Zach Cherry asks about wasting time

Summary

Podcast Summary: Handsome – Episode: “Zach Cherry Asks About Wasting Time”

Release Date: August 12, 2025
Hosts: Tig Notaro, Fortune Feimster, May Martin
Description: "Handsome" is a podcast from comedians Tig Notaro, Fortune Feimster, and Mae Martin. Every week, the handsome hosts field a question from a friend and attempt to answer it together, covering every subject you could think of. Along the way, Tig, Fortune, and Mae tell plenty of stories and just generally have a ridiculous time.

---

1. Family Vacations and Personal Stories

May Martin's Trip to Portugal
Timestamp: 02:36 – 07:04

May Martin shares her recent family vacation to Portugal, highlighting the rare gathering of her entire family after 15 years. One memorable experience was visiting the island of São Miguel, resembling Iceland with its dramatic landscapes featuring hot springs, geysers, and volcanic rocks. May recounts a humorous encounter with a handsome listener in San Miguel and describes the unique taste of naturally sparkling water straight from the earth.

Notable Quote:
May Martin (03:24): "It's so mind-blowing, like sitting there waiting for my shrimp or whatever in the restaurant, and someone went, 'keep it handsome.'"

Fortune Feimster's Weekend with Her Brother
Timestamp: 04:58 – 06:13

Fortune discusses her recent weekend spent exclusively with her brother, Jay. They engaged in nostalgic activities like playing Topgolf, watching movies, and revisiting their childhood interests such as Warhammer. This time fostered a deeper sibling bond, echoing their childhood camaraderie.

Notable Quote:
Fortune Feimster (05:27): "It felt like childhood all over again. Like, whoa."

2. Pop Culture and Shared Interests

Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Xena: Warrior Princess
Timestamp: 09:03 – 11:08

The hosts delve into their appreciation for iconic TV shows like Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Xena: Warrior Princess, emphasizing their significant LGBT+ followings. May praises Sarah Michelle Gellar's performance in Buffy, while Tig reminisces about her work with Sam Raimi's company on Xena, noting its substantial lesbian fan base.

Notable Quote:
May Martin (09:20): "It was big for me when Willow got a girlfriend in the later seasons. That was groundbreaking."

3. Personal Development and Hobbies

Memorizing Capital Cities and Organizing
Timestamp: 11:22 – 17:15

May discusses her commitment to memorizing capital cities, viewing it as a productive yet time-consuming hobby. Tig shares her method of maintaining extensive to-do lists and bucket lists to track personal progress and aspirations, highlighting their shared love for organization.

Notable Quote:
Tig Notaro (35:14): "I really enjoy lists and keep track by moving things to the next level once they're done."

4. Advertising Breaks

The episode includes several advertising segments, promoting brands like Allstate, Wild Grain, Honeylove, and Wayfair. These segments are seamlessly integrated into the conversation but are excluded from the core content summary.

5. Engaging with the Listener's Question

Zach Cherry's Inquiry on Wasting Time
Timestamp: 31:24 – 57:38

Question:
Zach Cherry asks, "What is a way that you could easily just waste like 10 hours?" emphasizing activities that are purely time-consuming without being productive.

Hosts' Responses:

• Fortune Feimster: Suggests lounging in a hot tub for hours, engaging in mindless activities like scrolling through the phone, or watching (good or bad) television.

  Notable Quote:
  Fortune Feimster (44:07): "I could sit in the pool or the hot tub for hours. I'll go through different times of talking on the phone or staring into space."

• May Martin: Recommends getting absorbed in activities that facilitate losing track of time, such as playing video games or indulging in trivia games.

  Notable Quote:
  May Martin (35:19): "It's something that you can get so fixated on that you lose track of time and you're in your own little world."

• Tig Notaro: Shares her strategy of creating and organizing to-do lists, which paradoxically can be both productive and time-consuming, especially when done obsessively.

  Notable Quote:
  Tig Notaro (35:33): "On flights, I go through all of my photos and videos, clean up my phone, and organize my lists. It feels productive, but it can easily take up hours."

Discussion Highlights:

• The trio reflects on the balance between productivity and leisure, acknowledging that certain activities can border on time-wasting while still offering personal satisfaction.
• They humorously explore the idea of being "wasting time" through organized tasks versus purely recreational activities.

6. Fictional Visitor Interaction: Amelia

Timestamp: 30:31 – 30:22

The hosts engage in a playful skit featuring a fictional character named Amelia, a new vegan in town, injecting humor and spontaneity into the episode. This segment showcases their chemistry and improvisational skills, adding a layer of entertainment beyond the structured responses to the listener's question.

Notable Quote:
Fortune Feimster (29:53): "I insist. I'm sure I will."

7. Final Thoughts and Community Engagement

Timestamp: 57:44 – End

As the episode wraps up, Tig encourages listeners to share the podcast, subscribe, and engage with their community. Each host briefly mentions their upcoming projects and appearances, fostering a sense of connection and anticipation for future episodes.

Notable Quote:
Tig Notaro (58:12): "We have built an incredible community, and we're very thankful for it."

---

Conclusion

In this episode of Handsome, the hosts intertwine personal anecdotes, pop culture references, and thoughtful discussions to address Zach Cherry's question on wasting time. Through their engaging dialogue, Tig, Fortune, and May explore various facets of leisure and productivity, offering listeners relatable insights while maintaining their signature humor and camaraderie. Whether reminiscing about family vacations, bonding with siblings, or tackling listener inquiries, the Handsome trio delivers a rich and entertaining narrative that stands out for its authenticity and wit.

Key Takeaways:

• Embrace Leisure: Recognize the value in activities that allow you to lose track of time, whether for relaxation or personal enjoyment.
• Balance Productivity and Fun: While organizing and planning can be fulfilling, it's essential to find a balance to prevent tasks from becoming time-consuming endeavors.
• Community and Connection: Engaging with friends, family, and the broader community can enhance personal experiences and provide meaningful interactions.

Notable Quotes for Reflection:

• May Martin (03:24): "It's so mind-blowing, like sitting there waiting for my shrimp or whatever in the restaurant, and someone went, 'keep it handsome.'"
• Fortune Feimster (44:07): "I could sit in the pool or the hot tub for hours. I'll go through different times of talking on the phone or staring into space."
• Tig Notaro (35:14): "I really enjoy lists and keep track by moving things to the next level once they're done."

---

This summary captures the essence of the episode, highlighting the hosts' interactions, personal stories, and their approach to answering the listener's question about wasting time. For a more immersive experience, tuning into the full episode is highly recommended.

Transcript

[May Martin]

This is a headgun podcast.

[Tig Notaro]

Some people just know they could save hundreds on car insurance by checking Allstate First.

[May Martin]

Like, you know, to check and see if there's any good snacks available. When you're stopping at a gas station, you need fuel, too.

[Tig Notaro]

Checking first is smart, so check Allstate first for a quote that could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Savings vary, subject to terms, conditions and availability. Allstate Fire and Casualty Insurance Company and affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois.

[May Martin]

Chatting with friends on the Handsome Pod. Chatting with friends on the Handsome pod. Cheers.

[Tig Notaro]

Guys. Guys, wait. I just have to say, I heard the. I heard the theme song, which I haven't been able to because of technical difficulties for a while, and I heard it today, so that was exciting.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

And I'm one of your hosts, Tig Notaro.

[May Martin]

Was it as good as you remember?

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, my God. It was music to my ears.

[Fortune Feimster]

It's delightful.

[Tig Notaro]

Right.

[May Martin]

I'm one of your other hosts, May Martin.

[Fortune Feimster]

And I'm the other host, Fortune Feimster. And welcome to the Handsome Pod. Yeah. Yeah. I feel like a bouncer right now in this shirt.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, boy. Are we going to start flexing again?

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah, we're going to look at Fortune.

[May Martin]

You want to get into this club.

[Fortune Feimster]

You'Re going to have to come through.

[Tig Notaro]

Me. That. That tough sentence kind of fell apart a little bit. You're going to have to come through. You're going to.

[Fortune Feimster]

This shirt has, like, short sleeve, like, really short sleeves, so.

[Tig Notaro]

And did you choose it cuz your guns are growing?

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah, I don't. I don't think I consciously chose it, but clearly my body was like that one. Show those guns off. I feel like Danny and Grease.

[May Martin]

It's very, like 1950s. I just. I have to say, I just did a photo shoot and a handsome listener who knew the. The, like, stylist or something sent a gift and it was a plain white Hanes t shirt from 1952. Oh, like, what a well chosen gift for me.

[Fortune Feimster]

That's a very good gift for you.

[May Martin]

Right? And it's like, tag's still on it. It's from 1952. It's so James Dean. It's sick. So.

[Tig Notaro]

And it's a nice fit.

[May Martin]

It is. And it's got the shorter sleeves like that, like, to show the guns, Right? Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Wow.

[May Martin]

I just got back from Portugal, guys.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

Tell us, how did it go?

[May Martin]

I. I did the family vacay with my whole family. My brother, his wife, my parents. We haven't been on a trip together. In like maybe 15 years, all of us together.

[Tig Notaro]

Since you went to see. What was it that your mother insisted you?

[May Martin]

Stonehenge. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

Have you.

[May Martin]

Have you been to Portugal?

[Fortune Feimster]

I love Portugal. It's one of my favorite countries.

[May Martin]

Oh, my God, man. Like, the. I was on this island, Sao Miguel, that was. I mean, it's like Iceland, where there's like hot springs, geysers coming out of the ground, and like volcanic rock, and it's super dramatic. Did I meet a handsome listener in San Miguel in Portugal? Yes, I did.

[Fortune Feimster]

You did?

[May Martin]

I'm waiting for. Of course it's mindblowing, like sitting, waiting for my shrimp or whatever in the restaurant. And someone went, keep it handsome.

[Fortune Feimster]

That's cool.

[May Martin]

That was.

[Tig Notaro]

That was fun, huh?

[May Martin]

So fun. And we. We did like a. A tour thing with this guide who. We went to different hot springs where coming out of the earth was like. One of them had sparkling water, which I didn't realize, like, ev. Like Perrier and those sparkling water things. Like, it comes out of the earth bubbly. It tastes like fizzy. It was fizzy in my mouth and I just drank it straight from the earth.

[Fortune Feimster]

I did not know this.

[May Martin]

Yeah. And then he took a jug and he filled it up with hot water straight from the earth. And then he made us like cups of tea and we drank tea straight from the water from the earth.

[Fortune Feimster]

It was the earth.

[Tig Notaro]

Do we do anything cool like that in the States?

[May Martin]

I mean, there are hot springs, but I'm not seeing a lot of.

[Fortune Feimster]

I don't know if I want to drink the water from the earth in the States.

[Tig Notaro]

I'm not seeing a lot of jugs.

[May Martin]

I'm not seeing a lot of jugs, son.

[Fortune Feimster]

What kind of jugs we talking about here?

[Tig Notaro]

I knew that was coming.

[Fortune Feimster]

Fortune, Marie, come on. I like jugs.

[Tig Notaro]

Show me your jugs.

[Fortune Feimster]

Motorboat.

[Tig Notaro]

So it was a good time, the. The. Your vacation?

[May Martin]

Yeah, it was magical. We all regressed to like our child cells, my brother and I. And like, I haven't spent that much one on one time with my brother in years. So it was good. It was good. We talked a lot about world of Warhammer and history and, you know, it was sick.

[Fortune Feimster]

I actually just spent the weekend with my brother Jay and had not spent a weekend with the two of us because I, you know, I was married and he has. He's married with kids and rarely do we have any one on one time. And we both just happened to land in my hometown on the same weekend and spent two days together. And it felt like childhood all over again. And it was like, whoa, like, where.

[Tig Notaro]

He was beating you up.

[Fortune Feimster]

He wasn't beating me up.

[Tig Notaro]

Not with those guns.

[Fortune Feimster]

Not with these guns now. But we like went and played topgolf and went to a movie. We hung out. Like we went to Superman.

[May Martin]

Nice.

[Fortune Feimster]

It is such a trip to be like an adult hanging out with your sibling. It was pretty, pretty nice.

[May Martin]

And also like the, the intimacy of like waking up in the morning and seeing someone in their pajamas and like having your. Having your cereal with your.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[May Martin]

Like it would just. Yeah. And we watched. We watched a movie that we liked when we were kids. We on Netflix one night. We watched Legend. Have you ever seen that?

[Fortune Feimster]

Is that the Will Smith movie?

[May Martin]

No, it's.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, that's I Am Legend.

[May Martin]

That's I Am Legend. This is like a weird 80s fever dream of Tom Cruise. He's 19, Tim Curry plays Satan and it's. And then it's all in like the woodland forest with gnomes and elves and it's mystical and it's so bizarre and. And I mean, it's really like, how did this get made? It's, it's. It doesn't make sense. Like, it's really crazy. It's all about a unicorn losing its.

[Tig Notaro]

Horn and then sounds like hell, yeah.

[May Martin]

And then I see at the end it was directed by Ridley Scott. And then I Google it. It was. He made Alien and then he made Legend and then he made Blade Runner. So I'm like, what happened between Alien and Blade Runner?

[Fortune Feimster]

This was a passion project.

[May Martin]

Yeah. That's what it felt like. It felt like one of those like 80s kind of cocaine fever dreams where people just went a little nuts.

[Fortune Feimster]

It could have been.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Does anyone take cocaine and then just nothing.

[Fortune Feimster]

Is that how it works? You take it.

[Tig Notaro]

All right. I just revealed that I've never taken cocaine. It's funny talking about brothers. I'm about to be with my brother and his wife and his kids, and so we're about to have a little family time. Not one on one, but I mean, you know, our families together.

[Fortune Feimster]

So are you guys going somewhere or. He's coming to you guys.

[Tig Notaro]

We're meeting up and then just doing some, you know, whatever. He has a one year old and a three year old, so it seems like, you know, it's not gonna be. It'll probably be around the little cubs, you know.

[Fortune Feimster]

Gotcha.

[Tig Notaro]

But yeah. So a lot of brother time between the three of us. Yeah.

[May Martin]

Seriously. Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[May Martin]

Big fan of brothers in general.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[May Martin]

One thing, because my brother is A historian. And one thing he told me, like, going anywhere with him, you get the whole context of that place in. In history. And like he. He just has this crazy memory and. Anyway, but he told me that when they discovered the Azore Islands, which are kind of in the middle of the Atlantic, like they're as far from Europe as they are from Nova Scotia. And they were sailing and then they found. And. And they imagine you've gotten very little food. You're on these horrific ships, like crowded and. And you got scurvy and stuff. And then they find these like paradise islands where so beautiful, nothing's there. There's no even natural predators there. It's like just birds and. Anyway. But because of the hot springs coming out of the earth, they thought it was a portal to hell. And they were so stressed that they were like, don't stop here, cuz it smells like sulfur. Like. And I guess in the Bible it says that hell smells like sulfur and stuff. So they were like, oh, this. And they left and it took.

[Tig Notaro]

Is that the actual line? Hell smells like sulfur?

[May Martin]

Yeah, yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

Followed this.

[Tig Notaro]

This. That would be a scary portal to come across as a. Is a portal to hell.

[May Martin]

Oh, yeah. You don't want that.

[Tig Notaro]

No.

[May Martin]

You seen Buffy?

[Tig Notaro]

No.

[Fortune Feimster]

No, I haven't. Wait, what? I know. I feel like a terrible gay.

[May Martin]

Oh my God.

[Tig Notaro]

I didn't know that was gay. What do you mean, gay?

