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Mae Martin
This is a Headgun podcast.
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Fortune Feimster
Wow.
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Fortune Feimster
Yeah, checking first is smart. So check Allstate first for a quote that could save you hundreds. You. You're in good hands with Allstate. Potential savings vary, subject to terms, conditions, and availability. Allstate North American Insurance Company and affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois.
Mae Martin
Friends on the Handsome Pod Chatting with.
Fortune Feimster
Friends on the Handsome Pod Pretty little episode.
Mae Martin
Welcome to the Handsome Pod. This is a pretty little episode, and I'm Mae Martin, joined by the ray of sunshine herself, me, Fortune Beamster. It's you and me.
Fortune Feimster
That's right. Good to see you.
Mae Martin
Good to see you, too. I always think about this, you know, Jiminy Glick, the Martin Short character? He. There's a bit where he interviews Julia Louis Dreyfus, and he goes, and Here she is, Ms. Yum Yum herself. Ms. Yum Yum herself.
Fortune Feimster
Ms. Yum Yum. That's. Yeah, that's a funny, crazy character.
Mae Martin
I do like Jiminy Glick. I like Martin Short. How are you doing, man? I like your watch.
Fortune Feimster
Oh, thanks, Hamilton.
Mae Martin
Very handsome.
Fortune Feimster
I appreciate it. I'm good. I just flew back into town. I had a show in Atlanta, which was super fun. Yeah. So I'm just getting my bearings.
Mae Martin
Yeah. I'm off tomorrow to New York and trying to figure out what to pack and not my synthesizer. I'm gonna go. I'm gonna pack a light.
Fortune Feimster
Yeah, you got to do the. The press for your show, right?
Mae Martin
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I did my pre. My pre interviews with Kelly Clarkson show. Talked a lot about you.
Fortune Feimster
You feel good about the topics they brought up?
Mae Martin
I think so.
Fortune Feimster
Yeah.
Mae Martin
I think so.
Fortune Feimster
Yeah. It goes by so quick.
Mae Martin
Have you ever used beta blockers for hands?
Fortune Feimster
I have not.
Mae Martin
You know those. They're like. They stop your body from experiencing the symptoms of nervousness or anxiety. And I've tried them once, and I felt real lethargic, so I. I don't use them, but I wish I could because they. They're supposed to make you just superhuman. You could go on the Kelly Clarkson show, no problem.
Fortune Feimster
So are you going. Is your plan to take a beta blogger?
Mae Martin
I don't think I want to risk it. Just in case I'm like, well, yeah.
Fortune Feimster
That would be dicey.
Allie (Listener Caller)
Yeah.
Mae Martin
Yeah.
Fortune Feimster
I think you'll be great. Just be yourself.
Mae Martin
Okay. Who is that again?
Fortune Feimster
Okay, well, the new evolved you. After having come back from your experience.
Mae Martin
The new evolved me bears a striking resemblance to the uninvolved me. Does all the same things and is still anxious. But yeah.
Fortune Feimster
Well, that's all right. You can still be anxious and still be the charming person you are.
Mae Martin
Thanks, bud. Well, ditto. I feel like there's only so much you can like, calm your nervous system and have a bath and do self care when the world itself is so scary.
Fortune Feimster
I do enjoy a bath.
Mae Martin
Do you?
Fortune Feimster
I love a bath.
Mae Martin
Well, I know we've talked about your butthole getting. Sorry. Getting out of the bath, but. Yeah. Do you. Is it you? You have one every night or what?
Fortune Feimster
No, not every night, but like once a week maybe.
Mae Martin
Yeah. God, it's good.
Fortune Feimster
My new house has a bathtub I actually like.
Mae Martin
Yeah.
Fortune Feimster
My last house, the bathtub was not very comfortable. Yeah. So I would hot tub it more.
Mae Martin
Yes.
Fortune Feimster
I haven't even gotten in this hot tub.
Mae Martin
You got a hot tub at the new place too?
Fortune Feimster
I do. It's a small, little, small one, but I don't need anything big. Just me. So. Yeah, I'm hot tubbing over here.
Mae Martin
Hot tub and bathing. You're gonna be just so relaxed. Like jelly, just.
Fortune Feimster
Yeah, yeah. So this one, this tub is. Is still fairly shallow, but it's more comfortable.
Mae Martin
Yeah.
Fortune Feimster
So I can get in there and I. It's where I'll like learn my lines and stuff.
Mae Martin
It's a nice image. Would you. Have you ever. Have you ever used like a bath pillow for your head? That's like. Then you're going to fall asleep. That's too comfy.
Fortune Feimster
Yeah.
Mae Martin
I used to date someone who would. She'd get in the bath and be like, come get me if I'm not out in like an hour. And she'd always fall asleep.
Fortune Feimster
One hour's too late.
Mae Martin
Yeah. Yeah. You're floating face down.
Fortune Feimster
Oh, yeah. This one's too small for me to do that, but yeah. Anyway, something's happening to go there.
Mae Martin
I'm excited to hear some questions from. From these listeners. I keep wanting to send in a fake question, doing a voice and see if anyone notices that it's me. Well, now I've blown it. I know.
Fortune Feimster
I was like, well, now I might be listening for that.
Mae Martin
Yeah.
Fortune Feimster
All right, well, let's hear questions that I don't think are from you.
Mae Martin
I want to do one that's like, hi, this is specifically for Fortune.
Fortune Feimster
Now if you do that voice, I Will know it's you. Okay.
Mae Martin
I'll do it differently.
Fortune Feimster
But I don't think I would have realize that was you if you had done it without prefacing that.
Mae Martin
Really? Okay.
Fortune Feimster
Yeah.
Mae Martin
Okay. All right, well, let's. Okay. Let's hear what people are saying.
Fortune Feimster
Okay.
Mae Martin
Okay.
Fortune Feimster
Okay.
Allie (Listener Caller)
Hey, handsome. This is Allie coming from Chicago. And my question is if you could start, like, a harmless cult, if there ever were such a thing, what would that be?
Fortune Feimster
A. You know, some cults might have started out harmless, but then those cult leaders get drunk with power.
Mae Martin
Yeah.
Fortune Feimster
And it always goes south.
Mae Martin
They always start with, like, us proposing a solution to a very real problem. And it all seems really appealing. And then, yeah, someone's like, but I could marry all of you.
Fortune Feimster
Because wasn't that. That one, like, Wild, Wild country or whatever it was. They wanted to try to help drug.
Mae Martin
Addicts and totally sending on as well as people.
Fortune Feimster
And then they were like, oh, very quickly.
Mae Martin
They're like, we're gonna put snakes in people's mailboxes.
Fortune Feimster
Taking lots of money from people. This one's sleeping with this person. Yeah, it always is. Like somebody gets drunk with power, starts sleeping with everybody and steals the money.
Mae Martin
Yeah. Yeah. That's pretty much the trajectory. Would you. So if you had a cult, would you. What would your rules be? Or like, the. The goal.
Fortune Feimster
Well, a. Just in. I don't want to be a cult leader. Let me just preface that.
Mae Martin
Let's make that clear.
Fortune Feimster
Some people are like, do actually have that desire. I don't want to be in charge of people in their life at all. Yeah. That does not appeal to me in the slightest.
Mae Martin
Yeah. You got your own life to deal with.
Fortune Feimster
I got my own life. Listen, I'm happy to give advice. I'm happy to chat with people. I want the best for people. But I. I ain't the one trying to guide you into the. Into the light to where you need to go. I'll give, you know, a couple like I said, things of advice, but, man, that's just too much responsibility. Yeah.
Mae Martin
It would end up just being another thing on your to do list thing.
Fortune Feimster
I guess if. I mean a cult of like, happy stuff.
Mae Martin
Yeah. Just hanging out.
Fortune Feimster
Yeah. Like hanging out, getting massages, taking baths. Not together. I don't need it to be sexual. Eating pad Thai.
Mae Martin
Oh, yeah. Yeah. Oh, maybe like an. It's connected to like an elephant sanctuary. Remember you wanted to hang with elephants in Thailand.
Fortune Feimster
That's right.
Mae Martin
Yeah, I remember.
Allstate Ad Voice
I.
Fortune Feimster
Listen, what would yours be? I feel like you would. I think we've Talked about it a long time ago that you would be a good cult leader.
Mae Martin
Really? I. I don't remember anything we've said.
Fortune Feimster
I know this was early days.
Mae Martin
What occurred to me just then was, this is nefarious. But I think for good, I would start a cult that specifically appealed to billionaires and far right world leaders like Trump and. And those people. And I'd lure them in with like, this is an exclusive elite cult where it's like the Illuminati.
Fortune Feimster
And then.
Mae Martin
And then once they're in there, I'd soften their little hearts and awaken their inner children and. And change their. Their minds and their hearts.
Fortune Feimster
Oh, okay.
Mae Martin
So it'd be like taking all the. All the scary people, fucking up the world.
Fortune Feimster
Yeah.
Mae Martin
Get. Getting them, luring them in by being like, you get a gold ring and a nickname. And then I would. I'd be like, and now I'm going to spoon you and whisper in your ear that you got to do better.
Fortune Feimster
And you think that would do the trick?
Mae Martin
You know, I'm up forgiving.
Fortune Feimster
I get murdered.
Mae Martin
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't actually want to spoon Donald Trump. Let's be clear. I just want to trick everyone into one place and then like.
Fortune Feimster
And get brainwashed. Be better.
Mae Martin
Yeah. Like brain. Yeah, Brainwash them. Make them listen to Bette Midler. From a distance.
Fortune Feimster
From a distance. Then what? What happens?
Mae Martin
The world is blue and green and the mountain something. God is watching us God is watching us God is watching us God is.
Fortune Feimster
Watching us From a distance. I.
Mae Martin
My grade five birthday party invited over about half the class and they all sat underneath the ping pong table and my parents grimy basement. And I put on Bette Midler and I sung in my best voice the entire, like multiple songs and they had to listen. And so maybe I should be a cult leader because I was a boss boss.
Fortune Feimster
You got people to do random stuff. For sure.
Mae Martin
They were like, this is the worst birthday party I've ever been to.
Fortune Feimster
Well, all right. Well, listen, in this world of handsome questions, anything, it can be anything you want. So your cult can be the thing that you said.
Mae Martin
Yeah.
Fortune Feimster
Okay. Mine. And. And it will just assume it works.
Mae Martin
Yes.
Fortune Feimster
And mine will just be everyone's happy. Getting massages and eating pad thai, having baths. We're not trying to accomplish anything.
Mae Martin
Yeah. That's kind of nice. That's refreshing. Yeah. Just relaxation.
Fortune Feimster
Yeah.
Mae Martin
Should we hear what Ali's answer is?
Fortune Feimster
Yeah.
Allie (Listener Caller)
I like to say I've already started it. I would start a tap dance cult. Always recruiting people to my tap class, which is in Chicago. So when you're in Chicago and you really want to take some tap lessons, come join me. But I've been recruiting people who maybe I've met at work or other places who used to tap dance and haven't in a long time. So they'll come back to tap class and then, I don't know. I think the. The whole goal of the cult is that tap dance brings joy and just. Just come to come put on your tap shoes, take a class, learn about tap dance, get in the tap community. And it's pretty. Pretty harmless there. All right, thanks.
Mae Martin
I like that. I mean, Allie says it brings joy, but I do remember when we all tried to tap dance, I found it wildly frustrating because I wanted to be good at it. And there's like a big gap between my, My, my want and my ability.
Fortune Feimster
It's definitely harder. No, it looks hard, but it also is hard.
Mae Martin
It's hard. It's hard. You're using all different parts of your foot.
Fortune Feimster
Yeah, we were sweating up a storm when we did it at our live show.
Mae Martin
We really were.
Fortune Feimster
Yeah.
Mae Martin
Also, I can just see the Netflix documentary about, like, it started like a harmless tap dance cult. And then there's footage of like, writhing naked people, but they got their tap shoes on still and they're all tapping in on people. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Fortune Feimster
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Allstate Ad Voice
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Fortune Feimster
Hello.
Mae Martin
Thank you.
Fortune Feimster
All right, let's hear another one.
Sarah (Listener Caller)
Hello, Tig May and Fortune or whatever combination of the two of you is here today. My name is Sarah and I'm calling in from Washington, D.C. and I've been particularly moved recently by you all talking about your families and especially Tig. Your just passionate about your kids and all that you say about them. And so I thought maybe you could play a game that my dad used to do with my sister and I kind of at a bedtime tuck in situation. He worked a lot and so he would come in and we would pick a number between like seven and his current age. And then he Would tell us a story from that age. So maybe you could give numbers to each other and tell a story from that age. I'm looking forward to hearing what you guys have to say. And, yeah, just love this podcast. Listen every week, and it's very soothing.
Fortune Feimster
Especially where I live. Huh? Not this game of you.
Mae Martin
No, I like a game, and I like that. I'll get. I'll throw an age at you.
Fortune Feimster
Okay.
Mae Martin
38.
Fortune Feimster
38. And I'm supposed to tell you a story of something that happened when I was 38?
Mae Martin
Yeah. Because I'm 38, aren't I? Or am I 39?
Fortune Feimster
I don't know.
Mae Martin
I think I'm 38. Yeah, I'm 38.
Fortune Feimster
38. Gosh. Okay. That would have been pre Covid. I unfortunately live my life lately by what specials or what tour I put out.
Mae Martin
That makes sense what tour I went.
Fortune Feimster
On, what special I put out. So that would have been pretty sweet and salty, which came out in Covid. So I was still doing clubs.
Mae Martin
Okay.
Fortune Feimster
But, you know, it's not like your childhood where you're like, I specifically remember when I was 12, we did this thing, like, when you're an adult, everything, like, becomes a blur unless you have milestones. Like, I got married or I got engaged. I got this Jackson. I were together a couple years then. So I honestly.
Mae Martin
Do you remember your third birthday?
Fortune Feimster
My 30th. 30. 38th.
Mae Martin
Yeah.
Fortune Feimster
I do not. Okay. Because we were never big into, like, parties, so we never did much for our birthdays. I did a lot more for my birthday when I was single. Yeah. I remember my 30th birthday and my 35th birthday.
Mae Martin
Okay, are we switching gears?
Fortune Feimster
We're switching gears. Okay.
Mae Martin
Let's say 35th.
Fortune Feimster
35Th. Yeah. Okay. That. So when I turned 35, I had just met Jax, like, three days before. Four days before.
Mae Martin
Okay.
Fortune Feimster
We obviously liked each other, and we're kind of, like, seeing how we, like, we hung out in Chicago and then spent time getting to know each other over tech. She was in Italy for, like, three weeks. So I was like, oh, I like this person. But I'm still, like, living my life. And I had a big 35th birthday party that I threw her myself at the gay country western bar in l. A. Called oil can Harry's.
Mae Martin
Yes.
Fortune Feimster
And it was super fun. It was my last party as a single woman. Not that I did anything on my birthday that was indicated that I was single, but I had my friends burlesque troupe do a fun dance.
Mae Martin
Fun.
Fortune Feimster
And it was hot as balls because it Was summertime. And this bar did not have air conditioning, and I did not take that into account. So everyone had a blast, but was like, just every picture, everyone's face is red and just pouring sweat.
