Pretty Little Episode #82

Summary

Podcast Summary: Handsome, "Pretty Little Episode" #82

Date: March 13, 2026
Hosts: Tig Notaro (absent this episode), Fortune Feimster, Mae Martin

---

Episode Overview

This episode of Handsome brings together comedians Fortune Feimster and Mae Martin (with Tig Notaro notably absent) for a lively and silly conversation fueled by listener questions. They dive into the perils of winter weather, reflect on the deeply emotional art of comedic roasts, and indulge in theories as outlandish as Garth Brooks secretly being a serial killer. Along the way, the hosts share personal stories, debate the true appeal of beer, and offer their trademark blend of self-deprecation and warmth.

---

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Weather Woes and Cold Memories

• Fortune’s Tour in the Midwest:
  • Recently returned from performing in Indianapolis, Cincinnati, Milwaukee, and Chicago – describing subzero temperatures:
    • "Milwaukee was six degrees. And then I drove back to Chicago to fly out of there, and it was one degree." (01:16)
  • Fortune and Mae agree that harsh winters build character, recalling childhood rituals of wearing boots and trudging through snow.
  • Mae: "Some people in LA have never brought their school shoes to school, and it shows." (01:48)
• Sledding as Life Metaphor:
  • Mae compares childhood sledding—the thrill and subsequent trudge up the hill—to lessons in delayed gratification:
    • "You're like Sisyphus... it teaches you about reward and delayed gratification." (03:55)
• Comfort Rituals:
  • Mae reveals her love for keeping the house cold to force sleeping partners to cuddle:
    • "One of my toxic traits is that I... like to crank the AC, get it real cold... and then they gotta cuddle me." (04:38)
  • Fortune prefers cozying up by fireplaces and is soothed by both “water and the fireplace or candles.” (05:53)
• Oceans & Fears:
  • Both share a wariness of deep ocean swimming, in part due to recent shark attack news:
    • "I don't want to go swimming in the ocean. Only because everybody keeps getting eaten by sharks lately." (06:07)

---

2. Listener Question: Who Would You Want to Roast You?

Prompt from Listener Margaret (07:10):
"If you could put together your own roast and pick the comedians to roast you—who would you choose?"

Hosts’ Honest Feelings About Roasts

• Both Fortune and Mae admit roasts make them uncomfortable—"hell" and "absolute hell"—preferring self-deprecating or kind jokes over biting ones.
  • Fortune: “Some people you feel fine for… others you're like, oh, I know that punched them in their soul.” (08:01)
• Mae: “Sometimes I've been like, am I even a real comic? Because I hate roasts.” (08:10)

Their Dream Roast Lineups

• Mae’s Picks:
  • “I'd pick you and Tig, obviously. I would pick Chelsea Peretti, probably… Sarah Silverman’s great as well… Sabrina Jalees, Lisa Gilroy, Atlanta. I just pick my friends… Brett Goldstein's such a gentle, soft soul...” (09:02–10:04)
• Fortune’s Picks:
  • “I would have you and Tig as well… Nikki Glaser do something just because I would want to see her joke writing... Chelsea Handler… Leanne Morgan… Aaron Foley… Jillian Bell (not a stand-up, but funny)… Margaret Cho, Karen Kilgariff, Lunell, Meg Stalter...” (10:38–15:30)
• Notable Quotes:
  • Mae: “There's not a lot of men on this list... my friends are more observant.” (09:50)
  • Fortune: “Women are more of a safe space.” (12:46)
• Personal Roast Memories:
  • Fortune describes her own 30th birthday roast, recalling only that she felt good and dressed sharp. (10:54)

Wholesome Conclusion

• Listener Margaret’s answer: “My answer would be the three of you, obviously. Thank you so much for the podcast. It's been such a joy...” (15:36)
• Both hosts joke: “We’ll go easy on you.” (15:57)

---

3. Conspiracy Theories: Sincere & Silly

Prompt from Listener Melanie (16:12):
"What is a conspiracy theory you believe in? Bonus points if you made it up yourself."

Mae’s Favorites

• Ancient Mysteries:
  • “Chambers underneath the pyramids… maybe they're big batteries, like energy charging stations.” (16:32)
• Pop Culture Myths:
  • “There's one that I've heard—that Garth Brooks is a serial killer… if you do a deep dive…” (16:48)
• Classic Theories:
  • Titanic sunk on purpose, bank leaders on board; the moon landing as a hoax directed by Stanley Kubrick (“The Shining” as a coded confession). (17:24; 22:19)

Fortune’s Approach

• Emphasizes a preference for “silly ones, like Bigfoot and Loch Ness Monster,” citing cryptozoology interests. (17:39)
• Shares a JFK “umbrella man” theory:
  • “Some people think that the opening of the umbrella was signaling... Some people thought he had a poison dart from it.” (18:13–18:51)
• Admits she's “not a big conspiracy theory gal,” taking most things at face value:
  • “I’m too chill to, like, pry any further.” (21:25)

Existential Anxiety & The Joy of Not Knowing

• Mae reflects on her lifelong search for big answers (“Is it a simulation? What happens after we die?”), realizing the importance of enjoying the questions rather than solutions. (20:38–21:20)
  • “The joy is in asking the questions. I'm not gonna get answers.” (21:06)

Fun Social Idea

• Mae plans a “conspiracy theory night,” requiring friends to prepare tinfoil hat-wearing presentations. (21:38)
  • Fortune: “That definitely seems like a Mae party.” (21:56)

Listener Melanie’s Own Conspiracy Theory

• “Nobody actually likes beer. Everyone's just pretending… drinking garbage water, but nobody actually likes it.” (23:00)
• This sparks a poll:
  • Fortune: “I do not like it. I think it's an acquired taste.” (23:36)
  • Mae: “Yeah, I don't really like it either.” (23:40)

---

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Mae (on winter): “Some people in LA have never brought their school shoes to school, and it shows.” (01:48)
• Mae (about roasts): “Sometimes I've been like, am I even a real comic? Because I hate roasts.” (08:10)
• Fortune (on the burden of a mean roast): "If someone really stings you, it stays with you forever." (11:42)
• Mae (childhood walk after sledding): “You're like Sisyphus... from the bliss, then that slog up the hill.” (03:55)
• Fortune (about beer): "I do not like it. I think it's an acquired taste." (23:36)
• Mae (existential questioning): "The joy is in asking the questions. I'm not gonna get answers." (21:06)
• Mae (conspiracy theory night): "Everyone has to prepare a presentation... then you present them to each other." (21:38)

---

Timestamps for Important Segments

• Recap of Fortune’s freezing tour & sledding nostalgia: 01:16–04:07
• Hosts’ toxic cold-related habits & comfort rituals: 04:30–06:13
• Shark anxieties & ocean avoidance: 06:00–06:56
• Listener Margaret’s Roast Question & segment: 07:10–15:33
• Roast lineups and stories: 08:10–15:30
• Listener Melanie’s Conspiracy Theory question: 16:12–22:02
• Discussion of silly and serious conspiracy theories: 16:28–22:19
• Listener’s “fake beer” conspiracy & hosts’ reactions: 23:00–24:05

---

Tone and Style

The episode is marked by the hosts’ playful banter, mutual self-deprecation, and wayward comedic tangents. Mae’s anxious curiosity is balanced by Fortune’s relaxed pragmatism, creating a space where absurd ideas (like Garth Brooks as a serial killer or conspiracy-themed parties) serve as fodder for both laughter and light philosophy. The tone, as always, is irreverent, observant, and deeply human.

---

For Listeners

This episode gives you a strong dose of what makes Handsome unique: comical vulnerability, a mix of real and surreal conversation topics, and the warm, welcoming rapport between its hosts and listeners. If you have ever wondered who a comedian would trust to lovingly make fun of them—or which wild conspiracy is currently top-of-mind—you’ll find both, plus a reminder not to take yourself (or your answers) too seriously.

---

Have a question for the hosts? Submit at speakpipe.com/handsomepod!

---

Transcript

[May Martin]

This is a headgun podcast. Checking Allstate first could save you hundreds on car insurance. That's smart. Not checking that you packed a backup book to read if you're almost finished with your current one major crisis. I got done with my book on the first day of my trip, so I hope the hotel has a gift shop.

[Allstate Ad Voice]

Yeah, checking first is smart. So check Allstate first for a quote that could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Potential savings vary, subject to terms, conditions, and availability. Allstate North American Insurance Company and affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois.

[Fortune Feimster]

Pretty little episode. Welcome to the handsome pod. I'm your pretty little host, Fortune Feaster.

[May Martin]

I I'm your pretty little host, May Martin.

[Fortune Feimster]

And we're feeling pretty and handsome.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

A. Yeah. It's good to see you.

[May Martin]

Lovely to see you as always.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah.

[May Martin]

What have you been doing? What do you got there? You putting on a. I'm putting on

[Fortune Feimster]

a little shirt, cuz I was getting

[Margaret (Listener)]

a little chilly in here.

[May Martin]

Oh, you got to stay warm.

[Fortune Feimster]

I just got back from Indianapolis, Cincinnati, and Milwaukee, where it was one degree. Well, Milwaukee was six degrees. And then I drove back to Chicago to fly out of there, and it was one degree.

[May Martin]

One degree.

[Fortune Feimster]

That is just not okay.

[May Martin]

Yeah, that's not you. It's not very.

[Fortune Feimster]

Not me.

[May Martin]

It's not you.

[Allstate Ad Voice]

I'm.

[Fortune Feimster]

I'm beachy.

[May Martin]

It's character building, though. I was just. The other day, I was thinking, like, because I was talking to a friend of mine who grew up on the east coast, and we were talking about in the winter, how you had to wear your winter boots to school and then changed into your school shoes. And you'd have, like, salt stains on your pants from the salt and. And just the feeling of, like, burning in your throat from the cold. And we were like, Some people in LA have never brought their school shoes to school, and it shows.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah. They have no idea about weather. I mean, I grew up in North Carolina, where it's fairly tame, but the most I would have to do is, like, turn the car on in the morning to let it warm up and some of the ice melt off of the windshield. But it was not crazy.

[May Martin]

No, that counts. Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah. But that was like, you know, compared to, like, a Chicago or a Northeast area. It ain't nothing, but it was, you know, I had a taste of weather, but those climates in. In the winter are gnarly. I mean, everyone was so lovely at the shows and probably they were just so happy to be warm. Yeah. But, man. And it started Snowing quite a bit. While I was driving from after the show in Milwaukee, I drove to Chicago and I. It's a little scary driving in that stuff.

[May Martin]

Yeah. I have not had to do that. I've driven in the rain. It was scary enough. Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

You'll have to build your way up to that.

[May Martin]

Did you ever. Did you go, like, sledding as a kid, though?

[Fortune Feimster]

If there was enough snow, but a lot of our snow wouldn't stick, or if it. Like once every couple of years, we'd have a, you know, several inches and then we would.

[May Martin]

Because we would do a lot of sledding. And I was thinking about the. There's always a moment, you're a kid, like, flying down. There's a moment where you think, I've lost control. Like this. This is a brush with death. And then when you get to the end and there's like a flat part and you. You've picked up all the speed and you go, you slide and slide and slide. And then there's like that long walk back and you're by yourself. Then you're like. Your parents are little people on top

[Fortune Feimster]

of that in your sled behind you.

[May Martin]

Yeah. And this, like, you're like Sisyphus. And it's like. It teaches you about reward and delayed gratification and to go from the. The bliss to then that slog up the hill. It's. I think it's crucial.

[Fortune Feimster]

Well, because Toronto gets super, super cold, right. In the winter.

[May Martin]

Nasty cold.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah, nasty. So has it made you anti cold?

[May Martin]

No, I respect the cold and I think it has a lot to teach us.

[Fortune Feimster]

I respect the cold.

[May Martin]

Yeah. I like, I'm into it. I mean, I'm so deeply grateful not to live in it, though.

[Fortune Feimster]

Listen, I don't want to live in it, but put me in a, you know, cute cottage with snow around and sexy fireplace. Yeah.

[May Martin]

One of my toxic traits is that I. At night, if I have like a date, sleeping over or a girlfriend, I like to crank the ac, get it real cold in the house, and then they gotta cuddle me.

[Fortune Feimster]

Wow.

[May Martin]

Isn't that kind of psychotic and manipulative?

[Fortune Feimster]

They're like. They're like, yeah.

[May Martin]

And I go, there, there, there, there I go.

[Fortune Feimster]

That is hilarious. One of my toxic, toxic trait.

[May Martin]

It feels.

[Fortune Feimster]

Honestly, that has never even occurred to me to crank the air conditioning.

[May Martin]

Yeah. It's got to be cold. Well, there's nothing worse than it being too hot and you got someone in your bed.

[Fortune Feimster]

Well, see, I have. I. I haven't thought about the ac, but I Have a. I love a fireplace. Oh, yeah. So even, even in la, where it's not that cold, I will crank open, crank up a fireplace.

[May Martin]

Yeah, you have.

[Fortune Feimster]

I like the ambiance, you know?

[May Martin]

Well, it does something to your brain. They've, they've studied that. Like even staring at a candle flame, your brain goes into like alpha relaxation mode. It, it's regulating so it's staring at flames. Yeah, yeah. You look at the fire, you think about your, your Neanderthal ancestors that would have looked into a fire.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah, I, I am soothed by water and I'm soothed by the fireplace or candles.

[May Martin]

Yeah, yeah. I'm scared of big rolling deep water, though. Big ocean. No, not.

[Fortune Feimster]

I don't want to go swimming in the ocean. Only because everybody keeps getting eaten by sharks lately.

[May Martin]

Really?

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, my God. There's like shark attacks like every week it seems it here. I mean, everywhere. Not just not here, but I mean a lot of places.

[May Martin]

Oh, God.

[Fortune Feimster]

Florida, Australia. That woman in Santa Barbara, that was just like she was with a bunch of people training. No, guy in Australia with a bunch of surfers. Girls in Florida with their friends and in waist deep water. I mean, waist deep.

[May Martin]

No.

[Allstate Ad Voice]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

I think waters are getting warmer.

[May Martin]

Yeah. Or they're, or the sharks are organizing. There's some broader planet.

[Fortune Feimster]

I don't, I don't need to be in the ocean. I can enjoy it from the beach.

[May Martin]

You get in your tits out tub,

[Fortune Feimster]

that's all you need. Yeah, that's right.

[May Martin]

Yeah. Well, should we hear some questions from our lovely listeners?

[Fortune Feimster]

Let's do it.

[Margaret (Listener)]

Hello, handsomes, this is Margaret, currently in California. A lady. I was wondering if you could put together your own roast where you picked the comedians who are going to roast you and let's say minimum three, maximum eight. Which comedians would you be picking to roast you?

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, okay, that's great. First of all, I hate roast.

[May Martin]

Yeah, we're all scared of it. We've talked about this, that you and me especially, like, I just, I'd want to go self deprecating or compliment someone. Like, I can't roast someone.

[Fortune Feimster]

It's not my thing. I will watch them to see, you know, the jokes crafted, but boy, do they make me uncomfortable.

[May Martin]

Yeah, it's hell. It's absolute hell.

[Fortune Feimster]

Because some people you feel fine for. You're like, oh, they're strong. I know they can take it. And then others you're like, oh, I know that. Punch them in their soul.

[May Martin]

Yeah. Or you can see it on their face. And. And then I feel like a lot of People out in the world, they think comedy and they think roasts. Like, that's so. I. I'm glad that you don't like them because sometimes I've been like, am I even a real comic? Because I hate Rose.

[Fortune Feimster]

No, but it's just not forever. It. It's a thing that certain people can do well. Nikki Glaser, she incredible. Is an incredible roaster and. But she'll really blew up from that.

[May Martin]

Yes. And they're smart jokes too. And I think, like, if I was okay. If I was planning my own roast, I'd want to go with, like, friends who.

[Fortune Feimster]

Okay.

[May Martin]

I wouldn't want.

[Fortune Feimster]

So it could easily. They would ease into it a little bit.

