Rachel Scanlon asks about vacation horror stories

Summary

Handsome Podcast – Episode Summary

Episode Title: Rachel Scanlon Asks About Vacation Horror Stories
Release Date: May 5, 2026
Hosts: Tig Notaro, Fortune Feimster, Mae Martin
Special Guest: Rachel Scanlon (Question Asker)

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Episode Overview

In this laughter-filled episode of the “Handsome” podcast, comedians Tig Notaro, Fortune Feimster, and Mae Martin gather to field a question from their friend and fellow comedian, Rachel Scanlon: “What is your worst ever vacation story?” The three hosts hilariously share their most disastrous (and often bathroom-related) vacation moments, peppered with personal updates, banter, and memorable tangents. Rachel joins with her own unforgettable camping misadventure. The episode is an entertaining rollercoaster of confessions, bonding over shared awkwardness, and finding comedy in calamity.

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Key Discussion Points & Segment Timestamps

1. Personal Updates & Recent Experiences

• Fortune’s update on her mom’s health (03:16–08:48)

  • Fortune shares an emotional update about her mom’s cancer diagnosis and the hopeful news from a recent scan.
  • Plans to bring her mom to Europe, cherishing every extra day together.
  • “Now is the time to be doing everything you want to do... No stone left unturned.” – Fortune (05:27)

• Tig’s ‘Disgusting Bunny’ Story (12:15–16:51)

  • Tig tells about inventing the “Disgusting Bunny” for her nephew—a character so compelling it sparks a new hygiene routine.
  • Her nephew writes notes instructing the bunny to bathe and brush its teeth.
  • “He wrote a letter to the Disgusting Bunny saying, enough.” – Tig (13:21)

• Mae’s Touring Antics & Bus Toilet Catastrophe (25:22–38:48)

  • Mae discusses her never-ending tour, talks about an upcoming tattoo, and reveals her embarrassing bus toilet disaster story—including breaking the toilet by accident and having to face (or rather, avoid) the bus driver.
  • “I flushed a tampon down and I thought it was a composting toilet... He had to unscrew the toilet and take the whole toilet off the bus and rewire the button.” – Mae (30:26)
  • “Oh, I'm never pooing again. And or getting my period. I'm gonna be squeeze tight.” – Mae (38:48)

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2. The Vacation Horror Stories (Main Theme)

[39:00–61:29]

Introduction of the Question (39:00–40:47)

• Rachel Scanlon’s question arrives, delivered with trademark enthusiasm.
• “You three are like the founding fathers for me... I would take that Sphinx head, knock it off, and put your three heads on top of that cat's body.” – Rachel (39:45)
• Rachel asks: “What is your worst ever vacation story? Really dive in. Don’t be ashamed.”

Mae’s Horrific Trip to Wales (41:40–48:01)

• Mae recounts inviting her idol-turned-friend Carolyn to Wales. Everything goes wrong: missed trains, smelly B&B full of spiders, no dinner to be found, and a disastrous “bean casserole” incident leading to a frantic toilet search.
• “I hope you never find a bathroom. Which was a really dark moment of my personality.” – Mae (46:11)
• Culminates with Carolyn finally using a toilet behind a thin partition in a tiny café, to the horror of patrons and herself.

Tig’s Off-Season Bahamas Misadventure (48:14–51:39)

• Tig uses a friend’s ‘romantic getaway’ intended for a now-defunct relationship. She and her friend wind up in the Bahamas during off-season: everything is closed, they’re sunburned and sweating, and have to sleep in a heart-shaped bed with a toilet window viewing the bed.
• “Why would you be on the toilet... and open the little blinds and you’re like, ‘Hi.’” – Tig (50:13)
• They take timeshare tours for free meals and make the best of the weirdness by documenting their disastrous trip with photos.

Fortune’s Double Disaster—Edinburgh Hostel & Sad Valentine’s (51:53–58:07)

• Scotland Hostel Fiasco: Fortune narrates a cheap, overnight bus trip to Edinburgh, where her friend literally falls down Arthur’s Seat. Later, they return to their hostel to find strangers asleep in their beds. They’re relocated to the workers’ freezing quarters with 30+ unknowns.

  • “We have to sleep in the workers’ quarters... it is a dungeon and it is like freezing cold.” – Fortune (54:52)

• Saddest Valentine’s Day: After a breakup, Fortune and her friend try to have a fun Valentine’s in San Diego, but Fortune ends up telling everyone she just got dumped. They buy bubble bath and take a bath together in swimsuits, laughing at the absurdity.

  • “I just got dumped. I’m really sad.” – Fortune (57:21)

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3. Rachel Scanlon’s “I Don’t Give a Sheep” Camping Catastrophe (59:00–61:00)

• Rachel tells of a Rocky Mountain camping trip gone awry: they pitch a tent at night, only to be soaked by sprinklers twice, thanks to a non-waterproof tent.
• Forced to leave, her wife is so upset that when they finally see a bighorn sheep (the whole point of the trip), she can only say, “I don’t give a sheep.”
  • “Anytime anyone is upset in our marriage, we go, ‘I don’t give a sheep.’” – Rachel (60:30)

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4. Reflections & Running Jokes

• The hosts bond over how misadventures become lasting memories and running jokes (“Delighting in the misfortune” – Tig, 51:21).
• The “Disgusting Bunny” becomes a potential children’s book concept.
• They agree that modern travel would have been easier with access to online reviews and advice (“These days you would just check Reddit...” – Mae, 56:04).

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Notable Quotes & Moments

• “We don't know how long you have. You're keeping it at bay. Longevity is the goal here... But also, let's live your life.” – Fortune (07:06)
• “He wanted to take a bath before bed. And then he got up in the morning, and then he wanted to take a bath in the morning. And then he wrote a letter to the Disgusting Bunny saying, enough.” – Tig (13:16)
• “I flushed a tampon down and I thought it was a composting toilet... He had to unscrew the toilet and take the whole toilet off the bus and rewire the button. I'm humiliated.” – Mae (30:26)
• “But at least Mae’s pretty healthy, I’ll tell you that much.” – Jeff the bus driver (31:50, relayed by Mae)
• “Any day extra you have is a blessing... extra blessings, extra time.” – Fortune (07:50)
• “If you can switch your mind to delighting in the misfortune and stuff, then it’s really joyful.” – Tig (51:21)
• “My worst vacation story... the tent is great. The only thing is that it’s not waterproof, so don’t get it wet.” – Rachel Scanlon (59:25)
• “I don’t give a sheep.” – Rachel Scanlon’s wife (60:37)

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Additional Memorable Segments

• Behind-the-scenes anecdotes of touring, meet-and-greets, and tattoos.
• The gang fantasizing about combining a spa/wellness retreat with hide-and-seek and escape rooms (“I want to hide and seek!” – Mae, 23:54).
• Mae’s running challenge with bus toilets morphing into a metaphorical “Disgusting Bunny” moment.
• Accidentally inspiring children’s hygiene habits through weird imaginary creatures.

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Episode Tone

Consistently raucous, warm, self-deprecating, and inclusive—with hilarious oversharing and an undercurrent of emotional sincerity, especially in Fortune’s family update and the friends’ support for each other.

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Summary

This episode of Handsome is a delightful journey through comically miserable vacations, illustrating that disasters—when shared—make for the best stories and lasting friendships. The hosts’ confessions, zany tangents, and Rachel Scanlon’s question keep the laughs and warmth flowing from start to finish.

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For Fans/New Listeners:
You'll appreciate the contagious camaraderie, the vivid storytelling, and the take-home lesson: a ruined holiday is just the beginning of a very handsome story.

