A Little Happier: After My Beloved Father Died, My Mother, Sister, and I Wrote This Obituary

Summary

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Podcast Summary:

Happier with Gretchen Rubin
Episode: A Little Happier: After My Beloved Father Died, My Mother, Sister, and I Wrote This Obituary
Host: Gretchen Rubin
Date: January 19, 2026

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Main Theme

This “A Little Happier” episode is an intimate reflection from Gretchen Rubin about the passing of her father, Jack Craft, in December 2025. Gretchen shares how she, her mother, and her sister Elizabeth found solace and connection by collaboratively writing his obituary. The episode is a tribute to her father's legacy, illustrating the healing power of storytelling and remembrance during grief.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Process of Grieving Through Writing

• Catalyst for Reflection: After the death of Jack Craft, Gretchen, her mother, and her sister wrote and rewrote his obituary, using it as a meaningful way to process grief and celebrate his life.
• Therapeutic Creativity: They discovered that crafting the obituary was deeply comforting, providing a blend of remembrance and creative engagement.
  • “Although we didn’t realize it when we started working on it, the process of writing this obituary turned out to be such a solace, a way for us to reflect on the person we loved so much and and talk about him and reminisce... the creative process of making this piece of writing as good as it could be.” – Gretchen Rubin (01:47)

2. A Portrait of Jack Craft

• Background: Born in Denver, raised in North Platte, Nebraska, Jack was profoundly connected to his Midwestern upbringing.
• Personal Life: Married for 64 years to Karen, whom he met in high school. Their love story was central to the family’s lore.
  • "She has fifth grade memories of Jack...he stood out because he loved to talk." (03:19)
• Education and Career: Majored in history, was active in college life, and went on to a prominent and impactful legal career. Jack contributed enormously to civic life in Kansas City and Missouri, working across political lines and leading many significant local initiatives.
• Community Contributions:
  • Advised political figures, chaired multiple civic boards, and was central in redeveloping Kansas City’s iconic Union Station.
  • Led and inspired efforts that benefited public infrastructure, culture, and city life.

3. The Personal Legacy

• Family Memories:
  • Loved annual father-daughter dinners, made fudge, gave advice when asked, encouraged Gretchen and Elizabeth to “enjoy the process,” and valued fun and togetherness above all.
  • His signature optimism, curiosity, and support as a parent were deeply influential.
  • "He gave great advice, but only when asked. Most often he counseled them to enjoy the process. He even had a mug emblazoned with his favorite motto." (06:22)
• Grandparenting: Saw this role as even better than anticipated, engaging in family traditions, stories, and adventures with infectious enthusiasm.
• Passions and Personality:
  • Was an avid reader (from de Tocqueville to Game of Thrones), athlete, and adventurer.
  • Thoroughly enjoyed the simple pleasures: Kansas City sights, Trader Joe’s coffee, ice cream, pinball, podcasts, sunrises, and Costco errands.
  • Loved music, especially the Beach Boys' “Good Vibrations.”
  • “He often remarked, the next six months will be very interesting.” (08:08)

4. Facing Life’s End

• Approach to Dying:
  • Jack was described as facing his final days with clarity, equanimity, and surrounded by his family, fully himself to the end.
  • “A doctor told us people tend to die the way they lived. Jack died the way he lived. He faced a difficult decision with lawyer-like clarity and sweet equanimity, surrounded by his family who loved him with all our hearts.” (09:04)
• Farewell & Celebration: As per Jack’s wishes, no funeral would be held; instead, the family encouraged others to visit places significant to him as a form of remembrance.

5. The Closing Touch: Raymond Carver Poem

• Gretchen ends by reading the poem “Late Fragment” by Raymond Carver as a tribute and a summary of her father’s fulfilled life:

  • “And did you get what you wanted from this life?
    Even so, I did.
    And what did you want?
    To call myself beloved,
    To feel myself beloved on the earth.” (10:25)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On creative solace:
  • “The process of writing this obituary turned out to be such a solace, a way for us to reflect... and reminisce.” – Gretchen Rubin (01:47)
• On Jack’s motto:
  • “Most often he counseled them to enjoy the process. He even had a mug emblazoned with his favorite motto.” (06:22)
• On facing death:
  • “Jack died the way he lived. He faced a difficult decision with lawyer-like clarity and sweet equanimity, surrounded by his family who loved him with all our hearts.” (09:04)
• Carver’s ‘Late Fragment’:
  • “And did you get what you wanted from this life? Even so, I did... To feel myself beloved on the earth.” (10:25)

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• [01:47] – Gretchen begins sharing reflections on the death of her father and the obituary process
• [02:34–09:55] – Reading of Jack Craft’s detailed obituary
• [10:25] – “Late Fragment” poem by Raymond Carver as a final tribute
• [10:42] – Episode closes with a wish for listeners’ happiness

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Tone & Takeaways

The episode is heartfelt, loving, and reflective, with Gretchen’s signature warmth and clarity. It offers a model for channeling grief into active remembrance, emphasizing the importance of both celebrating loved ones’ legacies and leaning into family storytelling as a form of healing.

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Transcript

[A]

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[C]

I'm Gretchen Rubin and this is a little happier In December, my beloved father, Jack Craft, died at the age of 87. My mother, my sister Elizabeth and I were all together for his last conversation and his last breath. He didn't want a funeral, so after he died, the three of us spent several days writing and rewriting his obituary as a way to express our love and pay tribute to him. Although we didn't realize it when we started working on it, the process of writing this obituary turned out to be such a solace, a way for us to reflect on the person we loved so much and and talk about him and reminisce. This exercise also gave us a respite.

[B]

From grief because we'd get caught up.

[C]

In the creative process of making this piece of writing as good as it could be. Here is what we wrote. Jack craft died on December 2, 2025 from an aortic valve infection at the age of 87. Beloved husband, father, grandfather, brother, friend, and citizen, John Charles Craft was born in Denver, Colorado, the son of Cecil and Ellen Craft. He grew up in North Platte, Nebraska and considered himself fortunate to have been raised in a small Midwestern town. He was married for 64 years to his high school sweetheart, Karen Winfrey, who always says the best decision of her life was to transfer from Wellesley College to the University of Nebraska to join him.

[B]

She has fifth grade memories of Jackson.

[C]

He stood out because he loved to talk. At the University of Nebraska, Jack majored in history, a lifelong interest. He was president of the Beta Theta PI fraternity and lettered in tennis.

[B]

His granddaughter Eliza wears his letterman sweater.

[C]

Growing up, Jack worked as a land surveyor in the Nevada desert and Wyoming plains for the Union Pacific Railroad, sold vodka spiked oranges with his fellow letterman at Cornhusker games and labored in his.

[B]

Father'S squirt pot bottling plant, a job that taught him he'd rather be a lawyer. After graduating from Northwestern Law School, where he served on the Law Review, Jack and Karen moved to Kansas City. He joined the law firm of Lathrop, Writer, Gordon and Parker. Not long after he started, he got a phone call from a young lawyer in St. Louis, John Danforth, who asked Jack to help run his campaign for Missouri Attorney General. After the election, Jack joined Danforth's office, two of the most formative, fun years of his career. Influenced by a father and mother who each served in the Nebraska legislature. Jack was an old school Republican who believed in the value of government. He often quoted the line good government is good politics and never hesitated to reach across the aisle. When his close friend Kit Vaughn ran for auditor, governor and then senator, Jack played a major part in his campaigns over the years. Among his many other roles, Jack advised Mayor Richard Berkeley and was legal counsel to the police board. In 1987, Jack founded Kraft, Friedkin and Rhine, a law firm that specialized in business and regulatory law. He initiated the conversion of the historic Main Post office on Pershing Road into an Internal Revenue Service Center. In 2004, the firm merged its practice with Lathrop Engage. Finding solutions for tough problems was a challenge Jack embraced. Throughout his life, Jack worked hard for the benefit of both Kansas City and Missouri. He served as chairman of many civic initiatives, including the Public Improvements Advisory Committee, the Kansas City Port Authority, the Planned Industrial Expansion Authority, and led the effort to fund a major expansion of the Kansas City Zoo. He was involved in the community in countless other ways as a founding member of the local investment Commission, as a board member of the Hawthorne foundation, and as a board member of Missouri's Children and Family Services. Of his many accomplishments, he was probably most proud of Union Station. He led the BI State initiative that funded the redevelopment of the Kansas City icon while Few believed that a bi state tax could pass. Jack persevered and the hope became a reality. That tax is thought to be the first of its kind in the United States. During Union Station's historic renovation, Jack convinced his family to climb the 95 foot scaffolding to touch the decorative ceiling. Medall no father was ever more consistently loving, fair and ready for fun. He made batches of fudge to be eaten straight from the pan, relished annual Father Daughter dinners, delighted in the Missouri State Fair, took weekly visits to the library. Elizabeth's friends commented on his huge ever present smile and nicknamed him Smiling Jack. Gretchen and Elizabeth appreciated the fact that he gave great advice, but only when asked. Most often he counseled them to enjoy the process. He even had a mug emblazoned with his favorite motto. He took great interest in his daughter's professional lives, becoming a minor expert in Hollywood deal making and the economics of book publishing. The risks he took in his own life taught them that they could take risks too. Secure in the knowledge, he would never judge their decisions, only support them. Jack said being a grandparent was an experience even better than expected. He tirelessly read stories aloud, fought, flipped Swedish pancakes just like the ones Mrs. Bargelle used to make, made visits to foods and ate the decorated gingerbread cookies baked by Jack, Eliza and Eleanor with boundless enthusiasm. He led trips to the zoo worlds of fun, topgolf and escape rooms. A lifelong athlete, over the years he pursued golf, tennis, running, working out with a Nordic track, twice weekly personal training and even a period of hot yoga. He took great pleasure in long morning walks through the grounds of the Nelson Atkins Museum and Kaufman Garden, especially when a daughter walked with him. He started every morning with the Wall Street Journal and the New York Times. He read everything from Apple in China to de Tocqueville to Middlemarch. Surprisingly, he was a fan of Game of Thrones. This year he joined the whole family in a slow read of War and Peace. Jack enjoyed many things. Trader Joe's coffee, ice cream, pinball, the In Our Time podcast, his daughter's podcasts, power naps, the Beach Boys, Good Vibrations, Japanese gardens, Oriental rugs, German chocolate cake, watching the sun rise from the kitchen window, lunches and dinners with friends and running errands at Costco, the only kind of shopping he looked forward to. He was a happy assistant to Karen in decorating for Christmas. Jack and Karen were tireless sightseers in dozens of countries and in Paris last May, logged more than 17,000 steps in a single day. On every trip to New York, Jack made two or three visits to the Met. He loved Kansas City, the Chiefs, Winstead's Luce Park, Q39 Breakfast Club speakers and the Plaza lights. He often remarked, the next six months will be very interesting. The four of us, Jack, Karen, Gretchen and Elizabeth spent his last days together. We reminisced a visit to Six Flags in 100 degree heat, daily picnics on the beach in Nantucket, driving across Germany and eating free funnel cakes in Eureka Springs. We laughed over old jokes and discussed the next mayor's race in Los Angeles. A doctor told us people tend to die the way they lived. Jack died the way he lived. He faced a difficult decision with lawyer like clarity and sweet equanimity, surrounded by his family who who loved him with all our hearts. Until the end, Jack remained himself. Good natured, clear thinking, curious, optimistic about the Cornhuskers and full of love for us. Jack is survived by his wife Karen, daughters Gretchen Krafft Rubin and Elizabeth Craft Fierro, sons in law Jamie Rubin and Adam Fierro, grandchildren Eliza Rubin, Eleanor Rubin and Jack Fierron, brothers Cecil Craft and Tom Craft and sister Susan Kraft Kolsky. As Jack requested, there will not be a funeral in Jack's memory. Please enjoy a visit to Union Station or Kaufman Garden. And then there is a poem called Late Fragment by Raymond Carver. And did you get what you wanted from this life? Even so, I did. And what did you want? To call? Myself beloved. To feel myself beloved on the earth. I'm Gretchen Rubin and I hope this.

[C]

Makes your week a little happier. From the Onward Project.

[D]

Hi Gretchen. Craig Robinson and my little sister Michelle. Here we host a new podcast called IMO with Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson. We know you're the queen of giving advice, so we wanted to get a few tips from you.

[B]

You know Gretchen, a lot of our listeners are going through some major life changes.

[D]

What advice do you have for folks who are trying to stay grounded in the midst of major life transitions?

[C]

Craig and Michelle, I am so happy to be talking to you. Here are a few questions that might help us gain perspective.

[D]

So.

[C]

So consider questions like this. What activities take up my time but are not particularly useful or stimulating for me? Do I spend a lot of time on something that's important to someone else but is not very important to me? If I could magically change one habit in my life, what would I choose?

[B]

And here's a question.

[C]

Would I like to have more time in solitude, restorative solitude, or would I like to have more time with friends? You know, just thinking about questions like this can help us start to figure out how we might make our lives happier. With greater self knowledge, we're better able to make hard decisions that reflect ourselves, our own nature, our own interests, our own values. In my own case, I have found that the more my life reflects my nature, the happier I get and the more grounded I feel when I'm going through a period of major change or transition. For more great advice, search for IMO with Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson. Wherever you get podcast, you can listen to Issa Rae on letting go of certain friendships, Keke Palmer on why disappointment is actually the key to career success Seth and Lauren Rogan on caring for aging parents and so many more.