Ep. 546: Embrace Regret, Sticker Hacks for Back-to-School & Is Upholder-Rebellion Real?

Summary

Happier with Gretchen Rubin – Episode 546 Summary

Episode Title: Embrace Regret, Sticker Hacks for Back-to-School & Is Upholder-Rebellion Real?
Released: August 6, 2025
Host: Gretchen Rubin
Cohost: Elizabeth Craft
Sales and Distribution: Lemonada Media

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1. Introduction and Updates

Gretchen Rubin opens the episode by welcoming her sister, Elizabeth Craft, highlighting their recent experience of decluttering Elizabeth’s closet. They segue into current updates, focusing on the upcoming back-to-school season and seeking listener hacks, resources, and lessons learned related to parenting and personal organization.

Notable Quote:
Gretchen Rubin [02:17]: “Welcome to Happier, a podcast where we talk about the cutting edge science, wisdom of the ages, lessons from pop culture, our own experiences about how to be happier.”

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2. Embrace Regret

The core of this episode delves into the concept of embracing regret, inspired by Daniel Pink’s book, The Power of Regret. Gretchen breaks down Pink’s framework of regret into four distinct categories:

1. Foundation Regret: Relates to stability and responsibility, such as financial security or education.
   Gretchen [08:16]: “If only I had done the work or if only I had started sooner.”

2. Boldness Regret: Stems from missed opportunities and not taking risks.
   Gretchen [08:33]: “Research suggests that we are more likely to regret things that we don't do than things that we do.”

3. Moral Regret: Arises from ethical choices and actions perceived as wrong or harmful.
   Elizabeth [09:00]: “They involve a sense of guilt or shame for not acting with integrity.”

4. Connection Regret: Pertains to relationships that were damaged, lost, or never formed.
   Gretchen [09:11]: “If only I had reached out or if only I had put more into the relationship.”

Personal Stories:
Gretchen shares her own experience of regretting not participating in extracurricular activities during college, which later motivated her to engage actively in law school, ultimately leading to her role as the editor-in-chief of the Yale Law Journal. Elizabeth reflects on her regret of not entertaining more, despite making progress by hosting major family holidays.

Notable Quotes:
Gretchen Rubin [10:05]: “I've got a million regrets. But here's a good example of how I experienced a lot of regret around something… it actually changed what I did in the future in a super positive way.”
Elizabeth Craft [11:39]: “...this was really fun. And it’s awesome. Maybe I replicated at 26, 36, et cetera.”

Key Takeaway:
Regret, while unpleasant, serves as a constructive tool for self-awareness and future decision-making. By analyzing regrets, individuals can align their actions with their values and avoid repeating past mistakes.

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3. Listener Stories: 25 for 25

Listeners shared their experiences with the “25 for 25” list, a concept encouraging the completion of 25 tasks or goals within a year. Highlights include:

• Happiness Club: Initiated by listeners Esther and Samantha, this club fosters accountability and support through monthly check-ins and seasonal meetings.
  Samantha [28:30]: “The Happiness Club has helped me make so much progress on my list. I've never ticked off so many items before the club.”

• Revamping Lists: Courtney shares her journey of transforming a serious 2025 list into a more whimsical “craft” theme, enhancing engagement and enjoyment.
  Courtney [30:43]: “I decided to revamp the list and my theme. As I've also been on the whimsy train, I made my new theme craft.”

• Mid-Year Check-Ins: Kathryn found success in breaking down her list into manageable monthly goals, maintaining momentum throughout the year.
  Kathryn [32:17]: “I put one drawer a month on my list and it's been a great way to stay accountable and get through nagging projects.”

Notable Quote:
Elizabeth Craft [32:12]: “I have three sons, and when my oldest turned 16, I decided I was going to take him on a solo mother-son trip for his 16th birthday...”

Key Takeaway:
The “25 for 25” list is a flexible framework adaptable to various personal goals, fostering continuous progress and community support.

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4. Happiness Hack: Sticker Labels

Listener Carla shares a practical hack for back-to-school season: using customized, dishwasher and washing machine-safe stickers from companies like Name Bubbles to label children’s belongings. These stickers are durable, easily writable, and customizable, preventing mix-ups and loss of items such as water bottles, bento boxes, and clothing.

Notable Quote:
Gretchen Rubin [21:07]: “This really makes that a lot easier and just much more legible because it's a sticker that's extremely legibly printed with a child's name.”

Key Takeaway:
Customized stickers offer a simple yet effective solution for organizing and safeguarding children’s belongings, especially in environments like daycare and school.

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5. Four Tendencies Tip: Is Upholder-Rebellion Real?

Brina, a listener, inquires about the concept of "Upholder Rebellion" within Gretchen Rubin’s Four Tendencies framework. Currently, Rubin supports the existence of "Obliger Rebellion" but explores the possibility of upholders experiencing rebellion when their internal expectations conflict with external pressures.

Discussion Points:

• Upholders: Meet both inner and outer expectations.
• Rebellion: When expectations become overwhelming, potentially leading to resistance against both self-imposed and external demands.

Notable Quote:
Gretchen Rubin [23:40]: “Upholders can always go back to their own inner expectations for themselves, but you really have to articulate them.”

Key Takeaway:
Upholders, who typically balance internal and external demands, may experience rebellion when external pressures overshadow personal standards. Identifying and strengthening inner expectations can mitigate this conflict.

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6. Resource: Neglected Sense Quiz

The episode highlights a resource for self-discovery: the “Neglected Sense Quiz” available on Gretchen Rubin’s website. By identifying which of the five senses (sight, sound, touch, taste, smell) is underutilized, individuals can explore ways to enrich their lives through heightened sensory awareness.

Notable Quote:
Gretchen Rubin [37:08]: “One of the most interesting and fun ways to know yourself better is to know your neglected sense.”

Key Takeaway:
Awareness of neglected senses can lead to increased richness, adventure, and connection in one’s life by incorporating more sensory experiences.

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7. Conclusion

Gretchen and Elizabeth wrap up the episode by encouraging listeners to embrace their regrets as tools for personal growth, implement practical hacks for organization and happiness, and engage with the community through shared goals and support systems.

Final Quotes:
Elizabeth Craft [38:12]: “Remember to try this at home. Embrace regret. Let us know if you tried it and if it worked for you.”
Gretchen Rubin [39:38]: “With greater self-knowledge, we're better able to make hard decisions that reflect ourselves, our own nature, our own interests, our own values.”

Call to Action:
Listeners are invited to participate in surveys, share their experiences on social media, and explore additional resources on Gretchen Rubin’s website to continue their journey toward greater happiness and fulfillment.

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Key Themes of Episode 546:

• Embracing Regret: Understanding and leveraging regret for personal growth.
• Community and Accountability: The power of support systems like the Happiness Club.
• Practical Solutions: Implementing simple hacks to enhance daily life.
• Self-Discovery: Tools and quizzes to deepen self-awareness and enrich sensory experiences.

This episode of Happier with Gretchen Rubin blends insightful discussions on emotional well-being with actionable advice, fostering a deeper understanding of how to navigate life’s complexities with intention and joy.

Transcript

[Gretchen Rubin]

From fitness routines to mental resilience, navigating personal goals to tackling burnout, we all need a little help being human. That's what the Life Kit podcast from NPR is here to do. If you're looking to move with more intention or just need thoughtful guidance on living better, Life Kit delivers strategies to help you make meaningful, sustainable change. Life Kit offers real stories, relevant insights, and clear takeaways to help you meet decision making moments with confidence and clarity.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Gretch, you and I are always trying to add whimsy to our lives, so I really appreciated an episode about how to bring more play into life. Love Play. Life Kit isn't just another podcast about self improvement. It's about understanding how to live a little better. Starting now, get help tackling common issues like relationships, finances, parenting and your career. Then walk away with a game plan you can implement right away. Listen now to the Life Kit podcast from NPR. Let's talk about the Defender 110. It is a vehicle built for the modern explorer Gretch I have a friend who's extremely adventurous and she loves her Defender 110. It's a vehicle that looks tough because it is tough. The Defender boasts an exterior design for optimum durability. It has a raised hood and sculpted grille that give the Defender 110amodern edge.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Yeah, there's 3D surround cameras with Clearsight Ground view that let you see underneath the vehicle and anticipate obstacles in rough terrain. Clearsight Rear View offers an unobstructed rear view even when you can't see through the back window. Driver aid technologies make driving and parking simpler. Intuitive driver displays are customizable to your journey. Design your Defender 110@Land RoverUSA.com Visit Land RoverUSA.com to learn more about the Defender 110. Explore the Defender 110@Land RoverUSA.COM.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Lemonade hello.

[Gretchen Rubin]

And welcome to Happier, a podcast where we talk about the cutting edge science, wisdom of the ages, lessons from pop culture, our own experiences about how to be happier. This week we'll talk about why we might embrace regret. And we share a hack from a listener that can make daily life much easier. I'm Gretchen Rubin, a writer who studies happiness, good habits, secrets of adulthood, human nature. I'm in my little home office in New York City. I'm back from the road and joining me today from Los Angeles is my sister, Elizabeth Craft. And Elizabeth, last night I was just thinking again of how much fun I had clearing your closet with you.

[Elizabeth Craft]

That's me, Elizabeth Craft, a TV writer and producer living in la. And Gretch, I have to tell you listeners want a picture of the after of my closet, but it's not quite there yet. We got all the stuff out, but I. We didn't have time to get to the neatening part, so I have to do that.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Yeah, the staging of it. Yes, yes. We were very focused on the actual meat and potatoes and we didn't get around till the presentation part.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Exactly.

[Gretchen Rubin]

So only we'd had another day. But first we have a few updates.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Yes. So we are heading into the back to school zone and we are looking for hacks, resources, lessons learned the hard way for any age child or for yourself because parents are going back to school too.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Yeah. So let us know what you have and we'll do a big roundup. Also, I have a favor to ask of you. If you have a few minutes and if you're inclined to answer some questions, I would love to learn more about you, the list listeners, and how you engage with the different types of content that I share. I put a lot of content out into the world and so I'd sort of like to know what people think. I've created a survey to gather information that will help me do more of what really strikes a chord with people. It will only take 5, 7 minutes to complete and to say thank you to the people who take the time and trouble to do it. Once you've completed the survey, you'll be entered into a drawing and then we'll randomly select the 10 people to receive a $25 gift certificate to the Happiness Project shop. And one person will get a $75 gift card to the Happiness Project shop just to say thank you because I really do appreciate it. I've done these before and it's always so illuminating. So if you're willing to do it. Gold star to you. Go to happiercast.com survey answer away.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Excellent. And then Gretch. We heard from Gillian about family tradition. She said you recently had a woman asking about family traditions that she could start with her baby. This is one that I just started sort of accidentally, but I'm definitely going to have to replicate it with each child. I have three sons, and when my oldest turned 16, I decided I was going to take him on a solo mother son trip for his 16th birthday. I let him choose a place on his actual birthday and we went. A few months later, he chose San Francisco. We had an absolutely amazing time, just him and me. He. He will be going to college next year and it's the Beginning of the season of letting go. Approaching the open door. It wasn't sad, but I did say a few times, this is probably the last time that you and I will travel together alone like this. It was a kid led trip. I researched places to go and things to do, presented him with options. But he got to choose and lead where we went. We stayed up late, we rode e bikes around town for hours. We tried everything and went everywhere. It was, it was so invigorating and we had a blast. After we got home, I created a special 16th birthday scrapbook for him. It was a fun place to stick our ticket stubs and area maps and little things like that from our trip. And I gave it to him on that year's Christmas. He genuinely loves it. And now his two younger brothers are already talking about the trip they want to take with their mom. I am a busy lawyer and I've always felt bad that I've had to sometimes miss their birthdays, concerts, their life events. And it really meant a lot to me to be able to give my son this focused one on one time. And I can't wait to do it with his brothers. Accidentally created a tradition, but it's awesome. And maybe I replicated at 26, 36, et cetera. Well, that's such a fun idea.

[Gretchen Rubin]

This is so fun. Now, the original listener was asking for ideas with a baby, but you wouldn't have to wait till a child was 16 and you wouldn't necessarily like have to go to another city. But I love this idea of I'm going to present you with options. You're going to pick an adventure and we're going to go off and have this adventure. People will use the memento journal that I created in this way. Stick in the ticket stubs and the menus and whatever. I'll put a link to that in the show notes. But I love this idea. I've done trips with both Eliza and Eleanor, just the two of us, and there's just nothing like that. Long time sharing adventures, whomever you're with. One on one time is just really different.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Yes. I also think father son trips are more common, but I love the idea of having a son of a mother.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Son trip, father, daughter, I mean, whichever way you want to do it. Yes.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Or as you and I do, sister and sister.

[Gretchen Rubin]

It's just one on one is different. It's fun to be in a group and it's also fun to be on one on one. It's a different kind of energy and a different kind of attention. So Great idea. Now, this week, our try this at home suggestion is to embrace regret.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Okay, Gretch, you're gonna have to explain this one. It does not sound very enjoyable.

[Gretchen Rubin]

I know, but it's really valuable. Hear me out. We have talked about regret before and the value of negative emotions and why they have an important role to play in a happy life. And regret has really important role to play. And that's why we sort of have come to it over the years several times. If you're interested in the subject of regret, Daniel Pink, who's a great writer and also a friend of mine, but I would think that this book is great even if he weren't a friend. He wrote a book called the Power of Regret, and in it, he lays out a framework for sort of thinking about these big categories of regret that I think is very clarifying. So we will set out his four categories and then talk more about regret.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Yeah, so he says there's foundation regret. These regrets center on a lack of stability and responsibility, often related to financial security, health, or education. They stem from a feeling of, if only I had done the work or if only I had started sooner.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Yeah, those are common. Another common category is boldness regrets. These are regrets where we feel like, oh, we missed an opportunity or we had a chance and we didn't take it. People often regret not taking risks, not pursuing dreams, not speaking up. Research suggests that we are more likely to regret things that we don't do than things that we do. Those are boldness regrets and then moral regrets.

[Elizabeth Craft]

These regrets arise from ethical choices and actions that were perceived as wrong or harmful to others. They involve a sense of guilt or shame for not acting with integrity.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Those are powerful regrets. And then finally, there are connection regrets. These are regrets that are about relationships. A relationship that was damaged or lost or never formed at all. That's when we have this sense of like, if only I had reached out or if only I had put more into the relationship. Those are the kinds of regrets. And even as we talk about the four types of regrets, I think that makes it much easier to see why regret is unpleasant. But it can be very constructive, because by examining what we regret, we can understand better about what we value and make better choices moving forward. Because we might think, okay, well, this is the kind of regret I've had in the past. Let me do better when I face that circumstance in the future.

[Elizabeth Craft]

There's some regrets that you could actually reverse, like connection regrets. I feel like you could make the regret go away by action.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Yes.

[Elizabeth Craft]

So, Gretchen, do You have regrets?

[Gretchen Rubin]

Oh, yeah, I've got a million regrets. But here's a good example of how I experienced a lot of regret around something. And then it actually changed what I did in the future in a super positive way. So when I was in college, I didn't do any extracurriculars. I mean, nothing. Because there was really nothing that appealed to me. I'm not doing sports, I'm not doing theater. With writing, it was all about journalism. And I've never wanted to sort of be like a journalist, but I didn't even try that hard. I could have volunteered for the blood donation drop. Like, I could have found things if I had really said to myself, this is really high priority. I really want to get involved in extracurriculars. But I didn't. And then looking back on it, even my senior year, I was really regretting it because I saw the value of being involved in extracurriculars. So then, okay, and this is the positive part, having felt that regret when I got to law school, even though then I was like, do I want to be on, you know, whatever the Journal of Regulation or, like, do Barristers Union or try to note onto the Yale Law Journal, I didn't particularly feel like doing it, but I was like, oh, no. But I understand the regret that I felt and I will really be glad that I did this in the future. So I did a lot of extracurriculars in law school and I was so, so happy that I did. It probably changed the course of my life, things that I did in addition to my coursework in law school. So to me, that is a really strong example of the power of regret. Yeah.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Gretchen and I would be remiss, as your sister, if I didn't point out you did end up being the editor in chief of the Yale Law Journal is a pretty big deal. So that really paid off for you.

[Gretchen Rubin]

It was a super valuable experience and I'm so glad I had it. But I think it was because of the regret that I had allowed myself to experience and learn from. How about you, Elizabeth? What, if any, regrets have you felt?

[Elizabeth Craft]

Well, I'm going to say this isn't going to be too surprising, I don't think, for listeners, based on conversations we've had in the past, and I'll put this in the category of connection and boldness regrets, which is I really regret not entertaining more. Over the years, I've talked a lot about wanting to entertain, not entertaining, being interested in entertaining. But it scares me. And I just feel like my life would be so much richer if I did it. Partly because entertaining isn't just about that night. It's like, then people invite you to things.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Right.

[Elizabeth Craft]

I mean, it ripples out.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Yeah.

[Elizabeth Craft]

So that's something though, that I can change. I have the power to start entertaining now. So I'm actually glad we're having this conversation because it's highlighting for me that it is a real regret and that it has consequences that I could change.

[Gretchen Rubin]

But I'll point out that you have made a lot of progress because one of the things you did is you hosted major family holidays. And I think, true, that's made you a lot more confident in your entertaining. And that you're like, okay, wow, this is sort of a bucket list to have your extended family over for Thanksgiving. And now you've done that.

[Elizabeth Craft]

That's true. I made progress. But I would like to do more casual entertaining.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Well, you and I share that regret. Maybe we gotta think about that for 2026, how we push that into our trifecta for next year. Because I think we're very much like that. One of the reasons I've been thinking a lot about regret is I've been thinking because I'm working on my book about the empty nest phase, which of course I'm rebranding as the open door because nobody likes the term empty nest. And so I' thinking a lot about regret. And one of the things that I really regret is that we waited so long to get our dog Barnaby. I mean, Eliza and Eleanor begged to get a dog and they wanted a dog so badly. And the thing that is really heartbreaking when I think back on it, because I wouldn't get a dog. We did get Eleanor a betta fish, even though she will remind me that I really did not want to get even a fish. But there was a day where Eleanor said to me, oh, well, you know Esther, I know she really cares about me. I know that when I walk into my bedroom when I come home from school, she swims back and forth really fast. Cause she's excited to see me. I mean, these were two who were just longing for a dog. And so then again when they started saying like, you should get a second dog, that was one of the reasons that I was like, you know what? We should just do it. Because I really did regret that we had waited so long to get Barnaby.

[Elizabeth Craft]

So once again, your regret changed your future action.

[Gretchen Rubin]

That's right.

[Elizabeth Craft]

But we do, of course, need to have self compassion.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Yeah. The point is not to just be really hard on ourselves and really wallow in regret. But to think about, what is the lesson? What can we do differently in the future? What does it reveal about our values or our nature? Well, and one of the things I'm doing with my Empty Nest project is I'm really hoping that by identifying my regrets, then other people can see my regrets and learn from my regrets. I remember I've talked about it so many times when Eliza was born, and a mother said to me, oh, you should get professional photographs taken with your daughter when she's, like, a newborn, because professional photographs are so different from just the snapshots we all take. And this phase will pass so quickly, and you'll really wish you had those photographs. And she said, and I didn't. And I really regret it. So I learned from her regret. And I did something that I'm so happy that I did. I don't even think I would have thought of it had she not expressed her own regret.

[Elizabeth Craft]

And then you mentioned to me that an older woman said to you, you're free now with the open door, but may not always be the same.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Yeah. So what she said is, if you have grandchildren nearby and you wanna be involved in their lives, you get right back into that school centered, child centered schedule again, and you don't have the freedom. And so this could be actually a very short window and to take advantage of it. And I thought, I kind of have this thing where whatever my life is now, I'm like, it's gonna be like this for the next 30 years. I'm not aware of how life changes, even in very predictable ways. So for me, that was a really important thing to point out because I was like, oh, I can exactly imagine regretting that I didn't take advantage of this season of life. Yeah.

[Elizabeth Craft]

You know, Gretch, I find people who don't regret anything. There are those people who say, I regret nothing.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Yeah.

[Elizabeth Craft]

I think that's fascinating.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Yes. I have a friend like that who's always just like, if I did it at the time, it was the right decision for me at the time. I still feel like you could say like, but knowing what I know now, might I have done something different?

[Elizabeth Craft]

Yes. But I don't know. It's an interesting. Know yourself better question.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Yeah.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Do you regret or do you not regret?

[Gretchen Rubin]

Interesting. Well, if you're interested in regret, Daniel Pink did create this site, which I find absolutely fascinating. If you go to the world, regretsurvey.com, you can click on a country, and if you're in the United States, you can Click on a state and you'll see people anonymously entered their regrets. And I just spent far more time than I should have just clicking through them because it is just really fascinating to see what people regret. But then it occurred to me that sometimes we have things that aren't really like regrets. They're more like wishes. It's not something that I could have done, so I couldn't regret it. And yet I wish I could have done it. And that still has information. Do you know what I mean?

[Elizabeth Craft]

Yes, I feel that way. Like I wish I could have bought my apartment in New York.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Yes.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Because, you know, had I bought an apartment, it would have gone massively up in value and etc. Etc. But there was no way at the time that I could buy an apartment. So it didn't make matter that renting didn't make sense. I couldn't do otherwise.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Right.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Or Gretch, as I always say, I regret that I didn't get an mba. Of course I could have gotten an mba. Nothing was stopping me. But of course my life would have been completely different, I'm sure. Even though as a TV writer I feel like I wish I had an mba, if I actually got an mba, I don't know if I would have become a TV writer.

[Gretchen Rubin]

So who knows, right? Because sometimes it's like, well, then I might have become an entirely different person and had it as a completely different page. But there's still information there. Like, I also wish I had an mba. And so the information is there is. We both wish we had more business acumen and like grounding in the basics of business. And so that's useful information for us.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Yes.

[Gretchen Rubin]

And then there's things that maybe we would choose to do now. I mean, I know somebody who went back and got an executive mba. I don't think either one of us would do that, but it's the kind of thing that a person might do absolutely well. So let us know if you do try this at home and how embracing regret works for you. What do you regret? What have you learned from regret? Do you experience regret at all? Let us know on Instagram threads, TikTok, Facebook. Drop us an [e-mail] or as always, you can go to the show notes. This is happiercast.com 546.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Okay, coming up, we've got a sticker happiness hack. We both love stickers. But first, this break.

[Gretchen Rubin]

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[Elizabeth Craft]

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[Gretchen Rubin]

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[Elizabeth Craft]

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[Gretchen Rubin]

39.99 okay, here's a happiness hack from Carla.

[Elizabeth Craft]

She says I know you love stickers, so I wanted to share a hack ahead of the back to school season. When I sent my first child to daycare, her teachers told me about customized stickers you can buy that are dishwasher safe and stickers that are washing machine safe. I used a company called Name Bubbles, but there are multiple companies out there. I bought labels printed with my daughter's name to put on baby bottles. You could wr them with a wax pencil included to mark the date and easily wipe it off for the next use. The labels stayed on even through many, many rounds of being washed and sterilized. I have since put them on her water bottles, bento boxes, etc. I also got clothing labels printed with her name that stay on through the washing machine and dryer. This is great for extra clothes kept at daycare. Coats, hats, mittens, backpacks, etc. When I was ready to pass things down to my second child, I was able to pull the stickers off and label as needed with the next child's name. The stickers are more readable and visible than my own handwriting with a Sharpie and aren't permanent if you want to send the items off to a new home. I also did a different color scheme for each of my children which helps them see which water bottle is theirs even before they can read. Especially at daycare where multiple kids might have identical water bottles. Hope others will find this hack as useful as I have. This is an amazing hack.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Yes. I didn't know that such a thing existed, so I looked it up and this is the kind of thing where, I mean, you just spend a lot of time with children just trying to keep track of their stuff and have things go missing and does it get returned to you and does it have somebody's name in it? And this really makes that a lot easier and just much more legible because it's a sticker that's extremely legibly printed with a child's name. And then there is this way that you could, if you want to make a like put a date on it for like a baby bottle or something like that. It makes it very easy. So this is a very clever solution.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Good for camp as well.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Absolutely. And now we have a request for a four Tendencies tip.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Yes, this comes from Brina. She says, whenever I hear you talk about obliger rebellion, my first thought is that I'm in a state of rebellion myself, but I'm an upholder. If upholders meet both inner and outer accountability, aren't we subject to this as well? And even more so because we not only for all the people around us, but also answer to our highly critical selves. Is this a thing you've experienced as an upholder? How can we address this and move past it if we've been in a state of rebellion for some time? Fascinating question.

[Gretchen Rubin]

This is a fascinating question. If you don't know what we're talking about. You can take the quiz on my website and find out if you're an upholder a question or obliged a rebel. There's a whole book about it if you want to read more. But I'LL assume that everybody knows what I'm talking about for the purposes of this question. So, Breena? Yes, I believe that when I wrote Tendencies book, I had not observed upholder rebellion. But now I absolutely have come to believe that there can be an upholder rebellion. Now, if you remember, each of the tendencies overlaps with two tendencies, and so you can tip one way or the other. So in one way, upholders are like questioners because they both meet inner expectations. But upholders are also overlapping with obligers because they both meet outer expectations. And so I believe that the people who suffer from upholder rebellion are the upholders who tip to. Because if you tip to question her, which is what I do, there is that aspect of you that's being like, well, why should I? And that will push back and say, well, this just doesn't work for me. This doesn't make sense for me. And that acts as a protection. Whereas upholders who tip to obliger are much more likely to feel the weight of external pressure in a way that can become painful. I was talking to a friend who's a writer who's an upholder who tips to Obliger, and she had no trouble meeting her expectations for herself for writing. But if she was working at home, it. It was very hard for her to ignore what her children were asking of her because it was just like if their voice was in her ear, it was hard for her to ignore it. So she just always made sure that she worked out of her home so that they just said, like, only contact me if an emergency. So when she was just on her own, she didn't feel that clamor. But when they were around, it started giving her a lot of pressure. And that's the kind of pressure that starts leading to the feeling of a polder rebellion or Obliger rebellion. Now, I want to say one thing, which is there's nothing about upholders that means that they're necessarily highly critical. Some upholders are highly critical of themselves, but some are not. It is not essential that you be an upholder that has very high standards. The question is, only whatever your standards are, do you find that it's very easy to make yourself meet them, and you also meet outer expectations. So there's nothing about upholders that means that they are going to be overly critical, though sometimes they are. Sometimes they can get into that, sometimes they can get into tightening, where they get very caught up in meeting more and more, more and more requirements for themselves. But upholders have a tool for themselves that obligers don't have as easily. And so if you are feeling Upholder rebellion, you want to go deep into your own inner expectations for yourself. You want to say to yourself, people are expecting this of me, but I have to meet my expectations for myself. So I have to say no to staying late because I have my yoga class or I have to say no to going to that event that I don't want to go to because I need to get enough sleep. Upholders can always go back to their own inner expectations for themselves, but you really have to articulate them. You have to give them weight and shape so that they can be the counterweight to the outer expectations that people are placing on you. And you always want to go to the source. If you're experiencing a polder rebellion, why it's not always being expressed in the place where the problem is. It's one of my secrets of adulth. The place that hurts isn't always the place that's injured. So you really want to work to identify the problem. Where is your feeling of unrealistically high expectations coming from? And that's what you want to address. But absolutely, I do think there is.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Upholder rebellion and as an upholder I assume that could be from your own internal expectation or outer expectation. Could you be rebelling against yourself?

[Gretchen Rubin]

That is a great question. I have never observed that. Interesting, but maybe because if anything what I've seen with upholders is sometimes they can be overly cautious because they don't want to commit to something that they can't feel that they can execute on. There does seem to be self limiting or like a self realism aspect of upholders. But I have to say Elizabeth, that is a fascinating question. Upholders, have you experienced that? Because I was thinking that the Obliger rebellion came from outer expectations for upholders as well as obligers. But you're right logically it could come from inner expectations if you had an upholder who just had unrealistically high expectations for themselves. But again, I don't really see that. But let me know. Upholders, that is a fascinating question.

[Elizabeth Craft]

I will be interested to know the answer to that.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Well, here are some listener answers related to the 25 for 25 list. We recently reviewed our 25 for 25 and we heard from some listeners about what they learned when they reviewed their own 25 for 25 list.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Claire said, I have had paddleboarding on my list every year since 18 for 2018. But today, seven years later, I had a wonderful day out with my two adult children. Paddleboarding I loved it. I'm a little bit cross with myself for not doing it sooner, but so glad I kept it on the list.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Well, we've had things that have lingered on the list for years and then you finally do it and you're so glad you did so we've all been there Samantha said I wanted to share a club my friends and I started that helps keep our list front of mind throughout the year. It was inspired by the Happiness Trifecta and the Happiness Project book. It's called the Happiness Club and my friend Esther and I started it in January 2024. We're both super fans of the Happiness Project and avid listeners of the podcast. Well, thank you, that's very nice to hear Esther and Samantha. Every year we write our list list and last January we got together to share what we achieved for our 23 and 23 list and what our 24 and 24 list would be. I invited my friend Jesse, thinking she would enjoy it and the Happiness Club was born every month on the date that corresponds to the year. For example, this year it's the 25th of each month. We use a signal group to send voice notes sharing our Progress on our 25 and 25 list, items completed, items we've made progress on, and items we're struggling with with. We encourage each other, share suggestions when someone is having difficulties and give out plenty of gold stars. We also meet in person four times a year, once each season for afternoon tea to discuss our progress and workshop areas we're having trouble with and it's also a lovely catch up with friends. This year we welcomed a fourth member, a mutual friend who is also a huge Gretchen Rubin and happier podcast fan. We are a quartet of two questioners and two obliging. The Happiness Club has helped me make so much progress on my list. I've never ticked off so many items before the club. The monthly check in keeps the list front of mind and the regular workshopping suggestions and encouragement we share through our voice notes are a huge happiness booster. It has also been a great source of friendship and support. Even though most of us knew each other before, we've all become much closer friends because of it. Using the voice notes to share and support each other through life's inevitable ups and downs. How wonderful is that? I love that.

[Elizabeth Craft]

I love this idea for a club that is so great.

[Gretchen Rubin]

That is so great. Wonderful.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Courtney says. This year I looked at my 2025 list in March and realized I hated many of the things on it. They were all so serious and frankly Boring. I wasn't doing them and I decided to revamp the list and my theme. As I've also been on the whimsy train, I made my new theme craft. I like that one, Gretch.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Yeah.

[Elizabeth Craft]

And created the new bingo card I attached to this email. Great news. I have already reached a bingo with almost every item on the list list being at least in progress. I keep a picture of my board as a favorited photo on my phone. That way I can check things off virtually as soon as I do them and then transfer it to the physical copy later when I remember it helps beat the wallpaper issue for me. Thank you for the great episode, as always and for inspiring me to up my whimsy levels.

[Gretchen Rubin]

So some of the things on her list was celebrate a silly holiday and she had penciled in National Video Games Day, host a themed party. Her theme was childhood nostalgia, which is such a great theme. I would love to go to a childhood nostalgia party and then things like learn how to do two to five new hairstyles and then also things like volunteer at an event. So this is such a fun way to do a list and it's great to reevaluate and be like, actually I don't wanna do the things on this list. I wanna redo my list altogether.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Yes. And finally, Kathryn said you mid year check in. Reminded me to share a 25 for 2025. That has really worked. Worked for me this year. I put one drawer a month on my list and it's been a great way to stay accountable and get through nagging projects. I also want to thank you both for putting this concept into the world. I've been doing it since you started and it has truly enriched my life in a way resolutions never did. Some items have been practical. Replace the roof. Some have been meaningful, maintain relationships with cousins, and some have been whimsical. Watched 10 Will Ferrell movies, but they have all enhanced my life.

[Gretchen Rubin]

People are really getting the whimsy. Whimsy is catching.

[Elizabeth Craft]

I think we all love some whimsy.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Yes. And it's great that the 25 for 25 list works so well and how people use it in so many different ways. It's so interesting to see all the creative approaches people take. Yes.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Okay, Gretch, coming up, I have a. I would call it a summer demerit. But first, this break Foreign.

[Gretchen Rubin]

You know how much we love a travel hack. And if you've been keeping up with our podcast, you know we just revisited one of our favorite episodes where we shared our all time Favorite Travel Tips My favorite travel hack is to keep a travel toiletry kit stocked at all times. That way rather than unpacking or repacking your toiletries every time you travel travel, you just keep a kit of all your travel size goodies in your closet year round. And that way packing is so much easier and you never forget anything important.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Another travel hack Hosting your space on Airbnb when you're away. Yep, your place just sitting there while you're off on vacation could actually be making you money. With Airbnb, you decide when to host, who stays and how much to charge and Airbnb gives you support every step of the way. It is just the smart thing to do. And just think, with all that extra cash coming in, you can start saving toward your next weekend getaway. You might as well. You already have your toiletries packed. Your home might be worth more than you think. Find out how [e-mail] host Gretch, you know that I am the biggest fan of Audible. I absolutely love audiobook books. Audible has thousands of titles. I love a good romance and they have everything from like the modern steamy stuff to historical. I love listening to the OG romance Pride and Prejudice. I just can't get enough. Whether I'm getting ready in the morning, whether I'm driving. I might even just sit on my couch and listen to Audible for hours.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Audible's romance collection has something to satisfy every side of you. When it comes down to what romance you're into, you can't be pinned down. And here's your invitation to have it all. Hear modern rom coms from authors like Lily Chu and Ali Hazelwood, the latest romantasy series from Sarah J. Maas and Rebecca Yarros, and Regency favorites like Bridgerton and Outlander. Plus all the really steamy stuff. Your first great love story is free when you sign up for a free 30 day [e-mail] Happy Happier. Okay, Elizabeth, it's time for demerits and gold stars and this is an even numbered episode, which means it's your turn to talk about a demerit.

[Elizabeth Craft]

So Gretchen, it is still summer and I keep saying I'm going to make gazpacho, which I think of as the ultimate summer food. And I have made it before, just to be clear. But I have not made it. Even though every weekend I'm like, ooh, this weekend I'm going to make a spot show. Why? Well, you know, it is a hassle. You have to buy all these different ingredients, chop them up. I mean look, as far as cooking goes, it's easy, but I think I've just been, I don't want to say lazy, but I just haven't motivated to, like, go acquire all the ingredients.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Now that you're giving yourself the demerit, maybe that'll give you the nudge you need.

[Elizabeth Craft]

I hope so, because, you know, I love gazpacho.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Yes, you do.

[Elizabeth Craft]

How about you? What's your gold star?

[Gretchen Rubin]

Okay, well, I want to give a gold star to one of my very oldest friends in the world, Pam Hentz. She has recently launched a storytelling initiative called Making Neighborhood. And she explained it. It's rooted in the belief that real connection starts with real people. At its core, it's about listening, really listening. It's about challenging old perceptions and seeing our neighbors in a new light. The whole thing grows one story, one connection at a time. And I love this. I love just the word neighbor. I think neighborhood. I think those are such powerful words. And this is such an interesting thing that she started. You can look at Instagram, it's making neighborhood. Or you can go online and it's makingneighborhood.com and, you know, the thing about Pam is she was part of my original neighborhood. My relationship with her stretches very, very far back in my life. So this is really fun.

[Elizabeth Craft]

I love it.

[Gretchen Rubin]

The resource for this week, we talk a lot about ways to know yourself better. And one of the most interesting and fun ways to know yourself better is to know your neglected self sense. When you know your neglected sense, it gives you a way to address an element that might be missing from your life and how to gain more richness, more adventure, more opportunities for connection by realizing what sense you neglect. So if you go to my website and look into the quizzes, or you can go right to it. If you go to happiercast.com sensesquiz you can take the quiz. What's your neglected sense? Elizabeth, you and I discovered that we have the same neglected sense, which did not come as a surprise to either of us.

[Elizabeth Craft]

No taste is our neglected sense.

[Gretchen Rubin]

It is. And what are we reading? Elizabeth, what are you reading?

[Elizabeth Craft]

I am reading Wild West Village by Lola Kirk.

[Gretchen Rubin]

And I am reading the Rest of Our Lives by Ben Markovitz. And that's it for this episode of Happier. Remember to try this at home. Embrace regret. Let us know if you tried it and if it worked for you.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Thank you to our executive producer, Chuck Reed and everyone at Lemonada. Remember, you can subscribe to Lemonada Premium. You will be able to listen ad free. Just tap the subscribe button on Apple Podcasts or go to lemonadapremium.com to subscribe on any other app.

[Gretchen Rubin]

And here's your rhyming reminder. If you're a fan of the show, make sure your friends know.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Until next week. I'm Elizabeth Craft.

[Gretchen Rubin]

And I'm Gretchen Rubin. Thanks for joining us. Onward and upward, Elizabeth. Do I remember that you ordered gazpacho on our reading retreat? Didn't you get that for lunch one day?

[Elizabeth Craft]

I did indeed. I got cucumber gazpacho. Delicious.

[Gretchen Rubin]

There you go from the Onward project.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Hi Gretchen, Craig Robinson and my little sister Michelle here. We host a new podcast called IMO with Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson. We know you're the queen of giving advice, so we wanted to get a.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Few tips from you.

[Elizabeth Craft]

You know, Gretchen, a lot of our listeners are going through some major life changes. What advice do you have for folks who are trying to stay grounded in the midst of major life transitions?

[Gretchen Rubin]

Craig and Michelle, I am so happy to be talking to you. Here are a few questions that might help us gain perspective. So consider questions like this. What activities take up my time but are not particularly useful or stimulating for me? Do I spend a lot of time on something that's important to someone else but is not very important to me? If I could magically change one habit in my life, what would I choose? And here's a question. Would I like to have more time in solitude, restorative solitude, or would I like to have more time with friends? You know, just thinking about questions like this can help us start to figure out how we might make our lives happier. With greater self knowledge, we're better able to make hard decisions that reflect ourselves, our own nature, our own interests, our own values. In my own case, I have found that the more my life reflects my nature, the happier I get and the more grounded I feel when I'm going through a period of major change or transition. For more great advice, search for IMO with Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson. Wherever you get podcasts, you can listen to. Issa Rae on letting go of certain friendships, Keke Palmer on why disappointment is actually the key to career success, Seth and Lauren Rogan on caring for aging parents and so many more.