[May Martin]

Yeah. And they'd be really well observed things about. About me. It wouldn't just be like, oh, you're non binary.

[Fortune Feimster]

May's toxic trait is pumping the air conditioning up just to get cuddles.

[May Martin]

Yeah. Yeah. So I pick you and take. Obviously, I would pick Chelsea Peretti, probably.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, she'd be good.

[May Martin]

She'd be really good. She's.

[Fortune Feimster]

She's so dry and sarcastic.

[May Martin]

Yeah, totally. And I feel like she's made fun of me before, and I've loved it.

[Fortune Feimster]

I was trying to do a Chelsea impression.

[May Martin]

Oh, let's hear it.

[Fortune Feimster]

I don't think I can do it.

[May Martin]

Yeah, it's a tough one.

[Fortune Feimster]

It's pretty crazy how you. Not bad, is it?

[May Martin]

If I had my eyes closed, I would. I would never guess who that was.

[Fortune Feimster]

I knew that was her with four words. Yeah.

[May Martin]

I mean, Sarah Silverman's great as well.

[Fortune Feimster]

What about Sabrina? Sabrina?

[May Martin]

Sabrina Jul. Yeah. Lisa Gilroy, Atlanta. I just picked my. My friends, and I'm noticing there's not a lot of men on this list. Brett Goldstein is such a gentle, soft soul. Like, he.

[Fortune Feimster]

Mavis. Mavis, having a hard time saying anything bad about you. Yeah, I can't do it. I can't do Brett's accent. You do be like, come on, Mavis.

[May Martin]

Oh, Mavis is a lovely day.

[Fortune Feimster]

Them. That's a good. That's a good R impression.

[May Martin]

Yeah, I'm gonna. I'm doing a show with him soon, but he's not a roaster. Yeah. Yeah. So I'm not picking any, like, strangers who are just gonna go with, like, the first thing they see. What about you?

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, boy. Let's see. I would have you and Tig as well, because we would be looking handsome and we'd probably have on a suit because we'd be on some sort of stage. And if people are gonna make fun of me. I at least want to be looking really sharp.

[May Martin]

Yeah, you're gonna look.

[Fortune Feimster]

I actually had a roast for my 30th birthday.

[May Martin]

No.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah. In my backyard. And I honestly don't remember what a single person said about me, but I do remember having fun.

[May Martin]

Okay. So it didn't cross over into.

[Fortune Feimster]

It didn't. No, I didn't. I didn't have regrets about doing it. We pulled an old chair out into the yard and I sat on it. I was. I do remember what I was wearing. A pink button up with a black tie and jeans.

[May Martin]

A pink shirt with a black tie. So roast for you or that's about the outfit. We're learning.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah. I had to look sharp.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

And I don't know. Yeah. Clearly nobody said anything too hurtful, because I feel like if someone really stings you, it stays with you forever.

[May Martin]

Forever.

[Fortune Feimster]

Forever. So I think I came out of that unscathed. But it was my birthday, so I think they were going easy on me.

[May Martin]

Yeah. So who would you. Were there any people that were at that roast that you'd have back?

[Fortune Feimster]

I mean, those were a lot of, like, Aaron Foley, I think did one. I like Aaron Foley. I would have Hearst do one as well. I mean, I would. I would have Nikki Glaser do something just because I would want to see her joke writing and what she. What her observations are of me would be great.

[May Martin]

What about Chelsea Handler?

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah, Chelsea Handler. I'd have her. She'd be funny. Leanne Morgan would be funny.

[May Martin]

Oh, I don't know who that is

[Fortune Feimster]

you're so yummy for. Leanne is an older comic who has, like, really blown up. She's from Tennessee and she's like, get my darling. Yeah. Which Leanne is supposed to do a question for our pod and I keep forgetting to circle back, but she's very funny.

[May Martin]

Margaret Cho would be good.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah, Margaret Cho is good. I don't know if I'd have dudes doing it either. Isn't that women are more of a safe space?

[May Martin]

Yeah. Maybe Nick would be cool.

[Fortune Feimster]

And then Nikki would just rip us a new.

