Pretty Little Episode #85

Summary

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Podcast Summary: "Handsome" – Pretty Little Episode #85

Released April 3, 2026 | Headgum
Hosts: Fortune Feimster, Mae Martin (Tig Notaro not present this episode)

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Episode Overview

This week’s “Handsome” is a duo episode, featuring comedians Fortune Feimster and Mae Martin as they reconnect after busy periods on the road and on set. Their chat meanders through personal updates, glimpses of life on tour, Southern family vibes, and answers to listener questions—including reflections on earliest memories and the all-important “What would you eat with anyone, dead or alive?” The conversation, brimming with signature warmth and laid-back banter, includes visits from Fortune’s mom, Ginger, and moments of classic “Handsome” hilarity.

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Opening Catch-up: Recliners, Tours & New Beginnings

[01:02–04:30]

• Setting: Fortune calls in from North Carolina, cozied up in a recliner at her mom’s house, painting the scene: “I feel so southern right now... recliners are more prevalent with our parents’ age.” (01:02, Fortune)
• Recent Projects: Fortune just wrapped filming a movie, is recovering from intense night shoots, and finally has downtime. She’s also furnishing her almost-bare house, celebrating a new dining table and, optimistically, hosting friends. “For six months, eating on the, at my couch at the coffee table.” (04:04, Fortune)
• Tour Life: Mae’s on an exhaustive comedy tour, waking up in new cities with disorienting mornings (“I just woke up. We drove all night...arrived in Detroit this morning, and you’re like, where am I?” 04:43, Mae). She recounts her quest for coffee, resulting in accidentally purchasing an elaborate dessert apple.

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Seasonal Confusion & Apple Chats

[06:01–07:06]

• The duo joke about their love of apples, pies in any season, and California weather faking them out (“It’s been 97 degrees in L.A....California is crazy blazing.” 06:15, Fortune).
• Mae muses on language slips from travel exhaustion and eccentric show names she’s encountered on the road.

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Secret Ninja Aspirations

[07:09–09:45]

• Mae confides in Fortune (and, humorously, “hundreds of thousands” of listeners) about her new dream: to become America’s next Ninja Warrior, inspired by watching the show on tour.
  • “I want to secretly train and not tell anyone except you and the Handsome listeners.” (08:01, Mae)
  • They discuss the surprising difficulty of obstacle courses—Fortune tells the story of a fit friend, former NFL player Jon Ryan, who barely passed two obstacles, underscoring Mae’s challenge. “He made it through like, two obstacles, and then was out.” (09:14, Fortune)
• There’s encouragement and a promise to update the pod if Mae actually trains at a Detroit ninja gym.

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Listener Questions: Nostalgia & Family Flashbacks

1. Earliest Memory (Quinn from Toronto)

[10:50–19:09]

• Listener Story: Quinn recalls her eccentric artist father’s adventures with a metal detector, leading to the poignant question: “What is your earliest memory?”
• Mae’s Memories: Mae wonders if her earliest memory is fabricated due to photos, but deduces it’s her grandmother’s house: “My mom’s mom at her house...smelling like peanut butter cookies, cinnamon hearts and tobacco.” (13:24, Mae)
• Fortune’s Childhood: Fortune’s clearest early memory is traumatic—getting her toenail crushed as a kid (“I remember it was me and my mom at the house...I did not have shoes on...the steel trash can got moved and put down on my toe.” 14:25, Fortune). This leads to Ginger’s off-mic commentary, clarification of Fortune’s age, and a playful debrief about their respective emotional temperaments as children.
• Ping Ping: Mae reveals her family nickname—Ping Ping—“because I cried so much that my tears would just shoot out of my face like bullets.” (17:28, Mae)
• Deja Vu: After some banter, Mae posits, “Harvard scientists say the past, the present and the future are all happening at the same time...” (19:09, Mae) before reflecting on deja vu and memory’s mysteries.

2. Golden Girls & Dinner With Anyone (Chris from Connecticut)

[20:14–25:09]

• Listener Reference: Chris asks the iconic twist on a classic: “If you could have dinner with any person, dead or alive, what would you eat?” (a Rose Nylund line from The Golden Girls).
• Golden Girls Guilt: Fortune bemoans that Mae and Tig have never watched The Golden Girls (“hurts my heart so bad” 20:58, Fortune), while Mae admits her own beloved show is Buffy.
• Retreat Plans & Food Talk: Discussion veers into plans for a “wellness weekend” with Tig, with both expressing concern about vegan food as the only dining option.
  • “She should eat vegan food because she loves it, but I should also...I'll eat healthier food. But it might not be vegan.” (22:16, Fortune)
  • They daydream about meals that would spark joy—salmon, halibut, afternoon cheese and crackers (“Food is one of the few things I get constant joy from. I'll have a smoothie...but I’m also gonna need an afternoon cheese.” 22:47, Fortune)
• Answering the Question: If it’s a big deal meal with an important person, they’d want something special—filet mignon or fancy fish. Mae clarifies: “We want some salmon. Or halibut.” (23:59, Mae)
• Chris’s Own Answer: “I would eat some pan seared scallops over risotto or polenta and maybe some, like, grilled asparagus”—which leads to a funny regional debate: scallop or “scallop”? Fortune defers to Ginger as arbiter of correct pronunciation.

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Notable Quotes & Playful Moments

• On Tour Exhaustion:
  • “I just woke up...arrived in Detroit this morning, and you’re just like, where am I? Where? What do I eat?” (04:43, Mae)
• Mae’s Ninja Dream:
  • “I want to secretly train and not tell anyone except you and the Handsome listeners.” (08:01, Mae)
• On Childhood Memories:
  • “My earliest memories of this morning, I can't remember anything before then.” (11:43, Fortune, joking)
  • “Ping Ping. I cried so much that my tears would just shoot out like ping ping ping.” (17:28, Mae)
• On Food Joy:
  • “Food is one of the few things I get constant joy from. I'll have a smoothie. I'll be healthier, but I’m also gonna need an afternoon cheese.” (22:47, Fortune)

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Listener Interaction & Family Cameos

• Fortune’s mom, Ginger, makes cameo appearances—sharing memories, answering questions, and settling food pronunciation debates.
• The hosts encourage listeners to send voice memos to "speakpipe.com/handsomepod" for advice or questions.

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Episode Close: Upcoming Shows & Travel Plans

[26:22–27:13]

• Fortune: Heading back on tour in the South and planning a European stand-up run (Stockholm, Oslo, Berlin, Dublin, London, and Copenhagen).
• Mae: Tour dates across Canada and fresh off the Junos.
• Both express heartfelt gratitude to listeners:
  • “We don’t take it for granted.” (27:13, Mae)

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Timestamps – Key Segments

• Fortune’s Southern Recliner Vibes: 01:02–01:43
• Tour Life & Dessert Apple: 04:32–05:42
• Mae’s Ninja Warrior Goal: 07:09–09:45
• Listener Question—Earliest Memory: 10:50–19:09
• Golden Girls/Dream Dinner Food: 20:14–25:09
• Upcoming Shows & Farewell: 26:22–27:13

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Overall Tone & Takeaways

True to “Handsome” form, the episode is breezy, candid, and chummy—full of gentle ribbing, oddball asides, and wholesome laughter. With Fortune’s family popping in and some real talk about fame, exhaustion, and the importance of both good food and good furniture, it’s the comedic equivalent of hanging out with clever, slightly-tired friends.

“Keep it pretty.”

Transcript

[Mae Martin]

This is a headgum podcast.

[Fortune Feimster]

Checking Allstate first could save you hundreds on car insurance. That's smart. Not checking for happy hour specials when you're out for an early dinner. That's an unforced error. You're telling me mozzarella sticks are half off? I would have ordered twice as many.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah, check in first is smart. So check Allstate first for a quote. That could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Potential savings vary, subject to terms, conditions, and availability. Allstate North American Insurance Company and affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois.

[Fortune Feimster]

Pretty little episode.

[Mae Martin]

Welcome to the handsome pod. This is me, May Martin, joined by

[Fortune Feimster]

me, Virgin Feemster, and welcome to our pretty little episode. I feel so southern right now, May.

[Mae Martin]

Really?

[Fortune Feimster]

Yes. I'm visiting my mom in North Carolina and I'm, as you can see, sitting in a recliner, a cozy recliner. So it makes me feel very southern because I feel like recliners are, you know, very proud or. Or at least with our parents age, recliners are more prevalent.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah. Like you'll settle in for the day.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, yeah. I don't want to brag, but I'm in a recliner and right beside me is another recliner. No.

[Mae Martin]

I wish I was sat there with you, girl.

[Fortune Feimster]

That would be very fun to film this together and matching recliners at your mom's house.

[Mae Martin]

I would love that.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yes. I finally wrapped that movie. Yeah.

[Mae Martin]

Congrats.

[Fortune Feimster]

Thank you. It was awesome and so fun and exhausting.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

We filmed nights the last two weeks, which is why you and I weren't able. Well, you're on the road in a tour bus. Yeah, I was filming nights for two weeks, so we both had to miss the GLAD Awards. Yeah.

[Mae Martin]

Did you have a wrap party? Did you have a big.

[Fortune Feimster]

We did a couple nights ago.

[Mae Martin]

Nice.

[Fortune Feimster]

My body is still recovering from working, you know, 15 hour days starting at 5pm

[Mae Martin]

I thought you were gonna say still recovering from the wrap party.

[Fortune Feimster]

No, I. I never go hard at those things.

[Mae Martin]

Okay.

[Fortune Feimster]

Although I did have a couple pieces of pizza and a cinnamon roll to go. Oh, yeah.

[Chris from Connecticut]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

Come on now. So I haven't been able to come visit my mom or my. Or my dad since the holidays, so I came here. Yeah.

[Mae Martin]

Can you have a bit of time off now?

[Fortune Feimster]

I have a couple weeks off and then my tour starts. But the nice thing is, like, I'll be touring, but it's not like acting where, as you know, your schedule is not your own.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

So I have a little bit of freedom again and it's your tour.

[Mae Martin]

You're the boss. Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

Which, yeah, I love acting, but I. Doing it for six months of no control over my schedule was a lot.

[Mae Martin]

It's so infantilizing. It's like. You're like, anyway, I'm just gonna go get a coffee. They're like, okay. Fortune's moving to get a coffee. We're gonna actually get that for you, and we're gonna like, yeah, it's. Yeah, I know.

[Fortune Feimster]

I haven't been able to think on my own or do anything on my own since September or go to ever.

[Mae Martin]

Going to the bathroom is so annoying. People unfortunately gotten 10 one gun. 10 one.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yep. So I've been, like, basking in the freedom this week.

[Mae Martin]

Nice.

[Fortune Feimster]

And finally, you know, getting some furniture in my house. It's been completely empty.

[Mae Martin]

I've been worried about that. I'm glad you need some. You need a recliner is what you.

[Fortune Feimster]

I've been such a bachelor. I brought a few pieces over from my old house, but not much, and it's just been an empty space.

[Mae Martin]

That's exciting.

[Fortune Feimster]

I know. I got a. I finally got, like, a dining room table in, and it looks so great. I'm so pumped for that. I got a outdoor table, too. People can actually come have a meal. I've been basically, for six months, eating on the. At my couch at the coffee table.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah. Yeah. This is good. We. You need this. I said we. I'm. I want an invite to that.

[Fortune Feimster]

Together, bud.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

How's tour going?

[Mae Martin]

It's going. I mean, it's so amazing. It's such an amazing experience. But also, would I ever do it again like this? I'm not sure.

[Fortune Feimster]

It's exhausting, right?

[Mae Martin]

Dude, it's like I just woke up. We drove all night.

[Fortune Feimster]

You never. You know, I'm not gonna miss that opportunity.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah. It's so good. And then arrived in Detroit this morning, and you're just like, where am I? Where? What do I eat? Where, like, can I find, like, a coffee? Yeah, like, I went out this morning for a coffee. I've only been awake for, like, 20 minutes, and. And the only coffee shop I found was this, like, posh, like, Dubai coffee shop. I ended up with this app.

[Fortune Feimster]

This is like a. Oh, it's like a dessert.

[Mae Martin]

It's like a dessert.

[Fortune Feimster]

Beautiful apple.

[Mae Martin]

It looks like.

[Fortune Feimster]

What? So. Oh, it's like in the middle's marzipan. Is that what you said?

[Mae Martin]

Yeah, like, it looks like Snow White's apple. And then in the middle, some kind of mousse or something.

[Fortune Feimster]

Are you Going to eat it or it's for later?

[Mae Martin]

Well, to be honest, I bought it because I was like, that'll be funny for the pod. Now I'm realizing it wasn't that funny. And there's. There's nowhere to go here.

[Fortune Feimster]

Honestly, I'm curious about what's in the middle.

[Mae Martin]

A very sweet white chocolate and apple mousse. But it's so sweet.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, it does also taste like apple.

[Mae Martin]

Huh?

[Fortune Feimster]

I do. I love an apple stitch.

[Mae Martin]

Me too. Give me a candy apple. Even though it's hell. Really.

[Fortune Feimster]

We're going into summer, but I love a fall apple situation.

[Quinn from Toronto]

Yeah.

[Mae Martin]

Or. Or just a pie. Like, I. I guess we're going into spring. Yeah. Yeah. You can still have an apple situation any time of year.

[Fortune Feimster]

You know what's messing me up is that it's been, like, 97 degrees in Los Angeles. So I keep thinking that we're going into summer. And my friends that live in the south are like, it's not summer. Because I was like, should I bring my bathing suit home? And they're like, no, it's not cold here.

[Mae Martin]

It's just. L. It's California.

[Fortune Feimster]

Like, California is crazy blazing.

[Mae Martin]

I know. It's actually, like, if we start down that road, I mean, it's the hot. It's the hottest Palm Springs has ever been on his. In on history. In on history.

[Fortune Feimster]

On history.

[Mae Martin]

On history.

[Fortune Feimster]

On history has been not this hot.

[Mae Martin]

I've been. The way I'm using the English language is changing on this tour because I'm so tired. I'm just saying things like. Well, first I was in Wisconsin, so everyone called my show the Possum.

[Fortune Feimster]

The Possum. Yeah.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah. And then I'm with Matt, who I. Who lives with me. But he brings out a side of me that's like a kind of frat boy. So interesting. I said, matt, we gotta go see this statue. Yo. This. There's, like, this statue. I was like, it's got a spoon and a cherry. It's this big statue in Minneapolis or something. And. And he was like, how big is it? And I went, yo, it's bigger than trees. Anyway, I guess we didn't go see it in the end, But I have something to tell you. Tell me, and I'll have to dish and update you after I do it. But I've decided I want. I saw it on tv, and then I decided I want to be America's next ninja warrior. And I want to secretly. I want to secretly train and then not tell anyone except you and the

[Fortune Feimster]

handsome listeners and so basically a lot of people.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So hundreds of thousands.

[Fortune Feimster]

It's hard.

[Mae Martin]

I am. I know. And I'm gonna. It's gonna take me years.

[Fortune Feimster]

But wait, what. Where did this come from? You were just like, on the bus and it came on TV and you're like, I have to do this.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah. I suddenly thought it's such a. You would feel so powerful running. It's like parkour. And then. And then we googled and we found there's a ninja warrior gym here in Detroit. So I should be resting and sleeping, but I'm going to go.

[Fortune Feimster]

You're going to go do that? Honestly, that's a goal I feel like you could attain. Well, you have a lot of upper body strength.

[Mae Martin]

Thank you.

[Fortune Feimster]

But it just requires doing those courses a lot.

[Mae Martin]

Right? That's true. It's just muscle memory.

[Fortune Feimster]

My friend John Ryan, who's. Who was a kicker for the Seahawks, we. He's married to Sarah Colonna. Very funny comedian. We went. He did it once a couple years ago and we went to support him.

[Mae Martin]

No way.

[Fortune Feimster]

And he's very fit. Like, this dude's ribs. And he, like, made it through, like, two obstacles and then was out.

[Mae Martin]

I know there's all this build up.

[Fortune Feimster]

We had all these posters and we're like, ah. Oh.

[Mae Martin]

Oh, my God. That's what it would be like with me. It would be fun.

[Fortune Feimster]

You never know. But I also don't think he trained a ton. Like, he trains every day for fitness, but I think you have to train in.

[Mae Martin]

You gotta just.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah, the. The courses.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

Specifically, I believe in you.

[Mae Martin]

Thank you so much. I'll keep you posted.

[Fortune Feimster]

Keep us posted, bud. For sure. We want to know. And if you end up going to this gym, we also want to know that as well.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah. Also, the other night, who did I meet at my show?

[Fortune Feimster]

Who?

[Mae Martin]

Man comes up to me at the meet and greet. He says, hello, I'm. And I said, I'm gonna stop you there. You don't have to tell me you're Thomas's brother.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, there. I met Thomas's brother in LA once.

[Mae Martin]

Oh, my God, he is so sweet. And Thomas, he has your mannerisms like you guys. Yeah, it's the Voice, too.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah.

