Trace Lysette asks about dating pet peeves

Summary

Podcast Summary: Handsome Episode – Trace Lysette on Dating Pet Peeves

Released: January 7, 2025

Hosts: Tig Notaro, Fortune Feimster, and Mae Martin
Guest: Trace Lysette

---

Introduction

In this episode of "Handsome," hosted by Tig Notaro, Fortune Feimster, and Mae Martin, the trio dives deep into the often tumultuous world of dating. The episode centers around a question posed by Trace Lysette, an acclaimed actress and advocate for the trans community, who inquires about the hosts' pet peeves when it comes to dating. The conversation is punctuated with humor, personal anecdotes, and insightful reflections on modern dating dynamics.

---

Trace Lysette’s Question: "What’s a Pet Peeve for You on a Date?" ([34:14])

Trace Lysette sets the stage by asking the hosts to share their personal annoyances encountered during dates. The hosts eagerly respond, offering a blend of comedic relief and genuine insights.

---

Mae Martin’s Pet Peeves

1. Ordering Soup as a Starter ([34:50] - [35:03])

Mae Martin kicks off the discussion by expressing her discomfort with the common practice of ordering soup as a first course on dates. She humorously dissects the practicality of consuming solid food amidst liquid, stating:

"I don't like when people order soup as a starter. Like it feels weird to be putting all this liquid in your stomach and then you just are dropping a solid into the liquid and splooshing it around it."
– Mae Martin, [34:50]

2. Lack of Personal Questions ([35:33] - [38:31])

Mae also highlights her frustration with dates that fail to venture beyond superficial topics. She yearns for meaningful conversations that delve into personal experiences rather than sticking to trivial small talk.

"I don't like when people don't ask you any questions about yourself. He's the worst."
– Mae Martin, [35:33]

Mae emphasizes the importance of engaging in discussions that reveal more about one's personality and life, such as talking about aliens or childhood experiences, which she finds more intriguing and indicative of deeper compatibility.

---

Fortune Feimster’s Pet Peeves

1. Chewing and Talking Simultaneously ([48:30] - [48:32])

Fortune Feimster shares a common dining annoyance: individuals who chew while conversing during meals. This behavior not only disrupts the flow of conversation but also detracts from the overall dining experience.

"I just don't like when people chew and try to talk. Chew their food and talk at the same time."
– Fortune Feimster, [48:30]

2. Interrupting the Romantic Atmosphere in Movie Theaters ([48:32] - [49:47])

Fortune expresses irritation towards dates who, while enjoying a romantic movie, feel compelled to articulate how attractive someone on screen is. This act breaks the immersive and intimate experience she seeks during such outings.

"If I'm curled up in your armpit, I don't need you to go on about how beautiful Anne Hathaway is or Sanaa Lazin. That happens with both of those, actually."
– Fortune Feimster, [48:32]

3. Overenthusiastic Texting Post First Meetings ([43:12] - [44:23])

Fortune recounts a personal experience where a date’s overzealous texting after a casual coffee meetup left her bewildered and apprehensive about future interactions.

"She sent me a picture of all of them in a hot tub and says, come. Do you want to come hang out with my family and me in a hot tub? And I was like, I think I deleted the app right away."
– Fortune Feimster, [42:37]

This incident underscores her pet peeve regarding the premature escalation of relationship expectations without establishing a foundational connection.

---

Tig Notaro’s Pet Peeves

1. Premature Intensity and Overstepping Boundaries ([35:18] - [38:31])

Tig Notaro discusses her discomfort with dates who introduce intense or familial elements too early in the relationship, which she perceives as a red flag signaling potential unhealthy dynamics.

"She invites me to come hang out with her and her family in a hot tub after just a couple of exchanges, and I think I deleted the app right away."
– Tig Notaro, [42:36]

Tig highlights the importance of pacing in relationship development, suggesting that rushing into deep personal interactions can be overwhelming and indicative of mismatched relationship goals.

2. Overstepping in Early Interactions ([42:23] - [43:13])

Tig shares a story about being invited to a group outing under the guise of a date, only to discover it was a pretext for meeting multiple people simultaneously. This unexpected dynamic made her uncomfortable and prompted her to withdraw from the situation.

"I provided her with this amazing first date situation, and she invited a date. It was so absurd that, like, how can you just sit there and stew?"
– Tig Notaro, [51:00]

This example reinforces Tig's pet peeve regarding unclear intentions and the necessity for clarity in dating scenarios.

---

Group Discussion: Navigating Small Talk vs. Deep Conversations

The hosts engage in a dialogue about the balance between small talk and more profound conversations during dates. While some appreciate the gradual build-up to meaningful discussions, others feel compelled to bypass superficial topics entirely in favor of instant connections.

"I just wanna get past the small talk and reach a point where you can be real with the person."
– Mae Martin, [39:18]

"I like digging in, too. I just like building up to it."
– Tig Notaro, [40:33]

This segment underscores the diversity of preferences among individuals regarding conversational depth in the dating process, highlighting that there is no one-size-fits-all approach.

---

Personal Anecdotes and Shared Experiences

Throughout the episode, the hosts share personal stories that illustrate their respective pet peeves, providing listeners with relatable and often humorous insights into the complexities of dating.

Mae’s Improv Incident ([50:09] - [50:55])

Mae recounts an improv show where she was impersonated as a crab, leading to a humorous and self-reflective moment about personal identity and self-perception.

"She started doing this crab walk... and I was like, oh, wow. Yeah, I'm a crab."
– Mae Martin, [12:16]

Tig’s Group Date Mishap ([50:06] - [51:15])

Tig describes a date gone wrong when she unknowingly set up a group date, resulting in the other person bringing along a significant other, which she found both absurd and amusing.

"I thought I was inviting her on a date, and she decided that did sound like a great date night. So she invited a date."
– Tig Notaro, [50:54]

Fortune’s Texting Fiasco ([43:53] - [46:17])

Fortune shares her experience of ambiguous texting after a coffee date, leading to confusion about the other person's intentions and whether to pursue further communication.

"I get a text saying sweet dreams, which I never wanted to see again."
– Fortune Feimster, [43:53]

These anecdotes not only provide entertainment but also serve as cautionary tales for listeners navigating their own dating journeys.

---

Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• Mae Martin on Ordering Soup:

  "I don't like when people order soup as a starter... [34:50]"

• Fortune Feimster on Chewing and Talking:

  "I just don't like when people chew and try to talk... [48:30]"

• Tig Notaro on Premature Intensity:

  "She invites me to come hang out with her and her family... [42:36]"

• Trace Lysette on Dating Pet Peeves:

  "What's a pet peeve for you on a date? [34:14]"

---

Insights and Conclusions

The episode provides a candid exploration of the personal annoyances that can undermine the dating experience. The hosts collectively emphasize the importance of authenticity, clear communication, and mutual respect in fostering meaningful connections. Their shared experiences highlight the pitfalls of modern dating, particularly in the digital age where intentions can be misconstrued, and superficial interactions often dominate initial encounters.

Key takeaways include:

• Importance of Intentional Communication: Establishing clear intentions from the onset can prevent misunderstandings and ensure both parties are aligned in their relationship goals.

• Balancing Conversational Depth: While small talk serves as an icebreaker, transitioning to more substantive conversations is crucial for building a deeper connection.

• Red Flags in Dating Dynamics: Premature introduction of family members or intense personal disclosures can signal potential incompatibility and unhealthy relationship patterns.

• Humor as a Coping Mechanism: The hosts use humor to navigate and mitigate the frustrations inherent in the dating scene, offering listeners both relatability and laughter.

---

Conclusion

This episode of "Handsome" successfully blends humor with heartfelt discussions, providing listeners with both entertainment and valuable insights into the complexities of dating. Through personal stories and shared experiences, Tig Notaro, Fortune Feimster, and Mae Martin shed light on common dating pet peeves while fostering a sense of community among their audience. Trace Lysette's thoughtful question serves as the catalyst for a meaningful conversation that resonates with anyone who has navigated the often unpredictable waters of modern romance.

For more engaging discussions and upcoming episodes, listeners are encouraged to subscribe to "Handsome" on their preferred podcast platform and follow the hosts on social media for updates on live shows and new content.

---

Additional Resources:

• Podcast Website: handsomepod.com
• Merchandise and Tickets: Available on the podcast’s official website
• Follow on Social Media: @HandsomePod on various platforms

Transcript

[May Martin]

Some people just know they could save hundreds on car insurance by checking Allstate first.

[Fortune Feimster]

Like, you know how to check your favorite band's website so you can buy tickets when they come into town? Rock on.

[May Martin]

Yeah, check in first is smart. So check Allstate first for a quote that could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. This content is intended for audiences in the US Only. Savings vary terms apply. Allstate Fire and Casualty Insurance Company and Affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois.

[Tig Notaro]

This is a headgum podcast.

[May Martin]

Handsome Chatting with friends on the Handsome Pod. Chat with friends on the Handsome Pod.

[Fortune Feimster]

Cheers. Hello, it is your dear friend Tig Notaro and your friend, the Fortune Feimster.

[May Martin]

It's just getting worse and worse. You'd think it would be getting better over time.

[Tig Notaro]

Being polite.

[May Martin]

Yeah, we're all too polite. I'm May Martin as well.

[Tig Notaro]

And we're Handsome. Handsome. Welcome to the show.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yes, we are very handsome. One of us, we have a show.

[May Martin]

Is particularly handsome today. If you're watching on YouTube, that's the.

[Fortune Feimster]

Only way to find out.

[Tig Notaro]

Someone let their hair grow over the holiday break.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yes. Yes. And who is it? We don't know.

[May Martin]

We don't know.

[Tig Notaro]

You'll never know.

[Fortune Feimster]

We know. We know.

[May Martin]

Tig, how are you doing?

[Fortune Feimster]

I'm doing all right. I'm in. You know I'm in Toronto.

[Tig Notaro]

Yes.

[Fortune Feimster]

And it is snowing up a storm here.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, really?

[May Martin]

Do you have appropriate footwear?

[Fortune Feimster]

Good question. Let's see. Probably not.

[May Martin]

Oh, because we know you're. You're accident prone.

[Fortune Feimster]

Well, I was gonna say I already beat me to it.

[May Martin]

Oh, no.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah, I. I took a massive spill a couple of days ago.

[Tig Notaro]

On set?

[Fortune Feimster]

No, I was going up to my trailer and my slipper slipped through the step. So my left leg went through the stairs, and then I fell back the other way towards the other trailer that's across from mine.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

And so I have swelling and black and blue kn. Um. Oh, I figured, you know, I'm almost wrapping up my time in Toronto. I might as well see if I can. Yeah, probably. If I get a little injury in there.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, man, slippers are dangerous. Jax's mom slipped down our stairs and slippers broke her foot.

[May Martin]

And were they part of your wardrobe, Tig, or were they your personal slippers?

[Fortune Feimster]

No, they're just, you know, the slippers you slip on when you're not in your space boots.

[May Martin]

Oh, right. Okay.

[Fortune Feimster]

You know.

[May Martin]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

They don't call them slippers for nothing.

[Fortune Feimster]

That is definitely right. And I thought I was going to Be worse off than I was because, you know, I've had back surgery. And so when I, you know, flew back the other way, I was like, oh, no, here it comes.

[Tig Notaro]

Are you limping or anything?

[Fortune Feimster]

I was limping. It's one of those things where it hurts so bad when it happened that I couldn't put pressure on my right leg when I was trying to get back up into my trailer. And then after I kind of walked it off in my trailer and relaxed a bit, I was doing a lot better. But then I had the full on, like I was in a car accident the day before. When I woke up the following day, where my thumb hurt, where I must have, like, tried to catch my fall, my shoulder hurt my back. So anyway, but I'm fine.

[Tig Notaro]

It's just. It.

[Fortune Feimster]

Feel it. It definitely felt like something that was about to be really terrible when it was happening. Oh, everything's better now.

[May Martin]

Yeah. There's Biggie.

[Tig Notaro]

I felt like you needed to see Biggie.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah, I always need to see that little.

[Tig Notaro]

His eyes aren't dead. Remember when you said he had dead eyes? Look how alive those eyes are.

[May Martin]

I don't remember you saying that, Tig, but it sounds like something.

[Tig Notaro]

The eyes are alive with the sound.

[Fortune Feimster]

I was going to say our son Linus, but it's our cat who I call little son. Oh, my gosh. That is torturous.

[Tig Notaro]

Look how gorgeous he is.

[Fortune Feimster]

I think he is a gorgeous dog. I think he's maybe the cutest thing I've ever seen in my life. I feel like there's not a lot going on behind those.

[Tig Notaro]

What? Don't even finish that sentence.

[Fortune Feimster]

Okay. But they remind me of my son Linus's eyes. You know, I mean, right? Just makes them all the cuter.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

If there's not much going on back there, it's like, oh, how dare you with that face.

[May Martin]

I don't like cat that looks like it's plotting. Thinking something, you know, plotting to kill you.

[Tig Notaro]

I feel like a lot of cats are plotting something.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

Not Linus. No, not Linus. He has no plan for anything except snacks and some little rubbies on his head.

[May Martin]

Oh, yeah, Fortune. What are you up to?

[Tig Notaro]

I've been busy. My special came out, you know, a bit ago. Yes.

[Fortune Feimster]

Congrats again and always and forever.

[Tig Notaro]

Thank you. If you haven't watched it crushing it on Netflix, it was super cool. Was in the top 10 on Netflix for a while.

[May Martin]

That's crazy.

[Tig Notaro]

That made me really proud. And. Yeah. So my whole December up until the holidays was, like, constant press. And promotion. Yeah.

[May Martin]

So do you find yourself saying the same sentences over and over? Like you get self conscious because people are asking you the same questions and you're like, yeah, mix up what I'm saying.

[Tig Notaro]

And yeah, because it's just, you know, you're just like, I don't know, it's. I worked really hard on it. Just watch it.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah, I know. I've had people call me out on saying the same thing in press.

[Tig Notaro]

Really?

[Fortune Feimster]

And I'm like, yeah. And I'm like, this isn't my fault. I'm being asked the same questions. And that is the answer to the question.

[May Martin]

Right.

[Tig Notaro]

That's so funny. I did hear a lot from our handsome listeners because I had two little handsome Easter eggs in the special. Yeah. Right off the top. Keeping it handsome. And then. Pretty little.

[Fortune Feimster]

Pretty little lady.

[May Martin]

Are you guys invested in the Wicked press tour?

[Tig Notaro]

I'm very invested. Did you go see it?

[May Martin]

No, I haven't seen it yet. But I've loved. You know, the thing that's gone viral is. I think it's Ariana Grande holding the finger and saying, I'm holding space for. For Alphabet or something like that. And they're. And they're really tearful. It just seems it's been a very emot press tour.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[May Martin]

And the level of earnestness surrounding the story.

[Tig Notaro]

I know the interviewer, Tracy, who interviewed them and said. And it went viral a couple weeks ago, like, where Tracy was very earnest, like you said, interviewing them, saying, you know, people are really holding space for this movie. Yeah.

[May Martin]

And they're like.