Mae Martin
That's so fun, though.
Fortune Feimster
Yeah, but it was such a blast. Ordered a bunch of pizza and cupcakes and.
Mae Martin
Did you dance?
Fortune Feimster
Yeah. Oh, yeah. We had a really great DJ that play plays, like, all the, like, old school stuff, like, 90s and stuff. So, like, everybody was dancing like crazy. And so. Yeah, that. That birthday felt kind of like my last. Like, we're the last time I felt young.
Mae Martin
Oh, my God. Fortune. Okay, this year we're having a party.
Fortune Feimster
Well, I just. In July, I had a birthday and I did absolutely nothing.
Mae Martin
No.
Fortune Feimster
So it's getting better.
Mae Martin
It can't happen again like that.
Fortune Feimster
Okay. Next. Next year I'll have to be in a better. I was not in a great space.
Mae Martin
I guess we'll do a big party next year.
Fortune Feimster
Yeah. Because I was. I was leaving my life. I had left my life as a married person, going into my life as a single person again. And it. There's a shift there where you haven't really seen a lot of your friends for a long time because they just got so used to you being in a couple and you or me touring and being unavailable. Like, I still have those friends and those friends still love me, but you're just not in that rotation with them like you were when you were single. So I just was in a very transitional year.
Mae Martin
Yeah. And. And those milestones are tough after. After breakups, too. It's. Yeah.
Fortune Feimster
So. Yeah. There you go. 35 for me. Let's see for you. Ooh. What about your 30th?
Mae Martin
Well, I had a crazy party for my 30th in London. I was living in London, and I was too drunk and trying to make everyone play spin the bottle. And I did give hand job in the bathroom.
Fortune Feimster
Whoa.
Mae Martin
To my friend. Your friend? Well, I mean, we. We'd been hooking up, but.
Fortune Feimster
Okay. I thought your friend was just like, happy birthday. Like, let me try to do a British accent. My happy birthday. No, that's not good. That's an Australian.
Mae Martin
But it was.
Fortune Feimster
Why don't you give it a wank?
Mae Martin
Wow.
Fortune Feimster
That's your birth. That's your birthday present.
Mae Martin
Those are the magic words. That's all you have to say. But I remember it was. I was just, like, really gung ho. But. Well, we went to make out in the bathroom, and I just remember being being like, really? And there's a Whole lineup for the bathroom and he was kind of like, let's not.
Fortune Feimster
Not here. Well, also, it's your birthday. Why are you giving hand jobs? You should be getting something.
Mae Martin
It's the gift. It's a gift for me too.
Fortune Feimster
Really? Okay.
Mae Martin
No, I don't know. I don't know what I was doing, but I was. It was a really fun party for me. Sure.
Fortune Feimster
Oh, that's great.
Mae Martin
Yeah. And then I found out that he slept with my friend that night. So, like, he had a great night.
Fortune Feimster
Were you upset about that or. It was fine.
Mae Martin
I think it was fine. Yeah.
Fortune Feimster
Okay. Look at you. Just free love, Free love. Everybody gets some.
Mae Martin
Those are the days. Well, Sarah, thank you so much for the question. Yeah, we like that game, even though it kind of brought into focus for us that the last decade has been a blur of non events.
Fortune Feimster
But I know I'm going to start making some new memories or just keep.
Mae Martin
It a little journal or something. I want to. I want to get more fastidious about that.
Fortune Feimster
True. Maybe. Maybe fun things have happened and I've just gotten older and I forgot about.
Mae Martin
Them a billion percent. Fun things have happened.
Fortune Feimster
I had a lot of fun on after my show in Atlanta. Oh, yeah. I had some good friends that. That happened to be. Well, some that live there and happened to be in town and they came backstage and I had stuff to make old fashions with and we just. And it was Zach's birthday, so we like drank old fashions and ate cake and. And for like a couple hours, and it just ended up being really lovely.
Mae Martin
They didn't kick you out of the dressing room because that's my favorite when they let you stay and hang. Because I know.
Fortune Feimster
Yeah.
Mae Martin
You don't want to go to a bar and go. You lose people in the traveling from point A to point B. I know.
Fortune Feimster
We. Which we tried to go to a gay bar for like 30 minutes and then we were like, what are we doing? We're tired.
Mae Martin
And.
Fortune Feimster
And we did lose people in that transition, but it all worked out. It was. Yeah. The show. Or actually it was about an hour and a half backstage. I never like to go too late and be rude.
Mae Martin
Yeah.
Fortune Feimster
But. But then other times they're like, oh, people stay here till like two in the morning. I'm like, I would never do that. This was like till 11:30.
Mae Martin
Yeah.
Fortune Feimster
And, yeah, it just feels like everyone was laughing and there was a couple groups of people that didn't know each other and they were all. By the time I came back from my meet and greet you know, chatting and drinking and.
Mae Martin
Yeah, see, write that in your journal.
Fortune Feimster
Yeah, that's right.
Mae Martin
All right. Well, thank you so much for your questions. Keep sending them, please. You can go to speakpipe.com handsome pod and we' want to know your. We want to know your games that you've invented or weird or. I do. Anyway.
Fortune Feimster
Ask us questions, ask us advice, whatever you want.
Mae Martin
Yes, please.
Fortune Feimster
Well, until next time, keep it pretty.
Mae Martin
Handsome Handsome is hosted by me, May Martin, Tig Notaro and Fortune Feimster. The show is produced, recorded and edited by Thomas Willette. Email us@handsome podgmail.com and please follow us on social media. Nsomepod.
Fortune Feimster
What a podcast.
Mae Martin
What a podcast.
Sarah (Listener Caller)
That was a headgum podcast.
Allstate Ad Voice
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Fortune Feimster
Yeah, checking first is smart. So check Allstate first for a quote that could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Potential savings vary, subject to terms, conditions and availability. Allstate North American Insurance Company and affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois.
Hosts: Mae Martin & Fortune Feimster
Date: November 7, 2025
(Tig Notaro is not present this episode)
In this “Pretty Little Episode” of Handsome, co-hosts Mae Martin and Fortune Feimster keep things light and personal, answering listener questions in their trademark playful, self-deprecating style. Mae’s preparing for a whirlwind busy week, Fortune's just returned from performing in Atlanta, and they end up playing a nostalgic storytelling game and exploring the wild idea of “if you could start a harmless cult.” Along the way, they trade stories, laughter, and a few confessions about baths, birthdays, and the messiness of adulthood.
Caller: Allie from Chicago
Caller: Sarah from Washington, D.C.
Mae, on her cult plan:
“I’d lure [billionaires] in with like, this is an exclusive elite cult... and then once they’re in there, I’d soften their little hearts and awaken their inner children and change their minds and their hearts.” (08:28–08:57)
Fortune, on bath habits:
“It’s where I’ll like learn my lines and stuff.” (04:33)
Mae, recalling her youthful ‘leadership’:
“Maybe I should be a cult leader because I was a boss boss.” (10:07)
Fortune, on transitional birthdays:
“That birthday felt kind of like my last... last time I felt young.” (17:43)
Mae, on 30th birthday debauchery:
“I did give hand job in the bathroom… to my friend.” (19:11)
Fortune, reflecting on missed events:
“Maybe fun things have happened and I’ve just gotten older and forgot about them.” (20:40)
The conversation is loose, irreverent, and full of self-aware humor. The hosts riff openly about their quirks and flaws, creating a space that’s intimate and playfully confessional. Fans will appreciate the honesty, the willingness to “go there” with both jokes and real-life anecdotes, and the feeling of simply spending time with friends.
Fans of Handsome will enjoy both the laughs and the moments of real talk—on nervousness, memory, friendship, and getting older—all wrapped up with lighthearted energy.