[May Martin]

Yeah, Nikki would just destroy us.

[Allstate Ad Voice]

Checking Allstate first could save you hundreds on car insurance. That's smart. Not checking if your friend enjoys theater before buying tickets for the new show. That's going off script in a bad way. I can admit a four hour musical that reimagines Queen Victoria through the lens of disco is not for everyone.

[May Martin]

Yeah. Check in first is smart. So check Allstate first for a quote that could save you hundreds you're in good hands with Allstate. Potential savings vary subject to terms, conditions, and availability. Allstate North American Insurance Company and affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois.

[Fortune Feimster]

My friend Jillian Bell's not a stand up, but she's very funny. So I would have her do something.

[May Martin]

She's very funny. I. I would maybe have Lisa Kudrow.

[Fortune Feimster]

You'd have Toni Colette. And she could rip on my. We could do ours together. She could rip on my Australian accent.

[May Martin]

Oh, let's do ours together. That feels less scary.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah.

[May Martin]

But I do.

[Fortune Feimster]

I think karaoke at the end.

[May Martin]

I do think Thomas should. Should roast us. I think that would be cathartic.

[Fortune Feimster]

And we have to wear fake mustaches while he's doing it.

[May Martin]

Yeah. So. To hide the tears. To hide the trembling lip.

[Fortune Feimster]

Well, that's a fun question. I haven't ever thought about that before.

[May Martin]

Like, my friend Matt, who lives with me, he. I think I said this on the pod, but when he made the observation that I walk, like when you see footage of Bigfoot caught by camera just striding across through the forest, these, like, weird, long, gangly legs, he said I walk like. Like Bigfoot caught on camera. And so that's why you got to have your friends roasting you, because they.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah, they know.

[May Martin]

They notice things, you know.

[Fortune Feimster]

That's right. Oh, I would want Karen Kilgariff as well.

[May Martin]

Yes.

[Fortune Feimster]

Because everybody knows her these days from my favorite murder podcast. But Karen is one of the funniest stand ups I've ever watched on stage, so I would pay good money to see whatever she came up with.

[May Martin]

Yeah, definitely.

[Fortune Feimster]

Roast away Karen. And it would be hysteric. I would be. I would probably be crying, laughing.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

Because her observations would be so specific.

[May Martin]

Yeah. Should we hear what Margaret says? Yeah, they'd have. I hope we're on the list.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, Lunel would be really funny, too.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

The comedian, Lunel.

[May Martin]

Meg Stalter. Yeah.

[Margaret (Listener)]

My answer would be the three of you, obviously. Thank you so much for the podcast. It's been such a joy to have, and I hope you all have a great 2026. Thanks.

[May Martin]

Thanks, Margaret. You too.

[Fortune Feimster]

We'll go easy on you.

[May Martin]

Yeah, we'll go easy on you.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah.

[Margaret (Listener)]

Yeah.

[May Martin]

All I can come up with this Princess Margaret or something, but I don't know. I'll work on it. I'm workshopping.

[Fortune Feimster]

All right. You workshop it.

[May Martin]

Yeah. Who else we got?

[Melanie (Listener)]

Hey, y', all, this is Melanie from Calgary, Canada. Hey, I have a question for you. What is a conspiracy theory that you believe in? Bonus points if you Made it up yourself.

[Fortune Feimster]

This is right up your alley.

[May Martin]

There's too many.

[Fortune Feimster]

I was like, I feel like you believe in quite a few.

[May Martin]

There's too many, but. Okay. Well, I guess my big thing right now is the chambers underneath the pyramids. These giant chambers which make me believe it. Maybe they're big batteries, like energy charging stations. The pyramids? That you could charge up your spaceship or something. There's one that I've heard that Garth Brooks is a serial killer, and that one's pretty juicy. If you do a deep dive, I'm sure it's Garth. If you're listening, I don't think you're a serial killer.

[Fortune Feimster]

Killed.

[May Martin]

But they look at women going missing and the towns that he's touring and.

[Fortune Feimster]

And that's crazy.

[May Martin]

There's a couple of weird. Yeah, it. I mean, it's nuts, but it's fun to look into the Titanic.

