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- [00:02]
A
This is a Headgun podcast.
- [00:06]
B
Checking Allstate first could save you hundreds on car insurance. Not checking the weather forecast before I wear my shorts. Yikes. I wanted to show off my gams, but it's still a little chilly outside and now I'm regretting my wardrobe choices.
- [00:20]
A
Yeah, checking first is Handsome, so check all state first for an auto quote. It could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Potential savings vary, subject to terms, conditions and availability. Allstate North American Insurance Company and affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois.
- [00:36]
B
Handsome. Chat with friends on the Handsome Pot. Chatting with friends on the Handsome Pond. Pretty little episode.
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A
Hey, it's your friend Tig Notaro on the pretty little episode of Handsome. And I'm sitting here with Fortune Beamster. How are you, Fortune?
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B
I'm so good. I just got back from Costco.
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A
Why is that good? What happened there?
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B
I love a Costco trip.
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A
Okay, what'd you get?
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B
I went to get a television because I'm still figuring out my house, and I. I ended up moving one of the guest rooms in my office. I switched them, and now that I've switched them, I wasn't going to get a TV in that guest room, but now it's a bigger room, and I'm like, I think it needs a tv.
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A
Here's. This is going to surprise you.
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B
Yeah.
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A
I didn't know Costco sold TVs. I thought it was just like bulk food.
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B
They sell everything. And honestly, their TVs are a very good deal. Okay, I got this. I got this TV. 55 inch Sony, which is now TCL. I think 300 is now what was. Sony is now. Is now TCL. It's just the same.
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A
It's like, oh, it's a company.
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B
Yeah.
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A
Oh, okay.
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B
But 300 bucks. Great TV. That's come on now.
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A
That's come on now.
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B
And then while I was there, I picked up some smart water and water instead. I'm not good at flossing, so I got a water pick. You know what I'm talking about?
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A
Of course I do. And you're not good. Meaning when you floss, there's still chunks of beef in there. Or like, you're not good. To remember.
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B
To remember. So I'm hoping. I'm hoping to put this in my routine now. Brush my teeth. Water pick.
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A
Wait, not your standup routine?
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B
No.
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A
Okay.
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B
Okay. No, my. My teeth routine. Okay.
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A
Your dental routine.
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B
That's right. Did you. I also got. What's up?
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A
I was just going to ask, did you just recently visit the dentist and they were like, man, you got to get on this every time.
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B
No, I didn't recently go. But they have, every time I've gone, told me you have to floss. So I just saw it and remembered. And then I also got some sunscreen. I mean, it's really a one stop shop.
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A
Yeah. Okay. And the $300 TV, what would that be if you were not shopping at
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B
Costco, maybe somewhere else? Might be 500.
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A
Okay. So you almost could buy a whole other TV.
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B
Yeah, 450, something like that. It's, you know, it just depends on where you get it. And then they have wall mounts for the television for like 60 bucks. And then if you go to somewhere else, they don't have as many selections and theirs are like 120 and up. I mean, I'm not sponsored by Costco. I'm just telling you, I went there and then.
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A
How many TVs do you have in your house?
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B
This makes three.
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A
Okay. All right. Do you have one of those little tiny ones in the kitchen? Like how they used to have like in childhood, you know, Mom, I know.
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B
Those are so funny. I don't know because I don't. My den and kitchen are kind of all in one thing, so I don't have a extra little mini TV would be weird. I also don't cook enough for. To like be. I feel like those were for the moms that were like cooking for long periods of time that, you know, needed to. And dad. Sure.
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A
Yeah. Yeah.
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B
They had to watch their stories
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A
and then. Are you somebody that likes a TV in your bathtub?
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B
No, I don't have one in my bathroom. There's not anywhere to put it. My bathroom's very. When you come over, you'll see there's not. There's nowhere to hang anything.
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A
Okay. Well, I know sometimes people have them like in the wall, you know. Yeah.
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B
No, yeah.
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A
Okay.
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B
I like a tv, but I don't need it in all these random places because I was.
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A
I'm always am. Or fascinated. Not abused. Fascinated by people that have a TV or like when you're in a hotel room and they have a TV in the tub. Yeah. It's just interesting. Like, I was hoping to pick your brain about it.
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B
Like, it feels very old school, though. I don't think people are putting TVs and tubs in the bathrooms in modern times.
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A
I don't think modern meaning the past five to ten years.
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B
Like 15.
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A
15 to 20. Okay.
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B
Yeah. A lot of those TVs are old school, but I have to say, I like this configuration a lot better of your house.
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A
Like how you moved rooms?
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B
Yeah, because I. I had chosen the bigger. I have another guest room on the other side, and this was a guest room, and I. I was like, well, I'm always in my office. I'm gonna use the bigger room for my office. And the small room can be the second guest room because I never have anyone over. But then they were like, the guys that were helping me with decor were like, you should switch these. And now that I'm in here, this way makes way more sense. Even my video game looks way better in here because it's more of a square than a rectangle.
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A
Okay.
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B
And the sound is better. Before on the pod, it was a little echoey, and I can tell the. The smaller rooms, better for pot.
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A
Potting. Okay. And then you said you had guys helping you with decor. Does that mean you hired designers, or were there guys that were like, we got to help this lesbian with decor?
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B
They are gay guys. I figured I just picked them up on the street. Said, you guys probably have taste. Right?
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A
Somebody help.
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B
Somebody help. They're. They're designers. Yeah, I'm. I'm getting my house looking nice.
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A
Oh, good. That's fun. Well, congrats to you. Thank you. And thank you, Costco. Even though this is not a commercial,
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B
it's not here for the. What? Snacks.
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A
Okay. Why are you showing me that?
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B
Because you can get snacks at Costco. Full circle, baby. Should we get to our questions? What's that say?
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A
Sub Pop Records.
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B
There you go.
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A
I'm performing in Washington state, and Sub Pop is from Seattle, so I'm gonna. You know, I'm in Bellingham, Washington, so I'm gonna walk out and be like, yo, what's up, Sub Pop?
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B
Yeah.
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A
Any hoodles? I was here last night, but last night's audience doesn't get the Sub Pop T shirt.
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B
They do not.
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A
You know what they did get the Nashville Comedy Festival T shirt that I love. I love that long sleeve T shirt. Okay. Yeah. Let's get to our question.
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B
Okay.
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C
Hi, Fortune, May and Tig. This is Taryn calling from Amsterdam. Do you have a Pavlovian reaction? If yes, what are the two things that got linked in your brain and what happens when one of them shows up?
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A
That's so interesting.
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B
So basically, like, is there something in our life that when it happens, it creates a certain reaction?
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A
Yeah.
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B
Interesting.
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A
Yeah, it's really interesting.
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B
I've never even thought about this.
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A
That's why it's interesting.
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B
That's true.
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A
God.
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B
Yeah. Let me think.
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A
I Mean, may. It's not just like a memory, right?
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B
I don't think so. I think it's like an action.
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D
I. I can give an example. Like, whenever I hear the hbo, like, static sound of like.
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A
Yeah.
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D
I hear the curb your enthusiasm. No matter what show I'm watching, I always hear the curb your enthusiasm like,
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A
bum, bum, bum, bum.
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D
Because I watch so much curb your enthusiasm. So they're like, linked.
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B
Well, anytime I. Someone mentions crab Rangoons, I get hungry. I mean, does that count?
- [09:28]
A
Checking allstate first could save you hundreds on car insurance. Not checking that. I brought my credit card before walking over to the coffee shop. My mistake. I wanted to get a decaf latte, but now I've got no way to pay. Maybe they'll let me start a tab.
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B
Yeah, checking first is handsome. So check Allstate first for an auto quote. It could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Potential savings vary subject to terms, conditions and availability. Allstate North American Insurance company and affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois. There's never a time that I don't want a crab Rangoon, so if someone brings it up, then my brain wants it.
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A
Mm.
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B
Oh, my. I. I don't know if this counts, but my mom's always trying to get me to sing more on stage, and anytime she does, I. It like, gives me anxiety and I try to change the conversation.
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A
Is that linked to something long ago or. It's just that I just don't wanna. So is that Pavlovian?
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B
I don't know. Gives me anxiety. I mean, I guess it would be more like if my palms would were to get sweaty or something, like, physical happened. That's the best I can do. I don't know what to tell you.
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A
I mean, look, I. Is that Pavlovian? Thomas, what Fortune's saying.
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D
You're saying you kind of get anxious every time?
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B
Yeah.
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D
Like, I. Yeah, I think that could kind of work. It'd be more like if, like, every time you saw your mom, you got anxious because you knew she was gonna,
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A
like, nag you about something. Yeah, I think. I mean, I cannot pretend like my mother did not party.
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B
Okay.
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A
I cannot.
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B
Don't pretend.
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A
I'm not going to.
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B
Okay.
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A
Whether it was like, people that live near us or people in town visiting, it was just like all nighter kind of situation. And sometimes when I hear, like, whether it's silverware really late at night or like a beer opening or wine opening, I'm like, oh, gosh, is this going to be an all night situation? And it could just be somebody grabbing a spoon for some soup and opening a Waterloo. You know what I mean?
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B
Yeah.
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A
Is that Pavlovian?
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D
Yeah, I think so.
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A
Yeah. I just. I think kitchen noises late at night or even TV late or music late, but I don't really hear that too much. But we've had people that have stayed with us and like, we're totally. Once Max and Finn go to bed, we go to bed and sometimes people will stay with us and they'll be up later and I hear the TV and. Or I hear music or clanking around in the kitchen. I'm like, oh, boy, it's gonna be a night. You know? And then it's not.
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B
Yeah.
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A
The end.
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B
The.
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A
The end. The end.
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B
Do they have an answer?
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Taryn in Amsterdam. Taryn doesn't sound like she's from Amsterdam.
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B
Mm.
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C
I accidentally Pavlovbed myself by spending weeks pulling weeds, always while listening to the Handsome pod. So now whenever I walk into my garden, I hear it say, hello. Oh, my brain is like, hey, Ghost. I love you guys so much. Consciously and evidently subconsciously as well. What a podcast.
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A
Thank you, Taryn. What a question.
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B
That's right.
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A
What else we got?
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E
Hey, handsome, My name's Dot. I'm talking to you from Tacoma, Washington, and thought of a question while out to a drink with a friend today, which was, what were your guys first cars? And is there any, like, nostalgic story behind it? How you lost it, how you got it, what you loved about it? Etc.
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A
My first car was my mother's car. Well, first of all, Dot, that's my niece's name, little baby Dottie. But my first car was my mother's car. And I believe for a while my brother and I shared it with my mother. And then maybe she got a new car. I think that's what happened. And then she gave the car to me and my brother to share, which was tough, you know, to share.
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B
Yeah, we.
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A
Yeah. But in the olden days of the 80s, when a metal key would go into a car to start it.
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B
Yeah.
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A
The car that was my mother, it was a Chevy Malibu. Chevrolet Malibu. And. Yeah. And when she would put the metal key in and turn the key, start the ignition, her favorite little prank to do was for some reason, the key got run down or something where you could pull the key out of the ignition while you were driving. And she would. So she'd be in the car with me and my friends, we'd be driving, she'd pull the key out and then she'd hand it Back to my friends in the backseat, and they'd be like, terrifying. But it obviously didn't stop the car from going. But that was so not anything I'd ever seen another car do. But the Chevy Malibu key that we had got, I think it just was worn down or I don't know what happened.
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B
I would think that the car wouldn't be able to work with that.
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A
Well, it could because it was already turned. It was turned into place.
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B
Yeah.
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A
And then you could slide it out. I've never. That was.
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B
Never seen that either.
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A
That wasn't anything that the car came with. It just was a weird glitch that happened over time. And she loved to do that to rattle her. Her guests in the car.
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B
That would rattle me if. If someone pulled a key out, I would not think that that would be okay.
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A
Yeah, well, that was. That was my first car. It was a Chevy Malibu. And the key came out, and then you just pass it around the car.
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B
I love it. My first car was this really janky BMW. Fancy. It sounds fancy, but it was not fancy. It was from a neighbor. My brother bought it for, like 1800 bucks. It did not work very well. And in fact, at the time, it was ready for me to drive. I don't know why he didn't end up driving. I think because it broke down a lot. It just sat in our driveway. And I turned 16, and we couldn't afford to get me a car. And so I was just like. The only car was option was this BMW. It was like in from the 80s, early 80s, and this was like 96. And a friend of my mom's tried to, like, stitch it together, but it took a month. So about maybe eight months into turning 16, it finally started working. But it was a stick shift, and I didn't know how to drive a stick shift, But I was so antsy to drive that I just, like, started driving it and was like completely stalling everywhere and just had no clue what I was doing. But this car was such a hunk of junk. It, like, when it rained, the water came through the sunroof and just dirty rainwater poured all over me and sat in the floorboard. It like, the. The. It would stall constantly in the middle of intersections. I had to, like, pull the emergency brake up to come to a stop without changing gears so that it wouldn't shut off. I mean, this car was so wildly dangerous. I can't believe. But.
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A
But. But it was a BMW.
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B
That's all that matters. It was such a piece of. But it lasted me Senior year of college, and then just dead. Dead as the door. Now there was no bringing it down. I don't know. Rest in peace. And then I remember when my grandmother died, the. The whole board. Electric board died. And so I couldn't roll down the windows, and I couldn't play the. The music, and I couldn't run the air conditioning, and I was so miserable, I had to drive three hours to go home for her funeral and just was in agony. But. But it was a BMW.
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A
It was a BMW. And that's all the outside world saw, so.
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B
That's right.
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A
Yeah. Yeah. Does Dot have anything to say about her car?
- [18:52]
E
My answer is. I had a Honda CRV that I got from my mom, and his name was Newbie, and he was beautiful, and he got totaled by some construction next to my house in college, which was very sad. But now I have a little Honda Fit, and I love her so much. All right, can't wait to hear. Thanks. Bye.
- [19:12]
A
Thanks, Dot. Yeah. That was delightful.
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B
That was delightful.
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A
It's like every now and then I'll have this wave of like, we're going to run out of questions. People are going to run out of questions to ask, and then, sure enough,
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B
they come up with new stuff, even to the point where we're like, is this a Pavlovian response?
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A
I have to say, a lot of times it's our listeners that have the best questions.
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B
They do have some interesting questions.
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A
Yeah.
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B
I find that when I ask people for questions for the pod, they're always like, I don't know what to ask. And I'm like, you can literally ask anything you want.
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A
Yeah. Yeah. All right, then. Submit your questions and advice requests to speakpipe.com handsomepod if you'd like to come see me on tour, please do. I'm hitting minor markets right now, but I will be adding major markets and more Cities.
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B
Go to tignotaro.com yeah, I am currently on my European tour, so if any of you folks in Europe want to come check out a show. Let's see, where would I be?
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D
Currently?
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B
I would be Stockholm, Sweden, tonight, Oslo, Norway, Sunday, Copenhagen, London on June 3, and then ending in Dublin. So, yeah, come on out for one of those shows, my European friends.
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A
Until next time,
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B
Pretty Handsome.
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A
Handsome is hosted by me, Tig Notaro May Martin and Fortune theme ster. The show is produced, recorded and edited by Thomas Willette. Email us@handsome podgmail.com Follow us on social media at Handsome Pod.
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B
What a podcast.
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E
Podcast. What a podcast.
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B
That was a hitgam podcast. Checking allstate first could save you hundreds on car insurance. Not checking that I correctly displayed my new abstract painting when I hung it on the wall. Oh, dear. My friend who majored in art history just pointed out that it's upside down, and now I'm a little embarrassed.
- [21:29]
A
Yeah, checking first is handsome, so check Allstate first for an auto quote. It could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Potential savings vary, subject to terms, conditions and availability. Allstate North American Insurance Company and affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois.