More Happier: How to Stick to an Exercise Habit with the Four Tendencies [Revisited]

Summary

Podcast Summary: Happier with Gretchen Rubin

Episode: More Happier: How to Stick to an Exercise Habit with the Four Tendencies [Revisited]
Date: March 14, 2026
Hosts: Gretchen Rubin & Elizabeth Craft

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Overview of the Episode

This episode revisits the challenges and successes of forming and maintaining an exercise habit through the lens of Gretchen Rubin’s “Four Tendencies” personality framework. Gretchen and her co-host (and sister) Elizabeth discuss research-backed strategies, personal stories, and listener hacks that leverage knowing one’s Tendency to make regular exercise stick. Special focus is placed on the role of accountability and how to tailor habit-building for lasting results.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

Why Exercise Matters for Happiness

• Physical and Mental Benefits:
  Gretchen details research showing exercise boosts health across the board—heart health, immune function, sleep, delayed onset of dementia, anxiety relief, and overall happier moods.

  “Research shows that people who exercise...are healthier, more energetic...they sleep better, they have delayed onset of dementia, better immune function, relief from anxiety and mild depression, and exercise is linked to happier moods overall.” —Gretchen Rubin [02:00]

• Energy Creates Happiness:
  Exercise provides the energy needed to do the things that further enhance happiness.

  “When we have more energy, then we can do the things that we know will make us happier, but take effort.” —Gretchen Rubin [03:48]

Major Strategies for Building an Exercise Habit

• The Four Tendencies Framework:

  • Upholders
  • Questioners
  • Obligers (the most common)
  • Rebels
    Each Tendency responds differently to expectations and therefore adopts different strategies successfully. Listeners are encouraged to take the quiz at GretchenRubin.com to identify theirs. [05:00]

• Applicable Strategies:

  • Accountability: Especially critical for Obligers.
  • Safeguards: “If-then” planning (e.g., “If I travel, then I'll do X.”)
  • Convenience/Inconvenience: Make it easy to exercise, hard not to.
  • Monitoring: Track progress (e.g., “Don’t Break the Chain”).
  • Pairing: Combine exercise with another enjoyable or necessary activity.

“There's 21 strategies...but those are some of the ones I think are the most applicable to the habit of exercise.” —Gretchen Rubin [05:55]

Personal Hacks and Experiences

• Goal Setting and Tracking:
  Elizabeth describes her “Fryman 50” and “Orange Theory 50” annual goals, emphasizing the motivational power of ticking off sessions and monitoring progress.

  “This year I just decided to do Orange Theory 50...I'm up to, I think, class 24. So I’m almost halfway there.” —Elizabeth Craft [07:00–07:25]

• Socializing & Scheduling:

  • Making exercise social (hiking with friends) motivates Elizabeth to get up early.
  • Scheduling workouts in advance removes decision fatigue, increases follow-through.

  “If I sign up for a class three days in advance...I know, okay, Thursday at 5:10, I am going to be at Orange Theory.” —Elizabeth Craft [08:25]

• Adapting Exercise to Preferences:
  Gretchen shares her discovery that she dislikes games but enjoys movement—prompting her to favor walking and high-intensity weight training over sports.

  “I realized I could exercise and not have it be part of a game...I’m fine exercising but I don’t want to play a game.” —Gretchen Rubin [09:55–10:18]

• Efficiency and Practicality:
  Both hosts champion high-intensity weight training: efficient, effective, and minimal sweating—suitable for busy routines.

  “It's extremely efficient use of time, a really good way to work out your whole body...for somebody who doesn’t maybe enjoy the process that much, it's a really good way.” —Gretchen Rubin [11:00]

• Getting a Dog = Built-in Accountability:
  Walking a dog increases daily movement—“I walk a lot more now that I have Nacho and Daisy for sure.” —Elizabeth Craft [12:23]

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Listener Hacks—By Tendency

(Timestamps denote when segment begins.)