[Fortune Feimster]

What is the conspiracy about? The Titanic? That they sunk it? Yeah.

[May Martin]

Because like, there were. Because there were a lot of bank leaders on. On it or something like that. The other ones aren't that fun, like 9 11.

[Fortune Feimster]

But there's a lot with that one. I mean, I. I'm more into the silly ones, like Bigfoot and stuff.

[May Martin]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Loch Ness monster scene. Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

To see that.

[May Martin]

Yeah. Like, my brother's pretty into giant creatures and things like giant sloths or great huge squid and things like that. And it's called cryptozoology. That's what it is. Yeah. And it's like almost mythic creatures, but a lot of people think they're real.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

There's that one about John F. Kennedy and the umbrella guy.

[May Martin]

What's that?

[Fortune Feimster]

It's. You know, there's that video footage of the day, and there's a mysterious figure that was holding like a. Like a black umbrella. And it was he. They were on the route and they. Some people think that the umbrella. The. The opening of the umbrella was signaling to Oswald that the President was approaching. And then some people think that other people thought he had some kind of poison dart from it.

[May Martin]

Oh, why would he need the poison dart?

[Fortune Feimster]

You know, that he. I don't. Making. Making him like an easier target, I guess. Like. So. But I mean, he was like a sitting duck anyway. I don't. That. That theory to me does not hold water.

[May Martin]

But I just want to, before I die, just get a list of a. All the closeted actors. So I just know for myself and be all the conspiracy theories and the. The truth. And. But this is how Trump, like gained some Traction by being like, guys, if I'm president, I'm gonna tell you about aliens. I'm gonna tell. I'm gonna open up the JFK files. I'm gonna. And instead he's just.

[Fortune Feimster]

Any of that.

[May Martin]

No. And he's like, but I won't release the Epstein files. Yeah, it's sketch, ma'.

[Fortune Feimster]

Am. Area 51. That's the whole thing, right?

[May Martin]

Yeah. Area. I mean, I'll believe anything. Basically nothing would shock me.

[Fortune Feimster]

You know, I mean, I think now when it comes to aliens, people, especially since the military spoke out, that they're. That they exist, that there's less skepticism than they're used to.

[May Martin]

It's becoming pretty mainstream.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah.

[May Martin]

Yeah. The NAZCA mummies are an interesting one. If you want to. I don't give those a Google. They're like alien mummies or something. I don't know.

[Fortune Feimster]

Well, but I would say, in general, I personally am not a big conspiracy theory gal.

[May Martin]

Is that because you just are like, I don't want to waste energy down a rabbit hole. Or are you like.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah, it's more of, like, when there's not an answer to something.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

I don't. I sometimes, like, oh, that's interesting. Like, what could that have been? Not really spending a lot of time on it. I sort of take things for face value, and that's not always the right thing. But, you know, I'm the opposite.

[May Martin]

Like, but to my detriment, for sure. And. And then the other day I realized, like, I. I have had, like, a low level anxiety since around puberty. Just like, what's the meaning of life? Why are we here? Is it a simulation? What happens after we die? Like, all those questions. And then I realize I'm kind of. I'm feeling, like, urgency, like, I'm gonna answer those questions, and I need to realize, like, the joy is in asking the questions. I'm not gonna get answers.

[Fortune Feimster]

And. Yeah. I mean, some questions cannot be answered. We will not know.

[May Martin]

Yeah. So I have to get rid of that low level, constant anxiety, which comes from this feeling like I haven't done my homework because I haven't figured out those questions yet.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah.

[May Martin]

But it's.

[Fortune Feimster]

I think I'm too chill to, like, pry any further.

[May Martin]

You're like, it's not my business.

[Fortune Feimster]

People tell me I need to ask more questions, and I go, oh, okay. Yeah. I guess I can dive more into that thing. Right?

[May Martin]

I. I'm gonna do a night I saw someone did this, and I'm. I'm organizing one at my house that's a conspiracy theory night where we all wear tinfoil hats, and then everybody has to prepare a presentation on a conspiracy theory, and it could be the craziest one, and you present them to each other.

[Fortune Feimster]

Okay, that definitely seems like a May party.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

Well, you have snacks.

[May Martin]

I'll have snacks of hot dogs.

[Fortune Feimster]

One hot dog.

[May Martin]

One hot dog between 12 people. Yeah. Everyone's like, can we just have a normal conversation?

[Fortune Feimster]

Well, if the party is planned for this purpose, your friends will come knowing this is the deal.

[May Martin]

Yeah, Melanie, I just real quick, one good one is that Stanley Kubrick filmed the moon landings and that the Shining is him, is full of him confessing to that. And there's, like, hidden messages and clues and symbolism. There's a whole documentary on it.

[Fortune Feimster]

Huh.

[May Martin]

Yeah. Anyway, let's hear what Melanie has to say.

[Fortune Feimster]

Some people, some. There are a lot of people who do believe the moon landing never happened.

[May Martin]

Yeah, I don't know.

[Fortune Feimster]

I think it happened.

[May Martin]

We need some conspiracies out there about the Handsome podcast. If anyone wants to start one like that. We're all AI or the.

[Fortune Feimster]

That's right. Yeah. Yeah. Let's hear Melanie.

[Melanie (Listener)]

My conspiracy theory that I made up myself, that I 100% believe is that nobody actually likes beer. Everyone's just pretending they don't want to admit that they don't like it, and they're just kind of going along with drinking garbage water, but nobody actually likes it. And if you're going to say I do like beer, what I have to say is that just further proves my point. You don't actually like beer. And you can just admit it.

[Fortune Feimster]

It's okay.

[May Martin]

I mean, taking a quick poll here, because, Fortune. You don't like beer.

[Fortune Feimster]

I do not like it. I think it's an acquired taste.

[May Martin]

Yeah, I don't really like it either. Thomas, do you actually like the taste? I do like beer. Okay. All right. But you would say that.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah, I would say that.

[May Martin]

Yeah. I think it's nasty, but, yeah, to me, it's just.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah. It has such a weird taste. And I know to some people it's like the most refreshing drink ever. Yeah, I'm not. It's not for me, but I think people start drinking it in college and stuff because it's cheap.

[May Martin]

Yeah, it's cheap. And you can. You can chug it. I like that theory, though, Melanie. I mean, I. I definitely had to train myself to like the taste of coffee or when I was smoking. I would sort of. You hate it for a while, and you have to force yourself. So I could see how that happens with beer.

[Fortune Feimster]

Well, what a treat. More questions?

[May Martin]

Yeah, you can go to speakpipe.com handsomepod to submit your questions. And if you need advice about any situation in your life, please keep sending them.

[Fortune Feimster]

That's right. We're here to help you and to answer your question.

[May Martin]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

Well, we appreciate all you guys tuning in. Thank you for listening. I hope everybody's having a lovely march. We're heading into spring.

[May Martin]

Oh, my God, finally.

[Fortune Feimster]

That's right.

[May Martin]

Spring is here.

[Fortune Feimster]

Spring. Spring is sprung.

[May Martin]

And the grass is ris. I wonder where the birdies is.

[Fortune Feimster]

And guess what? We get that hour back so it doesn't get dark at 5pm yeah.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

That I love. Yeah, yeah. Give me that sunshine.

[May Martin]

And I guess all that remains really

[Fortune Feimster]

is keep it pretty, pretty Handsome Handsome

[May Martin]

Handsome is hosted by me, May Martin, Tig Notaro, and Fortune Feimster. The show is produced, recorded and edited by Thomas Willette. Email [e-mail] and please follow us on social media at Handsomepod.

[Fortune Feimster]

What a podcast.

[May Martin]

What a podcast. That was a hit gun podcast. Checking Allstate first could save you hundreds on car insurance. That's smart. Not checking that. I got my handsome tuxedo ready to go before a big event. Big mistake. Now I'm walking the red carpet in a T shirt and jeans.

[Allstate Ad Voice]

Yeah, checking first is smart. So check Allstate first for a quote that could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Potential savings vary subject to terms, conditions and availability. Allstate North American Insurance Company and Affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois.