← Happier with Gretchen Rubin
Happier with Gretchen Rubin
Ep. 523: Write Your Secrets of Adulthood, Magazine Happiness & Helping the (Obliger) Helper
00:31:53
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- [00:01]
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- [00:20]
Elizabeth Craft
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- [00:52]
Gretchen Rubin
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- [01:18]
Elizabeth Craft
Lemonade.
- [01:33]
Gretchen Rubin
Hello and welcome to Happier, a podcast where we talk about ideas and strategies for how to make our lives happier. This week we'll talk about a Try this at home suggestion that I have been following in a major way. And we'll also talk about an interesting listener question related to a helpful mother in law. I'm Gretchen Rubin, a writer who studies happiness, good habits, human nature, secrets of adulthood. Stay tuned for more on that. I'm in my little home office in New York City and joining me today from Los Angeles is my sister, Elizabeth Craft, my sister of the Sage, that's.
- [02:08]
Elizabeth Craft
Me, Elizabeth Craft, a TV writer and producer living in la and Gretch. We have spent much time discussing secrets of adulthood in our moments together. Together as sisters.
- [02:20]
Gretchen Rubin
Yes, as always, you are my happiness guinea pig. Some might say happiness innocent bystander. But before we jump in, we had a few updates.
- [02:29]
Elizabeth Craft
Yes. So we talked on More Happier about prepping for evacuation because I had to evacuate for six nights during the fires in la. And one thing I forgot to mention that several people have pointed out as a great idea is to take a video of the contents of your house before you leave. In case the worst happens and you do lose your house. You have for insurance a record of your belongings. I did not do that. I have not done that. Everyone could do that at any time.
- [03:05]
Gretchen Rubin
Yes.
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Elizabeth Craft
And just have that. And it's an easy way to document because it's going to be really hard to remember all of your belongings.
- [03:14]
Gretchen Rubin
Well, I realized that my album of now that I did for Life in five Senses serves that function. So I hadn't thought about that aspect. I did it for nostalgia purposes, but it's also good for insurance purposes.
- [03:24]
Elizabeth Craft
Yes, absolutely.
- [03:25]
Gretchen Rubin
And speaking of the five senses, Kara Mia wrote in I love the podcast and have read most of Gretchen's books. Well, thank you. I have discussed your work with my mom on several occasions, but didn't realize how it had stuck with her until this Christmas. This year, for gifts, she decided to go with a five senses theme. Me, my brothers and our partners all received a sight, touch, taste, sound and smell themed gift from my mom. For example, my husband and I got a family membership to the zoo as our sound gift. We all got Gooder sunglasses as our sight gift. And my sister in law got Lululemon leggings as her touch gift. Some gifts were small, some were more extravagant, some were gifts to the couple, some were gifts to an individual, but it was all super fun. My mom even printed tags to tie to each present indicating which scents inspired the gift. Gold star to my mom for hearing me and adding an extra flair to Christmas morning. I thought this was so great and what it like. It gives kind of a coherence and whimsy. Love whimsy. Love the five senses. What a great idea.
- [04:22]
Elizabeth Craft
Such a fun idea. And also when you're struggling maybe to figure out what to get someone, it gives you a direction to go in. I love it. And I think the most fun thing is that she put the little tags on each. That is so fun.
- [04:35]
Gretchen Rubin
Yeah.
- [04:36]
Elizabeth Craft
Okay. And Gretchen, this comes from Sonia. She said, I discovered the Happier and Happier in Hollywood podcast during the Pandemic and now listen to you both every week. Thank you, Sonia. I wanted to share a birthday gift that I asked for that is bringing me so much joy and definitely making me happier. I asked my children, ages 28 and 20, to think about the music that they listen to and then to curate a playlist for me of the music they enjoy that they thought I would also enjoy. Well, they each created a list of 25 songs that I just love. Bonus. My son in law also made me a list. Now I have 75 new songs from dozens of artists that I would likely not have discovered on my own and that I'm so enjoying listening to. I also think they really enjoyed the challenge of finding songs that I would like and they all nailed it. Well, Gretch, I love this. Not just the songs, but also it's like a bond, a connection with these people in your life.
- [05:36]
Gretchen Rubin
Like, oh, I love that song. Thank you so much. It's a way to stay in touch with culture. So like, if something's important to Your children, you can tap into it. It's the pleasure of the sense of sound. And, you know, it's also helping people to enjoy giving. There is tremendous joy in receiving, but there is also great joy in giving. And sometimes people would love to give, but they don't know how to give in a way that you want. And by the way, this doesn't take any money. So I think that this is a brilliant idea for helping people to feel closer.
- [06:06]
Elizabeth Craft
Yes.
- [06:07]
Gretchen Rubin
And then this came from Malin from Sweden. And this is related to a Little Happier episode that really made me laugh. She writes, I listened to the Little Happier called the Power of Telling the Truth, and it made me think that you would appreciate the story about the sign at Helsinki Airport in November. So in that Little Happier, I talked about how the tourist slogan for the state of Nebraska for a while was, honestly, it's not for everyone. And the city of Oslo has a tourist campaign right now. Now that is. Is it even a city? And I'll post a link to the Little Happier where I talk about those and why I love them so much. But. So this was what Helsinki Airport said in November. Nobody in their right mind would come to Helsinki in November except you, you badass. Welcome. I thought was hilarious.
- [06:52]
Elizabeth Craft
Hilarious.
- [06:53]
Gretchen Rubin
Yes. So that was very funny. Now let's try this at home. It is to write your own secrets of adulthood.
- [07:01]
Elizabeth Craft
All right, Gretchen. Well, first explain what a secret of adulthood is. And you wrote a book called the Secrets of Adulthood.
- [07:10]
Gretchen Rubin
I did.
- [07:11]
Elizabeth Craft
So explain why you decided to write the book. Of course. I've been hearing you talk about it for maybe a decade.
- [07:17]
Gretchen Rubin
Yes. So one of the things I realized, sort of a lot of things converged at once. So one of the things that converged was that, you know, as Eliza and Eleanor were growing up, I kind of wanted to share with them the secrets of adulthood that I'd learned, usually the hard way, so they didn't repeat the mistakes that I made. You want to help people learn from your experiences. And then also, even more than sharing my knowledge with my daughters, I also wanted to remind myself of everything that I was learning. Because I just find that over and over, I rediscover the same lessons.
- [07:46]
Elizabeth Craft
Yes.
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Gretchen Rubin
Over and over. I think to myself, Gretchen, remember, working is one of the most dangerous forms of procrastination. I have to learn that over and over, remind myself of that over and over. So I started writing them down. Ways to tackle a tough decision, ways to fight temptation, ways to calm down, know myself better. And I was also extremely attracted by the literary form of the aphorism. I've always loved the aphorism. And so I challenged myself to write these secrets in the form of an aphorism.
- [08:16]
Elizabeth Craft
Gretch, can I just say, one of my favorite of your secrets of adulthood, which is also one of the most mundane, is that over the counter medicine works.
- [08:26]
Gretchen Rubin
Over the counter medication is very effective. Yes.
- [08:29]
Elizabeth Craft
Anyway, so explain though, what is an aphorism?
- [08:32]
Gretchen Rubin
Right. Well, over the counter medication is very effective, is what I would call a simple secret of adulthood. It doesn't truly rise to the level of aphorism, but it's useful. So usually what an aphorism is, it's a concise statement that contains an expansive truth about human nature. So there are proverbs, which is kind of folk wisdom. So that's things that we've all heard, like you can't push a rope, or a stumble may prevent a fall. They're not attributed to a particular person. They're just something we all know. But aphorisms, they're brief, they're sharp, they distill big ideas into a few words, and they are said by a person. Maybe it's Mark Twain, maybe it's Oscar Wilde, maybe it's Warren Buffett. Those are aphorisms. And so when I was coming up with my secrets of adulthood, I really wanted to frame them as an aphorism, try to really say them in a concise, elegant, interesting way. Really distill them into the fewest amount of words and try to do it well. And Elizabeth, one of the things I have to say about you is you are a natural aphorist. This is why I call you my sister, the sage. You will often speak in an aphorism or you will say something that I'm like, woo, secret of adulthood right there.
- [09:38]
Elizabeth Craft
Yeah. You often point out to me when I say something, you'll say, oh my gosh, that's an aphorism.
- [09:43]
Gretchen Rubin
Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I do think that one of my superpowers is that I notice when other people say wise things. People often say wise things and don't even notice it. But I got my pen out, I pay attention, and so I gather these all the time from other people, and I'm also trying to write them for myself. And one of the things I really like about it is that this discipline of trying to say something very concisely really forces you to get clear on thoughts. You can't write it if you can't think it, and you can't think it if you can't write it. And so it's clarifying and fun.
- [10:18]
Elizabeth Craft
Yeah. Well, we have talked many times about how limits can actually boosts creativity. Doing a haiku, which we've had to try this at home of, write a haiku can spark your imagination, or writing a sonnet, or having to do a 30 minute sitcom. These limits are what make your brain focus and that can make you more creative, which is maybe counterintuitive. You'd think rules make you less creative, but often they make you more creative.
- [10:46]
Gretchen Rubin
Well, and also making things shorter usually makes them better. Like you talk about how when you're shooting an episode, it's by editing it and editing it and having to force it to get into that few minutes, it gets stronger, the storytelling gets more compelling because you pare away everything that's not essential and so then just left with the really good stuff.
- [11:05]
Elizabeth Craft
Yes.
- [11:06]
Gretchen Rubin
And then one of the things I love is that sometimes a single set, I mean, we've all had this experience where somebody just says one thing, there's one sentence and then all of a sudden you have clarity. You don't need a lot of words, it's just like one sentence is enough. For instance, back when we were trying to decide whether to get a dog, and then again now when we're trying to decide whether to get a puppy, I remind myself of the secret of adulthood. Choose the bigger life. And so much clarity comes from that. It doesn't have to be go on and on and on and on and on.
- [11:35]
Elizabeth Craft
Yeah, well, one thing I remind myself of is step into the future.
- [11:39]
Gretchen Rubin
Yes.
- [11:39]
Elizabeth Craft
Which is one of my big secrets of adulthood. Which again, when Sarah and I were discussing do we want to do a sub stack which we are now doing and loving. That was one reason we did it, is we wanna step into the future. We don't wanna be clawing onto the past.
- [11:55]
Gretchen Rubin
Yeah. Well, I have a whole section in Secrets of Adulthood that is about making decisions because a lot of times you just, you're like, I can't decide the pros and cons. I can't figure out how to move forward. And then sometimes just one sentence will unlock that or it will show you how to show you a different way to reframe a situation or a different way to think about love or you know, remind you of something. Anyway, it's super fun. And so my try this at home for everyone is to write. It is really thrilling to sort of have an idea, have an insight, and then write it down in a succinct way. Like, isn't it fun for you when I'm like, here's this secret of adulthood that you said that you don't even remember.
- [12:32]
Elizabeth Craft
Oh, yes. I love it.
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Gretchen Rubin
Yeah.
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Elizabeth Craft
Well, and it's funny, Gretchen, because there is a secret of adulthood that I have been living by lately. I mean, again, related to the sub stack, which is the more I write, the more I write. Now, I'm sure I am not the person who invented that term, but I am embracing it because it really is true. Words lead to more words.
- [12:56]
Gretchen Rubin
Yes, but that's what's fun about Secrets of Adulthood is the most important truths are too important to be new. So you're probably not articulating something that is startlingly new, but you say it in a new way. You say it in a fresh way. So, for instance, Elizabeth, in Secrets of Adulthood, my book, my version of what you said is, pouring out ideas is better for the imagination than doling them out by the teaspoon. So I basically was saying more or less the same thing you were, but you said it in a way that's right for you, and there's pleasure in that. So I think it's the pleasure of noticing what we've noticed and what we've learned. It's the creative pleasure of articulating it in an interesting way, and then it is something that you can give to somebody else. I mean, like, I have all these manifestos. I didn't even put the manifestos in Secrets of Adulthood, but I have the manifesto for podcasting, Manifesto for happiness, manifesto for habits. People often say, like, will you just send me your manifesto? Like, when people are starting a podcast, I'm like, you want to see our manifesto for podcasting? And they're always so eager for it because they're like, yeah, give me a concise version of everything you've learned.
- [13:58]
Elizabeth Craft
Yes.
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Gretchen Rubin
And it's powerful. Again, this isn't a secret of Adulthood because it's so specific to us, but we will often say to each other, beware of banter.
- [14:05]
Elizabeth Craft
Yes, that is one of our secrets of podcasting. Maybe not a secrets of Adulthood, but it's a secret of podcasting, which is a whole other thing we could do. The Secrets of Podcasting.
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Gretchen Rubin
Secrets of Podcasting, Yes. Well, I really think it's one. Send them in your Secrets of Adulthood. I love. I mean, I have a giant trove. So many aphorisms that aren't secrets of adulthood. They're just what I would call observation. So what's in Secrets of Adulthood is really, like, things that you can use. There are lessons that you can learn. This is for graduates or people who are getting their first job or anybody, really, anybody. And then I have ones that are bleak. And I'm like, nobody wants my bleak aphorisms, which are my bleak observations. So I'll have those out. Then I have just giant troves other people have written. Then I have my proverbs of the profession. So I got these in all different ways. And so all this to say, send it my way. I love them. I think they are so fascinating, they're so illuminating, and they really reveal our observations as we go through life. And that's exciting.
- [15:03]
Elizabeth Craft
Yes. Cannot wait to read those. Okay, Gretch, so everybody can pre order the book, which I have already pre ordered, of course.
- [15:11]
Gretchen Rubin
You're such a good sister. Yes, I've said it a thousand times. Every author says it. I'm gonna say it again. If you're inclined to buy the book. Pre orders really do matter. They have a big influence on the fate of a book. And if you pre order, you can get a personalized signed book plate. If you're in the United States or Canada, you can go to happiercast.com secrets and you can learn all about the book and sign up for the personalized book plate. Elizabeth, I should start drinking out of my mug that you gave me that says pre order early and often as a way to put that energy out into the world.
- [15:43]
Elizabeth Craft
That's right, manifest.
- [15:45]
Gretchen Rubin
It was such a joy to write this book. I'm very excited to have it go out in the world. So let us know if you do try this at home and how writing your secrets of adulthood works for you. And what are your secrets of adulthood? We want to know. Let us know. And if you want everything related to this episode, it is happiercast.com 523 coming.
- [16:04]
Elizabeth Craft
Up, we've got a reading happiness hack. But first, this break.
- [16:18]
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- [16:47]
Gretchen Rubin
Why not let Audible expand your life by listening explore over 1 million audiobooks, podcasts and exclusive Audible originals that'll inspire and motivate you. Just open the app and tap into your well being with advice and insight from leading influencers experts and professionals. Whatever your focus or interest, there's a listen for it on Audible. You'll find titles on better health, including personal fitness, nutrition and relaxation.
- [17:15]
Elizabeth Craft
Yeah, Gretch, I am all about Audible. I cannot get enough audiobooks right now. I'm listening to Colored Television by Danzy Senna and I am obsessed with it. Plus, on Audible you can find insight and expert advice on health, relationships, career, finance, so much more. Start listening today. Sign up for a free 30 day trial at audible.com/happier.
- [17:46]
Gretchen Rubin
Okay, and now for a happiness hack from a listener.
- [17:49]
Elizabeth Craft
Yes, this comes from Kara. She says my happiness hack for reading is to buy physical magazines. Remember magazines? Remember how great they are? There are so many niche magazines you can subscribe to on any topic and they're so cheap they're a little treat I can give myself. To sit and read an article or a whole magazine is definitely a simple luxury. It's no screen. Time counts toward 25 and 20. It's fun to get something in the mail, of course. And if you're worried about the buildup of clutter, I have an answer for that too. When you're done, take off your address sticker and put them in a little free library in your town. We have those all over la. Magazines can be so formative for young people, and they most likely are not getting them from elsewhere. If you're a questioner like me or an Obliger, think of it like you're educating the youth. Personally, I subscribe to Vanity Fair, Interview Magazine, Mountain Gazette, and Bon Appetit, a cross section of high and low brow. Well, how fun is this?
- [18:54]
Gretchen Rubin
Elizabeth, do you subscribe to any magazines? We get a lot of magazines.
- [18:58]
Elizabeth Craft
No, I used to subscribe to the New Yorker, but I fell off of it. And I was just thinking the other day because I was listening to an interview with David Remnick, I need to resubscribe.
- [19:09]
Gretchen Rubin
Okay, so I want to just rattle off some of the reasons why I think that this could be a really good idea for a lot. First of all, if you're trying to formulate a habit or like to throw yourself into an identity, often reading a magazine is a good way to do that. Like Yoga magazine or like Outside magazine. Because you're putting yourself in the mental company of other people who share your values and your aims and that helps you build that identity. I am someone who does yoga. I am someone who cooks healthy meals. And we're all influenced by other people. That's the strategy of other people. And so just seeing what other people are doing. You get ideas, you get enthusiasm. You understand how to overcome hurdles. That helps you too. That's gonna help you embrace that identity and those habits and behaviors because you're part of it. For many people who are doom scrolling or binge watching, it's a way to consume media that is limited. You can sit down and read a magazine, but you can't just infinitely scroll and check the comments and go and go and go. You go to the beginning and then you reach the end. Yes, it can be fun to rip out the pages. A lot of people love to do collages or vision boards or they have children who like to make. There's all kinds of things that we used to use magazines for and now you're just like, I don't have those magazines. And she's doing it for her. 25 and 25. This is also for read 25 and 25. You could be reading a magazine. Magazines count. Especially something like the New Yorker where it's incredibly well written, very long articles. It's a great form of reading. And so I think especially now when people are trying to like get away from their phones. But maybe you want to be really informed, but you're feeling overwhelmed by the news. Like I get the Economist and that's a great source of news. I feel like I get a lot of information from it, but it's in a calm, information rich way.
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Elizabeth Craft
You know, it's been fact checked.
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Gretchen Rubin
Yeah. And the week, you know, the week is like a roundup. It's very fun to read, but it's full of information. But again, I started page one and then I read to the end. It doesn't just infinitely continue. I'm informed, which is an important value. But I'm not overwhelmed. Yes.
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Elizabeth Craft
So great idea. It's sort of a, a throwback that we could bring into the future, which is magazines. It's like now that we aren't reading on paper, we need to remind ourselves to do so.
- [21:23]
Gretchen Rubin
Well, we should say you should recycle, of course, or give it so that other people can read it, which since they're not around as much, they probably are really excited to. And as she mentions, this is a treat. This is another strategy. It's the strategy of treats. If there's some magazine that you find just delightful, then you save it for when you need a little treat and then you've got a little treat. Or you could pair it with something like flossing. I can't read my favorite magazine unless.
- [21:44]
Elizabeth Craft
I'm flossing and gretch now we have a listener question that needs a four Tendencies tip.
- [21:49]
Gretchen Rubin
In this discussion we're going to be talking about the four Tendencies, which is my personality framework that divides people to into upholders, questioners, obligers, and rebels. We'll assume for this discussion that everybody knows what we're talking about, but if you want to take the quiz, find out your tendency and get a report that explains what this is all about. Just go to GretchenRubin.com quiz and take the Four Tendencies quiz. And there's so much on GretchenRubin.com if you want to learn more about the Four Tendencies.
- [22:14]
Elizabeth Craft
Mary said, I find her insight on the Four Tendencies so helpful and would greatly appreciate some advice regarding a familial matter. I'm an upholder and my husband is a questioner. My mother in law is an intense obliger. She's the most helpful person in our lives. She watches our young kids almost whenever we need, supports the kids fundraisers. She picks up soups and medicines when we're sick. She does this with most people in her life. On the flip side, she has a hard time saying no and builds up resentment to her family and friends. Every six months or so she blows up saying that she's being taken advantage of and threatens to withhold her help. She usually calms down, but this weekend she had a heart attack out of the blue. She had a procedure and is on a strict resting and medication regimen. Her doctor said her heart looks like she holds a huge amount of stress. She's retired and has money, so I don't think those are the stressors. I'm guessing her obliger ness is a big contributor. I know the heart attack is not anyone's fault specifically, but as an upholder and questioner, my husband and I sort of both assume people will say no if they don't want to help or are burnt out. She does not usually say no, I don't want to cause her undue stress and I'm unclear how to navigate forward.
- [23:34]
Gretchen Rubin
Oh I have so many thoughts.
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Elizabeth Craft
Interesting.
- [23:36]
Gretchen Rubin
So here we go. First of all, it does sound like she's starting to have Obliger rebellion because that's what Obliger rebellion is. An Obliger says yes, yes, yes, yes. And then suddenly they say no, I won't do this and they show this kind of deep anger and resentment. This is really important to address because Obliger rebellion tends to get worse and worse and it can become very overwhelming and it can become quite destructive. And so it's good that you're stopping and saying, wait a minute, there's a pattern here. We need to address it. Now you said that she is this wonderful helper to many people in her life. And you can't control that, but you can control yourself. So I'm gonna talk about what you and your family might be thinking about. Here's the thing. And Mary said it herself, people like upholders. And I say this in upholder and questioners. And I mean, my husband is a questioner. And rebels too. Rebels in their own way have the attitude of they can take care of themselves. If I ask them to do something and they don't want to do it, it's on them. They should say no if they don't want to, they should say yes if they don't. That they do. I don't need to be the gatekeeper for someone else. But the fact is, that is just not the fact of the matter. And the reason that people love having obligers around, the reason why obligers make great leaders, great team members, great friends, great co workers. The reason why some employers only want to hire obligers is that obligers are the ones that are most likely to go the extra mile and they don't say no. Obligers often feel that they are taken advantage of and they are questioners, upholders and rebels. We all take advantage of obligers. And so this is on us. We have to say, this has to change. Now remember, you can't flip it back on the obliger. You can't say, hey, you need to take care of yourself. Or because that's not holding them accountable, that's just making them accountable for doing something. You have to think, how do you frame it in a way that creates accountability for them saying no or for them taking care of themselves. So for instance, you might say to your mother in law, look, you do so much for us. You're our safety net, we depend on you. You need to take care of yourself. You need to follow doctor's orders. You need to rest and relax and say no when it's too much because we need you to take care of yourself. Because if something terrible happens to you, well, we would be devastated. Now, to an upholder or a questioner, that might sound like, well, I don't want to tell you to do something for somebody else, you should do it for yourself. But no, that is a very helpful message for obligers that helps them stick to those healthier behaviors.
- [26:14]
Elizabeth Craft
Yeah. It gives them the outer accountability. Yeah.
- [26:16]
Gretchen Rubin
And so you might order her to take breaks. And you think, how do you order somebody to take breaks? You might say, this is something that you could do to an Obliger, is you could book a massage for somebody or give her a massage package or make an appointment at a sound bath if you know that that's something that she finds really relaxing and say, oh, I got this for you. And I'm gonna be really disappointed if you don't follow through with your gift. Because now that you've created outer accountability for her doing something that is signaling that you are trying to give her rest and give her relaxation.
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Elizabeth Craft
And then, Gretch, you could also do tasks for her to show your appreciation, which would ease that resentment.
- [26:55]
Gretchen Rubin
Yeah, part of it is. And again, there's a lot of variation for obligers, but a lot of times with Obligers is if you are signaling that you appreciate, if you are signaling, I'm not taking advantage of you. I'm not taking you for granted, so I'm gonna do these things for you. Even if it doesn't even out or you're not able to sort of reciprocate equally, the fact that you're making the gesture that you are trying will count for a lot in terms of this building resentment. Because it's not like I do everything around here and nobody ever does anything for me. It's, we want to do things for you. We want to try. But don't leave it to her. If there's anything we can do, just let us know. Okay? That's just work for her. Now you've just put another burden in her life. You need to say, hey, we're going to the store. Do you want us to pick up any groceries? Or, hey, I noticed that some light bulbs are burned out. And without even asking you, I'm just going to go around your house and replace the light bulbs. I'm not even going to ask if you want me to do it. I'm just going to do it because I know it needs to be done. And if I ask you, you might say, oh, no, don't bother, because the Obliger's trying to be considerate. Just do the considerate thing.
- [27:59]
Elizabeth Craft
Yes. And of course, they can also limit how much they ask.
- [28:04]
Gretchen Rubin
Yes.
- [28:05]
Elizabeth Craft
But you can't limit how much other people are asking.
- [28:08]
Gretchen Rubin
Right. And this is the thing, you know, I mean, some people find it hard to draw lines. I have no trouble drawing lines. But some people really struggle to draw lines. And so we have to know this about the people around us. And then also do make sure that she has outer accountability for the kind of healthy behaviors that the doctor is suggesting. You may not want to be that accountability partner because it can be a lot of energy and effort and sometimes family members and even more spouses don't make good accountability partners. But you want to make sure that there is. If it's signing up with a class or working out with a trainer, working with a health coach, or finding an accountability group where they hold each other accountable or whatever, you want to help create those systems of better accountability. Again, don't just hand wave and say like well you know, you need to find somebody to hold you accountable and expect that the obliger is going to be able to just easily execute on that.
- [28:56]
Elizabeth Craft
So good luck Mary, wishing your mother in law all good health.
- [29:01]
Gretchen Rubin
Yes, she sounds terrific. So we want her to get the rest and relaxation she so richly deserves.
- [29:07]
Elizabeth Craft
All right, coming up, Gretchen gives herself a reading related demerit. But first this break. Medicaid is a clinically proven British skincare brand known for age defying results. All Medicaid products undergo clinical testing and have amazing before and after results and their dermatologists recommend it. Like us, you may have been hearing all about growth factors as the must have anti aging ingredient. Well, we were so excited to discover this product which has growth factors.
- [29:51]
Gretchen Rubin
Growth factors are naturally occurring proteins in the skin that support overall skin health and can help promote younger healthier looking skin. However, growth factors applied topically are less likely to penetrate into the deeper layers of the skin. Until now. Medicaite's Liquid Peptide Advanced MP Face Serum is clinically proven to diminish the appearance of expression lines in just 10 minutes and deep set wrinkles in eight weeks. Medicaite's Liquid Peptides Advanced MP Face Serum is available online at Medicaid US. That's M E D I K and the number 8 US use code HAPPIER20 for 20% off your order. We all want to help set up our children for success. But sometimes a child is struggling at school with a subject or needs help with homework and we don't quite know how to help. IXL Learning is an online learning program for kids. It covers math, language arts, science and social studies. IXL is designed to help them really understand and master topics in a fun way with positive feedback. My daughter Eleanor really struggled with math. She had to do a lot of extra work to catch up and IXL is exactly the kind of thing that would have helped her catch up and master difficult material.
- [31:07]
Elizabeth Craft
IXL is used in 26 of the top 100 school districts in the U.S. make an impact on your child's learning. Get IXL now and happier with Gretchen Rubin. Listeners can get an exclusive 20% off IXL membership when they sign up today at ixl.com happier visit ixl.com happier to get the most effective learning program out there at the best price. Okay, Gretch, we are back with demerits and gold stars. And this week, it is your week for a happiness demerit.
- [31:40]
Gretchen Rubin
Okay, this is a classic. And you know, speaking of using a magazine so you don't just scroll and scroll and scroll. So I was just lying around, perfectly good reading time, but I just didn't feel like getting up. I was very comfortably situated on the sofa and I just sat there scrolling on my phone for like 20, 30 minutes. And it was so unsatisfying in the end. And if I had just got to my feet, walked to the other room, got my book settled back down, it would have taken one minute and then I would have had a good chunk of reading that I would really have enjoyed on a book that I was loving. Sometimes you're like, ugh, I don't feel like getting up. You know, you just need to get to your feet.
- [32:21]
Elizabeth Craft
Yes, get that book.
- [32:22]
Gretchen Rubin
Get that book. How about you, Elizabeth? What's your gold star?
- [32:25]
Elizabeth Craft
Well, I have a reading related gold star, Gretchen, for our listener, Allie, who also, by the way, went to one of the retreats Sarah and I have done for Happier in Hollywood.
- [32:35]
Gretchen Rubin
Oh, fun.
- [32:36]
Elizabeth Craft
She sent me two great book suggestions. And it's just funny cause I'm like, it's not often that someone sends you two books and you're like, I must read these immediately.
- [32:46]
Gretchen Rubin
Yes, exactly.
- [32:47]
Elizabeth Craft
One is Code the Untold Story of the American Women who Secretly Broke Codes in World War II by Liza Mundy. And she sent that because I'd read another book by her about women in the CIA. So I cannot wait to dive into to code girls. And then she also sent the rec that I should read the God of the woods by Liz Moore. Which Gretchen, funny enough, when I took your reading quiz suggest books. That was one of the books that suggested. So those two books are gonna be my next two books.
- [33:23]
Gretchen Rubin
So fate is telling you to read the God of the Woods.
- [33:26]
Elizabeth Craft
So thank you, Allie, for the great book suggestions. Love reading tips, especially when they really just resonate.
- [33:34]
Gretchen Rubin
Oh, that's great. Y gets a bigger gold star than the perfect reading recommendation. Well, the resource for this week, Elizabeth, you just mentioned it. If you want to take this quiz that you just answer four questions and you get a profile for the next book that's going to fit your mood. It suggests three to five novels that might be just what you're looking for if you go to happiercast.com next novel and when I posted my graphic from the quiz online of what my results were and I got so many additional recommendations and like you said, they were so spot on. One is A Fine Balance by Roenton Mystery, which I own it and I've been meaning to read it forever. So I was like, yeah, I really want to read A Fine Balance Thursday next by Jasper Ford. I've read another book by Jasper Ford which I love. So I was reminded me that I want to read more of his books. And then Jonathan Strange and Mr. Norell by Susanna Clark. I read this book when it came out, that's decades ago. And I love Piranesi by Susanna Clarke so much that this reminded me like, oh, I should really go back to that book because I don't even really remember it. And given the fact that Piranesi is one of my all time favorite novels, I should reread this one because it was a hugely popular book at the time. So it made a big splash. So all three of these were great recommendations for me. But again, if you want to take the quiz, it's happiercast.com nextnovel and speaking of what we're reading, in addition to all this, Elizabeth, what are you reading?
- [34:58]
Elizabeth Craft
I am still reading Fruit of the Dead by Rachel Leonard and I'm reading a book.
- [35:02]
Gretchen Rubin
Elizabeth, this might sound interesting to you too. Give War and Peace a Tolstoyan Wisdom for Troubled Times by Andrew Kaufman. And that's it for this episode of Happier. Remember to try this at home. Write your secrets of adulthood. Let us know if you tried it and if it worked for you. And what were your secrets of adulthood? We want to know.
- [35:25]
Elizabeth Craft
Thank you to our executive producer are Chuck Reed and everyone at Lemonada.
- [35:29]
Gretchen Rubin
And you know what to do. Rate us, review us, follow us. If you like the show, tell others. You know, that's how people discover our show.
- [35:39]
Elizabeth Craft
Until next week, I'm Elizabeth Craft.
- [35:41]
Gretchen Rubin
And I'm Gretchen Rubin. Thanks for joining us. Onward and upward, Elizabeth. One thing that I'm really looking forward to with Secrets of Adulthood coming out into the world is like, which secrets are gonna resonate most with people? Because you and I know from the podcast, like sometimes the things that we think are gonna really resonate don't. And things that we think are almost even offhand, end up sticking with people. So I'm so curious to know. You know, I have no perspective on these. I've been working on them for so long.
- [36:21]
Elizabeth Craft
Well, this is making me think we should have a new podcast se called Secrets of Adulthood, where we read listener emails and because I think we're going to get a lot of feedback.
- [36:34]
Gretchen Rubin
Oh, what a great idea. I love a new segment from the Onward project.