Podcast Summary: Handsome Episode – Trace Lysette on Dating Pet Peeves

Released: January 7, 2025

Hosts: Tig Notaro, Fortune Feimster, and Mae Martin
Guest: Trace Lysette

Introduction

In this episode of "Handsome," hosted by Tig Notaro, Fortune Feimster, and Mae Martin, the trio dives deep into the often tumultuous world of dating. The episode centers around a question posed by Trace Lysette, an acclaimed actress and advocate for the trans community, who inquires about the hosts' pet peeves when it comes to dating. The conversation is punctuated with humor, personal anecdotes, and insightful reflections on modern dating dynamics.

Trace Lysette’s Question: "What’s a Pet Peeve for You on a Date?" ([34:14])

Trace Lysette sets the stage by asking the hosts to share their personal annoyances encountered during dates. The hosts eagerly respond, offering a blend of comedic relief and genuine insights.

Mae Martin’s Pet Peeves

1. Ordering Soup as a Starter ([34:50] - [35:03])

Mae Martin kicks off the discussion by expressing her discomfort with the common practice of ordering soup as a first course on dates. She humorously dissects the practicality of consuming solid food amidst liquid, stating:

"I don't like when people order soup as a starter. Like it feels weird to be putting all this liquid in your stomach and then you just are dropping a solid into the liquid and splooshing it around it."
– Mae Martin, [34:50]

2. Lack of Personal Questions ([35:33] - [38:31])

Mae also highlights her frustration with dates that fail to venture beyond superficial topics. She yearns for meaningful conversations that delve into personal experiences rather than sticking to trivial small talk.

"I don't like when people don't ask you any questions about yourself. He's the worst."
– Mae Martin, [35:33]

Mae emphasizes the importance of engaging in discussions that reveal more about one's personality and life, such as talking about aliens or childhood experiences, which she finds more intriguing and indicative of deeper compatibility.

Fortune Feimster’s Pet Peeves

1. Chewing and Talking Simultaneously ([48:30] - [48:32])

Fortune Feimster shares a common dining annoyance: individuals who chew while conversing during meals. This behavior not only disrupts the flow of conversation but also detracts from the overall dining experience.

"I just don't like when people chew and try to talk. Chew their food and talk at the same time."
– Fortune Feimster, [48:30]

2. Interrupting the Romantic Atmosphere in Movie Theaters ([48:32] - [49:47])

Fortune expresses irritation towards dates who, while enjoying a romantic movie, feel compelled to articulate how attractive someone on screen is. This act breaks the immersive and intimate experience she seeks during such outings.

"If I'm curled up in your armpit, I don't need you to go on about how beautiful Anne Hathaway is or Sanaa Lazin. That happens with both of those, actually."
– Fortune Feimster, [48:32]

3. Overenthusiastic Texting Post First Meetings ([43:12] - [44:23])

Fortune recounts a personal experience where a date’s overzealous texting after a casual coffee meetup left her bewildered and apprehensive about future interactions.

"She sent me a picture of all of them in a hot tub and says, come. Do you want to come hang out with my family and me in a hot tub? And I was like, I think I deleted the app right away."
– Fortune Feimster, [42:37]

This incident underscores her pet peeve regarding the premature escalation of relationship expectations without establishing a foundational connection.

Tig Notaro’s Pet Peeves

1. Premature Intensity and Overstepping Boundaries ([35:18] - [38:31])

Tig Notaro discusses her discomfort with dates who introduce intense or familial elements too early in the relationship, which she perceives as a red flag signaling potential unhealthy dynamics.

"She invites me to come hang out with her and her family in a hot tub after just a couple of exchanges, and I think I deleted the app right away."
– Tig Notaro, [42:36]

Tig highlights the importance of pacing in relationship development, suggesting that rushing into deep personal interactions can be overwhelming and indicative of mismatched relationship goals.

2. Overstepping in Early Interactions ([42:23] - [43:13])

Tig shares a story about being invited to a group outing under the guise of a date, only to discover it was a pretext for meeting multiple people simultaneously. This unexpected dynamic made her uncomfortable and prompted her to withdraw from the situation.

"I provided her with this amazing first date situation, and she invited a date. It was so absurd that, like, how can you just sit there and stew?"
– Tig Notaro, [51:00]

This example reinforces Tig's pet peeve regarding unclear intentions and the necessity for clarity in dating scenarios.

Group Discussion: Navigating Small Talk vs. Deep Conversations

The hosts engage in a dialogue about the balance between small talk and more profound conversations during dates. While some appreciate the gradual build-up to meaningful discussions, others feel compelled to bypass superficial topics entirely in favor of instant connections.

"I just wanna get past the small talk and reach a point where you can be real with the person."
– Mae Martin, [39:18]

"I like digging in, too. I just like building up to it."
– Tig Notaro, [40:33]

This segment underscores the diversity of preferences among individuals regarding conversational depth in the dating process, highlighting that there is no one-size-fits-all approach.

Personal Anecdotes and Shared Experiences

Throughout the episode, the hosts share personal stories that illustrate their respective pet peeves, providing listeners with relatable and often humorous insights into the complexities of dating.

Mae’s Improv Incident ([50:09] - [50:55])

Mae recounts an improv show where she was impersonated as a crab, leading to a humorous and self-reflective moment about personal identity and self-perception.

"She started doing this crab walk... and I was like, oh, wow. Yeah, I'm a crab."
– Mae Martin, [12:16]

Tig’s Group Date Mishap ([50:06] - [51:15])

Tig describes a date gone wrong when she unknowingly set up a group date, resulting in the other person bringing along a significant other, which she found both absurd and amusing.

"I thought I was inviting her on a date, and she decided that did sound like a great date night. So she invited a date."
– Tig Notaro, [50:54]

Fortune’s Texting Fiasco ([43:53] - [46:17])

Fortune shares her experience of ambiguous texting after a coffee date, leading to confusion about the other person's intentions and whether to pursue further communication.

"I get a text saying sweet dreams, which I never wanted to see again."
– Fortune Feimster, [43:53]

These anecdotes not only provide entertainment but also serve as cautionary tales for listeners navigating their own dating journeys.

Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• Mae Martin on Ordering Soup:

  "I don't like when people order soup as a starter... [34:50]"

• Fortune Feimster on Chewing and Talking:

  "I just don't like when people chew and try to talk... [48:30]"

• Tig Notaro on Premature Intensity:

  "She invites me to come hang out with her and her family... [42:36]"

• Trace Lysette on Dating Pet Peeves:

  "What's a pet peeve for you on a date? [34:14]"

Insights and Conclusions

The episode provides a candid exploration of the personal annoyances that can undermine the dating experience. The hosts collectively emphasize the importance of authenticity, clear communication, and mutual respect in fostering meaningful connections. Their shared experiences highlight the pitfalls of modern dating, particularly in the digital age where intentions can be misconstrued, and superficial interactions often dominate initial encounters.

Key takeaways include:

• Importance of Intentional Communication: Establishing clear intentions from the onset can prevent misunderstandings and ensure both parties are aligned in their relationship goals.

• Balancing Conversational Depth: While small talk serves as an icebreaker, transitioning to more substantive conversations is crucial for building a deeper connection.

• Red Flags in Dating Dynamics: Premature introduction of family members or intense personal disclosures can signal potential incompatibility and unhealthy relationship patterns.

• Humor as a Coping Mechanism: The hosts use humor to navigate and mitigate the frustrations inherent in the dating scene, offering listeners both relatability and laughter.

Conclusion

This episode of "Handsome" successfully blends humor with heartfelt discussions, providing listeners with both entertainment and valuable insights into the complexities of dating. Through personal stories and shared experiences, Tig Notaro, Fortune Feimster, and Mae Martin shed light on common dating pet peeves while fostering a sense of community among their audience. Trace Lysette's thoughtful question serves as the catalyst for a meaningful conversation that resonates with anyone who has navigated the often unpredictable waters of modern romance.

For more engaging discussions and upcoming episodes, listeners are encouraged to subscribe to "Handsome" on their preferred podcast platform and follow the hosts on social media for updates on live shows and new content.

Additional Resources:

• Podcast Website: handsomepod.com
• Merchandise and Tickets: Available on the podcast’s official website
• Follow on Social Media: @HandsomePod on various platforms