when I was like, two. And I vividly remember so much about her house, even though I must have been two. Yeah, but I swear it's not from photos. It's like the smell of peanut butter cookies baking and then cinnamon hearts.

Tig Notaro (19:47)

Oh, peanut. Okay. I was thinking of Nutter Butters. I was like, why were you baking your Nutter Butters?

Mae Martin (19:52)

Oh, wait, what's that? An under butter is like a vegan. Oh, a cookie. Yeah.

Tig Notaro (19:57)

Well, it is vegan. It's one of those accidental vegans.

Mae Martin (20:00)

Right, right, right.

Tig Notaro (20:01)

Well, should we hear Melody's answer?

Mae Martin (20:03)

Yes, please.

Melody (20:04)

Mine is the smell of fresh coffee grounds and cigarettes when we would go on vacation with my family and my grandma and my aunt. You know, everybody smoked back then and smoked everywhere. But the combination of coffee and cigarette smoke reminds me of being a kid and watching my grandma and my aunt and my mom sit around and drink coffee and just talk about our plans for the day. So that's a smell that will always take me back to that Motel 6 of my youth.

Tig Notaro (20:47)

Love it.

Melody (20:48)

Thank you, guys. Have a good week.

Tig Notaro (20:50)

Thanks, Melody. Thank you, Melody.

Mae Martin (20:52)

Yeah. Coffee. Coffee. GRUNTS that's pretty evocative.

Tig Notaro (20:56)

It is, but it just reminds me of every day now, you know?

Mae Martin (21:02)

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Tig Notaro (21:03)

I don't. I don't always get to have copper tone around me.

Mae Martin (21:08)

Right.

Tig Notaro (21:08)

Well, that was fun.

Mae Martin (21:09)

That was fun. It's always lovely. I just can't get over the Carla proposal.

Tig Notaro (21:14)

I know. And how crazy. If it was Molly following up right after. If it. If it hadn't been Melody. As soon as I heard my name is, I was like, is this Molly? But it was Melody.

Mae Martin (21:27)

I know when I come, if I'd known that something that monumental was going to come, I probably. We probably would have been a little more on point with our answer.

Tig Notaro (21:36)

Yeah. And I would have worn something different rather than worn a gown.

Mae Martin (21:40)

Yeah.

Tig Notaro (21:40)

A little denim western shirt that I've had for 30 years has holes all in it. Look at that. I've had this for so long.

Mae Martin (21:48)

That's perfect, though.

Tig Notaro (21:50)

It really is. I'm sure. Molly and Carla. Or is it Carla and Molly?

Mae Martin (21:56)

It's.

Tig Notaro (21:57)

I mean, I don't know. We don't know these people, but I can't wait for their wedding.

Mae Martin (22:02)

Same. I'll go.

Tig Notaro (22:03)

Yeah.

Mae Martin (22:04)

You love Ohio. They already said it.

Tig Notaro (22:06)

Yeah, I do. I love Ohio. And I'm open to them hiring me to officiate their wedding. I've done that before and happy to do it again. So give me a ring, a ding, and if the price is right, I'll be there anyway in the future. For other listeners, submit your questions and proposals to speakpipe.com handsomepod that is speakpipe.com handsomepod and please come and see us.

Mae Martin (22:40)

Live wherever we are, and subscribe to the POD and send it to your pals.

Tig Notaro (22:46)

Yeah, let's grow this handsome community and check out tignotaro.com for all local and international shows. And until next time, keep it pretty.

Mae Martin (22:58)

Handsome Handsome is hosted by me, Mae Martin, Tig Notaro and Fortune Feimster. The show is produced, recorded and edited by Thomas Willett. Email us@handsomepodmail.com and please, please follow us on social Media Ansomepod.

Fortune Feimster (23:16)

What a what a podcast Podcast.

Melody (23:18)

What a podcast.

Mae Martin (23:22)

That was a headgum podcast.

Fortune Feimster (23:25)

Some people just know they could save hundreds on car insurance by checking all state first.

Mae Martin (23:30)

Like, you know, to check and make sure you got milk before pouring yourself a bowl of cereal. Although sometimes a bowl of dry cereal can still hit the spot.

Fortune Feimster (23:38)

Checking first is smart, so check Allstate first for a quote that could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Savings vary subject to terms, conditions, and availability. Allstate Fire and Casualty Insurance Company and Affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois.