Ep. 599: Treat Your Home Like a Hotel, Plus a Common Relationship Blindspot

Summary

Podcast Summary: Happier with Gretchen Rubin – Ep. 599

Title: Treat Your Home Like a Hotel, Plus a Common Relationship Blindspot
Date: August 12, 2026
Hosts: Gretchen Rubin & Elizabeth Craft

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Episode Overview

In this episode, Gretchen Rubin and her sister/co-host Elizabeth Craft explore two main themes:

1. The benefits of "treating your home like a hotel"—a practical happiness strategy for gaining fresh perspective on your living space and enhancing everyday comfort.
2. The subtle ways "preferences masquerade as rules" in relationships, leading to unnecessary conflict—highlighting a common relational blind spot.

Along the way, they offer actionable tips (happiness hacks), reflect on recent personal experiences, and share listener insights.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Lightning Bolt Habit Change Strategy

[01:55-04:03]

• Gretchen asks listeners to share stories of the "lightning bolt"—a sudden realization leading to effortless habit change.
• Quote: “My observation is that it’s easier to be transformed than to stay transformed.” (Gretchen, 03:31)
• Example: Someone suddenly quits smoking upon learning they're pregnant.

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2. Try This at Home: Treat Your Home Like a Hotel

[04:03-12:06]

• Concept:
  Reimagine your home as if it’s a hotel to gain new perspective and identify quick wins that increase comfort, beauty, and functionality.
• Steps and Examples:
  • Pretend you’re preparing your home for paying guests. Walk through and ask: "What would I fix or upgrade if someone else were staying here?"
  • Take photos of your space to notice overlooked clutter or repairs.
  • Address little annoyances (e.g., doors that stick, flickering lights, worn towels).
  • Rotate or upgrade towels and sheets for freshness.
  • Use luxury items you usually “save” (designer soaps, nice tissue boxes, robes).
  • Clear bedside tables and create tidy, restful environments.
  • Purge overfilled drawers and closets so there’s empty, inviting space—like in a hotel.
• Quote:
  “Sometimes a little tiny upgrade can make the whole room feel more elevated.” (Gretchen, 08:30)
  “We’re not talking about turning this into a bare minimalist. …What are those little luxuries and things that make you go, ah.” (Elizabeth, 09:16)
• Memorable Moment:
  Elizabeth’s enthusiasm for robes: “If a hotel has robes, I always check immediately to see if there are robes.” (Elizabeth, 10:48)

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3. Happiness Hack: Exercise Your Social Muscle with Formal Introductions

[15:34-18:40]

• Listener Alana suggests: Formally (over-)introduce people, even if you think they know each other, and add context or compliments to facilitate conversation.
• Benefits: Helps people connect, eases social anxiety, and makes gatherings more inclusive.
• Quotes:
  “Over-introduce people. Even if you think people probably know each other, err on the side of introducing them...” (Gretchen, 16:31)
  “I personally wish name tags were more common.” (Elizabeth, 18:40)
  “Ugh. I wish we wore name tags every single day of our lives.” (Gretchen, 18:43)

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4. Happiness Stumbling Block: Confusing Preferences with Right and Wrong

[18:43-25:44]

• Core Idea:
  People often insist their preferences are “right,” sparking unnecessary conflict when, in reality, it’s just a matter of taste.
• Examples Discussed:
  • Working at a desk vs. working on the bed or floor (Gretchen’s “desk” battle with her daughters).
  • Vacation style: early sightseeing vs. leisurely breakfasts (Elizabeth).
  • Household clutter tolerance.
  • Airport routines—“airport divorces” where travel companions part ways until boarding due to differing preferences (Elizabeth, 24:43).
• Resolution:
  Shift from “I’m right/you’re wrong” to “I prefer/you prefer,” then seek workable compromise.
• Quotes:
  “Often people will say, well, research shows that I’m right. … But when you argue with the research, I’m like…we’re all a data point of one. If this is what is true for you … the fact that many people find [something else], I don’t really care.” (Gretchen, 23:32)
  “I wonder if anyone’s sitting out there realizing, oh my gosh, I’m doing this.” (Elizabeth, 25:44)
• Memorable Moment:
  The “airport divorce” as a positive solution for differing travel styles.