[Tig Notaro]

And then they kind of looked at each other, Ariana and Cynthia and like, started holding hands. And then Ariana started like tapping Cynthia's fingers and. And then Cindy looked emotional. And then they were like, oh, my God, that's so amazing. I didn't know that. That's so. And then Tracy's like, I'm in the queer media. And. And then they're like, oh, oh my gosh, that's so amazing. Well, it came out afterwards. They did an interview on that interview and basically said, Ariana's like, I didn't know what that meant. And then Cynthia was like, I didn't know what it meant. And then what? They're like, we just thought like, it felt big and serious, so we needed to treat it that way.

[May Martin]

No way.

[Tig Notaro]

And Cynthia, who is.

[Fortune Feimster]

Who is queer, felt big and serious.

[Tig Notaro]

Cynthia was like, I didn't even know, like, what queer media was. Am I in queer media? Cool.

[May Martin]

Oh my God, that's so funny.

[Tig Notaro]

It was so Funny just seeing this. Them reflect on making something so big that no one really understood.

[Fortune Feimster]

Wait, okay, so funny.

[May Martin]

Tell me something really, like, banal, but. But as if it's big and serious, and then I'll react like it's big and serious.

[Tig Notaro]

May, your hair, now that it's brown, has made all of us hold that in our hearts in a way that we didn't know it would and has meant something to us that I can't the world into words. Right. Tay.

[May Martin]

And I just want to. I want to thank you so much for the bravery that it took to say that, and I want to hold that in my heart. And I really wanted.

[Fortune Feimster]

Absolutely.

[May Martin]

Yeah. And. And you take as well.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah.

[May Martin]

Just.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah. Don't. Let's not exclude Tay. We want it to be inclusive of everyone.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah.

[May Martin]

Yeah. You know, I wasn't as funny as I thought I would be, but fortune really.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, is this a bit.

[May Martin]

Yeah, this was a bit, but.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh.

[Tig Notaro]

Because I thought we were, like, having a moment.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah. I was like, I'm on board. I have a. I have a question. Is it Ariana or Ariana?

[Tig Notaro]

I thought it's Ariana.

[Fortune Feimster]

I thought it was Ariana.

[May Martin]

It's Ponte Thomas.

[Fortune Feimster]

Can you look up her name? Because Stephanie said Ariana the other day, and I was like, oh, it's Ariana. And then May just said Ariana. I'm pretty sure it's Ariana.

[May Martin]

Did I say Ariana?

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

The interviewer, Tracy, who's really awesome and does a really phenomenal job with interviews. You guys have probably been interviewed by her at some point. She's really embraced it, too, and has even done, like, some sponsored ads with it. I'm like, you go, that is unbelievable. Yeah. I just love that everyone's having fun with it.

[May Martin]

There's T shirts, like, holding space, and it's a picture of two fingers holding a finger. It's. Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

I love it when we realize.

[May Martin]

Yeah. I like it when we realize we all, like, have the same sense of humor as a species, you know?

[Tig Notaro]

Well, Ariana was even like. I don't even know why I started tapping your fingers. Just. You look like you were about to cry. So I just. She was big, so I just wanted to be there. But that movie was phenomenal. I went with my mom over right before the holidays, and I love the stage version as well. It's been a while since I'd seen it, but I just thought they just nailed the movie. It was long, but I was invested the whole time. And literally, during Defying Gravity, my jaw. I Didn't realize was, like, open.

[May Martin]

No.

[Tig Notaro]

The whole scene.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

With you.

[Tig Notaro]

Jax hates musicals.

[May Martin]

Of course.

[Fortune Feimster]

Of course, of course.

[Tig Notaro]

So she said, go with God. Please go with your mother and enjoy.

[Fortune Feimster]

Stephanie took Max and Finn.

[May Martin]

Did they lose their minds?

[Fortune Feimster]

Stephanie lost her mind. Max was very into it. Finn was, I guess, slow to come around to it, but he liked it. Yeah.

[May Martin]

That'S great.

[Fortune Feimster]

Stephanie said she wants to go see it again and wants me to go with her.

[May Martin]

So I did an improv show with Stephanie the other night, and one of the suggestions for the scene was, like, a Mae Martin biopic or something. So Stephanie comes in as an actor playing me in a biopic and just sort of eviscerates me with her impersonation of me. It was so funny.

[Tig Notaro]

Stephanie do.

[May Martin]

She started doing this crab walk. Like, this really jittery little, like, crab sideways walk. And it was like having to look at myself. I was like, oh, wow. Yeah, I'm a crab. I'm a crab. She's like. It was very funny.

[Fortune Feimster]

I think she said that show was really fun.

[May Martin]

That was super fun. Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Are you glad to be back and doing the Largo shows again?

[May Martin]

Oh, man. So glad. Yeah, Largo's the best. Those shows are the best.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[May Martin]

But all the. All the questions in the question bucket are like. Because maybe people listen to this podcast and they, like, follow. So there's a lot of questions about the pod being. And then there's a lot of, like, are you okay? Like, how are you? What's going on?

[Tig Notaro]

Are you okay?

[May Martin]

I don't. Yeah, I'm all right. You know, lifting weights and crying. You know, I'm doing a lot of paintings of animals. I'm painting a lot of animals of all kinds, and I found that very healing, but otherwise, no, I'm good.

[Tig Notaro]

You're good. All right.

[May Martin]

Watching Tom Cruise movies. I told Tig about this. On a mini episode. I'm watching a lot of, like, Cocktail Days of Thunder.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, yeah, the classics.

[May Martin]

And yesterday, I went to Pomona with my friend Joe, and I did two escape room. Yep, you got it. You could. Solid.

[Tig Notaro]

I knew it.

[May Martin]

Two horror escape rooms. And one of them had a. A mad scientist in it, which I feel like they used to be around a lot, and they're not around as much, but it was. He was. He had. No.

[Fortune Feimster]

You mean, like, they're. They're more kind of pulled together now.

[Tig Notaro]

Now, that's billionaires.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah.

[May Martin]

Yeah, that's true. Now they're. No, there was this. And he. He was a blind, murdering scientist, and he would come in the room and you had to freeze and stay really still and he'd like feel and if he got you, he's going to stab you with a syringe.

[Tig Notaro]

It was an actual person.

[May Martin]

Yes.

[Tig Notaro]

It was so scary happening in Pomona.

[May Martin]

A lot is happening.

[Tig Notaro]

I love that you drive to go.

[Fortune Feimster]

To these escape rooms and drive me takes black suv Uber.

[Tig Notaro]

It has been over. Our podcast is now a minute in. We're what, a year? A year and change.

[May Martin]

Well, we made it past April.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, we did make it past April. You said at the beginning of this pod you were learning to drive. What's happening?

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh yeah.

[May Martin]

Well, not to make excuses, but I.

[Fortune Feimster]

Let's hear it.

[May Martin]

In order to start my lesson, see what you got. My Internet went down so I couldn't. No.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah, but it's past 10am in order.

[May Martin]

To take the lessons again, I need my learner's permit, which I have and I wrote the test and everything, but I've lost it. So I have reordered one from the DMV and it takes weeks to arrive and I'm waiting on it. And then you better believe I'm going to be zooming around.

[Tig Notaro]

I really want you to 25 to be the year of you driving and driving well.

[May Martin]

Yes. Well, aside, you told me that 2025 was going to be a year of big growth and exploration for me and that 2026 was going to be nesting and being happy.

[Tig Notaro]

There you go. Guess how you explore with a car or drive.

[May Martin]

Oh, God dang it. How do you explore with the. Oh yeah, with a drive. With a car.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah. Driving, exploring. You drive to uncharted orgies too, I guess.