[Fortune Feimster]

I think lesbians were obsessed with Buffy back when it first aired.

[May Martin]

In the beginning.

[Fortune Feimster]

Right?

[May Martin]

It was gay. I don't know in the way that like in the 90s you would grasp onto anything even vaguely alternative as gay.

[Tig Notaro]

Like.

[May Martin]

But then it became explicitly gay when Willow, one of the main characters, got a girlfriend in the later seasons. That was big for me.

[Fortune Feimster]

Which was more uncommon back then, Right? Like, very uncommon. Yeah, yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

And then who was the star of Buffy?

[May Martin]

Sarah Michelle Geller.

[Fortune Feimster]

I didn't know that.

[May Martin]

Who never won an Emmy for. For Buffy. And truly, this performance, I mean, you got to watch it. Tig. I bet actually, when they're a bit older, the boys would like it. It's so good. So well written. She carried that show. I could go on and on.

[Tig Notaro]

You know, years ago, I'm sure I've mentioned I used to work for the director Sam Raimi's company and we produced. When I say we, I answered phones terribly. Xena, Warrior Princess. And. And that was one of those, like, very huge, huge lesbian following.

[May Martin]

Yeah. Which then the. I feel like the writers kind of listened to that. And then in the later seasons, like, sort of Canonized that.

[Tig Notaro]

Did you watch that?

[May Martin]

Of course. Every episode.

[Fortune Feimster]

I didn't watch it either.

[May Martin]

Yeah, the fact that you know Lucy Lawless, like, blows my mind.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, well, I remember you were like, you got to get Lucy and I'll be able to her, no problem. I just keep forgetting. Thomas, put that on the list.

[Fortune Feimster]

Put it on the list.

[May Martin]

Maybe I can get Sarah Michelle Geller. That would be. That would be great. Okay.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah, why not?

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, why not? Yeah, I'm on. I'm. I'm with Fortune. Yeah, why not?

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah, why not? She's cool.

[Tig Notaro]

Uh huh.

[May Martin]

I also finished memorizing all the capital cities while I was away.

[Tig Notaro]

Do you want to talk to Finn?

[May Martin]

Yes, please. Yes, please. I want to talk to him about how hard the South Pacific is.

[Tig Notaro]

Okay. And then there's also a new game that Finn likes to play, which is name any position or whatever on any baseball team, and he'll tell you who the player is.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, my God.

[Tig Notaro]

Any single one. That's pretty crazy.

[May Martin]

I wonder, like, if he feels like. Because for me, I'm just desperate for there to be a situation where I need this knowledge. Like, I want to be in a bar on a hot date, and there's like a trivia game going on in the corner. And then one of the questions is like, can you name all the capital cities of the world? And I'm like, like, yeah, no problem. But it'll never happen.

[Tig Notaro]

You're like, yeah, no problem. Let me. Let me call Finn.

[May Martin]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

That stuff will come in handy at some trivia night at some point.

[May Martin]

It will.

[Fortune Feimster]

I was shocked when. Especially when you go back to Toronto, I was shocked when I was filming in Toronto, how many trivia nights there were around the city.

[May Martin]

Yeah. It was so big in England where there were like, vicious trivia teams. Like, I'd go every week to this one. And like, my team, we had enemies, this other team. And it started because somebody brought their dog into the pub, and then someone on the other team complained and said, I hate dogs. This was a labradoodle that we're talking about. And I was like, they're my enemies, this team. And then they do. They'd like, accuse us of cheating if we beat them. Like, yeah, it was. It was kind of the focus of my life for a good four years.

[Fortune Feimster]

That is hilarious.

[May Martin]

Yeah. They were called. Their quiz team was called the taking Part. And we're like, what?

[Fortune Feimster]

They were just taking part of the evening.

[May Martin]

The taking part.

[Fortune Feimster]

We were gonna take you apart.

[May Martin]

Ours was like butts and dicks. Or something. Butts and dicks united.

[Tig Notaro]

Also great.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Butts and dicks divided. How about that?

[May Martin]

Yeah. Where you're in back in the closet. You're still away.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, I'm in the closet. Feels good to be in the closet. I've been working out. I'm trying to compete with everybody's guns and I don't think I can. I am bench pressing £15. I'm bench pressing a bar that has no weights added at this point.

[May Martin]

You gotta start there.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, you do. You have to start somewhere. And I have started there.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

God. And you know what? I have to say that's also been a fun surprise. Is my trainer is. You know how sometimes you'll work closely with somebody and then whether they're familiar with you or getting familiar with you, there's like a heightened change in their personality where it's a little uncomfortable to be that working that close with them maybe.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh.

[Tig Notaro]

Do you know what I'm saying?

[May Martin]

In what way? Like they're, they're polished, like they're.

[Tig Notaro]

I don't know. I. I desire a normal relationship with people. I don't, I don't want anyone to treat me like I'm above them or I'm. Or more interesting than they are or. I just want to. I just want to talk to them and do whatever activity we're doing. And.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

You know, and she is just has been so great and just so normal and wonderful to be around. And also with the loss of Andrea, like she's experienced a lot of just grief and trauma in her life and it's just been a nice kind of connecting experience for me and I just feel very lucky that nothing has shifted. You know, we had the relationship where she wasn't familiar with. She didn't recognize me. And then I guess when I left the gym, other people in the gym recognized me. And then she looked me up and was like, oh, I've seen you. It just didn't click. But nothing changed. She just was doing her job and we just talked and she would be like, oh, I watched your show and then just had questions or comments about it and then I lifted my 15 pound bar. So it was just nice that. That just remained normal.

[May Martin]

Yeah, that's good.

[Tig Notaro]

You know how sometimes people get nervous, they want to make you laugh and they think that that's the only way you can connect is if they come on strong and they're funny or they're.

[May Martin]

Nagging you or like whatever it is.

[Tig Notaro]

It'S just like I just love nothing shifted and we're just lifting very light weights and just talking about grief.

[May Martin]

And yeah, she didn't come in with like a bar with two rubber chickens on the end of it. Some people just know they could save hundreds on car insurance by checking all state first.

[Tig Notaro]

Like you know to check the instructions when you're building that flat. Pack furniture, nothing's worse than having to rebuild an upside down bookshelf.

[May Martin]

Check in first is smart, so check Allstate first for a quote that could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Savings vary subject to terms, conditions and availability. Allstate Firing Casualty Insurance Company and Affiliates Northbrook, Illinois this episode of Handsome is brought to you by Wild Grain. Wild Grain is the first bake from frozen subscription box for artisanal breads, pastries and pastas. Wild Grains boxes are fully customizable to your taste and dietary restrictions. In addition to their classic variety box, they recently launched a new gluten free box and a plant based box that is 100% vegan.

[Tig Notaro]

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[May Martin]

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[Tig Notaro]

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[Fortune Feimster]

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[Tig Notaro]

I hear you girl. So treat yourself to the most comfortable shapewear on earth and save 20% off site wide at honeylove.com handsome. Use our exclusive link to get 20% off honeylove.com handsome. After you purchase, they'll ask you where you heard about them. Please support our show and tell them we sent you. Experience the new standard in shapewear with Honeylove. But yeah, and it's that nice kind of level of workout where you feel that you've worked out but you're not like, oh my God, I can't lift my legs right. I don't like that kind of workout.

[Fortune Feimster]

I know I'm, I'm past those days of having my ass kicked.

[Tig Notaro]

Uh huh.

[May Martin]

I like to have my ass kicked but I don't know what that says about me.

[Fortune Feimster]

You're younger than us so you can still get your ass kicked for a little bit longer.

[May Martin]

But also personal trainers. I mean so many people act as like therapists when they don't know they have to. Like during filming. I had that. I had a personal trainer during filming. Wayward and oh my God, I'd be like crying as I was lifting weights. And he's. And, and but they know about the body too. So they're really. And, and if they're a good trainer about breathing and stuff. So yeah, I do recommend, I mean, get a therapist as well. But.

[Tig Notaro]

And I have a therapist. But now I have just a nice person to talk to while I'm lifting very light weights.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah, I need to get a trainer.

[May Martin]

I got a great one. I will. But I did in.

[Fortune Feimster]

I gotta go, I gotta go to a gym.

[May Martin]

No, no, they'll come to you.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, interesting.

[May Martin]

In Portugal there was a pool and I said to my family, I'm gonna tread water and make a video. I said, I'm gonna make a video of it. Send it to Taken Fortune. I started and I was like, I can't. I don't think you gave up. I gave up.

[Tig Notaro]

After how long?

[May Martin]

Oh, five minutes. Like I. Oh no. Yeah. But it was like part, it was part boredom, part part like cardio. I was just like, oh, this is tough. But the intention was there. But maybe next time.

[Fortune Feimster]

I love that you were going to try.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah. Now here's my question. If somebody was like, you have to do one hour or else we will kill you.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

Then those stakes are high.

[Tig Notaro]

You could you could do it.

[May Martin]

Yeah, yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, you have those guns. You could for sure do it.

[May Martin]

I could do it. I think what I couldn't do is hold my breath. Like if someone said you're going to die unless you can hold your breath underwater for like two and a half minutes, I don't know, I don't think.

[Fortune Feimster]

I could do that either.

[May Martin]

Yeah, you'd have to get real Zen.

[Fortune Feimster]

What I do with the treading water that helps is I play a, like podcast on the side of the pool.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

So that I'm not focused on being tired. I'm just listening to the podcast.

[May Martin]

Yeah, I do that with true crime and work.

[Fortune Feimster]

But lately I've been getting the pool in the more. It's a nice way to wake up. Yeah, I've been getting the pool and making my breakfast and I eat my breakfast in the pool and then I'm having such a delightful time eating my breakfast that I just like start scrolling on my phone. And so for like the next 30 minutes I'm just hanging out in the.

[May Martin]

Pool, eating and scrolling.

[Fortune Feimster]

And then I'm like, oh, crap, I gotta tread. And then. So I've only been treading for like 30 minutes because I've only had an.

[May Martin]

Hour total and wait, aren't you supposed to not swim if you've eaten? If you just ate?

[Fortune Feimster]

I don't know, but I'm.

[Tig Notaro]

I think that's not true. But now what is your breakfast? A bowl of cereal? Please say yes.

[Fortune Feimster]

No, it's like eggs or. I'm not going too crazy. I'm trying to eat at home right now because I've been traveling a lot. So when I'm at home I want to like eat better. So just like eggs or sweet potatoes or something like that. There's some like. I'm sure these aren't great for you, but Trader Joe's has some little gluten free pancakes that are really good.

[May Martin]

Oh, I like those.

[Fortune Feimster]

The little silver, silver dollar little ones. They're really tasty.

[May Martin]

Hey. I also, when I was away, I took some pictures of a menu in a restaurant I was in because there were some items on the menu that I don't know if this is just the English translation or they made me laugh so much and I don't know what they are and I don't want to, I don't want to know. I just want to imagine. But okay, so I like, I took a picture and I circled the funny one. So you got cow woodpecker.

[Fortune Feimster]

Mmm, delish.

[Tig Notaro]

I'll tell you what, that Is that's. No. You're supposed to interrupt me and say you can't tell me Tig, and you.

[May Martin]

Didn'T wait, but do you really know?

[Tig Notaro]

No. Of course.

[May Martin]

Oh, my God. No, I don't. I don't want to know. So we got cow woodpecker, pork woodpecker, regional rump in yeast cake. 1. This is the most intriguing. Was just called Run to the House. What do you think that is?

[Tig Notaro]

There was no description. It's just. I'll have the run to the house. That sounds like it might give you diarrhea.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah, I was about to say this sounds like the runs.

[May Martin]

Yeah, it's under in the meat section, and it's called alcara a casa. Run to the house.

[Fortune Feimster]

Run to the house.

[Tig Notaro]

What did you get?

[May Martin]

I just got calamari.

[Fortune Feimster]

I'll stick with the calamari. Yeah, but there's a lot of fish in Portugal, right?

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

I spent a lot of time in southern Portugal when I lived in Spain. And they. It was. Some areas were pretty remote where we went to this, like, little restaurant in the village. And they had goats in the back, and they were making the goat cheese right then and there, thanks to those little goaty goats. And it was delish.

[May Martin]

Like, milking the goats.

[Fortune Feimster]

Milking the goats and making that goat cheese and putting it right on the table.

[May Martin]

Oh, my God.

[Tig Notaro]

You can make goat cheese that fast. Just right out of the gate.

[Fortune Feimster]

That's what they told me. If they lied, then it worked, because I was like, best goat cheese I've ever had.

[Tig Notaro]

So fresh, just goat cheese falling out of the goat right onto your plate.

[Fortune Feimster]

Or maybe it wasn't like. I don't. Maybe, you know, they're making it in batches, but you got one batch from yesterday's milk.

[Tig Notaro]

I feel like it takes a while for probably. I didn't ask questions, clearly.

[Fortune Feimster]

They just were like, it's from that goat out there. And I was like, great. Love it.

[Tig Notaro]

I'm very excited. In my little vegan world, I found some vegan blue cheese, and I used to really enjoy blue cheese burgers. Yeah. And so I'm gonna make blue cheese Impossible burger.

[Fortune Feimster]

Ooh, that'll be tasty for you. And you like the vegan blue cheese. Tasted good.

[Tig Notaro]

I haven't tried it yet, but I had this really funny experience where Stephanie and I. This was several years. A few years ago, but we were at Sarah Paulson's birthday, and she had gotten. And I'm assuming it was just for us, a little vegan cheese plate. And I was Eating it. And I turned to this woman that I'd just been casually talking to, and I said, oh, my gosh, this cheese is so good. Try this. And the woman took a bite and then she turned to me and she said, how long have you been vegan? And I said, oh, I've been vegan. Like, you know, whatever. It was at the time, six years. And she was like, okay. Cause this doesn't taste anything like cheese.

[May Martin]

Whoa, you've forgotten. Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

She's like.

[Tig Notaro]

I mean, truly, my mind was blown. I was like, this is so incredible. And I mean, Stephanie, I think we were the only two vegans there and we were just scarfing it down. Mind blown. And that woman. I mean, we might have. Yeah, it was so. I don't know if the blue cheese is good. I'll probably think it is.

[Fortune Feimster]

I've had some amazing vegan cheese.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, it's spreadable.

[Fortune Feimster]

There was one at the farmer's market in Studio City for years, and then they stopped selling it. But it was like this spreadable cheese with some kind of like cayenne or something in it, and it was so good.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah. I mean, they can make people think of vegan cheese as just like the, you know, kind of plasticky grocery store cheese, but you can really get some incredible vegan cheeses. It's especially at like gourmet.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Places or like. Yeah. Specialty places or like farmers markets and anyway, blah, blah, blah. Yeah. So I'll let you know how the blue. That used to be my favorite kind of burger. It was a blue cheeseburger.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

Well, let us know. We were going to need an update on our next podcast, please.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, my goodness. Who is this character?

[May Martin]

This character we know.

[Fortune Feimster]

I don't know, but I'd really like an update about Jesus.

[Tig Notaro]

Who are you?

[Fortune Feimster]

Beyond Burger? I'm just a woman that loves vegan cheeses and I'd really like to know how this blue cheese tastes on your burger.

[Tig Notaro]

I mean, I hang in vegan circles and I have never met you.

[Fortune Feimster]

I'm a vegan. I'm new to town and new to veganism.

[Tig Notaro]

Where did you move from?

[Fortune Feimster]

I moved from Cincinnati. Oh, really?

[May Martin]

And vegans there? What is your name?

[Fortune Feimster]

Amelia.

[May Martin]

Hi, Amelia.

[Tig Notaro]

Hello, Amelia. It is such a pleasure to meet you.

[Fortune Feimster]

I just figured in the big city I should try vegan because there's more opportunities.

[Tig Notaro]

And when I say it's a pleasure to meet you, I of course mean it's a pleasure to plant based meet you. Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you.

[Fortune Feimster]

We're excited for the salads that will grace our tables. Because I'm moving in with you. Right.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, and not with me. Our house is full.

[May Martin]

No, you can move in with me. You can move.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah, I need to move in with someone.

[May Martin]

So you came from Cincinnati with no plan?

[Fortune Feimster]

No plan whatsoever. Okay.

[May Martin]

And I noticed you're wearing a lot of badges on your backpack here. A lot of.

[Fortune Feimster]

I used to be a girl Scout.

[May Martin]

Right. Okay.

[Tig Notaro]

I also. What I'm noticing more than anything is that your. Your accent doesn't match Cincinnati. Can you explain that?

[May Martin]

It's.

[Fortune Feimster]

I'm. I've lived in many places in many lives. I'm not from Cincinnati. I just moved from there.

[May Martin]

Oh.

[Tig Notaro]

And how old are you?

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, God, 1253. And I'd really love to live with one of you.

[Tig Notaro]

Well, it's gonna be May.

[May Martin]

Yeah, it's gonna be May now. Vegan.

[Tig Notaro]

No.

[Fortune Feimster]

Then I cannot be with May.

[May Martin]

Oh, no. I am gonna need to live with you.

[Fortune Feimster]

Tig.

[Tig Notaro]

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

[Fortune Feimster]

I insist.

[Tig Notaro]

No, Penelope, I'm sorry.

[Fortune Feimster]

It's Amelia. Whatever.

[Tig Notaro]

You cannot.

[Fortune Feimster]

Okay, well, I'll get your address online.

[Tig Notaro]

No, you won't.

[Fortune Feimster]

I'm sure I will.

[Tig Notaro]

Okay, well, I'm moving.

[May Martin]

Love her.

[Tig Notaro]

And I'm calling the police.

[Fortune Feimster]

I gotta go.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, good.

[May Martin]

It's already a worn out for Amelia.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, wow. Wow, what a treat.

[Tig Notaro]

What a fun little visitor we had there that we hope to never see again. Should we hear from our question asker before Amelia comes back?

[May Martin]

Yeah, let's. Although I honestly think it should be a segment. Every episode, we should have a visitor. Not necessarily. Amelia.

[Fortune Feimster]

One of us just has a Never again.

[May Martin]

Yeah, one of us has. Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

All right, next pod. One of y' all has to bring somebody.

[May Martin]

Yeah, I'm. I'm excited about today's question asker because I just met him in Nantucket. I did a. A panel with him and I was already such a fan because I'm a huge fan of Severance, the TV show, and I met him and his amazing wife and. And I became friends with her and we were doing watercolor paintings on the beach and they're just such nice.

[Tig Notaro]

Of course you were. Of course you were.

[May Martin]

So I'm really excited. Today's Emmy nominated question asker is best known for playing Dylan in Severance. He also plays Ethan and you, Woody and Fallout and voiced Wolf on Duncanville. Zach Cherry is asking today's question.

[Tig Notaro]

Nice. Nice.

[D]

Hi, handsome Pod. I have a question which may or may not be relevant to how I've been spending. Spending my recent few days. What is a way that you could easily just waste like 10 hours? And I say waste because I don't mean like spend time with your loved ones or, you know, something good like that. I mean just like you're in a room and you get to choose one kind of activity. It could be a hobby or it could be just like something mindless that you could easily spend 10 hours doing.

[Fortune Feimster]

So nothing productive.

[May Martin]

Yeah, like summer is winding down and that's a little bittersweet. But there's also something nice about settling back into more of a regular routine. Being home more often is a chance to really reflect on my space and my style. And that's where Wayfair comes in. From bedding and linens to storage solutions for every room in the house, Wayfair is your one stop shop. You can refresh your workspace with desks, bookcases, office chairs for way less or make weeknight dinners a thing again with quality cookware that makes meal time a breeze.

[Tig Notaro]

When I was decorating my home office, I wanted to get a very specific art deco look. But a lot of art deco stuff comes with a shockingly high price tag. That's where Wayfair came in so handy. I was able to achieve the look I wanted with quality pieces from Wayfair and everything looked exactly like I envisioned it. They have so many options, so many colors. If you can imagine your dream furniture, Wayfair probably has it.

[May Martin]

Get organized, refreshed and back to routine for way less. Head to Wayfair.com right now to shop all things home. That's W a y f a I-r.com Wayfair Every style, every home picture.

[Fortune Feimster]

A giant magnet attracting all your favorite animated shows. That's Hulu Anime Ham, your animation destination.

[May Martin]

Catch all the shenanigans on classics like the Simpsons, Futurama, American dad, and many more.

[Fortune Feimster]

Hulu Anima your animation destination. Stream now on Hulu on Disney plus.

[May Martin]

For Hulu and Bundle subscribers. Terms apply.

[Fortune Feimster]

If you love comedy, conversation and hearing famous people get a little too honest, you'll want to check out Armchair Expert. Every Monday and Wednesday, hosts Dax Shepard and Monica Padman sit down with actors, comedians, scientists, really anyone interesting for honest, curious and hilarious conversations about life. But some of the funniest moments, they come from listeners. Every Friday, Dax and Monica listen to outrageous, awkward and deeply human stories from fans on the phone and in real time on their armchair. Anonymous series.

[Tig Notaro]

From disastrous dates to family secrets, accidentally joining a cult and a poop disaster you won't believe they've Heard it all. It's relatable, chaotic, and laugh out loud funny. Follow Armchair Expert on the Wondry app or wherever you get your podcasts and subscribe to armchair expert on YouTube.

[May Martin]

Like a deck is funny self soothing thing. Maybe like the, the thing that comes to mind for me is. Is kind of the capital cities thing or like memory productive. Oh, yeah. I guess. Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah. That. That caveat is a little hard because I just, I thought it was like, how could you spend your waste 10 hours, whatever it is? I guess if you.

[Fortune Feimster]

If productivity comes from it, that's.

[Tig Notaro]

I guess that'.

[May Martin]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

Like anything goes.

[May Martin]

It's like something. I guess it's something that you can get so fixated on that you. You lose track of time and you're on your own just in your little world. Like, like people play video games or like. Yeah. Interesting facts.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, you know what? You know what I've done before when I've been on. This is a little embarrassing. I've been on flights where like, there's no Internet and then I'll. I mean, something positive comes from it. But have I told you about my to do list where I move things? I'll make a list of things that I want to accomplish. And it's not like go to the dry cleaners, any of that kind of stuff. It's like big picture to do list in life.

[May Martin]

Okay.

[Tig Notaro]

And then once I do that, I move it to another level, which is that it's done. And then I keep that list so I can keep track of the progress that I've made. And then I also have this part of the list that is things that I am that are up next. Like there's things that I am actively working on. Then there are things that I am that are. That are. That I'm not putting my focus on next, but they are next in line.

[May Martin]

Yeah. You know what I'm saying? Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

And so I. I keep track and I move things to the next. Whatever I've done that I. I think I really enjoy lists.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

And I also made a. A bucket list.

[May Martin]

Oh yeah. And these are.

[Tig Notaro]

I. I do these on flights.

[May Martin]

Nice.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah. Where I'm just like, oh. Another thing that I can get lost in on flights without Internet is I'll go through all of my photos and videos and I'll do favorites, you know?