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5. Demerit & Gold Star

[29:34-34:46]

• Demerit (Gretchen):
  Procrastinating on removing unnecessary tech clutter (an old camera) from her office out of anxiety it might mess up her setup.
  “I have not yet inched my way to the back of my three monitors … I keep saying, ‘when I have ten minutes…’ but it’s been weeks.” (Gretchen, 29:34)
• Elizabeth’s Insight:
  It's not lack of time, it’s anxiety about breaking something during the process.
• Gold Star (Elizabeth):
  To her son, Jack, for flying alone for the first time—a rite of passage.
  “He did it without complaining, and I’m just very proud of him.” (Elizabeth, 33:34)

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6. Resource of the Week

[34:51-35:47]

• Gretchen recommends her book, Secrets of Adulthood, as a transition gift—packed with life lessons.
  Elizabeth’s favorite: “Over the counter medication is very effective.” (Elizabeth, 35:55)

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7. What We’re Reading

[36:11-36:14]

• Elizabeth: Good Time Girls by Lael Morgan
• Gretchen: House of Suns by Alistair Reynolds

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Notable Quotes & Moments

• “Treat your home like a hotel” (multiple) – the core mantra and episode theme.
• “Everything feels like it’s in good working order, and that’s a good feeling.” (Gretchen, 07:20)
• “It is really hard to even recognize that they may not be right. They may just be a preference.” (Elizabeth, 23:24)
• The “airport divorce” concept as a creative solution to travel-induced friction.

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• 00:01:12 – Episode introductions and main topics
• 00:04:03 – Treat your Home Like a Hotel (Try This at Home)
• 00:15:34 – Social Exercise Hack: Formal Introductions
• 00:18:43 – Happiness Stumbling Block: Preferences vs. “Right”
• 00:29:34 – Demerit & Gold Star: Office clutter; Jack’s first solo flight
• 00:34:51 – Resource of the Week: Secrets of Adulthood
• 00:36:11 – What We’re Reading

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Tone & Atmosphere

• Warm, conversational, humorous, and practical—drawing on real-life examples and frequent self-deprecating anecdotes.
• Gretchen provides psychological insight, while Elizabeth injects humor and practical tips.
• The duo’s dynamic is playful: Elizabeth refers to Gretchen as her “happiness bully,” and both share relatable struggles and small victories.

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Final Thoughts

This episode is packed with actionable strategies for cultivating a happier, more mindful home life, fostering social comfort, and improving relationships by reframing conflict. The shift from “correctness” to “preference” in domestic and relational matters is particularly impactful—and the “hotel” lens offers a fun, achievable way to elevate daily living.

Try This at Home:
Walk through your home as if preparing it for guests. What would you fix, update, or put to use to make it feel as welcoming, fresh, and enjoyable as a good hotel?

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For feedback, share your own “treat your home like a hotel” stories or moments when you realized a conflict was about preference, not right or wrong, via Gretchen’s site or social channels.

Transcript

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[Gretchen Rubin]

Hello and welcome to Happier, a podcast where we talk about how to get happier. This week we'll talk about why you should treat your home like a hotel and about a blind spot that can lead us to unnecessary conflict. I'm Gretchen Rubin, writer who studies happiness, good habits, human nature. I'm in my little home office in New York City, which is very hot right now, and joining me today from Los Angeles is my sister, Elizabeth Craft. And Elizabeth, I love this idea of treating our homes like a hotel.

[Elizabeth Craft]

That's me, Elizabeth Craft, a TV writer and producer living in la and Gretch, I treat your home like a hotel because I always stay there when I'm in New York.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Yes.

[Elizabeth Craft]

And I come and go as I please and it's wonderful.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Yes. And I treat your home like a hotel in Los Angeles. But we're going to talk about this idea in a different way. But that is also a fun way. Yes. Before we jump in. Okay listeners, I have a question for you. By the way, keep those rebel suggestions, insights, observations coming. I've gotten so much great stuff about rebels, but this is a different question in my book Better than Before, which is all about how we can change our habits. It's about the 21 strategies of habit change. One of the most intriguing strategies is the strategy of the lightning bolt. And this is a very different strategy because it's almost something that happens to us. It comes to us, we have a realization, might be an offhand comment, an idea. We learn a change in our lives and all of a sudden our habits change dramatically and easily. And over and over people say to me Hey, I like the sound of the lightning bolt. How do I make that happen? So I've been thinking about that a lot and so I would love to hear your stories of a lightning bolt. Anything about it. What form did it take? What led up to it? If you did experience a lightning bolt change, did you keep it going? If it didn't persist forever, why did it stop? My observation is that it's easier to be transformed than to stay transformed. So I'm very interested in first, how do you be transformed? That's really important. And the quickest way is the lightning bolt. What does that look like? And then how did you stay transformed? If you did or if you didn't, what happened? So basically any account of the lightning bolt strategy and in the show notes, I will post a link to to an article that I wrote about the strategy of the lightning bolt. But it's basically just you read a book and you change everything about the way you eat or somebody says to you, I don't understand why you stay with that guy. You're so much better looking and smarter and funnier than he is. And you're like, you're right. And then like, you end a toxic relationship of 10 years. Sometimes these things happen very suddenly. So anyway, I'm so eager to hear listeners experiences. The world is my research assistant. Thank you listeners for all the insights that you share. So hit me up.

[Elizabeth Craft]

I bet you'll get some pregnancy stories, Gretch.

[Gretchen Rubin]

That is a very common one. People say, the minute I found out I was pregnant, I was able to quit smoking or start exercising. Many different things. Yes, I think you're exactly right. So this week our try this at home suggestion is to treat your home like a hotel.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Okay, I love this. And it's part of our Treat Yourself like series. Although this is the first time it's not a person.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Right. And it's not yourself. It's your home. So now we're going into the adjacent Treat yourself like a Todd. Treat yourself like a teenager. Treat yourself like a factory. Treat yourself like an Olympian. Treat yourself like a person of interest.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Yes.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Yeah. So now we're sort of going like a little bit of an adjacency here. Treat your home like a hotel.

[Elizabeth Craft]

So explain what this means.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Okay, so in the Treat Yourself series, it's this idea that we can give ourselves a new perspective by thinking of ourselves or something else in a new way. If you treat yourself like a toddler, you're going to be thinking, oh, Gretchen can't get too hungry or too cold. Gretchen, Needs her N. Gretchen gets overstimulated very easily. Like, that's how you would treat toddler Gretchen. Well, that's probably what adult Gretchen needs, too. And so this is a way to get a different perspective on your space. And it reminds me of an exercise that I talked about in my book, Outer Order Inner Calm, which is also all about creating a more orderly, more beautiful home. Basically, all the clutter clearing, which is this trick that often professional organizers and also real estate brokers suggest, which is you take a picture of your space and. And then you look at the picture and think, what looks cluttered? What needs to be fixed? There's something about being in a familiar space. Everything just looks normal. But if you look at a picture of it, kind of gives you a new way of looking. And you think, oh, my gosh, what is all that junk doing piled on the floor in the corner? Or whatever. Or along the same way, if you've been away from home for several weeks and you come back often, you will see it in a completely different way because you're not accustomed to it in the same way. And, Elizabeth, this even reminds me, do you do this with writing? Like, if you print out a draft, it looks completely different on paper than it does on a screen?

[Elizabeth Craft]

Yes. It's dramatically different.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Yeah. Or I've heard of people just changing the font and it just looks different. I'm going to do this with Project Empty Nest. I've printed it out several times and I also want to read it aloud because it'll just come across different. So anyway, the basic idea is, how do you change your perspective on something to see where good changes could be made? So treat your home like a hotel is. Walk through your home and think about what would you do if you were planning to rent out your home to someone else? Right. Somebody else is going to come stay in your place. They're paying to be there. They got certain expectations. What would they want? Because basically, you probably want the same thing for your space, too. The little things that make it nice to be in a hotel would make it nicer for you to be in your own space.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Yes. Fixing all of those little things, like the doors that won't close, the light bulb that's been out for nine months, or a light that flickers, a dripping sink. These are all things that eventually need to be done anyway, so you might as well get them done. And then it's a nice thing where it's not nagging at you every time you go buy it.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Yeah. Everything feels like it's in good working order, and that's a good feeling. The same thing with your sheets and your towels. I have this habit of just rotating the sink, same towels, until they're just completely worn out. It's like, rotate your towels so that they stay fresher. Or maybe you're going to bleach something so that it looks fresher and whiter. Or maybe you're going to splurge on a new set of sheets or something like that if there's water stains. Well, Elizabeth, one of the things we've been talking about is the great coaster debate. Yes, some water stains cannot be fixed, but some water stains can be fixed. This is the kind of thing that you could tackle just to make everything just look like it's in better working order and just fresher.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Yes. There's also Gretchen getting out your nice soap. So many of us have drawers filled with little soaps we've received over the years that are too pretty to use. We talk about this, not spending out, hoarding our nice things. So it's like, use that soap as you would in a hotel.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Yeah, well. And along those lines, you could add a touch of luxury, like a really nice Kleenex box. It feels very elevated, but it's not that expensive. I mean, some, I'm sure, are like, wildly expensive, but you could get a really nice one and it's just like, oh, it's nice to have a box that coordinates with the room. Sometimes a little tiny upgrade can make the whole room feel more elevated. And especially if you have these things lying around that you've been saving, go ahead and use them. One of the things that's great if you're staying in a hotel is that there's space. You open up a drawer and there's nothing in there. And you open up a closet and it's just hangers. Whereas at home, you know, a lot of times you think, I mean, I've talked to so many people who are like, I don't even put away my clothes. I just leave my clothes out because I can't put my clothes away. So taking the time, again, clear out space so that you can put things away easily just makes it feel more luxurious. And it's part of what feels good in a space.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Yeah. And to be clear, we're not talking about turning this into a bare minimalist. No photos. We're just saying, what are those little luxuries and things that make you go, ah, when you lay down. You know, when you lay down on a hotel room bed, how it just feels so Luxurious. Sometimes it feels elegant, that feeling.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Let's talk about bedside tables. So many of us have so much stuff on our bedside table. It just becomes this dumping ground. And then when you want to put something down, it's really hard. Stuff is falling on the floor. I'm always worried that my glasses are going to fall on the floor, and then a crunch, I'm going to step on them. So it's just one of these spaces where one of the things that's nice when you're in a place like that is there's plenty of room and it's easy to plug in your phone. And though it's probably not good practice to have your phone right next to your head, we all know that. But sometimes that does happen, having that space. And then I also think one of the nice things is. Is like, do you have a collection of things? And this is true. In our bedroom, we have all these nice framed family photos, but they've all gotten whacked around and kind of in disarray. They're not. It's not a pleasantly curated collection where everything looks nicely placed. It's been knocked around a lot. That's the kind of thing that I think I looked at a picture of it. I would be like, why do those people have their photographs at all those weird angles? That doesn't look good, but somehow I'm just so accustomed to it. It's because whenever we raise and lower our blind, sometimes we knock into them, and then if you don't straighten them up, you know how it is.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Oh, yes, I do.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Y.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Well, Gretch, I would be remiss if I did not mention in this segment my love of robes. And for anyone who hasn't tried using a robe.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Yes.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Let me just say I am the biggest fan of robes. My favorite thing is if a hotel has robes, I always check immediately to see if there are robes.

[Gretchen Rubin]

And, Elizabet, when you came to stay, what did I do?

[Elizabeth Craft]

You got a fluffy, soft, gorgeous robe. I was so happy I wore it a lot, and I will wear it for years to come. But I will say, if you've never tried the wonder of a robe, give

[Gretchen Rubin]

it a shot for Jamie. That's his sign. Like, I am in a hotel is like, he doesn't wear robes at home. So it is. It's one of these things that can elevate. And of course, this is not about run out and spend a lot of money. This is about how do you make the space that you already have more comfortable, more inviting, more relaxing by just looking at it in a different way.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Yeah.

[Gretchen Rubin]

So let us know if you do try this at home and how treating your home like a hotel works for you. What did you do to change your space? Let us know on Instagram threads, TikTok, Facebook. Drop us an [e-mail] or as always, you can go to the show notes happiercast.com599 okay, coming up, we have some

[Elizabeth Craft]

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[Gretchen Rubin]

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[Elizabeth Craft]

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[Gretchen Rubin]

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[Elizabeth Craft]

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[Gretchen Rubin]

Okay, it's time for happiness hacks. And we've been talking lately about exercising our social muscle, about really getting out there and making time for friends going out into the world. And Alana had good ideas.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Yes, Alana says give formal introductions. I like to formally introduce people. I find it helps others to connect. Will even introduce people I don't know to each other if I know their name. It is hard going into new situations and not knowing anyone there. Introductions help people feel comfortable enough to get to know each other.

[Gretchen Rubin]

I think this is such great advice.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Yes, it is so helpful when if you're trying to enter a conversation, someone stops, says this is this person, this is how I know them, or this is why they're here, or this is what they do. Whatever makes sense in the context. Rather than feeling like you're just dropping into the middle of something where you have no idea what's going on.

[Gretchen Rubin]

And I want to just underscore. You actually mentioned two things and I think that they're both hacks. One is to introduce people. And I would say over introduce people. Even if you think people probably know each other, er, on the side of introducing them and if they left and they're like, oh, we've been best friends for years. You're like oh, hahaha, how would I know? Also to introduce yourself. I really go out of my way to say my own name and then people are like oh, of course I know who you are. But I'm like but did you really? And did you remember my name? Because maybe you remember like my general deal. But sometimes it's hard to Think of somebody's name. Especially if you're in a place where you're trying to come up with a lot of names or you're out of context, it's just easier to do that. But the other thing that you said is you give some color to the person, to each other, so that if you end up walking away, they have a reason to talk. And also, I think it's really nice for people if you say something really complimentary. Somebody would say, like, oh, here's Liz Craft. Not only is she a TV writer, but she also has this excellent podcast, Happier in Hollywood. And I know you're a huge fan of podcasts. Oh, now we can talk about TV writing. We can talk about podcasts. And you feel recognized. You're like, oh, this person is framing me in this positive way. If I really know the people, I always do try to add a little bit about them to facilitate people feeling connected.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Yes. I think it really helps. And by the way, I had this situation the other day where I saw someone. I knew who she was. I hadn't seen her for a long time, and I made what I would say is a mistake. Gretchen. Which I said, hi, so. And so. It's Liz Craft. What I should have said was, hi, it's Liz Craft of craft and fame. We met when you were working at such and such company.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Yes.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Just to help her. Now, she did figure out quickly who I was, and that was clear. But it would have been nice for me to place myself for her because I hadn't seen her in probably five years.

[Gretchen Rubin]

This is a great reminder as we're out there and exercising our social muscle, this is just something. It's a little practice that helps everybody feel connected and comfortable with each other because just that basic information of knowing the names, you know?

[Elizabeth Craft]

Yes. I personally wish name tags were more common.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Ugh. I wish we were nametags every single day of our lives. And now for a happiness stumbling block. This is one that I stumble over often.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Okay, what is it?

[Gretchen Rubin]

Okay, this is the temptation to believe you are right, or at least assert that you are right about an issue that is really a matter of preferences.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Mm. Okay, say more.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Okay, so here's an example. I am a person who loves a desk. We have many desks in our apartment. I would have a desk in the bathroom if you could. Like, I just love a desk. When I'm working, I have to have a desk. Jamie uses desks too. And so we're very oriented towards working at a desk. And when Eliza and Eleanor were young, I would often be saying to them, get off your bed. You gotta use your desk. Or why are you sitting on the floor? You gotta get on a desk, or you're sitting in this chair with an ottoman. No, you're not gonna be able to focus if you're not at a desk. And I persisted in this until I went to a shared workspace. You know, like one of those workspaces that they have. And I noticed that in the furniture area, you know, where they have sofas and things, they had a chair, but then it extended far out, so it was almost like a small twin bed with a chair back. And I saw somebody working on it, and they were working in the posture that Eliza and Eleanor often used, which was they were sitting with their back against something and they had their legs stuck out in front of them and their laptop on their laps. I would never in a bazillion years work this way. Seeing people work on their lap in an airport waiting area, I think, how can you work like that? My mind reels. It looks so uncomfortable. I could never focus in that way, and I never work in either of those ways. But I'm looking at it. I'm like, this is so common that this co working space has specialized furniture that is made to accommodate people who prefer to work this way. So clearly, this is just the way some people like to work. Who am I to say to my daughters, you have to work at a desk. I have to work at a desk.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Right.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Jamie works at a desk, but others do not work at a desk. So constantly we're having this conflict where I was saying, I'm right, you're wrong. Whereas in fact, this is what I prefer. And they were saying, that's not my preference.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Yes. Well, Gretchen, I think vacation is a big area where you can be arguing over right versus preference. Like what?

[Gretchen Rubin]

Like what?

[Elizabeth Craft]

Oh, just if you're the kind of person that likes to get up and get out and see as much as you can see if you're in a city.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Yeah.

[Elizabeth Craft]

And somebody else likes to get room service and sleep in because they're on vacation and doesn't want to rush around, because to them, that's not fun. Yeah, neither is Right. I mean, this is a vacation. This is. Or trip, for whatever reason that is there to enjoy, not to be. Right.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Right. And I think that's a great example, because once you get past the right way. Wrong way. Once you get past that, it's just like, what would be the ideal vacation for you? Do you want to splurge on Food, or do you like to stay on the go and just pick up little things during the day? How much shopping do you want to do? There are all these questions about what is the right way to have a vacation. And it's more like, well, given what we all prefer and given the circumstances, what do we think works for all of us? Because what happens is that people start arguing, well, you're wrong. Yes, well, nobody's wrong. I mean, you can have reasons why you have the thoughts that you do and why you might argue for your position. And maybe you would be persuasive. But then other people can just say, well, I disagree, and then you can take it from there. I mean, another place this comes up. And again, I saw this a lot when I was working on my book Outer Order Inner Calm is that often people in a household will have a very different level of how cluttered things can be when they feel comfortable. And sometimes people will have all these reasons, well, my standard is the right standard. And then the other person will say, but no, my standard is the right standard. You can have that argument for the rest of your lives because nobody's right, nobody's wrong. It's much more constructive in my observation to say, this is my preference. This is why I have these preferences. And then you say, well, this is my preference. This is why I have these preferences. And then we try to work out something that works for both because we always have to accommodate. But often with right or wrong, you're trying to say my way should prevail instead of, let's look at what's the essential elements are and try to come to common ground.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Yeah. And I think these things feel so inherently true to us.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Yes.

[Elizabeth Craft]

That it is really hard to even recognize that they may not be right. They may just be a preference.

[Gretchen Rubin]

This is a huge thing that comes up over and over again in all of my study of happiness, which is. Is how do we know ourselves and how do we understand how we're different from other people? It's like abstainer, moderator. You might not realize, like, people are different, people have a different approach. I'm an abstainer. Other people are moderators. But you don't even understand that there's a difference to be recognized. Often people will say, well, research shows that I'm right. Well, research shows that if everything is put away neatly, then you lower your cognitive load and decisions are made faster and people are more creative. Or they argue, oh, when things are cluttered, people are more creative, people have more time to hang out. We have these artificial standards because of social media and everybody should just take it down a notch. But when you argue with the research, I'm like, well, the research is kind of of limited use because we're all a Data point of 1. If this is what is true for you, the fact that many people find. It's like, well, I don't really care what many people find because I find something else. What's the right amount of sound when you're trying to work? I want silence. Somebody else wants loud music, whatever. The research shows our preferences are going to remain the same. I could show you research, but whatever.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Yeah, Gretch, this makes me think of an article I read recently about airport divorces, which is people are just arriving at the airport and then going their separate ways until they get on the plane. Because people have strong feelings about airports and. And one person has TSA PreCheck, the other person doesn't. Somebody likes to go sit at the bar and have a drink while they wait for their flight. Somebody else wants to walk around and get steps. And so people are just agreeing to do their own thing at the airport, which I totally get.

[Gretchen Rubin]

I'll meet when we're boarding.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Yes, exactly right.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Because again, it's like you can really make each other nuts arguing about why this makes sense. But many people can be right. Yes, interesting. Well, I would love to know from listeners how this might have come up in your own life, because I do think hearing about times when people have recognized this helps you recognize it yourself because it's just very hard not to think, well, what works for me works for everybody else.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Yeah. I wonder if anyone sitting out there realizing, oh my gosh, I'm doing this.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Yes, exactly. Like me and the desk situation.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Exactly. All right, Gretch. Coming up, you give yourself what I would call a clutter demerit. The first to spring.

[Gretchen Rubin]

I've been trying to say yes, more to little adventures. Nothing huge, just getting out of the routine and going somewhere different for the day. And it really makes you appreciate having a car that feels feel solid and comfortable where you're not thinking about the drive, you're just focused on where you're going. That's what stood out to me about the Defender. It has that rugged design, but it also feels really thoughtful inside. And I like that there's a full lineup from the two door 90 to the 110 and the 130 with seating for up to eight. So it really fits different kinds of

[Elizabeth Craft]

plans and it's built with those durable, purposeful materials. So you can actually use it without worrying about every little thing. It also has features that make driving feel easier like Clearsight technology and the PIVI Pro system so you can keep track of where you're going and everything you want to listen to along the way. Plus, with up to 89 cubic feet of cargo space and available three rows, it gives you a lot of flexibility depending on what you're bringing with you. Explore the full defender [e-mail] I definitely

[Gretchen Rubin]

have a tendency to wear my glasses longer than I probably should. Once I find a pair I like, I just keep fixing the little things instead of replacing them because new glasses can get expensive fast. That's why I was so impressed with Zenni. I picked out a classic pair with clean modern frames that look much more expensive than they were. The whole process was incredibly easy. You just choose your frames, enter your prescription, customize your lenses. They arrive at your door.

[Elizabeth Craft]

What I love is that Zenny makes it affordable to have more than one pair. They have stylish prescription glasses and sunglasses starting at under 30 doll dollars. I love my prescription Zenny sunglasses. I've been wearing them every week to hike. That scratched up pair you have has done its job. Upgrade today with Zenny go to zenny.com podcast and use code podcast15 for 15 off your first order plus free shipping on all US orders over $65. The styles sell out so don't sit on it. That's Z-E-N-N-I.com podcast promo code podcast15 I

[Gretchen Rubin]

always feel like August is a good time to reset before the fall season, which is so busy. I don't necessarily want a whole new wardrobe, I just want a few pieces that make getting dressed easier. That is why I have become such a fan of quints. Their clothes are beautifully made, timeless and they feel like the kind of pieces you reach for again and again.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Quince works directly with ethical factories and cuts out the middlemen so everything is priced 50 to 80% less than similar brands. Their premium stretch denim starts at just $50 and they also have beautiful bedding. All kinds of stuff for your home and travel. Gretchen I got Jack a set of luggage from Quince and he loves it. Upgrade your everyday go to quince.com Gretchen for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns now available in Canada and the UK too. That's Q-U-I-N-C-E.com Gretchen for free Shipp 365 day returns quints.com Gretchen okay Gretch we are back with demerits and gold stars. And this week it is your turn for happiness demerit.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Yes. And okay, here I am talking about my book outer order inner calm, and I'm all about the clutter clearing. But I am giving myself a clutter demerit because I have three monitors and I don't have a built in camera. So I had a camera for a while. It was like a real camera, the kind of that you would hold up to your eye and click on a big stand. And this camera drove me crazy. It was both too good and not good enough. It was hard to use because it had all these controls, but the controls faced away from me. And my office is so small, my desk is very crowded. And so I couldn't really get to the controls easily. I had to like sit on my desk and contort myself. And then I was always afraid I was gonna knock everything over. I'm always very nervous about getting into my t. Tech stuff. You randomly jog something loose and then the whole thing falls apart and you spend the next three hours trying to figure out what's wrong. So I was just like, okay, I gotta get rid of this camera. So then I got a different camera, which is just the kind of camera that's very common these days where you clip it on to the top of your monitor and it just turns on and turns off. And it's a pretty simple thing, but it's very good. It's very good at what it does. I mean, I'm very impressed. It's good value, I would say, say. And I just plugged it in. I didn't have to do anything, but to do that, I had to unplug my other camera. But I have not yet inched my way to the back of my three monitors. It's all plugged in here. It's plugged in there. It's jammed in there. I have a lot of stuff packed in and I. I'm just gonna have to go in there very delicately and unhook things and pull them out. And I'm sure when I really do it, it'll take 10 minutes. And then this big looming dark camera will be out of my field of vision. So it'll be very nice. My office will feel sort of lighter and more orderly just because there's less stuff around because it's kind of like an airplane cockpit in my office. I would say there's a lot going on in here, but I just haven't done it. For whatever reason. I, you know, I keep Saying, oh, yeah, when I have 10 minutes, I'll just get in there and do it. And I think it'll be very satisfying. So I don't understand why, but it's been weeks. Weeks.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Well, I think you have an anxiety that you're gonna unplug it and it's gonna change something, and then you're gonna be like, what do I do now? And there has not been a time when you felt like it didn't matter.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Yeah.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Suddenly everything didn't work perfectly. So I think many times in life, it's an anxiety that you have.

[Gretchen Rubin]

I think that is exactly right. And so maybe that's because I've been saying, like, oh, when I have, like, an idle 10 minutes, I should just rush and do it. It. Maybe what I need to do is say, okay, I'm going to make sure I have a half an hour so I can really follow the wire and carefully pull the thing out and do it very carefully so that I don't have that happen. Because you're exactly right. That is why I'm scared to do it. Because it's happened in the past. Yes.

[Elizabeth Craft]

It's all such a delicate balance.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Yeah. I think I'm making a simple shift. I remember I had this thing, and now I can't remember what it is. What is it called? Maybe it's type over. When you're typing on a keyboard, it will just cover up what you've already typed. And I was like, oh, my gosh. What is happening? What did I hit? How do I get it to stop? It took me. This was years ago. Now that would be a much easier problem to solve. But this was when wordpressing was still fairly new. But I'm like, I can't even ask for help. I don't know, what is this? What is happening? So anyway, yes, I think I probably have a lot of bad memories. And so I think you're right. I'll do it when I'm deliberately very calm, and I will do it in the slowest so that I feel I minimize my risk. I was thinking of something where I should just do it quickly and not waste time on it. That was making me apprehensive wisely. So this is good.

[Elizabeth Craft]

All right.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Okay. I will report to you, Elizabeth, that I've done it. Okay. But take us up. What is your gold star?

[Elizabeth Craft]

My gold star is for Jack, my son, because he flew alone for the first time, which I think is a rite of passage. Yes, yes. He's flown many times. But it's just different when you're by yourself.

[Gretchen Rubin]

It is.

[Elizabeth Craft]

And he was hesitant about it at first, but we said, look, you're ready. You can do this. It's gonna happen at some point. Might as well be now. He did it without complaining, and I'm just very proud of him. Cause I just remember doing that when I was young and it was very scary. So gold star to him for this rite of passage.

[Gretchen Rubin]

It's one of those things where if you're doing it with other people, you're just confidently walking somewhere and then you're like, how do they know? And you don't realize that they've been checking above which ways are gay, which ways are gay. So when you do it the first time, there might be more steps than you realize. You think you understand it. Yeah.

[Elizabeth Craft]

You have to get your own bag tag and put it on. And every single time I don't understand which part I'm supposed to peel off the bag. I relearn it every single time.

[Gretchen Rubin]

People do it so quickly. I'm like, how do they have the muscle memory where they just like z, Z, Z. Yeah. Yes. They should have practice ones like you order it and it's like you practice

[Elizabeth Craft]

at home, getting to the airport, getting the transportation, getting there, getting through security. He had two bags, so it's a lot. But anyway, good for him.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Good for him. And it is a great feeling of independence when you do that kind of thing.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Yes.

[Gretchen Rubin]

The resource for this week. Okay, so I love to celebrate transitions and to explore transitions. And we often think about giving gifts for graduation. But I also love the idea of giving a gift when somebody is actually starting, starting college, moving into their first apartment, starting a new job. These are also huge transitions. So if you are looking for a thoughtful gift for someone entering a new phase of life, you might consider my book, Secrets of Adulthood. It's a collection of all the lessons that I've learned from writing and researching happiness and also making my own mistakes and learning things the hard way. Truth be told, if you want to learn all about that book, just go to my website or you can go to happiercast.com secrets this book was such a joy to write. I loved writing this book. I love every single one of my secrets of adulthood. I think there's helpful information in there if I do say so myself.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Oh yeah, one. I don't remember if it's in there or not, Gretchen, but one of my favorites is that over the counter pain medication work.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Over the counter medication is very effective. Yes. Because you're just like, wow, my headache really is gone. As if that's what it's for. Or like a band aid. Wow. If you have a blister, it's a really good thing. Why do we lose track of that? But, Elizabeth, what are we reading? What are you reading?

[Elizabeth Craft]

I am reading Good Time Girls by Lael Morgan.

[Gretchen Rubin]

And I am reading House of Suns by Alistair Reynolds. And that's for this episode of Happier. Remember to try this at home. Treat your home like a hotel. Let us know if you tried it and if it worked for you. How did you treat your home like a hotel?

[Elizabeth Craft]

Thank you to our executive producer, Chuck Reed and everyone at Lemonada.

[Gretchen Rubin]

And here's your rhyming reminder. If you like the show, tell others. You know, word of mouth really is the way that most people discover our show.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Until next week, I'm Elizabeth Craft.

[Gretchen Rubin]

And I'm Gretchen Rubin. Thanks for joining us. Onward and upward.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Oh, Gretch, now I think I do hear something. A fan or something?

[Gretchen Rubin]

Oh, it's not a fan. It's the rain that you're hearing. The pitter pat of drops against my window. Can you hear it?

[Elizabeth Craft]

Oh, yes, absolutely.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Okay, well, sorry about the noise, but it's very cozy.

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