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May Martin
This is a Headgun podcast. Checking Allstate first could save you hundreds on car insurance. Not checking that I properly maintain my foosball table. That's a red card for the little guys. I didn't realize it, but I need to properly oil my tiny soccer players and now I can't get any power on my shots.
Tig Notaro
Yeah, checking first is handsome. So check Allstate first for an auto quote. It could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Potential savings vary subject to terms, conditions and availability. Allstate North American insurance company and affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois.
May Martin
Comedy royalty Kate McKinnon returns as Queen Mortuana in Heads Will Roll Heir Apparent, the highly anticipated sequel to Audible's fan favorite original comedy series. She's flanked once more by co star Emily Lynn and a new star studded ensemble including Richard Kind, Laurie Metcalfe, Jimmy Fallon, Megan Mullally, Sam Richardson and Carrie. Plus an extensive cast of comedy greats. Seriously extensive. This is wall to wall comedy at its highest level.
Tig Notaro
When we last left our glorious unhinged queen and her Raven sidekick JoJo, the unlikely besties had fled to the woods for a simpler life. Well, it didn't last. Queen Mo is back on the throne in heir apparent and facing her greatest challenge yet. Produce an heir before her 40th birthday or lose everything and spend etern keeper of the menstruary. It's a very sticky sitch. Don't miss a moment of Kate McKinnon and a killer cast in Heads Will Roll. Seed a child or seed the throne. Listen to Heads Will Roll Heir apparent. Available now on audible. Go to audible.com headswellrollseries to start listening today.
May Martin
Chatting with friends on the Handsome pod. Chatting with friends on the handsome
Fortune Feimster
Cheers. Welcome to the handsome Pod. It's Fortune Feenster.
Tig Notaro
It's Tig Notaro.
May Martin
It's May Martin as well.
Fortune Feimster
Yo, you guys, I've missed you so much.
Tig Notaro
I bet you've been fine.
Fortune Feimster
I've been all right.
Tig Notaro
What's been going on? I'm in Aspen, if anybody cares.
Fortune Feimster
Oh, I care where the booth was from.
Tig Notaro
Yeah, I'm not just sitting in a diner.
Fortune Feimster
What's in Aspen? What's happening?
May Martin
Look at that beautiful mountainous view.
Tig Notaro
I'm here for Aspen Ideas Festival. It's like speakers panels. It's a health week of, you know, a week of health information.
Fortune Feimster
Oh, you love health information.
Tig Notaro
I love getting it and I love giving it. If anybody wants to hear.
May Martin
Are you speaking at the.
Tig Notaro
Yeah, I'm part of a panel. It's Me, the host of Science Friday. Have you listened to that on npr? And there's a death doula on the panel, so it's going to be interested in death doulas. Yeah, me too. I mean, holy cow. But I'm like. I just love being in the mountains. I can't pretend like I don't. My heart and soul just expand and take everything in.
Fortune Feimster
And I don't even pretend like that's not.
May Martin
Stop pretending that your heart's expanding. I'm gonna stop.
Tig Notaro
From here on out.
Fortune Feimster
Let it go.
Will Ferrell
Yes.
Fortune Feimster
Let it go.
Tig Notaro
And then my old friend Tony from Denver is headed up. Yeah, Tony's on his way up here.
Fortune Feimster
Tony.
Tig Notaro
Yeah. Tony is the one and only man that confused me. Really? Yeah, he was. I thought I told you about him. Maybe.
Fortune Feimster
I think you touched on it.
May Martin
Does he look like Pitbull? I Your.
Tig Notaro
Does he. No, he doesn't. Did you touch on it? He does not look like Pitbull, but he's just a really interesting, smart. He's a painter. He's a. He cooks, he uses. He's a gardener. He uses his garden in his kitchen. He can fix cars.
Fortune Feimster
He builds bicycles. This is turning me straight. What are you doing, T?
May Martin
I'm picking really good coffee. He makes really good coffee. Thomas.
Tig Notaro
No, Thomas knows Tony turns straight. Yes.
May Martin
Seriously, he's the best. I'm picturing Mark Ruffalo, by the way. That's my.
Tig Notaro
No, no, no.
Fortune Feimster
Picture him more rugged.
Tig Notaro
No, he's not rugged.
Fortune Feimster
He's not rugged.
Tig Notaro
He kind of dresses like. Like he's. I don't know.
May Martin
Yeah, you mimed almost a fedora there is.
Tig Notaro
Yeah. Like he'll wear a fedora or like delivering pa, you know, I wouldn't. You wouldn't be surprised to catch him in some suspenders, shirtless.
May Martin
He's.
Tig Notaro
He's into fashion, you know.
Fortune Feimster
Is he shirtless under the suspenders? Well, a little alternative.
Tig Notaro
No, no, no. He's in a band. He's a singer and songwriter.
May Martin
Of course.
Tig Notaro
He does it all. He does it all.
Fortune Feimster
Is he taken or single?
Tig Notaro
He's single. Unless there's like a new situation. But we have a glorious two bedroom apartment and we're going to go on the river tomorrow. He's going to go to the recept with me tonight. He's going to my panel. You know, we just have a packed week in Aspen. Yeah.
May Martin
What are you gonna do on the river? Like kayak or.
Tig Notaro
No, we're gonna. I believe we're gonna be in a raft, my friend. Wait, we've talked about Fun Home, right? The musical. Fun home. Do you know Beth Malone, who is a star?
May Martin
Yeah.
Tig Notaro
Phenomenal actor, singer. She lives out here in Colorado, and so she and her wife are taking us on the river and I gotta get to Colorado.
May Martin
I'm a mountain person.
Tig Notaro
You're a mountain man.
Fortune Feimster
Yeah.
Tig Notaro
Yeah. We gotta get in there.
May Martin
Blew my mind. And. Yeah. Colorado.
Tig Notaro
Had you been to Banff?
May Martin
Never. And it was like the. The power and peacefulness of those giant mountains that.
Tig Notaro
Yes, sir.
May Martin
Like, oh, God, you soak it up.
Tig Notaro
Yes, sir.
May Martin
They've been there since so long before we were around, and they'll be there long after we're gone. They've been there since at least 60s, mid-60. Yeah.
Fortune Feimster
Yeah.
Tig Notaro
Anyway, I'm just like. I'm in my. I'm in my element here. Health and mountains and Tony Huckleberry Tig.
May Martin
Yeah.
Tig Notaro
Huckleberry Tig has been let loose.
May Martin
If you see a little river pebble or something that calls to you, pick it up for me because you'll do
Fortune Feimster
a spell with it.
May Martin
Yeah. Yeah. Well, I'll honor it. I'll honor it. You know what?
Tig Notaro
Will you. How do you honor a river pebble?
May Martin
Sort of keep it by my bed.
Tig Notaro
By the way, it reminds me of Julian Lennon's song.
May Martin
Which one?
Tig Notaro
Do you know that line?
Fortune Feimster
Oh, that one.
Tig Notaro
River pebble. How stinking dare you? When I told you I'm in my element.
May Martin
Julian.
Fortune Feimster
River pebble.
Tig Notaro
It's close. There's a line in his song that says, sitting on a pebble by the river, playing guitar.
Fortune Feimster
Sounds like river pebble to me.
Tig Notaro
Well, I led you into that when I said, that reminds me.
May Martin
Sitting on a river pebble.
Tig Notaro
No, sitting on a pebble by the river playing guitar.
May Martin
Yeah, I like that.
Tig Notaro
And it's smoother than saying, sitting on a rock.
Fortune Feimster
Yeah, pebble's better.
Tig Notaro
Yeah, but it's also. If you're sitting on a pebble, why are you even mentioning it in the song?
May Martin
Yeah. What are you, the Princess and the pea? You know what I mean?
Tig Notaro
Oh, my gosh. Absolutely. Me.
May Martin
You know what I mean?
Fortune Feimster
You two are on the same wavelength today. I love it.
Tig Notaro
Yeah, I love you, too. What's going on? What's wrong with you?
Fortune Feimster
Oh, nothing's wrong with me.
Tig Notaro
Why are you so miserable? We've had.
Fortune Feimster
Well, I did just get my butthole checked.
May Martin
Wait, I'm sorry. For real?
Fortune Feimster
Yeah. Colonoscopy.
Tig Notaro
You got that today?
Fortune Feimster
Yesterday.
Tig Notaro
I was gonna say, there's no world. You've already woken up from a colonoscopy.
Fortune Feimster
And honestly, I could have done the podcast yesterday. It didn't make loopy. Like, I heard people around me waking up from their anesthesia, and they were loopy. And I was just like, hey, what's up?
May Martin
And people were waking up being like, where am I? Who was.
Fortune Feimster
They're like, where's my butthole? One guy was. One guy was like, where did time go? Yeah. And I was like, who is this? What is it? Where do you think I went during this time?
Tig Notaro
Nuh.
Fortune Feimster
Yeah. I was like, what is happening over there? I just woke up like, ow my. I just woke up going, owie, my butthole.
May Martin
I wish we had a video of you waking up.
Fortune Feimster
They definitely heard that. I had an end to. Not endoscopy. That is it. Oh, yeah. Thing down the throat and then up the butt. Same tube.
Tig Notaro
Oh, my dirty tooth.
May Martin
Oh, God.
Fortune Feimster
I'm kidding. But.
Tig Notaro
But yeah, that's right.
Fortune Feimster
Listen, I didn't get to eat solid foods for 24 hours. It was a nightmare. I don't know how people intermittent. Do intermittent fasting. I don't know how skinny people just skip all these meals.
Tig Notaro
Wait, wait, what do you mean skip all these meals?
Fortune Feimster
I mean, there's certain people that just don't eat because.
Tig Notaro
Oh. Oh, yeah.
Fortune Feimster
You know, they're trying to get ready for a swimsuit calendar or something.
Tig Notaro
What kind of swimsuit?
Fortune Feimster
I don't know.
Tig Notaro
I'm wearing one tomorrow.
Fortune Feimster
But I don't live my life like that. I look forward to every meal, and I had nothing to look forward to.
May Martin
I didn't know that you have to be out for those because it wouldn't be kind of fun to see what's inside.
Tig Notaro
Oh, they can show you a scan.
Fortune Feimster
I was glad to be out. Yeah, they do have pictures of my B hole in that folder in there.
Tig Notaro
But did you sign them?
Fortune Feimster
No, not yet. But he said my colonoscopy was great. It had no polyps, nothing. He said, clean as a whistle.
May Martin
Oh, and did he make that noise?
Fortune Feimster
And he did. And he did this.
Tig Notaro
That is not the kind of whistle I would want to be putting to my mouth.
Fortune Feimster
There was a polyp in my stomach. They removed.
Tig Notaro
Okay.
Fortune Feimster
Since it's benign tbd, the pigment is
May Martin
like a little growth.
Fortune Feimster
Like a. Yeah, like tissues have gathered.
Tig Notaro
Could be just a meeting.
Fortune Feimster
Could just be a meeting. I do have acid reflux, in case anyone was worried about me. I'll take care of that. Don't worry.
Tig Notaro
How do you take care of it?
May Martin
Yeah, I think a pill alkaline.
Fortune Feimster
My. The biggest discovery is that I have a very hazardous his words, pathway in my throat.
May Martin
What?
Fortune Feimster
It's very, very narrow. And I have a lot of tissue in my neck, apparently, and my tonsils go up against my throat. So. He said I should never have any kind of surgery when I have a cold. It could be very dangerous for me.
May Martin
So you're regular.
Fortune Feimster
You're regular. Anything I can do about it? He said no.
May Martin
He just said it's narrow.
Fortune Feimster
It's just super narrow.
Tig Notaro
And he's like, just take that information and enjoy your life. Yeah.
Fortune Feimster
I just have to know when I have any sort of elective. Anything, like a colonos, anything that involves anesthesia to not. He said, you can't have a runny nose.
Tig Notaro
No cold.
Fortune Feimster
What do you mean?
Tig Notaro
Only if it's elective. It should be anything.
Fortune Feimster
I mean, if my life were in danger, I don't think we can be like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, oh, oh, I see. You know me, right?
Tig Notaro
I think I should still tell people, hey, I got tiny throat.
May Martin
I got a case of the tiny throat guys.
Fortune Feimster
It did work out that I'm not over here, you know, brushing your teeth.
Tig Notaro
Yeah. So you were diagnosed. You were diagnosed with tiny throat.
Fortune Feimster
Whoa.
May Martin
But good for you for being on top of it all. Going to get all those things. I would put that off.
Fortune Feimster
I have a new doctor who is relentless, and it's a concierge type doctor. I. I'm splurging because I don't have children and I don't have to send anyone to college.
May Martin
Yeah.
Fortune Feimster
I was like, what am I doing? I need to make my health a priority.
May Martin
Right.
Fortune Feimster
So I'm gonna spend a little bit.
Will Ferrell
You should be.
Tig Notaro
Aspen Health Fest.
Fortune Feimster
I should be Tig. I should be right there in your two bedroom apartment sleeping with Tony.
May Martin
Yeah. Fortune can bunk with Tony.
Fortune Feimster
You should know I have a tiny neck, though.
Tig Notaro
Tiny throat.
Fortune Feimster
Tiny throat that.
Tig Notaro
You were diagnosed a tiny throat.
Fortune Feimster
So. Ton.
Will Ferrell
Only.
Fortune Feimster
There's only. We're only gonna cuddle, bud. But yeah, so I. I'm trying. I've got a bazillion appointments because I've not done a bunch of health things in a very long time.
May Martin
Same.
Fortune Feimster
And she has just been like, you need this and this and this and this and this and this.
May Martin
That's pretty satisfying to get it all done. Does your butthole hurt today?
Fortune Feimster
Good question. Thank you for asking.
Tig Notaro
Yeah, it's.
Fortune Feimster
It's actually good. It's fine. I don't have a tiny butthole, so.
May Martin
You got a tiny throat and a loose butthole.
Fortune Feimster
So. My neck was sore from the. From the thing in my Throat.
Tig Notaro
But of course you got tiny throat.
Fortune Feimster
Yeah, but other than that, we're a okay over here, pal. So that. So. Yeah, sorry, sorry. It was a little cranky. I'm just now coming out.
May Martin
Now we know where trauma from.
Tig Notaro
I'm in love with the mountains and Tony and you're like, boring.
Fortune Feimster
No, I love it. No, I'm actually very happy that you're there. And I think you and Tony are gonna have a great week. Yeah, Aspen's beautiful.
Tig Notaro
Duh.
Fortune Feimster
Duh. I've never been in the non. Winter time, though.
Tig Notaro
That's what's happening right now.
May Martin
I wouldn't want to go in the wintertime. That seems like a different crowd.
Fortune Feimster
That's like a. Oh, the winter time's so great there, though.
May Martin
Oh, really?
Fortune Feimster
But I've heard both seasons are amazing.
Tig Notaro
Oh, my God. Colorado in the summer, anytime. I mean, it's just. It's so exquisite.
May Martin
I want to go. I'm going to Idle Wild later this week. Never been.
Fortune Feimster
It'll be nice. It'll be hot.
May Martin
Really?
Fortune Feimster
Oh, because it's down there near Palm Springs, right?
May Martin
No. No idea. Did not know that.
Fortune Feimster
Just so you know, in the summer, Palm springs is like 110 degrees.
Tig Notaro
What are you, a detective?
Fortune Feimster
An idle wall is not. I think Idle wall is better because there's more shade. There's trees and stuff. It's more foresty.
May Martin
Okay.
Fortune Feimster
But it will be hot.
May Martin
Okay. I'm into that.
Fortune Feimster
Is that the weather for you?
May Martin
Yeah.
Tig Notaro
My makeup artist lives in Idlewild. Oh, Thomas also knows you're a makeup artist? Yes.
May Martin
Well, she's got a lot of time.
Tig Notaro
15 years.
May Martin
She's got a lot of time to chill in Idlewild. You only need her once a year for five minutes.
Tig Notaro
Well, you know, she has other clients, but I've worked with her for 15 years, and she is a delight, and she's a real talent.
Fortune Feimster
Oh, maybe I just spell this.
