← Happier with Gretchen Rubin
Happier with Gretchen Rubin
More Happier: Are You Scared by the Sound of a Siren? And a Reflection from “Little Women”
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These days, fast, reliable Internet is essential to everyday life. And if you have a business, it's even more essential. Yes, Spectrum Business keeps businesses of all sizes connected seamlessly with Internet, advanced WI fi, phone, TV and mobile services. For this podcast, we rely on Spectrum. Spectrum allows us to record this podcast even though we are in three different locations. We do it seamlessly every time.
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And Spectrum Business offers 100% US based customer support 24. 7 to help you stay up and running. They also offer tailored connectivity solutions with packages built for your business budget. Millions of business owners rely on Spectrum Business to keep them connected. Visit spectrum.combusiness to learn more. Restrictions apply. Service is not available in all areas Gretch, you and I both love Whole Foods Market, and Whole Foods Market is a perfect place to plan an indulgent and romantic evening at home. From gorgeous flowers to no antibiotics ever, steaks and special gifts like bath bombs, you will find everything you need for an unforgettable night at Whole Foods Market. You don't have to make a reservation at a restaurant, you can just create a beautiful night at home. Plus, they've got a great wine selection so you can add a bottle of wine to your romantic evening. Of course, you have to be 21 years or older for that. And you must drink responsibly, right?
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And they also have flowers. The Whole Foods Market floral department has tons of gorgeous quality flowers with large blooms, vibrant colors and strong stems. Just the thing for a romantic night. You don't need to make a special trip to the flower shop. Taste the love all month at Whole Foods Market.
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B
Lemonade.
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A
Hello, we're here for more Happier a podcast where we get happier. It's the weekend. It's the usual observations and reflections with a looser vibe. Hey Elizabeth.
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B
Hi Gretch.
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A
Today we'll talk about an example of reframing that I recently encountered. And we'll also talk about a passage that I've been thinking about that reminded me of our father. First, let's just You've got an update.
- [02:42]
B
Yeah, Gretch, I wanted to remind you how you're always saying you want to catch a pop culture moment as it's happening. Like you didn't watch Succession whenever everybody else watched it, things like that. So I wanted to tell you that you should watch Heated Rivalry, which is a show on HBO that is all the buzz it is.
- [03:05]
A
Yes. Even I, as out of it as I am sometimes with what's going on, have been in many conversations about heated many heated conversations about heated rivalries and have caught lots of discussion about it. So listen, have you watched it?
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B
Yes, I watched it. I loved. Took me a couple episodes to really get into it, but then I loved it. I will say it is extremely racy. It is not a show to watch with children anywhere nearby.
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A
Okay.
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B
But it's really great. It's very fresh. It feels very different. And, you know, I know you want to be of the moment, so I just wanted to give you a little happiness. Bullying to watch Heated Rivalry.
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A
Well, and thank you for reminding me that that is one of my aims and also pointing out an opportunity for me because I think it's only six or eight episodes. Right. So it would be possible for me to get caught up and join the conversation. Okay, that's great. Okay. Gold star to you, Elizabeth, for reminding me of something that I want for myself, but then often don't even notice that I have the opportunity to do it. So now something making us more happier. Elizabeth, what is something making you happier in addition to heated rivalries?
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B
Heated rivalry, Singular.
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A
Oh, okay. See, I'm already learning heated rivalry.
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B
What is making me happier, Gretchen, is that Sarah and I have two new features that we're doing. Well, one's on substack, I guess one is not on substack. But we are enjoying them so much. They came out of our checks mix 26, where we went away for a day and discussed 2026. And we came up with these two new things we wanted to do, and we're enjoying them so much. One of them is very simple. It's just on most Fridays, we're doing a what we're calling a killer bee work hour. Cause killer bee is our symbol of the year. And Sarah just posts a zoom link, and anyone can just zoom in and work with us for an hour on whatever they're working on. So we have video on, sound off, and everyone's just hanging out on zoom, doing whatever they want to do. And it's just a nice feeling of community.
- [05:16]
A
Well, and can I just say, too, that this. Different versions of this are something that many, many people use. And it's great for obligers who need accountability to get work done. Because just the feeling that it's not like anybody can dock you or, you know, scold you, but just the idea that you like that your video is on. And all these people are industriously working for many people, that really does give them that little bit of accountability, especially for obligers that can help them stay in the seat and be productive. And for anybody, it is nice to feel like, oh, maybe I'M all by myself at home working. But no, I'm with a lot of people. It's like I love working in a library.
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B
Yes, it's similar to that.
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A
Yeah. I like the feeling of industrious, peaceful work happening around me. So that's so fun.
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B
Yeah. And unlike a zoom meeting where you have to look at everybody and look at yourself, everyone's just doing their own thing. It's not the soul sucking zooms that I hate right now. The other thing Sarah and I are doing, which this is particularly giving me joy. We decided that once a week on Substack, we're gonna go live and work on something and people can just drop in and sort of be a fly on the wall. A little sneak peek behind the scenes as we work. Right now we're working on our novel. And so we've had, you know, 80 people just watching and occasionally throwing out a comment. Like, I was trying to think of the name of a movie the other day that was relevant to what we were doing and someone, you know, in the comments, you know, said what it was. Very helpful.
- [06:50]
A
Oh, it's so interesting. You know, I haven't been able to join it, but I love this idea of just being behind the scenes when someone else is working. Like, you just always wonder what it would be like to just truly be a fly on the wall in someone else's just ordinary day.
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B
Yeah. Well, what's interesting about it is that Sarah and I have a really unique work situation because it's all out loud.
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A
Most people are not doing all of.
- [07:18]
B
Their work, talking back and forth. And people always ask us, what's it like to collaborate? How do you resolve disagreements? So all of that now is visible to people. The other thing that's great about it, which we did not realize how impactful this would be, is, Gretch, when there are 70 people watching you work, you're a lot more productive.
- [07:40]
A
Oh, is that right? So you are aware of it. It's not like you forget that they're.
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B
There kind of, but you want to be productive. I mean, it definitely keeps us more on track. So it's been great for us because we've really gotten more done. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if we ended up doing it more often because it's just a good tool again for us obligers, kind of the ultimate accountability. It's like being a teacher, you know, and sometimes teachers are observed in the classroom.
- [08:10]
A
Yes, yes, yes.
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B
That's what it feels like. But we're just enjoying it. Cause it's Fun. It's different and it's again, community.
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A
Yeah. Well, it's funny because you must be seeming pretty casual and actually just doing your ordinary thing because didn't you say somebody sent you an urgent message? Like you don't know it, but you come live on such a. And you're like, oh, that's okay, but thanks for checking because that would be your worst nightmare.
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B
Yes.
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I thought that was so thoughtful.
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B
What a nice listener. And then she emailed again and said, oh, wait, I realize now that, you know, you're live on substack. Nevermind. Yeah, so, yeah, so that has been really fun.
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A
Okay. But I do think there's certain formats that are just catnip like for me before and after or like advice column. That's one of the reasons I wanted to do since youe Asked is I can't pass up an advice column. I have to see what is in the advice column. If it's a before and after, I have to look before I have to look after. And I think there's something about behind the scenes where it's just interesting. No matter what the people are doing or even if you're interested in what they're doing in front of the curtain, it's like being in somebody else's office kitchen is to me, I'm like, I love just being behind the scenes like that. So I can see why people would be interested to tune in.
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B
Yeah, it's just fun. And, you know, we'll see if the more we do it, we may forget more and more that people are there and get even looser.
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A
But how does somebody watch? How does it happen?
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B
Yes, good question. You have to subscribe to our free substack Happier in Hollywood. You go to substack, look for Happier in Hollywood. So if you're subscribed, then you will get a notice like Liz and Sarah are now live. And then you just hit the link. Now, we are not posting these after we do them. We don't want to send out to all of our.
- [10:07]
A
That seems wise.
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B
An hour of us working. So it's just you get a notice that it's live and if you want to tune in, you can. And then when it's over, it's over. And we're doing it every Wednesday around lunch. So aiming for, you know, you know, around 12:30 on Wednesdays for 40 minutes to an hour, depending on, you know, what happens.
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A
That's so interesting. Well, it's so interesting that it's having these, these consequences that you didn't expect.
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B
Yes, and then I should mention, also, for the work hour on Fridays, we post a zoom link in our Facebook group and also on Substack. So either place, you can find that in substack and notes.
- [10:49]
A
Okay. Mandatory advertisement follow Happier in Hollywood on Substack. Follow Chickening out. Sarah's new, completely unrelated substack about roasting a chicken once a week, which has been a surprise hit. It's delightful, even if you don't cook, which I have absolutely no intention of doing anything she says. But I enjoy reading her comments about her experience. And then I have a substack also called Secrets of Adulthood, where I write every week. So it's just sub stacking it up.
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B
Yeah. And that's all free?
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A
All free.
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B
Okay. Gretch, what is making you happier?
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A
Okay. Something that makes me happier is when somebody points out something that makes them happier. Often I think, oh, I feel the same way. And it elevates my own happiness by making me notice something that perhaps I hadn't noticed before. For example, Elizabeth, because you often talk about how gifts feel more special when they're customized. Like if they have initials or whatever on them that just got me noticing. Like, oh, it really is nice. You know, if I am gonna get this tote bag for a new baby, let me put the baby's initials on it or whatever. I just. When you point that out, then I see something different. And interestingly, I've noticed that many of these come from our mother. So, for instance, mom once said to me, well, I like seasons. And I thought, oh, I like seasons. I hadn't thought about the fact that I like seasons. I like it to be cold. I like it to be hot. I like fall, I like spring. And even if I'm complaining cause it's bitterly col. I do like the idea of seasons, but I don't know that I would have noticed that I liked seasons or as much or as consciously. But now I'm like, oh, I am a person who likes seasons. So when mom was in New York City over the holidays, she said something to me about, oh, I just like walking in the door. Meaning she likes to window shop, she likes to walk around, she likes to go to museums. And she said, oh, I just love the feeling of walking in the door. Even if it ends up being a store that I'm not particularly. I always really enjoy that moment. And I thought, that is so interesting. I never thought about that particular moment of experience, which is when you are walking into a new place. No. So, Elizabeth, I was talking to Eliza, who is she's a lot like mom in ways that you and I are not. Like Mom. I said, oh, do you share this feeling? And she gave this loud gasp and was like, oh, my gosh. I have exactly that feeling. I love walking in the door. And I just thought, this is just. It's a slice of experience that I never noticed. And now I do.
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B
Yeah. I'm going to make myself notice walking in a door. And how if I have that feeling of wonder or excitement, weirdly, the only.
- [13:36]
A
Place I really have consciously experienced it is walking into a department store like Bloomingdale's. But again, look. Look here. I'm just noticing this as we're talking. Okay. When Eliza was little, we would go on these adventures every Wednesday after school, and we would take turns picking them. And one time she picked Bloomingdale's. And what, she was probably in fourth grade, fifth grade, something like that. And there's double doors in Bloomingdale's. We walk in off Lexington Avenue, and Eliza says, oh, I love that department store smell. And every time that I go to a department store, I think, ooh, I love that department store smell. And what it was was her noticing the moment of walking in the store. She was, like, consciously noticing that. So, anyway, now I am, like, walking into the Met. I wanna, like, notice that there is the experience of walking in the door of the Met, which I hadn't thought about as much as being inside of it. So it's making me happy to have this kind of new clarity of experience. And it's also making me happy to think you really can make other people's lives happier just by pointing out the kinds of things that make you happy. Because maybe they just never notice that it makes them happier too.
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B
Yes. And now I'm thinking about the smell of walking into the Nelson Atkins Museum. It has a very particular smell.
- [14:55]
A
Such a distinctive smell. Well, and speaking of people pointing things out in department stores, Elizabeth, you pointed out to me, I love a department store lunch. And this is now, like a whole family thing, which is, if we're together, can we have a department store lunch? Because there's just. So there's something. How would you characterize it?
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B
I think it almost feels like going back in time because it feels like something people did in the past. So it feels very ritualistic or something like that.
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A
But also, you know what it might be, Elizabeth, is. You know how you always say that you feel like reading by the pool is like the epitome of leisure for you?
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Yeah.
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There's something about having a department store Lunch where you just feel like, oh, I have leisure. It just feels leisurely. Even if it's. You're eating at 40 carats in Bloomingdale's, and it's not a particularly leisurely place. It's just. It's interesting. But anyway, whenever people point these things out, I feel like my own experience. It's hard. I feel like I walk around in a fog. Which is why I wrote Life in Five Senses. So all these little things help me experience the world more deeply, and that makes me happier.
- [15:58]
B
Well, and you know what makes me happy, Gretch, is when you go to a department store lunch with Eliza and Eleanor, and you always send me a picture, and then I get to vicariously be there with you for your department store lunch. And obviously, you and I also go to department store lunches.
- [16:13]
A
Yeah. It's been a while, though, Elizabeth. Next time, maybe in our reading retreat, we'll have to take a break to a department store lunch if we're in a place that has a department store. Yeah. Okay. Something. Something to remember to do.
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B
Okay, Gretch, coming up, there is something you've been meaning to tell me about sirens. But first, it's spring.
- [16:41]
A
Elizabeth, you know, I like to look good. I like nice clothes. But I am not a good shopper. And that's why I like Daily Look. For instance, I got a great pair of jeans from DailyLook, and I do not enjoy picking out jeans for myself. DailyLook is the number one highest rated premium personal styling service for women. With DailyLook, you get your own dedicated personal stylist to curate a box of clothes, like my jeans, based on your body shape preferences and lifestyle. It's not an algorithm. It's real. Personal stylists. You get the same stylist every time.
- [17:14]
B
With Dailylook, you can try on up to 12 premium pieces per box in the comfort of your home, saving you time and effort. It's time to get your own personal stylist with Daily Look. Head to DailyLook.com to take your style quiz and use code happier for 50% off your first order. Once again, that's DailyLook.com for 50% off. And make sure to use our promo code Happier so they know we sent you one last time. Dailylook.com and promo code Happier. I shop for almost everything at home. Clothes, groceries, even furniture. So why not blinds, too? Between parenting, working, and trying to remember to eat lunch, who has time to drive to a store? That's why I love three day blinds. They bring the showroom to you. A design consultant comes right to your living room. Gretch we used three day blinds recently to get jack new blinds and it was so easy.
- [18:08]
A
Yep, there's a better way to buy blinds, shades, shutters and drapery. And it's called three day blinds.
- [18:14]
B
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- [18:26]
A
Get quality window treatments that fit your budget with three day blinds. Head to 3dayblinds.com happier for their buy one, get one 50% off deal on custom blinds, shades, shutters and drapery for a free, no charge, no obligation consultation. Just head to 3dayblinds.com happier one last time. That's buy one, get one 50% off when you head to the number 3D, a yellow blinds.com happier. You know, Elizabeth, I'm in the empty nest phase, which I'm also calling the open door phase. And I've talked to people a lot about that emptiness transition. And one thing that is a challenge for many people is healthy eating. When the kids are gone, it's easy to slip into really bad habits. And that's why hungryroot is such a great solution. Hungryroot takes care of the weekly meal planning, recommending healthy recipes tailored to your taste, nutrition preferences and health goals. Hungryroot makes it simple to eat healthier without overthinking it. But one of my big things is that I don't eat sugar and they have an option with less sugar.
- [19:28]
B
Most resolutions die within a few weeks of the new year, but hungryroot makes eating healthier so easy that you can seriously stay on track with your health goals or new diet. Past January, take advantage of this exclusive offer. For a limited time, get 40% off your first box, plus get a free item in every box for Life. Go to hungryroot.com gretchenrubin and use code gretchenrubin. That's hungryroot.com gretchenRubin Code gretchenrubin to get 40% off your first box and a free item of your choice for life. Okay, Gretch, we are back and there's something you've been meaning to tell me.
- [20:08]
A
Okay, so Elizabeth, you have really, over the years gotten me very focused on reframing and the power of reframing. And I was trying to think of like, what were some of your greatest hits of reframing? And I couldn't think of any. Can you think of any? Like, I feel like you often have them and I was like, what are some of those ones? I'm really good at remembering your pearls of wisdom.
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B
Well, the biggest one, I think, was the free from french fries when I reframed, like, not denying myself French fries, but freeing myself of french fries.
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A
Yes. Right. That's a really powerful reframing. Well, I thought of you because I was talking to somebody. And as you and Chuck well know, I live in a land of sirens, and sirens go off all the time. And in fact, sirens are so frequent where I am that I don't even hear them. I literally do not hear them because my brain just pulls them into the background. Cause it's not necessary for me, but they certainly do not bother me when I hear them. And I was talking to somebody, and she could hear the siren in my background. And she said, just sort of as an aside, she said, I get a really big emotional response to sirens. I hate hearing sirens. They get me so worked up. And I said, why is it so upsetting to you to hear sirens? And she said, oh, because it means that something terrible has happened. There's this terrible emergency. And I said to her, but, see, to me, they're comforting, because I feel like what they say is, help is on the way. And she was really like, huh, that is another way to interpret sirens. And we were talking about other things, so I didn't then launch into a happiness bully explanation of the power of reframing. But I did think that that was a really good example of is it okay an emergency has happened, which is true, or is it help is on the way, which is also true. I think for her, it would be. It might be calming to try to recast it in her mind, because she clearly was somebody who really was bothered by the sound of sirens.
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B
That is so interesting. I'm just thinking about how I feel about sirens. I don't mind sirens because, you know, I love the feel of a city. So to me, they indicate the kind of hustle and bustle of a city.
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A
Mm.
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B
I remember one time when I was living in the Village, and I called Sarah. She was living in North Carolina, and I called her from my apartment, but she was thought I was at a pay phone because it was so loud. She was like, are you calling me from a pay phone? I'm like, nope, this is my apartment. This is how it is all the time. Windows closed.
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A
Yes, yes, yes. That's funny.
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B
But I like that hustle bustle feeling.
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A
I do too.
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B
I don't mind a loud place or sirens going by.
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A
Right, right. Well, on Reframing. One of the things this is reminding me of is I remember you and I were talking about going to bed. And I don't know if you still feel this way, but this was a conversation we had a while back where you were saying that for you, going to bed meant sort of ending your leisure, and it was kind of cutting short the time that you had to do what you wanted. It was sort of like free time, fun time. And when you went to bed, it was like you could stay up and have more, or you could go to bed earlier and have less. But I thought. I think of going to bed as, like, a luxury. And everybody in my family makes fun of me because almost every time I lie down, I go, oh, Like, I just hear this, like, little gasp of pleasure. It feels so good to just lie down in bed. And so for me, I associate it with luxury. Like, ooh, the luxury of going to bed or going to bed early. But that's also. Cause I have to get up early, so it feels good. I feel more refreshed in the morning if I go to bed earlier. But this is the idea of, is it a luxury or is it an obligation? Do you get to do it or do you have to? This is one of the most helpful reframings. And then free from French fries. It wasn't luxury versus obligation, but it was something that I want to have versus a denying myself of something I don't want to have.
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B
Yes.
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A
Yeah.
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B
Yes. It really helps me if I don't want to do something, to reframe it as something good.
- [24:01]
A
Yeah. Well, and the thing is, I think before I had really thought a lot about reframing, I might have said, like, well, how possible is that? Reality is reality. How can you cast something bad as something good? But the fact is, with a little imagination, a lot of times you can reconceive of something in a different way, and it really matters. Our imaginations really do play a part in our experience. So, anyway, I wanted to make sure to tell you about the sirens.
- [24:24]
B
Yes. I love that. And I bet a lot of people will adopt that. Cause I think a lot of people don't like hearing sirens.
- [24:31]
A
Interesting. Yeah.
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B
Okay, Gretch, what is our spotlight on a tool this week?
- [24:35]
A
Okay. February is. No spend February, Elizabeth. We did this a couple years ago. We're doing it again this year because it was so valuable the last time we did it. If you are looking to do it too, but you maybe want to know maybe what are some rules you might consider? What's some direction to follow. I have a worksheet that will guide you through everything you might want to think about as you're doing your own no spend month, week to week. It's fun. It's practical to help you make the most of it. If you're doing it, you can find the guide and an article that I wrote where I offer tips and hacks and reflections from the last time we did it. That's all@happiercast.com nospend Excellent.
- [25:15]
B
Okay Gretch, coming up. There's something you've been meaning to tell me. But first, this break. We all have those nightmare scenario moments that make your heart race when you're lying in bed and realize you didn't lock the front door or you've left for the day and remember the stove is still on. Or even worse, you get home to find that someone's broken a window. ADT understands how unsettling it is to feel unsafe at home or unprepared for an emergency. That's why they're here for the moments when every second counts.
- [25:54]
A
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- [26:32]
B
Gretch, you know that I love Quince. Quince is all about elevated essentials that feel effortless. It's designed for layering and mixing. Each piece helps build a timeless wardrobe made to last. The Quince Mongolian cashmere sweaters are in my rotation almost daily. I've got black, I've got red, I've got white, I have crewneck, I have V neck and they are so soft and luxurious I just want to have every single one.
- [27:01]
A
They've got wardrobe staples with quality that's made to last. They have 100% organic cotton sweaters. They have premium denim with stretch for all day comfort luxury cotton cashmere blends that's perfect for the changing season. It's everything you need for a wardrobe that actually lasts. Refresh your wardrobe with quince. Go to quince.com Gretchen for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns now available in too. That's Q-U-I-N-C-E.com Gretchen to get free shipping and 365 day returns. Quince.com Gretchen are you a trailblazer, a risk taker?
- [27:40]
B
Someone with countless tales of epic adventure? Well, I'm not quite there yet, but I'm working on it. Even the boldest among us started small, daring themselves to reach greater goals each day. If you're looking to take on a challenge like that, the Defender is, too. It's a vehicle built for those capable of great things, whether you're charting new territory or just escaping the city for the weekend.
- [28:05]
A
The Defender engineered to meet challenges head on so you can explore with confidence. An icon reimagined designed for a new generation of explorers. Choose from the Defender 90, 110 or 130, seating, up to eight adventurers with a tough, tested exterior, a modern and functional interior, and intelligent tech like 3D surround cameras and the Pivi Pro infotainment system. Every journey feels limitless because like you, the Defender is capable of great things. Build your defender today@landroverusa.com okay, Gretch, we're back.
- [28:41]
B
And there's something you've been meaning to tell me about dad that you've been thinking about with dad.
- [28:47]
A
Yeah. Well, first, Elizabeth, this is something that I thought of because of something you said. It was the thing about dad and Costco, and now you going to Costco.
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B
Right. I've surprisingly found that a way that I connect with dad is in my roaming the aisles of Costco because Dad loved going to Costco, the only shopping he enjoyed. And I've started going to Costco more. And when I'm there, I feel very connected to dad.
- [29:15]
A
You reminded me that in our last conversations, part of it was about Costco, which just cracks me up because it's just like, so him. Well, I was thinking about this. I was really thinking about you and dad and Costco and how that completely made sense to me that for you, that would be kind of a meaningful point of connection. And it reminded me of a passage from one of my favorite books of all time, Louisa May Alcott's Little Women. Okay, here's a spoiler. I'm gonna talk about a major twist in the book. So if you don't know what happens. Little Women. Go read Little Women. Because you should. But anyway, so this is in the part where after Beth has died. And this is the passage. Jo was alone in the twilight, lying on the old sofa, looking at the fire and thinking it was her favorite way of Spending the hour of dusk, no one disturbed her. And she used to lie there on Beth's little red pillow, planning stories, dreaming dreams, or thinking tender thoughts of the sister who never seemed far away. And the thing is, I remember this passage so clearly, because even as a child when I read it, I thought it was odd that someone could just sit and think tender thoughts. Like, it wasn't like visiting a grave or like looking at a photograph of someone. It seemed to me surprising that she would just lie there and think tender thoughts. But I found in my own life that I've been going to this one gallery of the Met, which was Dad's favorite gallery, Gallery459, which is in the art of the Arab lands, Turkey, Iran, Central Asia and later South Asia. This is part of the Met. And it's this beautiful room. It's like this deep eggplant color. It's got carved ceilings. It's got really beautiful dramatic lighting. It's got a wooden bench where we would often sit and kind of take a minute and just talk. And it's a lot of displays of carpet. And, Elizabeth, you know, dad loved carpet.
- [31:07]
B
Yes.
- [31:08]
A
And every time we went, we went there because he did love looking at beautiful carpets. And they rotate there a lot, so there was always something kind of new to see. And I go there now and think tender thoughts. And it's kind of funny that Gallery 459 and Costco are these places of sort of loving.
- [31:27]
B
Very different.
- [31:28]
A
Yeah. Loving reflection. And I certainly. Elizabeth, I think you and I are, and mom, too, are trying to understand what we're experiencing. It like, this is all very new to us, and it's sort of unfolding. This is something that I didn't anticipate as being a solace. And it is.
- [31:44]
B
Yes. And another Tender Thoughts spot for me. Gretchen is making scrambled eggs. Because, you know, dad made scrambled eggs every day for, like, probably 30 years.
- [31:56]
A
Yeah.
- [31:57]
B
So when I make Jack's scrambled eggs, I also just think tender thoughts about dad, which I enjoy.
- [32:03]
A
Yeah. No, there's. There. There are many touch points. And I guess that's when people say things like, they're never gone. They'll never leave you. They'll be with you always. It's things like that where you'. Yeah, but these unexpected places, I guess. Scrambled eggs, I could see I would not have been.
- [32:20]
B
Right.
- [32:20]
A
But it makes perfect sense. Right. Cause we would always tease him about how he would just jump up and go to Costco. It was a place that he got a big kick out of.
- [32:32]
B
Well, next time I'm in New York. I definitely want to go to room 459.
- [32:36]
A
Good. We'll go there together. Yes, absolutely.
- [32:39]
B
Okay, Gretch, what is our secret of adulthood this week?
- [32:43]
A
Okay. This is a secret of adulthood that I cut out of my book, Life in Five Senses. And I cut it out of Secrets of Adulthood because other people didn't appreciate it the way I did. But I love it, and I feel like I want to get a T shirt with it. And it is this. Red is the salt of color. Ponder on that.
- [33:06]
B
I love it.
- [33:08]
A
Right?
- [33:09]
B
Yeah. It's like a pop of red. How many times do people say, it just needs a pop of red.
- [33:14]
A
Just needs a pop of red. Just needs a little bit of salt. Red. Salt of color. And I guess salt is the red of spice.
- [33:22]
B
Yes.
- [33:23]
A
Or is salt a spice? I don't know that it is a spice. It's a rock. It's the only rock we eat. But is it a spice? Mineral? Is it a spice? Like it's in the section of the grocery store. Let's just call it. For our purposes, let's call it a spice. Or is it a condiment? Is it a seasoning? Okay. Red is the salt of color. Salt is the red of seasoning. Ooh, that's even better. Okay. All right. It's happening on the fly. Creativity. I love it behind the scenes.
- [33:52]
B
I love that red is the salt of color. That has a very poetic sound to it.
- [33:57]
A
Right? Yes, I agree. So, Elizabeth, are you feeling happier?
- [34:04]
B
I am feeling happy.
- [34:05]
A
Happier.
- [34:06]
B
Thank you to Chuck. Bye, Gretch.
- [34:09]
A
Bye, Elizabeth. The best time to start a happiness project is 20 years ago. The second best time is now.
- [34:26]
B
Gretchen. You may not hear the sirens, but I sure do. It feels like I'm working on a cop show or hospital show sometimes. Oh, my gosh.
- [34:36]
A
Well, Chuck, you're the one who told me one time that in New York City, people don't hear the sirens, but in la, they don't hear the helicopters.
- [34:43]
B
Oh. Well, a wise woman once said, our brains are change detectors. Right.
- [34:50]
A
Wasn't it something? Yeah.
- [34:51]
B
Didn't you say?
- [34:52]
A
Yeah, right, Exactly. And so if it's not. If it's not important information, the brain just puts it in the background, and the sirens just go way into the background for me. So funny. From the onward project.
- [35:13]
B
Hi, Gretchen. Craig Robinson and my little sister Michelle here, we host a new podcast called imo with Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson. We know you're the queen of giving advice, so we wanted to get a few tips from you. You know, Gretchen A lot of our listeners are going through some major life changes. What advice do you have for folks who are trying to stay grounded in the midst of major life transitions?
- [35:40]
A
Craig and Michelle, I am so happy to be talking to you. Here are a few questions that might help us gain perspective. So consider questions like this what activities take up my time but are not particularly useful or stimulating for me? Do I spend a lot of time on something that's important to someone else but is not very important to me? If I could magically change one habit in my life, what would I choose? And here's a question. Would I like to have more time in solitude, restorative solitude, or would I like to have more time with friends? You know, just thinking about questions like this can help us start to figure out how we might make our lives happier. With greater self knowledge, we're better able to make hard decisions that reflect ourselves our own nature, our own interests, our own values. In my own case, I have found that the more my life reflects my nature, the happier I get and the more grounded I feel when I'm going through a period of major change or transition. For more great advice, search for IMO with Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson. Wherever you get podcasts, you can listen to Issa Rae on letting go of certain friendships Keke Palmer on why disappointment is actually the key to career success Seth and Lauren Rogan on caring for aging parents and so many more.