[Mae Martin]

He was so nice. He was thrilled to meet you, May. And he said the show was amazing. Oh, yeah. He brought a bunch of people from his work and stuff. It was nice.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah.

[Mae Martin]

He has co workers who are handsome super fans and they freaked out when they found out his brother produces the podcast.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, my God.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah, that's Got points at work.

[Fortune Feimster]

There you go. I love it.

[Mae Martin]

Well, listen, should we.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah, let's get some questions.

[Mae Martin]

Hell, yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

Hell, yeah.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah, dude.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah, bro.

[Mae Martin]

Yo. God.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah, bro.

[Mae Martin]

It's bigger than a tray, yo. Bigger than trees. It's bigger than trees.

[Quinn from Toronto]

Hi, handsomes. It's Quinn from Toronto, Canada. May, I wanted to tell you that when I was growing up in the 70s, I had a dad who had a metal detector. And he would comb the beaches and the parks in Vancouver, bc, and we would hang out with him and he would collect coins and all kinds of little trinkets. In fact, he even had a little truck where he kept all of his treasures. One time, he even found a gold Cladda ring, which is an Irish ring with a heart and a crown on it. And he gave that to me. And I've had it to this this day. My dad was pretty eccentric. He was an artist. But my question for you is, what is your earliest memory?

[Fortune Feimster]

Earliest memory ever? Yeah. Of anything or with a dad memory? Just of any memory. Right.

[Mae Martin]

Of anything. I can't believe we've never asked each other this.

[Fortune Feimster]

No, we have not. I thought it was going to be asking a dad memory. I was like, I just had breakfast with my dad this morning.

[Mae Martin]

That doesn't. If that's your earliest memory.

[Fortune Feimster]

My earliest memories of this morning, I can't remember anything before then.

[Mae Martin]

Checking Allstate first could save you hundreds on car insurance, and that's smart. Not checking the dress code before attending a wedding, on the other hand, that can be stressful. What does festive boho cocktail chic even mean?

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah, checking first is smart. So check Allstate first for a quote that could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Potential savings vary subject to terms, conditions and availability of all state. North American Insurance Company and affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois.

[Mae Martin]

You're not one of those people that remembers, like, in the womb, are you?

[Fortune Feimster]

No, no. I sometimes am. Like, why don't I remember more? I am like, is there something wrong with me that I have just little flashes of early childhood? I don't remember a lot pre. Five years old.

[Chris from Connecticut]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

And then from five to, like, nine, I just have little flashes here and there. My mom can, like, tell me things she did when she was, like, three, and I'm like, how? Or do you remember a lot?

[Mae Martin]

I think I'm. Well, I remember anything scary or upsetting, which is annoying. But then I have. Yeah. I've, like, scattered. I never know if it's just because there's a photo of It. And I.

[Fortune Feimster]

Right.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah. Like, my brain. Like, there's. I. I would say that my first memory is of lying on this, like, sheepskin rug when I was a baby, but then there's a photo of that, so maybe that's why I think that.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah.

[Mae Martin]

But I. I feel like I can remember the. The room and the sounds and everything. But then I guess maybe my first actual memory that I know for a fact is real is my mom's mom at her house, because she died when I was 2, so. And there's not pictures of these moments, so I know I legit remember it from when I was 2. And I remember her house smelling like peanut butter cookies that she. And she kept them on top of the fridge. She would cook them and. And cinnamon hearts and tobacco. And then I remember her playing with me under a blanket. And a couple other things from her house that, like.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah.

[Mae Martin]

I've. I've confirmed their real memories.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah. So two. That's. That's pretty. Not that it's competition, but that's pretty good.

[Fortune Feimster]

That's pretty. That's real good. But that's real good.

[Mae Martin]

We got two.

[Fortune Feimster]

Well, it's funny that you said, like, you remember, like, scary things or bad things, because that is. My earliest memory is of something not pleasant.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

Which I don't know how old I was, but I want to say, like, maybe four. Yeah. And I just have a. Like, a foggy memory of it, but I remember it was me and my mom at the house, and I did not have shoes on, and I went outside, and somehow the steel trash can got moved and put down on my toe. Oh, you remember that?

[Mae Martin]

Well, you're a little inside me. Oh, hi, Ginger.

[Fortune Feimster]

They says, hi, Mom. She says, hi. Hi.

[Mae Martin]

I heard that.

[Fortune Feimster]

Hi. And my toenail came. Ended up coming off, right? Yes. And I just remember, like, wailing.

[Mae Martin]

Oh, my God.

[Fortune Feimster]

Just screaming, crying. Oh, you. Oh, you helped get the toenail off. Well, it had almost become infected. It was becoming infected because I wouldn't let you touch it, really. But I was, like, really young. Right? I mean, I was, like, four, maybe.

[Mae Martin]

I'd say six.

[Fortune Feimster]

Six. Oh, well, then I have earlier memories than that.

[Mae Martin]

Was it, like the toenail was dangling off, and then to get in there.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh.

[Mae Martin]

Oh, my God.

[Fortune Feimster]

It was the. I just remember crying. So I don't know how that. Who. Who did the trash can? One of my brothers, probably. I took the trash out. Why was I taking the trash out at five? That's crazy.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah, that's.

[Fortune Feimster]

That's. That's absurd. You were. You were trying to get me to do chores at 5 years old.

[Mae Martin]

Oh, my God. Wait. Can you ask Ginger if you cried a lot as a kid? Like, were you easy to cry?

[Fortune Feimster]

Mom, did I cry a lot as a kid? May wants to know. No, I did not. Oh, I was strong. I was a strong girl.

[Mae Martin]

Strong girl.

[Fortune Feimster]

Was I sensitive? Like, sensitive, but not cry. Get my feelings hurt?

[Mae Martin]

Not particularly.

[Fortune Feimster]

Not particularly. Oh, good for me. I was emotionally regulated. I was emotionally regulated as a child.

[Mae Martin]

You were? Yes, yes. I'm resilient.

[Fortune Feimster]

You used to say that I was cautious, though. Or. Or that. I mean, that's. She looked at me like I'm crazy when I just said that. You told me that as a kid, I was the type of kid that would look both. Like look both ways, and I would not, like, act. Is that not true? Yes.

[Mae Martin]

You. You used a lot of common sense.

[Fortune Feimster]

I used a lot of common sense? Okay.

[Mae Martin]

Were you slow to trust?

[Fortune Feimster]

Was I slow to trust?

[Mae Martin]

I don't think so.

[Fortune Feimster]

She doesn't think so. Do you like the second yes conversation,

[Mae Martin]

but also can hear, Ginger?

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, you can hear?

[Mae Martin]

Yeah, it's the best.

[Fortune Feimster]

That's. So will you tell.

[Mae Martin]

Tell Ginger that my nickname was Ping Ping when I was a kid. Cuz the tears would just.

[Fortune Feimster]

It was what?

[Mae Martin]

Ping ping. Because Ping ping. I cried so much that my tears would just shoot out of my face like bullets and they go, ping pings. My family called me Ping Ping.

[Fortune Feimster]

May's nickname was Ping Ping because they would cry so much that tears would shoot out like Ping ping ping. Get it, May? As a child. Who does that?

[Mae Martin]

Who the hell does that?

[Fortune Feimster]

I love it. Well, let's hear what Quinn said.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah.

[Quinn from Toronto]

My earliest memory is from when I was around two years old. I was with a stranger. I don't know who. I didn't know who it was. And I felt really sad because my mom was not there. And I fell and scraped my knee. And I remember that this woman was comforting me. Later on, I learned that that was probably my grandmother. And she was there after me because my mom was in the hospital giving birth to my brother.

[Fortune Feimster]

Thanks.

[Quinn from Toronto]

Love yourself.

[Fortune Feimster]

My other memory I've talked about it was when I stole a piece of gum.

[Mae Martin]

Oh, my gosh. Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

And then my mom caught me.

[Mae Martin]

And you had to return it.

[Fortune Feimster]

I had to return it. And I cried.

[Mae Martin]

Oh, my God.

[Fortune Feimster]

That's why. Well, that wasn't a moment of me crying like a baby.

[Mae Martin]

How old were you then?

[Fortune Feimster]

5. Humiliating.

[Mae Martin]

And you were.

[Fortune Feimster]

I don't know why. I really don't have a lot of memories before 5.

[Mae Martin]

I don't think most people do. You had so many great times.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, did I? She said, I don't know why you had so many great times, Ginger.

[Mae Martin]

I know.

[Fortune Feimster]

I don't think those great times were wasted on my terrible memory.

[Mae Martin]

No, they're all in there somewhere, forming you.

[Fortune Feimster]

I don't know. I wish I could somehow. I would love to be able to, like, recall some of that stuff.

[Mae Martin]

Well, Harvard scientists say that the past, the present and the future are all happening at the same time, and time is not linear, so that's all there.

[Fortune Feimster]

I mean, I do get deja vu quite a bit, but I don't. I don't know. Yeah, I'm always like, what? I'm always intrigued by deja vu. Like, what that actually means.

[Mae Martin]

I know. Well, I think it's a glitch in the Matrix. I think it's. It's your.

[Fortune Feimster]

My mom's is now wanting to pipe in on all the things.

[Mae Martin]

Is she just translating?

[Fortune Feimster]

Deja's over there talking to herself now.

[Mae Martin]

I love that.

[Fortune Feimster]

Don't mind us, Mom.

[Mae Martin]

I. It's so. It's rare that we have this opportunity. I really. I'm like, what else can I ask Ginger? Like, are there any funny, embarrassing stories from when you were a toddler?

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, God. Well, she's long winded. You don't want. You're not going to want that secondhand story.

[Mae Martin]

All right, all right.

[Fortune Feimster]

Okay. Maybe on the next question, something will come up for her.

[Mae Martin]

Should we listen to another?

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah.

[Chris from Connecticut]

Hi, handsome. This is Chris from Connecticut, and I am obsessed with the Golden Girls, like many other gay men. And so my question today is a question that Betty White's Rosen island posed to a group of very smart professors. And she tried to do it in the same way that her very smart professor boyfriend had asked another group of very smart professors. And this is how it came out from Rose. If you could have dinner with any person, dead or alive, what would you eat?

[Fortune Feimster]

What would you eat? I knew there was gonna be a joke coming in there somewhere.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah, that's funny.

[Fortune Feimster]

Well, you and Tig famously have never watched the Golden Girls, which hurts my heart so bad.

[Mae Martin]

I know. It's crazy. Have you. Have you watched Buffy?

[Fortune Feimster]

No. So I guess we're even.

[Mae Martin]

I mean, I know that they're not equivalent in people's minds, like, But.

[Fortune Feimster]

But it's your own treasured show.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah. Well, you know, Tig's gonna make us do this wellness weekend, so maybe part of it. Okay.

[Fortune Feimster]

Golden Girls and Buffy now that it's just us. Yeah.

[Mae Martin]

Can I check? Are you gonna go?

[Fortune Feimster]

You know, I'm gonna need more details.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah, yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

We just posted a video from that episode.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

And I watched my eyes glaze over. Yeah. In real time. As you guys just chatted about this.

[Mae Martin]

She's running through the schedule.

[Fortune Feimster]

Listen, this is no dig at Tig, because there's no Tig dig. Because it's changed her life, and it's for the best, and I understand. But she did lose me at vegan food.

[Mae Martin]

I know. To be honest, that's my only reservation, too, because. Because the. The thing that worries me is a lot of vegan stuff has coconut oil in it also.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah.

[Mae Martin]

So that's one excuse I have. What do you guys.

[Fortune Feimster]

My one note for the weekend would be like, she should eat vegan food because she loves it, but I should also. I'll eat healthier food.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

But it might not be vegan.

[Mae Martin]

Oh, my God.

[Fortune Feimster]

And I don't need, like, a slab of meat. I wouldn't do that to her.

[Mae Martin]

No.

[Fortune Feimster]

But I just need, like, a charcuterie board. You know what I mean? Sure. Because, like, if I'm going to have a weekend like this.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

I need to. Something has to bring joy.

[Mae Martin]

I know.

[Fortune Feimster]

And food is one of the few things I get constant joy from. I'll have a smoothie. Well, I'll be healthier, but I'm also gonna need an afternoon cheese.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah. What if we say, like. Yeah, cheese and crackers in the afternoon and then maybe like a little. A steamed salmon with some veg.

[Fortune Feimster]

A steamed salmon would be. Yeah, I won't go beef. I know that's highly aggressive, but it's salmon.

[Mae Martin]

Okay. Plonked down.

[Fortune Feimster]

A huge spare rib is salmon or halibut. Okay.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah. Okay. I'll back you up there. I'll back you up.