May Martin
Meet up with her and she could talk to me about lip taint and, like, what I'm doing.
Tig Notaro
I'm sure she'd love to. She listens to the podcast.
May Martin
Rules.
Fortune Feimster
What up, girl?
Tig Notaro
She's real cool. Her name's Stephanie. Oh, I surround myself with those.
Fortune Feimster
Yeah, you do. Oh, here's how you spell it. I'm looking it up. Talk amongst yourselves.
May Martin
Well, so I have this tree in the back. It's a palm tree. I was so excited to have a tree on my property. Like, what? Again? What an honor to have, you know, a big, bendy palm tree. But then a couple of the people in the Gardeners were like, this is dangerous. It's. It's dying. It's about, it's about to fall onto Sunset or onto the little house where Matt lives with his wife. And so I said, okay, I guess I have to cut it down. And then I was reading all these articles about and this is going to sound. I can just hear the comments on online, not that I read them saying that, you know, like you might gullible or I'm. I'm a conspiracy theorist or I'm immature. But basically, what if trees are sentient beings? And there is. This article came out like we don't know science might in 100 years be like, can you fucking believe they were cutting down trees? Like they have networks of roots. They talk to each other. You, we. We don't know. And so suddenly I'm worried about, with all these fires, I'm like, do I want to anger the tree gods and the tree network.
Fortune Feimster
Wait, why are they telling you to cut it down?
May Martin
Because it might kill Matt. So I'm weighing up.
Tig Notaro
Checking Allstate first could save you hundreds on car insurance. Not checking where my hotel room is situated before I settle in. Rookie mistake. Turns out this room is right above the hotel bar. And while it's happy hour down there, it's unhappy hour while I try to take a nap.
May Martin
Yeah, check in first is handsome. So check Allstate first for an auto quote. It could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Potential savings vary subject to terms, conditions and availability. Allstate North American Insurance Company and Affiliates Northbrook, Illinois Sleep sets the stage for
Tig Notaro
the rest of your day. It's the time when your body quietly goes to work to heal your mind and body, steady your mood, and generally restore your energy so you can show up at work, home, and throughout life rested and ready. If you've noticed changes in your sleep patterns or experience symptoms like snoring or excessive daytime tiredness, Sleep Doctor can help you find your way back to great sleep.
May Martin
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Tig Notaro
No more guessing, just clear answers and a path back to the rest you deserve. If you've been overlooking your sleep while optimizing everything else, this may be the missing piece. Visit sleepdoctor.com to stop guessing about your sleep and take the first step to waking up rested and ready.
May Martin
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Tig Notaro
I've been wildly enjoying receiving Wild Grains vegan box every month. This time I got the slow fermented sandwich bread, the vegan maple Belgian waffle and my favorite Wild grains coconut granola. A delicious option for breakfast or a midday snack.
May Martin
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Fortune Feimster
If his roots aren't. If its roots aren't rooted enough, then you don't really have a choice.
May Martin
I don't know about the roots. I should check on that.
Tig Notaro
Dead?
Fortune Feimster
Is that. Is it dead? Is that why?
May Martin
Well, no, it's still living, but I can see that it's dying, but it's still alive. And it's so beautiful and it's worked so hard to live there.
Fortune Feimster
And it hangs right over the guest house.
May Martin
Pretty much. It's right.
Tig Notaro
Does it say I'm gonna kill you?
May Martin
Yeah.
Fortune Feimster
There's no way to trim it. Trim it?
May Martin
No, it's just a tall palm, you know. And Tig, you had a tree fall, right?
Tig Notaro
Yes, I did. During El Nino. And we're doing.
May Martin
I'll never forget that.
Tig Notaro
Yeah, it destroyed the garage and the swimming pool.
May Martin
That was just to quickly. I was thinking the other day I was just gonna text Stephanie and be like, remember that night that was the most surreal that I was with Stephanie in a restaurant. All the lights go out. Then we noticed that a giant electrical pole is just swaying in the wind. It was like the apocalypse slowly.
Will Ferrell
Sorry.
Tig Notaro
You were on a date with my wife.
May Martin
We were about to do a show and yeah, we were on a romantic
Fortune Feimster
d. It was by candlelight.
May Martin
Remember?
Fortune Feimster
We looked over the candlelight and saw
May Martin
but it was like us being like, should we panic? Like the slow sort of. And then I think you called and we're like, well, a tree fell on the guest house and it was like this slow. Like, I think we gotta get out here and get to our families.
Tig Notaro
Like, yeah, yeah, you gotta leave this
Fortune Feimster
date and get out of here.
Tig Notaro
You gotta get back to your wife.
May Martin
Yeah. But yeah. So you guys think I should cut it?
Tig Notaro
I mean, it depends on how you feel about it.
Fortune Feimster
Might not be right now, but if it's continuing to get worse, it's in time. You will have to.
Tig Notaro
Yeah, I mean, I think the fall, I mean, funny it's called that is when El Nino is supposed to really.
Fortune Feimster
Oh yeah, it is pretty bad this year.
May Martin
Oh, really?
Tig Notaro
Supposed to be a really, really bad El Nino this year.
May Martin
Okay. It's not worth it.
Tig Notaro
And that's why I'm doing house prep for any potential. I'm not, I'm not. You know, I mean, we didn't have control over what happened because it was our neighbor's tree and we asked him to trim it or remove it and he said no. And. And we were like, well, we have concerns because it's a eucalyptus tree and those fall very easily. And. And he said, well, it would be part of the reason he bought the house was because of that tree. And then weeks later, oh my God, the tree falls and destroys everything. And he scrambled away and really, really blew us off. It was wild.
Fortune Feimster
His insurance didn't cover it.
Tig Notaro
Ours had to, because. Yeah, that was a real rough lesson to learn. That's why we're like really getting on any sort of preparation.
May Martin
I needed to hear this, but this is embarrassing because I. I had asked already and got a quote from the gardener about removing it and it was all booked and ready to go. And I then basically had this conversation with this poor guy where I was like, I don't want to anger the tree gods. I gotta call this off. And what if it's a sentient being? So now I gotta go back and say, sorry about that. I was being crazy.
Tig Notaro
And to go back to you being
Fortune Feimster
crazy, your gardeners is like, yeah, I don't know.
Tig Notaro
You're saying that people online say that you're a conspiracy theorist and stuff.
May Martin
Well, I think I'm a curious minded person.
Tig Notaro
I know you are.
Fortune Feimster
I think I open to suggestions for sure.
May Martin
And I sometimes for comedic effect as well. But also I don't do a lot of supplemental research before I get pretty amped up about an idea that kind of time. Exactly.
Fortune Feimster
And we didn't say Mayfax were hard.
Tig Notaro
Factual.
Fortune Feimster
No.
May Martin
I also do think, like, it's. I think a lot of the things that are considered woo woo are going to be backed up by science in time. And we just. I think we're just in our infancy as a species. We don't understand anything. We don't know anything.
Tig Notaro
Also, I don't think you or our podcast can be called any sort of conspiracy theorists.
May Martin
I know.
Fortune Feimster
I know.
May Martin
Also, like, I'm really. It is a. After the Epstein files, I'm like, how do we believe anything you know? Or how nothing is too outlandish? So it is a weird time. If you're someone like me, I should. This is the time where I should be actually making sure my sources are good, because I. I'm like, what the hell is going on?
Fortune Feimster
Your source is bad.
May Martin
You check my sources.
Fortune Feimster
I think people are on pins and needles to find out what the temperature in Idlewild is going to be. What do you mean?
Tig Notaro
Oh, let's go to the weather now.
May Martin
Thursday. Thanks. Yeah.
Fortune Feimster
This Thursday?
May Martin
Yeah.
Fortune Feimster
Oh, you're actually going at the perfect time, my friend.
May Martin
Oh, great.
Fortune Feimster
It's only going to be around 79.78 max, which, for down there, is a dream.
May Martin
Oh, amazing. Yeah.
Fortune Feimster
Maybe it doesn't get as hot down there.
Tig Notaro
Well, wait, did you not have your facts straight? I.
Fortune Feimster
No, I. I didn't. And then I backed it up with research.
