Tobin Heath & Christen Press ask about sports

Summary

Podcast Summary: "Handsome" – Episode Featuring Tobin Heath & Kristen Press on Sports

Podcast Information:

• Title: Handsome
• Host/Author: Headgum
• Description: "Handsome" is a podcast from comedians Tig Notaro, Fortune Feimster, and Mae Martin. Every week, the handsome hosts field a question from a friend and attempt to answer it together, covering every subject you could think of. Along the way, Tig, Fortune, and Mae tell plenty of stories and just generally have a ridiculous time.
• Episode: Tobin Heath & Kristen Press Ask About Sports
• Release Date: March 11, 2025

---

1. Opening Banter and Personal Anecdotes ([03:05] – [36:42])

The episode begins with the hosts—Tig Notaro, May Martin, and Fortune Feimster—engaging in their characteristic humorous banter. They delve into personal topics such as home improvements, family dynamics, and quirky household mishaps. Notable moments include:

• House Renovations: Tig shares the struggles of updating their home with young children, highlighting issues like outdated countertops and ceiling moldings. May expresses excitement about designing a stained glass window, inviting listeners to contribute ideas.

  • Tig Notaro ([20:22]): "We kept kicking it down the road. But then we're living in it, it's all right."

• Fortune’s Home Repair Woes: Fortune humorously recounts dealing with a busted plumbing pipe that left a significant hole in her wall.

  • Fortune Feimster ([21:20]): "My plumbing went kaput in this bathroom. They opened up the wall, trying to get to it, and it didn't go anywhere."

• Butch Moments: Fortune shares a story about trimming an unruly olive bush, emphasizing her "butch" side and the unexpected responsibilities that come with home ownership.

  • Fortune Feimster ([23:26]): "I trimmed that bush. Did you feel...?"

Throughout these segments, the hosts maintain a light-hearted atmosphere, weaving in jokes about household tasks, personal upgrades, and the chaos of maintaining a home.

2. Transition to Guest Segment ([36:42] – [37:23])

As the hosts wrap up their personal stories, they introduce the episode's main guests—Tobin Heath and Kristen Press, both celebrated members of the U.S. Women’s Soccer Team and entrepreneurs.

• Fortune Feimster ([36:47]): "Today's question askers are two soccer stars who have won multiple gold medals as members of the U.S. women's soccer team. They’re also entrepreneurs and podcasters."

3. Guest Introduction and Initial Discussions ([37:23] – [44:34])

Tobin and Kristen join the conversation, posing thoughtful questions about sports fandom, media representation, and the inclusivity of sports commentary.

• Tobin & Kristen’s Question: They inquire whether the hosts are sports fans, which teams they support, and if they believe sports media adequately represents women, non-binary, and LGBTQ+ individuals.
  • Tobin Heath ([37:59]): "Are you a sports fan? What teams do you support? Do you think that sports was made for you? Are the commentators players? Are they entertaining for you? Are they calling in women, non-binary people, our demographic? Why or why not?"

4. Hosts’ Perspectives on Sports and Media Representation ([38:38] – [53:48])

The hosts share their varied relationships with sports, offering insights into personal fandom, experiences as athletes, and observations on media representation.

• Fortune’s Advocacy for Women’s Sports:

  • Fortune Feimster ([38:41]): "I am a huge fan of our U.S. women's National Soccer team. Tobin and Kristen are legends."
  • She emphasizes the importance of representation, noting the positive impact of having more women and LGBTQ+ commentators in sports media.
    • Fortune Feimster ([55:34]): "I feel like women's sports is the only place that was really giving women an opportunity to be commentators..."

• May’s Observations on Sports Viewing:

  • May Martin ([40:55]): "I never ended up watching women's soccer because I was always with like groups of friends and pubs and things."
  • She contrasts her experiences watching men's versus women's soccer, highlighting the perceived authenticity and skill in women's games.
    • May Martin ([40:54]): "British women's soccer team... this is such better TV because they're not faking injuries every five seconds."

• Tig’s Athletic Background and Reflections:

  • Tig Notaro ([42:36]): "I was very drawn to soccer as a child. I played from the time I was 5 until I was 11 or 12."
  • She discusses the role of sports in personal development and critiques the punitive measures schools sometimes take against students struggling academically by removing their extracurricular activities.
    • Tig Notaro ([48:41]): "I think sports should not be taken away from someone because they're struggling in school."

• Emotional Connection to Sports:

  • The hosts reveal their emotional ties to sports, expressing how watching teams score can be a deeply moving experience.
    • May Martin ([51:20]): "I cry every time anyone scores a goal."
    • Fortune Feimster ([51:49]): "I could never have that kind of dedication [to sports]."

• Inclusivity and Protection in Sports:

  • They discuss the current climate surrounding inclusivity in sports, particularly for trans and non-binary athletes, and lament the shifting focus from broader women's issues to specific segments within sports.
    • May Martin ([52:46]): "It's so sad that trans kids are not being allowed to play sports..."
    • Tig Notaro ([53:22]): "Why is this where you're protecting women? Why doesn't it apply to reproductive rights?"

5. Guest Responses and Further Insights ([53:48] – [61:17])

Tobin and Kristen respond to the hosts' comments, sharing their own experiences as athletes and content creators focused on women's sports.

• Tobin’s Love for Sports:

  • Tobin Heath ([57:38]): "I love sports. I love playing sports. I love watching sports."
  • She reminisces about childhood sports activities and expresses dissatisfaction with the current state of sports media.
    • Tobin Heath ([58:41]): "I don't think sports media made the door wide enough for us..."

• Kristen’s Perspective on Watching Live Sports:

  • Kristen Press ([59:28]): "I don’t consider myself a sports fan, which is a touch taboo in professional sports. But I love live sports and live entertainment."
  • She explains her preference for the atmosphere of live games over televised events, even in her own sport.
    • Kristen Press ([59:42]): "Being in the stadium with all the people with so much passion..."

• Hosts Discuss Live Sports Experiences:

  • The conversation shifts to personal anecdotes about attending live games, sharing humorous and heartfelt moments.
    • Tig Notaro ([60:20]): "I ate a bag of peanuts. Have a beer and vegan Dodger Dog. It was a blast."

6. Closing Remarks and Announcements ([61:17] – [66:37])

The episode concludes with the hosts and guests sharing upcoming projects, touring schedules, and promoting their respective works.

• Upcoming Projects:

  • Tig Notaro ([62:55]): "Please do the wonderful film Come See Me in the Good Light, which is the documentary about Andrea Gibson and their partner, Meg Fowley."
  • May Martin ([65:10]): "My friend Carolyn Taylor has a documentary series called I Have Nothing, about her quest to choreograph an Olympic-level Paris figure skating routine."

• Tour Dates:

  • Hosts and guests provide details about their upcoming tours and performances across various cities.

• Final Thoughts:

  • The hosts encourage listeners to subscribe, leave reviews, and follow them on social media to stay updated on their activities.
    • May Martin ([66:07]): "What a podcast. That was a Headgum podcast."

---

Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• Tig Notaro on House Renovations:

  • [20:22] "We kept kicking it down the road. But then we're living in it, it's all right."

• Fortune Feimster on Plumbing Issues:

  • [21:20] "My plumbing went kaput in this bathroom. They opened up the wall, trying to get to it, and it didn't go anywhere."

• Fortune on Trimming the Bush:

  • [23:26] "I trimmed that bush. Did you feel...?"

• May Martin on Sports Representation:

  • [51:20] "I cry every time anyone scores a goal."

• Tig Notaro on School and Sports:

  • [48:41] "I think sports should not be taken away from someone because they're struggling in school."

• Tobin Heath on Sports Media:

  • [58:41] "I don't think sports media made the door wide enough for us..."

• May Martin on Inclusivity in Sports:

  • [52:46] "It's so sad that trans kids are not being allowed to play sports..."

---

Key Takeaways

• Importance of Representation: The discussion underscores the critical need for diverse representation in sports media, advocating for more women, non-binary, and LGBTQ+ voices in commentary roles.

• Emotional Impact of Sports: The hosts and guests highlight the profound emotional connections individuals develop with sports, whether through watching, playing, or experiencing live events.

• Sports as a Support System: Reflecting on personal histories, the conversation emphasizes how sports can serve as a vital support system for individuals facing challenges, offering camaraderie, discipline, and a sense of belonging.

• Critique of Current Sports Climate: There's a shared concern about the current state of sports media and inclusivity, with calls for broader acceptance and support beyond niche areas.

• Personal Growth Through Sports: The hosts reveal how their athletic backgrounds have shaped their lives, fostering resilience and community involvement.

---

Conclusion

This episode of "Handsome" offers an insightful and heartfelt exploration of sports from multiple perspectives. Through engaging conversations with esteemed athletes Tobin Heath and Kristen Press, the hosts delve into the significance of representation, the emotional bonds formed through sports, and the ongoing challenges within the sports media landscape. Combining humor with meaningful dialogue, the episode provides listeners with both entertainment and thoughtful reflections on the role of sports in personal and societal contexts.

Transcript

[May Martin]

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[Tig Notaro]

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[May Martin]

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[Tig Notaro]

Cheers. Hi, it's me, your friend Tig Notaro. I'm sitting here with my co host.

[May Martin]

I'm your friend and confidant, May Martin.

[Fortune Feimster]

And I'm Fortune Feimster.

[Tig Notaro]

Welcome to the Handsome Podcast.

[May Martin]

It's just so smooth every time.

[Tig Notaro]

We are very happy to be here, and we are very happy to have you right here at Handsome headquarters. There's been a few changes here. There's no dilly dallying, no silliness. We're just getting straight to the important business. No jokes. It's all politics and heavy talk here on Handsome.

[May Martin]

Did you get that memo, Fortune? I didn't know.

[Fortune Feimster]

I better watch the news.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh.

[May Martin]

Oh, no. So yucky.

[Fortune Feimster]

Are facts allowed or facts are not allowed?

[May Martin]

Oh, yeah, no. What am I gonna say?

[Fortune Feimster]

Not in this climate.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

Well, good.

[Tig Notaro]

What if we did just become all politics?

[May Martin]

Oh, my God.

[Fortune Feimster]

What if we became ourselves if we.

[May Martin]

Became a politics podcast, but none of us did any research or anything. It was just what we know now.

[Tig Notaro]

Nobody does anymore. Well, everyone does their own research.

[May Martin]

Right?

[Tig Notaro]

Right.

[May Martin]

Yeah. I was thinking about buying a set of Encyclopedia Britannica for my house, and then I thought, I'm just like. That feels like I'm just giving up on the world. I'm just retreating into this 90s bubble of like, things were better than, like, I. I can't be surrounded by encyclopedias that are outdated.

[Tig Notaro]

A 90s bubble.

[May Martin]

Well, that's what my.

[Tig Notaro]

Just by getting encyclopedias, I don't feel like Encycloplopedias represent the 90s in the.

[Fortune Feimster]

Way that you think. Middle days, encyclopedia wise.

[May Martin]

I guess that's my association is like lying in my parents basement reading these.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, yeah, you're right.

[May Martin]

You're right. They probably were around a lot longer, right?

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, they've been around for so much longer. In fact, the 90s, that was the tail end of anyone caring, you know, about encyclopedias. My friend used to go door too, selling encyclopedias.

[May Martin]

Well, can you hit up your friend and give them my address?

[Tig Notaro]

Well, I. I think he works for AI now. Yeah, I think I think about Kurt Cobain. When I think about the 90s, I don't think about. Or Kurt Loder. Kurt Loder.

[May Martin]

Who's Kurt Loder?

[Fortune Feimster]

MTV.

[Tig Notaro]

MTV. But he was also the 80s.

[Fortune Feimster]

But he was all of it. Yeah, he was who I got my news from.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[May Martin]

Okay. Who do you. Okay, Rapid fire. Who do you associate with the 80s, aside from Kurt Loder?

[Tig Notaro]

Who's like Cindy laer?

[Fortune Feimster]

George Michael.

[May Martin]

Nice.

[Tig Notaro]

70S, James Taylor, Village People. 60s, Janis Joplin. I should have said the Beatles.

[May Martin]

Who?

[Fortune Feimster]

The people that dance on the beach. Annette.

[May Martin]

Surfer.

[Fortune Feimster]

What are you doing? I'm having a Beach party without you.

[Tig Notaro]

I want to hold your hand.

[May Martin]

Wait, I've never heard that beach thing.

[Fortune Feimster]

I mean, that's not a real song. But there was an era in that time where there was a. Like, Frankie Valley and.

[May Martin]

Right.

[Tig Notaro]

They had, like, beach parties whenever. Not whenever. Stephanie and I aren't sitting around talking about the 60s all the time, but to Stephanie, the 60s, that's, like, very far away. Well, no, I can't remember how, like, the. The kind of look of a housewife in the 60s. And I guess, well, Mad Men was in the 50s, but it. It turned into the 60s. Is that right?

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah, usually how it works.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah. Well, how dare you? I hadn't seen the show, so I don't know if the show went into the 60s, but I feel like that was the reference point that she had for the 60s. She talked about that world of the 60s. Whereas to me, the 60s is like Jimi Hendrix, Janis Joplin, Revolution. Yeah, because she. She was like, oh, you know, the 60s. And she described fashion, and I was like, wow, I picture bell bottoms. And she was like, bell bottoms were the 70s. And I was like, no, they were the 60s, too.

[May Martin]

Well, yeah, it's kind of end of 60s, early 70s.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yes. Right. Now, Kendrick Lamar wore them for the Super Bowl.

[May Martin]

Oh, yeah, I saw that. Kendrick.

[Tig Notaro]

Do you know who is obsessed with Kendrick Lamar? Lamar?

[May Martin]

Your boys.

[Tig Notaro]

Finn.

[May Martin]

Really?

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, my God, that's so. He was putting his playlist together for what, last night and this morning to get him ready for his basketball game.

[Fortune Feimster]

He's like, they're not like us. They're not like us.

[Tig Notaro]

I mean. And also, what is your. What is your opinion on this? I'm very curious, Thomas included. And not to single you out right now. Like, I don't care about your opinion other times, Thomas, but because you've known Max and Finn since the day they were born, I'm gonna include you in this. But how would any of you feel with your kid listening to music that had really vulgar and inappropriate language in their 8?

[Fortune Feimster]

I don't think I would love it right now.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, I think I'd be okay with.

[May Martin]

It if I talked to them about it and said, you know, sometimes it's cathartic to say these words and, like, it's art, you know? And you can't just say them all the time unless you really mean it. That's what my mom always said.

[Tig Notaro]

Okay, Mr. Thomas.

[Thomas Willette]

Yeah. My parents let me read whatever books and listen to whatever music I wanted, and they would have turned out commentary about it. But I think it was helpful to feel like I could explore whatever I needed to or was curious about. Yeah, but it is tricky. I mean, I probably was listening to milder music than Kendrick Lamar. They might have had stronger opinions.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

I mean, he's awesome, but there are many explicit words.

[Tig Notaro]

Well, yeah, when I was like saying to Finn about, like, the language, he was like, he won a Pulitzer Prize.

[Fortune Feimster]

Which is true. True.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

I didn't know that. He was like, yeah, he's. He's really great. He wins awards and. And I was like, totally get that. But I mean, there's really vulgar stuff. And I guess our feeling is. I mean, he. It is. He loves him so much. He can wrap all of his songs, like, at the same speed that you.

[May Martin]

Can'T take that away from him.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, well, exactly. And also we have talked to him about certain words that are in. In that. Like the nword is in. In there.

[May Martin]

He can't be running around.

[Tig Notaro]

No. Well, no. And Stephanie was like, she talked to him. Them, both of them, when I was out of town, saying, this is not just a bad word, this is hate speech.

[Fortune Feimster]

Right.

[Tig Notaro]

And explained how and why. Just went into the whole thing.

[May Martin]

The whole thing? Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Of racism and.

[May Martin]

Well, I feel like with Kendrick, like, like as long as the, like the messaging is good. Like it's, you know, in the early 2000s, you wouldn't have wanted your kids singing some of that stuff that was like so misogynistic and violent. But, you know, as long as the message is good.

[Tig Notaro]

But anyway, it's interesting. Why am I telling you about.

[May Martin]

I don't know. I don't know how we got onto.

[Fortune Feimster]

This, but I think I brought it up. Bell bottoms.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, yes. Oh, right. Yes. That was like a dream day, the super bowl with Kendrick Lamar at halftime, you know.

[May Martin]

Oh, my God.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, yeah.

[Thomas Willette]

Does Finn want bell bottoms now?

[Tig Notaro]

I'm waiting to see. Because he loved that he wears his drip. Do you know what drip is?

[Fortune Feimster]

A chain.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, he had. Finn wears his gold chains and. And it's called drip, you know, and so, yeah, he wanted gold chains and so now he has some gold chains. He's got some.

[May Martin]

How bell bottoms come back? Like, like a bit of androgyny would be nice. Like, my dad used to wear, like platform shoes and eyeliner and stuff. Like, why. Why didn't that come by?

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, that's so interesting. I never thought about bell bottoms being androgynous, but I guess, like, and platform.

[May Martin]

Shoes wearing like skin tight bell bot. But I feel like these days people would be like, they're queer baiting.

[Fortune Feimster]

I think I saw somewhere that those he has the same stylist as Timothy Chalamet and those.

[May Martin]

Oh, no way.

[Fortune Feimster]

Those had been pulled for Timothy but Kendrick ended up wearing them.

[May Martin]

I really want that stylist, whoever that is.

[Tig Notaro]

I unfortune that is such a a Hollywood term. Pulled that for him.

[Fortune Feimster]

Hold that jean because it's a thirteen hundred dollar pair of jeans.

[May Martin]

It is, right?

[Tig Notaro]

But do people. I don't know, maybe people all around call pulled that meaning took.

[Fortune Feimster]

Set it out for you? Pulled it off the rack.

[Tig Notaro]

Pulled it off the rack and set it out for you? Yeah, they pulled that outfit for me.

[May Martin]

$1,300 I wish I'd held on to.

[Fortune Feimster]

There's Seline.

[Tig Notaro]

I don't think your old bell bottoms are worth 1300 N. Is that what you're thinking?

[May Martin]

Well, I used to go to Sporting Life on Young street and I'd get my Adidas tearaway pants and my really bell bottom skinny jeans.

[Fortune Feimster]

I've never had bell bottoms.

[May Martin]

Really?

[Fortune Feimster]

I gotta show off my gams. I'm in short shorts.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, right.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Do you wear short shorts? So short that like a little bit of your moon is hanging out at the bottom.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, my butt.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

I don't have a butt. So. Ain't no moon.

[May Martin]

You don't have a butt.

[Fortune Feimster]

Just fly.

[Tig Notaro]

How do you sit down after all?

[Fortune Feimster]

Some people just know they could save.

[Tig Notaro]

Hundreds on car insurance by checking all state first.

[May Martin]

Like, you know to check that your deck of playing cards hasn't been tampered with by a magician before playing your weekly game of Texas hold'em poker. Nobody wants to deal with a disappearing ace of hearts.

[Fortune Feimster]

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[May Martin]

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[Fortune Feimster]

You'll hear people you may already know.

[Tig Notaro]

Like Kelly Clarkson, Jay Leno and Rob Gronkowski, AKA Gronk. But through a lens you've probably never heard before what they drive. I checked out a few episodes of Drive with Jim Farley and it was the perfect listen while driving around town. You guys know I'm a big old fan of Kelly Clarkson and it was awesome hearing her talk about working in a movie theater. And Jim talks about his cousin, Chris Farley. Yep, that Chris Farley. Whether you're into cars or just love a good conversation, I think you're going to enjoy Jim's show.

[Fortune Feimster]

To listen to Drive with Jim Farley, just search for Drive with Jim Farley in your podcast app. That's Drive with Jim Farley.

[Tig Notaro]

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[May Martin]

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[Fortune Feimster]

Helix is having a March madness sale with 20% off site wide. Go to helixsleep.com handsome for 20% off site wide. That's helixsleep.com handsome for twenty percent off site wide on their March Madness sale. Helix sleep.com handsome I like when you.

[May Martin]

Can see someone's butt coming out of their short shorts. I wish I said that.

[Fortune Feimster]

I sound like I'm such an old fuddy duddy.

[Tig Notaro]

That's not my thing.

[Fortune Feimster]

I've been seeing especially girls in the airports wearing these.

[Tig Notaro]

Yes.

[Fortune Feimster]

Shorts with their asses hanging out. And I'm like, in the airport.

[Tig Notaro]

Grandpa fortune. Grandpa Fortune.

[Fortune Feimster]

I'm a grandpa with that stuff. I'm just like, it's freezing on these planes.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

And they're gross seats.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

Why are you letting your. Wait, wait.

[May Martin]

Fortune. No, no.

[Tig Notaro]

I'm sorry. They're off for a minute.

[Fortune Feimster]

They're buttholes literally hanging out of their shorts. There's no way it's not getting germs from those seats.

[May Martin]

What airport are you going to go on?

[Fortune Feimster]

Any plane. They're disgusting.

[Tig Notaro]

Rectum is hanging like, I don't understand.

[Fortune Feimster]

Like, their butts literally hanging out of these shorts.

[Tig Notaro]

Huh.

[Fortune Feimster]

And I'm sure a part of their butthole exposed as well.

[May Martin]

Oh, my God.

[Tig Notaro]

Why don't you ask them.

[Fortune Feimster]

I want to say, ma'am, do you need some more material?

[Tig Notaro]

What is it called when your rectum kind of falls out?

[May Martin]

Prolapse.

[Tig Notaro]

Prolapsed rectum. So are you saying that these young girls have prolapsed rectums?

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, I'm just saying they need to let.

[Tig Notaro]

Because if it's a medical condition, I.

[Fortune Feimster]

Just don't want to see someone's butt hanging out.

[Tig Notaro]

Would you rather see a prolapsed anus?

[Fortune Feimster]

No.

[Tig Notaro]

What do you want to see?

[May Martin]

I think would like to see, like, in the old days, like. Or even my dad still. It sort of dresses up to take a flight. Like, he'll put on.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, I don't need that. I'm still in full sweatpants.

[May Martin]

Okay. You want.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah, I just. I just don't even see your ass hanging out of your shorts.

[May Martin]

Okay.

[Tig Notaro]

Not even mine.

[Fortune Feimster]

Not even yours, Tig.

[May Martin]

God, I'm glad you guys can only see me from the shoulders up right now because.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, my gosh, you still have a short.

[Fortune Feimster]

Short to not see your butthole.

[Kristen Press]

How.

[May Martin]

I've never seen a butthole. To clarify. Hanging out.

[Tig Notaro]

Ever. Oh. Oh, that surprises me.

[May Martin]

I. Can I shift gears here?

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah, please.

[Tig Notaro]

Church.

[May Martin]

I made apple pancakes this morning.

[Fortune Feimster]

How was that?

[Tig Notaro]

Pro lab stainless.

[May Martin]

No, I. I just have finally, like, settled into this house, and I am.

[Tig Notaro]

Since yesterday.

[May Martin]

Yeah. Yeah, yeah. So I bought, like, some groceries, and then this morning, I. I had the. I had a. Some pancake mix, and I was gonna make a regular pancake, and then I thought, I can do more than that. And so I chopped up an apple, fried it in some butter and cinnamon.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh.

[May Martin]

Then poured the pancake batter in.

[Tig Notaro]

What a day.

[Fortune Feimster]

How did it come out?

[May Martin]

5 minutes late to record.

[Tig Notaro]

You're finishing your pancakes.

[Fortune Feimster]

Don't let us. You're just flipping the pancake. Oh, it's handsome time.

[May Martin]

No, I just.

[Tig Notaro]

We're sitting here on the zoom for seven extra minutes. Have no idea that May is just sitting there eating pancakes with a prolapsed anus hanging out of your shorts.

[Fortune Feimster]

Were they good?

[May Martin]

They were really good. They needed. There was something missing. I don't know what, but. Yeah, I gotta take. This is the first time you've seen my. My house, but that won't be how the window looks permanently.

[Tig Notaro]

I have no judgment.

[Fortune Feimster]

I secretly was like, what the. What's going on with that window?

[Tig Notaro]

Can I tell you about the house I live in?

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Very nice house.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

However, Stephanie and I moved in when Max and Finn were one. Okay. They were tiny babies, and so we didn't put anything on the walls for a long time. Thomas, I don't know if you remember this. We didn't even have furniture in our living room. We only had, like, playpens and stuff. And Max and Finn were, like, the most active into everything kids. And then together, it was like. They weren't like, you know, I don't even want to. No kid is bad. But, like, they weren't. They were just so active.

[May Martin]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

And so we were like, we are not decorating our house at all. Okay. And then the pandemic hits, and we're like, well, we can't redo our house or, like, you know, do any. We're just gonna. We have to wait till it's safe again.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

And then we started to think, oh, we're gonna move. We're gonna get a different house. And then we didn't. And Now Max and Finner, 8. I never would have noticed, but Stephanie pointed out we have. Our house is so outdated, and I have. I don't have a good eye for that. I do now because I feel. Because Stephanie has pointed things out, but it's taken us so long. Like, the countertops and, like, certain, like.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Molding across around the ceiling and stuff like that. So for me to look at that window behind you, which is truly almost.

[May Martin]

Exposed to the outside. But.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, that is a thing to me.

[May Martin]

The size. And now I'm gonna make it the size of that, but I'm gonna put a stained glass, and you get to design what kind of stained glass pattern you want. So I'm open to suggestions. Maybe a.

[Fortune Feimster]

I have a hole in my wall.

[May Martin]

Oh, you do? What's that from?

[Fortune Feimster]

My plumbing went kaput in this bathroom.

[May Martin]

Oh.

[Fortune Feimster]

And they opened up the wall, trying to get to it. A busted pipe. And it didn't. It didn't go anywhere. So it's just a hole in my wall. They had to go through the tile to get to the pipe. So I have, like, thousands of dollars worth of damage for one busted pipe.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, my gosh.

[May Martin]

Are they gonna fill up the holes?

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah, this. The next week or two.

[May Martin]

Sorry.

[Fortune Feimster]

The buttholes.

[Tig Notaro]

Well, I guess I'm just trying to say we're all going through it with our houses. All right.

[May Martin]

Well, it's a long process, and probably you and Stephanie were like, oh, we'll just live in it, and then we'll get to know what it needs.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, we're gonna. We're gonna do this. And it kept. We kept kicking it down the road.

[May Martin]

But then you're living it. You're like, it's all right.

[Tig Notaro]

Well, and we have friends that. My friend's partner is, like, a really talented carpenter, handyman kind of guy.

[May Martin]

Wait, are you talking about Jonathan Scott?

[Tig Notaro]

Well, no. I mean, he is a very talented handyman friend that doesn't have time for our ridiculous things.

[May Martin]

Yeah, I know.

[Fortune Feimster]

I was like, cousin Scott's going around being people's handyman.

[Tig Notaro]

Well, he. He's the nicest guy, and I've certainly abused the friendship a few times, but. No, this is a friend who lives in Texas, and her. Her partner is really talented, and he's supposed to come and make our life.

Right.

[May Martin]

That would be nice.

[Fortune Feimster]

That's good.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah. But who knows when that's going to happen? All I'm saying is I feel you on the window, May.

[May Martin]

Thanks.

[Fortune Feimster]

I was very butch last night.

[May Martin]

Oh, why?

[Tig Notaro]

Let's hear about it. But you're getting so girly to talk about your butchiness. You guys. Oh, my gosh.

[Fortune Feimster]

Gather round.

[Tig Notaro]

Let me tell you how butchy I was.

[Fortune Feimster]

You wouldn't effing believe how butch I was last night.

[Tig Notaro]

Girl. Tell us, girl.

[Fortune Feimster]

Let me tell you what I did. I got home and I noticed that the. There's a large olive tree. Well, not. It's like a olive tree, but it's not like a tall, tall tree. It's more like a big, large bush.

[Tig Notaro]

Hello.

[May Martin]

An olive bush. Okay.

[Fortune Feimster]

And it had gotten very unruly. So Jax is out of town, and I'm like, what else am I going to do besides you know, maybe order food from Cheesecake Factory?

[Tig Notaro]

Exactly. What else does one do?

[Fortune Feimster]

So I got our. We have, like. What is this called?

[Tig Notaro]

Sheer ax size toothbrush.

[May Martin]

Oh, electric trimmer.

[Fortune Feimster]

Electric trimmer. Yes. I got it out of the garage, and I. Trim that bush, baby.

[May Martin]

Oh, my God.

[Fortune Feimster]

But it was tall, and I was like. I was like, probably shouldn't have done this, but I was, like, doing it over my head.

[Tig Notaro]

Like, you were making that noise with your mouth when you were doing it, and there was nothing in your hands.

[Fortune Feimster]

And that's. It was a lot. I couldn't believe how much I took off of it.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

And I. And it's a beautiful round shape.

[Tig Notaro]

Can you post a picture on our social media, please?

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah, it's very boring, what it looks like.

[Tig Notaro]

Please, please.

[Fortune Feimster]

It's not like I made a swan.

[Tig Notaro]

It doesn't matter.

[Fortune Feimster]

We.

[Tig Notaro]

Please, can you take a picture and we'll post it on social? We need content, remember? Now let me ask you this. Had you ever done this before or Were you like, I got some free time, the ladies away?

[Fortune Feimster]

Truth be told, I did it once before. Didn't know we had an electric trimmer until Jack, when they took it out to trim this other small bush that is between us and our neighbor's house.

[Tig Notaro]

It was getting pineapple apart.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah. It was getting unruly, so she started trimming that, and I was like, oh, I didn't even know we had this. And then she put it down, so I was like, let me see how this. I was like, oh, this is easy. And, guys, I trimmed that bush. Did you feel.

[May Martin]

Did you feel really like you'd accomplished, like, that's. You go to bed better that night? Yeah. Oh, that's great. Did you listen to a podcast while you did it or you just left?

[Fortune Feimster]

No, I had. I just used. I just used my imagination.

[Tig Notaro]

When she was using the imaginary trimmer.

[Fortune Feimster]

She was like, entertainment. Biggie was outside with me, not near the trimmer, but we just. I mean, I didn't need to distract myself. I was just one with nature while I cut it down.

[May Martin]

That's nice. Oh, man, I. I want that. I want to be present. There's some in nature.

[Fortune Feimster]

There's some butch lesbian listening to this right now who lives in, like, South Dakota.

[Tig Notaro]

You think we have a lesbian following?

[Fortune Feimster]

I don't think we have any lesbians. And she's, like, in the woods right now listening to our podcast while she's, like, got an ax in one hand and a giant leaf blower in another. And I love that, like, laughing. Like, Origin thinks that's butch. And let me tell you, Janice. Yes, it is.

[May Martin]

You think that's butch? I took out my own appendix with no anesthetic.

[Tig Notaro]

Wait, Janice is a butchy name to you?

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah, Janice.

[May Martin]

Janice. I picture the receptionist from Ferris Bueller's Day off, even though I don't think that's her name, but that's what I picture for Janice a little bit.

[Fortune Feimster]

Linda. Is that better?

[Tig Notaro]

Linda.

[May Martin]

Linda. I'm thinking Linda Ronstadt. Yeah. Terry.

[Fortune Feimster]

Sheila.

[Tig Notaro]

Terry.

[Fortune Feimster]

Like Terry.

[Tig Notaro]

My name's Terry.

[Fortune Feimster]

That's a good one, Maxine. Harry's got a carabiner and about to take you on a boat ride around the lake.

[Tig Notaro]

Stephanie does this character of, like, a. A husband that yells at his wife. His name. Linda. About the cat getting into his office. He's always like, linda, the cat get. The cat's in my office. Linda, come get the cat.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, God. What if one of us had a husband?

[May Martin]

I might have one of us. Look, I still could.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

Wait, do you Want a husband? I thought I. I knew you like guys, but do you. Would you be into an actual husband?

[Tig Notaro]

Like, guys loves guys.

[Fortune Feimster]

Guys. But also, would you ever want to?

[May Martin]

Yeah, I would have a. If I met a guy who was, like, obsessed with me, then yeah. Yeah, I'd love a husband. I think if I met a guy.

[Fortune Feimster]

Who was obsessed with me and let me have a girlfriend.

[May Martin]

No, I think I could. I think I'm like, I. Maybe I. I'd be insecure. Like, I wouldn't believe that he was really into me if he was obsessed. Yeah. I might also want a girlfriend on the side, but I would love. I would be happy with the husband.

[Tig Notaro]

Wait a minute. But when you're hooking up with men now, don't you think some of them are obsessed with you, just like some women are? Or do you not see yourself as obsessible?

[May Martin]

I think I. In the moment of hooking up, and I dated a guy for, like, six months a few years ago, and. And that was great. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know.

[Tig Notaro]

I think, yeah, it's a little scarier.

[Fortune Feimster]

When men are obsessed.

[May Martin]

Well, no, I mean, I don't mean, like, fortune. Take your nail pickings.

[Fortune Feimster]

Sorry, no offense. Hashtag, not all men.

[Tig Notaro]

But, you know, Fortune's got some pretty spooky stories of dudes.

[Fortune Feimster]

For every man that was obsessed with this old gal, I'd have a lot of nickels.

[May Martin]

Yeah. Yeah. No, I would. I would. I would almost want to have a husband just to shock you guys.

[Fortune Feimster]

To kill spiders.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

Sometimes a husband. The idea sounds nice, but then I'm like, that's just a roommate.

[May Martin]

Well, that's because you're not in. You're not romantically inclined that way. Yeah, but I've had girlfriends who. Every girlfriend I've had, actually, is probably braver than me at, like, spiders and stuff.

[Fortune Feimster]

Well, I don't know if you heard how butch I am.

[Tig Notaro]

I pick up spiders with my bare hands.

[Fortune Feimster]

What?

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, Terry. No, Terry picks them up, tosses them out, and my whole family calls me Country Mouse.

[Fortune Feimster]

Why do you so.

[May Martin]

Do you think they wouldn't. They won't bite.

[Tig Notaro]

Well, I can kind of tell that they're just little house spiders.

[May Martin]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

You know that we don't have, like, black widows. Yeah, we're not, like, in the middle of Australia. Huh?

[May Martin]

Black widows are in a land.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, and they get through ratio windows, too, you know?

[May Martin]

No, don't say that. Oh, my God. I'm gonna see them crawling in behind me.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, it's easy. If also, if you have like a piano backed up to the radial window.

[Fortune Feimster]

Playing piano.

[Tig Notaro]

If you. You'll hear eight, you know, keys.

[May Martin]

I went to stay in a bed and breakfast in Wales with my friend. And I'd booked it.

[Tig Notaro]

I was like, with Debbie?

[May Martin]

No, I wish. And I was like, this place looks so adorable. And we arrived and. And then the woman took us to our room and she goes, oh, well, you've got company tonight. And we went, what do you mean? And then she points to the ceiling and there were spiders all over it.

[Fortune Feimster]

No.

[May Martin]

And we said, well, can you get rid of them? She went, oh, they'll only come back.

[Fortune Feimster]

They'll only come back. So when they'll be pissed and they'll kill you.

[Tig Notaro]

And do they stay on the ceiling?

[May Martin]

Yeah, they were. I mean, we just fall asleep.

[Fortune Feimster]

My nightmare, it was hell.

[May Martin]

It was hell to me.

[Fortune Feimster]

A bed and breakfast.

[May Martin]

And the bathroom was carpeted, and the carpet was damp in the bathroom.

[Tig Notaro]

I stayed in a hotel.

[Fortune Feimster]

Other people.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, I was in a room with a rat.

[May Martin]

Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no.

[Tig Notaro]

And they couldn't find it. And there was no other extra room. Oh, my gosh. And then also, obviously, you know the comedian Morgan Murphy. She and I shared a room, a motel room in Austin so many years ago. I'll have to find this video of us in a room. And there was a roach in there that was the size of a horse. Oh, crazy. And we were squealing like little tiny girls. And then we couldn't find it. And then we saw it again. And then it walked out the door. Really under the door.

[May Martin]

It just, like, I'm out.

[Tig Notaro]

And I was laughing like it knows it's in a gross motel room. It was like, this place is disgusting.

[May Martin]

I wish I knew about this sooner. Satin is so bad for you. But Blissey's silk, an incredible game change. Ditch cotton pillowcases for Blissey's Silk and you'll see less fine lines and healthier hair in weeks. They're better than cotton and better than synthetic satin, which is cheap for a reason.

[Tig Notaro]

Blissey's got so many benefits, we barely have time to barrel through them all. Blissey is great for your hair and skin. Its anti aging properties reduce fine lines and wrinkles over time. Plus, on the hair side of things, silk eliminates frizz, preserves your hairstyle, and protects color treated hair. Dermatologists have tested Blissey and dermatologists now recommend Blissy, especially since it's clinically proven to not clog pores, unlike cotton. I've been using mine for so long now I can never go back to a regular old cotton pillowcase. If you haven't tried Blissey, you're missing.

[May Martin]

Out because you're a listener. Blissey is offering 60 nights risk free plus an additional 30% off when you shop at blissey.com/handsome. That's B L-I-S-S-Y.com handsome and use code handsome to get an additional 30 off. Your skin and hair will thank you.

[Fortune Feimster]

When it comes to food and so many other things, it's hard to know what's actually good for our kids. That's why I love Thrive Market. It's like having a personal guide to healthier living for my entire family. Now food is one area where I feel like I got it covered. Thrive Market makes it simple to find trusted, family friendly brands without spending hours.

[Tig Notaro]

In the grocery store.

[Fortune Feimster]

From snacks and school lunches to pantry staples, everything they offer is 100% non GMO. I know what my kids like to eat, so it's easy to create a filter for those foods and make shopping for them a breeze.

[May Martin]

Plus, Thrive Market's Smart Cart feature takes the guesswork out of healthy shopping. When you create an account, they ask about your family's needs and automatically build a cart full of cleaner versions of your favorite brands. I've been loving Banza's Chickpea Spaghetti Pasta, for example.

[Tig Notaro]

Ready for a junk free start to 2025. Head to thrivemarket.com handsome and get 30% off your first order plus a free 60 gift. That's T H R I V E market.com handsome thrivemarket.com Handsome Taxes was dealing with piles of paperwork and frustrating forms and then waiting and wondering and worrying if you were going to get any money back. Now taxes is easily uploading your forms to a Turbo tax expert who's matched to your unique tax situation. An expert who's backed by the latest technology which cross checks millions of Data points for 100% accuracy.

[May Martin]

While they work on your taxes, you get real time updates on their progress and you get the most money back guaranteed. All while you go about your day. No stressing, no worrying, no waiting. Now this IS taxes Intuit TurboTax get an expert now on TurboTax.com only available with TurboTax live full service real time updates only. An iOS mobile app. See guarantee [e-mail] guarantees but that's funny that you're you're fine picking up spiders, but then that roach spun you out.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, roaches are a different thing. And plus like living in Mississippi As a kid, I got very scarred because roaches not only are gigantic, not only do they fly, but they have necks and heads and, like, can turn like.

[May Martin]

What do you mean?

[Tig Notaro]

Exactly what I'm saying, May they are large with wings and they have necks.

[May Martin]

Cockroaches have necks. Is a new. I've got to write that down so I don't forget that.

[Tig Notaro]

Write that down.

[May Martin]

I need to write that down.

[Tig Notaro]

And with that, we should get on to our guests, shall we?

[Fortune Feimster]

Well, today's question askers are two soccer stars who have won multiple gold medals as members of the U.S. women's soccer team. They're also entrepreneurs and podcasters. Their show recap is all about global soccer and women's sports. And on top of that, they're an amazing, awesome, cool couple. Tobin Heath and Kristen Press are asking today's question.

[Tobin Heath]

Hello, handsome.

[Kristen Press]

I'm Kristin Press.

[Tobin Heath]

And I'm Tobin Heath.

[Kristen Press]

And we are not entirely sure how we got the call up to be on your amazing show because we are notoriously fun, but not funny. And our show, the recap show, we laugh a lot, but it's mostly people laughing at us, not with us.

[Tobin Heath]

Although I feel like you found your sense of humor on the show.

[Kristen Press]

Yeah.

[Tobin Heath]

You're always so serious sometimes.

[Kristen Press]

Am I funny or am I serious?

[Tobin Heath]

Oh, that's the question. Okay, so we have a question for.

[Kristen Press]

You all, and Tobin forgot it. No, I know the question fair. Are you a sports fan? For those of us. For those of you who don't know, we play sports, we play soccer. So we're wondering, are you sports fans? What teams do you support? And do you think that sports was made for you? Are the commentators players? Are they entertaining for you? Are they calling in women, non binary people, our demographic? Why or why not? Thanks for the support here.

[May Martin]

Good luck.

[Fortune Feimster]

So I will start off by saying this is very exciting for me. I am a huge fan of our U.S. women's National Soccer team. I have the honor of getting to announce the roster for our Women's World cup team.

[Tig Notaro]

No way.

Fun.

[Fortune Feimster]

Ended up winning gold, baby. Yes.

[Tig Notaro]

Fortune.

[Fortune Feimster]

Thank you. So anyone who follows women's soccer knows that Tobin and Kristen are legends. They are two of the best to have ever played. Watching them was such a treat. They're pretty incredible, and they're doing a ton for women's sports and helping to, like, bring it more to the forefront and covering it with their podcast and a lot of their other endeavors. Just two people that are really very big voices for women's sports. And many, many years, people did not know. They were a couple. People had speculations and when they finally came out, in recent times, it broke the Internet. For the women's sports fans.

[Tig Notaro]

How long have they been together?

[Fortune Feimster]

I think like eight years.

[May Martin]

Oh, wow.

[Fortune Feimster]

But only out. Only publicly for. In the last like year, maybe. Wow. You know what they did liberating? They went to the SP Awards. They took a picture on the carpet together holding pinkies.

[May Martin]

Oh.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh.

[Fortune Feimster]

And everyone was like, gay.

[Tig Notaro]

Those are the gayest pinkies I've ever seen.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, man.

[May Martin]

Well, even when they were asking the question, they were like, do you feel like the commentators and things are. Are for you? I was like, oh, I never thought about that. Yeah. I don't think I've ever heard a sort of queer or non binary or. I don't hear many female commentators. But also I need to be. I, I've always watched the, the World cup, the men's World cup, soccer and the European cup and stuff. And sometimes I watch the Premier League in England. But then I, I never ended up watching women's soccer because I was always with like groups of friends and pubs and things.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah.

[May Martin]

And then now it's fine. Finally people are playing it and in pubs. And I got really into the British women's soccer team and when I watched it I was like, this is such better TV because a, they're not faking injuries every five seconds. They're like playing incredibly well with precision. And yeah, there just isn't as not to generalize, but it felt like there wasn't as much ego and like, I mean, some of those games for the World cup when people are just like somersaulting and then they show the replay and nobody touched them, it's insane. It feels like the women teams don't do that as much.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Now, can I say something?

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

May, you know, he'll say things like, no press.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

For like no pressure and stuff like that.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

I thought when you just said yeah, and I watched it in pubs with people.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

I thought you meant like in public.

[May Martin]

In pubs. Yeah. Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

But I, I liked it so much that I really would like for people to take that and run and if we could get a new word craze going, like, yeah, let's meet up in pubs.

[May Martin]

Yeah, let's meet up in pubs.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, yeah.

[May Martin]

Well, they were a couple, but they were never in pubs together. So.

[Tig Notaro]

I think I'm a naturally athletic person and I was very drawn to soccer as a child. I played from the time I was 5 until I was 11 or 12. Something like that. But then I started smoking and I just kind of went down the rock and roll, like, what's up? Path.

[May Martin]

But Max and Finn are like, what's obsessed?

[Tig Notaro]

Well, Finn really is obsessed. Max plays. But we kind of suspect it's just to be around Finn. And he's good. He's. He's really good. But Finn is as, you know, very into stats and the history of different teams and he wants to go to all the different stadiums.

[May Martin]

Right.

[Tig Notaro]

You know. Anyway, my brother is very into sports and so I played with him as a kid. But I, I was just telling Stephanie last night because when we were falling asleep, she was mentioning this baseball player named Tatis who is on the San Diego Padre baseball team. And I was like, oh, right, Tatis is on the Padres. And Stephanie said, isn't it so funny how many sports people like you know their names? And I, and I said, that is so funny because the last time I knew sports figures names was in the 70s, right. When I was growing up with my brother and I knew football players, baseball players, basketball, all of that. And I, I would say I catch things on tv, but I don't naturally gravitate towards it as an adult. I did stop smoking, but I'm still cool and, but I enjoy going to live games. Like we've gone to see Angel City.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

We go see the Dodgers, you know, all that kind of stuff.

[Fortune Feimster]

So that's.

[Tig Notaro]

It's kind of for. To be around my family, kids. Yeah.

[May Martin]

I would really like to go to a game with you guys.

[Tig Notaro]

That would be amazing.

[May Martin]

I'm saying that mainly because I have a feeling you can get tickets and that you get good seats and maybe.

[Fortune Feimster]

We can go because you can get tickets.

[May Martin]

I wouldn't know.

[Tig Notaro]

Thank you. That's so flattering.

[Fortune Feimster]

I guess. I guess give me a ticket while you're at it then.

[Tig Notaro]

I'm mainly saying that because I know you can get me a ticket. Well, we'd love to have. You may put it that way.

[Fortune Feimster]

I love sports. I played them my whole life. I started soccer when I was five years old because my brothers were playing and I wanted to do anything that they did.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

And I was kind of girly. My mom had me in dresses and then I discovered soccer and that was it. It was like umbros. Soccer was my life. I was obsessed with it. I started playing tennis because my oldest brother played tennis. So I started that at seven.

[May Martin]

Oh my God. What I wouldn't pay to see seven year old Fortune playing tennis. Oh my God, so cute.

[Fortune Feimster]

I know. Me Thinking of me playing tennis at seven is wild. I also played T ball. I started in T ball.

[May Martin]

Is that like softball? What's. What is T ball?

[Fortune Feimster]

It's T balls. Where the base. The. It's a softer ball and it's on.

[May Martin]

A. Oh, on a.

[Fortune Feimster]

Sits on a T. And you just try to hit it off. It's like, for little, Little kids.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

And then I was a kid of the 80s and 90s, so I had a basketball goal in my backyard and nothing to do, so I just shot basketballs all day.

[Tig Notaro]

And I'm assuming you had encyclopedias as well.

[Fortune Feimster]

Tons of encyclopedias. Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

It was the 90s, after all.

[Fortune Feimster]

So when I get to junior high, we didn't have a women's soccer team, and I had played with boys my whole life, and they didn't allow girls to play on the boys team in school. So I had to quit soccer.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

And began playing tennis, softball, basketball, and did that all throughout junior high and high school. Then I played college tennis all four years. And then my senior year of college, after having not played soccer Since I was 12, I joined the college soccer team as well.

[May Martin]

Do you watch it regularly now? Like, you're still.

[Fortune Feimster]

I watch only women's soccer. I don't really enjoy the men's soccer. Kind of. Based on what you were saying earlier.

[May Martin]

So much faking, though, I.

[Fortune Feimster]

Though I like, you know, Messi and players like Zidane, like these. These legends. I obviously followed their career, but I prefer the women's soccer World cup is like, my dream. I love the Olympics, all that stuff. When the Olympics was on, I was watching everything. Yeah, but I don't watch, like, sports on the reg. Like, I don't really. I'm not really into the NBA.

[Tig Notaro]

I'll watch like, you're not like Finn?

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah, I'll watch, like, the super bowl, and I enjoy watching the Dodgers.

[May Martin]

This just popped into my head because you were saying zined in sedan and then. And the 90s, like that. Like, those were. I would watch the like. Like Petit and Bartez and stuff like that was. And there was this guy called Michael Owen who was like the star of the England team in the. In the World cup. When I was a kid, that was like, most memorable to me. And he was the. He was so young. And anyway, I just googled it because I was like, did I invent this? He said famously that he'd only watched eight movies in his life, and he just. He tweeted. Recently, I watched my 8th ever film on the flight home. I must have Been bored. I hate. Hashtag hatefilms. So he's only watched eight movies and he's. And the movies he's watched are Rocky Heat, Ghost, Jurassic Park, Cool Runnings, Sea Biscuit, Karate Kid and Forrest Gumps.

[Tig Notaro]

And he hates them all.

[May Martin]

He hates them all. And then.

[Fortune Feimster]

Well. And some of his choices are questionable.

[May Martin]

I know. I know.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh my gosh. Max and Finn watch Cool Runnings on a loop for about three years.

[Fortune Feimster]

It was fun.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh my gosh. They loved it so much.

[Fortune Feimster]

The Jamaican bobsled team.

[Tig Notaro]

I also want to say I'm. I'm realizing I didn't just start smoking and go down the I'm cool road. I started not doing well in school and they started not letting me play anymore. And I don't agree with that. No mentality that if you make bad grades you can't play sports. Because I think it's a pylon.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Against like destroying your self esteem.

[May Martin]

They always do that in school. They punish you by taking away the thing that you want to do. The elective thing that you're passionate about.

[Tig Notaro]

Well, yeah. And I think that if you. I think that. That if you're excelling in a sport that can make you feel better about yourself or if you're excelling in music or.

[May Martin]

Totally.

[Tig Notaro]

You know what I mean? I don't know. I just don't feel like sports should be taken away from someone.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Because they're struggling in school. Because maybe you have a lot of rough stuff going on at home, you know.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

And that's something that's gonna save your life. Is music or sports or some sort of camaraderie. You know. But instead I kind of. Yeah. I just. I. I was like on the outside smoking in the woods, you know?

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah.

[May Martin]

I remember I was told I couldn't do drama the following year.

[Tig Notaro]

I thought you're gonna say drugs.

[May Martin]

Yeah. Well, that too. But they were. I wasn't allowed to do drama the. For the following year because I was so bad at math. So they just made me do more math and it was like, how is that gonna. Right. I switched schools because I was like.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[May Martin]

Crazy. Take away the thing that. Yeah. Keeps you engaged.

[Fortune Feimster]

I feel like sports helped me get through my childhood.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

When things were like chaotic at home or my parents were divorcing and. And things were just like sometimes just not good. And I didn't want to be at home. I just felt like so lucky I had practice to go to and that camaraderie is important and builds you up and teaches you how to be a teammate and cheer for other people and support other people. There's a lot of cool lessons. So yeah, to take that away from a kid would be hard for schools.

[Tig Notaro]

Or teachers to be like, you failed. You're off the team. That black and whiteness is. So I think it's, it's really, really bad news because the, the support that, that kids get in these extracurricular activities where they're maybe falling so far behind academically, the other classes or activities can, can be what saves them and keeps them on the right track and feel that they're not being cut out of life and on the outside. Agreed.

[May Martin]

Do you guys cry when you watch sports? I cry every time anyone scores a.

[Tig Notaro]

Goal and oh my God, you and Stephanie.

[May Martin]

I really.

[Fortune Feimster]

Sports movies.

[May Martin]

Oh man, I cry when anyone wins or scores a goal.

[Tig Notaro]

I mean, I can't say that she does that. She's as unhinged me. But no, she, she's very emotional about, about sports, but also sports movies. She's.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

And then like sports documentaries and things like that.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh yeah, there's some really good real.

[Tig Notaro]

They're real wrapped up.

[Fortune Feimster]

Netflix has a lot of sports documentaries right now. Even I'm not like a big track person, but sometimes I'll watch sprint. Just to like see all the work that goes into these professional athletes lives is pretty like impressive. I could never have that kind of dedication. Yeah, well, in that way, I mean, it takes a very special person. That's why there's only so many professional athletes. But yeah, it's too much nutrition for.

[May Martin]

Me not to get like zeitgeisty or like political. But when you're talking about like how valuable sports can be for young people who feel alienated or are struggling, it just, it makes me so sad that trans kids are not being allowed to play sports and that, that's become such a, it's such a tiny percentage of the population and so not a threat.

[Fortune Feimster]

But anyway, yeah, anyway, it's a, it.

[Tig Notaro]

Is a very, very weird time. Yeah, it's a weird time. I mean, weird is putting it way too casually, but yeah, it all reverberates in every direction, I think, in and out of sports and people's. You know, you can, you can be like, oh, this is my belief, I'm protecting women. It's like, why, why is this where you're protecting women? Yeah, like why, why is this like.

[Fortune Feimster]

What, are you trying to keep them alive?

[May Martin]

Yeah. Why doesn't it apply to reproductive rights or anything like that? Also, I would say if I. Because I totally understand people's knee jerk response to the sports thing, but I would just encourage, encourage people to do some research, read some stats and, and, and it's all the information is out there to clarify what's going on there.

[Tig Notaro]

And I think if you want to protect women. Yeah. Aside from these issues, it's like women are being abused and raped. And where was everyone's concern about protecting women with those issues? Why is it coming out in sports.

[May Martin]

When we elected a rapist.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, yeah.

[May Martin]

Into office.

[Tig Notaro]

But, you know, as we mentioned, we're.

[May Martin]

Not a political podcast.

[Tig Notaro]

If you want to get your politics, go to your political podcast. We are not the one. But sometimes things come up, sometimes things slip through.

[May Martin]

We'd rather be talking about prolapse, you.

[Tig Notaro]

Know, and if you have a prolapsed anus, it's not funny.

[May Martin]

No.

[Tig Notaro]

Fortune just doesn't want to see it hanging out.

[Fortune Feimster]

I don't want to see it. I think that probably is why I do enjoy, you know, the, like watching these women's sports get more do. Because then you see more women commentators. You know, it does speak to you and your experiences more. Sports is obviously so male dominated that I feel like women's sports is the only place that was really giving women an opportunity to be like commentators or. I'm happy to see how far it's come. I mean, to have grown up where I couldn't even play on the team because girls weren't allowed to play with boys and then there was not even a women's team. It's like, that's crazy.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Well, it's because they care about women and girls. That's why they kept. They're protecting you.

[Fortune Feimster]

You might fall and hurt your knees.

[Tig Notaro]

They care about women.

[Fortune Feimster]

Right.

[Tig Notaro]

And this is, this is where it's coming out. Sports.

[May Martin]

I would. I mean, our amazing question askers Tobin and Kristen. I would also say, do you know any single soccer players that you could introduce me to?

[Fortune Feimster]

I bet they do. There's some cute soccer players.

[May Martin]

Oh, my God. Yeah. Not to be that.

[Tig Notaro]

I hope you're not into Abby Wambach, because Abby's taken.

[May Martin]

Oh, of course. No, I would never. I don't want to break anybody up.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah, you know, that's right.

[May Martin]

I just had an image of me sitting in like my backyard and I'm drinking like a tea or something. Then my wife is just like. What do you call it? Dribbling? The. Wait, no.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah. Listen to them.

[May Martin]

What do you call it? Not kicking. Dribbling's a basketball. But when you're just running circles around people with kicking the ball. Little, small kicks around.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, it's called kicking.

[May Martin]

Kicking. Yeah, sure.

[Fortune Feimster]

So my wife May is so sporty.

[May Martin]

Kicking the ball around.

[Fortune Feimster]

Me, Chris and Antobin are gonna be so amazing. God, you're amazing.

[Tig Notaro]

What is it called when you're kicking the ball around?

[May Martin]

No. You know what I mean, right? Yes.

[Tig Notaro]

Kicking.

[May Martin]

No. But your feet are like, you know.

[Tig Notaro]

Do you know any attractive women?

[Fortune Feimster]

Also dribbling a soccer ball.

[Tig Notaro]

Make this. But mainly, we just want to make sure that the men that are out there fighting for women right now, just, you know, also, don't forget to be as outraged by the other horrendous things going on.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Against women. If you're gonna get outraged and really protect women.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah. Kristen's answer.

[May Martin]

Oh, yeah. Let's hear Tobin and Kristin's answer. I mean, I feel like they like sports.

[Fortune Feimster]

I think they do like sports. Yeah. But maybe we'll be surprised.

[Tobin Heath]

So my answer is that I love sports.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh.

[Tobin Heath]

And I love playing sports. I love watching sports. You know, even what people would consider the boring ones, like golf. And I think some of my favorite sports were the ones we kind of got to make up in our backyard or in our minds and go play. One that I remember was my family. They weren't. I didn't come from a soccer family, but my dad could punt the ball really, really high, and I remember I had three other siblings, and he would just literally punt the ball as high up into the air as possible, and we would all kind of, like, fight each other to the death to try to catch it. That was one of my favorite sports. And I. I would say that I don't think sports media made the door wide enough for us, which is part of our passion now and the type of media we're creating, because I just try to create content that little sports Tobin would want to watch and would be proud of.

[Kristen Press]

Yeah, I love that. I think this might be reading a touch obvious, because if I had the same answer as her, that would be boring. I play sports. I don't consider myself a sports fan, which is a touch taboo in professional sports, because I don't even like watching my own sport. I think that at some point in my life, I just fell behind in the knowledge category, and then I really don't like when I'm not knowledgeable about something. So then I was just like, no, this is not for me. The caveat here is that I love live sports and I love live entertainment, because I don't think you have to really know what's going on. To be able to see greatness unfold in front of you. So we do go to an EPL game.

[Fortune Feimster]

Generally.

[Kristen Press]

Her favorite team, Arsenal, every year. And what matters to me is really just being in the stadium with all the people with so much passion and just having a comfortable seat.

[Fortune Feimster]

There you go.

[Kristen Press]

Maybe a blanket, maybe a nice warm beverage and a chic outfit, and I'm good to go. Thank you for having us on, handsome.

[Tig Notaro]

Thank you.

[Fortune Feimster]

I love it. That's interesting. That. That doesn't.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

But the live sport, I. I agree. You can. Like, Jax is not into sports, but she'll have a good time if we go somewhere. Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Also, like, going to the Dodgers games. They got vegan dogs. And, you know, that's. I'm there for the peanuts. And sometimes I'll have a beer with the peanuts and Dodger Dog.

[Fortune Feimster]

Look, it's you.

[Tig Notaro]

I know Sporty Spice over there. Stephanie and I have that moment where she's like, are you gonna get a beer? And I'm like, I don't know. I might like Terry. I don't know. I might do it. Terry. And sure enough, I ate a bag of peanuts. Have a beer and a vegan Dodger Dog. And I'm like, this was a blast.

[May Martin]

That is living.

[Fortune Feimster]

Well, maybe. Maybe the Handsomes can go see a game sometimes.

[Tig Notaro]

I'd love that.

[May Martin]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

I love that. I'm the go to ticket.

[May Martin]

I was thinking more fortune.

[Tig Notaro]

I feel like, oh, fortune. Let's settle on fortune.

[Fortune Feimster]

Probably get some tickets, something. We should go to an Angel City game.

[May Martin]

That's what I'd like.

[Tig Notaro]

Put it on the list. Oh, my gosh. We all have a beer and some peanuts. Bring Mr. Thomas.

[Fortune Feimster]

Let's do it.

[Tig Notaro]

Great.

[May Martin]

I mean, I kind of want to say this, but I kind of don't, but that one time sports ruined an orgy for me, but. And it was a.

[Tig Notaro]

How.

[Fortune Feimster]

I was wondering what your hang up was.

[May Martin]

They were, like four of us, and it was sort of the plan. And. And then we went to watch the finals of the European cup, and we were in Greece at the time.

[Fortune Feimster]

Great place for orgies.

[Tig Notaro]

Were you in pubs?

[May Martin]

We were in pubs. And we went. And it was like the streets were packed of, you know, with British tourists and Italian tourists, and it was England versus Italy, and it was just so exciting. And. And England, like. And then England lost in the penalty shootout at the end, and then it ruined the mood. It. We were so devastated, and especially my. My one friend was, like, almost in tears and we just couldn't. It was just so bleak. I can't explain, like, the energy and the.

[Fortune Feimster]

No one wanted a sad orgy.

[May Martin]

Well, I would have still, but everybody.

[Fortune Feimster]

Else, you're like, bullet together.

[Tig Notaro]

Does everyone want this at the end of an orgy?

[May Martin]

Yeah, kind of. Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

Really?

[Tig Notaro]

Fortune's like, okay, I'll do it. Just looking for a hug.

[May Martin]

Yeah. Anyway, that was a great episode, guys.

[Fortune Feimster]

Podcast and somehow ended with an orgy.

[Tig Notaro]

Of course. How else would we get out of this conversation?

[May Martin]

I don't want to add any fuel to the fire that. You know the theory that my whole personality and is orgies. I've only had a handful.

[Tig Notaro]

That's a lot.

[Fortune Feimster]

You know what? That's one more than me.

[Tig Notaro]

Many more. That's a handful more than. I'm gonna share some things I have coming up, if that's all right with everyone. Please do the wonderful film Come See Me in the Good Light, which is the documentary about Andrea Gibson and their partner, Meg Fowley. Well, first of all, it won Sundance this year.

[May Martin]

Oh, my God.

[Tig Notaro]

Not just in the documentary category, but out of even scripted films won the festival. And it's going to be at the Boulder Film Festival the weekend of March 15th. I also wanted to mention that we, of course, will be with Handsome in Nashville on April 6th. Yeah, we will. Handsome in Austin on April 12th is sold out. But we are gonna live stream that. So get your tickets now and let's have a big party. I'm going to be in Eureka Springs, Arkansas, June 14 with some of my new material. And then I'm also going to be in P Town August 23rd and West Hampton Beach, New York, August 17th, and then working on new material at Largo Dynasty Typewriter. When I'm back in Toronto, I'll be at Comedy Bar. So that's what I'm up to. What about you two?

[May Martin]

Not much. I'm at Largo end of March doing new material in la. And also my friend Carolyn Taylor has a documentary series called I have Nothing. Speaking of sports, that's about her quest to choreograph an Olympic level Paris figure skating routine, even though she's never skated or choreographed. And it's on Peacock now, and I'm in it, and I'm kind of like the devil on her shoulder saying she's going to fail. But it was truly an insane experience. And it. The resolution, like, this is a real documentary series and it is the funniest, weirdest show. You got to watch it on Peacock.

[Fortune Feimster]

I'm in the next few weeks. Irvine, California and Huntsville, Alabama. The clubs out there, Ontario, California. Then my theater tour starts April 4th in Savannah, Savannah, Georgia. Charleston, South Carolina. Albuquerque, Rockford, Illinois. Cleveland, Greensboro, North Carolina. Roanoke, Baltimore, Pittsburgh, Grand Rapids.

[Tig Notaro]

Tons of places nice. And if you like this podcast, make sure you subscribe it to it and like us and comment review. Also, subscribe to our YouTube channel so you can see how handsome we are.

[May Martin]

So you can see the black widow spiders crawling through my window.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah. And you can get catch little glimpses of Biggie and, you know, other.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Other important people and. Oh.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh.

[May Martin]

Oh, my God, Biggie.

[Fortune Feimster]

I woke him up.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, his eyes don't seem to care.

[May Martin]

Well, I guess all that remains now.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah. Another wonderful podcast. And until next time, keep it handsome.

[May Martin]

Handsome is hosted by me, May Martin, Tig Notaro and Fortune Feimster. The show is produced, recorded and edited by Thomas Willette. Email [e-mail] and please follow us on social media at. Handsome Pod.

[Fortune Feimster]

What a podcast.

[May Martin]

What a podcast. That was a headgum podcast. That was a headgum podcast.

[Fortune Feimster]

Some people just know they could save hundreds on car insurance by checking Allstate First.

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[Tig Notaro]

You have plenty of napkins in your glove compartment before heading out on that epic road trip.

[Fortune Feimster]

You never know when you'll need a napkin.

[May Martin]

Checking first is smart. So check Allstate first for a quote that could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Savings vary subject to terms, conditions and availability. Allstate Fire and Casualty Insurance Company and Affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois.