Ep. 559: Feel Lonely? Out of Touch? Try This. Plus the Beautiful Pressure to “Use It Up”

Summary

Happier with Gretchen Rubin — Ep. 559: Feel Lonely? Out of Touch? Try This. Plus the Beautiful Pressure to “Use It Up”

Date: November 5, 2025
Hosts: Gretchen Rubin & Elizabeth Craft
Podcast Network: The Onward Project / Lemonada Media

---

Main Theme & Purpose

This episode explores two central themes:

• The practical and psychological impacts of gathering people together — specifically, why and how to host a party, and how social connection can boost happiness.
• The compelling, sometimes burdensome desire to “use things up” — making the most of resources, opportunities, and experiences.

Gretchen and Elizabeth deliver their signature blend of actionable happiness hacks, listener stories, and thoughtful reflection, with their usual warmth, humor, and openness.

---

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Listener Updates: Reading Retreats & Difficult Transitions

Timestamps: 03:08 – 05:39

• Listeners share how they adapted past “Happier” ideas, such as parent-child reading retreats that included independent bookstore visits.
• A listener, Camilla, updates on her journey to donate a kidney, inspired by the idea of “training for a tough transition”.
  • Quote:

    “At 52 years old, the concept of training for a tough transition really helped me to reframe this period into a challenge rather than an ordeal.”
    — Camilla (04:33)

2. Try This at Home: Have a Party (Don’t Overthink It!)

Timestamps: 05:40 – 10:58

• Gretchen suggests reframing the intimidating “throw a party” to the more inviting “have a party”, emphasizing festivity and togetherness.
  • Quote:

    “Throwing a party kind of sounds more intimidating. Having a party…sounds easier.”
    — Gretchen Rubin (05:42)

• Elizabeth aspires to be a “party person” but confesses to self-consciousness about hosting; themed parties (TV finales, premieres) help ease the anxiety.
  • Quote:

    “Who am I to have a party? But if there’s a reason for it... I feel less self conscious.”
    — Elizabeth Craft (07:22)

• Tips for what makes a gathering a “party” (eight or more people, an official invitation, festive mood).
• Gretchen underscores the importance of hosting adult-focused parties, especially in the “Open Door Period” (a rebrand of “Empty Nest”), to help sustain friendships beyond child-centered life stages.
  • Quote:

    “Push yourself to have a party that isn’t a family party or a child centric party.”
    — Gretchen Rubin (09:53)

• Listeners are encouraged to share party experiences and ideas for hosting.

3. Happiness Hack: Assembling Furniture with YouTube

Timestamps: 14:35 – 15:42

• Listener Ruth recommends searching for specific DIY/assembly videos on YouTube, which often reveal tips not in the written instructions (“Ikea bolts actually have an arrow you’re supposed to line up!”).
  • Quote:

    “The video I watched began with the guy taking the instructions and throwing them away, which I loved.”
    — Ruth (15:22)

4. Listener Stories: The Pressure to “Use It Up”

Timestamps: 15:43 – 25:56

• Gretchen shares her personal, almost oppressive drive to “use up” available resources, beauty, or opportunities (from regular Met visits to anxiety over unvisited pools).
  • Quote:

    “We owe it to the wonders and the splendor of the world to appreciate them and to exhaust them and to avail ourselves of them.”
    — Gretchen Rubin (15:46)

• Listeners deeply resonate, offering a chorus of analogues:
  • June: Aches to savor perfect weather, sunsets, or unique experiences and feels loss at the end of a “wasted” day. (16:39)
  • Nadia: Feels compelled to take advantage of unique, local opportunities; the absence of action feels like waste. (18:00)
  • Jill: As an “Upholder,” meticulously plans to absorb every opportunity while traveling, sometimes clashing with her more laid-back spouse. (18:37)
  • Victoria: Driven to enjoy the night sky, feels regret if others don’t join in. (19:46)
    • Quote:

      “I get panicked. If it's a nice night and we are inside, we were given this... our night sky may get cluttered... Let's get outside.”
      — Victoria (19:46)

  • Claudia: Haunted by “carpe diem” urgency after reading Andersen’s The Little Fir Tree; fears wasting her days. (21:00)
  • Diane: Pushes herself to explore new cities during work trips instead of hiding out in her room, inspired by the desire to seize every opportunity. (21:40)
  • Nora & Emily: Discuss balancing “using it up” vs. the need for rest; sometimes a “vacation from the vacation” is necessary for well-being. (24:07)
  • Lisa: Uses her husband’s “sunk cost” perspective to fight guilt for not maximizing every expense or opportunity. (25:17)
• Gretchen and Elizabeth reflect that “using it up” can motivate but also feel like a beautiful pressure that can become burdensome.

5. Demerit & Gold Star:

Timestamps: 29:44 – 33:38

• Demerit (Gretchen): Not engaging her dogs, Barnaby and Taffy, often enough with puzzle games, even though it enriches their lives and minds. Promises to try harder.
• Gold Star (Elizabeth): Co-host Sarah earns praise for exemplary pitch deck preparation, specifically for her tenacity in finding perfect photos and utilizing AI tools for creative work.
  • Quote:

    “Finding photos is her superpower, but part of it is just that she has the patience to just search and search... She’s also really figured out how to use AI to create slides.”
    — Elizabeth Craft (31:33)

• Pro Tip: Listeners are invited to share best puzzle toys for different dog breeds, especially indestructible ones for corgis.

---

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “Am I going to have a party? When am I going to have a party? I always know, okay, I’m going to have that party. But you know, Alyssa, the kind of party you go to that I don’t go to, that I think sounds really fun is finale parties for TV shows.” — Gretchen Rubin (06:20)
• “I still remember not going to that pool, Gretchen.” — Elizabeth Craft (20:49)
• “Using it up doesn’t always mean packing in every single moment. It means getting what you want out of the experience.” — Gretchen Rubin (25:05)

---

Important Segments and Timestamps

• Listener Retreat & Transitions: 03:08 – 05:39
• Try This At Home: Have a Party: 05:40 – 10:58
• Happiness Hack: YouTube for Assembly: 14:35 – 15:42
• Listeners on Using It Up: 15:43 – 25:56
• Demerit & Gold Star: 29:44 – 33:38

---

Original Tone & Language

Gretchen and Elizabeth’s discussion is candid, friendly, and gently self-deprecating, with lots of laughter, encouragement, and relatable moments. The tone is supportive: they welcome listener input, validate differing experiences around socializing and “using it up”, and share their own foibles.

---

Takeaway Strategies & Listener Engagement

• “Try This at Home”: Don’t overcomplicate hosting — just “have a party.” Create annual or themed gatherings to reduce overthinking and self-consciousness.
• Reframe FOMO (“Use It Up”): Recognize both the joy and burden of making the most of opportunities. “No regrets” doesn’t have to mean exhaustion.
• Hacks & Demerits: Practical solutions (like YouTube DIY) and honest admissions (like not using dog puzzle toys enough) model real, manageable change.
• Listener Synergy: Crowd-sourced suggestions and shared experiences enrich the Happier community.

---

For Further Reflection

If you’re feeling lonely, out of touch, or worried you’re not making the most of life, this episode encourages simple, intentional action — whether by inviting friends over, appreciating beautiful days, or letting go of the pressure to always maximize every moment.

---

Connect and Share:
Listeners are invited to share party plans, “use it up” stories, and dog puzzle tips via Instagram, Threads, TikTok, Facebook, or at [e-mail]. Full episode info and show notes: happiercast.com/559.

---

What the hosts are reading:

• Elizabeth: The British Are Coming by Rick Atkinson
• Gretchen: On the Beach by Neville Shute

---

Closing Reminder:
“If you love the show, leave a review to let us know. Reviews and ratings really do help our show.”

Transcript

[Elizabeth Craft]

Did you know that infants are ready to learn sign language, 2 year olds are ready to learn the basics of science and three year olds are ready to learn coding. Your child is ready to learn and at Primrose Schools, teachers make the most of this time by creating a joyful, purposeful learning experience unlike any other.

[Gretchen Rubin]

For instance, have you heard of the Primrose Friends? In every Primrose School classroom, teachers use these 12 lovable puppets to make character development joyful, meaningful and memorable. From exploring generosity with Benjamin the Bear to practicing honesty with Peanut the Pony, every friend plays a special part in helping children learn important values while having plenty of fun along the way. We can all use some friends like that. You can learn [e-mail] now enrolling infants through children age 5. That's primroseschools.com for more information Peloton is.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Shaping the future of fitness with the brand new Peloton Cross Training Tread Plus. Powered by Peloton iq, this is Peloton's most elevated equipment with real time guidance and endless ways to move on your own or with your favorite instructors. It's cross training reimagined with features designed to make your workout more personal. Gretch, you know that I love an instructor. I love to be told what to do and when to do it. I like to be able to take different classes to change it up and with my personality, this is how I can get the best workout. The variety of classes I can get with the Cross Training Tread plus is unmatched. They have nailed it.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Peloton IQ even tracks your progress and suggests weights that challenge you so you can get stronger. The the new movement tracking camera allows Peloton IQ to count your reps and correct your form in real time, taking the guesswork out of your workout so you can train safer, lift smarter and make every rep count. Let yourself run, lift, sculpt, push and go. Explore the new peloton cross training tread [e-mail].

[Elizabeth Craft]

Lemonade.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Hello and welcome to Happier, a podcast where we talk about how to be happier. This week we'll talk about why it's a good idea to throw a party and how I discovered that it turns out that I am not alone in feeling a beautiful pressure to use things up. I'm Gretchen Rubin, writer who studies happiness, good habits, human nature, secrets of adulthood. I am today working from an undisclosed location and joining me today from Los Angeles is my sister, Elizabeth Craft. My sister the sage.

[Elizabeth Craft]

That's me, Elizabeth Craft, a TV writer and producer living in la. And Gretch, I'm where I always am in my home office in Encino, California.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Well, before we jump in, we have a few updates from listeners. Lisa wrote, you talked about the reading retreat for one of your 25 and 25 lists this year, and right away I was intrigued. I when you described it, I talked with my adult daughter about it and we were both all in on the idea. I'm happy to say that this past weekend was our reading retreat and it was a fantastic weekend. We visited six independent bookstores in the Pittsburgh area. They were all so unique and we bought something at each one. After our day at bookstores, we had dinner and retreated to our hotel room to just read. It was so nice. My daughter and I have been readers forever and this was the perfect weekend for us. She has three young children and doesn't often get away. While we see each other frequently, it's always with several family members. That's great too. But spending time with just the two of us was so precious. I want to thank you for the suggestion. Fantastic idea and we loved it. Now, Elizabeth, we didn't think about including visits to bookstores. That is a great addition.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Well, Gretchen, I'll remind you, we did visit godmothers on our way.

[Gretchen Rubin]

That's right.

[Elizabeth Craft]

It was an idea that sort of arose. But yes, we should definitely make that part of every reading retreat we do well.

[Gretchen Rubin]

And you surprised me with that. It wasn't part of my idea of the retreat. That was like a little bonus that got thrown in. But yeah, I think next time we could build that in very explicitly. Love that.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Camilla said in episode 484, you shared my story about training for a tough transition. In my case, getting ready to donate a kidney. My husband's health has now reached the point where a transplant is necessary. I doubt that my kidney will be a match for him, but I've started the process of getting worked up to donate via the Kidney Exchange program. Since episode 484, May of 2024, I've lost 73 pounds and I've successfully avoided type 2 diabetes. I've been lifting weights and I've just taken up running. At 52 years old, the concept of training for a tough transition really helped me to reframe this period into a challenge rather than an ordeal. I feel like I'm in a great position to help my husband get a kidney more quickly. He's already a heart transplant recipient, so avoiding stressing his even more is vital and to cope with surgery and recovery for both of us. Well, that's wonderful.

[Gretchen Rubin]

That is wonderful. How excellent to train for a tough transition. And it's wonderful to hear how much progress you've made. And we send all of our best wishes for both of you, particularly your husband. So well done.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Yes.

[Gretchen Rubin]

This week, our try this at home suggestion is to have a party. Now, before, I said throw a party, but I think throwing a party kind of sounds more intimidating. Having a party sounds. I don't know, sounds easier. There's something about a party. It's festive, it brings people together. Often when you have a party, you help people, meet new people or see people that they might not otherwise see. It's really fun to have a party.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Yes. I love going to parties, Gretchen. It's one of my goals in life to be someone who hosts parties, throws parties, has parties, gives parties. I definitely need the nudge from you to.

[Gretchen Rubin]

One thing that I did that gets me to have a party is, you know, I have my children's literature and young adult literature reading groups. And there's more than one group because the group got so big it had to split. But every year for the holidays, because I love my holiday decorations, I have a drinks and dessert party where all the groups come together so all the kid litters can meet each other. And this is super fun. And I do it every year, so I'm committed to it. And I know that I'm gonna have this party, and it's super fun. I really look forward to it. But I also like the fact that since I know that I'm gonna do it, there's not that decision fatigue of, am I gonna have a party? When am I gonna have a party? I always know, okay, I'm gonna have that party. But you know, Alyssa, the kind of party you go to that I don't go to, that I think sounds really fun is finale parties for TV shows.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Yes. I have friends who always have finale parties, and they always have trivia contests and you're guessing what's going to happen. They have theme food, and it's just such a great reason to have a party. You know, one thing that I think helps with that is that it gives you that sort of excuse. Because I think part of my issue with having parties is that I feel self conscious. I feel weird inviting people over and, like, do they really want to come? And who am I to have a party? But if there's a reason for it, like a season finale or a premiere party, I have hosted premiere parties. It makes me feel less self conscious.

[Gretchen Rubin]

And then, like, you said, then there's sort of a theme to play off of. Like, I remember for the Game of Thrones finale, you had a T shirt that said, I drink and I know things and I still think of you every time I see that slogan out in the world. And yeah, then there's the food. It's just something. It gives it that air of whimsy. So here's a question. What do you think counts as a party?

[Elizabeth Craft]

That is a good question. I would go with anything over eight people, I think could be a party. It might not have to be a party. Like, if it's a meeting, it's not a party. But I think anything under eight people or eight is more of a get together.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Right. Well, and it's interesting that you say, like, is it a meeting or a party? Like, I think my book club might have 50, but it doesn't feel like a party. It feels like a book club meeting. But then at the holiday party, that really feels like a party. So you might have a lot of people get together, but it doesn't have that party feeling. And I do think that when something is described as a party, you feel like you want to go to it more. It feels more elevated. And it also feels like, okay, this is something that I should go to if I can.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Yes. And to add to that, if there is any kind of actual invitation involved, whether it be paper or digital, I think that also, also ups both the desire to go and the sort of internal pressure to go. I think texting people that you're having a party does not get the same result as sending an invitation.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Absolutely. Yes. Having an invitation. I remember you saying how you would send an invitation even for family Thanksgiving, just because it's so elevated. It feels so much more like a real party if you have an invitation.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Yes. And it starts the festive feeling.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Yes, exactly. But here's a wrinkle that I will offer because, you know, I'm writing a book project, Empty Nest, about people dealing with the open door period of life. That's how I'm rebranding the Empty Nest. So I would encourage people, if you want to have a party, if this is something that appeals to you, do not have a child centered party or a family centered party. Don't be planning a party for the soccer team and their parents or around your child's birthday. It's wonderful to do those things. Do those things. But also push yourself to have a party that isn't a family party or a child centric party. Because one of the things that sometimes happens to people in the empty nest phase is they realize that they haven't really cultivated their friendships apart from active family life, so they feel a lack of relationships once the children leave. So if you're thinking about having a party, have it around something other than that. So let us know if you do try this at home and how having a party works for you. What have you used as an excuse to have a party? Or maybe you just, you don't even need an excuse, you just have a party, which is great. Let us know on Instagram threads, TikTok, Facebook. Drop us an [e-mail] or as always, you can go to the show description this is happiercast.com559 for everything related to this episode.

[Elizabeth Craft]

All right, Gretch, coming up, we've got a happiness hack related to putting together furniture. We all need this. But first, this break.

[Gretchen Rubin]

The holidays are coming up and I am hosting Thanksgiving and so I am running around trying to get everything ready for lots of guests. And I am so excited to be able to use Wayfair because Wayfair is the place to shop for all things home. And you can get everything from sofas to spatulas. They have it and you can get up to 70% off during Wayfair's Black Friday sale. I just got a whole set of acrylic tumblers because people are walking around, especially if they're walking around outside. It's great for them to have something that is not so breakable.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Wayfair is the go to destination for everything home, no matter your style or budget. Earn rewards and get the best savings in the neighborhood with Wayfair's new loyalty program. It's the first place we go because they have everything you need. Don't miss out on early Black Friday deals. Head to Wayfair.com now to shop Wayfair's Black Friday deals for up to 70% off. That's W A Y F A I R.com sale ends December 7th. Gretch, you know that I am not much of a cook. I've been very open about that. But one thing I love making is roasted vegetables with olive oil. Even I can do this. But it's only good if you have really good olive oil. Which is why I get my olive oil direct from small, award winning farms thanks to a guy named T.J. robinson. Right now I have a favorite. It's called Abel Alonso Extra Virgin Olive Oil and it's making my veggies amazing.

[Gretchen Rubin]

As an introduction to his fresh Pressed Olive Oil Club TJ is willing to send our listeners a full sized $39 bottle of one of the world's finest artisanal olive oils for just $1 to help him cover shipping. And there's no commitment to buy anything now or ever. Get your free $39 bottle for just $1 shipping and taste the difference freshness makes. Go to getfreshhappier.com that's getfreshhappier.com for a free bottle and pay just $1 shipping. Getfresh happier.com Elizabeth, you know we are always talking about the small things that we can do that make a big impact not just in our own lives, but for the planet as well. And that's why I'm such a big fan of our food recycler Mill Mill is the one easy thing that makes reducing food waste effortless. Mill is the cleanest, easiest way to prevent food waste at home. It makes keeping food out of the trash as easy as dropping it in. Toss in your scraps. Forget about it. No smell, no mess, no effort. You can keep filling it and filling it for weeks. You might even skip a garbage day or two. Mill turns your food scraps into nutrient rich grounds you can use in your garden or compost. Or mill can pick them up and get them to a local farm.

[Elizabeth Craft]

And an added bonus, wasting less food feels really good. All the guilt and stress I used to feel when cleaning out my fridge is gone. I Mill makes it easy and even joyful to reduce food waste, taking a global problem and turning it into a simple daily step at home.

[Gretchen Rubin]

But you have to live with mill to really get it. Good thing. You can try it risk free and get $75 off with code. Happy visit mill.com happy that's mill.com happy.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Okay Gretch, we are back with this week's Happiness Hack.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Yes, and this hack comes from my friend Ruth. She thought that listeners might benefit from this idea as much as she did, so here's what she wrote. I have a hack for putting together Ikea furniture. Maybe everybody knows this already, but you can go on YouTube and search for the model of the thing you're trying to put together and watch a video of someone who knows what they're doing explaining how to do it. All kinds of handyman types from all over the world seem to have made these videos. I was struggling with a nightstand and searched for it on a whim and all these things came up. The video I watched began with the guy taking the instructions and throwing them away, which I loved. I learned all sorts of useful things from him that aren't included in the instructions. For instance, those pesky little Ikea bolts actually have an arrow on them that you're supposed to line up with a hole. Who knew? This is just a good example of there is so much information on YouTube. If there is anything that you are wondering about, look on YouTube, because it is astonishing how much information is there.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Yes. And those little tips and tricks can make such a difference.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Absolutely. Absolutely. And now we have a bunch of listener responses to something that I raised in an earlier episode, which is this feeling that I had and I didn't know if anybody else had it. It turns out they do. This feeling of a pressure to use things up, not from frugality, but like that we owe it to the wonders and the splendor of the world to appreciate them and to exhaust them and to avail ourselves of them. And sometimes for me, this. This desire to use something up becomes almost oppressive. Like, one of the reasons I go to the Metropolitan Museum every day is it really weighed on my conscience because I was like, here's the Met. I can go. And yet I never go. I'm not using it up. But by going every day now, I'm using it up. Well, as so often happens when I talked about something that I thought maybe I was the only person in the world that experienced it, it turns out that that many people share this very same feeling and it was so interesting to hear what they had to say.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Yes, June said. I was gratified to hear your description of wanting to use it up. While you worry about taking advantage of resources that are readily available to you, I fret about using up the rare and unusual. I have an almost panicky feeling whenever the weather is really nice. I live in the south, where the summer days are often miserable and winter days tend to be gloomy and chilly. Winter When a perfect day arrives, I immediately plan how to use it up. Sitting on our screened in porch as long as possible, walking in the park, eating at a restaurant with outdoor seating, opening the windows if I have to be inside all day, I feel a sinking sense of loss at the end of the wasted day. It seems that I can't fully satisfy this urge to make the most of it, though. Even when tent camping at a national park, I sometimes get antsy if we spend too much time in a gift shop on a beautiful day. As the resident of a landlocked state, I have the same feeling about sunsets over the ocean when we visit relatives in Southern California, I immediately check the forecast and plan trips to various beaches at sunset to witness the magic. I've never regretted fighting traffic or delaying dinner to watch the shimmering gold sparkles on the water, the almost iridescent glow of the sand as the light slides toward the horizon. I love that beautiful image.

[Gretchen Rubin]

It is Nadia Said, I just finished listening to your recent episode and just wanted to say I have the exact same feeling as Gretchen about using it up. I live in Santa Barbara, California and if I go too long without going to the beach, playing beach volleyball, going to the mountains or going to my favorite yoga studio, all things that are unique to Santa Barbara and free. Since I volunteer at the yoga studio, I feel like I am wasting it. Thank you for articulating something that is so clear to me and also for pointing out that others may not feel the same way or which could be a source of conflict. Yes, maybe you feel this very powerfully, maybe you do not.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Jill said. I loved hearing Gretchen talk about her tendency to want to absorb, slash, see, enjoy everything about a place or event. I definitely share this tendency with her. I am also an upholder like Gretchen. When I travel I want to get up and out early, see everything that one is supposed to see, eat and drink all the local delicacies, not miss out on anything because who knows if or when I'll return. I live in the beautiful state of Vermont and feel like I'm wasting my existence here if I don't get out and kayak or hike in all of the beautiful places. My husband does not share our tendency. Gretchen and I have had to modify my need to use it up in our life together. When we travel, he wants to sit and absorb instead of getting it all done on the weekends, he wants to get up later, take an afternoon nap and just chill out. Whereas I feel like I'm wasting my weekend if doing that. I want to again get up early and get started so I can feel like I used up the day fully. It has definitely been a motivating force throughout my life and I feel like it's part of no regrets. If I use it up, I'll have no regrets about it. Does that make sense?

[Gretchen Rubin]

I absolutely get it and that's a really good example of how it could cause conflict because somebody just has a different perspective on it. But I absolutely know what you're talking about. Victoria Said, Yes, I have the need to use it up. I've never been able to articulate this. Mine shows up big time with the night sky. It's interesting how many of these are about nature. I get panicked. If it's a nice night and we are inside, we were given this. Our night sky may get cluttered. Look at all the satellites already. It will only get more cluttered. Let's get outside. That's what's going on in my head. But to my husband I say, do you want to go outside with me? I'm devastated if he doesn't join, he missed out. Even if I'm outside, I feel pain he missed it. Now I'm going to see where else this shows up in my life. I felt a slight pang when you and Elizabeth said you didn't use the pool once on your reading retreat. It also helps explain why I'm holding on dearly to the motto I received from a previous happier podcast. If you don't use it, you lose it. It gives me disproportionate joy to say that phrase to everyone who will listen.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Yes, I still remember not going to that pool, Gretchen.

[Gretchen Rubin]

I know, I know. Clearly that has weighed on many listeners minds as well as ours. Next time we will not make that mistake.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Yes, Claudia said. Regarding the urge to use it up, I was very content to just drift. Until some 25 years ago, I read Anderson's fairy tale the Little Fir Tree to my daughter. It is no exaggeration to say that that story, which I hadn't heard before, cut me to the marrow. Since then I have been haunted by that carpe diem urge, which is painful in itself because humans are not mean to be active all their waking hours in hunter gatherer societies. They sit around for hours every day, maybe just doing each other's hair. Still, I think that would leave me like the Little Fur Tree in a dusty attic, bare and dry, with very few memories.

[Gretchen Rubin]

So if you haven't read the Little Fur Tree lately, I will include a link in the show notes. It is a very short fairy tale. The thing about Hans Christian Andersen is many of his fairy tales really are extraordinarily poignant. I think of the Little Match Girl, the Little Fir Tree. There's a lot going on in that. And yes, it will definitely get you fired up to use it up. Because we will just say the Little Fir Tree did not take that attitude and the Little Fir Tree regretted it. Diane wrote. This happens to me at work conferences. A big introvert. I am tempted to sit in my hotel room with a book and room service in between conference sessions. Instead, I feel like I have to take advantage of whatever town I'm in. Last year in Vegas, I went to two shows by myself and suggested a group dinner near where my coworkers and I could see the Bellagio fountains. This year in Tampa, with 80 degree weather in February, I ate seafood outside by the water, ate ice cream while strolling on the waterside walking path, and organized a co worker outing to a professional hockey game just because I could see the stadium from the hotel. I'm already looking forward to next year's conference in Anaheim. I was told they wouldn't be having anything at Disneyland, but there is no way I'm going to miss it. P.S. i laughed when you said you should have used the pool during your reading retreat because I couldn't believe you read in your hotel room the whole time. Next time take your book outside and get a lounge chair by the pool. At least take in more scenery by changing reading locations. Yes, we will do that next time. Yeah, that was a big, big mistake.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Nora said. I understand Gretchen's need to use it up a million percent. My boyfriend and I pack our travel schedules to the brim to get the most out of our trips. Although I love doing this and wouldn't have it any other way, these trips leave me feeling a bit worn out. Often I hear myself saying I need a vacation from our vacation. In the same vein as your reading retreat, I have decided that twice a year I will take a mini weekend long trip by myself. The destination is always the same, a very short and inexpensive plane ride away and has plenty of nice hotels. There's almost no planning involved when I'm there. I watch tv, journal, read, take long bubble baths, treat myself to yummy food, sleep in, etc. These little mini trips make it so much easier to use it up on my longer trips knowing that I don't have to squish relaxation in when all I want to do is hit the road and see everything I can see.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Mm, yeah. Emily writes. When you talked about using it up on a recent episode, I was reminded of a trip I took to a theme park with my two kids and another family. On that trip, I learned that my son and I are not theme park people and that my daughter is. The group was much happier splitting up. My son and I went back to the hotel for an afternoon nap and quiet reading while the others rode as many roller coasters as they could. If my son and I had stayed in the park, overstimulated by the crowds, lights, rides and noises, we would have been tired and cranky. If the others had been forced to relax, they would have felt resentful. After all, we could nap and read Anywhere. The experience was very different from childhood visits to a theme park where my parents encouraged us to get all we could out of the day. We strategized about which lines would be shortest when arrived before the entrance rope dropped and ran from ride to ride. It worked for us at the time, but for this recent trip, I needed some downtime, and I'm glad I set that example for the kids. Think about your nature and what you need in the moment or the season. That's a great thing. Using it up doesn't always mean packing in every single moment. It means getting what you want out of the experience.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Yes. And finally, Lisa said. My husband was a finance major with a minor in accounting. His Use it up philosophy for everything is, from an accounting perspective, it's a sunk cost. Now, you paid for a full day at Disney, but you're ready to go. That's fine. It's a sunk cost. The decision now is, do I feel like going or staying? There's nothing you can do to change the money that has been spent. But what brings you the greatest joy right now? I'm sure many people would not agree with this philosophy, but sometimes it makes me feel less bad about not getting the full value of something. Well, that's certainly an interesting perspective, and.

[Gretchen Rubin]

I think that if you do feel like sometimes it's sort of a beautiful pressure to use something up, but sometimes it can really feel very burdensome. So this is a good reminder that you can look at it a different way. Well, I'm so thrilled that people know what I'm talking about, because once I put my finger on it, I realized that this is a thread that goes through a lot of my experiences. So it was very gratifying to hear from so many listeners that they knew exactly what I was talking about.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Yes, you struck a chord, Gretch. Coming up, Gretchen has a demerit related to Barnaby and Taffy. But first, this break.

[Gretchen Rubin]

On this podcast, we talk about strategies and solutions for making our lives happier, healthier, more productive, and more creative. And we usually focus on topics that are within our control habits we can make, books we can read, rituals we can try. And these suggestions have a lot to do with agency. If we have the power to try and make our situation better, even a little bit, at least we have a game plan. But some things in life are simply out of our control. Sometimes we get sick. Sometimes our body fails us or gets in our way. Sometimes, unfortunately, we don't have the resources to change our circumstances, no matter how much we may want to what happens then? Today, we're thrilled to share some stories from ippf, which stands for the International Planned Parenthood Federation. IPPF is the world's largest and most enduring network of national civil society organizations for reproductive health, rights and justice. Today you'll hear from Alice Ackerman, a young activist, educator, former social worker and former board member of ippf, as she shares stories from around the world. They share a simple yet powerful idea that everybody holds a story. And when we can control our own bodies, we control our own stories.

[Alice Ackerman]

What connects all human beings is our bodies. In our bodies, we can feel and see our joys, our fears, our resilience. I started to be an activist when I was 15 years old. And since then, every day when I wake up, I have only one goal, to build a world where every person is can make their own choices about their bodies and their lives. In the US I can see that women's rights are under attack and the rights that generations fought for are being rolled back. This is not an American issue. It's happening in so many countries all over the world. And this is why we really need to come together and show solidarity and support organizations like IPPF who are fighting for all women all around the world. For them to have access to their bodily autonomy. Sexual and repetitive dignity is the foundation of a free life. It means having the power to make decisions about your body without fear, stigma or barriers. And so how do we get there? We get there by standing up, speaking out and refusing to compromise on our rights. It's to build the perfect world for reproductive and sexual health where bodily autonomy is non negotiable. IPPF created this campaign. Everybody holds a story because it's a reminder that when we fight for sexual and reproductive healthcare, we are actually fighting for humanity itself. That every person deserves to live in a body that is safe, respected and free.

[Gretchen Rubin]

This discussion makes me reflect on the fact that there's a special power in being seen and accepted by another person. Sharing stories like this helps us to see each other across differences despite different countries, languages, cultures, religions. Everybody holds a story. Visit ippf.org everybody to learn more.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Okay, Gretch, we're back with demerits and gold stars and this week it is your turn for a demerit.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Well, yes, this is a dog related demerit because you know, we have Barnaby and Taffy and I know that they really have fun when there is some kind of puzzle game or like when we hide their treats and they have to for them and hunt for them or where there's some kind of task, you know, that there's some kind of puzzle that they have to solve to get a treat. And my demerit is that I just don't do it very often. I know that they really enjoy it, but very often I just don't take the trouble. And by giving myself this demerit, I want to remind myself, go the extra mile, figure this out. Some of them work better than others. I need to sort through it and realize, like, I need to do a little bit of work to figure out which ones are the best. But I really want to do it because I think that they do really enjoy them and it's probably good for them to exercise their brains in that way.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Yes.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Do you have any good puzzle games for Nacho and Daisy?

[Elizabeth Craft]

No, I was just going to say Gretchen. If listeners have suggestions for corgis, let me know, because every puzzle game we've ever gotten, they've just ripped through in two seconds. So they have a force that can overcome the puzzle.

[Gretchen Rubin]

They just break it. Oh, that's so funny.

[Elizabeth Craft]

So I would love to hear suggestions.

[Gretchen Rubin]

From Listene or also for non corgis, if there's any ones that your dog loves. Yeah, just send us any puzzle games because I think dogs really do enjoy them. So it's just something that I need to explore. But, Alyssa, take us up. What's your gold star?

[Elizabeth Craft]

Okay. My gold star is for Sarah, my writing partner, who I mention often, my co host of Happier in Hollywood. I am giving Sarah a big gold star because she has done so much work on these pitch decks that we do.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Oh, yeah.

[Elizabeth Craft]

So, you know, we go around and we pitch shows. That's a big part of what we do. And along with that, now especially because everything is on zoom, we do these pitch decks, which basically is a slideshow that you have up on the screen while you're doing the pitch. You show the characters and the world and sometimes pictures to go along with the pilot story, et cetera. And it's a big job. And Sarah is really good at finding photos. I say finding photos is her superpower, but part of it is just that she has the patience to just search and search and search for the perfect photo. And she's also really figured out how to use AI to create slides in certain situations, which is incredibly helpful. And it just, it takes a lot of time and it's an area where I could definitely improve. But part of it is I know she's so good at it that I just, you know, sit there and encourage her. But I Need to get up there myself. But anyway, I give her a huge gold star. Cause she has been really creating some great pitch decks with the help of other people. It's not just her. We have other people helping us. But she's done a lot of great work.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Well, I remember on an episode of Happier in Hollywood, you were going into detail about what was in the pitch decks. And one of the things that you were saying that I thought was interesting, which is let's say you're suggesting an actor for a particular role to give an idea of what that character would look like. You can't just take a red carpet picture, like a really good picture of that actor. You need to have that actor looking like that character because you're not. It's not about the actor. It's about evoking what the character looks like. So that's a lot more difficult because you could have an amazing, you know, red carpet picture in a flash, but to find one where they look the way you want, your character, the expression, the clothes, the vibe, like that's much harder to do.

[Alice Ackerman]

Yes.

[Elizabeth Craft]

And it can be hard. And sometimes we may even have to switch who we are using as the example if we can't find a great photo. But somehow Sarah always comes through.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Oh, that's her superpower. Well, the resource for this week. One thing that makes all of us happier is giving someone a gift that they really love. It's so satisfying to give the perfect gift, but it's not always easy to identify that perfect gift, especially if you're trying to figure out something on the spot. So I created a guide to help you generate thoughtful gift ideas now so you can avoid the last minute scramble when it is time to shop for presents. It is perfect. If you are going to be doing some shopping for Black Friday, you can go to happiercast.com giftgenerator to check it out.

[Elizabeth Craft]

I love that. That's so cool.

[Gretchen Rubin]

And Elizabeth, what are we reading? What are you reading?

[Elizabeth Craft]

I am reading the British Are Coming by Rick Atkinson.

[Gretchen Rubin]

And I am reading on the beach by Neville Shoes. And that's it for this episode of Happier. Remember to try this at home. Have a party. Let us know if you tried it and if it worked for you.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Thank you to our executive producer, Chuck Reed and everyone at Lemonada.

[Gretchen Rubin]

And here's your rhyming reminder. If you love the show, leave a review to let us know. Reviews and ratings really do help us show. We really appreciate it.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Until next week. I'm Elizabeth Craft. Craft.

[Gretchen Rubin]

And I'm Gretchen Rubin. Thanks for joining us. Onward and upward, Alyssa. Speaking of puzzle toys, remember the time when I was visiting you and all of a sudden Daisy and Nacho were very quiet? And then we turned around and we realized they had completely, completely ripped apart your outdoor, like, lawn sofa.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Yes.

[Gretchen Rubin]

They had eviscerated it.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Yes.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Like 10 minutes.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Just enjoying the calm. Then, as with a child, we realized it was too quiet.

[Gretchen Rubin]

It was too quiet. Yes, indeed. I can see why they might pose more of a challenge than Barnaby and Taffy from the Onward project.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Hi Gretchen, Craig Robinson and my little sister Michelle here we host a new podcast called IMO with Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson. We know you're the queen of giving advice, so we wanted to get a few tips from you. You know, Gretchen, a lot of our listeners are going through some major life changes. What advice do you have for folks who are trying to stay grounded in the midst of midst of major life transitions?

[Gretchen Rubin]

Craig and Michelle, I am so happy to be talking to you. Here are a few questions that might help us gain perspective. So consider questions like this. What activities take up my time but are not particularly useful or stimulating for me? Do I spend a lot of time on something that's important to someone else but is not very important to me? If I could magically change one habit in my life, what would I choose? And here's a question. Would I like to have more time in solitude, restorative solitude, or would I like to have more time with friends? You know, just thinking about questions like this can help us start to figure out how we might make our lives happier. With greater self knowledge, we're better able to make hard decisions that reflect ourselves, our own nature, our own interests, our own values. In my own case, I have found that the more my life reflects my nature, the happier I get and the more grounded I feel when I'm going through a period of major change or transition. For more great advice, search for IMO with Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson. Wherever your get podcast, you can listen to Issa Rae on letting go of certain friendships, Kiki Palmer on why disappointment is actually the key to career success, Seth and Lauren Rogan on caring for aging parents and so many more.