Tig Notaro
Yeah.
May Martin
I'm going for a few days with Parv, and she. She does tend to throw a surprise in the. Like, we're. I know where we're going for two of the days, and then one of them is a surprise.
Fortune Feimster
Oh, y' all are definitely going to some sort of, like, naked sex let me out. Orgy club.
May Martin
I don't think so.
Fortune Feimster
Like, in the woods, though. Like a woods version of it.
Tig Notaro
It's not called Let me out. What are those things?
Fortune Feimster
Oh, let's get out.
Tig Notaro
Room.
May Martin
I thought you were just saying that.
Fortune Feimster
Rooms.
May Martin
Let me out. That's.
Fortune Feimster
Dig. As soon as you walk into an escape room. Let me out.
May Martin
I like the idea of an escape room in a forest, though, because they're all in. You know, in big cities. But what if you actually had to drive to a cabin in the woods?
Fortune Feimster
And what, like a Hunger Games?
Tig Notaro
Yeah. And all those sentient trees.
May Martin
Yeah.
Fortune Feimster
Well, you're gonna have to keep, like, allies. You're gonna have to keep this posted, because I feel like somehow this is gonna involve y' all in a nudist colony.
May Martin
I don't know.
Fortune Feimster
I think so.
Tig Notaro
How would it not?
Fortune Feimster
I know, right? Tig, I don't know what made us. I think this is even a possibility.
Tig Notaro
It's like May doesn't know themselves, huh?
May Martin
These days were. Well, we did a fun role play the other night that was totally non sexual. It was just two. It was just two characters called Glambular and Flagellin. And they were just sort of two nerds. And I was in heaven. We did it for like an hour.
Fortune Feimster
Glamor give us a little sound just talking to each other as these people.
May Martin
Yeah, they worked in a. They worked in some kind of factory. And then they decided.
Fortune Feimster
Factory. Hi, my name is Joe.
Tig Notaro
Oh, no.
Fortune Feimster
I got a wife and three kids and I work in a butt factory. One day my boss came in. He said, joe, are you busy? I said, no, to turn the button with your right hand. Go on.
May Martin
When this. I. I just had such a flashback to when you first did that. And the total confusion. Tig and I. Yeah.
Tig Notaro
Oh, you didn't know about it either, May.
May Martin
No.
Fortune Feimster
I both had never heard it. And guess what? It then went viral.
Tig Notaro
Yeah. Yeah. Well, so did my cancer diagnosis.
Fortune Feimster
That went more viral. Wow.
Tig Notaro
I, for some reason imagined you both knew because I think that the singers, they are Canadian, right?
May Martin
Oh, it's Sharon, Lois and Bram. Yeah. I didn't know it. I only know, oh, who's in your backyard? I don't know.
Fortune Feimster
Wait, who was that?
May Martin
Someone just went by again.
Tig Notaro
Go to Hulu.
Fortune Feimster
Go to.
Tig Notaro
Wait, wait, you don't know that person?
Fortune Feimster
No, I do know that they're chopping down your tree.
May Martin
I don't know him, but he's fixing the sprinklers in the front. After these fires, I've got now, like a really intense sprinkler system.
Fortune Feimster
Oh, good.
May Martin
My mom. I told my parents about these fires right by my property and that it's an arsonist.
Fortune Feimster
She.
May Martin
I don't know if part of me sort of. It's nice when someone is freaking out on your behalf because you feel cared for. Like, I knew she'd freak out. And then she. Yeah, her suggestion was. She was like, oh, my God. She was like, you need to hire a 24 hours a day security guard at the 20. I was like, I'm not gonna do that.
Tig Notaro
She was like, how exhausting those hours are.
May Martin
I know. And she was like, you need to have sprinklers that are just trained on the street. They're just spraying, like, the street and put up cameras.
Fortune Feimster
Yeah.
May Martin
You know, call the government.
Fortune Feimster
You have insurance, right? Fire insurance.
May Martin
Yeah. Yeah. And I. Okay, I have put another camera up, and I'm just. I got fire blankets, fire extinguishers, and a big old hose. But so far.
Tig Notaro
Now, is it also just nice, too, even as an adult, to know that your mother not just freaks out, but is trying to come up with a plan to save her child?
May Martin
Yeah, it was nice. It was nice, actually. Yeah. Yeah. Because I could have just not mentioned it, because what parent wants to hear there's an arsonist around? But I think part of me wanted to. To have them be like, okay, let's figure this out. You know what I mean? Yeah.
Tig Notaro
Yeah. That's not. It makes me think about, like, man, if Max or Finn called me with that, it'd be tough to not just
May Martin
spring into actual mode. Yeah.
Tig Notaro
We're already working nearby and just.
Fortune Feimster
We're already worried about May falling off a cliff.
May Martin
Yeah.
Tig Notaro
We're not even your parents.
Fortune Feimster
Then you add the fire to it. I know.
May Martin
Palm tree fire and a cliff and the tree now. Yeah, no, I think the fires are gonna be fine. Although I. I. Like. Two blocks away yesterday, there was another small fire started by an arsonist, so. I don't know.
Tig Notaro
At least it's a fire extinguisher.
May Martin
Yeah, two. I bought two. And big fire extinguishers. No idea what. Just pull the trigger.
Tig Notaro
Because that's. That's a problem as a lot of people have fire extinguishers and they either go sour, they're expired, or they don't know how to use them.
May Martin
Oh, I didn't know they could expire.
Fortune Feimster
You know how to use them, Fire Marshall Tig.
Tig Notaro
I don't. But I dated a woman years ago who worked for, like a fire supplies, like, company and. Oh, and yeah, I could have the information. Wrong. I don't have my facts straight ever either. But I do think it's probably good to know how to use it and make sure. I. I think it's also that you need to check and make sure that it's. It's not ex. I think.
Fortune Feimster
I think I'm right.
Tig Notaro
I think.
May Martin
I think there's like a pin that you have to pull out, probably. Or I'll read the brochure.
Fortune Feimster
Yeah, I believe you're right. Like a grenade.
Tig Notaro
Yeah.
May Martin
Isn't it weird grenade for you? I've never done that on this part.
Fortune Feimster
I love it.
May Martin
I love such a fortune.
Fortune Feimster
I want anyone and everyone to bust out a song at any time that it moves them.
Tig Notaro
When I was at the grocery store once, there was a ham that was tiny and Looked like a ham grenade.
May Martin
Great stuff. Great.
Tig Notaro
It's even better if you saw this thing, it was truly that big, and it had all of the same markings on it.
May Martin
Oh, yeah.
Tig Notaro
And I was like, oh, my God, this is a ham grenade.
May Martin
Were you alone just saying that to the.
Tig Notaro
No, I was with this other woman I dated years ago.
Fortune Feimster
Someone got around. Jesus.
May Martin
Can you imagine if this podcast.
Fortune Feimster
How many girlfriends have you had?
May Martin
If this had been made during Tig's wild era, then you would be the one. We'd be like, I don't know that
Tig Notaro
my era was too wild.
Fortune Feimster
But you. You did have a lot of girlfriends, right? How many?
Tig Notaro
Get off my ass.
Fortune Feimster
I tell us a rough estimate.
Tig Notaro
I have never gone through and counted.
Fortune Feimster
You need to count. And on their next pop pod, let us know.
Tig Notaro
Well, the ham grenade girl is the one, you know, Fortune, where you're like, I remember you're dating her.
May Martin
Remember? Says it all.
Fortune Feimster
I do remember that.
Tig Notaro
Yeah. She's who I was at the grocery store with. She's that mysterious actress I think we talked about the other day.
Fortune Feimster
Yeah.
Tig Notaro
And then the other one's back in Austin.
Fortune Feimster
Okay. We just left a trail all over the United States.
Tig Notaro
There's.
Fortune Feimster
Yeah.
Tig Notaro
And the ham grenade girl wasn't even my girlfriend. I think we were just involved for, like. Like, months and months on end.
May Martin
Yeah. Yeah.
Fortune Feimster
Anyway, were you one of those people
May Martin
who sort of almost gave the boyfriend experience but wouldn't label it? So you'd be like. It would go on for months, undefined, and they'd be like, I think we're together. And you'd be like, oh, no, no.
Tig Notaro
I think it all kind of naturally. I think the ham grenade actress, I
May Martin
think, please make a movie called Ham Grenade.
Tig Notaro
I can't wait to tell her. I refer to her as the hand grenade actress. But I think we knew we were on the same page. I think I was a little more into her than she was into me, but that's fine.
Fortune Feimster
Well, because she's more, like, straight than.
Tig Notaro
She's not terribly straight. Yeah. I mean, definitely men, boyfriends, and ex husband. And if you catch.
Fortune Feimster
If you catch somebody in the right mood, they're like, ugh, men.
Tig Notaro
But no, she's. She has. She's had her share of. Of women situations.
Fortune Feimster
Okay.
Tig Notaro
But. But anyway, no, I think. I think it was always kind of, you know, maybe somebody liked the other one a little more. And so I didn't go into girlfriend mode.
Fortune Feimster
Yeah. You just had your fun. Yeah.
Tig Notaro
But I also committed, and I wasn't, like, cheating on people or you know, doing anything. Yeah, but I just mean like I was, I dated and. Yeah. I'm not interested in dating anymore. Sorry.
Fortune Feimster
Well, now you're married, so that's good.
Tig Notaro
Yeah, but those were my wild days. My wild days were like I would be with somebody for a chunk of time and then I'd be with somebody else for a chunk of time.
Fortune Feimster
Right. Serial monogamous, not terribly wild. Yeah, I'm more of a. I like being in a relationship.
Tig Notaro
Yeah.
Fortune Feimster
I'm more of a monogamy gal myself.
Tig Notaro
Yeah, I didn't, I didn't think I was until now.
Fortune Feimster
I didn't enjoy like the days of like just dating and it not meaning anything. I like to dig deeper than that.
Tig Notaro
Actually. I just said I wasn't into monogamy until now. I meant more like long term relationship. I just didn't really think in those terms.
Fortune Feimster
Yeah.
Tig Notaro
But now that those are the terms of the agreement. We signed an agreement. We have a legal document. We always.
May Martin
Binding judgment.
Tig Notaro
Yeah. If we have an argument. Well, we are legally bound.
Fortune Feimster
Wow.
Tig Notaro
To one another.
Fortune Feimster
I can attest that that doesn't always.
Tig Notaro
The contract doesn't always hold up.
Fortune Feimster
Sometimes the contract expires.
May Martin
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Tig Notaro
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May Martin
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Tig Notaro
Your space should feel like you, you know, handsome. And if it doesn't feel handsome yet, it's probably not a taste problem, it's a budget problem. Wayfair is here to save you and your space. I just bought a new accent chair on Wayfair and I couldn't believe the price. The look and feel of the piece was exactly the same as the designer version I had my eye on. But Wayfair delivered with amazing savings and a high quality product. Now the empty corner in my living room has an eye catching chair that just happens to be one of the comfiest, coziest spots in my home. If you're putting off your dream decor because of price, try Wayfair and make it happen. Ready to upgrade your home for way less? Head to Wayfair.com right now to shop all things home and get your space ready for less. That's W-A-Y-F-A-I-R.com Wayfair Every style, every home
Fortune Feimster
summer always makes me rethink what I'm reaching for every day. Lighter fabrics, better materials. Pieces that just feel good the moment you put them on and look effortless. That's why I keep coming back to Quince. They focus on high quality essentials. Think breathable linen, soft, organic cotton, washable silk, but without the luxury markup.
Tig Notaro
Quince has amazing everyday pieces, including 100% European linen pants, dresses and tops. With styles starting at just $32. I got myself a linen set from Quince in a couple of colors and it's so comfortable and lightweight to wear around the house. Run errands in and attend a summertime soiree.
Fortune Feimster
Elevate your summer wardrobe. Go to quints.com handsome for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. Now available in Canada too. That's Q-U I N C E.com handsome for free shipping and 365 day returns.
Tig Notaro
Quint.com handsome and didn't we talk about that on here? About should people revisit in like a seven or ten year.
May Martin
Oh, I liked that idea and say just check.
Tig Notaro
Yeah, yeah.
May Martin
But that should be like annual.
Fortune Feimster
I think that's not a bad idea.
May Martin
Yeah.
Fortune Feimster
Because some, some people do just. You do just change and go different down different paths and want different things. That is true. And what you wanted when you got, you know, got together like 10 years prior, 15 years prior is gonna sometimes be very different than what the other person's evolved into.
Tig Notaro
Yeah, right. But if you're both evolving together and making those twists and turns, it's, it's really something. And I think often about when people in relationships say, you're not who I married, it's like, I would hope not.
Fortune Feimster
Yeah.
Tig Notaro
I mean everybody's changing.
May Martin
So you, you're. I Read something that was like, you're meant to be kind of the guardian of each other's solitude as well as. As well as, like, partners and so entwined and everything. You also are, like, protecting that person's right to evolve and their. Their space, their ability to, like. Yeah. Yeah.
Fortune Feimster
Well, I think as long as your fundamental wants align, you can work within that. But if you fundamentally want very different things, there's. It leaves you a little stuck.
May Martin
Yeah. Can I compliment your yellow lamp, Fortune?
Fortune Feimster
Oh. Tank says it looks like a butt plug.
Tig Notaro
I never said anything of the sort. It never even noticed it.
Fortune Feimster
Well, it's new. I don't know if it'll end up being a. I don't know if it'll end up staying because I feel like I need two lamps and I only have one.
Tig Notaro
Why do you need two?
Fortune Feimster
To, like, you know.
May Martin
Yeah.
Tig Notaro
Symmetry, but doesn't flop.
May Martin
I'm confused by the black. By this. The size of the table and the black of it. So is that a. Is there a tablecloth on it? You look offended.
Tig Notaro
Well, it's just interesting to have the background that you've had for so long and then act like Fortune's background is confusing.
May Martin
Yeah, you're right. Still haven't covered up this.
Fortune Feimster
This one with no newspaper in the window.
May Martin
God, you're right. And this. It's a mess in here.
Fortune Feimster
Yeah, no, mine's a mess behind me. It'll be at some point. Things will go on the wall. I'm gonna get. I'm going to a frame shop this week to get some things framed.
May Martin
Yeah.
Fortune Feimster
This is awesome. This is all fun there.
Tig Notaro
You know, it's just little.
May Martin
Little things, little tidbits, and you got stuff that fans have given you. And I want to say, because on one of the minisodes Tig and I were talking, a fan had made me this really intricate puzzle that I. That became kind of alarming. Do you remember that, Tig?
Tig Notaro
Doesn't even sound remotely familiar.
May Martin
Why'd I bring it up? It was. I. Basically, it was a puzzle, but then when I opened it, it kind of was, like, talking about my history doing drugs. And it was very personal, and it was kind of like. Remember that?
Tig Notaro
Yeah.
May Martin
Yeah.
Fortune Feimster
Interesting.
May Martin
So I talked about it, and then I just. Just got those.
Tig Notaro
Your feelings?
May Martin
It's sort of. Sort of hurt. My feelings.
Tig Notaro
Hurt your feelings?
May Martin
Yeah. It just unsettled me.
Fortune Feimster
Yeah.
May Martin
And I just got the loveliest letter from that person.
Fortune Feimster
Oh.
May Martin
Through my agent. That was just like. Like an email that was just like. I am so sorry. That was so Misjudged. And this is what I meant. And like, I'm so sorry. And now I feel awful for bringing it up, but it was so nice to hear from them. And I was like, like, okay, yeah. They were just like, that was so weird that I, I, I did that in a weird way. And it was meant to mean this. And like, I like your work. And I was like, oh, that's so nice. I got, it's, you got to assume
Tig Notaro
the best when there's like a misunderstanding or there's a little bump and then boom, you get it, you get it sorted.
May Martin
It's sweet. I went pure Canadian responding back being like, no, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm
Fortune Feimster
sorry for interpreting it that way.
Tig Notaro
Should we get to our question?
Fortune Feimster
Let's get to our question.
May Martin
It's an exciting one.
Fortune Feimster
Very exciting.
Tig Notaro
Because today, girl.
Fortune Feimster
Well, today's question asker is a big, kind of a big deal. A comedic legend is asking today's question. He's an Emmy award winning actor, comedian and producer who has received the Mark Twain Prize for American humor. His films include, I mean, Get Ready, the, the amount of hits this guy has, Elf, Anchorman, the documentary, Will and Harper. I mean, but we, there's like a thousand movies that we can name, but who has the time? Yeah.
May Martin
Zoolander.
Fortune Feimster
Yeah. Oh, God. Superstars. The other guys, the other guys. He's been in Eastbound and Down. He's been in the office. He first became known for his work on Saturday Night Live, which is where I first started following him. And I loved every single thing that he did and would memorize it and do it for my tennis team. He also happens to have a brand new television show premiering on Netflix this week, July 16. On his birthday that I am lucky enough to be a part of, I play his caddy. May has a part as well. I don't remember the name of your character.
May Martin
Me neither.
Fortune Feimster
It's gonna be so fun. You guys have to watch it. It will be on Netflix. Will Ferrell is asking today's question.
Will Ferrell
Hey, handsome pod, it's Will Ferrell. And here's my question for the day. Fortune asked me to send in a question and she said, make sure when you record this, that's super early in the morning. And I said, why does it matter? This is a podcast. She says, no, it has to be really early in the morning. So anyway, I got up so early to record this. Anyway, we are currently in the midst of hosting the World cup here in the United States. So I thought I would ask a Sports question. Oh, God, it's so early. I don't know why I had to be so early.
May Martin
Anyway.
Will Ferrell
There are only eight countries that have ever won the World Cup. Can you name those eight?
Fortune Feimster
Wow. Oh, he's trying to make us be smart, Will.
May Martin
Just his face just makes me laugh. I mean, that is the highest compliment. That's just someone with funny bones.
Fortune Feimster
He's a silly man.
May Martin
Oh, man, he's a true. I mean, yeah, I know working with
Fortune Feimster
a hero has been like such a full circle moment. Like I really did like in high school, just constantly record on the VCR him and Molly Shannon. And Molly Shannon's in the Hawk as well.
May Martin
Yeah.
Fortune Feimster
I would, I would record their sketches and memorize them like word for word and then I would perform them for my friends. And like the two of them and Sherry o' Terry were like, I was obsessed with him and I, when I signed with this with the. My agents who I have now, they were like, who is your dream person to work with? And I was like Will Ferrell and like to now be like, not only working with him, but like, I'm like his right hand man in this show.
May Martin
Yeah.
Fortune Feimster
Oh, man.
May Martin
Like all your scenes are together.
Fortune Feimster
Yeah, all our scenes are together. We work so closely together. We spent like all this time. We became genuine friends. I'm going to, speaking of World Cup, I'm going with him to the World cup game in two nights.
May Martin
Oh my God.
Fortune Feimster
To watch USA play. By the time of this recording, we, you know, it's a little bit further into the World Cup.
Tig Notaro
Who's the US playing? Turkey.
Fortune Feimster
And then the. I believe as of the airing of this podcast, the finals of the World cup will be this weekend.
May Martin
Is it that it happens that soon? Holy.
Fortune Feimster
Well, that'll be the. Yeah, the like 22nd or something. The weekend of like the July. I'm not sure exactly, but he's big into soccer. He loves sports in general and has and goes to all the games in la. The Kings game, the Lakers, and. And he's a part owner of LA's soccer team. So he's very heavily involved in soccer.
May Martin
Whoa.
Fortune Feimster
As well. So it is the greatest sport and it's fun to go with him.
May Martin
Soccer is the most beautiful game and it is the greatest sport. And the World cup is the most amazing.
Fortune Feimster
Well, I think Americans didn't realize. Not all Americans, plenty Americans love soccer, but so many people didn't realize how huge soccer is around the world.
May Martin
I know, it's like soccer was only the sixth most pop. Most popular sport in America.
Tig Notaro
You mean football?
May Martin
Yeah, football until recently.
Tig Notaro
How did it get called soccer after football? I don't know.
Fortune Feimster
The Americans try to do something with it different.
Tig Notaro
You know, Thomas, I think Thomas is
Fortune Feimster
googling it up up. Well, it's. These games are huge. The, you know, and like, people were trepidatious about the US Being the. The host of it, but.
May Martin
Well, it's the Americas. It's Canada, Mexico and Mexico. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Fortune Feimster
And. But I mean, they were nervous about the American part of it.
May Martin
Oh, right.
Fortune Feimster
Being part of the hosting just because, you know, things have been a bit all over the place here. But there it's been funny to look on TikTok. All these people from all over the world have been doing all these videos about how they've been pleasantly surprised by the United States and how much they enjoy it. So. And our country is built with all these stadiums everywhere. I mean, we have stadiums for high school football. So the ability to host these huge games has been very prevalent over here. So it's been really cool to watch. There have been all these teens that these from these smaller countries that have been in the world cup for the first time or scored their first goal. Like, you had all these cool stories coming out of this world cup. But news flash, guys, what's up?
Tig Notaro
Soccer is short for association football.
Fortune Feimster
What?
Tig Notaro
That doesn't make sense.
May Martin
That doesn't make sense.
Tig Notaro
That's like, Thomas, are you drunk?
May Martin
Association football saying a drink is short for beverage.
Tig Notaro
Why isn't it called as ball for association?
Fortune Feimster
To distinguish it from other types of
May Martin
football popular at the time. Okay.
Tig Notaro
Right.
May Martin
I'm deep into it.
Fortune Feimster
Short. I don't feel like we got the answer.
May Martin
No, no. It sounds like someone sneezed or coughed and. And we went soccer. It is.
Tig Notaro
Yeah.
May Martin
I. As we're recording we're missing the England game and it's. I'm not googling the scores. I'm deeply, deeply invested in. Canada also is doing pretty well. By the time this comes out, Canada will be out out. Probably America will play out as well. But.
Fortune Feimster
Well, this is the best American team that we've had for sure for the. In the male side. And yeah, they've been playing pretty. Pretty great. So I'll be curious to see how their next few games go. They've. We've never. The U. S. Men's have never worn. Won a world Cup. Pretty confident.
May Martin
No, they've rarely got really this far. Yeah, that and Canada's rarely got this far.
Fortune Feimster
I have guesses as to who has one world Cup.
Tig Notaro
I know the Answer I would like.
May Martin
I think I know them. I think I know them.
Tig Notaro
Abby Wambach.
Fortune Feimster
She was on the US Team. The women. The women's side has been a different story for the US but my answer
Tig Notaro
is Abby Wambach to name all the teams that won.
Fortune Feimster
Oh, you want Abby to name them,
May Martin
or you're saying she is the country?
Fortune Feimster
Who would you say? Maybe.
May Martin
Okay, I'm gonna say Brazil. Are you gonna keep.
Fortune Feimster
Are you gonna keep track to Thomas? Okay.
May Martin
Okay.
Fortune Feimster
Yeah, I'll write these down.
May Martin
I'm saying Brazil, Argentina, France, Germany, Spain. I want to say Portugal and Korea. North Korea and England.
Fortune Feimster
I feel like we'll have. We have similar answers. Yeah. Portugal, Argentina, Spain, England.
May Martin
I know England and Spain have won.
Fortune Feimster
The Netherlands. Okay, that could be France.
May Martin
Yeah.
Fortune Feimster
Germany. How many. How many is that, Thomas?
May Martin
That's seven.
Fortune Feimster
Oh, whoa. Who's that?
May Martin
And Abby Wamba.
Fortune Feimster
The other person would be Italy. I know they're not in it right now.
May Martin
Totally. Italy. Yeah. Yeah, that's my guess, too.
Fortune Feimster
Okay.
Tig Notaro
All the fortunes.
May Martin
Well, I said all them, except for. What was the Netherlands? I forgot before.
Fortune Feimster
Before we get to that answer. Speaking of buttholes, because I feel like we need to come full circle on that.
Tig Notaro
Full circle.
Fortune Feimster
That's right. I just filmed Hot Ones. Did I tell you I filmed Hot Ones with Will?
May Martin
Oh, my God.
Tig Notaro
And that has to do with buttholes?
Fortune Feimster
Sure does.
May Martin
People get diarrhea.
Fortune Feimster
What goes in hot comes out hot, my friend.
May Martin
Oh, my God. I can't wait for this.
Tig Notaro
How did you do that right before your colonoscopy?
Fortune Feimster
I would have died. I would not have. They would have cancele colonoscopy. It aired yesterday, 13 July, on Netflix because they're doing a special series of it for Netflix. I'd always wanted to do it because I, you know, I love chicken wings and. But I was nervous because these are like. These hot sauces are insane. Yeah, we did it outside. So you were given a large glass of milk, and I haven't drank regular milk in years. And it was warm and thick, and I think. I think that messed my stomach up
Tig Notaro
more than the diet.
Fortune Feimster
Korea. Oh, my God. So the. The. I will say the wings. The f. Like, there were certain wings that did little punches here and there, but it wasn't as crazy as I thought it was going to be.
Tig Notaro
You mean as far as the spice?
Fortune Feimster
The spice, yeah. The first, like, six. I was pretty good. I was like. I was like. I'm just waiting now on the eighth one. It was a sauce, some something.
May Martin
Insanity Diablo.
Fortune Feimster
It was so Hot. That Will and I both cried.
Tig Notaro
Yeah, you should have kissed each other. You should have French kissed each other.
Fortune Feimster
It was genuine pain.
May Martin
Like, people become, like, delirious from it.
Tig Notaro
And that was the final one.
Fortune Feimster
That was the eighth one. But it was so hot that it made 9 and 10 feel like nothing.
Tig Notaro
Because your mouth goes through all of them.
Fortune Feimster
You have to go through all ten. And I honestly, the. The eighth one was like. Like legit. Tears down the face. Couldn't control it. 9, 10. My mouth was already on fire, so I didn't even feel those. So it wasn't that bad.
Tig Notaro
Okay, but wait, what if there has to be people that. There have to be people that are like, I can't. I cannot go.
May Martin
It's gotta be. I'm sure.
Fortune Feimster
I'm sure. Yeah.
May Martin
Like, are we saying Gwyneth. Gwyneth Paltrow got to 10?
Fortune Feimster
We're saying, I think. And then it was on the 10th wing, you. Because they already. They cook them in the sauce, so I think if it was slathered in the soft, I. That would be very difficult.
May Martin
Oh, you were dipping it.
Fortune Feimster
No, we weren't. They're cooked in them. Oh, yeah. I think that helps it a bit. Like, if. If you then slathered it on it, it would be almost impossible. But the tenth one, you dab in the hot sauce on top of it.
Will Ferrell
And.
Fortune Feimster
But it wasn't. Again, my mouth was numb from eight.
May Martin
But the guy that hosts it. He's eating them with you every time.
Fortune Feimster
He eats all of them.
May Martin
How much damage is that doing to his butth?
Tig Notaro
And how do you know he's doing the same ones? He could be tricking you.
Fortune Feimster
I guess you're right. They just. They put down everything in front of
Tig Notaro
us, and he doesn't. He's not like.
Fortune Feimster
I mean, he definitely gets a little bit of, like, you know, like, I don't know if it's for the camera. And then he. And then he does, like, a legit interview with you as you're doing this. But because there's three people. I think it's a. Because it was me and Will and Jimmy Tatro, who's on the show as well. I think it's not as hard to answer the questions. You know, you get, like, a little break. But when it's all focused on you and you're eating wings, like, Conan's one is so funny.
May Martin
Because he's so funny.
Fortune Feimster
He keeps eating it and he. And he's, like, turning red. It's. But my stomach was messed up for a couple hours. But honestly, more from the milk. Isn't he already red then? Yeah, he was already red and was. Just went nuts. So it was. It's on Netflix, too.
May Martin
Do his, like, quintessential scream.
Fortune Feimster
He's already done it a couple times, so he was pretty tame.
May Martin
Okay.
Fortune Feimster
Yeah, he just kind of. He. He was more, like, excited that we could all do it together.
Tig Notaro
And is it a show where you typically do it with a group or you typically.
Fortune Feimster
One person. But yeah, if anybody wants to watch me, the hot ones on Netflix.
Tig Notaro
And that's already on.
Fortune Feimster
It aired started yesterday. Yeah.
May Martin
I'm getting. I'm gonna watch right after this anyway.
Fortune Feimster
Should we hear.
Tig Notaro
Should.
Fortune Feimster
Will tell us who.
Tig Notaro
Yeah.
Fortune Feimster
These eight countries are?
May Martin
Yeah.
Tig Notaro
Abby.
May Martin
If he says Abby Wambach.
Tig Notaro
And remember, it's Wombach.
May Martin
Wombach.
Fortune Feimster
I know. That messed me up.
May Martin
Wombach.
Tig Notaro
That's a mayfact.
May Martin
I like that.
Tig Notaro
It's a Tig fact.
Fortune Feimster
Oh, my God.
Will Ferrell
Okay, so here are the eight countries. The only eight countries ever to have won the World Cup. Brazil. Germany.
Fortune Feimster
Yeah.
Will Ferrell
Italy.
May Martin
Yes.
Will Ferrell
Argentina. Uruguay.
Tig Notaro
France.
Will Ferrell
England. And the final country.
May Martin
Espana.
Tig Notaro
Abby Wamba.
Will Ferrell
Espana.
May Martin
Yeah.
Fortune Feimster
So Uruguay. Not the Netherlands. I'm saying Espana.
Will Ferrell
All right, you guys, you're the best. I'm gonna go back to bed.
Fortune Feimster
Go to bed, Will.
Tig Notaro
Yeah. Go snooze it off.
Fortune Feimster
Did he have his alarm going off? Okay, you're. I did not know. Uruguay. 708. Not.
Tig Notaro
Bad job, guys.
Fortune Feimster
I really felt the Netherlands, because they're so into their soccer over there.
Tig Notaro
I thought for sure, Abby Wambach.
Fortune Feimster
I mean, you were so close. I was so.
May Martin
You were so close. It'd be nice if someone won who hasn't won before this time. But also, it would be great if England won because it's been so long.
Fortune Feimster
They haven't won in, like, 60 years, so.
May Martin
I know. And they're a great team. Harry Kane. It's the way I'm into Survivor. I'm realizing if. If I got deeply into. Into soccer, like, and if I followed the Premier League and stuff, it's got that same Shakespearean thing where there's, like, rivalries and.
Fortune Feimster
Yeah. Oh, it's so good.
May Martin
Allegiances. And.
Fortune Feimster
Yeah, it's so fun to watch. Messi is already got a world record of goals in the World Cup. You got Ronaldo, who's. This might be his last World Cup. It's fun to watch all these big superstars.
May Martin
Yeah.
Fortune Feimster
Mbappe.
May Martin
Mbappe is amazing.
Fortune Feimster
Jamal from Spain.
May Martin
The Canada game was really intense. Tents that I watched with Qatar. I've never seen a Game like that. There were two red cards for Qatar, for foul. So they. They were down two players. They were nine people on the field. And then the guitar player tackled one of our best players and broke his leg. Snapped it in half.
Tig Notaro
What do you mean ours?
May Martin
Canada. One of my. One of my best players.
Fortune Feimster
One of my best teammates.
May Martin
Yeah. But it was crazy. So that guy's World cup is over.
Fortune Feimster
Done. Yeah. That's the game. That's what's so dicey about it. You never know what's gon happen.
Tig Notaro
That's life. Right?
Fortune Feimster
It's so fun to watch. That's life. But it's. I'll definitely be watching as these finals are coming up.
May Martin
Yeah. Oh, my God. Have fun at the game.
Fortune Feimster
I want to go to a bar, though. That's. It's really fun to watch a bar.
May Martin
High Tops. It's like a queer sports bar.
Fortune Feimster
Dogs.
May Martin
Yeah, yeah, yeah. In Highland park or something.
Fortune Feimster
Yeah. And.
Will Ferrell
And.
Fortune Feimster
And if anybody is looking for a fun new show to watch, I. And no, I'm biased because I'm in it and May's in it, but I really think you guys are gonna love the Hawk.
Tig Notaro
Have you watched the whole thing?
Fortune Feimster
I've watched half of it, and it's really fun. And you do start to, like, really care about these characters. And Will's been doing a ton of press as this character, Lonnie Hawkins.
May Martin
Oh, that's funny.
Fortune Feimster
Goatee and the crazy outfit he's been. He was walking around New York with signs being like, this is a really good show. But it's kind of that classic Will character, you know, that you love to see where he's just so committed to a ridiculous person and over the top and overly confident. But then you're still rooting for him.
May Martin
Yeah.
Fortune Feimster
He's just so good. It's like, it's the kind of comedy you want to see him doing in that broad comedy you don't get to see as much anymore. And with heart, y'. All.
May Martin
And you're so good in it. Fortunately, I got to see you acting up close. I could barely focus because I wanted to just watch your. Watch your expressions. And Molly Shannon's so funny and so good. I'm excited for you.
Tig Notaro
I just met Harper the other night.
Fortune Feimster
Oh, Harper's a writer. Yeah. No. And part creator of the Hawk, too.
Tig Notaro
Yeah. And it was just such a joy to meet her. And I told her that, like, I just. I was. Yeah. I just loved Will and Harper.
Fortune Feimster
I know. That documentary was amazing.
May Martin
Me, too.
Tig Notaro
And it's like, of course you Know, Will's a good guy, but there were just moments where you could really see his compassionate heart. Yeah. And then, and just I love how complex and layered of a person that Harper is. Like, I just, I, I, I love that kind of person where you're like, you would never guess in a million years one thing, and then what their interests are and what their backgr and, and also what Harper carries from the old world of, of her life into the new. And it's just, it's like that's who this person is.
May Martin
Yeah.
Tig Notaro
Just through and through. And it's just, it.
Fortune Feimster
I don't know.
Tig Notaro
I just, I really, really enjoyed it and it was. Yeah. Well, I don't know. I don't remember where. Oh, I met just Harper at a party. But anyway, I just, I want to encourage people to watch that because it's, it's really, really cool. I mean, obviously all of his stuff is great and ridiculous.
May Martin
Like, you can't overstate how valuable that is to have someone as mainstream as Will, who's kind of, you know, people my parents age who are just like, we, we don't get it. You know, we don't get pronouns. We don't get, you know, and to see someone just effortlessly lead with heart
Tig Notaro
like that and, and, and, and be curious and not. Or understand and want to. And, and then also. Oh, I think also what's so great about the movie is Harper is the perfect example of you never know who is going through what. Yeah, you never know.
May Martin
Yeah.
Tig Notaro
And so for a person like Harper to come out as trans, I mean, I think think spun a lot of heads around. And so it really makes you go, yeah, it could be anyone. It's not just, oh, my effeminate friend with long hair, you know.
May Martin
Totally. And the, and the struggle and pain Harper went through, it just shows how strong those and powerful those feelings are that, that she chose to go through it because she knew there was like, light at the end of the tunnel and. But, yeah, what a nightmare to go through that, that fully.
Tig Notaro
But anyway, all I just, I just had to really acknowledge that movie.
Fortune Feimster
It's a great documentary and I can't,
May Martin
I can't wait for the hawk.
Fortune Feimster
I know. And he. Will's just such a good guy. He really is. What you see is what you get. Like a kind. Like you said, he leads with his heart.
Tig Notaro
Compassionate person.
Fortune Feimster
It's the person you want to be doing well and, and that you root for.
Tig Notaro
Absolutely. And he roots for other others. So.
Fortune Feimster
Yeah. All right.
Tig Notaro
Well, yeah. If you like this episode or any of our previous episodes. Share them with your friends and family and help us build our handsome community. Go to handsomepod.com for our merchandise and also rate, review and subscribe anywhere. You get your podcasts also on YouTube and then we are also streaming on Hulu a day early, early. So that's all true.
May Martin
What have you got coming up? Fortune. Are you touring?
Fortune Feimster
Yeah, I just announced a ton of new dates starting in August. West Hampton, Beach, New York, Foxwood Casinos in Connecticut, Red Bank, New Jersey, Halifax, Canada, Provincetown, Mass, Greenville, South Carolina and Wilmington, North Carolina. That's all in August. And then Boise, Portland, Oregon, Austin, Chattanooga, Dayton, Louisville, Madison, Durham, Oakland, Louisiana. Lots of shows and then I'm announced. I am actually going to film my special in mid November in Denver, speaking of Colorado, so I'm excited to share that with the guest there at the Paramount.
Tig Notaro
Okay, cool.
Fortune Feimster
So people can get tickets for that and see me film my next special.
May Martin
I'm also filming my special July 26th in Montreal and that just went on sale.
Will Ferrell
Nice.
May Martin
I'm doing it twice and then I'm I'm doing three warm, warm up shows for it in Toronto on the 22nd, 23rd and 24th and those are on sale. So if you want to come out to Buddies and Bad Times in Toronto or Montreal to Just for laughs and see the taping, that would be sick.
Tig Notaro
And if you want to come see me in Colorado, I will be in Colorado Springs July 16th. I'll also be in Rochester, New York, Calgary, Iowa City, Omaha, Oklahoma City, Cincinnati, Charleston, West Virginia, Olympia, Washington, Fresno, Napa. The list goes on and on. Go to tignotaro.com for all show information and until next time, keep it handsome. Handsome is hosted by me, Tig Notaro, May Martin and Fortune Feamster. The show is produced, recorded and edited by Thomas Willette. Email us@handomepodmail.com follow follow us on social media @handome pod what a podcast.
May Martin
That was a headgum podcast. Checking Allstate first could save you hundreds on car insurance. Not checking that. I watered my plants before I went out of town. So much for my green thumb. I was really excited to get some house plants, but now they're withering and I'm scrambling to bring them back to the life.
Tig Notaro
Yeah, checking first is handsome, so check Allstate first for an auto quote. It could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Potential savings vary subject to terms, conditions and availability. Allstate North American Insurance Company and Affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois this month.
May Martin
We're so excited to celebrate Pride Month with Tomboy X. Just like Handsome, Tomboy X is proudly queer, Queer Founded, Queer Run, and Queer Designed. They got everything your handsome little heart could desire. From thongs to boy shorts to nine inch briefs. Tomboy X is as inclusive as they come, with 12 different silhouettes and three different fabrics so you can get your fit exactly like you like it.
Fortune Feimster
So get Handsome and try out Tomboy X. You're gonna love them as much as we do. Use code HANDSOME15 for 15% off your purchase at checkout. And tell them Handsome Pod sent you.
Handsome | Headgum
Hosts: Tig Notaro, Fortune Feimster, Mae Martin
Guest: Will Ferrell (question submission)
Release Date: July 14, 2026
In this lively episode of "Handsome," comedians Tig Notaro, Fortune Feimster, and Mae Martin catch up on summer plans, health journeys, and weird homeownership dilemmas before fielding a special sports question from comedic icon Will Ferrell about the World Cup. The trio dives into soccer trivia, reflects on working with Will, and shares tales of new projects and personal growth, all with their trademark irreverence and warmth.
Tig in Aspen
Fortune's Medical Odyssey
Mae's Nature Dilemmas
Tig's Wild Days
Fans & Boundaries
Will Ferrell’s Submission
The Hosts Reflect on Working with Will
World Cup & Soccer Discussion
Will’s Reveal
Soccer Fandom & Personal Stakes
The Hawk: Will’s New Show
Reflections on Will & Harper Documentary
The hosts maintain an organic, banter-heavy flow with playful ribbing, genuine curiosity, and open emotional moments. They shift easily from absurdity (pebble songs, lamp butt-plug jokes) to vulnerability (health scares, relationship lessons, responding to critical fan mail), all with unfiltered humor and heart. The episode is relaxed and supportive with a running theme: embracing change, compassion, and learning together—whether it’s soccer scores, sentient trees, or personal evolution.
If you missed this episode, expect laughs, offbeat wisdom, and a spirited deep-dive into sports, relationships, and everyday absurdities—plus, finally, the answer to Will Ferrell’s World Cup trivia.