Ep. 590: Very Special Episode! 20 Practical Strategies for Managing Worry

Summary

Podcast Summary: Happier with Gretchen Rubin

Episode 590: Very Special Episode! 20 Practical Strategies for Managing Worry
Release Date: June 10, 2026
Hosts: Gretchen Rubin & Elizabeth Craft

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Overview

This very special 10th-episode installment of Happier with Gretchen Rubin focuses on practical strategies for managing worry, a common stumbling block in the pursuit of happiness. Inspired by Elizabeth’s goal to “set aside worry” for the summer, Gretchen and Elizabeth compile 20 actionable tactics—gathered from personal experiences, listener input, and scientific insights—to help listeners keep their worries at a manageable, constructive level. The tone is warm, encouraging, and loaded with relatable anecdotes and memorable mantras.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

Why Worry Matters (02:22 - 09:38)

• Worry Defined: Gretchen outlines the distinction between worry, anxiety, rumination, and stress, deciding to focus broadly on “worry” for this episode (07:28).
• Healthy vs. Unhealthy Worry: A certain amount of worry is helpful (planning, preparation), but excess is unproductive and unpleasant (08:26).
• Caveat: If worry is overwhelming or interferes with functioning, professional help is needed (08:50).

Quote:

"The aim is not to eliminate all worry...but to worry in the amount that is helpful."
—Gretchen Rubin (09:13)

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20 Strategies to Manage Worry

1. Schedule Time to Worry—or Not Worry (10:11)

• Set specific times for worrying or even take a break from worry, like Elizabeth’s “no worry summer.” (10:11)

2. Recognize Superstitious Worry (10:57)

• Don’t assume worrying itself protects you.

  “I’m the person keeping the airplane in the sky because I’m the one who’s worried the whole time.”
  —Gretchen Rubin (11:41)

3. Notice When a Worry Isn’t ‘Ripe’ (12:02)

• Save worry for when there’s a real, imminent concern.

  “It’s meant to ensure that there is an actual, concrete injury…”
  —Gretchen Rubin (12:14)

4. Calm Your Breathing (13:29)

• Focus on slow exhaling; consider using expert breathing techniques.

5. Strategic Distraction (14:16)

• Distract yourself with quality inputs (books, podcasts) when needed—not with “numbing” activities.

6. Remember: The Stewing Is Worse Than the Doing (15:14)

• Taking action often eases worry more than just thinking about the issue.

  “The worry is ahead of time. And then once...I’m not going to be worried at all.”
  —Gretchen Rubin (15:37)

7. Take Action (16:04)

• “Action is the antidote to anxiety.” Be part of the solution.

8. Make a List (19:58)

• Write down worries—especially helpful at night to clear racing thoughts.

9. Work on Your Energy (20:55)

• Sleep, movement, and avoiding overwhelming news boosts resilience to worry.

10. Clarify the Actual Problem (21:45)

• Define what you’re truly worried about to seek the right solution.

  “The more you identify a specific problem, the more you identify a specific solution.”
  —Gretchen Rubin (22:23)

11. Seek Critical Information (22:39)

• Sometimes knowledge (not Google doomscrolling) can dissolve unnecessary worry.

12. Ask a Wise Friend for Perspective (23:54)

• Others’ perspectives can be grounding and reframe your worries.

13. Start Tracking the Issue (28:29)

• Keep records of patterns or symptoms—helpful in both daily life and medical scenarios.

14. Avoid Catastrophizing (29:30)

• Challenge patterns where you assume the worst-case scenario.

  “If my daughter flunks this test, she’ll never graduate from high school.”
  —Elizabeth Craft (29:48)

15. Accept Uncertainty (30:06)

• Focus only on what you can control (like packing an umbrella if it may rain).

16. Know When to Decide vs. Gather More Info (31:32)

• Don’t use endless information-gathering as avoidance of making decisions.

  “I procrastinate on something…by pretending I need to consult others…Sometimes you just need to move forward.”
  —Gretchen Rubin (31:48)

17. Don’t Overthink Social Missteps (32:15)

• People like us more than we think; most “cringy” moments are soon forgotten by others.

18. Use Distant Self-Talk/Ask: Would I Advise a Friend to Worry? (34:25)

• Gain perspective by imagining giving another person advice about your problem.

19. Consider: Would I Notice This Before Social Media? (36:17)

• Sometimes worry comes from “too much” information—if you wouldn’t have known about it years ago, maybe you don’t need to worry now.

20. Reach Out, but Don’t Over-Burden Others (36:42)

• Share worries for support, but avoid casting yourself as the family “Official Worrier.”
• Frame it as “preparation” rather than worry and divide responsibility constructively.

  “Are you going to worry about this? Because then I won’t. But if you’re not…then I will.”
  —Gretchen Rubin (38:16)

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Listener Contributions & Memorable Moments

• Mantras:

  • “Let summer glide. Set worry aside.” (04:38)
  • “No worries, no hurries.” (05:19)
  • “This worry will wait.” (05:10)
  • “Off-white, off-worry summer.” (04:57)

• Physical Reminders:

  • “Don’t worry beads” as a tactile cue, inspired by a listener and linked to Elizabeth’s off-white summer theme (06:15).

• Songs as Tools:

  • Incorporating music like “Don’t Worry Be Happy” and Bob Marley’s “Three Little Birds” to reinforce a worry-free mindset (05:35).

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Notable Quotes

• “Worry, worry, worry, said her grandmother. Too much worry.” —Gretchen Rubin, referencing Wemberly Worried by Kevin Hanke (06:42)
• “Worry is really about preparing for some event.” —Elizabeth Craft (38:00)
• “The right amount of worry is good. Too much worry is not good.” —Gretchen Rubin (41:13)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• Episode Theme & Background – 02:22–03:16
• Listener Mantras & Slogans – 04:38–06:42
• Scientific Context & Distinctions – 07:28–09:38
• 20 Strategies (Main Segment) – 10:11–41:22
• End Discussion: Sharing & Delegating Worry – 36:42–41:22

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Closing Reflections

• Elizabeth reflects on roles in family worry and the difference between worrying and preparing (38:00).
• Gretchen “the happiness bully” suggests tracking and categorizing types of worry to gain insight into personal patterns (39:40).
• Both urge listeners to find strategies that resonate and invite input and additions to their evolving list (41:22).

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Calls to Action

• Listeners are encouraged to try these strategies, share their own, and check show notes at happiercast.com/590 for more resources.

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Overall Tone

Friendly, supportive, and accessible, with a mix of personal anecdotes, practical advice, and listener engagement. The sisters maintain humor and empathy throughout, making the episode both actionable and affirming for anyone wrestling with worry.

Transcript

[Gretchen Rubin]

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[Elizabeth Craft]

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[Gretchen Rubin]

You can focus on exercise, nutrition, all the things you're supposed to do for your health, but if you are not sleeping well, it is very hard to feel refreshed.

[Elizabeth Craft]

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[Gretchen Rubin]

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[Elizabeth Craft]

Hi everybody, it's Elizabeth here with a quick note to say that last week Gretchen and I accidentally identified father's Day as June 15th. It's actually June 21st, so making that correction now.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Hello and welcome to Happier, a podcast where we talk about strategies and solutions for making our lives happier, healthier, more productive and more creative. This Week is episode 590. It's a 10th episode and every 10th episode we do a very special episode. And this week we will explore suggestions for managing worry. Because worry is a big happiness stumbling block. I'm Gretchen Rubin, a writer studies happiness, good habits and human nature. I'm in my little hot home office in New York City and joining Me today from Los Angeles is my sister, Elizabeth Craft. And Elizabeth, I think your office doesn't seem to get as hot as my office.

[Elizabeth Craft]

That's me, Elizabeth Craft, a TV writer and producer living in la. And yes, it does tend to stay cool. So it's not something I worry about, but I do worry a lot. So this is an episode for me.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Yes. So, Elizabeth, this very special episode is about worry. And it was inspired because you recently had an idea for your design year summer related to worry. And we just realized that worry is such a huge topic.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Yeah. So this summer, as part of my design, my summer, Gretchen, I am setting aside worry for the summer. At least I'm trying to.

[Gretchen Rubin]

For the summer?

[Elizabeth Craft]

Yes. For the whole summer, I am attempting to not worry. I think of it largely in this sort of existential way of like not worrying about my career, not worrying about Jack's future, not worrying about whatever. But also, I'm realizing I can really also apply it to the smaller things, like not worry if we're going to get to a party on time, not worry about if I spent too much on plane tickets. All these little things. I'm realizing it also is great to not worry about. And we asked listeners for ideas to kind of help me keep this top of mind. Because as we know, it's easy to have this great plan to do something and it's so in your head, and then three days later, for absolutely no reason, you forget about it and never think about it again. And we do not want that to happen. With my setting aside of worry.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Yes. One listener had a rhyming reminder. Love a rhyming reminder. Leslie said, let summer glide. Set worry aside or enjoy the ride. Set worry aside. I realized I really like the word glide. I think that could be a good one word theme for the year. The word glide. That's a good word.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Glide is a great word. Julia said, how about calling it her off, white off worry, summer? Because I also have a theme of wearing all off white this summer. So I love that. And I've been saying that to myself. Off, white, off worry, off, white, off worry. And then Ann said this worry will wait. Very simple.

[Gretchen Rubin]

A little alliteration there. That's good. Love rhyming. Love alliteration. And then Sarah wrote to say that there is Hawaiian saying, no worries, no hurries. So that's good about not worrying about getting to the party on time. No worries, no hurries. Just let it unfold.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Yes. And Kelly suggested a song. She said when Liz was talking about coming up with a slogan or phrase to help her not worry. The song Don't Worry About a Thing might by Bob Marley immediately came to mind. I love the idea of playing a song to get in a worry free mood. We also heard about Don't Worry, Be Happy, another song about worry.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Yeah, it's like your summer of yacht rock. Last summer. This could be your summer of don't worry playlist. And then Mindy, your old friend from Kansas City. My old friend from Kansas City, family friends from Kansas City had a wonderful idea to get worry beads in off white.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Yes.

[Gretchen Rubin]

So that's off white, off worry. And you love to have something like that, like a bracelet or a ring or a sweatshirt that has it. And I think that's, that's great. Your worry beads are for don't worry beads.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Yes, don't worry beads. So I've actually been looking at Etsy trying to find the perfect beads. Now that I have it in my mind, I feel like I know exactly what I want. So I am perusing for my worry beads. So thank you, Min for that suggestion.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Yeah. And I can't remember if I mentioned the title of the children's book that I was talking about last time. It's so delightful. So if you have picture books in your life, you should know about Kevin Hanke. He has these wonderful picture books. And one is called Wemberly Worried. And Wemberly's grandmother says, worry, worry, worry, said her grandmother, too much worry. And it's all about, you know, too much worry. So it's very apropos. I would get it for you, Elizabeth, but I don't know, I wish I could just show it to you.

[Elizabeth Craft]

By the way, Gretchen, another one I wanted to mention is, I'm sorry, I don't remember the name right now, but a listener said that worrying is often known as praying to the devil. So she just says to herself, I'm not going to pray to the devil today day. So I have never heard that before. But that's another thing to remind oneself. Not going to pray to the devil.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Vivid and powerful. Okay, yes. Before we jump into our suggestions about how not to worry, just a few things to say. Now. One is that there are scientific ways to distinguish among different states like anxiety, stress, rumination and worry that really describe these in different ways. So for instance, worry is about looking forward. If you're really going to use it, strictly speaking, it should be imagining worst case scenarios, catastrophizing for the future, agonizing about the uncertainty of upcoming events. All of this sounds very familiar. That's worry. And then rumination is when you're looking backwards. This is when you're endlessly replaying a conversation. You're thinking about a mistake you made or a failure that you made and thinking about why things went wrong, what you should have done differently. That all sounds very familiar too, but we're just going to talk about worry to encompass all these states. We're not going to really get into these distinctions. Also, we are not talking as doctors or scientists and we are really talking about the range of ordinary emotion. It is very true. It is absolutely the case that you can have a level of worry where you need professional help to manage it. If you feel overwhelmed, you can't function. If it's interfering with life or work, we're encouraging you to get help. There are so many excellent tools out there. This conversation is really about people who are experiencing an unpleasant level of worry. But what you might still consider sort of the ordinary range of worry. And the final thing to say is that in the right amount, these negative emotions actually play a very positive role in a happy life. When we worry, we make sure to prepare, we double check, we plan, we buy our plane tickets early and save ourselves money and time. But it can become overwhelming and unconstructive. Sometimes. The worry, it's not helping you, it's not solving problems for you. So the aim is not to eliminate all worry, that wouldn't be a good life, but to worry in the amount that is helpful. So these are ways to manage the worry, to keep it in a constructive amount when you feel like, okay, this amount of worry is not helping me.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Yes. And to be clear, Gretchen, with my set worry aside for the summer, it's not that I'm putting my head in the sand.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Yes.

[Elizabeth Craft]

I'm still wanting to move forward and do constructive things. I just don't want to excessively worry.

[Gretchen Rubin]

There's things that you worry about where you're like, it doesn't change anything if

[Elizabeth Craft]

I worry about this.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Exactly right. Okay, so here are 20 simple, practical, manageable strategies to manage worry. And Elizabeth, the first one is the one we've been talking about.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Yes. Which is schedule time to worry or not worry. So I have given myself the summer off of worrying. Now, side note, Gretchen, as we discussed, I'm hoping that in not worrying over the summer, I realize, oh, I should not worry all the time.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Right. Yeah. You retrain yourself to your level of worry.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Yes.

[Gretchen Rubin]

But the way this works more typically. Cause you sort of were thinking outside the box with taking the summer off from worry. Is often you'll say, I only worry from like 3, 3:30 to 4 every day. And other times I don't worry. I wait until it's time to worry, and at that time I sit down and just do my worrying. And maybe you have a pen and paper and you're making lists, but this sounds counterintuitive, but it really works because it keeps your worry in a set time, and then it's not just spilling into all parts of your day. And then number two has to do with superstition. A superstition is the irrational belief that an object or behavior has the power to influence an outcome or when there's no logical connection between these things. And while most of us aren't superstitious, many of us are a littlestitious. Elizabeth I think this is a superstition that you often experience, which is the belief that by worrying about something, you will ward it off.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Yes, I definitely feel like if I don't worry about it, I'm inviting something bad to happen, surrounding whatever it is. I 100% fall prey to that.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Like, it's careless not to be worrying, even if the worrying isn't leading to any constructive outcome. Well, this is like a friend of mine who said, I'm the person who's keeping the airplane in the sky because I'm the one who's worried the whole time. But you know what? You don't need to have that worry. That worry isn't helpful. So just recognizing that you feel like you have a duty to worry, really question that.

[Elizabeth Craft]

And then number three is recognize when a worry isn't ripe. So, Gretch, this is a really interesting idea, and it relates to law.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Yes. In law, ripeness is a doctrine determining whether a dispute has progressed far enough for a court to decide it. So the idea is that we want to save courts from wasting valuable resources and time on disputes that are premature or speculative or abstract. Nothing's actually happened. Somebody's just objecting to sort of an abstract idea or something that hasn't come about yet. So it's meant to ensure that there is an actual concrete injury that has occurred or is truly imminent. So, for instance, as I've talked about many times, my husband Jamie had hepatitis C that was miraculously cured by science. But for many years it was a very big worry, but it wasn't causing him any imminent issues. But there were many, many worrisome things right on the horizon. But I really tried to stay focused on, well, what do we need to worry about all the time right now? Like, I'm not gonna worry about, well, what would we do if Jamie got liver cancer? Because he's more at risk of having liver cancer. And it's just like there's no reason to worry about that now because it hasn't happened yet. And that's sometimes easier said than done. But I think looking back, you know, he did get out of the hepatitis C with minimal lifetime consequences. And so I'm glad that I saved myself a lot of worry. That thankfully would have ended up being needless. It would have just caused me a lot of pain at the time that I was worrying.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Yes. And the people around you too.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Yeah, exactly.

[Elizabeth Craft]

The fourth thing, and this is a very practical thing that really helps, is calm your breathing.

[Gretchen Rubin]

And one thing to think about is breathing out is really good for worry. Even more than breathing in. Breathing in. You can sometimes start huffing kind of like, like that, but breathing out is more calming. But there's a lot of expert advice about breathing techniques. So if this is the kind of thing that appeals to you, you can go really deep into breathing. Another one is distraction. Now, the thing about distraction, it is a double edged sword. And sometimes we don't want to distract ourselves from something that we really need to be focusing on. And in that sense, distraction can be very negative because it can be something that we do to numb ourselves or to procrastinate. But sometimes it can be very valuable to give yourself a respite from something that is very painful, where you just need to give yourself a breather, get a little bit of temporary relief. It can help you to get your perspective back and can help you re energize. It can help you fall asleep if you're under a lot of strain. I think a great audiobook, a great TV show, a great podcast can really be a great distraction. In my observation, if you're trying to give yourself a respite from worry, you'll probably find it more helpful if you're listening to something that's coherent and valuable. So you're not doing mindless, numbing, scrolling through a feed, but you're listening to an audiobook of a book that you really enjoy and that is worth your time. Or it's a podcast that's full of interesting information where you really feel like your time is well spent, so you're giving yourself a break. But it's not that numbing potato chip stuff that leaves you with a bad taste in your mouth and doesn't make you feel truly refreshed.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Yes, you're feeding yourself with something good.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Yes, exactly.

[Elizabeth Craft]

And then number six is the stewing is worse than the doing. Remembering that.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Yes. Here's a rhyming reminder. Yeah, the stewing is worse than the doing. We worry so much about getting something done. Often once you start, you stop worrying about it. Cause you're so focused on doing whatever you're doing, you know, like the worry is ahead of time. And then once I remember when I had to take the bar exam, I was so worried about it and I was looking forward to the bar exam. Cause I was like, once I'm taking the bar, I'm not gonna be worried at all. Because I'll be just so focused on the test that I won't be experiencing a negative emotion anymore. I'll feel and then it'll be over. But yeah, so just don't get it perfect. Get it going. The first step first. All those things.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Yeah. Gretchen, I think a lot of times with medical procedures, people feel this way, you know that. Yeah, they worry and worry and worry about it and then when they go and get it done, it actually isn't all that bad.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Yeah, exactly. Number seven is take action in the world about what you're worried about. There is a quotation often attributed to Gandhi, though it has not been verified. Is be the change you want to see in the world. But whoever said it, it's a very helpful sentiment. If you're worried about something, if you take action to fix it or change it, people who are involved in solutions often seem to worry less. We often talk about how action is the antidote to anxiety. And so being part of the solution can help you with your worry.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Yes. All right, Gretch. Coming up, we've got more about worry. But first, this break.

[Gretchen Rubin]

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[Elizabeth Craft]

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[Gretchen Rubin]

was thinking about how much our dogs are just part of everything we do. Their routines, their favorite spots. You really do shape your day around

[Elizabeth Craft]

them and they have no hesitation about anything. They jump first, think later, which is part of what makes them so lovable.

[Gretchen Rubin]

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[Elizabeth Craft]

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[Gretchen Rubin]

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[Elizabeth Craft]

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[Gretchen Rubin]

number nine are connected. So number eight is to make a list. So if you have thoughts racing in your mind, putting them down on paper will often really help you. You're like, oh my gosh, we need to move. There's a million things I need to do. Really, just start making a list. It makes you feel like you're more in control of it. And a time when this could be particularly helpful is in the middle of the night. If you are a person who wakes up and has racing thoughts and is worrying and so you can't fall back asleep. Write it down. Because part of the reason that your brain is just circling and circling is it wants to make sure you don't forget something important. So when you memorialize it by writing it down, the brain relaxes and. Okay, it's not up to me to remember this. It's written down someplace. This is important, but it won't be forgotten. And that can help you get back to sleep.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Yes. In fact, a listener sent me a little pad of paper and mini flashlight and pen to keep in my bedside table for just this purpose.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Oh, I love that. Okay.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Okay, Gretchen, number 10 is work on your energy. It is definitely easier to deal with worry when you have energy. Yeah.

[Gretchen Rubin]

So that means making sure you get enough sleep, getting your movement. You know, it's move 26. So get your 26 minutes a day of moving around or whatever it is you want to do. You know, another thing that I think really goes to people's energy is inundating themselves with upsetting news. We all have an obligation to be informed citizens, but sometimes it's just more and more piling up, but you're not really learning anything more, and that can be very draining. And as you say, having energy helps us manage every difficult situation. So you want to think about keeping your energy high.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Yes. Recently a listener talked about treating yourself like an Olympian. And that is definitely a way to keep your energy up.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Exactly.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Number 11, Gretch, is identify the problem.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Yes. Often we have bad feelings or general worries, but we don't really know what is the actual problem. And it's very hard to solve the actual problem if you haven't identified it. Back to the move. Instead of thinking, oh, I'm worried about the move, you could say, I'm worried that I'm not far enough along in packing and we won't be ready by the time the movers come. That. That is really the main thing that is on your mind. Well, there's a lot of things that you could do if you're really worried about being ready with your packing. But if you just have this general thing, like, everything about moving is stressing me out, you might not take action on that specific worry as efficiently because you haven't really identified exactly what the problem is. The more you identify a specific problem, the more you identify a specific solution.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Ye. Yes. And number 12 is seek more information on something that's worrying you.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Now, this is a tricky one, because sometimes you don't want to just be Googling physical symptoms and scaring yourself, but sometimes There is crucial information that you don't have. You worry that you've missed a deadline. Well, just look up the deadline. This sounds so obvious, but a lot of times we really get lost in worries where maybe this is just information that can be gained or I'm really worried about this XYZ thing. Look it up. Is that something to worry about? Because if it is, you want to know that it's something to worry about. Or maybe it's not something to worry about. And along with that, number 13 is maybe you know, somebody who could give you some perspective or information. Maybe it's not even so much the facts of something, but maybe there's a wiser old friend that you could consult about a situation with your kids or something where they'll just have something to say that might put your worry aside. I remember I was talking about some parenting thing with a wiser, older friend of mine, and she said, I don't know. I was like, should we do this or should we do that? And I was going back and forth, which is the right choice. I couldn't decide. They seemed like an apple and an orange. And she just said, well, I don't think that there's a wrong decision here. She said, I think both could be good decisions. And that was so helpful to me in my worry because all of a sudden, she just reframed it. But it was because of her greater perspective that she could see that I was getting lost in something, that to her, there's no wrong decision. I find myself repeating that to people all the time now.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Yeah, I think in parenting, it is very helpful have others to run things by, especially when you're worried, to have your text chain of people you can turn to and say, like, I'm worried about this. What should I do? Or should I be worried about this?

[Gretchen Rubin]

Should I be worried?

[Elizabeth Craft]

Oftentimes people will say, no, don't worry about that. So I think parenting is a place where you're turning to people is very helpful. All right, Gretch. Coming up, we have more suggestions than about how to deal with worry. But first, this break. I have definitely noticed that when I heat style my hair too much or even just color it regularly, it starts to feel dry and a little fragile. Sometimes it looks fine at first, but underneath it just feels stressed. That's why I have been using the K18 leave in molecular repair hair mask from K18. What I like, Gretch, is that it's not just trying to smooth over damage. It's designed to actually repair it. I have it in right now and

[Gretchen Rubin]

it's really easy to use. You leave it in after washing your hair and it immediately makes your hair feel stronger and softer, especially on the ends. My hair just feels healthier overall. Less frizzy, more bounce, and easier to style. If you color or heat style your hair, it's one of those things that fits really naturally into your routine. Shop at Sephora or get 10% off your first purchase at K18Hair.com with code Happier. That's code [e-mail] Again, that's 10% off your first purchase at k18hair.com with code Happier. I had one of those weeks where the to do list just kept growing. Little repairs, things to mount, random projects I kept putting off, and eventually it all starts taking up mental space even when you're not doing it. And that's why I've been using TaskRabbit. You can book a skilled tasker for furniture assembly, home repairs, mounting, yard work, whatever you need help with.

[Elizabeth Craft]

And you can search based on reviews, availability and costs so you feel good about who's showing up. I finally handed off a project I had been avoiding, and let me tell you, it was such a relief just to have it done. I use TaskRabbit and you should too. When life happens, your to do list grows. Get ahead of it now and get $15 off your first [e-mail] or on the TaskRabbit app using code HAPPIER. That's $15 off your first task using promo code HAPPIER with the TaskRabbit app or at taskrabbit.com hey, it's Julie, Louis

[Julia Louis-Dreyfus]

Dreyfus from Wiser Than Me, etc. Just popping in with a little reality check. Food waste shouldn't exist. There is no reason that our leftovers should end up in a landfill. But that's the final destination for about a third of the food we grow. Our ancestors would be confused. They use their food scraps as compost, or as animal feed, or in weird soups, all the stuff we did before garbage was invented. But composting is hard work. Living with a bucket of rotten food on your counter is gross. Most food goes in the trash because it's easy, and these days we'll take any easy we can get. But now there's something easier. Drop your scraps in a mill food recycler. It looks like a kitchen bin and an iPhone had a baby. It takes nearly anything, even meat and bones. It works automatically. You can keep filling it for weeks and it Never smells. When you finally empty it, you've got these nutrient rich grounds. Use them in your garden, pour them in your green bin, or have mill get them to a small farm so the food you don't eat can help grow the food you do. Just like it should be. It's why I own a mill, why I invest in mill, and why I'm still obsessed with my mill. If you want to get obsessed too, go to mill.com wiser to get $75 off. That's mill.com wiser for $75 off.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Okay, Gretchen, we are back talking about worry. Number 14 on our list is to start tracking.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Yeah. Now, this, again, is a very concrete thing to do. And this is often. If you have a worry, it's very helpful to start tracking it. If you're worried about a physical symptom, if you're worried about a pattern of behavior, keep a record. Because our memories can be very faulty. You can have a very imprecise memory of how many times something has happened or when you first saw something. And if you go to a professional or you're asking somebody for help, the first thing they're going to say is, when did this start? Or how often has this happened? Or does this happen at a certain time of day? And you want to be able to see those patterns. And it might be that just by tracking it, you yourself will see these patterns. Like, oh, my husband and I always get in a fight when it's late at night and we're both really exhausted. So we shouldn't talk about difficult subjects late at night when we're both exhausted. You know, tracking can be very helpful.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Number 15. Elle and I suffer from this. Beware of catastrophizing.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Okay, listen, explain what catastrophizing is.

[Elizabeth Craft]

So catastrophizing is when we magnify negative consequences and then assume they're certain to happen.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Yeah.

[Elizabeth Craft]

So an example would be. If my daughter flunks this test, she'll never graduate from high school. If my sweetheart breaks up with me, I'll be alone forever. I will never be happy again. You have to remind yourself that most likely the worst thing won't happen.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Yes.

[Elizabeth Craft]

And even if it does, you will deal with it.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Right? Right. Number 16. This has took me a long time to understand. And that is to accept uncertainty and thinking about what you can and cannot change or affect. Why worry if it's going to rain? It's either going to rain or it's not going to rain. The only thing you can do is to bring an Umbrella you're worrying about the weather is not going to change it. Oh, it'll affect the school picnic if it's raining, but so be it. I mean, there's nothing to be gained from worrying about it. And then, listen, I've talked about this with plane tickets and things like that. For me, it's a worry that I feel like is weighing on a particular choice, but it actually would apply to any choice that I would make. So they all just cancel each other out. So it's like, well, if I book this flight, it might end up being the flight that gets delayed six hours. And I wish that I had picked a different flight, but there's no way for me to know which flight is going to get delayed. Any flight that I pick is equally likely or unlikely to have that. Or, like, you're worried, oh, if my child goes to this college, maybe they won't make friends. But the fact is, making friends is gonna be an issue wherever you go to college. It's not like you could pick a college where, you know that, oh, automatically friends will be made. And so that kind of worry, because it applies equally to all possibilities, they just all cancel each other out. It's just unknowable.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Yes. The number 17 is ask yourself, do you need to worry about getting more information or do you make a decision? And this is, again, very applicable to plaintiffs.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Well, and Elizabeth, we've talked about this all the time. Like, I think I do this more than you do, which is I procrastinate on something that I don't want to do or that I'm worried about by pretending that I need to consult with other people and I need to get information where, in fact, I don't really need that. I just need to move forward. But I'm worried about making the decision. So I want to offload it on other people, either by sort of making them also responsible for it or at least using them as an excuse to delay. So sometimes you're just like, okay, I'm worried about this, but I just need to decide and accept that.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Yeah. Number 18, if you're worried because you think you said something super cringy, remember that people tend to like us more than we think, and they're more open to social gestures than we assume. I think we have all experienced this kind of worry.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Yeah. So this is the idea, you know, about the likability gap, which is you probably aren't as cringy as you think. People are more open to gestures than you think. People aren't paying attention to you as much as you think we've all had that bad feeling, but just reassure yourself, like, yeah, I kind of feel lousy about it, but I'm not going to worry about it because I might just be blowing this up in my head. Somebody apologizes to you for something they said a week ago, and you're like, I literally don't remember you saying that at all. You know, this happens all the time.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Yeah. And I think remembering that human interaction is not perfect. If you want to interact with humans, which is the key to a happy life, then, you know, little mistakes will be made, and that's okay.

[Gretchen Rubin]

But I think that's actually a really important point. We talked about it a few episodes ago. It's really important to remember that you will have moments of regret. You will put your foot in your mouth. You will make mistakes. You will call somebody by the wrong name. You will forget somebody. I was just at a party the other night. I had no memory of this guy. Clearly, I had met him many times before. He is somebody who went to high school with Jamie. I felt bad. I went to a party. I had a really good time. But there's this one moment where I really feel like I made a mistake. I feel bad, but you're right. It's just part of it. And being worried about when you have people over to your house and you have all the anxiety and insecurity, it's just part of what you have to do. And I do think that it's reassuring to think of that, that these things are worries, but they just go along with all of the positives. And you can't have only the positive without the negative. And then I think the classic line here is, we've all done it. Yes, we've all done it. We've all forgotten someone important's name. We've all had our own name forgotten. We've all said the wrong thing. We've all had somebody say something really super untactful to us. A friend of mine was saying she showed up at somebody's doorstep a day early for a party. I mean, these things happen. We've all done it.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Yep. Number 19 is ask yourself, if a friend described a situation, what I think they should worry. That's a very helpful suggestion.

[Gretchen Rubin]

So this is interesting. Well, there's something called distant self talk, which is when you talk to yourself as if you were a third person. Like, you say, well, hey, Gretchen, do you think it's right to worry about X, Y, Z? And sometimes that gives us more perspective. And we're often better at giving advice to other people. I have seen this a lot with the empty nest situation because parents have described to me situations where they're really, really worried about their children. And I think to myself, but if a friend's child was doing that, do you think that they would worry? So, for instance, somebody was really worried because her son was going on an hour car trip to go to another college for a big party. His roommate was gonna drive. Three people were gonna go. It was a daytime picnic type thing. So it wasn't even nighttime boozy party. It was like a spring picnic or something like that. Anyway, to me, it sounded pretty wholesome. Yeah, they're gonna go visit their friends at this other campus, and they're going, you know, it's just whatever. But she was very, very worried. And I said, well, if my daughter were going on a car trip like that, would you worry? And she was like, well, actually, no, I don't think I would be worried if she was going. Now, it might have been that for some reason with her son, she had some particular reason to worry, but I didn't get the sense that it was that. I thought it was just the sense of, oh, he's leaving campus, and that feels kind of out of my control, or I don't know enough about it to feel comfortable. But he's in college, so you're not really going to have that kind of information at that level that maybe you're used to. Because when I was asking about my kid, she was like, oh, no, that's not such an issue. So sometimes I think, imagine, well, if somebody else reported this, what would my response be? It can be helpful. It can be a way to get perspective.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Yeah. I wonder if there's anything, Gretch, to asking oneself, like, if this was 1995, would I know about this or care about this?

[Gretchen Rubin]

Well, that's a really good question. Yes, I love a proverb. And one of the proverbs is, what the eye doesn't see, the heart doesn't grieve over. And I think that we definitely are seeing that difference in terms of information about kids and their coings on.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Yeah. Okay. Finally, Gretch number 20. Reach out to others.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Okay. Now this is a complex one. And I was thinking about this because I was doing an interview with Dan Harris, and he taught. There's a phrase or a teaching, don't worry alone. And I think that that's really true that often sharing a worry with somebody else makes you feel lighter. They can give you perspective that wise, older Friend could give you good counsel, you can get social support, you can get helpful information. But I think there's a but there. What do you think, Elizabeth?

[Elizabeth Craft]

Oh, for sure. I would say the biggest complaint Adam and Jack probably have about me is that I include them in my worry, that I burden them with my worry.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Uh huh. Because they feel like they just have to hear it and they don't think that you're worrying about things that are necessary or they feel like they need to convince you to cheer up. Or is this just too redundant, kind of too repetitive?

[Elizabeth Craft]

I kind of think all of the above. Now I will say one bit of complexity here is many times in a family, I think one person feels that they have the role of quote, worrying and that if they don't do it, nothing will happen.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Yes.

[Elizabeth Craft]

And then they resent, slash me, the other people not worrying. One thing I'm kind of thinking during our discussion is maybe a way to think about it is rather than that, oh, I feel it's my role to worry. If I phrase it as it's my role to prepare and that I want to share preparation. Because a lot of worrying is really about preparing for some event.

[Gretchen Rubin]

I think that's a really good way to communicate because communicating we need to prepare suggests tasks to be done that should be divided appropriately. Whereas worry is kind of like, well, you're just choosing to worry about that. As if you could just choose not to worry. But your worry is actually in order to get things done. Yes, I definitely think that people divide up worries. I'm so glad you raised this list. I think this is a really important point. So I will say this. Sometimes with Jamie, I'll say something like, are you going to worry about this? Because then I won't. But if you're not going to tell me because then I will, somebody needs to deal with this. But again, instead of worrying, I think it should be prepare. I think that's better. We need to prepare for this. Are you going to do the preparation for this or do I need to do the preparation for this? Because it's like you don't want both people to be preoccupied with something, but you certainly don't want neither person to be preoccupied with it. And I think sometimes making it explicit instead of having like, well, we're all going to play an equal role.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Yeah. The good thing is, Gretchen, I think by setting aside worry this summer, I am kind of able to see these distinctions and figure out ways where hopefully moving forward I can be productive and get things done but not have the Quote, unquote, worry.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Okay, Elizabeth, I have an idea for you, a happiness bully idea for you.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Oh, what?

[Gretchen Rubin]

Maybe what you should do is every time you feel yourself starting to worry, you should note it and then look for the patterns of what are the things that you're worrying about and when. Because even not to worry, it's going to float into your mind and then you're going to be like, okay, but I'm not going to worry about because is it rumination and you're thinking about the past or is it preparation and you're worried about the future? Is it you're worried about your own tasks or is it really you're worried about other people doing their thing that you're like, are they gonna do it or not? They need to. Is it the existential thing? Like, what's gonna happen with the fires?

[Elizabeth Craft]

Right?

[Gretchen Rubin]

Are we gonna have another fire this summer? Or what's gonna happen with Hollywood? Like, they're different categories. I think you might get a real ins insight into your own nature because part of this is in the future. You're hoping that this summer will. Will help in the future. Because I have to say, as your sister Elizabeth, this is not that apparent to me. You do not worry to me that you could worry to me more if you wanted to, because I can take it. Maybe that would be helpful.

[Elizabeth Craft]

That is a very good idea. I will try to do that.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Well, this was 20 ideas for addressing worry, but there are probably many, many more we would love to add to this list. This is something that all of us are face as a happiness stumbling block in life. The right amount of worry is good. Too much worry is not good. What have you done in your own life to manage worry? Let us know on Instagram threads, Facebook, TikTok. Send us an [e-mail] as always, you can go to the show notes. This is happiercast.com 590 for everything related to this episode.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Yes. Thanks to everybody for your ideas about how I came could handle this this summer. And we want more.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Absolutely. And that is it for this episode of Happier. Remember to try these suggestions for managing worry. What did we miss? Let us know what you tried and if it worked for you.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Thank you to our executive producer Chuck Reed and everyone at Lemonada.

[Gretchen Rubin]

And this week, it's not a rhyming reminder. We are just reminding you that we so appreciate our sponsors who allow us to bring the show to you for free. And also to remind you that if you use our codes when you shop, you do a lot to support the show. We really appreciate it.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Until next week. I'm Elizabeth Craft.

[Gretchen Rubin]

And I'm Gretchen Rubin. Thanks for joining us. Onward and upward, Elizabeth. You can worry to me. If you want to worry, you can worry to me.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Thank you. Part of it is I don't want to worry to myself. I want to decrease my overall worry.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Yeah. Not this summer, but in future, after Labor Day. After Labor Day, you'll be back in your full spectrum color dressing. And you'll be back. You'll be back. Okay. This Father's Day, will you ship UPS Air at the UPS Store? Your items arrive on time or your money back guaranteed at no extra cost. Cost. It's like the father of all shipping services. It shows up to the airport way too early just to play it safe. It's overprotective about all the things that truly matter. And it's always prompt, especially to be with family. Make it your first choice to celebrate your dad. Ship UPS Air with our money back guarantee exclusively at the UPS Store US retail locations. Visit the upsstore.com airshipping for full details. Terms and conditions apply.