The Hunting Wives ask Handsome questions... LIVE!

Summary

Podcast Summary: Handsome – "The Hunting Wives Ask Handsome Questions…LIVE!"

Podcast: Handsome
Hosts: Tig Notaro, Fortune Feimster, Mae Martin
Guests: Malin Akerman, Britney Snow (Stars of "The Hunting Wives")
Date: June 18, 2026
Live at: The Wiltern for Netflix Is a Joke Comedy Festival

---

Overview

This lively, laughter-filled "Handsome" episode brings the podcast’s signature silly, queer, and riff-heavy energy to a packed theater at the Netflix comedy festival. The trio of hosts (Tig Notaro, Fortune Feimster, Mae Martin) welcome Malin Akerman and Britney Snow—stars of the buzzy, sexy Netflix series "The Hunting Wives"—for a night of irreverent conversation. Together, they swap stories about birthdays, queer milestones, awkward sex scenes, and existential insomnia, with plenty of detours about kittens, Magic Mike, fishing dances, wheelbarrow/generally mispronounced words, and memorable moments from their lives on and off screen.

---

1. Festive Live Show Energy & Opening Banter

[01:28–07:18]

• The podcast opens at the Wiltern, with hosts celebrating their "fancy sexy couch", whiskey in a "globule" (which sets off a running gag about weird words), and the queer joy of petting kittens backstage.
• Early jokes emphasize how “gay” the show is ("If you want to know how gay this show is, we were just petting kittens from the ASPCA backstage to promote fostering”—Fortune, [05:01]) and riff on the word “charcuterie” containing “cooter.”
• Mae celebrates her recent 39th birthday (“I’m going to have a full breakdown when I turn 40”—Mae, [07:12]), with Tig and Fortune poking gentle fun at each other’s ages and ideas about respect at 40.
• Playful word confusion abounds (colleagues/colleague as a “Mae” word, “globule,” “wheelbarrel/barrow”), with audience participation on which pronunciation is right ([12:09]).

---

2. Birthday Traditions, Laser Tag, and Emotional Honesty

[16:33–20:27]

• Mae recounts her awkward adult birthday laser tag party, which seemed more fit for toddlers: “Everyone was five!” ([17:17])
• Producer Thomas unexpectedly dominates laser tag, showing a competitive side: “He was crawling along the ground…a Canadian killer!” ([18:08])
• Mae admits to getting emotional on her birthday, referencing texts from exes who ask if she’s cried yet—unwittingly establishing an annual tradition: “On birthdays you’re like, I hope my friends and loved ones really know me… then I got three texts from ex-girlfriends, all saying, ‘Have you cried yet?’” ([19:34])
• The group connects on how birthdays and New Year’s Eve force personal reflection.

---

3. Fortune Goes Fishing & Dance Moves

[20:15–24:39]

• Fortune talks about finally going fishing with her brother: “My brother’s been asking me to go fishing for years… I am a pretty lady as well as butch.” ([20:15])
• The crew jokes about the “fishing dance” as a metaphor for Fortune’s real-life fishing success, and Tig confesses she doesn’t know the “Fish Hook” dance move ([22:48]).
• Physical comedy abounds, with Fortune and Mae miming dance moves to audience delight.

---

4. The Great Debate Over Words ("Colleague," "Wheelbarrow")

[08:14–14:09]

• Recurring confusion over basic words (“colleague,” “barrow” vs “barrel”) becomes an extended bit, with audience call-and-response.
• Humorous ruminations about language and accents, showcasing the trio’s friendship and improvisational comedy.
• Notable quote: “I feel like May is smarter than me for sure because I said globule… Never heard that word!”—Tig ([02:42])

---

5. Orgies, Making Excuses, and Childhood Crushes on Teachers

[28:13–34:46]

• Mae jokes about her “season” of attending orgies (“I’m not an orgy person. I just had a couple months of many of them, right when we started the podcast.”—Mae, [28:49]).
• The group laughs about making up excuses to get out of obligations, especially claiming diarrhea (classic school trick):
  • “You know the go-to is just diarrhea, right? Nobody will ask questions.”—Tig ([31:29])
  • “Once you do that, you’re gone, these scientists…are going missing.”—Britney ([90:02])
• Mae tells a charming story about faking diarrhea to get out of homework in grade six, and having a major crush on her teacher.

---

6. Malin Akerman & Britney Snow Join: The Hunting Wives Deep-Dive

[40:13–61:58]

On Reading the Script, Filming, and Sex Scenes:

• Both guests describe their initial reactions to reading "The Hunting Wives" script, with Malin’s husband encouraging her it’s “tailor-made for you” ([44:08]).
• Britney reveals she “didn’t realize [she] would be so naked,” only learning the extent when shooting (“They surprised you on the day?”—Mae, [45:25]).
• Funniest quote about sex scenes: “It’s very different to kiss a beautiful woman… with soft skin.”—Malin ([47:45]).
• Both describe technical awkwardness of filming steamy scenes in daylight, adjusting for camera angles, smells (“A lot of nice smells,”—Britney, [47:55]), and support between scene partners.
• On family reactions: Malin shares her Swedish family's blunt response (“I sat beside my dad and he went, ‘Wow, you really did work out. Your ass looks great.’”—Malin, [50:02]); Mae mentions her parents are “too open” and always remind her they still have sex ([51:27]).
• Scene parodies: “We have to do The Hunting Dykes!”—Tig ([60:24]), with the group riffing on the idea of lesbian and bisexual send-ups of the show.

On Professional & Personal Connections:

• Mae admits to keeping in touch with most of her childhood teachers, prompting friendly teasing from the guests about attachment and nostalgia ([56:03]).

---

7. Audience Q&A: Guest Questions for Handsome Hosts

[65:08–87:38]

Britney’s Question: "What’s something that you thought sucked at the time but turned out to be exactly what needed to happen? (Or a ghost story.)"

• Stories from the hosts include:

  • Fortune: The rejection from UNC Chapel Hill led to finding her tribe and future in LA ([72:06]).
  • Mae: Breakups, and how devastation led to “dodged bullets” ([73:33]).
  • Tig: Her breakup led her to “accidentally” end up in Los Angeles, discovering standup and her life’s purpose ([74:53]).
  • Malin: Post-divorce, bonding deeply by raising her son with a childhood friend ([77:20]).
  • Britney: Caught an ex-boyfriend emailing explicit photos (in shorts she bought), but in hindsight she’s grateful the relationship ended ([80:03]).

• The group riffs on two different "pile of shit" parables: Mae recounts the Chinese farmer story about "maybe," and Tig remembers a Texas church story involving "a huge pile of horseshit" and a donkey ([69:20]).

---

8. What Keeps You Up at Night?

[81:28–89:02]

Malin’s Speed Round: “What keeps you up at night?”

• Mae: “Are we in a simulation? What’s the point of it all?” ([81:47]) and recounts existential dread and insomnia.
• Tig blames menopause and her desire for a “clear conscience,” likening her brain to an attic with boxes to sort ([85:46]).
• Fortune’s mom’s advice: “Don’t borrow trouble. You're always worrying about what might happen before it even happens” ([87:14]), which helped her sleep better.
• Malin: “I bury everything real deep so I fall asleep real fast” ([87:38]).
• Britney details a full anti-insomnia setup (multiple sound machines, ear plugs, sleep coaches, medication), but “still hears the birds” at 4:00 a.m. ([88:30]).

---

9. Memorable, Quotable Moments

• “You can’t say charcuterie without cooter.”—Fortune ([04:11])
• “If you want to know how gay this show is, we were just petting kittens from the ASPCA…”—Fortune ([05:01])
• “It’s very different to kiss a beautiful woman, you know, with soft skin.”—Malin Akerman ([47:45])
• “You know, the go-to [excuse] is just diarrhea, right?”—Tig ([31:29])
• “Don’t borrow trouble. You’re always worrying about what might happen before it even happens.”—Fortune ([87:14])
• “I always have to ask people if they laugh a lot during filming… because I can’t [help myself].”—Mae ([58:22])
• “We have to do The Hunting Dykes.”—Tig ([60:24])
• “Are we in a simulation? What is the point of all of this?”—Mae ([81:47])

---

10. Notable Timestamps

• [01:44] – Show opens, live recording energy, hosts discuss the set
• [07:18] – Mae’s birthday & “colleague” word confusion
• [17:18] – Mae’s awkward adult birthday party story
• [20:15-22:22] – Fortune’s butch/femme fishing adventure & “fishing dance”
• [28:13-31:29] – Orgy banter & lying with “diarrhea” as excuse
• [40:13] – Malin Akerman & Britney Snow sit down, "Hunting Wives" questions begin
• [47:45] – Malin on kissing women vs. men onscreen
• [51:27] – Parents’ reactions to sex scenes
• [72:06] – Stories of rejected dreams leading to life’s best twists
• [81:28] – Malin’s ‘what keeps you up at night’ question
• [87:14] – Fortune’s “don’t borrow trouble” sleep advice

---

Tone & Takeaway:
The episode epitomizes the "Handsome" blend of earnest sharing, queer joy, and off-the-cuff hilarity. Listeners are treated to candid reflections on personal growth, career twists, and community, plus a healthy dose of inside jokes, sexual frankness, and loving mockery among friends and guests. The banter is fast, affectionate, and very queer, making it feel like you’ve crashed a group of best friends’ brunch—albeit onstage, with 1,000 people, whiskey in weird glassware, and stars in sharp suits.

---

For Fans:

• If you love queer comedy, running inside jokes, and behind-the-scenes TV talk, or want to hear TV stars and comedians muse about sex scenes, friendship rituals, existential dread, and the mystery of birds at 4 a.m.—don’t miss this episode.
• “Thank you for being a friend…” – The show closes, fittingly, with a round of singing the "Golden Girls" theme.

---

End of Summary

Transcript

[Malin Akerman]

This is a Headgun podcast.

[Mae Martin]

Ansem is supported by Squarespace. Squarespace gives you everything you need to offer services and get paid all in one place. We built a custom website with Squarespace. Not only was it easy, it was fun too. Whether it's for your personal portfolio, business, or handsome podcasts, Squarespace helps you build a website you can be proud of. They've got so many tools to make your life easy, including professional on brand invoices, online online payments, built in appointment scheduling, and email marketing.

[Tig Notaro]

With Squarespace, your design is infinitely adaptable to suit your needs with intuitive drag and drop editing, beautiful styling options, unrivaled visual design effects on brand content, and more ways to list what you offer. No prior experience required. Squarespace domains help you find the best name for your business at one fair, all inclusive price. No hidden fees or add ons required.

[Mae Martin]

So what are you waiting for? Get started on your dream website today. Head to squarespace.com handsome for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, use offer code handsome to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Please welcome Team Notaro, Fortune Feaster and Gary Martins. Handsome on Handsome Chatting the friends on the Handsome pop. Chatting the friends on the Handsome park

[Fortune Feimster]

years. What's up, you guys?

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

Welcome to the Handsome pods live show for the Netflix. It's a Joe comedy festival. Wow.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, I apologize. I forgot to stand up here and wave for a little bit and I was just.

[Mae Martin]

You went straight down?

[Tig Notaro]

Yep. I. I saw my seat.

[Fortune Feimster]

We were. And I went for it. You guys, look at this sexy couch we have behind us.

[Mae Martin]

Very nice.

[Tig Notaro]

Yes.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, man. We're gonna talk a lot on that couch.

[Mae Martin]

We're gonna talk a lot. We got some. We have some beautiful whiskey here.

[Fortune Feimster]

We have whiskey and what looks like a wine decanter.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah. I've never seen this before. Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Is that not supposed to be there?

[Fortune Feimster]

No.

[Mae Martin]

I've never seen whiskey in a kind of globule. Is that what you call that, a globule?

[Tig Notaro]

What did you call it?

[Mae Martin]

Is that a glob? Would you call it.

[Tig Notaro]

Is that a globule?

[Mae Martin]

Would you call that.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah. Is it a globule?

[Mae Martin]

This is a globule.

[Tig Notaro]

I feel like May is smarter than me for sure because I said globule. Yeah. I've never heard that word. I feel like if you said it, I'd have to say Fortune Marie.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh. Cause it would have some sexual innuendo.

[Tig Notaro]

I feel like if I heard globule come out of your mouth, I would be like, that's definitely sexual.

[Fortune Feimster]

That's right.

[Tig Notaro]

But also out of your mouth, too.

[Mae Martin]

Well, I have to say, I don't think it's a real word.

[Fortune Feimster]

I can guarantee you it's not a real word.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, this is where I say I'm not as smart as you guys.

[Fortune Feimster]

Speaking of globules.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

I was just snacking on a charcuterie board. Yeah. And yeah. You guys know I love that pull pocket cheese in there. Yeah. And keep in mind, yes.

[Tig Notaro]

Not all of the people here listen to our podcast. To our podcast.

[Mae Martin]

That's true. Give us a cheer if you are here to see our amazing guests from the Hunting Wives.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah. Okay. Yes.

[Mae Martin]

Because there were. When we arrived at the venue, there was a group of screaming teenage girls and we were like, hey, yeah. And they were like, who are you?

[Tig Notaro]

Okay, let's hear who's here to see handsome.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, there we go.

[Tig Notaro]

Okay.

[Fortune Feimster]

All right. All right. They know about cheese in your mouth.

[Tig Notaro]

Who's here to see both?

[Mae Martin]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Now back to your charcuterie.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, I was just gonna remind everyone that you can't say the word charcuterie without the word cooter. That's right. If you learn nothing tonight, you'll remember that. And that's the kind of show we're about to have.

[Mae Martin]

And tonight is about learning.

[Tig Notaro]

Yes. Tonight is about learning.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Globule.

[Fortune Feimster]

This is our first time at the Wiltern as a pod. This is exciting.

[Tig Notaro]

Yes. Yes.

[Fortune Feimster]

Tig, you wore your fanciest of outfits for this occasion. May did have it on a Phantom of the Opera T shirt.

[Mae Martin]

I changed. I, I cuz I saw how beautiful Mullen and Britney look.

[Fortune Feimster]

Britney look amazing.

[Mae Martin]

I can't be wearing a vin. Like a crumpled Phantom of the Opera shirt.

[Fortune Feimster]

If you guys want to know how gay this show is.

[Tig Notaro]

Yes.

[Fortune Feimster]

Right before we came out here, we were petting kittens. The ASPCA brought them to promote fostering kittens.

[Mae Martin]

So you gotta foster kittens, guys.

[Fortune Feimster]

You guys, you have to.

[Tig Notaro]

There was one that fell asleep.

[Fortune Feimster]

There's a kitten for everyone when you leave.

[Tig Notaro]

There was a kitten that fell asleep on May's chest.

[Mae Martin]

It was heaven. A tiny little black kitten. And it's. It was doing like the long blinks and then it slowly fell asleep.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, man. Fell asleep on your honey love bra.

[Mae Martin]

Right on my honey love bra.

[Tig Notaro]

We share one.

[Mae Martin]

We pass our honey and I share one bra.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

And we keep it in the dumpster with my tits. Yeah.

[Mae Martin]

Is that where you keep all tit related paraphernalia well, that's all that's in

[Tig Notaro]

there is a couple of sawed off tits and a honey.

[Mae Martin]

Honey love.

[Tig Notaro]

I was going to say honey nut bra, but that's cereal.

[Fortune Feimster]

The people here for the Hunting Wives are like, what is happening?

[Tig Notaro]

I mean, yeah, but if you watch the Hunting Wives, this is fine, right? Sure. A lot of tits.

[Fortune Feimster]

There are tits in that show. I was a big fan. Yeah, that's right.

[Tig Notaro]

Fortune Marie.

[Mae Martin]

Come on.

[Fortune Feimster]

I, I like a Texas woman that starts scissoring. And boy do I have a lot of questions.

[Mae Martin]

Oh my God.

[Fortune Feimster]

When Marlon and Brittany come out here,

[Mae Martin]

I feel like an, like an awkward teen, like an embarrassed teenager. Like, ah, guys, let's be careful with our questions, okay?

[Tig Notaro]

That feels like more of an awkward parent or grandparent.

[Mae Martin]

Oh, yeah, that's true.

[Fortune Feimster]

I don't know if you guys knew this, but our little cowboy just had a birthday. Yes. Happy birthday, May.

[Tig Notaro]

Are you 40?

[Mae Martin]

No, I'm 39. How dare you.

[Tig Notaro]

I'm sorry.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah, how dare you.

[Mae Martin]

We're both well past dare you. I'm going to have a full breakdown when I turn 40.

[Tig Notaro]

I think I'm more than halfway to 100.

[Mae Martin]

That's wild.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah.

[Mae Martin]

And you're old enough to go in a retirement home, is that right?

[Fortune Feimster]

Tig is old enough to get a free soda at fast food restaurant.

[Mae Martin]

I think it's because I've over identified with like Peter Pan. Yeah, yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

At some point, point Peter pan does turn 40.

[Mae Martin]

I know. He turns into Robin Williams.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah.

[Mae Martin]

Did you find when, when you guys turned 40, people like your colleagues respected you more or.

[Tig Notaro]

I don't remember. I don't remember that far back.

[Fortune Feimster]

What about. I'm trying to think who my colleagues were when I was 40.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, I don't know if I've had colleagues.

[Fortune Feimster]

I just, I did, I did hope that when I turned 40, my colleagues would respect me.

[Tig Notaro]

Do you say colleague or is that.

[Fortune Feimster]

That's a may. Yeah, that's a may term.

[Mae Martin]

That's not a may term.

[Fortune Feimster]

Colleague. I've never heard that word until you said it.

[Mae Martin]

Wait, what do you mean nobody would have colleagues.

[Tig Notaro]

What is this word?

[Fortune Feimster]

Two against one?

[Mae Martin]

Are you pranking me?

[Fortune Feimster]

Never heard of.

[Tig Notaro]

Never heard of colleagues.

[Fortune Feimster]

Never.

[Mae Martin]

Is this a prank? Oh my God.

[Tig Notaro]

Also, by the way, is this an episode of Between Three Ferns?

[Mae Martin]

Yeah, that's what it feels like.

[Malin Akerman]

Yeah.

[Mae Martin]

I did have my birthday recently.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, right, right.

[Fortune Feimster]

Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you.

[Mae Martin]

This is what we want.

[Fortune Feimster]

Happy birthday, dear May. Happy birthday to you. Yes.

[Mae Martin]

Thank you so much.

[Fortune Feimster]

And now we Have a stripper.

[Mae Martin]

Oh, my God.

[Tig Notaro]

The Hunting Wives.

[Mae Martin]

We have Magic Mike all come out.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, my God. A magic Mic situation would be amazing.

[Mae Martin]

I really want to take a Magic Mike dancing class.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, yeah.

[Mae Martin]

I want to do Magic Mike where

[Fortune Feimster]

they grab us in the chair and, you know.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

I won't.

[Mae Martin]

I won't.

[Fortune Feimster]

I would love for them to pick me up in this chair.

[Tig Notaro]

I'm like, lay up on that couch.

[Fortune Feimster]

I know. You know, in the. I've heard that at the live Vegas show, they put girls on the piano and, like, act like they're, you know. Right.

[Mae Martin]

Someone.

[Fortune Feimster]

Wait. Yep. Best night of my life. What do you mean you heard?

[Tig Notaro]

Like, who are you talking to? I can't imagine.

[Fortune Feimster]

Magic Mike chat room.

[Mae Martin]

You're on the Reddit threads.

[Tig Notaro]

I can.

[Fortune Feimster]

I live for their chat rooms.

[Tig Notaro]

I truly cannot imagine ever ending up in a Magic Mike conversation.

[Fortune Feimster]

Okay.

[Mae Martin]

It would be amazing.

[Fortune Feimster]

I believe. I believe it was Nikki Glazer who told me, though.

[Tig Notaro]

Okay. Okay.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah, that makes sense.

[Tig Notaro]

That totally checks.

[Fortune Feimster]

But even for her, she's like, whoa, this is a lot.

[Mae Martin]

Really?

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

And how do you think we would respond?

[Fortune Feimster]

I would pay a large amount of money to see both of you put on a piano.

[Mae Martin]

Well, the move that I would want to do is.

[Tig Notaro]

Let's see it.

[Mae Martin]

I just want to.

[Fortune Feimster]

May people paid good money for this.

[Mae Martin]

Well, okay. If you're the. If you're the pretty lady.

[Fortune Feimster]

If you want to.

[Tig Notaro]

I'm the pretty little lady.

[Fortune Feimster]

Who am I? Who. What? Wait.

[Mae Martin]

I don't think this is going to be worth it here.

[Fortune Feimster]

Let's know the setup is the best part. Okay, Wait. And now what?

[Tig Notaro]

You do the wheel.

[Fortune Feimster]

You want a gyrate or something? Okay, now pop that. Pop. Oh, yeah. Yes. There we go. That's it. That was worth me moving those glasses.

[Mae Martin]

It didn't turn out how I hoped at all. In my mind, I was gonna be, like, rolling, like.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah. I thought. I thought I was gonna get butt in my face.

[Mae Martin]

I thought you were, too. And then it was really hard.

[Fortune Feimster]

Hey, listen, I can't do a plank, so.

[Tig Notaro]

So I was thrilled with my role in that.

[Fortune Feimster]

You did great.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, I. I've never seen the wheelbarrow happen in person.

[Mae Martin]

It was the wheelbarrow.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah, do the wheelbarrow. I love a wheel.

[Mae Martin]

Bear.

[Fortune Feimster]

Barrow. Is it barrow or barrel?

[Mae Martin]

Barrel.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

Barrel or barrow.

[Tig Notaro]

You just say it real fast.

[Fortune Feimster]

Which one is it?

[Mae Martin]

Barrel.

[Fortune Feimster]

Barrel. Barrel.

[Tig Notaro]

No, barrel.

[Fortune Feimster]

It's barrel.

[Mae Martin]

What is happening?

[Fortune Feimster]

How. What is. I'm only trusting this guy right here.

[Mae Martin]

Barrel.

[Fortune Feimster]

Barrow.

[Tig Notaro]

I'm Only trusting the one guy in the room.

[Fortune Feimster]

It's this one man.

[Mae Martin]

Am I wrong?

[Fortune Feimster]

Wait, I believe. I believe this man right here. Wait.

[Tig Notaro]

I think in some states it's Wheelbarrow.

[Mae Martin]

Wheelbarrow.

[Tig Notaro]

What is it?

[Mae Martin]

Okay, cheer if you think it's Barrow with the W. J.

[Tig Notaro]

It is so embarrassing.

[Mae Martin]

Cheer if you think it's Barrel with an L. Thank you.

[Fortune Feimster]

Why you gotta lead me down that road, sir?

[Tig Notaro]

Okay, okay.

[Fortune Feimster]

Believe all women.

[Tig Notaro]

I dated somebody that said Chester Drawers.

[Fortune Feimster]

That's good. Even I know that.

[Mae Martin]

Wait, that would be my magic.

[Tig Notaro]

I thought it was Chester Drawers. Good.

[Mae Martin]

I think Chester Drawers would be my magic Mike name.

[Fortune Feimster]

Like, yeah, Chester. That's a good magic nickname.

[Mae Martin]

But can we Google and find out if it's Barrow or.

[Fortune Feimster]

Wait, I believe the army has told us.

[Mae Martin]

Barrel.

[Tig Notaro]

What is it?

[Fortune Feimster]

We.

[Mae Martin]

It's Barrel with L's. Thank God, two L's.

[Fortune Feimster]

I hope you guys go tell everyone, excuse me. How amazing this show was.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, my God. Oh, now I need it from. From your list to. God, why is this so hard?

[Malin Akerman]

Wheelbarrow with a W.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh. So you were right, sir.

[Mae Martin]

God damn it.

[Fortune Feimster]

So he was right after all.

[Tig Notaro]

Turns out May is a dum dum.

[Mae Martin]

Now I'm never gonna.

[Fortune Feimster]

A lot of people scream for the Barrel.

[Mae Martin]

I know. And now I'm never gonna get my call.

[Fortune Feimster]

And our audience has forever changed.

[Mae Martin]

This month. We're so excited to celebrate Pride Month with Tomboy X. Just like handsome, Tomboy X is proudly queer. Queer founded, Queer Run, and Queer designed. They got everything your handsome little heart could desire for. From thongs to boy shorts to nine inch briefs. Tomboy X is as inclusive as they come, with 12 different silhouettes and three different fabrics so you can get your fit exactly like you like it. I've been loving their briefs. They fit like a dream. And they're so comfortable, I can wear them all day and night.

[Fortune Feimster]

Tomboy X also has a love at first wear guarantee. So you can rest assured that if these aren't the most comfortable underwear you've ever worn, they'll either get you a pair, that is, or get your money back, no questions asked. I helped myself to their sports compression top, their bamboo rib essential soft bra, and their bamboo rib four and a half inch trunks. And let me tell you, I didn't return a thing. In fact, Tomboy X is quickly becoming a staple of my underwear drawer.

[Mae Martin]

Plus, Tomboy X gives back, seeking out a worthwhile charity each month to donate to and platform to their customers. They're the biggest queer brand in the US and this is Pride Month. That's definitely something to celebrate. So their Pride collection is out now with new drops every two weeks. But act fast, because the most popular prints sell out really fast. Get the briefs, get the bras. Tomboy X even has amazing swimwear and loungewear that looks and feels great.

[Tig Notaro]

Can I tell you what I love about my Tomboy X briefs? They're supportive, but also soft. They're comfortable, but look great, too. It's like Tomboy X knows exactly what I want from my underwear better than I do. My only suggestion is that they let me do a collaboration with them, and we call it Tig Boy X. Can you make that happen? Until it does, I'm happy to wear their stuff every chance I get. Plus, Tomboy X has amazing swimwear that I'm going to be wearing all summer long while I'm treading water at Fortune's pool. Tomboy X has something for everyone. They're so inclusive in all the best ways. And I am a fan.

[Fortune Feimster]

So get handsome and try out Tomboy eggs. You're going to love them as much as we do. Use code HANDSOME15 for 15% off your purchase at checkout. And tell them Handsome Pod sent you.

[Mae Martin]

Guys, I did have my birthday.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, yeah, right.

[Tig Notaro]

And you're not 40.

[Fortune Feimster]

You guys, I did have a birthday.

[Mae Martin]

I'm 39.

[Fortune Feimster]

And tell us what you did.

[Mae Martin]

Well, I went. So you were away fishing.

[Fortune Feimster]

I was. As I often do.

[Mae Martin]

You, I knew would not be interested. But I did invite Stephanie. Yes, but just because I knew this would be your idea.

[Tig Notaro]

Listen, I don't take any offense when my wife is invited to a small gathering that I'm not invited to.

[Mae Martin]

No, wait. I swear I invited both of you.

[Tig Notaro]

Actually, I know I said no.

[Mae Martin]

Okay, yeah, you said. You said, I can't. You're busy.

[Fortune Feimster]

You're invited to the outings for colleagues. So just.

[Tig Notaro]

I think I recall saying, no, thank you.

[Mae Martin]

Yes.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, that was polite. Yeah.

[Mae Martin]

So I ended up doing laser tag, and I was so excited, and I booked private. Booked it. And then when I showed up, I was like, oh, my God, this place is actually for toddlers. Like, everyone was five. And I had a little private birthday room with balloons and little plates, and they'd ordered pizza, and five isn't a

[Tig Notaro]

toddler, but go on.

[Mae Martin]

You're right. Like, what is five infants?

[Fortune Feimster]

Five is a five is not infant. Is five an infant?

[Mae Martin]

What's five?

[Tig Notaro]

What is happening?

[Fortune Feimster]

Somebody Google it, please.

[Mae Martin]

Is five a globule?

[Fortune Feimster]

What is five?

[Tig Notaro]

But also, why isn't it a Wheelbarrow, you know.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah, thank you.

[Tig Notaro]

Because. Well, we can talk about that later, but.

[Malin Akerman]

Okay.

[Mae Martin]

But the big news of the birthday was guess who did come. Who? Mr. Thomas.

[Tig Notaro]

Yes. Nice.

[Britney Snow]

Our.

[Mae Martin]

The producer of the handsome pod. And if you listen to the pod or, you know, Thomas is a sweet, gentle soul. Wrong. Thomas dominated. Won both rounds of laser tag. He was like. He was like, crawling along the ground.

[Fortune Feimster]

Basically a Canadian killer.

[Mae Martin]

It was wild. And he kept getting me and, you know, your. Your best.

[Fortune Feimster]

No.

[Mae Martin]

You know, your laser vest powers down for about five seconds.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yes.

[Mae Martin]

And then he would hide around the corner and just get me again. It was wild. Anyway, Double get. I saw another side of him. Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

So wait, when you get got. When you get got, your vest powers down.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah. You're. You're out of action for about five seconds.

[Tig Notaro]

Why?

[Mae Martin]

Punishment.

[Fortune Feimster]

Somebody Google it. No more Googling.

[Tig Notaro]

Is that the name of our podcast now?

[Fortune Feimster]

Google it. That sounds fun, though.

[Mae Martin]

It was fun. Thanks. Yeah, I did cry once because.

[Fortune Feimster]

Wait, why? Oh, well, during laser tag.

[Tig Notaro]

Because it's May's birthday and they can cry if they want to.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah, that kind. Kind of. I don't know if kind of for no reason. I got a little. A little emo and then.

[Tig Notaro]

But wait, why?

[Fortune Feimster]

That's literally what I just asked.

[Tig Notaro]

I know, but remember how Wheelbarrow hit me later?

[Fortune Feimster]

That's true.

[Tig Notaro]

That just happened. So tell us why.

[Mae Martin]

I think. Cause on birthdays you're like, I hope that people know me. You know, like, I hope my friends and loved ones really know me. And then.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, boy.

[Mae Martin]

I don't know. I don't know. I just get overwhelmed. And then I got three texts from ex girlfriends, and all three of them said, have you cried yet?

[Fortune Feimster]

And I was like, oh, this is a birthday tradition.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah. Which I didn't realize, but I guess I do. One of them was like, how are the vibes? Funeral. Yeah. So I guess I do get emails for my birthday. Yeah, I didn't know that about myself. But listen, you've been fishing.

[Tig Notaro]

Yes.

[Mae Martin]

This weekend Fortune went fishing.

[Fortune Feimster]

I did go fishing this weekend. Because I'm butchering.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah. I. My brother's been asking me to go fishing for years.

[Tig Notaro]

When's the last time you were fishing?

[Fortune Feimster]

20 years ago. Wow.

[Tig Notaro]

Today?

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah, today's the anniversary.

[Tig Notaro]

Wow.

[Fortune Feimster]

20 years ago, I went on a cruise in Alaska.

[Tig Notaro]

Okay.

[Fortune Feimster]

And as with your brother. No, this was with my family, my friend's family.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, 20 years ago.

[Fortune Feimster]

20 years ago.

[Tig Notaro]

Okay.

[Fortune Feimster]

And as one of the excursions, we went fly fishing. And it was fun, but I haven't been since. And my brother's a big fisherman, and so I decided to go to the great city of Buffalo by night.

[Tig Notaro]

Buffalo is a great city.

[Fortune Feimster]

The wings are not. You don't eat these, but the wings are pretty great.

[Tig Notaro]

Okay. But it's. It's a very progressive city.

[Fortune Feimster]

I. Oh, they're delicious.

[Mae Martin]

Did you. I know you were really worried about the worms.

[Fortune Feimster]

I didn't want to bait my hook.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

Because I am a pretty lady.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

As well as butch.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, of course. Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

You knew that.

[Tig Notaro]

Yes, I do.

[Fortune Feimster]

But I didn't want to bait my hook because. Ew. And what else? I.

[Tig Notaro]

What about.

[Fortune Feimster]

I didn't want to touch the fish.

[Mae Martin]

Wait, well, so you went fishing. So what. What part did you do? You held the rod.

[Fortune Feimster]

Well, that's.

[Tig Notaro]

And so what about when you took the fish off the hook? Or did you clean the fish?

[Fortune Feimster]

No, it was catch and release. We put them back.

[Tig Notaro]

Okay, that's good. Well, that's.

[Fortune Feimster]

I know. You know, you don't love it, but, you know, it's fine. Everybody was fine. But, you know, I felt like I was really good at fishing because for years I've been doing that dance move where you go.

[Mae Martin]

Oh, my God, it paid off.

[Fortune Feimster]

It paid off.

[Mae Martin]

That's great.

[Tig Notaro]

What is that? Well, I know I just saw it, but. What is that from?

[Mae Martin]

And then you catch.

[Fortune Feimster]

You do it. You go, like. Then you hunt. Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

When does that happen? On the dance floor.

[Mae Martin]

On the dance floor.

[Tig Notaro]

But wait a minute. To, like, a stranger.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, it can be.

[Mae Martin]

There are no rules.

[Tig Notaro]

And how long has that dance been?

[Fortune Feimster]

Is that, like, from the beginning of time? Jesus's days.

[Tig Notaro]

Is that true?

[Mae Martin]

You know, when he.

[Tig Notaro]

This is a curve ball about my personality. I don't go to dance clubs, so I don't know about the fish hook.

[Fortune Feimster]

You've never seen that ever?

[Tig Notaro]

No, not.

[Mae Martin]

I gotta say, I don't know if I've seen it in person. I've seen it in, like, Will Ferrell movies, but. Which you're in a lot of.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah, I'm in a couple of those.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

And so do you do the Fish Hook dance? What is it called?

[Fortune Feimster]

Sure, we'll call it the Fish Hook

[Tig Notaro]

Dance, but it doesn't have a.

[Fortune Feimster]

Do you guys know if it has a name? Real reeling it In.

[Mae Martin]

Reeling it in.

[Fortune Feimster]

That sounds about right.

[Mae Martin]

It'd be good if you did it and then the person you got, like, mimed, like, really committed to being a dead fish. Flopping around, panicking.

[Fortune Feimster]

Well, then you walk away.

[Tig Notaro]

Do that.

[Mae Martin]

Now I feel like I've done a lot of physical comedy tonight.

[Tig Notaro]

I'll reel you in.

[Fortune Feimster]

I don't want to flop around. This is me.

[Mae Martin]

I'm a very inhibited person.

[Fortune Feimster]

You have great glutes. You got this. Oh, thank you.

[Tig Notaro]

Made jumps at great glutes.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, wow.

[Tig Notaro]

Okay.

[Fortune Feimster]

All the. Okay, fuzzy carpet did get on you

[Tig Notaro]

one more time, but not behind the monitors.

[Fortune Feimster]

We do need a lint roller.

[Mae Martin]

Now I really regretted that.

[Fortune Feimster]

We do need a lint roller.

[Mae Martin]

I really committed and it wasn't working.

[Fortune Feimster]

I got you. I got you. Thanks, bud. That's what friends are for in good

[Mae Martin]

times, bad times I'll be on your

[Fortune Feimster]

side forever more that's what friends are

[Tig Notaro]

for that's what friends. Hey, guess what, May.

[Fortune Feimster]

I know you.

[Mae Martin]

Oh, my God. I feel seen and understood. I can't believe I said that. About? About my friends knowing me. That was a weird thing to say.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, my God. I didn't even get it why you said that.

[Fortune Feimster]

There was an amazing callback that five people thought was so insightful.

[Tig Notaro]

I was like. Okay, well,

[Fortune Feimster]

because May cried because.

[Tig Notaro]

No, no, no. I get it now.

[Fortune Feimster]

Does anyone know me?

[Mae Martin]

I don't know. Okay. I don't really know if that's why I cry. I think it's like New Year's Eve. Like, you're cry. Yeah. I start bawling. Well, because you kind of take stock of your year and your life, and it's like a forced kind of.

[Tig Notaro]

And how was your year?

[Mae Martin]

Great. It was great.

[Fortune Feimster]

You know. Have you guys had a good year? Okay, that's not great. It's gonna get better.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah. When does that happen?

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah, in two months. Really?

[Tig Notaro]

Two months?

[Mae Martin]

Well, I. I. Astrologically, I'm. Because I'm a Taurus, I'm entering, like, a very good period for seven years. Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

You know.

[Mae Martin]

You've heard about this?

[Tig Notaro]

No. Oh.

[Fortune Feimster]

Ah,

[Mae Martin]

well, I've exited Uranus or something.

[Fortune Feimster]

Tig wanted to talk about horoscope.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, my God.

[Fortune Feimster]

You've heard about this?

[Tig Notaro]

It's like you don't know me.

[Mae Martin]

I know. You're right. You're right.

[Tig Notaro]

Wow.

[Mae Martin]

I do. I do.

[Tig Notaro]

Do you?

[Mae Martin]

I think so. Test me.

[Tig Notaro]

You think I know the fish dance and what Tauruses do.

[Mae Martin]

The fish dance Surprised me that you'd never heard of it, but I accept that you don't know about.

[Tig Notaro]

What was the other dance in the beginning of our podcast that I didn't know?

[Mae Martin]

Oh, the slide.

[Fortune Feimster]

The Boogie Woogie slide.

[Tig Notaro]

The Electric Slide. Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

Did you also not know it or just both of them don't know what The Electric Slide is.

[Mae Martin]

Now, I know you guys need to

[Tig Notaro]

go back and hear the early episodes.

[Fortune Feimster]

You can feel it. It's electric boogie.

[Tig Notaro]

I know it now. I know the song. I don't know the dance.

[Fortune Feimster]

But anyway, so these two, they also don't know the. The Wobble it song.

[Tig Notaro]

Okay, tonight I'm gonna go out to a dance club after the show.

[Mae Martin]

Let's go out after this.

[Tig Notaro]

No, I'm going alone.

[Mae Martin]

You're going. You're going alone?

[Tig Notaro]

I'm gonna go alone. I'm just gonna walk out to the middle of a dance floor and I'm just gonna cast my line.

[Mae Martin]

Just see who you get.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, that would be a fun, like, hidden camera moment.

[Fortune Feimster]

That would be good.

[Mae Martin]

Put it on the list.

[Fortune Feimster]

Put.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, yeah, Thomas, put it on the list.

[Fortune Feimster]

Put it on the list.

[Mae Martin]

We.

[Fortune Feimster]

We don't know where he is.

[Mae Martin]

The thing that you guys didn't know is that they'd never heard of Colleagues. Colleagues or Rumpelstiltskin.

[Fortune Feimster]

No, no, we've heard of it. We've heard of this.

[Mae Martin]

Really? Yeah, I swear I said Rumpelstiltskin, and you guys were like, who?

[Tig Notaro]

No, no.

[Mae Martin]

Oh, the Pied Piper of Hamlin.

[Fortune Feimster]

I've heard of the Pied Piper. Okay.

[Tig Notaro]

I didn't know about Hamlet.

[Fortune Feimster]

Well, but there's plenty of stuff we don't know.

[Tig Notaro]

Like what?

[Mae Martin]

Orgies.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, you. You do know a lot about orgies than we do. You brought it up. Not me.

[Mae Martin]

I regret it.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, you did bring that up. Have you had. Did you have one for your birthday?

[Mae Martin]

No. My birthday.

[Tig Notaro]

You should have one on the couch tonight, right here.

[Mae Martin]

No, if I am having one, I am going back to laser tag to.

[Tig Notaro]

Wait, what?

[Mae Martin]

It was a joke and it bombed. No, I haven't had one in so long. And I'm not an orgy person. I just had a season.

[Fortune Feimster]

I'm not an orgy. I'm not an orgy person. I just had a couple months of many of them.

[Mae Martin]

But it just happened to be, like, right when we started the podcast.

[Fortune Feimster]

That's true. That was when May's Internet started working. At 10:30. That's where you OG listeners from day one. Yes.

[Tig Notaro]

How is your Internet these days?

[Mae Martin]

Patchy Patch.

[Fortune Feimster]

So for those of you who don't know, it was. We were about to record our very first episode, and May was like.

[Tig Notaro]

Was it our first.

[Fortune Feimster]

It was like, early, like, first five. One of one of those. And May was like.

[Mae Martin]

We were scheduled to record at like,

[Fortune Feimster]

9am and it was right after Canada Day.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Also, my birthday means Orgy time.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah. And May was like, I'm running late. My Internet is down, but it's going to start working at 10:30.

[Mae Martin]

I really thought I'd get away with it.

[Fortune Feimster]

And Tig and I are immediately like, well, that's a lie. And so you come on and you're like, oh, my Internet. And we're like, okay, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Mae Martin]

That was embarrassing.

[Tig Notaro]

What? Have you ever had another excuse where you're like, I'm just gonna throw it out there, see if it stick?

[Mae Martin]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Like what?

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah, tell us.

[Tig Notaro]

Just so we know in the future.

[Mae Martin]

I think I'm doing a lot better with my.

[Fortune Feimster]

You're doing way better.

[Mae Martin]

My webs of lies. But it's because I'm a people pleaser. And so I'll. I get so paranoid about being in trouble or being late that all that you just lie. Sometimes I go big.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Like how big?

[Fortune Feimster]

We had to teach May that. That's worse. We're like. That part you're doing now is worse.

[Mae Martin]

It's. It's like I got a rash on my face or we would be able to see that I was having it. Yeah. I was having a massage and I heard a crack. They were walking on my back and I heard a crack. I said that once.

[Tig Notaro]

To who?

[Mae Martin]

Okay, well, I'm scared. He's here.

[Fortune Feimster]

Well, no one be. No one outside of this room will hear it. This is not being streamed. So.

[Mae Martin]

Okay, you're in a safe space to a comedy promoter. And I had a show and I. I was, I think, just probably crying about how no one knows me or something. I don't know. I couldn't. I. I couldn't do it. And I said, I'm so sorry. I'm in agony. I was having a massage and I heard a crack. And he goes, should I call an ambulance?

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah.

[Mae Martin]

He's like, are you on the floor right now? And I was like, no, no, I'll be fine.

[Fortune Feimster]

I'll be fine. At 9:30 tonight if you see me out and about.

[Tig Notaro]

You know the go to is just diarrhea, right?

[Mae Martin]

That's what I should be doing, but it is.

[Tig Notaro]

Nobody is gonna ask any questions. Nobody's gonna demand anything.

[Fortune Feimster]

When you're sliding into first and you feel a big burst. Diarrhea. Diarrhea.

[Mae Martin]

I haven't thought about that in 20 years.

[Tig Notaro]

Diarrhea.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah, the song. Oh, then how does it go when

[Fortune Feimster]

you're going into second and you feel something unpleasant? Diarrhea when you're going into third. Diarrhea when you're going in home. And your pants are full of foam.

[Tig Notaro]

Diarrhea foam.

[Fortune Feimster]

What? It rhymes with home.

[Tig Notaro]

Did you just make that up?

[Fortune Feimster]

No, I think that's. It's the right one. My friends just told me.

[Tig Notaro]

How do you know them?

[Fortune Feimster]

We're all friends now.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh.

[Fortune Feimster]

I've been looking at them for moral

[Tig Notaro]

support, but have you. They know me. Have you ever said you had diarrhea when you didn't?

[Mae Martin]

Oh, I'm sure.

[Tig Notaro]

I'm sure.

[Mae Martin]

Actually, yes to Ms. Garou in grade six. Because I hadn't done. I hadn't done my homework, like, nine times in a row.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Mae Martin]

And it was time for everyone to hand their stuff in. And I said, can I go to the bathroom? And then I went to the bathroom, stayed in there for ages, came out, and she was waiting for me in the hall. And I said, Ms. Corot, can I call you Melanie? I was like, I. You don't want to know the details, but I cannot be here. I am having a real problem. I have. And I remember saying I have diarrhea.

[Malin Akerman]

And her.

[Mae Martin]

She. She was so not buying it. And she was like, I'm calling your parents. And she made me then meet her at lunch every day for like, a week to have special tutoring. But I had a huge crush on her, so I loved it.

[Tig Notaro]

Like, a day.

[Mae Martin]

I loved it. Are you kidding? Focused one on one attention with your.

[Tig Notaro]

The teacher you had a crush on that you had diarrhea. That's not gonna work out. No, I mean, she's always gonna be thinking about the foam in your pants.

[Mae Martin]

You're right. You're right. I always remember she told our class that she had a boyfriend. She let it slip.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah.

[Mae Martin]

And you know when you're a kid and you're like.

[Fortune Feimster]

You're devastated.

[Mae Martin]

And his name was Peter Schmidt. I'll remember this my whole life.

[Fortune Feimster]

Peter Schmidt.

[Mae Martin]

Peter Schmidt.

[Tig Notaro]

And wait, she was like, oh, my boyfriend.

[Fortune Feimster]

My boyfriend, Peter Schmidt.

[Tig Notaro]

Why did she say that?

[Mae Martin]

I don't know.

[Tig Notaro]

Because you probably.

[Mae Martin]

Probably. We said, what's his last name?

[Fortune Feimster]

I asked my seventh grade teacher if she had a boyfriend, and she's like, that's none of your business. And I was like, touche.

[Tig Notaro]

And she was like, too gay. In partnership with Airbnb, let's talk about our spring travel plans. Fortune. I feel like every summer my family gets a little bit more adventurous with our travel plans. But there's a hitch.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, yeah? What might that be?

[Tig Notaro]

They're now getting really into competitive sports. And that means we're now traveling around their team schedules. Hmm. Let me guess.

[Fortune Feimster]

They're having you stay in a bare bones hotel on the side of a highway somewhere.

[Tig Notaro]

That's right. So for the next big weekend, we decided to mix things up and find a home on Airbnb to stay at. Instead. We found a place with a massive yard so they could keep playing baseball with their pals on the team day and night. Plus, it's got a pool, unlike the hotel we were supposed to stay at. It's even got a tree house.

[Fortune Feimster]

Wow, that sounds incredible. But I have one important question for you. Is there a hot tub?

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, Fortune, there is indeed a hot tub. So maybe after the boys go to bed, Stephanie and I will have some tub time together. And that's what I love about finding a place on Airbnb. Instead of being trapped in our room, we get this whole unique experience. So if you're listening, go check out Airbnb and have your own adventure.

[Mae Martin]

Your outdoor space should feel like you. I'm still getting my new place set up, and as the weather's getting warmer, I'm now turning my attention to my outdoor areas. That's where Wayfair has been a game changer for me. With Wayfair, I've been able to find pieces that match the exact feel I'm going for. So now I'm so set up, I feel like I have a whole extra living room to my house that just happens to be outdoors.

[Tig Notaro]

Whether your vibe is modern, coastal, farmhouse, or eclectic, Wayfair has options to help you create an outdoor space that's uniquely yours. Wayfair makes it simple to narrow down to what works for your style and budget. We got a couple deck chairs for our upstairs porch that are perfect for lounging with a book. We had some very specific dimensions to work with, but Wayfair's filters made it easy to find something that was exactly

[Mae Martin]

the right size Patio season is here, and these deals won't last. Head to Wayfair.com right now to get your outdoor space ready for way less. That's W-A-F-A-I-R.com Wayfair.

[Tig Notaro]

Every style, every home.

[Mae Martin]

She was cool. I've tried to find her a lot online.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, no, no, I have.

[Tig Notaro]

Hey, remember me with the diarrhea?

[Fortune Feimster]

I mean, you're like, I have searched low and high for her.

[Tig Notaro]

That's. We need to work on your flirting.

[Mae Martin]

I know, but it's a problem that I can't let go of any connection. So I'm in touch with, like, most of my teachers from elementary school. Yeah, like, I emailed Mrs. Silver the other day. Yeah. My music.

[Fortune Feimster]

Did you get a response?

[Mae Martin]

Yeah, she. We've been emailing.

[Fortune Feimster]

She's doing.

[Tig Notaro]

How do you get her email? I want to reach out.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah, you got to reach out.

[Fortune Feimster]

How do you have their emails from elementary?

[Tig Notaro]

I just asked that.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah, I was. I thought that was a good question.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, thank. Yeah, I need some backup on.

[Fortune Feimster]

I got you, boo.

[Mae Martin]

I. With Mrs. Silver. I went through the. Her daughter on Instagram. Oh, I went through her daughter on Instagram.

[Tig Notaro]

And was. Was she following your career or was it like.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah, well, no, well, she. She was my music teacher, and she was like, a beacon of, like, creativity in this really uptight school. She's one of those music teachers who had, like, really frizzy hair and long skirts, and she was always, like, storming around. She's always, like. Like that through the halls, so stressed. And she.

[Tig Notaro]

And you were attracted to her.

[Fortune Feimster]

This is a different one.

[Mae Martin]

A different teacher. And she. But she cast me as Charlie Brown.

[Tig Notaro]

She cast you as Charlie Brown? You know, I was cast as Peppermint Patty.

[Mae Martin]

I know that.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Mae Martin]

Love interests.

[Tig Notaro]

That would make us. Love interest.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah. Look at that.

[Fortune Feimster]

A. Can't keep these a pineapple apart. Yeah. Two against one. I'm fine.

[Mae Martin]

Fortune. I.

[Fortune Feimster]

Magic. Oh, my hands. Clammy. It's not great. Those are my fishing fingers. Oh,

[Tig Notaro]

Fortune. Fortune, Marie. I just learned about that at a Dodgers game last week.

[Fortune Feimster]

This.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

What do you. You've never heard about this before?

[Tig Notaro]

I run in different circles. Wait, but why at a Dodgers game? Entering a retirement thing.

[Fortune Feimster]

One of the Sting.

[Tig Notaro]

You knew about this?

[Mae Martin]

I know about that.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, I know about it.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, I.

[Fortune Feimster]

Worse. I know about it. But why does this come up at a Dodger game?

[Tig Notaro]

Wait, what?

[Fortune Feimster]

You said you learned about this at a Dodger game.

[Tig Notaro]

I did.

[Fortune Feimster]

How did this come up at a Dodger game?

[Tig Notaro]

I'll repeat myself, because there was, like, a group of people that had. They were together in a group, and somebody in that group did bring this up. Oh, they mentioned Dane Cook.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

And then they were like, dane Cook? And then they did that.

[Mae Martin]

Who's Dane Cook? And what's the connection?

[Fortune Feimster]

Wait, you don't know who that is?

[Tig Notaro]

I. That is.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, my God.

[Tig Notaro]

Unbelievable. Y' all were, like, under to be at Netflix Comedy. Like, at a comedy festival.

[Fortune Feimster]

Mike, my colleagues have been under a rock.

[Britney Snow]

Yeah.

[Mae Martin]

Is he.

[Tig Notaro]

I'm sorry, who is Bob Hope?

[Fortune Feimster]

All of them. Listen, as much as I would love for. To continue this banter about two in the pink and One in the stink. We have more important things to move on to.

[Tig Notaro]

Yes, Right. We do.

[Fortune Feimster]

Now, I personally and all of us are very excited about our guests tonight. So excited. You guys are in for a real treat.

[Tig Notaro]

Yes, indeed.

[Fortune Feimster]

All right. And I don't know if you guys watched a huge hit show called the Hunting Wives. Most of the world did. And we are very lucky to have their two stars. Let's give it up for Malin Ackerman and Britney Snow.

[Mae Martin]

Go crow. No.

[Fortune Feimster]

I've been loving you. Look how handsome they look.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, they do.

[Fortune Feimster]

Look, you guys.

[Tig Notaro]

I'll go here. Scoot on down. Scoot on down.

[Fortune Feimster]

I don't want to objectify y' all in your suits, but damn.

[Tig Notaro]

I know. I. I just real. I mean, I thought you guys looked incredible when I saw you, but I'm just now clocking that you're in the suits and we're not.

[Mae Martin]

I'm suddenly so embarrassed that I did that in front of you guys.

[Malin Akerman]

We loved it.

[Mae Martin]

Really?

[Malin Akerman]

Yeah.

[Mae Martin]

Did you think that was pretty cool?

[Britney Snow]

It was a good role.

[Malin Akerman]

Yeah, it was fantastic.

[Tig Notaro]

Electric slide, too.

[Fortune Feimster]

What?

[Britney Snow]

The Electric slide.

[Tig Notaro]

Where were you sitting just now?

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah. Were you watching?

[Malin Akerman]

I've sat in a lot of places.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah, you have, Girl. I saw where you sat.

[Mae Martin]

You did?

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah, on me. That's a lesbian joke.

[Malin Akerman]

I got it.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah. You sad on her.

[Mae Martin]

Malin, you're a Taurus as well. Yes.

[Malin Akerman]

Happy birthday.

[Mae Martin]

It's your birthday soon. Happy birthday.

[Malin Akerman]

Thank you.

[Fortune Feimster]

Wait.

[Tig Notaro]

When is your birthday?

[Malin Akerman]

May 12th. It's coming up.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday.

[Malin Akerman]

Happy birthday Bir.

[Fortune Feimster]

Happy birthday to you. Yes. Like, when will this song end?

[Mae Martin]

No.

[Malin Akerman]

I loved it.

[Mae Martin]

Do you know that we're entering a very powerful time as Tauruses?

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, boy.

[Malin Akerman]

I did not.

[Mae Martin]

But tell me next seven years. We are good and golden. This is our time. We've left Uranus or something.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Wait, you're saying you have a good stretch of time coming up?

[Mae Martin]

Seven years.

[Malin Akerman]

And then. That's it.

[Mae Martin]

And then? And then we're done.

[Malin Akerman]

Okay.

[Fortune Feimster]

You're enjoying a long time of good luck.

[Malin Akerman]

Britney.

[Mae Martin]

What sign are you, please?

[Britney Snow]

I'm a Pisces. Yes.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, wow.

[Fortune Feimster]

Water sign.

[Tig Notaro]

Right? Our fans love Pisces. I know. That's so nice.

[Fortune Feimster]

Is that a water sign?

[Britney Snow]

We are.

[Fortune Feimster]

I'm a cancer. I'm also water sign.

[Malin Akerman]

I love cancer.

[Fortune Feimster]

We're lovers.

[Britney Snow]

We are.

[Fortune Feimster]

We're not together, but we love. We love, love, love, love. We love love.

[Tig Notaro]

But you let people sit on you.

[Britney Snow]

I do.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Britney Snow]

For money and for joy.

[Mae Martin]

Not a lot of people.

[Fortune Feimster]

No, no.

[Britney Snow]

Not a lot of people.

[Malin Akerman]

No, no, no.

[Fortune Feimster]

We do have to say a huge congratulations on Yalls. Huge hit show. Yes.

[Tig Notaro]

Was that one of those situations where when you were reading the scripture, like, this is. This is going to be explosive diarrhea?

[Malin Akerman]

We really weren't sure. I mean, I think it was one of those things, you know, the script came in and it was. At the time, it was for stars.

[Fortune Feimster]

Can I say for stars?

[Malin Akerman]

Am I allowed to say that on Netflix? It was for stars.

[Fortune Feimster]

We know where y' all ended up.

[Malin Akerman]

Yes. And it was, you know, first episode, I went, wow, what.

[Mae Martin]

What is this?

[Malin Akerman]

Enjoyed it. But also then you think, like, oh, but I gotta do this. Like, do I want to do this? And then I kept reading, and by the eighth episode, I was fully in and I actually gave it to my husband, Tree. And I was like, what do you think? By the fourth episode, he didn't come out of the room for, like, days. And I went, what do you think? And he's like, are you kidding me? It was tailor made for you. And I went, I'm not sure how to answer that, but is it your fantasy reel right now, or do you think it's a good show? He's like, it's a fantastic show. So, yeah, the writing is incredible. It's so fun. It's so crazy. But it is that difference of, like, looking at it as an outsider and also being the one who has to do all these things in it, you know, it's very, very different. But I was.

[Tig Notaro]

Do you want to act anything out?

[Mae Martin]

I.

[Malin Akerman]

You got into tequila.

[Mae Martin]

I'm so sorry about my aunts.

[Tig Notaro]

Your colleagues.

[Fortune Feimster]

Did you have that same. Like, what. How did you feel when you read it?

[Britney Snow]

I read all eight. Oh, no. I read all eight episodes, like, right away, and I couldn't stop. And so I knew that that was a good sign. And I didn't really have the same reaction because I didn't really know that I was going to be so. So naked.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah. Oh, yeah.

[Britney Snow]

Like, I. I thought, like, oh, like, maybe a little bit.

[Fortune Feimster]

A little bit of, like, a little,

[Mae Martin]

like, they surprised you on the day.

[Britney Snow]

No, I just, like, didn't think that far.

[Fortune Feimster]

I just, like, thought y' all be slapping titties like, once or, like.

[Britney Snow]

Like the shadows were going to be appropriately placed.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

And then we showed up to the

[Britney Snow]

day and it was very bright. I'm not sure if you guys remember, but there was, like, it was daytime. All the windows were up.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, I know.

[Britney Snow]

It was lights off. Yeah.

[Malin Akerman]

It's A lot for, like a first time time. I kind of like, like, you know, maybe dark for the first, a little, like, ambiance, but this. There was no mood lighting. It was.

[Mae Martin]

You had you.

[Fortune Feimster]

I don't remember had you guys in your career done that amount of nudity before?

[Britney Snow]

I was in a movie called X that was very. I played a porn star, so.

[Fortune Feimster]

You did. I'm going to look that up.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Can you Google?

[Britney Snow]

I did, but it was weirdly different. It was. It was a little bit different. That was more nighttime. There was a lot of, like, evil happening. So it was more nighttime. And this was very daytime. Yeah, it was hunting.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, my God. And did you two know each other before this project?

[Malin Akerman]

No.

[Tig Notaro]

What do we do now? Right.

[Malin Akerman]

We are friends for life. We know a lot about each other now.

[Tig Notaro]

Do you know any body secrets about each other?

[Mae Martin]

Body secrets?

[Malin Akerman]

Kind of.

[Britney Snow]

Yeah, we do, actually. We just shared some backstage.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, we sure did.

[Malin Akerman]

I mean, but not like, oh, like

[Fortune Feimster]

checking each other's moles.

[Tig Notaro]

I don't know. Just. Everybody's got body secrets.

[Fortune Feimster]

Right. I get.

[Tig Notaro]

Sure.

[Fortune Feimster]

I guess I thought about it.

[Tig Notaro]

Sorry for the weird one. Weird question tonight.

[Malin Akerman]

I think that's a fair question.

[Tig Notaro]

I think it's a fair question.

[Malin Akerman]

Everyone looks at their body and has something that maybe they love or don't love. And, you know, they're very supportive of each other.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah.

[Malin Akerman]

We made sure that, like, the camera angles, we were like, are you okay? What if. You know, I'll cover this part and you do that part.

[Fortune Feimster]

And now be honest.

[Malin Akerman]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

After you guys did this stuff with each other, when you then had to go kiss, like, the guys on the show, where you're like, oh, yeah. Yes.

[Tig Notaro]

And we would talk about that.

[Britney Snow]

Yeah. And when you had to go, you're

[Fortune Feimster]

like, this is disgusting. Disgusting.

[Malin Akerman]

It was different. I love. Listen, I love Dermot so much, bless him. But it's.

[Fortune Feimster]

But it's not.

[Malin Akerman]

It's very different to kiss a beautiful woman, you know, with soft skin.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah.

[Malin Akerman]

Like lovely. Like, really nice.

[Britney Snow]

There were a lot of, like, nice smells.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Wait, there were night smells. Night nights.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh. I was like, what about these nights?

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, it's like, what are night smells? I mean, you automatics and there's night smells.

[Mae Martin]

But that could have made or made or broken the experience, like, if you guys had not got along or had no chemistry. So thank God. Like, did you meet before you started filming and be like, are we normal people?

[Tig Notaro]

Good question.

[Fortune Feimster]

Thank you. Share feelings with each other.

[Britney Snow]

We had tequila, which is always what Brings us together.

[Malin Akerman]

Tequila and nachos.

[Britney Snow]

And nachos. And we talked about trauma.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah, that's. You got to go deep.

[Malin Akerman]

We really did. I mean, it was that thing of, like, getting really. Getting to know each other and going, all right, well, we're going to. We're going to be in this thing together. Like, really be in this thing together.

[Fortune Feimster]

Right. Right.

[Malin Akerman]

Let's go out and have dinner. And we did.

[Mae Martin]

And.

[Malin Akerman]

And we. I think, was within, like, 10 minutes. We're like, oh, okay. This is going to be. This is going to be.

[Tig Notaro]

We're.

[Malin Akerman]

We're good. We're making out. Yeah. And we're going to like it.

[Mae Martin]

Trauma. Trauma bonding is trauma. Trauma dumping. Trauma bonding.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah.

[Mae Martin]

That's how we gotta live.

[Tig Notaro]

And then what about, like, your family? Are you, like, you gotta see this. And they're like, whoa. We were watching, like, any. How'd that go?

[Britney Snow]

Yeah, my mom has, like, a group of girlfriends. There's like 10 of them. They're called the Playgroup. And they're all in their 70s.

[Tig Notaro]

Where do they live? In Florida. I'm close to their age with them.

[Fortune Feimster]

Well, mall. And your family.

[Tig Notaro]

Sweet.

[Fortune Feimster]

Your family's Swedish. So they just walk around naked all the time, right?

[Mae Martin]

Is that a thing?

[Malin Akerman]

Yeah, at birthdays.

[Tig Notaro]

No, I mean, stars in Sweden, do they get stars?

[Fortune Feimster]

What? Isn't the network that you didn't end up on.

[Mae Martin]

We see stars there, too.

[Fortune Feimster]

We have stars in Sweden.

[Malin Akerman]

They don't get stars, but they. But it's did get released in Sweden. And, yeah, my family is pretty. I mean, I had to sit beside my dad. I brought my dad to see Watchmen when that came out. And. And there's a sex scene in that. And I sat beside him and he went, wow. Yeah, you really did work out. Your ass looks great. And I was like, oh, my God, Dad.

[Fortune Feimster]

You guys, he's European. Calm down. Yeah, it wasn't.

[Tig Notaro]

I know.

[Malin Akerman]

And. And then when I went to do press for that, the first time I said that in a press room, my publicist went, don't so sounds weird for the Netflix. And he was really just being like. He was awkward, too. He didn't know what to say. So he was just kind of like, yeah, you worked out well, but he's gotten a little older now. And he saw this and he just went, I mean, you did a great job and great acting, and maybe next season they can just. You're a little bit more like a boss lady and, like, maybe not as much sex. And, like, you start a company and it's like, okay, dad, I'll pass it.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah. Maybe you could be a beekeeper or something.

[Fortune Feimster]

Totally.

[Mae Martin]

She said that to me as well.

[Britney Snow]

In a leopard.

[Malin Akerman]

She said that to you? Yeah, yeah, yeah, he said that. Not too much sex.

[Britney Snow]

Too much sex.

[Tig Notaro]

Who said too much sex?

[Britney Snow]

Her dad.

[Tig Notaro]

About the beekeeper storyline.

[Fortune Feimster]

Love this stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Mae Martin]

Mine are weird about it.

[Malin Akerman]

Well, your parents are weird about sex.

[Mae Martin]

Not in life. They're too open about time.

[Fortune Feimster]

Right.

[Mae Martin]

Well, they like to say, just so you know, we still have sex. Like, they want me to know that. Which I like.

[Malin Akerman]

Great.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, they're like, btw, May, we're still

[Mae Martin]

doing it, but they definitely don't watch those birds. But we've both worked with Lisa Kudrow.

[Malin Akerman]

That's right.

[Mae Martin]

And she played my mom. And it was a very autobiographical story, and my mom watched that and I was so scared. And then afterwards she said, I don't know what you're worried about. That character's nothing like me. And it's really verbatim. Wow.

[Malin Akerman]

A lot of insight. She's got your mom.

[Mae Martin]

I know, but you're on the. The in the new comeback. I'm so excited to watch. Yeah. So cool. It's a.

[Malin Akerman]

It's a great. It's such a well written show. I feel so lucky to have been like that. That was my first show out here. They're the one. Michael Patrick King and Lisa Kudrow took their chance on me.

[Mae Martin]

Oh, my God.

[Malin Akerman]

So I got them to thank for sitting here with you.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah.

[Mae Martin]

What was your. What was your first job ever? I mean, acting job.

[Britney Snow]

I was a child. I was like. I think I was four or five.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, wow.

[Britney Snow]

I was a French fry. And I'm a commercial.

[Mae Martin]

A toddler.

[Tig Notaro]

May thought a five year old was an infant.

[Mae Martin]

I mean, I don't know the terms.

[Malin Akerman]

Sometimes it could be.

[Britney Snow]

No.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Britney Snow]

That's where I got my start.

[Tig Notaro]

And it was all downhill from there.

[Britney Snow]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

All those Pitch Perfect movies.

[Mae Martin]

Love Obsessed.

[Fortune Feimster]

Awesome. Awesome. And then you were in another huge Netflix series with Claire Danes.

[Mae Martin]

Oh, my God. Yeah, I have been.

[Malin Akerman]

So did I.

[Mae Martin]

It was really good.

[Fortune Feimster]

And so you guys just filmed. Are you already wrapped on season two of the Hunting Wives?

[Malin Akerman]

Oh, yeah, we are.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, my God, you guys.

[Mae Martin]

It's hell.

[Tig Notaro]

It's everything.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah.

[Britney Snow]

What can we say?

[Malin Akerman]

Oh, my gosh. Should we just enact some of the scenes?

[Fortune Feimster]

Yes, please. This is what everyone paid for.

[Tig Notaro]

I know somebody who's on this season.

[Fortune Feimster]

Who? Who? Oh, wait. Is this secret?

[Mae Martin]

Is it a secret?

[Malin Akerman]

I think most of the casting's out oh, we don't have to talk about it. I don't know.

[Britney Snow]

Oh, no. Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

Wait, did you guys hear that?

[Mae Martin]

I didn't hear that. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's amazing.

[Fortune Feimster]

He's gorgeous.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah, he is.

[Fortune Feimster]

Wait, is he making out with y'? All?

[Malin Akerman]

I'm not gonna.

[Mae Martin]

We can't tell you that part.

[Fortune Feimster]

But we don't let the lesbians down this season, you guys.

[Britney Snow]

Did we let you down before?

[Tig Notaro]

Before?

[Mae Martin]

No, no, but it would be. Imagine those.

[Fortune Feimster]

Season two is became lesbian straight.

[Malin Akerman]

The lesbians will not be disappointed.

[Fortune Feimster]

Right? Yeah, right.

[Tig Notaro]

I imagine straight men won't either.

[Malin Akerman]

Straight men won't. Gay men won't. Like, there is a lot going on this season.

[Fortune Feimster]

Who was the demographic coming up to you guys the most about this show? I am curious.

[Tig Notaro]

Fortune.

[Fortune Feimster]

Besides me, did you get a lot of feedback from lesbians or was. Yeah, you did.

[Malin Akerman]

Yeah, there was a lot of. A lot of lesbian community and street women, too. I feel like a lot of straight women.

[Tig Notaro]

Here's my question. Is, is this like a reality of these wives doing this? Huh?

[Malin Akerman]

Yeah. So. So May Cobb, actually, we asked her sort of where the idea came from. Sorry. Yeah, the writer of the novel, and she just said, you know, there was a small town outside of Dallas, I want to say. And she goes, girl, I couldn't even write some of the stuff in my novel that these people do. Like, this is based on. And there was a woman who came up to us at this event and she's like, I know May. We were in the same town. I know who you are in this town, and I know who you are in this town. I was like, yeah, I want to go.

[Tig Notaro]

And I'm sorry, the woman's name was

[Malin Akerman]

May, the author of the book?

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah. Okay.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah, yeah. That's crazy. I don't need a lot of mares.

[Tig Notaro]

And how much would you want to sit down with these people that they possibly think is.

[Malin Akerman]

Actually, I am so curious to sit down with them. I also don't want to lock the doors behind me, but, like, I need an escape room.

[Tig Notaro]

But you know what you should do? You should get May to hunt down their emails.

[Mae Martin]

Oh, yeah, I'm good at that.

[Malin Akerman]

You're good at that.

[Fortune Feimster]

I can get.

[Mae Martin]

I can force me down.

[Tig Notaro]

May can get a hold of anyone.

[Fortune Feimster]

Some of that juicy gossip.

[Mae Martin]

Okay, well, I have my primary school teachers. I'm in touch with all of them and I had to find all their

[Tig Notaro]

emails, so that's constantly emails, their childhood teachers.

[Mae Martin]

I can't let you know.

[Malin Akerman]

Why did you do that? Just out of curiosity.

[Fortune Feimster]

That's a fair question.

[Malin Akerman]

Curious, really.

[Mae Martin]

Like, driven by nostalgia. And I can't let go of connections. Like, the first time I ever filmed something, I assumed everyone would be best friends forever, in touch forever. And I'm like, when are we hanging out, guys? And it was so sad to learn that people have lives.

[Britney Snow]

It's all an illusion.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah. People have lives.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah, Apparently. It's hard to accept they're not just at home playing foosball.

[Tig Notaro]

No.

[Malin Akerman]

So you're going to be emailing us a lot after this. What's happening?

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah.

[Mae Martin]

Okay, guys, I was so just getting ready for it.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Malin Akerman]

Can't wait.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah. I mean, you came on the show. We're going to be in touch forever. Right, bestie?

[Malin Akerman]

I mean, yeah, you can email me. That's fine.

[Mae Martin]

You better believe if I see you at an event, I'm going to be overly familiar. I'm going to be like, guys, what's up?

[Fortune Feimster]

We sat on the couch.

[Tig Notaro]

May, you should get a business card made.

[Mae Martin]

Oh, sorry.

[Tig Notaro]

That's okay. You should get a business card made.

[Mae Martin]

Should I?

[Tig Notaro]

Yes, you should.

[Mae Martin]

Why?

[Tig Notaro]

Well, when you meet people, you can say, here's my card. And then you can keep in touch.

[Mae Martin]

Well, then the ball's in their court.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, you make a good point.

[Mae Martin]

I need that to stay control.

[Malin Akerman]

Then that's hard.

[Tig Notaro]

Did I tell you about my business card I had made?

[Malin Akerman]

No.

[Tig Notaro]

It was just a sketch I did of my, like, a cartoon version of my face. And I had it. I had them all printed out, and I would go play, this is like, in, like, 15 years ago. And I'd go places and I'd be like, listen, I love what you're saying. Give me a call. And they'd be like, great. And they'd be like, wait, there's no contact information.

[Fortune Feimster]

That's awesome.

[Mae Martin]

That's really it.

[Tig Notaro]

It's just fun to, like, slip someone a card.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah. Oh, my God.

[Tig Notaro]

That's how you do it.

[Malin Akerman]

Definitely.

[Tig Notaro]

You just like, hey, Brittany.

[Britney Snow]

And according to how serious you are is how slowly you slide it across.

[Tig Notaro]

I am very serious.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yes.

[Tig Notaro]

Here is a drawing I did poorly of my own face. I would love to hear it from you again. You'll have to ask me to hunt down my contact information.

[Mae Martin]

I always have to ask people if they laugh a lot during filming, because I can't.

[Tig Notaro]

That's a great question.

[Mae Martin]

I believe that people don't, like, was that a problem? It's a problem for me all the time.

[Britney Snow]

Sometimes the lines that we have to say are really Funny in the way that we have to say them. And especially because we have to be so serious.

[Malin Akerman]

We do laugh a lot. We do, yeah.

[Mae Martin]

Can you give us an example of a line that is.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, I thought you were. Can we get an example of your laugh?

[Malin Akerman]

The wet. The wet line.

[Mae Martin]

The wet line. I don't know which.

[Malin Akerman]

It was one of my lines.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah.

[Malin Akerman]

Do you remember when I say season two?

[Mae Martin]

No.

[Tig Notaro]

You say, but you can go into

[Britney Snow]

there if you want.

[Fortune Feimster]

Wait, what? You say, mullen, I'm so wet.

[Britney Snow]

So wet. And we had to do an adr.

[Malin Akerman]

We had to do. That's the worst part.

[Tig Notaro]

Hello, we're here. There are other people when you go

[Malin Akerman]

into adr, which is like, when you have to do some looping if, like, you can't hear it properly, and you go in and you have to ADR a sex scene, and it's just you doing kissing noises alone.

[Tig Notaro]

A lot of, like.

[Fortune Feimster]

They should just pull the audio from the Bachelor.

[Malin Akerman]

That would be great.

[Britney Snow]

There's some, like, creepy engineer in the back being like, great.

[Malin Akerman]

That was a good one. That was a good one.

[Fortune Feimster]

He's like, say that again. You're like, I'm so wet again. I'm so wet again.

[Britney Snow]

I did turn around at one point, and I was like, my mom is

[Tig Notaro]

so proud of me.

[Mae Martin]

Because you actually are, like, kissing your hand. Right? Like, no, no. Okay. I was.

[Fortune Feimster]

I mean, you could.

[Malin Akerman]

I'm not. I think that's great. A great idea. I. I didn't.

[Fortune Feimster]

But it's so good.

[Tig Notaro]

Wait, what are you just kissing the air? Like, what are you doing?

[Malin Akerman]

Yeah, I mean, it's not. A lot of. It's usually the ADR stuff is a lot of moaning and, like, a lot of, like, breathing and a lot of, like.

[Mae Martin]

It really is.

[Malin Akerman]

It's so wild when you stand there

[Fortune Feimster]

and you're like, I can't believe I was.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, my God, we have to do the Hunting Dykes. Yes.

[Mae Martin]

They.

[Fortune Feimster]

They already got parodies on snl. Did you guys see this?

[Malin Akerman]

We saw the parody, but I want to see your parody.

[Fortune Feimster]

The Hunting Dykes.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, you did the Hunting Dykes?

[Malin Akerman]

We saw the one on. There was one on SNL that they did.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, there was.

[Mae Martin]

That's an honor.

[Fortune Feimster]

That's really. It was really funny.

[Malin Akerman]

Yeah, it was funny.

[Tig Notaro]

And they called it the Hunting Dykes.

[Fortune Feimster]

No, not the Hunting. No. That is going to make this happen. Oh, they just parodied their show.

[Tig Notaro]

Okay.

[Fortune Feimster]

But no one had thought about the Hunting Dykes yet.

[Malin Akerman]

But I. I think the three of you should definitely get on that we will do.

[Mae Martin]

I'll do the hunting. Bi. Bisexual. That's. That'll be me and you guys.

[Tig Notaro]

The hunting days.

[Mae Martin]

The hunting. Yeah, Yeah.

[Malin Akerman]

I, they didn't do that.

[Mae Martin]

No, that has been done.

[Tig Notaro]

I, I, I, I want have a. I have a pitch. Well, no, I don't even have a pitch. I just have an idea that I don't know what to do with yet. And it is called Trad Dyke.

[Mae Martin]

Trad Dike is good.

[Tig Notaro]

Where I'm traditional lesbian.

[Malin Akerman]

Okay.

[Tig Notaro]

And I do traditional lesbian things.

[Malin Akerman]

It's very old school of you.

[Fortune Feimster]

We're listening to your pitch. Go ahead.

[Tig Notaro]

That's it. Just maybe let your producers know that that idea is out there. It just centers around me in a flannel. We'll work it out later. Here's my part.

[Fortune Feimster]

I do have to ask. Will the wig be returning for season two?

[Malin Akerman]

It will be.

[Fortune Feimster]

It will. It will be.

[Malin Akerman]

But it's a new wig. It's a new wig, y'.

[Tig Notaro]

All.

[Fortune Feimster]

It's a fancy.

[Malin Akerman]

It was one that's not pulled out of a box that didn't fit my head. It's one that they made for.

[Fortune Feimster]

Because when you started filming, you were on Stars, and then it premiered on Netflix.

[Malin Akerman]

That's right.

[Fortune Feimster]

Okay, now you get the next.

[Malin Akerman]

We moved up in the world.

[Tig Notaro]

I've got a question. Will the merkin be returning this season?

[Malin Akerman]

You betcha.

[Tig Notaro]

Isn't that what they're called?

[Fortune Feimster]

Wait, did you guys wear American? Did you guys have to wear merkins?

[Mae Martin]

No, we went full bush.

[Malin Akerman]

No, I'm joking. We have to do shibus. Shibus? Is that what they were called? Am I thinking of the dog now? Is that a shiba inu that she.

[Fortune Feimster]

Google it.

[Malin Akerman]

Oh, is that the one that you pee through?

[Mae Martin]

You pee in, like, if you're at a festival.

[Malin Akerman]

It's like a shimu. Maybe it's a shimu. I don't know.

[Mae Martin]

What is it called? Shimu. Describe it.

[Tig Notaro]

How is this interview going?

[Fortune Feimster]

It's like, Is this the best interview you guys have ever done?

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Britney Snow]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Is this like, inside the Actor Studio and I'm sorry. Very deep.

[Fortune Feimster]

It's called a she boob.

[Britney Snow]

There's little bits and bobs that they give you. It looks like a science experiment. They lay it all out for you in your trailer and you're just like, what have I done with my life? And there's just, like, little pieces that you have to put strategically on your body.

[Fortune Feimster]

When you tape on your body, tape onto your bush.

[Malin Akerman]

Yeah, but I didn't. I didn't get the memo that you're. There's like, a little foam bit, sort of like. Like a. Like a. Like a jock cup or whatever they're called. Yeah, but you got to put that on first, and then you put the tape bit that. Like, tapes. But I didn't.

[Fortune Feimster]

You put it onto your bush.

[Malin Akerman]

Yeah, I'm sure did.

[Mae Martin]

Oh, wow. Oh, my God.

[Malin Akerman]

That one was not fun.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

And how did you find out you had done everything wrong?

[Malin Akerman]

Very quickly. As soon as I tried to take it off, I took a bottle of baby oil and just sprayed that thing. This was before you were filming slowly

[Tig Notaro]

or at the end of the day at the.

[Malin Akerman]

Well, it was kind of in between because I had to pee and you had baby.

[Britney Snow]

And I was taped in.

[Malin Akerman]

Oh, it was a mess, you guys. It was a real mess.

[Mae Martin]

It's so glamorous, right?

[Malin Akerman]

Yeah. Yeah, it was a long time.

[Mae Martin]

But we.

[Malin Akerman]

But we figured it out.

[Tig Notaro]

So when you were a little girl dreaming of being an actress, were you

[Fortune Feimster]

in Sweden at this time?

[Mae Martin]

Canada.

[Fortune Feimster]

If you come from Canada. Yeah.

[Mae Martin]

You guys shot in Canada.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, boy.

[Britney Snow]

We.

[Malin Akerman]

I'm from. I'm no.

[Fortune Feimster]

From.

[Malin Akerman]

No, I grew up in Canada.

[Tig Notaro]

Where?

[Malin Akerman]

In Toronto.

[Fortune Feimster]

Same.

[Mae Martin]

Oh, my God.

[Malin Akerman]

I don't know how we never met back there.

[Tig Notaro]

Where are you from?

[Fortune Feimster]

That's cool.

[Britney Snow]

Florida.

[Mae Martin]

It's a small little town there.

[Tig Notaro]

We're in Florida.

[Britney Snow]

Tampa.

[Fortune Feimster]

Don't mind us. Everyone's just having their own conversation.

[Malin Akerman]

That's why you're so nice. That's why you want to.

[Fortune Feimster]

Not to ruin this love fest. But before you guys go, I heard y' all sort of keeping in tradition with our show, usually our guests do ask us a question. I don't know if you guys have anything you wanted to ask us, we can talk about our bushes as well.

[Malin Akerman]

I would love to know about your bushes.

[Britney Snow]

Or baby oil.

[Tig Notaro]

So nobody told you to have a question for us?

[Malin Akerman]

Yeah, they did.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, they do. Oh, what are you going to do? Yeah, they did.

[Malin Akerman]

I mean, I have a million questions for you guys.

[Fortune Feimster]

Ask away.

[Malin Akerman]

We don't have enough time.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, we do.

[Mae Martin]

Lock the doors.

[Tig Notaro]

We can make time.

[Malin Akerman]

Do you want to go first?

[Britney Snow]

Okay. My question, I didn't know if it was, like, if it should be serious or not.

[Tig Notaro]

It should be really serious.

[Britney Snow]

Well, one was serious and one was not. And then they picked the serious one. And I was like, oh, I guess you guys are serious.

[Fortune Feimster]

We can get earnest. Yeah, we've cried on our podcast.

[Mae Martin]

I'm Canadian.

[Tig Notaro]

I can get earnest.

[Fortune Feimster]

This is very serious.

[Malin Akerman]

Yes.

[Tig Notaro]

Will you tell me that you just say, I know you. Just say that. Just trust me.

[Malin Akerman]

I know you.

[Tig Notaro]

Just say, I know you.

[Malin Akerman]

I know you.

[Mae Martin]

Thank you. Yeah, thank you.

[Fortune Feimster]

Good act.

[Mae Martin]

Was that.

[Malin Akerman]

Good act?

[Mae Martin]

Yeah, that was from that one.

[Malin Akerman]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, yeah.

[Britney Snow]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

But real quick. Do you know that May was number one on the Star Meter for a while?

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Number one.

[Fortune Feimster]

IMDb Star Meter, baby.

[Mae Martin]

Wayward I think it is, because, you

[Malin Akerman]

know, you made it.

[Fortune Feimster]

This couch is full of Netflix stars.

[Tig Notaro]

Rode that for weeks.

[Mae Martin]

But I think people are trying to figure out, like, what I am.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, right.

[Britney Snow]

Oh, yeah. What was something that you guys thought at the time really sucked and then turned out to be exactly what needed to happen? Or a ghost story.

[Fortune Feimster]

Or a what?

[Mae Martin]

Or a ghost story.

[Britney Snow]

Or a ghost story. It was really either or. I want to know both.

[Mae Martin]

I love that.

[Fortune Feimster]

First, that is a good question. No one's ever asked us that.

[Tig Notaro]

You don't like the second question?

[Mae Martin]

Well, I don't have one, so I'm.

[Fortune Feimster]

Truth be told, I still don't know what the second question was.

[Tig Notaro]

Do you have a ghost story?

[Fortune Feimster]

Okay, thank you.

[Tig Notaro]

Nobody can understand.

[Fortune Feimster]

I've been hearing.

[Tig Notaro]

You're so hard to understand.

[Britney Snow]

I know I was saying nice earlier, but I said nights, you know, we walk off drunk.

[Tig Notaro]

I don't know what that woman was saying the whole night.

[Fortune Feimster]

There's so many things that at the time when it happened, were so hard. And then later I was like, thank God. Just like that Garth Brook song. Sometimes I thank God for unanswered prayers. Remember, when you're talking to the man upstairs.

[Tig Notaro]

Why?

[Fortune Feimster]

Because he been an answer doesn't mean he don't care. Some of last greatest gifts. Wow. That was. That was for your Hunting Wives fans. They're gonna like that.

[Malin Akerman]

Was that your ghost story or was that your.

[Tig Notaro]

You still got it, kid.

[Fortune Feimster]

You got it, girl.

[Mae Martin]

Well, have you guys. Have you heard the parable of the Chinese farmer?

[Britney Snow]

Okay, so, weirdly, no.

[Mae Martin]

There's this.

[Fortune Feimster]

It does take us a while to answer questions.

[Mae Martin]

I'm going to try and tell it super fast.

[Fortune Feimster]

No, no, go on, May.

[Tig Notaro]

Gonna. May.

[Mae Martin]

Okay, so. So there's this farmer in China and his horses escape and his neighbors say, oh, my God, I'm so sorry for this tragedy. This is so awful. And he says, maybe. And. And then the horses come back and they bring more horses with them. And so they're like, this is such good news. And he goes, maybe. And then his son is feeding the horses and they trample his son's legs. Broken legs. And they go, oh, my God, this is Awful news. And he goes, maybe. Then the army comes, says, we're conscripting all men, but we can't take your son because his legs are broken. And they're like, man, that's great news. And he's like, maybe so. It just shows you like you never know, something could seem awful and then it's good. That's a sad story. This poor guy. But I like, I could get a tattoo that says maybe that would be cool.

[Malin Akerman]

Yeah, maybe you should.

[Mae Martin]

Maybe, Maybe, maybe.

[Tig Notaro]

Now, speaking of Texas, I did.

[Fortune Feimster]

Are we ever going to answer this question?

[Tig Notaro]

Well, we're loosey goosey, right? Do you mind?

[Fortune Feimster]

Sure, go on, Goosey.

[Tig Notaro]

Okay, I want tell my story.

[Fortune Feimster]

No, no, no, no, please tell it. We'll always.

[Tig Notaro]

Well, cuz May told their story. Didn't apply to anything. I figured. I figured I could too. I lived in Texas for a while as a kid and I went to church as a small child. And I remember this is so Texas. But the priest told a story about. I can't even actually remember the stories. Never mind. No, it was like. The truncated version is. There was like a huge pile of horseshit.

[Mae Martin]

I know this one.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, of course you do. What is happening? Go ahead, finish it.

[Britney Snow]

Wait, I can't wait to hear this.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah, you go.

[Tig Notaro]

No, you go.

[Mae Martin]

Well, if it's the same. If it's the same one.

[Tig Notaro]

Okay, let's see.

[Mae Martin]

There's this little bird that got on and then it was say. And then the little bird is saying, oh my God. It's help me, help me. And then this cat gets it out. Gets it out of the shin and eats it and it goes.

[Fortune Feimster]

Don't.

[Mae Martin]

Just cause someone gets you out of the shit doesn't mean you can trust them. And actually the person that shat on you was protecting me.

[Tig Notaro]

Wow, that is a totally different story.

[Fortune Feimster]

Pile of shit story from church is the same story.

[Tig Notaro]

How is it that we both have pile of shit church stories? My pile of shit church story was. And again, I don't remember all the details, but it was like a huge pile of shit. And the priest is telling us. It's like, you know people. I can't remember. It was something like dink. Oh God, there's a huge pile of shit. This is Texas church. And it's like, oh God, a huge pile of shit. And then the person with the positive thought was like, yeah, but there must be a donkey in there somewhere. I didn't ride it. I'm just telling you.

[Malin Akerman]

What does that even mean? Donkey in the shit?

[Fortune Feimster]

Yes, you should ask Follow up questions

[Britney Snow]

relating back to, like, something bad was gonna happen, but it turned out to be good.

[Malin Akerman]

I know, but why Donkey?

[Tig Notaro]

I didn't ask the priest. I just went home and wondered about it myself. And I never imagined that it would all lead to this moment where May would say, oh, I know this story.

[Mae Martin]

I didn't.

[Fortune Feimster]

I guess I'm so glad we went down that path.

[Tig Notaro]

And what was your question again?

[Mae Martin]

Have you ever seen anything that happened to you and then it turns out to be good?

[Fortune Feimster]

Mine was early days. It wasn't that bad. But at the time, it felt so devastating.

[Tig Notaro]

Does it have to do with a pile of shit?

[Fortune Feimster]

It does not. Okay. But I really wanted to go to UNC Chapel Hill. You guys shot in North Carolina. I'm from North Carolina, so I really wanted to go to Chapel Hill. And all my friends were going and I didn't get in. And I was devastated. Someone just laughed.

[Tig Notaro]

Was that the end of your story?

[Fortune Feimster]

But I was so devastated, I ended up going to the small women's college. And I really like

[Tig Notaro]

the Lord delivered.

[Fortune Feimster]

There you go.

[Mae Martin]

That's the good that.

[Malin Akerman]

The good that came out.

[Fortune Feimster]

I mean, they literally were like, you. The guidance counselor is like, you need to tell us, are you going to this school or not? They're going to give away your scholarships. I was like, fine. It ended up being the best four years of my life. And I got a job in LA because I went to that school that I would not have gotten had I gone to unc. And it's so clear to me that that path, I was supposed to go down this other path. Even though I was so devastated, my entire life for the next 20 something years has been dictated by that one thing that happened to me when I was 18.

[Mae Martin]

I like that.

[Tig Notaro]

That is wonderful.

[Fortune Feimster]

Thank you.

[Mae Martin]

I mean, I. I think about that with exes sometimes where I've been so devastated. And then now looking back, I think, what a. What a bullet I dodged.

[Tig Notaro]

Sing Unanswered prayers again.

[Mae Martin]

What's that?

[Fortune Feimster]

Sometimes I thank God for unanswered prayers. Remember, when you're talking to the man upstairs,

[Tig Notaro]

What if.

[Fortune Feimster]

Look at that.

[Tig Notaro]

Somebody showed up late to this show and walked in while we were singing.

[Mae Martin]

Garth Rock sitting in Situation Silence.

[Tig Notaro]

And fortune's going,

[Fortune Feimster]

you guys probably don't know this, but this is a hip podcast. It's, I swear, hard to tell from the show, but it is a hip podcast.

[Tig Notaro]

We're wildly popular. And you know how you know it's when people tell you that they're popular.

[Fortune Feimster]

Are you guys Going to answer this question at all.

[Mae Martin]

I, I did take it.

[Tig Notaro]

With your horseshit.

[Mae Martin]

No, with like exes.

[Fortune Feimster]

That's right, you did.

[Tig Notaro]

That was your story. Well, I mean, kind of similarly. No, not. But with a breakup. I was in Colorado and went through a breakup and my two childhood besties, we were all living out there and they were moving out to Los Angeles to get into TV and film. And I truly was like, well, I guess I'll throw my stuff in your. In your truck. And I thought I was just going to go out to Los Angeles for like a few months till the breakup blew over. And then I saw all the opportunity to do standup in the LA Weekly and it was my secret dream to do stand up. And I was like, yeah, well, maybe I'll go do an open mic while I'm here. And I have not left for almost 30 years.

[Fortune Feimster]

Look at that.

[Malin Akerman]

What were you doing before stand up? Like, that was your secret dream. But what were you, like, pursuing?

[Tig Notaro]

Well, I do love music and I play a little bit of music and. But I wasn't comfortable playing it on stage. So I started working with bands and I was booking them and doing promotion just to kind of be in that world. And I was like, kind of talking in a high pitched voice that wasn't. No, not, no, not in that way. I just mean like in. Not a very honest register.

[Mae Martin]

Oh, interesting.

[Tig Notaro]

I was like, oh, yeah, yeah, I'm happy, I'm happy. Yeah, it's good. Yeah, yeah, it's good, it's good.

[Mae Martin]

You know when people ask how my birthday was and I. Yeah, yeah, yeah,

[Tig Notaro]

it's good, it's good. And then when I got here and I did stand up, I was like, oh, I love this. Like, it, it hit that honest register.

[Fortune Feimster]

That's really awesome.

[Mae Martin]

Do you guys have answers?

[Fortune Feimster]

You guys have one?

[Mae Martin]

To your, to your question?

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, oh, oh, sorry. Oh, they didn't tell you about that part?

[Tig Notaro]

Well, we can sit awkwardly.

[Malin Akerman]

I actually had like a similar, I guess, going with the theme of breakups. Sorry, Fortune.

[Fortune Feimster]

Listen, I also am going through a breakup.

[Malin Akerman]

I'm sorry.

[Fortune Feimster]

No, I'm fine.

[Mae Martin]

Okay.

[Fortune Feimster]

It'll.

[Malin Akerman]

It'll be for the best.

[Tig Notaro]

Right?

[Malin Akerman]

As we're learning.

[Fortune Feimster]

Right?

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Malin Akerman]

I had, I broke up with my first husband. Right. Four months after we had our son, which was like, not after 11 years together was not what we expected. But the silver lining was that one of my best girlfriends from childhood flew over, moved in with me, and for a year and a half I got to raise my son with my best girlfriend. It was awesome. I so wish that we wanted to each other because it would have been so much easier.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yes, that would have been amazing.

[Malin Akerman]

But she's a sister to me, you know, like we had the conversation and we're like, should we try?

[Fortune Feimster]

You should have. You're like touching boobs. You're like, I feel nothing.

[Malin Akerman]

I mean, I'll do that with other ladies, but not my sisters.

[Fortune Feimster]

You know, not everyone wants to be a lesbian. I get it.

[Tig Notaro]

And did you?

[Malin Akerman]

I mean, I do, but I mean,

[Fortune Feimster]

I know you want.

[Mae Martin]

Just not with her.

[Malin Akerman]

Not with my sister. But it was amazing. It was such a cool experience to raise my child.

[Mae Martin]

Good friend too. That's amazing.

[Malin Akerman]

A great friend. Yeah. Really great friends. That was fun. What?

[Mae Martin]

Oh, God. What?

[Fortune Feimster]

No, not that song.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, I was ready.

[Fortune Feimster]

The Golden Girls.

[Mae Martin]

Oh, I've never seen it.

[Fortune Feimster]

Do you guys not put the correlation together? Two women living together. It's. It tracks.

[Tig Notaro]

Can we just sing?

[Mae Martin]

Which is obsessed with.

[Fortune Feimster]

How about we can sing Golden Girls, but we want Brittany.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, thank you for being a friend,

[Fortune Feimster]

but if you don't have an answer, that's okay.

[Tig Notaro]

No, it's not.

[Fortune Feimster]

We can end y' all segment. We can end your segment on the Girl Gold Girls things.

[Britney Snow]

I do want that though.

[Mae Martin]

I want to hear Malin's question after as well.

[Malin Akerman]

It's okay. Fortune didn't. So I'm just not going to.

[Tig Notaro]

I want to.

[Malin Akerman]

Let me ask you and Tig.

[Mae Martin]

Okay.

[Britney Snow]

When I was 22, I was dating a guy and there was this like urgent email that needed to go out and for some reason I forgot my password and I, I. I was 22, so I thought I liked him or like loved him, but I didn't, you know, 22. And I couldn't get into my email because I forgot my password. So he was like, just use my computer.

[Fortune Feimster]

I know where this is going.

[Tig Notaro]

I don't.

[Britney Snow]

And I checked. I was like, you know what? Check his sent emails. Dick pic. Dick pic.

[Mae Martin]

Dick, dick pic.

[Britney Snow]

In shorts that I bought him for Christmas.

[Tig Notaro]

Not in the shorts.

[Fortune Feimster]

You bought them.

[Britney Snow]

He was sending pictures to his ex girlfriend. Yeah. Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Who wants to see that?

[Fortune Feimster]

They went to May's elementary school teacher. What?

[Mae Martin]

Wait, but. So he's wearing the shorts, but with

[Tig Notaro]

his dick out and I'm sorry.

[Britney Snow]

He was emailing them? Yes, emailing them.

[Tig Notaro]

This was like send.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Subject title.

[Fortune Feimster]

And what happened? What did he.

[Tig Notaro]

Penis picture.

[Britney Snow]

I was. Here's the. Why it's full circle is like, I was. I was really upset and then now I don't. I never Even thought about him until just now.

[Fortune Feimster]

Of course.

[Tig Notaro]

You know, we have to.

[Britney Snow]

And now we have to thinking about it.

[Tig Notaro]

But explain to me emailing, like, I completely agree. No, I really need you to explain

[Fortune Feimster]

that texting was expensive.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah, but did you.

[Fortune Feimster]

Especially if you confronted him and did

[Mae Martin]

he try to turn around on you? Like, why were you in my email?

[Fortune Feimster]

And.

[Tig Notaro]

Yes.

[Britney Snow]

And he said, these were before we were together. I was like, these are dated. And because they're emails, I just love

[Fortune Feimster]

that you were like, not the shorts I bought him.

[Britney Snow]

I know. And they were really ugly shorts.

[Malin Akerman]

I'm not going to lie.

[Britney Snow]

So.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, my God. What if you saw that he had sent out, like, a mass email?

[Mae Martin]

Just.

[Britney Snow]

I feel like that would have been better and, like, kind of funnier.

[Fortune Feimster]

Well, guess what? Sometimes I thank God we won't do it now. We won't do it now.

[Britney Snow]

Okay, that's the poignant answer that I was hoping for, though.

[Malin Akerman]

So I. I do.

[Fortune Feimster]

You do?

[Malin Akerman]

I do. But I don't have to ask it. If we're running out of time, we'll

[Fortune Feimster]

do a speed round.

[Malin Akerman]

Speed round?

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah, speed round.

[Malin Akerman]

It's a really quick one. Well, it can be if you want it to be. It's. I don't know what that was.

[Mae Martin]

It is really felt like a new endo.

[Malin Akerman]

Just made it sexual for no reason. What keeps you up at night?

[Mae Martin]

Oh, don't get my started.

[Malin Akerman]

It can be.

[Fortune Feimster]

How much time do we have?

[Mae Martin]

Oh, my God. It can be that I have insomn.

[Tig Notaro]

Yes.

[Fortune Feimster]

He slept in 20 years. Oh, boy.

[Tig Notaro]

Orgy. And left and right.

[Mae Martin]

You say an orgy. No, no. You sleep well after an orgy. You sleep better than you ever have. No, I. Everything is. Are we in a simulation? What is the point of all of this?

[Tig Notaro]

Like, okay, of this podcast.

[Mae Martin]

What is the point of this podcast? No, just, like, deep existential worry. Yeah, but that. And it's. Once everyone goes to bed and I feel like, okay, I have a minute. Not. Maybe I'll just strum my guitar. And then I'm thinking, what is a guitar?

[Malin Akerman]

Yeah.

[Mae Martin]

Oh, and then, like, every awful thing I've ever done is, like, going through my head and. Yeah, but I'm gonna start meditating. They. They are getting me into it. Yeah, it's a great idea.

[Tig Notaro]

I meditate.

[Malin Akerman]

Oh, sorry.

[Mae Martin]

Tig's getting.

[Tig Notaro]

I'm the elderly one that meditates. Goes to bed early.

[Mae Martin]

You know, we're gonna do a wellness weekend.

[Malin Akerman]

They did, too. Yeah.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah, we're gonna do a wellness weekend where we have to follow Tig's regime. Maybe vegan meditate.

[Tig Notaro]

Wow.

[Mae Martin]

Up at dawn journaling.

[Britney Snow]

Still can't sleep.

[Mae Martin]

Sounds good.

[Tig Notaro]

Well, I. I'm doing. I'm doing better with my sleep. I appreciate the concern face because I understand. I know you do. And, girl, we need to talk. Yes. Here is my card.

[Mae Martin]

You really struggle with sleep, right?

[Tig Notaro]

I do, I do. But I hired a sleep coach, as I told you. And don't laugh at my struggles.

[Malin Akerman]

Wait, what is a sleep coach? What did they. I mean, this is a longer conversation,

[Tig Notaro]

but

[Mae Martin]

you've got this.

[Tig Notaro]

You're almost asleep.

[Fortune Feimster]

You're almost asleep.

[Tig Notaro]

Crashing beers on their head, dumping a Gatorade over me. Once I finally get to sleep, I'm like, ah, it's worth the money. Asleep. Wait, what is a sleep?

[Malin Akerman]

What keeps you up at night?

[Tig Notaro]

What keeps you up at night?

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah, like, sound like everything.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, my sleep coach is keeping me up. No, I. Well, first of all, I am old enough to go into a retirement home. It's menopause. First off, I think is what triggered it. Thank you.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah. Shout out. Menopause.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah. People think if you look like me, you don't go through menopause, but you do. So. So menopause kept me up. And then I think it also just creates this. I really don't know. I'm just thinking that it makes you just more sensitive when you're going through that transition. And so anything that is outstanding, and not in a great way, but outstanding in my life, I have to deal with. Was that a dog? Was that a dog that was just in your head?

[Britney Snow]

That's gonna keep running.

[Fortune Feimster]

Dog keeps me up at night.

[Tig Notaro]

But that was a dog. That was a dog.

[Malin Akerman]

I think so.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah, that was a dog.

[Malin Akerman]

Or someone acting like a dog.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, there is a dog at the show.

[Malin Akerman]

Yeah, that's.

[Tig Notaro]

That is our target. What if the lights went on and it was just dogs and.

[Mae Martin]

Oh, my God, I would love that.

[Fortune Feimster]

Amazing.

[Tig Notaro]

That would be so great. I would feel like we succeeded as people.

[Mae Martin]

When you say outstanding, you mean like speed round things you haven't done yet?

[Tig Notaro]

This is the fastest I go and you know that.

[Fortune Feimster]

Just trying to keep us on schedule.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, there is no schedule. I'm so sorry. You guys have nowhere to go.

[Fortune Feimster]

But.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, I just mean outstanding, like, oh, I just. I like to have a clear conscience. I like to handle things. I like to. I always say my brain is like an attic. I don't ever want to go up there and find a dusty old box and not know what was in there. Like, I want to Handle things and deal with it, you know? And so if I haven't or something is on the table, it'll keep me up. And I'll be like, oh, I just. I need to make a call. I need to handle that. And that will.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Also, I'm like, what is May doing with their life? Or, like, oh, what is May's life for? And then I start taking on your issues.

[Mae Martin]

I know.

[Tig Notaro]

What is a guitar? What is Mae's guitar?

[Mae Martin]

Well, Tig's son actually wrote a song that was. That is so existential that it's like, no one knows why we're born. It's. It's so beautiful.

[Tig Notaro]

It's like, when he was, like, five, he was like.

[Mae Martin]

Like, we don't know why the world was made. It's really good.

[Tig Notaro]

And it spun me out of it. May said that they were going to write the music for it. Never did. And that is. That is outstanding. That is outstanding.

[Fortune Feimster]

It's on the list.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Malin Akerman]

You better get to it.

[Mae Martin]

I'm going to get on that.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Mae Martin]

What up at night? Fortune.

[Fortune Feimster]

I mean, honestly, I can easily worry, like, my brain will go a mile a minute if I let it. And I used to, when I was younger, like, constantly worry. And I would be up so much just, like, always worried about something. But my mom told me at one point, like, when she could tell I was, like, getting in my head, she just would say, don't borrow trouble. You're always worrying about what might happen before it even happens. And it really, like, kind of released this thing in me where I really. I. I'm very lucky. Now I just lay my head down and fall asleep because I. I cannot worry about the things I have no control over, you know? So don't borrow trouble. I highly recommend that.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

You guys want to answer real quick?

[Malin Akerman]

Oh, I. I bury everything real deep so I fall asleep real fast.

[Mae Martin]

Really?

[Malin Akerman]

Yeah, sure do. I bury that real hard. We've talked about it. I'm like, Brit, like, I trying to cry. I'm like, I have not dealt with that for a long, and I don't want to. So when we do have to do emotional scenes, I'm like, oh, fuck. I gotta dig deep.

[Tig Notaro]

Can I give you my card? You sure can.

[Malin Akerman]

Yeah. I want your coach cry. What keeps me up at night? Nothing.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah, you're sleeping like, baby.

[Malin Akerman]

I sleep, but the world keeps me up.

[Fortune Feimster]

There you go. Truly, there is a lot to worry about, but.

[Malin Akerman]

But actually putting my head down and sleeping is not an issue, which I know we've talked about. Because she's totally opposite.

[Fortune Feimster]

Really?

[Mae Martin]

Total opposite.

[Britney Snow]

Oh, yeah. And I'm up for like two, three hours every night, and that's even if I take something. But it's like aliens simulation.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

Birds.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, Birds. Yeah.

[Britney Snow]

Like, there's just too many. There's too many different sounds. There's too many. Like, they're all birds. But why do they sound so different?

[Mae Martin]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

Now we're gonna worry about this.

[Malin Akerman]

Yeah, like this.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah.

[Britney Snow]

Because then I started hearing them while I'm trying to sleep, and I'm like, that's a new bird. Like, that's how you know things are bad.

[Tig Notaro]

What time are you sleeping? Because birds should be asleep at that hour.

[Britney Snow]

Well, around 4 or 5 o' clock in the morning. And I haven't fallen asleep yet. And this bird right here, new bird.

[Mae Martin]

You can get it. But also, can I just tell them

[Malin Akerman]

that she has two sound machines.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, my God.

[Malin Akerman]

And ear pods with sound. White noise in it. White sound. And sleeping medications and sleep codes.

[Mae Martin]

I mean, I'm gone.

[Malin Akerman]

I still hears the birds.

[Fortune Feimster]

Okay.

[Britney Snow]

The last sleep coach I went to in Charlotte, he was like, I'm gonna prescribe you Ambien. And I was like, oh, well, I. I stay up on Ambien.

[Tig Notaro]

It's not a sleep coach.

[Britney Snow]

And he goes, well, you're not supposed to sleep. Stay up on ambient. And I go, yeah, I know.

[Fortune Feimster]

Wow.

[Tig Notaro]

Like, I don't mean to stay up. I'm not like, do you stay up my ambient. Try.

[Britney Snow]

She's like,

[Mae Martin]

oh, my God. The worst is, though, like. Like looking at your phone once you're. If you. If once you do that, you're gone, then you're. These. These scientists are going missing.

[Britney Snow]

You're like the 12 scientists.

[Mae Martin]

The 12 scientists, like, what are.

[Britney Snow]

What they were studying.

[Mae Martin]

Oh, yeah, I know, I know.

[Fortune Feimster]

Insane.

[Mae Martin]

It's insane.

[Britney Snow]

Did you see the video of the girl who was explaining what she was.

[Malin Akerman]

What she was saying when she text

[Britney Snow]

that she sent her friend?

[Malin Akerman]

Yes, I did.

[Britney Snow]

Yeah.

[Mae Martin]

And did you see that under the pyramids they found these chambers, like, huge chambers. It's, like, confirmed.

[Tig Notaro]

We have to go to commercial.

[Fortune Feimster]

There's only one thing left to say. Our lovely guest. We want to thank you for being a friend.

[Mae Martin]

Thank you so much.

[Fortune Feimster]

Thank you. Are you guys ready? Thank you for being a friend.

[Mae Martin]

All right.

[Fortune Feimster]

Travel down the road and back again? Your heart is true? You're a pal and a confidant? That was also, if you threw a party? Invited everyone you knew? You would see? The greatest gift would be from me? And the carpet would say. Thank you for being a give it up for Pretty St. Mar. Thank you guys so much. Thank you so much.

[Mae Martin]

Thank you so much.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, I'm sorry.

[Mae Martin]

That was so.

[Malin Akerman]

I'm expecting an email.

[Mae Martin]

Okay, I will. Seriously, that was so fun.

[Fortune Feimster]

Check out Netflix 2 will be coming soon. Keep it Handsome you guys. We just want to thank thank all of you guys for coming to our show.

[Mae Martin]

We love you.

[Fortune Feimster]

We hope that you go see a bunch of shows this week at the Netflix Junk Festival. Thank you for listening to our podcast.

[Tig Notaro]

Thank you to our amazing guests tonight, Britney Snow Y and until next time,

[Fortune Feimster]

keep it hands up. Thank you guys so much. We appreciate you.

[Tig Notaro]

Handsome is hosted by me, Tig Notaro, Mae Martin and Fortune Theme Steer. The show is produced, recorded and edited by Thomas Willette. Email [e-mail] Follow us on social media ANSomepod what a podcast Podcast.

[Mae Martin]

What a podcast.

[Malin Akerman]

That was a headgum podcast.