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[Key Timestamps]

• 03:16–08:48 — Fortune’s family/health update & Europe plans
• 12:15–16:51 — Tig’s “Disgusting Bunny” origin story
• 25:22–38:48 — Mae’s tour toilet misadventures
• 39:00 — Rachel Scanlon’s question (main vacation horror theme begins)
• 41:40–48:01 — Mae’s cursed Wales trip
• 48:14–51:39 — Tig’s Bahamas disaster
• 51:53–58:07 — Fortune’s Edinburgh hostel mess & Sad Valentine’s
• 59:00–61:00 — Rachel’s sprinkler-drenched tent story

---

Transcript

[A]

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[B]

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[C]

So check.

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[A]

Friends on the handsome part. Chatting with friends on the handsome pod.

[C]

Cheers. Welcome to the handsome pod. I'm Fortune Feemster.

[D]

I'm Technotaro.

[A]

I'm May Martin. You guys.

[C]

Yeah, yeah. My day start. My day started today with someone at a coffee shop going, are you feeling handsome today? And I said, I sure am. And then they go. And then we were like sitting there. And then they go, I'm gay. And I went, me too. And I go, I love this for both of us. And then she said, have a handsome day. I said, you do. How old was this person?

[D]

Were they like 12?

[C]

No, maybe like late 20s or something. Early 30s? They were just like. She was just like, I'm gay. And I went, I love that for both of us.

[D]

I feel like I think I'm going to start announcing myself as gay. I kind of do. Everywhere I go.

[A]

I feel like when someone even, like, says hi to me in public, I'm like, oh, you're gay. Like, I. Oh, that's a nice way to start the morning.

[C]

Keep your hands.

[D]

And were you feeling handsome?

[B]

I actually was, yeah.

[D]

Yeah. You're looking very handsome.

[B]

Thank you.

[D]

Very handsome.

[C]

I got a new L.L. bean shirt. That's not a joke. That's.

[D]

Yeah. No, no.

[C]

Is it an advertisement? I'm just telling you, I was. I've been with my mom all week doing a bunch of doctor's appointments, and I went to the store in downtown Belmont and went to the sales rack and got me four LL Bean shirts for like 30 bucks each. What a steal.

[D]

My goodness.

[C]

So, yes, I'm feeling handsome. Yeah.

[D]

I did notice you're back in the ginger chair.

[C]

That's right. Yeah.

[D]

And I saw your post online that she has a big. Or had a big appointment. Was that today?

[C]

She had a big appointment the other day after her. Mr. She had a. Her MRIs were taken of her liver and then of her brain, which I don't know the results on the brain yet. The liver was. They had put the radiation balls in her liver to try to shrink the big, big tumors. Yeah. And so we were waiting for those results and it's so, so far they have contained the cancer to her liver. It's been a year now. Almost Exactly.

[D]

Unbelievable.

[C]

And so it's still contained. And. Yeah. You know, he showed us the, the, the scans and it is pretty jarring to see all the cancer in her liver. I'm like, that kind of took me back a bit.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

But he did show that the big ones, he goes, you see that they're dark. That means the radiation did kill those. Whoa. Which is good. But, you know, every doctor reminds her, this is not going away. This is not a cure. You got cancer. You will never be ringing that bell.

[A]

Right.

[C]

So that's also a wake up call where you go, okay, all right.

[D]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, I mean, it's. I mean, it's still good news.

[C]

It is. Listen, it's the best news. It is her. It is her best case scenario.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

That's amazing.

[C]

So we will take it. I told. You know, we had very candid conversations this week where I just said, listen, now is the time to be doing everything you want to do. Now is the time to be saying all the things you want to say. No stone left unturned. You know, what's ahead. We don't know the time frame, but yeah, you have a, a map here of, you know, getting things off any bucket list or. Wow.

[D]

You know, and how's her headspace right now?

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

You know, just appreciating life. You know, she hugged me before I left and she's like, I wanna stay in this, this place of like warm bodies. My blood's flowing.

[D]

I bet.

[C]

I'm like, I, I understand. So I, you know, I think she's just appreciating being here because I didn't realize this when she was diagnosed a year ago. He, the doctor had told her maybe 13 months. No one told me that because my mom forgot it, but my sister in law reminded her and she goes, oh, I forgot that he said that for sure. So 13 months is a month from now.

[A]

Wow.

[C]

But I don't believe that is her case. Based on the, the scans I saw, I think she has.

[D]

Sounds like she's holding.

[C]

Holding steady.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

So, yeah, we're just, you know that being in those appointments for me was good because it made me sort of face everything too. Not that I've been in denial, but I just got more like brass tacks with it. Like, okay, this, you know, we don't know how long you have. You're keeping it at bay. Longevity is the goal here.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

But also like, let's live your life.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

Yeah. Getting very present with reality.

[C]

Exactly.

[A]

Does she still have treatment to go? Is she still doing the radiation balls and stuff?

[C]

She will do the radiation again. He, he believes in three months she'll do another. She, she, he said, you will be doing MRIs every three months for the rest of your life.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

Because the cancer is that aggressive. And he believes she'll be doing radiation beads again in three months. And for now she's just doing immunotherapy once every 28 days.

[A]

You hear these stories though, of like, you know, keeping it contained for three, four years, five years. That would be amazing.

[C]

Yeah. We'll take whatever I told her. I said, listen, it said from here on out, any day extra you have is a blessing.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

So you've already, you know, you. In a month you'll have come to what they said. I believe you're going to be going well beyond that and that will all be extra, extra blessings, extra time. So she actually seems really good right now. I may and I talked about it in a mini episode, but I, I'm going to move forward with taking my mom to Europe. Yes.

[A]

Okay. I was Wondering and I'm really glad you are? Yeah, yeah.

[C]

She's walking well. Her dizziness has gone away and I believe she's in the best health that she's been in in a while and I think she can do it.

[D]

That's awesome.

[C]

So the good folks in Copenhagen, London and Dublin will be seeing my mom.

[A]

She's gonna meet the fans.

[C]

She wanted to go to all the cities. She wanted to go to O and Stockholm and Berlin, but I was like, let's just half. I think half is the sweet spot here.

[D]

Huh?

[A]

But she'll feel that love, I mean.

[C]

Oh yeah, that is really nice.

[D]

It's gonna be off the charts.

[A]

Yeah. People are gonna go nuts for her.

[C]

So yeah, at the end of May then she'll be. Or no, the beginning of June, she'll be coming out to Europe. So I just don't want to, I don't want to keep her from like, you know, with not knowing what her timeline is. If she's like, I've never been to these places. I'm like, let's, let's do it. Let's go.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

That's going to be fun.

[A]

You guys are all, yeah. Being very clear headed about it and it's nice that you have each other and you're there and your brother and stuff and. Yeah.

[D]

So will it just be the two of you in Europe?

[C]

Yeah, I'm gonna go to the first half by myself and then she'll join me halfway.

[D]

Okay. And then she'll be there for. How long is that stretch of shows?

[C]

She'll get there Monday morning and we'll leave Saturday. Fun.

[A]

That's.

[C]

Yeah. So I think that's a decent amount of time.

[D]

Yeah, that's, that's a nice chunk.

[C]

She'll fly out by herself, but I'll meet her in the Copenhagen airport and then I'll fly home with her.

[D]

Okay. Now I just must know, will you be sharing a room like with your mom in one bed and you in another bed? She gonna have another.

[C]

She wants me to save money. So she's like, we can share a room. And I go, mom, I have to sleep. I love you, but I am going to pay the extra money to get us both our own rooms. So.

[D]

Okay.

[A]

Is she a chatter? Would she be it. Would it be like silent for 20 minutes and then you hear.

[C]

Fortunately it'd be snoring.

[A]

Oh, snoring. Okay. Yeah, yeah.

[C]

But she's lost 100 pounds, so.

[A]

Wait, a hundred.

[C]

She has lost 100 pounds. So she does. She's like, maybe I don't snore like I used to. I'll go. Maybe I didn't. I actually didn't think to listen while I was there this week, but I still think we should have our own rooms.

[D]

Okay. But it just is fun to think of you both in your nightgown.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[D]

Like, if you got scared in the night and you got.

[C]

She would love it.

[D]

Oh, my God. I know. I think about if I was in Europe with my kids when I'm. When. When I was going to say when I'm an adult, but that too, but when they're adults, like, I would be so overjoyed to be with them. And then to. If they were like, I want to share a room with you, I would be so thankful and happy.

[C]

I should have listened. If she snores, I just need to be able to sleep because I'm working, you know?

[A]

Yeah, you get some of those noise canceling headphones or something.

[C]

Maybe I'm the snorer now. Maybe the tables have turned. So.

[D]

Or you could put like a nose. A clothes pin on her nose.

[C]

True, true. Do those things work when the things people. You put on your nose.

[D]

Didn't we have a joke about, familiar

[A]

about in the olden times? People walking around.

[D]

Oh, when somebody smells or something.

[A]

And having a close pin on your nose. It's a really funny image.

[D]

Speaking of smelly things. Yeah, tell us. Yeah, I can't wait to tell you girls.

[C]

Go on, girl.

[D]

But I was visiting my brother and his family, and he has a son that is at the tail end of three years old. And something came up about bunnies. And in our family, I used to tell Max and Finn that not only was there an Easter Bunny, but there's also Disgusting Bunny. And I'm like, and Disgusting Bunny looks like this and he smells bad and he has rotten teeth. And since I told my nephew about Disgusting Bunny.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

I have never seen a child so focused in on information. Oh, my God. I was sitting in a chair and he came up and he was like, how did Disgusting Bunny get to your house? And. And does he ever take a bath? And I was like. And I was like, no, that's why he's so disgusting. And so the night that I. The day. The night of the day I told him about Disgusting Bunny. He wanted to take a bath before bed. And then he got up in the morning, and then he wanted to take a bath in the morning. And then he wrote a letter to the Disgusting Bunny saying, enough. And he wrote that he has to take a Bath. And he has to brush his teeth.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Oh my God, this is heaven to me.

[C]

The bunny needs to hear that, though.

[D]

Oh, for sure. And I was there with my opener. The artist, Amy Berkman.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

And. And my nephew is really focused on, like, wanting her to do things with him. And I didn't know how to like, try and, you know, give her a beat.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

So I just told him. I said, I was like, listen, Amy, here's something you need to know about Amy. She's very, very fragile and she's the oldest person I've ever met in my life.

[A]

Oh, my God.

[D]

And so, but I mean, she was awesome with him and she actually, she's an artist and she drew disgusting bunny. Oh my God, this is heaven.

[C]

I know what disgusting bunny looks like.

[D]

Well, I'll send you or we can post it, but I sent a picture of Amy's drawing to Stephanie to show Max and Finn. And I said, ask them what this is. And she said, Max said, it's disgusting bunny. And Finn said, he has no idea what he's looking at.

[C]

Oh, my God.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Anyway, this character is such a good creation, but does he live where the Easter bunny lives? Like, same crew.

[D]

I haven't thought anything through until my nephew was asking a million, like, I. Oh. And then the next day, they live in an old farmhouse and like the wood was. And it made some creaks, some creaky noises. And he turned to me and he goes, is that disgusting bunny?

[C]

Oh my God, I love this. He still thinks the bunny's magical even though he's disgusting it. Yeah.

[D]

And I was like, I don't know if that's disgusting bunny. And he said, will you go look? And I said, scared of disgusting bunny? I was like, I don't, I don't want to look. Oh my God. I truly can't believe. I'm sure he's still talking about it since I left. I did not expect this response.

[C]

You need to more information about this bunny, why it comes and what you get out of it. If there's a lesson in there. You could write a children's book.

[D]

What'd you say?

[A]

You could write a children's book for sure. About disgusting. About trying to get kids to have baths for hygiene. Yeah.

[D]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, we were saying we did happen to my sister in law cooked us carrots and onions and all sorts of delicious things. And we were saying that we were going to throw all of the scraps of the, the carrots from the cooking for the prep out the door. And let it just rot for disgusting bunny to come by and eat.

[C]

Oh.

[A]

Anyway, okay, but what if you. One night, like, you know, the way people do with like, Elf on a Shelf or like, the Leprechauns, one night when, when he's asleep, you make like a trail of like, I don't know, peanut butter or something, or like, just a mess in the house. And then you're like, oh my God, he was here. This is great.

[D]

He was clearly here. Well, and when I went up to read him a bedtime story, y and he brought his little kitten, Stuffy, the little stuffed animal over to me and he put it up to me and he goes, this is my kitty, Stuffy, and she is so fragile, and she is the oldest kitty I've ever met in my life.

[A]

They're like sponges.

[D]

Oh my. It is unbelievable.

[B]

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[A]

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[B]

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[D]

I truly just thought those would be like fleeting little things that I said to like, move his, his, his focus somewhere else, like from Amy or like, just make him laugh for a second about Disgusting Bunny. Oh, my.

[C]

It's.

[D]

I'm certain it's still going on.

[C]

I do think you should turn into a hygiene book.

[A]

Okay.

[D]

All right.

[C]

I actually. Because he's. Now he's. Because you said he's showering and brushing his teeth.

[D]

Oh, my God. Yeah. He wants nothing to do with it. He thinks, well, maybe like disgusting dirtier out of the.

[A]

What if the dirtier you are, the more that attracts Disgusting Bunny. So you gotta stay clean or else Disgusting Bunny's gonna come.

[D]

Right. Well, you know, it's funny because, you know, there's a, a potential children's book that, that I, that Stephanie and I were thinking about. But I'm very curious now if an agent would see more potential in Disgusting Bunny.

[C]

For real, though. I love it.

[D]

I did not think it's so cute. Yeah, well, I'll send you the picture.

[A]

I just. I want to raise kids with you. This is making me so broody. I'm like, this to me, I could do this 24 hours a day. Like. And you're, you're right. When they lock in on something like,

[D]

oh, may, you have to meet my nephew. It's. It's.

[C]

It.

[D]

This kid has never seen a screen in his life.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

And he's just like jumping out of trees and just like, imagination alive.

[A]

Well, I remember my mom telling me that there was. Well, when we were kids, we had a book on tape of like Beatrix Potter or. Yeah. Rupert the Bear. And there was a character in it and it said that he gave a fake smile and it was. He was like a bad guy and he gives a fake smile. And my brother, just like the concept of a fake smile he latched onto and he was so deeply terrified of it. And he'd be like, like, With a fake smile. And then he'd. He was like, mom, what does that look like? And then she would show him, like. Like that kind of thing. And he was. He hated it, but he would practice it, and he was like. And then he'd go, mom, is that a fake smile or a real smile? Like, with people. Yeah, the things. They latch onto us.

[D]

I know. I mean, Max and Finn loved discussing money, but they didn't have days of questions, his backstory, or anything like that. Does anyone want to know what this is?

[A]

Yes. I was just going to ask. Where are you? What's this beautiful silk glamour curtain?

[D]

Instead of YouTube.

[A]

Go to Hulu.

[C]

Go to Hulu.

[D]

I mean, nobody has any questions.

[A]

I have many questions.

[C]

Just tell us. Or do we need. Is this, like, disgusting money? We need to get to the bottom of it.

[D]

I'm just in a hotel room, and this is the. I'm. I have my computer plugged in. I have light on me. And then this is. Is just the.

[C]

The back of the.

[A]

I was expecting more from that, but it's beautiful.

[C]

It's just a curtain. That's it.

[A]

It's just.

[D]

Disgusting curtain.

[A]

Where are you? What city are you in?

[D]

I am. I'm where I am. Where. Where I am.

[A]

I just did the same thing where I am. I just got in the elevator, and this guy was like, hey, where are you coming from? And I said, I don't know. I. I could. I was in. I was in Seattle yesterday, but it took me. I couldn't come up with it. By the time he had to get off the elev. I don't know.

[C]

I don't know.

[D]

I don't know. I. I can't begin to tell. I know I'm in Connecticut.

[C]

Are y. Y' all are both doing standup right now?

[D]

New town. I'm in Newtown, Connecticut.

[A]

Nice. I'm in Portland. Yeah. Still on tour.

[D]

Portland where? Portland, Oregon.

[A]

Portland, Oregon.

[D]

Say I'll be in Portland, Maine tomorrow.

[C]

I would have Portland, Maine, in June.

[D]

Okay, girl.

[A]

Portland, Oregon. And everyone at the meet and greets recently is asking about our wellness weekend. Everyone is like. But they're saying the. A woman last night said, listen. I said, I don't know. I think fortune's resistant, but I'm obviously wide open. I want to do it yesterday. And then they said, well, you gotta also make sure on the weekend that Tig does things that you would. Fortune are into, like the depuffer.

[D]

That's right.

[C]

That's all they could come up with. It has to be stuff we all want to do.

[D]

Okay, girl, we can do depuffers made for wellness weekends, Right?

[A]

True.

[C]

Yes, you.

[D]

We can, we can combine that and we can play hide and seek or whatever you want to do, May.

[A]

That's so accurate. I want to hide and seek.

[C]

Do do an escape room at some point. I do have one of those red face masks too that look scary.

[A]

The LED vibrating.

[C]

We can bring those vibrates.

[A]

Mine vibrates.

[C]

I don't think mine does. Your sound like a part. Hey, wellness weekend's getting interesting.

[A]

We'll do like a spa element and then we do hide and seek for me or some kind of trickery. Well, I, when this comes out, my birthday will have been three days before and I, I, I booked laser tag, so. Yeah, that's in keeping with my personality. I booked private laser tag privately.

[D]

Like you're just alone.

[A]

That would be interesting.

[C]

Just for your group.

[A]

Yeah, just for like 10 of us, I think.

[D]

Oh, don't correct me.

[C]

You thought it was going to be Mei just running around shooting at nothing.

[A]

I would love that.

[C]

I haven't done laser tag in forever.

[A]

It's a real adrenaline high. But I'm so tired. This is a. Can you believe I'm still on tour?

[C]

Yeah, but my tour is like two years long, so. Yes. Yeah, you're right.

[D]

Absolutely.

[C]

Yeah. Yeah. 100 cities and. 150.

[A]

Yeah, you're right. You're right.

[D]

Yeah. Are you. So you're in a hotel room right

[A]

now though, May, just to do the pod. Cuz the WI fi is so bad on the bus. So. Yeah, I got a day room and then I'm getting a tattoo today.

[D]

What?

[A]

Yeah, the tattoo artist is going to come to the venue and give me and my friend Matt friendship tattoos.

[C]

What is it going to be?

[A]

Of. Well, actually, I need your input. I haven't fully.

[C]

Oh, we don't know.

[A]

No, I was gonna.

[C]

I would need this figured out well in advance.

[A]

Yeah, I'm winging it. I think it's either gonna be a little bus, a little, A little drawing of a tour bus, or. Okay, this is so corny and like improv. But before we go out on stage, Matt always says, got your back to me. And so we're gonna get g y B maybe on my back, but I don't know. I'm not that, I'm not that fussed about.

[D]

What if you do a tour bus? Maybe you have half the tour bus, he has the other half.

[A]

Oh, that's good.

[D]

Or disgusting bunny is an option.

[C]

But we don't want to. But we don't want to put out the visualization.

[B]

Visualization of the bus in half.

[A]

Oh, you're right. You're right. It has to be a whole bunch. God, you're good.

[D]

Oh my God.

[A]

Do you guys know about. My God.

[D]

My God.

[A]

Do you know about the situation I've been in with the bus and the.

[C]

No.

[A]

Did I? The no.

[D]

You've been on tour forever.

[C]

Me? We don't know, May.

[D]

No, you have to tell us.

[B]

Give us the deed.

[A]

Stop me. Girls, if I've told you this before, please stop me and Thomas, because I. I can't remember if I have.

[D]

Thomas.

[C]

Girl.

[D]

Thomas, stay out of it.

[C]

Girl. Thomas.

[A]

So, you know, I. I asked Jeff, the bus driver, like, what's the gossip about people? You've driven before, right?

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Did I tell you this? And he told me this sounds familiar, but continue.

[D]

Everything sou sounds brand new to me.

[A]

Okay, great. So he told me that Bieber. Well, he told me some stuff about Bieber and then he told me some stuff about Ariana Grande. He was like. He goes, she's a little freak. I said, what? Tell me how? And then he couldn't give me a single reason why. So I was like, okay, anyway, so

[D]

we're just dropping half assed.

[C]

Yeah, just half ass.

[A]

Well, I say gossip. I suddenly was like, should I repeat this on the pod?

[D]

Yes, you should.

[C]

Well, spill the tea.

[A]

All he said was that Bieber would stop the bus to go pray in the middle of the highway, like on the divider. Maybe we should cut this out. I feel like it could be they TMZ could.

[D]

We're not cutting that out, Thomas. We need more of this.

[A]

Anyway.

[D]

Okay, so he's telling us he's not in control of edits. The Lord is.

[A]

So, I mean, it was like, bad

[C]

thing to stop for.

[A]

I was thinking, I wonder what his story would be about me if someone asked.

[C]

And then I realized you're up to freaky stuff too.

[A]

No, I just realized. So I've clogged the toilet twice. I've clogged the toilet two times and

[C]

you're not supposed to poop on the bus. Everyone knows this, dude.

[A]

No one.

[D]

What are you eating?

[A]

No, it's May.

[C]

It is a. It is a rule across every.

[A]

No, no, it's every.

[D]

I didn't even know you pooped me.

[A]

The poo's not the problem.

[C]

Everyone was.

[A]

It was. I flushed a tampon down and I thought it was a composting toilet. This is so embarrassing. But I'm telling it. I guess.

[D]

But you're trying to get ahead of the bus driver talking about your.

[A]

Yeah. And so what happened was.

[C]

I want to tell this before he does.

[A]

Okay. So I thought cuz it wouldn't flush. And I thought that it wouldn't flush cuz the bus had run out of water. So in my mind, I thought.

[D]

But just to clarify, your poop was never a problem?

[A]

Not that I know of.

[D]

Okay.

[C]

No, we're talking about cooter plugs here.

[D]

T. You flushed all 100 tampons down

[C]

the toilet that were in the. That were in the space that went up in space in her back now?

[D]

Yes.

[A]

All right. So I thought it's a problem that we've just run out of water. So I thought, I'll just. I won't flush the toilet. I'll just wait and flush it when we get more water.

[D]

Great plan.

[A]

Yeah. So in the meantime, I'm still peeing in that toilet anyway. This is a big problem. Then we. We realize it's. It's broken. I've broken the toilet. Then it's my days off. I said to my tour manager, Kenny, who's on the bus, I said, this is so embarrassing, but I can't speak to Jeff the driver. I can't have him. He can know that. I know, but I can't handle to

[C]

take the fall for it.

[A]

I know, I know.

[C]

This is why private toilet pay people to take the fall for your tampon.

[A]

No, I would never. I'm. I.

[C]

No, they. That's their job. You know, like he. Your friend Kevin has to go in there and be like, I did this.

[D]

Everyone's got a tampon fall guy.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

But everyone does me. Kevin's gonna take the fall to tampon.

[A]

I said, just tell Jeff that I'm ashamed and that I can't speak to him about this, but that I'm really sorry. So this. I know this conversation's happened. I can't make eye contact with Jeff. I leave for my two days off. I come back again. No. I'm like, hey, Jeff, how you doing? There are signs all over the bathroom that he's put up that are like, please do not flush it. Turns out I've also broken the button to flush the toilet because I was hit hitting it so hard.

[C]

Panicking.

[A]

He had to.

[D]

Was that poop related?

[A]

No, it was because I couldn't flush it. And it turns out that he had to unscrew the toilet and take the whole toilet off the bus and rewire the button. I'm humiliated. I'm so embarrassed. So I'm gonna have to write him a card acknowledging that I know what I did and that I'm so sorry.

[C]

And then asked to stop the bus and pray.

[A]

Pray for forgiveness.

[C]

Pray for forgiveness, man.

[A]

But I'm just like, I can't believe that's gonna be how he remembers me. So I need to do something.

[C]

Well, you need to get his home.

[D]

Home address to send him the card,

[C]

I think, to his home with that car.

[D]

Oh, are you. Were you just gonna leave it on the toilet seat?

[C]

Don't find this here at the end of the tour.

[A]

I was gonna.

[C]

And then it definitely will be your story, though. He's gonna be like, may Martin was on this bus. And I had to take out the entire toilet.

[A]

Oh, my God.

[D]

And then no information beyond that.

[A]

Apparently he's. He said to Kenny, he said, oh, Kenny.

[C]

I said, kevin.

[A]

You've been saying Kevin, but I like that. But apparently Jeff the driver said to Kenny, well, at least May's pretty healthy. I'll tell you that much.

[C]

Someone doesn't need a wellness weekend.

[A]

Oh, my God.

[D]

Anyways, someone just got uninvited to wellness weekend.

[A]

I will not CL toilet, guys. I swear to God. But then I felt so bad, I thought, let's do something fun with Jeff. Let's book an escape room in Vegas. And he said, I love escape rooms. And we booked an immersive IT themed Pennywise the Clown chases you through 30,000ft. So the night before, I thought, sounds

[C]

like you're just punishing Jeff again.

[A]

Exactly. So I thought, I'll just check with Jeff and make sure he's okay with clowns. So I said, jeff, how do you feel about clowns? He goes, was petrified. I punched one in the face once because it got too near to my daughter. He says, I have a traumatic experiences related to clowns. And so I said, we gotta cancel the escape room. Thank God. Imagine.

[C]

Imagine you did that to Jeff. And then he had to face one of his greatest fears. Oh, and at the end of that escape room, he has to undo a toilet and fix it until this poor man.

[A]

I'm gonna have to give him a big bonus and a card and.

[C]

Yeah, you will. How much longer are you on this bus?

[A]

Till May 12th.

[C]

Oh, you're in the home stretch.

[A]

I'm in the home stretch.

[C]

Would you say, yeah, you're almost done.

[D]

Still long.

[A]

It's still pretty long.

[C]

Are you ready? Are you ready to be off this bus?

[A]

I'm ready to be off the bus, yeah.

[D]

May was ready to be off this bus the second they stepped on the bus.

[B]

Here's my challenge. I'm busy and I found myself spending way too much time figuring out what

[C]

to eat every week. It's like I decide on lunch and

[B]

then by the time I've cooked a

[C]

meal or gotten delivery, dinner's already rolled around.

[B]

But since it started using Hungry Root, it's made my life so much easier, taking one less stress off of my mind.

[A]

Hungry Root has made eating better a lot more fun. Like instead of boxed Mac and cheese, I found a recipe from Hungry Root to make it homemade instead. It took the exact same amount of time. It's so easy to add ingredients since I know I can trust hungryroot to hold all its food to high standards, screening out over 200 additives including high fructose corn syrup, artificial sweeteners and preservatives. So I'm way more willing to experiment and try out a new recipe or ingredient when I put in my weekly order.

[B]

You're going to love hungryroot as much as we do. For a limited time, get 40% off your first order plus get a free item in every box for life. Go to hungryroot.com handsome and use code handsome. That's hungryroot.com handsome code handsome to get 40% off your first box and a free item of your choice for life. Squarespace gives you everything you need to offer services and get paid all in one place. Tig, Mae and I created an entire custom website with Squarespace in less than an hour and so I'm confident you can do the same thing for yourself, your business or your brand. Squarespace helps you level up your game with professional on brand invoices and online payments. Streamline your workflow with built in appointment scheduling and email marketing tools.

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[C]

What are you waiting for?

[B]

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[A]

Your outdoor space should feel like you. Mine didn't for the longest time after I moved into my new place, it just didn't feel like a priority. And then I found Wayfair and the pieces that actually matched the vibe I was going for.

[B]

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[C]

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[B]

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[A]

Get prepped for patio season. For way less, head to Wayfair.com right now to shop all things home. That's W a y f a I-r.com Wayfair Every style, every home.

[D]

Wayfair Every style, Every home.

[A]

But I'm. You know what? I'm. I'm making my gratitude lists every night still. And. And I. It's bittersweet. I'm gonna be sad when it's over because it's been so cool. And I'm gonna make like a tour book scrapbook and sell it for charity like a.

[D]

And so you're doing a gratitude list to try and make your. You're in a good mood.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

And it works. Like, yesterday I thought I had this amazing ice cream. I met this woman gave me personalized darts engraved with my name and all my things that I'm into.

[D]

What a day.

[A]

It's been great.

[C]

That's awesome.

[A]

I can't believe I told the toilet clogging thing. I guess we're leaving it in. I just want to say I thought it was a composting toilet. I thought it was like it would drop into a hole. I didn't know there was a macerator involved. Involved. And that's mine.

[D]

You didn't know there was a macerator involved?

[A]

No. I don't know.

[D]

Oh, okay.

[C]

Are a lot of toilets on the

[D]

bus composting the toilets on the busting. Why? Fortune.

[A]

Oh, God.

[C]

Why not? That's true.

[D]

Why not?

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

You know what? It was kind of triggering, too, because I realized when I was a kid, I was scared of the sound of the toilet flushing. And so I wouldn't if I got up to pee in the night. I was too scared to flush and then I get in trouble.

[C]

Well, I feel like the bus toilets and the airplane toilets are way louder.

[A]

They're scary. That's not why I clogged the. I'm not scared anymore.

[C]

You face that fear.

[D]

What precious little traumas you had.

[A]

Don't worry, I got some real ones.

[C]

I can. I've got some vegan stew.

[D]

Okay.

[C]

I love this. Thank you for sharing, May. That was brave.

[D]

Thanks.

[C]

Brave.

[D]

And it was also kind of a little disgusting. Bunnyish.

[A]

Oh, my God.

[C]

Yeah. The good news is the toilet's all set and you'll get to ride out the rest of this tour.

[A]

Oh, I'm never pooing again. And or getting my period. I'm gonna be squeeze tight.

[C]

Yeah, you will. Well, amazing.

[B]

Should we get to our question?

[D]

I say yes. I say that's why we do this show. Let's do it.

[A]

Today's question is brought to you by

[C]

AT T. Today's question asker is a hilarious stand up comedian whose podcast two

[B]

Dikes and a Mic has become a hit show.

[C]

Touring the country with a live show.

[B]

Rachel Stand Up Special Gay Fantasy is streaming now. Rachel Scanlon, who I have the pleasure

[C]

of having open for me on the road, who also is a hilarious headliner in their own right. Rachel Scanlon is asking today's question.

[A]

Nice.

[E]

Hello, handsome podcast. It's me, Rachel Scanlon. I'm so happy to do this for you guys. I'm obsessed with you all. You three are like the founding fathers. For me, you guys are better than the founding fathers. If I were to be carving Mount Rushmore, I would put your. Your three handsome faces up there. If I was making the pyramids, I would. I would take that sphinx head, knock it off, and put your three heads on top of that cat's body. And that's a positive remodel. I like you guys so much. Thank you for letting me do this. Here is my question for y'.

[D]

All.

[E]

What is your worst ever vacation story? Now, a lot of times, vacations can have a lot of buildup. You plan it for so long, you want things to go well, and then for whatever reason, the universe refuses to let you have a good time. So what is your worst vacation? Disaster stories. Really, really dive in there. Don't be ashamed. Don't be afraid. Let me know. I can't wait to hear.

[C]

As you can see, Rachel's not very shy.

[D]

Well, I was gonna say Rachel has really good energy.

[A]

Great energy.

[C]

Rachel, Rachel. Like I said, headlines. But has also been opening for me on this tour here and there and the audiences just connect right away because Rachel's energy is amazing.

[A]

Yeah, energy is a real thing. Like. Like that Rachel. There I was like, there's light coming out of that person like that.

[D]

So Rachel's always like that. Like, that's Rachel's vibe.

[C]

Ray of sunshine, bubbly, super fun, and has a lovely mullet.

[D]

Oh, see, I couldn't even see that. My glasses don't work. But I will believe you.

[C]

Yeah, a little bit of a mullet. We both have the curls. Rachel's is just in more of a mullet shape than mine. But, yeah, great.

[B]

Great energy.

[D]

That's awesome.

[C]

And great vacation stories. Oh, man, I have one. Yeah.

[A]

Queued up. It just.

[D]

Let's hear it.

[A]

It just came to me because I. So I have this friend, Carolyn Taylor, who's been my friend since I was 13. I waited at the stage door of Second City to get her autograph. I was, like, idolized her. She would have been, like, 26 or 7 at this point.

[D]

Was she a camp counselor?

[A]

No, she was a comedian at Second City.

[C]

And I think I remember you telling us about meeting. Going to see that show, right?

[A]

I. I would go all the time. I would go, like five nights a week.

[C]

Notebook and stuff. Yeah. And.

[A]

And then we became friends and had got a. Had a real friendship. And now she did this documentary series. I have nothing about figure skating. And she was in my show, Wayward, and I'm obsessed with her. So When I was 25, she agreed to come to the UK to visit me. And I still had this hangover of fandom about her. I still do, to be honest. And I was like, oh, my God, she's coming overseas to see me. And I was like, I gotta plan something fun. So I said, let me plan a trip to Wales, the two of us. And let me tell you, everything that could have gone wrong went wrong on this trip. It was cursed by the gods. It was like every train we could miss, we missed. Everyone was like. Like, we were sitting on the platform waiting for our train. And then we went to. We said to the conductor, some guy who worked there, their train never come. And he went, oh, but it did come. We were like, no, we were sitting right here. We didn't see it come. Oh, no, but it did. But it was half a train, so you didn't see it.

[C]

Half a train?

[A]

Yeah. And then we'd say, okay, well. Well, can we get another train? No, there's no more trains today. And we'd say, well, is there a bus? Oh, yes, there's a Bus. Oh, great. But it doesn't run today. No, not on a. Not on a Tuesday. Everything was like that. And then we'd. We end up in this small town and I've booked this Airbnb and we open. Or. No, not. It was a bnb, so it was run by this woman. She opens the door and this smell hits us like eggs. And like, we're like, oh. And then she. Welcome. Takes us to our room, and it's like two single beds in the room, which is embarrassing already. This is. You know, Carolyn at this point is like, late 30s, you know, I'm 25. And she says, oh, you've got company tonight. We say what? She points up. There's spiders all over the ceiling.

[C]

No.

[A]

Crazy. And then, like, we couldn't.

[D]

Said, no, no.

[A]

It was like 6pm and no one would feed us in the whole town. Everyone was like, oh, but we don't serve dinner yet until. Oh, but we finished our service. No, no, but there's no space here. Sorry. And we're like, what? Wales hates us. And then finally we went on this sort of bus ride, winding up to the top of a mountain. And everyone said, oh, you got to try Pete's Eats at the top of the mountain. You gotta. That's not their accent, by the way. We get up.

[C]

We would never know.

[D]

Yeah, I didn't know.

[C]

I mean, I assume that the people

[B]

in Wales are Irish.

[A]

No, they're. Oh, my God, Fortune. They're Welsh.

[C]

I know, but the way you're talking is Irish.

[A]

That's a full. I'm doing a full Irish accent because Welsh is like a little thing. Anyway, so we go up to pizzies. I order just, like, fish and chips or something. Carolyn orders a bean casserole. So they're reading out, trying to have

[D]

a terrible vacation on top of a terrible, terrible vacation.

[C]

Toot the spiders off the ceiling.

[A]

They give you, like, a number for your order, right? So they're like, okay, your order number 98. So we're sitting, waiting. 20 minutes goes by. They're going, okay, order number 96. We're like, oh, it's almost us. Order number 97. We're like, oh, thank God, we're so hungry.

[D]

We're like, every reason to think that bean casserole.

[A]

And then, okay, order number 99. Order number 100. Where's our. What about us? Oh, it's not ready yet because of the bean casserole. We never usually make that. We've never had anyone order that before. Then they finally.

[C]

Who orders a bean casserole?

[A]

And Carolyn eats it, and we get on the bus to go back down, and she says. She says. She goes green. She says, I'm gonna. My pants. And I said, this entire casserole of beans.

[C]

Yeah, I know.

[D]

Fortune caught onto this right away.

[C]

Cheese is probably the other. Other part of it.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. So I start laughing hysterically. Like, I. We've reached a point of, like, delirium, and we get into town and it was like, there's no room at the end. Like, she was knocking on restaurant doors saying, can I use the bathroom? They're. Oh, no, sorry, we don't do that. And she was panicking. She's shuffling.

[C]

Irish, Welsh people were having none of it.

[A]

I said, I hope you never find a bathroom. Which was a really dark moment of my personality. And then it just, in general, was the wildest trip and.

[D]

But also, why would you not want her to find a toilet when, if she does use her own pants as a toilet, your life will then become very miserable.

[C]

Yeah, that would be bad for you.

[D]

Like, even worse than hers, honestly.

[C]

Wait, but what happened? Did. Did she ever.

[D]

Well, that's all the time we have. Okay.

[C]

No. Did she ever find a toilet?

[A]

We went to the BNB where we were staying, and it was locked. But they. That we remembered that she'd put our extra luggage, this shed, and it had a toilet in there. But we go in, and the toilet's not connected to anything. It's just an empty toilet day. Yeah. So she said, I can't go there. So then we find. We finally found a cafe that said she could use the toilet, but it was like the cafe was the size of the studio at Head Gum. And the toilet was right there, and it was only like a mesh, like, there, like, and she had to go and have explosive tir. While everyone's sitting eating their food just on the other side of this mesh. Oh, my God. It was fun.

[D]

While everyone sat eating bean casseroles.

[C]

Yeah, terrible.

[A]

But we really want to have another go around. Like, I needed. I want to go for round two with the universe, you know?

[D]

No, there's no reason.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

I would be curious if y' all would have a better time. But also, she probably would order something like that again and.

[A]

Exactly.

[C]

I do feel like.

[D]

I mean, if we know Caroline. Caroline.

[C]

We do.

[D]

Is it Caroline or Carolyn?

[A]

Carolyn.

[C]

Well, we know her so well.

[D]

Yeah, that's why I call her Caroline.

[A]

She is your type of person. You would be into her.

[D]

Me?

[A]

Yeah, both of you. But, yeah.

[D]

Okay. All right.

[A]

Okay. That's my Story Whales. I love that nightmare. It was cursed. Oh, but the train did come. Oh, but it was a half a train. Oh, no, there's no buses.

[C]

Yeah, the bus comes tomorrow.

[D]

Well, I have a story. My friend was at her house in Colorado. Somebody knocked on the door and asked if she wanted to buy a romantic getaway package.

[C]

Yeah, you always say yes to that.

[D]

And she did, and she bought it to go with her boyfriend and then they broke up.

[A]

Oh my God.

[D]

So she gives me a ring, a ding, and she's like, I bought this

[C]

romantic getaway from a stranger that knocked on my door.

[D]

Yeah, Somebody wild. Yeah, selling. That's, you know, it's a different time. Right, right. So she buys this package, asks me to go in place of her boyfriend. We go to the Bahamas. Okay. And the reason it turns out that this was so cheap was because it was off season. Okay.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

There's nobody there. It's burning hot. Oh, everything is closed.

[A]

Oh my God.

[C]

It, like it, it.

[D]

And also when we checked into the hotel room, the bed was heart shaped, of course. Oh, okay. So me and my friend are sleeping on a heart. Heart shaped bed. And speaking of toilets, I know you love a toilet. May. Yeah, this was like the romantic suite. So we were laughing so hard because the toilet was near the bed. But like it had this little

[A]

like half a wall, kind of like a little.

[D]

No, it was, it was a full wall, but it had like this little window where you could open the window from the toilet and look at the bed and it's like, what sort of weird relation. Like, why would you be on the toilet? Like you. I guess if you just got married and you miss your can't talk, you can'. Not be away from them. You're on the toilet, whether you're doing a duker or a tampon. You open the little blinds and you're like, hi.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

And then, and then we also got lured into the like, you know, go. Go on a tour and meet with. This is so long ago when we did not have enough money to be on a vacation. And so when they, when the people are like, oh, do you want to go look at timeshare condos? And. And at the end of the tour you get a free meal. So we went and looked at timeshare condos to get a free meal. That was so disgusting. I've done that. Oh my God, it was such a. But it's also that thing where I'm sure with your friend, you probably had a great time. Yeah, yeah, we had so much fun. And we also, we were taking pictures to create our own pamphlet of like the off season in the Bahamas. And we just like dripping in sweat. We were so sunburned, everything was closed and we're lying on the heart shaped bed and peeking at each other from the toilet.

[A]

It's. If you can switch your mind to delighting, delighting in the misfortune and stuff, then it's really joyful.

[D]

Everything, everything in life is about that. It's just like you just have to move a few things around and see it differently and, and then just have a blast.

[C]

Yes. Yeah.

[D]

That's so funny. That's my terrible but good story.

[C]

I love it.

[A]

Yeah, I want to see some of those pics and I'll send you a pic from the whales trip too. You can see in our eyes the kind of.

[C]

That's so I have two stories because they're short.

[D]

Uhhuh.

[C]

Well, one was when I was living in Spain. I went up to London to visit a friend of mine who was studying abroad in London and another friend of mine who was also living in Spain came with me and we wanted to all take a trip to Scotland together to Edinburgh. And our, you know, planes from London to Edinburgh are not that expensive but our friend was really cheap and she was like, I think we should just take the bus. And we were like, didn't really research it, you know, because this was like pre, this was like when Internet cafes were the thing where you had to pay for the Internet. So we didn't really research how long that would be. And the buzz ended up being like eight hours overnight. Miserable. We were like holy. Why did we agree to do this? This is crazy. We get to our hostel and it's like we've arrived at like 6:00am they're like, you can't check in until like you know, two or something. So we're like wandering about Edinburgh and the cold and we're just like, like you know, have nowhere to go cuz nothing's open yet. Then we go finally get into the hostel. We, we get this room and it's nice and cozy and we're like oh this is lovely. And we go hike Arthur's seat and my friend falls down the mountain.

[A]

No, no, no, like rolling falls down

[C]

the mountain, falls down.

[A]

Oh my God.

[C]

Not like, not like we need a hospital but like, like, but she's limping now the rest of the trip and has a. We had to get a walking stick. Oh my God, her clothes are ruined.

[A]

And that's like, that's quite a hike too.

[C]

That's like, yeah, it was crazy. And then we, then we go like, clean her up. And we go to dinner and like, we're starting to have a good time. And we're like, oh, I can't wait to get back to our hostel. That cozy warm room. We get back to the hostel and it's only like, I mean, it's like 7pm it's not that late. And our, the lights are off in the room and we realize that all of our luggage is like in this. Put in the center of the room. And we're like, what is happening? And we turn the lights on and there are people sleeping in our beds. And they just like moved her luggage to the middle of the room.

[A]

What?

[C]

And we're like, what? And, but, but none of them wake up. They're all still asleep. So we go down to the front desk and we're like, hey, there are people in our room. And they're like, oh, shoot. Yeah, but our bad. But like, we're totally booked tonight.

[A]

Oh my God.

[C]

So they were like, okay, but like, that was our room and they didn't want to like wake these people up, so they ended up putting us in like the, the, basically the workers quarter

[D]

where there is like, oh my gosh,

[C]

40 bunk beds in this basement of the people like that work there. And it's free. It is a dungeon and it is like freezing cold. And so we have to sleep in the workers quarters where like with all these straight, like 30 other strangers are in there.

[A]

Oh my God.

[C]

We're like shivering through the night only to like, you know, the next day get on another. I think we stayed like one more day. We got a proper room and then I had to take an eight hour bus back.

[D]

It was like, my lord, trip of our lives. Wow, I've done fun. Ultimately, did you have, I mean, not

[C]

enough fun to work? Like, I mean we had, you know, I was. And I haven't been back to Scotland since, which I know it's not Scotland's fault, but it was just like one disaster after another.

[A]

That like subterranean Edinburgh cold like the stones and everything's damp and.

[C]

Yeah, yeah, everything's damp and overcast. It was like that time of year where it just felt. You just felt worse.

[D]

Just. Yeah, walking around.

[A]

It's crazy. You're right. Like these days you would just check Reddit and there'd be a thousand people going, oh, don't take the bus. Bus. It's worth flying, like, and it's so useful.

[C]

Like spend another €50. It's worth it.

[A]

Yeah. But now, the whole time, we were

[C]

like, I can't believe we did this.

[A]

At least we got to have these crazy adventures these days. Very sanitized way of living. Yeah. Yeah.

[C]

Well, the other. The other trip, that made me laugh, and it was more of like a overnight trip from LA down to San Diego. But. But I. I can't remember if I told this before, but I. It was. This was years and years and years ago, and I had just gotten dumped. And it was like a week before Valentine's Day, and my best friend Andrea, who listens to this pod, shouted, shout out.

[D]

Hey, girl.