[Fortune Feimster]

Car orgies.

[May Martin]

I could drive to an orgy.

[Tig Notaro]

You have to drive to an orgy.

[Fortune Feimster]

Some people just know they could save hundreds on car insurance by checking Allstate first.

[May Martin]

Like you know how to check to make sure that restaurant's hot sauce is not too hot before you cover it all over in your food?

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah. Check in first is smart. So check Allstate first for a quote that could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. This content is intended for audiences in the US Only. Savings vary terms apply. Allstate Fire and Casualty Insurance Company and affiliates, Northbrook, IL this time of year.

[May Martin]

I love to get cozy. That means slippers around the house, hot tea, a little fire in the fireplace. But most importantly, you need your cozy outfit sorted out for the ultimate cold weather necessities made from premium materials. You got to check out Quint.

[Fortune Feimster]

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[Tig Notaro]

And man, were those things comfortable, luxuriate.

[May Martin]

And coziness without the luxury price tag. Go to quince.comhome for 365 day returns plus free shipping on your order. That's Q-U-I-N-C-E.comhome, to get free shipping and 365 day returns. Quince.comhome, wait.

[Fortune Feimster]

Do people ever take buses to orgies?

[Tig Notaro]

I bet someone has.

[Fortune Feimster]

Like, you could have the whole bus. Unload.

[May Martin]

Unload.

[Tig Notaro]

You couldn't go to a. You couldn't go to a key party, though.

[May Martin]

No, that's true.

[Tig Notaro]

It's just your house key.

[Fortune Feimster]

You could use your house key. Yeah, right. Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

No one's ever invited me to an orgy.

[May Martin]

I'll invite you.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, I can watch. I don't want to participate.

[May Martin]

You could sit on the sidelines.

[Fortune Feimster]

Fortunately, you don't want to participate in an orgy.

[Tig Notaro]

No, T. You and dogs can definitely come and watch. This is a lights off, buddy.

[May Martin]

You always say that. I'm not.

[Tig Notaro]

I'm telling you.

[Fortune Feimster]

Let's say we turn the lights out. Then would you get like.

[Tig Notaro]

No, I still. I can't.

[Fortune Feimster]

You're a little interested.

[Tig Notaro]

But Jack definitely would want to come, I think.

[Fortune Feimster]

And would she want to be a part of it or she wants to just watch?

[Tig Notaro]

I don't know.

[Fortune Feimster]

Do you think we just watch?

[May Martin]

Do you think this podcast would survive if you and Jax and you and Stephanie came and sat in sofas and watched me have an orgy? Like, would. Would we recover?

[Tig Notaro]

We would have a lot to talk about on the podcast and honestly worth it.

[May Martin]

Yeah, we would have a lot of a wealth of material. It'd be like, now, what was going on when. When that happened?

[Fortune Feimster]

I have terrible eyesight.

[Tig Notaro]

I would be like out of it.

[Fortune Feimster]

What was that? Was that an elbow? What just went up in the air?

[Tig Notaro]

Take. Would you come watch?

[Fortune Feimster]

Would I watch what may have an orgy? Yeah.

[May Martin]

Wait, I want to clarify. I don't actually want either of you to come watch.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, right now. You're no fun.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah, right.

[Tig Notaro]

I thought 2025 was gonna be fun.

[May Martin]

Wait, I feel like we chicken. Because if you're like, no, I actually want to, then I'll probably be like, yeah, okay, but.

[Fortune Feimster]

Okay, then I feel like I'd like to go, but I can't promise I'm not going to heckle the whole time.

[Tig Notaro]

That's true. T would be heckling. Oh, I think I'd be sweating on a couch. So nervous. Like I'm seeing something I shouldn't be seeing.

[May Martin]

Maybe we'll put you guys behind like a two way mirror.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah. And y'all don't know we're there. This feels like a big setup for an orgy that should happen unfold naturally.

[Fortune Feimster]

I got a great idea. May's having an orgy. Fortune and I are in the horse costume.

[Tig Notaro]

We.

[Fortune Feimster]

We clomp in and no one notices us. And Thomas is riding the horse.

[May Martin]

Oh, my God.

[Fortune Feimster]

Nothing to see here.

[May Martin]

We've got everything organized. Except I just need to find people to have an orgy with now.

[Tig Notaro]

I don't think that's gonna be a problem.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Don't you think, Tig?

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah, I think. I think you're gonna get a good roundup.

[May Martin]

I don't know.

[Tig Notaro]

Do you feel like that this is in your future?

[May Martin]

People are coupled up, you know, people.

[Tig Notaro]

That doesn't seem to stop anyone in la.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah, there's couples that spin loose for that kind of thing.

[Tig Notaro]

Everyone's just spinning loose around here.

[May Martin]

Okay, well, I'll surprise you when you show up. It'll be a surprise roster.

[Fortune Feimster]

Okay.

[Tig Notaro]

I lives in a whole different world than us.

[May Martin]

No, I don't. This is a fictional.

[Tig Notaro]

It's a fictional world, but it could hypothetical, really.

[May Martin]

I'm doing paintings of animals.

[Tig Notaro]

And will you let us know if it does? I. I don't. I'm not saying to invite us. We probably won't be invited.

[Fortune Feimster]

I'm saying to invite us, but will.

[Tig Notaro]

You at least let us know if it happened?

[May Martin]

I feel like I'm gonna invite you, and then I'm gonna. You're. You're gonna say to other people, oh, my God, I was just joking. And then I got an earnest invite to an orgy from May.

[Tig Notaro]

It was on evite.com.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah, we got an Evite to an orgy, and it's like, please respond.

[Tig Notaro]

Please let us know. We need to know how many. How much snacks to buy for an orgy. Gosh, 2025 is already off to a great start.

[May Martin]

Great start.

[Tig Notaro]

I'm excited for you, May.

[May Martin]

Thank you. Well, I've got. I've got a. I've got an album tour coming up. I'm doing like.

[Fortune Feimster]

You have an album tour and an orgy coming up.

[Tig Notaro]

Well, this is a lot.

[Fortune Feimster]

Would you take the orgy on the road?

[May Martin]

You mean like as a show?

[Fortune Feimster]

Wait a minute. Who is your dream orgy group?

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, good.

[May Martin]

That's a great question.

[Fortune Feimster]

But I knew it as soon as my pea brain dug it up.

[May Martin]

Yes, you both have to also answer and you can't.

[Fortune Feimster]

Two people that are not even remotely interested in an orgy.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah. Too.

[May Martin]

Okay, you have to answer and you can't go.

[Tig Notaro]

Well, it might take me a while to answer this. Jen Aniston. Sandy Bullock. Charlize Theron.

[May Martin]

And takes like Carrie Russell.

[Tig Notaro]

I used to call her Charlize Theron, but it's Theron.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah.

[May Martin]

Oh, I thought of them.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh yeah, Yeah. I heard her say her own name. I was like, oh, those three probably don't want me in it. But again, I can sit on a couch and watch.

[Fortune Feimster]

They're like, oh, Fortune. Hi. What are you doing here? We were just having a friendly orgy.

[Tig Notaro]

I'm eating a charcuterie and just enjoying my time.

[Fortune Feimster]

Well, you know you can't say charcuterie without.

[May Martin]

Dream orgy. Okay. A young Robert Plant.

[Tig Notaro]

Okay.

[May Martin]

And his tight pants. Penelope Cruz. Young.

[Tig Notaro]

That Espana Passion.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Thick spices.

[Fortune Feimster]

Is what killing me is what.

[May Martin]

Scary spice in the 90s. Mid-90s. Scary Spice.

[Tig Notaro]

Melanie, you don't want current Scary Spice or Mel or.

[May Martin]

Or current. All three witches from Hocus Pocus.

[Fortune Feimster]

Is there a cut off? With who? How many can get in?

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah. This seems like a lot.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah.

[May Martin]

You know what, I'm gonna leave.

[Fortune Feimster]

Remember when I was saying you have to have a big house? You're like, no, you just need, you know, a king size bed. But that's a lot.

[Tig Notaro]

That is a lot of things.

[May Martin]

You'd be surprised. That's sort of part of it. I guess.

[Tig Notaro]

There'll be a big like living room. I don't know where it happens.

[Fortune Feimster]

Okay. Hocus pocus kiss is there.

[May Martin]

I'm leaving them off. So I'm going to stick with for now. In this particular moment, Young Robert Plant have your burden. Penelope Cruz.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[May Martin]

Scary Spice.

[Tig Notaro]

But how do we get someone back.

[Fortune Feimster]

In time like Abe Lincoln.

[May Martin]

Yeah, how do we get Abe.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, I did just see oh Mary on Broadway. So funny.

[May Martin]

Was it amazing?

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, it's about a made up version of Abe Lincoln and Mary Lincoln. Todd, so good. Cole is like unbelievable.

[Fortune Feimster]

Anyway, is her name Mary Lincoln?

[Tig Notaro]

Todd, wasn't that.

[Fortune Feimster]

It's not Mary Todd Lincoln.

[Tig Notaro]

Probably Todd.

[Fortune Feimster]

Todd Lincoln. Mary Whatever.

[Tig Notaro]

Orgies on the brain. Tig, I can't.

[Fortune Feimster]

I wasn't. I wasn't trying to correct you. I truly was. I. You know, I barely have education.

[May Martin]

Take what's yours like.

[Fortune Feimster]

I'll marry you, but I'm keeping my. I'm really progressive in the mid-1800s here.

[May Martin]

Who's your orgy roster? Tig?

[Tig Notaro]

I had to think about it, too.

[May Martin]

I know, but you're not really a celeb person, so this is tough for you. Like, you're not.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, so this is all celebs.

[May Martin]

Well, I've gone with celebs.

[Tig Notaro]

I mean, what are we gonna do? Be like. And, like Janice?

[May Martin]

Yeah. My Janice. Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

It'S gonna be Janice and then old Janice.

[May Martin]

Yeah. I definitely got to get Christopher from.

[Fortune Feimster]

Sit Next on the Bus and then.

[Tig Notaro]

The barista in our neighborhood.

[Fortune Feimster]

For me. It's weird because, yes, I think people are attractive. I think Keri Russell is attractive. Word is out. But do I think she's sexy? I don't know. You know, it's like I have to meet people to find out if they're sexy.

[May Martin]

Oh, man, so true.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah. I don't find people sexy just because they're beautiful.

[May Martin]

Yes, agreed, agreed. I. I've probably said this, but when I went to the. This, like, I was a plus one at some fancy gala thing, and it was like, all the objectively most beautiful people in the world, but everyone was just. I don't know, no one had any vibes or.

[Tig Notaro]

Or good.

[May Martin]

Yeah, everyone was so.

[Fortune Feimster]

And I'm not saying Kerry Russell doesn't have vibes.

[Tig Notaro]

She seems delightful. She rides her bike to work.

[Fortune Feimster]

Okay, I'm all in. Yeah, I was a long distance cyclist.

[May Martin]

But you mean you can't just say based on looks because you might be really turned off. You start talking to them and they're just, like, heard.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah. So I guess it's. Let's see, for my orgy so far, it's me and Carrie.

[Tig Notaro]

I have met all three of mine, and they're. They seem pretty great.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Even if they don't have an orgy. If we could just have dinner.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Or can I get your number?

[Fortune Feimster]

Maybe we could have some fun texting or something. I don't know.

[Tig Notaro]

If we just had a hot chocolate together.

[Fortune Feimster]

Could you acknowledge me if you saw me?

[Tig Notaro]

Yep.

[Fortune Feimster]

I'll take that. Yeah. I don't know who I think is. I mean. Yeah, Pit bull.

[May Martin]

Pit Bull.

[Tig Notaro]

Bull. Pit bull.

[Fortune Feimster]

Kerry Russell.

[Tig Notaro]

This is worldwide Is invited.

[Fortune Feimster]

Why not? I'm sure carries into pit bull.

[Tig Notaro]

I don't want a wiener in mine.

[Fortune Feimster]

Well, I mean, I'm just, you know, just have him there because I have to fill space because I have to act like I find other people attractive outside of Kerry Russell. So I'm like, sure, let's bring in there. Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

He's like dolly.

[Fortune Feimster]

And he's like, why is Tig in here?

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah. What if he tries to take over or mansplain?

[May Martin]

You won't let him. Tig won't let him.

[Fortune Feimster]

You just gotta lay down because I'm gonna have a mustache on. You know, he's not. He's not gonna know what's up.

[May Martin]

He'd be really relieved, I think, to have someone. To have someone take control. I think deep down he probably just doesn't want to have to be Pitbull all the time, you know?

[Tig Notaro]

I think Jack should come to my orgy too.

[Fortune Feimster]

Who?

[Tig Notaro]

She would. Jack. She would like this.

[Fortune Feimster]

Okay. I have an addition to the orgy.

[May Martin]

Okay.

[Fortune Feimster]

I used to have a full blown crush on Drew Barrymore.

[May Martin]

Okay.

[Fortune Feimster]

And she just feels like somebody you just gotta throw in the orgy.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

Because she's so fun.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

And she talks really close.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah. She's intense. She's fun. Yeah. And so it's like, sure. All right. It's me, Pitbull, Drew Bear.

[Tig Notaro]

Drew Barrymore would be the one that's like, okay, you guys, this is what we needs to happen. Like, Drew would be kind of like planning things.

[May Martin]

I feel like she'd be also good at like aftercare. Like after the orgy. Should be checking in is. How's everyone doing?

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

You guys have a good time?

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah. So how's my orgy looking?

[May Martin]

It's looking pretty hot.

[Tig Notaro]

Still throwing me off.

[May Martin]

Pitbull's throwing you off. I'm into it.

[Tig Notaro]

I know you're into it.

[Fortune Feimster]

Why does Pitbull throw you off? He's obviously the hottest guy.

[Tig Notaro]

What I expected for you.

[May Martin]

He's obviously the hottest guy.

[Fortune Feimster]

What I expected.

[Tig Notaro]

I will say I have met him back in the day day when I did Chelsea lately. And he does smell really, really good.

[Fortune Feimster]

He looks like he would like. He looks like cologne.

[Tig Notaro]

He smelled amazing.

[Fortune Feimster]

So you think he's gonna put on cheap cologne?

[Tig Notaro]

I did not. No. I know for a fact he's not going to put on cheap cologne.

[May Martin]

Do you guys like when people wear perfume and cologne or do you find it like, overwhelming? I love it, but I like it.

[Fortune Feimster]

I'M not into perfume.

[Tig Notaro]

I'm not into perfume. I like a nice cologne.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yes, same. I like a man with cologne. I. I'm not terribly crazy about perfume.

[May Martin]

Okay, you both hate women.

[Tig Notaro]

Some of them have some perfumes, have that like old lady musty. Yeah, that's closet.

[Fortune Feimster]

What are you saying about old ladies?

[Tig Notaro]

I love the ladies. You've heard me talk about Betty White.

[Fortune Feimster]

Why isn't she in your. She would have throw a corpse in there.

[Tig Notaro]

Totes in there with her vodka and her hot dogs.

[Fortune Feimster]

That's all you need for an orgy and hot dogs.

[Tig Notaro]

She had a hot dog every day and drank a vodka.

[Fortune Feimster]

Do you really believe those? Like, that's really like every day she had a hot dog.

[Tig Notaro]

She probably had one at least once. At least every week.

[Fortune Feimster]

Every time somebody asks an old person how, how did you live this long? It's like I had whiskey and I drink. I had. I smoked a cigar before bed and I never took a walk. Yeah, it's like, okay, that's true. Meanwhile, I'm over here eating everything green and then I fall off my stairs into my trailer.

[May Martin]

Your slipper.

[Fortune Feimster]

This is your year to feel your best. What's more handsome than that?

[Tig Notaro]

That's why we're excited to talk to.

[Fortune Feimster]

You about our new sponsor, Timeline. Timeline is the maker of Mitopure, a precise dose of the rare postbiotic Urolithin A. It works by promoting an essential cellular cleanup process that clears out dysfunctional mitochondria, AKA your cells battery packs.

[May Martin]

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[Fortune Feimster]

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[May Martin]

This is a message from sponsor Intuit Turbotax.

[Fortune Feimster]

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[May Martin]

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[Fortune Feimster]

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[May Martin]

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[Fortune Feimster]

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[May Martin]

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[Fortune Feimster]

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[May Martin]

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[May Martin]

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[Fortune Feimster]

Did we already do all of our.

[May Martin]

Yeah, we did it.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah. This is definitely not how I thought we'd be starting our year, but I love it.

[May Martin]

Okay, me too.

[Fortune Feimster]

Surprise.

[May Martin]

I'm so excited about our questioner today. She is one of my favorite actresses. Today's question asker is an actress best known for playing Shay on Transparent Tracy in the hit movie Hustlers and the titular role in Monica, which is. If you haven't seen Monica, it's so beautiful. It's such an amazing performance. And she was nominated for an independent spirit award for that. She's also very funny and a talented musician, an advocate, an activist for the trans community. Trace Lizette is asking today's question.

[Fortune Feimster]

Nice.

[Trace Lysette]

Hey, handsomes. What's a pet peeve for you on a date?

[Fortune Feimster]

Got right down to it with that question.

[May Martin]

I know. No messing around. Just right.

[Tig Notaro]

No, like Trace. Trace. Trace doesn't play. I love Trace. I love always running into each other at parties. And we always laugh.

[Fortune Feimster]

Thanks for the act out.

[Tig Notaro]

You're welcome.

[May Martin]

I don't like when people order soup as a starter.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh.

[May Martin]

Like it feels weird to be putting all this liquid in your stomach and then you just are dropping a solid into the liquid and splooshing it around it. I don't know.

[Tig Notaro]

Wow.

[May Martin]

It used to be bigger. Like in the 90s, everyone was ordering a carrot soup to start and then really now, thank God it's fallen out of fashion.

[Tig Notaro]

What if it's cold outside?

[May Martin]

Have a whole soup with some toast. Sure. But don't have a starter. That's just. There's something about it that freaks me out. And then I don't like when people don't ask you any questions about yourself. He's the worst.

[Fortune Feimster]

Like, what would you want people to ask you? Oh, God.

[May Martin]

About aliens, about childhood trauma. You know, whatever, Anything. But it's. It is amazing.

[Tig Notaro]

You want to get to the childhood trauma right away.

[Fortune Feimster]

Well, the childhood trauma is why there are aliens.

[May Martin]

What do you mean? Oh, my God. What you just said. Actually, cut to the Core of my whole psychology. Wait, Tig.

[Fortune Feimster]

What you just said, if you have childhood trauma, then you're asking about aliens.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

Then you probably.

[May Martin]

Like, that's why I fixate on weird, existential. Oh, my God.

[Tig Notaro]

You're so.

[May Martin]

You just effortlessly. Therapy I don't need anymore. You're so right. It's escapism. Oh, my God.

[Tig Notaro]

Escape rooms. You're always trying to get out.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

That is interesting.

[May Martin]

Oh, yeah. Okay, so that's what I want.

[Tig Notaro]

Childhood trauma on the first date seems like a lot to me.

[May Martin]

I mean, let's say trauma with a small S. Like, I. Like, a guy told me that.

[Tig Notaro]

With a small S or a small T?

[May Martin]

Oh, wait. Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Where I get the S.

[Fortune Feimster]

For small.

[May Martin]

Oh, my God. Okay, small team.

[Tig Notaro]

We're on one today.

[May Martin]

A guy told me that he. When he was 5, he. He traveled from Ireland to United States, and he was living there with his family for a year, and he'd never seen snow before, and he was so excited, and he kind of thought he had a rapport with his bus driver. And it was the first time he was getting on a yellow school bus, like. Like that. You know, he just moved to the States, and so he found this big icicle, and he thought, I'm gonna give this to the bus driver. He's my buddy. He's 5 years old, and he's so excited. He's got this big icicle, and he gets on the bus, and he's like, I got this for you. And the bus driver just takes it and throws it into the garbage beside him and starts the bus. And it's like, that was a defining moment for him where his innocence died, and he was excited about something, and then an adult kind of crushed his spirit. And to me, that story is a big aphrodisiac. Like. Yeah, I want to know those types of stories on a date, especially if you can tell it funny.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah. I'm really just thinking about what you're saying, because it's been a while since I've had a first kind of. I'm thinking, like, more first dates, you know, or early dates.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

And that's been a really long time.

[May Martin]

I like to know those little specific moments from people's lives that are really.

[Tig Notaro]

I do like to. I like to learn that stuff, too, as we go. But I think if someone were to share all of that, like, first or second date, it would be a red flag for me.

[May Martin]

Right.

[Fortune Feimster]

If they went immediately into trauma, I.

[Tig Notaro]

Would be like, this is gonna be like a trauma bonding situation. Right? Where we're gonna be feeding off each other's, like, neuroses. And I see, you know, where we're not. Like, it's not the healthiest match.

[May Martin]

Well, the main thing I want to do is escape rooms and stuff. But, yeah, if. I guess if first date, if someone gets the drink and sits down at the table and is like, well, when I was five, I found this icicle. He'd be like, yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

But I will tell you, in my early 30s, that was way more appealing to me, those kind of things. You know what I mean?

[Fortune Feimster]

What? Trauma bonding.

[May Martin]

I just don't like small talk that much. I just want to get past, like.

[Tig Notaro]

You just want to get to the real stuff.

[May Martin]

Yeah, yeah, I get that.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah. I mean, it's really nice to, like, immediately be able to start connecting with somebody. And, yeah, it's funny. A comedian friend's wife, I would say maybe right off, would not be who somebody would pair me with in a friendship. And I was always so kind of fascinated by how drawn to her I was. Like, when I'd see her at parties and run into her and Stephanie was like, I know why. Because she doesn't do any small talk. Like, as soon as you see her, she dives right in.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

I like that she gets into conversation.

[May Martin]

Yeah. Love that.

[Fortune Feimster]

And I was like, oh, you're right. Because I was like, what is it about this woman that is like. Like, when I see her at a party, I'm like, oh, my God, I can't wait to talk to her. Yeah. And, yeah, small talk is really tough for me.

[May Martin]

Same, same.

[Tig Notaro]

Y'all wanna. Y'all wanna dig into it right away?

[May Martin]

Yeah, Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

I mean, do you enjoy small talk? Fortune.

[Tig Notaro]

I like digging in, too. I just like building up to it.

[May Martin]

Okay.

[Tig Notaro]

But I do like getting. I do like it when you get past the small talk and you've reached a point where you can be real with the person for sure. And maybe it depends on the person. There are some people, I guess, you could have, like, some kind of deep thing with right off the bat and be like, whoa, that was cool. But then there are other times where it's a red flag. You know what I mean?

[May Martin]

Yes.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah. I mean, if you don't know the person at all and it is, like, a first date with somebody that you really don't know, then it is nice to be like, okay, and, so how's the job going? And how's the family? And what did you do this weekend? Sure.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

But after you've. I don't know. Met somebody, hung out, gone out two or three times. I don't know, I feel like start digging in. I, I would want to.

[Tig Notaro]

I mean, I get that.

[May Martin]

Do you have other pet peeves on. On dates? Even on a friendship date, like people being rude to waiters is a big one.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, that would suck.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah. Just seeing it. If they're just like a mean spirited person, that would not be.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah, mean spirited isn't a turn on.

[May Martin]

No.

[Tig Notaro]

I had one thing happen I. Early on of the dating apps or whatever, I didn't do many of those, but I, I was having a hard time meeting people, so I, I joined one of those dating sites and I matched with somebody and we had like a couple exchanges back and forth. I was like, oh, they seem. She seems cool. I think, you know, but especially online, you kind of like want to let that unfold for a minute.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

And the day we chat like this, on the same day that we just started chatting, she invites me to come hang out with her and her family.

[May Martin]

No.

[Tig Notaro]

And sends me a picture of all of them in a hot tub.

[May Martin]

No.

[Tig Notaro]

And says, come. Do you want to come hang out with my family and I in a hot tub? And I was like, I think I deleted the apple up right away.

[May Martin]

Oh my God, that's insane.

[Fortune Feimster]

You didn't go over in your, that wig, the blonde wig you wear.

[Tig Notaro]

Brenda would have gone to God. Tm. But it just, it scared me so bad. I legit erased the app.

[May Martin]

Yeah. Red flag. Red flag.

[Tig Notaro]

It was, that was a lot for me. So things like that, I guess is what I'm saying is jarring.

[Fortune Feimster]

I went out for coffee with this girl before I had met Stephanie.

[Tig Notaro]

And.

[Fortune Feimster]

It was like an afternoon coffee. And afterwards she texted me immediately after. Basically loved having coffee with you. I'm like, okay, great. And then I had told her I had a show that night and she texted me, you know, no good. You hope you have a good show.

[May Martin]

Okay.

[Fortune Feimster]

And I was like, okay, thanks. This is somebody like I did not know just only had a coffee with.

[May Martin]

And had you responded to these takes the text.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah, I was just like, oh, thanks. Yeah. Yeah. And then that night at 11:00.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, no.

[Fortune Feimster]

I get a text saying sweet dreams.

[May Martin]

Oh.

[Tig Notaro]

And I was like, which.

[Fortune Feimster]

All of those, those three things are very nice to do, but to somebody, you know, not after a first coffee, I don't think. I mean, maybe people are listening going, you're a terrible person. But like, no. Even if it was, I feel like that's the second time you hang out with somebody because you've clearly decided, oh, I'm gonna go ahead and see them again, you know? But I was like, huh. And then that's what actually fed into what was funny. When Stephanie and I ran into each other and the movie we had done was going to Sundance and we exchanged numbers, and I wasn't thinking she was into me. I just said, just so you know, I'm not, like, great on text, you know. Yeah. And she said, oh, me neither. And then I told her that story. I said, oh, I think it was like yesterday or the day before I had gone out with that girl. And I said, and this. And that happened. So I'm like, you know, and again, I wasn't telling her because I thought she was into me. I was just like, just heads up. And then that night at 11 o'clock, I got a text from Stephanie that said, sweet dreams.

[May Martin]

That's so funny.

[Tig Notaro]

That is funny. Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

And so I was like, well, that is a home run.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah. It's so funny how that works with different people, you know?

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah, well, because there's a sense of humor there. This person was so earnestly, like, I loved having coffee, or that was nice. Or whatever she said. I was like, oh, you know. And at first I was like, oh, yeah, that was nice. Thanks. And then I'm about to go and say, have a. You know. But it sounds like I don't like to be told this.

[Tig Notaro]

No, no, I totally understand what you mean.

[May Martin]

The three texts combined from a stranger.

[Fortune Feimster]

That I never wanted to see again. That was the other thing I should add in. Like. Like Jen Aniston. She looked like Jen Aniston. Like, she was obviously a knockoff version of Jen. But I called this girl Textifer Aniston. Textifer Anistoniston. But, yeah, when it's the right person that you enjoy back and forth with.

[May Martin]

You need a sense of humor. I. I recently on a dating app, someone said, tell me about yourself. And so I was like, well, I'm a massive Trump supporter and I was obviously joking. Like, they. Yeah. And they were like, wow, I just need to check that you're joking about that. I don't know. They'd already said that they'd, like, watched my special and stuff. So I was like, oh, come on.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[May Martin]

Give a little. Give a little sass.

[Fortune Feimster]

You know, it's very awkward when the sense of humor is off.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

Like, were you interested in this girl? Like, were you thinking, oh, she's attractive?

[May Martin]

Yeah. Yeah. Well, I was. I was open to it. Yeah. But Then. But then I was like, nah, it's too. I don't know.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah, I don't know what my pet peeve is. Is that a pet peeve? Maybe what I said.

[May Martin]

Yeah, yeah. What you said counts.

[Tig Notaro]

Specific thing. Yeah, that happened. But, yeah, I mean, too much too soon. You know, when the vibe. When you don't really know the vibe yet is a turn off for sure.

[May Martin]

I'm still thinking about when Tig said that it's the aliens are. Because of the childhood trauma alien. Did you see that? My. Yeah, my facial reaction to that, it was like, I really like it. I'm gonna go think about it and journal about it. Yeah, I thought it was just quirky.

[Fortune Feimster]

No, no, no. You're not quirky at all, child.

[Tig Notaro]

At all. At all, child.

[Fortune Feimster]

We hear what.

[May Martin]

What Trace has to say. Yeah, let's do it.

[Trace Lysette]

I've got at least 10, but here's 2.

[May Martin]

1.

[Trace Lysette]

And this is for friends, too. I just don't like when people chew and try to talk. Chew their food and try to talk at the same time. I'm like, bobbing and weaving. Bobbing and weaving. Because I'm catching collateral damage. Specifically to a date, though. Well, maybe this is after the date. If you're watching a movie. Oh, I guess you could be in the movie theater. If you're watching a movie and there's a beautiful, hot actress on the screen, it's a given that she's hot. I don't really need you to articulate how hot she is to me, because that's a buzz kill. Like, if I'm curled up in your armpit. I don't need you to go on about how beautiful Anne Hathaway is or Sanaa Lazin. That happens with both of those, actually. I know they're hot. Of course they're fucking hot. I don't want to feel. I want to feel my fantasy. I'm feeling my zhuzh right now. I'm in your arms, feeling like the doll. Let me feel like the doll, please.

[May Martin]

I know they're not.

[Trace Lysette]

They're beautiful. Stunning, gorgeous.

[Tig Notaro]

See, Trace makes me laugh.

[Fortune Feimster]

And so is that a buzzkill for you if somebody says that they think somebody else is hot?

[Tig Notaro]

That kind of thing did happen to me back in the day a couple times.

[May Martin]

Really?

[Tig Notaro]

Where I thought I was asking someone on a date, and then they showed up with a date?

[May Martin]

That's another level of fortune.

[Tig Notaro]

I got this group together to go watch a outdoor movie in Pasadena. This is like way back in the day. And I thought this girl was kind of Cute. And we're just kind of starting to get to know each other through like some. I think it was like a. One of those sports leagues. I met her and classic. And I was like, oh, a group date would be easy, you know, because we don't really know each other. And I invited her thinking I was inviting her on a date. And I guess she decided that that did sound like a great date night. So she invited a date.

