← Happier with Gretchen Rubin
Happier with Gretchen Rubin
More Happier: Ever Have a Foolish Desire to “Save” Things? And Why Coffee-Table Books?
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A
Lemonade.
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B
Hello and welcome to More Happier, a podcast where we get happier. It's the weekend, it's a looser atmosphere, looser conversation. Hey Elizabeth.
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A
Hey Gretch.
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B
Today we'll talk about an ordinary item that is somewhat puzzling and I share a bonkers example of my impulse to save things. But first, something making us happier. Elizabeth, what's something making you happier?
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A
Well, Gretch, our move 26 in 26 challenge for the podcast is making me happier because it has officially gotten me back on the treadmill desk on a regular basis.
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B
Excellent. Okay, well I was wondering about this. Would the card table help free the treadmill desk from all of its stuff? Were you going to get back into it? Because for years, Elizabeth, you did this just unthinkingly, automatically and then it dropped out. So now is it back in your normal routine?
- [02:59]
A
Yes, I just decided okay. Once we decided move 26 was the challenge, I was said okay. My way to make sure I achieve this challenge is to use the treadmill desk. And of course the funny part is, as always, once you're walking on the treadmill desk and it is so effortless to get 26 minutes and to get more than 26 minutes.
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B
Yeah.
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A
So it's just this instant reward. You instantly feel good about yourself for doing it. It's nice to think while walking. That's a big part of why I even love the treadmill desk is because Sarah and I, a lot of our thinking time is walking, or it used to be. And so this kind of brings that back.
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B
Well, it's funny that it fell away because you even have a segment on the Happier in Hollywood podcast called from the Treadmill Desks. Of cause there's the famous story where I offered to get you a treadmill disc as a gift, but I asked your permission because it's such a cumbersome thing to have. You thought about it. You agreed. And then the moment you told Sarah you were gonna do it, she said, well, I'm gonna get one too, because it would be ridiculous for one person. And then you did it for. I remember visiting you two on the Disney lot, and there they were. They were in a room side by side, and you guys would stand there on your treadmill desk. So I think that's a good example of how something can be really good for you. Part of your identity, part of your habit. You would feel like, there is no way this thing could fall out of my life. And with terrifying ease, it can fall out. We always have to be on the lookout for is something important. I remember talking to somebody who played piano for years and years and years and took lessons and had a group and did this and did that and then just stop without even knowing it. So I think it's great.
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A
Yes. And one good thing about it is I was sitting so much that I was having pain, like in my butt just from sitting on the couch and getting up and moving. I mean, that completely has gone away. I mean, I'm still sitting a lot of the time, but just having the change up from sitting to standing and walking physically makes a big difference just in the comfort of my body.
- [05:19]
B
So I bet a lot of people are wondering, you do so many different kinds of work in a day. What is the kind of thing that you would. If you were gonna do it, you'd say, okay, this is the kind of thing that I'll do on the treadmill desk versus sitting on your sofa.
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A
It's great for brainstorming, for podcast planning, for talking to Sarah about scheduling or emails. What I still really can't do is write on the treadmill desk. It's just too hard to type. Yeah, it's just awkward. I think some people do, but I don't. And that's fine. I don't need to. You know, I have plenty of other things I can do.
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B
Right.
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A
The other thing I've changed, which I think makes it easier for me to commit to using the treadmill desk, is. So, Gretchen, I have talked. I don't know if I've talked on this podcast. I probably have on Happier in Hollywood. I've mentioned many times my love of my croc slides.
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B
Oh, yeah. Yes. Yes, you have.
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A
Okay. They're very thick slides that I wear around the house that really help my feet. I've decided it's fine to wear those on the treadmill. That I do not need to change into running shoes. That I can walk in my croc slides because I don't have to walk fast. So that just makes it more convenient. You know, you say like any little impediment to something can hurt the chances of you doing it. Well, I've just decided changing into running shoes is not necessary. So I can just hop on there in my Crocs.
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B
And was that because supporting your feet or you're worried that they would slide off if you're on the treadmill, they might not stay on. Well, or just the idea that if you're going for a walk, you would wear walking shoes.
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A
Okay, just in my mind, right. One wears tennis shoes, sneakers of some sort when walking, but it's not necessary.
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B
Well, that's a good example of question your assumptions. Because a lot of times we have these assumptions that are just sort of floating around our brain and because you have had periods where your feet hurt because you're wearing the wrong kind of shoes. But if your feet aren't hurting and it's not dangerous, I could imagine you would think like, oh, they'll just sort of fly off because they don't have a back. But if they're not flying off, why bother? That's perfect. Yeah, it's more important to get on there than to be wearing a certain kind of shoe.
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A
But anyway, I thank you because I don't think I would have gotten back on if it weren't for move 26 and 26, because, you know, I am such an obliger. I need accountability. I'm even writing down in my legend planner for the moment anyway. Like, I'll say, you know, 26 TM, even if it's more. But just to give myself that accountability. Now, if I get really into it, I might not keep that up. But as we're early in the year, I just want to really make sure.
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B
Well, because you've done it before. That makes me think you can do it again.
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A
Yes. Agreed. All right, Gretch, how about you? What is making you happier?
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B
Okay. This is making me so happy. So you know how I'm cold all the time, and so a big mission in my life is to find ways to stay warm. Okay. So our mother was coming to New York City to spend the holidays with us here in New York City. And so I was getting the guest room ready for her, and I thought, well, one thing that she has in Kansas City that I know she really enjoys is she has an electric blanket. And I thought, well, and something that makes you really miserable is if you're just not warm enough when you're trying to go to sleep. And so I thought, you know, why don't I just get an electric blanket so that she can have it? Because I know she likes it in Kansas City, and that way she'll have it in New York City. That way she'll be warm enough. And, boy, I know what it's like not to be warm enough. So go on a wire cutter to see what is the best electric blanket. And they mention the electric throw. What do you call it? A throw rug. What are they? These throw blankets. Throw. A throw blanket. A throw blanket. Not a throw rug. A throw blanket. I was dumbfounded. I had never heard of this thing of a throw throw blanket that was heated. And I went, huh? And went on, got the electric blanket for our mother, ordered it, and then I was just thinking about it. That sounds amazing. Why not get a heated throw? What do you call it? Heated throw blanket. Yeah, get a heated throw blanket. And so I got one. Just followed the directions of what the one they said was best, and oh, my goodness, this thing is amazing because I really am cold all the time. I'm constantly drinking hot drinks to try to warm up, or I'll be reading, but I'll have my other hand tucked under myself to try to keep my hands warm. I just find it really hard to just to be warm. I don't know why this is, but. So this thing is amazing.
- [10:09]
A
Well, so here's my question. Electric blankets tend to have a certain look, right, and feel. Being from the Midwest, we grew up with electric blankets. But does this look like a proper throw blanket where it's like faux fur or cashmere or whatever? Does it look like an electric blanket or like a throw blanket?
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B
It looks like a throw blanket. It looks like a faux fur blanket. And that was one of the things in Wirecutter that it rated it on was how much did it hide the wires? It looks very convincing. I mean, of course, there's a big cord hanging out the bottom.
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A
Right.
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B
You can't hide that. And then there's also the controls. So that is not stylish. But if you just have it, like, folded over the edge of a sofa, or if you see it even out and the wires and stuff are tucked under a pillow, it looks very convincing. Now, if you pick it up and you feel it, you can feel the wires that are in it. But not as much as in a blanket, because the faux furnace, at least of the one that I have, kind of disguised that. So it's actually much more attractive than the electric blanket is, which looks very industrial. I would say an electric blanket is not an appealing thing. But here's the other thing. They get warmer. An electric blanket doesn't get all that warm. And one of the things that the article said was that the bigger the area of it is, the harder it is for it to get really, really warm. So the throw blanket is actually a more intense heating situation than a whole blanket that would cover an entire bed. Now, I used this as a throw blanket, but then I walked in, and Eleanor had it around her shoulders.
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A
Oh, like an electric cape.
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Yes. And I was like, that looks amazing, too. And then Jamie's been having trouble with his shoulder. I was like, you could just put this over your shoulder just to bring, like, if you didn't want to drag out the heating pad and everything, just sit with this draped over your shoulder because it's big enough. It's like a true throw blanket. And it's been really, really cold here in New York City, like, teens, 20s, and I just love it. It's because I'll just sit and read on the sofa for hours. And it used to be that I was just always kind of on the edge of being uncomfortably cold. My feet would be cold, my hands would be cold. I often would wear a hat indoors. And the thing is, it never even occurred to me to wonder if this thing existed. I mean, had I not been buying that electric blanket, I wouldn't have known to even want this thing.
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A
Well, what I think is really a good idea for some people is to get this for your bedroom, because so often one person is cold sleeping and one person is hot. You could put this on top of the covers on one side of the bed, and you could have a proper electric blanket, but just on one side of the bed. Or I would love to have this for reading in bed, because a lot of Times when I read in bed or take a nap, I'd rather knock it under the covers. I'd rather be on top of the covers. But then I'm always searching for what do I want to put over me. Oftentimes I just put a robe over. But a heated blanket would be wonderful.
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B
Yes.
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A
So I'm going to look into this. This is something I must get in 2026.
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B
So one of the things that does not have an automatic shutoff, which my electric foot warmer does have an electric shutoff. And I do think if you read it would say, oh, my gosh, don't put this under the covers and leave it on the whole time. You know, they're always telling you all these safety features. So we are not saying here to put this under regular covers, but what.
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A
I'm saying is put it over the.
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B
Covers exactly for that it would be perfect. And I know that thing about using the robe I that all the time. Because I don't want to mess up everything. I just want to have a little layer on me. But it's so delicious. And of course, you know who else has discovered this blanket? Barney and Barney. Yes, they like being on it even when it's not on, but if it's on, they really like it. So anyway, the whole household is rejoicing with this electric throw blanket. So it's making me very happy.
- [14:03]
A
Well, I cannot wait to look this up.
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B
Yes, exactly. Well, Elizabeth, you've got a birthday coming up. Maybe this would be a good birthday present. Anyway, we will discuss. But also, don't forget, Elizabeth, no Spend February is coming up if anybody wants to join us. We did this in 2024. We are bringing it back because it was so thought provoking. Right. We're gonna talk about this in an upcoming episode. But if you want to do this, you kind of gotta wrap your mind around it. Maybe you gotta plan a little bit, think about maybe some things that you wanna go ahead and buy before you head into no spend February. Everybody can make their about what counts as being an exemption. Like I think most people would say, yeah, you can buy the toothpaste, but can you buy meals at a restaurant? I think our rule, Elizabeth, as I recall, was if you were eating with friends, you could eat at a restaurant or you could eat out, but you couldn't just eat out on your own. Right.
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A
It was like no food delivery because that is very expensive. Or no, just buying a random Diet Coke.
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B
Right. At a corner store. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So anyway, if you want to join us, now's the time to start thinking about us and let us know if you have done it before. What has worked for you? What questions do you have? Do you have any thoughts about what should be included and what should not be included? I think we said gifts were not included, Elizabeth. That you could buy a gift for somebody else if somebody had a birthday. Anyway, all these questions come up, and you sort of have to have a theory. Send us your questions and experiences to podcastretchenrubin.com and we're going to talk about this soon. And, Elizabeth, we're going to stop spending pretty soon.
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A
Yes. Thank goodness. All right, Gretch, coming up, there's something you've been meaning to ask me, but first, this break. So, Gretch, Adam has been trying to cook more, but, you know, it's a new thing in our family, partly because Jack really wants to make sure he's getting enough protein. And hungryroot makes it so much easier. It is the easiest way to eat healthy. Hungryroot basically works like a personal nutrition coach and a shopper. And one by planning, recommending, and shopping everything for you, which is so, so key because we don't want to spend a lot of time shopping. They take care of weekly meal planning, recommending healthy recipes tailored to your tastes and your nutrition preferences and health goals.
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Take advantage of this exclusive offer. For a limited time, get 40% off your first box, plus get a free item in every box for Life. Go to hungryroot.com gretchenrubin and use code gretchenrubin. That's hungryroot.com gretchenRubin code gretchenrubin to get 40% off your first box and a free item of your choice for life.
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A
Okay, Gretch, we're back. There's something you've been meaning to ask me.
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Okay. This is something that just has me puzzled. This is an ordinary item, and I'm like, what is this about? And that is the coffee table book. I mean, what is up with a coffee table book?
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Meaning why does it exist?
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Yeah. Okay.
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We don't like a coffee table book.
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No, I just. I'm puzzled by it. Okay, so by a coffee table book, what I am talking about is an oversized book. Right? It's usually very beautiful. It's hardback. It might have color photos. It's got really nice paper. But it's typically something that you wouldn't actually think someone would read. Right. And it will be marketed as a coffee table book, which to me means this is a book that no one's actually gonna read. They're just gonna put it on a coffee table. But if it's just gonna be a coffee table book, it could be blank on the inside. Like, why go to all the trouble to do some gorgeous photo array? It's just you could almost have blank pages in a coffee table book. And yet, of course, you want it to be nice. You want it to be a real book. That's important. No one believes more than I do that books furnish a room. I love having books in a room. I think it's so compelling and engaging and inviting. What do you think about the coffee table book?
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A
Well, I have a couple of thoughts on the coffee table book. One, I do think there's this decorating principle, right, about having things at different heights. And so a coffee table book allows there to be multiple heights on a coffee table. So it's not just this flat surface or if you have shelves. Like, a lot of people don't want to have regular bookshelves in their living room, which is more formal. But you could put coffee table books stacked up on a shelf to give that depth and layer. So that decorating wise, I do think they make a lot of sense.
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B
Well, that's true. And you can adjust it very easily because they're sort of one inch or whatever. You can have the books themselves in stacks. You could put a vase or whatever. That's true. They're very good for decorating and they're very pretty. I mean, they do look very appealing. Yeah. Okay.
- [19:14]
A
And then the other thing I think is, before cell phones, people probably looked at coffee table books a lot more because you might be waiting in a lobby somewhere that had coffee table books or even sitting in someone's living room for whatever reason. And if you didn't have a cell phone, you probably would pick up a coffee table book and look through it.
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B
Right. Instead of like an old magazine, you're like, oh, I'll look through this Gemstones of North America or whatever. Yeah.
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A
Now, I think now people just look at their phones, so they're probably not looked at nearly as much. It would be interesting to know, Gretchen, what the advent of cell phones did to the sales of coffee table books. Like, I wonder if they are as popular now as they once were. Like, is Gen Alpha going to be decorating their apartment with coffee table books or are they just going to slowly fade away?
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B
But on the other hand, I think that I've read that people are into books as prestige objects even, that they'll buy them to have them, even if they're not going to read them in a way that a true reader would disdain that.
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A
But they're also signifiers. Like if you have a coffee table book that's mid century architecture that tells people, this is an interesting. Yes, we have a prized coffee table book that has one of my sister in law's paintings in it.
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B
Sure. Yes.
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A
That is definitely like, this is our family. That's like a signifier. Yeah. So I think they also serve that purpose for people. They're like identity items.
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B
Yeah, that's true. And maybe if somebody was over that you didn't know very well, you could use it as a conversation starter. One of the coffee table books that I actually do often look through is old New Yorker covers. Because I've written many times about the very weird mix of emotions that I get when I look at New Yorker covers for some reason. But if somebody said to me, oh, Gretchen, why is it that you have this book on your coffee table? I could be like, oh, have I not told you about the strange mix of emotions that I get when I work on New Yorker covers? Or I have a lot of coffee table books, one that are about jfk, because there were a huge number of photograph books about jfk, which I have, because I wrote a biography of jfk. And so if somebody was, wow, you got a lot of books about jfk. I'd be like, yes, because I wrote this biography of him or all my color books. Many of those are coffee table books. And that makes sense because they're all about color. And so there are all these beautiful illustrations and plates of different kind of color wheels. And I have a collection of books that are like the History of Black, the History of Green, Yellow. And you can imagine they're very beautiful. I guess part of what bothers me is because I love books so much, I feel like a book wants to be read and a book doesn't want to be just there and be like, oh, nobody's expecting to read me. Nobody cares about me on the inside. People are just looking at my beautiful outside and nobody's cracking me open. Nobody's pouring over my pages. It makes me, in my sort of way of giving everything a little personality. I feel like the coffee table books feel neglected and hurt that they're just sitting there and nobody's paying attention to them. But they're not there to be read. They're not even easy to read because they're so big. And I feel bad that I haven't read my coffee table books and yet I don't want to read them.
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A
Well, I'm going to Make a point next time I'm at your apartment of looking at a couple of coffee table books and giving them their attention so that they have served their purpose. Yeah.
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B
So then they feel like, okay, no one. I'm not neglected and overlooked. Yes, interesting. But they are beautiful as objects. I guess that's the thing is if you think of them as these are books that are objects as much as they are books that are books, they're both. And so maybe they fulfill their purpose as beautiful objects just as much. They don't have to be read in order to fulfill their purpose. Not the way like our translations of War and Peace. Live unfulfilled lives until they are actually read. These books have two ways of achieving their purpose. That's very comforting to me. Okay. Design conversation starters. Boredom and identity. That's doing a lot of work. Okay.
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A
It is.
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B
It is.
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A
All right, Gretchen, what is our spotlight on a tool this week?
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B
Okay. I am so excited to unveil something that I have been working on. It is a new LinkedIn learning course on the four tendencies. I talk about the four tendencies all the time. I have been teaching this four tendencies material that is specific to the workplace, to leaders and managers and organizations officially, because the same things always come up. How do you get follow through? How do you work well with other people? What do you do about burnout? What about procrastination? What about conflict? But I decided, let me just put this out into the world. Let me make it into a course. So it's both about how knowing your own tendency can help you at work, and also how understanding the tendencies of other people who you work with can help you. It just makes work easier and less frustrating. So it's helpful if you work on your own, if you have a team, if you're a manager, it comes in in all different ways. And so if you go to LinkedIn, slash four tendencies, you can find out all about it.
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A
So useful.
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B
I hope so. So.
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A
All right, Gretch, coming up, there's something you've been meaning to tell me. But first, this break. All right. We are back. Gretch, what is this thing you've been meaning to tell me?
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B
Okay, so, Elizabeth, you know how I have this bonkers thing about saving things?
- [25:03]
A
Yes, I have it too. Like with a nice white T shirt, new pair of something, whatever it may be.
- [25:11]
B
Fancy stationery, expensive candle. Yeah. On my 12 personal commandments. One of my commandments is to spend out because use things up, right? It's just as wasteful to hold things back as it is to use them up. Okay. So you will understand this, Elizabeth, if anybody will. Here is something that I realized that I had been saving unconsciously. Because if I had consciously realized I was saving it, I would have realized how completely irrational it is. Because this isn't something that can be used up. And in fact, it will probably become obsolete. So there's no reason to save it. It's very wasteful to save it. But here is what I was saving. I had been saving a power adapter and a lightning cable for charging for a phone. Both of these I found in different parts of my apartment. They were brand new. Like, the cord still had the paper things that hold the cord in the perfect circle. They were brand new, but I hadn't consciously saved them. But unconsciously, I know that I was like, oh, I'm gonna put this aside. I'm gonna keep it new and fresh and untouched until I looked at them and I'm like, this makes no sense whatsoever.
- [26:21]
A
I do understand. Absolutely. I could see myself doing that. I think that taking off of the paper is always such a sad moment because it's never going to be pristine and perfect again.
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B
Yes.
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A
If it didn't have the paper, you might not have even saved it.
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B
That is such a huge insight. That is so true. The minute I got it, I should have gotten it out all the way and then I would have been, oh, this thing is just lying around. Why didn't I use it? There was something about having it be in that perfect state. That is exactly what it is. That's like with my fresh new white T shirt. Go ahead, cut the tags off. Wear it the next day so that I can. It's not perfect and pristine, because the fact is, you can't have too many chargers. I mean, find some other room that doesn't have a charger in it because somebody's always going to want to have a charger. And this is a free floating charger because we're all constantly trying to guard our own personal chargers, which often get taken away if you're not careful. So here's like a new one to just throw into the mix. Everybody in the household is going to be happy about it. And it was doing no good whatsoever just sitting in these two drawers until it becomes obsolete.
- [27:34]
A
Which it will. Yeah. Inevitably. Yes. Side note, Gretchen, we have talked before about putting something on your charger to identify it as yours.
- [27:45]
B
Yes.
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A
And I think that is a game changer because there is a lot of questionable swapping out sneaky cords.
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B
Yeah. I don't know where that Went, yeah, yeah, yeah.
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A
When you travel, forget it like that just throws everything up and starting over of whose cord is whose unless it is clearly labeled.
- [28:09]
B
Yes. Yeah. Well, it's funny because my favorite object in the Met is the God Horus protecting King Nectanaaba ii, which is not, I would say, one of the most famous things in the Met. But right now there's an exhibition which I absolutely love called Divine Egypt. And it's all about Egyptian divinities and their representations. And so God Horus protecting King Nectaraba II is part of that exhibition. And so they made a special thing of stickers related to this special exhibition. And I bought it because I'm like, oh my gosh, this is not the hawk size, the wave, you know, great wave off Kanagawa. This is fairly obscure as things that are in the Met can be obscure. So I'm like, okay, now I got the sticker. I'll wrap, you know, God horse protecting King Nectonabo II on something important to me and it will guard it forever. So. Yes, I love that.
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A
So use that chord, Gretch.
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B
I will.
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A
That's what it comes down to. Okay. Finally, Gretchen, what is our quotation this week?
- [29:09]
B
Well, speaking of my love of color, this is from John Ruskin's the Two Paths. It is the best possible sign of a color when nobody who sees it knows what to call it or how to give an idea of it to anyone else. Even among simple hues, the most valuable are those which cannot be defined. The most precious purples will look brown beside pure purple and purple beside pure brown. And the most precious green will be called blue if seen beside pure green and green if seen beside pure blue.
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A
I love that insight.
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B
So, Elizabeth, are you feeling happier?
- [29:48]
A
Yes, I am feeling happier. Thank you, Chuck. Bye, Gretch.
- [29:52]
B
Bye, Elizabeth. The best time to start a happiness project is 20 years ago. The second best time is now.
- [30:10]
A
Here's a question for you that might be worth talking about at some point.
- [30:15]
B
Yeah.
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A
My brother in law plays basketball every Sunday and he loves it, but he often gets injured. Like he'll, you know, like he'll get a broken finger or a loose tooth or whatever.
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B
Oh, wow.
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A
Big stuff.
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B
Yeah.
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A
What does one do? Do you keep playing because you love it or do you stop because it's, you know, dangerous? Huh? Think about that.
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B
Is there one person who's creating this injury perhaps like on the other team?
- [30:48]
A
I don't think so, but that would be a good question.
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B
Okay. Something to ponder. Okay. From the Onward project.
- [31:03]
A
Hi, Gretchen. Craig Robinson and my little sister Michelle Here we host a new podcast called IMO with Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson. We know you're the queen of giving advice, so we wanted to get a few tips from you. You know, Gretchen, a lot of our.
- [31:20]
B
Listeners are going through some major life changes.
- [31:23]
A
What advice do you have for folks who are trying to stay grounded in the midst of major life transitions?
- [31:30]
B
Craig and Michelle, I am so happy to be talking to you. Here are a few questions that might help us gain perspective. So consider questions like this. What activities take up my time but are not particularly useful or stimulating for me? Do I spend a lot of time on something that's important to someone else but is not very important to me? If I could magically change one habit in my life, what would I choose? And here's a question. Would I like to have more time in solitude, restorative solitude, or would I like to have more time with friends? You know, just thinking about questions like this can help us start to figure out how we might make our lives happier. With greater self knowledge, we're better able to make hard decisions that reflect ourselves, our own nature, our own interests, our own values. In my own case, I have found that the more my life reflects my nature, the happier I get and the more grounded I feel when I'm going through a period of major change or transition. For more great advice, search for IMO with Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson. Wherever you get podcasts, you can listen to Issa Rae on letting go of certain friendships, Keke Palmer on why disappointment is actually the key to career success, Seth and Lauren Rogan on caring for aging parents and so many more.