[Fortune Feimster]

That. That would be my one note to the weekend. And honestly could change it for me and make me be like, yeah, I'll definitely go.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah, I. I kind of agree. Like, if I.

[Fortune Feimster]

When I was like, you're gonna do this all weekend, wake up early, exercise, and you have to do the vegan food, I was like, just give me one thing.

[Mae Martin]

Although, I mean, I am kind of curious as an experiment, like, how. How would I cope with it? How would I feel after it? But I just. I'm. I'm sort of with you. Like, I want eggs in the morning and.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah. So to answer Chris's question.

[Mae Martin]

Oh, yeah, sorry.

[Fortune Feimster]

We would want a salmon or an elephant.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah, we want some salmon. Or halibut. Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah. If I'm eating in a fancy meal like that with someone, I. I'm gonna assume it's fancy. If you're getting to eat with someone past or present, you're picking someone pretty important.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

But in that case, if Tig's not there, I wouldn't mind a filet mignon, you know?

[Mae Martin]

Yeah. Wait, so is the question. Oh, the question is, what are you eating?

[Fortune Feimster]

Because it's a joke, right? Because usually it's, who are you having dinner with? Rose. Want to know? What would you eat? Yeah, I did have a Golden Girls. I. I clearly have Golden Girls in my algorithm, and oftentimes clips from that show will pop up. And last night, there was a clip that they said was bloopers of Rose, but it was not bloopers. They were just such good actors that it made it look off everything. This scene just looks so off the cuff.

[Mae Martin]

Oh, no way.

[Fortune Feimster]

They just were that good. And the writers were so good.

[Mae Martin]

God, I love bloopers, though. For real. I wish they did have golden. Golden Girls bloopers.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah, they probably do have some.

[Mae Martin]

I love that. Should we hear Chris's answer?

[Fortune Feimster]

Let's do it.

[Chris from Connecticut]

I would eat some pan seared scallops over risotto or polenta and maybe some, like, grilled asparagus, because I don't know why I just. That sounds good right now. And that's what I would eat if I was having dinner right now with anyone dead or alive.

[Fortune Feimster]

Listen, I love a scallop situation, too.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

Scallop or scallop?

[Mae Martin]

Well, no one. You. You can't go by what I say with things weird. I say scallop.

[Fortune Feimster]

Okay. No, I think that's right. Scallop. You say scallops, mom, you say scallop. I think I'm wrong. I think May's right.

[Mae Martin]

No, the way Ginger said it sounded right. Scallops.

[Fortune Feimster]

I say that because she's an elderly woman.

[Mae Martin]

I'm gonna agree with whatever Ginger says. Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

Well, what a treat.

[Mae Martin]

An absolute pledge, as always, huh?

[Fortune Feimster]

Well, if anyone wants to ask us any questions or ask for advice, you can go to speakpipe.com handsomepod and send us a little. A little something. A little voice, something.

[Mae Martin]

Yes, please do. And. Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

What?

[Mae Martin]

This is April 3rd. What's going on?

[Fortune Feimster]

I'm just back on the road, I think. As of this airing, I'm in Fayetteville, in Little Rock, Arkansas.

[Mae Martin]

Oh, nice. I will have just done the Junos and in Canada, and then I'm in. I'm in Toronto and, yeah, then the tour continues all through April. I'm in, like, Ottawa and. And all across the state, so check out maymartin.net.

[Fortune Feimster]

oh, and I am doing a European run. So for all our European listeners, I'm hitting up Stockholm, Oslo, Berlin, Dublin, and London.

[Mae Martin]

That's a really good selection in Copenhagen. Wow.

[Fortune Feimster]

I'm excited.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah. Wow. Yeah, that's gonna be really fun. I've always wanted to go to Oslo.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah. Never been.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

Well, amazing. Well, thank you guys for listening. We appreciate it.

[Mae Martin]

We don't take it for granted.

[Fortune Feimster]

That's right.

[Mae Martin]

I love you.

[Fortune Feimster]

And until next time, keep it pretty.

[Mae Martin]

Handsome Handsome is hosted by me, Mae Martin, Tig Notaro, and Fortune Feimster. The show is produced, recorded, and edited by Thomas Willett. Email [e-mail] and please follow us on social media. ANSOMEPOD.

[Fortune Feimster]

What a podcast.

[Mae Martin]

What a podcast. That was a headgum podcast.

[Fortune Feimster]

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[Mae Martin]

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