[May Martin]

Oh my God.

[Tig Notaro]

So I provided her with this amazing first date situation.

[May Martin]

Oh my God.

[Fortune Feimster]

And so do you think she didn't know?

[May Martin]

Clearly, she must have not known. She must have not known.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, clearly. I was like, well, are you guys having fun?

[Fortune Feimster]

And how well did you know her?

[Tig Notaro]

And how not super well.

[Fortune Feimster]

Uh huh. And did it totally ruin your whole night? Or were you like, this is hilarious.

[Tig Notaro]

I think I was like, this is hilarious because it was so absurd that, like, how, how can you just sit there and stew? Because I was like, of course, of course.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah. It's also interesting when somebody that you're into shares who they're into and then it's confusing.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, I've had that happen as well.

[May Martin]

Gender wise for me, like dating often straight women. And they're like, my type is kind of like Denzel Washington or like Gerard Butler. And I'm like, cool.

[Tig Notaro]

But on a date, like, you knew it was a date.

[May Martin]

Yeah, yeah. Or like, like Trace was saying, if you're like watching a movie with someone you're dating, you're like, yeah, but then, But I'm into it. I kind of, I see it as a fun challenge. I kind of. Yeah. What I don't like is feeling like I can't say I think someone else is hot. Like, I think you gotta let that pressure gas get out.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

Stephanie made a really interesting point where I was like, oh, yeah, that's. That's right. Because I was sitting around with a group of friends and everybody was talking about who their celebrity crush was. And then it was kind of a mixed room of, oh, we don't go into that in our relationship. Or other people are like, oh, yeah, we openly talk about that. And when I told Stephanie when I got home, she said, oh, well, you know, this was what mainly all women sitting around. She said, if there was a straight man in the group being like, I think Pamela Anderson's hot. Stephanie was like, it takes it to a serious, like, oh, really? That's what she said. And I thought, oh, I can see that. I don't know. For some reason she was like, if it's a bunch of lesbians sitting around going, sandy Bullock. And, you know, whoever.

[Tig Notaro]

It feels not as serious.

[May Martin]

It feels safer somehow.

[Fortune Feimster]

And then if, like, a guy was sitting there and he's like, yeah, I really like Pam Anderson, I'd be into it.

[May Martin]

But, yeah, I know what you mean. Like, it suddenly seems like it's not.

[Fortune Feimster]

Like a fun off in the distance thing. It's like, oh, that's who you're thinking about a lot in your downtime. Which I thought. I just thought it was really interesting.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

But I have had moments where when somebody tells me who they're into or who they're. Who they were just dating or who they just hooked up with or something where I'm like.

[May Martin]

You're like, really? What's the thread here? The common denominator?

[Fortune Feimster]

I'm confused. I'm confused.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

I'm gonna step back. I don't know where I fit into this equation.

[May Martin]

When someone's like, I have a crush on Robin Hood from the Disney movie the Fox. And you're like, okay, how do I live up to that?

[Tig Notaro]

I just appreciated when we both knew we were on a date together.

[Fortune Feimster]

That's all fortune's looking for.

[Tig Notaro]

That was on a date, right? Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

That's funny.

[May Martin]

Well, this has been an absolute treat.

[Fortune Feimster]

Absolutely.

[Tig Notaro]

I feel like I learned a lot of new things about you guys today.

[May Martin]

Ditto. Ditto.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yes.

[May Martin]

We're slowly unlocking the mysteries of each other's soul now.

[Tig Notaro]

We are. I can't wait for these stories that are gonna happen later on in the year when you drive to some orgy.

[May Martin]

Oh, right. Well, you'll be there. So you. I won't need to tell you.

[Fortune Feimster]

Do you think you maybe get a van or a station wagon and pick everyone up, up for the orgy?

[May Martin]

Sure. And you. You could do your horn sound effect as I pull up outside.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah, guys, also, that could be something where a lot of money could be made. Is like, uber orgy.

[May Martin]

Uber orgy. Or an orgy bus. The orgy bus.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

I love it.

[Fortune Feimster]

Anyway, well, that's our episode.

[May Martin]

It was a particularly sort of horny and emotional episode.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, it was. God, we really go deep.

[Fortune Feimster]

So emotional. It was such an emotional episode. Oh, my gosh. Listen, handsomes and pretty little ladies. And pretty little ladies and handsome ladies and anybody with ears that can hear us or even not Nashville and Austin, we are coming at you in April. Go to handsomepod.com for merch and tickets. Get your tickets. We will be having a grand old time. I know that for sure. The live shows are so, so fun and I can't wait. Yeah. Yeah, I really can't wait.

[Tig Notaro]

The freaking Ryman.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, man, the freaking Ryman and Bass Concert Hall.

[Tig Notaro]

I mean, amazing theaters.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah.

[May Martin]

I'm going to be at Largo January 13th. And other than that, keep streaming Crushing It Fortune special.

[Tig Notaro]

I would appreciate that. Thank you. For sure.

[Fortune Feimster]

Keep Crushing.

[Tig Notaro]

It's on Netflix. My latest stand up special. Check that out. I'm gonna be at the Ice house in Pasadena January 24th and 25th doing new material. The Ontario Improv in California February 7th and 8th and Oxnard, California. Just working out new stuff for my next tour, which starts in April. And all of that new tour is on sale at my website, fortunefeemster.com Oxnard.

[Fortune Feimster]

Is such a beautiful name.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

And I'm dipping in and out of shows in LA and Toronto working on new stuff. And every time I do a show, it doesn't mean I'm doing new stuff. Every new tie my mind.

[Tig Notaro]

That's difficult.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yes. I've had people tell me that they've come to see me in Toronto a handful of times and I'm like, please don't do that to yourselves. Because when a comedian's working on new material, it doesn't mean you get a whole new hour every night.

[May Martin]

No.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah, yeah. Just to clarify, but I do appreciate people coming out and repeating folk.

[May Martin]

Watch how it develops.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah. And watch how it doesn't develop.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Watch how it slowly unrolls.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yes. And make sure to subscribe and follow the podcast. Send your favorite episode to a friend, a family member, an enemy rate. Review us. And until next time, I mean.

[May Martin]

Handsome is hosted by Me, May Martin, Tig Notaro and Fortune Feimster. The show is produced, recorded and edited by Thomas Willette. Email [e-mail] and please follow us on social media at. Handsome Pod.

[Fortune Feimster]

What a podcast.

[May Martin]

That was a headgum podcast. Some people just know they could save hundreds on car insurance by checking Allstate first.

[Fortune Feimster]

Like you know how to check and make sure you take out the trash before heading out of town for a week. Nobody wants to come home to that smell.

[May Martin]

Yeah, checking first is smart. So check Allstate first for a quote that could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. This content is intended for audiences in the US Only. Savings vary terms apply. Allstate Fire and Casualty Insurance Company and Affiliates Northbrook, Illinois.

[Caleb Herron]

Hi, I'm Caleb Herron, host of the so True podcast, now on Head Gum. Every week, me and my guests get into it and we get down to what's really going on. I asked them what's so true to them, how they got to where they are in life. A bunch of other questions, and we also may or may not test their general trivia knowledge. Whether it's one of my sworn enemies like Brittany Broski or Drew A F Wallow or my actual biological mother, Kelly, my guests and I are just after the truth, and if we find it, great. And if not, no worries. So subscribe to so True on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, Pocket Casts, or wherever you get your podcasts, and watch video episodes on the so True with Caleb Herron YouTube channel. New episodes drop every Thursday. Love ya.