[C]

Hey, girl.

[A]

Hey, girl.

[C]

She had just. She was going through a breakup, and we decided. My cousin was like. He was like, oh, like, I hate that you're sad. Like, come down for Valentine's Day Day. We'll go. We'll go out to dinner. And we're like, okay. So she goes with me down there. And we're just like two sad sacks that, like, everyone. People were starting to recognize me from, like, Chelsea lately or whatever, and they're like, hey, girl, how are you? I was like, I just got dumped.

[A]

That's what I would do. That's what I would do. Immediate over here. Yeah.

[C]

And they're both like, okay, you don't have to tell everybody that you just got done. But, like, literally every person I was like, I just got. I got dumped. I'm really sad.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

Oh, God.

[C]

And then she and I, like, we're. We're like, this is the saddest Valentine's Day. So we went to the grocery store and bought bubble bath and went back to the hotel and in our bathing suits to go back together.

[A]

Oh, I think you told. That.

[D]

That sounds.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Well, we got around here, and we're big supporters.

[C]

We turned it around because that made us laugh so hard.

[D]

So great.

[C]

We were making bubble bath mustaches and stuff. But I'll never forget just telling people how sad I was, and I was bumming everyone out.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

They were trying to have, like, a nice Valentine's Day dinner, and they were so pumped to see me. And. And I was like, I'm not great.

[D]

Yeah, I did that with cancer. And everywhere I went, people would be like, how are you doing? Like, you know, I'd be at a bar and I'd be like, not great. I have cancer, but I'll have a drink.

[C]

Yeah. No one knows what to say after that. Everyone's like, okay, well, hope your night turns around.

[D]

Ye.

[A]

That was me filming Wayward and trying to inspire confidence. As a leader and showrunner. But still, everyone's like, how's it going? Like, well, I opened a bear portal, and my life's over.

[D]

Can't seem to close it.

[C]

Yeah, I think we all just wear our hearts on our sleeves. That's probably what it is.

[A]

That's our superpower. Yeah.

[D]

Well, should we hear what Rachel has to say?

[A]

Yes, we should.

[E]

My worst vacation story happened about five years ago. My wife and I got into camp camping because as a lesbian couple, you're either gonna dabble in veganism or campingism. And we decided to go camping because my wife and I really wanted to go to the Rocky Mountain national park. And specifically, my wife really wanted to see a big horn sheep. And so we borrowed a tent from one of my friends, and my friend was like, this tent is great. The only thing is that it's not waterproof, so don't get it wet.

[A]

Oh, God.

[E]

So we got to the national park, but it was already night time, and so was pitch black, and I could not find where our campsite was. So I see a grassy knoll, and I'm like, here seems good. We've set up our. Our campsite. We're like, here we are. We go to sleep. Ten minutes later, all of the sprinklers turned on and absolutely annihilated the tent. I'm like, we're under attack. I opened up this. You know how there's, like, a zipper door situation? I open it up, and the sprinklers just nailed me right in the face. Water's getting inside the tent.

[C]

Tent.

[E]

I'm freaking out. I was like, babe, we're under attack. Grab. Grab the tent. We move everything, like, a couple yards over, go back to sleep. Ten minutes later, boom. New sprinklers just nailing the tent. I'm like, we just moved from one sprinkler section to another sprinkler section. It was so upsetting that we just decided to leave immediately. We just packed up and drove overnight until the morning. In the morning, I looked out the window. I saw a bighorn sheep. I woke up my wife. I was like, baby sheep, it's your big horn sheep. And my wife was still so upset about all the sprinklers that she just looked out the window and went, I don't give a sheep. Anytime anyone is upset in our marriage, we go, I don't give a sheep.

[D]

That's great. Well done.

[C]

I don't give a sheep.

[D]

Watch your mouth.

[A]

I really like that. Oh, my God. But, yeah, to be in a wet tent Overnight? No, thank you.

[C]

No.

[D]

During the day.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[D]

But also, driving through the night is terrible. And then seeing a sheep and not caring anymore is really bad.

[A]

That's heartbreaking. Imagine if you saw Tig. If you saw a mountain goat and you didn't care, I'd know.

[C]

I did.

[D]

When I was visiting my brother, we did go to a local farm and visit little baby goats and they were hopping all over the place and I couldn't. I couldn't stand it. It was so cute.

[A]

It was too much. Oh, that's so good.

[C]

Dan, do you agree that lesbians get to a point where they choose either camping or veganism?

[D]

Yeah, I've overlapped.

[A]

Have you? Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

[C]

Well, don't forget that our podcast is now also available on Hulu. Yes. On top of where you have been listening or watching it before, you can also catch us on hulu.

[A]

Check out handsomepod.com for all your merch needs. There's some really good stuff on there.

[C]

And thank you to everyone who came to our live show in la. It was incredible.

[D]

Yes, it was a good time.

[C]

I always love a live show.

[D]

And also congrats to us winning two Webbies.

[C]

That's right. We want two Webby Awards. We can't.

[D]

It's like I'm blowing my whole trend of not winning anything. It's such a bummer.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

Our podcasts won't stop winning.

[C]

Can't stop. Won't stop.

[D]

Can't Stop. Won't stop. Thanks to our listeners. Subscribe and rate and review. It is so helpful to this show. And check us out. Like Fortune said on Hulu and I'm going to be on tour. Tignotaro.com I'm also at Largo and Dynasty Typewriter in Los Angeles working on my stuff.

[A]

Amazing. I am doing the final few dates of my tour. If you're in Denver, Colorado, we on May 8th, we just added a late show. There's still tickets left for that at 10pm Kansas City, May 9. Still some tickets. St. Louis, May 10, there's just like a handful of tickets. And then Nashville, my last show of the whole tour. Come see me off. It's 7:30 and that's on sale.

[D]

Speaking of Nashville, look at that. Nashville Comedy Festival. Anyway, go ahead Fortune.

[C]

I'm in Toronto this weekend, May 8th at Massey Hall. Then Reading, Pennsylvania and then my Europe tour, Berlin, Stockholm, Oslo, Copenhagen, London and Dublin. And then I'm back in the States

[B]

for Rochester, Minnesota, Cedar Rapids, Omaha, Portland, Maine and Detroit and Red Bank, New Jersey. So get those two tickets at my website.

[D]

And until next time, Keep

[A]

Handsome is hosted by me, May Martin, Tig Notaro and Fortune Feimster. The show is produced, recorded and edited by Thomas Willette. Email [e-mail] and please follow us on social media at Handsome Pod what a podcast. What a podcast. That was a Headgum podcast. Checking Allstate first could save you hundreds on car insurance. Not checking that. I have a good mantra before my big meditation retreat. This is a cosmic disaster. Now I'm chanting Keep it handsome over and over and I'm not getting anywhere closer to inner peace.

[B]

Yeah, checking first is handsome. So check Allstate first for an auto quote. It could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Potential savings vary subject to terms, conditions and availability. All state North American Insurance Company and affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois.

[A]

Hi, I am Mandy Moore.

[C]

Sterling K. Brown. And I'm Chris Sullivan. And we host the podcast that was Us now on Headgum.

[A]

Each episode we're going to go into

[E]

a deep dive from our show.

[D]

This is us.

[C]

That's right.

[A]

We're going to go episode by episode. We're also going to pepper in episodes with different guest stars and writers and casting directors.

[C]

Are we going to crush. Yes, a little bit. Are we gonna laugh a lot? A whole lot.

[A]

That's what I'm hoping, man.

[C]

Listen to that was us on your favorite podcast app.

[A]

Or watch full video episodes on YouTube or Spotify. New episodes every Tuesday.