Happier with Gretchen Rubin — Ep. 559: Feel Lonely? Out of Touch? Try This. Plus the Beautiful Pressure to “Use It Up”

Date: November 5, 2025
Hosts: Gretchen Rubin & Elizabeth Craft
Podcast Network: The Onward Project / Lemonada Media

Main Theme & Purpose

This episode explores two central themes:

• The practical and psychological impacts of gathering people together — specifically, why and how to host a party, and how social connection can boost happiness.
• The compelling, sometimes burdensome desire to “use things up” — making the most of resources, opportunities, and experiences.

Gretchen and Elizabeth deliver their signature blend of actionable happiness hacks, listener stories, and thoughtful reflection, with their usual warmth, humor, and openness.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Listener Updates: Reading Retreats & Difficult Transitions

Timestamps: 03:08 – 05:39

• Listeners share how they adapted past “Happier” ideas, such as parent-child reading retreats that included independent bookstore visits.
• A listener, Camilla, updates on her journey to donate a kidney, inspired by the idea of “training for a tough transition”.
  • Quote:

    “At 52 years old, the concept of training for a tough transition really helped me to reframe this period into a challenge rather than an ordeal.”
    — Camilla (04:33)

2. Try This at Home: Have a Party (Don’t Overthink It!)

Timestamps: 05:40 – 10:58

• Gretchen suggests reframing the intimidating “throw a party” to the more inviting “have a party”, emphasizing festivity and togetherness.
  • Quote:

    “Throwing a party kind of sounds more intimidating. Having a party…sounds easier.”
    — Gretchen Rubin (05:42)

• Elizabeth aspires to be a “party person” but confesses to self-consciousness about hosting; themed parties (TV finales, premieres) help ease the anxiety.
  • Quote:

    “Who am I to have a party? But if there’s a reason for it... I feel less self conscious.”
    — Elizabeth Craft (07:22)

• Tips for what makes a gathering a “party” (eight or more people, an official invitation, festive mood).
• Gretchen underscores the importance of hosting adult-focused parties, especially in the “Open Door Period” (a rebrand of “Empty Nest”), to help sustain friendships beyond child-centered life stages.
  • Quote:

    “Push yourself to have a party that isn’t a family party or a child centric party.”
    — Gretchen Rubin (09:53)

• Listeners are encouraged to share party experiences and ideas for hosting.

3. Happiness Hack: Assembling Furniture with YouTube

Timestamps: 14:35 – 15:42

• Listener Ruth recommends searching for specific DIY/assembly videos on YouTube, which often reveal tips not in the written instructions (“Ikea bolts actually have an arrow you’re supposed to line up!”).
  • Quote:

    “The video I watched began with the guy taking the instructions and throwing them away, which I loved.”
    — Ruth (15:22)

4. Listener Stories: The Pressure to “Use It Up”

Timestamps: 15:43 – 25:56

• Gretchen shares her personal, almost oppressive drive to “use up” available resources, beauty, or opportunities (from regular Met visits to anxiety over unvisited pools).
  • Quote:

    “We owe it to the wonders and the splendor of the world to appreciate them and to exhaust them and to avail ourselves of them.”
    — Gretchen Rubin (15:46)

• Listeners deeply resonate, offering a chorus of analogues:
  • June: Aches to savor perfect weather, sunsets, or unique experiences and feels loss at the end of a “wasted” day. (16:39)
  • Nadia: Feels compelled to take advantage of unique, local opportunities; the absence of action feels like waste. (18:00)
  • Jill: As an “Upholder,” meticulously plans to absorb every opportunity while traveling, sometimes clashing with her more laid-back spouse. (18:37)
  • Victoria: Driven to enjoy the night sky, feels regret if others don’t join in. (19:46)
    • Quote:

      “I get panicked. If it's a nice night and we are inside, we were given this... our night sky may get cluttered... Let's get outside.”
      — Victoria (19:46)

  • Claudia: Haunted by “carpe diem” urgency after reading Andersen’s The Little Fir Tree; fears wasting her days. (21:00)
  • Diane: Pushes herself to explore new cities during work trips instead of hiding out in her room, inspired by the desire to seize every opportunity. (21:40)
  • Nora & Emily: Discuss balancing “using it up” vs. the need for rest; sometimes a “vacation from the vacation” is necessary for well-being. (24:07)
  • Lisa: Uses her husband’s “sunk cost” perspective to fight guilt for not maximizing every expense or opportunity. (25:17)
• Gretchen and Elizabeth reflect that “using it up” can motivate but also feel like a beautiful pressure that can become burdensome.

5. Demerit & Gold Star:

Timestamps: 29:44 – 33:38

• Demerit (Gretchen): Not engaging her dogs, Barnaby and Taffy, often enough with puzzle games, even though it enriches their lives and minds. Promises to try harder.
• Gold Star (Elizabeth): Co-host Sarah earns praise for exemplary pitch deck preparation, specifically for her tenacity in finding perfect photos and utilizing AI tools for creative work.
  • Quote:

    “Finding photos is her superpower, but part of it is just that she has the patience to just search and search... She’s also really figured out how to use AI to create slides.”
    — Elizabeth Craft (31:33)

• Pro Tip: Listeners are invited to share best puzzle toys for different dog breeds, especially indestructible ones for corgis.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “Am I going to have a party? When am I going to have a party? I always know, okay, I’m going to have that party. But you know, Alyssa, the kind of party you go to that I don’t go to, that I think sounds really fun is finale parties for TV shows.” — Gretchen Rubin (06:20)
• “I still remember not going to that pool, Gretchen.” — Elizabeth Craft (20:49)
• “Using it up doesn’t always mean packing in every single moment. It means getting what you want out of the experience.” — Gretchen Rubin (25:05)

Important Segments and Timestamps

• Listener Retreat & Transitions: 03:08 – 05:39
• Try This At Home: Have a Party: 05:40 – 10:58
• Happiness Hack: YouTube for Assembly: 14:35 – 15:42
• Listeners on Using It Up: 15:43 – 25:56
• Demerit & Gold Star: 29:44 – 33:38

Original Tone & Language

Gretchen and Elizabeth’s discussion is candid, friendly, and gently self-deprecating, with lots of laughter, encouragement, and relatable moments. The tone is supportive: they welcome listener input, validate differing experiences around socializing and “using it up”, and share their own foibles.

Takeaway Strategies & Listener Engagement

• “Try This at Home”: Don’t overcomplicate hosting — just “have a party.” Create annual or themed gatherings to reduce overthinking and self-consciousness.
• Reframe FOMO (“Use It Up”): Recognize both the joy and burden of making the most of opportunities. “No regrets” doesn’t have to mean exhaustion.
• Hacks & Demerits: Practical solutions (like YouTube DIY) and honest admissions (like not using dog puzzle toys enough) model real, manageable change.
• Listener Synergy: Crowd-sourced suggestions and shared experiences enrich the Happier community.

For Further Reflection

If you’re feeling lonely, out of touch, or worried you’re not making the most of life, this episode encourages simple, intentional action — whether by inviting friends over, appreciating beautiful days, or letting go of the pressure to always maximize every moment.

Connect and Share:
Listeners are invited to share party plans, “use it up” stories, and dog puzzle tips via Instagram, Threads, TikTok, Facebook, or at podcast@gretchenrubin.com. Full episode info and show notes: happiercast.com/559.

What the hosts are reading:

• Elizabeth: The British Are Coming by Rick Atkinson
• Gretchen: On the Beach by Neville Shute

Closing Reminder:
“If you love the show, leave a review to let us know. Reviews and ratings really do help our show.”