Ep. 596: How Do People Learn the Things Everyone Already Knows? Plus a Ladder Warning

Summary

Podcast Summary: Happier with Gretchen Rubin

Episode 596: How Do People Learn the Things Everyone Already Knows? Plus a Ladder Warning

Release Date: July 22, 2026
Hosts: Gretchen Rubin (NYC) & Elizabeth Craft (LA)

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Overview of the Episode

This episode explores the lifelong, sometimes humorous, and occasionally dangerous mysteries of adult knowledge: How do people learn the "obvious" things that everybody else seems to know? Gretchen and Elizabeth share hilarious and eye-opening listener submissions about everyday facts and life skills most of us just figured out by accident—from car tips to unwritten social rules, life safety, and more. They also highlight the importance of sharing “common knowledge” and the value of learning from each other.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Ladder & Everyday Safety Warnings

• Listener Story: Debbie shares two serious family accidents from seemingly harmless "small tumbles" on a stepladder and stairs, underlining that everyday objects can be hazardous if we're complacent.
  • "The more innocuous, ordinary and unthreatening something feels to us, the more careless we are likely to be." — Gretchen, [03:40]
  • Always have someone nearby and take extra care, even with items like step stools.

2. Try This at Home: Learn What “Everybody Knows”

• Gretchen’s "secret of adulthood": No one explains what's obvious to everyone. There’s often a feeling that the “adulthood memo” missed a page for you.
  • "How does everybody else find out? It gives you this sort of feeling that there's some adulthood memo that went around and one page got left off your copy." — Gretchen, [04:21]
• Listeners are encouraged to share the life lessons or facts they learned late, which turned out to be universally known.

3. Hosts & Listeners’ Own “Obvious” Tips

• Balance Tip: Gretchen learned in ballet that focusing eyes on a single point helps balance—Elizabeth confirms knowing it as well. [06:46–06:51]
• Diving Safety: "Never dive if you don't know how deep something is"—a lifesaving warning. [06:51]
• Practical Knowledge Gaps:
  • Spare tires hidden in cars (listener McKenna): Many didn’t know these existed, especially not just on Jeeps! [07:35]
  • Car key fob secret keys (Kathleen): Most have a hidden physical key in case the battery dies. [08:08]
  • Elevator exit stars (Louise): U.S. elevators display a star on the floor with street access, useful in emergencies. [08:22]
  • Pickles are pickled cucumbers—not always obvious to everyone! [08:45]
  • Carbon monoxide risk: Don’t leave the car running in closed garages. Teen hazards and parental reminders. [09:11]
  • Even/odd street address system (Ashley): One side even, other side odd—news to some adults. [10:03]
  • Eating kiwi fruit skin, buying only as many bananas as you want, registering your dog: More “adulting” mysteries debunked.

4. Cooking, Driving, and Household Safety

• Don't put hot pans in cold sinks; let them cool on the stove to avoid warping or damaging the sink. [06:46, 16:10]
• Grease or stove fire? Just put a lid on it to suffocate the flames, don’t move it. [15:31–16:10]
• Don't mix cleaning products (like bleach and ammonia) — dangerous fumes can result. [27:04]
• Always look behind you when leaving somewhere to avoid leaving things behind. [27:04]

5. "How Did We Ever Learn?”: More Adulting Tips

• Registering your car, paying annual fees, and keeping stickers up-to-date. [19:57]
• Tire rotation: Most people forget it's necessary—even if tires always "go round," wear and tear distribution matters. [20:23]
• Don’t microwave whole eggs or aluminum foil (risk of explosion or sparks)! [21:05]
• Tipping confusion: Tip your hairdresser (and there's a wish for a universal tipping guide). [21:14]
• Dishwasher plastic rule: Plastics go on the top rack only, or they might melt. [21:35]
• Narwhals are real! Not unicorns of the sea, but genuine mammals. [22:17]
• Bread ties secret code: Colors indicate the day bread was baked and stocked (Monday = blue, Tuesday = green, Thursday = red, Friday = white, Saturday = yellow). [23:43–24:52]
• “Don’t double dip” with chips and dip at parties: an important unwritten social rule. [23:28]
• Don’t wear flip flops when driving; sandals with ankle straps are safer. [13:01]

6. Learning from Experience & Community

• Importance of pointing out unwritten rules—whether at wedding dress codes or opening pressurized water bottles on planes. [24:52, 25:54]
• Left lane on highways is for passing / fast traffic, not casual driving—often learned late. [26:11]
• Many family or "common sense" lessons are gleaned during sleepovers or group living, as discussed by Rebecca. Social learning fills knowledge gaps we didn’t know we had. [28:43]

7. Encouraging Curiosity Over Shame

• “I didn’t know anything until I knew it.” — Naomi shares how reframing ignorance as potential for learning empowers her, and she encourages others to feel curiosity about what they don’t know instead of shame. [30:21]
  • "I didn't know multiplication until I knew it. I didn't know how to write in cursive until I knew it..."

8. Listener Participatory Segment

• Listeners are asked to submit which "Happier" tips have stuck with them the most, in celebration of the upcoming 600th episode. [03:58]
• Continued requests for “what you know now that you wish you’d known earlier” — emphasizing communal learning.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On the Adulting Memo:

  • "It gives you this sort of feeling that there's some adulthood memo that went around and one page got left off your copy." — Gretchen, [04:21]

• On Social Knowledge:

  • "We're all in it together and no one wants to get hurt… Similarly, humanity is one big team, and we all carry our portion of the entirety of human knowledge so we can mostly cover for each other's gaps." — Listener Melissa (paraphrased by Elisabeth), [14:05]

• On Learning Unwritten Rules:

  • “I thought about this question and realized that many of my lessons in hygiene, safety, cooking, and life in general were during sleepovers… It's unplanned interactions that let us teach and learn most things in life.” — Listener Rebecca, [28:43]

• On Admitting What You Don’t Know:

  • "I didn't know anything until I knew it… I used to worry that I didn't have any training or knowledge for a task or job, but then realized that has always been true." — Listener Naomi, [30:21]

• On Bread Tag Colors:

  • "This knocked me out... the different color bread ties mean different days of the week so you know which is fresher." — Gretchen, [23:43]

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Important Topics with Timestamps

• [02:52] — Listener story: Ladder & stair falls, warning on ordinary dangers
• [04:21] — Obvious knowledge nobody explains: The “adulthood memo”
• [06:46] — Gretchen's balance tip, and diving safety
• [07:35–10:03] — Listener tips: Spare tires, key fob secrets, elevator exit stars, pickles, carbon monoxide, even/odd addresses
• [11:02] — Registering dogs, bananas, and nutritional facts
• [13:01] — Driving safety: Flip flops, medication ingredient overlap
• [16:10] — Handling burning pots, hot pans, and fire safety
• [19:57] — Annual car registration and sticker requirements
• [20:23] — Tire rotation
• [21:05] — Boiling eggs in the microwave, plastic in the dishwasher
• [22:17] — Narwhals are real!
• [23:43] — Bread tie color codes
• [24:52] — Wedding dress color faux pas
• [25:54] — Pressurized water bottles on flights
• [26:11] — Highway left-lane etiquette
• [27:04] — Cleaning product warning: Never mix bleach and others
• [28:43] — Sleepovers as “adulting” incubators
• [30:21] — “I didn’t know anything until I knew it”—encouragement for adult learners

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Listener Engagement

• The hosts invite further submissions—what “obvious” thing did you learn later than everyone else?
• How has the podcast influenced your daily life? What “adulthood” lessons from “Happier” have most stuck with you?
  • Submit via Instagram, Threads, TikTok, Facebook, or email at [e-mail].

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Demerits and Gold Stars (36:00–38:11)

• Elizabeth’s Demerit: Procrastinating on school health forms—a yearly struggle, despite the consequences.
• Gretchen’s Gold Star: To Elizabeth and family for upholding a new Fourth of July family tradition, emphasizing the value of consistency in building new family rituals.

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Resource of the Week

• DIY Reading Retreat Guide: Inspired by their own positive experience, Gretchen created a guide for listeners to host their own reading retreat. Find it at happiercast.com/readingretreat [38:11]
• Reading Update: Elizabeth is reading Who Needs an Unscientific Examination of Male Friendship Across America by Andrew McCarthy; Gretchen is reading Virginia Woolf’s Diaries, Volume 3.

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Closing Thoughts

• The hosts wrap up by reflecting on the endless adult mysteries (filter changes and home upkeep!) and how most people likely feel the same.
• The main takeaway: It’s never too late to learn, share, or ask “dumb” questions—because chances are, someone else needs the answer too. Stay open, curious, and keep passing along the “obvious” that wasn’t always so obvious.

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[For full episode details and listener submissions, visit HappierCast.com.]

Transcript

[Elizabeth Craft]

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[Gretchen Rubin]

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[Elizabeth Craft]

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[Gretchen Rubin]

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[Elizabeth Craft]

Here's an interesting question. What if one small act of generosity became one of the most meaningful parts of your month at Children Incorporated? Sponsoring a child helps remove the barriers that poverty creates so children can stay in school and build brighter futures.

[Gretchen Rubin]

And perhaps that's the surprising thing about generosity. It changes everyone involved. Learn [e-mail] that's childrenincorporated.org. Hello and welcome to Happier, a podcast where we talk about strategies and suggestions for making our lives happier. This week we will continue a conversation that listeners really responded to, a subject that we love, which is how do people know things? What things do we not know that everybody else knows? I'm Gretchen Rubin, a writer who studies happiness, good habits, and human nature. I'm in New York City in my little home office, and joining me today from Los Angeles is my sister, Elizabeth Crafts. And and Elizabeth, you and I are often sharing information together.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Yes, we are. That's me, Elizabeth Craft, a TV writer and producer living in la. And Gretch. What I love is that these are very practical things. This isn't like time flies. This is don't put tinfoil in the microwave.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Exactly. And speaking of very practical reminders, suggestions and information, we got this update on ladders.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Yes, Debbie said more on ladder safety. I believe most folks don't realize the injuries that can be sustained in a small tumble 30 years ago. Our previous home was due for an inspection. During its sale, my husband decided to change light bulbs while the kids and I were at a school activity, he fell from the stepladder and broke his shoulder in three places resulting in surgery and months of physical therapy. Fast forward to a few years ago. I fell down the last four stairs in our home which resulted in three sur. It was several months before I could walk unassisted. Both of these accidents from quote small tumbles were life altering for the months of rehab and continue to cause discomfort with overexertion and age. Always have someone nearby and take extra care.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Yes. Several people pointed out that just a step stool can also be dangerous. Again, the more innocuous, ordinary and unthreatening something feels to us, the more careless we are likely to be. So whenever you are moving through space, which is a lot of the time, be careful.

[Elizabeth Craft]

And then Gretchen, we have a question for listeners in honor of our upcoming 600th episode. Yay. We wanna know what has stuck with you the most from the podcast? What idea has given you the biggest boost or has resonated the most? We want to know.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Yes. These answers are starting to come in and Elizabeth, it is so much fun to read them.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Yes.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Yeah, keep em coming. And this week our try this at home suggestion is to learn from what everyone else knows. One of my secrets of adulthood is no one explains what's obvious to everyone. And in an earlier episode we talked about how sometimes there's just something that everybody knows and somehow you just never heard that thing and why did you not know it? How does everybody else find out? It gives you this sort of feeling that there's some adulthood memo that went around and one page got left off your copy. And so we have heard from so many listeners about things they learned that they didn't know.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Yes.

[Gretchen Rubin]

And I think we're all sort of worried that there's things like this out there that we do not know. And so it's very fun to share them. Yes, there were things on this list, Elizabeth, that I did not know.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Oh absolutely. And this just came out the other day when I was talking to you, Gretchen, and I was asking, can I put a hot pan in the sink?

[Gretchen Rubin]

Yes.

[Elizabeth Craft]

And you didn't know. And I say I always wonder this every time I go to put a pan in the sink and I don't cause I'm worried I shouldn't. But then I forget to check and you looked it up and in fact you should not put a hot pan in the sink. So they just keep coming in Life. The things that most people know that

[Gretchen Rubin]

we don't know, that we do not know. Now, we got hundreds of responses. We can't say all of them. We will say this. We have not fact checked all of these. This is what somebody says is a thing that everybody knows. You're not sure that it's true. Check. They may not be true in all situations also. I mean, one thing that I found for myself, Elizabeth, is sometimes I will look up to see is something still true. Because sometimes things move forward or things evolve or it's outdated knowledge that at one time everybody thought was true and now it's not true. So when in doubt, it's never a mistake to double check. But a lot of these things are things where you're like, yeah, that's true. But, Elizabeth, I wanna start with two of my own. Okay, so one is little and one is big. This is something that I learned when I was a little kid in a ballet class, which is if you are trying to balance, focus on a single point. It's much easier to balance when you're just. Your eyes are fixed on a single point. And I find this really helpful when I'm trying to do balance exercises now. So I don't know. Do you know that? Does everybody know that? I don't know. It's something that I feel like I learned kind of randomly. Did you know that, Elizabeth?

[Elizabeth Craft]

I did know that, yes. Because I'm not great at Balanc, so I have to try to do that.

[Gretchen Rubin]

And if you want to challenge yourself on balance and close your eyes, it's much harder when you're not looking at anything at all. The other thing is very, very serious. And I think everybody knows this, but maybe if you don't know it, you should know it, which is you should never dive. If you don't know how deep something is, this is a very, very dangerous thing to do. And again, something that feels ordinary and unthreatening sometimes can hold very great danger. Do not dive if you do not know that there is a safe depth there for you.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Yes. In fact, you and I know someone who broke his neck doing that and had to be in physical therapy for a long time.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Oh, I know many people like that. It's quite common, I would say, as these things go. And then let's go into what listeners had to say.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Yeah. So McKenna says, I was dimly aware that spare tires existed, like on the back of Jeeps, but I never knew that all cars have them. I was in college having owned more than one car before being told that I in had hidden spare tires all around me. Without realizing it, I made my dad laugh by asking him why he'd never told me about the secret tire.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Is that true, Elizabeth?

[Elizabeth Craft]

Yes. I have a dim memory that you can, like, lift the bottom of your trunk and there's a spare tire there. But until she said this, I wouldn't have actively known it.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Me neither. Okay, Kathleen says your car's keyless entry fob has a key inside of it, so if your fob's battery dies, you can still get inside your car with the key. Is that true?

[Elizabeth Craft]

Yes, Gretch. I just did that two days ago.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Wow.

[Elizabeth Craft]

And I was very happy I knew about it. Louise says every U.S. elevator has a star on one floor. By law, this is the floor exit in an. In an emergency. This is so helpful in stores and businesses when you walk in from the street and don't know whether you started on floor one, mezzanine B, et cetera. I tell people this in elevators all the time. My husband taught me.

[Gretchen Rubin]

That's very useful to know. My pet peeve is when you don't know this for some reason. It happens a lot in airports where you're like, I know what floor I'm supposed to go to, but I don't know what floor I am on. Now, somehow, it's weirdly hidden information. Chelsea said pickles are actually pickled cucumbers. Everyone looked at me like I was nuts for not knowing that. I was like 25 or so when I found that out. Yet it is funny. They do seem like a separate thing. I know exactly what she means.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Gretchen said. A dangerous one we figured out today. Our 16 year old pulled into the garage as we were taking the dogs out for a walk. When we came back 20 minutes later, she was in the car in the garage with the engine running and the garage door closed, finishing up a phone call on the car Bluetooth. Luckily, the garage is far from airtight and it's a hybrid. Plug in and she was fine. But we realized we'd never explained carbon monoxide poisoning. Put that on your list of things to teach your driving, kids. Well, this is such a great point, because I know I do often sit in the car for five to 10 minutes after I arrive somewhere. I never park in the garage, but if I did, this would be a danger.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Well, and I want to make sure my daughters know that because since we drive so rarely in New York City, there's a lot of things like this that don't come up as much. So I want to make sure. That's a great reminder. Ashley says, I love this one. I was a full blown adult before I found out that the addresses on one side of the street are even and on the other side are odd. It was one of those things that was casually mentioned as if everyone already knew. Exactly. I love that. Oh, can I point out a New York City thing, too? For people who are coming in from out of town, this is really wild. But sometimes in New York City, two different buildings will have the same address. And I'm like, do you not know the purpose of having an address? How can there be two buildings that have the same address and yet they do. So if you go someplace and you're like, this doesn't seem right, but it's the right address. Sometimes there are two.

[Elizabeth Craft]

That is so odd.

[Gretchen Rubin]

It's very odd.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Katie says. Just learned this a few weeks ago. The skin of the kiwi fruit is edible and highly nutritious. Even the fuzzy kind makes it so much easier to eat. My favorite fruit. Fruit. I just wash it, cut the ends off and slice.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Oh, there you go. Did not know that, Tennis said. Last year, a coworker was fined for not registering his dog. About half of the office, including me, had no idea this was a real thing. I did it that evening, but it feels like something that should have come up at the vet or when you get your rabies vaccinations. I've had five dogs as an adult and never knew this. There you go, Gretch.

[Elizabeth Craft]

I don't know if I've registered our dogs. Is this everywhere?

[Gretchen Rubin]

Let's look it up.

[Elizabeth Craft]

This is new information to me.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Let's look it up. Registering things is very mysterious to me when you have to register things.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Yeah, Teresa said. My daughter was telling me she doesn't eat enough bananas and by the end of the week, a couple go bad. I told her to buy less. She said she tries to get a bunch with as little as possible, but they usually come with five or six. I explained she can rip off as many as she wants. Kara didn't know she didn't have to take the whole bunch. Well, Gretch, before I read this email, I also did not know that.

[Gretchen Rubin]

There you go.

[Elizabeth Craft]

I have done the same thing of looking for the smallest number of bananas in a bunch because I thought I had to buy the whole bunch.

[Gretchen Rubin]

How do people know things? This is the mystery, Jennifer said. I immediately remembered a moment with my son at our credit union. He was opening his first checking account. As he set up his pin, it occurred to me that he didn't know the difference between a debit card and a credit card. Explained that the card could be used like a credit card, but was not a credit card. It was so much a part of my brain that it was hard to explain. Good point. Also, don't put cooking oil down the drain. Yes. Both of these are very good things to know.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Yes. Kimberly says, I learned if you microwave at a lower temp for a few extra minutes, the food won't have any cold spots. For example, if you usually put something in for one minute on high, some parts will be hot and others cold. But if you put it in the microwave on level seven for two to three minutes, it's nicely heated all over. Well, I didn't know that, so thank you, Kimberly.

[Gretchen Rubin]

That's good. Hannah said one thing that my mother told me many years ago and that I have followed all my driving life. She told me never to wear flip flops for driving. It may or may not seem obvious that one's foot could lose its way between the gas and brake pedals if the flip flop falls off or gets stuck. As long as the sandal is fastened. This seems to prevent such a dangerous mish, at least in my experience. Yeah, I think that's really good advice.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Yeah, that's one of those things. Once Hannah mentioned it, I remember learning, but I had forgotten.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Yes. Yeah.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Melissa says, in nursing school, I learned that Tylenol, ibuprofen, and aspirin are all different things and that too much of any of them can be really dangerous. You must check the ingredients on mixed medications like NyQuil to keep tabs on the total daily dose of Tylenol. Yes. That is a great reminder. I think a lot of people don't know that, Gretch.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Yes.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Then she says, for my dog trainer, I learned to step on a dog's leash to stop them jumping up on someone.

[Gretchen Rubin]

That is a great suggestion. I'm going to do that with Taffy. Yes.

[Elizabeth Craft]

And then she says, gretch, this question about how do people know things? Reminds me of how I've been thinking lately about driving. My two sons are relatively new drivers, and I'm constantly reminding myself that driving is a team sport. We're all in it together and no one wants to get hurt. As I break an order to accommodate a driver that has made a mistake, someone will hopefully also break for my sons when they make mistakes. Similarly, humanity is one big team, and we all carry our portion of the entirety of human knowledge so we can mostly cover for each other's gaps. I love this discussion and can't wait to hear all the nuggets of wisdom come pouring in.

[Gretchen Rubin]

We can all learn from each other. Indeed, Gene said, I went on a horseback excursion in Mexico even though I didn't have experience riding horses except for as a child at the fair. As the group left, I quickly realized I didn't know how to slow my horse down and I was very uncomfortable complaining to my partner. Later, he was dumbfounded that I didn't know to pull in the reins. And then he said, it's kind of common sense. Not really. It's easy once you learn. But why in the world would I guess that pulling the reins would make a horse slow down? But everyone seemed to know that except for me. This is a perfect example. It's obvious once you know it.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Yes. Although isn't there an expression about pulling in the reins? I mean, rein it in suggests slowing down.

[Gretchen Rubin]

And maybe she thought, oh, it's like you put out your rein buckets and rein it in. You know, who knows?

[Elizabeth Craft]

Yeah. But granted, if I were on a horse, I would need someone to tell me exactly what to do in all fashion. And here are two from Suzanne that are great. One, the stove is the best place for something hot. For example, if a tea kettle is left on the stove and the water has burned away, the kettle is likely to get super heated and glow hot red. Do not pick it up by the handle and put it anywhere else. Just turn off the stove. Two, if there is a fire in a pot, grease or something else, simply put a lid on it. It suffocates the fire. Similarly, if there's a fire in the oven, keep the door closed and turn off the oven.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Well, I think this is excellent because you do have this impulse like, I need to get it off the stove. But picking it up is so dangerous. Like, you're much more likely to hurt yourself or do something terrible when you're dealing with a red hot kettle than if you just leave it there and let it cool down. And Elizabeth, this is just your point about the pan. Let the pan just cool down on the stove, then put it in the sink. So leave the hot thing on the stove and let it cool down there. Excellent.

[Elizabeth Craft]

All right, Gretch. Coming up, we have more things that we may or may not know from listeners. But first, this break.

[Gretchen Rubin]

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[Elizabeth Craft]

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[Gretchen Rubin]

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[Elizabeth Craft]

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[Gretchen Rubin]

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[Elizabeth Craft]

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[Gretchen Rubin]

zazzle.com okay, we're back with more things that people know or perhaps they don't know. Mary Ellen said I was living away from home and owned a car for over a year before learning that you have to pay registration every single year, not just when you buy the car. And you have to put a sticker on the license plate to prove it again and again, every single year. Again. Registration. You have to do these. Registration. Yes.

[Elizabeth Craft]

This is something that did make me smile just because it is such a part of life having to deal with car registration. And is your sticker current? I've gotten tickets for not having a current sticker because it's just the last thing I want to think about. Hollis says you have to get your tires rotated. This is something, Gretch, that I may have learned when I got my driver's license, but I've never thought about again. I don't think I've ever had my tires rotated. And I don't even understand why you need to get your tires rotated because aren't they always going around and around?

[Gretchen Rubin]

But I think they take different pressures in different positions. Look it up if you.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Yeah.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Judy says if you try to make a boiled egg in the microwave, it explodes like a grenade. Ask me how I know. Okay. Okay.

[Elizabeth Craft]

That's funny. Jennifer says that you're supposed to tip your hairdresser. She did not know that. Can I say I wish there was just some document final worldwide, everybody agrees on document about tipping because it is so confusing.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Yes. Lori says I was 18 before I learned that plastic items may melt in the bottom of the dishwasher. My first roommate couldn't believe I didn't know this. It was a big mess back when we had our raging controversy about how to load a dishwasher. That was one of the things that the experts say, which is it's hotter at the bottom. So put plastic things up at the top. So you heard it here.

[Elizabeth Craft]

And in fact, Gretchen, just yesterday I put a cup that I didn't realize had like a seal around it, like a plastic seal, and I put it in the bottom and in fact, it melted off.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Oh.

[Elizabeth Craft]

I am a living example of what Lori is saying.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Good to know.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Corey says narwhals are real animals, not imaginary unicorns of the sea. I found out in my late 20s when I had to rat off a list of fantasy animals for a game. In my defense, they still look pretty magical and improbable to me. I will admit that I just googled them again to be double triple sure they're real before posting publicly.

[Gretchen Rubin]

If you don't know what a narwhal looks like, look it up and you will say, yes, this looks like a fantasy creature. But you know what this reminds me of, Elizabeth, is people that don't know that Delaware is a state. Apparently, I have never questioned Delaware's statehood, but apparently many people are like, no, Delaware isn't a state. Yeah, it is a state. It's a state.

[Elizabeth Craft]

One of the 50.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Yep. Now Jen says something that I do not know. I have never heard this and I'm dying to try it out. Jen says for 54 years I've had trouble closing anything Screw top the groove thing's always jammed up crooked. Just last week my husband told me to start by turning the lid a little bit counterclockwise first before starting righty tighty going backwards lines the groove things up. 54 years. Well, Jen, I did not know that either. I cannot wait to try.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Me too. Ann says double dipping. The kind with chips and dip. I didn't know that was a no no until I saw someone get criticized for it on a TV show.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Oh, that's funny.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Yes, that is a party foul. No double dipping.

[Gretchen Rubin]

No double dipping. Okay, this one comes from our cousin Elizabeth. Sarah. Hello Sarah. And this knocked me out. I've never heard this. I was like, can this even be true? I looked it up and it is true. As Sarah says, the different color bread ties mean different days of the week, so you know which is fresher. I looked this up. There's an article on food and wine and this is what it says. Although some shops use their own methods and it's rare to find bread more than a couple of days old still on the shelves. Most grocery stores follow a similar schedule with their bread Cass coloring. Monday blue, Tuesday green, Thursday red, Friday white, Saturday yellow. Okay, they leave out Sunday and Wednesday because most bakeries don't bake on Sunday and Wednesday. And if you want to know the day of the week and the color, they are in alphabetical order. Monday is blue and Saturday is yellow. This is such a deep cut. So clever, Sarah. Thank you. I am going to run to the grocery store and examine the bread tags the minute we get off.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Yes, I love this. Emma said. I loved your episode about the unwritten rules of everyday life. It brought back a memory of the time I went to a friend's wedding when I was 22. I hadn't been to many weddings and had only attended them as a child or teenager with my parents. When one of my own friends announced she was getting married, I was so excited and went shopping. I tried on lots of dresses and found what I thought was the perfect one for me. I wore it to the wedding and I had a great time. But let's just say I got some weird looks. The problem? My dress was white. Well, technically cream, but still not okay. I learned the hard way that you can't wear white to a wedding. I'd never heard that rule as a young person, but now that I know it, I'm still a little embarrassed 15 years later. Yes, and I think that is still true today, that you're not supposed to wear white to a wedding. In fact, one of my reality shows that I watch, Gretchen somebody was accused of wearing white to a wedding in caused a hubbub, but she insisted it was pale pink.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Megan said you shouldn't open a full sealed water bottle on a plane, especially if it has a straw. I opened my daughter's oala on the plane and it sprayed water all over the family in front of us. Luckily, they had made the same mistake in the past and forgave me for soaking them. Okay, good to know.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Yep. Becky says when driving on a four lane interstate where two lanes go east and two lanes go west, for example, there are a surprising number of people who don' show that the left lane is not a driving lane for casual driving or just another lane for driving. It is for faster traffic or for passing on the left. When drivers drive at or below the speed limit on the left lane, it forces cars to pass on the right, making for a more dangerous situation. There are always exceptions, but cars driving reasonably near the posted speed limit should attempt to stay in the right lane when possible. This is a pet peeve of my husband's and I have to admit, I drove many years without realizing. Realizing this. Yeah, Gretch, I am a right lane driver.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Yes.

[Elizabeth Craft]

I always try to stay in the right lane.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Yeah.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Because of this.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Because of this. Yeah. It's interesting how many of these are related to cars and driving.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Yes.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Marley says one unwritten rule that absolutely astounded me was never to clean with bleach and other products at the same time as you might gas yourself. This feels like something everyone should definitely be told. Yeah, you want to be very careful about mixing products. Also, I think always look behind you when you leave is another one of these. You had it on the podcast as a life hack, but it had always seemed like common knowledge to me. Yeah, always look behind you, Kate says.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Here is my story of an awkward moment 40 years ago raised something I was Clueless about I was raised in a small midwestern town. My dad was a self employed optometrist. So the economic model I knew was go to work, get paid, miss work, don't get paid. I went to a large state university working a variety of minimum wage part time jobs. When I graduated with a degree in nursing, I took my first real adult job at a large teaching hospital. On the first day, all employees from physicians and nurses to dietary aides and clerical workers were assembled in a large auditorium for an overview session. When the HR rep gave the presentation about benefit packages, I was floored. I had never heard of sick time. I thought I had scored the best gig in the world at this institution. I actually raised my 22 year old extremely naive hand and asked out loud, you mean if I'm sick I can stay home and still get paid? My question was met with pin drop silence and wide eyed stares. Hopefully we do a better job of teaching our young adult kids about things like health and car insurance, 401ks and vehicle registration now.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Yes, Rebecca had a very interesting point about this idea of how do people know things? She wrote. I thought about this question and realized that many of my lessons in hygiene, safety, cooking and life in general were during sleepovers. Sleeping over changes the dynamic from guest to immediate family. This is true even if you are staying at an extended family member's house. What is mildly annoying in your own home might be completely unacceptable in another's. A skill that was never taught in one family is expected in another. My mom had a no crumbs rule, so every friend who stayed over learned to use our vacuum, often for their first time ever. Staying with my older cousin for a few days, she taught me how to wrap a towel around my head after a shower. Before this, I didn't know there was a way to stop having a wet back every morning. Every house has its quirks. I remember a dad showing me how to fix their finicky toilet so I wouldn't have to ask for help. I hadn't known you could open the toilet top, let alone do something easy to fix it. I'm an early riser and often was awake before my friend during sleepovers. This gave me many opportunities to chat with the morning person. Parents Adults love showing a new kid something. Here, let me teach you how to make the perfect scrambled eggs. It's unplanned interactions with others that teach us and let us teach most things in life. However, we won't learn or pass them on unless we are open to people not distracting and distancing ourselves. I think that's a really good reminder.

[Elizabeth Craft]

It is, and it's one of the problems with working at home. We always talk about teaching each other things at work when we're not together. We're not just casually passing on information.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Yes, exactly.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Naomi said. I was listening to your podcast when you spoke about how do we know things and I just had to write One of my secrets of adulthood is I didn't know anything until I knew it. I have used this phrase countless times in job interviews and speaking with the staff I manage and I find great comfort in it. I used to worry that I didn't have any training or knowledge for a task or job, but then realized that has always been true. I didn't know multiplication until I knew it. I didn't know how to write in cursive until I knew it. Etc. Remembering that has allowed me to feel more confident in taking on new roles and responsibilities. So rather than feeling haunted about what you don't know, I encourage you to feel curious about what you will learn next.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Good reframing. That's great. Yes, Molly said. Your discussion got me thinking about how I learned some of these unwritten rules. Some of them I learned the hard way, for example, by putting aluminum foil in the microwave. Then I remembered the hints from Heloise column from the newspaper. It was on the same page as the comics and advice column, the only page I ever really read as a kid. And I learned a lot of things from Heloise and her followers. Baking soda in the washing machine with my stinky exercise clothes. Rubber bands to help grip things. Nail polish remover or rubbing alcohol to remove sticky residue. The list goes on. My mom got me a book of her hints when I moved into my first apartment and I still have it 20 years later. Along with you two and Sarah, she's at the top of my list for women who help me adult. Thanks for all you do. Oh that's so fun. Yeah, I love those helpful hints.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Yes.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Well, what a great collection. Let us know what you tried, what you learned. What other valuable things would you share? We may return to this. I think this is just endlessly fascinating and useful. Yeah, let us know on Instagram threads, TikTok, Facebook. Drop us an email at podcastretchenrubin. Or as always, you can go to the show notes or go to happiercast.com for everything related to this episode.

[Elizabeth Craft]

All right, coming up, I give myself a yearly demerit. But first, this break. Have you ever noticed that some of the most meaningful moments in life come from helping someone else? It's easy to think that changing the world requires doing something extraordinary, but sometimes lasting change begins with something much smaller, helping one child overcome the barriers that stand between them and an education. That's what Children Incorporated has been doing for more than 60 years.

[Gretchen Rubin]

By partnering with trusted volunteer coordinators who know the children and families in their own communities, Children Incorporated helps provide essentials like clothing, shoes, nutritious food, school supplies and hygiene items, giving children the support they need to stay in school and build brighter futures. The surprising thing about generosity is that it changes everyone involved. If you've been looking for a simple, meaningful way to make a lasting difference, visit childrenincorporated.org to choose a child to sponsor today Day. I've been trying to say yes more to little adventures. Nothing huge, just getting out of the routine and going somewhere different for the day. And it really makes you appreciate having a car that feels solid and comfortable where you're not thinking about the drive,

[Elizabeth Craft]

you're just focused on where you're going.

[Gretchen Rubin]

That's what stood out to me about the Defender. It has that rugged design, but it also feels really thoughtful inside. And I like that there's a full line of up from the two door 90 to the 110 and the 130 with seating for up to eight. So it really fits different kinds of plans.

[Elizabeth Craft]

And it's built with those durable, purposeful materials so you can actually use it without worrying about every little thing. It also has features that make driving feel easier, like Clearsight technology and the PIVI Pro system so you can keep track of where you're going and everything you want to listen to along the way. Plus, with up to 89 cubic feet of cargo space and available three rows, it gives you a lot of flexibility depending on what you're bringing with you. Explore the full Defender lineup@land roverusa.com I

[Gretchen Rubin]

had one of those weeks where the to do list just kept growing. Little repairs, things to mount, random projects I kept putting off, and eventually it all starts taking up mental space even when you're not doing it. And that's why I've been using TaskRabbit. You can book a skilled tasker for furniture assembly, home repairs, mounting, yard work, whatever you need help with.

[Elizabeth Craft]

And you can search based on reviews, availability and costs so you feel good about who's showing up. I finally handed off a project I had been avoiding, and let me tell you, it was such a relief just to have it done. I use TaskRabbit, and you should, too. When life happens, your to do list grows. Get ahead of it now and get $15 off your first [e-mail] or on the TaskRabbit app using code HAPPIER. That's $15 off your first task using promo code happier with the TaskRabbit app [e-mail].

[Gretchen Rubin]

okay, it's time for demerits and gold stars. It's an even numbered episode. So, Elizabeth, what is this yearly demerit?

[Elizabeth Craft]

All right, Gretchen. Well, health forms are due once again for school for Jack, and once again, I am tardy and finishing my health forms. It's the same thing every year, which is I fill out all the forms that don't need a doctor's signature, and then I say, oh, I'll do those another day. And then I get an email from the school saying, you have not done your forms. And they've really upped the stakes, Gretchen, because he can't get his class past schedule until these forms are filled out. Oh. So I am scrambling.

[Gretchen Rubin]

That's a good stick. If there's carrots and sticks, that's a good stick. Because your child really needs their schedule on the first day of school. That's a big one.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Yes. And I happen to know he's going to want some changes in his schedule, so we definitely need it asap.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Okay.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Every year, we know it's going to take the exact same amount of time whether I do it before it's due or after it's due. And it's gonna be so much more stressful. So let me just do things when I need to do them.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Can you say you'll do it today?

[Elizabeth Craft]

I am in the process.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Okay, good.

[Elizabeth Craft]

As we speak.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Okay, good. Okay.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Yes, in process.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Sometimes by articulating the demerit, we get ourselves going. So that's good.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Yes. I wanted to be able to say to you when we recorded that, I was in the process.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Good.

[Elizabeth Craft]

All right, Gretch, how about you? What is your gold star?

[Gretchen Rubin]

Well, I'm giving you Elizabeth a gold star. And Adam and Jack, because you made the very long trip from California to spend the Fourth of July with Eliza, Eleanor, Jamie and me. And also our mother came from Kansas City, so we had a real family get together. And this was really important to me because one of my empty nest resolutions is to elevate the Fourth of July into a major family tradition. And I think when you have a new tradition, you really want to be consistent. And then later on when it's fixed, you can be more flexible and really still trust that the tradition will hold. But for me, with this oxymoron new tradition, I really want to do it right so we get it under our belts. And so I so appreciated that you guys came all that way. It's just so much more fun when you're there.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Well, Gretch, if this had been my week for a gold star, I was going to give you a gold star for hosting and making it a new tradition. And I think your hosting is. Is really elevated. You seem, and by elevated, I mean you seem more relaxed than you ever have before.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Good.

[Elizabeth Craft]

So gold star to you, too.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Oh, good. Well, we had a wonderful Fourth of July. The resource for this week last summer on the podcast, we talked about our reading retreat, which was amazing. And so many listeners were intrigued by the idea of doing their own reading retreat that I put together a guide. If you're gonna plan your own. We learned a lot from our first retreat. And in this guide, I share some practical tips for creating one yourself. If you are interested in that, go to happiercast.com readingretreat and speaking of reading, Elizabeth, what are you reading?

[Elizabeth Craft]

I am reading who needs an unscientific examination of Male friendship Across america by Andrew McCarthy.

[Gretchen Rubin]

And it will come as no surprise that I am reading Virginia Woolf's Diaries, Volume 3. And that's it for this episode of how Remember to try this at home. Learn from what. Everybody knows, though. How do they know? We don't know, but we can all learn from each other. Let us know what you know.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Thanks to our executive producer, Chuck Reed and everyone at Lemonada.

[Gretchen Rubin]

And here's your rhyming reminder. If you love this show, leave a review to let us know. Really helps the show.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Until next week. I'm Elizabeth Craft.

[Gretchen Rubin]

And I'm Gretchen Rubin. Thanks for joining us on Downward and Upward, Elizabeth. I think another thing where I'm haunted by, like, what am I supposed to know here is filters. A lot of things have filters. And you're like, do I need to change the filter? How do I know I'm supposed to change the filter? Do other people know about changing the filters? Can I just leave this filter alone?

[Elizabeth Craft]

Agreed.

[Gretchen Rubin]

I don't like a filter.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Agreed. I am very tardy on changing most of my filters, for sure.

[Gretchen Rubin]

I think you and I don't like upkeep. We just want to get something, and just like, there it is, so be it. We don't want to be fiddling with it.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Well, I think most people don't like upkeep.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Well, I feel like maybe we have a special aversion, but maybe we're just like everybody else.