[May Martin]

Oh yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[May Martin]

Where I'm like, clean up your phone situation. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

That's juicy. And I've had moments where I've thought, I've been curious what people think I'm doing because. You know what I mean? Like, I'm just looking at. I guess it's not that weird of a thing, but it feels vulnerable when I'm just going through personal pictures and liking things and moving them. Deleting. Liking.

[May Martin]

Oh, man. But you must get off that flight feeling so organized. Like, you've. You've made your lists, you've organized your phone.

[Tig Notaro]

Yes.

[May Martin]

That feels good to me.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[May Martin]

On the flight from Portugal on the way home, I did watercolors on the plane for the first time, and I.

[Tig Notaro]

Thought, of course you did.

[May Martin]

Yeah. I thought, I'm never doing on the plane. Yeah, on the plane. And it attracts too much attention. I didn't.

[Fortune Feimster]

Because you have all this. All this, like, art supply situation around you spilling.

[May Martin]

I'm like, I got. You know, I have water in the pens. That was actually. Zach's wife taught me about putting water in the pens. These special ones. But no, it was crazy. And every. Everyone that walked by made a comment, and I was like, I can't. I can't do this. What about you, Fortune? Well, we know.

[Tig Notaro]

Wait, did you have your propeller hat on? Please say you did when you were painting.

[May Martin]

It was really that vibe.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[May Martin]

Just real quick. I had such a propeller hat type moment the other day. I was buying a belt for this photo shoot, and the guy had been giving me kind of attitude throughout. Like, he was like, I don't think we have any menswear in your size, kind of when I came in, basically. And so I was already, like, pissed off. Then I go to buy the belt, and he goes, this is probably going to be too big for you. I go, no, that's the belt I want. He goes, do you want to try it first? I thought all belts were the same size, so I kind of tried. It's way too long. Like, I won't be able to. To wear it. And it's expensive, too, but I had to double down and. And buy it.

[Fortune Feimster]

You bought it?

[May Martin]

And as I'm buying it, I hear my. Because he goes, do you want us to order you a smaller one? I go, no, I want this one. And then I go. And then as I'm leaving, I go, my dad found what I came for. I go.

[Fortune Feimster]

I showed him.

[May Martin]

The most embarrassing thing was I go, my dad has a leather bore. So I was basically being like, my dad can make additional holes in the belt.

[Tig Notaro]

A hole.

[May Martin]

What an embarrassing thing. My dad has a.

[Fortune Feimster]

He's going to have an extra flap. That long?

[May Martin]

Yes.

[Tig Notaro]

Anyway, you just send it around your waist two times.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

Because it would just be, like, in the moment too embarrassing for you to just be like, no, that's not the one.

[May Martin]

Yeah, I just.

[Tig Notaro]

You were right.

[May Martin]

Yeah, exactly.

[Tig Notaro]

I was wrong.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah.

[May Martin]

And the fact that my revenge on this kind of rude man was just to insist on spending money in his store, it's crazy.

[Tig Notaro]

Now, is it hard for you to admit that you're wrong? Because. But I. I'm. I. I guess I'm saying I'm asking because I actually wouldn't have pegged you as somebody who would be.

[May Martin]

It was more like I'd spent 45 minutes in this store and I was like, I gotta leave with something or else I've just wasted.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I'm just saying, like, in personal relationships, you know, because that's. That really, you can admit that you're wrong.

[May Martin]

Yeah, totally. Even when you strike me, when I'm not. Just to keep peace.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah. I was gonna say, you don't strike me as somebody that's gonna just, like, Dawn.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because you just don't like the conflict.

[May Martin]

Yeah, yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

Like, it's all me. I'm bad.

[May Martin]

My bad.

[Fortune Feimster]

I'm sorry.

[May Martin]

Yeah, yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

Y. Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Stephanie and I do this thing where we go, you're sorry.

[May Martin]

That's really funny.

[Fortune Feimster]

That's cute. Does that help kind of dissolve some tension?

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

We're.

[Tig Notaro]

We're very used to you're sorry. But anyway, I was just. I would have been surprised and fascinated if you were a double down.

[May Martin]

A double downer.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah. Yeah. Well, that's different. A double downer.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

But.

[Tig Notaro]

But no, it would have surprised me if you.

[May Martin]

Thank you.

[Tig Notaro]

Thank you. That's a good quality.

[May Martin]

No, thank you.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah. Everybody. It is important for everybody to take accountability.

[May Martin]

Yeah. I mean, I've been still watching Queer Ultimatum. I don't know if Queer Old Tomato. If you're watching Queer Old Time.

[Fortune Feimster]

I finished it.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[May Martin]

Yeah, me too.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, my gosh. I talked to Stephanie about it after we first. After we talked about it, she was like, I've told you about that show.

[May Martin]

You.

[Fortune Feimster]

Stephanie watched it?

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah. I think she said. Yeah. I don't know. She only watched one season. And she was like, also, we know the producer.

[May Martin]

No way.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah. And I was like, somehow I missed all of that, and now I'm interested. And she's like, oh, my God, that's so funny. Yeah. She was like, I've told you I wanted to watch it.

[Fortune Feimster]

You're like, well, May and fortune told me so.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah. Now, Yeah. I was like, I don't know. Somehow it just didn't. I just didn't take it in. And I think it was like, as soon as I hear reality show or something, I'm like, yeah, yeah, yeah, whatever. And you had my full attention, and I heard it, and I was. And I've already forgotten about it, but now that we bring it up again, I actually am like, we need to watch that.

[May Martin]

Yeah. Queer old tomatoes.

[Fortune Feimster]

I would be curious to hear your thoughts on it, because it is a. Interesting look into people's psyche.

[May Martin]

Well, what makes me laugh is, like. And I. I feel like this is quite a kind of queer thing, but, like, the methods that people come up with within their relationship to navigate communication and conflict. And these are, you know, mainly queer women who are so fluent in, like, attachment styles and things like that. And it's just so funny the way it's like. Well, you know, when she's triggered, I. Then, you know, we have. She presses a button, and then I know it's time to get the guitar, and we take a pause. Like, it's like, crazy.

[Tig Notaro]

That's hilarious.

[May Martin]

Funny the way they, like, facilitate each other's triggeredness.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah.

[May Martin]

Yeah. But fortune, what's. How would you waste 10? I mean, I know best fiends is a thing.

[Fortune Feimster]

That one. That one's good for an airplane ride.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

I'm trying not to do it at home very much. This little game that May and I play on our phones.

[Tig Notaro]

Gosh.

[Fortune Feimster]

You know what? It's funny. I work crazy hard. I. I'm, like, in. My calendar would make most people have heart palpitations. So I know I'm a productive person in life, but I can also waste time so easily if given the opportunity. I could waste time in so many different ways.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Let's hear it.

[Fortune Feimster]

I could. I could sit in the pool or the hot tub for hours.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, my God. I'll sit in the hot tub for three hours.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah. I'll be a raisin. I don't care. I will sit there and sit there and sit there and sit there. I'll go through different times of, like, talking on the phone or scrolling through the phone or staring into space or talking to myself out loud.

[May Martin]

I'd love to hear that. Especially if it's Emilio's voice.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah. So many different iterations of that. If I'm in water, I'm fine. I could be there forever. Okay. Then I'll get out and pee and come back in.

[Tig Notaro]

You don't just go in the hot tub.

[Fortune Feimster]

No, I want to sit my own pee. That's been being Swirled around me.

[May Martin]

But I just read if you pee in the shower, then you're saving 2,500liters of water a year just by once a day. Peeing in the shower instead of the toilet.

[Fortune Feimster]

Well, all right, may fact, may fact. I could also waste time by just sitting and watching terrible television or good television.

[May Martin]

But there's something better about terrible television.

[Fortune Feimster]

When you're waste, like you have to think about anything.

[May Martin]

Yeah, yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

How else?

[Tig Notaro]

How else?

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, I could. Similar to Tig. When I'm on a plane, I could for hours go through old photos and delete photos just like ad nauseam. Just like, because, you know, we all take like for whatever reason, when people take pictures, you take like 10 in one setting.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

Of one of one picture. You're like, I don't need these. I only need one. I don't need 10.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

So I gotta go erase the nine.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

But I can do that for hours.

[May Martin]

Erase the nine. Sounds like another dish on a Portuguese menu. Run to the house. Erase the nine.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah, I think that's. That's a pretty good time wasting.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

I could drive forever. I'm a. I love driving. I could be in a car for hours listening to songs and podcasts, going in and out.

[Tig Notaro]

What podcasts do you listen to?

[Fortune Feimster]

Only handsome.

[Tig Notaro]

Yes, of course.

[Fortune Feimster]

Ourselves.

[May Martin]

That was a trick question. Then you asked.

[Fortune Feimster]

You know, the true crime ones.

[May Martin]

Yeah, yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

I go out of my favorite murder and some of the other ones or, you know, some of our stand up friends have podcasts. I'll listen to some of theirs, see what they're up to. Some Sirius XM shows and then. And then just a little Pandora station of like different, you know, Brandy Carlisle or Tay Swift or people like that. Florence and the Machine.

[May Martin]

Do you sing along?

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, come on now.

[Tig Notaro]

Any other stupid questions?

[May Martin]

Have you met me, May?

[Fortune Feimster]

I'm singing along, my friend. I haven't sang on here in a while.

[Tig Notaro]

One of the most popular Brandy Carlisle tunes right there.

[Fortune Feimster]

If you met me maybe.

[May Martin]

Oh, man. There's only like one or two songs that have the name May in it and I treasure them.

[Fortune Feimster]

What are they?

[May Martin]

Maggie May, Dirty Maggie May, they have taken you away. And also Goo Goo Dolls slide. Oh, May, you want to get married, Run away. That. Oh my God. I was like 13 and saw them live and he said my name.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, tingles.

[May Martin]

Not a lot of take in songs.

[Tig Notaro]

No.

[May Martin]

Oh, except take a look at me now.

[Fortune Feimster]

Tickle bitties. That's a song, right?

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Take a look at me now. That's. That's Phil Collins.

[May Martin]

Yes.

[Fortune Feimster]

Take A Look at Me Now.

[Tig Notaro]

That is a stellar tune.

[May Martin]

That could be. When your next special could be called Tig A Look At Me now, but.

[Tig Notaro]

It won't be Me.

[May Martin]

No, she leans.

[Fortune Feimster]

It's in that vein.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah, she leans.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, I am leaning right now, too.

[May Martin]

Fortune. Fortune songs.

[Fortune Feimster]

Not one that comes to my mind.

[Tig Notaro]

No, Google it up.

[May Martin]

I'm trying to think of a pun.

[Fortune Feimster]

Like some punties.

[Tig Notaro]

Punties.

[Fortune Feimster]

Those are panties with puns on them.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

No, I know. Wait, Thomas is typing Fortunate Son by ccr.

[Fortune Feimster]

Somebody sing it.

[May Martin]

I don't know it.

[Tig Notaro]

You don't know? Fortunate knows it.

[May Martin]

No.

[Fortune Feimster]

Tig, sing to me.

[Tig Notaro]

No, I will not sing it. But it's one of my favorite Creedence Clearwater Revival songs.

[Fortune Feimster]

I know I would know it if someone's saying it.

[Tig Notaro]

Thomas, do you want to play a little? That's so good. Oh, wait, you're gonna sing it. Okay.

[Fortune Feimster]

We're not gonna pay for the clearance, Amy. I know.

[May Martin]

Senator's Son.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, it ain't me. It ain't me. Okay, I know it. No, I know it. Now.

[Tig Notaro]

Wait, I was asking you to play the actual song. I wasn't asking you to do that terrible rendition. Thomas.

[May Martin]

I'm getting a copyright strike on.

[Fortune Feimster]

We don't want to strike on the old.

[May Martin]

Is that how it works? You get strikes? You got, like.

[Fortune Feimster]

Don't do more strikes, baby.

[May Martin]

Should we hear what Zach has to say?

[Fortune Feimster]

Yes, we should.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[D]

I mean, it could be a lot of things. You know, I really do love sorting things. If you gave me, like, a big pile of papers on the right day, if the. If the AC was going, I could sort papers for 10 hours or, you know, read a good book. Unfortunately, lately I've been really wasting a lot of time playing the computer game Civ 7, and it's. It is ruining my life a little bit as we speak. So, yeah, you throw me in a room with that for 10 hours, and I. I blink and it's over. And also, I just. I hope that you don't, like, hang on to this video for a long time, because it already sounds embarrassing and insane to be playing this game as much as I am. But if this doesn't. If this. You know, if you drop this in 2027 when this game is old and obsolete, then I'll look even more insane. So that's what's going on with me. How did you spend your 10 hours?

[Tig Notaro]

I honestly can't think of anything more dreadful than sorting through papers.

[May Martin]

Really?

[Tig Notaro]

No. Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

I don't want to sort through Papers. No.

[Tig Notaro]

Two against one. Get the hell out of here.

[May Martin]

No, I think I get it. Yeah, I get it. It was interesting that he specified with the AC going. But he's like, I don't want to.

[Fortune Feimster]

Be hot doing that.

[May Martin]

Yeah, No, I like the idea of sorting papers.

[Tig Notaro]

Can we stop talking about it?

[May Martin]

Sure.

[Fortune Feimster]

It's just making you feel really bad. Oh, by the way, Tig.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

I was with a friend who loves zombie movies, and another friend was like, oh, you should watch army of the Dead. And I was like, tig's in it. And they had never seen it, so I. We watched army of the Dead.

[Tig Notaro]

You watched that?

[Fortune Feimster]

I mean, I'd seen it when it came out.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, you did.

[Fortune Feimster]

But these friends hadn't seen it. And so I. I watched you.

[Tig Notaro]

Huh?

[Fortune Feimster]

Be all tough and sexy.

[Tig Notaro]

Go on, say it.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yes. And sexy was the next word.

[May Martin]

I thought you were acting a little shy today around Tig.

[Fortune Feimster]

There she is.

[Tig Notaro]

She's a movie star.

[Fortune Feimster]

You did great. You look super sexy.

[Tig Notaro]

Thank you.

[Fortune Feimster]

In your army. Well, it was like a pilots.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[May Martin]

Onesie.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah, A pilot onesie. With your cigar.

[Tig Notaro]

Way to make it sound sexy. My pilot onesie.

[May Martin]

I'm gonna watch it. I love that genre so much. I just saw 28 years later in. In cinemas.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, I went and watched that, too, in the cinema. I thought it was weird. But you must have been into it.

[May Martin]

I loved it, but it was weird. Yeah. Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

There were dongs everywhere.

[May Martin]

There were Marie.

[Fortune Feimster]

There were Tig. You don't understand. There are all these zombie creatures with just the biggest dongs running around.

[May Martin]

There was one.

[Tig Notaro]

Okay.

[Fortune Feimster]

One giant zombie dong, but there were other floppity flops happening, too.

[Tig Notaro]

Well, that's why May was into it.

[May Martin]

Oh, I was.

[Tig Notaro]

I think I was into it because.

[Fortune Feimster]

It had a British sensibility.

[May Martin]

Do you like the first two you like?

[Fortune Feimster]

I like the other ones, but this one was like, what's happening? And then the ending was so weird to me, and I was like, what is this?

[May Martin]

Oh, I could talk for. Yeah, let's talk off pod about the ending.

[Fortune Feimster]

Okay.

[Tig Notaro]

Now if we can go back to army of the Dead.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yes, we can. Sexy.

[Tig Notaro]

Thank you. How great of a job did Zack Snyder do Green Screening me into that entire movie.

[Fortune Feimster]

It was crazy.

[Tig Notaro]

I mean, and his special effects people.

[Fortune Feimster]

We would never know.

[Tig Notaro]

I mean, I. In the room. Yeah. I mean, for people that don't know, I replaced somebody and I filmed that movie alone with Zach.

[Fortune Feimster]

How long did it take you to film?

[Tig Notaro]

I don't know. A few weeks.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, okay.

[May Martin]

I'm gonna Watch it tonight.

[Fortune Feimster]

You haven't seen it?

[May Martin]

No.

[Fortune Feimster]

You're in for a tree. Or our little Tiggy. Tig.

[May Martin]

Are there any dogs?

[Tig Notaro]

You think you're sexy, May? Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

If you think you're the sex pot around here, just wait until you see Tig.

[May Martin]

Are there any dongs in it though?

[Tig Notaro]

I hope not, otherwise I wouldn't have taken the job.

[May Martin]

Right.

[Fortune Feimster]

No dongs.

[May Martin]

Anyways, I. Anyways, I'm not gonna get a. Like a PlayStation because I'm. Or something like that. Because I'm worried about what Zach's talking about. That it would just ruin my life. I think I'd get really into it because I wasn't allowed to play video games growing up. And then when I was like. Yeah, but when I was like 16, living on my own, I got a Super Mario Brothers and it was like, oh, that's why I wasn't allowed it because I think I played it for 12 months, for 24 hours a day.

[Tig Notaro]

And are you still into game or into video games?

[May Martin]

No, I don't. Well, I don't have. I have my VR headset.

[Fortune Feimster]

Do you use that?

[May Martin]

I went through a phase because there's a Star wars game on it that by the end of playing this game, it's like a four hour narrative game. You feel like you've grown as a person. Like you defeat Vader, you discover that you have the Force, you're in Star Wars. And so that I would recommend. But no, I think nerd alert. Too addictive a personality.

[Tig Notaro]

I think I played him as a kid.

[May Martin]

You did?

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah. I only know how to play like Pac man and Donkey Kong and Asteroids.

[Fortune Feimster]

And I have that multi cade game down here in my house. Stand up arcade game with all those on it.

[Tig Notaro]

Well, I'll be right over.

[May Martin]

Yeah. If you're ever selling that, I will buy that from you. Fortune.

[Fortune Feimster]

I am not ever selling it.

[May Martin]

Sure.

[Fortune Feimster]

Someone sold it to me and I think she regretted it immediately.

[Tig Notaro]

And do you ever play it when you're treading water?

[Fortune Feimster]

I don't ever play it, but I love that I own it.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

Because it's so vintage.

[Tig Notaro]

It's so rare.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

And. And Jags didn't really want it in the house, in this new house because it doesn't really go with anything. But I was like, I am not selling this thing.

[May Martin]

I think I.

[Fortune Feimster]

It's gonna be like trucked with me wherever I go. I like that I play occasionally. It's very. It's very loud because they're. It's an old game and they just didn't have volume controls. Yes. So when you play as I, you.

[Tig Notaro]

Know, it didn't come with Bluetooth.

[Fortune Feimster]

It did not.

[May Martin]

Do you have to put quarters? You don't have to put quarters in it, though.

[Fortune Feimster]

No. No quarters do.

[Tig Notaro]

You just bang it on the side like Fonzie and then you just start playing.

[Fortune Feimster]

Baby, it's right there. Go walk up. It's got the quarter slots and so.

[Tig Notaro]

Did you notice Fortune just called me baby because she saw me in army of the Death.

[May Martin]

Everything's shifted since.

[Fortune Feimster]

Everything's changed.

[Tig Notaro]

There's a full on vibe.

[May Martin]

Yeah, I'm scared to watch it myself. I don't.

[Tig Notaro]

I'm scared for you too as well.

[Fortune Feimster]

Come give me a kiss. Come give me some shit.

[Tig Notaro]

As long as you're not Amelia.

[May Martin]

Yeah, Amelia.

[Fortune Feimster]

Emelia's on her way to your house right now.

[Tig Notaro]

If she is, she better bring that video game. You said it goes everywhere you do.

[Fortune Feimster]

He's walking down the street pushing that thing.

[May Martin]

Pushing it in a baby stroller for some reason.

[Fortune Feimster]

Well, what a treat, you guys.

[May Martin]

What a podcast. Really.

[Fortune Feimster]

What a podcast.

[Tig Notaro]

What a podcast.

[May Martin]

A pleasure as always.

[Fortune Feimster]

I think we've said everything there is to say other than what we've got going on.

[Tig Notaro]

Huh? Well, I also want to mention to. Please share this episode with a friend if you want them to join the handsome community. Subscribe Rate review. I know I say it all the time, but if you haven't, just take one second. Just one second. Subscribe. We also have a YouTube channel. Subscribe to that. Rate Review Tell a friend. Share an episode. This is an incredible community we've built, and we're very thankful for it.

[May Martin]

Yeah, we want to keep it going. Keep it, keep it going. Keep it growing.

[Fortune Feimster]

Going and growing, y'. All. We want to be a grower, not a shower.

[Tig Notaro]

That's right, Fortune Marie.

[May Martin]

That's what he said.

[Tig Notaro]

I'll be in West Hampton Beach, New York, August 17th. I'll be in Provincetown, Massachusetts, August 23rd. Dynasty Typewriter, September 21st. Beau Rivage Resort & Casino, Biloxi, Mississippi, September 27th. And then the road goes on forever. Go to tignotaro.com to see where I will be.

[May Martin]

I got nothing live, I think, for the next little while, but check out SAP, my special on Netflix. Or just go to MayMartin Music.com for cool updates.

[Tig Notaro]

You know I will.

[May Martin]

Oh, you're there every day to check.

[Fortune Feimster]

I'm at the Great Outdoors Comedy festival in Spokane, August 23rd. And then September, a bunch of dates in San Antonio, Houston, Norfolk, Virginia, and Richmond, DC, Portland, Maine, Boston, Burlington, Vermont, Mobile, Alabama, New Orleans, and Atlanta. That's all coming up up in the next couple months, so check those out. Let's have some fun in person, y'. All.

[Tig Notaro]

Go to thehandsomepod.com for all of our wonderful, beautiful merch. And until next time, keep it handsome.

[May Martin]

Handsome Handsome is hosted by Me, May Martin, Tig Notaro, and Fortune Feimster. The show is produced, recorded and edited by Thomas Willette. Email [e-mail] and please follow us on social media at Handsomepod.

[Fortune Feimster]

What a podcast.

[May Martin]

What a podcast. That was a hitgam podcast.

[Tig Notaro]

Some people just know they could save hundreds on car insurance by checking Allstate First.

[May Martin]

Like, you know to check the local neighborhood trees for free fruit when it's in season. Just ask permission if you're going to go into someone's backyard.

[Tig Notaro]

Checking first is smart, so check Allstate first for a quote that could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Savings vary subject to terms, conditions and availability. Allstate Fire and Casualty Insurance Company and Affiliates Northbrook, Illinois Hey, I'm Gareth Reynolds.

[May Martin]

And I have a new podcast on Head Gum called Next we have now this show is for people with short attention attention spans, which is everyone. I mean, you're probably trying to skip this ad right now, but don't because you now legally have to listen to the show.

[D]

That's how law works.

[May Martin]

Next we have is very simple. Each episode has three short segments. For instance, Lisa Gilroy and I write.

[D]

Insane revenge Yelp reviews for callers who.

[May Martin]

Had bad experiences with a business. The Doughboys play a game called Meal or no Meal and Steph, Tola and.

[D]

I go head to head on a.

[May Martin]

Thought provoking game called Guess that Sound. The show is as dumb as it sounds, and we probably have more fun than we should, but it's a great time and you should listen or watch.

[D]

New episodes of Next we have every.

[May Martin]

Thursday on YouTube or your favorite podcast. Apparently.