Rebels

• Stay True to Identity and Freedom:
  • Tish: “As a rebel, I often remind myself to stay mobile and flexible so I can keep having fun as I get older.” [15:38]
  • Louise: “I want to be the person who walks four miles a day...the habit follows from the identity.” [18:27]
  • Jackie: Combines social check-ins and “Don’t Break the Chain.” [15:52]

Obligers

• Accountability is Key:
  • Laura: “Peloton bike—the fact that others can see if I've worked out is a must.” [16:57]
  • Lynn: Workout partner picks her up at 5am, necessitating follow-through. [20:12]
  • Lisha: “I became the instructor. Now I have no choice but to be there six times a week.” [20:47]

Questioners

• Find Your Why:
  • Rain: “I need a why, which I articulate to myself as ‘be able to put my own luggage into the overhead compartment.’” [21:06]

All Types

• Pairing:
  • Mom: “I only watch ridiculous reality shows when I work out. The cheesier or cringier, the better.” [17:08]
• Reward:
  • Allison: “As I got better at running, I got myself cuter workout clothes.” [16:07]
• Monitoring:
  • Chris: “Closing my rings on my Apple watch became my accountability partner.” [18:16]
• Scheduling / Consistency:
  • Courtney: Makes exercise non-negotiable by scheduling daily morning sessions, ensuring partner support for child care. [17:18]

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “Feeling sluggish is a reason to exercise, not a reason to skip exercising.”
  —Gretchen Rubin [03:48]

• “It always feels like [exercise] is on the cusp of going away...be careful and safeguard it. Constant vigilance.”
  —Elizabeth Craft [06:23]

• “I realized I could exercise and not have it be part of a game was a huge epiphany for me.”
  —Gretchen Rubin [09:55]

• “If you want to encourage yourself to do something, make it as convenient as possible.”
  —Gretchen Rubin [22:59]

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• Benefits of Exercise & Why It Matters: [01:56–04:25]
• Major Habit-Forming Strategies: [05:00–06:07]
• Personal Exercise Stories: [06:44–11:26]
• Listener Hacks by Tendency: [15:38–23:52]
• Accountability Deep Dive (Obligers): [24:25–29:13]
• Dog as Accountability Partner Story: [29:20–32:36]

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Deep Dive: How to Make Accountability Work (Especially for Obligers)

• Listener Question (Rose):
  Many accountability groups lose participation quickly, except for sports where others depend on attendance for the event to happen.

  “The clue for you is who comes? The people who come are the people who come to the sports games...that creates true accountability for obligers.” —Gretchen Rubin [25:42–27:18]

• Making Accountability Outer:
  Obligers need others to count on them—not just the feeling of self-benefit. Consequences for not participating must affect more than just themselves.

  “You want to communicate, 'I'm counting on you. I'm expecting you. I'm waiting for you.'...move the accountability outward.” —Gretchen Rubin [27:50–29:13]

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Closing Insights

• Habit Change Builds on Itself:
  The more you exercise, the more you want to exercise; it becomes ingrained and self-reinforcing.
• Identity Matters:
  “Become the kind of person who…” stories are powerful in all Tendencies, but especially Rebels and Upholders.
• Dog Ownership as an Exercise Hack:
  “Dog owners walk 22 minutes more per day than people without dogs, usually at moderate intensity.” —Gretchen Rubin [32:16]

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Resources Mentioned

• Find your Tendency quiz: GretchenRubin.com/quiz
• Habit resources: happiercast.com/habits
• Don’t Break the Chain app and journal
• Article on the benefits of trampoline exercise (link promised in show notes)

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This practical, lively episode reminds listeners that a lasting exercise habit is most successful when it's tailored to their unique motivational profile—and that finding the right form of accountability, convenience, and fun is far more powerful than sheer willpower alone.

Transcript

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[Gretchen Rubin]

Hello and welcome to More Happier, a podcast where we get happier. Today we're talking about something that so many of us struggle sticking to a regular exercise habit. Research shows that getting regular movement is one of the best things we can do for our health and happiness, yet so many of us struggle to make it a habit. Part of the reason is that what makes a habit stick is different depending on who you are and the four tendencies explains why. It's a personality framework that I created that divides people into four categories based on how they respond to expectations. And your tendency determines what strategies are most likely to help you stick to any habit, including exercise. Now, Elizabeth and I have talked about exercise and the four tendencies many times on the podcast, so today we're pulling together some of the most useful ideas from over the years. We'll hear from listeners who have used their tendency to make exercise a lasting habit and then take a closer look at how to use accountability in a meaningful way. But first, Elizabeth and I will talk about the research on exercise and the strategies we actually use ourselves. Active people have lower incidences of all sorts of health issues. Heart disease, obesity, dementia. Exercise improves circulation, posture, focus, creativity. Research shows that people who exercise are healthier, more energetic, they think more clearly, they sleep better, they have delayed onset of dementia, they have better immune function, they get relief from anxiety and mild depression. And exercise is linked to happier moods overall.

[Elizabeth]

Yes. And if you're feeling tired, then that's actually a reason to exercise, not a reason to skip exercise. It will make you less tired.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Yeah. Now, unless you're, like, really exercising at the outer Limits, you're doing a long run when you're training for the marathon. For most people, exercise will boost energy, not deplete energy. So feeling sluggish is a reason to exercise, not a reason to skip exercising. And energy itself is tied to happiness, because when we have more energy, then we can do the things that we know that will make us happier. But take effort, like planning a party or dealing with a nagging task or clearing clutter or calling a friend or volunteering. When we have physical energy, we're more likely to do the things that then will make us happier.

[Elizabeth]

Yeah. And Gretchen, I know if I've exercised in a day, I feel like it was a good day. No matter what else happened. I feel like I did that. I accomplished that. This was a good, productive day.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Yeah. So before we get into the specific hacks, I thought it might be helpful to talk about some of the major strategies that these exemplify. So in Better than Before, my book about habit change, I talk about the 21 strategies that we can use to make or break our habits. And there's some that come up over and over as we hear a listener suggestions and we talk about our own suggestions. And we won't go through all four tendencies. But if you want to learn about the tendencies and learn your tendency, take the quiz. Gretchenrubin.com Quiz it's really important to know your tendency because this really comes up in the exercise habit. What works for de Bliger is not going to work for Russell. So you really want to take that into account. Another important strategy is the strategy of accountability. That's key for obligers. It's really important for a lot of people. Safeguards. This is when you're doing if then Planning, like, if I travel for work, then I will do X for exercise, or if there's bad weather, what will I do? Another is convenience and inconvenience. Like, to a hilarious degree, we're very focused on whether things are convenient or inconvenient. Another strategy is monitoring. For a lot of people, monitoring is really, really effective as a way to keep yourself exercising. And then also pairing, which is when you pair exercise with another behavior that you really love to do or that you really have to do. So those two things always go together. There's 21 strategies. They're all useful for exercise, but those are some of the ones that I think are the most applicable to the habit of exercise.

[Elizabeth]

Well, Gretch, let's talk about some of our exercise hacks. I think it's safe to say we are both natural couch potato. We could easily not exercise the rest of our lives.

[Gretchen Rubin]

I think it's a major life accomplishment that you and I both regularly exercise.

[Elizabeth]

I agree, I agree. And it always feels like it's on the cusp of going away a thousand percent. Be careful and safeguard it. As you said earlier, constant vigilance.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Yes. And that's a great example that just because you've done something for five years regularly does not mean that it couldn't vanish overnight. I, I, I feel exactly the same way. It's something to guard.

[Elizabeth]

So one thing that has really worked for me in recent years, as I've discussed on the podcast, is setting goals. So last year, I had my Fryman 50. I wanted to do my Fryman Canyon hike 50 times in the year. Ended up upping it to a hundred.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Yes.

[Elizabeth]

And accomplishing that. And then this year, I just decided to do orange theory 50. So I decided I was gonna do a new kind of exercise, Orange Theory class. Cause I wanted to get cardio 50 times. I started late because I was sick at the beginning of the year, but I'm up to, I think, class 24.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Gretchen. Wow, that's amazing.

[Elizabeth]

So I'm almost halfway there.

[Gretchen Rubin]

So.

[Elizabeth]

Yes.

[Gretchen Rubin]

So you have the aim of exercising consistently, which is like the sort of endless aim. But the goal is this year I want to do Freiman 100.

[Elizabeth]

Yes. And it makes a huge difference to me if I'm ticking it off or if I'm worried. Well, if I see Skip this week, then I won't hit that number and I'll have an extra session I'll have to do. So it really helps me with just kind of the monitoring of it.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Yeah.

[Elizabeth]

Another huge thing for me is to Use that time as socializing. So a big reason I really like hiking is because I can talk to a friend while doing it. And that really motivates me to get out of bed at 6:30 in the morning in the middle of the summer to beat the heat and actually show up and talk to somebody.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Right. And I would say that's separate from the accountability of meeting somebody who's counting on you. But it makes it so much more fun for you. That encourages you to keep up with it.

[Elizabeth]

Absolutely.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Or to do more than the minimum. Yeah.

[Elizabeth]

Yeah. It's my favorite way to talk to friends is walking. And then the other thing for me, Gretchen, and you talk about this all the time, putting it on the schedule.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Yeah.

[Elizabeth]

For me, it's like if I sign up for a class three days in advance, then in my mind, I know, okay, Thursday at 5:10, I am going to be at Orange Theory Theory. Right. And that really helps me. And also for planning things with friends, hikes with friends, if I go, okay, Saturday morning, I'm meeting this person right. Then I know I'll do it. If I'm just on my own and I wake up randomly on Saturday morning, chances of me just spontaneously getting out of bed and going to Fryman Canyon are much smaller.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Yeah.

[Elizabeth]

Than if it's on the schedule.

[Gretchen Rubin]

For me, some things that have been hacked in recent years is I realized that I really was not enjoying going to the gym. And it was hard for me to give up my gym membership, even though I wasn't going, because it was part of my identity. Like, I belong to a gym and I go to the gym. But it was so rackety. I realized, like, it was just such an unpleasant experience and that what I really wanted to do was walk in Central park, which was beautiful. So I've been doing that. But, Elizabeth, you've inspired me to realize I should do more cardio. And so maybe as part of my open door, I'm gonna start going to Orange Theory like you or doing something else. Because I realized I have a lot of movement and other kinds of exercise, but I don't do cardio these days.

[Elizabeth]

Okay, well, I think this is something we can talk a lot about on our walkabouts in England.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Okay. You can get me fired up what

[Elizabeth]

exercise you want to do. Yes.

[Gretchen Rubin]

One of the things that was a huge revelation to me and maybe other people will identify with this is I realized I don't like games. And so I had this association with myself. Like, I don't like exercise because I don't like games. And I'm very physically awkward. So I was really bad at things like tennis or field hockey or whatever, basketball, whatever it was. But I just don't even like games, period. And so realizing I could exercise and not have it be part of a game was a huge epiphany for me way back, because I'm fine exercising, but I don't wanna play a game.

[Elizabeth]

We are not gonna join the pickleball movement.

[Gretchen Rubin]

You have played pickleball once, and I applaud you from the sidelines. I will not be picking up that pickleball paddle. And Elizabeth, I think there's some things that have worked really well for both of us. And one of them, and this goes to the, like, lack of a game aspect of it, is you and I both do high intensity weight training. Yes. And we really embrace that because, first of all, it's extremely efficient use of time. And it's a really good way to, like, work out your whole body at a really, really high level. But, you know, it doesn't last that long. And so it's sort of, for somebody who doesn't maybe enjoy the process that much, it's a really good way to get a great workout.

[Elizabeth]

Yes. And also, you don't sweat a lot. So if you need to do something and then go directly to work, it's a great thing because you can just take half an hour and be done and then not have to shower.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Yeah. But it's funny because I was talking to some guy about it, and he was said to me very dismissively, like, look, it can't be real exercise if you don't need to take a shower afterwards. And I'm like, dude, you go do it and you tell me if you've had a big workout, because I am not sweating, but my muscles are shaking.

[Elizabeth]

I've been working so hard. Yeah. Sometimes, I mean, it's hard to lift a coffee cup afterwards. Sometimes I work out so hard that I actually start almost falling asleep. I've had that in the middle of it because suddenly I just like, I must nap now.

[Gretchen Rubin]

But then it's over. So. Yes. So we're big fans of high intensity weight training and then also getting a dog. So research shows that people who have dogs or walk far more often than people without dogs, and children who live in households with dogs are substantially more active than children in homes without dogs. I don't know that either one of us really thought about that when we got our dogs, but it turns out that's a really good thing to do for general exercise related health.

[Elizabeth]

Yes I know. I walk a lot more now that I have Nacho and Daisy for sure. Okay Gretch. Coming up, we'll hear exercise hacks from listeners. But first this break. These days I am all about quality over quantity, especially in my closet. If it is not well made and versatile, it is just not worth it to me. And that is why Gretchen I love quints. The fabrics feel elevated, the cuts are thoughtful and the pricing actually makes sense. Sense. You know Gretchen, I can't live without my quints. Mongolian cashmere sweaters. But I also love their T shirts. Their cotton poplin is crisp and holds its shape. I can wear everything season after season

[Gretchen Rubin]

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[Elizabeth]

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[Gretchen Rubin]

Lately Jamie and I have been on a little flavor tour at Whole Foods Market. Instead of making the same three dinners over and over, we wander the aisles and pick a region to visit. It makes dinners feel less predictable. Last week we leaned Mediterranean. Another time we swung Latin inspired. And we always keep San Pellegrino on hand because it instantly makes it feel like more of a fancy meal.

[Elizabeth]

Yeah, I love that at Whole Foods Market you can really see the savings. Explore the store for yellow signs. You'll find them aisle after aisle highlighting sales and everyday low price items with the same high quality. Get inspired to try something new and if you truly don't want to cook, that's me. The prepared food section saves me empanadas or burritos and dinner is just handled. Whole Foods Market makes it easy to take it easy when it's dinner time. Save on regional flavors at Whole Foods Market.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Tish says, as a rebel, I often remind myself to stay mobile and flexible so I can keep having fun as I get older. So again, this is the rebel tendency. Going into identity, going into freedom and choice, really tapping into those values.

[Elizabeth]

As a rebel, Jackie said, I check in with a group of women on the app Marco Polo and send a video after exercise. Also, I use the Don't Break the Chain habit Tracker. I track 10 minute abs and yoga. Any movement counts.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Great. In the happier app we have, the Don't Break the Chain is one of the most popular tools because people love Don't Break the Chain. Allison says I set low expectations and as I got better at running consistently got myself cuter workout clothes. This is interesting and I want to say because of better than before I write about the strategy of reward. The strategy of reward is a very complicated and often counterproductive strategy because rewards can sometimes undermine habits strangely. But the reward that is good is a reward that takes you deeper into the habit. And so what is the reward for running? Cuter running clothes. And so that's a good use of reward.

[Elizabeth]

Kristin said, I walk my age in miles during my birthday month this year I'm turning 54 and will walk 54 miles. That's such a fun idea.

[Gretchen Rubin]

That's fun. That's fun. Laura says peloton bike the fact that others can see if I've worked out is a most for this Obliger. Excellent. Great way to tap into that accountability adventure.

[Elizabeth]

Mom says I only watch ridiculous reality shows when I work out. The cheesier or cringier the better. Well that's the pairing Gretchen that you were mentioning earlier, right?

[Gretchen Rubin]

You can watch that show only when you're working out. Courtney says, I've been a consistent morning exerciser for 10 years through new jobs, marriage and births of three kids. Find a type of exercise you love and make it non negotiable to do it every morning. Schedule it and make sure your partner can support you. For instance, we'll watch the kids. It will become a habit and before long you will just do it without thinking. Morning is best so you aren't thinking about it, dreading it, pushing it back all day. Okay, so a few things I would say. First of all, she's clearly a morning person and so I think if you're a morning person this is great advice. Mornings are more predictable if you're a night person. You might want to think about that. Making sure that you work with a plan partner so that you get coverage for your exercise is great. I think sometimes people are reluctant to say to somebody else, you know, we need to set it up so that I can exercise regularly. But it really is a high priority and so it's worth having that conversation and working that out.

[Elizabeth]

Chris said closing my rings on my Apple watch became my accountability partner. I hear you Chris. I am looking at those rings all

[Gretchen Rubin]

day long and Louise says I'm a rebel and I have a complicated relationship with taking care of myself. I begin walking again with the simple thought I want to be the person who walks four miles a day. I actually want to be the person who walks 10 miles. But I'm also the person who knows that I first have to be the person who walks four miles a day. So again, this is a rebel tapping into an identity. I am the kind of person who walks every day and so the habit follows from the identity.

[Elizabeth]

Shauna said. A few years ago, while stuck in an office job, I set myself a challenge to exercise every day for a year. My rules were simple. It had to be something above and beyond what I would have done in the normal course of the day. So it could be a gym class or a run, but also could be a lunchtime walk or an online yoga class. I achieved it and it completely changed my mindset about exercise. Now I need it. I've changed my job to one where I can be active and on my feet all day. And hiking is my favorite way to spend a day off. So now I climb stairs instead of taking the lift walk everywhere I can rather than drive. There are opportunities to move all around us if we look for them.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Well, this is a great idea and I would say for people who aren't exercising now, it's good to remember that it builds on itself. And as you exercise, you do feel restless. You do feel like you want to exercise more. It does build on itself in that way. Jennifer said. The best exercise is the one you'll do. I find a mini trampoline to be quick and simple. 15 minutes first thing in the morning. Just do it. Well, you know, I didn't know that. It turns out that the trampoline is really good exercise. I'll post a link to an article that I read about it. Elizabeth I thought of Jack because Jack loves jumping on a trampoline. Yes, this is something I hadn't thought about.

[Elizabeth]

Lynn says as an obliger for several years, my workout partner picked me up at 5am each morning. I went to bed each night and clean workout clothes. I'd roll out of bed, grab my water bottle and tie my shoes in the car. She had young children and had to be home so her husband could get a workout before work and I needed an accountability partner. Win win.

[Gretchen Rubin]

I have heard from a surprising number of people who sleep in their workout clothes.

[Elizabeth]

Yes, my friends who rode crew in college would sleep in their workout clothes so that they would just have to put on their shoes. Exact same thing.

[Gretchen Rubin]

There you go, lisha said. I became the instructor. Now I have no choice but to be there six times a week. When it comes to my own personal workouts, I do best when I schedule something with someone else, either in person or virtually. I've heard from many obligers who become the instructor because that is the ultimate accountability if no one can exercise unless

[Elizabeth]

you show up, Rain says as a questioner, I need a why, which I articulate to myself as be able to put my own luggage into the overhead compartment speaks to having the health to be able to travel independently and do many other things for decades to come.

[Gretchen Rubin]

So this is good because as a questioner it really is the why. Why am I doing this? And also what's the most efficient way? Can I customize this to myself? But this is really tapping into the reasons that you're doing it to keep you going.

[Elizabeth]

Betsy says, I listen to your podcast while I walk. Feels like you're my companion. My friend Mindy does this while she walks her dog, so he's texting me. I'm listening to your podcast.

[Gretchen Rubin]

I love that we're pairing for people. That's great. Yes, Sarah said. I used a few of your tricks. Don't Break the Chain was one of them. And for several months I stuck to 30 minutes of movement every morning. It doesn't have to be heavy gym, swim, yoga, run, or just walk. But it happened. Yep, Don't Break the Chain works for a lot of people. And I have a Don't Break the Chain journal too. If you like to have a journal, I'll post a link to that. Or you can do it in the happier app. Or there's a lot of ways to do Don't Break the Chain because it's so effective. But if you like a journal, it's kind of a fun keepsake to have.

[Elizabeth]

Yes, I love mine. Caitlin said. If you engage in different kinds of workouts, create different bags with the supplies you need for each one, even if this means having multiple like Liz, I also enjoy OrangeTheory and have a duffel with my heart rate monitor charger, a backup water bottle, and the shoes I wear for orangetheory separately. My running duffel has running shoes, socks, and so on. Although this creates a little added expense, I find that not transferring supplies between activity bags ensures I never show up for a workout without something I need. I also find that my supplies don't go missing when they're always in the bag for their activity. Great idea.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Well, this is the strategy of convenience and the strategy of inconvenience, which is if there's something you want to encourage yourself to do, make it as convenient as possible. And so that's a great suggestion. Connie said, I once took an exercise class where before class you wrote down three words on how you were feeling and immediately after the workout again you wrote three words to describe how you were feeling. It became so clear to me how much exercise helped me to feel more energized, focused and motivated. This has helped me to stay consistent with working out and now it is part of my weekly routine. For this hack, I want to give credit to Antoinette Hemphill, who started Mama Beast, a fitness and media brand. That's a great idea because it really gets you focused on the why and also the benefits. And so that's gonna help you keep going.

[Elizabeth]

Yeah, and it really is a mood booster. As we were talking about at the beginning of the podcast, nothing can improve my mood more than finishing an exercise class or a hike.

[Gretchen Rubin]

So many great hacks from listeners. Something that kept coming up again and again was the idea of accountability. It's a useful tool for anyone, but for obligers who are the largest tendency, it is essential. Coming up, we'll take a closer look at how to actually make accountability work for you, because finding the right kind can be harder than it sounds. But first, this break.

[Elizabeth]

This came from Rose. She said, I'm an RN getting a certification in health coaching and A question or two so here is my question. Lately I've tried starting a few accountability groups for different health habits, including sleep, food, tracking, a walking group, and an all women's group for pickup sports games. I've noticed a trend in almost every group with the exception of the sports. There's initial interest with about 7 to 10 people participating and requesting to be part of the group. There's a huge fall off after the first week to about half the initial number. Subsequent weeks it's maybe one to two people. The weird thing is that even though people stop participating in the group, when I run into Them face to face. They'll bring up the group, thank me profusely for keeping them in the group, and tell me how they will for sure try to make it to the next meeting, which, of course, they do not show up to. The only exception has been the soccer pickup game I organize. What do you make of this? What strategies do I do to keep people coming? So far I have tried getting people to commit early in the week because I figured all the obligers would feel compelled to come after committing. Nope. Yeah. So, Gretchen, I think this is such a common occurrence. What would you say to Rose?

[Gretchen Rubin]

Okay, I have so many thoughts. So, Rose, here. The clue for you is who comes? The people who come are the people who come to the sports games. So what is the difference between the sleep, the food tracking and the walking group and the sports games? The sports games can only happen if people show up. That creates true accountability for obligers. Cause they're like, if I say I'm gonna come to the soccer game and I don't show, then maybe no one will be able to play. So I have to come because nobody can play without me. The thing about the sleep, the food tracking and the walking, this is to benefit the obligers themselves. So you feel like you're creating outer accountability. But to these obligers, they're thinking, well, I'm really doing this. For me, it doesn't feel like they're. Some of them, a few of them feel like obliged to you because they said they would show up. But for many of them, it's really an inner expectation. So what you need to do is to communicate to these obligers, not, hey, I'm here for you. You wanna communicate. I'm counting on you. I'm expecting you. I'm waiting for you. We can't move forward if you don't participate. If you don't participate, others won't participate. You're letting them down because they won't go walking if they think that they don't have to. So others will lose out. And that's why the people are coming to the sports. And so you have to move the accountability outward. Now, one thing that you can do, I don't know that it would work with this kind of group, but it works with some groups is to say, like, I've heard this with, like, CrossFit, there are limited numbers. If you say you're coming and then another person can't come because you've taken their space.

[Elizabeth]

Yeah, that makes a lot of sense. It's funny because it's the same with Gretch. I've just joined this mahjong group. These four of us are playing mahjong. And I'm like, I have got to be there. Because you need four people. If one person doesn't show up, it's canceled.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Yes.

[Elizabeth]

So it's really true that having the thing where the event can't happen without somebody is a big impetus to an obliger to show up.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Well, maybe with the walking group, you literally say, if we don't have four people, no one's going walking.

[Elizabeth]

Yes.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Because that might. You might be like, well, but if even one person comes, it's worth it. It's like, no, because what you want is to create accountability, so you have to have kind of that consequence that's happening. And here's another thing that I've heard from Obligers is sometimes it's like, there needs to be consequences for the leader. Like, I remember somebody saying, I realized that if I didn't work on my PhD thesis, it didn't matter to my advisor. Like, it didn't matter to her career whether or not I did what I needed to do. So if there's some way. I don't know how this would work in this context, but if you can sort of be like, this matters to me, like, you're affecting kind of my fate or my sense of effectiveness or my certification or whatever it's doing. So that, again, that's a form of like, well, I need to do this for you, even though I'm not doing it for me. Again, you want to create that feeling that the more you can weight it toward the outside, the more the obliger will follow through. And, of course, these are all things that obligers do want to do for themselves. So it's not like you're forcing them to do something kind of against their will. You're just making it possible for them to follow through in a way that is really going to ultimately be to their benefit. But it's always about moving the weight of expectation to the outside. And so I think this is a perfect example because you see exactly how this is affecting Obligers differently. Different accountability is yielding different results. So it's like a perfect test case.

[Elizabeth]

So good luck, Rose. Good luck with your various groups. I hope people start showing up.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Yes, I hope so.

[Janice]

This comes from Janice. She says after listening to your podcast for the past two years, it was. It finally sunk into my brain that if I was ever going to get myself to take a walk in my lovely Neighborhood situated right on the edge of an urban park. I was going to need to get a dog, to be specific, a second dog. I already have an 8 year old dog who, despite much work with a trainer, is deeply phobic about leaving the house. I love him to pieces. And I realized that for my own health, I could allow myself to stop struggling over his neurotic tendencies and tend to my own strong need to take walks. I couldn't have found a better accountability partner than my new dog, adopted from a rescue group about seven months ago. His enthusiasm and commitment for taking a walk has no limits. Rain, snow or ice can't discourage him. So an added bonus is he's helping me to stop categorizing weather as good or bad, but to simply enjoy it in all its variations. Now, Gretch, that is a new one. A dog is an accountability partner.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Yes. No. And I think this is a great before and after story because it's like she figured out what she needs if she's an obliger, she needs accountability, outer accountability. The one dog was not a good outer accountability partner. Now she's got a dog. And it's also interesting to know it's not enough to say, like, oh, I have a strong need for walks and I even live near a park. It's like she needed accountability. You know, an obliger needs outer accountability. And she got herself the outer accountability and it boosted her happiness.

[Janice]

And I love in this story that she also was just like giving her other dog a break. She's like, okay, dog, you be you. This whole walk thing isn't working out. Let me not try to change you.

[Elizabeth]

Because of course she was trying to

[Janice]

change her dog the way we often try to change the people in our lives. He's like, I'm gonna love you for who you are and I'm gonna change me and my other situation. So it's really very funny.

[Gretchen Rubin]

I know. I wish we could get a little report from the inside of the mind of the first dog. Cause I'm sure he's like, oh, my gosh, thank goodness she's worked this out.

[Janice]

It's also funny because I've never heard of a dog before who doesn't like to take walks. I thought all dogs liked walks.

[Gretchen Rubin]

No, because our dog Paddy Whack growing up loves taking walks. But no, this is a big thing in New York. A lot of dogs are kind of like scared of an urban environment and they don't like to go out. It's a big issue. Barnaby, he's very happy to go out. But so here's another thing to back up what Janice is saying about having a dog and having it boosting her walking is there is research that suggests this is true. Generally, it shows that dog owners walk 22 minutes more per day than people who don't have dogs. And it's not just like dawdling and ambling around. They're usually walking at moderate intensity, which is the point at which it really does have very good health benefits. This is really good. I will post a link to that research if anybody wants to look at it.

[Janice]

Wow. I love that. Good for Janice.

[Gretchen Rubin]

And I love that. The other thing too is like, sometimes with accountability partners, they'll let you off the hook. They'll be like, oh, you've had such a hard day, or yeah, you're right, it's raining. A dog doesn't have excuses to give. Like, they don't let you. They don't let you out of it. They won't let you off the hook. And so a dog just wants to be walked. It's a great accountability.

[Janice]

And they're not gonna stop bugging you until you.

[Gretchen Rubin]

So I hope hearing about the many ways to cultivate an exercise habit made you feel happier. I know it did for me. The Resource for this Episode if you are looking for more strategies, tips and ideas for making exercise stick or for building or breaking any habit, I recently published an article on how to change habits based on your four tendencies type. You can find that along with many other habit [e-mail] habits thank you for listening. Remember, the best time to start a happiness project was 20 years ago. The second best time is now.

[Elizabeth]

Hi Gretchen, Craig Robinson and my little sister Michelle here we host a new podcast called IMO with Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson.

[Gretchen Rubin]

We know you're the queen of giving

[Elizabeth]

advice, so we wanted to get a

[Gretchen Rubin]

few tips from you.

[Elizabeth]

You know, Gretchen, a lot of our

[Gretchen Rubin]

listeners are going through some major life changes.

[Elizabeth]

What advice do you have for folks who are trying to stay grounded in the midst of major life transitions?

[Gretchen Rubin]

Craig and Michelle, I am so happy to be talking to you. Here are a few questions that might help us gain perspective. So consider questions like this. What activities take up my time but are not particularly useful or stimulating for me? Do I spend a lot of time on something that's important to someone else but is not very important to me? If I could magically change one habit in my life, what would I choose? And here's a question. Would I like to have more time in solitude, restorative solitude, or would I like to have more time with friends? You know, just thinking about questions like this can help us start to figure out how we might make our lives happier. With greater self knowledge, we're better able to make hard decisions that reflect ourselves, our own nature, our own interests, our own values. In my own case, I have found that the more my life reflects my nature, the happier I get and the more grounded I feel when I'm going through a period of major change or transition. For more great advice, search for IMO with Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson. Wherever your get podcast, you can listen to Issa Rae on letting go of certain friendships, Keke Palmer on why disappointment is actually the key to career success, Seth and Lauren Rogan on caring for aging parents and so many more.