Sara Bareilles asks about ripe bananas

Summary

Handsome Podcast – Episode Summary

Episode Title: Sara Bareilles asks about ripe bananas
Date: March 3, 2026
Hosts: Tig Notaro, Fortune Feimster, Mae Martin
Special Guest: Sara Bareilles
Theme: Fielding Sara Bareilles’ philosophical banana dilemma—do you eat the perfectly ripe one or the too-ripe one first?—and exploring life updates, stand-up touring, and fruit-related confessions, all with the trio's signature comedic warmth.

---

Episode Overview

This episode of "Handsome" features Tig Notaro, Fortune Feimster, and Mae Martin delving into life updates, showbiz anecdotes, and, most importantly, a surprisingly existential listener question sent in by the Grammy-winning singer-songwriter Sara Bareilles: When you have two bananas, one perfectly ripe and one slightly overripe, which do you eat first? The hosts approach this with typical wit, digressions, and heartfelt tangents about health, family, pets, and the awkward joy of being "seen" as a comedian.

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Key Discussion Points & Highlights

1. Pet Updates & Life's Emotional Rollercoaster

[03:08–07:23]

• Tig shares about her cat Fluff's cancer diagnosis, treatment journey, and the family’s reactions.
  • "Our little kitty, Fluff, has cancer…But the good news is we have her on steroids and she’s up and walking around again and eating food, and then she starts chemo." – Tig, [03:08]
  • The group shares supportive, vulnerable reflections on the love and heartbreak that comes with pets.
• Fortune relates with her own anticipatory grief around pets
  • "I used to think about Biggie dying and cry, and he’s still alive, and I’m like, what am I doing?" – Fortune, [07:02]
  • All agree: loving pets, even with the inevitable sadness, is worth it.

2. Family & Health: Fortune’s Mom’s Milestones

[08:22–10:13]

• Fortune updates on her mom Ginger’s 80th birthday and her cancer treatment.
• A lighthearted detour about birthday strippers quickly veers into jokes about party plans.
  • "I'll hire a stripper… Do you want male or female or both?" – Fortune, [10:21]
  • Tig: "I think I prefer a male stripper… that's hilarious. Look at your body jiggling around, dude." [10:36]

3. Touring Life, Rituals, and Stand-Up Anxieties

[13:31–15:00], [25:02–26:05]

• Mae describes preparations (and anxieties) for their upcoming US tour – bus routines, lack of showers, bringing a pillow and eye mask, and recruiting Tig as an opener.
  • "I'm only doing two weeks at a time…I'm worried about, like, my routines…no shower on the bus, so you got to shower at the venue." – Mae, [14:13]
• Group explores their love/hate relationship with watching themselves on screen.
  • "I have a hard time watching myself do stand-up." – Mae, [22:49]
  • Tig: "I'm not like, I don’t want to watch my stand-up." [23:12]
• Meditative moment: Tig & Fortune create a makeshift guided relaxation for Mae’s tour.
  • "You've just been on stage. You crushed. You also have gas." [27:01–27:07]

4. The Banana Dilemma (Sara Bareilles’ Question)

[31:14] Main Question Presented

• Sara Bareilles sends in the episode’s central quandary:
  • "You have two bananas. One banana is perfectly ripe. The other banana is a little bit too ripe. Do you eat the perfect banana or do you eat the banana that's a little bit too ripe so as not to waste the too ripe banana, knowing that by the time you're hungry for another banana, the likelihood is that the second banana will also be too ripe." – Sara Bareilles, [31:45]

Hosts’ Responses

[32:38–38:13]

• Mae: Prefers slightly green bananas, finds brown-speckled ones only fit for baking.
  • "If it's even slightly brown…that’s for baking…banana bread or something." [33:06]
• Tig shares a banana fact:
  • "If a banana has a hint of green and is speckled, then it has been unnaturally and mechanically ripened." [33:16]
• Fortune admits to a texture aversion, prefers apples (with peanut butter).
• All three prefer the perfectly ripe banana, then freeze or bake the too-ripe one if needed.

Fruit Facts & Weird Habits

• Mae: "If you take a bite of the peel of the banana and then…of the fruit…then it tastes like a tomato." [34:11]
• Chat on banana consumption mechanics (top vs. bottom peel), thoughts on peanut butter as fruit’s best friend.

The “Deeper Meaning”?

• Is it wasteful to eat the perfect one? Should we force ourselves to endure the less pleasant to avoid waste?
  • "Does that say something about…is this a deep…?" – Fortune, [37:58]
  • Mae: "No, I’m eating the perfectly ripe one." [37:56]
• Group realizes: for the first time, they all agree.

5. Sara Bareilles Reveals Her Own Banana Approach

[48:58]

• "I eat the too ripe banana because I’m too lazy to make banana bread. And I don’t like to waste." – Sara Bareilles, [48:58]
• Hosts are both admiring and lightly shamed:
  • Tig: "She’s better than us." [49:08]
  • Fortune: "Yeah, she is better than us." [49:10]

6. Bananas and Sex Jokes – Mae’s Surprise

[42:11–43:03]

• Mae: Wonders why bananas aren’t a bigger deal in sexual innuendo, compared to eggplants emoji-wise—leads to much goofing and mock horror about “what Allstate wants” from their sponsored content.

7. Digression: Oil Wrestling & Clothing Choices

[44:05–46:23]

• Discussion of queer oil wrestling events and what they'd wear (bathing suits vs. nudity).
  • "I feel like you guys would pull my… I wouldn’t because I wouldn’t want that done to me!" – Fortune & Tig, [45:09–45:15]

8. Memorable, Random Moments

• “Hot tub, tits out” – recurring callback from earlier episodes, now a running joke with fans. [46:16–46:44]
• Tig’s sons call her “dude,” and she’s bemused:
  • "They’re just at that age…guys, you have to put your shoes on, dude." [51:04]

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Notable Quotes

• Tig, on Fluff’s illness: "To have lived this life and not known precious little fluff’s face, no way. No way. It’s worth it." [08:09]
• Mae, on banana preferences: "If it’s even slightly brown…that’s for baking." [33:06]
• Tig, fun fact: "If a banana has a hint of green and is speckled, then it has been unnaturally and mechanically ripened." [33:16]
• Sarah Bareilles: "I eat the too ripe banana because I’m too lazy to make banana bread. And I don’t like to waste." [48:58]
• Mae, imagining being “seen” as a comedian: "Imagine telling your teen self you’re not even gonna watch that movie." [22:01]

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• [03:08–07:23] – Tig’s cat Fluff’s health update & pet conversations
• [08:22–10:13] – Fortune on her mother’s birthday and cancer journey
• [13:31–15:00] – Mae’s upcoming tour and the realities of touring
• [22:49–24:13] – Challenges of watching oneself do stand-up
• [31:45–34:57] – Sara Bareilles poses the banana dilemma; hosts’ immediate reactions
• [37:45–38:13] – All three realize they're united in their banana beliefs
• [44:05–46:23] – Oil wrestling tangent & “hot tub, tits out” callback
• [48:58] – Sara Bareilles’ personal banana philosophy
• [51:04–51:10] – Tig’s sons calling her “dude”
• [54:45–56:45] – Hosts share their upcoming tour dates and promote live shows

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Overall Tone & Style

Warm, irreverent, candid, and consistently playful. Even when discussing serious topics like cancer, the hosts keep the conversation rooted in empathy and humor. Their banter moves effortlessly from deep reflections to gleeful digressions about food, sex jokes, and the trials of modern adulthood. The tone is inclusive, relaxed, and punctuated with running inside jokes.

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For Listeners Who Missed the Episode

This episode perfectly encapsulates what makes “Handsome” such a fan favorite: friendship, vulnerability, offbeat musings, and a willingness to take the mundane—like ripening bananas—and use it as a lens to discuss what matters and what’s hilarious about being human. Sara Bareilles’ banana dilemma became a low-stakes but revealing debate, and along the way listeners get pet stories, confessions about personal routines, and the inside scoop on the hosts' touring (and wrestling) lives.

TL;DR:
Given two bananas—one perfect, one almost too ripe—the hosts’ verdict is unanimous: eat the perfect one, use the other for baking or freeze it (unless you’re Sara Bareilles, who’ll eat the overripe one out of principle). Along the way, expect laughter, life, and a celebration of what makes their friendship so charming.

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Memorable Closing:
"Keep it handsome!"

Transcript

[Mae Martin]

This is a Headgun podcast. Checking Allstate first could save you hundreds on car insurance. That's smart. Not checking for happy hour specials when you're out for an early dinner. That's an unforced error. You're telling me mozzarella sticks are half off? I would have ordered twice as many.

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[Mae Martin]

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[Sponsor/Ad Voice]

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[Tig Notaro]

chatting with

[Mae Martin]

friends on the Handsome Pod. Chatting with friends on the Handsome Pod.

[Fortune Feimster]

Cheers.

[Mae Martin]

Welcome to the Handsome Pod. I'm Mae Martin. I'm joined by my co host, Tig

[Tig Notaro]

Notaro, and Fortune Beamster.

[Mae Martin]

And we're coming to you from the Good Hands Studio.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Mae Martin]

Presented by Allstate.

[Fortune Feimster]

That's right. Yes. Allstate. We love Allstate.

[Tig Notaro]

All State presented us with this stuff.

[Fortune Feimster]

Studio. They sure did. They have been so good to the Handsome pod. And we really, really appreciate their support.

[Tig Notaro]

Yes.

[Fortune Feimster]

So, yeah. Thank you all State for supporting our pod.

[Tig Notaro]

Yes. And for the pillows.

[Mae Martin]

My gosh, it's lovely to see you both.

[Tig Notaro]

And now you.

[Mae Martin]

You're curled up like a little.

[Fortune Feimster]

And I. You, too.

[Mae Martin]

And me. Us.

[Fortune Feimster]

Look at y' all sitting over there.

[Mae Martin]

You feel like you're a couples therapist.

[Fortune Feimster]

I do. Do you guys need to talk to me about anything you're going through?

[Tig Notaro]

I am going through something that's not great.

[Fortune Feimster]

What Is it with mayor in life?

[Tig Notaro]

No, in life.

[Fortune Feimster]

Okay. Thank God.

[Tig Notaro]

No, no, you're fine.

[Mae Martin]

Okay.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, we're fine.

[Fortune Feimster]

For now.

[Tig Notaro]

We are fine. For now.

[Fortune Feimster]

For now. Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

But if you really want to know.

[Fortune Feimster]

I do. That's what the pods for. To chat.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

About anything.

[Tig Notaro]

Our little kitty, Fluff.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, no.

[Tig Notaro]

Has cancer.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, no.

[Tig Notaro]

Yes, thank you. She has cancer in her intestines. But the good news is we have her on steroids and she's up and walking around again and eating food, and then she starts chemo.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, my God.

[Mae Martin]

Cat chemo.

[Tig Notaro]

Cat chemo. Yeah, cat chemo. So she's our firstborn. And it's been tough. It's been tough.

[Mae Martin]

How are the boys handling it?

[Tig Notaro]

You know, they didn't really understand at first because it took us a while to understand that she wasn't doing well because cats sleep a lot, but she was sleeping unusually relaxed looking.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

And that went on for like a week or two where we were like, God, she's just really zonked. And then we were like, is she ever leaving this room? You know, and when did you see her eat last? And like, all of those kind of things, it's just. It's not the same as a dog.

[Fortune Feimster]

Right.

[Tig Notaro]

You know, especially when you have a busy life. And anyway, so we would just say Fluff was sick and we didn't know what it was. We feared it was that.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

And then. And then we had a vet come over and he said that her white blood cell count was high. And that's not a great sign, but it could be something else. And then she just kind of deteriorated, I think before one of our recordings. She was not. It was bad. It was bad. Like, didn't know if she was going to make it through the night. And then we. I decided, like, we should tell Max and Finn that she. Because we didn't know if she was gonna die that night.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

We didn't know what was happening, so we told them. They were very emotional. Yeah, it was.

[Fortune Feimster]

It was sad, Especially with your losing your first pet. Like, really sticks with you.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah. And. And. And so we were. Stephanie's dad came over to stay with Finn because he didn't want to go to the. It was the middle. It was their bedtime. So, yeah, he could. He couldn't handle it. But Max was like, I have to go. I. I want to go. And. And so he drove with us, and I dropped. And we dropped Stephanie and Fluff off, and he wanted to, like, walk her in and give her a kiss. And then I Drove him back home, and then I went back and sat with Stephanie, and we were there all night. But anyway, so you had the talk with them? Yes. And they. They understand, but it's sad. And so hopefully the chemo will give her another couple of years or something.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, that'll be amazing. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Mae Martin]

And in the meantime, you gotta treat

[Tig Notaro]

her like a queen, and we already did.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

I'm sure he said he's well taken.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, my gosh. And I have to tell you. Or maybe I showed you the picture where she was on top of the chair. I'll have to post that. But she was starting to go in areas that she never was to, like, be alone. And she was sleeping on the top of Max's fluffy chair. And Skip and Linus went and got on that chair, which is not where any of them ever are.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah.

[Mae Martin]

They're sticking around her. That's so nice.

[Tig Notaro]

So sweet.

[Mae Martin]

Sweet.

[Tig Notaro]

Anyway, so. Yeah. If anyone wants to send some positive vibes to little kitty Fluff.

[Fortune Feimster]

For sure.

[Mae Martin]

I'm nervous to get a pet. Like, I. I mean, it's just inevitable. You'll.

[Fortune Feimster]

It is inevitable. It's the hard part of loving a pet that they just don't get as long of a lifespan.

[Tig Notaro]

And.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah. I mean, I used to. I know people do this, so I'm not crazy, but I used to think about Biggie dying and cry, and he's still alive, and I'm like, what am I doing?

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

It's like you start mourning them while they're here because you just know the inevitable of their lifespan. But something. It is so worth it.

[Tig Notaro]

So worth it. But, man, is it painful.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah.

[Sponsor/Ad Voice]

Dang.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah, it is.

[Mae Martin]

Also, it's so beautiful that, like, it's crazy that we think of them as so different to us, and then you get to go through it with them, and it's like we're all. That's so fleeting.

[Fortune Feimster]

Well, they're just there with you all day, and, like, the love is unconditional. It's just such a different relationship than.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

With anything else in your life.

[Tig Notaro]

We're unconditional.

[Fortune Feimster]

Of course.

[Mae Martin]

Us.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

God, when we almost lost Biggie, I was, like, just crying like a baby every day.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

I remember our friend Allison Dunbar is a big animal lover. And. Yeah, she was calling it. I was like, this is why I didn't want to get a dog, because this is so painful. But I wouldn't trade. Trade it for the world.

[Tig Notaro]

No. Oh, my gosh. To. To have lived this life and not known precious little fluff's face. No way. No way. It's worth it. And we're gonna like.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah, live it up with Fluff.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, live it up with Fluff. So. And how's Ginger doing?

[Fortune Feimster]

She's good. She.

[Tig Notaro]

She turned 80. I saw 80.

[Mae Martin]

Happy birthday, Ginger.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

So I think that's a massive milestone.

[Fortune Feimster]

It is. And I think she. She was so happy on the day because I think just hitting that milestone means so much more to her right now. And I think she's in that space of like any day is a gift.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

And yeah, she had a surgery where they put the radiation balls in her tumors. So in like two months they'll check them to see if they've worked.

[Tig Notaro]

The.

[Fortune Feimster]

The hope of it shrinking those big tumors.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

So you're just trying to get the cancer not to spread.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

Is the goal right now.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

But her spirits are good. She's not on chemo at the moment, so she has more energy.

[Tig Notaro]

She looked good in that picture you posted. Yeah. Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

She's. You know that the chemo just wrecks your body.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

I mean, you know, like. Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

I didn't go through chemo. You didn't know. Because I realized that. No, I just had the double mastectomy and then I was also sick with C. Diff, which is so debilitating that I could barely walk across the living room.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

And so it just was too much. I couldn't have done it.

[Fortune Feimster]

What's. It's so tough.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

On the body that like, she. Seeing her be so in that state was really hard. But right now she's doing immunotherapy once a month.

[Tig Notaro]

Okay.

[Fortune Feimster]

So she has some energy back and that's great. Yeah. So she's. She's doing good.

[Tig Notaro]

Awesome.

[Fortune Feimster]

Planning a. An 80th birthday party for her.

[Tig Notaro]

We couldn't.

[Fortune Feimster]

I couldn't do it on the day because of my filming schedule, but we're going to do it in March.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

March.

[Fortune Feimster]

What?

[Tig Notaro]

My birthday's March 28th. I'm the 24th.

[Fortune Feimster]

Come on. Come on to Belma.

[Tig Notaro]

Have a double birthday.

[Fortune Feimster]

That's right.

[Tig Notaro]

My 55th.

[Fortune Feimster]

I'll hire a stripper.

[Tig Notaro]

You'll hire a stripper?

[Fortune Feimster]

Do you want male or female or both? Cuz she's going to want male. She's going to want to see some. I'll do it, guys.

[Mae Martin]

I'll be the stripper.

[Fortune Feimster]

You'll do it?

[Mae Martin]

I'll be the stripper. That way you get kind of in the middle.

[Tig Notaro]

I think I prefer a male stripper.

[Fortune Feimster]

Really?

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

You don't feel like you're. You don't feel like you're. What's the word? Exploiting? Not exploiting, probably.

[Mae Martin]

You feel more relaxed with the.

[Tig Notaro]

I just am like, wow, that's hilarious. Look at your body jiggling around, dude.

[Fortune Feimster]

Around. Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

Look at that body jiggling around.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah. I don't mind a good Magic Mike show or Thunder from Down Under.

[Mae Martin]

I want to take a class so badly.

[Tig Notaro]

What class?

[Mae Martin]

How to do Magic Mike dancing.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, really?

[Mae Martin]

If I take a class?

[Tig Notaro]

Put that on the list, Thomas.

[Mae Martin]

Would you guys let me.

[Fortune Feimster]

That's a lot of thrusting, right?

[Mae Martin]

Oh, like Bad Bunny.

[Fortune Feimster]

Have you seen Bad Bunny in those shorts popping that wiener?

[Mae Martin]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

No.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, look it up. Bad Bunny's like

[Mae Martin]

I had with the wieners about Bad Bunny until the super bowl, and now I'm in love.

[Tig Notaro]

You had no feelings?

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, he's amazing.

[Mae Martin]

I was like, he seems really on point with what he says, but, oh, my God, he's so sexy.

[Fortune Feimster]

I'm telling you. Watch videos of him popping that pain.

[Tig Notaro]

That's where he became Bad Bunny.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Mae Martin]

Y.

[Fortune Feimster]

Bad. Bad Bunny popping that pain. It's fun to watch.

[Tig Notaro]

Why don't you just get a stripper for your mom? I don't need to be there. Okay, Maybe I will get her a surprise stripper.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, my God.

[Tig Notaro]

She would.

[Fortune Feimster]

She would not like.

[Mae Martin]

She wouldn't like it.

[Fortune Feimster]

She's too demure.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah, she's.

[Tig Notaro]

She.

[Fortune Feimster]

She claims to be on the wild side with that stuff, but I guarantee you, if I got a male stripper to come to the party in Belmont, she would be so in, like, red face.

[Tig Notaro]

Okay, so, no, not a stripper.

[Fortune Feimster]

Okay.

[Tig Notaro]

A whole team of strippers.

[Fortune Feimster]

Like the magic mic in her yard?

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, in her yard.

[Fortune Feimster]

Just for her.

[Tig Notaro]

Just look out the window.

[Fortune Feimster]

Party.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

Or post party, depending on how many drinks she's had.

[Tig Notaro]

She deserves it. Get a few drinks in her, then send the. The dancers over.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, maybe she liked the Thunder from Down Under. I think Australian would be. They're the Australia. No, but hopefully there's enough Australians in Charlotte, near Charlotte, North Carolina, that they could just form a posse of.

[Mae Martin]

She likes the accent. Wait, what? She likes Australians?

[Fortune Feimster]

I don't know. Why not?

[Mae Martin]

Okay, yeah, yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

She probably likes an accent, right?

[Fortune Feimster]

She probably likes. If they go razor blades.

[Tig Notaro]

Here we go again.

[Fortune Feimster]

Jennifer Lopez.

[Tig Notaro]

Yes.

[Mae Martin]

I feel like you guys aren't jumping at the idea of me being stripper for your mom's 80th.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, I forgot you said that.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah, I did forget that. Up. No, you're right.

[Mae Martin]

It was.

[Fortune Feimster]

Listen, I can fly you to North Carolina. Come on.

[Mae Martin]

I do want to party with Ginge, but in coach.

[Tig Notaro]

What about with extra leg room? We'll see.

[Fortune Feimster]

We'll see.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Mae Martin]

I guess when this comes out, I'll be on a coach on my tour bus, sleeping on a little good segue.

[Tig Notaro]

You have a tour bus, Which.

[Mae Martin]

I've never done that. Have you done that tour bus?

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, no, I'm not. Ever wanted to.

[Mae Martin]

Me neither. I. It's not been on my bucket list.

[Fortune Feimster]

I need, like, space from the road. I need, like, go home and reset and then go back.

[Mae Martin]

I do. I am, like, I'm only doing two weeks at a time, and then I come back for, like, 10 days or a week, and then.

[Tig Notaro]

Do you want me to open for you?

[Sponsor/Ad Voice]

Would you?

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, my God. That people.

[Mae Martin]

People go. Is Tig okay? How come Tig's opening for me on tour? Is everything all right at home for Tig?

[Fortune Feimster]

Tigs running away from her problems.

[Mae Martin]

I'm worried about, like, my routines, my. My face washing. Like, there's no shower on the bus, so you got to shower at the venue. And then I guess when you get to the new city, you can go to.

[Tig Notaro]

You're going to shower at the venue.

[Mae Martin]

I'm.

[Fortune Feimster]

I guess May's got a shower somewhere,

[Tig Notaro]

but May showers twice a day. What are you going to do about that?

[Mae Martin]

I'm going to shower in a truck stop, a gym, get a hotel room when I get to that city, and then I'm going to shower, go do the show, then maybe shower at the venue after.

[Tig Notaro]

You're going to have a van, a bus, and a hotel room.

[Mae Martin]

Will you drive all night?

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah, I was going to get to.

[Tig Notaro]

I love that song.

[Mae Martin]

Is that all right? Is such a great line, too. Is that all right?

[Fortune Feimster]

Is that all right?

[Tig Notaro]

That is a good line. Is that all right that I did that?

[Fortune Feimster]

Asking permission? Yeah. Because I don't want to drive all night if it's not okay with you. Yeah. Last thing I want to do is drive all night. I get there, and you're, like, not

[Tig Notaro]

into it, so you Shit. Letting you in.

[Fortune Feimster]

You should ask if it's all right. Is that all right? It's all right.

[Tig Notaro]

But the song is, I drove all night. Is that all right?

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, you're already there. No, you're already there.

[Tig Notaro]

And it's like, no, it's not. You're not all right, you weirdo. You should have told me you were renting a car and driving all night like that woman.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, it was like that Woman. The astronaut who drove across country with a diaper.

[Tig Notaro]

I was in that movie.

[Mae Martin]

Wait, what?

[Tig Notaro]

You don't know this story?

[Mae Martin]

No, and I love astronauts and diapers.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah, tell the story, Tig. You're in the movie.

[Tig Notaro]

Well, the woman played by Natalie Portman.

[Fortune Feimster]

Wow.

[Sponsor/Ad Voice]

Was.

[Fortune Feimster]

What a get. She.

[Tig Notaro]

Okay. She was obsessed with this guy.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah.

[Mae Martin]

Okay. This is a true story.

[Tig Notaro]

True story. She was an astronaut.

[Mae Martin]

Okay?

[Fortune Feimster]

So her standards should have been much higher.

[Mae Martin]

I know you'd think she's really on it. And wise.

[Tig Notaro]

I'm forgetting the story. But basically she drove all night to get. To get to him. Whether that was all right or not.

[Fortune Feimster]

I don't think it was all right. But she wasn't all right.

[Tig Notaro]

And she wore a diaper so she'd get there faster and not have to stop.

[Mae Martin]

She's not. Alright.

[Fortune Feimster]

But it became a story because something. I think it was.

[Tig Notaro]

She had a diaper on. Also, why was she telling people she had a diaper?

[Fortune Feimster]

But I think they only knew that she had a diaper on because she did something illegal.

[Tig Notaro]

Right. But then the news says. Okay. And also it's important you all know she had a diaper.

[Fortune Feimster]

And am I right? Was it like, did she get in trouble? Like, why do we know about this?

[Mae Martin]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Did she show up and should have read the script?

[Fortune Feimster]

The movie? Who did you play?

[Tig Notaro]

It was a long time ago.

[Fortune Feimster]

I feel like she did something she wasn't supposed to do. Alleged. Allegedly.

[Sponsor/Ad Voice]

Oh, my God.

[Tig Notaro]

We should have a movie podcast where we.

[Fortune Feimster]

Where we try to recap movies that we never saw anything about it, but

[Tig Notaro]

that we were in.

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[Mae Martin]

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[Mae Martin]

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[Fortune Feimster]

I don't think it. I think she drove all night and it wasn't.

[Tig Notaro]

She was charged with attempted murder.

[Fortune Feimster]

Wow. Right?

[Tig Notaro]

That was a twist.

[Fortune Feimster]

So she drove all night to murder him?

[Mae Martin]

Or was it like a friend or something?

[Tig Notaro]

Jon Hamm was in it and I was his friend, I think.

[Fortune Feimster]

When was this movie?

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, it was a while ago.

[Fortune Feimster]

Wow.

[Mae Martin]

You were Jon Hamm's friend and was he the guy?

[Fortune Feimster]

You know, I don't remember.

[Mae Martin]

So Natalie Portman shows up in a diaper. Jon Hamm goes, whoa.

[Fortune Feimster]

But if Natalie Portman is. Well, if she's trying to murder you, that's different. But I was like, if she's driving all night to come to you, that's pretty high.

[Tig Notaro]

I thought you were gonna say, if Natalie Portman's showing up in a diaper,

[Fortune Feimster]

I can work with that. Yeah, we can figure that out. Oh, I don't know. What was the point of. Where did we leave off before that tangent?

[Mae Martin]

It was from, I drove all night.

[Fortune Feimster]

I know, but I took us on a weird road. Were we talking about something?

[Tig Notaro]

And then I tried to wedge in. Oh, I was in a movie.

[Fortune Feimster]

And we were like, we get it. You film movies. We get it.

[Tig Notaro]

You're in a movie no one's aware.

[Mae Martin]

But she was an astronaut.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, I got.

[Mae Martin]

I want to know more about this.

[Tig Notaro]

And she worked with him. He was. He was an astronaut, too. Maybe.

[Fortune Feimster]

I don't know.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah, it was like a love triangle.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah. Wow.

[Fortune Feimster]

Well, there's apparently a movie out there that digs in. I'm gonna learn more.

[Tig Notaro]

I should have movie night where I watch movies I was never seen. Do you watch all your movies?

[Mae Martin]

What do you mean,

[Fortune Feimster]

movies? All the movies I've been in, I've watched. No, actually, that's not true. I was in one in the last year. I didn't watch. And then I haven't watched all the TV I've been in either.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, guys, listen, I don't want to

[Fortune Feimster]

brag, but I've been in a lot of stuff.

[Tig Notaro]

I don't watch race stuff.

[Mae Martin]

This is crazy.

[Tig Notaro]

You watch all your stuff?

[Mae Martin]

Yeah, I'm not in that much, so. Yeah, I'm like.

[Fortune Feimster]

I'm in a lot of. I don't want to write when I'm in a lot of things.

[Mae Martin]

You're in a lot of things, but imagine telling your teen self you're not even gonna watch that movie.

[Fortune Feimster]

I've filmed seasons of things and not watched it.

[Mae Martin]

Do you go to the premieres and stuff?

[Fortune Feimster]

I haven't been to every premiere, no. Wow. If I can, I will go. But sometimes I can.

[Mae Martin]

Is it because you find watching.

[Tig Notaro]

Sometimes she's busy filming another movie she's not gonna watch. She can't make it to that.

[Fortune Feimster]

But I watched most of the movies.

[Mae Martin]

Do you find it hard watching yourself? Is that part of it? Or you're just not into the stuff?

[Fortune Feimster]

I. I used to not like it at all. Now I'm better about it now. I don't mind.

[Tig Notaro]

I'm a big fan.

[Fortune Feimster]

No, I love myself. Wait, go back, Go back. If I was, like, in a. Like a lot of something, I just. I don't know. Yeah, I just. I saw it and a couple episodes and that was fine. Yeah.

[Mae Martin]

I have a hard time watching myself do stand up.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah, I think I have more of a hard time watching myself do stand.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah. Really? Okay.

[Fortune Feimster]

Probably me too.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

Just because my. In my head, I'm like, oh, that felt. That was so funny that I watched it. I was like, that wasn't as funny as I thought it was.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah. Or I think I could have, if I just focused a little more or I could have found better words to say that. Or else. Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah. I'm not like, I don't want to watch my stand up.

[Mae Martin]

Really?

[Tig Notaro]

No,

[Mae Martin]

you're good.

[Fortune Feimster]

I don't know if anyone's told you this. Yeah. I don't know.

[Tig Notaro]

I mean, I don't know if anyone's told any of us, but we're good at stand up and acting and podcasting. But I. Yeah, I don't know. I find it fascinating when I do watch myself acting because seeing whatever little weak moment I had where I'm like, I could have done that better. Or I'm like, actually, I did that much better than I thought. So I feel a little more removed watching me act because I feel so connected to my standup.

[Mae Martin]

And then you don't want to get in your head about. About mannerisms or things. Yeah, like, you know, or like, I went through a phase of thinking, oh, my God, I never move on enough on stage. I'm just standing there at the mic and then. And then I'm going out, trying to. I'm pacing around. I'm like, trying. It's so not me.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

But it is important to watch it from time to time because back in the day, I'd be like, oh, I'm yelling the punchline a lot. Yeah, maybe simmer down. Maybe let's simmer down a little bit.

[Mae Martin]

Yelling the punchline.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, and here comes the punchline.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah, this is good. I'm just gonna. This will be funnier if I yell it.

[Mae Martin]

And then he said, I had this character that yawns after every punchline. They go, and can you believe that? That was my uncle. He's like their catchphrase.

[Fortune Feimster]

I thought that was a funny character.

[Tig Notaro]

And you did that for a while.

[Mae Martin]

I only did it to my friends. I'd never done it on stage.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, okay.

[Mae Martin]

I just like the idea of Bring it on tour.

[Fortune Feimster]

Bring it on tour. Yeah, put it on that tour bus. Oh, that's what we were talking about, your tour bus. Y. We get back

[Mae Martin]

very far, you get off stage, and then you get right on the bus. You drive all night.

[Fortune Feimster]

That's right. And you're going to shower in a

[Tig Notaro]

hotel and have two showers. You're doing that cuz you don't want to fly.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah, it's.

[Fortune Feimster]

It's more cities cheaper.

[Mae Martin]

And it's so tiring going to the airport and checking in and flying. It's better for the environment, I think, to drive and.

[Fortune Feimster]

Are you bringing people with you? Because you can fill up people on a bus. Like, you'll have an opener and stuff.

[Tig Notaro]

Like me

[Mae Martin]

driving the bus and. No, my. My buddy Matt.

[Fortune Feimster]

Wait a second.

[Tig Notaro]

I have to drive and open for you.

[Fortune Feimster]

You have to drive all night?

[Mae Martin]

Do you mind doing the merch table? My friend Matt is gonna do some improv with me.

[Fortune Feimster]

Okay.

[Mae Martin]

At the end of the show. So there's no opener. So he'll be on the bus for

[Fortune Feimster]

a lot of it.

[Mae Martin]

Or Alanna Johnston's coming for some.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah, most of it will open for

[Mae Martin]

you to do improv, but mostly I'll be on my own. But I guess the tour.

[Tig Notaro]

You and the bus driver.

[Mae Martin]

Me, the bus driver, tour manager, and maybe. Maybe my amazing assistant Lee will come.

[Fortune Feimster]

Okay.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah, but.

[Tig Notaro]

So you like your assistant?

[Mae Martin]

Obsessed.

[Fortune Feimster]

Wow.

[Mae Martin]

They're amazing.

[Tig Notaro]

That's amazing.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Well, that's all wonderful.

[Fortune Feimster]

We're very happy for you. Well, I'm excited for your bus tour. I'm excited to see how you like touring in the old US Of A. In this way.

[Mae Martin]

I know. I'm curious, too, because I am pretty rigid in my routines and things, so I wonder as long. So I'm gonna bring a special pillow. I'm gonna bring eye mask.

[Fortune Feimster]

I'm gonna bring earmuffs, ear muffs, clear mascara.

[Mae Martin]

Clear mascara. I just want to be able to sleep. I want, like, weighted blanket. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What else should I bring?

[Tig Notaro]

Goldfish.

[Fortune Feimster]

You gotta bring the cracker. Actual goldfish.

[Tig Notaro]

An actual gold. Yeah, you gotta get a goldfish bowl fishbowl to watch it. Yeah.

[Mae Martin]

You can get you guys to record a meditation, like a guided meditation.

[Fortune Feimster]

How does that work?

[Mae Martin]

So it's nice music, and it's like you're relaxing.

[Fortune Feimster]

You're relaxing. You're closing your eyes.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

You've just been on stage. You crushed.

[Tig Notaro]

You also have gas.

[Mae Martin]

So far.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah.

[Mae Martin]

It's not putting me to sleep, but I'm delighted.

[Fortune Feimster]

Relax your eyes.

[Tig Notaro]

We have to put that on repeat.

[Mae Martin]

Oh, okay.

[Tig Notaro]

You hear that over and over again.

[Fortune Feimster]

You're good enough. You're smart enough, and doggone it, people like you.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

Do you like this?

[Tig Notaro]

Well, you don't respond to the meditation.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah, I guess you make a good point there. Sure do like me.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

Well, I know you're gonna play any music.

[Mae Martin]

I don't. If the mood takes me.

[Fortune Feimster]

I didn't know that's why you also had the Buses for your guitar?

[Mae Martin]

No, I think I'm just trying to be economical.

[Fortune Feimster]

Okay, I think. All right.

[Mae Martin]

I don't know.

[Fortune Feimster]

I don't know either.

[Mae Martin]

I wish we were. I wish we were all going together. I'd love to do a handsome, handsome live tour.

[Fortune Feimster]

Maybe one day.

[Mae Martin]

But would we go nuts on the bus? Probably.

[Fortune Feimster]

We would. Maybe the tour. The whole tour would be, like, two weeks long.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah, Max. That we could do.

[Tig Notaro]

I thought you meant would we go nuts, like, party. Like smash beer cans on our head.

[Fortune Feimster]

We go to the lesbian bar in Nashville after our show.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

If that tells you anything.

[Mae Martin]

Well, when I'm bringing the party to the bus, you have a choice.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, I did just have a. A hang with a bunch of girlfriends, and we did karaoke.

[Tig Notaro]

You're the only gay person that I know of that says my girlfriend is

[Fortune Feimster]

because I have a lot of. It's because I have a lot of straight friends who are girls. And they all say.

[Tig Notaro]

Use that word, but just say friends, because otherwise you seem like a real jiggle.

[Fortune Feimster]

Girls.

[Tig Notaro]

I assumed.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah. So we all. All. All my friends who are girls. We had a big karaoke night and

[Mae Martin]

it was so fun. What you. And what'd you sing?

[Fortune Feimster]

Just of, like, lady. A lot of lady anthems.

[Mae Martin]

A lot of group singing or a lot of.

[Fortune Feimster]

A lot of group singing. Yeah, we all joined in.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah. That's fun.

[Fortune Feimster]

It was really fun. Are you.

[Mae Martin]

Had you done karaoke with them before? Like, that's your karaoke?

[Fortune Feimster]

No, this was a new. They're my friends, but we hadn't had a karaoke night.

[Tig Notaro]

Girlfriend?

[Mae Martin]

Private.

[Fortune Feimster]

My girlfriends. No, just at a friend's house.

[Mae Martin]

Oh, at someone's house here in la?

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah.

[Mae Martin]

I like those private rooms you can rent.

[Fortune Feimster]

I've never done one of those, but it looks fun because you can just sing it over and over. As long as people. Korea are terrible singers, then that's a nightmare.

[Mae Martin]

It's like, it'll be a venue, and then you can get a room for like, eight people or. And.

[Tig Notaro]

And then you just to sing karaoke.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah. And there's just kind of leather couches, a disco ball, and a little room around this size or smaller, and the tv, and then you can call for drinks.

[Fortune Feimster]

Wait, did we put that on the list? Did we ever put that on the list?

[Tig Notaro]

That needs to.

[Mae Martin]

If we have.

[Fortune Feimster]

This is long.

[Tig Notaro]

I mean, you doing that while I'm tucked in bed with my CPAP machine on the bus or just in one of those rooms and I'm just like, yeah, I think I'm Gonna get rid of my cpap.

[Mae Martin]

Why?

[Fortune Feimster]

It's not working?

[Tig Notaro]

I don't think so. Like you're asleep with it sometimes there's like a mouth guard that you can use that maybe does the same job.

[Mae Martin]

It's to stop sleep apnea.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Mae Martin]

Okay. Okay. So then.

[Sarah Bareilles]

Yeah.

[Mae Martin]

What would you replace it with?

[Tig Notaro]

The mouthpiece.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, okay.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

If you were listening to me one second ago. Sorry.

[Fortune Feimster]

Well, well. What an adventure. May.

[Tig Notaro]

Yes. Are we trying to segue into question? It feels like it. Feels like it. Let's do it.

[Mae Martin]

Today's question asker is a Grammy winning singer, songwriter and actor who sold more than 3 million albums and starred in the show Girls 5 Eva. She co wrote and performed the original song Salt then sour then sweet for the Oscar nominated documentary Come see me in the good light. Sarah Bareilles is asking today's question also.

[Fortune Feimster]

Her Broadway show Waitress is so good. I love that one song.

[Tig Notaro]

She is a real talent.

[Fortune Feimster]

She's very talented.

[Tig Notaro]

I love her voice and a wonderful human.

[Sarah Bareilles]

Hi, handsome. I'm eating snap peas. My name is Sarah Bareilles. I just picked that zit and my question for you is not really of my own devising, but it's a question I heard asked to other people and I thought it was interesting. So I'm gonna re ask it here. And if I knew the source, I would quote them, but I don't, so they're shit out of luck. My question for you is you have two bananas.

[Fortune Feimster]

Okay.

[Sarah Bareilles]

One banana is perfectly ripe. The other banana is a little bit too ripe. Do you eat the perfect banana or do you eat the banana that's a little bit too ripe so as not to waste the too ripe banana, knowing that by the time you're hungry for another banana, the likelihood is that the second banana will also be too ripe.

[Fortune Feimster]

This is like a total my question.

[Tig Notaro]

Do you think I get asked this all the time?

[Fortune Feimster]

This feels like like you're rice thing that last episode.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

Where you're like talking to rice and something's happening. Dying.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah, I don't know that I'm talking to them.

[Fortune Feimster]

You're not talking to these bananas. Okay.

[Mae Martin]

Well, I guess I'm apologizing to whichever one I. I leave behind. I have strong feelings about two ripe bananas.

[Fortune Feimster]

Okay. I would love to hear this. We want a hot take.

[Mae Martin]

Okay, here's my hot takes on. I like a slightly green banana, but it's a very fine line. If it's chalky, no good.

[Fortune Feimster]

So the, the green is like it's not ripe enough. Yeah. Yeah.

[Mae Martin]

If it's even slightly brown, like if it's got speckles on it. That's for baking. And you gotta do a banana bread or something, I think.

[Fortune Feimster]

Or a smoothie.

[Mae Martin]

Or smoothie. Sure, fine.

[Tig Notaro]

Well, you know, if a banana has a hint of green and is speckled.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Then it has been unnaturally and mechanically ripened.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, wow.

[Tig Notaro]

So you don't want to eat those

[Fortune Feimster]

if it has green and cinnamon. Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

If you see it like a really. Like a ripe or a hard right banana.

[Mae Martin]

But it also.

[Tig Notaro]

But it also has. Yeah.

[Mae Martin]

So what do they have ripening?

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah. Well, how's that machine look?

[Tig Notaro]

I'm not. I don't. I don't work there.

[Fortune Feimster]

Know about bananas.

[Tig Notaro]

I don't work there, but here seem like, you know. Well, I do remember I told you bananas are actually berries.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah, Bananas are actually berries also. Did you know so many people die from black widow spiders hiding in banana bunches? And it's actually very dangerous when they pick them. Yeah, when they pick them. And sometimes they've come over to your house.

[Fortune Feimster]

To my house, and they go, what's up? You gonna eat me?

[Mae Martin]

And then my thing that I want to patent is if you take a bite of the peel of the banana and then you take a. And you let it taste all weird in your mouth, then you take a bite of the berry itself, the fruit of the banana, then it tastes like a tomato. And I patented that. And I invented that.

[Tig Notaro]

Wait, this is true. Things you're telling us.

[Mae Martin]

This is true.

[Tig Notaro]

When you're taking a bite of the peel.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah. I don't know how I would.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah, yeah.

[Mae Martin]

I basically discovered it by accident. I accidentally. I bit. Well, I would sometimes bite the banana to open it, you know, on the. On the butt end, not on the stalk end. Then I'm peeling it like a bonobo ape, and then I have the taste of the peel in my mouth. I guess I eat the fruit and I go, tomato, tomato, and I spread the word.

[Tig Notaro]

Tomato.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

Tomato, Tomato.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah. Try it out.

[Tig Notaro]

Banana. Banana.

[Fortune Feimster]

I love bananas.

[Tig Notaro]

I do, too. I eat a lot. And I've never eaten a peel.

[Fortune Feimster]

I've never eaten a pill either.

[Mae Martin]

You. So how are you opening them, guys? What did I say, guys?

[Fortune Feimster]

I peel them up. I appeal up top. But I did see John Mulaney do a thing about how his wife peels them, which was at the butt.

[Mae Martin]

Thumb at the butt. I do that.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Mae Martin]

Because that's how the monkeys do it. And when you're doing that, you might squish the top and yeah, yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

You.

[Mae Martin]

But you eat bananas every day. Would you say?

[Tig Notaro]

No?

[Mae Martin]

Oh, really?

[Fortune Feimster]

No, I don't eat a fruit every day.

[Mae Martin]

Really?

[Fortune Feimster]

I'm not a health nut.

[Mae Martin]

A little smoothie in the morning.

[Fortune Feimster]

I love a smoothie, but I do have a weird texture thing and fruit bumps up against my texture situation more than anything.

[Tig Notaro]

What about apples?

[Fortune Feimster]

I love apples. Really love apples. But I, I, I should be eating the fruit I like more than I do. But I really do enjoy an apple. Especially an apple. And y' all know I'm a peanut butter.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, yeah. Peanut butter on a.

[Fortune Feimster]

This peanut butter loves the apple.

[Tig Notaro]

Me too.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

Peanut butter, girl.

[Tig Notaro]

I eat that about every day.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

And you know what? Me too, actually, I eat almost a quarter to a half a jar of peanut butter a day.

[Mae Martin]

Me too. I think. Yeah. It's my favorite food.

[Tig Notaro]

And crunchy.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah. And I always think about.

[Tig Notaro]

Because I do heaping scoops on my, my apple.

[Mae Martin]

Heaping scoops? Yeah, that patent that maybe heap and Scoop and scoops should be a company.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

I also love peanut butter on bananas as well. Oh, yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

A peanut butter banana

[Sponsor/Ad Voice]

sandwich.

[Mae Martin]

Yes. With honey, sometimes inside.

[Tig Notaro]

Well, not for me, but yes. My vegan issues I would like.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, you can't eat honey because bees are harmed.

[Tig Notaro]

Well, it's, it's animal product. You know, whatever. Okay. You know, sometimes it sneaks into my food and I live through it.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

But so for me, bananas are. Can. It can be dicey if they're too ripe. I can't

[Tig Notaro]

throw that in a smoothie.

[Sponsor/Ad Voice]

Yeah.

[Mae Martin]

Banana strings.

[Fortune Feimster]

Freeze it and throw it in a smoothie down the road.

[Tig Notaro]

You freeze it. You freeze it.

[Fortune Feimster]

But if a banana has a bunch of brown spots on it, that's. I'm like, when I was little and

[Tig Notaro]

I would respond that way to it, my mother was like, that's the sweet part of the banana.

[Fortune Feimster]

So many people were like, it's. That's the best.

[Mae Martin]

What?

[Fortune Feimster]

It is sweeter when it's.

[Mae Martin]

Oh, it's sweeter. But there's like a sour.

[Tig Notaro]

It's disgusting. Find something else for your sweet tooth.

[Fortune Feimster]

Truth.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, it's disgusting.

[Fortune Feimster]

But wait, why? Why?

[Mae Martin]

So glad we're on the same page. Three. Three of us.

[Tig Notaro]

Finally. This is the first time we all can agree.

[Fortune Feimster]

But Sarah's asking about these two bananas. Like it's a hard choice.

[Mae Martin]

No, I'm eating the perfectly ripe one.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah. Does that say something about. Is this a deep.

[Tig Notaro]

Why are you getting so mad at Sarah?

[Fortune Feimster]

No, I love Sarah.

[Tig Notaro]

She's such a nice person.

[Fortune Feimster]

That was the one I was trying to think of.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh my God, have you heard her do that with Rufus Wainwright?

[Fortune Feimster]

Yes. That was gorgeous.

[Tig Notaro]

Are they trying to kill us?

[Fortune Feimster]

They're trying to kill us.

[Tig Notaro]

Are they trying to. Have you heard it, man?

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, it's gorgeous.

[Tig Notaro]

Why don't you say your goodbyes and

[Fortune Feimster]

then listen to it? Goodbye it is. It's really Used to be mine.

[Mae Martin]

I'm writing it down.

[Fortune Feimster]

It's from Waitress, the musical, which she wrote the music for.

[Tig Notaro]

I mean, used to be mine. She's trying to kill us.

[Fortune Feimster]

She's got some great songs.

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[Fortune Feimster]

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[Fortune Feimster]

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[Tig Notaro]

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[Fortune Feimster]

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[Mae Martin]

I think it's like if you. If you eat the perfectly ripe banana then it's wasteful, but you could use the two ripe banana to bake. I'm saying it's weird that bananas aren't like used more for sex stuff because.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh boy.

[Mae Martin]

Or just sit there.

[Fortune Feimster]

How did we turn? I didn't do that. By the way. May did this turn. I did not make this section.

[Tig Notaro]

I didn't say anything.

[Fortune Feimster]

I could just hear a Fortune Marie on your tongue.

[Tig Notaro]

Fortune Marie.

[Fortune Feimster]

What about May Marie?

[Tig Notaro]

Well.

[Mae Martin]

Or girl Girl. Girl Girl Marie. Girl Marie.

[Tig Notaro]

Girl Marie.

[Mae Martin]

But like, you know, like eggplants have become synonymous with like.

[Fortune Feimster]

Or because it's Vaseline thicker. The banana's too. Too small maybe.

[Mae Martin]

Oh yeah. Okay.

[Fortune Feimster]

I'm just. You think more people are going to commercial by myself? Well, when you say. When you say you want bananas become more sexual.

[Mae Martin]

I didn't say I want. I said I'm so surprised that more people aren't seeing.

[Tig Notaro]

Do you think this is what Allstate wants from us?

[Mae Martin]

Oh, you're so right.

[Tig Notaro]

Do you really think this is what all wants in there?

[Mae Martin]

I know.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh no. I. I was trying to keep it very.

[Tig Notaro]

I know you were. Girl. I think you've overused that word in this episode. Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Maybe it was another episode.

[Fortune Feimster]

I think it was another episode.

[Tig Notaro]

Whatever.

[Fortune Feimster]

What were you saying, May?

[Mae Martin]

Just like I'm surprised I haven't come across in. In my exploits. I know someone going hey, can I you with A banana, you know, like,

[Tig Notaro]

all right, I'm going to commercial with or without you.

[Fortune Feimster]

Wow.

[Mae Martin]

You think wow?

[Tig Notaro]

Because that's that voice you do that I love. Like, wow.

[Fortune Feimster]

I don't know.

[Tig Notaro]

Maybe because you sound like a cat, maybe.

[Fortune Feimster]

Really let that one loose.

[Tig Notaro]

We should have a cat fight and just, like, wrestle each other.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, that sounds.

[Tig Notaro]

I mean, I'd have to put a back brace on a helmet.

[Fortune Feimster]

A handsome wrestling mat would be fun. We should make that a live event.

[Tig Notaro]

Well, I DMed you put it on the list, Thomas.

[Mae Martin]

There's this, like.

[Tig Notaro]

We'll do it at one of our shows.

[Mae Martin]

Wrestle on a mat, organize it. Because I found this company that's like, Queer Oil Wrestling. Like, oil wrestling. I DM them. I go, when's your next event?

[Tig Notaro]

Can you slide into their DMs?

[Fortune Feimster]

We do have that show at the Wiltern, May 4, but I don't know if we can pull it together.

[Tig Notaro]

We could wrestle our guests.

[Mae Martin]

I DM them.

[Fortune Feimster]

And I was like, it's Malin Ackerman and Britney Snow.

[Mae Martin]

I think we could take him before.

[Tig Notaro]

We could.

[Mae Martin]

For sure.

[Fortune Feimster]

It might lead to some wrestling.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Mae Martin]

But the embarrassing thing was I was like, yeah, let me know when your next event is in la. I want to come. And they were like, when are you free and we'll make an event? And they were like, we can come to you.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah.

[Mae Martin]

And I was like, oh, no, no. I'll just tag along.

[Fortune Feimster]

They're like, in your backyard. Yeah.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah. But I think it would be really fun, I think, to. To get your aggression out in this in a safer.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah, but I think that I. I would have. I would need to be fully clothed because.

[Tig Notaro]

Wait, are we not clothed?

[Mae Martin]

No.

[Tig Notaro]

We're covered in oil and just naked.

[Mae Martin]

No. I guess you can wear a bathing suit.

[Tig Notaro]

Like a men's bathing suit. Down to my knees.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah. Like bikinis or something.

[Tig Notaro]

I feel like you guys would pull my.

[Fortune Feimster]

I wouldn't because I wouldn't want that oven to me. Oh, right.

[Tig Notaro]

Do onto others.

[Fortune Feimster]

I don't want to ass out. Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

You know, you grew up in the church. I don't need to see it.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah, I don't.

[Tig Notaro]

I'm not trying to.

[Fortune Feimster]

I'm not pulling down your bathing suit.

[Tig Notaro]

Why don't you back up?

[Fortune Feimster]

Why don't you back. Take you right now? I would assume you would be naked in this scenario.

[Tig Notaro]

No. I assume you're always naked until you get here.

[Mae Martin]

No, I love clothes. I assume you're just always naked, swanning around.

[Fortune Feimster]

I assume you're topless. A lot. And in some sort of ponties.

[Mae Martin]

You know what's crazy is I. Around my house, roughly.

[Tig Notaro]

Pontius.

[Mae Martin]

Around my house, I am topless a lot. But now I got people doing the garden, and they're these. These nice older men, and I'm. I just don't want to make them uncomfortable because they call me a she and I can't be bothered to. To correct them. And I'm like, what would they think if I was just walking around, you know, doing push ups? I don't know. So I just forever.

[Fortune Feimster]

Hot tub, tits out. Yeah.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Is that a callback to one of our bits?

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah, my hot tub's too short.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, right, right, right. That feels like one of those things where, like, a fan would come up and be like, hot tub, tits out.

[Fortune Feimster]

People do say it. Yeah. Since that episode, they've said, hot tub, tits out.

[Tig Notaro]

I just feel like I could see myself passing somebody on the sidewalk. They say that they look at them weird, and then they're like, tig's rude.

[Fortune Feimster]

And then you're like, keep it handsome.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah. Wait, somebody just did that. Oh, I checked into a hotel in Chicago.

[Fortune Feimster]

And what they say she was just

[Tig Notaro]

very professional, checking me in, asking for my credit, you know, like ID and everything. And then. And then she pulled a book, my book. And she said, oh, I brought some reading material tonight. I was like, oh, how funny. Thanks. And then after she checked me in and gave me the key, she goes, and keep it, handsome. And I was like, well, you little rascal. You didn't give away anything. Like, when I walked up, there was no vibe that she knew who I was.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah, that's great. And slid that little puppy in at the end.

[Tig Notaro]

She sure did. There was no puppy. That would have been a fun thing on check in.

[Fortune Feimster]

Very fun to stop.

[Tig Notaro]

You just bring a puppy into your room.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah. Amazing.

[Tig Notaro]

And then you also have to pay the cleanup fee.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Should we hear what Sarah has to say?

[Fortune Feimster]

Sure.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah. I'm curious if she's finished those snowp.

[Fortune Feimster]

I just want to know if there's a deeper meaning to this. Like, we're a certain personality type if we do it. Yes.

[Tig Notaro]

What if we're revealing we're terrible people? Maybe we shouldn't play her answer.

[Mae Martin]

I'll play the answer.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, can I ask real quick before we. How did you meet Sarah?

[Tig Notaro]

She flew out as a fan of Andrea Gibson's to see Andrea's final show, and then we all connected through that. But she was there by herself. She was on her own little journey. She had Lost her dear friend to cancer and was just really connecting with this and Andrea and came out for the show and then. Yeah. We've all just become really close.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

And I kind of forgot where she came from, but that's where it is. Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

Has she ever sung to you? He just. You.

[Tig Notaro]

No. No. I should sing to her.

[Fortune Feimster]

You should. Absolutely. Yeah. Okay. Thank you for that.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, you're welcome.

[Fortune Feimster]

I like her song. Brave.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

Anyway.

[Tig Notaro]

Okay.

[Sarah Bareilles]

I eat the too ripe banana because I'm too lazy to make banana bread. And I don't like to waste.

[Tig Notaro]

She's better than us.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah, she is better than us.

[Sarah Bareilles]

May God bless us all.

[Fortune Feimster]

Wow.

[Mae Martin]

So I thought she was gonna say something about me at the end there.

[Tig Notaro]

Wastes a lot of bananas.

[Fortune Feimster]

I can't do that.

[Mae Martin]

Example of what not to be. Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

I just gonna throw away the. I'm bad. I throw.

[Sponsor/Ad Voice]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

If you don't want to bake, Sarah, throw in a blender.

[Fortune Feimster]

You could throw in or throw in the freezer.

[Tig Notaro]

Can you believe we had her on the show only for her to shame us about her bananas?

[Fortune Feimster]

She didn't know she was going to shame us because she didn't answer, but

[Tig Notaro]

I think she knew.

[Fortune Feimster]

But you can freeze the banana past its point.

[Mae Martin]

And then what? Throw it in a smoothie or something.

[Fortune Feimster]

Then throw it in a smoothie and then. Then the texture won't mess you up. Wait. Oh, my. Did you see that?

[Tig Notaro]

What happened?

[Fortune Feimster]

Made a sexual. May said or tell me. I'm like, did the something like this.

[Tig Notaro]

Put your hand down. Put your hand down.

[Fortune Feimster]

May, come on my legs asleep.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, well, let's whisper that.

[Fortune Feimster]

But May did this.

[Tig Notaro]

I saw you the first three times you did it.

[Fortune Feimster]

Just saying.

[Tig Notaro]

This is a Christian podcast.

[Mae Martin]

You're tattling on me.

[Fortune Feimster]

Dude. Dude.

[Mae Martin]

Dude.

[Fortune Feimster]

Well, I got reprimanded. Yeah youh're tattling on me. Keep your ruffle panties in your pants.

[Tig Notaro]

What's up, girl? Dude, bro.

[Fortune Feimster]

Dude, bro.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

Okay.

[Tig Notaro]

My sons call me dude.

[Mae Martin]

That's really funny.

[Tig Notaro]

Just at that age.

[Fortune Feimster]

How do you feel about that, dude? I don't know if I would love it.

[Tig Notaro]

I'd be like, it's Mommy, mom, dad to you. Mom, Daddy, whatchamacallit.

[Fortune Feimster]

Mommy, Daddy, whatchamacallit.

[Tig Notaro]

Much of a muchama. Who's it?

[Mae Martin]

I feel like it's a sign of respect. It's like they're. They're like, we're friends.

[Tig Notaro]

Like, you're tied.

[Mae Martin]

Just every once in a while it slips out.

[Tig Notaro]

Well, it'll be like, guys, you have to Put your shoes on, dude.

[Sponsor/Ad Voice]

I just.

[Mae Martin]

You know, I love that.

[Fortune Feimster]

Not for me. Okay, well, call me Mom, Daddy. Don't you.

[Mae Martin]

Are you gonna come over as, like, Mary Poppins?

[Tig Notaro]

Is that what you would go by, Mommy, Daddy?

[Fortune Feimster]

No. I don't know. I've never even thought about it.

[Tig Notaro]

Well, I need you to think about

[Fortune Feimster]

it, but probably still be a mom. A version of Mom.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Mama, Daddy, Mama.

[Fortune Feimster]

I don't want to be like an old Bertha. Where's my mama? Where's my mama, dude? I don't want to pe. A mama.

[Tig Notaro]

Well, if you're a mama, you're going to eventually be a mama.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah, I don't want that. Well, I don't know if I. You chose it, Mom. Not Mommy. Mommy. When they're little, Mayor. And then when they get to be.

[Tig Notaro]

What do you think of Mayor?

[Fortune Feimster]

I like Mayor.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Feels so right.

[Fortune Feimster]

It doesn't feel right for you.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

So ripe.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, too ripe. Way to bring it full circle to our bananas.

[Tig Notaro]

Yes, indeed. Well, this was a treat to have Sarah Bareilles. I mean, an honor. Does it get better than her voice?

[Fortune Feimster]

She's got a gorgeous voice.

[Mae Martin]

I'll be listening in my car.

[Fortune Feimster]

Say what you want to say.

[Mae Martin]

Oh, is that her?

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah. I wanna. Wait. How does it go? We really nail it. Okay.

[Tig Notaro]

I know.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, my God. She has some good ones. You don't know. That used to be mine.

[Mae Martin]

No, I know.

[Fortune Feimster]

Not easy to say.

[Tig Notaro]

Now, do you know?

[Mae Martin]

I know it's less than I did before.

[Fortune Feimster]

Something small that I gave.

[Tig Notaro]

Fortune's having a stroke.

[Fortune Feimster]

She used to be mine. Okay. Well.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, you know.

[Mae Martin]

You know when people, like, get Alzheimer's and it's really hard, and then sometimes music, like, brings them back. If you ever ended up, like, in a home, we went to visit you, and you're a vegetable. Then we would play you vegetable. We play you a.

[Fortune Feimster]

It's not a fruit, not a banana, not a fruit.

[Tig Notaro]

I just haven't heard anyone say that.

[Mae Martin]

It's been a while.

[Fortune Feimster]

Have you put me in a home? But I'm a vegetable.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah, but then I'd play you.

[Tig Notaro]

Is that from Vegetative State? This is a vegetable.

[Mae Martin]

I'd play you, I wanna see you. And you'd suddenly light up.

[Fortune Feimster]

See you be brave and you can't

[Tig Notaro]

make it one day. And you send me to go see, sing, and there's no response.

[Mae Martin]

I'm like, pass.

[Tig Notaro]

I'm going to act dead.

[Fortune Feimster]

Get her out of here. God.

[Sponsor/Ad Voice]

She's saying.

[Tig Notaro]

She's talking. Yeah, she's saying, get her out of here.

[Fortune Feimster]

Get her out of here. Wow, this really took a turn for me. Very bizarre. Perfectly healthy enough to go visit me and sing. I want a sandy bread. Wow. You guys are just living your best life. I'm over there in a state.

[Tig Notaro]

Well, even if you were a vegetable, we'd still roll you in while we were recording.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah, we were.

[Tig Notaro]

And we'd take you on tour, and

[Fortune Feimster]

all three of us would say, keep

[Mae Martin]

it handsome, and your eyelid would twitch. And then. And then Tig would go, Fortune Marie.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, I'd know what that meant. And then, even then, my eyelids would be fixed from my surgery.

[Fortune Feimster]

When is it?

[Tig Notaro]

Yes.

[Mae Martin]

When's the surger surgery?

[Tig Notaro]

My surgery is March 20th.

[Mae Martin]

Oh, my God. I'm excited.

[Fortune Feimster]

Amazing.

[Tig Notaro]

You're excited.

[Fortune Feimster]

We can't wait.

[Tig Notaro]

Are you gonna come sing to me in the hospital?

[Fortune Feimster]

I'm gonna eat a vegan cinnamon roll in your honor.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, my God. Did I tell you about that?

[Fortune Feimster]

No, but vegan cinnamon roll sounds delicious.

[Tig Notaro]

After I had surgery and had terrible complications in 2019.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

I was only eating chocolate milkshakes that were, like, the size of, like, 5ft tall.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, my God.

[Tig Notaro]

And then vegan cinnamon rolls that were bigger than my face. And that was because I was having trouble keeping weight on. And so that was just pounding it. I was just pounding it, pounding it.

[Mae Martin]

And now. Did you have too much? So now it's nauseating to you or you still love it?

[Tig Notaro]

There you go. Any hoodles?

[Mae Martin]

I'm gonna have dinner after this.

[Fortune Feimster]

I know. I'm hungry.

[Mae Martin]

I'm hungo.

[Tig Notaro]

Let's wrap it up then so we can get you guys fed. I gotta go to a screening of Come See Me in the Good Light, which Sarah Bareilles. She's an EP along with Brandy Carlile. And they sing that salt and sour and sweet.

[Mae Martin]

March 3rd. I'm on tour. Check out maymartin.net see if I'm coming to your town. You're also touring around?

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah, I'm gonna be in San Diego, I believe at the Civic center on the. Is it the seventh? Whatever. That's. The Saturday is coming up. Then I have a bunch of dates. Little Rock, Fayetteville, Arkansas, Oklahoma City. Yeah, a bunch of. A bunch of places. I don't know where else because I don't have it in front of me, but I'm on tour. FortuneFemster.com I am on tour as well.

[Tig Notaro]

Take Notaro.com and speaking of San Diego, I've always wanted to have a breakfast restaurant there called The Sandy Eggo.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, there you go.

[Tig Notaro]

There you are.

[Mae Martin]

Wait, I don't get it.

[Tig Notaro]

Well, there's, like, waffles called Eggos.

[Mae Martin]

Oh, the Sandy Eggo.

[Fortune Feimster]

I'm also in Cedar Rapids, Rochester, Minnesota.

[Tig Notaro]

Also check out Starfleet Academy that I'm on with Holly Hunter and Paul Giamatti and an incredible cast. Also tomorrow, I will be performing for the Stand up For Equality show March 4th in Los Angeles with Margaret Cho, Mateo Lane and a bunch of incredible comedians. Come on out and please share any of your favorite episodes with anybody. Rate review subscribe YouTube. Go to YouTube.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah, buy our fun merch. We have all these great shirts that have come out.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, we have our show, the Will Turn.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yes, that's right. In Los Angeles, May 4, as part of the Netflix is a Joke Festival, we will be doing a handsome live show.

[Tig Notaro]

Do we announce our guests cast?

[Fortune Feimster]

Yep. It's Britney Snow and Malin Ackerman.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Excellent.

[Fortune Feimster]

From the Hunting Wives. A lot of Leslie stuff going on in that show.

[Mae Martin]

And with this after my birthday. Oh, it doesn't matter.

[Fortune Feimster]

No, it does be an action in that show.

[Tig Notaro]

That's right. May was born in a lot of boobies. We heard you, Fortune Marie Titties.

[Fortune Feimster]

And we're gonna ask her about it because not only will they be asking a question, we're also going to chat with them a little bit.

[Mae Martin]

Okay.

[Tig Notaro]

And with that, keep it handsome.

[Mae Martin]

Handsome is hosted by me, May Martin, Tig Notaro and Fortune Feimster. The show is produced, recorded and edited by Thomas Willette. Email [e-mail] and please follow us on social media at Handsomepod.

[Fortune Feimster]

What a pod podcast. What a podcast.

[Mae Martin]

That was a headgum podcast. Checking Allstate first could save you hundreds on car insurance. That's smart. Not checking that you packed sunscreen when you're going on that midwinter vacation. Ouch. Your skin hasn't seen the sun in months and now you're in desperate need of some aloe vera.

[Sponsor/Ad Voice]

Yeah, checking first is smart. So check Allstate first for a quote that could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Potential savings vary subject to terms, conditions, and availability. Allstate North American Insurance Company and Affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hey, I'm Gareth Reynolds and I have a new podcast on Head gum called Next. We have. Now, this show is for people with short attention spans, which is everyone. I mean, you're probably trying to skip this ad right now, but don't, because you now legally have to listen to the show. That's how law works. Next we have is very simple. Each episode has three short segments. For instance, Lisa Gilroy and I write insane revenge Yelp reviews for callers who had bad experiences with a business. The Doughboys play a game called Meal or no Meal and Steph, Tola and I go head to head on a thought provoking game called Guess that Sound. The show is as dumb as it sounds, and we probably have more fun than we should, but it's a great time and you should listen or watch new episodes of Next we have Every Thursday on YouTube or your favorite podcast.

[Mae Martin]

Apparently.